#and what i'd said about the fifth house and pluto

[kiisuuumii]

internal locus. purpose.

did you know that pluto just yesterday retrograded (as in, moved back) into capricorn, and that this will be the last time in our lifetimes that it will be?

i'm not well-versed in astrology, but from what i can recall, pluto is the planet of death, and rebirth. endings and new beginnings. overturning the deepest parts of us and bringing them to light. like preparing soil for a new planting season. upheaval. change. control. transformation.

the house you have capricorn in will be the area of your life where you will feel this transit the most, until it moves back into aquarius in october, i believe. for me, i have my mars in capricorn, at 27° (for the astrologers here), which sits in the fifth house, of creativity and self-expression, of all types, including love and affection.

the year pluto first moved into capricorn was back in 2008. and this pluto retrograde asks us to look back at the last sixteen years, to reflect on our respective pasts, what began and what ended, what lessons were learned. who we were and who we are.

you can imagine what lessons i'm currently having to revisit and reflect on, and on what changes have been made since i was young.

this isn't to say that i'm attributing my efforts to learn from my mistakes, and to learn to love who i am and the ways in which i express who that is, to the way a planet in the sky has moved through the past sixteen years. i crawled on my scraped and bruised and bleeding hands and knees to get here. because i didn't want to be the girl i was at twelve, or fifteen, or eighteen, or twenty-one. and i will crawl on forward just the same if i have to. because i still have so much to learn. even in all of this pain. especially in all of this pain.

i think these sudden bursts of emotion, and my subsequent rambles about my heartbreak, is me doing just that. crawling, if i have to, to the other side of all of this. because there is a life to be lived there. and there is a life to be lived in the meantime. and that life includes living, and feeling, and allowing, the pain of it all.

sometimes you need to fall apart. sometimes you need to burn. how a bone breaks and grows back stronger. how forests have to burn a little to flourish.

[nonagesiiiimus]

eden's tlt reread: GTN, chapter one (pgs. 15-24)

before i really get into it, there's a few things i'm going to try and track throughout this reread (with some color coding, ooh): for right now, i'd like to start with words i had to look up, references to threes or other significant numbers, physical structure of the settings, and foreshadowing. i'll probably add some more things to track as i go.

interlude: on the Ninth House's layout

briefly, i want to talk about the description and structure of the Ninth house. we get some descriptions on pgs 15- 17, and 23 in the first chapter, with more peppered throughout the book. Gideon says that "this late in the equinox no light would make it [to the Ninth] for months", which puts the Ninth on the far reaches of the solar system (pg. 15). based on the rest of the description: no atmosphere of its own, rocky, freezing cold, it's easy to say this is Pluto. there's a quote later in the book when they are on the First and Gideon is confused by the nighttime that confirms this: “Griddle,” she said, “this planet spins much faster than ours.” At Gideon’s continued blank expression: “It’s night, you tool” (pg 86). one day on Pluto is equal to a week on Earth, so it makes sense for her to be confused about this new circadian rhythm.

now, for the structure of the ninth: it's pretty straightforwardly a tunnel down the center of the planet, with offshoots and balconies facing inward of the tunnel: "the Ninth was an enormous hole cracked vertically into the planet's core, and the prison a bubble installation set halfway up into the atmosphere where the living conditions were probably a hell of a lot more clement" (p. 23). clement = mild, merciful. there seems to be a first floor/ main bottom layer, where the "cold white doors of Castle Drearburh" are set (p. 16). we can assume as well that the tomb is also in the Castle Drearburh, along with the church. there seems to be different tiers cut into the tunnel that are living quarters and other rooms, and a splitoff point that leads out towards the landing pad: "Leaving her cell and swinging her pack over one shoulder, she took the time to walk down five flights to her mother's nameless catacomb niche [...] then came the long hike up twenty-two flights the back way [...] heading to the splitoff shaft and the pit where her ride would arrive" (p. 15). they must be pretty significant structures built into the surrounding walls of the drillshaft. this is emphasized by a later quote that says "They hadn't managed to cozen [Giden] inside Drearburh for a good two years", meaning Gideon must have had no reason to go into Drearburh for all that time- her living quarters and spaces are all separate of the castle (p.36). the landing field for the shuttle seems to be up the splitoff shaft really high up, on a terrace above all the living quarters (but not above the snow leek fields, which must be on the highest terrace?)

back to regularly scheduled c1 thoughts

~ chapter one ~

a wee bit of foreshadowing here: "Gideon never ran unless she had to", first appearing on the very first page of GTN, only to reappear later when Dulcinea/Cytherea faints at Canaan House!

the use of would instead of could in this quote: "her mother hadn't been in there since Gideon was little and would never go back in it now" (p.15): idk if this is anything, but to me it emphasizes Wake's willfull spirit.

first mention of frontline titties of the fifth on pg. 18 in talking with Crux!

the interaction with Crux is so sick and twisted and gross but also some of the first we get to see of Gideon's banter and personality. i also personally love the descriptors tamsyn uses for Crux's speech: bubbles, croaks, gurgles. it's gross and perfect

Crux says, "one day we will use your parts for paper" (p.19). this brings up one of my biggest and most longstanding questions: what is flimsy, and what is the deal with organic material in the Dominicus system? tamsyn muir has confirmed that flimsy itself is an oil-based paper akin to a plastic film, but this topic is deserving of its own post later on because i have a lot of thoughts. however, harrow later has a journal that has a cover of "tanned human leather" (pg. 146). yuck. maybe both are used? maybe the oil that flimsy is made of is derivative of humans fat? ew.

"You talk so loudly for chattel, Nav" (p. 18). chattel= n enslaved person held as the legal property of another, a bondsman

"Gideon was home free. Gideon was gone" (p. 20). this made me laugh because of a joke from HTN: when Augustine tells Harrow that if he wants Ortus the First to go, “he’ll be giddy-gone", which i unfortunately don't have the page number for but is funny to me here when reflecting. gideon, giddy-gone!

"[Aiglamene] simply backhanded Gideon the way you might hit a barking animal" (p. 21). this line breaks my heart every single time. gideon is striving so desperately for agency in this moment, and is so discounted even by the one person who she feels might be slightly looking out for her. aiglamene asking "will you disgrace me?" right after this also stings Gideon and stings me- it's an ask for obedience that i just despise on contact.

"sin of perfidy": perfidy = disloyalty, deceitfulness, a deliberate betrayal of trust. the highest sin in Aiglamene's eyes.

another quote that rips my heart out: : "Nobody had ever loved [Gideon] in the house of the Ninth" (p. 22). brb, crying my eyes out.

FIRST COMMANDER WAKE MENTION! pg. 23 tells the story of Wake tumbling down the drillshaft and landing brain dead in a hazmat suit, with one-day old Gideon in a bio-container plugged into the suit. there's a fabulous quote here that says "she was too far gone by the time the exhausted nuns had tethered her by force, as though death had been the catalyst for the woman to hit the ground running, and they only got one word out of her: she had screamed Gideon! Gideon! Gideon! three times, and fled" (p. 23). not only do we see the foreshadowed antics of Commander Wake's spirit here, but we also see one of our first references to the number 3. threes become pretty important and reoccuring in this book, for reasons that i think require their own post.

one other number thing: this is gideon's 87th attempt at escape. 87 could also be a significant number, which may requires its own post on my part. harrow is the 87th reverend mother, there's gideon's 87 attempts. maybe this is a thin thread, but someone posted in this reddit thread that it could be a reference to Judges 8:7:

Then Gideon replied, “Just for that, when the Lord has given Zebah and Zalmunna into my hand, I will tear your flesh with desert thorns and briers.

it makes sense with Gideon's name referencing the demise of someone else, as Tamsyn helpfully addended, but it might be too thin of a theory.

this concludes my thoughts on chapter one! super excited to keep rolling on this deep dive.