#and treats “junk food” like it's something that u can actually take seriously and not treat like trash or a forbidden thing

[teenagefeeling]

new sam reid video let's go!!!!!!!

[vitaminhosh]

prince!seungcheol

anon requested: “prince cheol i will lvoe u forever”

pairing: seungcheol x reader

under the cut bc it’s ridiculously long

oH boy i am so ready for this au

one of the most charming and endearing princes out there??

there isn’t anyone one within a 100-mile radius that dislikes seungcheol like..... have you met him

and anyone who does kind of feel some sort of dislike towards him

they see him smile and oops

how did I not like him before?? he’s an angel??

he is genuinely hard working and kind hearted though, he works very hard to make the lives of his people better

when he was younger and wasn’t allowed to go out he would have to learn about the kingdom’s history and,, all the war and bloodshed absolutely broke his heart

he swore that when he was older he would never allow something like this to happen again

when he was finally allowed to go out and saw some of the people struggling to just make do, he was determined to make a change

nowadays he makes it his mission to go out and meet everybody and see how they’re doing as often as his busy schedule allows

he’ll have lunch in the town and chat with the people, anyone who saw from the outside wouldn’t even suspect that he was royalty and just think that it was a table of old friends

plus his absolute favorite meal of all time is in this small shop tucked away in one of the small streets in the heart of town, and it was,,, a burger

sure the food in the palace was obviously amazing with top chefs cooking there and all but,, nothing really beats the burger made in this small shop that people barely even knew about

we all know seungcheol will be a well-dressed prince 

like,, he won’t want to be super over the top in full on capes and stuff but,, he sure as hell isn’t just walking around town in sweatpants or something

he cares about his image okay

(even though everyone will swoon even if he were to go out in sweatpants and a hoodie)

everyone in his kingdom is basically in love with him

as are the people in neighboring kingdoms 

and far away kingdoms

the other princes are jealous

have you seen his smile though? it can cure diseases

he takes his responsibilities very seriously, but obviously, he’s still a young man who likes to have fun and gets bored too

he doesn’t like to sit still, so when he’s finished with all of his duties he’ll be off to go do something

even at odd times at the night, you can find him in a nearby kingdom trying to find this specific comic book or something

people don’t find it weird anymore

“oh look prince seungcheol is here again did you want more of these sweets?”

he’s often seen hanging out with the other princes when he can

the people die when they see their princes hanging out together

has public social media accounts but also secret personal ones

spams the group chat full of princes,, just because he can

ok enough background stuff onto you and cheol

you work in one of those small tucked away shops that prince seungcheol likes to frequent

however you’re not from this kingdom, and you only work the night shift so it’s not like you know a lot of people or much about this kingdom

you’re just taking this job to try and make some cash while you’re away from home traveling, you happened to choose to stay here indefinitely

you’re not entirely sure who this strangely good-looking man is who only comes in at 3am every week is but ?? business is business plus you’re not gonna judge,, it’s not like you’ve never had cravings for junk food in the middle of the night too

since it’s late at night cheol is dressed in very casual clothes so nothing really gives away the fact that he’s actually the goddamn prince of this kingdom

since he comes so often plus he just likes to get to know people he makes small talk while you gather up his stuff

after a couple of weeks, you soon become kinda like friends ?? it’s a weird circumstance but hell it’s 3am nobody’s really functioning well enough to question this

 you’re sitting at the counter on your phone when the bell on the door rings signalling another customer

you just know it’s him again cause,,, not many people would be here at this ungodly time of night so you don’t bother looking up

you stop scrolling through instagram when you hear tutting in front of you

“I should complain to your manager you know- I’d rate this customer service a 1/10″

seungcheol watched as you finally looked up and chuckled at him

“sorry old man..... how can I help you, your highness”

seungcheol froze- did you finally find out who he was?

the reason he was so interested in you was because you didn’t seem to know who he was, and treated him like a normal person

his mind was going 100 miles a minute until you suddenly snorted

“god imagine it,, you ?? a king ?? pfft”

he smirked once he realized he wasn’t busted

“what do you have against me being a king huh?”

“idk man what kinda king buys junk food like three times a week at 3am,, plus ur a dork”

“wow,,, is that all i am to you,,,,,, a dork,,,, im hurt”

you smack his arm before starting to scan the things he’s put down on the counter

“how do you eat all this and stay in shape... tell me your secrets”

“god given metabolism sorry sweaty you can’t buy this :-)”

you snorted once again as you begin to pack his things into a paper bag

“did god accidentally spill all the ego into you as well”

“well i mean to help god out i do go workout too feel free to join me if you’re not too unfit to keep up”

“uhhh excuse me who are you calling unfit..... give me a time and place and I’ll fight beat you in a race”

“fine when do you get off tomorrow I’ll walk you to the hill and see who can get to the top first”

and that’s how you ended up at the bottom of a hill at 5am with a man you’ve never seen outside the shop

“whoever wins gets treated to breakfast”

“wipe that smirk off your face seungcheol I’m not getting beat by you”

surprise surprise,,,,, you lost

unfortunately he was much faster than you thought he would be

you were both lying on the grass, panting from running up a sizable hill 

you punched his arm

seungcheol sat up, mouth open as he was about to whine when a voice came from the bottle of the hill

“your highness! there you are! you were supposed to return an hour ago you father will find out you’ve been out!”

seungcheol’s eyes widened before cursing under his breath

“I gotta go but you still owe me breakfast okay I’ll explain everything tonight ok bye !!”

you just sat there in shock as seungcheol dashed down the hill, even faster than before as the worker followed behind him

“y-your highness?”

you had flashbacks to seungcheol smirking when you laughed at the idea of him being king

you make your way back home, with a permanent blush on your cheeks and a million thoughts in your head

how could you not know that he was the prince?

oh god you’ve been smacking the prince for weeks when he makes a stupid dad joke

you can’t sleep that day and when you’re back in the shop you’re barely conscious

you’re too tired to even think about seungcheol saying he would explain tonight

when seungcheol comes in and makes his way over to the counter, he expects to find you on your phone again but instead sees you asleep on the counter

he smiles softly before grabbing an old receipt and a pen and writing a note

“sleeping on the job? strike two y/n. I really should complain to your manager, guess I was just too fast for you ;). I’ll be back tomorrow, get some rest. p.s. you might want to wash that hoodie, you drooled a little bit”

you woke up with a panic when your phone chimed at 5am, reminding you it was time to close up

oh god seungcheol was supposed to come

after you finally orientate yourself you notice the note on the table

after reading the note you flush red again

oh god you were asleep in front of the cute prince and d r o o l e d

you stumbled home after closing up and immediately went to sleep

later that day you rushed to the shop, almost late since you were so tired you slept through your alarm

as 2 am came around the bell on the door rang and you sat up straight

seungcheol didn’t usually come till around 3 so you assumed this was an actual customer

"I hope you washed that hoodie before coming back here tonight”

you looked down and noticed that you were in such a rush that you didn’t even change out of last night’s outfit

flushing pink, you quip back with a “so what if I didn’t huh”

seungcheol finally appears from around the shelf

“its a bit gross i gotta say”

“not as gross as you”

seungcheol looked at you with a soft smile on his face, trying to get the words in his head to form coherent sentences

“im sorry”

you looked at him with a blank face

“what for ?? i mean i know its kinda gross but like i was gonna be late for work and-”

“no, I’m sorry for not telling you”

you sat there with your mouth half open and closed it before looking down at your hands that were on the counter

“it’s okay”

he took your hands in his, making you look up

“it’s not, I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I’ve just never had someone treat me like everyone else and it was... refreshing. But you deserved to know, I was being selfish. I’m sorry”

you gave seungcheol a soft smile, giving his hands a soft pat as he looked down at his feet to try and get his attention

“seungcheol really, it’s fine. I understand why you did it, I’m not mad”

“I still feel bad, it wasn’t right. You should be mad”

“well I mean I am....”

seungcheol looked up, ready to apologize again

“but only cause you beat me in a race,,,,, outrageous”

you smack him again, trying to lighten the mood

“but a deal is a deal, and I still owe you breakfast”

seungcheol started giggling, and you swear your heart skipped a beat

“im trying to be serious here and all you care about is getting beat”

“cheol, i really don’t mind. plus, I’m a woman of my word, I can’t have you owe me, that’s ridiculous”

“I’m busy later, how about you just treat me to a late night snack here instead”

fast forward to a couple weeks later, and you’re back at that hill waiting for seungcheol to come so that he can introduce you to his prince friends as you have a couple of days off

you can actually hear them before you see them 

who’s even surprised at this point it’s seungcheol + 12 rowdy boys

“guys please don’t be embarrassin- oH hi y/n you’re early hahaha”

“hi I’m jeonghan are you cheol’s girlfrien-”

seungcheol shoved the guy out of the way before he could finish his sentence

“sorry,,, my friends are idiots”

you chuckled as seungcheol sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, a light pink dusting his cheeks

“don’t worry, I like them”

“wE LIKE YOU TOO Y/N”

you giggled before heading over to the group of guys to go meet them properly

seungcheol stood still for a second, watching you introduce yourself to his friends a couple feet away

jeonghan came up to him, watching you with him

“when are you gonna ask her out, I thought you were going to the other day when you guys hung out at her place”

“she was tired so I let her sleep, some other time jeonghan”

they headed back to the group and you turned to them as you noticed the two join the circle

“cheol !! is it true that you tripped over a log and fell into the lake while trying to impress a girl when you were 6? i knew you were a dork but I didn’t think it was that bad”

“wHAT ARE YOU GUYS TELLING HER”

as the day began to end and everyone had to head back, seungcheol insisted on walking you back to your apartment

you had refused at first, but you were tired and it was late

when you got to your place you turned to seungcheol, about to thank him for walking you back when you saw him looking nervous

“cheol, are you okay? what’s wrong?”

“nothing,, I just,, y/n would you want- I mean- do you,, uh,,,, will you,, go out with me?”

you could barely hear him as he was mumbling but you just managed to catch his words

you put your hand on his cheek and pressed a quick kiss onto his other cheek

“of course seungcheol, it’d be an honor”

you smiled and said goodnight before heading inside

seungcheol stood there, frozen in shock as you had not only agreed but ???? you kissed his cheek ?????

you began to get ready for bed, a smile and a light blush on your face

you can’t believe you’re dating the biggest dork on the planet

seungcheol, on the other hand, was shouting at jeonghan down the phone; he practically skipping home

a/n: this is,,,,,, the longest thing ever im so sorry i got excited about this au

[avallcnis]

TAGGED BY:  @godowned (thank u...) TAGGING: this thing is so long but fun to do, so steal it if you want!

►   GENERAL.

HEIGHT:  5′8″ (178 cm)   WEIGHT:  149 lbs (68 kg)  — merlin’s really quite heavily built for his height. whilst he’s not excessively muscular he’s capable of easily wielding excalibur, an arming sword which isn’t light. he’s built as someone who carries and uses such a weapon would need to be, which is to say he’s a solid little bastard. ETHNICITY:  european, ‘welsh’. OCCUPATION:  absolute fucking goblin acting as a heroic spirit, specifically the grandcaster. GENDER:  prefers he/him. ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  makes absolutely no identification in this field. isn’t interested in labels.  MBTI:  entp - the visionary. the entp personality type is the ultimate devil’s advocate, thriving on the process of shredding arguments and beliefs and letting the ribbons drift in the wind for all to see. unlike their more determined judging (j) counterparts, entps don’t do this because they are trying to achieve some deeper purpose or strategic goal, but for the simple reason that it’s fun. no one loves the process of mental sparring more than entps, as it gives them a chance to exercise their effortlessly quick wit, broad accumulated knowledge base, and capacity for connecting disparate ideas to prove their points.

►   SPECIFICS.

FAVOURITE FOOD:  any strong positive emotions. FAVOURITE DRINK:  generally just water or fruit juices, but does enjoy wine. FAVOURITE HOBBY:  he doesn’t specifically have one, though he does enjoy reading to which end he reads vast amounts. he doesn’t stick to one particular genre and will read genuinely awful books to incredibly good ones. FAVOURITE SCENT:  light floral scents or musky ones. FAVOURITE PERSON:  arturia.

►   TEN FACTS.

his hair is absolutely awful to wash and takes forever. as well as being long it’s ridiculously thick, meaning to wash it properly he’s going to be there well over an hour. 

he’s strictly vegetarian, both due to being a shapeshifter and the fact he doesn’t need to eat so isn’t going to kill something/have something killed to satisfy whatever desire to taste something pleasant he may be having in a given moment. merlin has vastly different views on animals, humanising them to incredible degrees.

if you catch his eyes with a light in the dark they’ll do that silly glowy thing cats’ do due to having tapetum lucidum, which is either a hilarious party trick or absolutely terrifying depending on if you’re aware of this fact/expecting it. 

merlin doesn’t look to the past and as a result doesn’t often ���regret’ things, however when it comes to arturia he does so on a deep level. whilst he cannot and will not regret the fact she died (humans die and, sadly, that was the point in her life where she had to die), he regrets vastly the way in which he raised her and the lessons he taught her. at the time he didn’t see the damage he was doing, but in retrospect he does and he loathes himself for it.

merlin likes avalon, but ultimately prefers the realm in which humans reside for all he does not view himself as a creature which should be in said realm. he stays/returns to avalon out of a misguided sense of duty. the reality of it is that perhaps he sees himself as belonging to neither place, though finds himself tied to each in different ways. avalon is where he feels he must be, but the realm of humans is where he wishes to be.

whilst he likes avalon he does not like his tower. it is symbolic to a great many things he would prefer to forget, and as such is not somewhere he has any real desire to be. his continuing to return to it is a continuation of self inflicted punishment.

his primary defence against other people is to just shapeshift them into a harmless creature and leave. he’s not someone overly interested in conflict, and will do weird shit to try and avoid engaging where possible.

he doesn’t withhold information to be nasty/fuck with people as a rule, usually it is because telling people things too early can have negative effects which may end in less than ideal results. he tells people things when it is important that they know, and whilst his withholding of information is no doubt frustrating his reason for doing it is a good one. at least in his own mind.

he doesn’t actually like himself. he falls in a weird place of being confident (he knows he’s attractive, he knows he’s powerful) but simultaneously just not liking himself.

he isn’t a heroic spirit. he’s alive. he’s a living breathing person. he hasn’t been summoned and cannot be summoned. the version of himself in chaldea is either him entirely in full physical form, or it is a self manifested aspect of himself similar in substance to a heroic spirit.

►   FIVE THINGS HE LIKES.

BOOKS  —  as mentioned he loves to read. if you leave him alone you can guarantee you’ll come back and his nose will be in a book, be it one from avalon or one from the realm in which humans reside. he loves all books.

HUMANS  —  in general he loves humans as a whole, be them good or bad he still loves them. merlin does not need to like an individual person to objectively love what they are as a person, taking a fairly altruistic view of them. his purpose, were he to define it, is to love humans.

ANIMALS  —  merlin can shapeshift and understand animals in some sort of loose way. he tends to view animals on the same level as worth as people, often times preferring their company over humans’ due to their more uncomplicated natures in certain aspects. his views in this regard extend to the fantastical creatures of avalon to the ‘real’ ones of the regular world.

SO-BAD-THEY’RE-GOOD FILMS  —  merlin is more picky about films than books, but there’s certain genres which he will happily watch. this is one such thing, especially when it comes to the super cheesy vintage ones which don’t take themselves too seriously.

CONTACT  —  he’s tactile. he wants to touch and be touched in kind, even outside of a sexual setting. he will touch people regardless of setting unless they raise and overly pointed fuss about it making them uncomfortable, at which point he will generally endeavour to curb it. his contact isn’t always an overt thing, sometimes being brushing arms whilst walking, hands catching if he passes something, or sitting closer than another might deem necessary.

►   FIVE THINGS HE DISLIKES.

OVERT CRUELTY  —  as an individual who is likely defined by his love (which is probably ironic given what he says about himself) excessive cruelty between people or from people to creatures disturbs him deeply. Whilst he is used to it-- has experienced it-- he is not desensitised to it.

MODERN MAGES  — whilst he may like certain individuals as a generalised rule it’s not a practice he likes. he finds it terribly backwards, focusing on the wrong things whilst simultaneously inspiring people to do awful things in the pursuit of the root. it’s so far from merlin’s own personal values that he struggles to comprehend it, finding it foolish at absolute best. again, there are some he likes(?) as people but the concept as a whole is barbaric to him.

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS  — they’re more satisfying for him to consume and provide far more to him nutritionally, but he doesn’t like eating them and won’t if he’s given any other option. if he feeds on excessive negative emotions it will cause drops in his own moods, even if not severe ones. positive emotions are comparatively akin to junk-food; they taste great, but they’re ideally not what he should be feeding on.

PEOPLE TRYING TO GET CLOSE —  merlin tries to keep everyone at arm’s distance, meaning that when people take it upon themselves to try and get past this it makes him uncomfortable. merlin doesn’t want to run the risk of getting attached, meaning he doesn’t want people close enough for him to get attached to. in line with this people who’re excessively soft will do him a hard stress, since it’s hard not to be fond of people like that.

GRANDCASTER  —  the title is not one he wants, not one he asked for, and not even one he deserves since he is not a servant. if anything gilgamesh should be grandcaster. the title is just another thing to separate him from humanity, another thing making him more inhuman. keep in mind solomon was the one to hold this title first, and it was only in abandoning the title that he became ‘human’.

►   WORDS / PHRASES THAT ANNOY HIM.

AN EYE FOR AN EYE  —  revenge isn’t something merlin condones, isn’t something he cares for, and is something he abhors. throughout much of his time with people merlin has been treated badly, has been met with with cruelty despite doing nothing to merit it. it would be easy for merlin to be cruel, easy for him to lash out and hurt people as he has been, but he doesn’t and this is an integral part of his narrative as a character. merlin chooses love over hate, and against someone which would chose hate and revenge he finds himself at an impasse. 

►   PERSONALITY TYPES HE PREFERS.

KIND / BRAVE / NOBLE PERSONALITIES  —  if someone is a fundamentally good person than merlin will like them and, where possible, will offer them as much aid as might be appropriate in whatever the circumstances are. he will by default surround himself with people like this, finding them easiest for him to be around. even so though he will attempt to maintain his distance, so it may not be obvious that this is where he finds comfort if one does

►   PERSONALITY TYPES HE AVOIDS.

CRUEL / EXCESSIVELY ARROGANT / SELF-CENTRED PERSONALITIES  —  essentially ‘tyrants’ in a genuine sense. they’re personalities that can make him fairly uncomfortable, though given his exposure to them from a young age he’s all equipped at handling and deflecting them. the values of people like this are far removed from merlin’s own, making him entirely incompatible with people like this for all he can and will endure their presence without much fuss.

[mulattafury]

Hey so I'm looking at starting the Keto diet. Do you have any advice for like recipes or ingredients? Like maybe a good substitute for stevia (I just don't like the taste of it)? Would honey work? Also, some favorite recipes you've tried so far? Sorry, I know that's a lot of questions ^^;

Keto Connect - Super cute couple, both of them keto, sharing recipes, tips, ingredient reviews/comparisons, and budget/meal prep advice

Headbanger’s Kitchen - awesome heavy metal guitarist makes a variety of interesting and flavorful keto recipes influenced by indian cuisine. includes some vegan stuff as well! a nice diversion from the usual stuff you see.

As far as sweeteners, a lot of people use erithrytol or stevia-erithrytol blends to sweeten things like baked goods, since erithrytol is supposedly not metabolized by your body at all so you can completely deduct the carbs from it in your net carbs. Honey is not a great alternative since a single tablespoon of honey contains 17g of sugar (according to Google, who pulls nutrition info from USDA). Not only is that p much all of your carbs for 1 day, it will almost definitely trigger an insulin response and knock you out of keto.

I guess it just depends what you’re using the sweetener for? Like, if it’s for coffee or something, just use whatever sugar substitute you want. Powdered versions of sugar alcohol often contain actual sugar (a fact that makes my mind turn inside-out with frustration) but if you’re using like one Splenda packet in a cup of coffee I don’t think that’s enough to make a huge difference. Or get the liquid sucralose or something instead of Stevia.

If you’re concerned with sweetening baked goods, I’d say use erithrytol, and something like sucralose or stevia to punch it up if needed(erithrytol is less sweet than sugar, other sugar substitutes are often sweeter than sugar). But i would also suggest avoiding a lot of baking and treats when you first start and re-introducing them once you’re adapted. Your tastes will change a lot.

Some shopping tips:

- Mission Carb Control tortillas are amazing- Chicken thighs are cheaper, better-tasting, and have more fat than chicken breasts. On Keto, all of these things are positives.- Similarly, buy the highest fat content ground beef you can. Usually it’s 27/73. Keto or not, this is a requirement to make a good burger. :D- Pork rinds are a good thing to have around as a crunchy/impulse snack when you first start, while you’re adapting.- Grab a pint of halo top ice cream for when u do get a sweet tooth, or arctic zero if you’re lactose intolerant.- coconut flour actually makes a pretty good deep-fry coating. pork rinds make a better one but much higher calorie- you’re gonna need more eggs- seriously eggs are like the perfect keto food- Look for sugar-free, gluten-free, and paleo-friendly products. There’s a lot of overlap of these diets with keto. For example, Heinz makes a reduced sugar ketchup that has like 1g carbs per tablespoon, vs 4 in regular ketchup, and I don’t notice the difference. Again, though, your tastes change. I’m super sensitive to sweet flavors now, but also I’ve been drinking diet sodas since i was a kid so the “chemical” taste of artificial sweeteners doesn’t bother me if i notice it at all, so ymmv- ketoers love to brag about how much bacon they eat but honestly the novelty of bacon every day wears off fast.- you’re not really going to eat as much meat as you might think -- only 20% of your calories should come from protein -- but still, stock up on meat when you can. portion it out into individual servings and pack it in your freezer

Some life tips:

- don’t just eat junk. this is something i struggle with. a lot of junk is “keto friendly” and if you eat that while managing to stick to your macros you WILL stay in ketosis and you WILL lose weight (if that’s your goal. it’s my goal), but you’ll feel like ASS. Make sure you’re getting in all your micronutrients as well, and especially make sure you’re getting electrolytes.- don’t get discouraged by the cost of some of the ingredients. once you’re adapted you eat a LOT less. i spend very little on groceries per week, honestly my biggest food cost is probably my diet dr pepper addiction and i’ve been considering phasing that out.- if weight loss is your goal, you still have to eat at a calorie deficit. i think this is something that a lot of people who don’t get the results they want from a LCHF diet don’t realize. If you are small, sedentary, and afab like moi, that can mean very few calories -- I eat around 1000-1300kcal a day (often fewer than 1k tbh) but for my size and activity level that’s okay.- if weight loss is not your goal, just stick to your macros and don’t worry about counting calories and you’ll be good :)- double quarter pounder, add bacon, no ketchup, no bun, add mac sauce- you can find a keto-friendly option at most restaurants, but be aware that restaurant food often has “hidden carbs” and higher sugar content than homemade versions- if you drink, be careful! your metabolism will be a lot more efficient and it’s gonna wreck your alcohol tolerance. your drinking options are gonna be pretty much limited to lite beer and neat spirits, but 1-2 drinks is all you’re gonna be able to handle most likely.- these things are gross but worth saying:- you’re gonna pee a lot, especially when you’re adapting, and especially-especially because you should be drinking a LOT of water on this diet (part of the reason it’s so important to supplement electrolytes). it’s going to smell like straight up acetone. this is normal.- you’re uh, you’re not gonna poop very much. and it’s... gonna take a while before it’s “solid” again. one of the taglines of r/keto is “never trust a keto fart,” and it’s that for a reason. this is also normal, and if you’re eating right will improve over time.- if you do choose to supplement fiber, use psyllium husk tablets and make sure to drink plenty of water. adding psyllium husk powder or oat fiber to your food is a good option as well. fiber supplements like metamucil often have added sugar, so steer clear of these- don’t cheat until after you’re well-adapted. be very strict for a couple months, then maybe consider the occasional cheat meal. if you’re like me, it will help keep you from giving up, and if you’re trying to lose weight it might actually help keep you from stalling by resetting your metabolism- like many things, if it doesn’t feel good, stop. if you’re doing it right but getting negative side effects, it might not be the right option for you and that’s okay too!

ANYWAY this post is turning into a monster so I’ll end it here with a yeast bread recipe that was a game changer for me. Good luck!

[talking-to-myself-till-i-cry]

A lot happened today qnq

So, first of all, hey, I'm Elías and I'm back. I just wanted to tell y'all (if there's anyone reading) that I use this blog purely to relieve myself, and its been a while since I wrote something. I feel kinda safe in here since nobody I know follows this blog or knows about it, so that's why I'm here. If you want to know what my main blog is, is @solounaloka , but now I use it to reblog pictures of my artists and stuff like that, so I'll be using this blog to talk a little bit.

Now, I really need to talk about some things.

Its been a while since I've been in somewhat of a fight with my parents. I don't want to see them, nor they want to see me (I mean who would want to see me?). I dont feel comfortable talking with them anymore, I dont feel comfortable being around them at all, so I've decided to just, not arrive home when they are home. Both my parents work, and they come home from 1 pm and leave around 3 pm, and I'm supposed to be home at around 1 to 2 pm, but lately I've been arriving at 4 pm to avoid seeing them. I lied to them saying that I was in a club and stuff, but I'm actually at my boyfriend's house.

Today, a lot of things happened at his house. I discovered a side of him that I had never seen before, a cute and childish side, like he needs to be protected, and that he just wants to cuddle with me while I stroke his hair and sleep, forgetting about everything else. He also started to move his leg when I petted him (just like a dog! How fucking cute is that! >u<) and was falling asleep. I discovered that I really, REALLY love him, like, with all I have, and I seriously would give anything for him to be happy.

But then, I had to go home. Even though I hate my house and my parents, I love my sister, and I need her to be happy too. We bought junk food and talked, and she told me something... I don't know, something bad.

She told me about this dream she had, about us fighting over something little and making my dad angry, which lead to him beating me to (I believe) death, all while she was there, unable to stop him and seeing my mom just ignore everything. She later recalled that, at the end of the dream she was sitting with my dad, and she screamed at him, crying "The fact that your dad didn't loved you, doesn't mean you have to be mean to us!" And she woke up crying, and feeling bad about that (she was even thinking on apologize to our dad in real life).

The thing is that this made her realize her mixed feelings towards our parents, she has always loved them with all her heart, but she also doesn't really like them and how they treat us. She also realised how she felt about me, saying that she feels like she has never helped me through anything even if she tried (which, I really feel like she was always helping me throughout my whole life, if it weren't for her I wouldn't be here), and that she hates how our mom always ignores our problems or only tells us to "Accept God in our hearts".

She also told me how worried she was about my relationship with our mom, since all of this started because of my dad, and its not my mom's fault. She said that she noticed how sad our mom was now that I was not at home and only occasionally telling them where I was, that I'm worrying her too much. And I really wouldn't care any less about her, but its something that's affecting my sister, and I do worry about my sister, as I said, I only want her to be happy and successful in life.

We also talked about death, about my boyfriends mom death, and reflected in our own parents. She said that if something happened to them, and she was in a fight with them, she wouldn't forgive herself. I said I couldn't care less. Since we were little they tried to scare me with the same line of "If something happened to us, what would you do? You would be the only thing you have left!" And I mean, while it does scares me to lose them, were not children anymore, and I could handle to have a job to take care for her, and to give her the life she deserves. I think she was offended by my words, and I now feel bad, I should have thought about it before saying anything, and I should apologize now, but the words now are there for ever and I can only hope for her to forget it (or forgive me) soon.

I'm now thinking that I should arrive home early to see her, not my mom, not my dad, to see her. Even if it makes me uncomfortable to be around them, I only want the best for my sister, and I think that would be the best. Tomorrow I have a test so I can leave and arrive late home, but I think I'll be arriving at a reasonable time to be with her.

Also, my mom said something about an electrician coming to the house tomorrow, her not being able to come home, and her hiring a babysitter to take care of the house. I'm not comfortable with any of this. I can't leave my sister alone with all of this.

I always thought she seemed older than me, but I really want to protect her and make her feel safe. To me, she's still that sweet girl that loves plushies and doesn't even hurt a fly, and now that we've grown, she's more than my sister, she's the one that knows everything about me, she knows me better than I do, and she's my confident, I can tell her any secret and she'll keep it. I love my sister. That's all. I love her and I only want the best for her. I want to be there for her from now on.