#and then my roommates will be able to invite the other person they've been wanting to live with who missed the boat

[domorebemore]

-

[theficpusher]

Tommo the Tease by YesIsAWorld | E | 1775 Seeing Tommo relaxed and shirtless in person was a whole lot different than seeing him gleaming and shirtless on a camboy video.

Lapful Of Lou by hazzahtomlinson | M | 2055 Harry sighed, snuggling into his pillow. “You’re the best boyfriend.” He said, and then his eyes shot open. “I mean— you would be the best boyfriend.” His eyes flickered to Louis’ face, who was standing beside the bed, with a smirk on his face. “Not— not like my boyfriend. I mean— like. I wouldn’t mind if you were my— no.” He pressed his lips together to stop anymore words from barreling out. His face was flaming. And Louis was standing there, arms crossed over his chest, like he was waiting for Harry to finish. “You done?” He asked with a little bubble of laughter. Harry grimaced, “Just leave me here to die.” Or they are both idiots and it takes a drunk Harry (with no brain to mouth filter) to get things going.

If It All Goes Wrong by sunsetmog | M | 3341 Nick smiles. "Best people," he says. "Best mates." Harry moves so that his elbow's touching Nick's. "Best mates," he echoes. "Best wedding." Or: it's Pixie and George's wedding in Mallorca, and the night's coming to an end.

Baby, I'm Right Here by FallingLikeThis | E | 8186 Seven years. They’ve been best friends for seven years now and Harry’s only recently realized that his feelings for Louis have never actually been all that platonic. He’s never going to say anything because he’s pretty sure that if they ever had a chance for something more, that ship has probably sailed. And it probably doesn’t help that they live an ocean apart either. That ship is long gone, far over the horizon. or Harry and Louis are best friends who live on different continents and may or may not be in love with each other.

Truth be told, I'm lying by mediaville | E | 10363 They used to have a Thing, now they don't, but they both still kind of want to, and then they do. Inspired by the night in London on the TMH tour when Louis and Harry didn't look at each other once. This fic could be subtitled: Louis Tomlinson's Failed Attempts at Indifference.

if it's me you're looking for by eleadore | M | 14797 Louis has a bad habit of getting drunk before he confesses--or maybe it's the other way around. AU.

'cause I want you (for the worse and for the better) by nonsensedarling | nr | 26375 When Louis gets invited along to Anne's wedding, Harry is prepared to let people think whatever they want about their relationship. That's what Louis said -- let people think whatever they want. That changes when Louis sees his ex, who turns out to be Anne's future husband's son. Now, Louis wants to prove that he's an omega that an alpha could want, and Harry wants to get through this weekend without letting his best friend figure out he's in love with him.

How Fast You Fall by kingsofeverything | E | 49580 Casual hookups are all Louis has time for, and Harry has a plan to stay single and celibate until he graduates. After going from strangers to roommates to friends, they both start to want more. It just takes them a little while to figure it out.

Among Lavender Fields by homosociallyyours | E | 70354 At twenty-one, Louis Tomlinson is more than ready to shed the girl next door image that's been with her since her entry into film in her childhood, but with a mother and father steeped in Hollywood tradition it's felt impossible. Meanwhile, Harry Styles is a young, struggling musician new to London, friendless yet eager for the next phase of her life to begin. When French director Marie Coutard casts the two of them in her film, it's a chance for both to break away from the people they've been. Together, they struggle through an acting process that's new and unfamiliar for both of them, learning more than they could've imagined about themselves along the way. As they spend long days picking lavender and long nights sharing the things they've never been able to tell anyone else, their love blooms. Will the flower fade, or will the love they make among lavender fields be one they carry with them to the end?

[distantdreamboy]

as I ramble...

(this a long one, don't click 'keep reading' unless you really bout it lol)

so i'm finding it difficult to do anything (ie. think of new things, experiences) until I create space (ie. stream of consciousness journal). Admittedly its been a few days since i've been able to do so as I'm on vacation. And even longer since I've done it on Tumblr (very spot on when they said 'your corner of the internet' because thats what its giving). But anyway:

I'm on vacation and truthfully not excited about returning home. It's a tad unfortunate that I feel this way about somewhere I pay rent for, but its not uncommon. It marks a return to responsibilities, the "grind" and whatnot, and the return to moving forward. Our vacation was really calm. We literally just...chilled. Took naps, slept. It was so still. It felt really good to get away from it all honestly.

I'm not super excited to see my roommates either. I don't know if its a personal thing, but maybe its just because I see & interact with them often. I've also noticed they've developed perceptions of me (as naturally roommates do) that may not be what I find true. I be spacey sometimes (weed habit + pisces placement) but I've caught them treating/talking me to me like I'm stupid, and its disappointing. There's still respect and kindness, but that still disappoints me. Like, one of them is manipulative, defensive, confrontational, reactive and victimizing--I've since detached after trying to make it work but they'd much rather have the upper hand, masking it as being fair. I don't really give them much power in my mind or heart and if they ever some up its to purge. The other is "cool" but is high-strung, masking as a chill person to be like-able. Like, you know when you can tell someone talks shit about you? That's how I feel. Yet, both of them interact with me to elicit positive emotes and reactions to their affairs in their lives.

So I've since energetically moved on. My attention & energy can fall prey to so many things, and since discovering I'm a pisces rising (tm) i've made more efforts to take back by focus. So I'm focusing on my goals. Making my fantasies less about unrequited yearning a/o brat tamer scenarios and more about my new apartment, my new career, my upgraded income, my upgraded life, etc. Because its been proven that what I focus on is what I am pulled towards, and in turn, what is pulled towards me.

My friend's bachelorette weekend was enjoyable. We just hung out and smoked and chilled. Not chilled as in watched tv, but we rested. We painted, we wrote, we took pictures. I wanted to make the experience as beautiful as possible for my friend since circumstances weren't ideal. She told me she felt very taken care of and I felt fulfilled. Plus, I drove for the first time in over a year and I'm not too bad! I did my thing! Felt very proud of myself and capable for helping fund a trip, buy food, drive, and being helpful when we popped a tire.

I also realized how lucky (maybe crucial?) it was that my friend and I had the funds to take care of the popped tire when we needed to. So much so that I was certain that everything would be fine because of that simple fact. So I look forward to my resources covering my needs 10 times over. Whew. Amen.

My friend invited myself and her other best friend to her bachelorette. It was our first time meeting and it was so chill. We treated each other with such kindness, fairness, and openness. At some point I believe her mental health got the best of her (ie. depression brain) and a moment of frustration about evening plans turned into a fallout with our mutual friend. It was sudden and unnecessary in my opinion. It was slight but after I fell asleep there was apparently door slamming and yelling and angry phone calls. My friend was made a punching bag for her friend's frustration (which came out funky because of their mental health) and thats not okay. It wasn't the first time in their friendship and her friend played the victim REAL BAD. The friendship has since crashed and burned and they've blocked each other. It took less than 36 hours.

But anyway, I'm super thankful for this focus, fortune, future. I'm thankful for the hope and stars I rediscovered in myself. I'm thankful for the trust I'm building in myself and the conviction I have. I know everything I've dreamed of is mine because I'm worthy of it! Amen. I want to focus more on that. I'm doing a great job so far. Like a really good job. It's helpful. I zone in. I zone in! Focus.

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Today is June 14, 2022.

I wish I was writing under better circumstances. I wish I had only positive news. But for all the good happening to me right now, there's something bad that I need to get off my chest.

When I was in high school, I had a relatively small group of close friends. I am still friends with some of them, others have gone away over the years. One disappeared and came back. For anonymity's sake, let's call her "Jen". Jen moved away after high school and lived in the western part of the US for a few years, but within the same time frame that I moved to the small town that I did, she happened to also move to this town. I moved here due to rising housing costs in my mom's area and because I actually have some family out here.

Jen got engaged at some point, I don't remember when, I just remember seeing the post on Facebook. It's been a couple years now, and this is probably partly due to Covid. Anyway, one of my step-brothers is their roommate (he used to live with my brother). Last week, he sent me a text asking if I wanted to go shopping with him. I said "sure, but I need to be home around 6ish to start making dinner"- this was at 4p.

Come to find out, Jen is getting married on Thursday. I figured he was invited because they all lived together and it might be awkward if he wasn't invited. I went with him to pick out shirts to wear to the wedding. I had no issue going with him, but I was more than a little surprised to find out from him that she's getting married so soon. He sounded like he had just found out, but I don't think he had.

Unfortunately I spent the whole trip listening to their wedding playlist, which was....not very good. I had to hear all about the wedding and the plans with that. I've been feeling rather insecure listening to others talk about marriage for months, that's why I've been off of Facebook. I know it probably makes me a shitty person and a shittier friend, but I really am just tired of hearing about it and then wondering "When will it be my turn?"

After that excursion, we had to go to my stepmom's house. We were talking about stuff and she asked me how it was going out with my step-brother, because she knows he wears me out mentally. I was telling her about everything happening, and how I was surprised to find out that Jen was getting married, and her response was "Oh yeah I forget you two know each other!" She started telling me about the wedding and how they've got it set up. My family was invited, and they've known about this wedding for weeks or possibly even months. My family, who have known Jen maybe a year now, got invited to her wedding. And I've known her more than a decade and didn't get invited.

Needless to say, I am shocked. I'm confused. I'm hurt. Most of all, I feel so betrayed. How long has this been set in motion? Why didn't my family say something? I just don't know anymore. I guess I need better friends. Even though I've been off of Facebook, I'm debating deleting Jen and blocking her. My boyfriend absolutely agrees with me that it isn't right and it doesn't make sense. He told me "That's fine, we won't invite them to ours either." I know it's petty, but it was like a punch to the gut to find that out and to watch my family act like it's not somehow super fucked up that this is happening. I've been very short-tempered with everyone lately and this whole stupid, confusing situation is why.

I am still trying to figure out how to navigate this situation. I don't feel like I can trust the people I used to be able to. I don't know what to say or how to feel. I don't even know if I'm being rational. I feel like an asshole for being this upset. But I still just can't help but feel hurt. I just don't know anymore, Charlie.

Your friend, with love, as always, Ann