#and the doctor is like aw shut up. bc he knows he's kinda talking bullshit.

[grimark]

i do think the doctor's lil speech about "time lords are the most civilised civilisation, we're beyond your petty genders and gender stereotypes" is pure cope btw. time lord society for sure is up to their eyeballs in rigid and stifling social conventions, they're just different to the ones humans have. that's why the doctor secretly cannot fucking stand the place and does everything in their power to avoid visiting it, even when it hasn't been recently exploded.

[freeshavacado]

My thoughts while reading Gone by Michael Grant:

* wait how old is Sam

* He do be liking Astrid doe

* Damn so Sam is a Leader

* Ew Orc is an 8th grader? 🤮

* Ok I googled it Sam is 14

* I like Quinn

* Sam thinks he’s so awkward but he’s actually really chill so far

* THE PAIN THIS GIRL IS GOING THROUGH OH MY GOD

* Poor Mary :(

* Howard’s a bitch

* Cut to Quinn being a racist motherfucker

* I love Edilio

* Sam is WHIPPED for Astrid

* Orc is such a piece of shiiiiiit

* LANAAAAA :(((

* Poor thing is in so much pain

* Patrick her dog is alive so that’s good

* She’s deadass slowly dying

* Thank god her arm is better

* I want to make this into a TV series

* If Sam and Astrid don’t kiss at some point I swear

* Hahahaha Sam do be shirtless rn

* Why isn’t Astrid happy to see Little Pete???

* MARY. IF YOU POUR HOT ASS COFFEE ON A CHILD, DONT JUST STAND THERE AND THEN RUN AWAY. PUT COLD WATER ON THE BURN

* Aw Mary has had bulimia since she was ten :(

* Ok so what she just took her Prozac and then threw up? Wouldn’t the pill go up too? I think your stomach/body needs like 30 minutes to absorb it into the blood stream...

* HELP SAM HES CHOKING

* Bruh my ass would be so exhausted

* Quinn low key an ass tho

* Lol edilio isn’t standing for this bullshit

* Lmaooo Astrid knew 💀

* Omg little Pete has it too

* Wow Quinn is an asshole pt 2

* I feel like Caine is gonna be a villain...like he’s pretty AND nice? Nah bro too good to be true

* Fucking Orc god 😒😒😒

* Caine is up to some shit 🤨

* Lmao hold up

* Diana probably whipped tho

* Sam please only be a simp for Astrid 😩

* I bet Drake is hot

* Aww computer Jack :) DONT YOU TURN ON ME SON

* “The captain is already maintaining” Bullshit 💀

* Are they really gonna call this eighth grader ‘Captain’?

* LMAOOO THE BASTARD CANT EVEN READ OR WRITE 💀💀💀

* Lol making Sam the fire chief because he was brave enough to go into a fire one time, so therefore he is the most qualified

* Bruh that’s like if I gave a kid the Heimlich maneuver bc he was choking on a gummy worm or some shit and they were like “Well because she did that, she should be the head doctor!!!”

* CAINE IS FULL OF SUCH BULLSHIT OML

* PRETENDING TO CRY N SHIT GOD

* I already know that Diana is gonna try and seduce Sam while she’s actually a spy for the private school kids

* Which, btw, of course it’s the private school kids smh

* I feel like maybe Computer Jack will be someone who eventually switches to the Good Side

* ALSO wow jack really be thinking that he’s smarter than Astrid smh 🙄

* Jack is such a smartsass

* Diana is such a fucking bitch oh my god 😒😒😒

* “You don’t look tough, Astrid” STFU SHES THE TOUGHEST OF THEM ALL

* Ok but I bet Diana and Astrid low key have sexual tension. Like obviously nothing’s gonna happen...but still

* Bruh I hate Caine

* Fuckin Diana with her ‘readings’ bullshit smh

* YESSSS LANA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 so strong

* Literally how do they not know how to make pasta

* “I thought your people ate tortillas,” QUINN YOU RACIST PEICE OF SHIT UGH

* Poor Bette :(

* Orc is a piece of shit, I know we’ve already established this but I wanted to say it again

* I love Edilio so much

* Orc really using a slur against Edilio huh. Imma kill him

* IM SO DONE WITH QUINN. THIS BITCH REALLY JUST SAID “let him have her” LIKE TF????

* Drake is such a bastard oh my god

* If you hate Quinn and you know it clap your hands 👏🏻👏🏻

* No seriously. I fucking hate him.

* Nooooo Bette died :((

* “I can’t kiss you with your little brother watching” AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

* Did they kiss or not wtf

* What the hell is up with this cat

* Ah so they did kiss!!

* Why didn’t I get details 🤨

* No a baby died 😞

* Quinn s u c k s

* How convenient that Sam got there *right* before Emma disappeared

* Those last 6 minutes before Anna disappeared too and was calling out to her sister, and so for what she thought was her last few minutes on earth she held sams hand :(

* Lol Diana sucks

* ‘WoRDs DONT sCArE mE’ shut up Drake

* Okay Computer Jack is definitely going to betray them because they underestimate him and take him for granted

* You’re telling me Caine and Sam could be TWINS???

* Why was the kiss ‘a mistake’ ?

* Okay NOW they’re awkward

* “But it was the first time I meant it” I CANT. ITS SO CHEESY

* I HATE QUINN

* These kids are crazy violent

* Fuck Diana

* Yikes now Sam only has some of his eyebrows left 😬

* Caine is in love with Diana 👀

* Little Pete might be more powerful than Caine 😛

* THESE KIDS ARE CRAZY LIKE CHILL

* Diana: I really dislike you Astrid: of course you dislike me, I make you feel inferior

* ROASTED ^

* Mmmm Quinn is trying to redeem himself

* “Don’t call me brah. I’m not your brother” OHHHHHHHHHHH HE REALLY WENT THERE

* that’s what you get for being a backstabbing asshole

* Poor Astrid :(

* Poor Little Pete :(

* Bro I need this to be a movie

* I love that Sam just punched Quinn like we had no choice but to stan

* Ok drake would definitely shoot up a school

* Fuck Drake

* Lana is so strong. Like she’s been in so much pain physically and mentally, and she almost died. But she saved herself and now even though she thinks she might be the only person left alive on earth, she is still keeping strong.

* What happens if the boat runs out of gas?

* Bruh these coyotes don’t give up

* THE COYOTES AGAIN??

* “Go out” “You’ll kill me,” “Yes. Go out, die fast. Stay, die slow”

* Wowwwwwwwwwww^

* Lmaooo “L.P.”

* Awwww Sam: “...she was still so beautiful that sometimes he had to look away.”

* Okay he a lil’ horny

* Awe Astrid and Sam hugging I’m soft 🥺

* I’m so sick of these damn coyotes

* Bruh these coyotes 😒

* Diana is annoying

* Literally can’t remember who Andrew is, but they’re about to film his passing away like wtf

* Poor Andrew :(

* “You’re a deep sleeper, Jack. Just now, while you were sleeping? I held your pudgy little hand. Probably as close as you’ll ever get to holding hands with a girl. Assuming you even like girls.” FUCK YOU DIANA

* Okay so Diana will protect Jack as long as he ‘belongs’ to her and does what ever she wants? That’s pretty sus

* Sam and Astrid kissed again 😖☺️

* Lmaooo Albert over here running McDonald’s

* Salads disappeared quickly from the McDonald’s menu since this whole thing? Who the hell orders a salad from McDonald’s?

* So Albert kinda whipped for Mary 👀

* I haaaaatttteeee the private school kids

* Y’know what depending on where I was and who I was with in this situation, I might’ve just killed myself

* “Remember who owns you” ew 🤨

* Diana. I hate you

* Bro I feel bad for Andrew

* How is Lana back at the cabin?

* That IS Lana right??

* Okay things are moving fast between Sam and Astrid. Like she’s already saying “I just want you here with me. Safe” like 🤢

* Lana, about Sam: your boyfriend? Astrid: ThAts nOt WhAt iTs AbouT

* LMAOO AFTER SHE SAID THAT SHE SAID IN A LOW VOICE “kind of” WHAT

* Lol Lana be out here like “yeah shits crazy. Get with the program”

* Ew they’re eating pudding with their hands 🤮

* I don’t care how hungry you are, that’s gross

* Like get a spoon or something

* Lana just called Astrid “smart girl Barbie” 🤨

* Part of me is like “lol” but the other part of me is like “bruh stop Astrid did nothing wrong”

* I still hate Quinn but he is kind of funny

* Lana calling Astrid “the blonde” like girl 😑

* Bruh you’re stuck in a house that is literally on fire and getting hotter by the second as it fills with smoke, now is not the time to be kissing Astrid

* Finally the damn coyotes are gone.

* Sam is so angry and he’s disgusted with himself for being so angry, I relate

* Fuck you, Quinn

* Fuck drake

* I would gladly kill Drake

* OOOOOOOOO EDILIO LIKES LANA AHHHHHH

* SIMP

* omg I love it 😩

* Lmaooooo Sams speech wow

* Sam you should NOT forgive Quinn. Especially not that fast. Yikes.

* Orc should feel bad for killing Bette. I have no pity for him rn

* Yes please kill drake.

* I am so happy that his arm is on fire. 100% he deserves to feel that pain

* Aww that’s kinda nice that Albert is planning thanksgiving dinner for everyone

* DAMMIT DRAKE

* I hate drake so much like dude just shut up and leave everyone alone

* Orc oh my god I could not be rolling my eyes harder right now

* Tbh if Orc and his other friends die, I’m okay with that

* What tf is up with this DVD

* Little Pete caused all of this??? 😦

* I’m sooooo sick of this whole darkness and coyote stuff istg

* Where is Patrick?????

* If Patrick is dead imma throw hands

* Diana is such an evil person. Like Drake is a monster, but she’s horrible in a different way.

* Also ughhhhhhhhhh Drake is back 😒😒😒😒😒 so sick of that mf

* “So. When do we go take down Sam Temple?” 🙄🙄🙄 no one likes you Drake

* AHAHAHHSJAHSHSHHSHD

* SAM JUST TOLD ASTRID HE LOVED HER

* AND SHE SAID IT BACK

* IM. S O F T

* (like my brain is still saying “y’all have talked for less than two weeks and you’re 14”)

* But like whatever 😭❤️

* My eyes just rolled into the back of my skull once Diana appeared

* Taylor low key flirting with Sam tho 👀

* When I first met Dekka, I was all: ‘what the hecka?’

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* I’m crying because Quinn couldn’t kill Drake because he was scared, and now children are screaming. Ugh I really wanted him to kill Drake but I understand that killing someone is a crazy thing to have on your conscience

* Call me cold hearted, but I would’ve shot him

* This is all in theory of course ^ I bet if I was in that situation though it wouldn’t be as easy as “just shoot him”

* I don’t think I’ve ever been more annoyed with a fictional character than I am with Drake rn

* Yooo I bet Isabella has some animal powers or sumn

* Caine 🙄🙄🙄 like that emoji doesn’t even come close to describing how annoyed I am

* Wait so is Patrick back now or...?

* Caine really just. Kissed Diana. Because she “owed him”????

* THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT

* I literally hate sooooooooo many characters in this book ugh 😒😒😒

* Quinn is watching Drake kill Sam and is doing nothing. I’m so done with this piece of shit

* Ok finally he tried to shoot him

* “You know it always gets me hot when you say ‘apt analogy.’” “Why do you think I do it?”

* Y’all 🥴🥴🥴

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* Literally? Imagine being this heartless. Giving up hundreds of kids to coyotes without hesitation. The hate I have for Caine is real

* Once again, Orc feeling bad for what he did to Bette. And honestly? I’m still okay with that

* This kid is an a l c o h o l i c

* Computer Jack is so annoying like dude stop holding on to Sams leg. Literally

* Still hate Diana, but I like that she’s helping out Sam a little bit

* Ew Diana just kissed Sam on the corner of his mouth 🤢

* I TOLD YALL ^^^

* Yay Patrick is alive :)

* “I guess we won,” Sam said. “Yeah,” Edilio agreed. “I’ll get the backhoe. Got a lot of holes to dig.”

* ^im. Depressed

* I cannot for the life of me remember who Cookie is

* “Orc sat with Howard in a corner by themselves. Orc had fought Drake to a standstill. But no one-least of all Orc-had forgotten Bette.”

* ^good.

* Y’all Sam and Astrid flirting I- 🥴🥴

* We love to see it ^

* Awww “we’re going to the beach” y’all Astrid and Sam are so cute

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* FUCK. Goddamn this cliffhanger 😡

[jocelynships]

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I got into Marvel and how at first it was just a silly little obsession and how it turned into something that ended up meaning so much to me.

So, I apologize for this sounding so sappy and for how long (it’s really long and I apologize greatly) and emotional this gets, but here:

Warning: Talk of past mental abuse and thoughts of self-harm/suicide

So here’s the funny thing, when I was between the ages of 10-13 I wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with Marvel. Everyone was talking about it and I will admit I was a bratty kid and if something was popular I had to Hate It™️. I’ve grown from that mindset and I’m SO glad I did. But anyways, not the point of the story.

When I was a little kid I watched the first Spider-Man movie with Tobey Maguire and Fantastic 4. I watched a lot of Spider-Man cartoons too. I can’t remember if I ever watched X-Men or not, but I remember seeing them in a few Spider-Man episodes. My dad liked Marvel and he’d play the movies (this was all pre MCU I should mention) and I think I’d watch bits and pieces of them while I played with whatever toys I had in my parent’s bedroom or living room (when I was a kid if my dad was home I HAD to be around him). So I had a VAGUE understanding of superheroes and who they were. I’m certain I could have named a few of them when I was younger, I just didn’t necessarily care.

So Avengers came out when I was finishing up 8th grade, and all my classmates were talking about it, but it annoyed me greatly. My best friend, Rebecca, had seen it already, and was freaking out about it with some of our other old friends. I made a comment like “is it really good or are you guys just trying to be cool like everyone else?”

And Rebecca goes, “Jocelyn, you really need to see it. I think you’d actually like it.”

“Superheroes are so overrated!”

“At least watch the trailer!”

So Rebecca pulled up the trailer on her iPod Touch (god I feel old just saying that), sat me down at one of the benches by the basketball court our tiny private school had, and I watched the trailer. I was kinda interested, but not totally sold. I decided the guys were hot, and if I would go if asked.

Then when I got home from school, I was looking for something to watch like most kids were. Nothing was on, but Disney XD was playing some Marvel cartoons and out of simple curiosity and not really liking anything else that was being played, I turned it on. And holy shit I ended up getting hooked.

So a few days later after watching these cartoons I suggest seeing Avengers to my dad. He gets this look on his face like, “who the hell are you and what did you do to my daughter because she hates superheroes?” He asks me if I’m a Marvel fan now and I mentioned the cartoons, so he went and rented the movies leading up to the Avengers, and I wasn’t actually expecting to like anything, I just wanted to see it because I thought the guys were hot.

So I ended up really enjoying the movies, and my dad and I started seeing the other MCU films that came out. I told myself I was only interested in the Avengers and Spider-Man really (the Amazing Spider-Man came out the same year as the Avengers and my dad took me to see it). I told myself didn’t really care about any of the other hero teams.

BUT THEN I GET INTRODUCED TO THIS REALLY COOL FACEBOOK MARVEL GAME! They sadly don’t have it anymore which in my opinion is BULLSHIT, but it was called Avengers Alliance and they had a shit ton of characters in it. My goal was to get them all but I never did bc it got shut down (listen I would kill to have it brought back okay THEY HAD A BUNCH OF X-MEN CHARACTERS) But basically I saw all these characters I had no idea existed and me being me, my mind went “I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM”! I really don’t know everything about them and I’m still discovering characters but that’s okay!! The Marvel universe is HUGE and I love learning new stuff about it!! But anyways back to my original point!! I remembered I really liked the Fantastic 4 when I was younger so I started watching the original two movies again (I haven’t seen the 2015 remake nor do I plan to ever). Then I saw we had the first two X-Men films, okay lets watch those. Oh, who’s Daredevil and the other Defenders? They seem cool!! Ghost Rider? Hell yeah, a skeleton on fire how cool is that?! Agents of SHIELD? I loved Phil Coulson, I had to watch it! Hey, the Guardians of the Galaxy are really cool too! I know nothing about Doctor Strange but he was in some Spider-Man cartoons and he seemed awesome! Blade, a vampire that doesn’t sparkle? SIGN ME UP!

Basically from the time I was 14-17, I was just basically running down an aisle at a grocery store picking out characters I thought looked cool. I also learned a lot about the characters from some mobile games I downloaded bc hey, I like games.

But at the same time as I was going through everything, I started developing some extreme anxiety and depression problems. I didn’t exactly realize it WAS anxiety and depression, I just thought I was extremely sensitive and did a bunch of shit wrong, so I assumed I was just a screw up whenever my mother yelled at me for getting a B in class or blamed me for her being late to work when I was ready to go and she was just getting in the shower. It wasn’t until my senior year did I realize something was wrong with the way she was treating me and the way I was feeling. But again, I brushed it off as nothing.

I went through my senior year feeling anxious and depressed a lot. But I was a SENIOR! I was almost done with high school! I had a great group of friends and we’d hang out on the weekends and go off campus for lunch to the Taco Bell down the road! Things couldn’t be bad!

But tensions were rising high at home. I was sort of oblivious to a lot of it and to be honest, I’m a little upset with myself for not noticing it sooner. My parents were fighting a lot, and halfway through my senior year of high school, my sister and niece had to move in with us because her ex husband was an alcoholic and was getting abusive. (She ended up going back for about another year, but left permanently the second time she moved in with us) And needless to say things were really rough since there was now five people in a two bedroom apartment and my sister and my niece stayed in my room with me. Which was difficult since my niece was 4/5 at the time and had quite the temper, and I was also her favorite person, yet I was occupied with school work.

My anxiety and depression got worse, and it got to the point where I was having meltdowns in class and would have to leave school early or just stay home. After a month or two and a HUGE fight between pretty much everyone (except me, they only stopped when I had a massive panic attack), my sister moved back.

And things were slightly okay again. During that break I got reintroduced to X-Men through a couple different things: my best friend, @rosyinlove, X-Men Apocalypse was coming out, and my brother gave me his old Xbox 360 and the game Marvel Ultimate Alliance. I’ve seen the first two movies at this point and I was already kinda curious about them, but wasn’t until that year did I realize “hey these guys are kinda cool!” So I played as them in Ultimate Alliance just because they were the most fun to play. And while he sadly wasn’t a playable character, Nightcrawler was a character and you had to rescue him in a quest (or kill him and save Jean instead, I had a dilemma over the very idea of killing him and this was BEFORE I started shipping with him!) and he fascinated me. IDK if it was my brain just liking him as a character or going “WHOO BOY HE’S HOT”, but my interest in him was growing and I was kinda sad he wasn’t a playable character!

And with Apocalypse coming out the day after I graduated high school, I decided I had to see it, so I impulsively bought the other movies and well... the rest is history. I started watching the cartoons and while I didn’t get my hands on any comics, I read bits and pieces online.

And for some reason, the X-Men just spoke out to me in a way I can’t explain. I loved all the other heroes I came across, but there was something about the team of mutants that really pulled me in. Maybe because I related to the fact of being outcast? But in any case, I was drawn to them and I latched onto them and just didn’t let go. Even when 70s and 80s pop culture was the main thing on my mind in 2017, I still had the X-Men in the back of my mind and I thought “oh hey, this song reminds me of the X-Men”, “Kurt would like this song”, or “omg this movie would be a cute AU for me and Kurt!”

But anyways, the summer of 2016 was kind of rough. My mother was getting onto me for every single little thing and even yelled at me in front of my friends once for asking her to bring some some soda after she OFFERED to get us some. My friends pulled me aside and said, “hey, that’s not normal”. And I was in a really bad place. I loved my mother, but I felt awful being around her. I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around her. If I said the wrong thing I’d be punished. I was afraid of her.

So I noticed whenever I got anxious or depressed I would turn to the X-Men movies and cartoons and I’d feel a little better. Then I started writing dumb little stories and made silly doodles of me hanging out with them. It was something that was fun and made me calm down when I was getting anxious.

Then August of 2016 came around.

I came home from spending the night at a friend’s house, and I was feeling really tired so when my dad asked for me to sit down and talk to him about something, I tried brushing him off because I just wanted to shower and go to sleep.

But he said, “it’s really serious” and whenever someone says that my anxiety shoots through the roof and I think of the worst case scenario, such as someone was dying or was dead. So I sat down with him and I’m expecting him to tell me someone was dead, but he just goes:

“Your mother and I are splitting up.”

Basically my world came crashing down at that point.

My mother started getting more and more irritable and began yelling and screaming at me over the smallest things. And she was convinced I was going to stay with her and she talked to me about all her plans she had for us, but I was going to move out with my dad. But I didn’t want to tell her because I was terrified of how she was going to respond (she lashed out when things didn’t go her way), and I said, “I still haven’t made up my mind on who I’m going with”. That still caused her to lash out.

So she screamed at me and told me things like “I was leaving her to die” or “I was a horrible daughter for abandoning her”. And from that she just lashed out over everything. Not to mention my sister and my niece moved back in that September.

So my mother was constantly fighting with my dad, berating me, and my sister and my niece never gave me any alone time despite being in my first semester of college. I had very little time to work on homework and would stay at school for longer than I needed to be there just to work on homework without my sister and my niece bothering me. And I also got stuck watching my niece quite a bit because my sister was running off with a guy she had just met. And I get that she was going through a really rough divorce as well and really liked this dude, but it happened every night. I needed an escape from it all.

So I started binge watching Marvel movies and cartoons every chance I got. Mainly X-Men. I fantasized often about Kurt bamfing himself and the X-Men into my apartment, sternly telling my family I was going with them and they couldn’t stop them. I wrote and drew more and more of my silly self insert stuff because it was a way to forget about all the bullshit that was going on at home.

Eventually things just got worse as the time for my dad and I to move out got closer, and my mother would start up fights with my dad just about every night. And she did this when I was in the next room and could hear everything. She also got physical with him and while my dad could have easily defended himself and fight back, he didn’t because she was trying to get him fucking arrested.

So I was having difficulties dealing with their constant fighting and my mother trying to pull me into the middle of the drama. My dad told her to keep me out of it since none of it had to do with me. Needless to say she kept pulling me into the middle of things and tried to get me to side with her and would scream her head off if I didn’t want to talk about it. I got called selfish for having anxiety and depression, and she threatened to hit me on multiple occasions. She never did, but holy shit I got so scared every time she held her hand up like she was going to smack me across the face. I showed up to class crying quite often and when my classmates asked what was wrong I’d brush it off and tell them it was nothing. 

And as time went on I had falling outs with everyone on my mother’s side of the family and both of my siblings (I have made up with them separately, but things are tense between them still because they don’t like each other’s spouses and it stresses me out because they shit talk each other to me and I have to act like I’m on their side), and my dad and I were struggling and I felt like a huge burden on him. Needless to say it got to the point where I felt like I was doing something wrong, that everyone would be better off without me, and I wanted to end it all.

I actually did go to grab a knife once when no one was home bc I was having urges to hurt myself, but the instant I grabbed the knife a little voice in my mind just went into panic mode and screamed, “Captain America wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself!”

And then that voice kept listing off as many heroes as it could, and when I started thinking about the X-Men not wanting me to hurt myself, I just dropped the knife into the sink and had a breakdown.

And still to this day when I do get those thoughts I always think about how a certain fuzzy elf wouldn’t want me to hurt or kill myself. I haven’t cut (I have participated in other self destructive behaviors in the past I don’t wish to discuss, but I’m fighting it), and honestly it’s because I don’t want to worry the X-Men.

They may not be real, and I’m not sure they would really care about me if they were, but still the idea of having a group of people who also come from fucked up families and are outcast from society acting like a family to each other really helps me get through all of this.

I just keep telling myself that if all these superheroes could go through hell and back, then so could I. Sure, I’m not fighting villains hellbent on taking over the world or struggling with having superpowers I can’t control, but still it’s inspiring to see them continue on despite their hardships. If they can do it, then why can’t I?

And the X-Men have really helped me through that. Like I said, they aren’t real, but they are extremely relatable characters. Especially Kurt. I’ve been outcast before and while I do have my group of close friends, I still feel like I don’t belong. He’s been outcast and shunned by society for his appearance. While both of Kurt’s parents are awful and my mother didn’t try to kill me (to be honest I was afraid she was going to snap and kill my dad a couple times), we both have kinda fucked up familes. But despite all of this we still try to see the good in others and do good for people. And I want to help him through his hardships and have him know he can always come to me for comfort.

When I started the Night Roses and the Jocelyn and the X-Men stuff, a lot of it was coping. I wanted to be rescued by Kurt and the X-Men, and I wanted to help them overcome their issues. A lot of the Night Roses relationship is being each other’s support system. The idea of not only having Kurt comfort me, but me comforting him helps me so much. It gives me something to live for. When I was going to therapy, I told my therapist about it and she said it was a great coping mechanism and a way for me to practice self love and acceptance.

And while he’s just a comic book character, I sincerely hope I can find someone just like Kurt in real life one day. He means so much to me, and I hope whoever I get with in the future will understand that.

I apologize for this being so long, but really, Marvel means the absolute would to me, and it’s really hard to explain to people why and I often get written off as an obsessive nerd who has no grasp on reality. But I know how I feel and I know the people who matter understand how important Marvel is to me. Honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without Marvel. I probably wouldn’t be here. I’m still struggling with a lot of issues, but I know I can get through it thanks to the X-Men and the other superheroes of Marvel. ❤️

[finnlet]

Sans the skeleton went into a coffee shop on September 13th, 2019. He came in for a americano because it was one of the few things that warmed his cold heart. He took it black and added nothing special to it. He loved bitterness.

Then, he saw him. Kokichi Ouma. The Ultimate Supreme Leader. He felt something in his bones, an aching sensation to go meet him. He went to the barista and read his nametag.

"Hey.... Komaeda. give me a freakin' americano! no sugar, no creamer, just make it black and venti. thanks."

"um. ok. i'll get it going for you... sans"

"whatever."

Sans and Komaeda had been a couple back in 2015 but they broke up due to Komaeda cheating on him with another man named Hajime.

========

"S-SANS? IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. H-HE... UM..." komaeda screamed

"OH BUDDY YOu'RE SET TO HAVE A BAD TIME NOW. PREPARE YOURSELF" sans shouted.

sans threw a lamp at hajime, who ran out screaming and crying. komaeda moved out of sans' house and went to move in with hajime. oh well.

========

Sans went over to the little purple haired man who was sitting on his macbook writing an email.

"Hey... you look kinda cute. Wanna get sansy?" sans asked.

"what the fuck lol. are you cursed. im going to send a picture of u to korekiyo lmao. maybe he knows whats happening" ouma said, taking out his phone

"wha.... what the hell are you talking about" sans asked

"korekiyo knows about weird shit so he'd probably know what you are you cursed halloween decoration"

*snap*

ouma mumbled as he typed: "hey... dude .... look at this... weird shit at starbucks"

"Im not a decoration, i'm a skeleton." sans said.

"oh. So do skeletons have dicks."

"I can show you if you come back to my place later." sans said WITH A SMIRK.

"...I think i'll take you up on your offer. i've always been curious about what happens when all the flesh falls off  lol. TIME TO SEE SKELTON DIK." ouma shouted.

the other patrons of starbucks turned and looked at him.

saihara, who was hanging out with kaede, kaito, maki, kiibo, and korekiyo, ran over.

"Ouma shut the fuck up you're so loud and annoying." saihara said

"ok" ouma said

"hey who the hell are you. im trying to hook up with this dude and you're here yelling at him" sans growled. he was rumbling like a machine. his eye went blue.

"well if you really want to know I'm... Shuichi Saihara. They call me the Ultimate Detective, but... lol. you know, you give off the same awful aura that ouma gives me. two peas in a pod i guess" saihara said, eyeing sans.

*snapchat noficiation sound*

"...korekiyo is right there but he sent me a fucking snapchat message back. what a creep." ouma sighed. opening it, he huffed a HUGE GROAN.

"are you even a real fucking anthropologist? why do you know the history of farming but not skeletons." ouma shouted across the restaurant.

"BE QIET SIMPLETON." maki shouted back angrily. she was beyond pissed off.

“Har har har!” ouma laughed heartily.

“SANS? WILL YOU PLEEEEEASE PICK UP YOUR COFFEE. IT’S BEEN DONE FOR LIKE, 10 MINUTES NOW.” komaeda shouted through the microphone.

“Fucking hell ok” sans said, walking off. He picked it up and walked back over towards Ouma.

“That guys my ex. Hes kind of weird isnt he :) i threw a lamp at his boyfriend when they tried to cuck me. LOL” sans chortled. He sounded like a wind chime when he laughed.

“Komaeda is cool, he gives me free milk and cheese samples since I told him i’m an orphan from tokyo. What a fucking idit he is for believing me am i right?! i have my macbook pro and my iphone x AND MY AIRPODS, plus my ipad pro and these cool yeezys.” ouma laughed. he was so fucking sneaky.

“what do you use the ipad for if you already have a macbook” sans asked. he had nothing but an iphone x and some air jordans :/”

“I use that to watch family guy, WHA TTH EFUCK DO YOU THINK? Do you think i don’t like the best program of our time? I love seeing Peter Griffin appear on my screen. he fills me with lust. Dare say you that you…. dislike family guy?” ouma went on monologuing.

“n-no i didnt say i hated family guy i just-”

“ANDDD YOU’RE JUST LIKE KIBOY! HAR HAR HAR! He hates family guy! He can’t stand it. nobody at that noob table likes it. the only people who like family guy at my school are me, ryoma, angie, and himiko. Tenko watches it but only because she has a crush on lois. lol” ouma sighed.

the starbucks went quiet aside from the sipping sounds and weird ass pop music. today’s playlist included: “fake love” (A/N: STREAM FAKE LOVE :]), “two trucks”, and “like a farmer.”

ouma specifically requested this because he knew everyone hated the music, but komaeda felt bad for him and kept the same three songs on.

“Ouma Kokichi. One of your little friends over there just told me that you AREN’T AN ORPHAN?” komaeda said. he was crying.

“w-WHO. WHO SAID THAT LOL. IT’S A… THEY’RE LYING.” ouma shouted. he was so scared. he knew that komaeda had kept note of how much free starbucks shit he’d gotten and it was well over 4,500 dollar.s

“idk. that one.” komaeda pointed at kiibo.

“OHHH KIBOYYYYYYYYYY. He’s a robot, Nagito. You can’t trust Robots!” ouma laughed.

“That is blatant robophobia! I will report you to the proper starbucks authorities if you keep up this act Ouma!” kiibo shouted.

“shut up you ugly bag of bolts” ouma growled aggain.

kaede, korekiyo, and saihara looked alarmed. every day kiibo and ouma fought in the bathroom and caused some type of flooding to happen. once they lined up a bunch of fruits and vegetables and flooded the bathroom and they all ended up in the hallway.

“Kaede. Saihara. It’s been… nice, but I will leave now. I do not like being around Ouma.” korekiyo said.

“w-wait man donT LEAVE YET.” saihara said. he was sweating like a pig. he knew that kiibo liked having saihara on his side and ouma always punched himb (saihara) in the ribs to give him a bruise.

“yeah you shouldn’t leave yet…😀 please” kaede begged.

“You have Maki and Kaito. I’m fairly certain they can fight better than us.” korekiyo said, already halfway to the door.

“He’s right you know.” kaede said. she and saihara said goodbye through their tears and turned to ouma and kiibo again.

“MAN I’M ALL FIRED UP, CAN’T BELIEVE THAT OUMA IS FUCKIN’ AROUND WITH KIIBO AGAIN AND IN PUBLIC THIS TIME” kaito shouted. he was so full of energy because he had accidentally gotten coffee with extra sugar.

“kaito shut up” maki said.

“CAN’T STOP ME NOW…. IM HAVIN’ A GOOD TIME DON’T WANNA STOP AT ALL” kaito said. he did not know the lyrics right.

“c-can you guys please leave” said two men sitting in a booth. it was george michael and andrew ridgeley. they were visiting japan today for their tour and decided to get some unicorn frappuccinos to drink.

sans was staring in anticipation at everyone. ouma and kiibo were glaring at each other and komaeda could only watch in horror.

“Lets take this outside man. maybe it’ll rain and you’ll get rusty and die. LOL.” ouma screamed. he was in hysterics now.

“OH. YOU’VE DONE IT NOW. YES, WE’RE GOING TO FIGHT RIGHT NOW. OUTSIDE. SAIHARA, KAEDE, KAITO, MAKI, K…. where did korekiyo go” kiibo said

“He left bc you guys are fucked up” maki said. she wanted to leave when she saw ouma but didn’t have the heart to say it to everyone. ouma always ruined the plans.

“wha…. NO?” kiibo said. he cried one tear.

“>implying you can use everyone. YOU ONLY GET TWO OF THOSE PEOPLE ON YOUR TEAM DUMBASS.” ouma shouted

“t-team?!” saihara gasped. he was 💩ing bricks.

“for the BEST TEAM, i, kokichi Ouma, pick: kaito and maki. kiboy gets saihara and kaede! lmao have fun with weaklings.” ouma said.

“can you all leave already, you’RE SCARING THE CUSTOMERS AWAY AND ITS RUINING BUSINESS.” the manager (teruteru) said angrily.

“oh fuck off you ant.” ouma said, dragging everyone out into the back lot. komaeda and sans were dumbfounded. there was virtually no rehearsal for that.

CHAPTER TWO START:::

“Ouma you have insulted me for the last time. today is a new start. kaede, saihara, and i will now proceed to defeat you.” kiibo shouted. he was fucking confident in his abilities today.

“kiboy you will lose in one minute. im sorry to say it. wait, NO IM NOT. fucking hellion. seth mcfarlane personally blessed me with family guy so i am invincible.” ouma said.

“ouma do i have to help you. i dont want to fight my sidekick OR KAEDE. o-or KIIBO :)” kaito asked.

“yes shrimp. you must fight for me because i recruited you and that’s how this bullshit works. don’t worry though! it’ll only take one pow and kiboy will be knocked out because he’s rusty and old. NEEHEEHEE.” ouma was fucking laughing his ass off.

maki and kaito looked at each other and gave the most sorry looks to kaede and saihara. they honestly didn’t Want to help ouma because they thought he was a fucking asshole but ouma could blackmail them and potentially kill them. no risks. kaede and saihara knew this but were still hurt.

“Ouma I have a doctor’s appointment in like, 15 minutes. can i leave yet” kaede said.

“wha…? w-well… you’re goign to hav eto recruit someone else to fight in your place since saihara wouldn’t win against me in a million years lol.” ouma said. he was so fucking annoyed. he just wanted to punch kiibo already.