#and then i go back to my other browser window and forget road to no mans land exists

[alternis]

reading comics really gives you an understanding of how many panels floating around have Very Different meanings in context

[authorialarcanist]

It Seems I'll Never Understand (Kagerou Project)

Genre: Angst

Rating: Mature

Pairing(s): Tateyama Ayano x Kisaragi Shintaro

Summary: "...Hey, Shintaro. Why'd you do it? I mean... You could have stayed out of it. It wasn't your fight."

In a world where Shintaro Kisaragi was the one who killed himself on that fateful august day two years prior, Ayano isn't sure what she can do with her life. Living in fear of the Snake of Clearing Eyes, all she can do is think back on the past, and wonder - why it was that her best friend took her place when she's sure he must have hated her, and when was it that it all went wrong.

Shinaya roleswap with a focus on making it work with as few changes to canon as possible.

---

It’s late - late enough that it’s gotten truly dark out. I’m walking along the road to my home, a boy next to me. The bridge we’re crossing seems to stretch out endlessly into the distance, illuminated only by the moon and the street-lamps we’re passing by.

I fiddle with my scarf absentmindedly as I steal a glance at his face. I’m so glad… I was finally able to become friends with him. Or, well… maybe ‘friends’ isn’t the right word just yet. To him, I’m sure I’m still just that stupid girl who made him tutor her for hours after class.

Still… I tell myself that this is the most important first step. Mm-hm. Now that I’ve introduced myself, I’m sure that we’ll be friends - real friends - in no time at all.

“You really saved my life! I never would’ve been able to finish that problem set on my own.” I grin weakly as my babbling inevitably turns to self-deprecation. Ah, well… after my terrible performance back there, trying to act cool for my new friend was a lost cause already. Well, if this was a manga, at least this might be the part where the aloof genius breaks character to reassure me that I can do it?

“Even with my help, it took you way too long…” He sighs. “Geez. I only came here to get my wallet, too. I must be really unlucky.”

—Yeah, right. I’ve only known this guy for a few hours now, but it’s pretty obvious that tender support isn’t his strong suit.

“I really am sorry…” I shrink a little under his criticism. “But! I promise, I won’t forget about today!”

“What are you saying? Didn’t you just say you forget things no matter how much you study?” Ow… I guess I did say that, but… he really has no faith in me at all, huh?

But he just doesn’t get it! Not quite panicking, I redouble my efforts to explain myself. “Today’s special! I’m going to try extra hard not to forget, so it’ll be okay!”

He hums in contemplation and stares away into the distance. And then—

—“Liar.”

I recoil from the sudden accusation. “Huh? What are you talking about?”

“You’ve broken your promise already, haven’t you? You can’t even remember my name.”

He picks up his pace, and though I try to follow, I can’t seem to move forward.

“Huh? Of course I can!”

“Really? Then why haven’t you said it?”

“Why are you so focused on that all of a sudden?”

“Say it, Ayano.”

“Stop it!”

“Say my name.”

“I— You’re—“ Tears spill from my eyes. I’m trying to say it. Why — why is this happening? Why couldn’t we just keep walking together, chatting about nothing important, like friends do?

“…Yeah. I thought so.” He stops walking, and for some reason, I freeze as well. I have no choice but to watch his back as he speaks. “I guess it’s not your fault, though. Sorry.” He shakes his head. “But… Try to remember, okay?”

He turns to face me again.

His eyes are red.

“If you can’t remember soon, then—“

——

Knock. Knock. Knock. Three hesitant raps on my door.

The sound wakes me from my dream. Already, it’s growing too hazy to remember. All I can say for certain is that hewas there.

He’s always there in my dreams. Maybe it’s some cruel balance for the fact that he’ll never be there again in real life.

“Ayano?”

At the sound of the voice calling for me, I turn over in my bed and bury my face in my pillow, trying not to make any sound to indicate that I’m awake.

“Ayano, please, I know you’re in there. I just want to talk.”

I don’t respond. My father is dead. That’s the best way to think of it. The safest way to think of it. Even when the snake lets him out, it’s only in the hopes of getting me to snap.

“Ayano, I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been the best father to you, since your mother died. But please, I just want to know what happened. What happened to Shuuya and Tsubomi and Kousuke. Why you won’t talk to me. Ayano, please.”

My hands clench against the pillow. I force myself to breathe. In. Out. In. Out.

“Ayano…”

In.

Out.

“…Just… think about it, okay? I’m here, if you’re ever ready to talk. Even if you need another two years, I’ll still be here.”

A lie. Dad won’t be here. Just the snake.

“…I love you.”

I stay silent, waiting until the sound of footsteps fades from my hearing. No matter how many times I go through this, it never gets any easier. But… I can’t talk to him.

Even if the snake wasn’t privy to his every thought, I can’t bring myself to speak with the man who sold my world.

“…Is… he gone?” A tinny voice whispers from my computer’s speaker.

I listen for a moment. When nothing happens, I nod. “Yeah.”

My computer monitor lights up as it exits sleep mode, and a girl in blue peeks out from her hiding place behind a browser window. “…I still don’t understand why you don’t leave here, Ayano-chan…”

I shake my head. “I… I just can’t. I’m sorry, Ene.” Ene… that’s what this girl calls herself. About a year ago, she popped out of an email and decided to stick around. She tried to put on this sassy, hyper front at first, but it fell apart pretty quickly.

I’m pretty sure I know who she really is, after all. And she knows I know. I just haven’t been cruel enough to push the topic.

It’s not like she has much of anywhere else to go, after all.

“…Okay. I get it.” She looks down at the taskbar and pokes her index fingers together. “Just… hang in there, okay, Ayano-chan? Do your best.”

“Like my best has ever mattered,” I mumble, and sit down at my computer chair. To be honest, my activities since dropping out of school two years ago have been nothing, nothing, and a heaping dessert of nothing. It’s not like I have any sort of online life to speak of, even. It’s just that… ultimately, there’s nothing else to do when I’m living under the same roof as my father. I can’t risk going outside at the wrong time and having to face him. At least he respects the boundaries of my room; and the snake finds it convenient to leave me a sanctuary under his supervision for as long as he doesn’t have any need of me.

“…So, um… Ayano-chan?” Ene glances up at me, a little shyly. “Can I ask about whether…”

Ah. That. I shake my head. “…I’m sorry. I’ve tried talking to him while my father was away, but Konoha really doesn’t seem to remember anything about us.” Konoha… the white-haired boy the Clearing Eyes took in really is just another reminder of my failures. Still, I know that’s not hisfault, and I can’t really blame Ene for being too scared to check up on him herself. Talking to him hurts badly enough for me, and I still hadn’t been quite as close to Haruka as she was. Honestly though, whenever I’d felt safe enough to slip out and check on him, Konoha had seemed pretty nonresponsive. Forget remembering me and Ene; he didn’t seem to remember anything, not even basic things like rain.

“I see…” Ene droops. This happens every time she brings up Konoha; as much as she’s tried to be around for me, I don’t have the first idea how to comfort her when this topic comes up.

Well, honestly, I don’t think I’m in a place to be comforting much of anyone. Back when I tried all those years ago, it only ended in pain.

In the end, I go with the tried and true method of pretending I didn’t see anything. When there’s nothing you can do, acknowledging the problem only ends in more tears, after all. I pass the day mindlessly browsing the web and making more paper cranes for the army that chokes every available surface in my room. Occasionally, I can’t help but fantasize about what things might be like if I had Paper-Animating Eyes. Sending an army of little origami birds to get revenge on the Clearing Eyes… it’d definitely be a more efficient way of getting a wish granted.

Ah well.

At least my father has work during the day and the snake has better things to do than waste time in this lonely house during the nighttime, so I’m able to check on Konoha and grab something from the kitchen for lunch on most days. That’s particularly important, because dinner can be much more spotty, depending on whether my father is in a “bury his problems in work” mood or a “try desperately to be present to make up for selling his soul to an evil snake” one. Well, okay, I really don’t know how much he’s able to retain about what the Clearing Eyes does when in control of his body, but if he really is oblivious about everything that might actually be worse.

Unfortunately he seems to be in a “try to atone” cycle right now, so I’m running off of a single meal when the knocks return once again.

“Ayano.”

Ene hides behind the browser window again, and I click off of the tab showing a video of a mongoose taking down a snake.

…What? Look, I have to deal with the spite somehow.

“I know you’re in there.”

I stay silent.

“I’ve got another mission for you, Ayano. You know the deal by now.”

I freeze. This isn’t dad.

“I trust I don’t need to spell it out for you?”

It’s the other one.

“I’m waiting.Or is this some pathetic attempt at rebellion? If so, I have to applaud. It’s the most pointless one yet.”

I finally find my voice. “I-I understand.”

“Heh. Good.” The snake chuckles. “Two children are coming to stay in this house soon. Your father’s sister-in-law, and some hanger-on. When they’re here, you’re going to be the model of a big sister, understand? Get them to trust you, and then make sure they’re in a certain place on August fifteenth.”

I shrink in on myself. Children? Please, no…

“I said, understand?You know what’ll happen to your family if you refuse…”

“N-no!” I shoot to my feet in panic. “No… I understand…”

“Good.” What should be my father’s voice drips with malice. “See? Wasn’t that easy? Goodbye, Ayano.” Saying the last two words in an odd sing-song voice, the snake leaves. I collapse back into my chair, hugging myself.

“A-ayano-chan…” Ene peeks back out from her hiding spot.

I turn to her with wide eyes.

“Ayano-chan, you don’t have to do this. Please, we can fight back. I’ll help you.”

…If only. But no, I know it’s hopeless.

I can’t fight the snake. All I can do is delay the inevitable.

I shake my head, and start disconnecting the speakers from my computer. If Ene tried to do something brave, and the Clearing Eyes found out…

“…Ayano, please…”

I pull the plug on my monitor. Ene may still have access to the inside of my computer, but the most she’ll be able to do in the house is open and close the CD drive.

“…sorry…” I whisper quietly to myself, even though I know she can’t hear me.

God, how did things turn out this way?

——

I have many precious memories, moments I’ve spent these past two years trying desperately not to forget. Reading storybooks at bedtime with my mom. Meeting my little siblings for the first time. The way my dad’s face used to look when he’d play with us, long before everything happened.

If you were to look through those treasured days, flipping from one to another as though they were files secreted away in a lockbox, one might still stand out from the rest. Perhaps it’s laminated, or hidden behind a false back. Not because it’s more precious than the others - I wouldn’t trade my family for anything - but because it’s unique nonetheless. A moment elevated in its rarity, and in the pain it brings me - not the dull ache of my mom’s face, nor the stabbing betrayal of my father’s failures and mine, but a gaping void of ‘what if’s.

The first time I ever got to see Shintaro smile.

It was during our second year of middle school, a couple months after the day I finally introduced myself. The last test I’d gotten back had been my lowest score yet, and with exams rushing to meet me, I was honestly in a panic.

But then, Shintaro’d spoken up. For the very first time, he gave me a totally unprompted offer to help me study.

“Thank you so much,” I’d sobbed. “I don’t know what I was gonna do…”

“Ugh, don’t be annoying about it!” He’d refused to meet my eyes as he grumbled. “I just know that if you failed your exams I’d somehow get dragged into helping you catch back up. It’s just easier to get this over with this early, alright?”

Whatever his stated reasons, I still felt like I’d been saved when he stuck around to help me pound the latest lessons into my skull. And I don’t know if we finished faster than usual, if something good had happened to him at home, or if his guard was just down that day for some other reason, but one way or another, he decided to stick around and chat for a bit afterwards.

I can still picture it clearly. That sunny classroom, me perched on my desk to bask in the light from the window, him leaning his chair back as we killed time… and the glint of light that drew my eye to the spine of a book just peeking out of his bag.

“Hm? Hey, Shintaro?”

“What?” He glanced lazily back at me.

I tilted my head to read what I could from the spine. It rung a bell; I’d overheard some of the other girls in our class talking about it from time to time. “Isn’t that ‘Let’s Fall In Love’?”

“HUH?” I winced at the sudden crash as Shintaro lost his balance and fell in a heap.

“Ah! Are you okay? I’m sorry!” I rushed to help him up, but he just scrambled back until he was pressed against the wall.

“W-w-w-what are you talking about? I-I don’t, I mean, that’s not—“ Shintaro grabbed suddenly for his bag, but his hand missed its mark and sent the contents spilling out as it toppled over instead. The book landed face up, its cover proudly displaying a drawing of a boy and a girl standing together in a very shoujo-esque artstyle. Emblazoned above the picture was ‘Let’s Fall in Love ~ by Yumeno Sakiko.’

“Umm…”

“I mean! It’s Momo’s! Yeah! My little sister wouldn’t stop pestering me, so I picked up her copy for her, uh-huh! I definitely don’t read shoujo manga!” His stuttering picked up pace as he scrambled for excuses, and I couldn’t help it - some part of me kinda wanted to watch him squirm for a little longer.

So, I grinned slyly and searched my memory of my classmates’ conversations. “Uh-huh? You know, with how Mamiko and Oze were talking in the latest chapter, don’t you think there might be a chance they’ll—“

“THAT’S HERESY!” Shintaro slammed his hands down on the ground, and I winced at the sudden spike in volume. “Mamiko and Suzuki are meantto be together!” He clenched his fist and held it to his chest. “I can’t imagine how anyone would think otherwise after that moment in volume 7! And anyways, Oze and Waka may be having a fight right now, but everyone… knows…” He trailed off as my control failed me and I started to giggle. “…Fine. You caught me. Happy now?”

At the sight of him forcing down a pout and struggling to regain a serious expression, I laughed even harder.

“…So I like shoujo manga. Is it really that funny to you?”

“No, no! I’m sorry!” I did my best to get myself under control. “It’s not that, honestly. You just looked so earnest, and then you kept trying to hide it… If reading that sort of thing makes you happy, then I think that’s a goodthing! It’s actually kinda c—“ I suddenly realized what I was about to say, and blushed heavily. “—I mean, it’s kinda cool! Yeah! You shouldn’t worry what other people will think about your interests, you know?” Oh yeah, that was an absolutely stellarsave, Ayano. Absolutely nobody was gonna suspect that you almost called your classmate ‘cute’ without thinking. Aside from, I dunno, people with eyes.

Thankfully, all of that intelligence must have come out of Shintaro’s perceptiveness instead, because he let it pass without comment. “So…” Shintaro seemed to be looking anywhere in the room other than my face, which might have helped the whole ‘not noticing my face doing a bonfire impression’ thing. “Do… you also read it, then?”

“Huh?”

“Y, you know! ‘Let’s Fall in Love’!”

“A, ah! Right!” I snapped out of my thoughts. Right, let’s just pretend that slip never happened for now, and I can unpack whatever the heck it meant on my own time, when I won’t make my one school friend think I’m even more of a weirdo than he already does. “Ehehe… Not really, actually.” I scratched the back of my head and grinned sheepishly. “I was just parroting something I overheard. I’m more into the shounen stuff, you know? Hot-blooded super sentai fighting to save the world, and all that.”

“Really? But they’re so formulaic. You can see everything coming from a mile away. And how do those guys get through posing dressed like that and not die of embarrassment?”

Well, I couldn’t just sit there and take that. “What? Hold on a moment, like your mushy stuff is any better! Aren’t they all just ‘boy meets girl, cue nothing happening for the rest of their school lives’?”

“Wh— they are not!There’s nuanceand relationship growth and everything!” Woah. Shintaro was looking about the most fired up I’d ever seen him! At that thought, an idea clicked in my head.

“Hmm… Alright, then!” I grinned at him and gave a sharply enunciated chuckle, heh-heh-heh. “Why don’t you tell me more about this series, and if you manage to change my mind I’ll give reading it a try? And then, in return, you’ll watch an episode of Engine Sentai Go-Onger with me, and we’ll see how you feel about heroes after that!”

Shintaro rose to the challenge. “Fine! Come on then, I’ll teach you about why Yumeno-sensei is a master! I mean, her portrayal of Mamiko’s inner struggles alone touches the heart, even for a boy like me! There’s this moment in chapter 12 when she…” He lit up as he talked, gesturing wildly with the plot points. I’m a little ashamed to say that I actually stopped paying attention after a few moments, because my focus suddenly seemed drawn to his face. He was grinning - actually grinning, the first genuine smile I’d seen from him in, well, ever- as he opened up about his interest.

I can only remember thinking two things as we walked home that day.

The first was, ‘What a pretty smile.’

The second was, ‘…oh. Crap.’

…So, yeah. It looked like I maybe had a teeny little crush. That was okay! It was fine! It meant I was finally starting to grow up, right? Anyways, whatever Shintaro’s romance manga said, I was pretty sure that people were supposed to get a lot of those with time. They didn’t have to mean anything, or, y’know, gamble their only real non-family friendships on the chance that someone who was really smart and cute would still want to hang out with a dumb girl they barely tolerated helping out if she asked.

Not a problem! I’d just go about my life as normal, and it’d fade in time. Eventually, I’d probably look back on this day and laugh.

…And if in the meantime, I wanted to see him smiling like that again? Well, that could be my little secret.

——

Of course, let nobody accuse me of being a good planner. Obviously, the darn thing only seemed to get stronger with time. Wanting to see Shintaro smile because I wanted him to be happy slowly morphed into wanting to be the reasonhe was smiling like that. Hoping that maybe, if I could be the one to make this lonely boy smile, that’d mean I was actually worth somethingreally the hero I pretended to be.

Mom died, and I had to be the strength for the whole family as dad seemed like half his world had gone missing, but no matter how much I needed comfort of my own, I wasn’t ready to tell him.

We met Takane and Haruka, and one friend turned into three, but even though I’d only be gambling 33% instead of 100, I was still too scared to tell him.

And then I found out that dad had changed, what the thing in his body had planned for Haruka and Takane and my siblings, and suddenly my stupid little feelings didn’t seem so important. I had to research the read eyes, and I needed Shuuya to cover for me, and in the end I didn’t have the attention to spare for my friend my crush my…

…for Shintaro. Maybe that’s why I didn’t notice our growing distant. Why I didn’t notice things growing strained.

Why I didn’t notice that I really was just burdening him with my own expectations.

Didn’t notice until a hill at sunset, a hand snatched away, his back receding into the distance while I stood alone.

After that, I wondered about a lot of things. How much had been genuine, and how much really had just been putting up with me. How much of my motives had been pure, and how much had been that dark little thrill of seeing him down and feeling like I was still needed.

How cruel it must have been, to plan what I was planning and still try to hold onto his hand until the last minute.

So I didn’t try again. I delegated as much school time as I could to Shuuya (and carefully didn’t wonder why his face was growing more stressed, why his own time seemed to draw thin.) I withdrew further, and dedicated everything I had to my lonely mission. August fifteenth came all too soon at last, and I shoved my responsibilities onto Takane, told her to be honest with her feelings even as I swore that my own were better ignored. I wrapped my scarf around my neck, the colour of a hero, I steeled myself and turned to mount the stairs, and I was interrupted.

“Shuuya? What are you doing?” My little brother had arrived in front of me, hands on his knees as he gasped for breath.

“N, neechan, please!” Panting, Shuuya raised his eyes to meet mine. They glistened with tears. “You have to— you have to stop Shintaro-kun! He’s about to do something really stupid!”

“Huh?” I was taken aback. “What are you talking about?”

“He’s already gone to the roof! I couldn’t do anything! Neechan, please!”

“The roof?” I still didn’t understand, but I burst into a run anyways, leaving my brother behind. Why was Shintaro even here today, when he didn’t need summer school? Why did Shuuya know about it? What could he be doing on the roof, other than…?

He wasn’t involved. God, please, he wasn’t involved, why was he here?

I took the steps two at a time, ignoring the pain shooting through my lungs, and had no choice but to stop for breath and lean against the wall for a moment when I finally reached the door leading outside.

My father’s voice filtered in from outside. No - not my father. The thingwearing his skin. “Honestly, kid.” He sounded mildly exasperated, like my dad did whenever a student had turned in a particularly baffling answer on a quiz. “You think that you’re gonna be the big damn hero? You really think there’s a single thing you can do here to beat me?”

“No.” Shintaro, this time. “Honestly, it’s a stupid plan. Totally useless in every way. But hey.” A dark chuckle. “Objectively speaking, the life of a rotten boy like me is just worthless enough to make it worth trying.”

I’d finally caught my breath, but at that it caught in my throat. Did he mean—

I burst through the door, screaming, “Shintaro, NO!” The roof was empty except for two people. My father, standing on solid ground looking mildly vexed. And Shintaro, clad in that red jersey I’d said I liked, the color of a hero, sitting perched half-on the fence around the edge of the roof and half dangling over open air.

His eyes met mine, and no matter how hard I try I know I’ll never forget the way his face clouded over, the way his eyes darkened, or the words he said to me at that moment.

“…Oh.

“Ayano.

“The very last person I wanted to see.”

His final curse delivered, he leaned back. The world distorted around him, horrible discordant red tearing open fangs in the sky.

And he fell.

I must have screamed, but it’s a blur. I just know that by the time I came to, I’d fallen on my knees, and the thing that took my father was laughing.

Laughing.

“Ha! You kids never fail to surprise me, you know that? I never once would have expected that depressing little thing to get up off his ass and do something like this!” He paused. “Well okay, I guess I would, but the part where he tried to stand up to me was still new.”

Before I even knew what I was doing, I’d jumped to my feet and was tackling him. “SHUT UP!”

“Whoops!” Somehow, my father’s body stepped out of the way before I could react. I found myself impacting concrete and rolling on the roof, scrapes all over my body where I’d fallen. “Come on, brat. You’re a big girl now, you should be used to hearing swear words by now. Or wait, are you angry about the boy?”

With a wordless scream, I threw myself at him again, but this time he casually stuck out a leg and tripped me.

“You might still have time to save him, you know. Throw yourself off the roof after him, and maybe you could convince him to come on out and bring me that snake he stole.” He sneered. “Of course, it’d mean making this whole little sacrifice play all for nothing. And this guy” he tapped the side of my father’s head, “might even willingly help me kill the brat if you did! Oh, now thatdespair would be delicious to see.”

I swallowed the pain as my fists clenched, scraped raw though they were. “…Shut up. You… you’re just trying to convince me because you know your plan’s finished. You can’t gather the snakes now. There’s no… no more reason to kill Takane and Haruka, or the others.”

*snrk.* The monster covered his mouth with a hand.

“What’s supposed to be so funny?”

“Ha! Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just… you think this kid managed to save your friends? Please.” He rolled his eyes. “He was too late. They’re already dead.” He shrugged and continued in a sing-song voice. “And anyways, the boy was a goner already. You should be thankingme; this way, at least he has a chanceof living for another year or two.”

“W…what…?” I slumped, the fight draining from my veins. No. It couldn’t be. Takane and Haruka… they were gone, too?

My “father” walked up to me and rested a hand on my shoulder. To anyone watching, it might have just looked like a father comforting his daughter; but I could feel his fingers dig into my flesh in a vice grip. “Still, working this all back out from the top is going to be a pain. And that’s not even counting all of the cleanup I have to do! It’s one thing for those other two kids; I’d made preparations for them. But spinning the sudden disappearance of this brat, too? No, that’s far too much work.” He crouched down until he was level with me, a too-wide smile on his face. A shiver ran down my spine. “So, Ayano.I’m going to have you do me a little favor, alright? And before you consider trying to do something brave, consider just who it is that has your family’s life in his hands, hmm? Don’t say anything; just nod.” I nodded, stricken. Everything I’d planned had come to nothing in a few short minutes. “You’re going to find Shuuya for me, and you’re going to have him go make himself look like this guy -“ he waved vaguely at the empty edge of the roof - “’s body for me. A suicide should be easy enough to explain away. Especially when the victim was as gloomy-looking as this asshole here. Honestly, people’re gonna think it was a miracle he lasted as long as he did.” My fists clenched again at relentless slander, but there was nothing I could do. I was totally and utterly defeated. “You got it, Ayano? Do this, and I’ll let the people you care about live a little longer.” He chuckled. “…Well, what’s left of them, at least. Hahahaha!”

How could I have ever thought I could be a hero? All I’d managed to do was arrive too late to save either of the snake’s intended victims, and drag a bystander to his death in the process.

In the end, tears streaming down my face, all I could do was nod.

——

“Neechan!” Shuuya rushed up to me the minute I exited the school. He grabbed my hands - I didn’t resist - and gasped at the scrapes all over them. “What happened to you? Where’s Shintaro-kun?”

“Shintaro— He’s—“ My voice caught.

“Nee…chan…?” I could see the exact moment Shuuya caught on. His eyes widened and his face fell, all in one motion. “Dammit! And just when the guy starts to convince me he’s not all bad, he has to go and do something like this…” His hands tightened involuntarily around mine, but I couldn’t even find the energy to wince.

I spoke in a flat voice, forcing myself to put one word in front of the next. “Shuuya. There’s something very important I need you to do.”

“Huh? What is it?”

“You need to use your power to turn into Shintaro. Let somebody discover ‘his’ body, so there’ll be a record. If you don’t, then… then he’ll…” My voice caught again, but I forced myself to continue before Shuuya could ask any questions. “And then there’s one more thing you need to do. I need you to take Tsubomi and Kousuke, and go away. Go somewhere far away from here, and don’t— don’t tell me anything about where you’re going. You can’t contact me at all, okay? I can’t have any way to find out more about you.”

“W—what?”

“It’s the only way that you’re going to be safe. I… we can’t stop the Clearing Eyes. He can have you all killed in a moment.”

Shuuya must have been able to see the seriousness in my eyes, because he didn’t try to debate the point. “Okay, but… Why can’t you come with us? We can all run, that’ll be safer!”

I just shook my head. “…No. He… he’ll find me, somehow. He knew how to respond to everything that I tried. Anything I do… no matter what, I’m sure he’ll…” I hugged myself and started slowly walking towards the path home. It was clear to me now. I was nothing more than a puppet dancing on the Clearing Eyes’ strings.

“W-wait, Neechan! Come back!”

“Goodbye, Shuuya. Please don’t forget to do what I told you. Consider it… My final request as your sister.”

“NEECHAN!”

——

“…Hey, Shintaro. Why’d you do it?”

I lie on my back, staring at the empty ceiling as I talk to the air.

“I mean… You could have stayed out of it. It wasn’t your fight.”

The cranes crowding every surface above me seem to swirl and distort, like a heat haze.

My head keeps playing his final moments on repeat. Even as the happy days grow dimmer and dimmer, I can’t seem to forget his last words no matter how hard I try.

‘The very last person I wanted to see.’

“If… if you hated me so much, why didn’t you just let me be the one to jump? Why take my place?”

I wonder… if I’d been the one to jump that day, would he have been able to do what I couldn’t? I indulge in a brief fantasy of Shintaro, red jacket flapping behind him, standing tall with my siblings as they face down the Clearing Eyes together.

…Somehow, I just can’t see it. Sorry, Shintaro.

‘The life of a rotten boy like me is worthless’

“…Did you hate yourselfthat much? Were you so sick of life that you grabbed the first excuse you could find?”

…Maybe. But… somehow, as much as he tried to shut the world out, I can’t help but see Shintaro as someone who was brimming with life underneath it all. At the very least, whenever he talked about his sister, he didn’t seem like he’d want to leave her.

The thought of Momo-chan makes me wince. Another memory, this time of her crying and screaming at me when I’d tried to comfort her.

When I’d broken down and sobbed that it was all my fault.

I can’t blame her for hating me. To be honest, I wonder if it wasn’t what I was secretly hoping for.

Just another case where Ayano’s self-satisfaction came before actually doing her job.

My alarm clock rings. I’d set it instead of my phone, to make sure Ene couldn’t try and be a hero. (I can’t help but hope that she’s given up on me, and found her way to somebody who’ll be a better friend.) It means that the children…

…my victims…

…should be arriving soon.

I push myself to my feet. In the end, even blaming myself is just pointless self-satisfaction. I’ve made the choice to play this role; I made the decision that these two children were worth less than the family I know and care about.

It doesn’t take too long to get myself presentable. I choose an outfit that looks like its owner hasn’t been in hiding for the last two years, and glance at my scarf, hanging wrinkled and dusty on a hook.

My hands shake.

And I turn away without touching it. I don’t deserve to wear that color.

Not when red is the color of blood.

“Sorry, Shintaro. Guess you made the wrong trade, in the end. Even a genius like you makes mistakes, huh?”

With that snide remark, I turn my back on his sacrifice and walk out into the house.

…Still, a thought flits across my mind.

—Ah, I would have liked to see that smile, just one more time.

The doorbell rings. It’s time.

I hide my feelings behind a smile, painting it from ear to ear.

And I open the front door.

[gas-station-trackphone]

Fic Recs/Mandatory Reading for Reddie fans

Here is an incomplete list of some of my favorite Reddie fics on ao3, because i cannot get over the sheer talent of this fandom’s wonderful writers! A lot of these are the Greatest Hits that you’ll find on almost every fic list, but that’s why I consider them mandatory reading. like if you haven’t read some of these, what are you doing?

the years go by like days by georgiestauffenberg, rated M

the 27 years in between, but better because richie and eddie stay together. every time i think of this fic, i think of that lady gaga meme where she’s like “brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, etc” and maybe it’s bc this is one of the first reddie fics i ever read, but this one is always gonna be my favorite

broken record by spunknbite, rated E

the mother of all time loop fics. every reddie veteran gets chills at the phrase “the house on Neibolt was still standing”

literally everything by stitchy

like seriously just clear a few days bc you’re not gonna want to stop reading this author once you start. no other author has made me literally fucking cackle in one paragraph and sob in the next like this one, pls do yourself a favor and devour all their works like i did 

the night we met (take me back) by camerasparring, rated E

ch2 fix-it where eddie shows up at richie’s door alive and with no memory. great slow burn with a wonderfully conflicted richie, 10/10

let’s hear it for my baby! series by cloudings, rated E

OOOOOOOHHH boy! a modern teen!reddie grindr AU that’s both steamy AND sweet?? more like a fucking blessing amen hallelujah

a heart that laughter has made sweet by marjaani, rated E

another lovely teen!reddie fic that’s got it all! sweet, stupid boys, humor, a teeny bit of angst, and some 5-alarm fire smut with some top eddie, as a treat

keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice. by theappleppielifestyle, rated T

angst with a happy ending is my favorite, and this one is just fantastic. so sweet, so sad! and stan is featured as eddie’s afterlife buddy and idk about y’all but i cannot get enough of stanley uris in my reddie fics. read this, then read all this author’s reddie fics, they’re all amazing

collateral by loosecannon, sheepknitssweater, rated E

a post-ch2 fic that i guess could be classified as fix-it, BUT with some very interesting twists. they beat the clown, everyone lives, but no one really gets the tropey happy ending. the WIP sequel is also incredible and i live for the updates.

the greater fool  series by mischiefmanager, mostly rated T with some E

this is a series i’ll reread a lot bc it’s so fucking good. follows young reddie into early adulthood, mostly a bunch of cute shit where they figure out themselves and their relationship. also contains the single best teen reddie fic in existence, he came in through the window, but reading the whole series is a must

brokeback derry and everything else by Amuly, rated E

27 years in between, richie and eddie reconnect in their 20s and meet back up in derry twice a year to remember and love each other before going back to their lives and forgetting. so much pain. there’s a lot of sweet stuff in there, but you can see shit’s gonna get complicated from miles away and the anticipation almost gave me stomach ulcers (in a good way). ultimate angst with a happy ending.

let me name the stars for you by playedwright, rated M

speaking of angst with a happy ending...Martian AU!!!!! this one fucked me up in the best way, i literally called my roommate at 2am to vent to her about my emotions after reading it. i go back and reread chapter 8 just to be overwhelmed by it, and it makes me cry every time. plus, there are awesome sequels/companion pieces in the series! read this, i beg you!

walk through fire for you by hyruling, rated T

unwind after all that angst with some cute, drunk, confused eddie being very upset when he finds out richie is engaged. richie only teases him a little before pointing out the matching ring on eddie’s finger. 

in the heat of the summer (you're so different from the rest) by kaboomslang, rated E

post-ch2 slow burn with tags that really say it all, including but not limited to: eddie moves to california and richie is a mess, Eddie Kaspbrak’s Hot Girl Summer, and cute middle aged man dates

pivotal moments by danfanciesphil, polypocket, rated E

high school reddie has a sort of fwb thing goin on, but emotions get in the way. featuring wonderful bevchie friendship, hella miscommunication, cute double dates, high eddie, and a happy ending

like a bullet in the back by jerry_duty, rated M

adult idiots in love! a personal favorite trope of mine! slow burn with a fair helping of angst but a really great ending. richie stays with eddie in new york while he’s there on business, and it takes these losers SO LONG to figure it out but the way they dance around it is very cute

no sense of living without aim [WIP] by liesmyth, rated E

richie and eddie meet on grindr in the 27 years between and hey, whadda ya know, they fall in love! i really love this fic but i’m pretty sure it’s been abandoned. i’ve had it open on my phone browser for like 3 months with no update but i still check it regularly bc i’m pathetic and this fic is just so good i’m DYING to know what happens next so read at ur own risk

a strange sense of familiarity [WIP] by Katranga, rated E

another “they meet and fall in love without remembering” fic, and even though it’s not complete yet, it gets regular updates. oh, also, i’m obsessed with it. they’re long distance fuck buddies who can’t admit they’re in love, and then they get hit with the childhood memories! and everyone lives! what’s not to love!  also PLEASE read kisses take like mint and every other reddie work by this author, they are all fantastic

adult friends by sudowoodo, rated T

AU where adult reddie meet at a first aid seminar for work (immediately fall in love), become friends, become best friends, and finally get to be happy. has some super repressed eddie and intensely pining richie, which is always fun, and genuinely made me laugh out loud. also please check out this author’s other reddie fics, there’s some super sweet kid reddie in there that really warms the heart

the mind's a funny fruit by joldiego, rated T

eddie wakes up barely alive in derry, has 0 memory, calls himself richie, and moves in with some lesbians. an absolute must read that ought to be on every reddie fic rec compilation. i read this a long time ago and just thinking about it makes me want to read it again.

now what i'm gonna say may sound indelicate [WIP] by IfItHollers, rated E

it took me entirely too long to find this fic since i joined the fandom, and it’s truly a fucking masterpiece. it’s almost at 200k now and still unfinished, and the slow burn is excruciating, but this is a legendary fic for a reason. eddie spends the first chunk of this fic in the hospital recovering from the massive chest wound, and then he and richie move the recovery to ben’s cabin in the woods. the author’s notes for each chapter are a story in themselves

signs of a new lifetime by swordfishtrombones, rated T

one of the sweetest, most romantic reddie fics i’ve ever read. a fresh take on a classic concept: post-ch2, they’re in love, they haven’t said/done anything about it yet, BUT!!! it’s not angsty! they are all cute and giggly like “you say it first!” “no, you say it first!” and it makes me fucking MELT

broadcasting tower by swordfishtrombones, rated E

back-to-back recs from the same author! bc i love these fics so much! sort of similar to the last one in that they both know what’s up and just haven’t said it, but this one’s got the angst! i didn’t know when i read it that it was the same author as the other fic, and i thought how funny, i found another reddie author that perfectly captures this pair in such a wonderfully romantic way! i also just noticed there’s a follow up to this so now i have to go read that immediately

eurydice; the original comeback kid by Vulcanodon, rated M

for the love of god please read this and the other work in this series. it’s a ch-2 fix-it with some intense action sequences and major pining, and it has haunted me since i first read it

love on the telephone by tempestbreak, rated E

okay this one is really just 30k of pure smut but it’s also so sweet and features a mini sexual awakening for eddie and some insecure richie with an emphasis on how much they love and trust each other. also it doesn’t hurt that the smut is fire, like does anyone else want that twink obliterated, or is it just me?

the boy who loves you by candlejill, rated E

eddie lives, richie confesses, things are chill and then they’re not. richie’s career flourishes, which is always nice to read and is what ultimately catalyzes eddie’s gay awakening and realization of his love for richie. it’s got some sad angsty parts and a very sweet ending, and it up there as one of my favorite reddie fics of all time

richie and eddie break up [WIP] by skeilig, rated M

a refreshing and realistic take on life ch-2 for the losers, because being in love at thirteen doesn’t mean you can fall into a perfect relationship at 40. i’ll admit, i’m hoping this will ultimately be a “richie and eddie get back together” fic, but it’s still a very good read (and often very funny in the second chapter) at the moment in the midst of their break up

september 1989 and everything else by pineapplecrushface, rated T

cute kid reddie figuring it out and making me smile. the follow up to this and the after derry series by this author are also personal favorites

go west by ssstrychnine, rated T

road trip fic! an absolute work of art slow burn with teen reddie in the 90s. it’s so beautifully written i just wish i could go back and read it for the first time again

the edification of eddie kaspbrak by tozier, rated M

character study with some incredible fucking prose, my lord it gorgeous. explores how eddie learns about love as he grows up, and it’s super fucking sad sometimes bc the poor boy doesn’t know how to have the things he wants and i just want to give him a hug, but it’s really a spectacular fic

circular motion by sinchronicity, rated M

soulmate!AU that follows book canon and even though it’s been a long time since i’ve read it and the details are fuzzy, i remember absolutely loving it and thinking it was incredible

tell me you know by RichiesToesHurt, rated E

college losers with some severely pining and jealous richie with a lovely ending 

predicament bondage [WIP] by dgalerab, rated E

i resisted reading this fic for so long, recently broke and binged all of it, and now i’m like frothing at the mouth for updates. richie’s a closeted actor/comedian who meets eddie, a professional Dom, when he needs help researching a role. they become friends, they develop crushes, richie realizes he’s a sub, and it’s just so much fun to read

there’s a lot more fics to rec so i might add on to this in the future, but in the meantime my biggest tip for for reading fanfiction that took me embarrassingly long to figure out: focus on the authors! if you read something you like, check out the rest of the work by that author bc odds are you’ll like that too. i mentioned it in a few specific works above, but check out the authors catalogues for these fics. if i included every work by these authors that i loved, this list would be miles long

feel free to add on any great stuff i missed, there’s sure to be tons of it!

[tangenciales]

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[millennial-star-gazer]

Stars And Fire (Nalu Fluff Week 2019)

Nalu Fluff Week (2019)

Genres: Romance, Fantasy Friendship, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Lyrics/Poetry, Young Adult Fanfiction

Prompts: Smile, Harmony and Spirits (Implied)

Rating: K(+) and older due to designated reading level. No mature, or  sexual/ adult content included.

Summary:She is the stars to his fire- originally one of my entries for Nalu-fluff-week 2017 on a previous account. Hoping to have it resubmitted for this year @nalu-fluff-week.

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A/N: Hey peeps, it's your girl MillenialStarGazer ( @millennial-star-gazer) back again! This time it's with an entry for  @nalu-fluff-week  2019. I originally entered this Nalu inspired lyric/poetry piece for Nalu love fest back in 2014, (under my teamedwardjace/twishadowhunter alias) and for fluff week 2017 on my deactivated celestialgeekmage account after further revisions. Now, I'm hoping to resubmit it again for this year's fluff week. Anyway hope you enjoy, and don't forget to check out my the rest of my writing!

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Disclaimer: I swear I don't own the rights to Fairytail, though if I did Natsu would have (consensually) kissed Lucy senseless with wild abandon by now . (But hey, they did officially become canon - if not already before- just not in a way some were expecting, so bonus!)

(Scroll down  past the cut for the  legend, corresponding links, and actual  poem/lyrics). 

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Read Stars and Fire on other plaftorms and the rest of my writing here:

(Note:  The Tagging feature and hyperlinks don’t seem to function properly  on the desktop site in recent months  for  any users ( which is hopefully temporary)  . However, both features seem to work just fine on the  ios/android app and mobile site for everyone.   If on desktop,  copy and paste the  below links into another tab or window on your browser.

1. Stars & Fire

A.Tumblr

B. Fanfiction

I.  Primary Fanfiction (Click Here:) (or here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13379456/1/Stars-and-Fire)

II. Secondary Fanfiction (Click Here:) (or here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13143482/1/Millennial-Drabbles)

C. A03

I. Stars and Fire (A03 Version) (Click Here:) (or here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20443970)

II. Sizzling & Fluffy Millennial OTP, & Paring Ship Drabbles/Teasers (A03 Version) (Click Here:) (or here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18244343/chapters/43167767)

2. Mast Post Of My Fic and Writing (Click Here:) (or here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/179665258923/master-fic-rec-post)

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Legend:

Italics: lyrics/poetry prose Bold: Song Section Marker (Bolded Italics Within Brackets: A/N/ authors note on which point /arc in the manga/anime the lyric references for a clearer picture)

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1. Do you remember the day when we first met? I swear it was fate for our paths to cross Thought you were strange, but I liked you anyway You showed me kindness when I was down an my luck that day

(A/N: Reference to first few episodes)

Pre-chorus

Now here we are, we've come such a long way. Follow me and I promise to see you through

Chorus

You are the stars and I am the fire (reference to Lucy being a celestial wizard and Natsu being a fire dragon slayer) You and I- We were always meant to collide You are my best friend , The one who will always hold a special place in my heart Hope you know that I'll be always be here for you To catch you when you fall (Reference to all the times Natsu catches Lucy) To be the one to hold you, to dry your tears late at night I'll protect you from the demons in the world, keep them at bay, fight by your side That's how much you mean to me So take my hand and we will take on this world together

2. Do you recall that day, the battle of our lives? You were trembling, terrified out of your mind (Reference to the epic battle with Hades during the Tenrou arc) I'll never forget, the image imprinted on my mind Believe me, I was afraid too But then I found courage in your resolve Do you remember the time you wanted to give up? You were crying, tears flowing like cascading rain Till I held your hand in mine

You found the strength to pull through

(Reference to that iconic Nalu moment in episode 122)

Prechorus

Your smile, your laughter, they light up my life When you're grieving, I'll be the one to dry your tears fall late at night

till' you see the sun shine again Hope you know I'm always here for you Never forget how much I care for you

Chorus

3. Come with me and we will take on this world together So glad to have you in my life Never forget how much I care for you Come what may, hell or high water , whatever lies on the road ahead of us, we will face together I will shelter you from the storm, will protect the future for us to we go on more adventures together

(Reference to Grand Magic Games Arc)

I will always be there to smile and laugh with you, to stand by your side Never forget how much I care for you

Chorus (x3)

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Fic Tag Squad: @fuck-yeah-nalu @fortheloveofevents

@nalubookclub @nalu-week

@petri808 @magnolia726 @ccrispy

@yukimcffblog @i-write-fanfics-to-procrastinate   @writer-appreciation  @caandleworks @caandlle  @rougeminded @rougescribe @cobblepottantrum @lovelyluce @dark0angel13  @sovay-says

@soprana-snap @phoenix-before-the-flame @phoneboxfairy @bearpluscat @narutoyaoifan

@mautrino @goddesofimortality @nalufever  @thecelestialchick @nalu-natic @bearandbirdfan @pyroandtheprincess @mautrino @lucielhyung @smappybubbles @seehunnybees @lover-of-the-light117

@rayhneatess  @nothingbutwordsstuff     @shootingstarssel @chamilsanya  @acidrain1698  @chamilsanya   @narutoyaoifan @superfreakerz  @nalu-natic @thecelestialchick @nalufever @moeruhoshi @h-eartfilias @lemonade-of-gods @fairywithajetblackheart  @katana-no-neko @mercurius-orion @nunnatheinsanegerbil @bearpluscat @shootingstarssel @kayty-of-fiore @narutoyaoifan @kaycha1989 @chiire @pyroandtheprincess @lovelyluce @sovay-says @satyrykal @wildest-dreams-at-midnight @phoneboxfairy @phoenix-before-the-flame @yukimcffblog @precenna @sugarpolis @fairywithajetblackheart @mercurius-orion @dark0angel13 @h-eartfilias @hungrypeanut  @shootingstarssel @sovay-says @satyrykal  @narutoyaoifan  @moeruhoshi @doginshoe @bmarvels

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A/N: Just to clarify the other A/N:s throughout are to make the lyrics more accessible to readers who may have difficulties understanding the meaning behind certain metaphors for a variety of reasons (including those with disabilities or anyone who has just gotten into Fairytail which is by no means to insult their intelligence at all). Not to mention, it would be far too tedious to explain it all in the final author note. 

Anyways, hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to like, leave a comment/review, reblog or all of the above-feedback would very much be appreciated! Feel free to check out my other the rest of my writing! (Corresponding links are in above, in the navigation bar, and bio if on tumblr.) Oh and be sure to stay tuned for chapter updates of my other fics and various projects in the work! Why not check out my fellow friends/mutuals' writing too! Same goes for the other participants in fluff week – a whole lot of talent there! Alrighty, that's all for now folks! Thanks so much to my all my friends/ mutuals , followers and readers for the all incredible support so far! Until next time- take care!

[purplesurveys]

511

Uni life be craaaaazy I missed my surveyssss

Which colour would best describe your current mood? Maybe an olive green or mustard yellow...we’re on a quick family getaway and the place is very nature-y. Does bad grammar annoy you? I can understand if the person’s first language isn’t English, but if they’re being an asshole and they keep fucking up their grammar, that’s when I have to laugh. This is usually the case when Filipinos are super arrogant in the comment section and try to sound intelligent, but end up embarrassingly butchering English. Who played the last concert you went to? Paramore happened a year and two days ago. What's your opinion on winter? Never experienced it. I’m pretty sure I would love it. How many plants are there in the room you're in? There are none in the hotel room I’m currently in.

Are you wearing anything in your hair at the moment? No, it’s just down. I had it in a ponytail earlier during breakfast, but I removed the tie after. Are your first impressions of people usually wrong? It’s typically 50/50. Sometimes the people I make out to be a bitch are apparently the nicest people, and sometimes the people I make out to be a bitch turn out to be actual big bitches. What was the last book you read, and how did you find it? Like I keep saying, I haven’t read anything in a really long time. I recently bought a pre-loved copy of The Reader from a buy-and-sell group on Facebook, but the seller hasn’t gotten back to me in a while. Do you prefer green or red apples? I hate fruits. Which room in your house is your favourite? Mine or the sala, because our couch is really huge and comfy.

What was the last thing you microwaved? I think it was fried chicken. Tell me something interesting about one of your close relatives: My great-grandfather was a survivor of the Bataan Death March back in the Japanese occupation. At one point he collapsed but he was at the right place at the right time – he got pulled aside by some lady stranger who brought him to her house to nurse him back to health. When he came to, he went to the house’s cellar to hide. The Japanese caught on, stormed the house, and tore apart an image of the Holy Family that they saw in the home. The torn-apart pieces fell through the bamboo slats and into the cellar, where he was hiding. He kept those until he had the time to paste them back together. The reconstructed image is currently with one of my great-aunts. Always thought that was super cool. Do you often take the bus to get to places? No. Public transport is shit here. We do have a more luxurious point-to-point bus system, but I’ve never had to try it out since I usually drive. If somebody gave you a kitten to keep as a pet, what would you name it? The first name that came to mind was Lily. If you could travel back to any decade, which one would you travel to? 20s. Did you use to like making dens as a child? Like, forts? Not really. Are you currently listening to music? Yes. I have the Lemonade album in the background while taking this. Any languages you would like to learn? Spanish, or another Philippine language. I think trilingual Filipinos who can speak English, Filipino, and Cebuano/Chavacano/Ilocano/Waray/Hilagaynon or any other Philippine language are sooooo much cooler :’( Do you like the smell of freshly-mown grass? I can enjoy it, sure. Does it really grind your gears when people constantly quote Family Guy? I wouldn’t know if they were quoting the show since I don’t watch a lot of it. How many tabs do you have open in your browser? In my current window, there are four. Do you like to play Mario? I don’t actively play it but if I had the chance the play it, I wouldn’t say no. Ever flown a kite? When I was younger. What's your favourite topping for toast? Butter. What colour is the front door of your house? Brown. Can I stand under your umbrella? Ella-eh-eh-eh yes. If given the oppurtunity, would you employ a monkey-servant? No. Do you know anybody who is completely bald? My dad is bald but out of choice. Do you put decorations up for Christmas? Yep. We used to put lights out but we recently stopped doing that and just decorate the inside of our house instead. You have to paint a room in your house bright orange, which do you choose? Maybe the kitchen so that it looks livelier. Your least favourite flavour of ice cream: Rocky road. Would you rather have a leather or denim jacket? Denim. To wear leather in the Philippine climate is to hate yourself. Would you like to meet the Queen? Sure. What's your full name backwards? Nybor. ^ without any vowels? Nybr? Do you like elephants? I love them, but I wish people would leave them the fuck alone. Have you ever destroyed something of high value? I’ve broken so many phones in my lifetime. Do you prefer juice or soda? Juice, if I really had to. Do you often listen to the radio? I listen almost everyday since it’s what I listen to when driving. Can you imitate a southern American accent well? I’m really bad at any accent haha. Can you read maps? No. Do you think that bacon and maple syrup is a good combination? YES Do you have any piercings? My earlobes. Own a lot of hats? Not really. I only have a couple. Do you get a lot of earwax (don't be shy)? The only time it gets to be a lot is when I forget to clean my ears. Which musical instrument would you like to learn to play? The piano. How do you solve a problem like Maria? ??? Would you rather swim in the sea or in a pool? SEA. When I swam at a beach for the first time, I stopped going to pools altogether. Preferred alcoholic beverage: Tequila. Did you go camping this summer? Nope. How is your eyesight? Bad. I literally can’t see anything without my glasses. Are you into this whole vampire thing? I was crazier before, but now it’s like something I look back on fondly. What's a colour that you would never ever dye your hair? Bright yellow. How many sugars do you take in tea? I don’t drink tea, but I like my coffee with one sugar and two creams. Would you like to travel to India? I would love to. Do you live in a city? Yes. What was your favourite TV show as a kid? The first show I ever loved was Hi-5 (the original cast). Then when I got a little older, I got into Spongebob. Are you a fussy eater? Not at all. I’d eat anything, just except for fruits. Can you dance? NOPE Do you find green eyes attractive? Sure. My biggest celebrity crush has green eyes. Do you prefer to watch films at home or in the cinema? Either is fine. Can you remember New Year's Eve on the 30/12/1999? No.

[tertiaryembarrassment]

Unexpected (Pt.6) - Paul Lahote x Reader

thank you to everyone sending me kind messages and asks about your love for this series I could not have guessed the reception to my self indulgent twilight fanfic would be so positive ily all. We got 2,428 words here

warnings: strong language

tagged: @bookluver01 @mrs-hemmings96 @glimmering-darling-dolly @eleganttravelercloud @vxidnik @wandering–in–fangorn @fangirlbitch02 @steggy4ever

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

              When you awaken, it is not because you are well rested, but because light has poured past your unclosed blinds, drowning the bedroom in a natural alarm clock. Bathed in yellow sun, you peek past your eyelids, frowning at the sun hanging high in the sky through the open window. You push yourself up on the mattress to sit upright, feeling your muscles strain from the tension they’d held the night before. You try to rub the sleep from your eyes, fingers massaging your temples and brows while your mind tries to catch up to your body, both less than half awake.

              Letting out a heavy breath, you run a sleepy hand through your tangled morning hair. Your bed sits pressed against the far side of the bedroom wall, sitting just underneath a large window outside. Part of the reason you chose this unit was the night view – in the darkness, the tiny town of Forks created little light pollution, and the stars were plainly visible. In the daytime, it was an average-looking urban view overlooking a parking lot.

              Blinking again to wake yourself, you slide your legs over the edge of the bed and press bare feet to the cold floor. Bracing yourself against the mattress, you push off to stand up and make your way to the kitchen, stretching your arms above your head and yawning.  

              You set to work, pulling a mug from the cupboard and taking the kettle from the stove, replacing it once you’ve filled it to the brim with new water and flicking on the burner. Waiting for the water to boil, your fingers hover over your stack of tea selection in the pantry. Eventually, you decide on a light peach tea, sweet and summery, and toss the bag into the mug. Leaning against the counter, you feel another yawn take over and once again rub your eyes, trying to banish the sleep from them. Why am I so tired?

              You stop short, eyes flying open, and say aloud to the empty room, “Wait a second.” You knit your brows, face settling into a frown as your brain whirrs, finally awakening. “What happened last night?”

              There’s a moment of silence before a wave of remembrance washes over you, and your drowsiness fades into the past as you’re suddenly extremely, entirely awake.

              “Leah’s a fucking werewolf.”

              Your words are met with no response, simply the harmonies of two very different songs, one, a bird’s caw flowing in from the open window, the other, the screech of a boiling kettle. You were leaning on the stove, back facing the readied kettle, but you swing around at it’s call, head still swimming, remembering last night. The beach. Leah. Sam. Everyone. Watching their bodies contort as they shifted. Paul.

              Paul.

              “Ah, shit!” You exclaim, the words leaving your mouth before you’ve fully processed the pain. You pull your hand back and examine the damage. In your absentmindedness, you’d grabbed the kettle, open-handed, where it burned. You cradle the hurt skin in your free hand, moving to the sink to run it under the cold tap.

              The cool water runs over your burned palm, offering a moment of relief from the pain, but your thoughts still distract you. Paul. He said last night something about you being his… soulmate? You could hardly remember, it was all a blur. You’d wanted to leave as soon as the talks about fate and your part in all of it had begun – how could any of that be true? Sure, you could wrap your mind around his identity as a shapeshifter. But you could see that, watch it happen with your eyes. Soulmates, fate, love at first sight? Not so much.

              You suck in a breath and brace yourself as you turn off the tap, moving to the bathroom. With your unburned hand, you pull open the medicine cabinet and rummage around for a tube of polysporin, something to soothe the skin. Finally locating it, you twist the cap off and massage a drop onto your hand, sighing in relief. You find a bandage and wrap it around your palm, closing the cabinet and turning back to the main room.

              Tucking your unbrushed hair behind your ear, you move back to the stove and – carefully, this time – remove the boiling kettle from the burner, holding your mug on an angle in your other hand and pouring the water in. The teabag twists and bobs in the water, quickly spreading its sweetness through the liquid. As it steeps, you carry it gingerly in two hands past the counter, the island, and towards your small makeshift dining room you’ve set up in the middle of the room. Only a small one-bedroom, your apartment didn’t have space for true separate quarters for each of your designated areas, so the dining room table melds in with your living room furniture on the far wall. Still, you make do.

              Pulling a chair out from under the table, you set down your mug and settle into the seat, resting your elbows on the surface, letting your head fall into place in your palms. A moment of quiet. Light seeps past the fingertips that cover your eyes and into your vision, but you squeeze them shut, banishing the unwelcome distraction from your scurrying thoughts. What does all of this mean, and what is your place in it? You know you can’t tell anyone – you can’t imagine what would happen to your friends if the world knew they were monsters – and even if you could, who would believe you? The entire world would think you’re crazy before they’d believe there were a bunch of Quileute shapeshifters living in Forks.

              Finally, you let your hand fall from your face, opening your eyes once again and blinking in the sunlight. Reaching across the table, you grab the edge of your laptop and pull it towards you, sitting, unused, where you had left it the day before.

              With a quick motion, you throw the computer open, pushing the power button and willing it to boot up quickly. When it finally does, your fingers fly across the keys, imputing your password and opening a browser.

              The empty search bar blinks at you. You blink back, fingers poised over the keys. What did you think you were going to search? What to do when your best friend tells you she is a shapeshifter and also all of her friends are shapeshifters and apparently one of them is your soulmate?

              You get the feeling there isn’t going to be a reddit forum to help you with this particular dilemma. Clicking your tongue, you slowly move your hands to type one word:

              Werewolves

              You aren’t sure what you’re looking for, and almost certain that whatever it is won’t be found on the Wikipedia page about lycanthrope folklore – Seth even said that whatever they were was something distinctly different than werewolves – but you don’t know what else to try. Every other problem, riddle, question you’d ever encountered could be solved through hard work and research, so much as just making an effort to understand. This was something else entirely.

              As you lean back in your seat, staring intently at your search results – Live Science, Encyclopedia Britannica, Pottermore, even – you sip from your tea and chew on your lip. You run your fingers over the track pad, hovering over one of the links. And then you click, and you set to doing one of the things you do best.

              You read.

              There are tons of legends surrounding the kind of creatures you saw last night. Vicious animal attacks with no clear perpetrator, creatures with incredible power and speed. Not all wolves, some taking forms of other beasts – bears, hyenas, tigers – and not always under the guise of the moon. Some involuntary, some deliberate. There were even 16th century accounts of executions in France of convicted loups-garous, French, you assume, for werewolf. Normally, you would have scoffed at the Salem Witch Trials-esque absurdity of executing someone for werewolf-ism, but your newfound knowledge of the existence of these groups leaves a sour taste in your mouth. You shudder instead.

              You’re halfway through the account of a young Wisconsin woman from 1999 who claims that a werewolf tried to jump into her car on what was apparently a road where these cryptid sightings were common when a knock on your door shoots you out of your seat, jumping out of your skin. You’d been reading stories recounting ominous happenings and inexplicable wolf-people for over an hour now, and the sudden noise had spooked you, to say the least.

              You stand and look towards the door, smoothing a hand over your wrinkled t-shirt and running the other through your hair. You’d gotten a bit lost in time, forgetting even to wash up or change from your sleep clothes. Then again, it was Saturday morning. Who would be visiting you today anyway? You haven’t had visitors to your house in weeks – all your friends know you’re spending every free moment finishing your thesis.

              Or at least I’m supposed to be, you think.

              With the knowledge that whoever the mystery visitor is will just have to deal with your stinky breath and general messy appearance, you jog to the door, placing one hand on the cool wood and the other on the doorknob. Before you twist it open, you hop onto your toes to peer through the peephole.

              A pair of tired brown eyes blink on the other side, darting around the hallway as he waits. His brows are cocked in a nervous grimace and his hands are folded over his middle, thumbs running over one another in an attempt to look casual, busy. He’s wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans, messy hair and morning scruff, as if he’s been able to settle about as much as you have since last night.

              “Paul?” you say, his name falling from your lips without you calling upon it. Clearly, loud enough to be heard through the thin wood of the door, because his eyes light up and he turns his attention to his side of the peephole, smiling sheepishly through the glass. You know he can’t see you from his side, but still, you recoil, feeling your stomach flop inside you.

              “Y/N?” He returns, voice muffled, barely audible through the door.

              You close your eyes, leaning a hand against the wood. “How’d you get in? I didn’t buzz you,” you say, loudly this time, referring to the lock on the front doors of the apartment building. Visitors have to be let in by a resident, and it wasn’t you.

              “There was an old lady in the lobby,” his voice replies, “she just opened the door for me. I was going to call first but…” he pauses, and you hear a deep sigh. “Can I come in, please?”

              There’s a moment of silence where you gnaw on your lip, hand still over the doorknob, running through your options. Leah’s reaction to this guy last night was… visceral. She completely snapped when she saw him, and for the rest of the night it was like the light inside her had been turned off completely. You trust Leah, and if she hates him that much, then he isn’t someone you want to be alone with. Then again, he’s here. And you have questions. And he has answers.

              An impulsive turn of the wrist, and the doorknob clicks. You pull it open, letting your head fall to one side and offering an awkward smile in greeting. Your free hand tugs at the hem of your shirt, willing it longer to cover the old sports shorts you wore to bed. “Hey, there,” you say.

              Paul’s smile widens, cracking across his face as he breathes out a sigh of relief. “Y/N,” he says, eyes softening as if comforted by the mere sight of you. His gaze lowers to the bandage on your hand, and suddenly he’s shooting towards you, holding it, turning it over in his palms in examination. “Are you okay? What happened?”

              You tug gently on you hand, trying to take it from his grasp, and at first, he resists. “It’s fine, it’s just a burn. I touched a hot kettle this morning,” you explain, and he loosens his grip on you. “I just… wasn’t thinking.”

              Paul nods in understanding, concern still colouring his expression. He seems to fight it, once again meeting your eye. “You look nice, by the way,” he smiles.

              You’re taken aback for a moment, brows curling downwards in confusion. You’re about to protest, but his words feel so sincere, and he’s looking at you unwaveringly, no signs of sarcasm or malice in his voice. “Um… thank you,” you say, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. You both suffer another moment of silence, staring at one another while he smiles, and you wait expectantly for a reason for his sudden arrival. “Did you need something?” You ask, finally.

              He sucks in a breath and nods again, a goofy grin still plastered on his face. “Actually, yes. Are you busy today? I thought we could…” he stops in his tracks, gaze shifting to your open laptop on the table behind you, displaying in bold lettering the home page for WerewolfWatchers.com. “Doing some research?” He laughs.

              You swing your head to the computer and back to the man before you, feeling a hot blush colour your cheeks. A smile spreads across your lips, and you put a hand to your mouth to muffle your laughter. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

              He reaches a hand behind his neck and squeezes, looking down as he continues to laugh with you. “That’s understandable,” he says. “I was thinking we could go somewhere today. Clearly, you still have questions and I… well, I wanted to see you.”

              Again, you feel yourself chewing on your bottom lip, a slit of flesh peeling loose from the constant abuse. In honesty, that sounded lovely. Paul was a handsome man and his interest in you, although a bit intense at first, was appreciated. But no matter your feelings towards him, you had to answer truthfully. “Actually, I have to work this afternoon,” you say, apology apparent in your tone.

              Pressing his lips together, he nods again, his eyes shifting from excitement to disappointment in a heartbreaking second. “I understand-” he starts.

              “But I’m off at eight,” you offer.

              He looks up again, your eyes locking, and his smile returns, a wide grin so bright it’s almost reflective. “Eight it is, then.”

[eldritchsurveys]

oo5.

Have you ever been served breakfast in bed? >> Maybe once or twice? A long time ago? What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? >> I make a point of avoiding challenges in cooking, unfortunately. I’m really averse to fucking up food, for multiple reasons. I’ll get over myself eventually, but it’s just not a priority right now.

Are you one to approach others, or let them approach you first? >> I mean, in what sense... What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? >> Well, my paracosm at that time was a city called Jacana Heights, and Eden Long and I would perform in movies for the entertainment of the populace (I think they like, thrived on it... like, in a sustenance sense? I’m not sure of the logistics because I didn’t think that deeply about the worldbuilding of things back then). So I did that a lot. Here on Earth, I kind of just... cut out clothes for paper dolls for hours at a time, built things with building sets, played with my dog, and later on, played computer games. Are holidays as fun for you now as they were when you were younger? >> I didn’t get any holiday experiences at all as a child, except for when I was thirteen and then it was actually horrible lmao, so actually... I have a lot more fun with holidays now.

Do you find non-fiction to be boring? >> Nah, unless it’s a subject I literally don’t care anything about. Like... Republicans.  Are you a punctual person? Or are you always late? >> I’m not always anything. Do you own a thesaurus? Do you actually use it? >> Nah, Google is my thesaurus. What is the longest essay or research paper you have written? >> Ten pages about Jim Morrison in junior year. Do you ever write your own short stories? >> Hell yeah. Sometimes I even still do. Have you ever been close to drowning? >> Twice. Have you ever had a panic attack? >> Yes. Do you find it easy to relate to other people? >> It gets a little easier as time goes on, and as I meet more people. But I think it’s part of the human condition to always feel a little set apart. I just try not to give that feeling too much credit, because it doesn’t exactly know what it’s talking about. Are you ashamed to leave the house when not looking your best? >> No. Are you modest? >> Nah, not really. Do you ever worry about your loved ones dying? >> Not especially. Like, I don’t actively worry about it, since grief doesn’t particularly frighten me as much as other things do. That doesn’t mean I’m like “oh cool whatevs” at the idea of people I love dying or anything, it’s just... not a worry. Do you watch any Japanese anime? >> I’m coming around to it. I was talking to someone on Discord and they mentioned that it seemed like the older a Western person is when they’re introduced to anime, the more time they have acclimating to the differences from Western media. So really, I’m not alone in how much I struggled to like, connect with anime the way people who have grown up with it do. I was out here thinking there was something wrong with my brain meats because no one had ever presented it that way to me. Damn. Anyway, the ones I’ve liked so far are Kill La Kill, Ouran High School Host Club, Mahoutsukai no Yome, Kuroshitsuji, Puella Magi Madoka Magica (is that even the right order lmao), and... yeah, I guess Axis Powers Hetalia, although overall I connected to the fandom more than the anime itself. Is there a foreign culture you are interested in learning more about? >> You damn right. Do you have your own laptop computer? >> I have two. Will this week be a good one? >> I mean, it’s a week. I suppose it’s all right, as far as weeks go. Who is the last person that texted you? >> Sparrow. When is the next time you work? >> I don’t. Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? >> It’s an undershirt, I have no idea. What are you going to do next? >> I’m not sure. Maybe another survey, maybe I’ll go back to my dashboard, maybe I’ll randomly start breakdancing, who the fuck knows. Do you currently have feelings for anybody? >> Sure. Do you enjoy eating veggies? >> Very much. Do you know the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian? >> Yes. Who did you text most today? >> I didn’t text anyone. Do you have a reason to frown right now? >> Sure, I suppose. I have reasons to do any facial expression at any given time, because like... life be like that. What brand is your straightener? >> --- Do you own any Converse? >> Nope, they hurt my feet and fuck up my gait because of my pronounced arches. Are you wearing socks? >> Nope. Do you enjoy long car rides? >> I enjoy a lot of things about long car rides. The freedom of the open road is one of those “quintessential American(tm) things” that I actually deeply understand and yearn for. I enjoy being in cars, probably because I spent so much of my childhood around them and in them. I like talking to the people I’m in the car with -- a lot of good conversations are likely to happen during car rides, especially on highways, because there’s not a whole lot of distractions, just you all and the road. However, I don’t like being stuck in the car for hours at a time without a chance to stretch my body, and sleeping in the car is a fuck. So, you know. Downsides. What’s the last thing you drank? >> Water. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? >> Hallie, online, and Can Calah, here. Are you one of those people who are always cold? >> No, I get hot much quicker than I get cold. Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you? >> No. Do you paint your nails? >> Occasionally. Do you like doing laundry? 
 >> I mean, more than other chores, sure. There aren’t a lot of steps, it doesn’t involve icky things, and it’s not very time- or energy-consuming (the machines do most of the work). How about the dishes? >> Eh. I prefer doing the dishes in a sink with a window over it... anyway, we use the dishwasher. Do you even like doing housework? >> No. That’s probably really clear, lmao. Don’t you hate being blamed on? >> Of course. Do you even care about politics? >> Not the bits that don’t immediately affect me. Have you ever met anyone famous? >> Yeah, I met... multiple musicians, and Criss Angel once. And Julianne Moore! I keep forgetting about her. Do you check your email everyday? >> The Gmail Checker app in my browser alerts me whenever there’s new email, so I just... rely on that. Do you have a membership to the gym? >> I do, and I really need to fucking terminate it, but the legal bullshit is so overwhelming (gyms can be really fucking cagey and I wish I’d known that before I gave them my fucking bank account information to open a membership) that I never do it. Ugh. Do you tan? >> No. What is your natural hair color? >> Dark brown. Is it that right now? >> Yep. Do you prefer guys with dark hair or light hair? >> I can’t be bothered to care. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? >> Valentine’s Day. Do you expect to be married in the next two years? >> Yes. Do you have someone who is protective of you (father, brother, etc.)? >> No. Would you ever get implants? >> Probably not, unless it was subdermals. Have you ever dated someone of another race? >> Obviously. What did you drink at the last party you went to?: >> What was the last party I went to... Does the last person you text messaged have any tattoos or piercings?: >> Tattoos, yeah. Someone asks if you’re okay, but you’re not. Do you tell them the truth?: >> Depends on who’s asking. If it’s some person on the internet that I don’t really talk to, then they don’t get those kinds of details. Do you know anyone whose birthday is today?: >> No. How did you meet the last male you text messaged?: >> --- Where was the last place you went, that you hadn’t been to before?: >> Chicago in general. Last person to text you? >> Sparrow. Are you mad at anyone right now? >> No. How do you feel about your hair right now? >> It’s there. Being hair.  Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants? >> I think these are considered sweatpants. What are you doing tomorrow? >> I don’t know, chillin, I guess. Is your hair up or down right now? >> It’s not anything. Do you know how to play poker? >> I’ve forgotten by now. Have you ever had an ear infection? >> Nope. What’s your favourite thing to order when you get Chinese food? >> I like chicken satay and lo mein or like... I don’t know, something with a lot of crunchy vegetables. And seafood. What did you have for breakfast this morning? >> The first meal I ate was the veggie burger. Are your nails painted a dark or light color? >> No. What color was the last fish you had? >> Like... as a pet? I’ve never had one. Have you ever read in the bathtub? >> No. Have you ever put ice cubes in milk? >> No. What do you use to remove your makeup at night? >> If I happened to be wearing makeup at some point, I’d use Burt’s Bees face cleaner wipes to remove it. Do you use the Facebook chat often? >> Nope. Do you have any baby pictures of yourself on your computer? >> Digital photos didn’t exist when I was born, and I’ve never scanned any physical ones. Do you eat onion rings? >> Rarely. When did you last go to the zoo? >> I don’t remember. It was probably the ElectriCritters thing with Hallie. I really don’t go to the zoo that often, lmao. How many cardigans do you own? >> Two. One has a big skull on the back and the other one’s a Slytherin cardigan. Do you own a robe? >> Yeah, it’s a Ravenclaw one. (I’m a Slytherclaw, lol.) Music is playing right now, isn’t it? >> It was, but I paused it to listen to the rain. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? >> No. What kind of shampoo do you use? Does it smell amazing? >> I use conditioner sometimes, and it smells like peppermint, so yeah, amazing. Have you ever buried a time capsule with a friend? Did you dig it up yet? >> No. How many pairs of shoes do you have? Are they under your bed? >> Two, not counting rain and snow boots, and no, they’re by the apartment door. Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? >> I misunderstood that for a second because “put to sleep” is what people say about euthanising animals, lol. I was like, “uh, I’m pretty sure no one’s killed me at the hospital, brah” and then I realised. No, I’ve never been given general anaesthesia, but I have been sedated. When are you planning on moving out of your parents’ house? >> I did that already. Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off?
 >> I don’t eat it, usually. What was the last song you listened to? >> I don’t remember now, but False King by Two Steps From Hell is playing. What is your favorite lunch meat? >> I like chicken breast or turkey on a sandwich. Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? >> Can Calah doesn’t have a phone. He doesn’t need one. Who was the last person you texted? >> Sparrow. Do you have any sisters? >> Yeah, two. Do you have to watch yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth? >> Yeah, because like... I drool toothpaste everywhere when I’m brushing my teeth, lmao. So I gotta pay attention. Who in your phone has a heart after their name? >> No one. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? >> Yes. Does everyone deserve a second chance? >> Sure, even if it’s not necessarily from me. I don’t believe in condemning anyone. 

[fanfic-scribbles]

32. All Saints Day

A/N: Ho. Ly. Cats. I can’t believe we actually made it to the end. And with so many people digging it! Because my browser and Tumblr aren’t playing nice right now I want to say thanks to everyone who commented, messaged, reblogged and liked my little ficlet drabbles and chapters for this story. I decided to put this self-challenge on Tumblr on a whim, on the off-chance other people might get a kick out of it and so many more of you like this than I expected, oh wow. So, other ficlets and such will be posted on here (after, like, at least a week of vacation) but this little story-that-wasn’t-and-then-suddenly-was is at its end. I hope you enjoy this super lovey dovey conclusion.

Words: 1889

Warnings: Hop-scotching the prompt for word-and-feeling-association. Fluff. Romance. Totally not sorry; we earned this one.

    There’s an abandoned church in the woods maybe a mile or two from the bunker. It’s near an old dirt road that you’ve never seen anybody use. In fact it was probably only ever used to get to Sunday service. The church itself is very traditional: white, has a steeple, and is utterly tiny, maybe able to seat twenty people and it’d probably be filled to standing capacity with fifty. Stained glass windows line either side of the building, letting in very little actual light, but they’re still somehow intact while half the pews are broken.

It’s old and drafty and so peaceful that it’s become one of your favorite places in the whole world. Sometimes you like to imagine how it used to be, with people dressed in their Sunday finery, either fanning themselves from the heat or bundling up to brace the cold, but always here every week, in a tiny little chapel off the beaten path that was probably packed to the gills. It is decidedly quieter in real life than in your imagination, and that’s the way you like it. This is yours, now, and in this place there is still something hopeful; holy and idealistic. You don’t have to be psychic to feel it. You take a deep breath and continue your silent vigil, thinking about nothing in the way only utter silence can help you achieve.

Wings rustle and you stiffen, losing a bit of the calm that being here has instilled in you. However you’ve been here long enough that any tears have dried and you have some semblance of control. But then your name is murmured in that same deep voice that still somehow makes your knees weak.

You clear your throat. “Hi Cas,” you say, trying to be fair and friendly. You knew going in that Cas might not feel the same and you're not going to let your feelings fuck up a perfectly good friendship. Sure, it’ll sting for a little while, but you have faith in your abilities to move on. You love Cas and want him to be happy. And Cas is generally reasonable and blun– er, up front. He will tell you he does not return the depth of your feelings (or that he may be open to finding out, though you don’t hold much hope for that) and you will both, eventually, get back to normal.

Though…given how emotional he became last night…

You sigh and slump. Who are you kidding. This is going to suck.

“May I sit here?” Cas asks, standing next to you. The stained glass window behind him casts a yellow pall that looks sickly on everything except for him.

“Of course.” You sound normal. Score one for this going in a good direction.

Cas sits next to you, not close enough to touch but close enough to still be in your space. You try not to overanalyze but you know how you feel, and he knows, and you’re not sure how to act. You shift in your seat. If Gabriel asks one more time if he can do anything, you’re going to have him take you back to October 1st so you can punch yourself in the head.

“This place is wonderful,” Cas murmurs and looks around with wide, admiring eyes. You suddenly forget why you’re upset when you see the beginning of a smile on his face.

“It’s pretty peaceful,” you agree.

You both lapse into silence. You’re staring ahead again, very studiously trying not to seem bothered by anything, and Cas seems…content. For the most part. After a few minutes he seems to remember why he’s here and he sighs. “I often wonder how you, and Sam, and Dean, manage it.”

You wait. Nothing. “Manage…what?”

“Living a life filled with endless decisions. Where you must somehow make choices and live without regret.” Cas is staring up at the ceiling, his eyes pinched back at the corners in a sort of sadness. “I have had so few decisions to make by comparisons and yet…I have so many regrets.”

You snort. What group of perfect (or sociopathic) humans has Cas been hanging out with? “That’s just life, Cas,” you say softly, trying to lessen any perceived insensitivity. “Everybody makes bad decisions along the way. Good, bad, and in between. The bad ones just stick out more.”

“Doesn’t it frighten you?” Cas looks at you and you freeze, caught in a bright blue that the sky must envy. “Having a decision to make and not knowing which choice you might regret?”

“I guess it…depends on the choice and the consequences.” You clear your throat. “You never know how something is going to turn out. You weigh your options and you make the best decision you can.”

“Like your choice to tell me how you feel.”

Your throat closes up. “Yeah,” you say and try to keep your mind blank for the inevitable next part. He studies you for several long seconds. His lips turn up in a small smile. A kindly gesture to ease the pain, you think.

But then he moves forward, connecting his mouth with yours, and you don’t have to try to keep your mind blank– you short circuit and all you know, have known, will ever know, is this. Your lips are almost chronically dry these days from the oncoming winter and you're sure Cas wouldn’t know what Chapstick was even if he carried five pounds worth of it in his pockets. Somehow his lips are still the softest things you can ever remember feeling.

Your eyes burn from the air and you have to consciously force yourself to blink. In the split second it takes to shut and open your eyes he doesn’t disappear. He does, however, pull back, and you barely suppress what surely would have been the most pathetic whimper ever released by a human.

“I know I likely do not deserve it, but will you let me explain myself?” Cas asks.

“Uh huh.” He could tell you to take a hike to Canada and you’d be walking before he finished his sentence.

That silly thought leads to the serious realization that he’s not telling you to hit the road, Jack. You blink some life back into yourself, sit up straighter, and somehow manage to tear your eyes from his lips (seriously, way softer than they look,) to his eyes.

He turns his body to angle towards you and you do the same, brushing your knees against his and waiting. Cas takes a moment.

“I have great regrets. I have done terrible things,” he says slowly. “Made bad choices and been led to do things I cannot undo.”

His eyes drift down in memory and you bite your lip to keep from interrupting. However you do slide your hand to his knee as a light reminder that you’re here for him. He responds by taking that hand in both of his, holding it, squeezing lightly. He looks at you again. “Sometimes I’m paralyzed by fear. I wonder if everything I see and think is a manipulation by Naomi or her underlings. Or I think that there is some dire consequence to what I am doing. So I busy myself by running errands for Gabriel, or helping you and the Winchesters. I focus on the things that help and do not hurt, but even then I…make mistakes.”

He grips your hand but his gaze is too intense to look away from. “This is not the first time I’ve thought of the idea. Of being with you. Some months ago I realized that what I was feeling for you might be…could one day be…” He swallows. “It was a sudden realization that I knew had been building over the years. It felt natural. Inevitable. Terrifying.” He looks at the pew in front of you. “Like I was falling all over again and I didn’t know what it meant.”

You don’t dare breathe.

“I couldn’t possibly choose that; choose to drag you down with me, so I assumed it was fate, or something else. I even made…surreptitious inquiries into the possible involvement of cupids.”

Oh no. You use your free hand to cover a small smile. You remember Lt. Castiel Columbo. ‘Surreptitious’ is not a part of his normal vocabulary.

“The cupid I spoke to was emphatic against their involvement and even advised me against taking any further involvement with you. At the time, I agreed. And so I tried to remain distant.”

Suddenly you really, really want to stab a cupid. Or pick up a bow and arrow and turn the tables.

“It didn’t work.” He shakes his head. “I can’t stay away from you, or Dean, or Sam. So it festered. It became something awful, until that night with Crowley– and I snapped. I just…I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know whether to be selfish, to claim you for my own and keep you from any semblance of normalcy you can grasp in your violent life. Or whether to…let you go. I thought on that so much last night. I agonized over what I should do.”

Your throat is filling with a lump of tears. “I know it would be nice but you can’t have everything, Cas,” you say and swallow. “You can’t have an honest choice but account for every possible variable. You can’t control it.” You put your other hand on top of his and grip both hands for dear life. “But sometimes, the things you don’t see coming, the things you can’t control…maybe sometimes they aren’t great. But sometimes they’re wonderful.”

“Like you.”

You blink several times to clear the water welling in your eyes. “Huh?”

Cas looks so soft as he takes his hands to brush away the tears escaping onto your cheeks. “You are the most wonderful thing I never saw coming. You are stubborn, sometimes petulant, fierce, strong, kind, protective, and so, so blindingly beautiful that your soul shines like a beacon. I care for you so much that I thought I could deny myself your presence because I hurt you, got you hurt, only to find out that I can’t. I can’t be away from you. I don’t ever want to be away from you.”

You don’t know what to say. Or maybe you have too many things to say. Either way it’s hard to breathe. When he lifts your hand to his mouth to press a kiss, for a moment you do forget how to breathe. You hold his face with that hand and he holds it there. Like you’d ever remove it.

“Of all the painful things that can come of this, not having you would be so much worse,” he murmurs into your palm. “If you’ll have me I want –Father, I want– to be with you, in any and all ways that you may want me.”

You take a few moments to breathe. You're tempted to take a few more, because he kind of deserves that after last night, but you honestly can’t stay away for long. You surge forward, wrapping your arms behind his neck, and you never, never want to take them back. He meets your kiss, just as open and longing, and his arms around your back hold you tight, just as unwilling to ever, ever let you go.

[svetlanawagner-blog]

While living in LA, we visited the no more than 5 times the ENTIRE year even though we said we wouldn’t take the for granted. We immediately regretted it after moving to land-locked Las Vegas.

Traffic was always our number one excuse for staying in, but we know we could have made the effort. Now that we’re back on the coast, we’re determined to enjoy San Diego’s beautiful es. We’re hoping to explore every in the area and make it out to a – new or old – once a week. Today, we put together a list of what to bring to the to help us and you stay organized.

A big thank you to Sparkling ICE for sponsoring this post. All opinions are always our own. This post may contain affiliate links, where we receive a small commission on sales of the products that are linked at no additional cost to you. Read our full disclosure for more info. Thank you for supporting the brands that make Local Adventurer possible.

Last Updated: Jun 7, 2019 // Originally Published: Jun 11, 2015

What to Bring to the Beach - Our Beach Essentials Packing List

Beach Bag – It’s especially good if it’s like this one with a zipper or clasps at the top and you can use it as your personal carry on item too.

Dry Backpack or Dry Bag – Jacob likes to carry this backpack to keep our stuff dry.

 Reef Safe Sunscreen – Skin cancer is no joke! We used to love using our Neutrogena Dry Touch, but after reading up on what ingredients go into their sunscreens along with other big brands, we’ve found some great non-toxic alternatives. Keep in mind sunscreens above SPF 50 only add slightly more protection. If you find oxybenzone, octinoxate, octocrylene, homosalate, or octisalate on the label, it is not reef friendly. Mineral sunscreens with zinc oxide or titanium dioxide are generally safer.

Chapstick with SPF – Jacob’s burnt his lips more than once because he forgot about them. This one is SPF 30.

 Cheap Big Sunglasses – I keep my nicer pair in the car, so that they don’t get scratched up by the sand. You want big sunglasses to be able to protect all around your eye.

Sunhat – Gotta keep the sun off your face. The one I’m wearing above is from San Diego Hat Company.

 Swimsuit

 Swim Cover Up

Summer Attire – Summer dress, tank top or tee, and shorts.

Beach Towel – This is a cute watermelon one from ban.do.

 Beach Blanket or Portable Beach Mat – Lately, it’s been too cold to get in the water, so we like to bring a blanket to relax on. Jacob hates getting sand in everything, so that’s the best way to keep the sand away. We got ours a while back at our alma mater.

A Good Book – Nothings better than feeling the breeze, soaking in the sun, and enjoying a good book. We typically bring our Kindles with us so we have multiple options on what to read. I’m currently reading Slaughterhouse Five, and Jacob is currently reading The Giver. What about you?

A Light Jacket – Even though the is usually nice, winds can always pick up and make it chilly as the sun sets. Be sure to bring a light jacket to stay warm. We really like our Patagonia nano puff jackets that pack up small.

Change of Clothes – Always good to have just in case.

 Camera – Whether it’s a phone, a point-and-shoot, GoPro, or DSLR, we like to have at least one camera (if not all 4) to capture the moments.

Waterproof Flip Flops x2 or Water Shoes: These flip flops go with me everywhere. They’re so thin and light that I can pack them in the side pocket of my backpack and forget about them until I need them. Pack an extra pair in case one breaks. I’ve had flip flops break on me on trips before, and it’s never fun hobbling back to the hotel. You also might want to consider bringing water shoes if you’re at a with rocky surfaces.

 Baby Powder – It removes moisture from your skin so sand will fall off easily.

Bug Repellent

Kleenex Wet Wipes or Sanitizer – this is the germ removal kind.

Zip Lock Bags in Various Sizes – I actually bring ziplock bags on every trip because they’ve come in so handy on many occasions. You can use them to protect your phone and personal items from getting wet or pack your wet swimsuits afterward.

 Portable Phone Charger: This Anker charger keeps both our devices charged all day.

First Aid Kit – We don’t always pack one, but we know we should.

Snorkel, Mask, Fins – if you can snorkel right off the , we prefer to bring our own masks and snorkels since it fits our faces better.

Wetsuit – if you’re swimming out in San Diego, you need a thick wetsuit.

 Rash Guard – for extra protection from the sun.

 Spare Change for Parking Meter

 Snacks – To keep the hanger at bay, we always bring some of our favorite beef jerky or trail mix to appease the monster. It’s good to bring nice portable snacks that won’t melt in the sun. Great snack options are fruit, nuts, crackers, and power bars.

 Hydroflask Bottle or Growler – to keep your drinks cold.

 Cooler Filled With Water and Beverage of Choice – It’s always important to stay hydrated. Doctors recommend you drink 8 full glasses of water. I’ve never liked drinking regular water, so it’s been nice having our fridge full of Sparking ICE. They have over 20 sparkling water flavors, and they have no calories. I love the fizziness, and my favorite flavor so far is Peach Nectarine.

More: How to Pack for a Snorkeling Trip

More Things to Bring to the Beach

These aren’t necessities but make life easier or more fun.

Beach Umbrella – Sure, you don’t need a umbrella, but once you use one, it’s hard to go back to the old life. This one is very packable and can turn into a sun or rain canopy or try this portable tent that’s easy to set up.

Camping Chairs – these fold down way smaller than chairs.

 Waterproof Portable Outdoor Speaker

 Towel Clips – to keep your towel in place

 Sand Coaster – to keep your drink from falling over.

Inflatable Lounger / Hammock

Giant Pool Float

Bodyboard

Float Strap – for cameras, phones, and other devices

Entertainment – Frisbee, Football, Volleyball Kite, Card Games, Toys to Play in the Sand, Slackline

 Whistle – It’s good to have especially when ing with children.

 Binoculars – to do some birding or to scout other wildlife.

 Walkie Talkie – if there’s no service

cutest watermelon cooler / bag that I’ve been toting everywhere!

More: The Best Summer Sandals for Travel Road Tested and Reviewed

Essential Tips

Pick a Beach Bag you don’t mind getting dirty. Large totes or medium size backpacks are good. Compartments and pockets help keep things organized and water resistance is always a plus.

Maximize space by using cubes and rolling your clothes and towels at the bottom of bag.

Leave most of your valuables at home including your nice pair of sunglasses.

Weigh your luggage to make sure they will not go over the allowed weight. 

Personal Items

ID Driver’s License or Passport

Credit Cards and Cash

Insurance Cards

 Wallet

 Keys

Car Rental and Hotel Information

 Directions

 Phone + Charger + Portable Charger

Printable PDF

Clothes to Bring on Every Trip

PJs

Bras and Underwear

Socks

Nicer Outfit for Dinners

Workout Clothes

Tees + Tops

Shorts, Pants

Sundresses

Dryer Sheets – keep it in your suitcase to keep your clothes smelling fresh.

Toiletries

Shampoo, Conditioner, Soap / Body Wash, Lotion – Most hotels will carry these already. I usually only pack my own conditioner since my hair is so damaged and needs extra love.

Travel Hair Dryer – depending on where we stay, I’ll bring my own mini hair dryer.

Lotion

Toothbrush

Toothpaste

Floss

Sunblock

Aloe

Hairbrush – love the tangle teezer.

 Hair ties, Bobby Pins, Clips, Spin Pins – I always lose them so I like to bring extras and stash them in each bag.

Hair Product – Hair Cream, Gel, Spray

Shower Cap

Flat Iron or Curling Iron

Eyeglasses

Contacts, Contact Case, Contact Solution

Eye Drops

Makeup Bag + Makeup Listed Below

Pads and Tampons

Jewelry

Nail Clipper

Tweezer

Meds Prescription, Vitamin, Benadryl, Dramamine, Pain Reliever

First Aid Kit

Eye Mask

Ear Plugs – You never know when you will have snoring roomies. 

Garbage Bag

Makeup

  Magic Cushion – this works as a great foundation and concealer

Face Setting Spray

Eyeshadow Pencil

Lipstick pencil

Chapstick with SPF

Blush

Eyeliner

Mascara

Makeup Remover – I’ve been collecting extras from hotels whenever I can, but I also love using these Grapefruit ones.

Eye Cream

Moisturizer

Electronics

Power Adapter and Converter

Phone

Phone Charger

Portable Phone Charger

E-Reader

Laptop

Laptop Cables

Camera / GoPro

 Waterproof Case for Cameras and Phone

 Waterproof Outdoor Speakers for music

More: Your Essential Underwater Photography Guide

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19 Incredible Road to Hana Stops

15 Best Things to Do in Turks and Caicos

Agios Sostis Beach, Mykonos, Greece

15 Most Beautiful Beaches in Greece

Checklist - Do This Before You Leave Your House

Stop deliveries – or have a friend or neighbor take packages inside for you.

Mail

Board your pets or hire a petsitter

Housesitter

Take care of any bills

Unplug appliances

Put all valuables in a safe

Empty the fridge

Take out garbage

Set Thermostat

Lock doors and windows

Send your itinerary to a friend or emergency contact just in case.

Set Alarm

Address, map

PHOTO

photo: 

What to Bring to the Beach

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“Discovery consists not of seeking new lands but in seeing with new eyes” – M. Proust

Esther + Jacob

Esther and Jacob are the founders of Local Adventurer, which is one of the top 5 blogs in the US. They believe that adventure can be found both near and far and hope to inspire others to explore locally. They explore a new city in depth every year and currently base themselves in Las Vegas.

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[scathachmind-blog]

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[sunmichi]

[ Drabble request: Yeoubi. ] They say that foxes are getting married, when rain falls during the sunny day. They must be tears of happiness, I suppose. Do not mind my rambling, aha.

wordstuck.co.vu Drabble Prompts / Accepting!( this stop is yours! @spvtnik )

yeoubi: ‘fox rain’; a sun shower – the event of having a light rain while the sun is still shining.

Autumn arrives with a week-and-a-half-long war and harmony. For eleven days, the sun clashes with the rain in a brilliant patchwork of light and shadow and waterfall in chaotic sky, the battles only slowing to a temporary draw when night falls, and the sun sets to shine elsewhere and the rain lightens to the tiniest drizzle that melds with the dew collected overnight. Then the morning comes, and with the wash of dull golden light over steel and concrete, comes a calm-but-steady torrent of rain yet again, casting the city once more in the dramatic shades of battle.

The newspaper headlines call it a number of different things: the second great flood, hurricane season, miracle storm, never-seen-before, an annoyance, end of a summer drought—a chorus of sensationally pithy phrases that meet equally unglamorous ends, soaking and smudging into each other in gutters of sidewalks, tossed away.

Seohyun, however, trumpets a different headline: one more winding and thoughtful and entangled with mystery, mumbled nonchalantly in her soft sing-song voice. “They say that foxes are getting married, when rain falls during the sunny day. They must be tears of happiness, I suppose.”

Mi looks up from the lace-and-pearl fan she’s been busy tinkering with and lets it rest on her knees, glancing over at Seohyun, who gazes out the window in the opposite corner of the now-empty workshop space. It’s the fourth day of the storm now: the streets remain in a constant state of mild flooding and Seohyun, in a rare week of few schedules, has taken to spending early to late afternoons with Mi, who has holed up and tucked herself away in the eclectic confines of the Second Chances workshop, dry and away from the storm brewing outside.

Rain is easy to like, hard to love—it is easy to pretend to love, easy to write and sing and wonder about. It is easy to love the rain from afar through the lens of window and glass and soft grey light when it causes no harm or inconvenience. It is easy to love it distantly, half-heartedly in pieces and moments, but not in wholes and forevers. Mi has forgotten how to love the rain as she once did; as Seohyun seems to, when she looks out the window with such longing. Mi sets down the fan on the table now, and crosses the room quietly to join the girl by the window, resting arms and chin against its ledge and turning slightly to watch Seohyun from the periphery of her vision. The rain makes a steady pitter-patter on the heavy duty glass of the window, and the sunlight that shines through casts a mottled shadow over her face. “That’s what they say in Japan too, I think,” she says after a little while. “The fox’s wedding. It must… be a really long wedding.”

“A really happy one too.” Laughing once, Seohyun lifts a finger to trace the path of a single droplet of rain across the windowpane. “With lots of tears.”

Mi nods silently, and watches as another few droplets trail behind the first, following Seohyun’s fingertip, and decides that Seohyun must love the rain, because the rain loves Seohyun very much.

When Seohyun ambles into the shop on the sixth day, Mi waves her over excitedly and angles her laptop, its browser up and jam-packed with open tabs. “Unnie! Look, look—I looked up sunshowers because I was curious about what you’d said, and—look, there are so many different explanations and words and meanings and, okay, just look at these!” She begins to click through each tab, narrating their contents in rapid-fire synopses. “So for some people in Korea, it means that a tiger is marrying a fox—and in Bulgaria it’s bears… in Syria, rats are getting married… in Georgia, the sun’s washing its face, and—and, oh, in America, apparently the devil’s beating his wife…” Click, click, click– “Hyenas getting married… a hyena giving birth… witches churning butter—which is kind of like- ew, butter showers?!—or combing their hair-” She pauses for a gulp of air, glances at Seohyun, who has such an expression of peaceful fascination that Mi forgets to go on altogether.

When they walk the span of road to the end of the block that day, Seohyun ventures out from beneath Mi’s bright yellow umbrella with a hop and step and twirl that takes her several steps ahead, past Mi’s reach. She holds a hand out to meet the sunset light and dwindling rain, and they seem to float down and meet her palm in a truce, entranced by their peacemaker. Seohyun turns and grins. “I think… maybe… we should add one more to the list—the wedding of sun and rain! It’s wonderful, Mi-yah. You should join us.”

Mi takes in the scene—the girl giving herself so vulnerably to rain and sun that they can’t help but give themselves in return. And herself, under the thin veil of her umbrella, a little timid, treading carefully, a little too comfortable in what temporary shelter she’s scavenged, a little too much written and ingrained in her mind for her to revert back to childhood today. And so she just smiles and says, “I’ll be the audience for today, miss officiator!”

On the tenth day, Mi steels herself and shoves her umbrella to the back of the highest shelf she can reach, with the help of the shop’s tallest ladder. Only after she hops down from the bottom step does she realize that she won’t be able to get that back without actually climbing onto the shelf and risking complete and utter destruction of that side of the room. Oh well. They always say one must take risks for the sake of love, be a fool for love. And Mi wants to love the rain again; she doesn’t know if this is how it works, but she’s going to be a fool. 

So when Seohyun pushes open the door around 3 p.m., Mi is ready with a blurted greeting- “Let’s go outside today, unnie. No umbrella, or raincoat, or anything—I promise. Well—I mean, let’s keep our clothes on, I don’t think society is ready for that just yet.”

Seohyun just smiles, and sets her own umbrella down by the doorway. “I was waiting for you to say that.”

3:02 p.m. finds Mi balancing by the balls of her feet on the threshold of the door, teetering on the edge of a decision and then—she bends down and pulls off her converse first, then her socks, tossing them with a flourish toward the nearest corner, behind Seohyun. “My compromise with the whole clothes thing,” she says by way of explanation. Seohyun’s lips pull into a smile and she follows suit. 

And so they go out, two pairs of bare feet submerging themselves in shallow puddles, calloused and thickened skin pressed into the wet and grimy concrete with a yelp and squeal and a calmer laugh. And the rain takes them indiscriminately and completely, just after the sun does, engulfing them with a melodious roar, dripping from long hair and soaked sleeves and pant cuffs and armpits. Somewhere down the block they’d walked each day past, they reach the threshold of madness, as marked by the stares of umbrella-clad passersby—but they don’t care: careful steps quickly turn to a skip and a jog and leaps over floating debris, laughter joining the clash of rain against every surface.

The close of the day’s battle finds them seated on a fallen trashcan, feet dangling into dirty gutter streams, toes pink and everything three shades darker with the saturation of water. Mi lets out a whoo! and shakes her head, droplets flying. “Unnie… tomorrow, the headlines are gonna read something like ‘Girls Generation’s maknae gone mad’—are you worried?”

Seohyun shakes her head, a little harder than necessary, water flying from her hair as well, and Mi knows her answer. “No,” she says, “Today I experienced some of the joy of those foxes. And all those other animals. It was worth it.”

Mi nods slowly. “Isn’t it funny?—I don’t know if it’s kinda a which-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg thing, but… all these animals, they get married in the rain, they hold weddings in the rain, and then, there’s us humans—we’d move our weddings if they get rained on.” She wipes strands of hair from her forehead, tucking them behind her ear in a futile attempt at order—then gives up with a laugh. “I think… I fell in love with the rain again today, even if… I don’t stay just as in love with it tomorrow.”

Seohyun doesn’t say anything for some time, and the only sound around them is the steady beat of water on the world. Then, her quiet and simple– “Me too. I think I did too.”

Somewhere, foxes are getting married and somewhere a fox gives birth. Somewhere, a witch churns butter and a baby hyena is born. Somewhere, rats have a wedding, a jackal marries a wolf, the sun washes its face, and somewhere, two girls fall in love with the rain: one again, and one deeper, maybe not in wholes or forevers, but in whole-hearted parts, with rationality—and umbrellas—abandoned, thrown off and away with the stream of rainwater that flows out the city to the fields to beckon the child underneath, existing not in parts, but in wholes and forevers.

[suzanneshannon]

Want to get better at code? Teach someone CSS.

A friend of mine recently asked me to teach her to code. She was an absolute beginner, having no idea what coding really involves. I decided to start where I started: HTML and CSS. Using CodePen, we started forking Pens and altering them. Soon, a learning path started to unravel.

The aim of this article is not to teach basic CSS to those who already know it but rather to highlight the things that inspired a newcomer and hopefully inspire you to pass on some knowledge to others if the opportunity arises. It felt good to help someone out and, in turn, I learned some really valuable lessons that have changed the way I think about my code. Win win!

So, here we go: five lessons I learned from teaching someone CSS.

Lesson 1: Don’t start from scratch

When I starting coding for the web 12 years ago, I began with layout — positioning with floats, margins, padding and position declarations. It might seem outdated these days, but still, this is where I went right away with my new coding buddy.

It didn’t go that well.

As you might guess, starting with something like, “Here is how to position an empty box in the middle of the screen,” was a mistake. How uninspiring! And even though I was impressed with my own ability to demonstrate how Flexbox can position an element in the center of the screen (more on that later), I was immediately faced with lots of additional, non-positional questions.

“So how do you change the colors?”

“Can it change shape when hovered over?”

“What fonts can you use on the web?”

I thought we were weeks away from all that.

So, my plans of teaching the 12-column grid went out the window and we pulled up Chris’ named color chart alongside a couple of forked Pens and started playing around. First off, we changed the colors of Cassidy Williams Netflix/Netlify logo. Wow! Instant hit.

<a class="container" href="https://netlify.com" target="_blank">    <div class="logo">     <div class="uno"></div>     <div class="dos"></div>     <div class="tres"></div>   </div>   <div class="name">Prettier</div> </a>

Then a few simple tweaks to the CSS:

body {   background: #F9F2DB;   color: #092935;   font-size: 50px; } 
 a {   color: #092935; } 
 .logo .uno, .dos, .tres {   background: #C61561; } .logo .dos {   box-shadow: 0 0 20px #F9F2DB; } .logo::before {   background: #F9F2DB; } 
 .name {   letter-spacing: 8px; }

Within minutes, my friend was hooked! There was no boring positioning to worry about, just a clear example of how a few simple lines of code can change something so familiar into something entirely different.

Then it kicked in that you can change the color of anything! We loaded up a couple of well known sites in the browser and changed the colors of some text and backgrounds with DevTools, all in a couple of minutes. Mission accomplished! My friend was hooked. 

Lesson learned: Don’t worry about trying to build something from scratch. Have a play with what’s already out there! 

Lesson 2: Comments

This isn’t where I had planned to go with my planned class, but the question of why some parts of CSS start with /* and end with */ came up, so we went with it. 

This one really had me thinking about my own work. I really do not comment my code enough. Watching a new coder comment everything (and I mean everything) reminded me just how helpful comments are, not only for yourself, but also to a wider team, or even future you. (Sarah Drasner has a great talk on this topic).

And here is the thing: until then, I thought I was commenting pretty diligently. However, watching someone else do it made me realize how many times I look at a piece of code (particularly JavaScript) and wish I had put a line or two in there to remind myself what I was doing. A ten-second task might have saved me five (or perhaps even more) minutes down the road. That adds up and is now something I am working on.

Lesson learned: Comment more. 

Lesson 3: Positioning

We started with some basic HTML, and honestly, I saw my friend’s eyes glazing over almost immediately. It just looks so dull when you can’t see it doing anything right away (unlike editing pre-written CSS). However, we stuck with it, and got results.

Take my word for it, don’t start by positioning empty <div> elements with 1-pixel borders around them. You’ll lose your audience very quickly. Put a picture of a dog in there — or baby Yoda or a pizza — just as long as it’s anything other than an empty element.

We then turned to Flexbox. We actually found CSS Grid a bit too much at the start. We looked briefly at CSS Grid, but when reading lots of articles about it, it’s clear that many assume the reader already has familiarity with CSS, Flexbox in particular. My friend decided to start with Flexbox.

An admission on my part: I am so used to using UI frameworks (especially Bootstrap) that I very rarely position anything in Flexbox by writing the CSS myself. I know how it works and (most of) the declarations, but I still very rarely write it out myself, even in situations where it would be relatively easy. Teaching made me think about my reliance on UI frameworks as a whole. Yes, they are undoubtedly amazing and save us tons of time on projects, but I recalled using Bootstrap on a recent project that was essentially two pages and probably didn’t need it! 

Lesson learned: If the project is something small with a minimal number of elements to position, then consider ditching the framework and code from scratch! The end result will be lightweight, fast, and way more satisfying!

Lesson 4: Typography

I love typography. I’ve been lucky enough to work with great designers over the past few years and that has really helped me dial in on the nuances of type. It’s amazing how changes to things like line-height and letter-spacing can really help lift a design from average to amazing. This was something I was keen to impress upon my eager new student. Well, I needn’t have bothered, as the only thing of interest (initially) was changing the fonts and then, crucially for me, the sheer number of fonts available for us to use. The choices are almost limitless and the services and foundries offering web fonts have exploded in the past few years to a point where anything is possible, at speed with little impact on load times.

But here is the thing about designers (and front-end developers like myself): we can be a bit narrow-minded in our font choices. Designs tend to stick to the same fonts from the same services (Roboto and Open Sans anyone?) because we know they are easy to implement and that they work. Exploring fonts with someone new to the trade forced me to look beyond the old staples and try a few new things. I’m now looking for new pairings that work together and dialing in on how they work on screen and impact the whole look and feel of a design. In short, teaching someone else about type has improved my own journey with type, which was probably stuck in something like 2017. 

Lesson learned: Keep up to date with type.

Lesson 5. :hover makes everything fun

Things were going OK up to this point, but as you can probably imagine, things were still pretty static. Without really planning, we stumbling into adding a hover effect on on an element and it was an instant hook, just like it was changing colors for the first time!

Hovers add interaction and easily impress, which makes them great for a newcomer to play around with. Scaling objects, changing a box from square to round, hiding content — these are the types of thing that can all be done so easily that hovers are an ideal way for a new coder to get instant results. And here’s the thing: “‘playing” around like this opens other doors. “What if I just do this?” is something many us rarely get to ask ourselves in our day-to-day jobs. With defined designs to work from, there is often little chance to play and equally less chance to experiment.

CodePen Embed Fallback

So, here is the final lesson: Make time to play. Just by being asked, “How do you make this thing do that?” has forced me to learn new things, see what’s new in CSS, and see what I can take back into my day-to-day work. Experimenting (or better yet, playing) has made me a better designer, and I’ll be doing more.

CodePen Embed Fallback

Lesson learned: Make time to play.

Conclusion

If my time teaching CSS to a newbie has taught me anything, it’s that I rarely write code from scratch anymore. Code snippets and autocomplete save me hours, but it’s those same conveniences that let me forget about some really basic stuff. Stuff I should know. By teaching someone else, even if just for 15 minutes now and then, my coding has generally improved and my eyes are open to new ideas and techniques that I may not have otherwise considered.

And as for my friend? Well, she was so taken by CSS in our short time together that she is now doing an online course that includes HTML, which doesn’t seem so dull now that she knows what it is capable of doing!

The post Want to get better at code? Teach someone CSS. appeared first on CSS-Tricks.

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Want to get better at code? Teach someone CSS. published first on https://deskbysnafu.tumblr.com/

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NY Times & USA Today Bestselling Fiction Author

"One of the best tools an author can have in their toolbox"

One of the best tools an author can have in their toolbox for finding the right category to get ranked in, identifying keywords and tracking your books and those of other authors for sales ranking!

Lise Cartwright

Author, Writer & Coach

"The only software tool we use for niche and keyword research"

– Mikkelsen Twins (Kindle Publishers)

Why do over 20,043 fiction & non-fiction

– AND hundreds of bestselling NY Times & USA Today – authors use KDSPY v5?

Because many have grown their platform, their book sales, and their income by leveraging the research tools and competitor insights gained with KDSPY.

Here's how it works:

KDSPY sits in your browser as your book research assistant

Unlike isolated software applications buried on your computer, KDSPY sits in your browser and becomes your – 24 hour on-demand – research assistant when you're browsing Amazon.

Reverse engineer the bestseller categories

in a single click

When you want a detailed breakdown of any of the 25,000+ Kindle or book categories on Amazon – click on KDSPY from within your browser. In a few seconds, you'll know the competitor landscape of that category, the potential est. profit you could make there with a first-page listing – plus, you'll have a detailed breakdown of each book's important metrics.

See how many books you need to sell in 24 hours to rank #1-20

For Amazon's algorithm to pay attention to your book, you'll need to sell a certain amount of copies in 24 hours to get a category ranking. Once you've identified an ideal category based on revenue potential, a simple roll-over with your mouse on the red 'information' icon reveals the estimated daily sales you'll need to compete for a first page position. 

Discover the popular trends & keywords in any book category

What better way to find bestselling niches – and get ideas for your next book – than by modelling what's already working for other successful authors. KDSPY shows you the popular trends in any market, reveals the bestselling niches to go after – and even gives you a world cloud to help you write a compelling book title.

Analyse keywords in-depth for profit and ranking potential

Do any keyword search in KDSPY itself and instantly get its profit potential along with 100's of additional (A-Z) keyword suggestions – all exportable for AMS ads. Alongside, you'll get competitor counts and their est. monthly revenue. Our keyword analysis feature drills down even further to reveal the likelihood of ranking in Amazon for it, too.

Spy on other authors & publishers and model their bestselling books

KDSPY can analyse any author page and tell you in seconds all their statistics. Just a single click will show you the SalesRank of all their Kindle, paperback & hardcover books, their estimated sales, and total revenues broken down by individual book type.

Track the sales rank & revenue of any book over 30 days

Keep track of as many Kindle, paperback & hardcover books as you'd like with our book tracking feature. KDSPY pulls the SalesRank of your competitor's books (automatically) on a daily basis, then displays their performance in chart form, along with their est. daily sales and monthly revenues.

Supports data from 9 country specific Amazon Kindle stores

Use KDSPY from anywhere around the world. KDSPY v5 however, also gives you 'country-specific' data from Amazon stores in; USA, UK, Canada, Germany, Australia, Italy, Spain, France and India.

Browser Integration

KDSPY integrates directly into your browser. That means you can do your research right on Amazon, not with some lame software (that you'll forget about) buried on your computer.

Lightning Speed

KDSPY was painstakingly coded from the ground up to be the quickest book research tool on the market. Plus, the data that KDSPY reveals is available from a single click in your browser.

Single-Click Install

KDSPY installation is so simple a child could do it. In fact, it takes just one click and in 4 seconds, you’re done. And because it installs into the browser, it uses very little disk space.

"I’m launching a new illustrated kids book series in the next few months and I’m researching all my categories and keywords—as well as examining what other successful authors in my genre are doing—with KDSpy. So far, KDSpy is an incredible tool, far superior to KDP Rocket. There is no comparison."

– Mike Moreu, Childrens Book Illustrator & Author

"KDSPY is probably one of the most valuable tools an indie author can utilize. It’s exactly the app I needed to uncover all the info—accurate data, not guesses—on which subgenres sold well and why."

– C.S. Lakin, Novelist, Copyeditor & Writing Coach

"Wesley, Just wanted to let you know that KDSPY is my new favorite tool for Kindle research - it blows everything else away! It's lightning fast and super-simple to use. I've been using it the last few days..and all I can say is I wish I had this years ago. Great work!"

– Ed Lewis, Self Published Author

"This levels the playing field in so many ways. Now it's much easier to compete and create a product with more than an educated guess. My wife and I love KS4. It is easy to use and the pdf that goes with it could be sold as a product but it is free. Thanks!"

– Anthony Kollar Self Published Author

Your investment is

100% RISK-FREE!

We're so confident that KDSPY will save you time on book research and make you more money that we offer a full 60-Day – no hoops to jump through – Money Back Guarantee.

Try it for yourself, and if you don't see the tremendous value it gives you in the first 60 days, simply let us know and we'll refund your money in full, on the spot — no questions asked.

Join 20,043+ self-published authors using KDSPY 

Get instant access to KDSPY v5 today for just $97 $47. Once your payment is complete, you'll get an email with download and installation details so you can get started right away.

KDSPY Instant Download & Install – The Fastest "One-

Click" Book Research software ($97 Value).

Free Updates & Software Integrations (There's been

224 updates already since 2014).

BONUS #1: The Kindle Cheatsheets ($141 Value).

BONUS #2: Create an author website videos ($67 Value).

BONUS #3: Kindle ROI Tracking Spreadsheet ($27 Value).

Total Value of $332.00 (Just $47.00)

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Got questions?

Here's answers to some of the most common questions we get about KDSPY.

Does KDSPY work on Mac and PC?

Yes. KDSPY is a browser extension that is compatible with both PC & Mac. And the good news is, installation takes less than 4 seconds no matter what computer you’re using – seriously!

Can the results be exported?

Yes. Absolutely. KDSPY will analyse all the Kindle, Paperback or Hardcover books in a category and give you an export of the results in under 29 seconds. But that’s not all. KDSPY will also allow you to export the word cloud, keyword results, author analysis and tracking data.

Does this work internationally?

Yes. KDSPY will work anywhere in the world to pull data from one of the support stores. Initially KDSPY was created to pull results from the largest Amazon marketplace; the US. However, due to popular demand, KDSPY v5 now supports results from specific stores in the UK, Canada, Germany, Australia, France, Italy, Spain, India and Japan. If I get enough requests, I will also consider adding other countries too.

Do I get future updates to KDSPY?

Yes. If you lock yourself in today for the insane price of just $47 (one-time) – that’s all you will ever pay. You will get ALL future fixes & feature updates to the software. And I plan on making a lot of improvements based on user feedback. Heck, we’ve made over 224 updates and rolled out over 20 advanced features since this was originally released in July 2014.

Does this work for fiction authors?

KDSPY was originally created for my own 'non-fiction' publishing business. However, being able to research multiple fiction categories with the speed of KDSPY will save you countless hours of research time when trying to see which genres may be the most profitable to enter. It's why 65% of our customers, are in fact, fiction authors.

Does this work on any browser?

KDSPY is programmed to work on Google Chrome and Mozilla Firefox – on an Apple, Windows, Chromebook or Linux system. Due to the declining popularity of other browsers, it will unlikely be supported on any others in the future.

Some customer emails

Here's a little peak inside our inbox on some emails we've received from current users.

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[sending-the-message]

In The City of Meatbot-Powered Killers (part 2) by molotok_c_518

Part One. Links to prologues at the top.

(WARNING: Everything about this is disturbing. I can only flair it once, and I chose "Series," so brace yourself for graphic violence, violence against children, implied violent sexual content, animal abuse, and harsh language.)

After I got myself into less constrictive clothing, I went back to the front door and scooped up the fingers... carefully, with a dustpan, at arm's length. I had no open cuts, but I'll be damned if I take less care with contaminated fingers than I do with anything else potentially toxic, radioactive, or just plain dangerous.

Here's a sense of the building: two story brick, with a basement; access only on the first/ground floor, two doors, one at each end of the building; heavy windows, because there are several chemistry labs; it's one long hallway on each floor, with keycard-controlled access to about 10 labs on each floor; each lab is about the size of a two-bedroom studio apartment; in the basement, we have one large facility that takes up about 80% of the space, with a gene-fabrication hooked up to several very powerful computers, where the dark magic happens.

I took the fingers into a lab, and dumped them in a heavy glass flask. I needed to see how long the meatbots inside took to consume the fingers, then for the 'bots themselves to "die."

While I did that, I pulled up one of the lab PCs and opened a browser to the dark web.

...yes, sometimes we did shady things for our research. Keeping this project a secret was paramount, as the ramifications of success were frightening (starting with the loss of jobs among oncologists and surgeons, and spreading outwards). Controlling the change that would follow, in a slow, measured manner to minimize the disruption, was one of the biggest discussions we had been having since day one of the project, and it never ended.

Well... not until Bobby and his wife, anyway. Now the cat (and every other animal) was out of the bag.

We ordered much of the specialized equipment on the black market. Some even came from the Silk Road, before it was compromised. A few Bitcoin, a shipping address in the warehouse district, some U-Hauls at 2 AM... it was like a bad spy novel.

Right now, though, I was using it to get news of what was happening in [REDACTED]. (Stealth edit: Fuck you, DHS. I may agree that no one should be rubbernecking, but I'm categorically against censorship.)

To save time, I am going to refer to everything inside the perimeter established by the Army National Guard as RQZ ([REDACTED] Quarantine Zone).

(24 hours, 15 minutes before QRZ perimeter established: 1745, Tuesday August xx)

911 Dispatcher: 911, what is your emergency?

Girl: Hello. My name is Melinda, and I live at 712 Second Avenue. I need someone to come to my house to help my daddy.

911: How old are you, sweetie?

Girl: Four.

911: What's wrong with your daddy?

Girl: Mommy's trying to eat him.

911 (quickly suppressing a snort of laughter): That happens with adults, darling.

Girl: You mean adults chew on each other and make each other bleed, like when I scrape my knee at the park?

911 (suddenly back to serious): What is Mommy doing, honey?

Girl: We were eating dinner, and Mommy put a lot of food on our plates, and it made me nervous 'cause she makes me eat all of my dinner before I can play, but she finished all of her dinner and grabbed my plate and ate it, which was okay 'cause I wasn't that hungry, but then she grabbed Daddy's plate and tried to eat that, and Daddy got really mad and grabbed it back, so Mommy jumped on him and bit him on the throat, and a LOT of blood got everywhere, and...

911: Where are you now?

Girl: I grabbed the phone in Mommy's purse and opened it my room. I dialed 911 just like Mommy and Daddy showed me.

911: Good girl. Do you have a closet?

Mommy (muffled voice in the background): Lindy, your dinner is getting cold!

911: Patrol six, this is dispatch. I show you closest to a possible domestic disturbance at address.

Patrol: I fuckin' hate domestics. Get patrol 4.

911: Possible code 187.

Patrol: Shit. En route.

911: Listen, honey, go hide in your closet and put some blankets over you.

Girl: I put my big teddy bear over me, and I'm being really quiet.

911: Smart girl, honey. The police are on the way.

Girl: Will they help Daddy?

911: Yes.

Girl: Will they hurt Mommy?

911 (voice breaks): Let's hope not.

faint sound of sirens

Mommy: Lindy, come out and eat your dinner NOW.

Daddy: Honey, it's okay. I'm all right. Come out and eat.

911: Stay in the closet, sweetie. The police will check and make sure they're okay.

loud banging

Patrol: Hello? Please open the door, we have a 911 call from this address.

door opening

Patrol: Good eveni--- holy shit what the hell is--- YAAAhhh she's biting my fuckin' neck!

sounds of struggle

Mommy: Get his legs! Marty, get his legs!

Daddy: Got em.

Patrol: STOP BITING ME, BITCH! STOP--- DUDE, THAT'S MY--- YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA---

gunshots

call disconnected

911: sound of headset dropping on a desk I quit.

(QRZ perimeter + 1 hour)

HQ: Fireteam Alpha-3, check in.

A3: This is Alpha-3, Six. We have zone Charlie 1 secured, weapons are hot.

HQ: Roger that. How does it look.

A3: Quiet, sir. A few vacant houses, a really shitty looking lot...

HQ: Please repeat. This is an open frequency, Alpha-3.

A3: ...roger, sir, it's a garbage-strewn lot with no cover. Nothing alive vis... stand by, sir, we have movement.

HQ: Roger that, vectoring fireteam Bravo-2 to your...

A3: Negative, sir, it's a rabbit.

HQ: Roger, Alpha...

A3: Jesus fu--- ummm... sir? The rabbit is melting.

HQ: Repeat that, Alpha-3.

A3: The rabbit is melting, sir. It's... turning into a brownish... goo.

HQ: DO NOT APPROACH. Repeat, do NOT approach. Romeo 1, we have a spill on aisle Charlie 1.

R1: Roger that, en route.

(QRZ, day 5)

Predator drone operator PX-1: This is PX-1 on station, beginning sweep. HQ, I show a large concentration of bodies at Golf-4. Shall I recon that closer, Six?

HQ: Roger that, recon, be advised that activity in that sector can be... hard on the stomach.

PX-1: Roger that. Stand by.

silence

PX-1: ...what the...

HQ: Son?

PX-1: Have you ever seen Event Horizon, sir?

HQ: Just give me the sitrep.

PX-1: I estimate a group of five to six thousand bodies, alive, sprawled on a patch of grass. They're... they're eating each other, sir.

HQ: I am aware of the contaminant's effects on the civilian population. I'm sorry you have to see that.

PX-1: It's... there are children down there, eating adults, and getting...

HQ: Son, just move on, and try to forget what you saw. It'll be hard... and you may need some adult beverages to help...

PX-1: I'm only 19, sir.

HQ: Put your superior on the line, and I will authorize bending regulations and local laws for this instance.

PX-1: Yes, sir.

That's enough internet for one day.

It took about an hour for the fingers to melt, and another half hour for the 'bots to burn out. I took a sample of them to run through some of our analysis tools, which would feed into my decompiler to deconstruct the current code and find out what the flying fuck went wrong.

See, I can sort of understand the replication without a killswitch driving exceptional hunger. I can't account for the extreme aggression, though.

While I got myself updated on the goings-on in [REDACTED], I also dug through my central versioning system (CVS) to look up the build of the code that was injected in the first batch of monkeys.

It had been deleted. The access logs for that day had also been deleted.

Someone had tampered with my 'bots. Someone in my team.

Suddenly, I didn't feel as safe as I had in the mall.

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Dexcom Android Phone Integration and Other Exciting Stuff from Gadget World (aka CES)

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/dexcom-android-phone-integration-and-other-exciting-stuff-from-gadget-world-aka-ces/

Dexcom Android Phone Integration and Other Exciting Stuff from Gadget World (aka CES)

Roughly ten days ago, I was at the annual sprawling nexus of new consumer technology that takes place in Las Vegas every year, otherwise known as CES. For the second year in a row, a breakout event called the Digital Health Summit was a packed house, close to standing room only, as people swarmed in to find out what's happening in the world of new health and medical devices, apps, and all manner of mobile wireless aids for living better.

I'm a little late reporting back, but better late than never, ay? Some of the exciting things I saw and heard about include:

Dexcom is developing a sophisticated transmitter (i.e. Gen 5) that has the built-in "brains" to transmit data to any Android ANT+ enabled device. In the future, they plan to incorporate Bluetooth Low Energy radios as well. In this demo — of a product that is pre-FDA approval of course — they were using the HTC Rhyme device, along with a custom application set up to accept Dexcom glucose data.

Dexcom CEO Terry Gregg writes to me: "We are showcasing this technology to Dr. Shuren (FDA/CDRH)this week as he visits Dexcom to learn more about mobile health and what we can do with it. We are also developing the apps to work on the Apple systems, which includes phones and tablets." Cool!

A company called iHealth was showing off what is sure to be many knock-offs of the iBGStar device, a glucose meter that plugs into an iPhone or iTouch. iBGStar from Sanofi is currently the only such device that is FDA approved, but hasn't hit market yet. (We've sent queries about timing on iBGStar, but haven't heard back.)

iHealth is designed to work with the iPad as well as the iPhone and iTouch.

MobiHealthNews reports: "It is unclear whether iHealth is planning to make its own test strips or partner up for those, but the press release describes them as 'industry standard test strips.' The device works with a free companion app, also developed by iHealth Lab, that charts blood glucose readings in 7-day, 14-day, or 30-day averages. Users can also use the app to remind them to take readings, manage their measurement records, schedule medication reminders, and share test results with care providers (which means the results can be emailed probably)."

To learn more, you can watch a video on the iHealth meter from Wired magazine here. iHealth's press info states that, pending FDA approval, their Smart Glucometer will be available in the latter half of 2012. We shall see...

The new Telcare meter was also making a big splash at CES. That's the one that automatically transmits glucose results to an iPhone. Quite a crowd was gathered around their booth. The meter definitely looked a little bit "chunky" as described by gadget guru/ type 2 PWD Walt Mossberg in a recent review. We previewed that product here, and look forward to testing that one out ourselves soon.

A company called Life Technologies unveiled breakthrough technology that can sequence an entire human genome in just a few hours as opposed to a few weeks. The cost to sequence one genome will be just $1,000 as opposed to the traditional $5-$10K. "It allows cost and time barriers to come down, which means hundreds of thousands of people could have their DNA sequenced," Rob Bennett, the company's VP of R&D told ABC News.

Other sources report that "A version of the Ion Proton Sequencer for mapping protein-encoding areas of the genome known as exomes is to be available at midyear" — which sounds pretty Star Trek to me, but the health-tech world was understandably going bananas over this new technology that stands to truly revolutionize gene sequencing.

Speaking of Star Trek, get this: Wireless technology giant Qualcomm is running a Tricorder XPrize competition for the healthcare sector. Yup, you heard right. The challenge is to create something that functions just like the tricorder gadget in Star Trek, with the ability to wirelessly and non-invasively diagnose just about any human malady. The official mission is to "drive development of devices that will give consumers access to their state of health in the palm of their hand."

The prize is $10 MILLION, so put your thinking caps on, Folks! Apparently there are teams forming all around the country to tackle this task, no matter that it seems like mission impossible.

Ford Motors was all over the Digital Health Summit, which may sound odd, until you recall that they're the ones who've been on a holy mission to lead the push for "in-car health management" for several years now. Remember when they announced the in-dashboard continuous glucose monitoring? And also the "diabetes doctor in your car" in partnership with Welldoc?

At CES, they were showing off the "Car That Cares," complete with a dashboard wirelessly connected to all sorts of health-related smartphone apps and portable medical devices — using their own Microsoft-powered Sync system connected to a "health coaching" system called Healthrageous. Ford owners also will be able to "upload data from Healthrageous coaching and other compatible medical devices and apps to Microsoft's HealthVault personal health records platform or to the Windows Azure cloud."

Note that Ford and Medtronic are seeking FDA approval for linking the Guardian RT CGM to Sync via Bluetooth, so you might actually be able view your CGM data on your car dashboard soon! If you care to drive a Ford, that is...

They were also showing off a prototype of a car seat with built-in heart rate monitoring, now being tested at a Ford research lab in Aachen, Germany. Data from the seat could ostensibly be used to measure stress on the driver that could affect safety.

My tweet upon seeing this thing: @AmyDBMine: Ford in-car heart monitor will monitor your heart thru your butt. Seriously, that's some advanced science.

None of this myriad health data flashing on your dash is supposed to be distracting, mind you! The Ford presenter kept repeating the mantra: "Eyes on the road, hands on the wheel."

Ironically, Ford delivered their big talk on their in-car health systems on the same day they announced vehicle recalls on 539,000 Ford SUVs and Minivans due to flaws that may lead to loss of power and even fires in some models. Yikes! How about designing vehicles that work well for transportation first? I'm just sayin'...

The two largest and most elaborate booths in the CES Health Pavilion area were from Qualcomm and UnitedHealth Group — both going gangbusters on mobile apps for health and wellness.

Qualcomm was showing all manor of digital health and fitness products. One thing attracting a ton of attention was a little device Qualcomm's invested in that you can stick to the back of your iPhone, iTouch, iPad or any Android device that turns your device into a clinical-grade ECG (electrocardiogram) test of your heart activity. No kidding!

It's called AliveCor iPhone ECG, and being billed as "the app that could save your life." All you do is hold your hands on the electrodes and the device takes your heart readings and transfers the data to the app installed on your phone or iPad. Watch a short video demo here.

Note that this device isn't for sale yet either (not yet FDA cleared as a medical device in the U.S.) but rumor has it the price point will be about $100. Pretty cheap for a personal, mobile ECG system! Forget going to the #$@%! hospital for that test, ay?

UnitedHealth was also showing off an array of new digital health products, listed here. Among them will be a new Health Care Cost Estimator, due to be released soon, that will be a competitor to CastLight Health, a tool for shopping for the best and most affordable healthcare plans.

They were most excited, however, about the new platform they're developing with Microsoft for "Group Health Gaming." Check out this short video, which also gives you a sense of what it's like to be at the CES Expo (loud! gadgety!)

And of course, food came into the picture. What can technology accomplish there? In a session on the concept of the new, "Connected Healthy Kitchen" several new "consumer platforms for food" were introduced. This included Yummly, equated to "Google for recipes, " which looked incredibly interesting. I need to spend some time on a site that claims to index "every recipe in the world"!

And also Recepedia, currently in Spanish, but coming soon to an English-language browser near you.

Finally, a new combined PHR service/social community for patients called CareVerge from Audax Health had pasted its logo all over the place, and even sponsored some of the food at the Digital Health Summit. The site looks pretty generic to me, and I doubt that anyone with diabetes would choose to spend time there over something much more targeted to our specific condition, like MyGlu.org.

Zippy technology is all great, of course, but real-world value and quality content are still Kings in my book. This couldn't be more relevant than in the emerging world of digital health solutions.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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