#and the almost cautious way future michael held himself only speaking a few words as a warning- maybe a lifeline as well a lifeline he knew

[nostalgiabones]

Me and You // C.H

Anonymous: Can we get y/n going to cal and telling him she doesn’t want kids and she’s worried he’ll leave her?

Bit of an emotional blurb here! Where Calum and reader meet Michael’s new baby, and reader decides its time to tell Calum that they have no plans to have children anytime in the future. As always, feedback is appreciated! I hope you enjoy a bit more of uncle!Calum, as well as him being a supportive partner! Thank you as always to @calumrose for brainstorming this with me♥️

“I can’t believe she’s here.”

You’ve never seen Calum look at someone so intently. His focus is fixed on the bundle of blankets in his arms, and had been since Michael had placed her there just moments earlier — with a overly cautious dad-like ‘make sure you support her head, man.’

The whole family have been long awaiting the arrival of the newest member of the Clifford family. Ever since he and his partner had announced that they were expecting, it was all everyone had discussed whenever you got together — names, godparents, who would be the best babysitter... the list was endless. Calum had cried when Michael asked him to be her godparent, a role he promised to take very seriously.

“I know, it’s crazy, right?” Michael replies, his gaze soft as he looks at his best friend and his daughter. You sit to Calum’s right, your pointer finger reaching out to lightly stroke her cheek.

Your heart aches a little as you watch them.

You and Calum hadn’t really had that conversation yet. Everytime somebody mentioned children, whether it was on TV or a friend, you’d brushed it off — joking about how children were too messy, too loud, anything you could think of to shut the conversation down. Calum never said much, either — he didn’t agree with you, but he didn’t argue either. It was a private conversation that needed to be had, between the two of you.

“Wait until you can babysit, get some practice in for your own.” Michael’s partner comments, making your heart drop into your stomach when Calum smiles at her words.

“We’ll see.” Calum replies quietly, too busy running his thumb over the apple of Harper’s cheek, her skin flushed from sleep as he cradled her.

We’ll see.

What does that mean? Calum’s viewpoint on having children had never been clear, yet this made you more unsure. It made your stomach turn to think that he could possibly not be on the same page as you.

“Do you want to hold her, babe?” Calum asks, gently nudging you to catch your attention. You nod, holding your arms out for Calum to slowly and under Michael’s watchful eye, very carefully, place her in your arms. Tears well in your eyes as you look at her, how she curls in towards you as you adjust her in your arms. Calum’s hand rests on your thigh, a small show of affection as he looks at the tiny baby. He slips his finger in between her tiny ones. “Look at her little hands.”

“She’s so sweet,” You smile, suddenly feeling as though all of the attention was on you and Calum — watching as he put his arm around your shoulders. You held her for a few moments longer, until she curled her legs up and let out the first hiccup of a cry — Michael instantly jumping into action.

“Shall I take her?” Michael asks, waiting until you nod before scooping her up out of your arms and rocking her in his. Calum sends you a warm smile, and you smile back — but doesn’t reach your eyes. Calum notices.

***

Your quietness lasts into the car journey home.

You think Calum hasn’t noticed — his non-stop excited chatter about everything he plans to do with Harper, how happy he is for Michael, occupies the space. He has, though. He’s talking more to fill the silence as if he thinks that’ll stop you from thinking about whatever is weighing on your mind. He knows he can’t avoid it forever though.

He notices the faraway look on your face, in your eyes — it’s one he’s seen before, and he knows it means you’re deep in thought. He isn’t sure what about, although he’s not oblivious to the fact that you’ve been acting this way since meeting Harper.

He doesn’t bring it up until after dinner, when you’re sat in your usual spot on the sofa, hands running through Duke’s fur. It seems like a nervous thing — like a distraction from whatever was making you feel so anxious.

“Darling?” He tries, picking Duke up and setting him down in his lap, so he could sit next to you. “What’s going on?”

You can’t bear to say it.

The thought of him reacting in the same way as most family members and friends did, made your stomach turn. There was no escaping it though. It was a conversation that had ended a relationship before. You hope deep in your heart that it wouldn’t end this one too.

“Calum...” You start, taking a deep breath before continuing. He furrows his eyebrows in concern, like he had no idea what you were going to say — like he was bracing himself for what was to come. “I don’t really know how to say this. I hate having this conversation, but after today, I just feel like I need to tell you.”

He nods, his heart rate increasing as the feeling that you’re about to drop a bombshell on him becomes more apparent. He doesn’t rush you, though. Just waits for you to carry on.

“I don’t want to have children.” You admit, covering your face with your hand as a few tears slip at the statement. “Not ever. And after seeing you with Harper today, I just... I don’t know if you feel the same way.”

Calum can’t help but feel a sense of relief at your words. With the way you were acting, he felt as though what you were going to say was much worse.

“Hey,” He soothes, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you close to him. He moves Duke out of his lap to create space for you — so he can hold you as close as possible. “Listen to me, gorgeous. You don’t have to worry about that, okay? Whatever you want is okay. I’m right here with you.”

You can’t help but sob against his neck, like everything you had been feeling had built up to the point where it was all coming out. His warm palms are soothing against your back, moving up and down in a comforting gesture. He just waits until you catch your breath a little — until your tears slow down to where they’re only occasionally slipping down your cheeks.

“Talk to me.” He almost whispers, knowing you weren’t finished, that there was more than you already said. He didn’t know that it ran so deep. He wasn’t sure why it was such a huge deal, but he wanted to know. “I’m listening, babe. Whatever you’re thinking.”

“Everyone makes me feel like I’m crazy for not wanting my own children.” You explain, wiping underneath your eyes to get rid of the tears as they fell. You thought back to everytime it came up in conversation. How your parents told you you’d change your mind when you found ‘the one,’ yet Calum was right in front of you, and you knew it still wasn’t what you wanted. “It makes me feel like a bad person. Like my life isn’t going to be fulfilled if I don’t give my parents grandchildren.”

Calum shakes his head.

“That’s not true, my love.” He replies, not wanting to invalidate your fears, but also hurting over the fact that you had kept it bottled up for so long. “You do not need to have children just for your parents sake. Or for anyone, for that matter. You’re not a bad person for not wanting that, okay? Far from it. You’re my favourite person in the world.”

A small smile graces your lips, followed by the genre pressure of Calum placing his against yours in a soft kiss. You felt much better for getting your feelings out, for explaining everything — as well as hearing Calum’s reassurances. Although, you can’t get the image of Calum holding Harper out of your head.

“What about you, though?” You ask tearfully, trying not to let your emotions get the better of you once more. Your voice wavers as you speak, and it makes Calum’s heart ache that thinking about him in all of this caused that.

“What about me?”

“I saw how you looked at Harper,” You sigh sadly, thinking about the content expression on his face as he held the sweet baby. “Don’t you want that for yourself? To have your own baby?”

Calum thinks to himself for a moment. He thinks about how deeply in love he is with you, how content he is with his relationship — and how not deeply he had thought about having children. It was always one of those things where if it happens, great, but if it doesn’t — that’s fine too. It was never an absolute when he thought about his life. He knows that if he has to choose between you and having children — he chooses you, everytime.

“I want you to be happy,” He states, like it was the simplest thing in the world. He means it. His hand gently grips your face, tilting your chin so you’re looking right at him. He thumb softly wipes away any remaining tears on your cheeks. “And if not having children is what is going to make you happy, then that’s what we’ll do.”

“Are you sure?”

He nods, moving closer until his nose nudges yours.

“Yeah, besides, it means I don’t have to share you with anyone else.” Calum confirms, smiling when a relieved giggle escapes your lips at his words. “Well, apart from Duke. You give him enough attention as it is.”

“Shut up,” You laugh, playfully hitting his chest as you reach over for Duke and set him down in between the two of you. “Duke is less needy than you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He rolls his eyes, pulling you closer until your head is resting on his shoulder. “Seriously though, babe. Think about it. We’re about to spend the evening arguing over what to watch before sleeping for 12 hours, with no interruptions. Michael will be lucky to get three hours sleep tonight, until he wakes up to a screaming baby.”

“Exactly my point.” You reply. “We just get to do the fun stuff, like cuddle her until she cries and then give her back.”

He nods, sighing contently as he begins to scroll through Netflix. You finally feel as though you can calm down — like there was no longer the burden of wondering how Calum would feel about your plans on not having children. As you sit there, trying not to fall asleep after winning the debate on what to watch — you realise this is what you want your life to be.

“Being the fun uncle sounds like a good plan to me, babe.”

***

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