#and that's why i refer to billy and daisy's whiteness in juxtaposition

[mermaidsirennikita]

Yeah, that trailer had me going “well that is not really the Camilla of the book who is a hell of a lot more nuanced than the sad wife whose husband is in love with someone else that trailer shows.”

I've seen critiques of Camila's characterization that I don't think are invalid--that she's too much of the "passive Latina wife of the white guy who just lets him cheat on her with a white woman"... And in the context of how TJR has written Latinx people in general, there's definitely a conversation to be had.

But I don't think, based purely off the trailer so I could be wrong, they were trying to fix that here. I think that they wanted a more traditional love triangle. I'm not anti-triangle, and I love this book's triangle soooo much, but I love it because of the nuance. I love that it's more like a love quadrangle because it's not just Camila Billy Daisy, it's Camila Billy Drugs Daisy. One of Billy and Daisy's shared connections is music and artistry, but the other is... drugs.

I think that it's very possible that, had there not been any kids in the picture, Billy would've left Camila for Daisy. This doesn't mean I think he wasn't in love with Camila; it means I think you can absolutely be in love with more than one person at the same time... just probably not totally equally or in the same manner, and at some point in that story, by his own very begrudging admission, he was more in love with Daisy than he was with Camila. I think the prospect of kids and family and home called to Billy and kept him there, which is VERY REAL. At points, things that are not you may be what keep you partner in your marriage, but that does not mean that y'all can't build off of that, like I believe Billy and Camila did. It's a remarkably mature love triangle in that sense.

But if the kids hadn't existed, I think that Billy could've gone off the deep end with Daisy, chosen her, and then... I don't know. One or both of them would've probably died of an overdose. Because their love for each other was very real. So was their love of drugs. I think that with years of sobriety under their belts, Daisy and Billy could possibly have a future! But at that point, they were gonna die if they got together, and he knew this, and that's why having the tether that was his family was good and a relief. And they had a happy life together, so it was a net positive! But a happy life together doesn't mean.... giving up things. One thing the book nails, to me, is that you very rarely can have EVERYTHING you want. You can be totally happy choosing some things over others, but you still had to give those other things up and that's a loss. Sometimes, happiness comes with a loss.

But I think that what makes Camila not the typical "jealous wife" OR passive wife is:

--While we are getting an unreliable version of Camila in that she's talking to her child and I don't think she'd just tell Julia that she thought her dad was going to leave her outright.... I think that generally, Camila was one of if not the most emotionally mature person in the book, and so when she says she didn't believe Billy was going to leave her, I think she's telling the truth. Mostly. I think that she had doubts and she was jealous; but she also knew deep down that he wouldn't do it, based off their very real trust and love and bond.

--Camila is mature enough to recognize that Billy can be in love with two people at once and that it doesn't matter because his choice has been made. But I think what people often miss is that Camila also makes a choice. She didn't have to choose to stay with Billy. Camila isn't a friendless nobody who couldn't find a way to survive. If Camila wanted to leave Billy, I think she would. It would be hard, but she would. In recognizing that Billy is in love with Daisy and there are things Daisy can offer Billy that Camila never will be able to, she has to make a tough call, and she makes it of her own free will.

--There's that entire moment in the book that people gloss over where Camila spent the day with an old flame, and Billy is basically like "it was don't ask, don't tell". I fully believe Camila fucked that guy. At min, she heavily considered it. And like... who could blame her either way when her husband is having an existential crisis over his bandmate? Billy can't even fucking say shit because he knows that whatever he did was WORSE. He fucked some randoms back in the day, and he fell in love with someone else--and I think TJR is undeniably saying that the emotional affair was 100% much more hurtful than any random fucks Billy OR Camila had. I think that by giving Camila that complexity, the idea of the passive wife is called into question. And I think that Billy and Camila knew what happened, but would of course never tell their fucking kid that.

--Lol idk, I'm not above Camila being emotional and jealous because that's so valid. But the Camila I know was never a "her or me" girl because she knew it was done. It was her. It was always her. That kind of "lady of the manor", "he may do what he wishes but he comes home to me, he's MINE" type doesn't get enough main character play in fiction and I hate that we don't see enough of it. Because I think it's very real. I think there are many marriages that function and function that way. Sometimes not well. Sometimes, though--people work it out and find a happiness. And I was fascinated with Camila in the book because of that.