#and that's a terrible choice on his part considering it's CANON that he's ticklish and that Jester knows this

[thelavendersquid]

No Words Needed

In which Caleb fails his intimidation check and the Nein use their squishy wizard as a distraction. Critickle role fic!

Fandom: Critical Role (The Mighty Nein)

Words: 2,938

AO3 link

A/N: Listen, I ship Caleb with laughing and being loved and I simply could not handle the silliness of him hanging upside down by his ankles without doing something about it. So here’s my take on an alternate version of the rope trap scene in episode 50. 

“You do not want to tangle with the spirits I command!” Caleb snaps his fingers as he says this, summoning both his cat and four floating globules of light into existence in front of him. The swoosh of his hand to cast comes out a bit harder than he intends, and he can feel himself swing side to side with a bit more intensity. His coat falls down even further and he chokes on the end of his sentence, coughing as both his coat and a bit of dislodged dirt from the cavern ceiling fall right onto his face. Frumpkin lands sideways on the ground a few feet away, letting out an indignant yowl. Somewhere to his left, Caleb can hear Beauregard fail to stifle a snort.

There’s a tense pause. Then - cackles. The pack of kobolds are nudging each other and pointing at the slowly swinging Caleb, hooting and hollering with laughter. In between the kobold cackles, Caleb can hear the muffled chuckles of his friends.

This is unfortunate.

Caleb reaches up quickly, trying to push his coat back down. Unsuccessfully. It slumps right back down in his face.

As he does this, the armored kobold leader turns to look at the pack over his shoulder, a crooked but sharp grin appearing on his face as he waves his shortsword towards the slowly swinging prey right in front of him. There’s an almost-palpable electric excitement crackling in the air. Caleb can barely hear the words he speaks next, but he recognizes them - he’s too disoriented to tell if it’s through his spell or because they’re in Common, but it doesn’t really matter. They make his blood run cold either way.

“Get large food! Go!”

Immediately there's a whooping battle cry that rings throughout the cavern, and with a swoosh Caleb feels himself swing backwards wildly as several kobolds leap forward, their claws finding purchase on his body. He grimaces and brings his hands up to block, readying himself for an attack.

There’s a flurry of movement to his left as the rest of his party is spurred into action as well. Caleb hears Fjord summoning the falchion with a whoosh. Nott nocks an arrow into her crossbow swiftly and lifts it up, ready to fire. Beau is in a battle-ready position instantly, lurching forward.

The kobold leader spins to face them, shortsword out. “No touch food! We eat you next, huh?”

It’s at this point that Caleb’s focus is yanked away from whatever his friends are doing - by a sudden, startling, feeling on his side. He’s halfway through the hand motions for Fire Bolt - aiming for the rope in hopes of burning through it to free himself - but he drops his hands on instinct, trying to swat away the kobold that is currently using it's back feet to cling onto him while it digs around in his book holsters. The kobold only clings on tighter, and its tiny, sharp claws prod deeper into Caleb’s ribs. Caleb chokes on a yelp and squeezes his eyes tightly shut.

He had forgotten about this particular sensation. It's been years since he felt it, and a large part of him assumed that he would never feel it again - that he would never be allowed to feel it again. He had put it out of his mind, locked the memory away in one of the many dark corners of his mind.

But here, with the kobold nails scratching against his sides, there’s no ignoring it.

Those claws really fucking tickle.

And Caleb is possibly even more ticklish than he remembers.

He clenches his hands into fists and bites down on his tongue. He needs to keep that particular bit of information out of his friends hands.

The kobolds are really scouring his form now - digging through any and every pocket and poking and prodding around his holsters and down his legs all the way to his ankles. Their nails are sharp but they no longer hurt - they’ve moved on to a far worse feeling. One that has Caleb squirming side to side in a desperate attempt to get away and forces him to bite down hard on his lip to keep a snort at bay. Scheiße, this is not good. He needs to get out of this rope.

Suddenly Caleb feels a firmer poke in his ribs. He yelps without thinking, and looks over to see…oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

A larger kobold, wearing a mischievous grin. Jester. Right next to him, eyes bright, and one finger held out in his direction.

Caleb opens his mouth to say something - and promptly closes it again, swallowing a gasp that feels a bit too much like a giggle for his liking, as a kobold pokes a particularly sensitive spot next to his holsters. He bites his cheek. He do it. He can brace against this.

Jester giggles at him and turns to the small cluster of kobolds watching her in awe. “Little me’s! C’mere, c’mere!” She wiggles her fingers in the air - an action that has Caleb flinching even though it's not directed at him (yet, his mind helpfully supplies, and he shivers). The kobolds scuttle forward, looking curious but still hesitant. Jester repeats the action, wiggling her fingers rapidly through the air and pointing towards Caleb. Wiggling, pointing. The kobolds creep closer still. Caleb squeezes his eyes shut at the last second.

And promptly opens them again with a shriek he can't manage to stifle, as ten tiefling claws scribble over his exposed side.

Jester’s laugh completely blows her kobold cover. She turns back to the actual kobolds - who have leaped back, snickering, at this sudden noise - and gestures for them to join her. They jump forward and land right on Caleb, claws out and wiggling, mimicking Jester’s movements. Jester, still laughing, dives right back into tickling up and down Caleb's sides, around to his stomach, and up towards his ribs.

And Caleb cracks. Laughter bursts from his throat and he dissolves into cackles. “Jehehehehe-ster! Bitte, nohohoho, dohohohon’t!

Jester just giggles along. “But Cay-leb! This is so much fun!” Her claws never stop moving. And Caleb can’t stop laughing. He’s swinging side to side, desperately searching for purchase along the wall, reaching for the ground, anything to get away from all these claws.

No luck. The rope around his ankles keeps him firmly suspended, and as the dozens of claws from both kobold and tiefling scribble and wiggle and poke and prod over every inch of his body, all Caleb can successfully manage to do is laugh. And laugh. And laugh. And find himself hoping beyond hope that this will never end because it’s quite possibly the most fun he’s ever had.

A screech leaves his lips as he feels a sudden pinch to his hip - and he immediately takes that thought back as he looks over to see Beauregard grinning at him, hands poised over his hips. Nope, no, there's no way he’s making it out of this alive. He’s going to die. Of laughter or embarrassment, he's not yet sure. Possibly both.

Beau can’t hide a laugh at the look on Caleb’s face when he sees her. Then her hands are flying up and down his sides with terrifying monk speed, pinching and squeezing and seeking out every possible ticklish spot with horrifying Cobalt Soul precision. And Caleb’s vision goes white. His brain feels like fuzz and static. He’s gone, lost in a world of mirth, where there is nothing but laughter and ticklishness and more laughter. He gives up trying to bat Jester and the kobolds away and drops his arms down, covering his face.“Bitte, Jehahahahahester, bitte, plehehehehehahahahaha-ease!” He doesn't know whether he's begging her to stop or keep going.

Luckily for him, Jester does not take any time to find out. She, Beau, and the kobolds all lock onto the newly exposed spot at the same moment, and the next thing Caleb knows there are at least fifty fingers and claws in his armpits. His laughter, impossibly, kicks up another notch and his face feels like it’s going to crack in half from how wide he’s beaming. That's it, he is quite sure this is how he’s going to die.

But he can’t quite bring himself to wish it would end.

A few feet away, Fjord, Nott and Yasha have slowly lowered their weapons and are watching this show with puzzled looks. Caduceus lowers his staff, a smile on his face. “Well that's nice.” He beckons to the nearest kobold. “Hey. Do you have a bag? I can fill it with food if you do.” The kobold scuttles over, carrying a large sack, and the soft glow of Caduceus’ magic lights the interior of the chamber as he fills it with food. The kobold’s face shifts into a look of amazement as it reaches out, tasting a piece.

There’s a sudden screech - blending into the sound of Caleb’s own cackling laughter ringing in the chamber - as the kobold leader leaps forward, slapping the hand away. Caleb stops fully paying attention around then - as someone’s fingers find their way onto his neck and another set worms their way beneath his chin and he’s lost again to silly giggles - but he barely makes out a conversation happening between Fjord, Caduceus, Nott and the kobold leader. He thinks he catches the words ‘gator skins’ - but it’s hard to tell when his own skin is being merciless attacked with scratches, pokes and wiggling fingers and his brain is still laughter mush.

An eternity later (exactly thirty-eight seconds, Caleb’s mind fills in), a whistle cuts through the laughter. Fjord’s gruff voice follows. “Mighty Nein! C’mon, we’re done here. Let’s get moving.”

Jester slows her fingers to a crawl - but does not pull them away, which is almost worse - and turns to Fjord with a pout. “Aww, but Fj-ord! We're having so much fun! Aren’t we, Caleb? Aren’t we, little me’s?”

The kobolds don’t respond, just continue their wiggling and tickling over every inch of Caleb they can reach, chirping and grunting to each other. And Caleb, still lost in giggles, could never hope to respond himself.

He does, however, notice Beau pull her own hands away - thank the gods - and rest a hand on Jester’s shoulder. “C’mon, Jes. We can finish tickling Caleb senseless later. We don't need the rope, he's easy to catch.”

Jester heaves a sigh but pulls away. Beauregard reaches up with a shuriken and cuts the rope, leaving Caleb to drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes. He rolls onto his back, still laughing, as about half the kobolds run, cackling, back to the pack, carrying coin and other various supplies they’ve stolen from him. Several others remain, claws still wiggling against Caleb as he rolls side to side on the ground with his arms wrapped around his sides in an attempt to shield whatever he can manage.

Jester shoos them off. “That's enough, that’s enough! Go on, go, go.” The kobolds scatter away from the laughing wizard quickly, before turning to watch Jester almost reverently from a short distance away.

Caleb throws his arms over his beet-red face, gasping for air. Jester bends down over him, still wearing that ear-to-ear grin. “Caleb! You’re really, super ticklish!”

Caleb says nothing, still shaking with residual giggles. Jester giggles along and takes hold of his hands, pulling them away from his face. Caleb groans and turns his face away from her, attempting to hide it in the dirt floor. Jester just giggles again and dips forward to lay on top of him, giving him a one-sided hug and a gentle kiss on his cheek, which sends his face flushing red again.“Did you have fun? Because we sure did!”

Caleb rolls over to face away from her as soon as she sits back up. His giggles are trailing off but that pesky, wide grin stays persistently on his face. He takes a deep breath, catching his breath. “‘Fun’ would not be the word I’d choose, but…scheiße, Jester, you certainly have a talent for torture.”

There's a sudden skittering sound from across the room as a few of the kobolds that had been watching their large kobold goddess suddenly rush towards her and the exhausted wizard. Caleb flinches on instinct. But the claws aren't tickling anymore. They’re copying Jester's actions - resting their hands on his and leaning in to lick his face. It doesn’t tickle - but it’s so silly, and Caleb can’t help but laugh despite himself.

Jester squeals at this sight. “Aw-eeee! Look, they love you Caleb!”

Caleb bats the kobolds away. He still has not managed to stop smiling. “Ja. Maybe. Anyway, we need to get moving before they decide to - ah, eat me.”

“Aww, no, they won’t eat you, will you?” Jester is now cooing at the kobolds that are still trying to snuggle around Caleb. She turns back to Caleb, flashing him that bright, mischievous grin. “They were definitely probably going to do that before though. I definitely kept them from eating you.”

“I might have preferred that, actually,” Caleb mutters. He’s pushing himself up from the ground. Still attempting to cover that persistent leftover smile that dances underneath his beard, as he looks up to find Beauregard staring at him.

Beau gives him a smirk. “You made a great distraction.”

Caleb shoots her a glare - aware that it's dampened by his still-present smile - and opens his mouth to snark back. Before he can say a word Fjord steps forward, frowning. “Yes, a great distraction. Other than being loud enough to summon every other monster in the area. Let’s get moving before either they show up or these guys decide to eat us after all.”

Caduceus, who Caleb notices is already walking down the tunnel ahead, chimes in over his shoulder. “Nah, I don’t think they're going to eat us anymore. We made a deal.”

“Yup. Yeah. Yup. A deal, that we did.” Fjord is still eying the kobolds warily. “Anyway, let's go.”

Jester pushes herself up, away from Caleb, and turns towards Fjord - calling over her shoulder, “Nugget, come on!” Nugget bounds over, stopping on the way to give Caleb a slurp on the face. Caleb splutters on another laugh.

Beau helps Caleb the rest of the way up off the ground, giving him a smack on the back that sends him staggering to the side as he walks away. Caleb turns to give her a look of disbelief - but he’s still smiling, scheiße - and she just flashes him a grin. He settles for a shake of his head and turns away to catch up with the others.

Jester, it seems, is now eagerly interrogating the kobold leader about the worm and the army following it, while Fjord and Yasha wait next to her, looking impatient. Nott, off to the side, catches Caleb’s eye. She’s clearly biting back a smile and she gives him a look he can’t quite decipher. Caleb averts his gaze quickly and hurries to catch up with Caduceus.

Caduceus looks over as Caleb joins him in the tunnel ahead. He gives the wizard a warm smile. “Ah. Have fun? That looked nice.”

Caleb brushes himself off, carefully avoiding eye contact with the firbolg. “Ah, um…no…but I’m happy to have provided a distraction.”

Caduceus chuckles. He catches Caleb’s eye anyway as Caleb straightens up, and his smile grows even warmer. There’s a knowing glimmer in his eyes. “Alright then.”

Jester comes bounding up then, closely followed by Fjord, Nott, Yasha, and Beau. She rushes up to Caleb, all bright, toothy grin and fingers jabbing into his side, which has Caleb jerking away, yelping. Jester giggles. “This is so great, Caleb! We can have tickle fights now!” She flashes him another bright grin. Caleb just stares at her, fighting for his life to keep his face stoic.

Jester, undeterred, turns to Caduceus instead. “Right, Cad? We can have tickle fights!” She gives his side a quick jab and is rewarded by a flinch away and a soft chuckle. Jester looks absolutely delighted at this - and Caduceus looks pleasantly surprised himself as he gives her a soft grin.

Caleb steps a few feet away from this and watches the two of them for a moment, before giving a glance behind him at the rest of his friends. They’re looking right at him. Definitely talking about him. He looks away quickly, feeling his face heat up again.

There’s a sound next at his side, and Caleb turns to find Beauregard walking quietly next to him. She gives him a nod. Without returning it, without saying a word, he reaches out and places a hand on her shoulder. And with a quick snap of his fingers, poof - his vision drops into Frumpkin's.

Beau places her hand over his on her shoulder. It’s warm and gentle and affectionate in a way that Caleb is barely familiar with - and if his emotions weren't dulled by being inside his cat, he might be tempted to say something.

But he’s not there. He’s watching through Frumpkin’s eyes as the kobolds whisper amongst themselves and two start following after them. Soon enough he’ll have to say something to the others, let them know about this new development.

But walking there, hand on Beauregard’s shoulder, her hand firmly on top of his, vaguely aware that up ahead Jester and Caduceus are starting a tickle fight all of them are sure to be dragged into, Caleb can catch his breath, calm his mind, and be grateful that, in this moment, no words are needed.