#and whatever time I'd have to prepare for bed for I spend 2-3 hours being a pro trichotillomaniac while daydreaming terrible scenarios

[purplesurveys]

1979

YESTERDAY. 

1) What was the weather like? Did it change your plans in any way?  Man I can hardly remember as I was in airconditioned rooms and cars nearly all day. It felt humid when I got home in the late afternoon though, so much so that I had to turn on the aircon earlier than we're usually scheduled to.

2) What did you do yesterday, anyway? I worked for a bit but only did like 75% of the usual effort since it was a Friday + a lot of people seemed to be on leave lol. Rest of the day was spent watching Hobi's tour kickoff live while wolfing down sushi.

3) Did you eat breakfast, lunch and dinner? What did you have? I skipped breakfast which left me STARVING since I didn't expect my morning meeting to run til 1 PM, forcing me to miss out on lunch. Anyway, as soon as that meeting was done I sped home so I could hurriedly eat the leftover clusterfuck of lumpia + turkey croissant + chicken barbecue sandwich I had from the day before. For dinner, I ordered tuna tartare and two kinds of sushi rolls - ordering in food is my fav tradition whenever there's a BTS concert. :)

4) Did you do some form of exercise? What? Not yesterday, but today! I ran a 3K. Not much for most people I'm sure, but given my perpetually low blood pressure and tendency to faint over anything, I'm feeling pretty good!

5) Who did you spend the most time with? I'd say myself? I wasn't feeling particularly social yesterday.

6) What television shows or movies did you watch? I mainly watched the online livestream of Hobi's concert in the evening. GD was also on a talk show that dropped the same time as the concert, so I made sure to catch that after the show.

7) What time did you get up and go to bed? I woke up at 6 AM but got up at 7:15ish so I can prepare to leave for Rockwell. As for turning in, I was in bed around 2:30 AM.

8) What was the best bit about yesterday? Watching Hobi in concert! Seeing his personality kind of shift to being more serious and mature after 2 years of not seeing him is such a welcome surprise.

9) What about the worst? We had work on what was supposed to have been a company-wide mental health break day. But no worries, we fought for it to be rescheduled to Monday so I'm still getting my 3-day weekend.

OH. And also. A bit TMI but the tap water was dirty since I think they spent the night repairing the pipes or whatever...so I had to skip my morning shower. I wouldn't have minded if I was work-from-home, but I had a meeting with clients!!! I felt like shit!!! I took half an hour fixing myself up just so I could look normal, but inside I still felt kind of gross.

10) Did you talk to anyone on the phone? Who? Why? I think I just called my mom to ask how she dealt with the water fiasco lmao, since she left for work earlier than I did.

TODAY.

1) What time did you get up? Pretty late, around 8:30 toward 9 if I remember correctly.

2) What are your plans for today? The day's over, but today I stayed in my room for the most part - I don't really get to do that anymore. I played a game on my phone while having shows play in the background; then in the afternoon my mom took me and my sister out for an afternoon meal with my grandma, cousin, and his girlfriend. I had to zone out toward the end because Hobi's concert was starting and I wanted to watch it LOL, but in any case I cut my watchtime short so I can go back to them.

In the evening, we spent a while at my uncle's coffee shop to catch up, then I ended the day with a run.

3) Have you eaten any meals yet? What did you have? My mom made Vietnamese spring rolls, then we had Blake's when we headed out - our orders were their garden salad, nachos, salmon cream cheese pizza, and truffle mac and cheese.

4) Are you planning on seeing your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend? I was with my family.

5) Does your favourite television show air today? Nope, Good Day is on every Sunday so I have another day of waiting.

6) Have you spoken to your parents yet? I've been with my mom all day; I haven't reached out to my dad yet.

7) How many texts have you received? No texts since I use Messenger, but I've had a few conversations - mostly with Reena as we were exchanging messages during Hobi's concert and also discussed our plans to get flight tickets for June.

8) Are you planning on going to bed early? Nope.

9) Have you done anything remotely productive today? I like to say so :)

10) How much money did you spend so far? Are you planning on spending more later? I wanna say like ₱300? I bought balut when I heard a guy going around the neighborhood selling them hahah, then at my uncle's cafe I also got his espresso martini.

TOMORROW.

1) What time do you have to get up tomorrow? Around 9 AM since we attend mass every Sunday.

2) What do you hope the weather will be like? I'll always answer this with 'cold' and 'chilly' but considering the current time of year, that kind of weather won't be happening for me anymore until late December.

3) Is there anything you’re dreading about tomorrow? I mean just the hour I'll spend in church lmao but nothing more than that. I have no weekend work tomorrow, thankfully.

4) Is there anything important you need to do, or can you just relax? I can relax and I'm crazy grateful about it.

5) Do you have plans to see your friends? Nope.

6) What do you hope will happen tomorrow? I suppose it'll be the same as my usual lowkey Sundays - mass in the morning, maybe a meal out with the family for lunch, then spend the rest of the day either napping or watching stuff.

7) Are you going to wake up at home, or somewhere else? Home.

8) If you don’t have any plans, what do you think you’ll end up doing? ^ Question 6.

9) Do you have to get a work out in at some point? Nope.

10) Will you be working or studying at all? NOPE.

[yournewapartment]

Hi! I'm 16 and I plan to move out of my mothers house as soon as possible. I'm working on saving up $1,000 for an emergency fund right now, but what else should I do to prepare before I move? Obviously I still have a few years, but I'd like to have all my things in order before it's time. Thanks!

20 Things to Do Before Moving Out of Your Parent’s House

1. File as independent on your taxes. We’re a while away from tax season, but remember to file as independent on your taxes. This means that your parents can no longer claim you as a dependent and will no longer receive a tax break from the government for housing you. What it means for you, is that you will no longer be considered part of their tax bracket. This means you’ll have a better chance at applying for financial aid, health insurance, car insurance, etc.

2. Important Documents. Get as many of your important documents (social security card, birth certificate, tax forms, etc) as possible while you’re still living with your parents. You will need this information when you move out, so find a secure place to store them.

3. Learn to cook. Obviously, cooking skills are not going to come overnight! Checkout some cook books, online recipes, or even watch a couple episodes of Chopped. The more fast, cheap, and easy meals that you’re able to prepare before you move out- the better. Here’s my Cooking 101 post.

4. College. If you are going to college or planning to go to college, talk to financial aid about becoming an “independent student”. If the school classifies you as independent, financial aid will pay for a greater portion of your education. Also please don’t have your parent’s call the school on your behalf, start taking initiative and making these calls yourself. As someone who worked in a college call center for four years, a good 80% of the phone calls I got were from parents, and legally a college can’t tell them anything.

5. Accumulate furniture. Check out thrift stores, Dollar stores, and especially yard sales. Buying all of your furniture at once can be expensive and stressful, but accumulating a few pieces over time (space permitting) can be a more effective way.

6. Doctor’s appointments. Start making your own doctor’s appointments! I love this script by @spectrumsuperhero that’s applicable to all of your doctor’s appointment needs.

7. Start building credit. At 16, you’re probably too young to apply for an actual credit card, but having some credit before you move out will help you loads in the long run. As you might be aware, some landlords ask that their tenants have a credit score before renting to them. Don’t be discouraged! It’s just something to think about.

8. First Aid. Learn some basic First Aid. I’m going to toot my horn and link my post because I sat through literally six hours to get certified in this stuff, and if I do say so myself, my post is rather thorough. 

9. Learn to clean. Learn some basic cleaning skills- how to wash dishes, how to vacuum, what sprays clean what. These may seem like simplistic things, but many people grow up not having to do household chores. I guarantee you that not every apartment you live in will have a dishwasher, so learn some dish skills now! Learn to clean.

10. Go Shopping. Make a shopping list and go shopping at your local supermarket or grocery store. Crowded stores can sometimes be unnerving, remember the more practice you get at it, the more at ease you’ll be. 

11. Learn to wash clothes. Doing laundry is something that I never did while living in my parent’s house, and the first few times doing it on my own turned out… interestingly. Get your laundry skills in tip-top shape!

12. Get transportation. Get yourself a mode of transportation that does not require your parents. Biking, walking, and using public transportation are all ways that you can get where you need to be. Get as familiar with public transportation around your city as much as possible. 

13. Separate bank account. Still sharing a linked bank account with your parents? Get yourself a bank account that they don’t have access to. One of the first steps towards moving out and “Adulting” is being able to take care of your money. 

14. Build your resume. Keep working on and updating your resume, even if you already have a job. You never know when you’ll need to find another one, and you don’t want to hastily throw together your resume with little notice.

15. References. Similarly, get yourself a list of professional references. These references can be teachers, guidance counselors, family friends, etc. References are useful for job applications, housing applications, and networking. Always ask before putting someone’s name down as a reference.

16. Health insurance. Start learning about what health insurance coverage you currently have- how expensive it is, how it’s paid, how long it lasts, etc. Find out if you will be able to stay on this insurance after moving out of your parent’s house. 

17. Buy a First Aid Kit. A First Aid Kit is a must have for whatever apartment, room, or house is your next home! Spend $20 and buy a decent sized one that includes things like cold compresses, burn creams, and gauze.

18. Buy a Bed. The average person sleeps around 229,961 hours in their lifetime. That’s a lot of time in bed! Buy yourself a comfortable mattress (you should replace your mattress every 8-10 years), luxurious sheets and/or a memory foam pillow. Nice beds can be expensive, so start saving up for one now.

19. Learn basic repair. Get yourself a toolbox and learn some basic repair. You can find extensive articles online about everything from unclogging a drain, to tightening screws, and using caulk. Get familiar with these tools now, because you never know what type of landlord you’ll end up with. They could come promptly when requested to do repairs, or they might not.

20. Learn how to write a check. Okay but seriously- this is important. Do not let me catch you moving out of your parent’s house without knowing how to write a check. Here is @howtogrowthefuckup‘s two cents.

[welcome-to-the-petting-zoo]

Hey Anon,

This is your "lucky" day, you get two idiots' wisdom for the price of one.

I kinda just wanted to let you know that I feel ya, because I experience essentially the same thing every time I go out. I have a theory why that's happening to me, which might not at all apply to you, but I'll share more details of my experience so you can compare and who knows, maybe some of my coping mechanisms can help you navigate your experience as well ^~^

To start out I have to point to the fact that I'm autistic and I have relatively little social energy to begin with, but that doesn't mean I don't like going out. But whenever I do, the following happens (it doesn't particularly matter whether alcohol is involved, it happens either way, alcohol just amplifies the urgency of the emotions, while the lack of alcohol speeds up the timeline); to illustrate I'm going to talk about a night in town where we go to a bar or club:

Phase 1: Pre-fun nervousness. In this phase I often regret making plans and have a terrible time choosing what to wear and getting out of the door. Luckily my family knows this and they can gently kick my ass until I actually leave.

Phase 2: Just getting started. I meet up with my friends and we start the evening. Some drinks are served, everybody's catching up with each other and in about 20-30 minutes I actually start enjoying myself too.

Phase 3: The body of the night. In this phase I'm peaking. (I find you're extremely lucky for being able to feel it build up, because when I'm in the "zone" I can't feel shit because my excitement is too loud, and it all comes crashing down on me after I've burnt all my energy, basically one moment to the next, without any warning.) I'm having tons of fun, dancing, playing games or whatever one does on a night out. I don't feel tired or cautious, I'm just all on there.

What happens in the background, unnoticed is that my social batteries are draining steadily and depending on the activities, somewhere between a couple minutes and a couple hours, they are going to be completely empty and I'll need a rescue, but of course because I'm a fool that never learns, at this point I'm completely oblivious to this and I still firmly believe that "this time it'll be different", which is the finest form of self-bullshittery ever.

Phase 4: The Crash. As I said, for me this happens without any graduality in it, I'm on the dance floor, having the time of my life, aaaaaand I'm done. And I need to leave inside 5 seconds or the world will literally end. I'm overwhelmed, sounds hurt, lights hurt, the closeness of people suffocates me, and I need to be in a dark, quiet place, alone to cool off.

When I'm drunk, and especially when I was younger, this is the exact moment I'd (maybe) grab my coat and just bolt towards the door. Before my friends would even notice, I'd be gone and spend the remainder of my little energy to find a place to sleep, which, if I'm in luck, might be my bed, but it's not unheard of that I'd sleep in some weird-ass but definitely public place (what can I say, I'm a charming mofo)...

Okay, so what if you don't want to be a dumbass like me and rudely bail on your friends every time you're out? Well, you can have a Plan™ and you can make #precautions.

First off, congrats on identifying your pattern, that's a great first step. Now that you know it's going to happen, you can prepare for it. Have your friends be your allies. Explain to them what's happening to you before it happens, and let them know what you'd like them to do or how you'd like them to react when it happens. People get scared and worried if something unexpected happens, but at the same time they can get used to practically anything, so as log as they know what to expect, they are likely to be fine. Make sure they know that you're "just" having an extreme fit of tiredness, and it doesn't mean you weren't having fun, in fact, the more fun you're having the harder you may crash afterwards. If you have a friend who is also prone to get socially exhausted or just doesn't like to stay out too long, ask them if they could maybe help you get out. It's always nice to have someone who can extract you from an overwhelming social situation, and it makes them more likely to check on you sometimes, making sure you actually have enough energy left to get out before you crash, unlike my stupid ass who always has to make a French Exit...

You can also try to identify things like what your normal timeline looks like, what might speed it up, what might conserve it a bit longer, etc., and plan for this in advance. For example if you know that you can easily hang out and chat at a quiet bar for hours and hours but you can't handle more than an hour of massive crowds, you can just make sure everybody (including you) has the right expectations about the time frame.

Don't forget to take breaks. This is probably the one good thing I've actually gained from smoking. It provides me with a natural excuse in social situations where I can go "I'll just be a second, I'm going for a smoke", and then you can slip away for a little bit and just take a break. Btw this works with bathroom breaks too, and most often nobody is checking what you're doing in there, so bathrooms are a very handy hideout for the socially tired.

And when you feel your energy levels plummeting, say your goodbyes and leave. I know it's a scary thought because society and peer pressure tells us that it's rude to leave while your peers are still up for more, but in fact there is nothing wrong with a bit of self-preservation and at the end of the day, why would you need to sacrifice your fun for other people's? If your friends are younger or they don't know much about people with more severe limitations, you might have to be firm with them at first, not letting them bully or emotionally blackmail you which is something that used to happen to me a lot in these situations, where people, out of misguided good intentions, kinda aggressively bargained with me about me staying just a bit longer because they were having so much fun, but as I grew older I realised that this was selfish and uncool of them, and I've learnt how to assert myself in this situation.

The thing I had to learn the hard way is that sometimes when you're having fun, you're too distracted to pay attention to your body's signals and in general, as long as I'm focused on something, I can't at all feel my energy drain, and then once my concentration is broken, I realise I'm dead on my feet. This is just how I function, with everything, not only socialising, so I once again urge you to cherish that feeling of it building up in you, because that's going to be your get-out warning and it'll leave you enough time to say goodbye and politely extract yourself from the place before you completely crash.

I hope you can get something out of my ramblings, sorry for the long answer.

- Fox

This may be a weird thing to ask, but after talking with friends I've realized that it's not normal to randomly shut down in the middle of events? I'll be sitting and having fun and I can feel it build up and then all of a sudden I stop speaking to people, everything becomes TOO much, I shake and bounce WAYY more, and I feel like need to get out of there right now. I feel bad because my friends can tell, but I can't stop this? I don't think it's normal but... it's happened all my life and idk...

(sorry I'm the anon who was asking abt the sudden switching feelings in public) I just realized I may need to clarify, but when I say 'I stop speaking' I meant I stop having lengthened conversations with those friends, I'm not entirely shut off. When I speak, however, it's mostly small things in response at that point forward, or just asking someone to get me out of there. I don't think I clarified, so that's what I meant. Haha, sorry.

Hi there anon! It’s not a weird thing to ask, and I’m glad you’re reaching out for support!

It isn’t clear from your ask whether you are diagnosed with any physical or mental disability, that would be the obvious culprit for this experience, but I’m going to go ahead and guess not. 

And well.... The question becomes, as always, what is normal? 

If I have to venture a guess as to what you’re experiencing, it could be that you become overwhelmed and/or experience social burn-out. This is a pretty normal occurence among me and my friends, likely because I mostly hang out with neurodivergent mentally ill people. That is not to say that you’re necessarily ND because you experience this, but it is a more common occurence among those who are.

There is no “cure” for this experience, but since you can feel the build-up, I would focus on damage control. Try to inform your friends beforehand, if possible, escape somewhere for a little while.

When I’m with friends, I will sometimes ask them if it’s okay for me to sit by myself and listen to music on my noise cancelling headphones for a while, and people are usually okay with that.

So just.. yeah, you’re not alone. A lot of us have these experiences, for whatever reason. 

I hope this helped at least a little!

Cat