#and the 'he loves them' means variant loki as an individual. they'll never even know he exists but even the him they know they don't know

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Ok just had a thought--so Loki kind of knows he can't go back and have the life he sees but doesn't fully believe it and that causes an interesting intersection of emotions especially because of where he is in the timeline

Loki is partially responding to what he sees as though they're really true for him, in the present. When he first sees his mother's death, he reacts very much with guilt and horror, having much the same response as he does in Thor TDW when he's told of what's happened. And when he comes back to the screen he cries for her as though she's really dead. But where he really breaks down is when Odin tells him he loves him. He then reacts with hope and tear-filled laughter when he sees himself and Thor as brothers, when he sees himself comfortable enough to say "I'm here" when offered a hug.

And if you think about where Loki is at this point in his life, it makes perfect sense why he's a mess. He never got to say goodbye to his mother--his father and brother were the only ones on the bridge. He hasn't seen her in so long, and has been through so much, and then suddenly his one source of comfort is gone and he's being told it's his fault, and he never got to say goodbye. (Some realities never change, do they?)

Also at this point, Loki fully believes his father hates him, or at the very least, does not love him. That was a large factor in why he let himself go. He had reached out desperately for some validation, anything, and was told, "No, Loki"--and this is nearly, if not literally, the first thing his father says to Loki after telling him that he wasn't truly his son, but a monster from another planet. And what does Odin say here? "I love you, my sons." This is what Loki has been desperate to hear for as long as he can remember, and it touches on all of the aspects of the raw pain that's been eating at him since Thor 1. Not only that, he can see how much it means to himself in the footage. The surprised and hopeful look his other self gives to Odin--he sees his own pain, how hungry he is for those words.

And Thor. His brother, who so rarely feels like his brother anymore...whom he'd just fought with, and had in fact fought on every occasion they'd seen each other since their conflict on Asgard. Who Loki never reconciled with. And there he is, saying to Loki that they'll always be side by side, that he--perhaps--is beginning to understand him, that he would even hug him. It feels like something hopeful, something healing, if it's true.

But the thing is, deep down, Loki knows it can't be true. Not for him. In fact, he may not ever see any of these people again. And they've never seen him; they've seen another Loki, but not him. So he cries for what could have been, would have been, will be--and what never can. What is happening, but isn't; healing that will never truly come, reconciliation that he'll never feel for himself. Loss that he feels all the same, because living or not, they are still gone.

He cries because he loves them. And they'll never know it.