#and then i feel even crazier like. retreating to my room to eat what i've made.
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me, insane, unable to go into the kitchen and make dinner (it is 9 pm) because my roommate has a friend over and i cannot let them see me preparing food to eat
#this happened yesterday too#i eventually snuck into the kitchen yesterday to get chicharrones and cherry tomatoes#you know...a standard dinner#i was hoping to eat pasta tonight but idk if that's gonna happen#(i did eat lunch today so like. there's that.)#tw ednos#ocd#idk what else to tag this sorry#i know this is not normal or sane behavior i KNOW#but if they see me pour like. half a pound of pasta into a pot to boil. i will die.#if they see my body cross the kitchen and walk out with anything besides an apple i will die.#i just feel. so gross. and so disgusting. when strangers can see what i eat.#like...is it the right amount? is it normal? is it unhealthy?#am i eating it weird? do i look weird? am i intruding on your space?#and then i feel even crazier like. retreating to my room to eat what i've made.#i do that anyways but like. the roommate has claimed our kitchen table.#me retreating to my room also makes me more likely to...binge?#is it binging when you're just hungry bc you haven't eaten all day and now you're desperate?
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