#and then suddenly it's midnight on a friday night and I'm prepared to sit in bed and maybe do something fun before sleep

[abysskeeper]

Neurodivergence is a wild time all around.

[bonelesswords]

a study of souls | alex høgh andersen au

- masterlist

gif credit: @lol-haha-joke

Chapter three: Megan

Warnings: Languae, sexual content, mentions and using of drugs, mentions of a toxic relationships, grammar mistakes (english is not my first language)

The university had started a week ago and it has been quite light. That's why after finishing my turn at the bakery on saturday afternoon, I take a shower and I put on my pajamas, ready to get into bed and not leve until the next day.

Only at that moment I feel like the week has ended, and it feels like a relief. When I walked out of the university on friday I could let out a long sigh, perhaps proclaiming victory, my first week had ended.

  I didn't want my life to revolve around the man I fell in love with a year ago,  but when I walked through those halls and climbed those stairs again, I couldn't help but think of him. The nostalgia hit me instantly, but soon it became anguish and fear. Fear of crossing William on one of those halls, who used to work there. However, he seemed to keep his word, he doesn't work there anymore.

By friday, almost sure that he wasn't going to appear in that place, the feeling of anguish was almost nonexistent, I hope that during the course of the year it disappears completely.

I hear the annoying sound of my phone vibrating against the wood of the nightstand beside my bed. When I take my phone in my hands I see the name of my brother shining on the screen.

"Hi June, are you already in bed?" In a mocking tone, his voice fills the earphone.

"Hi Rory, are you already drunk?" I ask in the same tone of voice of his, but unlike me, Rory laughs.

"No, not yet. But it's saturday, I'm calling to verify if you are aware of the said event or if you are staying home tonight."

"Yes, I think I deserve it after this long week."

"No, you don't!" He snaps and I can almost imagine him squinting "You are coming with me tonight, to a party."

"Is there any possibility to say no?" I ask.

"No, not at all. It's at Alex's, he said "bring little June, if she wants to, I bet she want to" ,, He says, imitating Alex's accent. I couldn't deny that the guy who had been flirting with me last week crossed my mind more than once this week.

"So that's my name now?"I ask, avoiding the question just to annoy him.

"Come on, June. I'm trying to get you a social life here, you know?" He sounds irritated, which makes me laugh. I keep quiet as if I were thinking about it, but I already know that the answer is yes.

"Okay, I'll go, but only if after that, you bring me home"

"Right, I'll be there at midnight, then, is that okay?"

"Yes, of course."

I wait for him to say goodbye so I can say goodbye too, but the silence makes its presence in his line. I know what comes next.

"How was week, June?" He finally asks. It comes out of his mouth in a strange but familiar tone. It reminds me of our aunt Rose, grandma's sister. I can count more akward calls with her than times that she came to visit us, I remember, even now, how grandma used to force us to talk to her everytime Rose called when we were kids and I was ten and Rory fourteen. Rose asked "And how have you been in school? What has Lucy cooked for you today?" All unimportant questions, until it seemed she was about to say goodbye, she used to pause first and then, asked that question that Rory and I hated so much " How are you two doing in therapy?" Rory had sounded the same way, and I couldn't blame him, I knew he didn't know how to ask that kind of questions either. He wasn't talking about the university, he was talking about William.

"If your question is that if I've seen any asshole, the answer is no, not any that I'm familiar with." I hear him laughing, almost relieved "But it was alright, better than last year. The only thing that I can hope for this year is cycle full of routines."

"It always can get  worse." He warns me joking and makes me smile.

"You are right, but I hope not."

"It's alright, June. See you later, stay out of trouble."

"I'll try." I say and then I end the call.

When I open my closet, my mind travels directly to William and that upsets me. It makes me angry to think about him when I do something I stopped doing when I was with him, like spend hours preparing for a party and wear night clothes. I wonder if, when he wakes up every sunday beside his wife, thinks of me. Me and all those weekends that we spend in the apartment that he had in the center of town, I wonder if the same thing happens to him as it does to me when I see these  little things and I automatically think in every bad decision I made last year.

Anyway, I am again the same girl who cared a lot about what I was going to use the next day in class, although it was less intense, I was just as dumb. Alex's smile is projected in my mind when I think about what I'm going to wear at night and my stomach turns.

Is it lipstick too much? No, it's not! But the heels that I've always used that are hidden somewhere in my room, they do feel like too much. Preparing to go out always feels like too much for a person with too many doubts like me, and at the same time it feels like I'm not doing enough for my image. For my image, what image? THAT WAS RIDICULOUS. The more I thought about it, the more wrong the decisions I had made feel, suddenly, to stay at home sounded better than going out and expose myself to too many eyes of people I didn't know. But no, I wasn't going to do the same thing that I did last year, I'm twenty one, not sixty five, like grandma. I wasn't going to go to sleep at midnight on a saturday. So I decide on a black top with long sleeves and skinny jeans of the same color, I put on my converse and I wait sitting on the living room sofa until Rory arrives.

When I receive a text from him saying that he's outside, I leave the house closing the door behind me. I sit on the passenger seat and I say hi to him.

Rory talks about his job, at the car shop, talks about cars as if I understood, but I pretend to do it, like he does when I talk about the university.

"Is everyone going to be there?"

"Yes, otherwise I wouldn't go."

"Is Helena going too?" I ask with a curious tone in my voice.

"Yes, why?" He frowns but in the moment that he turns his head and looks at me, with raised brows and a smile on my face, he understands. He rolls his eyes, trying to hide a smile.

"Is it that I know you too well or that you are very obvious, Rory? I think both." Rory looks at me horrorized, with eyes as big as dishes and I burst into a laughter.

"Am I?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No, I'm kidding. I don't think you are obvious but if you are, what about it? I mean, sometimes it doesn't have to be a problem to demonstrate that you are into her. Because, to be honest, you are an attractive guy, If you show interest in her, maybe she will do the same.

"Do you think?" He asks, almost hopeful

"Yes, I think. Go with the flow, that's what they say."

"I hope they are right, then" He says, making me laugh, this time a little bit worried.

Rory parks in front of the bar and when we are both standing on the street, he stars talking about how I must not accept drinks from anyone, as if that wans't something I learned when I was fifteen years old . Since the thing with William happened, it seems that Rory sees me as a girl of fifteen years old again.

He pulls a bunch of keys from the pocket of his leather jacket and opens the door.

"Why do you have a copy of the keys of his house?"

"In case of emergencies." He answers.

"And why do you have one intead of, I don't know, his brother?"

"I'm pretty sure that his brother has a copy as well. Besides, I'm his best friend, if his brother is not available, I am."

He turns around and once the door is open, hurries up the stairs. I want to ask him if Alex exposes himself to "emergencies" frequently, and If it is like that, what kind of emergencies. But Rory doesn't give me the opportunity to continue the conversation, he gestures me with his hand to follow him upstairs. When we are at the top of the stairs, on the right is another door and from outside I can hear the trap music that was already heard from the street, but when Rory opens the door of Alex's house, it explodes.

The room is dark and the only lighting is the lights that come from outside from the large window of the room, but nobody seems to bother. Above our heads, there is a large cloud of smoke that extends throughout the room. There are people playing the console in front of the big tv hanging on the wall, people sitting on the floor, on the balcony. I see a large L-shaped sofa where Travis, Julia, Jack and Helena are sitting.

Rory takes off his jacket and asks me for mine, he tells me that he will leave them in Axel's room. I nod and make my way to my brother's friends, who greet me with a smile on their faces, I sit next to Julia, who seems to be already bored of the party.

"You came!" She says, smiling from ear to ear.

"Of course, I think I was invited."

"I'm glad you came" Says when she sees my brother approaching to Helena and say hi to everyone. She approaches to me to whisper in my ear: "Because Evangeline couldn't make it, and I knew that in the moment that Rory arrives, Helena would be all eyes for him." She winks at me, I laugh. "Sometimes you need a partner in Alex's parties." She says through gritted teeth, too close to my face, adding drama to her words. Suddenly, I feel someone sitting next to me and an arm surrounds my shoulders, making me turn towards the person beside me.

"Are they that bad?" Alex asks. A side smile appears on his face when I look at him in the eyes and and there he is, in a white tshirt, with slightly messy hair. His eyes are red, as well as his swollen lips, it seemed that he had bitted them several times. His face is a little better since the last time I saw him, but it is still a little bruised. Even with the poor lighting I can tell. "Hi Junie."

"Junie?" I ask laughing.

"No, I'm not Junie. I'm Alex." He says and lets out a giggle.

"He gets funny when he smokes weed." Julia explains to me and I nod.

"Yes, but nothing else" confirms me and raises his hands, As if he were declaring himself innocent.

"He means that it is the only thing that the joint makes to him" She explains again.

"It's okay, Julia. I'm pretty sure June doesn't need a stoner translator." Alex cuts Julia and she laughs.

"Oh, no. My role wasn't a stoner translator, but a translator of idiots " She finishes and I burst into a laughter.

"Yeah, I had that coming anyway." Alex accepts and Julia nods happily, but turns when Travis shows her a post on Instagram. "But ey, you came! I told Rory, bring June, I bet she will want to come, and now you are here. Did you pour yourself something to drink? " He starts tripping with his words, and I notice him more awake and hyperactive.

"No, but I'm okay."

"Well, how bad then. Because I told everyone that if they wanted to come, their entrance ticket was a bottle of something, but now I have too many bottles of alcohol in my kitchen."

"Oh, that must be a nightmare for a guy like you, isn't it?" I joke.

"For a guy like me?" He repeats my words, a little curious.

"Yeah, you look like a party guy." I explain myself and he nods.

"Oh, right. I personally don't think I'm a party guy. They said "Alex, you should throw a party." And I said no, but they said "yeah, you should." And I said okay, but only if everyone brings their own alcohol because I'm not going to give free drinks to anybody, and now everyone is here."

"They?" I ask.

"Ah, yes, my friends, other friends."

"Then I don't know if you are a party guy, but you are definitely someone easy to convince. "

"Only when I'm high, the rest of the time I'm a pretty intimidating guy."

"You haven't intimidated me." I tell him and he looks at me with that smile that looked arrogant, and at the same time, totally charming. It makes me shiver how charming it is.

"That's because I haven't started yet." He answers me and takes me off guard. I roll my eyes, when I really want to scream on the floor. "I should have told your brother that if you wanted to come, your entrance ticket was a cake, since you work at the bakery, because after what I smoked I will be hungry."

"I don't give cakes for free. If you want one, you should buy it."

"Then I should go to the bakery one of these day, of course, only if you are there."

"It would be a shame if you go and find my grandmother."

"So which days are you?" He asks and I look at him for a second. I was sure that telling him what days I worked at the bakery was pretty stupid, it meant that I wanted him to go and find me. And perhaps, also, it meant allowing him to think that I would be waiting for him to go. And although it sounded stupid, I did it anyway.

"Weekdays in the afternoon, sometimes I help on Saturdays."

"I must remember that, then."

And that smile appears on his face again.

Little by little I go into the conversation that everyone is having, it is a little difficult for me to deal with Travis's internal jokes, but Julia is quick to explain them to me, which I appreciate, she makes me smile. So far, there is nothing out of place, and everyone seems relaxed. Although for me, there comes a time of the night when the smoke of the place begins to suffocate me a little and I have to go outside to take a breath. I let Rory know and he nods.

There's two girls in the balcony when I go out, both of them are too into their own conversation to notice my presence. I rest my arms on the railing. The wind hits my face and I appreciate it, it's cold but for a moment, I don't care.

Again, for the second time tonight, I feel the presence of the owner of the house right next to me, imitating me, resting his arms on the railing. He doesn't say anything, just look straight ahead just like me.

"I remember the first time I smoked weed." I say suddenly and he turns to look at me.

"Did that stay in your mind?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No, I'm just saying that to fill the silence." He laughs, turning his body a little towards me, I keep looking straight ahead.

"And was it good?"

"No, it was boring and when the effect was gone, I was too sleepy... I slept a lot that night" I answer "I remember that the effect hit different to my friends, they laughed a lot, it was fun. I didn't feel that until the third or fourth time, but I always end up more sleepy than anybody." I turn to see him "I suppose that for you it's different."

"I suppose, yeah." He smiles "For me, it makes everything a little bit chill in these kind of places. The rest of the time I don't need it. " He says and I want to ask him why he needs it in these places, but I don't dare to do it. He remains silent for a few seconds before speaking again. "Can I ask you a question?" I nod, a little doubtful, but he smiles again. "Why is Rory always so willing to take you everywhere?" he asks and I laugh loudly.

"I thought you invited me," I say in a smile.

"Yeah I did. Don't think I didn't. But it seems  a little strange to me that he wants to take his little sister everywhere with him, especially when he flirts with Helena all the time, doesn't he?" He raises his brows and I smile at the thought that everyone knows about Rory liking Helena.

"Yes, I know, I understand the confusion. Actually, he told me today, he wants me to have a social life again, that's what he said." I explain to him and he nods, a little bit confused yet.

"Again?" He repeats curious.

"Ah yes, again. Before New York, the university and everything, my social life was reduced to nothing. I could do it on my own, but he decides to speed up the process, I guess. "

"So he is doing well," he tells me "I mean, the guys like you. And me too, especially me." Our eyes meet, but I squint.

"You are an..." I start saying.

"I know, I know" He interrupts "you don't need to say it" I roll my eyes when I see how an arrogant smile makes its presence on his face. He rights himself. "You are pretty today." He murmurs and I sigh.

"There you go again."

"No, no, I mean it. You are pretty today." Somehow, he makes me smile. He sounds genuine, not like flirting or playing, which takes me out of balance for a second, maybe that's why I can feel my face burning right now, but the thing that horrifies me the most is that he can see it as well.

"Thanks, I guess" I manage to answer, totally embarrassed. A cruel little voice in my head tell me that that hour that I spent repairing myself worth it.

When we come back in, I sit back in the same place and Alex does the same. I look around the room, my gaze stops at a blonde girl, who stares at me, as if she throws knives at me with her eyes. Suddenly, she begins to approach while staring at me, I don't take my eyes off her, I frown, wondering if she has confused me with someone else or she is just high.

I realize that any of my two assumptions are incorrect when she is close enough to me, at the moment when without prior notice she sits on Alex's lap and plants a loud, red kiss on his cheek.

"I haven't seen you all night." She says to him and suddenly, I feel out of place, because Alex knows that I am and the girl who's sitting on him for sure knows it too.

I stare at Julia, who rolls her eyes and grabs my arm so I can get close to her and get away from Alex and his blonde girl. Then, she whispers "Her name is Megan." She explains and I understand the situation now. I whisper to her what Rory and Helena had told me about this girl, Megan, and how Alex got into a fight for her. I haven't seen her all night, but if I was being honest, I didn't pay attention to anybody since I arrived.

Alex and she begin to have, what it seems, a slight discussion. She seems to want to raise her voice but he asks her to calm down, and the only thing I get to hear is him telling her that this isn't a place for discussions. I don't want to keep listening, so I get up and go to the kitchen for something to drink.

I look at the kitchen counter and all the bottles of alcohol, not knowing very well what to do with all of that. After a few minutes, I decide to open a beer and serve it in one of the disposable cups that are there.

A pointed finger touches my back, causing me to turn suddenly. It surprises me when I see the same girl who was sitting on Alex a few minutes ago is right in front of me, looking at me with an almost friendly smile, almost. She is taller than me, and certainly more beautiful. I would never have wear that tight black dress that she was wearing. She has a smile who could kill anybody, and a body too. When such a girl stood right in front of you, it was impossible not to get a little jealous.

"Hello" She says slowly. I look at her for a few seconds before answering.

"Hello?" The insecurity sneaks into my voice and I have to clear my throat.

"I am Megan, you must be June." Megan introduces herself and I nod, I don't know why.

"Yeah, that's me. Do we know each other?" I know immediately that the words that have come out of my mouth sound a bit hostile, but she doesn't flinch.

"No, but I have a feeling we're going to" He explains to me and I want to laugh because of the nerves caused by the conversation, I have always laughed when I feel nervous. I immediately remember Rory saying that he doesn't like Megan, and that nobody likes her, not even Alex's brother.

"And why is that?" I ask curious.

"Well, you are Rory's brother, aren't you?" She asks and I nod -again- "And Rory is Alex's best friend, and, if you didn't know, I'm Alex's favourite girl, so, do the math."

What she says reminds me exactly at that moment of last week, in which Alex felt the need to clarify that he had no girlfriend, and I supposed that Megan knew that. It was not very difficult to realize what kind of relationship they had.

"Can I ask you a question?" The tone she uses in her voice does not go unnoticed, I look at her as if I could read her mind to know what she is thinking right now.

"This is the second time tonight that someone asks me that question, so yes, I guess," I answer and she laughs.

"Do you like him? Alex, I mean," I open my eyes wide, but she looks at me almost amused, which is chilling. What does she expect me to say?

"What?" is the only thing I can say, Megan lets out a little giggle.

"If you like him." Asks again "Look, I'm not dumb, I've been looking at you, my friends too." She starts to explain and I shake my head.

"I met Alex a week ago, I don't know what you are talking about." I answer with a frown. Her question seems out of place, since I haven't known her for more than twenty minutes, but she keeps smiling the same way.

"That didn't sound like a no."

"That sounded like an I met him a week ago, I don't know him."

"So the fact that you have been looking at him all night at all times is pure chance? I'm gonna tell you again, June, I'm not stupid." The hostile tone sneaks into his voice and she no longer looks at me in the same sweet way as she did when she introduced herself, on the contrary.

"I don't understand the point of this conversation." I interrupt her and she takes a step towards to me, trying to intimidate me, but it makes me laugh, and no because I'm nervous, laughter of actual amusement. How is it that she could feel threatened by me?

"The point of this conversation is that you should know your place, June. That's the point, I'm trying to be kind, it's almost my duty to inform you, stay in your lane" She is no longer nice, she is almost angry, irritated by me.

"Is that a threat, Megan? Are we still in high school?" I raise my hand and push her away, returning her to the same distance she was before.

"Take it as you like" she says ignoring my question "As long as it is clear to you"

She ends and stares at me, with an arrogant look, as if she expected me to leave so she can have the last word. I was never the type of girl who fights for boys, and although she seemed to be used to it, I wasn't going to start now.

"No, in fact it wasn't clear to me, Megan, tell me if I understand it;" I begin to say when she seems to be convinced that I won't contradict her at all. "you, who have a very close relationship with Alex, come to ask me, someone totally oblivious to that relationship, to know my place. What I believe, Megan, is that if he and you have such a relationship, both should know your place, not me. Alex and you."

Before she could answer something, even make a face, I surround her and leave the kitchen, feeling a little lost where to go. I didn't want to tell Rory that this girl, Megan, had irritated me and that I wanted to go, it was ridiculous. But I also didn't want to stay and have to put up with her looking at me all night as if she was about to kill me. Maybe it is a bit of a coward of me to run out of the situation, but it is not very smart to stay there either.

I approached Rory, trying to hide the bad face I had, the last thing I wanted was a scandal and look like a fool. So I leaned to where he was sitting and whispered in his ear that I felt bad, if he could take me home.

"Already?" He asks and at that moment I couldn't hide my bad face.

"Yes, already. I have girl problems." I lie, because it is the only way Rory would understand it, or not, but he wouldn't ask about it.

"Well," He says simply "Go for your jacket and I'll wait for you outside." He gets up from his seat and looks for his car keys in the pocket of his pants. I turn around and head to where I remembered Alex's room is. I go in and close the door behind me. There is a king size bed in the middle of the room and above them, lots of coats of every colors; It is going to take a second to find mine. On the two sides of the bed are two small drawers, with a lamp in each one of them.

I don't stop to observe the place much, the sooner I leave, the better. I walk to the bed and start to dig through all the black jackets I find, none is mine. I hear the door open and slam shut, I get scared, startling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" I hear Alex's voice, less altered than I had found him when I arrived. I nod, I don't even try to say that it's alright because it's not. "Are you already leaving?"

"Oh yeah. I think I was kicked out," I answer as I continue searching through the coats.

"What?" I hear him confused, I stop what I am doing to look at him. He frowns, waiting for me to answer.

"Your girlfriend" I answer with determination, I don't even know why I do it, I know she isn't, but I'm so upset that that's the only thing that comes out of my mouth. "She introduced herself, She said something like, nice to meet you, I hope to see you around but not really, you know, she even threatened me a little." the anger is noticeable in my voice and in the way I spit the words one after the other, that seems to take him out of balance.

"Megan?" It's all he says. I stir again between the coats.

"Oh yes, her." I say, and just in time I find my jacket among many others. I put it on and I face him "I didn't come here to be treated in such a way Alex, I shouldn't be dealing with girls like her just because you don't clear things up"

I head towards the door and he follows me with his gaze, unable to say anything about it, with worried eyes. He turns when I put my hand on the door handle.

"Thanks for the invitation, Alex. But I don't like being in places where I'm not really welcome," I say and then leave the room without giving him the opportunity to say anything.