#and that even if cis women could achieve freedom without trans women...

[lettucedloophole]

it's... interesting how perhaps a vast majority of tirfs use the term "trans-inclusive radical feminism" as a way to signal "i don't hate trans women! (at least not as much as terfs do)" rather than radical feminism which incorporates transmisogyny & transfeminist perspective into its theory & practice.

[rivetgoth]

I think part of what makes trans liberation a tricky convo for so many people is that there is a point where you have to acknowledge the fact that trans rights are going to overlap with butch cis lesbians, with cis male crossdressers, with GNC people who may or may not call themselves cis, with cis gay people, that the line between GNC cis woman and trans man actually is blurry when discussions of our rights are involved, as is effeminate cis man and trans woman, but so is effeminate cis man and trans man, and GNC cis woman and trans woman, and I don’t mean this in the “transphobia effects cis people too!” way where trans people are displaced as the main targets & instead priority is given to people experiencing splash damage (ie. when a masc cis woman is mistaken for a trans woman and then suddenly “trans allies” are taking transmisogyny seriously), I mean that, realistically, at what point does someone’s transness become proveable or tangible enough that we can be distinctly separated from cisgender counterparts when it comes to human rights and our autonomy on a legal level? There is a reason that transsexual and transgender and transvestite and drag king/queen and butch and crossdresser are all terms that can have overlap even when it doesn’t quite make sense. There is no autonomy or freedom if we suggest that the key to trans liberation is to give humanity only to transgender people who circle back around to perfectly conforming to gender but on the opposite playing field this time and leaving everyone slightly to the left of gender conformity to rot. But navigating this is a complete mess because from the outside there are MANY groups just jumping on the chance to nod sagely and agree that trans women are just crossdressing men, or trans men are actually just repressed tomboys, and one wrong word and it could very easily veer in that direction, and from within the community I think a lot of people resist this because they don’t WANT to be grouped with lesbians, or butch women, or crossdressers, or risk being degendered or misgendered for the same reasons I just mentioned. But what I’m saying isn’t “trans men are the same as butch cis women” or “trans women are the same as cis crossdressers,” it’s that these are not solidly separate groups that can be divided up cleanly, where one can earn civil rights and autonomy while the other does not. Trans men being afforded respect without GNC or butch womanhood being afforded respect is a facade because ultimately that respect is surface level and built upon respectability politics, the moment he is perceived as an individual assigned female at birth subverting that assignment he is back to square one. Transmisogyny won’t be stopped if trans women fitting a very narrow single definition of transfemininity earn some basic level of respect but anybody too far from that, any person assigned male at birth who engages with femininity or womanhood but just to the left of the binary transitioned passing trans woman, is still left to fall through the cracks. What you’re saying is that there is still a gender and sex binary that can and/or should exist, and trans rights are dependent on how well individuals can adhere to it “despite” their transness. Which both sucks and is just not a functional way to achieve true equal rights.

Obviously this leads to TERFs showing their asses all the time, when they make sweeping generalizations about womanhood that exclude large groups of cisgender women/anyone assigned female and when they & conservatives try to push laws that are just entirely regressive regarding gender roles that ultimately harm any GNC person regardless of trans status or lack thereof. It’s also why trans people are included within the LGBT acronym to begin with, because “queerness” or same sex attraction or non heteronormative identities or whatever you want to call it is inherently non-gender conforming by mainstream western Christian societal standards, and trans people are in some ways the furthest end of this nonconformity. This is why the result of the LGB vs the T being viewed as two separate distinct categories is transphobic LGBs acting -surprised pikachu face- when transphobic lawmakers time and time again turn on them next. “Gay people are fine but trans people aren’t” is never going to be a worldview that works in practice in the long-run, right from the get-go you’ve admitted that the moment somebody crosses the line you’ve created for what acceptable deviation from gender is that they are no longer deserving of human rights, and there is never an actual easy cut-off to that. Trans women BAD, but cross dressing men are okay? What if he lives full-time as a woman? What if he takes hormones? Cis women can be butch but they can’t call themselves men? So then what are you implying, that gender nonconformity is okay up until you use the wrong words, up until you undergo consensual body modification, as long as you go home at the end of the day and take it all off and look at your naked body and can happily say “Yep, I sure am glad that I’m a cis person even though I like to pretend?” Come on. At what point, then, is it “too gender nonconforming” to be a woman who dates other women, a man who has sex with other men, a person who chooses not to exist in a nuclear family unit? Remember awhile ago when someone did that article on how classic texts on conversion therapy consistently focused on curing gender nonconformity, with “same sex attraction” being one of many examples of the types of the “nonconformity” being treated?

[whitehotharlots]

TERF war

I took feminist lit and theory courses as an undergraduate, in 2003 and 04. For the time, the courses were incredibly trans inclusive (bear in mind this was a year before Jon Stewart would dismiss Dennis Kucinich’s suggestion of appointing a trans SCOTUS justice, referring to the hypothetic appointee as “the honorable chick with dick”). A good 20% of the course was dedicated to reading books by and about trans people. We even got a visit from Leslie Feinberg—the person who literally coined the term transgender, and one of the kindest souls I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.

The foundational, explicit understanding I was taught in these classes was that biological sex is innate, a fixed fact of a person’s bodily being, whereas gender is a fluid and malleable social construct. No one could have gotten through these classes thinking the opposite.

The utility of this understanding is easy to grasp: by denying the fixity of gender, feminists were able to undermine social and interpersonal structures that had traditionally denied women freedom, choice, dignity, and agency. A woman was not biologically destined to a life of domestic servitude; nor was she naturally inclined to be more submissive or deferential. Most germane to this discussion, this understanding validated the existence and experience of gender non-conforming lesbians: just because they were not traditionally feminine didn’t mean they weren’t women, or that they were in need of any fixing.

Very recently—within the last 5 or 6 years, as the abstract language of feminism has permeated the wider culture and gotten watered down for sake of digestibility—the poles have shifted. Now, we are told, it is actually gender which is fixed and innate, a metaphysical force lurking within us, suppressed by social pressures, unleashed gloriously with the aid of surgery and supplemental hormones. Biological sex, meanwhile, is a construct that doesn’t exist and shouldn’t even factor in to one’s analysis of gender relations. Sex is hereby an utter fabrication, a projection of the sick evils of normalized (cis male) consciousness engrained upon people’s erstwhile blank bodies.  Taken to extreme, we are told this therefore means trans women can get periods and that there is “literally zero” difference between trans and cis women. Ergo, having a uterus doesn’t make you a woman, biological or otherwise—it simply makes you a “uterus haver.”

The utility of this shift comes from the fact that trans self-actualization relies not just on social positioning but on bodily experience. Trans peoples’ mental wellbeing often hinges on their having access to the medical interventions required to get their body to conform to their innate sense of gender. Since we live in a country where few people have access to basic healthcare, trans people have had to medicalize their position—assert a fundamental and harmful mind/body disconnect—in order to have these interventions regarded as essential, rather than elective.  

So while it’s perfectly understandable and useful, this shift nonetheless represents a profound upending of decades of feminist thought, and I’m shocked that it doesn’t appear to have even been deliberated upon. It was asserted through tumblrs and tweets and everydayfeminism dot com posts, everyone kind of nodded their heads in agreement, and that has been that. For the most part.

Now, we might able to say that the reversal is simply academic: trans people and cis women each need to advance their respective theories of gender and sex to serve as the basis of political programs that might afford safety and respect to each group. There’s no need, necessarily, to concern ourselves too exclusively with the details. Consider a parallel: anyone who was actually involved in theoretical side of gay rights in the 70’s-90’s knows that saying gay people were “born gay” was not a universally agreed upon assertion. Many argued that this was essentially a reactionary frame which stigmatized homosexuality, making it seem like gays would have chosen to be straight if only their brains or genes hadn’t screwed things up. Eventually however, the “born this way” line prevailed, became mainstream, and was the basis of most of the gay rights campaigns of this century. Most of the people who disagreed with it on academic grounds still supported it, at least publicly, once they became aware of its political utility. Why can’t we do the same with today’s split conceptualizations of gender and sex?

Seriously, why can’t we?

The sex/gender-fluid/innate reversal came around the time when trans people started receiving their first regular, non-dismissive appearances in US media. This was the first time most people had been bothered to think seriously about gender, and the first time that the existence of trans people was admitted to as something that wasn’t freakish or a punchline. That’s a huge positive, obviously. And it happened with surprisingly little mainstream pushback (compare the responses to Laverne Cox’s appearance in Orange is the New Black with the intense outrage that accompanied Ellen Degeneres coming out just 15 years earlier—the difference is astounding).

This is where things get troublesome. Many established feminists, especially second wavers, were upset to see their life’s work upended in such a way. Some reacted horribly dismissively. Others wrote thoughtful, seemingly even-handed pieces that nonetheless seemed calculated to subtly dismiss the experiences of trans people, like by repeatedly misgendering trans authors. And still others respectfully expressed objections to or concerns with mainstream trans rights assertions. These writers tended to operate in either academic or upper-middlebrow spaces, and their prose is consequently calm, erudite, and often super dense. The rebuttals to these pieces came from places like jezebel, loveisarainbow dot com, or geocities.com/sunsetstrip/3765/madtransbitch. These pieces are easily digestible, frequently angry or even violent, and hyperbolic without exception, accusing the cis feminists of fomenting or even committing violence against trans people. In the court of woke public opinion, the second wavers did not stand a chance. They were accused—sometimes rightly, sometimes wrongly—of abject hatred of trans people, blamed for suicides and murders, and grouped in with the racists and homophobes of yore. Within a very short period of time, those who haven’t learned to be quiet have been shunted away to the darkest academic backwaters (or they live in the UK, where university cultural studies is dominated by second wavers).

But, again, why not just be quiet? Honestly, that’s my preferred approach. Maybe it would be different if I had based an academic career on one assertion over another. But overall it seems like both groups should still be able to pursue their own political agendas on their own terms, so why bother discussing this contradiction? And just on a personal (that is, cowardly) note, I might not agree that biological sex is a construct, and I certainly don’t think gender is innate, but I also think trans people should have easy access to medical intervention, so why not let the inversion stand? 

But herein lies the problem: politically, the two groups are not separate. One of the most frequently levied criticisms against certain feminist authors and movements is a lack of trans-inclusivity. Pink pussy hats were verboten within hours of their debut. Colleges have cancelled productions of The Vagina Monologues (not because it’s overwrought treacle, but because it talks about vaginas, which makes it de facto transphobic). These incidents may seem trifling by themselves, but they serve as avatars of a very real and important conflict: cis feminists are being demanded to center their feminism in an understanding of sex and gender that directly contradicts the base of their ideology. Because of this, actions and symbols that were recently taken as signs of love and solidarity are now being cast as hate speech. Cis women are being told, literally, that they have no right to call themselves women (trans women are “women,” cis women are “menstruaters”). Cis lesbians are called homophobic for not being attracted to people with penises. In short, a trans movement that purports to dedicate itself to ensuring that its purveyors be given the right to be recognized by own their self-understanding is doing so by denying that same right to others.

The only possible result here is a complete collapse anything resembling a unified feminist movement. Meaning, I guess, that it fits in perfectly with the atomized understandings of social justice that stem from internet-based discourse. I suppose I could end with a plea for decency and understanding, perhaps even outline a alignment that would allow for trans advocates and cis feminists to recognize tactical points of departure from one another without fear of committing literal assault or denying the existence of one another. But we’re past that point, I think. There’s no more space for humane liberalism. Everything’s a knock-down, drag-out these days. We don’t even pretend to want to help one another.

Addendum:

People are raising the fair point that a vast majority of trans people don’t subscribe to the sort of wrecker beliefs I outline here. That is absolutely true and part of what makes the shittiness of online gender discourse so tragic. I did not mean to suggest that these beliefs are at all common among trans people. I intended to criticize only the shitty woke media apparatus (everydayfeminism et al) that occludes any attempt at effectively theorizing gender because it prioritizes hyperbolic victim mongering over achieving political goals.

[bladesoflightandshadow]

In RoD that context could have been lost but that pressure isnt always unique to gender. A black male mc with a single father with intense pressure to succeed and to be perfect could also resonate. A number of the people who wanted a non-genderlocked book aren't white,straight or cis and experience that same pressure. Also in books like VOS it accounted for gender and had specific experiences if you played as a female Mc,they could have done that.

right so i lost my progress typing this halfway through so if i end up sounding pissy that’s why

i understand where you’re coming from. i understand how debilitating that pressure to be successful can be when you’re the child of immigrants, when you’re a person of colour, regardless of your gender. i even get how expectations of masculinity can play a role in making that experience even more difficult in some ways for men. i’m not saying it’s impossible to explore those ideas, and there does need to be more media which addresses that.

however, in the context of choices, and the way we’ve seen them handle social issues like that in the past, i really don’t see there being enough room for adding nuance in the way gender affects how an mc’s story plays out. even in the example you gave, veil of secrets, these gender variations were limited to a few interactions that didn’t really affect the overall storyline. and i honestly think vos did the whole gender variation thing the best compared to other books, but ultimately gender had little bearing on the mc’s actual development as a character.

with rod mc, however, her gender has played a huge role in her growth throughout the book, even if it is never explicitly stated. (i am admittedly not caught up, so i’m basing this off of what i have played and other people’s discussions of the book that i’ve seen.) her father’s over-protectiveness, the way he often refers to her as the ‘perfect daughter’, the fact that her entire narrative is based around the theme of freedom from not just her father, but from the world’s expectations of her as a young woman… like, sure, you might’ve experienced some of these things growing up if you’re a guy, but the level of universality that rod mc’s story is able to reach for other women reading the story, because she is a woman raised with expectations coming from a patriarchal society, could not have been achieved if she had been a guy.

and that kind of pressure is specifically tied to one’s identity as a woman, particularly as a woman of colour. even if you are, say, gay or trans, unless you have at some point experienced the world as what other people view as a woman, you will not have experienced the pressures that i was talking about in my original post. (i’m not trans and could only speak from my own experiences about womanhood, so i apologise if any of this comes off as offensive)

as a daughter, especially as an eldest or only daughter, from the moment you are born you are simply held to much higher standards than men are. i’m not saying rod mc is a perfect representation of all the experiences women, esp woc, have had to go through, but as far as choices mcs go she’s pretty fucking close. the fact is, the way her character is written means she represents a lot of these experiences, particularly wrt familial expectations & relationships, for the women reading her story.

and we don’t get to see that very often, so of fucking course we’d get defensive when we play this story, see ourselves in the main character, get emotional over the way her personal growth is written, and then see people telling us our enjoyment of this story is shallow and stupid. even other women who are criticising us–just because you personally don’t relate to the rod mc’s story doesn’t give you the right to tell us we’re dumb for liking it. 

i am NOT saying rod is without its faults, especially wrt how it handles lgbt characters. mona should’ve been a more integral character from the start, and they could’ve easily had another female love interest but they chose not to. this post & its replies explain that really well. 

but a lot of the 'hot’ takes i’ve seen about ride or die have been cold as fuck, because they’re unable to discuss it without making massive blanket statements about its readers (only straight ppl enjoy the book, we’re all homophobes for not wanting a male mc, etc.). plus, if you’re not a woman, your criticisms of this book will often sound disingenuous, because a lot of the time you’ll sound like you’re coming from a place of entitlement, not genuine concern. i’ve seen so many posts by people who aren’t women talking about how rod isn’t beneficial for wlw, how the writers don’t care about gay people, as if we don’t have more than 2 fucking braincells to be able to piece that together on our own. of fucking course that shit is going to sound insincere when you’re not even a wlw, and your main concern is obviously that you can’t play the story as a man. of course, when it comes to books like big sky country or the elementalists or perfect match, etc., they either don’t criticise them or only criticise them when it inconveniences them, and even then are able to look at it through a much fairer lens, because they can actually play as a man in those books. (yes!!!! i’m salty!!!!!)

being not white, not straight, and/or not cis doesn’t give you the right to make blanket statements about people who do enjoy the book, or to act like your opinions are objectively more correct than others’ are. on the other hand, even if you are attracted to men, even if you can relate to the mc’s struggles, you are not obligated to like ride or die. in fact, i personally find those posts talking about how 'ride or die is the best book out right now and you’re all just being salty’ annoying. nobody has to be made to feel bad because they don’t like it! but if people talking about how they like it truly does bother you, the block button is right there. so is the blacklist tool. that’s literally just how fandom works. not everyone is going to have the same opinions as you, and that’s fine.

i don’t have a fancy conclusion to tie all of this together so if any of it doesn’t make sense deal with it i guess lmao

[bulgariansumo]

Taken from this

How did you choose your name?

I didn’t. Oddly enough, my birth name was given to me because it was supposedly androgynous, so that works. I used to wish I had a more ‘normal’ name, but now I’m pretty indifferent to it.

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

I don’t experience physical dysphoria. I don’t know if I experience social dysphoria, but if so, it’s not too intense.

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

Social, if I have it. I don’t like being called certain pronouns, but I’m kind of resigned to it. Only on the internet would it really get to me, but thankfully I’ve never had that happen after coming out.

What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

I don’t need self-care when I have loving and accepting friends!

What was the first time you suspected you were transgender? 

It was kind of hard. In my preteens, I would think to myself that I didn’t want to be my assigned gender, but I didn’t quite want to be the other binary gender either. I kind of resigned myself to being my assigned gender until finding out nonbinary genders were a thing.

When did you realize you were transgender?

5-6 years ago?

What is your favorite part of being transgender?

I feel like there’s a certain freedom to it. When you grow up, you’re fed a lot of messages about gender (boys don’t cry, girls are more nurturing), and I never really liked when people tried to justify my personality with stuff like that. Now that I know I’m not cis, I can ignore it.

How would you explain your gender identity to others?

My gender = No

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

It’s much easier for me to stay in the closet.

What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

None.

What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

None.

Do you pass?

Technically yes, since having no gender means (ideally) having no gender expectations. I’d like to look androgynous, but I can’t do that socially without tipping people off, and physically, with my body type, it would be a challenge anyway.

What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

Maybe hormones? But that’s hard to do while staying closeted. I don’t necessarily need them for myself.

How long have you been out?

5-6 years online

What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

None other than my assigned gender

Have you ever experienced transphobia?

Not directly, but I did have the misfortune of hearing the Apache helicopter joke irl

What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

Public bathrooms are a den of filth. I would never step foot in one willingly unless it was an emergency.

How does your family feel about your trans identity?

I don’t know, but given how they talk about trans people, I don’t want to

Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

I literally can’t; that is not a luxury I have. There’s not really a way to be ‘stealth’ when you’re nonbinary. You either have to tell people upfront or let them assume what gender you are.

What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

I probably would’ve told myself what a transmed was so that didn’t affect my entire stance on whether or not I’m trans. But I also would tell myself that being nonbinary doesn’t necessarily mean I have to ID as trans either.

Why do you use the pronouns you use?

I like them! And they too!

Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?

I don’t know if I’m neurodivergent or not.

What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

Being outed to my family. That would not be ideal.

What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

I came out online.

What do you wish cis people understood?

Respecting trans and other non-cis people isn’t impossible. I’ve met a decent amount of cis people who are really cool about it, and I appreciate them a lot.

The sanctity of the English language is not and never will be a hill to die on. Using singular they/them will not kill anyone.

What impact has being trans affected your life?

Things make a lot more sense now! I’m really glad I found out I’m nonbinary.

What do you do to validate yourself?

Write! Creating the representation I want to see, and seeing other people enjoy it, is really helpful!

How do you feel about trans representation in media?

It’s improving, but could be better.

Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

I don’t really know all that much about trans celebrities. I think there’s like 5 I can name total? Asia Kate Dillon interested me in particular, because before hearing about them, I never knew there was a nonbinary character on US television that wasn’t a robot or an alien, let alone a celebrity that publicly identified as nonbinary, and got to play said character! It’s really cool, and I really appreciate them for being out there.

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

@rontufox. He was the first person I ever knew to mention the word ‘genderqueer’ and was the guy that reblogged the post that made me realize my identity. Great dude, great friend, really understanding and an inspiration for how to treat other people in general! I love you, bro!

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

Other than having trans friends and reblogging an occassional post… not much. I have little idea what the nonbinary community is like, what problems they have or face. Does an organized nonbinary community even exist? I’ve seen and heard a lot more discussion about and by trans men and women, but can’t really say I ‘know’ their communities, because I’m not either of those identities.

How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

The same.

What trans issue are you most passionate about?

Representation in media. There’s a lot of trans stories to tell, but not many are being told, and the ones that are are often by cis people which creates… issues, to say the least.

What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

No one is immune to misogyny. Please examine how you treat/behave toward women. On the other hand, ragging on men just for the sake of ragging on men doesn’t really do any good for anyone and can easily reinforce harmful beliefs. People who choose to belittle or ignore the struggles of specific men (cis LGB+ men, trans men, men of color, etc.) are especially suspicious when it comes to this.

NEVER INTERACT WITH TERFs. Period. They are not a joke. Transphobes in general are bad of course, but TERFs are especially manipulative. They can and will turn someone completely inside out in order to get someone to believe their ideology and have a lot of sneaky tactics to get otherwise anti-TERF people to agree with them. No matter how secure you think you are in your identity, it’s not worth it. The same goes for transmeds. I don’t know the full extent of their tactics, but based on personal experience, they’re pretty damaging too.

How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

I’d much rather be read as a guy online than in real life.

What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

I don’t really get to ‘express’ my gender irl. I’d like to have more ‘plain’ clothes that aren’t obviously tailored for one gender. Online, my gender expression is... just being me! I used to put a little more thought into trying to come off as completely androgynous, but what’s the point of being nonbinary if I can’t be myself?

Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

Neither

What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I’m ace and aro. I feel like it’s made a lot easier for me to be my identity than if I were attracted to people. I don’t often see unaligned nonbinary people in discussions of attraction, but then again, I rarely see nonbinary discussions at all. It’s already hard enough for binary trans and aligned nonbinary people to get taken seriously as their in a relationship or in other parts of the LGBT+ community.

There’s people who don’t believe nonbinary people exist or should be a part of the LGBT+ community, and then there are others who don’t believe asexual or aromantic people should be a part of the community either. But there are many more cis+heterosexual+heteromantic people, who would not accept nonbinary, ace, aro people at all. It’s hard to interact with the LGBT+ community beyond support if you have to second-guess whether you belong at all. But, the more I learn about other people’s experiences in the online LGBT+ community, the more I learn that no group feels completely safe, and all of them are either being persecuted or ignored by each other. I don’t really know what to say other than it’s really sad.

Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

I have no ideal partner.

How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

I came out online. That’s it to me. It was pretty easy for me in particular because there were very few people who I told my assigned gender beforehand.

What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

Tumblr. 

Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I don’t know if I’ve ever met a trans person IRL

Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

Not really.

Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.

Thanks, I might make a few!

What do you hope for in the future?

Trans rights!  Safer discussions of LGBT+ topics in public!

What are you thankful for?

My amazing friends for supporting me! I wouldn’t have gotten this far without you, and I’m thankful for the people who are there for me!

What do you wish to achieve?

I wish to be able to understand and respect other parts of the LGBT+ community better. I know I won’t be able to understand other groups 100%, but I like learning! And more than anything, I don’t want to make it any harder than it already is to be LGBT+ online. I want to help my friends!!

Why didn’t you write “as a trans person” after those last three questions, when that’s what you meant? 

I’m not sure if I see myself as trans to begin with. I’ve only heard one other person share this sentiment with me, but I feel like being trans is a little more involved what I am, and I don’t feel comfortable co-opting on that experience (even though...taking this questionnaire meant for trans people… might be doing just that.) I do want to clarify that I’m not saying that nonbinary people who share my experiences CAN’T be trans. I’m just saying that I’m not sure if I see myself personally as trans. I’m not cis though. That I know for sure.

Did you like taking this questionnaire?

Heck yeah! Nice job, OP!

What’s a way you can end this on a happy note?

I know a lot of these answers have been downers, but I think if people pull together, a better future is possible for all of us. I’m thankful for where I am in life now, and I want other people to get to a similar spot in life, if not better! Also, let me know if I stepped out of line in any of these answers so I can edit them!

[meandmymentalhealth67220]

I'm not feeling very good right now. I seem to compulsively stay on the Internet, reading all the anti-trans content that is on there, emailing politicians, trying to build support to explain why we need support and they're focusing on and going after the wrong people.

I doubt it will do any good, though. They seem to have made their mind up that trans women are perverts, rapists and men. They pay lip service to listening to us, but keep saying that listening to the anti-trans lobby is very important, too. It makes me sick. It's like saying that white nationalists have a point, or sexism is OK because women are just naturally inferior - it's just lies, and evidence that all the progress we have made as a society can be undone at the drop of a hat with the paranoid fantasies of the gullible.

The worst thing is... I was abused for most of my life by my parents. I was driven into alcoholism and debt by this. I've also tried to help those mistreated by abusers - a friend whose husband was violently, scarily abusive and tried to have me locked up for being trans and queer whilst in Egypt, and a young woman who was actually abused by the worst trans person I have ever met - only to see those abusers and the friends we shared turn on me for daring to say that it wasn't right, and drawing a line in the sand. It led to abuse, threats and gaslighting that left me mental and emotionally a mess, and alone. It seems people are fine with abuse, and have no interest in it unless it can further their prejudices.

And that has really troubled me. I now have trouble sleeping, anxiety attacks, frequent suicidal ideation that I'm trying to fight off. I fell out with a friend over her arranging to meet me and not showing up or messaging me four times, constantly bringing up people who caused me trauma in conversation when we agreed she would stop doing it, and frequently gaslighting about my mental health, recovery, and the fact that I was getting better. I keep having to cut people I care about out of my life because of their complete disregard for my own mental health and wellbeing, and it's really hard to do that.

I also stopped using Facebook, but that just means that I'm now even more cut off and lonely, even if going back to that spewing maw of hatred and delusions would be worse.

It becomes hard to feel valid when you have the world invalidating your identity at every turn. I feel sick about the lies being spread about our community, so marginalised and threatened at the best of times, but even worse when they could be focusing on the rise in domestic violence, the regression of attitudes towards woman in private and public life since the pandemic began, and return of narrow biology-based arguments of sex which have always harmed women most of all. Having proud, visible trans people means we take heat, but it also means gender variance is more normalised, so women aren't ordered to wear skirts and makeup and high heels when they don't want to - everyone gets freedom that they just don't when you force them into two narrow gender roles, pants wearing, penis-weaponed, oppressive men and skirt wearing, violence inducing vagina having, oppressed women... and radical feminism actual needs these two things to exist so it has something to fight against. So they team up with the religious right, anti-abortionists, women-hating far right groups, and organisations dedicated to ensuring the abuse of women generally goes unpunished.

And, OMG, the prejudice. Trans women are predators, trans men have been brainwashed by patriarchy and their delicate minds can't think for themselves, trans children are being neutered but we should never, ever listen to what they think, non-binary people just don't exist and are fantasists. How is this mainstream thinking? It isn't. Not even the people printing and spouting this stuff believe that it is true.

And everything is misogyny and patriarchy, and we'd be so much better if a woman was in charge. Well, here in the UK we had women in charge. Feminists were so appalled by Margaret Thatcher they proposed she be classified as a man at one point, and Theresa May didn't do anything to significantly improve the lives of women, she just carried on the cuts that fell disproportionately on them and concentrated on Brexit - an obsession of wealthy white men in her party. People do all kinds of crazy things for all sorts of reasons, and the reason mainstream feminism focuses on class and capitalism is that it is traditionally these structures that embed sexism and gender prejudice in significant ways, and there is a realisation that equality doesn't mean that a man or a woman should be feted as being the best leader. Instead of focusing on their genitals and whether or not they have fulfilled a traditional gender role well, we should focus on the quality of their character and their personality. It isn't misogynist to suggest that some people find gender roles reassuring, as I was accused of recently. The point of equality is that you can choose - without choice, you do not have equality. It's as simple as that. And, quite frankly, patriarchy doesn't exist. The people in power don't have power because they have dicks, they have power because of money, connections, their platform, and much more besides. Having a dick does confer an advantage, but given how many dick-having people fail to use that advantage, it seems to be somewhat negligible at best. If it was true that manhood confers people power, then trans men would have a greater voice - but as yet, they remain somewhat marginalised even within the trans community. And trans women don't have a greater voice because once having a dick conferred great powers on them, they have a greater voice because of male fetishisation of trans women and the press being obsessed with us.

I want to live in a world where the strength of my character and my skills are my defining attributes. Not what I pack in my pants, not the way I choose to dress, not traditional values, not assumptions that my birth gender or the tick a doctor wrongly put in a box when I was born mean I now have to follow a strictly determined path for the rest of my life. This is policing of my body, invasion of the privacy of my underwear, and making policy to discriminate against it by removing me from public life by denying me access to facilities, or putting myself at risk of humiliation and threats by forcing me into the wrong bathroom. What next? Trans women can't use the same water fountains as cis women? Defunding transition on the grounds that we are crazy? Legalising violence against trans women and men for deceiving sexual partners - oh, wait, that one already exists despite it violating human rights law.

Instead, we have radical feminists electing themselves the sole arbiters of what constitutes a man and a woman. Does no-one else see how harmful this is for everyone? It legitimises toxic masculinity, forces women back into submissive household positions and denies us a chance to be recognised for our achievements, skills and abilities, and invalidates the identities of anyone who refuses to conform.

And that is what this is about. Conformity. And the moment these radical feminists get their way, and women are harmed by these measures and the "debate" their ideology has promoted, they will start complaining about the unequal society they have helped creare, about the attitudes they encouraged, about the obstacles they put in everyone's way to justify their bigotry and hatred.

Why does JK Rowling get to abuse the entire trans community because she got attacked by one toxic man, but I don't get a voice despite my transphobic mother beating me, and my father trying to strangle me, and a wealthy film star and revolutionary hero threatening to have me arrested and killed, and former friends threatening me over refusing to accept abuse, and all the constant gaslighting, hate-speech and invalidation? Why is it so important we're banned from women only spaces when those spaces are shut due to covid-19? Why don't they care about the many women who need help now, including a trans community that doesn't deserve this, when we already have laws against rape and assault and threatening behaviour that are just not being applied because our government has the police focused on harassing ordinary people who aren't doing anything wrong? I get told off for momentarily resting on a bench, but they can't do anything about assault or rape or threatening behaviour? Is that really a society we want to live in? What's the point of police if they attack the innocent and ignore the guilty? What kind of world is it that we live in?

[roughstar]

What's wrong with America, part 2: individualism

Individualism, according to Google, means either the belief of being self-reliant or the social theory of independence and freedom as opposed to a community-based one. So, what's wrong with this? A few things. First, it creates a sense that everything is on oneself. What I mean is if someone does well, individualism suggests they worked hard for it, and the inverse is true, that if someone is struggling they did something wrong.

Individualism suggests that someone's success and well-being is a result of personal choices and nothing more.

Well, why have a community if we don't even believe in a communal system? I believe republicans and libertarians are just that. All this talk about lowering taxes and cutting spending. It's killing the socialism we already have in this country. They're taking individualism to the extreme and hinging people's lives on whether they can survive without assistance. But, there's a lot that they do that is counter to that belief. They receive help, but when they do, they see it differently. Maybe because it's happening to them and they understand their own situation while they assume everyone else's situation is unnecessary handouts? I dunno, but that's the big thing.

People who believe in individualism see a difference between those in need and tangible real people in front of them.

What that means is food stamps recipients are moochers, but Ms. Jackson down the street is on government assistance for her three kids and only works part time cause she's a single mother. Is there a real difference? No. But for some reason they think there is. I guess because you can help Ms. Jackson by giving her food, or referring her to your church, and it doesn't have to be through the greedy inneficient hands of the government? Well that's a discussion for a different time. My last point is this.

Individualism assumes equality.

Equal opportunity, equal treatment, equal judgement. And that's simply not the case. We have proof that candidates with black or latino sounding names are less likely to get hired. That women musicians are less likely to get selected in prestigious orchestras. That black people are disproportionately arrested and sentenced longer for the same crimes as whites. Gay people have the right to marry vut still can be legally discriminated against in many states. Trans people have to fight legislation to use the bathroom. Muslims are seen as terrorists. Latinos are seen as illegals and criminals. Blacks are seen as dangerous thugs. Women are seen as clumsy and incompetent. Young people are seen as immature, overemotional, irrational. With all of this, in an economic standpoint, older cis straight white men don't have inhibitors to achieve success. Everyone else does, and those inhibitors aren't mutually exclusive. People in more minority groups have a harder time achieving success than those that don't naturally. And this problem isn't purely economic. It has a lot to do with society. Every single one of us could be participating in maintaining these inhibitors. When you factor in class, fame, and power as inhibitors as well, Donald Trump has the most privilege. Anyone that isn't him could have more privilege. We should all be using that as a means of unifying ourselves instead of using it to separate ourselves into groups. But I'm not saying we ignore that which makes us different. I'm saying we should all be working together to help each other destroy those things that value one difference over another. That's intersectionality. We all should be following it.

I'm not asking you to agree with what I say. I just want you to think it over.