#and the world outside of my brain is also experiencing some crazy bull shit that's just added stressors for myself and everyone else

[supercantaloupe]

wish i could give you a hug about your migraines and medication struggles. you deserve to be cared about accommodated

thank you <3 to be clear so far i haven't encountered anyone who's been uncaring or unaccommodating about it. i'm mostly just frustrated at...not necessarily myself, i guess, but at the mere fact of experiencing new existential challenges in my daily life. it's hard and scary to admit that i'm struggling, it's hard to ask for help, and it's hard to do so with the knowledge that most people have very little real way to help other than going "that's rough, buddy"

[seriouslyhooked]

False Alarms (A CS AU) Part 6/?

Modern AU where Emma is a Boston police detective and Killian is firefighter. They both get called to a fire in progress but it ends up being a false alarm, however there can be no denying the sparks between them. Includes fluff and my usual attempts at humor as well as a touch of fake-dating and meddling friends. Inspired by the song ‘False Alarm’ by Motoma and Becky Hill. Rated M for future chapters.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five ; On Fanfiction Here.

A/N: So despite the title of this fic, not every call in the line of duty for a cop or a firefighter can be a false alarm, and sometimes there are pretty close calls. This chapter will be dealing with one of those. But don’t worry, I never linger on angst for long, and the chapter also introduces the M rating so there’s smuff to smooth over any would-be anxiety. Hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading!

“Can you believe the day we’ve got going right now?” Graham asked, standing at the doorway of the station by Killian’s side, watching as the rest of the crew worked on cleaning off the engines outside.

The weather merited comment today because despite the fact that they were still braving the winter months, Mother Nature had brought a surprise – a gloriously sunny day with temperatures more befitting May than anything else. It was a nice change, and had vastly improved the moods not just of the others at the firehouse, but the people in the city as well. Killian appreciated it too, but to be honest, his mood hadn’t needed any heavy lifting. He was enjoying life to the fullest already, and he had one blonde, brilliant detective to thank for that.

“You know they warn you about New England winters when you take this job,” Killian affirmed, “They tell you all about the blizzards and how snow emergencies can effect a ride and response. But they don’t prepare you for days like this.”

“Well get used to the changes. With our luck we’ll get a week of warm temps and sunshine and then another two feet of snow. If there’s one thing to know, it’s you can’t trust Boston weather.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Killian replied, enjoying his morning coffee as he and Graham watched a fight on the cusp of starting.

“I swear to God Scarlet if you spray me with that hose I will actually kill you!” The threat from Tink was completely serious, and Killian winced just thinking about how angry their ladder leader would get if Will was as hair brained as he pretended to be and turned the spray her way.

“Aw come on Tink. I’m practically you’re oldest friend…” Will baited and Tink scoffed, shaking the towel in her hand at him.

“Bull shit! And you can kiss the idea of me even tolerating you goodbye if you mess with me right now. I’m serious Will, back off.”

Tink was already poised to act and whether it was to either sprint away or charge Will, Killian couldn’t say. But he could see the actual consideration in Will’s eyes. He trusted his friend would make the right choice and be a grown adult about this, but then a challenge was presented and Killian didn’t know what to expect.

“I say you do it man,” Gus joked from the other engine. “No one’s gotten Tink real mad in a while.”

“Because everyone wants to remain in one piece,” Tink snapped causing a chorus of ‘oohs’ from the others cleaning.

A number of scenarios passed through Killian’s mind in that moment, and though he knew the firehouse was bound tightly together in a unit, there was a risk here. Tink did have a bit of a temper after all, and Will did like to push the envelope. Besides, with Gus getting involved and putting his two cents in as the probie and low-man on the pole, they might be in real trouble. Someone should step in.

“Anyone who starts a water fight is getting kitchen clean up for a week, you got that?” Graham called out beside him and Killian grinned at his lieutenant.

“Some days I wonder why you don’t have my job,” Killian admitted only half joking.

“Some days I wonder the same thing,” Graham tossed back humorously before another cry came from the truck bay.

“Did you all see this week’s picture?” one of the EMT’s named Thomas asked. “Sergeant Jones and his girl got pretty cozy at that open house.”

The response from everyone was a rowdy one as Killian had come to expect whenever Emma was brought up. He was a bit disheartened though since he thought he’d successfully hidden the copies of The Globe that were dropped off at the house this morning. Clearly some of them had gone unchecked, or Thomas had just been snooping. As such the squad now had access to a picture of Killian and Emma sharing a smile while in the company of some of the city’s cutest kids donning fake police badges and fire hats. It was ‘PR gold’ as Emma’s mother and the mayor’s office had put it, but Killian saw it as a snapshot of a great memory he was glad to have.

Thinking back to that afternoon just a few days back, Killian had the immediate urge to smile. It had been chaos in so many ways, with the engine house they’d used as a base swarming with children and their families as well as neighbors from the borough that the engine serviced. It was loud and packed with people, and in the midst of all of that, Emma and Killian had known they’d be watched all afternoon. But Emma, charming and graceful as she was, decided to put her best foot forward and to bring Killian with her.

Hours passed in the most enjoyable way, with Emma and Killian leading different games and answering questions for the little ones, and at more than one instance Killian found himself watching her. Surrounded by all these children and enjoying herself in a way that was reminiscent of being a kid herself, Emma was beautiful, entrancing, and impossible to ignore. Killian pondered most of the afternoon about what it would be like for Emma to have children of her own. He knew she’d be a spectacular mother, but in those imaginings Emma wasn’t going it alone – no, she was standing there with him, sending him that same knowing smile and lighting up his world.

It was crazy to think how little time they’d known each other and already Killian’s imagination was running away with him this way. He’d never experienced anything like it, but the sureness he had in Emma was unchecked. There was just something about her that eased his worries and convinced him that more was possible. With Emma in his life and in his world, everything seemed brighter and more vibrant. For the first time Killian wasn’t just content but actually happy and he had to credit that change to Emma. She was the one who gave him that, and the one who he was starting to build so many hopes for the future on.

“So remind me again how the new Sergeant not only scores one Detective Emma Nolan, but also gets the acceptance of the District Chief? Because something just isn’t adding up here.”

Will’s words pulled Killian back from the haze of his recent memories. They were meant in jest clearly, and Killian could read his friend’s humor in all of this, but it still set him on edge to discuss his relationship publically. 

Killian had long prided himself on being a man who spoke the truth. Honor was important to him, and full disclosure with his team was a part of that code he held so close, but when it came to him and Emma things were complicated. The start of their relationship had been unique, and though they were dating now and they had an understanding between them that this was a permanent, exclusive, romantic attachment, there was still the matter of telling her parents it was a real thing between them.

“I feel like maybe we can cross that bridge when we get there,” Emma said the night before when she was at his place and in his arms. “Besides, if you think my Mom is overbearing now, just wait until I tell her I actually like you. She’ll take it to a whole new level.”

Killian smiled now thinking of the way Emma put it, and the way he’d made her admit that there was more than mere ‘liking’ between them. It might not be love (at least not declared between the two of them), but the promise from Emma that they mattered and that they were starting something together that was real and worth exploring soothed something in Killian. He couldn’t shake the feeling that as long as he had Emma, everything would be all right, and so he didn’t dare risk losing her.

“It’s likely thanks to my dashing good looks and roguish charisma,” Killian quipped and the whole squad laughed at that ridiculous statement, but Will was onto Killian and his friend didn’t look inclined to let it go easily. Before Will could make some witty retort, however, the alarm blared through the space around them, setting everyone off into an instinctual set of movements to man to trucks.

“Saved by the bell,” Graham said as Killian and he headed into the house to gear up. Killian shook his head, knowing he shouldn’t engage in the teasing any longer. Now was the time to get serious again and focus entirely on doing things right and getting to whatever situation awaited them, but he couldn’t help pointing out an obvious fact to Graham.

“And you’ve been saved from speculation by me. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the lack of scrutiny you’ve gotten with your own detective,” Killian said and Graham laughed.

“Fair enough.”

Grabbing their gear and manning their stations was second nature to most everyone in the house. The rigorous training they’d all gone through and the years of experience most of the people on this team had made for a well-oiled machine that performed even as the harsh tones of the alarm droned on and on. This was a familiar dance to all of them, and for Killian that continued wailing sound was what put him in the headspace he needed. It got him moving at top speed and kept him vigilant to the others, making sure they all filed into place with speed and efficiency all in one.

Once on the trucks, they got the basics from their dispatch team – fire in progress in a warehouse on the south side of their district by the docks. There wasn’t as of yet an alarm number garnered, but from the description the 9-11 call had made, it was shaping up to be a big one.

The ride from the firehouse to the docks was mercifully smooth without the added burden of rush hour traffic before them all, but it would never be truly easy maneuvering one of these engines through city streets. If he’d had space in his mind to do more than focus on the possibilities a warehouse fire could bring, Killian would likely applaud his team members manning these vessels right now.

By the time they arrived, station thirty-two was already on site and making moves to start an offensive against the blaze and when Killian touched base with their Captain the plan was made clear. This would be a three-pronged fight: They’d attack from the exterior, the lower levels and a special unit entering from higher above. Thirty-two would provide the higher reaches and some exterior work, leaving Killian and Graham leading the majority of their team inside.

Conversation was brief, with just the basic directions of the plan in place, and though there was some idea of what they might be walking into, none of them were stupid enough to think they could totally anticipate this fire. That should have gone unspoken and be branded in the minds of every fighter on this team, but Killian repeated that sentiment again for the record into his headset.

“We all come home tonight, and we do that by sticking the course and following orders. You got that?”

“Yes, Sergeant,” his team responded and then they were off, cutting through the smoke and flame to try and do their job and prevent more damage to this section of the docks.

Visibility in the warehouse was low thanks to the billowing smoke, but it wasn’t the worst Killian had ever been through, and at first he was confident in every move his team made. They made note of what corners and portions could be swept through first, and the primary objective was to see if anyone was inside. This wasn’t a residential building, but there was always the chance with big spaces like this of someone coming in for some reason and not being accounted for. They needed to clear every corner they could and then start the hard work, but all through this each member of their team knew when to call out and check in.

“We’ve got a problem, Sergeant,” Will called out at one point and then he flashed his light towards a far corner that had a half a dozen large drums of a material they couldn’t ascertain from this distance. “Probably flammable; could go up and mess up the whole structure.”

“Thirty-two be advised we’ve got a possible accelerant on the north side along the walls. Abort entry,” Killian said into the radio, hearing the acknowledgment of the other team just before a blast came from those tubs. The force of the blast was harsh and harrowing, and just as Will had expected it created a host of problems, not the least of which was the added instability of the beams above them.

“Tink, where are we out outside?” Killian asked, already anticipating her response.

“Those flames spiked high sir, and it’s infiltrated the warehouse next door. We’re trying to control it.”

Damnit! Killian thought to himself. That would change the plan and just as he was formulating their need to get out of here, Graham mirrored his thoughts with a proclamation of his own.

“It’s too hot in here, Serg! We gotta tackle this thing outside!” Graham exclaimed and Killian agreed, ordering everyone out of there now, but from the corner of his eye Killian noticed one of his men lagging behind. It was Gus, their probie, and his staggered movements and bent over frame immediately told Killian what was wrong: the smoke was getting to him and so something must be wrong with his suit.

“Get everyone out!” Killian ordered Graham and then without thought for anything else Killian sprinted back the extra distance, grabbing onto Gus just as it seemed his body might give way.

The man’s knees went weak, but he was conscious and that was something. Killian tried to tell him to hold on, but all of this was pure instinct now. He had to make a way for them out of this and it was easier said than done. Gus wasn’t a tiny guy by any means, but Killian had carried more and been through worse. He didn’t have any real fears until a portion of the rafters above came down, blocking their original path out and separating them from the rest of the team.

“Damn it!” Killian yelled to no one in particular, but he scouted another way, not letting himself fear what he had to do. Right now the key was survival and getting him and Gus out of there as fast as he could.

It was hard to find an answer right away, and that wasn’t helped by the continued calls on his attention from the others through their headsets. He begged them all for quiet and to keep going, but with every passing second doubt crept in. Then when a path seemed impossible to find, Killian felt this unfamiliar need welling inside him. He couldn’t accept defeat – he had to keep going. There was too much to fight for, and one woman in particular who he had to see again. He had to get out of here and then home to see her.

Clutching onto that feeling that he could not fail, Killian meandered around the wreckage and got them to the exit, but he could feel the damage to his suit when they made it into the blinding brightness of outside and knew he’d nicked himself a few places and risked a few burns. Graham was right about those temps, it was too hot in there, and he was gasping for air by the time they got outside.

“We need some help over here!” Graham yelled as he and Killian looked over a clearly dazed Gus who was spread out on the ground a safe distance from the blaze.

Graham made quick work of checking Gus’ equipment and saw the fracture in his mask and mouthpiece, making note of it to Killian. Now the only question was had that been there when Gus grabbed it before, and if so, did the man realize how bloody dangerous it was to go into a fire without every piece of equipment working at top ability? At the same time the EMTs responded, treating Gus and assessing that there was some damage from the inhalation and a mild concussion from some of the jerked motions Killian had to make to get them out but nothing terribly serious.

“We gotta take him to Mass Gen, but it doesn’t look life threatening,” Thomas said leading Killian to sigh in relief. Well that was one thing they didn’t have to worry about.

“Wouldn’t have been able to say the same thing if you hadn’t gone back for him, Serg” Will noted and Killian shook his head, not wanting them all to get sidetracked.

“We can hash it all out later. Right now we’ve got to be mindful. We can’t take our eyes off of this,” Killian said, mentally calculating that everyone on his team was now outside and safely battling the flames. They were and that gave him some small comfort.

“There’s no we right now, Sarg. You’ve gotta get checked out too. Last thing we need is you falling apart on us” Will argued, all of his teasing from before long gone. There was almost a command in his friend’s voice, as if he were the superior in this situation. It made Killian laugh, but the sound came out harsh and grating and provided no comfort for any of the others.

“I’ve got this for now,” Graham promised and Killian nodded, knowing it was better to let them clear him in the ambulance and keep his eye on things from afar then to fight them on it and find out there was trouble later.

In the end Killian was willing to give the paramedics twenty minute of time and in that they confirmed that his own injuries were minimal. He heard the phrase ‘close call’ a few more times than he would have liked, but Killian also knew they were right. His suit had managed to take most of the hit today, but he’d have some aches and pains for a few days, and he was a little cut up here and there. As it was he was damn lucky, and so was Gus. This whole scenario could have played out very differently.

But Killian wouldn’t let himself linger on that. Instead he returned to his post by the ladder and with his people until they were called off and relieved. The blaze was dying down (thanks to the milder weather that meant the water wasn’t freezing as it would have just a few days ago) by the time his team departed, and all along the ride home there was silence as if the crew knew just how near they’d been to a more tragic afternoon. Only when they were back at the house did Will speak up.

“Shift’s over in twenty minutes and I’m sure probie will still be at Mass Gen.”

The chorus of agreements signaled to Killian that they’d all be going to see him, but Killian didn’t think he could face that today. He needed the space to get his head on straight before going to see Gus, otherwise he ran the risk of berating the poor kid for his rookie mistake. From the way Graham said nothing and stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, Killian took that his Lieutenant felt the same way.

“I’ll brief the Captain on what happened and check on Gus after. Maybe by then I’ll stand a chance of not reading him the riot act.”

“I appreciate it, mate,” Killian said readying himself to get out of here. He was in need of a shower and some clean clothes and then he’d be heading directly to Emma’s. Well that was if she could see him, which he desperately hoped she could.

“Tink will take you home,” Graham said and Killian started to refuse but it was Tink who put her foot down.

“Don’t even start. You’re going home and that’s that.”

Killian decided not to argue and figured the slight delay wouldn’t kill him. Though he didn’t want to have to be patient, Killian would be to put his crew at ease and it would give him time to get himself a bit more under control before he saw Emma. Without that chance he might just take her in his arms and never let go.

“Hey Sergeant?” Graham called out later when Killian was just about to leave with Tink. Killian turned back to his colleague, finding his friend looking serious.  “When we were joking earlier about who has which job, I didn’t mean anything by it, and if I had, I definitely wouldn’t mean it after today. This house needs you.”

“A Sergeant is only as good as his team, Graham. You’ll learn that soon enough,” Killian offered, slapping his new friend on the shoulder in an unspoken salute of thanks before heading out in the hopes of finding Emma, the woman who had unintentionally seen him through today in a truly miraculous way.

…………

Distractions while on duty weren’t something that Emma or Ruby often found themselves subject to. There was a state of mind both friends entered when they were officially on the clock and serving this city that they didn’t mess with. They prided themselves on being on their A game anytime they donned their badge, but today a wrench was thrown in their usual way of doing things and it all stemmed from one call that came over the radio:

“We’ve got a possible four alarm in progress at 69 Harrison. Be advised that firehouses sixty-one and thirty-two are en route and patrol from District three is clearing the area and setting a perimeter.”

That warning had been sent out three hours ago and the fire had been roaring away steadily according to the updates Ruby and Emma had been able to get. They weren’t able to sit on the radio waves listening because they still had work to do, but the situation wasn’t far from either of their minds. It followed them through secondary interviews from an incident from the last shift, consulting with some academy teachers who wanted them to give a lecture on rising through the ranks, and a drive-by check of one of the local businesses where the owner was wary of people casing for an easy robbery mark.

But finally when their shift was over, Emma and Ruby came to the unspoken agreement that they were sticking together until there was word one way or another. Now they were sitting at the counter of the bar just across the way from the station and waiting over a drink for what Emma had to believe would be a routine end to a pretty bad fire. She couldn’t let herself linger in thoughts that something could go wrong because this was their reality. Killian was a firefighter and he loved what he did. Emma had seen that same dedication when it came to her Dad and his work too, and that passion and capability would keep him safe. It just had to.

At the same time though, Emma was craving some kind of closeness with Killian right now, and she’d found it with what Ruby acknowledged was a peculiar choice in drink for her. Rum wasn’t usually Emma’s go to choice, but Killian liked it and the other night when he’d invited her to his apartment for the first time it was all he’d had to offer. It was nice though, and the taste and burn on her tongue helped zap away some of the underlying current of worry and reminded her of the kisses they’d subsequently shared that night at his place.

“How did your Mom do this for so long?” Ruby asked, clearly feeling the uncertainty a little more than Emma currently was.

That’s not to say that Emma wasn’t worried; there were a lot of factors when it came to firefighting that could put Killian and his crew at risk, and it wasn’t exactly the safest line of work by any means, but Mary Margaret Nolan had always been a beacon of strength and hope when her husband was called into the line of duty and she’d passed that onto Emma. You couldn’t worry until the problems came. That wasn’t any way to live.

“A lot of cocoa and a lot of random hobbies. You know all those needlepoint signs my parents have in their house?” Emma asked and Ruby nodded. “Those started one summer when there were a string of arson cases in my Dad’s district, and they just never stopped.”

“Well if I follow in your mother’s footsteps you can be damn sure I’ll drink something stronger than hot chocolate and have dirtier puns on my pillow cases,” Ruby said, trying to joke with Emma despite the continued unease.

“I could help you with some of those if you want,” a voice said from behind them and when they turned around it was Graham. Immediately Ruby was in motion, pulling him down for a kiss that totally disregarded everyone in the place, Emma included. But when they came back up for air (after a rather long and passionate interlude), Graham looked mighty pleased with the warm welcome. “Well hello to you too.”

“Is the fire out?” Emma asked and Graham turned to her with an answer at the ready.

“Almost. We got relieved half an hour ago, though. I’m about to head to Mass Gen and check on one of our guys.”

Emma’s face must have given her concern away though she tried to conceal it as best she could, but when Graham filled in that it was one of the new people on the squad and that Killian was the one who got him out, Emma’s heart restarted again. Killian was safe – and that was what mattered.

“I usually wouldn’t say this – we’ve got fire house superstitions after all – but this one was pretty close, Emma. Killian’s a tough guy, but anyone would be a little shaken up after what he went through. I don’t even know how he managed it honestly.”

“Is he at the station?” Emma asked, already grabbing her jacket, ready to go.

“No, he’s home. I had Tink make sure he got there and I just got a text to confirm it. Maybe you should -,”

“I think Emma’s got a plan already, Graham,” Ruby said, nodding at Emma in a silent exchange. Emma knew if she needed anything Ruby would be there for her and she appreciated it, but right now all she needed was to see Killian and make sure he was really okay.

Getting out of the bar and back to her car, Emma tried to map out exactly what to do here. She and Killian had only been dating a couple of weeks and it was still new and fresh between them, but she wanted to be what Killian needed today and she was also a little selfish in wanting the comfort of being with him too. Despite the brave face she’d held the past few hours she was worried, and the only relief for that built up emotion would be seeing Killian again.

Emma debated calling him and reaching out to check that coming over was even a good idea, and then she considered bringing something with her, but she was at a loss. What did you bring someone who fought a fire and nearly lost? She didn’t know the answer, and when it was her parents in that situation, her Dad always said the best remedy was coming home to his family. They might not be at that level yet, but Emma did know that she mattered to Killian, and if there was even a chance that her presence would help him then she needed to give him that.

Just as Emma parked her car in front of Killian’s loft, her phone rang and the sound split through Emma’s internal planning about what to say and how to act and jolted her back to the present. Emma fully intended to ignore whoever was on the other end of this call, but then she saw it was Killian and she knew she had to answer even as she was crossing the street to get to him right now.

“Killian,” Emma said, not having anything else but him name that she could think to say right now, and from the relieved sigh on the other end of the phone he didn’t seem to mind.

“God it’s good to hear your voice, love.”

“Rough day?” She asked, already knowing it had been worse than rough and Killian let out a half-hearted chuckle.

“I’ve certainly had better,” he said as Emma managed to slip inside the building when another tenant was leaving. She headed up the stairs two at a time as he made a request that warmed her heart. “I was wondering... is there any way I might see you tonight, love? I know you’ve had a long day of your own but…”

“I think that might be arranged,” Emma agreed and before Killian could reply with any kind of particulars, she knocked at his front door and found him on the other side looking downright thrilled to see her.

“Emma,” he said, forgetting his phone and pulling her into his arms quickly.

She melted into Killian’s embrace without hesitation and then she closed her eyes, trying to deal with the fact that the smell of smoke still lingered on him. It was just another reminder for her of what Graham had said – they’d had a real close call today and she could have possibly lost this man she’d only just found. To combat the swell of emotion that thought brought, Emma tried to ground herself in the fact that he was really here.

Beyond the smoke was the familiar scent that she’d come to associate with Killian, and the warmth of his arms around her. She felt that same comfort that only Killian ever provided and Emma felt even more secure in her choice to come here as he mumbled relieved words. They were whispered so low she couldn’t hear much more than the slight lilt of his action and the reverent tone but they were perfect all the same.

Finally Emma pulled back to look at him and she took everything in, wiping away a slight smudge of black soot he’d missed from his handsome face and noticing the scratches he’d accrued in today’s action. If she had to guess he’d be a little worse for wear all over, but he was here and whole and that was the most important thing.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he said, clearly still stunned.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” she confessed.

With that Emma pressed a kiss to his lips that went from soft and sweet to heated all too fast. Emma understood why that was. They were both trying to find a way to channel the immense emotions in the room, but she didn’t want to get so caught up in the physical that she wasn’t really there for Killian. So as hard as it was to pull back, Emma did so, looking back into his eyes that now seemed slightly warmer and offering a small smile.

“The way I see it we have to options. You tell me what happened today over some rum, or we actively avoid what happened today, also with rum. Your call.”

Killian’s smile actually reached his eyes in that moment, and he ran his thumb along her cheek, gazing at her with this mix of affection and awe that made Emma feel like she was so much more powerful than she felt. The only thing she could offer Killian right now was company and maybe the comfort of listening, but he made her feel like she was the answer to all of his problems with a simple look.

“You are remarkable, Emma. I hope you know that,” he whispered, sending a thrill of pleasure through her. Then he took her hand in his and led her to the couch as he went to go get them two glasses and the bottle of rum she knew that he had here. When he was back, Killian made sure to keep no distance between them, and Emma was pulled into his arms, loving that way that she was so wrapped up in him and connected like this.

“So what’s the verdict?” Emma asked and Killian chuckled shaking his head.

“Part of me is tempted to take you up on the offer of avoidance, but I promised myself a long time ago I wouldn’t do that anymore. Better to face the darkness head on than suffer the fall out later.”

Emma was so relieved to hear that he felt that way, because she’d always seen things that way in her line of work too. Her parents taught her from the start of her time on the force that bad things would happen. Cases would go south in an instant, people would get hurt or worse, and the good guys didn’t always win despite what the fairy tales said. But the only way through pain was to face it, and the only way to keep in jobs like these was to acknowledge the risk and to accept that things happened for a reason, even if there was no explanation you could understand.

“Graham said something about the probie…” Emma urged on and Killian nodded.

“Aye, Gus. He’s a good man but wet behind the ears. He should have seen the problem before it got so bad – his mask was damaged even before we faced the flames - but he’s still new and he’s still got that need for the action over safety. He hasn’t yet learned that a fire doesn’t care if your heart’s in the right place. Destruction comes to anything that stands in its path and today it could have taken him.”

“But you didn’t let that happen,” Emma said, not knowing the full details but instinctively guessing that Killian would always be mindful of the men and women of his house.

“No, I didn’t. But it wasn’t easy, and there was a moment in there when I… when I thought I might have made the wrong call. I couldn’t see a way out of there, but I had to.”

Emma’s hand ran along his chest as she stayed tucked into him. She could feel the tightness in her throat as it constricted with residual fear. God that must have been terrifying – knowing that you were trying to save someone and that you might have just sacrificed yourself in the process. But it was also a spike in fear and emotion that she understood. She’d been in a few touch and go firefights before, had a few close calls where a bulletproof vest had made the difference between her coming home that night and never coming home again, but the fear was always there every time. Even if it was your instinct to protect others, it didn’t make you feel brave, at least it never had for Emma.

“I thought of you in that moment, Emma. That moment when I didn’t know if we’d get through that door, you were there. I heard your voice and thought to myself that I couldn’t have heard it for the last time. I couldn’t never see your smile again or watch the way your whole person lights up when you laugh. I had to get out of there, and so I did.”

“Killian, I -,”

Killian put their glasses back down on the table before them before bringing Emma to face him completely. His earnestness in this moment was almost overwhelming, and the tears that had been forming through some of his professions about how much she meant to him became that much more prominent. He noticed them too, and Emma could hear the tautness of his tone as a response.

“Look, Emma, I don’t want to rush things or make you feel like you have to feel a certain way, but I’ve known for a while that what we’re doing here… it’s bigger than anything I’ve done in my past. Being with you brings more than mere happiness to my world, love. It’s like when I’m with you, I’ve the remedy to move past everything else.”

Emma bit her lip, wanting to say the same thing to him because she could feel this connection he was talking about. A lot of her old fears and worries were assuaged by Killian’s presence. He was a positive force in her life that didn’t take, take, take, but gave her so much instead. Nothing about Killian was contrived or forced – he was totally genuine and that was so amazing to her, because it meant that all the intense emotions she had about him were actually mirrored back. For once she wasn’t terrified of getting hurt. She trusted this man with her heart and she had given that trust to him faster than she’d ever been able to with anyone else.

“It’s like I said though, love, I don’t expect anything. I just -,”

In that moment, Emma couldn’t stand to hear him second guessing himself and she silenced his worries with another kiss. This time though, Emma didn’t care about getting carried away, in fact she felt free to push for so much more with Killian because of what they’d just shared. This level of openness and honesty was invigorating even where it once would have terrified her and today Killian had let himself be vulnerable with her, which truly led Emma to believe that she could do the same with him. With Killian taking the risk didn’t actually seem so risky, and walking away from the way she felt right now with him flush against her and seeking out more, just wasn’t an option.

“This is different for me too,” Emma said when they pulled back, her eyes fluttering open in time to see the adorably smitten look on Killian’s face right now. It made her whole body heat even more than the kiss had and it prompted her further with her confessions. “And I’m not exactly an expert when it comes to relationships, but I think if we’ve found something like this we should go for it, fast or not.”

“God I love the sound of that,” Killian said, and the undeniable honesty in the way he said it was the final breaking point for her. Suddenly Emma was so far past her more honorable intentions of before, and all she wanted was her and Killian as close as they could be. 

Killian must have understood her shifts in need, and he was hardly unhappy with the prospect, sweeping her up with him to his bedroom (despite the injuries she knew he must have), and taking her breath away with kisses and attentions that never stopped. He was everywhere all at once, but still Emma wanted more and she knew just how to get it. With a firm push against his chest, she separated them, moving to strip away her clothes from today with a clear, slow intent.

“You gonna just stand there or are you going to join me?” Emma asked after a few seconds of watching Killian take her in. His eyes on her fed this part of Emma that had gone hungry for so long and she felt powerful and wanted in a way that she loved. But she also wanted him with her, and she wanted them both so lost in each other that they forgot everything about today and pushed past it to something so much more desirable.

“Can’t fault a man for looking, love. You’re like heaven itself.”

Emma flushed at the compliment, but she was determined to make him move so she could get her chance to look her fill too. So when she was just about to remove her bra she stalled, flicking up a suggestive smile to this man who was totally focused on her.

“Lose the clothes, Sergeant. That’s an order.”

This time Killian quickly responded but there was a look in his eyes that said he was humoring her. She might have just given the command, but it was only a matter of time before he turned the tables and used that sexy as sin voice and his all too fantastic skill in making her mindless with pleasure against her. Just the thought had her mind racing, and by the time he’d actually gotten around to stripping away his shirt and pants she was shaking with the anticipation of everything that was coming.

When both of them were bared to each other, Emma stopped trying to fight for any control and she pulled him down for another scorching kiss as he maneuvered them to the bed. It was a dizzying kind of thrill as Killian’s hands and mouth roamed against her naked flesh, and her heart pounded in her ears even as her whole body hummed out this sound of joy. She was so ready for this, and the incidents of their day had only made that sharp need for him so much keener. What if they’d lost this? Emma couldn’t imagine this being over before it even really had the chance to begin.

Eventually Killian broke away from their hungry kiss and moved down her jaw to her neck and found that spot that always drove her crazy so quickly she had to moan and arch into him, but he had other ideas. The frazzled sense of awe he’d just had was long gone and instead he was all willful command. Killian was totally in control and from the flash of dark heat in his blue eyes Emma knew she was about to reap the benefits of that meticulous worship.

“A bit impatient aren’t we, love?” Killian asked teasingly, with his hot breath against her neck and driving her crazy.

“Can you blame me?” Emma asked, not even bothering to deny it and Killian chuckled as his kisses moved lower along her flesh until he was at her breasts and smiling with that almost infuriatingly attractive grin of his.

“Not when I want you even more than you can possibly imagine.”

Emma was going to argue that that seemed unlikely since he was the one making this a slow, meticulous exploration instead of the hard and fast release she knew he wanted, but then he was peppering her sensitive flesh with just the right mix of kisses, nips, and sucks designed to totally unwind her resistance.

And yes, maybe there was a chance that Emma could have pushed through that onslaught of pleasure to get him to go faster, but the only thing in her mind right now was that Killian needed this. Today had been too close and too dangerous, and now he was reminding them both of what they’d found together and what was waiting for them if they made it through the hard times and back into each other’s arms.

In the midst of his glorious attentions to her breasts, Killian’s hand trailed down her stomach creeping to the vee between her legs where Emma so desperately needed relief. The ache for him was straining to be released, and Killian’s quick attentions to her clit were designed to spark that coiling need into something so much more fulfilling. Before Emma even imagined it could be possible she was falling apart and calling out his name, and when she came down from that haze of perfect feeling, the look in Killian’s eyes was almost wild. He seemed addicted to making her come apart, and Emma swallowed harshly almost fearing just how much he was going to give her to sate that need on his part tonight.

She didn’t have time to worry long though, not when Killian’s mouth moved lower and lower in a rough then reverent way that would likely leave marks on her skin tomorrow. Emma didn’t mind those abrasions. Actually she reveled in the thought that come the morning she’d have those spots of his creation to remind her of this moment right here, when Killian made her feel like anything was possible and she was destined to feel this good every damn day.

By the time he’d gotten to her inner thigh, Emma was pulsing with the need to have his mouth on her sex. Craving that feeling wasn’t even a strong enough word for it – Emma thought she might die without it, and then he was there and she was gone for him all over again. It was pure magic, the feel of Killian making love to her this way and when she’d fallen apart by his ministrations again and was close to another shattering climax she pleaded with him to give them both more.

“Killian – I need you, please.”

Emma wasn’t certain if it was the please or the expression of her need for him, but he mercifully responded by coming back up to her and taking her lips in a hard kiss again. This time she could taste herself and it felt so damn intimate and dirty and fucking perfect, but that was nothing to the moment when he thrust inside her, filling Emma with that feeling of total completion.

The string of curses from Killian made Emma want to laugh but she didn’t have the chance when he was dead set on creating a rhythm that was as close to heaven sent as could be. She wanted to be frustrated at the fact that he’d done so much for her without giving her the chance to return the favor, but his continued praise that he lavished her with as he propelled them further told Emma that Killian had gotten exactly what he wanted. And in the end, all Emma could do was claw at him to get closer and plead for more of the same because she was so freaking close until suddenly she was there, falling apart and loving the fact that she’d brought him with her.

In the aftermath of that earth shattering release, Emma and Killian stayed curled up together in his bed, silently allowing their hands to roam. It was a calmer sense of searching, but Emma didn’t have to look very hard to find what she was looking for. Killian brought her this sense of peace and belonging that she’d never known before, and from the smile on his face and the light in his eyes, Emma knew he was feeling it too. What they had couldn’t be denied in anyway, and that fact led Emma to say something she’d been wanting to find the bravery to say for a while.

“I’m going to tell them,” she whispered and Killian’s brow furrowed at the words.

“Tell them?” he asked, not following her thoughts, which were admittedly random.

“I’m going to tell my parents the truth,” Emma said and Killian’s arms tensed for just a second until Emma ran her hand across his chest soothingly. “I’m going to tell them that this is real - that we are real - and that in a few weeks when the mayor’s office is tired of using us a PR prop, you aren’t going anywhere.”

“Damn right, I’m not,” Killian growled, making Emma giggle as he pulled her closer to him again. “But perhaps you could wait until morning, love. I have a few thoughts left on how to spend the evening, and they weren’t particularly conducive to seeing your folks.”

“Fair enough,” Emma agreed before sealing the agreement with a kiss and falling into this remarkable man all over again.

Post-Note: So first and foremost I want to thank you all for your patience. As you guys can obviously tell this was a much longer break from this story than I first anticipated but there were a couple of reasons for that. The first was I knew I wanted this chapter to include a close call for the firehouse and I needed to make that work. I hate writing angst (and I would call this chapter angst-light at best) but it did take a long time to get all of that on the page for me. Plus this is a longer chapter as you guys can tell and I wanted to find the perfect smuffy ending to ease away any lingering anxieties from the first part of the chapter. Anyway, thank you all so much for reading and I truly hope you guys enjoy. I’m not sure when the next chapter will be out, but hopefully faster than this one was!