#and why is it that when your idols say dumb shit yall rlly dont hold them accountable

[certifiedchillona]

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[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 7: "Today Was 100% Certified Garbage" - Abbey [ PART I ]

Those tribals could've been way worse huh? Steffen and Lydia are both safe, which is super good, and I'm glad that something went Steffen's way because now he's back in a good mood. I'm super worried for Jake now that we have this...quadruple tribal shit goin on..... in ter esting 

But over the past few days I've been trying to lay low. After my outrage at the voting immunity and then my performance in the tasks one, I knew I needed to just remove myself from the spotlight, and that's what I tried to do. Still, there's been some work to do...

I had the most awkward conversation in the world with MJ and found out that Ricardo is the one who ratted me out to Kait and I SCREAMED I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN SDKFJHSFJDFSKSDH

i dont remember how much i put in confessional but basically she called me and was like "why are you talking shit about me" and IIIIIIIIIIII panicked and told the truth like about how I was so frustrated at the challenge and how she was making it obvious that her/jenn/mj are a group like?????? doesn't take nancy drew to figure that one out huh! but whatever. I told her I wasn't coming after MJ, and then she went and told MJ I WAS, and he told Lydia and she told me so I called him and was like.... I'm not.... Even though I totally am. But now Lydia is convinced that MJ shouldn't be the one to go and ??? SO whatever. If I need to work with him to save my ass, that's fine. If I can't BEAT Kait/MJ, I need to be in with them, even if they don't fully trust me,

Logan also told Lydia that I was being messy so that's fun??? I think it's funny how I deliberately disagreed with Jenn's plan during the rankings challenge just to see if I could get them to budge, but then Logan defended her and now they don't trust me as much. 

So I need to call Gage and Logan the next few days and get them to understand that I'm on their side! That'll be fun!!!!!!!!!!

Right now, I need to focus less on having control, and more on survival. I've been good about keeping an awareness of things (Jake/Steffen using their powers, etc.) but I need to get to a point where I can use the info I have.

As of right now, I do really appreciate Lydia in this game, and I don't trust anybody else so that's cool.

Alright. I've had the night. I went to bed relatively early so I didn't end up getting frustrated or spilling too much info in an act of desperation. But I'm clearly in a tenuous spot on Hudson. So here's my to-do list:

1. Leave the past in the past. Don't hold grudges for being blindsided. That's how you get voted out as a threat to flip. 2. Restore relationships. I don't think any of the people involved acted maliciously or with the intent to screw me. Because of that, I think there's some potential to work on those friendships. The bridges haven't been burned, they're just fraying a bit. Nothing a bit of preventative maintenance can't fit. And I'm hoping it really is just the surface level stuff I see, and not cracks in the fundamentals that lead to collapsing structural integrity. 3. This one is the most important: win individual immunity. When you're the sole outlier vote that's still on the tribe, a blatantly obvious target is painted on your back. But if I can force myself to be safe this round, one of those who voted Wes will have to go out of necessity.

On the Thotse tribe, things went mostly as planned. No idol came out, Jessy went by a 4-1 vote, and everything seemed hunky-dory (though I should rebuild my relationship with Jessy, too, limited as it was.) 

But then, after the comp was revealed, Wes just... lost his drive, I guess? He said he didn't have the time or patience for all these endurance comps and we should just vote him out. I'm conflicted by this, to say the least. On the one hand, he's been such a good effortless ally and a friend. He's been looking out for me and vice versa. Losing him would put me on a tribe with Jack and Lydia and, while I love both eternally to death, I'm worried there may be some enduring Denali allegiance. 

On the other hand, it would make the vote a lot easier. As much as I didn't want to vote Wes, I don't especially want to vote either of the other two. We've formed tight bonds, bonds that I really didn't fully expect to galvanize so quickly. And while I knew I wanted to work with Lydia from the jump, the reality of our tribe made it so hard. But now, there's a chance for something enduring to be built with herself, Jack and me on the ashes of Thotse.

Agh. This game is getting away from me fast. I'm lucky to have such good allies in this game, even if many are currently on other tribes or in their death throes. But for posterity's sake, let's make a list. In no specific order...

MOST TRUST: Jack, Lydia, Wes, Jenn, Kait, Logan NEAR 'MOST TRUST' BUT NOT QUITE THERE: MJ, Matt MORE TRUST THAN DISTRUST: Steven (hashed things out this morning,) Abbey. Jakey? NEUTRAL: Jimmy, Owen, Steffen (he did what he had to do to stay alive, but I'm going to have to be really cautious with him.) MORE DISTRUST THAN TRUST: Carson, Ruthie, Jessy (self-imposed, but still. Until I get the chance to clear the air, and she may even still end up here.) NEW CONFESSIONAL, WHO DIS? Gage (which is not to say total distrust, but like... our paths haven't crossed. Is he even in this game? I should at least say hi in case.), Ricardo (I actually DID forget he was in the game and only added his name after this next paragraph was already written. Oops.)

Anyway, if there's one thing I'm proud of, it's the fact that we were responsible for breaking the streak of double-booting the players who are eligible in both tribals. Wes got brutally murdered in one game, which I really wish I'd have seen and stopped. Somehow. I don't know how I could have. He seemed to have Ruthie on lock and it never even occurred to me that he wasn't especially communicative with Steven, as the latter just told me. 

I don't know that I have a lot I can do right now until people start logging in and talking back. I won't have the time or the guaranteed uninterrupted time I'll need for this kind of comp until after 4, so even practicing may be a challenge.

Sigh. Steven said it best in regards to all tribes going to TC this round – at least everyone is in the same boat. Just a pity we haven't been able control our own destiny, which we WERE doing.

I'm overdue for some good news. Please, Survivor Gods, old Gods, new Gods, Gods of every denomination, Oprah and Chester the Cheetos mascot... if you're listening, please give me a win here. I need a win so badly.

yall gonna watch this one?

im my score of 1 wowie

i have to choose between mj or ruthie, and? this is such a hard choice and either way fucks me over. itll probs be 3-1 ruthie, but it would be 2-2 for mj, and i'd probably be auto-elimed, which is NOT what i want. 

and, as for game a, jakey cant vote, so honestly i wanna go with abbey and gage and vote out jack bc he voted out jessy.

hopefully both tribals are easy, and i manage to stay, but, knowng the people on my tribes? thats not happening

Also I will clarify with Ryan when he's back but I am like 80% sure for those of you with 4 people on your tribe - in the event of a tie, you will do a challenge tiebreaker, not rocks

NVM RUTHIE WILL GO TO TIEBREAKER IF SO I MIGHT BE FINE WITH THAT DSJKSDJKSDJK

OK BUT IDK I LOVE MJ? BUT I ALSO LOVE RUTHIE? BUT I KNOW I CANT BEAT EITHER?

somehow i randomly got myself into rlly good positions on both tribes, i jut gotta hope im not exposed for being a ratty mctatty

so today was 100% certified garbage wow. i had a personal issue and i couldnt do the challenge so that was annoying. shoutout to the hosts for not striking me yall the real MVPs. ANYWAY so jakey won immunity so any plans to take him out are shot. BUT jack and I are solid?? i think?? and i think?? i got carson on board to vote out gage?? So hopefully on one tribe I got locked down. Denali is another story. my dumb ass tried to vote matt out so idk where he stands with me but he said he was willing to work with me so im gonna do whatever he wants and hope for the best ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

I can't believe there was a point in this game where I didn't want to work with MJ. He is probably the most genuine kind hearted person I have ever met and he really does care about me. Yes, we've been lucky about not having to be on a tribe together so our relationship is secret but it's so nice to have someone I can just talk to. He could be playing me, yes. But so far he has proven to me that he is a trustful ally and I do have to rely on him in some aspects of this game because his connections are glorious.

I won immunity whew :') I didn't expect to do well at all but this is such a pivotal moment that I feel like I really needed it. It's not so much pivotal in the way that it'll set a new course for the game, but it's pivotal in that with this immunity, I can hopefully lay low and let things fold out before the final 14 in each game.

Also... I'm screaming @ Jake. I thought I was good at balls, but he's the real ball enthusiast huh sfkjhdfskjfs 

Anyways... I'm super mad about the adventure. It DOES NOT. MAKE SENSE. That climbing up a volcano....would take you the same exact place....as walking along the path down a volcano??? That's fuckin RIGGED, huh? And now I know someone has that other idol, and honestly, it's probably someone with the clue. I think I'll confront Kait about it, because I know SHE had the clue... And I know from MJ that it was the same one about the colors. So there's a good chance MJ or Kait have the idol.

I talked with MJ and brought up Matt's name. I also mentioned Lydia like... trying ti make it seem like Lydia and I weren't close, which I thought is what Lydia and I agreed to do buuuut apparently MJ thought it was sketchy OOPS. Messy Owen strikes agian. But I'm pretty sure we're just gonna settle on Matt, which is fine.

On my other tribe, idk. Jenn/LOgan/myself will prob keep voting together, and I don't want to lose Gage. I talked to him tonight and I think he's someone I could hopefully gain a lot of trust from... Which means that I need to target Steven, in a way that doesn't make it obvious that I want to work with Gage. Fun times. I think I can do it, but we'll see.

As for the other tribes, I think there's nothing I can really do??? It seems Ruthie is losing both lives, Jessy is losing a life, and Abbey is losing at least one.... Lydia and I talked a lot and I really encouraged her to try to organize something to save Wes and get Jack out, but she says Wes and Pat won't go for it, and that Jack would have to volunteer to lose a life, which I don't see happening. So probably Wes will go...

As for the tribe with Carson/Abbey/Jack/Jake/Gage, Jake said ABbey is going, and I can see that, which wouold suck... Abbey is closeish with Lydia and is a good number for us (as is Wes) and I do NOT want to lose them both. I want like.... Carson/Abbey/Gage to vote Jack out, but idk if I'll have that kind of pull over Gage an Abbey to organize them like that??? And I have no clue where Jack stands.

Sooooo I guess we'll see. At least for now, I'm sitting pretty until whatever hell y'all demons throw at us next

I love Jenn Tramkellan

WHEN A BALE IS WHEACHED. 

Like Boston Rob's game being straight outta the godfather, my game is straight outta the care bears because I don't want anyone to leave!

jack fukt me and now im 95% sure im going home. i wanted to be loyal to him and pat and it fucked me over I should have said yes to carson when he wanted to vote jack. oh well i had fun, if i go ill be ok 

HOW'S MY FAVORITE HOST CHAT DOING

Anyways

here's what I have going on w/ jake right now (i sent this to him): "I want you to send this to me so I can copy + paste it to kait: "i did the rocky side of the volcano and I fell off when I tried jumping down to another path" or something like that make it sound more like... it was coming from........you! I'm gonna send that to kait and tell her that's an ~obvious lie bc Lydia went that way and she went further blah blah blah so that would make it seem like you were hiding s/t THEN I think you should go to jenn and tell her you had to do a flash game and then got to the part where you throw in a marble and tell her you threw in a different marble (not green, yellow for example) and it gave you a power and then you make that shit up!

embellish!" The plan is to make Jenn & Kait feel like Jake has a power that he can give to Jessy by telling them contradicting stories where Jake lies to me but would be telling Jenn the truth (both would be LIES!!!!), so they'll scramble and save Jessy. So there's that. Matt SHOULD be leaving Game A. I'm gonna make sure things are solid in Game B so R*thie gets blindsided hard as fuck. Called with Lydia and she called this "saving Wes" thing my plan... like.... WHEW OK GURL! As if you weren't thinking about this already!!!! Don't stroke my ego! I can do that myself. So Jack should be getting "blindsided" on Thotse and he should be OK in Game A hopefully This should all work out Quite well! ALSO even if the SAVE JESSY thing doesnt work out, i think ive gained a lot of favor with Jake this round by helping them out here so he should feel slightly closer to me moving forward and he should be PISSED @ the malaysia trio!! 

Tag yourself, I'm everyone disappearing and not responding to your messages cuz they're too afraid to make a move to remove the status quo. B O R I N G 

Literally fuck this game everyones fake as fuck

everyones playing so hard and i was so happy bc this game was so much less cliquey than i thought, but NOPE! everyones still like that and being rats, and what turned into a simple vote changed bc ruthie wants to vote me now? like, fake!

i really thought i was in a good position but now i feel like im playing too slow compared to everyone else, and i have little chance of winning and that just takes the fire out of me,  like. i just want to do something but i cant with these small as fuck tribes and these gross as fuck people.

like, jessy wants me to tell mj she has an idol so he'll tell kait. like, why? and ofc since im a dumb bitch i agree and probs fuck up my relationship with mj.

i bet everyone just sees me as a number when im trying to make actual friends and that pisses me off bc i just want to have fun but they arent letting me because i have to follow them, and im forced to vote out the ppl i like

What is even happening right now? ��Because I have NO earthly idea!  Yesterday I was feeling SO bad for Steffen that I kind of came up with the idea (with a little bit of coaxing on his part) to willingly let he and Steven vote me out.  FUCK.  AM I CRAZY? WHY DID I HAVE TO COME UP WITH THAT? Now I'm paranoid that I'll end up going  on my other tribe because  MJ and Carson  seem close.  Kait says I'm fine but just.... I have this feeling.  I really think I'm so screwed tonight no matter what happens. 

Like, I just don't know what to do.  If I vote Carson with Kait and MJ I lose Carson as an ally and he is my biggest ally.  If I vote out MJ I would then lose both MJ and Kait and that.... would suck.  A lot.  Because they are good people to keep close to me in this game.  

As for my other tribe I really think I'm the one that is going to be the goner because I haven't heard from ANY of them all day today.  The smart move would be to vote out Steffen because he has one life, but he is Steffen and I really don't want to lose him, it's just an all around sucky situation and I have no idea what's happening on that tribe at the moment which probably means I'm a goner for real!  

Well, time to start chatting everyone up again to see if I can get several clues to what's going to happen tonight.  FINGERS CROSSED I STILL HAVE A LIFE OR TWO AFTER THESE TRIBALS. 

ahhh this game is so messy

Votes are due in an hour and fifteen minutes and I STILL don't know what I'm doing, rip.