#and steve slowly is able to come to terms with his sexuality

[solarmorrigan]

I have a lot of thoughts about Steve who craves physical affection, who thinks of his worth in terms of what he can do for other people, and who got very drunk at high school parties. This is one of them

CW for heavily implied past dubcon (not between Eddie and Steve). Please take care

-

Eddie has never seen Steve drunk.

At least – not up close. There had been a few high school parties back in the day where Eddie had passed by the “Keg Stand King,” but since he’s come to know Steve personally (intimately), Steve has barely touched alcohol.

He’s told Eddie the story of being drugged against his will and how he doesn’t want to repeat the feeling of losing control, and how he doesn’t like not being able to drive if he needs to, and how the hangover would probably just trigger a migraine anyway – and, really, he just doesn’t drink much anymore.

Yet tonight had been a special occasion: Robin’s birthday. She herself isn’t much for alcohol (for at least some reasons that match up with Steve’s), but drinking, she said, feels like a part of the birthday experience. She’d somehow gotten Steve to match her beer for beer, for “emotional support,” and it hadn’t taken long for the both of them to become entirely inebriated.

Time has apparently greatly eroded Steve’s tolerance.

Eddie had distantly expected him to be kind of a bitchy drunk—and he had become a bit cattier, for sure—but mostly he’d just become affectionate. There had been hugs for nearly everyone, and he’d spent the latter half of the party slowly migrating into Eddie’s lap, plying him with constant kisses on the cheek and giggling ridiculously at nearly everything Eddie had said.

It had been sort of adorable (not that Eddie will tell him that; no, he’s going to sit on that information until it benefits him).

It’s a little less fun now that he’s trying to cart Steve up to his room and into bed. Steve is a bit wobbly, and a lot heavy, and is much more interested in trying to cling to Eddie like a koala and bury his face in Eddie’s neck than he is in actually walking anywhere.

“Y’know, we could cuddle to your heart’s content if you’d just let me get you to bed,” Eddie points out when he and Steve have stalled out partway down the hall, leaning against the closed door to the bathroom.

Steve hums vaguely, tightening the grip he has on Eddie’s t-shirt. “But you’re out here,” he mumbles, nuzzling into the crook of Eddie’s neck.

A shiver travels down Eddie’s spine at the feeling of Steve’s warm breath ghosting across his throat, but it doesn’t go much further than a gentle, dying flutter in his gut. As affectionate as Steve has been, as hungry for contact as he’s acted all night, there’s been nothing sexual about it. It’s been all hugs and sweet kisses, not heated embraces and sloppy make outs.

Besides– Steve’s drunk. Eddie’s not going to take advantage.

He wedges a hand between himself and Steve and gently pushes Steve back.

“I’m coming to bed with you, you colossal dork,” Eddie says.

Steve blinks at Eddie, slightly unfocused. “Oh.” He finally heaves up and away from the wall, grabbing Eddie’s hand to tug him along as he weaves unsteadily down the hall. “Well why didn’t you say so?”

Eddie rolls his eyes, all affection. “Where else would I be going?”

Steve stops when they get to his room, apparently pondering the answer.

“Away?” he finally volunteers, half-questioning, as if he’s hoping he’s wrong.

“No, baby,” Eddie assures him immediately, leaning in to give him a quick kiss. “I’m staying. Gotta make sure you don’t choke on your tongue after you pass out, anyway.”

“’m not that drunk,” Steve says; he rolls his eyes and then immediately seems to regret it, reaching out for Eddie’s shoulder to steady himself.

“Uh huh,” Eddie drawls. “Okay, time for bed, big boy.”

Grumbling, Steve releases Eddie to shuffle over to the bed, where he flops down on his back with a sigh, jeans and all.

“Alright, not exactly what I meant, but I can work with this,” Eddie says, kneeling on the bed by Steve’s hip.

They’d managed to ditch their shoes in the entryway, but they’re otherwise fully dressed, and Steve is going to be uncomfortable if he tries to spend the whole night in his belt and jeans.

Steve squirms a bit when Eddie reaches for his belt buckle, as if he’s not quite sure whether to move away or not.

“Eddie…” he groans – an exasperated sort of groan, rather than the usual way he groans Eddie’s name when he’s squirming on the bed.

“Just hold still,” Eddie shushes him with a quick pat to the hip.

He gets as far as pulling the tongue of the belt through the buckle before Steve’s hands shoot out and grab Eddie by the wrists. His grip is surprisingly strong, considering how uncoordinated he’d been tonight, and Eddie stills immediately.

“Steve?” Eddie looks up to see Steve staring down at him, wide-eyed and apprehensive; hell, if Eddie didn’t know any better, he might say Steve looks… sort of frightened.

“Not– not tonight,” Steve says, enunciating carefully, and Eddie’s confusion only increases.

He doesn’t want his belt off tonight? Is that what he’s worked up about?

In the wake of Eddie’s baffled lack of response, Steve only grows more insistent, tugging Eddie’s hands away from his waist.

“Not while I’m–” Steve breaks off, licking his lips nervously. He shakes his head and adds quietly, “Please.”

Brows furrowed, Eddie stares at Steve a second longer. “Not while you’re…?” Then the penny drops, and Eddie jerks away from Steve so quickly that Steve barely has time to let go. “Oh shit, no. That’s not– no, I’m not– Steve, fuck, no, that’s not what I’m doing.”

Steve stares up at Eddie, the anxiety he’s a little too drunk to mask still lingering in his eyes.

“I promise, I was only trying to get your belt and pants off so you’d be more comfortable. For sleeping!” Eddie says quickly. “But you can keep them on if you want. Hell, put on more layers. Do you want a jacket?”

Distantly, Eddie realizes he’s rambling and tries to stop; it doesn’t seem to be helping.

“I– I know I was kissing you,” Steve says, then glances away with a grimace, seeming a bit more sober now. “Practically throwing myself at you. ’m sorry, I just–”

“Don’t be sorry. Don’t be,” Eddie says firmly. “Even if you were throwing yourself at me—even though you weren’t; like, I can tell the difference between cuddly you and horny you, okay?—but even if you had been, you can still say no. You can always say no. But I swear, Steve, I was only trying to get you comfy, that’s all.”

For a moment, Steve just breathes, processing Eddie’s words as carefully as his sloshed brain will allow.

“Are you still going to stay?” he finally asks. “Even though I don’t want to have sex?”

“Of course,” Eddie blurts, some dizzying combination of baffled, anxious, and incensed. “I’m only gonna leave if you tell me to.”

And even then, he’d only go as far as the couch downstairs (just in case).

Slowly, Steve nods, then reaches for his belt to pull it off in a series of determined, clumsy movements. He drops it on the floor when he’s done but makes no move to remove his jeans.

Eddie, following suit, resigns himself to an uncomfortable night. He strips off his jewelry and his own belt but leaves his pants on.

All the lights go out, save for a small, dim lamp on Steve’s desk, and then Eddie crawls on top of the covers with Steve, pulling the blanket from the end of the bed—a gift from Claudia—up over both of them.

A little of the churning, anxious mess in Eddie’s chest eases when Steve immediately plasters himself to his side, resting his head on Eddie’s chest (and Eddie just knows there’s going to be drool there come morning, but he can’t bear to move him). All the same, even as he hears Steve’s breathing even out into sleep, Eddie can’t get his mind to rest.

What has he done to give Steve the impression that he’d try to fuck him when he’s too drunk to really say yes? What has he done to make him think he’d leave if Steve doesn’t put out?

Nothing.

Genuinely and truly, Eddie can’t think of anything. There have been plenty of times they’ve hung out, even shared a bed, and they haven’t had sex. Sure, they’re active, but they do actually do other things together.

There have been other nights where sex has seemed like a sure thing, only to be halted by an apologetic look from Steve and the start of a migraine. There have been times Eddie’s called it off because his anxiety has reared up and bit him in the ass. There’s never been anger over it.

That leaves two options: it’s either an imagined scenario stirred up by anxiety and insecurity and alcohol, or… it’s based on a different experience, in a different time and place.

All things considered, Eddie has a terrible, sinking feeling that he knows which one it is.

[miss-bushido]

Give me everything...Keep doing that forever

Rating: M Notes:

I had initially started this for Steddie Smutty September, for the prompt 'Sneaking Around', but then I put it to the wayside. I hadn't initially planned how it ends, but I think it's fitting. Title from the song 'The First Five Times' by Stars.

January 1988

“Hey guys,” Steve announced, standing up from his chair at the head of the dining room table. Around him, his and Eddie's nearest and dearest were sitting at the table with them, or were standing near the windows or at the breakfast counter, lost in their own pockets of conversation when Steve interrupted them. Everyone had come over for a big dinner to ring in the new year. Eddie, as usual, was in the chair next to him. His presence was the same constant comfort that it always was these days. Truthfully, Steve didn't know how he'd gone so long in his life without it.

It hadn't always been a given that Eddie would be there. Things changed after spring break of 1986. They had hung out more that summer than they ever had before, and one night, had shared a heated kiss in Steve's den. This had led to more of the same, escalating to blow jobs, hand jobs, and sex the like of which Steve had never experienced before. Bone deep in its intensity and intimacy. Both of them had said "I love you" very early on, but they decided from the beginning to keep their now year and a half long relationship a secret. They still managed to do things other couples would do. There were late night date nights at The Hawk; clandestine meetings in parking lots and behind the Hideout when Corroded Coffin played; sex in the back of Eddie’s van when they couldn’t have privacy in their own homes; some trips out to Indy to rent a hotel or motel room and let it all out, their moans echoing off the walls; and of course, small stolen moments when they were around other people. Hands on the small of each other's backs, holding hands in the dark or under a blanket. Falling asleep against one another on the couch after a movie night with some of the others. All of this ramped up the heat and sexual tension between them, and reinforced their feelings for each other.

Steve fell first, but Eddie fell harder.

They’d decided it was finally time to come clean, and stop keeping it a secret from their friends. Eddie wanted to be able to kiss and hold Steve’s hand in front of everyone. He didn’t want to have to temper his usual flirty nature any longer. Steve wanted all of that, too, but he also had his own secondary reason, and it was currently burning a hole in his pocket.

Now that he had everyone’s attention, Steve blanched. Was this actually a good idea? He gave Eddie a quick glance, almost begging for help with his eyes. Eddie nodded slowly, a small smile spreading across his face. Quiet encouragement. It was the push Steve needed.

“I wanted to say…that I’m so glad all of you could be here, and it’s especially important because I have two things I want to announce. The first…is that Eddie and I are in a relationship. We’ve been dating for over a year now, and while we agreed to keep it secret in the beginning, we thought that now was the right time to share it with you all.”

Crickets.

Not a gasp. Not an expletive laden exclamation. Everyone in the room around them was stone-faced. Even the guys from Eddie's band looked particularly unfazed, as if someone had asked them what time it was, or what the weather was like outside, rather than finding out their lead guitarist was in a long term relationship with another guy.

Robin finally spoke up after it seemed the silence would never end. “Was it supposed to be a surprise?”

Steve’s eyebrows went up into his hair, and Eddie sat up straight. “What do you mean?” Eddie asked, a look of confusion on his face.

“You two really need to work on your subtlety,” Max piped up. “But, hey at least we don’t have to pretend we don’t know you two are fucking anymore.”

Steve turned bright red, and in spite of himself, Eddie barked out a laugh. Max was blunt as usual, and it was hard not to be amused by it.

“What gave it away?” Steve asked. “We were so-”

Nancy groaned out loud. “Do you really need a list? You two are always sitting almost on top of one another.”

“Eddie got way more touchy feely as the year went on,” Dustin said. “He was always touching you somehow, Steve. And worse, you were always touching him.”

One by one, their friends listed the ways they had been found out:

They repeatedly arrived late to gatherings, but at the same time. And they left early a lot of the time, too. "Always together," Jeff pointed out.

Steve frequently had hickies on his neck that his shirts couldn’t easily hide. The ones on Eddie’s neck at least could be hidden by his hair.

Eddie was recently caught humming songs that were more to Steve’s taste than his own. "I never would have pegged Eddie for a fan of The Smiths, but here we are," Will spoke up, voice quiet as usual, but clear.

When one of them disappeared for a quote unquote bathroom break, the other would inevitably follow. "You might have gotten away with it once or twice, but it was all the time," Mike complained. "I'm just glad my house had two bathrooms."

“And then you’d come back all sweaty and red, brochachos,” Argyle said, unable to stop the smirk on his face. “It’s pretty easy to assume.”

“Eddie looks at you like you hung the moon,” Gareth piped up. “I’ve never seen him look at anyone like that before.”

"One time," El spoke, her voice quiet and controlled as usual, "I saw you put your hand in Steve's back pocket. He seemed to like it. And so did you."

Eddie blushed, bringing some of his hair in front of his mouth. Steve didn't know his face could get any redder than it already was. "Okay, okay, I get it. We were very not subtle."

“Why are you telling us now, Steve?” Nancy asked, eyes bright and inquisitive, her reporter’s mind working overtime.

If Steve thought he was nervous before, it was nothing compared to the way his stomach dropped now. He hoped his face didn’t show it, but considering the input from everyone around them, that was a pipe dream.

“Well, I said I had two things to announce,” Steve said, placing his hands on his belt loops, trying to will himself to stop shaking. “And I wanted to tell you all about us because…” He turned to look at Eddie, who was looking at him quizzically.

Steve focused on Eddie, on the beautiful coffee depths of his expressive eyes. The familiar swoop of his bangs over his forehead. How soft his hair was. How beautifully pink his lips were. How he was the perfect height for Steve to pull in for a quick kiss. How strong his hands were, and how well he fit between Steve’s legs. How he thought of him when he woke up in the morning, and how he was on his mind as he went to bed.

How all of those things combined to make the perfect package of the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

“Because I wanted to ask you to marry me, Eddie.”

A collective gasp went through the room, punctuated by the wide eyed watery look Eddie gave him, his hands moving to cover his mouth.

Steve moved, going to his knees in front of where Eddie was sitting. “I didn’t realize when we got together that I’d find the missing half of myself.” As he spoke, he reached into his pocket, pulling out the small box. Eddie’s eyes widened as he watched, not moving a muscle, his hands still covering his mouth. “Being with you has been an exciting, loving adventure, and I can’t wait to see what the next phase of our adventure will be.” He opened the ring box, revealing a silver band that appeared to have been partially braided, with a green stone in the middle. Eddie had told him a lot about Aragorn’s ring in Lord of the Rings, and how he had given it to Arwen when they got engaged. “And so,” he took Eddie’s left hand and slid the ring onto his finger, “I want to kiss you in the sunlight, in the sight of many. Eddie. Will you marry me?”

Eddie nodded furiously as he let out a sob and pulled Steve in for a kiss. “Yes, yes, yes,” he murmured against his lips, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Yes, of course.”

Steve was crying, too, but they were happy tears as he wrapped his arms around Eddie.

He heard the rapid click click click of a camera, and turned to see Jonathan moving his camera away from his face. As he turned, Argyle whistled loudly, and before he knew it, all of their friends were swarming around them. Everyone was emotional, crying happy tears and hugging both of them. Eddie couldn’t stop looking at his ring, but when he did, he all but pinned Steve to the wall with the force of his gaze.

Later, after they had received all the congratulations and love from their friends, Eddie did physically pin Steve to the wall. He kissed him fiercely, hands roving everywhere he could.

“Good proposal?” Steve managed, voice rough as he broke away to take a breath.

“I was already going to say yes,” Eddie said, running a hand through Steve’s hair, kissing him softly on the lips. “But when you gave me that ring, and you quoted Lord of the Rings? I was a goner.” He rested his forehead against Steve’s. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, baby,” Steve replied, tilting Eddie’s head to the side to kiss his neck. “I’m not sure when we can legally tie the knot, but I want to practice what we’ll be able to do on our wedding night.”

Eddie grinned lasciviously at Steve, gripping his shirt and pulling him in for another rough kiss. “Of course. We have to make sure we get it right.” He kissed Steve again and then pulled back. “Engla beorhtast,” he whispered as he took his hand and led them up the stairs.

"Is that Elvish?" Steve asked, allowing himself to be pulled after his fiance.

"It is," Eddie answered. "It means 'brightest of angels'." He turned to face Steve, bringing his left hand up to caress Steve's face, the light glinting off of his ring. "And that's what you are to me. Now and for always."

Steve gulped, leaning into Eddie's touch. "I have a lot to live up to with that."

"I think you're more than equal to the task, big boy," Eddie said, pulling Steve backwards into their room, not stopping until he fell backwards onto the bed, Steve falling on top of him.

[destieltaggedfic]

Retired Dean - Part 3

Dean deserved to retire and be happy in the way he chooses.

A Little Company – VioletHaze   Ao3

Set S9 AU.  Five years after the angels fall, Dean and Cas are married, settled down and have just adopted a daughter.

Word Count: 49k                              Graphic Sexual Acts

profoundly bonded (by law) – sobsicles   Ao3

Set S15 AU.  Its all over, and they’ve given up hunting.  Sam has moved into an apartment in town but Dean and Cas have bought a farm house they are renovating.  One day Cas asks if Dean would marry him, not being able to think of a reason against it Dean says yes.  Being married changes nothing about their friendship until one day it does.

Word Count: 20k                              Graphic Sexual Acts

Be My Superman - MaggieMaybe160   Ao3

Set S4 AU.  A number of injuries benched Dean years ago, so Dean settled in a town and became a mechanic, slowly making friends with a guy called Steve.  When he decides its time to take on a small hunt again, Dean finds out Steve is not what or who he seems and that apparently Sam is running around trying to start the apocalypse.

Word Count: 11k                              No Sex

Oil and Honey – Chthon   Ao3

Set 15x20 didn’t happen AU.  3 years after they defeated Chuck, Dean has given up hunting and restarted Bobby’s business.  He doesn’t expect the day that Cas suddenly turns up, his task, to ensure Dean’s safety for the rest of his life.  Having come to terms with his feelings for the angel when he was dead, Dean doesn’t quite know how to translate that to the living Cas in front of him.

Word Count: 52k                              Non-Graphic Sex

There Are Roads Left in Both of Our Shoes – sidewinder  Ao3

15x20 didn’t happen AU.  Cas rescues himself from the empty by ripping out his grace, but ongoing nightmares lead him to realise that leaving his grace behind also left a connection from him to the empty and it is tormenting him in his sleep.  His bond with Dean may the answer.

Word Count: 118k                            Graphic Sexual Acts