#and then he goes inside sopping wet and dreams of holding xina's hand. she's dreaming of him too

[mindshelter]

the thing is that facing the stone cold reality that xina loved him—loves him—would be infinitely more crushing if the truth had been otherwise. sure, a more selfish version of him found it advantageous to convince himself that she had been the one more invested in their relationship, but once they begin again miguel is content to believe her posturing. that she only dated him out of pity, and what they had was this temporary, fun thing that would have dissolved on its own, anyway.

what would that mean? that he told this miracle that stood up against his father, made growing up bearable at all, that he chose over ending his own life—that she wasn't enough? it's a worse heartbreak than if she never loved him at all; in his mind, if she was the best thing that ever happened to him... all evidence now points in the direction that he was the worst thing that ever happened to her.