#and that gets dimitri to talk a little bit because he has a badass divine wife to - no not a dragon but has a goddess inside her

[creativesplat]

the bois.

[evajellion]

Part 9, the finale and review overall

Richie doesn’t end it off with a bang, but with a lazy whimper, with a nonsensical partnership and rivalry that I can’t think to improve.

So… Pit and Olimar, of all things.

Pit is bowing down to Palutena as she looks through the Goddess Book.

Ah, the hero, Pit, having somehow defeated Hades and saved the world from peril, is once again called by the Goddess of Light, Palutena.

Mmmm, plagiarizing Sir Dan’s intro yet again, huh Richie?

I’m surprised he at least knows enough about (modern) Kid Icarus to mention Hades at least.

Both of them are in shock to see some pages have been missing.

But what's this? The pages from the Goddess Book has gone missing. Someone must have took them. Without it pages which guided the world, it would be in peril.

Oh, we’re ripping off Sly’s Arcade Mode too?

I dunno shit about Kid Icarus beyond a few key characters and the Eggplant Wizard being in Captain N, but a quick search on the wiki told me there’s no such thing as a “Goddess Book”. There’s a “Book of Divine Prophecy”, but why would the pages of that be taken?

And what's more. Below, 2 dimensions have clashed, all because of a false god which controlled the Hands. Pit decided to go and find the pages before it is too late.

Really, this should have been the big concern, not the shit plagiarizing Sly Cooper’s story. Pit and Palutena being concerned by a deity controlling Master and Crazy Hand was all they needed to set off for adventure!

As Pit about to leave, the door opened and to Pit's and Palutena's surprise, Olimar came in carrying his diary. Following him are the Pikmins.

Suddenly, a surprise guest appeared. Captain Olimar. His pages has been missing too which has notes on his research on Pikmins.

Pit and Olimar agreed to work together and sets off to recover their pages.

To recover the stolen pages and save both the world and Angel Land, Pit joins forces with Olimar. Their adventure is just beginning.

What fucking reason is there to steal pages from Olimar’s diary?

Pretty sure the plural for Pikmin, is also just Pikmin.

"Can you see them yet?" Olimar asked as Pit looked through his telescope on top of the Rival Arena.

"Aha. There they are" Pit said spotting the pages in Nathan Drake's hands, accompanied by Sly Cooper.

Does… Pit even have a telescope? 

I figured Olimar would be the one have some kinda fancy, hi-tech equipment to see things from a distance. But I’m saying this as someone who doesn’t know much about Pikmin either, other than the gameplay and some of the cool enemies.

Of course though, this is only happening because Richie is plagiarizing Sly’s rival scene.

"You decode them yet?" Sly asked getting impatient.

"Man, I'm sure we're getting closer" Drake said looking at the pages. "All we had to do is figure out the last bit."

At that point, Pit and Olimar stood before them making them stop.

"Careful, careful." Pit said pointing his blade at them. "Despicable thieves like you and your pet would know how treasured those pages are."

Really? Pit saying Sly’s line?

Pit is young, and panics over certain situations. I think he would be more like “Hey! W-what are you doing with those!?”, not acting chill on how they should “be careful”.

OOC Counter: 39

Rest of it is copypasted, with the only difference being an out of character Olimar, who I’m gonna slap the counter on for how he’s talking.

OOC Counter: 40

After beating Sly and Drake, Pit and Olimar recovered the pages, but before they can leave...

"Going somewhere, little men?" Polygon Man said with his controlled Hands "You're not going anyway!"

"Master Hand and Crazy Hand?" Olimar gasped "What the...?"

"They've being controlled by that giant head. We must stop them" Pit said as they prepare to fight.

Pit, you should have told Olimar about this beforehand, idiot. That’s a far bigger concern than some pages being stolen.

Also lol, the typos here. 

Pit and Olimar returned to Palutena safe and sound.

Pit and Olimar have successfully vanquished all their foes and recovered the stolen pages, and even stopped the ones controlling the chaos.

As Pit and Palutena put the pages back, they noticed something very unusual.

But as Pit put the pages back, they noticed some sort of code that could releashed demons from the underworld, and Hades and Medusa would eventually return. In order to prevent this, Pit and Palutena decide to find someone to undo this code.

Olimar turned to the doorway as Pit and Palutena waved.

Olimar boarded his ship and returned to Planet Hotate, his diary pages recovered. But if an new evil would rise, Olimar would rejoin Pit...

Both Pit and Olimar glowed blue.

...and stop them once again.

I guess this ending could have been worse. Palutena says nothing about what happened though? No cameo from Viridi either?

Then again, I’m not exactly fond of them to begin with, so I doubt I’d care if Richie ruined their character.

--

How much lazier is the scenario for Nathan and Sly?

One day in Paris, Sly is going through some pages with Bentley and Carmelita Fox.

Carmelita? And not Murray? Seriously, you’re leaving the big lug out?

Carmelita is only “forced” to help Sly a handful of times, otherwise, she’s trying to arrest him. Where does this take place in the Sly games anyway? Before, or after Thieves in Time? Because you already formed a big hole in any case.

"So, have any idea on deciphering this?" Bentley asked as Sly has got the pages from Goddess Book and Olimar's diary. Trouble is, the text is hard to read.

Bentley, you’re the smart one. He’s the fucking brains of the team. Did you switch out their dialogue by accident, Richie?

OOC Counter: 41

"Hmmm... this is bizarre." Sly said "But I cannot make out the writing."

"Yoink!"

Nathan Drake appears and snatched the pages from Sly's hands.

"What the...? You again?" Sly was shocked.

"Ha. Call yourself a master thief if you cannot understand the writing" Nathan said "I already have half of the pages already, and I'm getting closer."

"You think it would lead to untold mysteries, mr treasure hunter?" Carmelita said, surprised by Nathan's wit.

"Hmm... I guess it must be over there. I gonna need Racoon Boy's help here cause I heard other people are after this treasure" Nathan said, pointing to a distance.

"Really? Alright then. Lead on. But I am making my own shots of action, Mr. Two-bit treasure hunter" Sly said as he and Nathan set off.

"Whatever you say, roadkill" Nathan said.

It’s… not a bad way to start the team-up, but really? Bentley isn’t going to say a word about it?

I think it should be the other way around, Sly seems more like the type to approach Nathan Drake suddenly, brag, and then ask to work together. Yeah, Nathan stole pages from the Thievius Raccoonus, but Sly probably wouldn’t hold too much of a grudge. It’s not like the Panda King, who had a hand in killing his dad…

Rival scene is copypasted AGAIN, so here’s another OOC Counter for Pit stealing Sly’s lines, while Olimar is just… there.

OOC Counter: 42

With Pit and Olimar defeated, Sly and Nathan began to finish the pages until...

There was a laugher and they spun around to see Polygon Man appear with the hands. "Power is an illusion. Absolute power is a seamless illusion."

"Oh brother, not you again" Sly groaned.

Sly is about as fed up with the dialogue exchanges as much as I am.

Sly and Nathan founds Nate's plane where Bentley, Carmelita and Sully awaits them.

Richie seriously, what do you have against THE MURRAY?

Where’s my boy Dimitri Lousteau, for that matter? He’s like, the best character. 

Who am I kidding? It’s good to have him spared from this trainwreck.

Blahblah, copypasted scenes--

"Is something wrong, Drake?" Sly asked as the screen turned back.

Nathan only said "We've punched a chicken and a giant turtle."

… That… line doesn’t work when…

Uuuugh, I get he was trying to say “Nathan punched Bowser on their adventure”, but the line doesn’t fucking work when tied in with copypasted shit, and…

You know what? Because of how horribly delivered that was, I’m adding one more, the last time this counter had to be used.

OOC Counter: 43

A/N: Ok so next is Kat/Ememet VS Lucario/Meta Knight scenario and then the Fire Emblem vs Fat Princess and Sir Daniel Fortesque, stayed tuned.

Well, guess what? Richie never follows up on this.

My main man Dan remains untouched by Richie’s fan-fic to this day.

Also lol, how would those rivalries even work? Lucario sensing the aura that Kat and Emmett have? Would Lucario be a chick with tits like he is in the comics?

Actually, a badass, non-sexualized girl Lucario teaming up with Borb would be a much cuter pairing than the Bimbocario x Pikachu one.

Funny thing, even the reviews were confused by the chicken comment. And another reviewer said this, which made me laugh:

Is it me, or is the grammar becoming poorer and poorer as this goes on?

Same guy who pointed out how Richie plagiarized from Street Fighter x Tekken. Good on you, reviewer who I will keep anonymous.

Alright, so, enough of that… what could have been changed about this chapter?

Nothing.

You would have to delete this whole chapter, set up a rivalry that makes sense, and start from scratch in order to fix this big of a mess.

You kinda have a limited cast to work with in PSASBR, unless you’re adding new challengers, otherwise you’re not going to be able to have all the sensible rivalries against Smash Bros. characters, and eventually run out of material.

Of course, it could have simply been Richie lost interest because it didn’t have Crash maybe.

Yeah, I know. It’s not just a thing Richie does, I’m aware. A lot of writers on FF.net seem to drop off their stories and leave them hanging, and never say anything about them like “I can’t write this anymore because of something going on”, or just deleting them. It’s very annoying when they do it, and it encouraged me to give all of my stories an ending, even if they weren’t too great.

But enough about that, let’s get to…

--

Final Thoughts

This fan-fic has potential to do something good. The rivalries between Pikachu & Kirby vs. Sackboy & Toro, Ganondorf & Bowser vs. Zeus & Heihachi are the best ones that come to mind. Others however, make zero sense.

Granted, this was the earliest SSB x PSASBR fan-fic (and also one of the first to suddenly die), besides one other, which is basically just four one-shots.

Is this story any good? No, besides the fact it’s not finished, there are unfinished stories that do the rivalries much more nicely, and don’t insult the the existing characters, or the lore for each game represented.

The Smash Bros. and Playstation All-Stars were out of character, or ruining a certain continuity, 43 times altogether. Which is a lot, for something with only nine actual chapters.

These things could have been fixed by just looking further into each series. Even if you had never played them, it doesn’t kill to pull up a video, or a wiki, or ask someone who understand a particular franchise.

The ones that stand out the most, where I had to revise everything, were parts 4, 6, and 8. Meanwhile for part 9 (this one), it should have been purged completely.

Plotting everything out, especially the rivalries, will help you in the long run. Studying each character also helps a ton.

Another thing I obviously have to criticize, is Polygon Man.

I like Polgyon Man. I don’t think he’s a “bad Master Hand rip-off” like most Smash fans do. He’s his own character. He’s possibly driven by envy, being that the All-Stars are recognized amongst Playstation fans, but he was left behind-- rejected.

Him using Master and Crazy Hand? Perhaps that was fueled by jealousy over them being loved, and appreciated by the Smash Bros. 

His interactions with the Smash Bros. also could have been interesting. He could have recognized Snake, wondered why Sonic (a SEGA character) is suddenly with Nintendo mascots, or Lucas (and some other characters maybe) could have tried to turn Polygon Man around-- stopping him from being fueled by his god complex.

There was a lot of potential to be had, and some authors do that with Polygon Man in these crossovers. Richie doesn’t do anything, and makes him the generic baddie.

Oh, and the plagiarism, yes. The one thing that tells me Richie can’t think of a solid plot without having to resort to ripping something else off…

Nearly all of this is ripped from Playstation All-Stars, with the very small except of Street Fighter x Tekken not being safe either. Only a handful of times were the intros, rival scenes, and endings written to be rather creative.

That makes things very boring to read. No one wants to read a Playstation All-Star story, if it’s nothing new. The rival scenes in PSASBR, were great! And I do love them, it’s one of the things that drew me to the game, were the unique rival scenes, some of which were pretty silly. (Sir Dan and Radec instantly come to mind, along with Big Daddy and Sackboy)

You want to do that again, but in a new, creative twist involving the Smashers? That’s good, I’ve seen people try it before… but this wasn’t it, because a whole lot of them were fucking copied.

I’m not a perfect writing myself. I’m still learning, and when I look back at my older stuff, I kinda cringe-- but I leave it up, because I know people enjoyed it, and I still considering it an accomplishment. Yet, I’m trying to learn how to grow, how to do different things, and how to finish them.

Richie doesn’t want to change. He’s in his later 20′s, and hasn’t budged from his usual, predictable style. This is going to bite him when people get bored, have grown up from these sorts of things, and want to move on, away from his content. They’ll put on a new pair of glasses, and see things in a new light, so to speak.

Tl;dr

Overall Rating: 3/10

Pros:

+ Some of the rivalries aren’t too awful

+ The idea of tag-teams for both parties is different, and reminds me of Street Fighter x Tekken.

+ Some of the team-ups actually work-- in concept.

Cons:

- Nearly everyone is out of character. (Except perhaps Toro, Heihachi, PaRappa, and Sonic)

- A lot of things were copypasted, word for word.

- The two big Richie clichés. The damsel-in-distress fetish for one. Seriously Richie, stop doing this. This along with his “villain cliché” for Bowser and Ganondorf.

- Polygon Man doing nothing almost in his scenes, rather than something interesting.

- Potential rivalries and team-ups are uninteresting, and feel lifeless.

- The typos. 

- It’s not finished. People like an ending, and one that would have wrapped up all the scenarios would have helped.

Well, that’s it for this… I wonder, is there anything else I could tear apart that Richie wrote? It’s mostly boring, thankfully (for him) no Star Fox trash for me to rip into, considering how badly he would depict the characters.

Maybe I’ll poke around, if not, then I hope you enjoyed this series of riffs.