#and the ppl who could understand him best bc they know his past (qsj/qqz) are the very ppl he can't open himself up to until it's too late.

[muninnhuginn]

donghua lb introducing himself to qiu shenji for the first time since he was turned and qsj's first comment to him therefore being "so it is you" is just so full of irony on rewatch.

I wonder if qsj had reacted in almost any way other than how he actually did if lb would have admitted his actual identity, but qsj (for obvious reasons) did not want to risk attracting treason accusations. and answering any way other than he did to lb's questions of loyalty was too risky. qsj's had to turn hard to the world and that means not revealing weaknesses, regardless of his actual thoughts on the empress and the li family. and, of course, lb takes that with a sense of betrayal. the one person he thought could be in his corner is not willing to be. it's the first time we truly see lb looking so lost in the series and on first watch we have incredibly little context.

but just thinking about how the first and last meetings we see between lb and qsj in the present timeline are about lb presenting himself as an identity to qsj and how differently those two instances spin out. and the main thing that has changed for the audience between the two is knowing the context. knowing the history between the two, knowing why lb cares for this person we've been told is responsible for such indiscriminate death, knowing that he already holds such guilt over messing things up before, and yet here he is again, unable to change anything? that's what makes the reveal to qsj hit.