#and this is where the parents start getting involved
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Okay not even for just cars but you know how many common appliances now and days have completely flat buttons or screens to power on/change the settings/start the damn device?
It sucks. My dad is blind and for every new appliance my parents get, it seems like there are less and less buttons. My mom tries putting tactile stickers on the flat screens where the button is so my dad can turn on and start things like the microwave and the airfryer and such on his own. But eventually the stickers fall off or slide out of place depending on the type of screen or surface the appliance has its buttons on.
I know with the current countertop dishwasher they have, my dad can load it, put the water in, put the soap in, and basically everything else involved with the dishwashing process. However he cant actually start it since the buttons, including the power button and start button, are a flat screen where the buttons also do different things depending on how long you hold it. Like someone sighted has to actually press the button to start the dishwasher despite my dad being able to do literally EVERYTHING ELSE with it.
But also as a sighted person, lots of these appliances are annoying since usually the sensitivity of the buttons are usually unclear or if the screen/button panel is damaged then the whole appliance is practically useless.
Like I want to find the people who decided to get rid of tactile buttons and lock them in a pitch dark room with blindfolds (just to secure the point) where they can only use their sense of touch to try and escape and all the keypads and safes are all screens and flat button panels.
Likes to charge reblogs to FUCKING cast
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My thing about Veth potentially venturing into polyamory is that I do think everyone involved would be perfectly fine with it and happy to help her experiment, and I think that no matter how they do it, it would not fix her. This isn't to say that she wouldn't get any benefit out of trying! It's just to say that it's not a solution to her actual problem, because I genuinely don't think the problem is that she's lacking any one thing that would make her life complete.
Fundamentally, I think Veth struggles with the idea that there will come a point at which she has to settle. Not in a bad way, just in the sense that she is one person with one life and she will have to live within those bounds. Because the thing is, I don't really think her issue ends at struggling to "have it all"; to an extent she does! She is a good parent, even if her kid is a little rebellious; her marriage is supportive (and has fun sex); she gets to go off to save the world with Yeza's blessing on occasion, when the world needs saving. She doesn't have all of these things all the time, but... that's not really a flaw, that's just a fact of life.
But she started out her adult life settling to an extent—even if she loved Yeza and loved being Luc's mom, she did the safe thing that was expected of her. The goblin attack and everything that transpired after shoved her out of that life, but in retrospect, to an extent it likely feels that that pushed her to find something more that she wouldn't have had otherwise. Being pushed to her limit under the worst conditions made her better, stronger, braver, and at the end of it she found that she could have both her original life and much of her new life—so why wouldn't she then wonder if further experiences of that ilk could do the same?
Crucially, she has not actually run up against a hard limit yet, and as such she hasn't had reason to believe that there is a point at which she has to stop and recognize that there isn't more for her to find. When she was drinking more heavily during missions, even when it caused the death of herself or others, there were no long-term consequences. And the thing is, I'm not saying that she should face that kind of major consequence, but she seems as though she is scared to accept that maybe she could be happy if she stopped before she does.
I'm also not suggesting that she should stop experimenting or trying new things—the Luxon knows I am not one to talk in that realm—but I do think she is searching for novelty not because that would make her happy, but because she doesn't believe that she has the capacity to know what would make her happy. She was unaware that polyamory was even an option, so think of what else she might not be aware of! She doesn't have perfect knowledge of the world, after all, so how can she trust that she's found what she really wants? So yeah, she could fuck someone else, and it might even be an enjoyable experience that she didn't know was missing! But that only prolongs the question of what else she might be missing.
I think that deep down, she's terrified that if she doesn't keep pushing until that external hard limit, she will end up with regrets later, and simultaneously she is resentful that her friends all seem to have reached a point where they are largely content with what they have, because she wants them to have everything. She wants herself to have everything. And she has not yet allowed herself to come to terms with the fact that only she can determine when the everything of what she already has is enough, and anything else is the cherry on top.
#but also she should still try polyamory. because it'd be very funny.#I just think she should corner essek with a knife after sleeping with caleb like 'SURELY YOU WEREN'T ACTUALLY OKAY WITH THAT YOU LIAR'#(because she still feels guilty and unsatisfied and she couldn't possibly be the one keeping herself from being content. nosiree lmao.)#but in all seriousness hilariously I think she should talk to essek about it cuz I think he would actually relate most lmao#and he does seem to be doing well with it! like he's living within the bounds of what will keep him alive sure#but he's also doing so in such a way that's like#I can't have my cake and eat it too but I can be content eating the cake#like look. as an essek girlie. do you think I do not relate lmao. BUT the important point is that it really is up to you#you can do what you want forever! but you also have to live with that.#critical role#cr spoilers#cr meta#veth brenatto
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Spoiled
Summary: Tensions boil over on the Thanksgiving trip to New Orleans.
Pairing: Terry Richmond x Black!OC
Word Count: 3,060
Warnings: Smut (18+ content)
Previous: Sorry 2024
“Where’s Treece?”
Terry couldn’t care less but entertained the question for his mother’s sake as he took the seat closest to the window at their reserved table for a late breakfast.
“In the room pouting,” He grumbled with his annoyed glare focused solely on the breakfast menu. “She’ll be down eventually. Or not. I don’t know or care.”
Marvin chuckled over his mug of coffee. “I’m not all that convinced, son, but I’ll let you have it.”
As much as they were lovers, Terry and Patrice were friends who bickered like siblings. Petty back and forths reared their ugly heads at inopportune moments, leading to heated, silent arguments. A refusal to raise their voices at each other out of respect resulted in hushed whispers and sarcastic jabs that were so ridiculous to those not involved that Terry’s parents often referred to them as live telenovelas.
Their latest episode was the most trivial to date.
Separate families stationed in conflicting parts of the country forced the newest Richmond couple to compromise on how they split their holiday schedule. With a family known for their culinary pursuits, Terry naturally claimed Thanksgiving for his side. Although she couldn’t bear the thought of missing her Nana’s fresh apple pie, Patrice compromised with the caveat that their New Year’s plans were neutral ground for them and them alone. Handshake and lip lock agreements set them on a path to plan for the final six weeks of the year.
For all of his careful planning, Terry didn’t anticipate how his wife’s commitment to the pupils under her care would collide with his plans to spend extended time in New Orleans.
“Baby, it’s just two days.” He explained to Patrice while he helped clear the table after dinner one evening. “I’ll get you on the first flight out Wednesday morning. Promise.”
“I know, but still. I’m gonna miss you. We’re not apart that often.”
“We’ll make it worth the wait once you get there.”
Repeated promises to steal some alone time once reunited preceded quick kisses as Terry prepared to join his parents and siblings on a flight early Monday morning. But, once the sun set on their first day apart in months, loneliness and frustration set in for Patrice. Text messages slowed to a creep. Sparse voice notes attempted to fill the void left in their near-silent home. She wasn’t mad at Terry for enjoying time with his loved ones. She was pissed at herself for being so lovesick that her stomach churned. Sickening. This type of yearning was sickening.
Excitement took a backseat to unshakeable irritability on her solo flight to the Big Easy on Wednesday morning. No hugs, kisses, or meaningful conversation for 48 hours could send even the most solitary person over the edge. Terry sent messages in droves to share his excitement for her arrival and she fought the urge to snap back at him. His smiling face greeting her at the hotel’s front entrance briefly soothed her ire until the reality that they couldn’t shake his family’s company set in.
Every private conversion came with an intrusion. Kisses meant to go further than a quick peck were interrupted before they could start. Attempts at sneaking away never came to fruition. Soon, Patrice’s sour attitude became Terry’s disposition. He knew his anger was misdirected, but couldn’t find the words to explain his annoyance.
They didn’t speak before bed Wednesday night and barely looked at each other Thursday morning. One angry Richmond was enough. Two made everyone uncomfortable.
“It’s time for breakfast, Treece.” What Terry intended as an innocent reminder came out as a gruff bark that he couldn’t take back before Patrice opened her mouth to respond.
“I know! I can see the time!”
“Then hurry up!”
“Fuck it! I’ll eat by myself!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
Their silly exchange ended with Terry tossing the second hotel key on the bed before he stomped out of the room, allowing the door to slam behind him.
The moment replayed in his head as he scanned the menu for something they could share in case she made her way out of self-imposed solitary confinement.
“Well, I hope she makes it down. I wanted her to try a few things,” DeeDee added, unaware that the entire conversation was pushing her son to his limits. “The French toast is something.”
Terry rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, if you can get her off the third floor, do whatever you please.”
“She’s probably happy to have you out of her back pocket. My girl can’t catch a break,” Zorah teased.
Zanah laughed and shook her head. “You haven’t seen Patrice. I swear she was trying to climb into his skin when the elevator doors opened last night. They’re equally insane.”
“See what happens when you end up in grown folks’ business?”
“Oh, please.”
Zanah childishly stuck out her tongue and received a middle finger pulled out of his hoodie’s front pocket as a prize for her antics.
“Stop it, you two.”
“I thought when y’all became adults all this shit would slow up,” Marvin groaned, shaking his head as his two stubborn children traded schoolyard insults just short of joking about each other’s mama. Movement in his periphery offered what he hoped was a change of pace. “Oh thank God. The guest of honor is here.”
Patrice offered a weak wave and smile upon her approach, hoping they couldn’t see the remnants of a frustrated cry on her face. Terry could, though. He flashed her a concerned look and she answered with eyes that begged him not to inquire further. A round of hugs and greetings sent her to the empty seat across from her husband.
The friction between them was palpable. They didn’t extend each other the luxury of pet names and googly-eyed grins like they normally would. Time spent canoodling was replaced by stolen glances and tight-lipped requests to pass over utensils.
DeeDee cleared her throat for their attention. “Um, hi. Mom checking in here. Is there a problem between you two that we should be aware of?”
“No,” Patrice answered loud enough to eclipse whatever Terry attempted to share. “We’re fine. James is not feeling very affectionate this morning for reasons unknown, but we’re fine outside of that. Right, James? Just fine, huh?”
“Peachy. Nicole is throwing a tantrum over God knows what but Nicole refuses to say more than three words to me at a time, so, while I love Nicole, I will not spend my morning chasing her around because Nicole is not a child and can use her words.”
Terry’s rant came through gritted teeth, leaving him almost out of breath as he neared the end.
Patrice couldn’t formulate a rebuttal despite wanting to take their spat to the next level. She could only hang on to the firmness in his tone, the words sounding more like a warning than an explanation for their distance. Terry caught the flicker of something mischievous in her eyes and how she slowly crossed her legs beneath the table before grazing her foot against his clothed calf. His frown faltered for a moment. An unspoken understanding was telepathically communicated.
Four sets of eyes stared back at the standoff in utter confusion.
Zanah took a loud sip of water to snap them out of their trance. “Oh-kay. So, I was thinking about gettin’ this crawfish omelet. Daddy, you oughta get the quesadilla so I can get a piece of that and, Zo, you get the Benny.”
“But I don’t wanna share my food with you.”
“Zorah! We are twins. We share!”
Chatter about seafood dressing and late-night spades tournaments planned for the rest of the day swirled around Terry and Patrice as they maintained senseless anger, too committed to the misunderstanding to relent without feeling embarrassed.
The quiet simmer of mixed emotions followed them after tabs were paid, cocktails were consumed, and the elevator lifting them to the third floor was emptied of spectating parties. Terry pretended to type into his phone while sneaking looks at the way Patrice’s ass sat up in her leggings.
“You wanna talk when we get in or what?”
Patrice turned to look over her shoulder. “We can.” Her eyes caught the slow lick of his bottom lip before flickering back up to find him already watching her. “If you want.”
“Good. I’m tired of the attitude.”
“Great because I’m tired of yours.”
Having a civil discussion became a background thought once the soft buzz and click of their room door put them seconds away from the privacy they so desperately craved.
Terry covertly slid the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the outside handle before double-checking the deadbolt lock and metal latch. Patrice busied herself with the television remote, turning a rerun of CSI: Miami up to a reasonable volume. Just enough to drown out an explosive meeting of minds or bodies.
“Ready?” Terry questioned as he pulled his hoodie up, then over his head to deposit it on the back of the nearby desk chair. “We only have an hour or so before we need to head out.”
“I think we can settle this pretty quick. Don’t you?”
“Depends. I got a lot to say.”
They watched each other step out of their shirts, socks, and pants, still pretending that some relationship chat was on the other side of their time together.
Down to thin layers of underwear and insatiable desire, they met for skin-to-skin contact. Patrice set a pace that only Terry could match. Frantic hands gripped broad shoulders to hike one long leg around his waist. Heavy hands found a home beneath round ass for a full sensory experience.
Patrice pulled away from a messy kiss for a deep enough breath to bark instructions at her phone for a 15-minute timer. The race was on. Friction would either bring a resolution or be why they found common ground.
Words were hard to come by during a hungry heavy-petting period. Shared breaths and wandering hands communicated every need, peeling away the last barriers that kept them separated. Touch me like this. Kiss me there. I need you here.
Soon, the itchy hotel carpet pressed into the delicate skin of Patrice’s knees while she looked up at a clenched jaw and flexed abs. She wanted to feel him grow to all of his glory inside her mouth, and he was happy to oblige her request. A fist full of knotless braids kept Terry feeling like he had control of the situation, though they both knew the truth.
Gagging and gawking provided a filthy auditory masterpiece that he hoped to remember for as long as he lived. Curses meant as praise fueled her performance as she pressed crescent moons into his thighs to remain stable. Her lash extensions drooped under the weight of alligator tears. Her jaw ached from being stretched to capacity over and over. Her thighs burned from her kneeling position. None of the discomforts could deter her from the goal.
Terry gently placed a warm palm on Patrice’s cheek, admiring her work with a hazy smile. “Missed me, huh?” he breathed out, earning a grin.
“Mhmmm.”
“I missed you, too. Come here.”
“Missed” was an understatement. A flat-out lie. He was just as needy, just as excited to be inside her, just as ready to abandon demure social norms to unleash the lust and love brewing inside as she was.
An indescribable pleasure emerged from using and being used. No holds barred. Unrestrained aside from muffled groans unleashed into crisp white pillowcases and skin slick with fresh sweat.
Terry kept Patrice’s chest pressed into the bed with one hand splayed between her shoulder blades and the other tangled at her roots. She fisted the sheets to keep a grip on the bed and reality while her eyes went in and out of focus. An open mouth produced choked squeaks between sharp breaths. She listened to her name roll from her lover’s lips like a sonnet written just for her.
He was close. His body tensed with every stroke. Sweet talk broke into throaty groans. Hips lost their rhythm as they sought deeper connection. It was a good angle, but Patrice knew it could be better. It had to get better. This had to be worth it. Who knew when they’d have the chance to fuck each other senseless in the city they made their first commitment to rekindle an almost forgotten flame?
“Let me see you,” Patrice moaned, her head turned just enough to get Terry’s attention. “Please. I wanna see your face.”
Exhausted limbs shifted and reconnected at the head of the bed, dragging linens along with them. Patrice propped her body on one elbow to shorten the distance between their faces before pulling Terry into a kiss by the back of his head. He was equally tender and possessive, leading with full lips and a tongue eager to taste the remnants of juice and syrup left inside her mouth.
Then came fingers. Patrice replaced her swollen lips with her middle and ring digits in search of lubrication for other pursuits. The dull ache between her legs needed concentrated attention to reach the promised land. Terry didn’t need further direction. He did as he was told with a gaze just playful enough to convey that he knew what was up. He couldn’t wait to witness what she had in store.
Their foreheads pressed together as they focused on the slow, lazy circles Patrice drew on her pearl. Terry added his contribution according to her pace, drawing in and out so dazed that he wouldn’t have been able to repeat his name if prompted.
His brow furrowed to match his effort. “Fuckin’ beautiful.”
He meant his compliment for his wife though he spoke the words to the body responsible for his glee in the moment. She giggled and threw her head back like a cowgirl to enjoy the ride.
Terry readjusted his angle to chase her lips as a familiar tingle set in. His arms hooked one leg at the bend of her knee before pressing forward on one hand for leverage to drive faster. Harder.
They were close again, each chasing an individual high harder and faster than before.
Patrice tried to play innocent as her sultry voice egged him on with seemingly innocuous statements. “You’re so good to me, baby. What did I do to deserve you, hm?”
He tried to slow down, tried to prolong the moment despite his hips driving forward with more and more power. Patrice licked and kissed the shell of his ear to egg him on.
“Don’t hold back, Terrence. I’m all yours.”
A whimper escaped past his lips before a simple concession speech. “Oh…fuck.”
An unraveling. Muffling broken words against lips curled into a triumphant smile, Terry came undone with his eyes clamped shut to see colors dance behind closed lids. Her orgasm crashing in wasn’t enough for Patrice to break eye contact. She stared back the entire time, mouth opened and eyes transfixed in a devious stare under low eyelids. She didn’t want to miss a moment of his chest heaving, arms tensing, and hips bucking to deliver her the perfect body high she could get without drugs. Earth-shattering, thigh-quaking releases had their place, no doubt. They could never replace the sensation of falling more in love with every electric shockwave brought forth by the love of her life.
Terry floated back into reality feeling lightheaded, stress-free, and searching for sweet kisses to cap off filthy deeds.
“Baby, you’re a real pain in my ass, you know that?” he joked before pressing three quick pecks to Patrice’s lips. “Spoiled and gorgeous.”
She giggled along with him. “If that’s true, why haven’t I been able to get rid of you yet.”
“Because I like you like that. You think I do all this for you to be normal?”
Light laughter and yet another round of theme song guitar synths rang out as they disconnected and found rest cuddled atop crumpled sheets. Patrice shifted to place her chest on top of Terry’s and traced her index finger along his beautiful cheekbones.
“We’re playing with fire, TJ. I know you got the notification about this week being risky.”
“Don’t act like I was the one throwing a tantrum this morning.”
“A tantrum is strong, okay! A tiny meltdown, maybe.” The sudden ring of her long-forgotten alarm cut their laughter short and drew attention to the nightstand. “Right on time.” Patrice stretched across Terry to handle the distraction, drawing his physical attention as he caressed and dropped kisses along her hip. She came back to him and kissed both of his lips separately. “Sorry for being a bitch. I’m working on it.”
“Ask for what you want next time. It’s yours. I’m yours,” He answered as he pushed a few stray braids over her shoulder.
“Use my words?”
“Use your words.”
“I need more kisses. Or I'll melt. You wouldn't let me melt, right?”
Amorous feelings were back on the rise as they shared a slow, relaxed kiss unfit for two people on a tight schedule.
Patrice pulled a way first to nuzzle her nose against Terry’s. “D’you wanna shower with me? It’s okay if you don’t. I just…need to spend a little more time together.”
She was bashful, almost refusing to look him in the face as if asking him to bathe together was somehow more revealing than what they’d just shared.
“Not too hot on the water, alright?”
“Yes, sir.”
Terry chuckled as another kiss and loose instructions sent Patrice on her way with a giddy hop in her step. He listened to her make arrangements in the bathroom while he made the room more like somewhere to sleep and not ground zero of a natural disaster.
He placed clothes in neat stacks, straightened items that took a tumble in the heat of the moment and piled dirty sheets in the middle of their bed. When all was complete, he took a seat to contact the front desk.
“Hey, could we get some fresh sheets later today? Room 335.” Patrice calling for him from the shower made him smile against the receiver. “Sure, extra towels too. Yes ma’am. I appreciate it.”
Thank God for housekeeping. In one hour the room would return to pristine condition for another romp or relaxation. A night of good food and better drinks would decide their fate for them.
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TAGS: @planetblaque @wvsspoppin @thatone-girly @avoidthings @slutsareteacherstoo @eilujion @amyhennessyhouse @yaachtynoboat711 @jenlovey @pinkpantheris @blowmymbackout @onherereading @hrlzy @becauseimswagman1 @thiccc-c @urfavblackbimbo @blackburnbook @ashanti-notthesinger @xo-goldengirl @ariiijestertheklown @blyffe @tvchi @wabi-sabi1090 @blackmoonchilee
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Bernard Dowd is approximately 15 years old, has just had his allowance cut off, was fired from his job, and is 99% sure that both his best friends are somehow involved in the mob.
(I mean he wasn’t entirely wrong on either front but hey ho, no use dwelling on it)
All this means is that he has no money and no good way to spend his free time as Tim and Darla are always “Busy”
So when he hears of an up and coming crime lord just desperate for new recruits, he jumps on it!
(Guys I swear he’s a good person most of the time, he’s also a teenager who is rude or die and if his besties are involved in the mob who’s to say he shouldn’t be?)
Jason Todd (who was really only mildly desperate for new recruits, thank you very much) takes one look at clearly a child Bernard and immediately turns him down.
Bernard does what everyone else in his generation did and just ignores him and starts following him around everywhere.
Hey! Atleast he doesn’t have a camera and isn’t in a cape!
Jason falls victim to the same thing that Bruce did and realises that Bernard will continue doing what he wants and the only thing he can do is either help him or break his legs. Unfortunately he has a policy against hurting kids, even bitchy annoying ones with stupid sunglasses.
Several years go by,
He no longer has those friends, he doesn’t speak with his parents, and he’s about to enter college. He really doesn’t have time to be one of Hood’s merry men anymore.
He quits the life of crime, accepts his last pay check, and gets given a personal number from his boss.
(Of course they aren’t friends, don’t be silly! Jason is glad to see the stupid kid gone, gone off to civilian life where he’ll never see him again!…)
Bernard starts college, a dual major in Medicine and Cookery cause he hates himself, and almost immediately joins a cult!
…Should he have stayed with the Crime Lord?
Probably! ANYWAY-
Another year or so passes, he leaves the cult, starts dating Timothy Drake-Wayne, eventually finds out his boyfriend is Robin, yadayadayada boringggg
Bernard is at Wayne Manor one day when he hears a voice he never thought he’d hear again.
And then it’s like that spider man meme idk, I can’t write guys I’m so sorry
#darla aquista#tim drake#bernard dowd#jason todd#red hood#timbin#non canon#sooooo non canon#dc stands for disregard canon#never seen anything more stupid#I made this for me and only me#dc#dcu#dc comics#batfam#batfamily#timbern#timber#Bernard is that one John Mullaney thing#I am very small…#and I have no money…#so you can imagine the kind of pressure that I am under!#I hate having to chose between him being and EMT or a Chef so I decided on both#cause I hate him <3#‘I went to College-for the whole time! Holy shit right!’
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I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 22
Chapter 22 out of 50
Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.
In this chapter, Buck is completely blindsided by Eddie’s sudden request to divorce. In an attempt to talk about it, they end up fighting, which makes the possibility of a divorce only more looming.
On AO3.
Ships: Buddie (slow burn)
Warnings: referenced emotionally abusive parents, insecurity
~~~
Chapter 22: Till Divorce Do Us Part
Buck nearly drops the glass he’s washing at Eddie’s words. Scrambling for a moment, before he squeaks out: “What?”
“I think we should get divorced,” Eddie repeats those horrible words, staring down intently at the dishes he’s drying instead of Buck.
“Uhm, why- wha- what brought this on?” Buck stutters, trying to be casual and failing. He can’t show how much this crushes him, can’t let Eddie know how much he wants him to stay.
Internally he is quickly combing through the past few weeks to see if he can come up with the answer himself. To see if he should have seen this coming.
With Carla in the picture things have been going better, but he didn’t realize it was ‘Buck can be replaced’-going-better. Eddie never said anything to indicate that would be the case.
Besides, financially it would be difficult to maintain Chris’s new school – which he loves – and Carla, not to mention their mortgage. So that doesn’t make sense. Though it is possible, a treacherous voice in the back of his head tells him.
He missed the school tour and Halloween, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Eddie personally tried to get him off for Halloween, he knew it hadn’t been on Buck. Is that he thinks that if he can do that alone, he can do it all alone?
It would make sense, but Eddie involved him, right? He helped prep for Buck’s tour, hell, Buck toured the school. He is registered there. Is Eddie immediately going to change that now that Chris is in? Was it just to present a more stable life to the school to get Chris in?
No, that doesn’t feel like Eddie. Eddie is kind and good, even if he’s a bitch sometimes. He pep talked Buck about getting to be there for Chris. That can’t be it. He understood.
Oh god, he must have met someone. They’d always said they would just divorce once other people got into the picture, it has always been nothing more than a marriage of convenience, not a lifelong commitment. The reminder leaves a foul taste in his mouth and he can’t help the jealousy at whatever mystery woman Eddie met. One he didn’t share anything about, he might add, even if he’s now divorcing him over her.
Not wanting Eddie to break it to him, he quickly continues talking before Eddie can. “Oh, of course, my bad. Why didn’t you say? What’s her name?”
“Maddie.”
Wait what?
“Excuse me,” Buck coughs, choking on his own spit.
Next to him Eddie flushes a brilliant shade of red, which Buck would have been able to appreciate more, were he not in the middle of getting his heart broken. Even though he really shouldn’t. Eddie has never been into him, he always knew that, but it truly felt like they were in this together, like this was a commitment on both their parts. Yet here he is.
Though, he never thought it would be Maddie. Maybe this girl Eddie met just happens to share the name or something?
He gets distracted by Eddie’s strong hand slapping him on the back until he stops coughing. His face concerned, though turns back into something horridly, awkwardly uncomfortable once Buck starts breathing normally again. It would be funny, if the circumstances were different.
“Not like that,” Eddie says and Buck can’t help but be relieved, because while he knows jealousy isn’t cool, he knows he will be insanely jealous of the woman that will quite literally snatch his husband away from him.
To cover for his relief, he hides the happy note in his voice by joking: “Good, cause otherwise Chim might kick you.”
“Shut up,” Eddie groans, still very much embarrassed, but at least not as tense anymore. “I’m trying to be nice.”
“By suddenly ambushing me with a divorce?” Buck counters, cringing when it sounds a little too raw, too accusatorial.
Eddie doesn’t meet his eyes. He hasn’t really for the entire conversation. He just stares at the drying rack and picks up a plate, angrily drying it in silence. Buck desperately wants to fill the silence like he so often does, chattering for the sake of chattering. Eddie likes it when he babbles, said so himself when he came home after touring the school.
Home… like he soon might not have anymore, because of Maddie? Because Eddie thinks divorcing him is being nice? He’s so confused and a little hurt. It’s enough to give him the patience to wait Eddie out.
Sure enough, a minute or so later, Eddie breaks. “I just don’t want you to miss out on time with your family because of me.”
The failed attempt to tell Maddie three days prior comes back to him, but he never guessed that this is what Eddie would take from it. That now that Maddie is here, Buck would rather want to spend with her than with Eddie and Chris. That he has real family to spend time with now, because this was never his family to begin with, no matter how much house they played.
“Is this about Christmas?” he asks. “I can still try and see if Maddie wants to spend it with me, so you can enjoy it with Chris and tía Pepa.”
“What?” Eddie frowns.
“If you don’t want me at Christmas so you can have one with only family, you can just say that. I get it,” he says, feeling the bile in his throat.
Eddie whips around so fast he startles Buck a little. For the first time he looks at him, eyes burning fiercely. “What the fuck are you on about, Buck? It won’t be only family without you there.”
Despite the bit of warmth bubbling up in his chest, he can’t help but feel like Eddie is merely saying it because he has too. An obligatory inclusion only done out of guilt. Now it’s his turn to look away, as he quietly says: “We’re a marriage of convenience based on very convoluted circumstances. It’s okay to not want to include me.”
“No. Just no. Fuck that, Buck. You raised Chris, practically more than me. We do our taxes together, we do chores together, Abuela gives you secret family recipes. You’ve been here through more shit than anyone else, of course you’re family,” Eddie explodes.
“Well, divorcing me isn’t really sending that message,” Buck yells back, knowing it is too much, but unable to keep the hurt to himself.
“I’m trying to help you,” Eddie argues.
“It’s not working, Eddie,” Buck retorts, more desperate than angry.
“Maybe it would if you weren’t so incredibly stubborn, Evan,” Eddie says, the words hitting Buck harder than any punch would have.
Eddie might be used to people who argue back; Shannon, his parents, tía Pepa. But Buck isn’t an arguing person, not really. He can get angry and argue, but he rarely does. Prefers not to. However, the ‘Evan’ is too much. It doesn’t sound like how Eddie used to say it, he sounds like Buck’s parents.
He can feel himself shutting down and he puts the sponge on the counter before he says: “No. I am not doing this. I’m not fighting with you and you’re not calling me Evan.”
His voice is calm, but it’s not because he’s no longer upset, it’s just that his emotions have taken a vacation, because that is the only way he’s getting through this situation. With one last look at Eddie’s face – who looks devastated, a fact that would probably do something to Buck were he not feeling the way he is – he turns on his heel and walks out of the kitchen and to his room.
The door closes behind him with a definitive click and Buck just stands in his room for a moment. Today has not been what he expected when he climbed into bed this morning after his shift. His bed is still unmade, civvies still littering the floor. His room looks lived in. Loved. He can’t imagine not waking up here with the Diazes down the hall.
Mechanically he makes his bed and puts the clothes on the chair or in the laundry respectively, his body slowly becoming his own again.
Meanwhile in the kitchen Eddie is staring at the door through which Buck just disappeared, dishtowel still in his hand. He can’t believe he just did that.
He is trying so hard to make life easier for Buck and all he did was cause more problems. It’s seemingly the only thing he’s good at. Buck deserves so much better than his bullshit, but he can’t even give the guy his freedom back without fucking it all up.
Eddie should have known better. Buck never argues, doesn’t like fighting with people. He doesn’t even like it when others fight around him. The only times Eddie truly seen him angry and act on it, is with Eddie’s parents and that is only when they truly pushed too far. So to fight with him? To throw his name in his face like that after all he knows about him? That’s practically unforgivable.
He has to make this right.
Making the bed and putting his clothes away makes Buck feel better. He has settled down back in himself and calmed down enough to replay the conversation. What Eddie said didn’t make him feel great and he hates the idea of getting divorced, but it’s what they always said they’d do. He can’t not hear Eddie out, because he doesn’t want it to happen. That’s not fair on Eddie.
Still, he wonders what sort of divorce Eddie will suggest. If Buck will get to help with Chris as much as Eddie always promised or if Eddie’s solo success will make it that Buck will get a smaller role in Chris’s life.
Buck really doesn’t want to hear it. But he has to. He tries to comfort himself with the fact that Eddie seems to genuinely think it’s in his best interest. It’s not malicious, he should maybe hear Eddie out. If he isn’t still angry.
As if summoned, there is a soft knock on his door. Immediately his nerves start up again, but his resolve also hardens. He doesn’t want Chris to come home in a house where he’s fighting, he never wants that for Chris. So he calls out: “Yeah?”
“Uhm, ‘m sorry,” Eddie says, the words a little muffled. He’s never been great at them when it isn’t his female relatives, so the fact that he’s saying those words to him at all is kind of touching. “Can- Can I come in?”
“Are you going to yell at me again?” Buck asks, not in the mood to be yelled at more in his room, because that means he can’t run to his room. He might be too forgiving sometimes, but he’s not completely stupid.
“No, no, I shouldn’t have yelled at all,” Eddie answers embarrassed.
“Then you can come in.”
The door is opened carefully and Eddie pokes his head in first, scanning the room and Buck to see if anything is out of place. If there is a threat. It’s a little heartbreaking and a little sweet at the same time.
“Wanna sit?” Buck asks, gesturing to his bed and very much trying to stop his brain from playing connect the dots between Eddie on his bed and other things that can be done on a bed.
Eddie nods, sitting down and looking around Buck’s room. Buck sits next to him, but Eddie doesn’t look at him. He’s used to the quirk and doesn’t take offense, instead waiting Eddie out again. It is clear he has something to say, he just doesn’t know how or is too uncomfortable to say it yet.
“Sorry,” Eddie finally says after a long silence. Two sorries, practically a record out of Eddie.
“It’s okay,” Buck says with a small smile, knocking their shoulders together.
“No, it’s not,” Eddie says, the indigence on Buck’s behalf apparently enough to help him over his discomfort. “I was a dick and you didn’t deserve that. You shouldn’t just forgive me like that.”
“Eddie, what good will it do to stay mad?” Buck states, sternly yet gentle, leveling a look at Eddie as he does.
“I don’t know? Boundaries or something?”
“God, you’re so clueless it’s sad,” Buck snorts, earning a glare. To clarify, he adds: “I can stay mad at you, but then we’ll just be fighting. Us fighting makes me sad. You’re obviously sorry and you didn’t mean it, I don’t need more than that. I’d rather just hear what you wanted to say, before it became a fight.”
“I was telling you that you’re family,” Eddie reminds him, suddenly keen to jump on the change in topic. “I thought you knew you were.”
Buck thinks the sad, kicked puppy vibe Eddie has going on now is worse than when he was mad at him. He can feel his own cheeks darken anyway, because Eddie is including him in family. Under no uncertain terms no less. It’s more than he ever dares to hope for, even if he dreams of so much more.
Timidly he confesses: “I mean, I did. I do. You- you just told me to enjoy time with family, as if I don’t do that every day. It got to me.” He looks Eddie in the eye when he says that and can see the guilt in them as the realization dawns on him.
“That’s not what I meant, at all.”
“Then what did you mean?”
“I just- I- ugh,” Eddie groans in frustration. “You’re always doing things for me. Always helping me, us.”
“I like helping out and it’s more just doing my part, we’re partners, remember?” Maybe it’s good to remind him of that, maybe that will make it so he’ll soften the blow.
“You shouldn’t have to lie to your sister.”
“And divorcing her will solve that problem how?” Buck asks, now more confused than anything. It is clear that Eddie feels guilty about something, but Buck can’t imagine what. He’s always happily been here, Eddie knows that, right?
At least that might mean he isn’t trying to get rid of Buck now that he can do it solo? Maybe he feels bad that Buck doesn’t have the support of family like he has and wants to try and fix that for him.
Not that Buck calls what Eddie’s family does support (except for Pepa and Abuela). I mean, his parents outright hate all his choices and his sisters aren’t involved in his life enough to have much of an opinion and most of the extended family is either purposefully left in the dark or a little shitty about it too.
Still, it’s sweet that he’s trying, makes Buck feel better about the whole divorce thing, but he doesn’t get how that will help.
Eddie actually perks up slightly as he gets prompted to explain his thought process. It would be kind of adorable, except he is going to explain why divorce is a good option. Now, Buck always knew this marriage would end in divorce, but he’s still going to cling to it, cling to this life he has. It is mildly pathetic, but he doesn’t care. If Eddie can be reasoned out of it, Buck is going to reason to all hell.
“Well, if we get divorced, we won’t be married anymore, thus not breaking any rules. We can say we were already in the process when I started that’s why we didn’t tell anyone. They’ll probably understand and then you can tell Maddie without worrying about her having to keep it from Chimney or us having to worry about her telling him.”
Buck isn’t sure if it’s because he wants this marriage to work for as long as possible or if Eddie just didn’t have time to think it all through, but he can’t help but immediately poke holes in it.
“How will that change anything? We’ll still be written up by HR for not saying, probably separated over it and that is if we don’t lose our jobs. We still lied, Eddie And we’d probably still be a risk, because we’d be raising Chris together. I’d have to check, but it won’t surprise me. Then were will we be at?”
Eddie is quiet, frowning slightly.
When he doesn’t say something, Buck answers his own question: “If we lose our jobs, we won’t be able to afford Carla, we might have to sell the house, and Chris will have to stop at Durand when he just found his place there. Let’s face it, we’re in too deep to ever tell the 118, if I want to tell Maddie, she has to keep it from people.”
At his words Eddie’s frown only deepens and Buck realizes he just told Eddie he’s stuck in this marriage. As much as he wants to be with him, he doesn’t want it because Eddie feels trapped, because Buck wormed his way into a life that was never his to begin with and did what he always did: make himself necessary, so he wouldn’t be abandoned.
“Look,” he starts again, this time more gentle, “if you find someone or you don’t want to do this anymore, we can get divorced behind the scenes. We’ll figure out custody and a schedule so Chris won’t lose a parent again, I promise. But divorce won’t change this thing with Maddie.”
It’s quiet and this time Buck lets it be quiet. Eddie is processing his words and figuring out what he feels about it, that’s no easy task.
After some time, Eddie throws up his hands and – dare he say it – pouts: “It just feels unfair.”
“What does?” Buck asks, a little amused by Eddie’s reaction. And because said reaction makes it seem like Eddie is seeing his side and not divorcing him. Big win for Buck.
“I get to talk about Chris at work, get to take time off to spend it with him, I get to tell family and not worry, and you don’t. It’s unfair,” Eddie exclaims, once again angry on Buck’s behalf, but not directing said anger at Buck. That makes it funny and touching, instead of hurtful. A world of difference.
“It does kind of suck,” Buck admits, because it does. He loves Chris to death, loves his family, he would love nothing more than to brag about it.
But maybe it is for the best, because he’s pretty sure everyone will realize he’s madly in love with Eddie the second he gets to take the mask off and that will mean Eddie will find out about it, because the 118 is horrible at staying out of each other’s business, and then Eddie will run far away from him and break his heart, because Buck isn’t meant to be in love with him. This is a platonic marriage. Platonic.
“See!” Eddie says, vindicated. “We should fix that.”
“As much as I am usually pro-fixing things, this isn’t something that needs to be fixed,” Buck says quickly, before Eddie can take it and run with it.
“It isn’t?” Eddie doesn’t believe it for a second.
“I mean, it would be nice, but it’s not the end of the world. I still get to be Chris’s papi and trust me when I say I brag in those pick up lines at school. Besides, the school interview was an off day, I’m usually better at charming my way into a shift swap. I won’t miss everything. Plus, I am so going to kick you off the science fair team, that’ll be my show.”
Eddie can’t believe how unreal this man is. That he’ll turn anything into a positive, that he sees helping Chris with a science fair project as something fun, instead of a chore. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Buck asks, confused.
“For just being here.”
“Of course I’ll be here,” Buck smiles and it sounds like a promise.
Eddie desperately wants to cling to it, because despite asking for a divorce like an hour ago, he doesn’t want Buck to leave. His own papi always left, his mom turned against him, Shannon left, Abuela was forced to move, army buddies slipped through his fingers. He’s always been on his own, but Buck never left, never made Eddie feel like he wouldn’t be in his corner. He doesn’t want to lose that.
“Me too,” is what he ends up saying, because anything else feels too much like rolling over and showing the soft underside of his belly. He hates doing that.
Still when Buck smiles, it feels like it’s enough. Buck always makes him feel like he’s doing enough.
Buck is over the moon with the promise, the promise that Eddie won’t just leave him like everyone else always seems to do. However, he needs to make sure they’re actually on the same page, so he bumps their shoulders together and asks: “So, are we good? Or do I need to find a lawyer?”
“Nah, we’re good,” Eddie says. Then he clears his throat, obviously done with the emotional talks for today as he asks: “We still have some time before pick up, wanna play some video games?”
“Hell yeah, I’ll kick your ass any day,” Buck grins.
“Bold words for a man, who always loses.”
“You let us play Rainbow Road and we’ll see if you still say that,” Buck bickers, as they get up and make their way to the living room.
Slowly the normal atmosphere returns again and you’d never think they’d just got close to a divorce or that they’d even argued.
Chris is happily oblivious as they pick him up together, just excited they’re getting ice cream and not asking why. Both watch him smear his face with chocolate ice cream fondly. He’s gotten his love for chocolate ice cream from Buck, who is licking his own cone, while Eddie eats his rum and raisin scoop. His actual favorite is citrus, but he never gets it. Buck knows though, he buys it ‘for himself’ sometimes and pretends he doesn’t see the scoops that go missing.
They both know it’s apology ice cream for Chris, who will never know how close they got to turning his life upside down an hour or two ago. It had been Eddie’s idea, the ice cream, and Buck wonders how long he’s going to do the silent guilty thing, where he doesn’t say anything, but tries to make up for something anyway. It always makes Buck feel a little weird.
Fortunately, he needn’t have worried, because after a week of Eddie cleaning obsessively and refilling his coffee like he’s a waiter trying to get a tip, they go back to normal.
It happens when they’re at work, Bobby makes a delicious casserole. Buck is enjoying it when he feels a nudge against his foot. He looks over to Eddie, who looks down at his plate, then at Buck with imploring eyes.
Fondness explodes inside his chest and he gives an indulgent eye roll, even if his insides feel gooey at the silent request, before he asks: “Hey, Bobby, can I get the recipe for this?” getting a triumphant grin from Eddie as he does.
Bobby explains the recipe, while Buck lets the casserole be, so Eddie can go in for seconds. The whole interaction settles something in his chest, finally letting himself believe that Eddie meant what he said during that day.
In a way, it’s been good for them. A kind of check in to see where they stand. They both have an out and both have assured the other they don’t want it.
Buck is still waiting for the day Eddie does, for the day he’ll come home from a date and know that this is the one. He knows his heart will break when he signs those divorce papers, but the knowledge that Eddie won’t just leave him, soothes the sting of that future.
Eddie, on the other hand, has been assured that Buck still wants to be here, that he doesn’t just want to run and isn’t waiting for the day Eddie will be able to do it by himself. They’re partners. A team. He doesn’t have to do it alone, Buck doesn’t expect him to. It’s not a chore to him.
So, they move on, both more secure in themselves as they work together as they’ve always done, while Christmas slowly approaches.
~~
A/N:
This is more communication Eddie has done than in all his years of life combined, but by god, Buck will have normal conversations with people and Eddie’s crush on Buck will make him do wild shit to get Buck to stay (even if he doesn’t know that’s why he’s doing it) ((I am manifesting this energy for Eddie in 8x09))
And yes, last chapter was a bit of a fake out, I fully enjoyed all the comments and felt very evil, made my week, thank you so much <3
Also shout out to Eddie for the giant brick wall he built his a brain and just doesn’t allow him to examine his feelings for Buck too deeply, like I know repression is one hell of a drug, but seriously? This is getting out of hand and I’m writing you!
#rr writing#secret marriage of convenience buddie au#the i do verse#9-1-1#9 1 1#9 1 1 show#9 1 1 fanfiction#9 1 1 buddie#911#911 show#911 fanfic#911 buddie#buddie#buck x eddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#christopher diaz#buckley diaz family#bobby nash#tw: referenced emotional abuse#tw: insecurity#buddie au#slow burn#slow burn buddie au
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I'll be honest. I had no ulterior motive. I just wanted to get bigger. To feel my body slowly grow, getting heavier and heavier every day. Here's my picture before this all started, just so you can see where i began.
I'd say I was pretty average. Most girls might have looked at a body like mine and wished they were smaller. But god, not me. Not at all. I wanted to feel every part of me grow.
So i joined this student IVF study at my university. They were looking for volunteers who were willing to be implanted in different ways, and the researchers would watch how your body reacts.
Needless to say, I was first in line. Didn't expect much to happen. But it wasn't long before i saw big results.
I blew up fast. 1 month in, and my belly was already hard to hide. My shirt was always riding, and every time I felt its tightness against my belly, I got more turned on that i'd ever been before. Sometimes, I would leave it. See how high it would ride up. See how long it took for someone to say something.
During a regular check-up, I was seen to by a very beautiful woman, Dr Wells. She was tall, with a slender build and legs that seemed to go on for days. Before any words were shared, she approached me and pulled my shirt down. Her nails ran softly against my bulbous belly. It took everything I had not to fall to my knees and beg her to fill me more.
Every day became an adventure in seeing how far I would go. Less clothes, tighter clothes, bigger belly.
By the time I was a 4 months in, I had stopped trying. Shirts weren't for bellies. They were for tits. These days, that's all they covered.
Once more, I ran into that beautiful woman. Stumbling into each other at a cafe, she was shocked at how big I had gotten so fast. She invited me to sit beside her. I sank comfortably into the leather sofa seat while she sat along the arm.
As we spoke, we got to know each other better. She explained how her parents owned the cafe and she came in to help. Normal things: life, lost love, and how important it is to take an opportunity when you see it.
I enthusiastically agreed, explaining the story behind my belly, the study, and how there was no one else involved. I blushed when I said how much I liked growing and how I wanted to be as big as possible.
It quickly became obvious that she was not here for friendly banter, and as her fingernails once again traced the edge of my bloated belly, her intentions became clear. What do you say in that situation? All she wanted was me.
With the clap of her hands, she demanded everyone but us leave the store. A few disgruntled patrons shuffled their way out before she locked the door and drew the blinds.
"How big would you like to be?"
3 month later, I was bigger than I could ever believe. As a high-ranking researcher, she found a way to implant more babies into me. What's more, our relationship became more personal, and our checkups were conducted in my home.
She would watch me squirm as the babies grew, stretching me out as far as I could go. The feeling of my belly sitting softly on the bed between my legs was so new, so extatic, so electrifying, i never wanted to stand again. But when I was forced to my feet, my waddle made me wet.
I was lucky that she was happy to oblige. As I grew larger, it became harder and harder to please myself. One day, Dr. Wells came over and I moaned about my issues. Quickly she left, returning with her collection of toys.
I bent over, ready for her. Slowly, she introduced me to them. One at a time. I laid, heavy and burdensome, as she treated me to pleasure I could only imagine. I hadn't had sex since before the study, and I now could feel how heavy I was.
"You look so big, baby," she teased. "You've just given yourself over to it. Not every girl can get this big for me."
I struggled to think clearly through her words.
"Your tits too. Like massive udders, full of milk. My little pregnant cow."
My arms started to jiggle. After turning myself around I watched as she fucked me, pleasure filling her eyes as she watched me writh.
"That's my girl. When this is over, I'm going to fill you up again. We'll make you even bigger. The fattest pregnant cow anyone's ever seen. Everyone will stare as you walk down the street, your belly heavy with my babies."
I came hard against her toy, grabbing my huge belly. I saw the pleasure in her eyes as she saw it in mine, demanding she not stop.
I sank into my bed. I'd never felt heavier than in that moment, my body weak and my belly huge. Slowly, she helped me to my feet.
Eventually, I did give birth. Dr. Wells helped me through all of it. My body isn't the same as it used to be, and it probably won't ever be the same again. My tits are huge, and my belly sags. But I dont mind. My body is stretched out and ready to get even bigger next time.
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About your Stan goes into the portal AU, does Ford ever find out what happened? How does Stan get back? Does he ever get back? This version of the au is so interesting, the possibilities!
Ohoho, hehe yes! So, I'll need to get into what happens with Ford post-Portal-incident, but yes! Stan does eventually come home! Over the 30 years without Stanley, Fiddlsford moves in with Ford and helps recover the house from the explosion as well as bring Ford back to some semblance of health after months of his mental health being wrecked by paranoia. Both Ford and Fidds install metal plates in their heads to keep Bill out. Ford thinks Stan is still out there somewhere, but wants nothing to do with him. He doesn't remember reaching out to Stan originally, but eventually does want to find out where he is. He sends out postcards without Fidds' knowledge, just hoping to get any sort of response, but eventually gives up when he gets nothing.
Over time, Ford and Fidds settle into new, slightly less dangerous lives and Ford becomes a writer. He starts out writing field guide and scientific texts, but after the birth of the twins Mabel and Dipper, he gets the idea to write children's adventure books. He writes a bunch of fantasy stories based on his childhood adventures with Stan and also hopes that if Stan were ever to see them in stores, he'd reach out. Of course, he doesn't since he's in another dimension.
But growing up, Mabel and Dipper love the books. Its about twins on adventures AND its written by their mysterious grunkle? How could they not? Eventually, the summer of before their 13th birthday roles around and, due to tension in their parents marriage, they get sent to Gravity Falls same as canon.
But instead of finding the journal, Dipper finds one of Ford's unpublished books where he wrote down strange adventures and records of monsters. When the monsters in the book start showing up in Gravity Falls, Dipper wonders how much of the book might be true. Some of these stories involve Stan and a strange portal. There are even some of the blue prints. These are actually dreams and figments of memories Ford has had about the portal incident and Stan. Fiddleford found the journal and hid it for fear of Ford remembering things. The twins start digging into the mysteries around Ford and his estranged brother, realizing that Ford's husband/lab partner has being hiding things. They end up thinking that rather than not wanting to talk to Ford, Stan is actually missing and Fiddleford might have had something to do with it.
Eventually, they end up having a run in with the Cult of the Blind Eye and finding out that Ford has missing memories. They decide they're going to take matters into their own hands and restore what they can of the portal. But Fiddleford catches onto the eventually and the kids think he might be the villain. Then Fiddleford sits them down to explain. Unfortunately, while all this happens, Ford accidentally recovers his memories and is furious with Fiddleford. They fight and he activates the portal. Mabel has her similar scene where she has to decide who to trust and either close the portal or let it stay open.
She trusts Ford and lets it stay open long enough for Stanley to come through. Stan arrives and immediately destroys the portal behind him. He yells at Ford for being stupid and opening it again, then punches him in the face. Then he breaks down and hugs Ford, sobbing with relief that he's finally home.
Whew... okay I wrote a lot here, but I still have a ton to say about this AU haha
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What do you think Sansa ending will be like?
I was thinking she could do something artsy or creative.
That's a very interesting question!
First of all, let me say that I believe that Sansa will survive the series and have a happy ending.
With that being said, I don't mean a fairy tale like ending where she gets everything she ever wanted as a kid because a. Sansa has moved from her childhood dreams, when once she was dreaming to marry a handsome prince and become his queen one day, she now dreams of her home and what it represents (aka unconditional familial love, safety etc) and b. I doubt that Martin will give any character - even his most important ones - a fairy tale ending where they will get everything they even wanted.
I have many different predictions on where she could end up with, and since there are only speculations on my end I could totally be wrong.
Could she marry Harry the Heir ( if/once her marriage with Tyrion gets annulled) and become Lady of Eyrie? It fits her arc and her anti-parallels the previous Lady of Eyrie, who was also a Tully woman - remember all Stark kids are half Tully from their mama- and she in would be a Lady of an Important House like her Mother - with whom she shares some great parallels - once was. And not any castle, but the place her father spend many years . Thus a place that connects to both her Stark and Tully heritage. The only negative in this theory is that Harry currently seems an arse and I don't want her after everything she had to endure with an asshole. Maybe he's actually not that bad? Who knows we have two more books to find out, assuming that Harry survives them.
Another option would be for her to remain married to Tyrion. And I don't mean for them to suddenly have a great passionate romance but a mutual understanding that their union could benefit them both. They get to be the Lord and Lady of Castelry Rock and visit/or even stay at Kings Landing as I can imagine Tyrion will be heavily involved in politics and probably have a place in the small council of whoever gets to become the next ruler of Seven Kingdoms. I don't think that Tyrion would have a problem with his wife following her arty talents, and Sansa could continue hosting parties - like the one in Eyrie- and be an important influential Lady popular among the other nobles- especially if she is the wife of the Hand of the King/Queen/ whoever sits on the Iron Throne. That could even help elevate her husband popularity and in return Tyrion could offer her security and freedom to pursue her talents and hobbies. It's not the ideal fairy tale marriage but it's better than most arranged marriages in Westeros- her own parents started their union with even less and they managed to be happy together.
Or she could eventually marry a Northern Lord and live close to her childhood home and visit Bran and Rickon ( and anyone else reciting at Winterfell) more often than most ladies of her status visited their family.
Speaking of Winterfell, I personally believe - and as I said before since those are only speculations I could be totally wrong- that the younger Starks ( Sansa, Arya, Bran and Rickon) at the end of the series need to spend some futher time on their home before they consider moving out due to marrying. Because they are still very young and I believe that they would all benefit by being close to each other.
Sure not of them is an adult and therefore they can't act as the guardians of the younger ones - Maybe their older brother Jon who is adult could temporary do that?- but they can still help each other. Like for example, Sansa who learned how to act like the sort of Lady of Eyrie - while posing as Littlefinger's daughter - could help her brother, Bran, with the ladyship duties until he's old enough to pick a wife to fill that role. And more importantly than usefulness in managing to rule Winterfell, these kids are all traumatized and they deserve to spend some time to their home in order to heal. And to get to reconnect as a family - and least those who are still alive :/.
In Winterfell, I believe that Sansa could also purse her artistic talents because I can't imagine Bran, who is not only the sweetest kid according to his family but also very observant and empathetic, stopping his sister from doing something that gives her pleasure.
And I wasn't supposed to write so much but I was carried away bc I like speculating about characters I've interested at.
( And if you noticed the lack of mentioning Sandor as Sansa's possible endgame isn't because I don't believe that Martin has given them romantic undertones. It's because I unfortunately don't see him surviving the end of the books - again my personal prediction, feel free to disagree- so anything that happens between them I believe it won't be at the epilogue of the series).
#sansa stark#house stark#asoiaf meta#valyrianscrolls#asoiaf speculation#sansa meta#eyrie#winterfell#castle rock#harrold hardyng#tyrion Lannister#sandor clegane
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As someone who gets horny for world building, I was trying to figure out where all the dratchrod babies go
Instead, my mind jumped to an au where the majority of cybertronians are infertile (from war injuries or smth) but due to some shenanigans the crew of the Lost Light got magically healed and they're all volunteering (or being voluntold) to get pregnant to give the rest of cybertron babies
lost light as a breeding facility drives me crazy. do they have a baby quota to fill?.... tbh i do have many and varying headcanons about cybertronian parenting, but since i am first and foremost a strict feral sparklings truther, i would imagine the dratchrod babies are indeed brought to cybertron, since, well, most cybertronians dont know how to raise three litters of dozen feral babies, anyways. i dont think any of it is planned, the lost light just starts sending babies to cybertron and they had to be like Okay well we’ll do something with these.
#valveplug#i do have a little bit of a darker hc that cybertronians are not involved parents whatsoever. not for the first years of the babies’ life#so cybertronian litters are born very large to account for the fact that most of them die in the first centuries of their development#they wander around and et eaten by wild mechanimals. they get eaten by their own siblings. get stuck and die#its not uncommon for either of the parents to crush a sparkling or two while walking or if one wanters into the bed#maybe if a carrier gets very stressed they might just... gulp down a baby...#in a litter of ten to twenty babies only one or two survive long enough to start developing higher brain functions#and this is where the parents start getting involved#here you go. thats my headcanon dump. its not very horny. but you can get creative#dratchrod mechpreg saga
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What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.
so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.
Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:
She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent
Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married
She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came
She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays
She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home
Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)
She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words
the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.
She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)
Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues
She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)
She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).
She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)
She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.
She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food
(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:
She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it
seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)
slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)
(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))
However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.
Subsequent conclusions about her personality:
Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).
Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:
Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.
Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?
Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:
It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:
Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.
We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.
It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.
It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.
"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).
And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?
Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?
I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:
copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.
It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.
But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.
What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."
Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.
All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)
There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.
but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.
(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)
#asks#she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too#with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect#and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive#but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards#I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi#you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent#and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too#not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat#but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment#and regrets it deeply#and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear#and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed#I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just#immediately arrives in Melini#and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out#and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille#on account of the crimes and all#marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down#'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you'#'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way'#'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.'#and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood#but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear#and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately#it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking#and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance#marcilleposting#marcille donato#junoposting
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congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.
#kazoo noises#charles leclerc#cl16#monaco gp 2024#zoomies posting#sports posting#like man. where to begin. one of your racecar children is back in town for the weekend. he has yet to have a truly good work#weekend it seems in town. now this year. we're feeling ourselves a bit. we're feeling optimistic even. and then ur son becomes talk of town#because he keeps doing fucking bits on twitter about adopting his coworker who is friends with your youngest son. this goes on long enough#for actual reporters to comment on it. no one is willing to blink first so by friday night we've yes-anded ourselves to a grandson#(congratulations mme leclerc)#things go well. and then at qualifying they go DAMN WELL#BETTER THAN EVER REALLY! but man. im superstitious. i dont trust shit until its over and the dust has cleared#(the adoption jokes have continued by the way) and MEANWHILE everyone is eyeing that starting grid. were humming. we're making vague hand#gestures when commenting. we're all thinking. Maybe? (the streets can hear u tho. keep it down)#race starts. lap one CHAOS. so many fucking crashes. i'd faint if i had a child even in karting honestly.#(every parent in this sport deserves a prescription for laudanum)#but he's not in it. hes at the front. and he. well. he just Stays There. Through It All. and the laps tick down. until the race is run. and#there he is. your middlest son. cross the line and into the books. first place. home town. what curse indeed. thats your boy!!!!!!!! THERE!#they play the radio of him winning and the audio is peaked because he screams out so loudly. you can hear the water in the laughter.#later theres gonna be videos and photos taken of him pushing his boss into the harbor and diving right in after the man. those photos are#gonna be fucking studied in photography classes one day. and STILL! everyone involved with that goofy joke about him adopting his coworker#(who. despite all the silliness of the race stayed second place and got a podium) is still carrying the bit like a baton relay. Do you have#him over for family dinner? might as well add a plate i guess! people are joking about your youngest son having two nephews? a dog born#maybe a month ago and a man born about... what twenty three years and about a month ago? fuck it! family dinner#sorry this bit got away from me but as someone who loves my homecity and my mom so much it might actually be like.#a visible growth inside my body if they do an autopsy on me at time of death or like. my love will eat me alive. sometimes the charratives#gets to me#anyway cheers mme leclerc i hope you party so fucking hard this week
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Today on Very Serious Spy Scenarios, imagine Illya and Napoleon at the beginning of their partnership, with Napoleon happily pushing all of Illya's buttons every five seconds to try and see what will get him punched and what not. Illya is endlessly frustrated with him, especially because he CANNOT get a rise out of him, no matter how hard he tries.
And then one day, when they are arguing, again, Illya is getting desperate to Win This and so this conversation ensues:
Illya: "What's your problem, your parents never hugged you as a child?"
Napoleon, completely unfazed: "Actually no, my father barely spoke to me and my mother lowkey disliked me, so."
Illya:
Napoleon:
Illya:
Napoleon: "What?"
Illya: *getting teary-eyed*
Napoleon, now a little scared: "Peril?"
Illya: *bear hug attack*
#napollya#the man from uncle#tmfu#napoleon x illya#not spn#ely has shit to say#this is the end napoleon is getting hugged. forever#illya just can't help it#he instantly started picturing this tiny napoleon with his little curls and pointy teeth#making a sad little face because his parents don't love him#HOW COULD THEY NOT HUG HIM. HE WILL CRY.#meanwhile napoleon is just standing there rigid like a piece of wood with his face smashed against illya's shoulder#just quietly going '.....peril. what are you doing.'#'what does it LOOK like. i'm hugging you. because your parents are shitheads.'#'........uh'#in the upcoming weeks napoleon can SEE it on illya's face whenever he's thinking about this#illya just stares at him with his sad puppy eyes and napoleon throws his hands up like 'CHRIST peril i'm FINE'#meanwhile in illya's head there's a tiny cowboy being all sad and he can't handle it#what are his parents' name he needs to know. for science. on an unrelated note where is his rifle#gaby has no idea what happened but it's rather amusing and she's happy it doesn't involve her for once
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Did I ever talk about the roleswap AU idea I had where Bill and Mina were in place of Dipper and Mabel, and Ford was in place of Stan? I don't have a LOT of ideas for it but I was thinking about it last night at work.
#Hayley Speaks#It basically starts out similar to the original show; kids get sent up to Gravity Falls for the summer to stay with Ford#And eventually start uncovering some secrets regarding a journal with a weird Pac-Man like symbol on the front#That's as far as I got though#I think Bill would be skeptical of Ford at first but overall pleased that he gets a summer away from home-#-and his nagging therapist and doctors#(I haven't decided what his mutation translates out into an AU where he's human but I assume some kind of mental illness-#-that involves hallucinations and the like)#(Or maybe that's what his parents ASSUME and have tried to get him unsuccessful help based on that thought process)#Anyway Mina's a bit more nervous because she's probably started realizing she's a girl and realizes she can actually BE a girl-#-for the summer if she wants to. But it's scary :( What if Ford told their parents and that freedom was taken away :(#Anyway both clearly have a little something different about them and Ford picks up on this IMMEDIATELY#And goes 'Well I'm the six-fingered freak of the family so I'm going to do EVERYTHING I can to make these kids feel welcome-'#All while trying to work on his plan in secret to get Stan back#But where are Dipper and Mabel you ask?#Mabel is probably in Bill's place and Dipper is not in the AU due to Mina not making her appearance known until AFTER canon#Sorry Dip
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Next time I say it might be fun to commit to three projects with a tight, hard deadline, with one of the projects requiring me to learn two (2) entirely new skills, please bonk me on the head with cartoon hammers until I turn into a squeaky toy
#to be fair to me: this year sucked severely and i didnt have much of a choicd#given that i wanted to get people presents and also have basically been unemployed for seven months#but at least make me commit to things i already knew how to do 😭😭😭#i actually got a lot of progress on the moopsy done today (ironically no stay silly update because none of it involved the face)#(even though this is the first day i stayed on schedule since i started lmao)#but tomorrow is going to be the single hardest/scariest step where i learn if any of my cumulative fuckups will make it impossible to do#hopefully i can finish in the next two days so i can actually have a break before i begin prepping for my parents to come over#i havent even gotten to read system collapse#because ive been working on this every spare second of the day 😔😔😔#anyway sorry for the rant. year bad. goodnight sleep well
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love my own like theatrical relationship to shakespeare which is a) being so slow to realize like "oh, i've loved theatre? everyone doesn't just feel this way & go 'of course acting onstage would fucking kick ass' & adore rehearsals and hanging around backstage and in greenrooms and changing and performing & etc?' never really occurred to me" and b) my response to most encounters w/shakespeare being "wha" when it comes to anything granular yet the relevance still in the spirit of things lol
namely one prominent example being i was an on campus college student where said campus has a shakespearean theater literally three blocks away, and we had like a freshmen orientation weekly class there doing shit with actors and checking out the theater, not to mention like punchcards to see four shows free (to write up about afterwards but yeah sure whatever) and this wherein also you always got student discount tickets And there were pwyw performances....kicked ass. i went there for shows so many times. i have never fucking known what tf is going on in any of the like dozen shows i saw there when a) audio processing can be tricky enough for real life modern vernacular parsing and b) sure am not used to ye old very stylized language nor any other qualities of shakespearean material so lots of times when i finally started to kind of acclimate to the language it would be like "oh wait that was the conclusion? ok. hoorayyyyy" like also c) You Have A Great Time Seeing Shakespeare Productions Anyways like again i loved going anytime. it's Theatrical and if people are just putting their damn backs into delivering and performing the material it's An Experience even if you're really not following lmfao. and i suppose one can read the text / familiarize oneself beforehand
also like my first and really one of my only like regular theatre performing experiences was my literature class in fourth grade doing a few scenes from julius caesar. i was so hype for getting cassius like one of the most prominent roles? a guy? an antagonist if you're caesar or dante??? oh Fuck yes. b/c of technical difficulties we got to perform it twice in a row when we did a field trip to some other school to perform our respective [scenes from various shakespeare plays] altogether. even back then i was way into it and cared about stuff like "we have like no Effects to make it that dramatic when we kill caesar. or like, non silent. bit awkward" and "also i like, don't know how to act and am just winging it. and of course, i'm also like 9" like in theory i do like to know How to do something vs trying to make it up myself. somewhat lol. a balance, who can argue w/that
beyond that there's also lots of things i just didn't quite realize "counted" lmfao like, when you're a theatre gay with a parent req'ing you go to church every week but you have a good time being in the choir....i was sure on those tenor harmonies & singing loud. and going relatively often to various live theatrical events, having an engaging enough time there, but also would've assumed anyone would be into it And that that's not really the same as actually being in them, of course. but that most of my firsthand experience was just sticking w/ballet for like a decade, and kind of live theatrical performance adjacency there. don't say shit, for years was effectively just like, an ensemble for the occasional performances, but even then it's like hoorayyy i Love rehearsing and being onstage and backstage and dealing w/costumes and coordination behind the scenes and shit. and eventually being like, a distinct individual character in shows, so despite again nobody saying shit you're still somewhat interpreting and doing whatever character work while also enjoying the bennies of [it's dance, so also it's choreographed]....even more clear like oh i love backstage and rehearsing and behind the scenes and onstage and putting together stage character makeup, and i don't mind tackling technical difficulties, and etc etc. didn't even necessarily have the reference like, idk, wouldn't / doesn't everyone feel similarly. classic ye old memory of like being idfk 7 or some shit simply getting to walk with classmates behind a backdrop to the opposite wing of a stage, and loving that lmao. combines a love for [backstage] and [secret passages] type deal lol, big fan of these elements
also in 7th grade doing a theatre/drama class for a few months and we couldn't really get like all this in depth extensive stuff b/c you know, intro course for like 8 weeks for rando middle schoolers, but idk it was just illustrative lmao like after julius caesar, us slapping together some kind of script and my getting to be this fun little theatrical(tm) antagonist guy again? feedback was "what was supposed to be happening" but could've stood to have learned that the enthusiasm and affinity i felt for acting onstage was perhaps indicative of enthusiasm and affinity for acting onstage rather than just, idk, the exact kind of baseline experience any & everyone would have lol. not that i would've necessarily had the chance to really do anything with that knowledge, but even now, ofc i don't particularly anticipate getting to use it, but it's great having that knowledge like ohhh i see. the entire time i've been huge into doing theatre with all these kind of adjacent & gently overlapping brushes with it. gotcha
#an issue with Figuring Out What I Like or Trying New Things; a) having to be driven everywhere#b) just not safe to be open with ''this is something i like doing''#c) things being worse for like [i like doing this performance i don't like that parents are in the audience / involved]#didn't try out for anything in middle school b/c a) nervous. no experience; it's middle school. i don't have a great time w/Peers.#b) i'd have to let parents know i was doing that / they would then be involved; & see it....puts a real damper on things#didn't try out for anything in college b/c by then it's like. i Really have no experience lmao even if i could do this myself#kind of only deterred by my same age roommate being A Theatre Person with that prior experience lol....#but then Shakespeare Theater Company Proximity & Everyone Getting Introduced Via That Class / another kind of tangential theatre experience#hell yes....thank you for all that you did. dunno what's going on in there but you truly have a great time#even just Readings are fun but again people Gotta put their back into it or it does become like [zzz]#anyways and in this day and age....would still like to have actual acting instruction. all an abstract idea. but i for sure Like To Know.#the Ideas / Knowledge of oneself & like ''oh that's smthing i super like actually'' or what all i'd even theoretically like to do / have...#value in such things. i love to Know i think it would be cool to have like a buttonsy digital / calculator type wristwatch too. e.g.#and for real besides me talking about myself the advice is yeah go to a fun shakespeare production#''knowing what the hell is actually going on'' is Not a priority / requirement. it'll be an enjoyable experience still#oh and i did have an achievement in having A Fan once lol. when i started getting standalone roles vs [class ensemble in the back] at one#point i got to have a cats (jellicle) inspired like purple sparkly arms/legwarmered elaborate facemakeupped role; fun in & of itself#but whomsoever came to this little like middle/highschoolers community production included some absolute randos i encountered in the hall#after whatever show where this like 8 yr old kid's dad was like ''she's your (the role) biggest fan can we get a pic''#like Of Course....so i pose with said kid. hell yeah babey i'm An Actor with A Role lol....fr it was fun so#even illuminating to piece together my affinity / comfort for concepts & zones like things Behind The Scenes / hidden or secret / Nighttime#being backstage or behind the backdrop to get to another wing or hanging out in an effective greenroom w/amicable parties & our roles....#oh and that naturally the abstract concept of acting has just always seemed fun. and not like that strange or difficult#someone talking abt being autistic & learning like ''oh having friends Isn't supposed to feel like you have to constantly be performing?''#like yeah same up til recent history lmao like. lot of ways to simply already have a bit of organic training in acting lol#would still want some more actual training though lol like how do you do this shit Actually....got the essentials in fourth grade (be loud)#fr we didn't have mics of course so it was all just up to us to say our lines loud enough. couldn't actually hear other scenes [pensive]
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trying to look into the mechanics behind shadowheart's questline is a trip
#mse's playing baldur's gate 3#like i was reading up on the act 3 decision she makes on her own about her parents#and i'm starting to think that it was a bit of a fluke that i got the option where she wants to save them on my first playthrough#AND I WENT BACK ON THAT CHOICE#and now i'm playing with a single save file and i think i'm too anxious to see what happens if i give her the choice#because i do want to see the option where her parents stay alive#and according to the wiki if you get her to doubt her faith in shar early on that actually locks her out of choosing that herself?#and i don't know if i should trust the wiki but i guess it could make sense since letting the parents die seems like the selunite choice#then again a lot of people just say that there's a lot of stuff that's bugged with her#or maybe they were just not aware that there was an extra mechanic involved here?#uf. girlie is complicated.
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