#and that kind of sucks to think about fjfkdl bad realization to come to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

piplupod · 4 months

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trying to remind myself that this exhaustion and fatigue is a heavy layer of Bad over everything and skewing my perspective but dear fucking god i really feel like there is Nothing for me and everything is so scary and overwhelming. trying to just grit my teeth and tell myself once i rest and recover from the roadtrip then life will feel manageable again but i am not anywhere near convinced this is true fhfkdl

#the last threeish days have just been a constant chanting of ''i am going to have to kill myself soon'' and trying to just ignore that #i am glad that i am home now but theres also just like. a grief that comes with it?#because i am back in this house. trapped again. at least i have the community MH centre during weekdays that i can go to now #but i want like... safety tbqh fjfkl thats what it all boils down to i guess #sad! oh well theres other.... well no theres no other anything DBDJDKL #theres distractions at least!#i just feel so useless and like i do not matter fhdksl like ... this family would function fine without me #there wouldnt rly be any difference for them except ofc they'd be sad probably idk LMAO #and then i have no friends in town... no employment opportunities... disabled and a disappointment to my parents lmao #my art isnt even going anywhere i feel like fjdkdl like... i bring Nothing to anything ???#i am bad at keeping up social connections so thats not even rly anything im bringing to the table fjfkdl #idk! i just feel very detached from the overall workings of things and i think it would not be much of an issue if i disappeared #and that kind of sucks to think about fjfkdl bad realization to come to #it is always so hard to tell if im thinking clearly or if this is hunger/exhaustion/etc talking #bwaughh i want to lie down in a tomb for five hundred years and then emerge when i feel normal fjfksl #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide tw

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