#and then put the stapled bag into a LOCKED dumpster?

[pocketramblr]

how his hair do that, 5 options

the following is a crack fanfic in five parts, each section on the same premise but not same continuity. also, very spoilerish

bnha manga spoilers below! very recent leaks below! very spoilery!

Better than a charcoal milkshake v 1

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When the heroes first attacked, alarms blaring, compound up in chaos, Dabi snuck away. He let the others pour out of the doors and down the stairs, and crept backwards, turning and running once he was certain no one would notice him.

Not that it would matter much if he did, but why waste the energy on killing them too? He’d need all his firepower today.

Dabi tore through the halls to his room, making it there and slapping his card against the scanner. No time to lose, not when he knew he needed to take care of a few more things before locating where Endeavor was in this heroes’ mission.

He kicked open his bathroom door, hands occupied with carefully pulling the black wig off his head- snagging that on his staples was just the worst, and he couldn’t have blood messing this up today.

Not yet, at least.

Under the bathroom cabinet he grabbed the bag of powery charcoal. It was supposed to be used for some beauty purpose or another, something about enriching hair that didn’t even work- but it would work to darken his white locks.

He poured it on, barely bothering to lean over the sink and keep it from going everywhere. As a final test, he once more wet a bit of it, the color seeping from the hair as it dripped.

He already knew it would work, that’s why he had intercepted so much of it before the quirk cultists could offer it to Toga or Hawks or whoever, but his heart was racing with both nerves and pure excitement.

Finally. The day he’d burn it all down, and make them see why.

He left his door open as he ran back out into the hallway, making a beeline for where he left Hawks. First things first, take care of that, then find Endeavor.

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Better than a charcoal milkshake v 2

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“Hey, put me down by that camping supplies store. And Skeptic too.” Dabi ordered, surveying the carnage of Jakku and glancing over at the man hunched over his laptop.

Said man looped up sharply at that, frowning and spitting that he wasn’t going to do that or something.

Dabi didn’t really pay attention to that.

“Where?” Gigantomachia asked, still rumbling forward towards whatever he smelled. Two masters or something.

Compress cleared his throat and translated for the currently blinded giant. “It’s at 4:05 o’clock, I’d say thirty feet forward.” He then looked over at Dabi, mask as unsettling as any of them. “You’ll be carefull too, on your personal mission?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Dabi waved him off, snagging Skeptic by the back of his shirt and tugging as Machia scooped them up and placed them on the pavement.

He ran inside the evacuated store, mercifully empty and not decayed, and started looking for the bags of charcoal.

When he found one, he tore it open. Charcoal fell to the floor, and he ground his boot down into it.

“What…” Skeptic seemed without words, for once. Good.

Dabi tore off his black wig, tossing it aside. He wouldn’t need it anymore.

“You wear a wig??”

“Yeah.” He started to scoop up handfuls of the charcoal, rubbing it into his hair. “Hey, go grab me some water, and then go set up the cameras. We got a show to put on.”

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Stinky dumpster boy

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“But my good name?” He sneered the word and all it implied in the world of false heroes, “is Todoroki Touya.”

With that, he dumped the water over his head, and it streamed down over his face, filthy.

The dirty water, practically mud, stung the places on his face where his skin was barely stapled together, and Dabi was reminded of why he didn’t bother with showers anymore- the pain.

But now his true colors- literally- were revealed and it was all worth it. All the truth was out, and the truth had always hurt him.

Shoto, who seemed to be trying to juggle first aid on like, five different people with two random heroes he didn’t know next to him, gaped.

“Come on, I know my face has changed, but my own family should still be able to recognize me, yeah? But you never did. You never did, Todoroki Shoto.”

Dabi suddenly found himself encased in ice.

Ah, this again.

“Yumi’s is colder.”

Shoto’s jaw dropped, then he glared. “Stand back.” He said as he stood up. “He just dunked water on his head, to cool him off I bet. If he is Touya, his body never could handle his own heat. If he’s not… those burns come from somewhere at least.”

Ok, now Dabi was offended.

“What do you mean, ‘if I’m not’?” he demanded. “I just revealed my white hair? I know that’s what the picture on my shrine looks like, you never even looked at that?”

“How do you even know what your shrine looks like?” Shoto sounded dangerously close to judgmental for a little brother who was probably as emo as Dabi had been at his age. “And wait, that cup of water was supposed to wash out your hair? What, do you never bathe or something?”

Ok, now Dabi was really offended.

“Of course I bathe! I just have to sponge bath, because I don’t know if you’ve noticed from having your own scars, but when they take up most of your body and are killing you they end up controlling a lot of your life!”

Ugh, asking him if he didn’t bathe. He’d understand that asked of Shigaraki, sure, but him? Shoto had gotten close enough to smell him, at least.

“Um, sorry to interrupt,” the hero in blue, the one that was tending to Eraserhead, raised his hands. “But uh… do you want some help with that?”

“I’m fine, don’t want to cool him off too much so he can fight longer.” Shoto shook his head.

“I was talking to him.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

The hero waved his hand, bubble of water pulling up from the ground. Then he pointed to his own head. “I can take care of that? At the very least it’ll be cleaned out and um, whatever color it should be?”

Dabi stared at him. Shoto stared at him. The other hero in green stared at him, and the one who’d offered help started to sweat noticebly.

“Eh, sure, whatever.”

The hero nodded, and the bubble of water floated over to him, disappearing in his hair.

The bubble floated out a couple of time, murky brown and black with ash, dirt, oil, blood, anything else he’d never thought about too much. It would wring itself thin, much dropping, and return to cleaning.

Finally, his hair was mostly white and thoroughly soaked.

“Thanks.” He called over.

“Yeah.” The hero answered, still frantically trying to help Eraserhead with his free hand, which he’d gone back too as soon as he thought Dabi was distracted. Buying time.

The other hero was on his fourth facepalm.

Shoto just looked contemplative.

Endeavor, one of the ones receiving treatment, sat up but looked like he was going to pass out.

Well all right then. Time to really start- the hair snafu didn’t matter. They were all going to die that day anyway.

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Weirdest commercial I’ve ever been in.

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“We’ll be dancing in hell together, Todoroki Enji.” Dabi finished his speech with a sneer.

The watching heroes were all stunned silent, mouths open, eyes wide. The revelation must be sending them, like it would all who were watching Skeptic’s broadcast. This would burn it all down, perfect.

“I don’t understand…” Enji managed to say, spitting out a bit of blood.

“What, you don’t understand how I survived, or how I hate you so much I’d hurt innocent people over it? Because that second part is exactly what you did, take out all that self-loathing and insecurity, rage at your shortcomings and condemn children not born yet to them. Guess it’s a family trait.”

“No, not that,” He waved a hand. “I mean, I totally get how you’re a wreck, even if all of your other siblings managed to not become mass murders, I mean- I don’t understand, how did that pint of water wash out all of your hair dye? Aren’t you better funded after the Deika merger, can’t you afford proper hair coloring?”

“I was also wondering that.” Shoto admitted.

“Same.” The hero in blue nodded. The hero in green facepalmed.

“Water?” Dabi repeated, then looked at the can he’d tossed aside. “Oh, no. This isn’t water- it’s a momento of the only true hero.” He bent down, picking up the can and studying the image on it.

“Stain was right, you know.” He mused. “About hero society being rotten. So rotton, so full of fakes, that there was only one that deserved the title. He just got the wrong hero, guessing All Might.” Dabi snorted at the very idea. “No, the only real one, the pure one, the one that defines heroism, the only one with a kill count higher than me- for all the dear old man and his biggest fan Hawks tried, of course- is Wash.”

“… Wash?” Shoto cocked his head. “Wait, like, Wash, Wash?”

“The one and only. That’s how this Official Wash’s Hair Washing Serum, the only product that can wash out all dirt, dye, and any other kind of grime, in just one go.” He shook the can around so they could see. “What, you all thought I could just magically lighten my hair from black to white in the space of one fight?”

“No,” Shoto said, like a liar, and then he threw a glacier at Dabi, and the fight was on in earnest.

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Old news

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“And now you’ll see who I really am, who you’ve created.” Dabi poured the bleach over his head, giving it a moment to sink into the hair before he shook it out, grinning wide enough to tear his staples.

The heroes on the ground and the few tending to them stared in shock.

Then Shoto gasped.

“Hawks?”

“What? Where?” Dabi whirled around, looked up, because he was really sure he had managed to make sure that pest wouldn’t be flying or fighting again, but well… he’d thought that once before and been wrong then.

“No, you- you’re Hawks, you dye your hair black when its in Dabi mode, and its that beachy yellow blond in Hawks mode.” Shoto nodded to himself.

Blond? Dabi tugged at a lock of hair, and huh. It did seem more yellow than white.

“How could he be Hawks?” The hero in green demanded incredulously, before the hero in blue grabbed his arm and pulled it back to holding down Eraserhead for bandaging.

“The burns and staples are part of the disguise,” Shoto explained. “Fake, and misdirection. You were trained from young childhood to be a hero, sent to join AfO and the league as a spy, where you gained a fire quirk and decided to switch to the villains’ side because you hated the life you were forced into.”

Dabi stared at him.

Shoto stared back.

Enji stared at both of them.

“How are you so smart and so stupid at the same time?” Slipped from chapped, burnt lips.

Shoto looked offended at that.

“I mean, you’re half right, yes that’s what up with Hawks, yes he was sent as a spy, but I knew and I killed him at the compound. And not, like, in a metaphorical way.” He added when he saw something spark in Shoto’s eyes. “Literally. I’m not him. He is completely separate person and body than me and I totally literally killed him.” Or like. Close enough. “And like, thirty other people who were completely innocent.”

Or close enough, he really didn’t bother to keep track, but thirty sounded like a big number. Especially of murders.

“So then who are you?” Shoto asked.

“What, you don’t recognize me, little brother?” He almost growled it, feeling very tired of this all of a sudden.

“Little brother?” Shoto repeated, eyes wide, then narrowing. “Wait, how…”

“Oh not again.” Enji muttered.

“Not again?” Dabi asked. “Wait, you actually managed to drive one of the others to this too? And cover it up? Man, Enji, you’re more rotten than even I knew then!”

“One of the others?” Shoto looked around wildly. “What are you talking about?”

“I was talking about how Shigaraki also randomly showed up and called a first year student “little brother”.” Enji looked back over at Dabi. “What were you talking about?”

“Shigaraki did what?” The pyro looked over his shoulder, finding the villain looking absolutely stoned on the ground, almost as vacant as some of the unconscious heroes, with a curly haired student laying bloodied nearby, staring up at him. “Wait, which student is his little brother?”

“Midoriya, apparently.” Shoto shrugged.

“Midoriya?” Dabi almost choked on the name. “As in, the green bone-breaking kid? Isn’t he like All Might’s lovechild or something?”

“That’s what I said too!”

“I mean, his hair was also lighter when he showed up today.” The hero in blue pointed out to his fellow in a voice that would have been too quiet for Dabi to hear had everyone else not gone silent as well.

“And bleach boy tried to do the same thing with the bleach, yeah. Here, I’ll tie this off, you go take care of Bakugo.”

“I’m Todoroki Touya!” Dabi snapped. “Or I used to be called by that name, anyway, before you nearly killed me, Enji. Let’s just- get back to fighting, yeah, I’m going to kill you.”

[rebelliouslala]

Hostage

part three, 1k words, :)

series masterlist

“So, why are you here?” Donghyuck sits on the desk, sipping more of his coffee.

Your sense snaps back just as fast as it had disappeared, so you frown and cross your arms. “I’m here because of Taeil. I travelled with him to Spain, and he literally had a fucking panic attack when he heard Johnny lost the Dreamies. I don’t know how you treat my brother, but what kind of business are you doing? How exactly are you treating him so that he has a crisis like that?” You exclaim.

Donghyuck looks at you, almost studying you, and he nods gently, looking at the papers on his desk. “So, you’re here to protect your older brother?” He looks up, a teasing smile facing you now, “Cute.”

Your eyes widen, almost as big as Taeil’s earlier as the man gets up, shrugging, “You Moons surprise me.” He studies you again, slowly before he shrugs, “Help me get back the Dreamies and maybe I won’t fire your brother. You’re a sweet girl, hmm?”

“Uhm- I mean, yeah, I guess. Why do you want me to help—?” You begin, not trying to make eye contact now, forcing your gaze back down.

“Because I need help. The Dreamies are my friends and I miss them. Your brother and my men are just worthless workers.” Your lips purse, and you hold your hands together. It’s just helping him.

It’s for your brother. What could possibly go wrong?

“Alright.” You exhale, finally daring yourself to look in his eyes. “Deal. And you won’t fire him?”

Donghyuck crosses his heart with his right hand with a smile. It looks so sweet and genuine. Like dripping sweet honey, intoxicating even.

You nod, taking his hand carefully, and shaking on it.

“Perfect.”

Taeil’s foot wouldn’t stop bouncing, with Mark guarding him and doing his daily data work before he tries to go after you again.

“I’m so sorry hyung, I was just mad.” Johnny speaks finally, breaking the ice.

“How did you piss off Jaemin?”

“We were all drinking and getting high; and I may have kind of just been. . .uh. . .not fun. I forgot when I got drunk my energy drains. E-Everyone just left me.”

“Jesus fucking Christ Youngho,” Jaehyun holds the bridge of his nose, placing his newly sharpened dagger on his lap.

Taeil’s leg freezes, and he sits up. “Wait. Did they officially say anything about not sponsoring the company?” Johnny pauses, and he shakes his head, “No.” Taeil stands, his mouth curving into a smile, “Then we have a chance! Come on—!”

Donghyuck steps into the boardroom, and Taeil’s heart sinks. He scans the room before crossing his arms, “Such a sweet girl, Moon Y/N. I see why you would want to protect her, Taeil.”

“Don’t hurt her!” Taeil stands up, before Jungwoo stands between him, whispering for him to stand down.

“Ew, you both beg the same way,” Donghyuck pushes his hair back. With a soft mumble, he looks at Winwin, “Get the car, tell the others to pretend that Y/N is dead.”

“Sir—!” Winwin tries to argue, but Donghyuck glares at him.

“Relax, She’s safe. We won’t lose the Dreamies. Just let him be heartbroken.” Donghyuck leaves the room, but Jungwoo goes after him, “Boss, did I hear you correctly?” Donghyuck nods, making his suit look more relaxed, his tie loose, his collar popped, leaving his shirt slightly unbuttoned, “Y/N is fine. In fact, she’s eating some strawberries and cream right now in my office. We better hurry.”

���Why are we lying to Taeil though? He’ll be heartbroken, and probably rat us out. Plus you know Lee will be taunting him.”

He stays quiet. None of his ideas ever went to plan with Kim Jungwoo. “Jungwoo. Just let it happen. Okay? Why don’t you stay here then, huh? Don’t tell me what to do,” Donghyuck growls and goes back into the office, locking the door behind him.

You sip on some soda sitting on his bean bag. Your bowl of strawberries and cream gone, only left with the leaves of the strawberries, licked clean of cream. You almost felt like a child, and your mind wanders how your brother did not trust Donghyuck.

He was kind, and understanding of your situation. How could Taeil even think of slandering him?

Donghyuck smiles at you, but the corner of his mouth twitches.

He can feel it inside him, a place which he thought was long gone, was there again. A tiny spark. A small thump that echoes throughout his body.

The thought of Taeil’s scared face when he first asked for sanctuary and your face starts slams him like a hammer.

He clears his throat as fast as he can, and his tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek, as his brows furrow. “Let’s go, Y/N.”

You look up, and smile at him widely. “Uh, Donghyuck?” He leans over to help you up, and he pauses again, studying you, “. . .oh- yes?” He meets your gaze, looking down at you.

Everything freezes. Heat rises between the two of you, his face inches away from yours. You gulp quietly. How easily he took your breath away.

“I. . .uh,” Your eyes dart away, trying to compose yourself. Not in a million years, you try to tell yourself.

Donghyuck gently takes your chin, and gives a soft smirk. “Don’t be shy. I already gave you your favorite treat, ask away, Y/N.”

You gulp, and you can’t look away. His power, the way he sounds so genuine, you betray your own promise and melt into his hand. Donghyuck chuckles, and with a soft coo he clicks his tongue, “You’re so adorable. If you’re ready, let’s go.”

His hands travel from your chin to your hand, letting his lips brush the back of it. “Hmm, what size are you?”

The feelings snap away, and you step back, almost tripping on the blue bean bag you were sitting on, the ring that you always wore sliding off without notice. You cry, “What?!” Donghyuck starts to laugh, and he smiles wide at you, “Your outfit! Did you step out of a dumpster? No way are we meeting the Dreamies like that. Let’s go shopping, and then we can go. If you like, of course.”

You pause, and look at him. He looks so relaxed, humming a tune, taking your dishes and putting them on the floor, near the threshold.

“Why can’t I wear this?” You say, looking down. You were wearing Taeil’s old sweatpants and his high school hoodie, stapled with your old house shoes sandals. Your hair is in an unkept ponytail, that you threw up before you went to sleep only five hours ago.

“Because, I want to see you at your best. And so would the Dreamies. Unfortunately, doll, we have to have some class.” He teases you, his grin curved.

You pout, and lean up to ruffle his hair. “Mm, whatever.” You and he both chuckle, and he puts a hand on your waist, before quickly switching to your arm and leading you out the door.

Your brain tries to wreck out the feelings. A flood of just bad thoughts. But you ignore them, letting them wash away when Donghyuck whispers a quiet dare to beat him to the garage.

“Taeil, I’m so sorry about your sister,” Jaehyun says quietly, as Taeil looks at the ring. He had run here to the office once the door opened, missing you turning around the corner. “He’ll pay for this,” Johnny breathes heavily, eyeing Taeil before leaving, dragging Yuta with him.

The ring is made out of a beautiful and rare silver, with the Moon name engraved in the Hangul. If the sun hits it, you can easily see the white moons sprinkling the ring.

It was the last thing both of your parents got before you both were sent away. He picks it up, his eyes fazed with tears when Jungwoo smacks Jaehyun, “Stop it!”

“Shut up!” Jaehyun hisses. “We have one job, don’t fucking—!”

With a quick punch to the gut, Jungwoo grabs Taeil’s hand, dragging him out. Immediately Mark grabs his gun, and Jaehyun grabs his throwing knives, starting to run after them.

Jungwoo lets out a girlish sort of scream, running faster, since he has more endurance than his coworkers. “What the hell is happening?!” Taeil asks, placing the ring on his pinky. “I’m trying to escape!” Jungwoo pants as he pushes Taeil in front of him, “Donghyuck- Y/N is still alive! Just know that, that she’s fine. We need to keep running though, or else they’ll catch us and we’ll both be screwed!”

“Is she alright?!” Taeil says in worry, dodging one of Jaehyun’s favorite pink butterfly knives.

“She’s. . .She’s with Donghyuck.”

“Oh no. . .” Taeil’s voice cracks, and a gunshot breaks through the hallway.

[katalinawinchester]

Angelic Encounters

Chapter 3

[...continued] It has been days since the mysterious lights roared across the night sky and you haven’t slept more than a few accidental minutes since then. The haunting words from the woman in white keep echoing through your brain.. “the end is coming for us all”. Countless hours of research haven’t gotten you any closer to understanding what this meant. You’ve spent days locked away in your motel room rummaging through lore books without any luck

Genuinely perplexed and utterly exhausted you close your laptop and put away the frail books. How long has it been since you’ve had a decent meal? The vending machine down the hall can only sustain you for so long. Starving and mentally exhausted you decide to go for a drive around town for a bite to eat.

���Thank God!”, you can see there’s a diner not too far from the motel. It’s no five-star restaurant but damnit, it’ll do!

As you enter the diner you see that it’s fairly empty. Seems like you’ve missed the lunch rush. Thank goodness. This town hasn’t been very inviting, so you’d like to keep your interactions to a minimum. You make your way through the diner to a booth near the back. Normally, you prefer to take a seat beside the back exit wherever you go. Just incase things go awry and you need to make a quick escape. As you get situated in your booth, you see a small gang of “men” crowding around a corner table. You’ve been around to enough towns to know deviants when you see them. The longer you sat there, the louder the group got. Annoyed, you weigh your options. To stay in the diner with the group of degenerates staring or to get your food to go and dine with the roaches in the motel? You decide the lesser of two evils would be to stay in the diner and tough it out.

“Ready to order?”, the waitress mutters seeming almost annoyed. Honestly you had forgotten about food. Quickly thumbing through the menu, you decide to go with a classic diner staple: a cheeseburger.

Impatiently waiting for your food, your brain begins to race thinking about the case.You’ve been practically killing yourself for the past week trying to understand what happened. All you knew was that this “light show” didn’t just happen in this dizzy little town. Events like this were recorded all over the world that very same night. This is something bigger than the typical monsters you’re used to dealing with.

Ready to dive back into the books, you finish your meal quickly. Still hungry, but without any more tolerance for the rude glares from the locals, you order something else to-go for later. Doggy bag in hand, you head out toward the motel. This time you decide to take a shortcut through the back lot. This meant walking through an alley, but that sort of thing hasn’t phased you since you learned what goes bump in the night. As you make your way around the front corner of the diner you see a small group gathered. There they are all 5 douchebags from the diner. Only this time there is someone else with them. It appeared to be a homeless man, minding his own business sitting against the wall by the dumpster. The group of men were taking turns taunting him loudly and 1 brazen idiot from the group broke from the pack and kicked the man in the gut completely unwarranted. You take off in a full sprint toward the ruckus. The group’s laughter quickly turned to gasps as you grab the instigator by the arm and knocked him down with a quick uppercut. “What the hell is going on here?!” You ask assertively as you shove the now bloodied man away. This didn’t sit well with the group. “You bitch!”, “What the hell?”, the men begin to clamor. Now you’ve pissed them off. The 4 men left standing are all ready to brawl; fists balled and eyes glazed over in anger. You’re out numbered. You quickly draw your gun and step backwards to protect the homeless man who was now crawled up against the dumpster shielding himself against any further attacks. “It’s your choice boys. Just how much trouble do you want to find yourselves in today?”, you yell as you pull out your fake F.B.I. badge. Seeing this, the group quickly disbursed but not without a slew of slander as they went.

As soon as the men were out of sight, you holster your gun and turn to the homeless man on the ground. His clothes are tattered and dirty. He was handsome with a scruffy beard and kind eyes. He seemed harmless. Just like another guy down on his luck. Before you could speak, he looked up at you and said with a husky voice and pained smile, “thank you”. He said and he felt this wave of calm wash over you. “It was common decency. No one deserves to be treated like that. No need to thank me” “ I’m Y/N” you extended your hand to shake his. He hesitantly grips your hand and responds, “Castiel”. [...to be continued]

[mayalaen]

scamming business owners

Here are a few examples, showing what I’ve dealt with over the last few years. I get monthly visits from everyone on this list, but there are tons more who come less frequently.

Keep in mind that the regulations in other states/countries are different, and some of what I say here won’t apply to your state/country. Even so, most companies like the ones below exaggerate the consequences and charge business owners for their ignorance.

Fire Extinguisher Protection Plan:

Cost: $29-$299 a month for a “full range of services”

They Claim: Using a professional service like theirs is required by law (it’s not), it affects your insurance rates (it does), it’s a specialized service business owners can’t do for themselves (you can).

What They Actually Do: Come into the business on a monthly basis and check the expiration date on your fire extinguisher(s). If it’s close to the expiration date, they inform you that it needs servicing. They’ll do the servicing and/or replacing, but at outrageous prices and it isn’t included in the monthly fees.

Their Tactics: Scare tactics that claim without their service insurance companies won’t cover you and you’ll be left responsible for any damages to the building, injuries/deaths of employees and customers, and government fines plus imprisonment (not true unless gross negligence on your part that they can prove beyond a doubt).

Doing it Yourself: Check the expiration dates (usually they last 2-5 years), set a reminder for yourself, and one month before expiration date get your extinguisher serviced or buy a new one. New ones costs about $60 (for a good one). Servicing is about $20 per extinguisher.

Employee Rights Poster Maintenance:

Cost: Each poster is $40-$100 and the “service” is more per month

They Claim: You’re required by law to have these posters prominently displayed in your business (we’re not, but others are), it affects your insurance (it doesn’t), the city will close your business if an inspection shows they’re damaged or missing (they won’t, they’ll merely warn you IF they happen to inspect, which rarely happens)

What They Actually Do: They come to your business once a month, check to see if the posters are in “working order.” If not, they swap them out for new ones at $40-$100 a piece and you’ll be charged an extra maintenance fee for the hard work of putting up a new poster on top of your monthly fee.

Their Tactics: They use scare tactics and push the idea heavily that without their service you’ll be liable for heavy fines upwards of millions of dollars and you’ll face jail time (the fines aren’t that high, you get multiple warnings if they’re required, and you won’t face jail time).

Doing it Yourself: Most states don’t require it, but if you want to have them in your business, go to your city/state website and order the posters online. Sometimes they’re free, but even the most expensive ones are about $2 a piece.

Office Supply Services: (the worst offenders)

Cost: On a scale according to how much you buy plus a monthly fee for services that’s actually a percentage of your business income (that one blows my mind)

They Claim: They’re much cheaper than buying office supplies on your own (they’re not) and they’ll customize the whole experience, even hooking you up with companies that only work with large businesses (I’m not sure about that one)

What They Actually Do: They set up an automatic monthly shipment of office supplies directly to your business after you sign up with an X-year contract. They charge huge fees for early termination.

Their Tactics: These guys are the worst when it comes to tactics. They’ll stand there and harass you while your customers are right there, interrupting your business and upsetting customers. They don’t stop trying to push their services even if you yell at them to leave, and it’s not until you threaten to call the police that they’ll (slowly) start to leave. The stupidest part of this one is that every single price they gave me was equal to or higher than walking into Staples for my office supplies.

Doing it Yourself: Walk into an office supply store, buy your supplies.

Medical Waste Removal: (this is required in other places but not the way they claim)

Cost: starting at $199 a month, but goes up the more waste you have and how “dirty” the waste is.

They Claim: The city requires a professional service (they don’t), it’s too dangerous for business owners to do it themselves (it’s not, especially if you use common sense and have some bloodborne pathogen training), the city will shut you down/fine you/throw you in prison for it (they won’t unless you dispose of your waste illegally, in which case you’ll get some fines, and if you keep doing it you could face jail time), their “certified” waste receptacles and bags have to be used (you can use whatever receptacles and bags meet standards and it’s much cheaper to get your own), the receptacles must be in areas that are locked and in a special cage (some places require the cage but certainly not at the prices this company charges for them).

What They Actually Do: Come to your business once a week and remove waste from receptacles you have to rent from them (added fee) in bags you have to buy from them (added fee) locked in areas that are built by their own subcontractors for ridiculous prices.

Their Tactics: They claim not only will the city close your business, but that not using their service voids your insurance, so you’ll be held responsible for damages and any injuries/deaths that occur, which isn’t true unless you display gross negligence by leaving sharps in open containers sitting in the lobby where everyone (including children) can get to them.

Doing it Yourself: My state is very lax about this, so the only requirement I have is it needs to be in a closed container, duct taped shut, and the words “not recyclable” written on the outside, then I can put it in the regular dumpster. Other places are more strict about it, but it’s still not THAT big of a deal unless you’re a large medical facility with tons of medical waste that’s more than a small crew can handle. Small business owners can definitely do this themselves.

Being a small business owner, you constantly have to be on guard. Everyone is looking to scam you and make money off you. Your employees don’t know how to deal with it, so a lot of times they’ll let these people in. You have to train your employees to say “no, you need to speak with *owner name* about this” to anyone who wants to do anything.

Even then, sometimes these scammers will find a way to get your employees to let them do something, and then you’re responsible for the fees.

I learned this the hard way and spent almost 2 years trying to get a water store to stop sending water and to take back their cooler. They only reversed the charges after I threatened suing them (they sent me to collections) and dropped the cooler off myself in the lobby of their store. All because one of my employees said yes to a “trial basis, no strings attached, no contract, free water dispenser.” Saying yes was the only contract they needed.