#and ugh today has been the worst bc I wanted to have a lie in bc I haven't been feeling well at all this weekend and ugh just everything

[bambi-marquez]

.

[rqs902]

OMGOSHH EP 5 IS YAO CHI APPRECIATION TIME YESSSSSSSSSS HAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSSS 

ok bc i couldnt help but include some spoilers, the rest is going under the cut:

iqiyi giving mr tyger all the group shots bc........

BROOOOO CHEN SIJIAN’S RAP!!!!!!!!!!!! omgogomg this is where wuzelinwuzelinwuzelinsunzelinsunzelinsunzelinkeqinmingkeqinmingkeqinming comes frommmm i love itttt his lyrics are hilarious!!! and also immediately being like ‘ill get rid of wu zelin!’ when mc jin brings it up HAHHAHA

daniel is a cutie!!!!

yao chi talking about his rap..... wow can i hug him hes amazing

awwww xia hanyu talking about wenhan..... wenhan’s really done a lot for him

wait that whole last bit where they leave dachang is just obvious iqiyi favoritism and it kinda makes me sad.....

UGH honestly the worst part about jia yi being so popular is that hes gonna miss his tyger gege’s when he has to leave them behind....

by the time lin mo was called, he was already so done... he looked so defeated.... because he knew they wouldnt be able to stay together and its so heartbreaking..... 

OKAY THESE SPECIAL TEACHERS WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK. OH MY GOODNESSSSS HOW COULD YOU CHOOSE EVERY SINGLE TYGER MEMBER EXCEPT THE ONES THAT ACTUALLY NEED TO BE CHOSEN???!??!?!! THATS SO FRUSTRATING ALSDKJALSK LITERALLY EVEN IQIYI WANTED THEM TO BE CHOSEN!! THEY LITERALLY PAN TO EITHER JIN FAN OR ZHEN NAN AT EVERY SINGLE BREAK I SWEAR AALSKDJLKKSDK

jia yi hesitating at the end...... and zhen nan’s words at the end.... HES FREAKING 61!!!!!!1 61!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS FREAKING JIANG JINGZUO ALL OVER AGAIN BUT THEY DIDNT LET HIM SPEAK WTFFFFF ok if youre gonna keep giving zhen nan and jin fan screentime bc yall regret eliminating them so early why you dont give them screentime at the end when it really matters????? i wanna see what zhen nan would say (jingzuo’s last minute screentime got him a lot of attention too... the fact that they didnt give zhen nan any is NOT HELPING) and i wanna see jin fan and chen youwei’s freaking last friendship bc youwei was rooting for him the whole time bc HE KNOWS JIN FAN DESERVES TO MAKE IT!!!!

AHHHHHHHH LIN MO ITS LIN MO!!!??! HE’S INJURED!!?! AAAHHSHHGHHGHH NOT MY CHILD WTF NOOO!! lakjsdlakalsk omgosh please be alright..... it sounded like his voice making that pained sound, and the person was blonde so i think its lin mo....... noooo my heart.... i cant take more stress, we literally just had elims..... so lin mo has to say goodbye to his friends (including his best friend...) and then he gets injured???? alsdkjlakj ughhhh 

omgosh daniel getting the special time at the end is just another stab to the heart goodness.... he was my favorite oaca kid from the start.... 

i cant believe chen you made it and daniel didnt.... also im so sad that like ou tianrui was the only one who didnt make it from bg project, that must be so sad... also sad that yao chi is the only one from mavericks that made it... losing all your closest friends at once :c im happy for guan yue and mingming going up, they deserve it 

WHOEVER MADE THE ENDING CREDITS IS LIN MO BIASED HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA WTFFF THERES 3 CUTS OF HIM AND 2 OF THEM ARE REALLY EXTRA AND THE THIRD ISNT EVEN FROM THIS EPISODE HAHAHAH WHO INCLUDED THAT???!! i mean yes he looks very sad and is crying there but its like so random i laughed (im sorry)

okay not gonna lie i didnt cry as much as i thought i would. yes it was sad but i kinda already knew that jin fan and zhen nan werent gonna make it so i was more just FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY watching the whole thing and seeing them get random bits of screentime (YOURE TOO LATE IQIYI) but i heard rumors and then when i saw those goodbye videos they uploaded on weibo today....... my heart sank like oh goodness its real...... i cant live in denial forever.... I STILL CANT BELIEVE ZHEN NAN WAS FREAKING 61 AND JIN FAN WAS FREAKING UNDERAPPRECIATED WTFFFFF everyone on jin fan’s team im sure was rooting for him bc they knew how he was so vital to their success --- he literally taught them all the choreo wtf chen youwei would be nothing without jin fan..... ughhhh alsdkjalsdkjlaks this is so frustrating im so sad for him....... but now i just really wish jin fan and zhen nan do some really cool stuff and stay active while they wait for the others. i think its likely (sadly) that zhan yu will get eliminated the next round, (but im honestly surprised and grateful that the special teachers recognized his talent! he realllyy killed that ‘retreat’ stage even tho zhenning is getting all the attention) and lin mo is liked by iqiyi (i think) but i dont think he has enough potential to actually make it into the top 9... or maybe its just my wishful thinking bc i hope mr.tyger can go on promoting without jia yi, but without jia yi AND lin mo, itd get pretty rough for them, so if at least lin mo stays behind with mr. tyger, i think they could potentially still do somewhat well in the meantime while jia yi goes off to debut with the top 9 and they wait for him to come back

and now for my random predictions: 

right now its rather fixed that wenhan, guan yue, and jia yi will make it. I think youwei, huaiwei, mingming, chunyang, wang jiayi are all likely, which means most of them will make it (but probably not all), and then xixi.... honestly i feel like xixi wont make it (BUT I REALLY LIKE XIXI) but i think iqiyi doesnt like him enough to give him enough screentime for him to make it (at least at this current rate....) also please note that YAO MINGMING WAS THE ONLY ONE FROM THE TOP 9 who did NOT get to go on that trip to leave dachang coughiqiyihatesmingming but luckily/hopefully mingming is popular enough to get votes anyway, LIKE MINE BC I VOTE FOR MINGMING). other than the current top 9, I think its likely either shi zhan or li zhenning or deng chaoyuan will make it. zhenning is the lowest of the three right now, but iqiyi likes him and hes gotten the approval of all the judges AND he was able to shoot up a ridiculous amount from pretty much just ONE DAY of voting (maybe a week at max, counting from the time they released the solo cams), and these votes have been tallying for the past month. so can you imagine how much more he’ll shoot up next time? he has a ton of potential to make it. shi zhan is already up there but iqiyi really likes him too bc of how hilarious he is, and jolin’s approved his smile so i can see him getting more and more screentime too. yao chi i think is also likely, bc he won 1st place visuals hahah that gets him attention from the public but also the staff, so i think theyll give him more and more screentime too. plus he has a touching backstory and mc jin has approved of him too. i think yao chi is someone who they’ve depicted as really humble and works really hard, and they like his smile. (who doesnt hahaha) but ofc there’s probably gonna be a lot of toss up in the rankings yet to come. from ip1 we learned that 70% of the kids were fixed from the start hahaha but 2-3 of them can come from behind, so who knows. iqiyi seems to really like cheche and wangzhe (how did wangzhe and wu chengze get to go on the trip to leave dachang but not mingming?? i mean i really like chengze tbh but i was just so surprised he was there! hahaha it seems so random bc hes #22?? i mean good for him but still)

anyway im all in all kinda all tired from watching a stressful 3 hrs lol but tbh i feel like they didnt show as much of the fun hotpot time as id hoped... and what about all the other rankings besides #1 visual? i dont really understand why they took a few random kids (who, no surprise, all dont get eliminated this ep) out of dachang for that trip.... i like a lot of those kids honestly, but id rather have seen more of the big group bonding / singing over hotpot (giving some of the kids who get eliminated some last screentime before they leave) or at least like find out who ranked in #1 boyfriend or something like that hahaha.... oh well..... now its time for me to go wallow in some mr tyger content so i can mourn the loss of our two children.... 

[henry-hart]

The Secret Gets Out s1 ep3

Some quality Charlotte in this ep. Yay!!!!

ooh I know what happens in this one :))))

yay for that bb chenry content

Jasper just taking over the tv screen when c x h won’t watch his clip ajsklsj same

“CM’s big fail” man they do not go gentle with these video titles. really going for the throat

“Hey, look! My bellybutton!” Hen, sweetie. You need to work on your distractions 

Ray looks hella good. just saying. ;)

poor CM. his face when the news lady says, “once again escaping capture from CM.” HE’S TRYING, LADY.

“CM, isn’t it true that the phone shark has been attacking ppl’s phones for over a year now?” “Uh, yes that is true.” askjlk y does he sound like he’s on trial???

“So why don’t you catch him?” “Well, KD and I have been trying.” “But you keep failing. Doesn’t that bug you?” “Yes.” we always talk about Hen’s sass, but Ray has his snarky moments

AJSLKSLKJ JASPER BAD-MOUTHING KD AND HEN JUST STOPS DRINKING HIS DRINK AND IS LIKE, “One more time???” like, the pg version of “tf did you just say???”

“Just saying, I’d be way better at catching bad guys than KD.” “You couldn’t catch butt warts!!!!” Hen u couldn’t be anymore obvious if you tried aksljsjksjl 

“Why are you getting all mad?” “Because Jasper’s being unfair, and I think it’s unfair to criticize m--that...that KD guy when he’s probably doing the best he can. And people should be fair. Fairness. I’m pro-fair.” THAT’S RIGHT BB. U DEFEND YOURSELF. YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST AND I AM PROUD OF U 

his lil pouty face after he gives his little speech is TOO CUTE

can I just say, once again, s1 Hen is the cutest thing ever 

@jace how were u this cute at 13??? I didn’t even look human when i was that age aksjlksj

[MY DRAMATIC DAUGHTER, ENTER STAGE RIGHT]

Pipes blackmailing Jasp with that cup song video alksjslksj (no wonder her parents assumed it was her who was arrested in that xmas ep lolol)

“I NEVER DID THAT!!!! Why would I do that? I NEVER DID THAT!!!!”

Pipes just shoved Hen out the way to sit on the couch aksljslk

Henry didn’t put up much of a fight against Piper in these earlier eps (I mean, when does he ever anyway lol).

jasp....i love u...but...that video is really cringey....

Hen telling Pipes not to put the video on line :)))) my sweet son :)))))

Piper mocking Jasper in the video alkjlsk 

“Why does your watch beep like that?” “It means they need me at work....bye!” “Wait! It’s Sunday. Junk ‘n Stuff is closed on Sunday.” “Right....I better go tell the customers.” Henry you are a terrible liar

which is expected bc he’s sweet and a mess. not a combo that makes for a skilled liar alkjslkj

“There is something up with that boy.” YAS CHARLOTTE YAS my smart/observant daughter (tho hen does make it easy with his crap excuses lolol)

“I’m so tired.” “Oh, quit whining. It was only 4 miles.” “Yeah, 4 miles there and 4 miles back!” ajkjslk poor J

“Uuuggghhh I’m gonna die.” “NOT in the house! If you’re gonna die, do it outside!” Piper does not care. at all. 

so, what??? Char’s just been chillin in Hen’s room in the dark waiting for him to sneak back in??? lolol

poor hen had a mini heart attack ajklksj

Char clearly knows. she’s just asking all those questions to hear Hen’s bs lolol

“I like your shirt.” nice try hen. it’s not working, but nice try.

Char really covered all the bases. she called the store to see if Hen was really there. girl doesn’t mess around when she’s figuring something out. r.e.s.p.e.c.t.

“You wanna know the truth? I’m a jazz musician. I don’t tell a lot of people, but secretly, I play jazz. A-a-and the only time the jazz clubs are open is late at night.” Hen...who taught you how to lie????

God, P x H are such antipodes. You have one sibling who blackmails others with embarrassing secrets to get what they want and then you have the other sibling who can’t come up with a better lie than “I play jazz late at night” aksjslk

“That’s where I was---at a jazz club. Blowing jazz. On mah horn.” i love the way he says this lol

“That’s because YOU’RE Kid Danger!” and a hush falls over the room...

Hen, make as many weird noises and mock being KD all you want. It’s not working. aksjlskj

you know, even if Char wasn’t an uber smart cookie, hen makes it unbelievably easy to figure out

“And I guess you must be Beyonce.” AJKSJKSLJ AN ICONIC HENRY LINE TO PUT IN THE BOOKS, GUYS.

“Okay, this is really big, what I’m about to tell you.” “What? That you’re KD?” “Shuuut UUUuuuUUUpppp!” akljslkj

“I’m KD.” “I know. I figured that out.” CHARLOTTE YOU ARE MY QUEEN

“I swear I’m never gonna tell anyone.” “Thanks.” “Can I tell Jasper???” “Wha---NOOOOOO!!!!”

I love the way he says this in his lil 13 yr old squeaky voice aksjlsksj 

also Char wanting to include J from the get-go :’))))

Ray was so light and cheerful in this season. he’s all “Henry, I didn’t know you were working today. Did I butt-beep you???” whereas now he’s all “YoU cAn’T bE sIcK. yOu’Re ObViOuSlY lYiNg To Me!!!!” ugh

:(((( you can tell Hen is having a hard time telling Ray that Char knows

props to him tho. i would’ve put if off until it eventually just came out at the worst time possible jakjslskj

“Can I talk to you about something?” “Uhhhh....babies come from the baby store!!!” oh Ray

“What’d you tell her?” “That I am KD.” “Ohhhh.” “You’re not mad, are you?” “No, I’m not mad.” “Oh, good.” “You’re fired.” jkalsjlk RAY YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TERRIBLE HE IS AT LYING. IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO MUCH WORSE IF HE KEPT UP THE LIE

also Hen’s face is causing me pain. he’s so sad :((((

Ray’s being so serious....I’m not used to this. 

“When trust is broken, it can never be fixed.” “Yes it can!” “Read this fortune cookie.” “’When trust is broken, it can never be fixed’....” “Let’s not argue with the Chinese.” aksjslk 

also Ray is really that next level extra. he has fortune cookies to prove his point lolol a legend

Henry listening to jazz and downing a bottle of chocolate syrup alksjslk is this the pg version of drowning your woes in alcohol???

“You’re not gonna find the answer at the bottom of a bottle of chocolate.” *takes bottle away* *Hen takes out a second bottle* “I won’t know if I don’t look.” 

my poor bb. he really thinks he’s a lousy KD

I WANT TO HUG HIM THRU MY LAPTOP SCREEN.

HEN YOU SAVED CM ON YOUR SECOND DAY ON THE JOB. YOU ARE A GREAT KD. 

klajdkl Henry singing a sad version of the cup song

they played a cheering sound effect while he sang omg

(I remember watching a vid where Jace said he doesn’t sing and it’s “probably for the best.” aksjslkjs)

classic pouty/depressed hen laying on his couch. :((((

it’s kind of playing tricks on my mind bc i remember when he did that after he couldn’t defeat Drex, but he looked SOOOO much older in that ep lolol

Jasp having to do Piper’s chores lol

“Henry, come to the Swellview Park right now.” “Nooooo. I’m not in the mood for trees.” jaklsj it be like that sometimes

Piper: “AHHHHH!!!! HEN-RYYYY!!!” Henry: *sighs like ‘here we go again’* akjslk

I LOVE THESE PIPER X HENRY INTERACTIONS (even if it’s her yelling at him lolol)

“Is that makeup on your face???” jokes on you, Hen. you’re all wearing makeup.

i love the faces Hen makes while Piper yells. they’re great

gotta hand it to Ella. she was really committed to this part

“To a club with mah gurlsss.” PIPER NO

“Club 11″ god can u imagine a whole place dedicated to 10-11 yr olds??? i have siblings that age and it’s the worst. possible. age. ever. 

I don’t even understand them most the time. you think i would be able to considering how in tune I am with my kid side, but the stuff they do/say/like is lost on me

sorry for that sidebar

okay, Piper has a fake ID??? a fake license, a fake ID. HOW R U AND HEN EVEN RELATED???

Hen’s out here fighting crime while his lil sis is committing them akljsslkj

I love Hen’s overall indifference??? Like, he’s just like “you better hope mom doesn’t find out” he’s not threatening to tell on her. he just like “not my problem”

even when she’s yelling at him he’s like “whatever. i gotta go.” ajlskjlk I love him

j now has blackmail of his own. oh, how the tables have turned. 

“THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!!” NEITHER IS YOU TRYING TO GET INTO CLUBS UNDERAGE, PIPER!!!!!

Char is so awesome. instead of just feeling bad about getting hen fired, she’s out her actively trying to help him out, and she’s not doing it for him. she’s just guiding him. she leaves all the redeeming to him. what a stand up character. wow. i lover her. 

wedding crashers chenry style aljksjsl

duh it looks like the phone shark, hen. HE HAS METAL TEETH.

“Now go do CM a favor and catch the phone shark.....Kid Danger.” I squealed. we love supportive bffs here

Hen’s got that pep back in his step 

“What up with the gum?” aksjlsklsj 

OKAY ABOUT THIS GUM THING

I thought Schwoz made the gum???? If he did, then how does Hen have a tube with his own gum for his costume??? Ray and Schwoz are estranged at this point in the show. Schwoz doesn’t even know Ray has a sidekick let alone who Hen is, so how??? does he??? have it????

are they trying to tell me Ray made it???

i love him, but no. 

maybe Gooch??? 

I don’t know

“In sickness and in health, in fitness and obesity, as long as you both can stand it.” these wedding vows are more accurate than the traditional ones, honestly

Henry. looks. so. cute. in. his. lil. costume. like. a. baby. duck. trying. to. be. a. superhero. :)))))

okay, so phone shark guy bites phones, but why??? like, does he eat them, or does he just enjoy biting them??

homeboy is looking at hen’s phone like it’s a whole snack....so he does eat them???

i need to know. 

“Mmmmmm gotta love that new phone smeeEEeeellll.” akjslkj jace was so goofy in the earlier seasons

Charlotte......y do u have binoculars??? this is all happening ten feet in front of you.....???

HEN JUST JUMPED ON THE BACK OF A MAN WITH METAL TEETH. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYONE DISSING HIM AS A SIDEKICK OR ANYTHING ELSE. 

omg the phone shark spun hen and his feet clocked the bride in the face ajklsjlksj

yo wedding gifts are expensive af and Hen just made the phone shark wreck all of them lolol oops

EVERYONE IS CHEERING FOR KD. YAS. YAS. YAS. GIVE HIM THE RECOGNITION HE DESERVES. 

omg Hen’s lil celebration dance is so cute :))))

he. gave. CM. all. the. credit. can. u. believe. my. son. is. such. a. good. person.

“It was really my boss, CM.” “Interesting. Can you tell us more?” “.....No....” lololol

Ray’s all “you gave me all the credit” in this awed voice DAWWWWWW

y is he suited up as CM tho???

“Well everyone’s been giving you a hard time about catching the phone shark. I figured I’d help you out.” YA’LL I AM SOBBING. THIS IS THE SWEETEST BOY.OL

“Uhhhhh excuse me? I’m the one who found the phone shark.” 

TELL. THEM. CHARLOTTE. Like, who are you to go giving credit??? I’m the one who found him???

Ray doing one of those full body groans that he always does. dramatique

“Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte. What am I going to do with you?” “I think it’s pretty obvious: give me a job here! You guys need me.” GIRL YOU DON’T KNOW THE HALF OF IT.

srsly how many times does Char save their a**es??? too many times to count. hiring her is one of the best things you’ll ever do, Ray.

HENRY IS SUCH A LIL BEAN COMPARED TO`RAY. LIKE, THEY’RE STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER, BOTH WEARING THEIR SUPER SUITS, AND JUST---HENRY. IS. SO. TINY. O. M. G.

Char explaining how she found the phone shark and making it clear how obvious her thought process was while Ray x Hen are just like “.....”

“I called some dentists...” “We should’ve called some dentist!” “We totally should’ve!” “Then I went online...” “We should’ve gone online!” “What is wrong with us???”

they feel so dumb for not thinking of cheCKING DENTAL RECORDS FOR SOMEONE WITH METAL TEETH. HONESTLY YOU TWO. HOW HAVE YOU GOTTEN THIS FAR????

if it wasn’t obvious before that you need Char, is pretty obvious now. 

“Off to my cousin’s wedding. Hope they serve phones for dessert. LOL.” “She’s good.” “She is.” COME ON GUYS. I AGREE, CHAR IS GOOD, BUT HOW DO YOU NOT PIECE ALL THAT OBVIOUSNESS TOGETHER????

Honestly, Ray getting a younger sidekick makes the most sense to me because can u imagine Ray trying to navigate social media??? or going through the internet like char did??? or hacking into anything??? No.

dude needed some gen z kids to help him out with the modern world aljskljs

“She could really help us out around here.” YOU AIN’T LYING.

“Us???” “Oh, right....you fired me.” “Well you broke the oath.” he sounds like such a pouty manchild akjslkjskj

wow hen ur already on a first name basis with your boss

i don’t know why i’m just pointing this out

homeboy was calling him Ray within a few hours ajlkjsklsj

Hen was so happy when Ray hired him back :))))))

DAWWWW HEN X RAY JUST SHARED THE CUTEST HUG!!!!!!!!

Char: “Cough cough cough.” lolol

“What are you going to do about Charlotte???” “UUUuuuuuUUUggggGGGhhhHHH well, she knows you’re KD. She knows who I am. She knows where the Man Cave is because you brought her down here!” I laughed so hard here. poor Hen was too excited about his job well done so he just took Char into their super secret hideout akljslk

“Sooooooo what does that mean?” “That we either have to kill you, erase your brain, or give you a job.”

REALLY RAY. REALLY. YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR SIDEKICK’S TRUSTWORTHY BFF SPILLING YOUR SECRET, BUT WHEN A VILLAIN. WHO. WANTS. TO. DESTROY. YOU!!!!! ESCAPES WITH BOTH YOUR IDENTITIES, YOU JUST LET HER GO???? YOU NEVER TRY TO FIND HER AGAIN???? TF?????

“I vote job.” “We can really erase her brain???” “Dude!” cuties

“Alright, she can have a job here--” *C x H celebrate* “--IF--” *C x H jump* “--she can pass the pickle test.” *C x H share similar ‘tf???’ expressions* 

BORK!!! MY MAN!!!! (i just realized Gooch wasn’t in this one)

I wish they’d give Bork more of a role. :( they just have him kind of....grunt....and that’s all.

I do like in the green finger ep where he just dumps Ray out of the shopping cart though bc same jkajlskjl (Ray was being such a baby in that ep and I would’ve done the same)

“You have to prove you’re clever enough to work for CM.” “I found the phone shark.” “Well anyone could do that.” “Not you two.” “Well, you know what--” “Okay, let’s not go there.” aksjdlkj

not gonna lie, when Ray was like, “get the pickle out” the first thing I thought of--before Char did it--was to just break the jar alkjslksj great minds think alike, Char ;)))

“How much time does she have?” “Exactly five min--” *shatters the jar* “Here’s your pickle.”

“That was Bork’s favorite jar.” pfffff

“So, wait, is Charlotte hired???” “Yeah....yeah she’s hired.”

they’re little celebratory high-five was too. cute. 

i love my smol happy bbs

Henry being all excited to show her the tubes :)))))

“Hug me.” *side-eyes him* “Just trust meee.” CLASSIC CHENRY MOMENT AJLKSJLSKJ

BORK COMING BACK TO GET HIS JAR AND SEEING IT BROKEN AJKLSJSLK THAT DRAMATIC LOOK OFF INTO THE DISTANCE WHILE A SINGLE TEAR FALLS DOWN HIS CHEEK. GET THIS MAN AN OSCAR ALKJLSKJ

Piper scrubbing J’s feet lolol that’s karma, P.

another wholesome episode that left me all smiley and happy :)))))

i love early Henry. he was such a little cutie who was excited about everything

there was some GREAT Char content this ep---she was one of the biggest parts

<3333

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

[wiener-blut]

i was tagged by my bb @babypaulchen ages ago and now the time has come to finally do this shit!! i told u i was gonna do it Brig!!

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (i wont tag anyone bc im doubting i even know 20 ppl on here lmao)

— what was your last…

1. drink: peach flavoured ice tea 2. phone call: my mom bc i asked her if shes interested in some hyacinth bulbs for her garden since the ones that stood in my room decayed 3. text message: to my cousin, setting a time where we can call and chat 4. song you listened to: actual surprise - its not Rammstein *ooohs and aaahs fly through the crowd* it was “The Schuyler Sisters” from Hamilton 5. time you cried: yesterday bc i had the worst fucking headache ever and i was being a whiny bitch

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: uhh no? 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yes, multiple times and ive come to the conclusion that throwing up makes me feel better afterwards like im back to being able to actually perveice my environment again lmao

— fave colours

12. black 13. pastel pink 14. actually i kinda love all colours idk

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: yes! 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes, multiple times, good 18. found out someone was talking about you: like uh shittalking? idk so i guess not 19. met someone who changed you: uhhh kinda? 20. found out who your friends are: um well i found out that my friends are good friends and that i love them and that i dont want to miss any of them 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: what? u can “kiss” someone on facebook? lmao i didnt take a look on facebook for literally years .......man i had a massive brainlag here. i thought u can now “kiss” ppl on facebook like u can “poke” ppl on facebook and it didnt come to my mind this could mean “irl” lmao bury me IF it means irl tho, then yes

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: pff idk man who the fuck still uses that shithole of a site anyways

23. do you have any pets: no but i had a super cute and fluffy bunny and i still miss him and think about him everyday also i plan on having half a farm and half a zoo in the future

24. do you want to change your name: not anymore; i used to hate my name bc its so outdated and the only answer i ever got on introducing myself was “hey my grandma has the same name isnt that funny” but then more and more people told me my name was pretty and unique and well now that im older (sounds like im 40 lmao) im even kinda fond of it

25. what did you do for your last birthday: umm uhh i guess i was studying for my exams lol but i remember my gf cooking an amazing dinner for me 💖

26. what time did you wake up today: uhhhhhh smth around 9am i think

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: actually sleeping for once bc that headache knocked me out completely

28. what is something you can’t wait for: fucking going to fucking Hamburg in fucking five fucking days

30. what are you listening to right now: the birds chirping outside

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes i had a classmate named Tom........he was a bit strange tho.......

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: i cant think of anything rn

33. most visited website: Tumblr and Youtube

34. hair colour: natural? blonde / current? dyed it pink two weeks ago

35. long or short hair: long ass hair and i mean, literally, they reach all the way down to my hips

36. do you have a crush on someone: ohhhahahaha so, so many, one - and maybe the king of em all - being Christoph Schneider (not obvious at all cough cough)

37. what do you like about yourself: uhhhhhhhhhhh.........;;;;; i guess... uh... *insert more unintelligent noises* maybe my legs?

38. want any piercings: no, except for maybe some on my ear

39. blood type: 0 positive, i think

40. nicknames: Lily

41. relationship status: super duper gay af with @haifisch-ohne-traenen

42. sign: officially capricorn (i like to say “the last capricorn” bc it sounds like “the last unicorn” and well my birthday is on the last day that still counts as capricorn), but honestly im more of an aquarius

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv show: i recently watched Grimm and the story was okay but the cast was like super adorable and i fell in love with every single one of them

45. tattoos: none. YET. i have plans for so much i just am very bad at deciding

46. right or left handed: right handed 47: ever had surgery: okay, small story time. there are these childrens books by german illustrator and author “Janosch” in which a tiger and a bear are best friends and i used to love those books. so once, tiger got ill (his stripes slipped out of place) and he needed to see the doctor. and the exact line was “soothing small shot, blue dream, surgery over, noticed nothing, tiger healthy”. and i once was in the hospital bc there was something wrong my nose (i dont remember what it was tho) and so they anaesthetized me (and my fav stuffie which i brough with me for mental support) and afterwards i told everyone of my “blue dream” and everyone was like ????? wtf kid bc they didnt know what i was talking about and it was just some months ago when i finally found out that a narcosis isnt called a “blue dream” and that i just knew this bc of this books which i adored and tbh i was like MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE “BLUE DREAM” IS AN ADORABLE TERM FOR IT 48. piercings: none 49. sport: i did ballet for 15 years and i still love to dance around the house and the mother of my best friend once called me cute bc i cant stand still and always spin around or stretch my toes while lifting my leg or do some pliés and tbh i wasnt even aware of that

50. vacation: uh...i love? lmao

51. trainers: umm like my shoes? mostly wearing my black doc martens

— more general

52. eating: i love me some good salad with tomatoes, mozzarella and tuna but ngl a pizza margherita could beat that salad any time. or a nice ragout fin. or mac’n’cheese. i love food in general, okay

53. drinking: i’d kill for a tequila rn. but like non-alcoholic beverage - plain water, yes thank u

54. i’m about to watch: some movie with my gf which we havent decided on yet

55. waiting for: my gf to return home from work so i can smooch her pretty face

56. want: to cuddle honestly

57. get married: since its legal in germany for some months now... idk tbh, its not smth i debate about on a daily basis

58. career: um i have a vague plan for becoming a speech pathologist but yea... its very vague

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs

60. lips or eyes: gotta say eyes

61. shorter or taller: i dont care actually

62. older or younger: um sweats loudly...... older (fun fact i recently calculated the average age of my celebrity crushes....yes i was bored.... and it resulted in 50.... well.....)

63. nice arms or stomach: arms, fucc me up

64. hookup or relationships: relationships

65. troublemaker or hesitant: me? kinda both

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: no 67. drank hard liquor: yes 68. turned someone down: not really?

69. sex on first date: nope

70: broken someone’s heart: probably

71. had your heart broken: uh yea...kinda

72. been arrested: no

73. cried when someone died: yes, im a whiny bitch so i cry easily

74. fallen for a friend: yeah binch im dating that lovely ho right now... im gonna leave Brig’s answer here bc its perf and same here

— do you believe in

75. yourself: ugh

76. miracles: i want to

77. love at first sight: no

78. santa claus: i want to lol but no

79. angels: fuck yes

— misc

80. eye colour: blue-gray-green-ish mud 81. best friend’s name: Dana

82. favourite movie: so? much? i cant decide, really

83. favourite actor: Tom Hiddleston, i love this british dork, lemme tell u

84. favourite cartoon: phuh, idk i dont really watch cartoons

85. favourite teacher’s name: SWEATS LOUDLY AND AGGRESIVELY i had two massive teacher crushes back in my school days and that makes me a bit biased but im gonna say Herr Wolf was a great teacher bc he always said “hey, astronomy’s a minor subject, the test won’t be hard and i wont give u homework, u guys concentrate on math, german and english” and tbh we need more teachers like that

[twerkhammett]

1-154

Holy fuck, good thing I have a long train ride���1. Full nameAngelica DeLillo2. Age213. 3 fearsFailure, getting snatched up one of these nights im on the train alone, losing the people i care about4. 3 things I loveNik, food, and our cat5. 4 turn onsBiting, slapping (ass face and tits), being tied up or held down, and when he gets that mean look on his face and i know hes gonna be really rough with me ugh6. 4 turn offsI have had these experiences with almost every person I've been with except Nik..bad hygiene, being rushed (you cum yet?), bad oral and when i tell them what would feel good they dont listen..and worst of all sex that feels half assed. They just want to cum real quick, theres no passion or effort, they don't care if they please you at all. Fucking horrible..7. My best friendIn cali my best friend here besides Nik is Ashley, and I get to live with them both its awesome! In Florida I cant choose one cuz ive known them all forever and love those dudes..Mels, Denzel, Brauston, and Alicia8. Sexual orientationBisexual9. My best first dateWith Nikolas obviously 😉10. How tall i am5'611. What do I missMy friends and family back home12: What time were I born3:55pm13: Favourite colorGreen14: Do I have a crushOn my boyfriend😂15: Favourite quoteIdk man16: Favourite placeHard to choose one, maybe my bed😂17: Favourite foodI hate favorites..pizza and wings18: Do I use sarcasmNever :)19: What am I listening to right nowSlayer 20: First thing I notice in new personIf they're fuckin rude or not21: Shoe size822: Eye colorBrown23: Hair colorLight brownish? Auburn?24: Favourite style of clothingBlack25: Ever done a prank call?Yup27: Meaning behind my URLKirk twerkin28: Favourite movieKung Fury29: Favourite songCant choose30: Favourite bandStill cant choose my dude31: How I feel right nowMeh32: Someone I loveNik33: My current relationship statusIn love af its disgusting34: My relationship with my parentsPretty good these days35: Favourite holidayHalloween36: Tattoos and piercing i haveNips, lips, and ears37: Tattoos and piercing i wantA lot, whenever i get the money..38: The reason I joined TumblrMels made me join lol39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?I don't think he hates me, but i hate his bitch ass..40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?I used to get them from Nik but we live together so now he can just tell me lol41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?This morning42: When did I last hold hands?Yesterday43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?15mins, its caffeinating myself that can take time44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?Noooope45: Where am I right now?On BART46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?Nik, been a while since thats happened tho47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Loud48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Nope49: Am I excited for anything?For class to be over so i can relax lol...haven't even got there yet50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?Nik, Denzel, Brauston51: How often do I wear a fake smile?At work lmao52: When was the last time I hugged someone?Does my cat count? An hour ago lol53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?This would never happen, but I would go to jail if it did lol54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?Not that i know of?55: What is something I disliked about today?Nik had to work early and I've been sexually frustrated af56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?James57: What do I think about most?Nik and food are tied i think58: What’s my strangest talent?Idk59: Do I have any strange phobias?Eh not really60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Behind61: What was the last lie I told?Not sure, probably at work lol62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?On the phone63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Aliens yeah64: Do I believe in magic?Nah65: Do I believe in luck?Not really66: What’s the weather like right now?64 and clear skys67: What was the last book I’ve read?Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?Yesss69: Do I have any nicknames?Besides the ones Nik has for me no70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?Cut my knee open71: Do I spend money or save it?That shits gone pretty fast dont get to spend it on anything fun tho haha72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?Nah73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?My backpack has some pink on it74: Favourite animal?My cat😂75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Fucking76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?Trump77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Nightcrawler78: How can you win my heart?Be Nikolas or James Hetfield79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Nothing80: What is my favorite word?Fuck81: My top 5 blogs on tumblrIdk man i like a lot of yall82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?Someone please assasinate the orange one83: Do I have any relatives in jail?Not that i know of84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?Invisibility or time travel85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Not sure86: What is my current desktop picture?Some nature pic bc i havent change it87: Had sex?On a daily basis my dude88: Bought condoms?Yes89: Gotten pregnant?No90: Failed a class?Yup91: Kissed a boy?Yup92: Kissed a girl?Yep93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?Yes, Nik94: Had job?Sadly95: Left the house without my wallet?Fucking yes!!!96: Bullied someone on the internet?No lol97: Had sex in public?A few days ago lmao98: Played on a sports team?Yep99: Smoked weed?This is where my extra money goes..sigh100: Did drugs?Nothing crazy but yeah101: Smoked cigarettes?Yes102: Drank alcohol?Yeah103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?Noo104: Been overweight?Nope105: Been underweight?Nope106: Been to a wedding?Yep107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?Yes lol108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?Yeah109: Been outside my home country?Not yet, but I plan on it110: Gotten my heart broken?Yeah couple years ago111: Been to a professional sports game?Yep112: Broken a bone?My finger lol113: Cut myself?A while ago114: Been to prom?Nope115: Been in airplane?Yes116: Fly by helicopter?No but I want to!!117: What concerts have I been to?Megadeth, Metallica, Exodus, Testament, Carcass, Slayer, Midnight, Kreator, Obituary, Children of Bodom, Rammstein, and a few more but those were the best ones118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Quite a few times119: Learned another language?Some German and some ASL120: Wore make up?I wear mascara121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?Yeah122: Had oral sex?Yupppppp123: Dyed my hair?Yes124: Voted in a presidential election?Yep!125: Rode in an ambulance?Nope126: Had a surgery?No127: Met someone famous?Nope128: Stalked someone on a social network?A while ago hahah129: Peed outside?Yep130: Been fishing?Yes131: Helped with charity?I donate to greenpeace monthly132: Been rejected by a crush?Sorta133: Broken a mirror?Im sure I have, I def had a big ass mirror fall on my fuckin head one time tho!134: What do I want for birthday?Some dick😂135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?2 max, no idea about names, havent thought about it much136: Was I named after anyone?No137: Do I like my handwriting?Its a bit sloppy but yeah138: What was my favourite toy as a child?Barbies lol139: Favourite Tv Show?DBZ😂140: Where do I want to live when older?The forest, somewhere in Colorado maybe141: Play any musical instrument?Not well lol142: One of my scars, how did I get it?Accidentally stabbed myself at work143: Favourite pizza toping?Mushrooms144: Am I afraid of the dark?No, I need it to sleep145: Am I afraid of heights?A bit146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yes lmao, many times by my dad usually147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Did you mean my last relationship😂😂148: What I’m really bad atProcrastination149: What my greatest achievments areGetting the fuck out of fl, some of my artwork, learning to cope with my depression150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to meProb something my ex said lol151: What I’d do if I won in a lotteryQuit my job, build a house, and open a cave bar (me and Ashley were just talkin about that)152: What do I like about myselfWell i guess i never stop trying even tho i fuck up a lot hahah153: My closest Tumblr friend@stalkhome-sindrone probably😁154: Something I fantasise aboutA stable income...Thanks for that big ass ask my anonymous dude!!😂To the rest of my followers, sorry for the long post and some of the tmi questions😊

[girlsnsleep]

For the anon who wanted everything started with 7...

7: My best friend: Daimbarage, Wsup 8: Sexual orientation: Gayy af 9: My best first date: Regular diner and afterwards we went to the movies 10: How tall am I: 165cm 11: What do I miss: You don’t wanna know lol 12: What time were I born: Idk actually, somewhere in the evening probably 13: Favourite color: black, grey, red, white 14: Do I have a crush: uhu (lern jergi watch out) 15: Favourite quote: grab that booty when she moody 16: Favourite place: my bed 17: Favourite food: PIZZA and chicken nuggets 18: Do I use sarcasm: yeah who doesn’t these days 19: What am I listening to right now: Sauced-up by Fifth Harmony 20: First thing I notice in new person: Their caracter and how they act when im around 21: Shoe size: 40EU 22: Eye color: Brownnn 23: Hair color: Also brownn 24: Favourite style of clothing: i like to wear black, wish i’ve had the money to buy the stuff i really wanna wear 25: Ever done a prank call?: hell yeah

27: Meaning behind my URL: i like girls and sleeping 28: Favourite movie:idk got so many, i saw The Martian and i cried and had to laugh (really watch it) 29: Favourite song: don’t askme that :(( 30: Favourite band: Pvris, Tøp, 5H 31: How I feel right now: terrible

32: Someone I love: my gf 33: My current relationship status: so taken 34: My relationship with my parents: good lately 35: Favourite holiday: all 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: none :(( 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: tattoos so many omg 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: cz i was in my phase from bi to gay and here you can do whatever you wanna do 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: nope 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: nah 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? nope 42: When did I last hold hands? a while ago 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? depends on my mood 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? nope haha 45: Where am I right now? in my bed 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? probably one of my friends but never had that situation so im good with alcohol 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? depends on the song 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? mom and stepdad 49: Am I excited for anything? uhuu 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? nope 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? often lately 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? few days ago, need a hug rn 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? oh hell no, you don’t wanna see that honey 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? nope 55: What is something I disliked about today? myself

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? FIFTH FUCKING HARMONYYYYYYY 57: What do I think about most? a lot of things i dont wanna think about 58: What’s my strangest talent? crying when i dont have a reason to cry 59: Do I have any strange phobias? not really 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind bc imma photographerrrr 61: What was the last lie I told? that the restaurant i didn’t wanted to go to was closed while they werent lol 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? phone 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? nope and nope

64: Do I believe in magic?nope 65: Do I believe in luck? maybe 66: What’s the weather like right now? clear but a bit cold 67: What was the last book I’ve read? *camren fanfic oops 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? hell yes 69: Do I have any nicknames? Ang 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? My hip was discolated 71: Do I spend money or save it? depends lol 72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? nope haha 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? no 74: Favourite animal? cats dogs 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? tumblr 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? nugget 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? idk 78: How can you win my heart? not unless you buy me food 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? ‘go to hell bitches’ 80: What is my favorite word? nugget 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: well actually everyone who reblogs stuff from my blog so YEAH YOU WHO READS THIS luv for u all 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? lauren jauregui marry me 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? nope 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? to be invisible and beat the motherfuckers 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? ugh idk 86: What is my current desktop picture? something with a car 87: Had sex? yeah 88: Bought condoms? no hahah 89: Gotten pregnant? hell no 90: Failed a class? yupp 91: Kissed a boy? no 92: Kissed a girl? uhuuuuuuuuuu 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? yep 94: Had job? yep 95: Left the house without my wallet? once, never do this 96: Bullied someone on the internet? nope 97: Had sex in public? no?? 98: Played on a sports team? yes :((( 99: Smoked weed? everyday 100: Did drugs? yes 101: Smoked cigarettes?yuppp 102: Drank alcohol? only at parties 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? nooooo 104: Been overweight? no?? why is this even a question 105: Been underweight? *see 104 106: Been to a wedding? yesss 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? yeah Friends 109: Been outside my home country? many times 110: Gotten my heart broken? oh yeshhh 111: Been to a professional sports game? a few yess

112: Broken a bone? nope 113: Cut myself? uhu 114: Been to prom? in June :)) 115: Been in airplane? yes i luvvvv it 116: Fly by helicopter? no :((( 117: What concerts have I been to? Tøp, 5H, some belgian artists, Drake etc 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Oh hell yeah 119: Learned another language? yeah who doesn’t? 120: Wore make up? actually no 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? noooo 122: Had oral sex? pussy 123: Dyed my hair? yeaaass 124: Voted in a presidential election? nope 125: Rode in an ambulance? yes haha lol 126: Had a surgery? yup my upper leggg and head 127: Met someone famous? no :(((((( 128: Stalked someone on a social network? not really 129: Peed outside? yeah when we went on a survival trip and when we slept in school (outside yk) 130: Been fishing? i live next to water so yeah 131: Helped with charity? a fewtimes 132: Been rejected by a crush? uhuuuu 133: Broken a mirror? many times 134: What do I want for birthday? lauren jauregui 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? none bish 136: Was I named after anyone? no but after a song from the rolling stones 137: Do I like my handwriting? nope not really 138: What was my favourite toy as a child? i had a peter pan island lol 139: Favourite Tv Show? friends 140: Where do I want to live when older? far away from belgium 141: Play any musical instrument? not atm 142: One of my scars, how did I get it? surgery and stupid things 143: Favourite pizza toping? mozzarella 144: Am I afraid of the dark? no 145: Am I afraid of heights? hell yes 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? not that i know 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? many times lol 148: What I’m really bad at: being myself 149: What my greatest achievments are: going to college in a few days 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: not gonna tell here 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: buy clothes and shoes and food and go farrrr away 152: What do I like about myself: nothing 153: My closest Tumblr friend: @wsupfuckah 154: Something I fantasise about: food 155: Any question you’d like?nope

Have fun.

[flowercoasts]

1-99 😘

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?“Subway Car” by Marc E. Bassy, “Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’” from Teen Beach Movie, “Gotta Go my Own Way” from High School Musical 2, “Til I Forget About You” by Big Time Rush, “I Won’t Say (I’m In Love)” from Hercules, and “Honeymoon Avenue” by Ariana Grande2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?i wanna meet the robodog3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“I hope no fish will come along so great that he will prove us wrong.”4: What do you think about most?my girlfriend5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?welcome to an episode of worth it6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?with7: What’s your strangest talent?i can wiggle my eyebrows like wavy caterpillars dancing on my forehead8: Girls… are amazing wonderful stunning showstopping gorgeoust 11/10; Boys… some of them are cute sometimes9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?not that i know of10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?…earlier today11: Do you have any strange phobias?not really12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?no but one time i had a marble in my mouth and i was choking on it but dont worry i swallowed it down with water13: What’s your religion?none at the moment14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?hanging out with my friends or cousins15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?depends but mostly in front of it16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?Big Time Rush. Beatles whom?17: What was the last lie you told?“im totally nOt GAy”18: Do you believe in karma?not really :/19: What does your URL mean?my psn was flowercoast but the url here was taken so i added the s20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?- cannot start conversations with new people for the life of me- im p easy going i guess21: Who is your celebrity crush?i started getting back into glee recently so.. Dianna Agron22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?nope23: How do you vent your anger?i either rant online or to my friends24: Do you have a collection of anything?stuffed animals! (an accidental collection)25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?depends on my mood but usually video chatting bc i like to see the other person and also i talk more with my actions than my words26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?somewhat27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?i absolutely hate multiple sounds including, but not limited to: nails scratching on chalkboards, the sound of utensils making the horrible scraping sound i love the sound of the ocean breaking, the early morning (5am - 7/8 am), the woods in the morning28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i had went to the same schools as my friends29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?yes and yes30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.my window and my phone31: Smell the air. What do you smell?my window is open and someone is cooking barbecue down the street32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?marin33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?west coast. i really liked east coast the times i went but west coast is still the best coast :)))34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?zayn 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?live life to the fullest bois36: Define Art.as long as it expresses feeling37: Do you believe in luck?sort of38: What’s the weather like right now?foggy and a little cold but not too cold by sf standards39: What time is it?4:1940: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?no and no41: What was the last book you read?Romeo and Juliet for my english class42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?no43: Do you have any nicknames?flower, sunnisides, eggs, nana (banana)44: What was the last film you saw?Guardians of the Galaxy 2 i think45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?walking pneumonia. WORST46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?nope47: Do you have any obsessions right now?not really tbh48: What’s your sexual orientation?bi babe bean49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?in middle school there was a rumour i had a foot fetish which i DO NOT SMH… even though i kind of started it but i was joking i s2g50: Do you believe in magic?sure!51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?depends tbh52: What is your astrological sign?aries/pisces but i relate to aries more53: Do you save money or spend it?…spend it…54: What’s the last thing you purchased?besides food, i bought my girlfriend an umbreon pillow55: Love or lust?love56: In a relationship?ohohoh heck ye57: How many relationships have you had?one 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?i did it yesterday on facetime, my gf can confirm59: Where were you yesterday?at school bc finals ugh60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?yes, my perfume and my brush61: Are you wearing socks right now?nope my feet are finally free62: What’s your favourite animal?it changes but i really like the Bigg Cats like jaguars and cheetahs63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?charm the socks off of them by extreme flirting64: Where is your best friend?doin somethin wild probably65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.idk man soz66: What is your heritage?my grandma on my mom’s side is half spanish, and she grew up in a spanish household but otherwise i’m pretty filipino67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?facetiming my wonderful gf68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramírez69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?……….. n…o……. REST IN PIECES PATRICIA70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?maybe? probably. idk71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?im saving the dog no second thoughts as soon like as i see that dog - i’m FUCKIN NYOOM72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?i would tell most everyone, i would do everything i’ve wanted to do, and i would be very afraid 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.why can’t we have both? :’( 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?any disney song ever, any song from BTR’s first album75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?991776: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?the memes77: How can I win your heart?you gotta be a Ukrainian horse goblin sorry i don’t make the rules78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?? idk79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?i have never made any good decision in my life ever… except dating my gf80: What size shoes do you wear?7 and a half81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?gg82: What is your favourite word?thrussy83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.being passionate about something84: What is a saying you say a lot?“why are you like this” or “i hate you all”85: What’s the last song you listened to?“Slide” by Calvin Harris, Frank Ocean, and Migos86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?yellow and pink :)87: What is your current desktop picture?my dog n cat together 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?there are. too many people89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?OHOHOHO why dont yall ask n guess. you wONT90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?i find toilet paper and wrap myself in it bc i don’t wanna feel excluded, my n my mummy bois are havin fun tonight goodbye forever parents91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?shapeshifting as hell92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?my entire fifth grade year :’)93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?aahahahahha…. too many whomst94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?my girlfriend95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?i love New Orleans96: Do you have any relatives in jail?i don’t think so97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?nope!98: Ever been on a plane?multiple times now99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?this thrussy pops severely

[breeeliss]

[Femslash February]: Frenemies

*plays Annie soundtrack* you’re only a day behiiiiiind~!

last chlonette prompt for the week! 

(pst. you should read @sadrien‘s nail polish headcanons bc they’re a+)

Day 7: Frenemies (Chlonette)

Words:

Link to Archive of Our Own: [AO3]

[Previous: New Haircut] [Next: On Wheels]

“Round 20, Bourgeois!”

Marinette slammed open the classroom door and dramatically pointed at Chloe who was sitting quietly in her seat for once, answering her text messages and catching up on the homework she didn’t do last night. Chloe looked up in disinterest until she realized that it was Marinette issuing her a challenge. Chloe immediatley brushed her books onto Sabrina’s desk and slammed her hand down on the table. “You’re getting your ass kicked today, Dupain-Cheng.”

“Judges!” Marinette called as she dropped her bag off at her desk and went to stand in front of Chloe’s. “Front and center.”

Nino groaned and slumped in his chair. “Uggghhh, I don’t wanna do this. This has been going on for over a month.”

“Say what you want, this is hilarious,” Alya snickered. “Let’s hope it ends today.”

"Keep saying that, and you’ll jinx it,” Adrien warned. 

Sabrina laughed when the three of them came over. “Alright, everyone. Rules have not changed. In the event of a tie, we’ll get a neutral party to split the vote. Agreed?”

Nino, Alya, and Adrien each held up a hand and swore. “Agreed.”

“Alright, Marinette,” Sabrina smiled. “You go first.”

Marinette slammed her hand on the table right next to Chloe’s. “Matte red polish. Ladybugs and roses for the nail art. Rhinestones on the accent nail.”

Chloe smirked. “Tri-color glitter-infused gradient with bumblee nail art on the accent nail.” 

“Jesus Christ, Marinette, how long did you spend on that nail art, that is intricate as hell!” Alya asked. 

“Four hours. Didn’t get any homework done. Not important.”

Sabrina blinked. “Since when did you start doing triple color gradients?”

“Since last night. It took seven tries to get right. It’s whatever.”

"Alright guys,” Sabrina sighed. “Votes in.”

Adrien went first. “I vote Marinette. That nail art is next level ridiculous.”

Alya winced. “I’m....actually gonna have to go with Chloe. Sorry babe, but that gradient is immaculate.”

“I’m actually gonna have to go Marinette on this one,” Sabrina said reluctantly. “Oh your nails are wonderful Chloe! But look at that detail on Marinette’s roses!”

“Are you guys freakin’ seeing the gradient this chick did?” Nino gaped. “Plus the glitter and the nail art? Chloe’s got this one.”

Chloe rolled her eyes. “Are you guys seriously trying to tie us up right now?”

Marinette snickered. “You’re just mad because if we tie that means I win.”

Chloe snarled. “Kim! Get your ass over here!”

Kim perked up in his seat. “Oh shit, am I the tie breaker? Sweet!”

“You have to take this seriously,” Marinette begged him. “Just...tell us which one is better.”

Kim had been waiting weeks to be the tie breaker, so he practically sprinted over to Chloe’s desk and stroked his chin dramatically as he mulled over the decision with the utmost care. “Alright, well Mar-Mar’s got that sick flower-bug thing going on, which I respect. But Chloe’s got the whole like yellow-orange-red thing going on which is like...a sunset on nails. That’s pretty chill. So it’s a close one...”

Chloe rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, does he even know what he’s talking about?”

“The rules say the tie breaker has to be neutral and unbiased,” Adrien reminded. “Kim’s perfect.”

They waited in anticipation for Kim to come to his decision. After darting his eyes back and forth between their hands, he stood up straight and crossed his arms happily. “Gonna have to give it to Chlo, dudes. Sorry.”

Chloe stood up in her seat and pumped her fists in the air. “YES! Fucking bite me, Marinette!”

Kim did a little bow and went back to his seat. “My work here is done.”

“What the hell are you cheering about?” Marinette glared at Chloe. “That puts us at 10 wins each. We have to do ten more rounds now. We can’t stop until there’s a winner.”

Everyone around them groaned. “No,” Nino practically begged. “Please. Just end it. You guys are tied. That’s a good thing.”

“No, no, no!” Chloe interrupted him. “She’s right. There’s no sense in coming this far only to accept a tie. Ten more rounds.” She held out a hand to Marinette. “I respect the nail art, though. Best one yet.”

Marinette lifted her chin proudly and shook Chloe’s hand. “One day, I’m going to perfect my gradients, and then I’m going to give you a run for your money.”

Chloe winked. “I’ll be waiting. Oh by the way. Picked up your coffee.”

“Yes!” Marinette cheered. “Thank you, thank you.”

Marinette happily sat on top of Chloe’s desk as Chloe handed over a paper coffee cup from the cafe next door to the school. It had ‘For Marinette :)’ scribbled in Chloe’s script on the side, and Marinette even patted the top of Chloe’s head affectionately as she blew the steam away from the top. Adrien gestured to the scene in front of them. “How do they do that?”

“Do what?” Sabrina asked. 

“You know. Going from ‘i will haunt your children and your children’s children for all eternity for this offense’  to ‘omg btw i got you coffee’?”

“You can’t question these things,” Sabrina shrugged. “That’s just how they are.”

“You know the two of them and their coffee,” Nino added. “Not surprised that’s the first thing they bonded over.”

Marinette was in the middle of taking a huge sip from her cup when she froze and widened her eyes. She darted them menacingly in Chloe’s direction who was cradling her chin in her hands and staring up at Marinette sweetly. “Yes, my dear?”

“You put that nasty vanilla syrup in this, didn’t you?”

Chloe cackled. “Oh silly me, I thought for sure you liked it.”

“Oh my God, it’s disgusting, and I’m not changing my mind about this, you’re the actual worst! Stop trying to convince me it’s good!”

“It’s not good, Marinette. It’s fantastic. I bought you a latte and you’re complaining? What an ingrate...”

“You put vanilla syrup in it! It tastes like sugar and actual garbage.”

“See, now that’s just rude.”

“No, what’s rude is ruining a perfectly good cup of coffee with this confectionary crap.”

“You’re confectionary crap!”

Alya was hanging onto Adrien’s desk and laughing until tears were coming to her eyes. “Oh my God, I think it’s hilarious,” she said in between breaths. “It’s like watching two cats cuddle in the corner and then one of them just scratches the other across the face out of nowhere. See, this is entertainment.” 

“This is whiplash is what it is,” Adrien complained. He massaged the side of the neck. “Seriously. Feel my neck.”

“I think it’s...sweet,” Sabrina mused. “I mean, at least they’re not being cruel to each other. Just...bickering. It’s refreshing, actually. I always said that the two of them would be good friends. They were always just so prickly towards each other.”

“I have other ideas, but yeah, friends works too I guess.”

Nino frowned and turned to Alya. “What does that mean?”

Alya shrugged. “I never bought into the whole frenemy thing when it came to these two. Occam’s Razor, my friends. Simplest explanation is usually the best.”

“Wait, so what’s the simpler explanation?” Adrien asked. 

Sabrina’s eyes widened and her face split into a huge grin. “OH! I see where you’re going with this. Totally agree.”

“Thank you!”

“Waaaaait,” Nino interrupted. “I’m lost. What are you guys talking about?”

Adrien raised a hand. “Yeah, same, I’m confused.”

“For two girls that supposedly don’t like each other, they spend a lot of time together,” Alya mused. 

“Plus there are just these little....moments,” Sabrina added. “They’re oddly affectionate sometimes. You ever see them when they’re -- ”

“Yes!” Alya exclaimed. “And when they’re in class together and they do that -- ”

“That thing!” Sabrina giggled. “Oh wow, I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who noticed.”

Adrien stared at the ceiling. “What. Are. You talking about?”

Nino whispered to Adrien. “I think it’s a girl thing. I don’t know...”

“Oh, by the way, Chloe,” Marinette had piped up, unaware of the conversation happening just a few feet from her. “Before I forget. I finished knitting those thigh highs for you.”

Chloe gasped and smiled. “Yes! Thank you, ugh, I was getting so annoyed. I don’t know where I put my other ones.”

“It was quick don’t worry. Just let me know if they don’t fit, and I’ll adjust them for you. Hope the cream color is okay.”

“No, these are perfect, don’t even worry about it at -- ” Chloe stopped mid-sentence, narrowed her eyes, and slowly turned her head towards Marinette. Marinette meanwhile was posing dramatically on Chloe’s desk, whistling innocently. 

“I hate you,” Chloe snarled. 

Marinette dissolved into hysterical laughter. “What? I thought you liked them!”

“I see the embroidery you did on the hem, you damn jerk!”

Marinette pressed a hand to her chest. “I’ll have you know, I spent a lot of time and put a lot of care into that embroidery. I find it rude that you’d say such horrible things about it.”

Chloe stretched out the hem of one sock and shoved it into Marinette’s face. “It says ‘MARINETTE IS GOD’ on them, what in the actual hell?”

“Yeah, where’s the lie?”

Alya sunk down to the floor, cackling too hard for her to even speak. Sabrina was hiding her smile behind her scarf while Adrien and Nino were gaping at the design. “You did not,” Adrien laughed. 

“More interesting question: is Chloe going to wear the socks?” Nino joked. 

“I made them just for you!” Marinette defended as Chloe reached across the desk to try and push her off. “Don’t be mean!”

“This is not what I asked for!” 

“No!” Marinette demanded, breathless in between her laughter. “I expect you to wear it! I made that with love!”

“I swear to God I’m going to fucking graffiti my net worth onto your locker so you can know exactly who you’re dealing with.”

“Cool, I can sell it for that much on the Internet.”

“Get off my desk!”

Chloe was whacking Marinette on the leg with one of her notebooks while Marinette stubbornly planted herself on the desk, unwilling to move. Sabrina sighed. “You do realize Chloe’s going to wear those socks all the time, right?”

Alya smiled. “And you know Marinette is totally going to drink all of that coffee even though she hates it.”

“And Chloe’s gonna go home to learn more nail art....”

“...and Marinette is going to look up more gradient tutorials.” 

They both laughed when Chloe and Marinette fell into a slapping match that forced Adrien and Nino to move in and try to separate them. Alya bumped her elbow with Sabrina’s. “Good to know that at least there are two of us who know what’s going on.”

“Well, we’re not as oblivious as these two,” Sabrina shrugged. “Don’t worry. They’ll figure it out soon enough.”

[illumi-nnaughtyy]

1-155 ahahahah

I'm petty asf so here ya go 😂 1: Name- Bailey 2: Age- 17 (almost 18)3: Fears- lol everyone y'all 4: 3 things I love- my dog, pasta, & Morgan 5: 4 turns on- kindness, intelligence, effort, & being funny 6: 4 turns off- not able to keep an interesting convo going, no sense of humor, treat waiting staff bad, and not being good w/ kids7: My best friend- MORGANNN8: Sexual orientation- just living my life homie 9: My best first date- never had one 🙃10: How tall am I- 5'1 (I'm small)11: What do I miss- Izzy💗12: What time were I born- idk I think like 12?13: Favourite color- blue or green14: Do I have a crush- a huge one send help15: Favourite quote- "Live Life For Bella"16: Favourite place- anyplace outdoors or anyplace with coffee 17: Favourite food- ANY AND ALL PASTA 😍18: Do I use sarcasm- lolololololol all the fucking time 19: What am I listening to right now- nothing, but I have headphones in which is weird 20: First thing I notice in new person- sense of humor 21: Shoe size- 6 1/222: Eye color- blue/green23: Hair color- blonde 24: Favourite style of clothing- tshirts I guess 25: Ever done a prank call? I was in middle school once so yep 26: Meaning behind my URL- I liked the song Wake me up by Avicii when I made my blog forever ago :/27: Favourite movie- not so many but atm probably The Proposal 28: Favourite song- too many to chose from 29: Favourite band- idk don't listen to a lot of bands 30: How I feel right now- happy 😊 31: Someone I love- My dog Jake 32: My current relationship status- single 33: My relationship with my parents- I'm really close w/ both although my mom & I argue a lot (about politics and religion mostly), but my dad is my fav human to ever exist 34: Favourite holiday- probably Valentine's Day or Christmas 35: Tattoos and piercing I have- my ears are pierced 36: Tattoos and piercings I want- so many tattoos omg 37: The reason I joined Tumblr- I thought it looked cool?38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I don't hate her bc I've let go of that negativity but she probs hates me but it's chill 39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? I have recently & it makes me heart smile bud 40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? That'd be Morgan so YEET no 41: When did I last hold hands? When my dad was driving me to take my Midterm & I was nervous so he held my hand 42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Like 20 minutes, u less I shower then like 40 minuets43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Yepppp 44: Where am I right now? Laying in bed 45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Morgan probs 46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUDDDD47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mom48: Am I excited for anything? The future 49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? My dad 50: How often do I wear a fake smile? Anytime I'm at yee yee south Paulding high school 51: When was the last time I hugged someone? Honestly so long ago it's kinda sad52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? They would be an invisible person bc I haven't kissed anyone 53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Probably 54: What is something I disliked about today? Yes55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Hmmmm probs lexi or obama 56: What do I think about most? School tbh 57: What’s my strangest talent? My dedication 58: Do I have any strange phobias? I irrationally hate the dark bc I'm five 59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Both idc 60: What was the last lie I told? That I wasn't mad that my dad wasn't picking me up until tomorrow 61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Both is fine I prefer in person 62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Def ghosts but idk about aliens 63: Do I believe in magic? Nah64: Do I believe in luck? Ehhhh not really 65: What’s the weather like right now? Cold as hell66: What was the last book I’ve read? Medical Law, Ethics, and Bio Ethics 67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Kinda 68: Do I have any nicknames? Bai & Angel 69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? Broke my arm & my knee 70: Do I spend money or save it? Both 71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? Nope72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? My room walls 😅73: Favourite animal? My dog 74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Talking to lexi 75: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Trump 76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Brown eyed girl 77: How can you win my heart? Make an effort to remember the little things & make me laugh....also if you're good w/ kids 😍78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? "This bitch was lit asf"79: What is my favorite word? Content 80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr yeet too much work to do this 81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Why are we all so hateful?82: Do I have any relatives in jail? Yes83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? To know everything 84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Idk depends on who's asking 85: What is my current desktop picture? Trees 86: Had sex? Nope 87: Bought condoms? Yes (as a dare)88: Gotten pregnant? Nope 89: Failed a class? Nope 90: Kissed a boy? Nope 91: Kissed a girl? Nope92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Nope 93: Had job? Yes 94: Left the house without my wallet? All the fucking time ugh95: Bullied someone on the internet? No bc I'm not an asshole 96: Had sex in public? Nah 97: Played on a sports team? Yes 98: Smoked weed? No 99: Did drugs? No 100: Smoked cigarettes? No 101: Drank alcohol? Yes 102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No 103: Been overweight? No 104: Been underweight? Yes 105: Been to a wedding? Yes I love them so much 😍😍106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? I do online college so sadly yes 107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Lololol I'm trash so yes 108: Been outside my home country? Yes 109: Gotten my heart broken? Many times110: Been to a professional sports game? Yes111: Broken a bone? Yes112: Cut myself? .....113: Been to prom? Yes114: Been in airplane? Yes 115: Fly by helicopter? No116: What concerts have I been to? 4 Taylor Swift, 1 Carrie Underwood, & 1 one more that I can't think of 117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Lololol so many times 118: Learned another language? Like 2 years of hs Spanish 119: Wore make up? I'm an ugly toe so yes 120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Nope 121: Had oral sex? Nope 122: Dyed my hair? Yes 123: Voted in a presidential election? Nope 124: Rode in an ambulance? Nope 125: Had a surgery? Yes 126: Met someone famous? Yes 127: Stalked someone on a social network? All the fucking time 128: Peed outside? Yes 129: Been fishing? I live in Georgia so what do u think?130: Helped with charity? Yes 131: Been rejected by a crush? Lol all of them132: Broken a mirror? Sadly 133: What do I want for birthday? Money 134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? Idk maybe 2 or 3? And I want to name them Dani, Andi, or Amelia 135: Was I named after anyone? Some bitch from my mom fav tv show 136: Do I like my handwriting? Noooo it's horrid 137: What was my favourite toy as a child? A Mickey Mouse teddy bear 138: Favourite Tv Show? Soooo many but atm scandal 139: Where do I want to live when older? Idk just not in Georgia 140: Play any musical instrument? The recorder that I learned in 4th grade 141: One of my scars, how did I get it? I have one on my knee from falling off of my bike & breaking my knee cap 142: Favourite pizza toping? Mushrooms bc I'm trash143: Am I afraid of the dark? Yes 144: Am I afraid of heights? Very 145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Nope 146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Everyday fam 147: What I’m really bad at? Telling ppl how I feel 148: What my greatest achievments are? My academics for sure 149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me? Prefer not to say 150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery? Pay for college 151: What do I like about myself? Not gonna lie I've got some A+ boobs 152: My closest Tumblr friend? Hmmm idk 153: Something I fantasise about? Moving out of my house & being independent 154: Any thoughts on the paranormal? That it's scary as fuck 155: Free question: Any question you’d like to ask, be it rude, fun, curious, strange, sexual, random, meme related, etc! Lol one wasn't asked

[ikhalid20-blog]

So going to the gym has actually been fun

So going to the gym has been fun I haven't worked out since I ran cross country in high school. That was almost 12 years ago . Sophomore year, i was 14. I'm 26 now. That's 12 years! And I wasn't "fit" I half assed the fawkkkkkkkkk out of cross country. I'm pretty sure I was second to last in the only meet I remember doing. Idk if that's what it's even called anymore. Clearly I had no interest! 🙄🙄don't get me wrong I definitely sucked too. I hated it. I'm not going to lie I only joined bc of a boy and that was probably the worst idea bc I literally sucked ass and came in 2nd to last or last in every meet 🙈🙈 (I'm sure I did more than one, I was on it for a whole season🤦🏽‍♀️) .I'm pretty sure the last person was special (and I mean that in the nicest most respectful way ever) but I'm not really sure because I blacked out most of the run. I honestly don't think I ran all the laps either 😂😂😂. I swear the "watchers" or whatever they are called probably felt bad 😂😂 idk but I didn't get caught so jokes on you 💁🏽. Anyways so I wasn't fit then either and I'm not fit now. I have no idea what to do. So I started going to the gym on March 15. I was about to say I don't know why I remember that date but as I was thinking that, I realized why I remember that day. I would rather not talk about why right now but if I ever decide to continue this, I may eventually. Anyways, I started on that day. I didn't even plan it out. I've always said "I'm going to go work out starting Monday" philosophy being "new week" (for me at least). This time was different, I didn't think about it, I didn't plan it, I literally just went. I don't know how to "gym 😐" I mean I know what the machines are and I know how to use them after I read the directions a few times but I eventually get it lol 😂. Mannnnn, sometimes I read the directions and I'm perplexed. Like bro, how do I take this strap and wrap it around my what? And do that with it? 🙅🏽hell no. So I stick to the easy to use elliptical. You just get on and go. It even has a "quick run" options on the one I use at the complex gym. I swear some of the things in that gym are just way to complicated for me to understand or broken. I'm not lying I went to the gym the other day and I looked at this one machine (I don't know what the name is and i don't even know how to google it but I'm going to try and describe the shit out of it. Worst case, I'll post a picture 😂😂😂 (maybe). So this contraption def works out something in the arm region so basically when I looked at it, I saw a dangly strap thing that I assumed you would have to pull. (Also, I def didn't even read the directions, I just tried to figure out how I would use it and I literally had no fuckin clue 😂😂). Anyways I just assumed it was broken bc I was using a different machine that I have actually used before. You sit down on it and you pull the bar down and you can adjust the weight etc. so I used that and i remember when it goes back up, you don't need to push. It should glide upward smoothly lol I literally had to push this bar up for the weight to go down. It was really awkward so I choose to believe it's broken. So back to the other machine, I literally looked At it and I was like that's probably not how that machine is supposed to look so it's broken (and I've never see anyone use it, furthermore supporting my theory of this contraption being brokennnnnn). So I've only been to the gym 7 times (including tonight) since April 15. I don't think it's a lot but it's better than 0! Hayyyy *self toot* 🙌🏽. So this incident happened last time I went. So I go to the gym today, and it was relatively empty. There were two guys working out. So I always going to the gym and most of the time I only do the elliptical for 30 minutes and 3 minutes cool down. Like if I go to the gym, to me that's my minimum. So literally that's 33 minutes plus 2 minutes each to walk there and back so 37 minutes. I personally don't have kids or anything that really prevents me from doing nothing when I get home from work. I'm literally a couch potatoes. We (hubby and I) don't go out very often anymore and if we do, it's to go eat 😂😂😂🍔🍕🌭🌮🍟🧀🥘 but we do go out to eat a lot. That's probably 3 times a week. But I'm home by like 9pm and other days I get home at like 6pm and stay on my couch until I move to my bed to cocoon. Trust me, I could be cleaning the messy house but I'm literally just lazy 😂 yet I do eventually clean it but I also hate cleaning 🙄🙄 ugh cleaning 😑😑 so I chose to just get up and go bc I can spare 37 minutes lol. So I went today and like I said two people there working out. So as I'm working out these guys are working in what I think is called the "arm section" 🏋🏼🏋🏼 and the contraption is in this general area. So sometime during my workout, I looked back and this dude is using the machine. I was like ohhhhhhhhhhhhh that's how you use it 😂😂😂🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ but on the real real, I now know I DEFINITELY don't want to use that machine 😂😂😂😂😂😂 So basically I have no idea what I'm doing but it felt good to write about it. And I may write again and I may not. But it definitely felt good to write it down and it feels even better because I'm starting to like the gym!!!! So this may well be my very first entry of my "life style change" journey! PS. I literally just wrote down my thoughts and read through it briefly so please excuse any typos 🙃

[ckcz]

100 questions ask game

I was tagged by @mysmoldarkfictionalsons <33 I tag @surelance @spacemcclain @k3ithkogane @bobaphichit and @angst-in-space and all my mutuals/followers :D!! You don’t have to do it but seems like a nice way to know ny’all better :’) 

1: When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal!

2: Do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? what is a wintery day all I feel is humidity and tears

3: What random objects do you use to bookmark your books? random receipts 

4: How do you take your coffee/tea? Coffee- cold!!! with a like 2 spoons of cream and a LOOT O sugar 

5: Are you self-conscious of your smile?

My laugh mostly but I guess they’re similar?

6: Do you keep plants?

Yess my home balcony has many 

7: Do you name your plants? No??

8: What artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Drawing drawing painting but not digitally? like sometimes I just take a watercolor paper and attack it with a paintbrush to vent

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? I can’t hum! idk why so I singgg

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? stomachh

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? A beach potato flew around my room and a skeleton wants to bone me

12: what’s your favorite planet? ....earth...??? But I guess the next would be Saturn <3

13: what’s something that made you smile today? This little boy bumped into me and I went ‘ouch’ and he did this little gasp and held my hand I wanted to steal him

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? I have a feeling it would be really warm and fuzzy and a cupboard full of ready made soup powder cause I love soupp

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! If a baby was to be born in space, it would probably be born all deformed 

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? ??? I’m uncultured

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? red and brown highlights just tbh but If I was allowed to be crazy, dark purple <3

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. well I apparently spray painted ‘sex’ in neon orange in the school bathroom in my old school and I once did this complicated dab dance in front of the class nobody lets me forget it 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? Oh yes I have a lovely black faux leather book and I just write random things that happened in the day or fanart ideas!! surprising amount of matt holt doodles

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Light brown or grey ugh I could melt 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I don’t really have one?? but I do have this samsung laptop bag that has literally been with my like everywhere

22: are you a morning person? YES i love four am

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? drink cold coffee, lie on the bed and send stupid selfies to my friends

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? yes <3

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

In my old school there would be the fourth floor where people aren’t allowed to go and I was just curious okay and I looked inside and a shitload of mirrors??? i have no idea

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? this weird ass pink sandals that say new york city on them

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? strawberry I guess?

28: sunrise or sunset? SUNRISE <3

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? This one girl randomly uses her pointer finger to just *flipflopflipflopflipflop* the tip of her nose and then she like blinks twice its so fucking cute okay

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? No 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. they succ. no? NO!?? yes. socks are weird even the word is weird I dislike them

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. not much to say sadly but this one time on a sleepover we got bored staying awake so we went to the neighbouring 24/7 store and got icecreams and then fell sick it was nice

33: what’s your fave pastry? I guess a.. brownie? I’m not that into baked stuff?

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? didn’t have many wasn’t attached to them...

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? yeS YES YES

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? I think? U2 for some reason

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean... :( but im weak

38: tell us about your pet peeves! people not closing the door

people stopping your music to talk to you

people putting a babY ON THE PHONE TO TALK TO ME

39: what color do you wear the most? greyyyy i love wearing grey

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? i have this one pretty crystal pendant that i bought on a roadtrip i love it 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? simon vs the homo sapiens agenda

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! the starbucks at the mall? Its ceiling is covered in pipes and stuff for the electricity or heat or whatever but it has really comfy couches i love it

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? My dog.. but a person? I guess this girl in my apartment who I sometimes just roam around with

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? last summer

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? No not really I seem to think about consequences a lot more lately but if I’m feeling it, yES

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. what’s up? - The ceiling.

I HATE THIS WITH MY ENTIRE BEING PEOPLE WHO SAY THIS SHOULD GO TO HELL AND BACK cause im mericful

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? tomatoes. die

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? leaving for college. No

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? idk i dont

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? bookmaRKS i have like 200 of them

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? never come back again by austin

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? cowboy hat!

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I don’t really care too much?

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my mom

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? yell ‘kavya is a bich’ into the school on the third floor 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when it’s people i LIKE? them

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? that song was my childhood so I love thhsdkjhsjkd just sang along

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I’m wine mom! S is vodka aunt bc it just fitss

59: what’s your favorite myth? apollo and hyacinthus

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I guess? I like phenomenal women 

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? I gave a potato and received a small mirror that said -u r bootiful- on the back

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nahh

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? my bookshelves are BEAUTIFUL ilovethem and I just have my music playlists so??

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? pastel blueee

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? yes

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? white flowers <3

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? aweSOME i have a special playlist for days like that

68: what’s winter like where you live? its rainy

69: what are your favorite board games? TERRA MYSTICAAAA and jenga

70: have you ever used a ouija board? nahh

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? I don’t really drink tea?

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? YES OMG

73: what are some of your worst habits? my hands always get too excited so I fiddle a lot and tend to tear the edges of pages

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. the most reflective pretty eyes I’ve seen. has the best heart in the whole word. literally the embodiment of good and pure

75: tell us about your pets! HER NAME IS AMBER SHE’S A SHIHTZU I WOULD DIE FOR HER AND IF YOU HURT HER I’LL KILL YOU SHE’S THE BEST THING IN THE WHOLE GODDAMNED WORLD

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? writing an exam tbh it doesn’t count though

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink I had it once I liked it a lot

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? *walks away* don’t include me in your shenanigans

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? So I was about to leave my old school right? last day was over, finals were done, and the reality that I would lose all of them was just settling in. so I think my mom noticed I was depressed and she called up ALL of my friends in my group of pals and they came over even though they live all so far away and I was editing percy in a video and they just hugged me from behind I laughed and yelled i miss them

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? everything is purple I have purple wardrobes and walls and doors and yes. I did choose this color? Because I wanted blue but I also wanted pink at that age so I mixed them in and decided on purple!

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. water at zero gravity

82: are/were you good in school? Yesss

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? I love michl’s art? And Eden’s 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Maybe two! Idk I’m just a young potato I’ll see to it later

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I guess! I love asterix&obelix and tintin and I love omg check please and sharp zero 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

I listen to some of my dad’s so pink floyd’s I guess

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? The lion king movies and Fantastic Mr. Fox

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Im too asleep for this 

89: are you close to your parents? yeah

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I LOVE KUALA LUMPUR its’adjabjkabkjadsbjaksd

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? NO WHERE i’m going to get a 10 cgpa and kick school in its ass

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? CHEESEEEEEEEE

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? two pony tails!

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? this old friend of mine

95: what are your plans for this weekend? study for finals 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? pretty quickly

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INJP, capricorn and I’m a slytherin!

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? last summer with my family and yeah

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. any Eden song tbh I just scream and now that Jo reminded me I’m crying to little wonders 

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? five years into the future I’m just too scared to go through everything that happens in the next five

[celloluvr]

A L L OF T H E M

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

A friend

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

both?

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My fam

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Idk??

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I don’t even like anyone so no

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

The bad boy RIP me

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Ha no 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Nate cause he is currently exasperating

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nah

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Maggie

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

I cannot handle you (@nate)

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Work this body - walk the moon

The way you look tonight - Frank Sinatra

Nobody but me - Michael Buble

Ordinary World - Green Day

Still Breathing - Green Day

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Ye

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Depends

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Going to my cabin

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I’m not planning on it

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Duh

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

HAHA no

19. Do you like bubble baths?

sure

20. Do you like your neighbors?

No they are loud and stupid

21. What are you bad habits?

My throat chakra is overactive

22. Where would you like to travel?

Italy, Spain, Japan

23. Do you have trust issues?

yes

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Seeing my friends

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My stomach and thighs

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Check my messages

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I’m okay with my skin color but like being a little more tan wouldn’t be bad

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Mate and Naggie

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Yup he’s still telling me it too

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Andy Biersack and Brendon Urie

33. Spell your name with your chin.

erucas

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Tennis and On a bowling league

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Of course

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Literally anything I hate them

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Dark hair, tall, leather jacket, etc

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Idk man like khols or something Idc

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Yo I’m old Im out of HS

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

mmmmmmm depends

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m probably pissed at u so

43. Do you smile at strangers?

I do the white people smile if we make eye contact

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Outer space r u kidding me the bottom of the ocean is probably scary as fuck

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Class

46. What are you paranoid about?

That everyone secretly hates me also that my pad is leaking also that I’m pregnant when my period comes late even tho it’s impossible cause like no thx to sex

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope and I don’t plan on it

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Not even close

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Nope

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Red

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

I used to when I was younger

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

There are a lot so 

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Idk I like my tarte pallet 

54. Favourite store?

Father Time Antiques, Lush, Candle stores

55. Favourite blog?

Idk man they’re all good

56. Favourite colour?

Purple

57. Favourite food?

Actual good Ramen

58. Last thing you ate?

Pizza

59. First thing you ate this morning?

French Fries

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Tennis and in orchestra

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope

63. Ever been in love?

I thought so at the time

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

So the guy and I went to see the life of Pi. We sat near the end of the aisle. After the movie we stood up to leave and he decided that would be a good time to kiss me. There were people lining up behind us to get out bc we were blocking the only exit on that level. On top of that, when he decided to kiss me, he decided to go in with tongue. I did not. He licked my lips. We also knocked glasses bc it was 2012 and he had the huge hipster glasses on. RIP me

65. Are you hungry right now?

Sorta

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

My real friends r pretty cool

67. Facebook or Twitter?

FB I guess I hardly remember to check my twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Ye

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Maggie and Nate

71. Craving something? What?

Asian food, as per usual

72. What colour are your towels?

So many colors

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One who tf can sleep with any more than that

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

not at college but at home they’re still in my room

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

So many

75. Favourite animal?

Jelly fish

76. What colour is your underwear?

Pink and gray stripes

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Ben and Jerry’s Americone dream

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Black

80. What colour pants?

Gray

81. Favourite tv show?

Kitchen Nightmares

82. Favourite movie?

V for Vendetta or Pirates of the Caribbean

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

I haven’t seen 21 jump street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Janice and Damien 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

the angsty fish whose fin is fucked and Crush

87. First person you talked to today?

Nate

88. Last person you talked to today?

Nate and Maggie

89. Name a person you hate?

Not gonna name names but it starts with a B

90. Name a person you love?

My fam

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nate cause he’s exasperating cause he walked to maggie’s house instead of taking the bus like a fool even though it was so easy to take the bus but no he had to walk cause he’s a chicken also maggie’s Ex bf cause like ugh he sucks

92. In a fight with someone?

No

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Like one pair but technically they’re joggers

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Who knows man

95. Last movie you watched?

V for Vendetta

96. Favourite actress?

Emma Watson

97. Favourite actor?

Johnny Depp or Leo Dicap

98. Do you tan a lot?

Yeah

99. Have any pets?

I wish

100. How are you feeling?

Idk fine man

101. Do you type fast?

Yeah I do I could beat anyone in a typing contest

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

I mean I’ve made bad decisions but there’s no reason to dwell and regret bc what happened has happened and u can’t change it

103. Can you spell well?

Yes

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Apparently but he broke mine first so idk how I broke his

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes

108. What should you be doing?

Homework oops

109. Is something irritating you right now?

My friend refused to take the bus and walked to our friend’s house instead I stg

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yes but they were fictional oops

111. Do you have trust issues?

Yup

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Nate

113. What was your childhood nickname?]Erike

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

Occasionally 

116. Are you listening to music right now?

No

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Yes

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yes

119. Favourite book?

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

If I’m outside and alone then a little

121. Are you mean?

Depends on who you are

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Only in Monopoly man

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

I can try 

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

MMMmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe if it happened to me I would

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yes

126. Are you currently bored?

No

127. What makes you happy?

A lot of things but mainly music and good food and my friends

128. Would you change your name?

Probably not

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer

130. Do you like subway?

It’s fine I guess

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Date them if I like them back or literally nothing if I don’t like them back idk

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Maggie 

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

All of them from Still breathing by green day

134. Can you count to one million?

I can but I don’t want to

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

That I was okay with eating McDonalds even though I despise fast food

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed

137. How tall are you?

Five Five

138. Curly or Straight hair?

I have straight but I want curly

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Brunette

140. Summer or Winter?

Summer

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

July

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope I like meat too much

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark all the way

145. Tea or Coffee?

Tea

146. Was today a good day?

It was pretty chill

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

Things can fall apart, or threaten to, for many reasons, and then there’s got to be a leap of faith. Ultimately, when you’re at the edge, you have to go forward or backward; if you go forward, you have to jump together. ~ Yo-Yo Ma

And also

“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.” - Robin Williams 

And also

“Life isn’t about how popular you are, what boy or girl you’re dating or who you know. Life is about always being true to who you are and what you believe in. Never let anyone convince you that their way is better than your way.” ― Andy Biersack

And also

“No one can make you inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Fuck yeah

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“I’m still not clear on this. Why me? Why not the Police” - From one of Maggie’s random books on the floor

[celestialallstars]

Episode #9: “Beggars can't be choosers and I'm already on my knees” - Jack

Ok well never mind Drew just got booted which NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT??? Like if Matt had gone it'd have been one thing because I would've heard at least the name of the person who actually went, people might've been honest for once. But noooooooo let's create this Drew concoction and once again leave Jack out of a vote! I mean, would I have voted Drew out? I don't know, probably not. But still it's the principle. Was I kept safe? Yes, but another ally and former Cyrena left. My numbers keep dwindling and I am scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

So this round I want Mitch gone. I don't trust him too much, as I know he isn't as close to Bryce as I am. Which scares me cause Bryce is my ally right now. I know me and Mitch are in this 8 person alliance, but that shit means NOTHING to me. As I never said i wanted to be in it. So Ya FUCK THAT. Time for me to push mitch this round.

Drew is out but I decided to be honest about it with Michael. Ill talk with Chloe today and try and do some chatting with Jack too but beside that I usve hope for a few tribals wooo! Or maybe its time to die, we'll see ha

I’m already over this game and it’s final fucking 12. I shouldn’t have played I should’ve just hosted this is all my worst orgs on fucking steroids because everyone’s too busy fetishizing this anti-Cyrena agenda. I don’t care if it’s not a thing, there’s no reason to target Matt and I and leave us out of votes when we have 0 agency and are literally 2 votes up for grabs. But nobody gives a flying fuck about logical gameplay and like fine, be a moron, and have fun getting blindsided at 9th when all the easy votes are gone and you were too busy standing around with your dick in your hand to put yourself in a better position. Fuck this season and fuck this cast

Today's to do list:

Call Jared Yell at Jared Tell Jared he's not beating his Wakea placement Hang up Win immunity Cry myself to sleep

________________________________________________________________

"yikes, you’ve been shot!" is a common theme for me this season

Watching the immunity was pretty telling I'd say, as random as it was. Having it said, it's been down to Loris, Zach, and Bryce for hours now. THE smart thing is to give Bryce immunity and up his threat level, but alas we gotta get a  show out of it lol.

So uh.... forget everything I said about Jared I guess because he wants to work with me? Lmao. Idk man like, can I really trust anyone besides Michael and Matt at this point? Not really, but Jared is the ONLY other person to legitimately give me a lifeline here (I don't count Mitch/Chris or any of the BS Zach/Bryce are giving me) so I have to take it, find some footing, figure out if I can actually get through this early merge here. I'm keeping my head down unlike my past games and I'm letting the game come to me. Beggars can't be choosers and I'm already on my knees

I FOUND AN IDOL!! I cant say I thought this would happen but I am so happy that it did! I just hope I can do right by this immunity idol! I got help out of Stephen so I am just so thankful for that!!

________________________________________________________________

So I have this feeling things are not going to go the way I wish so. Rhys is gathering troops to get Mitch out and he's already gone to Bryce who told me and Zach, and Jared. How does he have numbers? BECAUSE HE HAS FLIPPED. We might as well should've had Kori in the chats because both have said the same thing as far as contributions go

________________________________________________________________

Now I am in a pickle, not knowing if Jared/Bryce/Zach all want to flip after they wnet on a call together. Its a little concerning not gonna lie. What makes this worse is that like we are putting ourselves in a position where we HAVE to do play certain way. I dont want to be 6-5 I want to have cushion and Rhys is doing exactly what I figured he would be doing just early. I need to figure out exactly how willing the others are for this before its too late

So last tribal was a little bit of a rough one and the day after wasn’t too great either I just felt drained the entire day but I didn’t sign up for all stars to lose after being blindsided I came to win and I need to do whatever I can to get that fighting spirit back. I’m not out of this yet and hopefully the relationships I’ve built plus the killshot results mean that we can get a nice little blindside going.

What’s the German word for when people ask you if you’ve heard anything about the vote knowing full well you haven’t been privy to any information all merge?

________________________________________________________________

Bryce telling me Mitch’s name??? 8.5 hours before tribal??? You really do love to see it. Michael told me Jared told him Mitch as well, so I’ll probably hear from Jared soon. This is beautiful stuff I could give less of a fuck about Mitch going. Everything’s coming up Millhouse!

These bitches are conspiring against me.

So, Rhys has been feeling antsy and decided he wants to flip on our 8. Tbh it's probably a smart move for him since he's the least incorporated of the 8 and would likely get 8th if my understanding of the situation is anything to go by. Soooo I can't exactly blame him, but, that's not all.

Bryce is ALSO wanting to flip. It seems so early for a well-connected member of the alliance to want to do something like that, so I imagine it's because he wants to play the middle between this group and the 4 outside of it. Rhys and Bryce may have leaked the alliance already, and, if they did that, then they also probably leaked how everyone was pretending Matt was the target at the last vote.

This group seems to be planning to vote Mitch out tonight, which isssssss bad. Very bad. Especially bad for me since he is one of my closest allies.

Chris found an idol, though, and I'm really hoping we can save it for late-game. There's still a chance this vote can turn around though. That's what I'm hoping for.

IM BEING DUMB IDK WHAT TO DO UGH I WANT MITCH OUT HTIS ISNT SMART THIS ISNT LIKE ITS NOT I KNOW THAT BUT IM DOING IT ANYWAY THIS IS A MISTAKE I KNOW IT IS JFAKDHK BUT IDK HOW TO PLAY THIS GAME BC I THINK PPL SAY IM A THREAT AND I CAN ONLY PLAY UTR SNAKE NOT THIS WHOLE KUMBAYAH THING PPL GOT GOING ON

hi. so . after I almost win immunity after it was given to bryce when hes  already won immunity in another social challenge, now bryce  wants to vote mitch because ‘he Doesn’t like him’. I don’t know who the votes going to be and I rlly like Mitch so like I’m gonna pray and try to make sure it’s not him :( Fuck bryce

Okay... so. This round has been quite a lot, and I am going to try to explain it piece by piece because I have probably played more game in this round than I have the rest of the game combined.

Rhys told me that he wants to flip, and then Bryce told me that Zach also wants to flip (along with himself) against Mitch. I did not want to deal so I went to sleep.

I called Zach the same night and tried to gauge how much trust he has in me by admitting that Rhys wants to flip, and seeing how he would react towards me. He played very coy which is very... Zach.

Bryce told me that he went to Chris about flipping and that Chris shut it down, so I quickly went and leaked to Chris and showed my disinterest in flipping. I made a plan to call Zach and Bryce and try to convince them that this was the wrong move. (Keep in mind this was all the same night, after the immunity results.) I thought I made up some ground and pointed them in the direction of targeting Michael, but I would soon realize that they were just placating me. The call ended with Zach saying that he wanted to get Stephen's thoughts in the morning.

Come the morning, I hatch this crackhead plan to get Mitch the merge idol. According to Stephen from the night before, we were only 11 steps away from the end of the bridge. At 9 AM Bryce quickly searches and says "IT APPEARS WHATEVER WAS ONCE HERE IS GONE AHHH" (I was using my 3 person alliance to get myself or Bryce the idol, not knowing that I would regret doing that.) Being that Bryce said the exact line as if something were missing, I thought there were a couple possible scenarios: 1. He straight up lied. 2. Stephen actually got to the end of the bridge the night before. 3. The night before after everyone had guessed, Bryce took the numbers to a 3rd party (Zach) so they could get the idol.

So that plan was dead. I then considered, "what if I give Mitch my idol?" I quickly realized I would probably regret that in a few rounds.

I spent the rest of today formulating a plan to position myself in everyone's good graces no matter what the outcome of the vote is. I told Rhys I would help him recruit the minority to vote Mitch. I messaged all of them about the vote, and then I came clean with Chloe on call saying that "even though the vote is Mitch, we should be aware that it aligns with Bryce and Zach's agenda and they threw your name." I then communicated to Chris, Loris, and Stephen what Rhys said and my distaste for flipping.

You may wonder where the sudden distrust for Bryce came from. Well, Chris told me that Loris said "Bryce had this planned before immunity (voting for Mitch)." I'm thinking Bryce probably just used me to get to Zach but still wants us to be the F3. My interests don't seem to be aligning with theirs.

With that being said I will likely be voting for Mitch tonight. RIP to the brodie, you deserved better. I will try my best to put off using my challenge advantage and my idol for as long as possible, and I will be trying to play both sides between the Zach/Bryce duo and Chris.

So I’m finally in danger of going (love that). I’m praying someone doesn’t have an idol because I feel like the rehidden one has been found. It’s between me and matt but if I stay which I think is likely, I have to do a better job communicating. I think that’s what got me in this position in the first place. If this is my last confessional I really hope jared Stephen or Chris wins. They are all playing solid games and I will be cheering them on from the sideline

jared thinks hes so funny calling zach but not me like. all i demand from allies is complete loyalty and that they talk to no one else. is that asking too much???

________________________________________________________________

Mitch is voted out 6-5-1. He becomes the 1st member of our jury!

Watch his exit interview below:

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #6: “because Sweyn’s Baddies are COMING” - Jones

My bitch ass glasses broke so I’m more than happy to be doing a challenge that requires my ears. Maybe wil my eyesight so poor my hearing will get better to compensate who knows. Even if we lose I’m in a Gucci spot to survive.

Tribal was a success. With the first tribal done I’m happy trust is built and I can stop being paranoid.

With that said I think I’m in a good position going forward as I have an alliance and we’re probably reaching a merge or a swap soon.

my plan of action for my tribe since we legit havent got Anything on the doc yet (me n michael have an excuse..) is to make it seem like im doing more than i am. oh im gonna work on it soon! i’ll do this soon! like its all about seeming like im contributing.. when i aint LAMDKNDG

me n michael made a f2 altho it breaks my heart to say its just for the sake of my survival on this dumbass tribe.. theres no way malik flips on me and with michael as my f2 i can essentially force him to flip on danielle if he wants to stay which is like perf rn since i dont really trust her..

i miss my close allies tho lol. like ryan is my #1 n its unfortunate he isnt getting a chance to make more bonds considerig we need those bonds for his idol to make a big move.. hopefully mercia loses again and wes goes tho? it evens it up to 6 sweyn vs 6 mercia and i think itll swap again before merge and hopefully ill be with ryan/rhys/jones :)) my social game is good rn i think.. i just gotta lay low with physical and downplay strategy so im never the target. hard w/ these personalities tho. X

SOOO THIS CHALLENGE IS FUCKING HELL!!! U KNOW WHAT WOULD BE BETTER? IF OUR WHOLE TRIBE FUCKING DID SMTH!!

like im actually gunna go fucking mad.. its songs. yah its hard to identify bc theyre distorted and overlapped but theres no excuse not to get at least artists.. or even one song. malik n michael can barely do that.. LIKE YEAH I HAVENT DONE THE BEST BUT IVE GOT 2 SONGS THERE RN AND IDENTIFIED NICKI + XTINA SO! BLOOP! im gunna kill myself.. poor dani. its especially painful knowing ill try to get her out if we lose LMAOAOAOA but i mean.. (: oh well!

This challenge can litterally chomp on a dick. No. I hate it. I dont want to do it. Like BEGONE.

Honestly its so hard, and like i dont listen to pop so im struggling with it. Hopefully we win, but I feel safe if we go to tribal.

At this point I am so upset because I feel useless because all the ones I know have been picked and idek if anyone took my suggestion seriously. If this round ends my game, I’m going to be so upset!

We’re pretty much fucked unless a miracle happens

I've been a bit nervous about my position and stuff in the game and I'm trying to catch up socially with a lot of people and stuff. I'm doing what I can on a five person tribe and hope I can work on hard on getting as far as I can in this game. I have a feeling we merge next round so that could be cool. I wanna make it far as I can this game, I'm trying to be active but UTR so hopefully it works.

WE WON FIRST PLACE AGAIN AND THIS TIME I WASNT A FUCKUP WOOOOOOOOOOOOP WOOP I’ve been talking to David more and I helped out a lot with this challenge so I’m hoping he won’t want me out next time we go to tribal.

THREE IN A ROW, BABY. Feels good to not have gone to tribal since Jose's elimination. Also an added bonus that I basically carried our tribe to win today, not a big deal, LOL.

Also, with the reward, I've now got a vote steal advantage. This is HUGE for me. I have a group of people I wanna work with in this game and if this group is down in numbers at any point, this vote steal can come in handy.

that challenge was a damn mess but i'm just glad we made it out alive. sad Canute lost though ugh i'm sending all of my positive energy to Scott so he can make it through.... hope we merge next round that would be cute; i'm ready for more action in this game

im gunna kill my self . :) WE LOST. AGAIN. :) NOT MY FAULT. AGAIN.

n now i gotta deal with fucken awkward 2-2 tribal lines when i have a f2 with michael and a love for malik.. but bc dani is good at challenges her ass wont go and thats so annoyin but u can bet ur ass ima try somethin if i have to bc i dont trust malik to keep me safe vs her whereas michael will.. if i have to flip on malik i will

why me tho like im a good person. i dont deserve this. why couldnt i be on a competent tribe. LMAOAOAOA.

THANK GOD WE WON IMMUNITY if we lost I probably would’ve spontaneously combust Bc I love??? My current tribe??? I love Madison too and It sucked we voted her out Bc I actually adore her but she wasn’t doing a lot. I just love this tribe and if we had to vote for each other again I’ll lose my marbles. Maybe we can work more together going into merge if we get there? I hope so, because Sweyn’s Baddies are COMING

Well, we lost once again and I’m upset about it. The challenge was super hard for us and we struggled. It seemed like everyone wasn’t really putting in all they could as they just said “I forgot” I was like oh!! cool!! This tribal, I’m not crazy worried right now. I trust Scott a lot at this point because he doesnt have a reason to lie to me by telling me that I’ve been holding up the tribe because... I have been. I think the move this week is to vote out Malik. We’ll see whats going on but I really think we might be doing that this week. Hopefully there’s a merge soon because I need to fucking be by myself!!!

My ass is for sure on the line tonight. I know that  Malik is targetting me for being weak and all that so rn I’m just trying to get Scott 100% on board with voting me and Malik 100% certain that he is safe with me just in case there’s an idol and maybe if I’m too in my nerves and scared I have no qualms with throwing a vote on dani incade of a tie

You know what they say, another week safe, 

That one didn't seem so easy,  partially cause I sucked at it and mainly because I sucked major balls at it. But hey Mo and David saved our asses so yeeeeeeeeeeee boi. And not only that we also got reward but not really cause the only thing I got was a jpg image, and so did Felix David and Mo according to them which means either one of them is lying or Wes has it. Either way I guess it's not the end of the world.

So now Canute is going to tribal I wonder how that is gonna play out, a part of me wants Dani and Michael to be safe but another one wants rocks but at the same time another one would be jealous cause I wouldn't be a part of it and I could use some rocks in my life. Either way that's it for now folks now if you excuse me Felix wants to kidnap me and introduce me to the spooky facebook wikia comunity, spooky shit indeed.

So WOOOOOOOO this is the first tribal of the season that i'm not attending which is amazingggg and feels so good to finally have a break!! Plus like I honestly LOVE my tribe rn bc everyone is so iconic and fun and we even made a charlie's angels thing bc its so iconic... ugh love them BUT if it came down to tribal I think I would be okay still since i've really worked on rhys and we have a 3 dude gay guardians alliance of me, rhys, and ryan even tho im not even gay but they dont need to know that... my boy scott is in tribal rn but i hope he comes out okay!!! if he doesn't well oops idc bye bitch but if he does then yay!!

Tonight I am absolutely terrified I think the votes are gonna be on Malik but you just never know so my best plan is just to hope for the best and campaign to stay I’m not just gonna sit back and get eliminated especially this close to a merge situation where I know I’ll be in a good position to make it far.

im legit gunna die im so nerv and i shouldnt be. LIKE. I TRUST THAT MICHAEL HAS MY BACK. AND MALIK ISNT VOTING ME. SO IT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO GO. BUT I DONT THINK THAT FOR SOME REASON. all i can think of in the back of my mind is what if michael and dani flip on me and its 2-1-1.. but theres nothing i can literally do bc if i vote michael and stay our relationship is gone lol

ughhhh i should just be positive but its so hard bc even if malik goes.. i feel awful LMAAOAOOA but like. uhm. yes ): i feel awful

Scott as much as I like the guy I can for sure see he lets his emotions dictate how he plays and while that’s not necessarily bad it’s difficu when you’re trying to blindside someone and he could just run and tell Malik so the nerves are here and out to play hunny

My thing is I think it’s is going to go to rocks. Which is why we were worried about that when linus left but it’s real. Dani we don’t wanna vote each other, hell everyone says they don’t want to vote me which is always weird for me to hear but if that’s true good if they’re all voted me then nasty.. but I don’t want to vote Dani and I definitely don’t want to vote Scott..so that kinda leads to Michael which I don’t want to vote either but I have reasons: the main reason is the past couple of challenges he’s done the worst in, and if we need to survive incase there’s no swap or merge then we need all the strong members here.

I feel a bigger bond with Dani and Scott vs Michael who I feel is cool but I don’t feel we’re clicking on a better level. And it’s not even a tribe thing it’s literallt what I feel could save us from tribal, and how don’t i know if Dani and Michael won’t vote me out right after Scott leaves? So basically what’s happening is it’s likely going to be a 2-2 on Michael and Scott, and I’m not changing my vote. So I’ll likely go to rocks and lose but that’s ok. I did my best and it could be a stupid move but I don’t wanna risk Dani and Michael voting me out if we lost again, because I’d hope Dani wouldn’t but you never know. So rocks here we come!

Malik is voted out 3-1.

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth