#and the finn polycule of the canes who aren't even there but also in a bad way
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"Indeterminacy", J. Mae Barzio
#nhl global series#FINE. fine. the toxic version of the finnish mafia in which no one gets what they want#and the finn polycule of the canes who aren't even there but also in a bad way#you think it's different because you're in a different place but you just see all the ways you don't fit into their life and you never knew#i thought we would be happy if only but here's the what if and we're still not#also? i do and don't go here have been infected by the tetrapod7 and losersroom agonies but it is SOMETHING#going on with whatever is happening over there with jeek/brods/dumba/boldy/fabes.#yes for the another person's tracks in the snow (overlapping soulbonds/d-pairs/curses) snow falling so slowly that no one noticed it#also for some reason i can just envision boldy in a blue striped shirt. wish i knew why. and brods in one also so.#equal but opposite pendulums of their own tragedy (boldy-fiala soulbond to ??) (brods missing dumba hours swedish soulbond jeek & fabes??)#also the prediction of snow and then the snow itself endless is#hockey :/#like? OH MY GOD IT'S SOMEBODY CONTINUOUSLY LOSING IN THE PLAYOFF WITH DIFFERENT TEAMS#I TRIED HOW MANY TIMES ONCE IN ICELAND (WINNIPEG) CALIFORNIA (THE KINGS) (WHY IS THIS PLD) (IT'S NOT BUT OH GRETZKY?)#THE WHITEOUT OF A SPRING BLIZZARD EVERYTHING UNEXPECTED PLAYOFFS IN APRIL THE PALENESS OF YOUR UNDERARM#THE LEAN AND SKIN AND BONES THE STARVED WORKED TO THE BONE THE BLANK SIDES OF THE DIE HOCKEY GAME OF CHANCE#the chords i recognized but couldn't name the music of winning what does it feel like to have the heavy/lightness of the cup in your hands#i was tired of being unsurprised (yes the maple leafs losing in the first round every year-ish. lol.)#the children i never had the rookies that never made it the prospects you came up with the 1/64 goalies who'll make it to the nhl#that you know by the time you're sixteen whether or not the life that gets put on hold until after hockey THE FIELD SPLIT LIKE A LIP?????#you know “how” to win the cup. you can see the path everyone walked before but you can't quite see it everyone hiding how and yet not#you can't see a way because you can only see them that team who won nothing past that#and the memories of the past getting slowly lost to the drifting snow of time covering up the tracks to a blank white open page of history#before and after you. there was never another team but this one this team will never exist afterwards again#hmmm. so we wormed out. this might have to actually go to hockey.
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