#and thats ok. also ok with the gals and pals that arent like this. its all good.

[problemsleuth]

Please it's pride month u legally have to tell us ur midnight crew and problem sleuth gay headcanons

ALKFDSJF MAN WHAT tbh i havent been thinking about them that much this much but i will do it for you buddy

edit: ok now that i'm done im actually all jazzed about ps/intermission again so thank you for this ask anon LOL i had a lot of fun getting to ramble on about stuff and have an excuse to neglect work HAHAHA

guess we'll stay topical and go with like gay awakening headcanons or related. just as a general reminder this is assuming theyre all humans since carapacians probably dont have sexualities defined

Problem Sleuth - I like the whole deal where sleuth assumed he was milquetoast straight for most of his life until he met slick and was like uh oh im bisexual arent i! i think he had other close call moments but sort of mental-gymnastics'ed himself into believing it was just admiration for their hardboiledness or like Friendly Comradery fit with all the intricate rituals to touch another man. fighting and arm over each others shoulders while drinking away at the bar sort of thing. falling in love with slick sort of hit him like a truck, injuries and all. he still sometimes grapples with old habits dying hard though. no i will not elaborate :( sorry.

Hysterical Dame - think she knew for forever she was bi, like i think she had a lot of anime ass moments back when she was in school where a lot of girls would fall for her Roguish Charms and outgoing personality and it was relatively easy for her to explore from there. very much the girl knight in shining armor sort of effect from her willingness to get into fights as well.

Pickle Inspector - wow i think he was well aware he was queer from the get-go. he always knew he was weird or whatever because of his grab bag of issues and quirks, so i think him realizing he was attracted to whoever was not really that big of a deal to him. less of a gay awakening more of a gay "oh i accidentally put an extra box of cereal in my shopping cart. ok". i think if he wasn't literally crawling out of his skin with psychosis and anxiety he would enjoy old drag culture a lot. but as it stands now its way too elbow-to-elbow social and young for him to really get into it. and he's much too busy... (excuse)

Nervous Broad - similar to Sleuth surprisingly i think she had a very late sort of deal where she had the classic "wait, you dont act this way when you see cute girl?" moment with her gal pals from uni. HD being very easy to get along with and very direct made it easy for NB to realize she was developing feelings for another woman. i think NB is very much like bi/pan (she doesnt really get or feel strongly about labels) but she has a really strong preference for femmes.

Ace Dick - apologies to ace dick likers who disagree but AD to me is like the Staple Early 1900s Man from the Adverts. he has a lovely wife who he loves so much and a rambunctious boy he plays catch with on the weekends and they sit around the radio to catch the regular mystery hour. he's aware that there's been a few men about town that he'd probably be willing to get to know more personally in another life, but he's fully satisfied with his little city-suburbia Classic Heterosexual Middle Aged Couple dynamic. so basically no salient gay awakening type moments, just in tune with himself to be aware hes probably not classically as straight as people assume him to be. i also like to joke internally that he considered sleuth one of those aforementioned "men about town" before the guy went and opened his mouth, demolishing the thought before it had even finished forming HAHAHA

===

now for the midnight crew...

Spades Slick - very much has lived by the code of living dangerously, down to his partners. usually tends to be drawn to the kind of people who give the impression of someone who would not have many qualms about slitting your throat in the middle of a hookup. scarysexual. think thats why in my head he's had a few on and off moments with droog (even though truthfully, droog is a lazy stringbean of a guy, despite the outward reputation that precedes him). its for sure why he's so drawn to Snowman, even though their dynamic from start to finish has never been anything close to a healthy relationship. but they both feel it works for them, so they keep going. (i think this is why him shacking up with sleuth was such a surprise to everyone that knew him well - sleuth's soft, and worse, he's got a working moral compass. that's not slick's typical mark. but he gives as good as he gets all the same, in both fighting and fucking, so slick doesnt think twice about how he's breaking status quo. and thats how he ends up catching feelings along the way). i got off topic. tldr; slicks never really thought about his sexuality so no real gay awakening moment either. more of a whoops caught feelings moment, since that was rarer and later in life.

Diamonds Droog - WORST case of hetero posturing you'll ever encounter ever in your life. kept a lot of Tasteful Female Nudes on and around him to """""accidentally"""" let slip to ascertain YES he is SO HETEROSEXUAL. there is NO DOUBT that he LOVES WOMEN. in reality he's been painfully aware that he's into men since he was practically a teen and has worked to cover that fact as thoroughly as possible since. i like to think that contributed to how he got so good at lying. and also why he's repressed as all get out fuck and extremely extremely private about his sex life. normal relationships whomst? anyways id like to direct everyone to helen's (@jawbonejoe) catholic guilt portion of the droog headcanon corner because that basically sums up a similar idea LOL

Hearts Boxcars - he's like droog where he had his gay awakening in his teen years but he was normal about it. he's just not as obvious to clock because one of his biggest hobbies is indulging in corny romance novels which are (for the most part) hetero, is passively religious, and happens to be very courteous to women as well which paints him a little as a stereotypical southern gentleman. but no hes very much a big gay man who hopes to settle down someday right proper.

Clubs Deuce - kind of a natural airhead sort of charmer, so has naturally had a lot of people of various gender identities approach him for a date or two early on. he also doesn't see the point of saying no as long as he likes them somewhat, and boy he sure does love people! later he finds out there's nifty names for the kind of people you like to date, and they come with fun colored flags - well ain't that just swell? when he gets later into his crew involvement in his early 30's, he gets less people approaching him right off the bat for intimate socializing, and since he's not really the type to reach out himself, he kind of stagnates for a while dating-wise until he hits his middle years. then he becomes Kind Of A Dilf and gets back into the dating scene. so not so much a gay awakening either.

===

im zooted atm so apologies if anything is confusing or run-on, but that's basically the 411 on my sexuality headcanons for the team and crew respectively. hope u enjoyed anon!! sorry it's long. i didnt get too much into gender stuff because to be honest, my headcanons on their gender journeys are a lot less solidified in my head. i like to go with whatever headcanons the people around me lean into, since i dont feel strongly about them. this is probably because i dont feel a strong attachment to my own gender. like if gender is a spectrum i am a mote of dust that is floating nearby. generally my defaults tend to be that PI and NB are very much genderfluid and nonbinary, slick is trans (if human - i assume that due to the nature of carapacian production, gender doesnt have the same meaning or impact as it does with humans, and therefore gender identity isnt really something that's needed for them. unless specifically they're formed and prototyped into a universe that is heavily impacted by gender, in which case they can understand it conceptually. otherwise theyre out here presenting however they want down to like re-prototyping their bodies to comfort), DMSG is intersex and identifies as a woman (whoops shes not technically team sleuth but i think about here a lot), and sonhearst likes to identify as transmasc (i like to imagine AD and WH sort of being boomers about the lingo but very much being fully supportive and loving parents about it. heart in the right place sort of comedy vibes).

[miaxeu]

      though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, MIA STOEGER is actually a descendent of DIONYSUS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-ONE year old MYTHOLOGICAL STUDIES MAJOR from LOS ANGELES, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite CHARISMATIC & DUPLICITOUS. 

( y’all dont deserve this real messy intro but im workin w half a bwain cell at 4am so i beg thee 4 mercy. nywyy im the excited new girl who’s hella pumped to meet all ur charas : katya ! feel free to hop in my ims to plot or drop a like and i’ll hop in urs ! x  )

POWERS

natural acting abilities — her ma’s a hollywoo agent so she started actin real early & now shes a big shot actress. there r more deetz on her career below !

chlorokinesis — it wasnt as natural as acting n she only started working on it when she turned 13 n started going to camps. b4 she just noticed shes good w plants but it wasnt super crazy or nything. its p good now tho ! shes prioritizing vine binding and manipulation 4 the self defense bc awards r cool n all but they dont rlly protecc from monsters ykwim 

levitation — shes trying her best ur honor

alcokinesis  — she cant conjure it or anything, she’s just immune to it ffff

BIO POINTS — cw: drug use ( full biography here )

her mom raised her by herself bc dionysus the party god was out of the picture immediately. she never told mia she’s a demigod & it was always just “ wow ur so talented ” or “ aww u got a green thumb ! ” but when she saw him claim 13 y/o mia by placing a weird hologram over her head while she slept, she knew she had to spill da beanz & tell her kid

ofc mia thought her mom was jus playing sum weird acting exercise w her bc her powers r so lowkey she could highkey just be a Mortal but insert sad whistle, the realizashun & the claiming meant heightened monster threat !! so yea ,,, one ended up chasing her a couple days later rip 

aside from the trauma, mia was ok. mostly bc she ended up cryin for dionysus like any child would n lo & behold he came & helped !!! as he should. nywy she made sure to go to summer camps every year after that but mostly just for protection purposes

she lowkey rlly hates this whole god business esp now that shes grown lmfao deadass thinks she got a bad deal bc life threats arent sexy !!! went to eonia eventually bc its Too Much Man. she just wants to go back to work and her life w the mortals w/o worryin for her life. would deadass fade her father if she could. may or may not be majoring in greek mythology to figure out the logistics of it all out of spite, who knows !

PERSONALITY

not ! a Drama Queen  —  dont get me wrong, shes hella Extra in the way she moves n acts sorta like shes always bein captured on film. is quick-witted & playful & can be a huge tease/flirt if she feels like it, but miss her w Real Feelings ! totally not sentimental. srsly she will try to rationalize away everything and is just,.,., not good w it. so soz folks, we just keepin it breezy here

ugh, she’s an Actress — aka she can act like she cares tho ! shes very much into keeping ppl on her good side. shes friendly n palatable to everyone bc its how shes been trained & while it doesnt seem fake, its def diff when its genuine

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known —  lemme circle back to the first one, ok so shes good w emotions but only in theory. does intense character work with her roles so she thinks that counts as her having eq when rlly shes just emotionally stunted, projecting n repressing like an idiot

blonde, skinny, rich, & a lil bit of a Bitch — shes only a bitch inwardly or to ppl she trusts enuff to let in on the gossip. if anyone full on opposes her or becomes real emotional, then this lil diva will rear its superiority complex head n snap a lil. will most probably do it v underhandedly n w a smile but it will be Brutal

girls just wanna have FUN ! — shes the child of da party god, so ofc she a true party girl. officially off the rails when she parties. inhibitions ? we dk her. can be insensitive in that case bc smtms its truly no strings attached, tis all abt the fun. likes company a lot & it doesnt even have 2 be loud or particularly abt her, she just likes having people around n the escapism of it all. will make friends with everyone n make sure they have a jolly fun time guaranteed at dionysus parties 

Work Hard, Play Hard — real responsible when it comes to work and commitments and if she trusts/likes u enough, she’ll give it 2 u straight, no bs. def thinks Calling Out is an act of love but maybe does it a lil too harshly smtms. v much into efficiency, sentiments be damned. not the feely words type. will sit next to u or party w u or even pay 4 ur therapist if u need sum1 to talk to. she will Be There while u work thru it, so long as u dont expect her to change n be all emotional n stuff

if she seems a lil contradictory thats bc she kinda is. tis the good ol nurture vs nature. her ma’s a real no nonsense chick n her pops is a frat guy drama geek greek god whos rlly into cottagecore so u get this lil blonde bitch whos sorta teetering on the edges

OTHER INFO  — cw: drug use ( full headcanons here )

re her career, she achieved pegot status when she was 18 aka she truly b dat bitch. shes not super mainstream famous tho, more like indie sweetheart, film snobs/critics fave typa gal. if ya want a trajectory she started w baby commercials then a sitcom from 4-10 ( think modern fam’s lily ) then it was off to the big screen & the stage ! 

mia has a lil bit of a drug habit. its not abusive or dependent, but it is a staple whenever shes parties bc alcohol is useless 2 her. started a lil young too bc hollywoo. primarily uppers/hallucinogens. she smokes weed a lil more liberally but the rest is mostly just an on occasion thing ( which, ngl, is a still a lil problematic when u party a lot rip )

after she got claimed, mia ended up going to demigod camps in a lot of diff places n countries, depending on where production would take her. there was never an established place, more like wherever was nearest when they wrapped up shooting bc monsters afoot n wutnot  

she was always homeschooled but she still managed to go to a prom and homecoming bc party is life. that makes eonia uni p much her first chance at having a normal educational environment & experience and even then its anything but. still tho this is her moment !!! im lit rally begging her to get a personality that isnt her internally rolling her eyes going “ its not that deep ”

might put up a bio/stats page if im feelin sxc but i wud jus like the records to show that mia stoeger is a bi sxc babe bc me ? write a het ? no grassy ass.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS — cw: drug use ( full connections here )

omg danny devito i love ur work ! 

,,, p self explanatory sdkjfs sum1 who loves her work ! it can be lowkey/highkey fangirl to a civil admiration

OR alternatively, y/m can Not Be a fan of her work. they might think the storyline of the projects she takes on r too out of touch n highbrow yada yada yada, but yes, we love to see either of it ! 

summer camp sweetheart !  

someone she met when at camp when they were teens ? doesnt matter in what country/city, but mia was only visiting so it was truly a one summer romance typa thing. bc she was younger, im thinkin 13-17 or w/e she was probably sweeter n a lot more emotional then. was it either’s first puppy love ? first kiss ? first “ relationship ? ” idk, do yk ? truly, so many possibilities. nothin set in stone just hmu bub 

summer camp pals ! 

p much the same as above but make it Platonic

party buddies !

or druggie pals. either way works but she wud luv it if theyre both xoxo

friends w benefits !

most probably ( but not limited to ) sum1 she met at a party skdjhsjk is it exclusive ? is any1 starting to develop feelings ? im down 4 nthing n evrything

alexa play true friend by hannah montana !

give mia her college bestie ! her confidant who knows her feels and can call each other out viciously with no ounce of resentment. we stan the friendships !

omg i love ur skirt !

that is the ugliest effing skirt i've ever seen. lmao basically sum1 mia pretends to like or acts civil w but rlly ,,,, Cannot Stand for w/e rzn   

im p much braindead rn but those are just sum ideas !!! ofc the usual staples like the pals, enemies, wutnots are also v welcome we love to see it. if u also have a wc that u think mia would fit in, id luv to know more ! there are also a couple more detailed ones here, but pls feel free to shoot me a msg n we can get 2 plotting x 

( * wipes brow * how did i type so much n say so little rip. mia is also a completely new muse so pls b patient n if i fuq up from time to time, pretend u do not see >.< nywy thnx 4 readin, sweets ! feel free to hmu here or at discord if ya wanna <3333 )

FULL INFO  ||  EONIA TASKS 

[fandomfan315]

Ok random message but,,

If i have ever shamed ppl who wore like short short skirts/shorts, crop tops, the short sweatshirts, etc.....

I apologize.

Bc i just noticed that! When i feel good abt myself, i like to wear shirts that are a lil short bc then when i reach up and it shows some stomach, my brain reminds me that, "hey! You are confident enough to wear this! Here's some serotonin!!!" And i get a lil bit of Happy, lol.

So. Yeah. Wear whatever u want!! If ur comfortable in revealing things, go for it :DDD (As long as it isnt like. Inappropriate stuff. like wearing straight up fancy underwear and maybe a bra (for those who have a chest) to go grocery shopping or smth) Im sorry ppl hate on you for wearing "sexy" clothing/assuming its for attention when you're only doing it really for yourself, ya know?

(This is for everyone btw– guys, gals, nb pals, agender ppl and those who use neopronouns, and everyone inbetween)

Also, to clarify, im not saying this as a go ahead for clothing companies to keep making sexy clothing for afab and only that. Honestly, I'd love to just have normal t shirts and not-overly-tight jeans, skirts that are insanely short, extremely short shorts, etc. Im just saying: if you DO wear those tight clothing pieces, you dont deserve to be wolf whistled at/judged/catcalled. You dont deserve to go out in an outfit you chose bc it made YOU feel good that day, only to be told something like "daaamn bitch, everyone's gonna want a piece of that." without your consent (i dont know what catcalls are like, thats the best thing i can come up with rn srry). Comments like that, if you didnt ask for them/consent to them, arent okay whatsoever and its terrible that yall might need to worry about that when you wanna go out.

Tl;dr: STOP shaming people for wearing fuckin. Clothing. Just stop. Stop stop stop. Its mean and bad and just.... stop it, please. Its not your body. Its not your life. Just keep walking. To quote Thumper from Bambi, "if you don't have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all." (And no, catcalls are not being "nice" or a "compliment". Just say, "oh, i love your outfit!" or something, i guess. Idk. Better to just stay quiet.)

(Im not looking for ppl who agree or disagree, i just. Wanted to get this off my chest. But if anyone has any comments on it, maybe just dm me?? Idk i dont rlly care. Also if i am wrong about something in this dm me and let me know! I dont want to spread anything Bad lol)

[queervagabond]

I would love to ask you out and be your girlfriend, but there are a few reasons standing in the way. 1. I’m uglier than a blob fish and fatter than an adult pig. 2. We live in different states and idk if you’re into an online relationship. 3. Idk if you’re single and looking for a relationship. and 4. I’m scared that you won’t like me, cause I like you a lot and I think you’re interesting and funny and the sweetest person ever.

I’m not looking for a relationship, but if you would like you are 100% welcome to come talk to me on messages, I’m bad at responding but I always try my best. In my life, the number of interesting and engaging and unique people that I have enjoyed talking to to far outweighs the couple of people I have not liked, and that’s usually weird creepy men. 

Also. my dude, my friend, my buddy, my pal. I know this isn’t what the ask was intended for but I’m going to focus on #1 because I am All About Self Image at the moment since I’ve been working on it. So. Be nice to yourself. Give yourself some credit, I’m quite sure you are amazing. Something I have definitely learned in photography, specifically with all the portraits I have been doing, is that the saying that nobody is a bigger critic than themself is always true. fuck what stupid standards society likes to set, your self worth doesn’t depend on the numbers on a scale. 

if you are ok with nudity in an artistic sense, go look up irving penn's nude series. He was a hugely famous photographer and did these nude studies which blow me away in that they are Amazing AND he didnt use the normal skinny gal And didn’t grossly sexualize these women. He did these beautiful photographs of women with curves and rolls and body hair and All of it. I was in an art museum and came across the series and just... stood there in awe. I’m sure some people thought I was a creep but I couldn’t believe it. Irving Penn is literally one of the biggest reasons I started to reevaluate how I see myself. Also sooo many different ancient societies and their statues and art arent full of skinny women. This is a modern thing thats been pushed into our brain, and its Stupid, and it gets into our heads and doesn’t leave and it takes work and work and more work to try and change how we think and I know that you're way more Amazing than you give yourself credit for. Mhm mhm i also know from experience that you will probably be like “meh”, because thats what i used to be like when people said this kind of thing and am still having to work on not being like that, and I’m not going to be like “but just believe me” because it doesn’t work like that. But I want you to know that there is beauty in everybody because everybody (except trump and his followers) is so damn unique and amazing and overwhelming and I want to know all their stories and help tell all their stories because life itself is so fucking beautiful and each and every person is alive and breathing and living and is so much more than what size shirt they have to wear and how can a person that used to be no more than a wiggling infant that has grown and been shaped by freaking glorious genetics and become this person of today be considered ugly and good lord this is what happens when I listen to opera music, drink an energy drink and think about how i want to tell everybody’s story through photography, I become overly dramatic but damn it its true and i wish more people could look at a person and when they see the shades and shapes and unique features we all carry not inflict judgement but be in awe at this person because holy shit.

I need to sleep instead of rant but ANYWAYS. 

TLDR: societal standards are stupid, I understand if you scoff at what I am saying but you are perfect just the way you are, and go admire Irving Penn’s visual genius in his nude studies because they changed my life