#and trying to navigate the doubts / overthinking of all of this did me in.

[harrysfolklore]

we need a fic about carlos’ win and piastri sisters’ reaction to it

THE LITTLE BITCH WON 🥺 ahhh im so happy for carlos, i had to write this ! i hope yo like thisss

READ LITTLE BITCH HERE

The Mexico City sunrise painted the sky as you and Carlos made your way to the track. He'd been unusually quiet during breakfast, that focused energy already building.

"Nervous?" you asked, squeezing his hand as your driver navigated through the early morning traffic.

"No," he said automatically, then caught your knowing look. "Maybe a little. Starting from pole here… the run to Turn 1 is so long."

"You've got this," you brought his hand to your lips.

"Max will be aggressive-"

"And you'll handle it," you cut him off. "Like the little bitch you are."

That broke his tension, making him laugh. "How do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Make me feel better by insulting me."

"It's a gift," you grinned. "Now stop overthinking and kiss me before we get to the track and you go all serious racing driver on me."

He obliged, one hand tangling in your hair as he pulled you close. The kiss was deep and slow, full of everything he wasn't saying.

When you pulled back, his brown eyes locked into yours, a soft edge on them that made you melt.

It was hard to think that those same eyes glared you across the paddock once and now you were about to complete five months of being his girlfriend.

When you arrived at Ferrari, Reyes and Carlos Sr. were already there. Reyes pulled you into a warm hug while Carlos got swept up in pre-race preparations.

"My girl," she kissed both your cheeks. "You look beautiful today."

"Thank you, Reyes," you said, squeezing her hands before your eyes unconsciously drifted to the McLaren area.

"You're going to check on your brother?" she asked knowingly.

"Am I that predictable?"

"No, mi amor. Just a good sister."

You couldn't help but smile at that. Over the months you've slowly learned to not feel like you needed to choose between Carlos and Oscar, it was a slow process but their support made it easier.

You found Carlos doing his final preparations. "I'm going to check on Osc for a bit.”

He nodded, already half in race mode. "Tell him I said he's got this. The McLaren's race pace looked good."

"I will," you kissed his cheek. "See you on the podium, little bitch."

His engineer snorted, trying to cover it with a cough.

The walk to McLaren was filled with nervous energy. Early fans were already filling the grandstands, the atmosphere electric with anticipation.

The McLaren garage was quieter than Ferrari, the mood still heavy from yesterday's qualifying. You found Oscar in his driver room, staring intently at track maps.

"Brought you coffee," you held out his favorite pre-race drink. "And Carlos says your race pace looked good."

"Thanks," he took the cup but didn't meet your eyes. "For both."

You sat beside him, studying his face. "Talk to me, Osc. What's really going on?"

He was quiet for so long you thought he might not answer.

"I just..." he set down the coffee, running both hands through his hair. "Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for this. Like everyone made a mistake choosing me."

Your heart broke. "Oscar..."

"And I know it's stupid. I know I've earned my place here, but days like yesterday... it just brings all those doubts back."

"Look at me," you waited until he met your eyes. "Do you remember when you were ten, and you came home crying because some kid said you'd never make it to F1?"

A small smile tugged at his lips. "And you made him eat dirt at school the next day."

"Exactly. And what did I tell you then?"

"That I was meant for this," his voice softened. "That you could see it in the way I drove, even in karts."

"And has that changed?"

"No, but-"

"No buts," you took his hands. "You're exactly where you're supposed to be, Oscar Piastri. Bad qualifyings don't change that. Bad races don't change that. You're my little brother, and I've never been wrong about you."

He squeezed your hands. "How do you always know what to say?"

"Big sister superpower," you kissed his forehead. "Now drink your coffee and show them what you can do from P17.”

“Thank you, sister,” he squeezed your shoulder, “Now go back to your man, he’s driving like a beast this weekend.”

When you returned to Ferrari, the pre-race energy was at its peak. Carlos was in his final preparations, but his eyes found yours immediately.

"Oscar okay?" he mouthed.

You nodded, giving him a thumbs up. Another side effect of your relationship was that Oscar and Carlos became closer than ever. Oscar looked up to him and Carlos grew so fond of him that he cared about him like an older brother.

It was something not even in your wildest dreams would make sense a year ago. But right now felt like the perfect dynamic.

The garage began clearing for the grid walk. Carlos pulled you aside quickly.

"Para suerte," he murmured, kissing you deeply.

"Little bitch," you whispered against his lips. "Go win this thing."

Reyes and Carlos Sr. were waiting in the garage, both greeting you with warm hugs as you settled in to watch the start.

"Nervous?" Reyes asked, taking your hand.

"Always," you admitted. "For both of them."

The formation lap began, your heart pounding as you watched Carlos lead the field around. The ambient temperature was rising, making tire management crucial.

"He's got this," Carlos Sr. said confidently. "Look how smooth his formation lap is."

The garage fell silent as five red lights appeared above the start line. Your hand found Reyes', both of you holding your breath. The Mexican heat was stifling, but you barely noticed, every nerve focused on the Ferrari at the front of the grid.

"Vamos, hijo," Carlos Sr. whispered, his usual composed demeanor cracking with nervous energy.

The lights went out, and twenty cars launched forward into the long run to Turn 1. Carlos got a perfect start, but Max's Red Bull was immediately in his slipstream, the blue car looming in Carlos's mirrors. Side by side they went into the first corner, neither giving an inch.

"Come on, come on," you whispered, unconsciously leaning forward.

Carlos held firm on the inside line, forcing Max to take the longer way around. Through Turn 2, the Ferrari emerged still leading, and the garage erupted. Engineers who usually maintained professional calm were jumping up and down.

"Tranquila, mi amor," Reyes squeezed your hand. "Look how controlled he is."

The pit stop window approached, tension ratcheting up. Ferrari brought Charles in first, the stop clean but nerve-wracking.

"Pushing too hard on those tires," Carlos Sr. observed as Carlos finally pitted.

When Carlos crossed the finish line first, the garage exploded. You hugged Reyes, both of you crying and laughing. Carlos Sr. wrapped you both in a bear hug, his usual composure forgotten as he shouted "¡Vamos!" repeatedly.

Through happy tears, you saw Carlos pump his fist as he drove past, and you couldn't be happier for him.

The podium ceremony felt eternal. When they finally played the Spanish anthem, you saw Carlos's eyes glistening as he sang along. He caught your gaze in the crowd and winked, making your heart flutter just like it did that first time you saw him win in Australia.

Back then, you tried to play it cool, like you didn't care that he won. But right now the story was completely different.

After the ceremonies and media obligations, Carlos finally made it back to the team. He lifted you off your feet the moment he saw you, spinning you around as you laughed.

"Mi amor," he breathed against your lips before kissing you deeply.

"My champion," you whispered back. "My little bitch."

He laughed, pressing his forehead to yours. "Only yours."

Carlos received hugs, cheers and champagne showers from friends, team members and family. After taking some photos and watching him complete more interviews, it was time to head out and celebrate.

"I'm going to check on Oscar one more time," you told Carlos, as you walked through the paddock.

"Tell him to come to dinner," Carlos said. "He drove well today, P8 from P17."

You found Oscar in the McLaren garage, already changed and packing up.

"Hey champ," you smiled. "Coming to dinner with us?"

He gave you a small smile back. "Think I'll pass tonight. Bit tired, and…" he paused. "Just want some quiet, you know?"

You studied his face. "You sure? Carlos specifically asked for you to come."

"I know, and tell him thanks," Oscar squeezed your hand. "But you guys should celebrate properly. I'm good, really. Just going to order room service and study the race data."

You pulled him into a hug. "You drove amazingly today. P8 from P17 is no joke."

"Thanks, sis," he hugged you back tight. "Go celebrate with your winner. Just... maybe not too loudly in the hotel? The walls are thin."

"OSCAR!"

liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55 and 376,528 others

ynpiastri MY LITTLE CHAMPION BITCH 🥲🥲 i’m SO proud of you mi amor, we all are. one more win this season showing everyone the talented driver that you are. the best is yet to come ❤️

also beyond proud of my baby brother as always, your determination and ability to push through every setback never ceases to amaze me. chin up, i know you got this

oh and lando got p2 i guess

GRACIAS MEXICO CITY 😩

view all comments

username1 AHHHH

username2 SIMP PIASTRI

username3 this is still wild to me they used to hate each other’s guts

scuderiaferarri ❤️

username4 this is wild bc she hated him when he won in australia 😭

nicolepiastri Congrats Carlos! Come visit and bring embarrassing stories of my daughter please

↳ ynpiastri MUM😩

↳ username1 she’s an icon

reyesvdec Te amamos ❤️

↳ username2 the sainz love her so much i could cry

username5 HELP THE LINE ABOUT LANDO 😭

oscarpiastri Love you sis. Congrats to Carlos ❤️

↳ carlossainz55 Thank you brother

↳ username2 this would send 2023 me into a coma

↳ username3 THIS PLOT TWIST

carlossainz55 Te amo

At the restaurant, Lando was the only driver who joined your celebration with the Sainz family. He fit right in, making everyone laugh with stories about Carlos.

"You know," Lando said, taking a sip of wine, "I used to be Reyes and Carlos Sr.'s favorite adopted son."

"Used to be?" you raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, then you came along with your whole enemies-to-lovers storyline and stole my spot," he pouted dramatically. "Now I'm like the forgotten middle child."

"Ay, Lando," Reyes laughed, reaching over to pat his cheek. "You're still our favorite British son."

"Small comfort when YN gets all the good Spanish mom cooking," Lando grumbled good-naturedly.

After dinner, it was time for the party celebrating Carlos' win. He claimed that he didn't want to drink much, but that went out the window when his friends lifted him up as 'Smooth Operator' played.

"SMOOTH OPERATOOOOR!" they sang terribly off-key. Carlos was laughing, one hand clutching his drink, the other reaching for you.

"Join me up here, mi amor!"

"Absolutely not," you called back, but you were laughing too.

Hours later, the celebrations were winding down. You stood outside waiting for your car, Carlos' arms wrapped around you from behind, his chin resting on your shoulder. The Mexico City air was cooler now, but his warmth kept you comfortable.

"I still can't believe it," he murmured, pressing a kiss to your neck. "Second win this season."

You turned in his arms to face him, taking in his slightly flushed cheeks and bright eyes. The victory high was still there, mixed with the pleasant buzz from the celebrations.

"You know what's different this time?" you asked, playing with the collar of his shirt.

"Hmm?"

"I don't have to pretend I'm not happy for you," you smiled, remembering Australia. "Don't have to hide how proud I am."

His eyes softened as he pulled you closer. "You were terrible at hiding it even then."

"I was not!"

"Mi amor," he laughed, pressing his forehead to yours. "You called me 'little bitch' with way too much affection."

"That was pure hatred," you protested weakly.

"Sure it was," he grinned. "Just like when you stared at me during the podium ceremony."

"I was plotting your demise."

"With heart eyes?"

"Shut up," you buried your face in his chest, feeling it rumble with laughter.

"Never," he kissed the top of your head. "I love reminding you how bad you were at hating me."

"I'm starting to hate you again right now."

"No you're not," he tilted your chin up, eyes twinkling. "You love me."

Before you could retort, the car pulled up. As you settled into the backseat, Carlos pulled you close again.

"For the record," he whispered in your ear, "I was terrible at pretending too. Ask Charles - he said I talked about you constantly."

"To complain?"

"That's what I told myself," he smiled against your hair. "But I think everyone knew better."

You intertwined your fingers with his, watching the city lights blur past. "We were kind of idiots, weren't we?"

"The biggest," he agreed. "But we figured it out eventually."

"Yeah," you turned to kiss him softly. "We did."

[sofiatarot]

Pick a card: Messages from loved ones watching over you

TIP JAR - FREE READINGS - PAID READINGS

1->2

3->4

Not long ago, I lost someone I loved deeply... someone who had been with me for many years. When their spirit decided to leave their body, I was devastated, desperate to hear something from them. I missed them so much and searched for comfort, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Nothing felt like them.

It was then, in the midst of the storm, that I decided to quiet myself, to stay still and listen to my own intuition. Using the cards as a tool, a guide, I was able to connect with the love I had been yearning for and more grateful than ever, I decided to try and share this little piece of heaven I had accessed.

When I connected with them, I thought about others who, like me, feel they lack closure and are left with their hearts in their hands and so much love to give.

To anyone who needs it, as much as I did back then, here it is: messages from a loved one who has passed away.

With all the respect and love in the world, I hope you know that you are not, and will never be, alone.

Now, take a moment to just breathe, ground yourself, connect to your intuition and choose the group that draws you in the most.

Group 1

Your loved one speaks to the uncertainty you've been feeling lately. They see the fear that clouds your path and the questions you hesitate to ask yourself. Their message is this: trust your inner wisdom. You’ve always had the answers within, even if they feel obscured by doubt. There’s a quiet strength in stepping away from situations that no longer serve you, even if it feels like leaving behind a part of yourself.

This soul was someone wise in life, perhaps introspective or spiritual, and they want you to know that moments of confusion and hesitation are natural. They encourage you to embrace the unknown, as clarity comes not from rushing forward but from allowing the truth to reveal itself in time. Don’t fear the fog—it’s temporary.

They see the decisions you’re grappling with and urge you not to overthink. Choices made from the heart will always guide you to the right path. You may feel pulled in multiple directions, but balance is key. Release the fear of failure; every twist of fate is a lesson in disguise.

This soul wants to remind you that you’re not walking this journey alone. They’ve seen the moments where you felt stuck, as though life was spinning out of your control. Even in those times, they were quietly supporting you, nudging you toward growth. You are more adaptable than you give yourself credit for.

They encourage you to release the need for perfection. Allow yourself to take bold steps without fearing judgment. You’ve been watching and waiting for the right moment, but sometimes action is the only way forward. They promise that courage will lead to clarity.

Above all, they want you to know that peace is within reach. They send you love and patience as you navigate this period. Trust that the tides will turn in your favor, and know they are proud of your strength and resilience.

Group 2

Your loved one sees the challenges you’ve faced in maintaining harmony with those around you. They know you’ve been giving much of yourself, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Their message is simple: give as much love and care to yourself as you give to others. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

This soul had a steady, grounded energy in life. They might have been someone you relied on for wisdom or practicality. They encourage you to find a balance between giving and receiving. It’s okay to ask for help or to say no when your energy feels depleted. They remind you that boundaries are not barriers—they are acts of self-love.

You may feel stuck, as though a new beginning keeps slipping from your grasp. They urge you to release the frustration and surrender to the timing of the universe. Sometimes, the things we want most require patience. Trust that your path is unfolding as it should.

This soul has noticed your efforts to resolve conflict, whether internally or with others. They see the peace you’re trying to create and applaud your willingness to choose understanding over anger. Keep trusting in the power of compassion—it will lead you to lighter days.

They also ask you to let go of perfectionism. There’s no need to carry the weight of comparison or feel like you’re falling behind. You are exactly where you’re meant to be. Focus on the small steps and celebrate every victory, no matter how small.

Finally, they want you to know that they’re proud of the person you’re becoming. They see the strength it takes to keep going, even when the road feels uphill. You are never alone; their energy is with you every step of the way.

Group 3

Your loved one acknowledges the emotional turmoil you’ve been navigating. They know you’ve been questioning your choices, especially in matters of the heart. Their message is this: be kind to yourself. You’re learning, and every step you take—no matter how uncertain—is leading you toward a deeper understanding of yourself.

This soul feels like someone passionate and bold, someone who wasn’t afraid to live fully. They want you to embrace that same boldness. Don’t let fear of judgment or failure keep you from pursuing what sets your soul on fire. You have so much potential waiting to be unleashed.

They see the moments when you’ve felt trapped, whether by your own expectations or by the opinions of others. You have the power to break free, but it starts with letting go of the need for external validation. Trust your intuition and take control of your destiny.

This soul knows you’ve been carrying old wounds, especially from relationships. They urge you to forgive—not for the sake of others, but for your own healing. You deserve to move forward without the weight of the past holding you down.

They remind you to nurture yourself. You’ve been giving so much energy to growth and transformation, but don’t forget to rest. Balance is essential, and true change comes when you honor both your light and shadow.

Above all, they want you to know that you’re loved—by them, by the universe, and by those around you. Your journey is far from over, and they’re excited to see the incredible things you will create.

Group 4

Your loved one sees the loneliness you’ve been feeling, even when surrounded by others. Their message is this: you are never truly alone. They are with you in the quiet moments, in the small signs you notice—a song, a scent, a memory. Trust that their love remains with you, even if you can’t see them.

This soul feels like someone joyful and warm, someone who brought laughter and light to those around them. They want you to reconnect with your inner joy. Life doesn’t have to be so serious—let yourself celebrate the little things and find beauty in the everyday.

They see the walls you’ve been building around your heart, out of fear of being hurt again. They urge you to let those walls down, even if just a little. Vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s where true connection begins. You have so much love to give, and the right people will cherish it.

This soul knows you’ve been feeling stuck, as though your plans aren’t coming together the way you hoped. They encourage you to trust in divine timing. The delays you’re experiencing are not failures—they’re redirections toward something even better.

They also remind you to lean on your community. You don’t have to face everything on your own. There are people who want to support you, but you need to let them in. Don’t be afraid to ask for help... it’s a sign of strength, not weakness.

Finally, they want you to remember that life is a journey, not a race. Be gentle with yourself and take things one step at a time. They’re cheering you on from the other side, proud of every bit of progress you’ve made.

thank you, xoxo 💖

[fanfictionismyaddiction]

You asked for reqs so Im here to yap! How about Mycroft from Sherlock having a gf that is constantly overthinking if he actually likes her(if he is with her for some reason where he can take advantage of her later, even tho as far as she knows, she has no connection to anything political that he can use. She still can't stop thinking about it tho.)

Him comforting her awkwardly bc he literally can't say any affirming words coherently, just actions that you'd have to look for under a microscope to notice, but they are there! He does let her brew and feel bad for quite some time unintentionally because he is very avoidant of emotional confrontations tho🥹

Do feel free to ignore this if it isn't your cup of tea! Mwah💋

An Affair of Logic and Love

Word count: 1k

Pairing: Mycroft x reader

________________________________________________________

Mycroft Holmes wasn’t a man of romance. That much was obvious to anyone who knew him. Reserved, calculating, and perpetually aloof, he approached the world as a chessboard, his every move measured, every relationship dissected for utility. Yet here he was, seated across from you at his immaculate dining table, sipping his tea as if nothing in the world could rattle him.

And here you were, trying to decipher his every blink, every sigh, every sip.

You glanced at him cautiously. Did he even like you? Or was there some hidden reason—a grand strategy that somehow involved you, though you couldn’t imagine how? You were an ordinary person, far removed from the tangled webs of politics and espionage he navigated daily. What could he possibly gain from being with you?

These thoughts gnawed at you, louder with each interaction, until every small silence felt like proof that you were merely a pawn in his game.

“You’re staring,” Mycroft said without looking up from his tea.

Your cheeks flushed. “I’m not.”

“You are,” he replied smoothly, setting his cup down. His piercing gaze locked onto yours, and for a moment, you forgot how to breathe.

You fumbled for a distraction, taking a sip of your tea and nearly scalding your tongue. “I was just… thinking.”

“Thinking, I see.” He folded his hands and leaned back slightly. “Should I be concerned?”

You hesitated. Part of you wanted to confront him, to demand why he was with you if he could barely muster a word of affection. But the other part—the overthinking, self-doubting part—was too afraid of his answer. What if he confirmed your fears?

“No,” you muttered, looking down at your cup.

He raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. But true to form, he didn’t press the matter. Instead, he let the silence stretch, leaving you alone with your spiraling thoughts.

For the next several days, the doubts consumed you. Every interaction became a puzzle to solve:

• When he handed you a cup of tea without a word, was it a sign of affection, or was he just being polite?

• When he mentioned your favorite book in passing, was it because he genuinely remembered, or because he needed to lull you into a false sense of security?

• When he kissed you on the cheek before leaving for work, was it out of habit or obligation?

The questions were endless, and Mycroft, in his typical manner, did nothing to alleviate them. He wasn’t cruel—far from it—but his reserved nature and avoidance of emotional discussions left you in the dark.

It all came to a head one evening when you couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Mycroft,” you began hesitantly as the two of you sat in his living room, him reading a newspaper and you pretending to focus on a book.

“Yes?” he replied without looking up.

“Why are you with me?”

The question hung in the air like a thunderclap. Mycroft froze, his fingers tightening slightly around the edges of the paper.

“Pardon?” he said after a moment, his tone carefully neutral.

You set your book down and turned to face him fully. “Why are you with me? I just… I can’t help but wonder if there’s some reason—some ulterior motive—because I don’t understand why you’d choose me.”

He finally lowered the newspaper, his expression inscrutable. “Is that what’s been troubling you?”

“Yes,” you admitted, your voice trembling. “I know it’s irrational, but I can’t stop thinking about it. You’re so… you. And I’m just… me. It doesn’t make sense.”

For a long moment, Mycroft said nothing. He looked at you, his sharp gaze scanning your face as if you were a particularly challenging code to crack.

Then, finally, he spoke: “I see.”

That was it. I see.

You stared at him, waiting for more, but he just shifted slightly in his seat, as if the conversation had already concluded.

“That’s all you have to say?” you asked, your frustration bubbling over.

Mycroft cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. “I… hadn’t realized you felt this way.”

“Well, I do.”

He looked down at his hands, his usually unshakeable composure faltering ever so slightly. “Emotions are… not my area of expertise,” he admitted, his voice quieter than usual. “But I assure you, my intentions are entirely genuine.”

It wasn’t the grand declaration you’d hoped for, but coming from Mycroft, it was monumental. Still, it wasn’t enough to banish your doubts entirely.

“Then why don’t you ever show it?” you pressed. “Why can’t you just say how you feel?”

Mycroft shifted again, clearly wrestling with his discomfort. “I’m not… accustomed to such expressions,” he said stiffly. “But that does not mean I don’t care for you. On the contrary, I—” He stopped, his mouth opening and closing like he was physically incapable of forming the words.

Instead, he stood abruptly and walked to his desk. You watched in confusion as he opened a drawer, pulled out a small velvet box, and returned to the couch.

He handed it to you without a word.

Inside was a delicate necklace, the pendant a simple yet elegant design that you immediately recognized—it was based on your favorite flower, something you’d mentioned in passing months ago.

“I had this made for you,” Mycroft said awkwardly, his gaze fixed firmly on the coffee table. “I was waiting for the right moment to give it to you. I suppose now will have to do.”

You stared at the necklace, your heart swelling with a mix of surprise and warmth.

“Mycroft…”

“I may not be able to express myself in the traditional sense,” he continued, his voice stiff but earnest. “But I do care for you. Deeply. If that were not the case, I wouldn’t—” He stopped himself again, sighing in frustration. “I wouldn’t have allowed this relationship to happen.”

It wasn’t a perfect confession. It wasn’t romantic or poetic. But it was Mycroft.

You smiled softly and reached out to take his hand. “Thank you,” you said, your voice thick with emotion.

He finally looked at you, his expression softening ever so slightly. “There’s nothing to thank me for,” he said gruffly.

[some-messed-up-writing-for-you]

"Floral Affections" - Part 3

GN!Reader x Plant Monster

CW: nothing, it's just fluff <3.

Part 1 | Previous Part

~~~~

Snip after snip, your shears never failed as you finished trimming one of the rose bushes. The dead flowers and leaves you’d gathered crinkled together in their bucket as you carried it around, doing one last check around the garden.

After picking up a few stray twigs and ensuring you hadn’t missed anything else, you called it a day. Feelings of both relief and dread filled you. It was time to place the gift for Lord Sorrel somewhere, but you had yet to pick a spot. You needed to be certain that he’d see it, after all!

You had spent a great amount of time fretting over what plant to pick yesterday, your overthinking stretching well into the evening. It wasn’t until you were cutting fresh herbs for dinner that you finally realized the answer had been right under your nose all along.

Fennel – a flowering herb with many umbels of lively, yellow flowers. Its fine, and numerous leaves tickled anytime your skin brushed against them.

Looking back on it, you thought it ridiculous how you hadn’t chosen it sooner when the damn plant easily reached above your hip. It certainly wasn’t hiding from you!

But with your embarrassment at the needless worry aside, it was perfect. It would clearly speak of your flattery at the lord’s open interest in your person. You only hoped the clay pot you’d placed it in would be good enough, as you didn’t have anything quite as fancy as he did.

The pot was simple and bare, save for a golden ribbon you had tied around it. Normally, you would’ve cut the flowers and presented them in a bouquet, but your intuition whispered otherwise. And with your initials written on the pot’s inner side, there would be no doubt in Lord Sorrel’s mind of what you were doing.

But now, back in the present, your nerves were rising. Trying to keep your cool, you began gathering your tools, trying to distract yourself with the satisfaction of the day’s completed work.

Unluckily for you, this reprieve didn’t last long as a familiar, soft voice approached you.

“Hello, dear,” the lord greeted, his sweet smile making your heart roar like sudden thunder. “Done for the day already? I feel like we never have a chance to enjoy conversing.”

“H-Hello, my lord,” you replied, a little flustered at his sudden appearance. “Work certainly keeps us busy, doesn’t it?”

He gave a soft sigh. “That it does. But who can handle working all the time? I believe that a break is in order.” He eyed you a bit, speaking softer. “So perhaps… you’d be interested in joining me for breakfast tomorrow?”

You were surprised by the offer but even more so when the plantman took a step closer and muttered, “You do such splendid work around here. I feel as though I do not show my appreciation nearly enough.”

“O-Oh! Well, uh–” you stumbled over your words, unable to look away as his tall stature loomed over you. Sunlight beamed behind him, casting his face in a delicate shade, but shined through the petals surrounding his head, creating a mesmerizing halo-like effect.

“I-I– I would love to!” you eventually got out. The smile he gave in return almost knocked you out right then and there.

“Excellent~.” Lord Sorrel finally moved back, giving you some breathing room. “In that case, I shall see you tomorrow, my dear. Have a splendid rest of your day.”

“L-Likewise! Until tomorrow, my lord!”

With the plan made and the conversation over, the lord retreated into the gardens, giving you the perfect opportunity to scurry away. You quickly made your way to the shed, putting all the tools away and taking a moment to calm down.

You had not been expecting that in the slightest, but perhaps it was a good sign? Whatever it may be, you grabbed the fennel plant you had hidden here earlier this morning. It was time.

Carefully navigating through the many plants and flowering bushes, you snuck to the mansion’s back door. It was the perfect spot to place your gift. Lord Sorrel would no doubt pass through here later once he was back from the garden.

You gently set the pot down and then hightailed it back home, giddy and nervous about what the next day would bring. And it was no surprise at all that, in your excitement, you missed something vital.

Your sneaking hadn’t been as good as you had thought, though it wasn’t really a fault of your own.

Lord Sorrel watched your retreating form until you left his sight, his own heart beating like a drum as he approached the door. He just couldn’t help himself. The smell of fennel had been so strong on you that his patience withered in seconds. He was thrilled.

With careful claws, he picked up the plant and thumbed the soft bow, enjoying the texture before his hand went higher, gliding through the leaves and stems. Once the flowers reached his face, he took a deep breath, the scent bringing a bashful, happy smile to his lips.

The lord’s excitement was beyond words; you had understood his message! Ideas were already spinning in his head at the implications; some… a bit too much for him to handle. Images of you flashed across his mind… stunningly on display... laid bare across a blanket of grass and moss…

He shook his head, banishing the enticing thoughts. However, the petals of his head refused to stop their gleeful fluttering, moving in sharp fanning motions.

Still, he had to focus. He wasn’t completely sure yet if you reciprocated his feelings. Flattery didn’t equal interest, after all.

As he slowly walked inside his home, he wondered what to give you next. “Tomorrow will be the perfect opportunity… Should I…?”

An idea struck him suddenly, drawing a gasp from his lips. “Yes…” he whispered, almost breathless. His petals curled with thrill and nerves. “That one should do nicely…”

[lvlystars]

his birthday, his shitty navigation skills, and your paranoia! — c.sc

pairing. choi seungcheol x gn!reader

genre. fluff, a bit of panicking and reader overthinking and being paranoid.

summary. when your boyfriend trusts his ability to get his way around an unknown area, you can expect that all goes to shit.

warnings. none really :/

a/n. this is so poorly written i'm so sorry 😭. also happy (belated) birthday, seungcheol (aka my pookie 🫶🫶🫶)

wc. 1.1k

“those falls over there, they lead to–” you turn to notice that once again, seungcheol is not beside you. “oh my god.” you groan, rubbing your temple in an attempt to remember where you last saw him out of the corner of your eye, snacking on some shrimp chips he bought after lunch.

walking back to the café you both were previously at, you look around, hoping to find your boyfriend just wandering around the café, waiting for you to find him again. to your dismay, seungcheol was nowhere to be found, and knowing seungcheol, he trusted his poor navigation skills once again and got himself lost.

pulling out your phone, you dial his phone number, hoping that his phone was on ringer mode. as your phone rang on, your heart sinks as the line goes to voicemail, the panic settling in.

“fuck, where did this kid go?” you whisper, sending him a message to reply with his whereabouts.

you're startled when jeonghan’s caller id pops up, yelping out loud and making a few eyes turn to you. apologising and bowing, you walk away to pick up the call.

“jeonghan, we have a problem.” you mumble as soon as you slide the green icon, pressing the phone up to your ear.

“what? why?” he replies in a confused tone.

“i lost seungcheol.”

complete silence is heard on the other side of the line as you bite your nails—a habit that you never seemed to shake off, and a habit that seungcheol seemed to dislike, explaining that it’s not good for you and he loves seeing your nails “long and pretty”.

“y/n, what do you mean you lost–”

“I LOST SEUNGCHEOL.” you hiss. “i went out with him for brunch like you wanted me to, then we went to a café nearby and just chilled for a bit, before we went on a little stroll for fun! i don’t know how i lost him but i did!” you ramble, your breathing quickening as you take in the situation. possible scenarios pop up into your brain as you try to control your breathing, and it only induces your panic.

“y/n, honey. i need you to calm down first, and i want you to know that seungcheol just called me and said he’s at some park, so breathe.” you calm down when you heard that he was at least someplace safe and public. “second, he said he doesn’t know where the fuck he’s at and he sounds pretty scared which is really fucking funny when he prides himself in his apparently wonderful fucking navigation skills so that’s something to laugh about.” you hear jeonghan snicker on the other end of the line, making you roll your eyes.

“jeonghan, let him live, won’t you? he’s just…”

“full of himself? fuck yeah he is.” you scoff as you shake your head. “you’re so mean.” you chuckle. “alright. i’ll see if there’s any parks nearby and call you guys back if i find him.” you say before you cut the call and start walking around.

—

you’re now on the verge of tears when you approach a park full of children, all happily running around and sliding down slides.

you walk over to a nearby bench, shoving your head into your hands as you silently sob. you’ve never really been away from seungcheol like this in the 4 years you’ve been with him. well, yes you have, but you never lost him like this. you’d always manage to find him within an hour or so, and now, it’s been almost 3 hours since you lost seungcheol. there was no doubt that you were scared now. as more time passed by, the worse the scenarios in your head grew.

what if he got distracted by a dog on the street and got himself bitten? what if he met up with a friend and went on a coffee date with them, only to find out that he was a bad person and he hurt him? what if someone tried robbing him? what if he got hurt? what if–

the sound of a familiar giggle pulled you out of your thoughts, and you immediately look up.

lo and behold, your boyfriend, choi seungcheol, was playing around with some 5-year-olds on the playground, pushing them on the swings and laughing along with the children.

immediately getting up, you sigh out in relief and run over to seungcheol, tackling him in a hug and completely losing it.

“woah!” he laughs out, bringing one arm over your shoulder as you hide your face in the crook of his neck. “youdon’tknowhowlongittookformetofindyouiwassosca–”

“hey, hey.” seungcheol pulls out of the embrace and holds you by your shoulders and bends down to your eye level, bringing his hand up to your cheek to wipe away your tear that had fallen, adorning a stupidly dopey smile on his lips which almost immediately washed away all the anxiety and fear that once coursed through you.

slinging your arms around his neck once again, you held him tight as you planted a fat kiss on his cheek, making him giggle like a schoolboy as he snaked his arms around your waist, pressing you close to him. “i don’t even know how i lost you, baby.” seungcheol murmured into your hair as he squeezed your waist in a reassuring manner.

scrunching your eyebrows, you pull away and look up at your boyfriend, and he looks back at you, feigning an innocent face with playful nature underneath it. “you got lost yourself and you know that, you son of a–”

“ah! there are children here.” seungcheol presses his index finger on your lips, effectively hushing you. out of the corner of your eye, you spot jeonghan and joshua waving towards the two of you and making faces that clearly indicated that we have to get the fuck out of here because the restaurant reservation we made is in less than 10 minutes and we are 10 minutes away from the goddamn restaurant.

“cheol, honey.” you mumble, noticing that seungcheol was clearly leaning in for a kiss, despite the young audience around you. he hums, still leaning in, and you pull away, making his eyebrows furrow in confusion. you point behind him, and he turns, groaning when he notices the two.

“oh god,” he pinches his nose bridge. “they planned something and now they're late for it? what's it for? my birthday?” you slowly nod, sheepishly smiling. seungcheol widens his eyes as he connects the dots, and gasps.

“YOU WERE IN ON THIS?!”

“...happy birthday?”

tags 🏷️ –

@star1117-archives @kyeomyun @seonghwas-lighter @jaehunnyy @leo-seonghwa @wqnwoos

networks 🔗 –

@preciousillusions-net @caratsland @cacaokpop-fics @k-labels

SVT WORKS

send an ask or drop a comment if you want to be added to my general taglist!

ⓒ lvlystars

[jjtheresidentbaby]

˚. ❝₊˚ 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮, 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 ˚₊·

» sarah cameron & topper thornton || on my ao3

͟͟͞꒰➳ summary: following the scene in s2e6 where topper saves sarah from rafe trying to drown her — topper navigates trying to take care of little!sarah when he isn’t quite sure what’s going on

» warnings: little!sarah, caregiver!topper, swearing, crying, talk of canon violence/events, references to child/family abuse, talk of weight changes/not eating, past topper/sarah

“You got that? You got that Rafe?!” The words tremble just slightly as Topper grits them through his teeth, dropping Rafe to the ground and not letting his bloodied face be in his sight for another second before he turns to Sarah.

“Sarah, Sarah you okay? Can you breathe?” Topper’s hand shakes the smallest amount, resting in the air unsure if he’s allowed to touch Sarah or if that’ll make her very obvious panic worse. She blinks at him hard and sucks in a shaky breath.

“M’okay.” She’s not. Topper knows that and it makes his jaw clench tight in anger all over again, debating for half a second if turning back around to beat on Rafe some more is worth it, but then Sarah timidly reaches out for him and all that rage slips away.

He can’t get her held in his arms any quicker and reassurances start to naturally fall from his lips. It’s too cold for Sarah to be out here in the night when she’s sopping wet, she shouldn’t be stuck in the place where something so traumatic happened either, and the grip she has on the back of Topper’s shirt tells him he won’t be letting her out of his sight anytime soon.

“Sarah, can you walk? We can get on my boat and get away from here.” Away from her absolutely deranged family. Topper always knew Rafe was a loose cannon and Ward gave him a bad vibe since the day he met him but this- Rafe almost drowning his own sister- it’s so much worse than Topper ever thought. It makes a million questions pop into his head, terrified that this isn’t the first bout of violence Sarah’s faced from her family, overthinking every interaction he’s ever observed of Sarah and her family together.

Has this been going on for a long time? Months? Years? When did it get this bad? Maybe this is why she was so attached to John B so quickly, he’s nothing like her family, the farthest thing from it, Topper doubts he even knew Sarah’s step-moms name before they started dating. Shit- was Sarah ever scared of Topper because he hung around Rafe? Did she think he would hurt her?

The back of Topper’s throat turns sour with the thought and he shakes himself back to reality. Sarah hasn’t moved away from his neck, still shaking in place, her freezing nose tucked right up against his hot skin as Topper carefully cradles a hand to the back of her head. Her hair is hardening with the cold water and air from the sea, they really need to get out of here.

“Do you… want me to carry you?” His eyes squeeze shut with the ask because he knows it’s probably the last thing he should be saying. But Sarah’s always loved being carried around, she’d jump on Topper’s back any chance she could get even before they dated, giggling happily when he’d run around with her and bounce her up higher. He’d do anything to hear that giggle right now.

“Y-yeah, please.” The barely audible whisper of Sarah’s voice snaps Topper’s heart to a million pieces all over again.

“Okay I got you.” It’s easier than it was in the past to heft Sarah onto his hip, even with the wet clothes she’s lighter, thinner, he wonders how many days she went without eating when her and John b were stuck running from the cops. There should be food at the boat house he’s planning on taking them to.

The walk over to Topper’s boat is short but actually climbing onto the boat takes a minute or two, Sarah’s unwilling to let go of him and he’s scared of missing his step and falling into the water with her. He manages to get them both on safely but Sarah still won’t let him put her down on the bench of the boat. Something’s shifted in how she’s acting that Topper can’t quite place but it makes his whole chest fill with protective energy. The way she’s leaning on him, curled in as close as possible when he sits on the chair in front of the steering wheel, her hands in a loose grip on his shirt still, eyes wide and terrified— she looks so small — it makes Topper feel impossibly more responsible for her. There’s no way she can be responsible for herself right now, she must be in shock, too out of it to do anything but silently cry against Topper’s chest.

“I know somewhere we can go, somewhere warm, somewhere safe.” He murmurs and reaches to grab a stray blanket that’s draped over the bench of the boat from earlier in the day when Topper spent a good hour sleeping in the sun. Sarah used to say he was like a cat, always attracted to sun spots, but then she started to do the same and they could only laugh about it. A nap like that would probably be good for Sarah right now, it’d at least warm her up- but it’s night and the farther out into the water they drive the colder it gets.

“We’re almost there.” Topper assures when he feels Sarah shiver against him, nodding weakly in acknowledgment. The boat house truly isn’t far and he can see the outside light that’s always flipped on when it gets dark out, but the five minutes still feels like an eternity.

“Do you wanna walk in on your own?” Despite internally cringing as he asks the question because surely Sarah’s okay to walk now- Sarah only shakes her head against his chest. It makes the worry Topper’s had this entire time grow even worse, but he’d never tell her no so he quickly gets the boat tied down - reluctantly leaving Sarah sitting alone on the captain's chair as he does- before coming to scoop her up into his arms bridal style and carry her inside.

“Here’s a towel, I should have some sweatpants and a shirt somewhere around here just give me a sec to find them.” Topper really doesn’t want to leave Sarah sitting on the daybed by herself but she needs to change out of those soaked clothes sooner rather than later.

It takes a lot of digging and a few random swimsuits flung to the floor but eventually Topper finds a pair of jogger sweatpants and a loose shirt, both dry, both much warmer than the small jean shorts and t-shirt Sarah’s in now. She’s busy patting her hair dry, though the action is a little uncoordinated and clumsy, Topper moves to swipe the towel across her hair without thinking.

“Thanks.” It’s a mumble and Sarah’s eyes stare at her hands fidgeting in her lap rather than at Topper.

“Course. Here I’ll stand outside while you get changed.” The last thing he wants is to make Sarah feel uncomfortable so he slips back out onto the landing of the boat house after handing her the new clothes.

It’s already colder outside than when they first arrived despite how little time has passed. Topper momentarily thinks about taking Sarah back to his house for the night. It'd be nicer, probably safer, but his parents just got home from a week-long trip and won’t appreciate him sneaking his ex-girlfriend into his room at ten at night. Even if it’s not for any reason other than to take care of Sarah, not that he can exactly explain that, there’s no way anyone would believe him if he said he caught Rafe trying to drown Sarah when he went out to the docks to get his phone charger from the boat. It’d sound absurd. Like some excuse just to have Sarah stay the night. It’ll be better if she stays here.

“T-top?” The sight of Sarah all but drowning in Topper’s shirt as she sits cross legged on the bed almost makes Topper audibly go ‘awe.’ It’s not how he’s used to feeling about Sarah, there’s nothing romantic about the feeling, she just looks so small and innocent like this it’s pulling on his heart strings.

“Any warmer?” He tugs the blanket back over her shoulders even as Sarah nods to him.

“It’s late, you should sleep.” Not that Topper really wants to leave her out here alone to do so, but she looks exhausted and probably feels worse than she looks considering everything.

“Wait- will you stay?” His wrist gets caught when he turns to walk out of the door again.

“You sure?” Sarah hums and Topper hesitantly moves to sit on the edge of the bed, keenly aware that this might be a bad idea. It’s not that he thinks anything will happen- there’s no way- but Sarah might regret having had him stay in the morning.

“Sarah, you okay?” The answer is blatant, no she isn’t, she just climbed her way to be nearly sitting in Topper’s lap with her head on his chest and arms around his middle, she’d never do that under normal circumstances.

Even when they were a couple she always preferred to lay her head on his shoulder and hold his hand or throw her legs atop his so he could brush his fingertips up and down her calfs- she never wanted to be this close, never clung onto him like she is right now. He doesn’t know what to do in this situation- she’s dating John b, obviously likes him more than she ever liked Topper in a romantic way, and while this feels the farthest thing from romantic, Topper’s still weary of where the line of too much is.

“It’s okay, you can go to sleep, I’m right here.” The reassurances fall from his lips in spite of his personal worry, he simply wraps his arms around her back and gently brushes his thumb up and down on her spine til her eyes flutter shut.

The morning may be awkward and Topper still isn’t sure why Sarah’s behavior has changed so much but for now he does his best to make sure Sarah feels comforted. It’s the least he can do after the hell she’s experienced tonight with Rafe, and he can worry about John b possibly kicking his ass later, he doesn't care as long as Sarah is safe tonight.

[reinaklaver]

Strengths and Weaknesses

To write about ones strengths and weaknesses takes truthful self reflections. After great thought, the following outlines what I believe to be my strengths and weaknesses.

I would say that my greatest strength are my organizational skills. I thrive and feel my best when things are organized and everything has it's place. In all aspects of my life, I strive and stay consistently organized. I utilize these organizational skills to positively impact my work. When I am asked to produce information from data, I know exactly where it is and am quick at producing the relevant information. This is because it has been organized properly and in a way that allows me to navigate my files efficiently.

The next strength to discuss is that I am timely. This means a couple of things to me. It means that I am always punctual, it means that I prioritize tasks to ensure tasks are completed in a timely fashion. It also means that I respect others time. This is a skill that has served me well and presents me as a respectful and professional individual.

In such a negative world, my positivity shines through. When I remain positive, things always seem better( in work, at home and interactions throughout my community). I have been in many interactions with customers in my retail days where I have remained positive and it has greatly affected the outcome. When a customer comes to you angry and has problems that they want you to fix and they are greeted with positivity, attitudes change and resolution is easier.

I do believe my greatest strengths are my organizational skills, my timeliness and my positivity.

Reflection on your weaknesses is always more difficult than reflection on your strengths, but I do believe there is value in understanding your weaknesses. They can be temporary and allow for personal growth.

Currently I feel like my weaknesses are that I am too self critical and that I tend to overthink almost everything.

I believe the weakness that is most present is that I am constantly self critical. I have recognized this throughout my work and my home life. This usually presents itself with the completion of tasks. Recently, I really have been utilizing my positivity to reframe my thoughts. An example would be " maybe you could have made dinner a different way, or presented that to your boss a different way" but, this is how you thought it would work, and it did, so let's celebrate and recognize that. This is a weakness of mine because it takes consistent effort to reframe, rethink and challenge that inner critic.

My weakness of overthinking can tend to lead to my first weakness of being too self critical. They go hand in hand. I know my abilities and when I set out to do something, I know I will be able to do it the best that I can. There is a part of me that always has to think of another 100 different ways and 100 different outcomes. Overthinking is a weakness as it leads me to doubt myself. I have recently started trying to frame my overthinking as the way my brain processes. There are many outcomes and solutions to one problem and that I am consciously trying to pick the best one for me.

I want to self reflect more on my weaknesses so that I can turn them into positive little gems that can help propel me through life.

.......self reflection is challenging.........

[keyhearts-sanctuary]

Teen: It's not fair! You shouldn't have to fuse if you don't want to!

🟣⚜️ It's complicated. Though I have feelings of wanting to go back, I also have better perspective in this state of the way I was living and how it cannot go on. One of the first things that hit me a few days ago was how numb I was, all the time. I'd even convinced myself that I wasn't capable of being any other way.

🕸 What if I was a fusion too? Is it possible not to know?

🟣⚜️ What's causing you to question it?

🕸 I don't really remember anything of being them. But I feel like I'm the perfect combination of them. That's what's so confusing. Do you remember being both of them, Cyrus?

🟣⚜️ Not in this moment. There's a pressure in my head that's stopping me from really thinking about it. Which I know is someone else's interferance.

🕸 I honestly wish we had a different brain. It's like everything is 3x harder for us than it is for regular systems. Some people can fuse, and be free to navigate it without others in the system trying to undermine them every step of the way. I feel like we need to stick together. Me, you, Avery... we're all in the same boat. If we stick together, at least we don't have to be dealing with the constant "what if it's not happening?", and can feel some sort of understanding with each other.

It's hard to navigate if everyone is second guessing you and doubting you all the time. I need some space to think about it without all the overthinking.

🟣⚜️ I'll do my best to look out for you in that regard. I don't want you to feel forced to revert due to their interferance. I think this is good for you.

🕸 I can feel the confusion and denial creeping in from another part. I'm not sure what to do. I know they're scared, but it also feels kind of unfair, you know?

🟣⚜️ I know. I think you have it a little harder than I do.

Lets rest today, and have fun. You told me that was important.

🕸 You're right. I did.

[julie09tarot]

Q: Should I go on the volunteering trip abroad? I feel excited but I'm also very nervous.

General Reading: The Tension Between Fear and Excitement

Your reading reveals a tug-of-war between anxiety and possibility, a moment where your mind is overwhelmed with worries (Nine of Swords) but your heart is drawn to a fulfilling experience (Nine of Cups) and your spirit is urging you toward adventure (Nine of Wands). The Osho Zen card, Celebration (Three of Cups in traditional tarot), suggests that despite your fears, this experience could bring joy, connection, and a sense of shared purpose.

This reading reflects a classic crossroads moment—the mind warns, the heart hopes, and the spirit endures. There’s hesitation, but also a deep desire to step forward. Your fears are valid, but they do not define the entire reality of this decision. The presence of three Nines suggests a cycle nearing completion—you're standing at the threshold of something new, and this choice might be part of your personal growth.

Breaking Down the Cards in Context

Nine of Swords – Anxiety, Fear of the Worst

This card speaks to overthinking, late-night worries, and fear-driven paralysis. It represents the kind of nervousness that might be exaggerated by your mind, rather than reflecting objective truth.

Your doubts about the trip might stem from fear of failure, discomfort, or the unknown, but this card suggests that your worries may not be entirely grounded in reality.

Nine of Cups – Fulfillment, Deep Satisfaction

The Nine of Cups is often called the "wish card", symbolizing joy, emotional fulfillment, and a sense of reward.

This suggests that, despite your anxiety, this opportunity aligns with something deeply meaningful to you—perhaps a long-held dream, a desire for new experiences, or the chance to connect with others in a way that nourishes your soul.

Nine of Wands – Resilience, Strength Through Challenges

This card shows a person who has been through challenges but remains determined. It suggests that you’ve built resilience over time and can handle difficulties that arise.

You may feel wary of stepping into the unknown, but this card reminds you that you’re strong enough to manage any discomfort or setbacks.

Osho Zen Card: Celebration (Three of Cups)

This card highlights the joy of shared experiences. It suggests that, while fear is present, this trip could lead to meaningful connections, fun, and a sense of belonging.

Instead of approaching this decision from a place of dread, consider the excitement and the relationships that could come from it.

Reflection Questions

What specific fears are holding me back? Are they based on real risks or imagined scenarios?

In what ways could this experience bring me fulfillment beyond my fears?

When have I stepped outside my comfort zone before? What did I learn from that?

How can I balance preparation (caution) with trust (openness to the unknown)?

If I say no to this experience, will I regret it later?

Affirmations

Fear is a visitor, but it does not make my choices for me.

I am strong enough to embrace both uncertainty and excitement.

I welcome new experiences with an open heart and a grounded mind.

Spirit Junkie Card:

I see grace and possibility in all of life's challenges.

Gentle Zen Advice: Walk With the Fear, Not Against It

Fear and excitement often feel remarkably similar in the body—both create anticipation, increased heartbeat, and a sense of alertness. The key is not to let fear be the sole storyteller of this decision.

Instead of battling your nerves, invite them in. Acknowledge your fear without letting it control you. Ask: What if this trip brings me joy? What if I discover something about myself that I never would have otherwise?

Zen teaches that life is a river—flowing, uncertain, full of movement. If we try to control every current, we get exhausted. Instead, we can float, trusting our ability to navigate the waters ahead.

This trip might not be perfect, but neither is staying still. What matters is whether it brings you closer to the kind of life you wish to live. You already know the answer—the cards are simply showing you the shape of your own longing.

-----

🌿 Seeking clarity and guidance? 🌿 I offer thoughtful, introspective tarot readings to help you navigate life’s questions with insight and intention. No fortune-telling—just meaningful reflection. ✨

🔮 Book a reading here!

[how2fit]

Have you ever felt like you're on the outside looking in? Maybe it’s in your social circle, at work, or even within your own family. Feeling left out is one of those deeply isolating emotions, the kind that eats at your confidence and makes you wonder, "What’s wrong with me?" But here’s the truth: it’s not about something being wrong with you. It’s about learning to stand strong in who you are, even when the world makes you feel invisible.   We All Feel Left Out at Some Point I remember when I was in college, there was a time when I felt completely left out. My best friends were invited to a party, but I wasn’t. I spent the whole evening trying to convince myself I didn’t care, but honestly, it stung. I kept replaying every interaction in my head, wondering if I had said something wrong or if there was something about me that just wasn’t good enough. That feeling of exclusion was like a silent message that I didn’t belong. But that experience, though painful, taught me something important. It wasn’t about that party or those people. It was about learning to find validation within myself, instead of chasing it from others. That’s exactly what this article is about—taking back your power. It’s about recognizing the incredible worth you bring, even if others fail to see it! Together, we’ll explore how to break the silence around feeling left out and reclaim your sense of belonging—starting from within.     Understanding the Roots of Feeling Left Out Let’s start with something important: feeling left out is a human experience. Almost everyone, at some point, has felt that pang of exclusion. It might be as simple as not being invited to lunch or as complicated as feeling like you don’t fit in with your coworkers. Whatever the scenario, it leaves you with that nagging sense of being “on the outside.” But why do we feel this way? Well, part of it comes from our natural desire for connection. We’re wired to want to belong, and when that need isn’t met, it can create anxiety and self-doubt. Sometimes, it’s because we compare ourselves to others, thinking we don’t measure up. Other times, it’s social dynamics that are outside of our control. Here’s the kicker: feeling left out doesn’t mean you’re lacking. Often, it’s about the people or the situation, not about you. Understanding this can be the first step in shifting how you respond to exclusion. Finding Yourself in the Comparison Trap? 5 Helpful Things to Remember     The Power of Self-Awareness When you feel left out, it’s easy to spiral into overthinking. “Did I say something wrong?” “Maybe they don’t like me.” We’ve all been there! But instead of letting those thoughts take over, try taking a step back. Becoming aware of what triggers these feelings can help you manage them more effectively. Think of self-awareness as your emotional GPS. When you know where those feelings are coming from, you can decide how to navigate them. Is it really about the situation, or is it tied to something deeper, like past experiences? When you recognize patterns, you can start to break them. One way to practice this is by checking in with yourself. When those feelings of exclusion come up, pause and ask: What am I feeling right now? What story am I telling myself? This small act of mindfulness can make a huge difference in how you respond. It’s like flipping a switch from being reactive to proactive.   Embracing Your Own Worth Here’s the thing: no one gets to decide your worth but you. It’s easy to lose sight of that when you’re feeling left out, but this is the time to remind yourself just how incredible you are. You have strengths, gifts, and qualities that are uniquely yours. Sometimes, it’s just about rediscovering them. Start by asking yourself: What am I good at? What do I bring to the table? Maybe it’s your creativity, your empathy, or your problem-solving skills. Whatever it is, lean into it. When you stop seeking validation from others and begin celebrating your own value, everything shifts.

Positive self-talk is a game-changer here. Instead of focusing on what you think you lack, remind yourself of what makes you whole. Sure, it might feel awkward at first, but building yourself up is how you start to reclaim your place—whether people notice or not. You’re worthy just as you are. Want to Stand Out? How Uncovering Your Hidden Gifts Can Help   Creating Your Own Community Not everyone you meet will see your value—and that’s okay. What’s important is surrounding yourself with people who do. If you’re feeling excluded, it might be time to take a closer look at your circle. Are these people really contributing to your life, or are they just taking up space? You have the power to create your own community. It doesn’t have to be huge; it just needs to be filled with people who see you, who appreciate you for who you are. This might mean: reaching out to new people joining groups that share your interests nurturing relationships with those who genuinely support you At the same time, it’s important to set boundaries. If someone consistently makes you feel left out or less than, you don’t have to keep them around. Protecting your peace and mental well-being is far more important than trying to fit into a space that doesn’t respect you.   Speaking Up – Breaking the Silence Sometimes, feeling left out isn’t about retreating—it’s about speaking up. If you’re in a situation where you feel unheard or overlooked, it might be time to voice your feelings. This doesn’t mean confronting people aggressively, but rather being honest about how you feel. Here’s the truth: people can’t always read your mind. Maybe they don’t even realize you’re feeling excluded! Sharing your feelings with those you trust can open the door to understanding and connection. It can also empower you to set boundaries or seek clarity in situations where you feel sidelined. Assertive communication is key. It’s not about blaming others, but rather expressing your needs and emotions in a healthy way. And sometimes, the most empowering move is to recognize when walking away from a toxic situation is the best choice for you.   Transforming Exclusion into Empowerment What if feeling left out could actually be an opportunity? Think about it: being on the outside forces you to reflect, grow, and discover new things about yourself. It might not feel great in the moment, but exclusion can be a powerful motivator to step into your true self. When you stop chasing validation from others, you make room for deeper self-acceptance. You start focusing on what makes you you—not what others think you should be. This is where the magic happens. You can turn exclusion into empowerment by choosing to celebrate your individuality, rather than letting others define your value. Next time you feel left out, ask yourself: What can I learn from this? How can I use this feeling to push myself forward? Embracing these moments as growth opportunities is one of the most empowering things you can do.   Embrace Your Worth! Feeling left out isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to define you. By understanding your triggers, embracing your worth, and finding strength in your individuality, you can reclaim your place in the world. Empowerment starts from within, and it’s time to break the silence around exclusion—on your own terms. So, take that first step. Lean into your strengths, speak up when needed, and create your own community. The world needs what only you can bring to it. And remember, no one can make you feel invisible without your permission. Have you ever felt left out? How did you overcome it? 

[waywardstation]

A while ago someone brought up the idea for the tot au that Ingo settles to stay in Hisui. Having built a live for himself there and the idea of going to the future and not remembering everyone is terrifying... With Uxie seeing there is something horribly wrong with Ingo's memories.

The idea on itself is pretty good that Uxie notices the state of memories, but I doubt it'll greatly affect his feelings on having built a live for himself in Hisui. And after the reaction from Uxie he probably would realize how dangerous this whole thing would be. (especially after Uxie got the boot from MG!Emmet) So while Ingo would long for his memories he would utterly and completely refuse to let them go through with this plan. His memories ain't worth the safety of those closest to him, and he rather lives without his memories in Hisui than knowing Akari Irida or really anyone got hurt in the process of helping him restore his memories...

What I'm trying to say is... don't get me wrong but... I just don't see any reason for Ingo to decide to go through with all of this with the stakes being high like that. Not if it's possibly endangering others. (and I doubt you could keep all of this from him. From the moment the journey would start he would constantly fretting over them...)

I'm sorry for this message but this just wouldn't add up to me. If this is the course of action we need something that makes Ingo more willing to go through with it or Ingo not being as hesitant to the idea of going back to the future in the first place and maybe a slightly different course of action in all of this making it less obvious that this could be incredibly dangerous to do. -someone who spends way too much time overthinking little things

Oh yes I remember this! This exact concern has been brought up before I think. First off, no need to apologize for a message like this at all! If someone has concerns about something, it’s good to question them! It gives a chance to rework things to make sense, or clarify something! :)

Someone did bring up once that Ingo would not want anyone to go through with this if he realized how dangerous it was. So they proposed it would be best if on the surface, it seemed easy.

Uxie says they can fix things, they go in, but before they can get a good look of things MG Emmet boots them out. Uxie reports everything seemed fine, except it’s hard for them to navigate. Perhaps they tried to go in a few times, with MG Emmet kicking them out every time. (No pokemon allowed, look what Remnant did!)

It seems like a quick and easy fix if they can just get around the security, it seems very low-stakes with no danger, so there is no risk.

Ingo might even still fret over this despite it seeming entirely safe, but Akari would vehemently press. “Uxie said it was fine! If we get caught we’ll just be tossed back out like Uxie was! It’s just our consciousnesses, we can’t get hurt!”

Akari and Irida end up going in with the help of the lake spirits, and are able to get around MG Emmet, but he chases them around the station.

Everything seems fine on the surface, harmless and easy if they just avoid the conductor, but then as they spend more time in there, they find out about Remnant, and how dangerous this mission really is.

It was suggested this would mean the whole thing would have to be done in one session. Akari and Irida can not get out of the mindscape until they’re done, because if they do and they retell everything that’s going on under the surface, Ingo would never let them back in. No one outside of the mind station would even understand there is a fragment parasite ravaging everything until after the whole thing is done, and Akari and Irida have finished taking care of things.

I do hope this seems reasonable! I didn’t come up with this explanation myself, but I think it can explain things quite well! If not, I am entirely open to still working on this! It’s important for things to make sense!

[leyyvi]

same anon who had to hold themselves back from rereading paychecks. i’ll try to be brief:

i would like to announce that one of my favorite elements in your writing, specifically with your characterization of levi, IS HOW UNASSUMING AND CURIOUS OF HOW OTHERS THINK OF HIM. i’m possibly self projecting here bc of how often i question other people’s perception of me. like when reader playfully swats at him in las vegas and he wonders if that’s something she nonchalantly does while drunk, or if it’s something she does with friends—god i love when characters are a bit socially inept and unsure about others.

sorta like that whole “show, not tell” BUT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL THAT’S BEAUTIFULLY REALISTIC (there are so many subtle things you’ve written in the story. i could write an essay on how it enhances the story). good luck on your finals and projects!

no because i love writing levi as socially awkward, making him fumble when it comes to talking and doubting his own train of thoughts. yes, he snaps and gets grumpy. but i can also just see him being... awkward. saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. not knowing what to say at all so he just..sits there quietly and scratches his head and drowns in his own uncomfortableness if that makes sense?

writing him struggle in social situations is oddly comforting to me (i guess i just project a LOT onto him as well when it comes to social situations and thought processes) but he questions EVERYTHING. whether it's intentions, getting off on tangents on how reader is outside of his and her interactions... his mind wanders a lot even if he's quiet about it. he overthinks to the point of exhausting himself and wonders SO many things...

like sure, reader does it similarly, but i think she handles it outwardly a lot better than levi does. she's a bit better navigating through conversations, but also understands part of what levi may be silently going through. she's perceptive but not intrusive and he likes that about her. yes, he has friends that understand him. but erwin and hange sometimes push too much (which is definitely needed at times!)

levi has moments where he can be kinda smooth but i wanna say a lot of it just happens on accident. he's a romantic at heart even if he wont say or show it all the time, it does come out in small, quiet ways that very few people can notice.

sjkhf flgjgkdjhgk hhurghhh there's so many small things between them that i honestly did not intend to create from the start but they kinda just manifested on their own when i write and :((( i love them dearly.

AHHH i absolutely love writing it. it's very cathartic for me, i won't lie. it sends me over the moon when people notice those small things though. i get so fucking giddy when people point them out or mention the easter eggs i leave in there ;; <3

[duchessofostergotlands]

I am asexual and I was born between those weird transitional years between Millennials and Gen Z and your tags are scary accurate. I call myself asexual in theory/in my mind but I have a hard time thinking of myself as anything but a straight person with higher standards. I also never tell potential dates that i’m asexual because I don’t want them to overthink it. Anyway, at this rate all I want is to meet a man that’s not boring by the time I’m in my mid 30s

I'm so glad there's at least two of us haha. I'll go into a bit more detail for people if it's interesting or helpful but feel free to tune out because it is long.

I started thinking about this again more seriously because I saw this article about a tiktok trend (such a dumb thing to kick it off but it's true) around "compulsory heterosexuality." It was saying that if you answer yes to x questions then you might be someone who is a lesbian or bi and you just conform to heterosexuality because it's easier, it's been forced into you etc. All of the things they were saying applied to me. I'm attracted largely to unattainable men - celebrities, fictional characters etc - because there's no chance of ever having to navigate a relationship or sex. I'm attracted to men until they're attracted to me. When I go on dating apps I look for reasons not to match with the guy. I feel nauseous when I think about genuinely trying to have sex with a man, not just fantasies. The videos have a lot of issues but they sparked a thought in me for a moment. But I do know I'm not a lesbian. I could be bi, maybe, as I am attracted to women in a way that's different from wanting to look like them or recognising their aesthetic beauty but personally for various reasons I don't think I'd ever be in a relationship or have sex with a woman either. But I did think that if I was saying yes to all of these questions then maybe there was something else going on. I looked into asexuality more closely and saw how much of a spectrum it is. You and I both understand that kind of attitude that heterosexuality is attraction to the opposite sex, homosexuality to the same sex, bisexuality to both, asexuality to no one. That's how it was portrayed when we were growing up, especially given the fact trans rights were still so far behind and our parents or teachers wouldn't ever have explained gender vs sex or sexuality vs gender identity. Even in this message, I probably phrased this differently to how Gen Z would because when I talk about men and women I'm mostly talking about cis people! That's my default, even though I've been attracted to more trans or non binary people than cis people!

Some of the categories and interpretations of asexuality did fit with me. However, I still don't know if it's right for me either. The complicating factor is my childhood did not set me up to handle attachment, it has kind of stunted me in a way where I feel very much like a child and that sex and relationships are for "grown ups" (if anyone has ever noticed I use the words girl and boy more than woman and man, that's why; the idea of referring to myself as a woman instead of a girl makes me a bit sick), it's made it very hard for me to ever consider myself as being a desirable person. I have in the past had fluctuations. Whenever I've been regularly having sex I feel more comfortable with it. I don't enjoy most sexual activities but I don't feel that shame and disgust and to be honest maybe they were just not clicking with me. Like right now I haven't had sex since before the pandemic, I have barely even been in a room with a human male, so is that just making the feelings worse? So my childhood experiences coupled with the fact my feelings do fluctuate makes me doubt it's asexuality.

I don't have a conclusion right now which is ok. I know that I want companionship. That's something I do know. I want someone who supports me and loves me in a special kind of way (this is probably mummy/daddy issues coming out). What I don't know is who I want that person to be and what I want our relationship to be. It's all just messy in my brain. If you're open to it I'd love to hear more about how you came to accepting you are asexual and what that process was like. I am by no means expecting you to "fix" me or anything, don't worry, but it's not something I've ever spoken about with anyone before! I'm also happy to chat privately if that's easier for you

[danddymaro]

Perfect | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Who Is the Perfect man for (f/n)?

-Something Corny, and sweet.

Word Count:  2826

Perfect 

He found it impossible to compete with his closest friend, not just because it was morally wrong to try and get the same girl, but because all in all, he had no chances with her, and he was well aware.

'Because even if I'm wrong,' He started, '...Even if it's not Steve... then I'd still be the last person in the world you’d ever look at,' He silently declared, truly believing it.

'You could always do so...so much better than me,' He thought with dejection.

'I know it...but even then, I'm willing to make a fool of myself. 

 I want to let you know because it's getting harder and harder to just sit back,'

"(f/n)" He said while following up with a harsh swallow,

"I'm not perfect like Steve," Bucky started, "...I’m not someone who’s loved by everyone, and looked up by just about every child on the damn planet," he confessed, and at his sudden outburst she let out a surprised peep, turning to him with wide eyes,

“Wha-”

" And I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm not him!" He cried out. " But I wish I was..." he added, knowing just how much the woman idolized the other man.

"I really wish I were." He added with a short mutter.

 (f/n) eyed his pain-stricken face with concern, because there was an obvious shine of heartbreak in his steel-colored eyes, causing a hitch in her breath, her heart stopped by the sight before it tore in two, further breaking as she saw his expression grow even more with anguish and melancholy as his chest heaved with heavy breaths.

- This was the endgame, the all or nothing for him,

"In Fact, I'm the furthest thing from a hero and I know that." he continued on, a dry laugh tailing the words because he found it almost amusing how little he was in comparison to the perfect blonde.

‘When I stand next to him… I can’t help but feel like I’m less.’

"- I know what I am," he added, trying his best to let his wavering smile last.

He wanted to at least look brave, to look like a real man and not the groveling mess he really was as he forced out the words, battling rough the pain that threatened to take over.

Her (e/c) colored eyes went wide as he said that, and she immediately rushed to his side, " No Bucky, please don't start with that, you're a good person!" she said with a certainty that almost convinced him.

Like many times before, she rushed to his side, both Metaphorically and in literal actions, trying her best to assure him, and it was yet another reason why he cherished her so much.

"It can't be true if I don't believe it," She said stubbornly, throwing him a glowing grin as she said the words, the expression brightening even more as he looked at her dumbfounded,

"What does that even mean?" He asked her, a little chuckle leaving him.

"Just what I said," She went on, " It can't be true if I don't accept it," She reiterated.

He let the words settle in, and it wasn’t long before eye understood, by then offering  her a tired, little smirk  as he shook his head, "So, it’s just that easy?" He asked her, the moronic simplicity of it amusing him.

"For me it is," she told him, "For me, it's easy to accept that you're not a monster. It's easy for me to believe it, and even if you keep telling me otherwise, Buck...It won't change the way I see you," She explained,

"So just think of it that way, that, even if the entire world believes it, you included, there's not a damn thing in the world that will let me fall into the same train of thought.

As long as I'm kicking there's doubt,

And as long as there is doubt, it can't be accepted as truth," She spelled out, the certainty she displayed showing to be unwavering.

‘Only you...’ He thought with disbelief, 

“You really are something else,” He muttered, the little grumble rousing a little giggle.

She was the anchor to his unsteady boat and all the while the kindness she showed him made him fall harder under her spell, giving him more excuses to come closer to her, it also scathed him, because he knew that she only saw him as the pathetic mess in need of care.

And he wanted much more than that. 

He shook his head and took advantage of the closeness of their bodies by taking hold of her, his hands at her upper arms,

"- (F/n)," He started, mauling over how it had taken him months to find the perfect moment, the instant where he'd risk everything.

‘This is it,’ He told himself.

"You don't need to coddle me like that," he said with a soft sound of amusement escaping his nose. Afterward, he then took a deep, slow breath through his parted lips, before he tightened his hold by only a small degree, careful to not hurt her with his metal arm.

"Look... I can't be him, and I'm sorry," He said softly, truly sounding regretful for something he had no control over.

"I can't be Steve, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I could stand in his shoes for just an instant, and feel what it's like to have you see me with anything but pity.” He revealed, “ Because then...(F/n) you’d see me in the way I really want you to look at me as...as a man." he confessed.

‘I don’t want you to feel bad for me anymore. In fact, I don’t want to be swallowed up by the same pity myself,’ He thought to himself.

" Look, I'm not as smart as Banner, because I still struggle with the technology of today and I know it'll get annoying," he said trailing off, not finding a single strong point he held in the field, "But I'll try... I really will," he swore.

At the confession, a small smile made its way onto her features, because he was right, he was a helpless mess when it came to the more modern things, but, to her, it was adorable.

She found it cute, and just another reason to stay by him a bit longer.

Watching him fiddle with his phone with that adorable, little face of confusion he gave her was all the more reason to sit closer to him, taking hold of his hand within hers to lead his finger across the screen and navigate through all its apps and features.

" I'm not wealthy like Stark… in fact, I could never have that much money and spoil you as much as he could." He told her, " I know some women like fancy jewelry and nice expensive dinners, but the most I can do for you now is a small bouquet of ( favorite flowers)...because I know how much you like them," He said softly, having noticed how much she stopped by to visit the little patch of them as they took small walks.

"Sorry," She said with a sheepish smile, " I know it gets annoying," She said while petting the small petal, " But I really like these flowers," She said while gazing at the blossom,

" They're my favorite," She told him, having to only mention it once for him to remember, ingraining it in his brain that if he ever got her flowers they'd be the ones she loves most.

' I know everything about you,' he thought with fondness. ' Because...Because I always remember everything you have to say...I cling to every word because I know that sometimes you think you’re not heard.'

"I remember every bit of you, down to the stupid little faces you want me to forget," he said making her hold back a small chuckle as she glanced away, turning pink at the mention.

"I'm not a prince like Thor.. or ...even a God..." he continued on, speaking with just abit more lightheartedness while gazing at the sweet expression she wore.

"I'm not funny like Clint since you seem to love his jokes so much...for whatever reason," he said with furrowed brows, seemingly stumped on that one because Clint Barton’s humor was just simple, stupid puns that made everyone else roll their eyes.

"And don't get me started on Sam..." He muttered, detesting how easily the two flowed with each other, all to the point they seemed to share a single, working  brain cell, and it only made the older man wish he had the same ability to just work with her without the awkwardness and fear.

‘But I just get so nervous...’ he lamented, ‘ I just end up overthinking it all, and it’s because you have this effect on me,

In fact, it’s a miracle I’m even getting through this now,’

(f/n) shook her head at him, because Bucky didn't need to tell her jokes to smile, and they didn't need to make stupid banter either.

she didn't need to find a reason to smile with him, because, she just did, naturally.

- It was like second nature while at his side.

"I'm not as charming as that Loki guy.

I see the way you smile at the sound of his voice and I'd be lying if I said I really didn't wish mine sounded like his," He said with a dry chuckle, knowing he grew especially jealous when the other man purposely pronounced certain words for her, just to make her giggle, living for the attention he received.

'Oh...Bucky,' (f/n) thought while shaking her head, because, truth be told, the sound of his voice was much more her taste. She loved the sound of it from when it goes higher with joy, or mellows down in serenity, and even when it trembles as he tells her his worries.

‘I don’t think you realize how expressive you’ve become,’ She mused, ‘ Oh Buck, I could go on forever listening to you instead.' She thought to herself. 'I'd love nothing more than to hear you every morning, and not just outside my door. 

I mean first thing...right as I wake up.

And then...afterwards, fall asleep to your murmurs.' she inwardly spoke with the same bashful expression that had yet to cease,

'Bucky...' She thought with a soft smile. 'You’re such an idiot.'

"- I'm just not... not him. I'm not any of these men.

I don't have anything to offer you...

Not a single thing to my name that can bring you pride, " he admitted while looking down at his hands, both gloved limbs because he detested looking down at what actually lay beneath the piece of clothing.

"My arm is like a spoon on a stove on most summer days and a block of ice on winter ones.

So, I could never give you a fully warm touch, one that’s comforting and that I know you deserve." He said softly, having gone over the thought so many times that it haunted him.

"I'm not perfect..." he said dejectedly, saying so in a way that seemed as though it was meant for himself to remind him of just who he was before he got his hopes up too far.

‘What am I even doing...?’ He asked himself, his shoulders slowly falling as he weighed in the facts.

‘Oh...I'm not either Bucky,' She thought while feeling her heart race.

What he believed to be perfection was all misguided, because All the details and traits he wanted to have were things he didn’t need.

"I know I'm not.

I'm at the point where I'm still struggling to remember who am...and much more, somehow make up for all the wrong I’ve done.

(f/n) , I'm Still struggling to accept what I've done...which is a lot." He confessed, sighing deeply. " I've done so much wrong that I don't ever think ill be able to atone for my wrongdoings.

In short, I could give you a list of the many things wrong with me, and it'd run for miles, but there is one thing that I know is right,

And...And it's that I love you." He said while finally uttering the three words he's wanted to tell her for ages now.

"I love you so much (f/n), it hurts right here when I'm not with you, " He admitted, clutching his chest, placing his palm right above his bouncing heart.

Taking her hands in his he lifted them to his lips, offering her a tender kiss to each Knuckle, and all the while she stood watching, still stunned by his confession.

"Doll, you make my heart race like crazy!" he said with astonishment, peering down at her with glowing eyes.

"Sometimes, you make me feel like I'm back where I was when everything was simple and good, and for those moments, I feel fully human.

Yeah, There are times when my brain goes haywire, and I get stupidly tongue tied, but, when I’m not  rendered stupid, with you...everything feels right.

 And just looking at you does that to me!" he said cocooning her hands in his.

"You give me nostalgia of good times and make me forget I'm a mess, and that's all I want now, to feel like a regular guy and...maybe, settle down.” He revealed, letting her know what she inspired in him.

‘A family? For me?’ He asked himself, ‘ You make me think of building an actual future,’

“-I know one thing for certain and ...and It's that whatever I become after this will revolve around you,

Always.

Because you're the center of my universe (f/n).

I didn't want to force you into loving me, to pity you into accepting me, that's why I've been silent, but I also can't keep this to myself anymore, because I feel like it’s slowly killing me," He said while tightening his hold on her.

“Keeping this from you is torture,” He added." If I lose you because I was too afraid to take the risk I don't know what I'd do with myself. And I know that even if everyone else in the world has a better shot than me...Even if they're all better in every way, no one else can love you the way I do,” He told her. 

“And you deserve to be given the world, if not the entire universe!

(F/n) ,  I'm asking for the chance, The chance to try and hand it to you, " he pleaded. "That's all I need, it's all I need to prove myself. I'll try my best to make you happy and treat you like a prince- no like a queen. " He went on, rambling and unwinding everything he'd kept silent.

Her (e/c) eyes were wide and her brows rose as high as they could, shaking like a leaf in his hands, and seeing that he felt anxious,

"Don't be afraid of me, please. You can even say no if you want, just don't leave me.

 Even if you don't want me as a man, I still want to be able to see you, I still want to be a part of your life, no matter how meaningless it is, because I just want to make you happy."

His eyes then met hers, and in that one glance, his heart exploded into little bits and pieces.

Her eyes were glistening with tears, but beneath that, they twinkled with the glee. They sparkled like they never had before and he couldn't help but stare at the woman, becoming dumbstruck.

" You took all this time to list the things you're not Bucky..." she replied, finally speaking, finding her voice. " but you forgot to mention everything that makes me want you instead," She told him.

She then wrapped her arms around his neck, latching onto him, unashamed at coming closer.

Without skipping a beat he lifted her up and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Spinning her around he smiled,

"Doll... I'll make you happy, I promise...I'll find a reason to make you smile every single day." He swore, heading down for a kiss he'd craved.

Through her response she smiled, kissing him back with the same yearning, thinking of no one else but the man that held her so dearly,

“I love you too,” She said back, the words filling him with even more joy because while he wasn’t in any way near faultless, she loved him.

‘I’m not perfect either,’ She mused, ‘But you think I’m worth being handed the entire world and more,’ She went on, truly touched by his declarations, 

In spite of his every insecurity and doubt, she saw him as her own perfection, finding it amusing because all the while, she’d been afraid to take the step closer, 

“I couldn’t ask for better,” She breathed, 

“I couldn’t love anyone else,”

[mc-lukanette]

The rock star life wasn't what Luka thought it'd be, though he supposed he could attribute it to his father constantly talking it up and raising his standards so high that nothing could've competed with them. It wasn't that he hated going on tours or playing for crowds, but there was definitely something wrong that he couldn't put into words.

Juleka at least seemed sympathetic to his concerns once he'd gotten back from his recent tour, and he chuckled when she threw him some money to solve the problem, insisting that he eat his sorrows away for now and worry about details later. They'd both planned to visit their mother to celebrate his return, so it was only appropriate that he be in higher spirits for it.

Rose was happy to give him the address of what was - according to her - "the best bakery in Paris," with Juleka non-subtly implying that the money she'd given wasn't only for him. Thoroughly amused, he complied, leaving to follow the directions to said bakery with his phone.

He felt lucky to have not run into any fans on the way there, hoping that the same would go for the way back. The last thing he wanted was to have his boxes of baked goods accidentally knocked over and ruined.

As he saw the bakery in the distance, he was surprised when he noticed that it had been right next to his and Juleka's old school. He distinctly remembered there being a bakery, but the name Rose had given him hadn't rung any bells. He checked his phone out of curiosity and confirmed that the name had been changed since his sister had been in the school, replacing the "Tom & Sabine" with "Dupain-Cheng."

With that mystery solved, he headed for the front door and opened it up, smiling at the chime of the bell that announced his entrance. There weren't any other customers around, leaving the lone worker to look over and notice him: a woman, probably around Juleka's age, dressed a little nicer than he'd expect and seeming to be in the middle of making something.

At the sight of him, she gasped and covered her mouth. "Y-you're—Luka Couffaine?!"

He flinched, expecting a fangirl moment, but instead, the girl blushed in embarrassment and ran away from him. She went over to a nearby towel, cleaning her hands of flour, then put the towel back and checked over her clothes.

"Sorry," she whined, glancing up at her hair and fussing over it. "I wasn't expecting any customers for a while."

She took a breath, then strutted over to the counter with the fake demeanor of a businesswoman. Placing her hands delicately on the counter's surface, she flashed him a shy smile, blushing as she asked, "Um... how may I help you?"

Oh, she was cute. That was Luka's entire train of thought, and he hadn't been able to catch it before his mind had already put it forth for him to both acknowledge and agree with.

"Ah—" He cleared his throat, only now realizing that he'd never asked Juleka what she wanted to eat.

"Do you need a drink?" the woman questioned, looking at him worriedly.

"Oh, no. Thank you though," he replied with a dismissive wave. "That was—I need to ask my sister what she wants."

"No problem!" She giggled. "It's not like you're holding up the line."

Really cute.

He tossed her a smile, then fished out his phone and quickly texted Juleka, asking her what he should be ordering. He knew he could've called her, but he preferred having something written to hand off instead of having to be the middle man between the Juleka on the phone and the woman in front of him.

Setting his phone down on the counter, where he'd see it once Juleka texted him back, he then turned his gaze back up. "So, you know me?"

"Yeah, I do. I'm actually a huge fan, and I have all of your albums," she replied. "Buuuuut, I've dealt with a lot of... over-enthusiastic people in my life, so I know what it's like. I'd hate to make you uncomfortable." A beat of silence passed, and she playfully added, "Plus, I'm on the clock."

He chuckled, half-wondering if she was actually different outside of work. "And... is this place yours? I saw that the name changed."

"Sort of." She shrugged. "It's a family business. My papa is Tom Dupain, my maman is Sabine Cheng, and I'm Marinette Dupain-Cheng."

He was glad she'd told him her name, thankful that he didn't have to non-subtly try to ask for her name now. Marinette.

She continued, "My parents went away on vacation, so I'm in charge." Puffing out her chest with pride, she assured, "I'm proving that I can handle everything myself."

Luka broke out into a huge grin, thoroughly charmed. "I'm sure you can. You definitely have the energy for it."

He tried to hide his amusement at seeing her try not to blush and turn shy from the compliment. She clearly wore her heart on her sleeve and couldn't hide anything if her life depended on it.

He'd never heard a song like hers before.

"S-so!" she deflected in a way she probably thought was skillful. "If you don't mind me asking, how was your tour?"

"Mm?" He was briefly caught off-guard, not expecting to have to talk about himself, though he supposed he should've, given that she was apparently a fan of his. "Oh, it was fine."

She tilted her head, suddenly concerned. "It was only fine?"

Oops. Luka hoped it didn't show on his face that he knew he'd slipped up. He didn't doubt - based on the small amount of time he'd known her - that Marinette would've listened to his worries, but he didn't want her to fret over his career when she was a fan of his.

Thinking quickly, he replied, "Well, I'm just glad to be back home. My family's here."

She nodded in understanding, not seeming to fully believe him - perceptive little thing - but accepting anyway. "That makes sense. I'd never be able to leave my parents for that long. I'd miss them too much!"

He chuckled. She seemed like the kind of person to overthink about people like that. "Yeah. My sister practically threw me onto the plane for my first tour." He grinned. "We still shared a room back then and I think she was desperate for privacy with her girlfriend."

Marinette covered her mouth, trying to hide a sweet giggle that he discreetly stored away in his memory.

"Still," she began, her gaze softening along with her voice. Luka detected a distinct change in atmosphere as she continued, "I don't think it's good if you miss them too much on tour. I think your fans would understand if you kept your them shorter." She smiled reassuringly. "I know I would, so please don't overdo it."

He blinked, staring at her with surprise. It was almost funny to him how he'd hoped not to run into any fans on the way there, yet here he was now, glad to have this particular fan to talk to.

She was sweet. She was cute. She seemed to genuinely care about him, and he was—

His phone chimed with a familiar tone, and Luka figured that it might've been for the best that he wasn't able to finish that thought, already hearing his dad's rambles about fans and attachment and keeping them at a stage's distance.

He picked up his phone, offering Marinette a quick "thank you" for her kind words before opening up his conversation with Juleka.

He blanked at the message she sent.

Hey, here's the list (by the way, say "hi" to the baker while you're there; not suggesting anything but she's cute and totally your type since you're both really lame):

Luka had too many questions all at once. Had his sister sent him there just to try and get him a date? Would she have sent him to the Dupain-Cheng bakery otherwise? Was Rose in on it too?

Did he really have a type?

Luka glanced briefly up at Marinette, who seemed wholly oblivious to his internal conflict. Trying not to just stand there stupidly, he copied the list Juleka sent and put it into a memo app on his phone, not wanting to risk Marinette seeing the rest of the message.

He took a quick look around the display cases and added something for himself to the list, then set his phone back on the counter and slid it over to Marinette. She leaned over, taking a look at the list, then gave him an acknowledging smile and went off to fill the order.

He waited to make sure that she had everything on the list memorized, then picked his phone back up and navigated to the camera app, now all too aware of what Juleka's smug reaction would be when he got back with the absolute dumbest look on his face.

"Luka?" Marinette called after an indistinguishable amount of time. He met her gaze and she added hurriedly, "I-I hope I wasn't interrupting anything, but here's your order."

She slid the boxes across the counter, having put them in a bag for easy carrying. He placed her payment on the counter and smiled at her, assuring, "You didn't interrupt anything. Thank you."

He didn't notice how warm his voice had sounded until after the words were already out, and by then it was already too late to change it. Slipping his hand through the bag's handles, he lifted it up and kept his phone held in his other hand.

"Oh!" Marinette gasped. "Let me get the door for you!"

"You don't have to—"

"It's okay! Your hands are full!"

He wouldn't define them as "full," but she was already rushing to make to the door before he did. He didn't miss how she opened it like a boyfriend would for their girlfriend, even adding a bow just for flair.

The bell chiming seemed to be emphasizing her voice rather than his exit.

"Please come again!" she recited like it was something she told everyone. She paused, then blushed and stood straight, any professionalism gone as she stammered, "I-I'm sorry, is that weird to say since I'm your fan? I didn't mean to, but—well, do come back, but only if you want! So—"

"I do," he cut in, much to her apparent surprise. He maintained eye contact on the way out, adding fondly, "See you later, Marinette?"

"A-ah... see you!"

He immediately had to look away to prevent her from seeing the way he grinned at the squeak in her voice. He heard the bakery door close behind him and held his phone back up to his face. Glad that there weren't many people in the immediate area, he spent probably five minutes trying to make faces at his camera.

Eventually, he had to give up hope that Juleka wouldn't tease him, because the smile wouldn't leave his face no matter how hard he tried.

That didn't mean he wasn't going to visit the bakery tomorrow though, of course.

[womenstan]

One More Night - P.4

Let Me Forget You

Summary "Now, Sander held the power of breaking this thing off whenever and leaving Robbe a mess again. But, Robbe had decided he wasn’t going to let that happen. He wasn’t just going to sit still and look pretty until Sander decided he’d had enough of him. Besides, it was nothing more than sex between them. He could live without it, or find it elsewhere.

He was going to stop this thing and he was going to move on.

How difficult could it be, right?"

Part four of one more night

Robbe had always been one to overthink things, to let them stew and simmer in his mind for hours on end, until they either stopped making sense or managed to completely freak him out.

This time, it was the latter. He hadn’t meant to keep thinking about Sander, or, rather, the feelings the simple mention of that name evoked in him. Yet, here he was, two days later, unable to focus on anything else.

He’d known since the beginning that they were walking a very thin and dangerous line and that this was never going to end well, but now he was starting to realize he might have a lot more to lose here than Sander did.

He’d tried to ignore it, push it to the farthest corners of his mind, but to no avail. He knew that once he would enter Sander’s vicinity, his brain would lose all sense of logic and he’d just end up repeating the same mistake again and again and again… until Sander got bored and ditched him again, probably.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried to resist, but simply ignoring Sander didn’t seem to be an option, as they constantly ended up in each other’s way. So, he couldn’t ignore him, but there was no way he was going to let Sander win this either.

The angry, fiery sex was great. No, it was beyond amazing and by far the best Robbe had ever had. He was like an addict who needed his fix and that gave Sander the upper hand over him, which Robbe really, really hated. He’d walked right into it too, promising himself he’d never have anything to do with that guy again, before jumping into his bed, both figuratively and literally.

Now, Sander held the power of breaking this thing off whenever and leaving Robbe a mess again. But, Robbe had decided he wasn’t going to let that happen. He wasn’t just going to sit still and look pretty until Sander decided he’d had enough of him. Besides, it was nothing more than sex between them. He could live without it, or find it elsewhere.

He was going to stop this thing and he was going to move on.

How difficult could it be, right?

----

Turns out the answer was: very fucking difficult.

Not only did they attend the same university, but they also both followed classes in the same wing and hung out at the same parties.

Robbe managed to avoid Sander at school by only showing up to his classes and never hanging out at the library afterwards, but this solution could only last so long. So, he needed a plan.

“Milan, what? I’m not going to fuck some guy just to get over this thing with Sander!” Robbe exclaimed, incredulous.

Milan sighed, sitting down next to him on the bed while throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “Fine, Robbe, be boring, then!”

Robbe huffed at that, already regretting coming to Milan for advice. Milan crossed his arms, pouting, before turning his back to Robbe. They stayed in silence for a bit, as Robbe was starting to consider having to switch universities to get out of this.

Suddenly, Milan spun back towards Robbe, grabbing him by the arms in excitement. Robbe arched one his eyebrows in question, prompting Milan to inhale dramatically.

“Ok, I have a solution,” Milan said, which only made Robbe scrunch his face in doubt. “And before you ask, no , it doesn’t involve sex or illegal activities.”

Now, Robbe’s curiosity was piqued. “Go ahead, but I swear if you suggest your cousin aga-“

“No, no, I swear! How was I supposed to know he was married, Robbe, seriously!” Milan interrupted, waving Robbe off. “ Anyways , no, I’m talking about Theo .”

Robbe felt his hopes get crushed all at once. “Milan, no. I can’t.”

Milan tutted him, but Robbe just kept shaking his head in disbelief. “No, Milan, that guy has, like, genuine feelings. I can’t just use him for this!”

Theo was a barista at the university’s small student café. At first, Robbe had thought he was simply extremely nice, but his kindness had escalated into flirting quickly enough. He was very obviously interested in Robbe and he wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it. And the thing was that he was far from ugly. Theo was a little taller than Robbe and objectively handsome with his side-swept brown hair and his deep blue eyes that seemed to read into your soul when he looked at you. He was also really nice, which might actually be part of the problem. He was so, so, nice that he ended up being quite… boring. Every time Robbe stopped to grab a coffee, he prayed to every single God he could remember that Theo wouldn’t get the guts to ask him out. So far, he’d been safe.

See, Robbe wasn’t good at saying no to people. He hated seeing the hurt on their faces and he felt guilty every time he’d see them again. So, he was pretty sure he’d end up saying yes if Theo proposed a date and he really didn’t think he could survive going out with Theo without falling asleep on him.

So, he couldn’t just use him to get over Sander. He wasn’t that kind of person.

Milan got up and walked towards the door without saying a word, which only aggravated Robbe even more.

“I won’t do this to him, Milan!”

-----

And he really, really wasn’t going to. But then, as he was walking to his last class the next day, he caught sight of a sliver of white hair out of the corner of his eyes and his brain kind of just stopped working.

He couldn’t even think about escaping before Sander’s gaze had met his.

“Robin. Long time no see.” Sander said. He didn’t even bother smirking to smooth his tone over, all coldness and anger that sent chills up Robbe’s spine.

Robbe laughed dryly, his otherwise good mood crushed in an instant. “Yeah, too bad you decided to ruin it, hm?”

Sander stepped closer to Robbe, making him take some tentative steps back towards the wall. The corridors were mostly empty now, most students having already reached their classes. Robbe should definitely follow suit if he doesn’t want to be late, which he definitely doesn’t, considering how strict this teacher is and how behind he is in the course. But it’s as if his body stopped obeying his mind, his feet rooted in place as if cemented into the floor.

“How long are we gonna keep playing cat and mouse for?” Sander said, voice low and hoarse, letting Robbe know he was actually pissed off by Robbe’s avoidance.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

If Robbe had thought Sander was mad before, it was nothing compared to now. His eyes had gone dim and narrow and if the way his breathing became more labored was any indication, Robbe was in trouble.

He looked to his left, then to his right, but Sander’s body was pretty much crowding him, making it impossible for Robbe to simply walk away without a confrontation.

“Oh, really? ‘Cause that’s not what you were saying last week when you couldn’t get your hands off me at that party and I had to drag your drunk ass home.”

Robbe’s head snapped back to Sander’s, now angry as well. “Fuck off, I was drunk. Of course I’d try to go for someone like you.”

Sander’s hands slammed the wall on each side of Robbe’s head, making him flinch slightly. They were so close by now that Robbe could feel Sander’s hot breath on his face, which was only slightly distracting him from the hurt that flared in Sander’s gaze.

“What the fuck do you mean by that?” Sander asked, practically growling with anger.

If it was anyone else, Robbe might have felt bad about what he’d insinuated. But this was Sander and making Sander angry only resulted in making Robbe even angrier.

Raising his chin to match Sander’s height, Robbe locked his eyes with his, trying to appear as unbothered as he could. “Someone who’d fuck anything with a heartbeat,” he spat out, smirking at the way Sander’s face fell.

“Shut the fuck up,” Sander said, eyes closed and sounding out of breath.

Robbe’s brain was no longer thinking logically, completely wrapped up in the tension electrifying the air between them.

“Make me then.”

And for once, Sander didn’t respond with some snarky remark to one-up Robbe. He just dived right in.

Fumbling behind Robbe, Sander pushed open a nearby door, gripping Robbe’s shirt and pulling them in. He shut the door close with his right foot, shoving Robbe against a shelf roughly.

Robbe winced a little as he was sent backwards, preparing himself for the landing, but Sander managed to slip his hand behind his head just in time to avoid a collision. Robbe sighed in relief, but the end of his sigh was caught by Sander’s mouth on his, harsh and demanding.

Instinctively, Robbe’s hands went up to Sander’s hair, twisting his fingers in the strands and pulling in desire. Sander’s moan was barely audible, swallowed somewhere in their kiss. As Sander’s tongue found its way to Robbe’s mouth, his fingers slipped to Robbe’s waist, holding him tightly against the shelf.

The room was entirely silent, apart from the wet sound of their mouths gliding together and the occasional whimper from either of them. Robbe had closed his eyes as soon as he’d felt Sander push him back into the room, but as Sander’s mouth navigated to his neck, he took the time to look at their surroundings.

Sander had ushered them into a closet, buckets and mops laying all around as the air smelled distinctly of cleaning products. It was dark, the only light coming from the small crack under the closed door and Robbe could barely make out where he ended and where Sander started.

His train of thoughts was quickly interrupted by Sander’s teeth sinking into the delicate skin of his neck, pulling and sucking. His head fell back against the self as his eyes rolled back a little, overwhelmed with the sensations. He was really glad for Sander’s hands on his waist keeping him upright, because he was pretty sure they were about to give out.

As Sander kept sucking his way along Robbe’s neck, Robbe brought his hands down to the hem of Sander’s shirt, pulling a little. Sander seemed so absorbed in his task that he didn’t react to Robbe’s touch, forcing him to physically get Sander’s head away from his neck.

“Sander,” Robbe said, as Sander just grunted, clearly annoyed he’d been interrupted. “Sander. Shirt off.”

That seemed to wake Sander up from his daze, as he quickly got rid of his shirt, before removing Robbe’s in one swift move. The second Robbe’s shirt hit the floor, Sander’s mouth was already back on him, making its way down his chest.

Robbe had to stifle a moan with his hand when Sander got to the edge of his pants, sucking yet another bruise there. Sander was taking his time, clearly enjoying the way he could make Robbe squirm with his mouth.

Robbe’s hands had found a home in Sander’s hair, pulling especially hard to make Sander go faster. It had the reverse effect, as Sander slowed his sucking down to come soothe the mark with his tongue, licking slowly over Robbe’s skin.

Robbe whined a little, annoyed at how slow this was going. Sander chuckled, clearly amused at how eager Robbe was to move this along and decided he’d made Robbe suffer enough.

In an instant, his hands were on Robbe’s belt, struggling with the buckle for a few seconds before harshly pulling it out of its hoops and throwing it behind him carelessly. Sander hooked his fingers in both Robbe’s jeans and underwear, tugging them down in one swift move as he dropped to his knees.

Sander’s hands gripped Robbe’s waist hard, making sure he wasn’t going to move. As Robbe brought one of his hands to Sander’s neck, the other still twisted in his hair, he felt Sander breath heavy on his skin. He barely had a moment to register the heat before Sander’s mouth wrapped around him, all warm and wet. All Robbe could feel was pure bliss, closing his eyes shut as Sander moved his head back and forth.

He’d had sex with other guys before Sander, but right now, he couldn’t remember a single one of them. It was like Sander’s mouth had wiped his slate clean at the first flick of his tongue.

Robbe’s muscles ached from how hard he was clenching them, and he could feel his toe curling in his shoes. It was so unbelievably good that it had made Robbe forget all about the promise he’d made to himself.

That’s what Sander did to him, he made him throw all caution out the window and indulge himself in this bad, bad, mistake.

Because that’s what this was: a mistake.

As Sander moved his head a little faster, Robbe’s brain started screaming danger at him, making panic rise up in his chest.

“Sander. Sander! Wait, wait, wait, stop,” Robbe stuttered out, pushing at Sander’s shoulders.

Sander immediately pulled back, his eyes wide and worried. Robbe hurried to pull his pants back up, refusing to even look Sander’s way.

“Robbe?” Sander asked, voice low and careful.

He took a tentative step towards Robbe who immediately threw his hands up to stop him. “Don’t.” Robbe bent down to pick his shirt up, throwing it on carelessly. “It’s fine, I’m fine, I just have to… go.”

With that, he practically ran for the door, knocking over one of the mops on the way. Sander just stared at him, confusion, but mostly concern, written all over his face.

As he opened the door and stepped out, Robbe had to fight the urge to look back at Sander, instead choosing to swallow his shame and hurry out of the room, out of the corridor and out of the school.

----

After the complete humiliation that had been, Robbe swore to Milan he was never going to show his face again to uni. He was just going to have to change university, or even country, to make sure he’d never have to cross paths with Sander again. There was no other choice.

But there actually was another choice, which Milan kindly reminded him of.

Theo.

So, here Robbe was, nervously fiddling with his headphones as he queued at the small café where he knew Theo was working today. He knew that because he’d usually try to avoid coming in at this time, just so he’d be sure he wouldn’t be subjected to Theo’s flirting. Today, though, he was hoping for the exact opposite.

“Welcome to Café Het Hoekje, how may I—” Theo began, raising his head at the same time and coming to an abrupt stop as his gaze fell upon Robbe. “Oh! Robbe!”

He straightened up a bit, his bored expression transforming into a radiant smile. “Hey, how are you?”

Robbe ran a hand through his hair, a habit he couldn’t seem to shake, and smiled back at Theo. “Hey! Yeah, I’m good, you?”

Theo nodded enthusiastically, seeming overjoyed that Robbe cared enough to ask him how he’d been. That made Robbe’s stomach twist uncomfortably.

“Yeah, I mean, it was fine. I’m better now that you’re here.” Theo added, punctuating his sentence with a wink.

Robbe chuckled slightly, already wondering if he should just order coffee as usual, leave and forget all about his plan.

Theo leaned slightly on his forearms, shortening the safe distance the counter between the two of them provided.

“I missed you,” He said, whispering so only Robbe would hear.

Theo had always been very forward in his flirting and Robbe was more than expecting it, but he still blushed a little. It was now or never, so Robbe inhaled deeply, before putting on his most charming smile.

“Me too. Say, how about we grab some coffee after your shift?” Robbe asked, trying his hardest to stop his voice from shaking as he spoke. His mind was begging for him to stop, but Robbe simply ignored it, smiling a little more and shoving his hands inside his pockets so he’d stop playing with the hem of his jacket.

Theo’s face was almost comical, as his eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped open. He stayed frozen in place for a few seconds, as if he was expecting Robbe to laugh and say it was just a joke. Theo shook himself out of it, coughing awkwardly before immediately letting out a quick series of ‘yes.’

Robbe took pity on him, asking him when he was off and promising he’d be back for him then. Theo answered each question a beat too late, as if in a daze.

When Robbe made to leave the café, he heard Theo shout after him, half-walking, half-jogging up to him, a piece of paper in his hand.

“Robbe! Here, my number. Just in case,” he said, his tone assured, having clearly regained his confidence on his way over.

Robbe smiled, grabbing the paper and sliding it inside his pocket. He thanked Theo, who just winked at him again, before walking back towards the counter. Robbe watched him go, smiling a little to himself, proud that his plan had so easily worked. As he pushed through the door and breathed the soft outside air, he felt like maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t going to regret this.

Sadly, that feeling didn’t last long. As soon as he sat down facing Theo, a steaming cup of cappuccino in his hands, the worries came back to him like a slap in the face. He was worried about hurting Theo, about getting over Sander, about not getting over Sander. The more he tried to forget about it, the more he ended up relating everything to him. It was like Sander had lodged itself in a corner of his mind and now refused to leave. He had a Sander shaped squatter in his brain and he was really getting fed up with it.

“Robbe?” Theo said, slowly, bringing Robbe out of his thoughts so abruptly he almost felt whiplash.

Robbe sent him a sorry smile, before asking him to, please , repeat what he’d said. Theo shook his head while laughing, as if Robbe had just told him something unbelievably funny. From the look in Theo’s eyes, Robbe wouldn’t doubt he thought Robbe was too absorbed by him and stopped listening to look. God, he felt like such a fucking asshole.

“I just asked how your classes were going,” Theo finally said, still wearing a proud smirk, not unlike the ones Sander sent him time after time. On Theo, however, it simply looked wrong. While it suited Sander, as if his face was molded to accomodate a smirk, Theo’s looked uncomfortably twisted.

“Yeah, I’m really busy, but other than that, it’s going fine,” Robbe answered, barely managing to lift the corner of his lips high enough to qualify for a smile. “I mean I have this really stressful exam thursday in the hall…”

Theo nodded solemnly at that. “Ah, semi-finals, right?” Robbe nodded, sighing a small ‘yeah.’ “When’s yours, in the morning?”

“Nah, thank God. I’m from one to four pm,” Robbe said, feeling his eyes drift to the side despite himself. They weren’t alone, but the café was empty enough that he probably wouldn’t be meeting anyone he knew. He was glad for that sense of intimacy, because he wasn’t sure he’d know how to explain what he was doing with ‘won’t-stop-flirting-with-me-please-help-jens-I’ll-literally-pay-you’ Theo to one of his friends.

Theo nodded again, sipping his own drink carefully. He opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to hesitate before any word could leave his mouth. He breathed deeply, as if to steel himself, and now Robbe was starting to get properly nervous.

“Look, Robbe, I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to be one hundred percent honest, alright?” Robbe gulped hard, nodding his head nonchalantly, despite his heart rising up to his throat. Theo knew. Somehow, he knew that Robbe was using him and this whole thing would fail.

“So… Do you, like, have a boyfriend?” Theo asked finally, refusing to meet Robbe’s eyes.

Robbe frowned, taking a few seconds to process what Theo had just asked him, before starting to laugh.

“A boyfriend? What? No way!” Robbe answered, stifling his laugh awkwardly with a slight cough.

Theo’s face lit up instantly, as he straightened his back and brought his eyes back to Robbe. Green eyes, just like Sander. Well, not nearly as beautiful.

“Oh? Great, that’s great! I just saw you with this guy at a few parties, so I thought…” Theo trailed off, scratching his neck.

Robbe furrowed his eyebrows, unsure he understood what Theo was talking about.

“Guy? What guy?”

Theo half-shrugged, giving Robbe a lopsided smile. “The blonde guy? From Arts?” Sander.

“Sander?” Robbe asked, prompting Theo to nod hesitantly. “God, no, Sander isn’t my boyfriend. I mean, we… you know, a couple of times, but there were zero feelings there.”

Theo laid his right hand over his heart, dramatically exhaling. “Good. That’d be too bad.”

Robbe smiled, giving him a small nod. Yeah… too bad .

----------

“No, Jens, you don’t understand. I had to order three cups just to make sure I wouldn’t fall asleep on him!” Robbe said, laughing along with the other boys.

Jens laid a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, giving him a serious look. “What about the plan then?”

Robbe sighed, shaking himself out of Jens’s grip. “Man, fuck the plan.”

That got him another round of laughs and a clap on the back from Moyo, whose approval didn’t actually feel good at all.

“It was a shit plan from the start, anyway,” Jens added. Robbe nodded vehemently, before plopping himself down next to him at the table.

Moyo clapped his hands together to get everyone’s attention. “So, guys, time for serious matters now,” he paused, turning to look at each of their clueless faces, before he sighed and continued, “Tomorrow’s party, jongens!”

The three other boys cheered him on, Robbe included. A party was exactly what he needed to forget the Theo Fiasco. He’d get really, really drunk, so he could, one, not think about Theo and, two, not sleep with Sander in inadvertance. It was essentially a fool-proof plan.

“God I can’t wait to get laid!” Aaron said in a whiny voice, which only made everyone erupt in laughter again.

“Aaron, you’re as likely to get laid as Jens is to graduate in time,” Moyo said, laughing at his own joke as Aaron just looked away, defeated. Jens mocked him, saying Moyo wasn’t anywhere near any of those two things, which only resulted in Moyo’s protesting.

“Man, for someone who loves teasing so much, you really can’t take a joke,” Jens said, shaking his head with a smile.

Moyo smiled as well, shrugging. “A man’s gotta defend his honour, Jens.”

They all went back to their phone, scrolling aimlessly. Robbe was jumping from profile to profile on Instagram, trying to find anything that would capture his attention. When he fell upon a picture of Theo smiling with the caption ‘To new beginnings!’, he closed the app, shut his phone off and slid it in his pocket, sighing.

“Guys, who’s keeping the stash this time? I don’t want to have to run from the police again like last time because you’re a bunch of cowards,” Robbe said. At their last party, Moyo had gotten too scared and chucked the weed at him. A cop had seen the interaction and started approaching Robbe who, naturally, ran out of the back of the house. He heard shouts following him, but he just ran until he couldn’t feel his lungs, satisfied when he realized he’d lost the cop somewhere along the way.

Moyo groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “Can’t we just decide that at the party?” Robbe opened his mouth to retort, but he was immediately interrupted.

“Party? What party?”

Robbe’s head whipped to the side, only to find Theo, fucking Theo , standing right next to their table, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was clearly interrupting something.

Robbe turned towards Jens, sending him a panicked look, silently trying to convey that he shouldn’t mention the party. To his demise, Jens just smiled back at him, clearly intending to have some fun at Robbe’s expense.

“Hey Theo! Good to see you, man!” Jens said, exchanging a handshake with him. “We’re going to a party friday night, I’m sure Robbe told you all about it, right?”

If looks could kill, then Jens would be dead and buried, from the way Robbe was trying to drill holes into his skull with his stare.

Theo shifted uncomfortably on his feet, turning to Robbe in question. “Uh, no, he hadn’t?”

Fucking Jens. He was so going to pay for this.

Robbe tried to swallow back his anger as best as he could, before turning towards Theo and offering him a tight-lipped smile. “Yeah, I was just about to text you, actually. D’you wanna come with?” Robbe asked, silently praying Theo would be otherwise occupied.

However, he could feel his hope shrivel up and die inside of him as Theo smiled brightly and nodded. “Yeah! Of course. I’ll pick you up around seven and we can pregame together?”

Robbe coughed, trying to hide his eagerness to end this conversation as he racked his brain for an excuse.

“Eh, I’m actually already pregaming with my friends, but I’ll meet you there?” Robbe said, hoping Theo wouldn’t try to get himself invited to the pre-party too.

Thankfully, he didn’t, smiling again, always , before agreeing to meet him there around nine.

As soon as Theo was out of earshot, Robbe turned to Jens furiously.

“Seriously Jens! You’re a fucking asshole!”

Jens just laughed, sending Robbe a look that suggested Robbe might have been an asshole too. Sighing, Robbe let his head drop in his arms, facing the table and closed his eyes.

“Fuck my life.”

-----------

Robbe hadn’t managed to get drunk at the pre-party like he’d planned to. The boys had hogged the beers at first, relenting a grand total of two beers to Robbe, claiming he had to be sober to meet Theo.

Robbe really needed to find new friends.

So, here he was, sitting on a couch with his third beer in, like, four hours, and bored out of his mind. He watched the people come and go, dancing in the middle of the room or making out in darkened corners. The walls were illuminated by a soft glow, emanating from tiny colourful led lights stuck all around. The stereo was playing some rap song Robbe didn’t know the name of, but he didn’t mind. He wasn’t even paying attention to the music.

Ever since they’d entered the party about half an hour earlier, Robbe had been on the lookout for a familiar strike of white. He hadn’t realized he’d been searching for him at first, but once he did, he chucked it off to habits and went to sit down where he was still currently sipping his drink.

He leaned his head backwards on the couch, closing his eyes slowly. Theo had texted him a few minutes ago that he was almost there, so Robbe’s peace was sure to be short-lived. He could try and escape, but he already felt like the biggest asshole on Earth, so he wasn’t going to also stand him up.

He’d meet Theo, have a few drinks with him and then excuse himself by making up some bullshit excuse and he’d go home to wallow in his own misery alone.

Feeling a light tap on his left shoulder, Robbe opened one of his eyes to peek at the person who’d decided to interrupt his small repose.

Theo , of course. At least now he could get this over with and get back to his bed.

“Hey! Sorry for the wait,” Theo greeted him, with his ever-lasting smile. Robbe wondered if he’d keep smiling if he told him why Robbe had even asked him out to begin with.

“No problem. I just…” Robbe gestured around him, unsure himself what exactly he was trying to say.

Theo sat next to him, their entire sides completely plastered to each other and Robbe felt a little like he was choking on air, and not in a good way.

They talked for a bit and in the time it took Robbe to even finish his beer, Theo had gone through more than a few unidentified sugary drinks, becoming more and more self-assured and talkative.

“Come dance!” Theo exclaimed, pulling on Robbe’s arm. Robbe shook his head, firmly sinking himself down further onto the sofa.

“No, no, I don’t dance”

Theo tutted him, unrelenting in his tugging. “Everyone dances! Come on, alsjeblieft…” Theo pouted, probably aiming to convince Robbe with his puppy eyes. The truth was, Robbe had invented that trick and he wasn’t about to be swayed by an amateur. However, he was tired and he had an inkling that Theo wouldn’t stop until he got Robbe up on that dancefloor.

So, up he went.

The song had moved on to something more upbeat and clubby, but Robbe couldn’t make his limbs move in any way that resembled dancing unless he was properly hammered, which, again, he wasn’t.

Theo really didn’t seem to mind though, as he was dancing closer and closer to Robbe. As Theo’s hands came in contact with Robbe’s skin, his own hands instinctively rose up to the other’s hair.

He tried to push his thoughts away, but he couldn’t help comparing it to what he knew best: Sander. Theo’s hair was shorter and while it was well kept, it lacked the distinctive softness Sander’s had. It didn’t please Robbe’s fingers the way Sander’s did and when he tugged on the strands a little, the sound that escaped Theo’s mouth filled Robbe with disappointment. It didn’t make him hot all over, it didn’t make him want to burrow his fingers even deeper, no, instead Robbe had to fight the urge to pull his hands back entirely.

When Theo brought one of his hands to Robbe’s neck, guiding his head towards him and leaning in, it took everything in Robbe not to push him away. Their lips met harshly, but it didn’t feel like it should. Like he knew it would with a certain someone else.

As their lips glided together, the kiss felt sloppy and where Robbe couldn’t get enough of Sander’s hands on him, Theo’s felt scorching and bruising. Theo pushed a little forward, trying to deepen their kiss, but Robbe leaned his head back and away a little to prevent access.

This didn’t seem to dether Theo, however, who just slowly slid his mouth on Robbe’s jaw, all the way to his neck. Robbe felt a little dazed, as if he was having an out of body experience. He could feel Theo pull onto a small bit of skin on his neck with his teeth, but he didn’t get the wave of pleasure that usually came with it. It wasn’t painful, it just… wasn’t very much. When Sander would get a hold of his neck, however… Robbe was pretty sure he could come simply from Sander sucking hickeys onto him.

Theo bit a little harder, probably trying to get some kind of reaction from Robbe. Robbe brought his hands up, intending to detach Theo from where he was sucking like a leech at his neck, but before he could reach Theo, he felt him back away quickly.

Confused, Robbe blinked a few times to make the room clearer. That’s when he saw that Theo hadn’t backed away, he’d been quite literally rippedaway from Robbe.

By none other than the blonde who’d been occupying Robbe’s brain himself.

“What the fuck, man!?” Theo shouted at Sander, panting as he tried to regain control of his breathing.

Sander wasn’t paying him any attention, though, all of his focus being on Robbe. He looked a little disheveled, his hair in disarray and his pupils blown. Robbe had seen him in a similar state before, but it was usually while they were right about to have sex, pleasure and anticipation written all over his features. Now, all he could see on Sander’s face was a heart-wrenching mixture of anger and betrayal.

“Sander? What… Why...?” Robbe started, unable to find the right words to voice his thoughts.

Sander’s gaze bore into Robbe’s and it was painful to maintain, but Robbe was unable to tear his eyes away, in a trance-like state.

Theo’s voice shook him out of it, cutting through the tension like a sharp knife.

“So you’re Sander, I thought that was you too, with the whole…” Theo looked Sander up and down with a slight scrunch of his nose. “Moody thing going on.”

Sander finally turned his head towards him, his jaw clenching as soon as his eyes landed on Theo.

“Stay away from this.” He turned back to Robbe, clearly unbothered by Theo’s presence. “I knew you were an ass—”

Theo cut him off, now sounding angry as well. “Just because Robbe doesn’t have feelings for you doesn’t mean you get to insult him like this.”

Robbe knew he should intervene, prevent the situation from escalating, but he felt frozen in place. His brain was in overdrive and he just felt like running away, but his legs refused to obey. So, he stared, helpless, as they bickered on.

“Ok, who the fuck are you exactly?” Sander growled at Theo, rising the volume of his voice even more. By now, they were practically screaming and Robbe was thankful for the loud music covering the exchange from prying ears.

Theo puffed his chest out a little, a gesture which would have made Robbe laugh under any other circumstance, staring right at Sander as he said, “His date. Who are you ?”

Sander’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline at the bold answer, but the surprise on his traits was soon replaced by conceit. He smirked, quirking his mouth in just the right way to seem insolent and charming at the same time.

To anyone else, Sander might have looked like he was going to make a silly joke, but Robbe knew him better than that.

“I’m the guy who had him screaming under me more times than I can count, but I guess Robbe failed to mention that, hm?” Sander answered, turning to Robbe, wearing his most innocent smile. “Right, Robbe?”

Robbe looked away, unwilling to play into Sander’s game, but also unable to deny what he’d said.

Sander turned back to Theo, whose face had turned completely red, both from embarrassment and anger, Robbe guessed.

“No, really, was it not a problem for you? I got worried my neighbours would send a formal complaint,” Sander laughed, dryly, his tone void of humour. At the sight of Theo’s reddened face and Robbe’s avoiding eyes, something lit up in Sander’s eyes, as if he’d just made the link he needed to deliver the last blow.

“Oh, have you not…? Oh, well that’s awkward, isn’t it?” Sander smiled, as Theo took a step towards him. Instead of backing away, Sander gave him a little pout, before letting out a small ‘Oops?’ that suggested he was anything, but sorry.

Robbe felt like he was boiling inside with shame, but, more than anything, he wanted this whole thing to be over. As he raised his foot to take a step between the two boys, he was cut off by Theo’s fist flying towards Sander.

Robbe let out a small scream, but Theo missed Sander by a good few inches. Robbe was about to sigh in relief, thankful Theo wasn’t sober, when he saw Sander reel his own arm back.

It happened like in slow motion. Robbe, standing there, dumbfounded, as Sander punched Theo square in the jaw, making him stumble a few steps to the side. Some blood fell into Theo’s hand and the mere sight of it sprung Robbe into action.

“Enough!” He screamed, making both boys turn to him. “You’re acting like two fucking macho idiots! You guys keep fighting it out, I don’t care, I’m going the fuck home.”

With that, Robbe turned on his heels, pushing through the swarms of bodies and heading straight for the door. He stomped his way down the alley, angry at Theo, at Sander, but mostly at himself.

As he reached the street, he could hear his name being called from behind, but he didn’t stop. He kept going, satisfied when the screaming stopped following him. He slowed down, feeling so overwhelmed he thought he might start to cry. As he came to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk, a familiar hand wrapped around his wrist, gently, but firmly turning him around.

It was Sander, of course it was. The only thing that kept Robbe from wretching his arm away from Sander’s hold was the creases of worry that were etched into his forehead. The anger from earlier was gone and the emotions whirling in Sander’s eyes gripped and pulled at Robbe’s heart.

“Robbe…” Sander started. His tone was low and calm, almost tender in the way it’d been last time when Robbe had  freaked out in the closet. It pained Robbe, probably a lot more than anger would have.

“Sander. I’m tired, ok, I just… Can we just not fight for one night?” Robbe pleaded, truly feeling like his bones suddenly weighed more than they should. He was tired, tired of this, tired of not knowing, tired of the push-and-pull, just so tired.

Sander stared at him for a beat, staying silent. Robbe sighed, starting to pull his arm away, but Sander held on.

“I don’t want to fight,” Sander said quickly, as if he was worried Robbe would run away if he took one second too long to answer. Robbe wasn’t even sure he had the energy left to walk, let alone run.

“Then what, Sander?” Robbe asked, trying to sound annoyed, but ending up somewhere between fatigue and worry.

This time it was Sander’s turn to sigh, running his free hand through his strands of hair.

“I’m sorry,” he said, finally, making sure he held Robbe’s gaze as he spoke. “For what I said, in there. I’m not sorry I punched that asshole,” Robbe gave him a warning look, but Sander just winked and kept going.

“I’m not. He deserved it. But I am sorry for what I said about you. I was angry and I had no right to say that. I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore.”As soon as he was done talking, Sander averted his eyes , refusing to see Robbe’s reaction to his words.

Robbe wasn’t sure what he was meant to think, but he knew one thing: he was exhausted of thinking.

So, he did the first thing that went through his mind, stepping closer to Sander and latching onto his lips.

Sander immediately responded, pressing back against Robbe’s lips. Their usual kisses were heated and filled with urgency, but this one was anything but. Their lips met softly and they kissed leisurely, savoring every second of it. As Sander’s hands came to their spot on Robbe’s waist, their creases almost imprinted there, Robbe broke the kiss off slowly. He quickly pecked Sander’s lips one more time, making the corner of his mouth twitch upwards.

“Come over?” Robbe asked, whispering. He felt like a single loud noise could shatter the bubble they made in the alley.

Sander rubbed his nose with Robbe’s softly, breathing out a ‘yes’ in the air between them.

The walk over to Robbe’s apartment was slow. They walked side by side, stopping from time to time to steal a kiss or two. Their smile was permanent and the air between them felt playful and void of its usual tension. Yet, it didn’t feel like anything was missing, on the contrary. Robbe felt full and light, as he raced Sander for the last mile to his front door.

Robbe won, obviously, but his words lacked their usual bite when he called Sander ‘slow as fuck’. They made their way upstairs, Robbe constantly having to shush Sander who was tripping over the stairs from trying to get up first.

“Sander!” Robbe screamed in a hushed voice, “I have roommates, be quiet!”

Sander only turned around briefly to offer him a toothy grin, before he’d go right back to his antics. Robbe laughed along, following him inside the apartment and all the way to his bedroom.

They took their shoes and jackets off, throwing them carelessly on the floor. Sander walked towards Robbe, making him take steps backwards until his knees hit the bed. He smirked up at Sander as he let himself fall ungraciously on the bed. Sander laughed, maneuvering him around a bit to comfortably climb over.

Sander’s face appeared right above Robbe’s, both smiling at each other like idiots. Sander raised his hand, slowly bringing it to Robbe’s face. He caressed the side of his face slowly, settling his palm over his jaw, right where the disappearing bruise of their distant fight remained.

Sander bent down, wetting his lips with his tongue right before he met Robbe’s mouth. That kiss was just like the one they’d shared outside of the party, slower and softer than their usuals, but just as passionate. Robbe brought his hand to Sander’s hair, tucking a strand behind his ear before brushing his fingers through it.

The familiar feeling made him smile into their kiss, which in turn made Sander lean his head back, one eyebrow raised in question.

“I missed your hair,” Robbe half-whined, tucking on a few strands to demonstrate his point. Sander snorted, resting his forehead on Robbe’s.

“Only my hair? I’m hurt,” Sander teased, but Robbe winced, hearing the honesty behind the banter.

Robbe held Sander’s entire face between his two palms, locking it in place. “No. I missed you too.” Robbe said, hoping that Sander could hear the honesty in his voice too.

Robbe saw something twitch in Sander’s eyes, like a crack in the wall he’d carefully built around himself. Sander nodded, serious, before his lips curved into yet another smirk.

“Oh, yeah? Any parts of me in particular?”

Robbe smiled, pretending to think it over. Sander took advantage of Robbe’s distraction to slide his free hand under his shirt, stroking his skin softly. Robbe’s muscles shifted under Sander’s palm and Robbe let out an involuntary gasp, making Sander look at him proudly.

“Yeah, your hands,” Robbe said quietly.

Sander smiled even more. “What else?” He asked, now bringing both hands under Robbe’s shirt, lifting it up slightly. Robbe curved his back a little to help Sander pull the shirt off. Robbe tucked at Sander’s shirt, removing it swiftly so he could have Sander’s hands on him again.

Without breaking eye contact, Sander lowered himself until his head was over Robbe’s chest, pressing his lips right above his stomach as he trailed his way down with open-mouthed kisses. Robbe sighed with satisfaction, sinking further in the mattress.

Suddenly, as Sander started sucking a bruise on his hip, Robbe remembered the singular hickey Theo had been trying to etch into his skin earlier. Tugging on Sander arms’, Robbe brought him back up to face him. Sander’s eyebrows were furrowed, probably wondering why Robbe was interrupting him.

“On my neck,” Robbe said, pointing the general direction of where Theo had been attached to his neck.

A look of recognition passed through Sander’s eyes as he looked at Robbe’s neck. Still, he asked, “Are you sure?”

Robbe nodded, giving a small smile as he admitted quietly, “I like yours better”.

Sander smiled brightly at Robbe, before diving back in. The second Sander started sucking on Robbe’s skin, Robbe knew it was right. His whole body lit up, a fire burning in his stomach, flames licking all the way up his body as Sander licked his way down.

Once Sander’s hands made it to Robbe’s jeans, it was a quick affair. Both of their pants were discarded in a matter of seconds, underwears quick to follow. Sander began to lower himself, stopping short of Robbe’s skin.

“This is ok, right?” Robbe nodded rapidly, whispering a small “Yeah, more than ok,” with a smile.

Sander grinned back, licking his lips before wrapping them around Robbe.

Robbe let out a small whimper as Sander started working his way up and down in precise motions. As he clenched his hands in Sander’s hair, Robbe felt a thick mist envelop his thoughts.

Hands sliding over skin, rough and needy.

Lips envelopping, soft and comforting.

Hair being tugged, harsh yet soothing.

And love being made, bruising yet tender.

Once they were both lying next to each other, blissed out and still trying to catch their breath, Robbe turned on his side, facing Sander.

“Your mouth,” Robbe said, hushed.Sander just hummed in question, unmoving.“You asked what else I’d missed. Your mouth, I’d missed your mouth.” Robbe admitted, smiling softly to himself.

That made Sander turn his head towards Robbe. He smiled too, idly caressing Robbe’s face.

“I missed your dick, mostly,” Sander said.Robbe chuckled and playfully pushed at his shoulder. Sander simply brought his arm over Robbe’s waist, bringing him even closer to his body. Robbe raised his head, laying it on Sander’s chest, right over his heart. The sound of his heartbeat, still a little too fast, was soothing and Robbe felt himself slowly slip into unconsciousness.

Just as he was about to fall asleep, Sander’s voice brought him back to the surface.

“Robbe?”

Robbe hummed, physically unable to move a single muscle.

“This, tonight… This means something right? Something more?” Sander asked, his voice laced with insecurities in a way that broke Robbe’s heart a little.

So, he snuggled closer, laying a small kiss over Sander’s heart before settling back down. “Yes,” he breathed, “It does.”

Robbe felt Sander shift a little under him, just as a kiss was laid atop his head.

And there, as they laid cuddled up together in Robbe’s bed, there was no doubt in Robbe’s mind that what he felt for Sander was so very far from hatred.

So, so very far.