#and sometimes that hurts like hell
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Me, while starting this chapter a few days ago; man, I'm not sure this is actually going to be long enough for a chapter... I mean I might want to split it into a sidestory thing anyway, I don't like how chapter 6 to 7 to 8 would flow with this as chapter 7, but even then...
Me, now, checking my wordcount for the funsies; how the fuck did this hit 2.7k.
Sometimes the words just word, I guess.
Also I have a particular favourite line from this maybe-chapter now. It's probably one of my favourites in the fic. Which'll make it a bit disappointing if I shunt it to sidestory, but also like. My narrative flow?
#writing#fic writing#star wars#sometimes you need to make a decision#between the 'man this is neat as hell' side of your brain#and the 'it doesn't fit the story flow' side#and sometimes that hurts like hell#buuuuuut also like sidestory stuff exists for a reason#you don't gotta yeet it you can just hold it for somewhere else#so there's that at least
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Song for August: Neon Knights by Black Sabbath
~~~ I got really into the sword & sorcery vibes lately so I decided that I wanted to paint August Lubi in the style of 70s pulp fantasy covers. Main inspiration for this was Michael Whelan (I pretty much directly referenced his green Elric cover for the raised arm)
This was challenging, but also incredibly fun! It was refreshing to work in such different way from my usual process! <:
#this one took me about 8 days to finish#i really thought i'll hate the final result bc it took me so long to finish but im so proud of it#my wrist hurt like hell from working on it bc the brush strokes are such a different way of drawing than my usual line-based art lmao#i'm so fond of the knight lubi design too... i might draw him like this again sometime#monthly lubi#lubi#oc#original character#luv#pulp fantasy#pulp illustration#knight#fantasy art#sword and sorcery
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Love Laudna wanting Orym to be the one to cut her down if need be because she feels he can make hard choices, and Travis like "uh hello? What about Chetney? You want to put Orym through that anguish? I am right here" like damn, he right tho
#chet is 400+. his relationship with grief is very different from orym who is 6 years into being a widow and being retraumatised each day#chetney is big picture#he doesnt have that same level of responsibility for the others safety and protection that someone like orym has#not to say he doesnt care. he very much does. its just different#for him sometimes caring means putting your dog down when they are suffering#orym would see having to hurt his friends as a personal failing#like how he saw himself dying as a failure#i do find it funny whenever the team is like 'what if i hurt one of you when i lose control? i couldnt live with myself :('#'anyway orym i want you to kill me on purpose'#and orym just like :/ because what is he going to do? say no?#set boundaries and take his own future mental state into account?#nope. if it helps the others then he will commit an unforgivable act and barely be able to live with the guilt after#love that the halfling has been weaponised#this sounds sarcastic. i mean it. its juicy storytelling#the hells need to take chetney into account more. this man is pop pop. he cares in the way a dad friend would#gentle and sweet at times. an empathetic listener#but also willing to smack the shit out of you if you do some fuckshit#he would be so gentle with taking them out#would immortalize them through his woodwork after to remember them#critical role#cr3#orym#chetney#text post#4sd spoilers#my posts#idk if thats a needed tag#sorry for my wall of text tags but i ramble
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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fun fact about me at least is that it is easier to draw a whole scenes one after another than it is to draw a close shots of characters just standing there over and over
#we have. a shot of every toon just standing there (looking at the elevator door waiting for it to open) and now i have to do something simi#similar w all their twisteds. similarly just standing and looking#I’ve already had more headache w that shot than i Ever did drawing the shots of the toons having just been created w delilah#headache w those shots*#and those shots were full body and involved At Least two characters. sometimes 3#so i get the feeling drawing these upcoming shots of all their twisteds is going to be hell HDHSJSJJSJS#well a few of them get actually literally albeit cartoonishly murdered in the upcoming scenes so i guess that’s my justice#but yeah funny that the animatic of ‘kill all your friends’ only has twisteds(decidedly not friends) getting killed#this is bc i like the toons & dontwant them to get hurt. the twisteds are like rabid animals & should be put out of their misery. to me#you could probably rehabilitate twisted glisten but don’t worry he doesn’t get killed#also yeah my sibling & i are fans of ‘the twisteds are fucked up clones of the toons’ bc. we like them & don’t want them to get hurt HDSKHD#. catch me talking abt my animatic so I don’t have to work on it JSNSJSJNSJSNW#words from the monarch#progress
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"You can't ship rhack, it's toxic!!" Wrong, that's exactly why I ship it
#im baffled#i can write an essay on how interesting rh/ack is and how devastating their relationship is#thats why i ship it. they make my stomach hurt AIDJSJD and i like that#'jack treats rhys like angel. its abusive!!!' yeah. thats another thing i love about it#jack treats people like property whether theyre family/friends/lovers/whatever#he has patterns that bleed into every aspect of his life#and i wanna see those patterns romantically with rhys. it doesnt get more simple than that#i also wanna make jokes with them cause they have a funny dynamic in canon#and sometimes i wanna see that ooc stuff because again. they have a dynamic that isnt always portrayed as horrible#domestic rh/ack can be really fun cause jack has one hell of a personality#and theyre hot together!!!! they look good!!!#youre not gonna 'convert' rh/ackies by posting your crap in the ship tag. post abt stuff you ACTUALLY like instead#did people forget whump is a thing 😔#delete later
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this could be kuwameshi if you guys would like. take my hand and trust me
#yyh spoilers in tags#like major spoilers ok#which ig i dont usually tag but whatever#the if i had to choose between the world and you it's you thing happened. and it was KUWABARA like hhhhgghh#yusuke makes him forget his honor code sometimes and i need you guys to see that with me#bc it makes me wanna fling myself into the ocean over and over again#kuwabara literally is like you need to be alive bc otherwise im nothing idek who i am. please let me punch you#and he wails this multiple times#and yusuke would burn down the world himself if he thought it'd help his friends we all know that#and doomed by the narrative? mmm with the ever escalating world ending nature of being a spirit detective thats kinda there#throw in the sudden demon-human age gap post yusuke death 2 and you've got some narrative dooming in a way#but not enough for me to well and truly call them doomed by the narrative#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi#kazuma kuwabara#yusuke urameshi#ofc i can handle you at your worst thats basically you all the time is Very kuwa to yusuke#and maybe we can figure out what the hell ur problem is over dinner sometime is Very yusuke to kuwa#actually i should draw that. or make it a textpost or something#but like turning up the protectiveness/possessiveness thats already there with them in line with the whole#'ive watched you die' trauma they Both have means that like. i think they would Need to have each other around for a period of time#in the wake of sensui's bs perhaps. and then yusuke cuts it all off and they start to get a bit healthier about it. hm#i think about them all the time it's like if typicsl shonen rival/bestie homo-ness was kind of scary and painful#like they love each other but the ways they hurt each other and hurt over each other drive me fucking insane
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"Haha ASL Brothers haha more like American Sign Language" well, actually, YES. After the explosives that made Sabo lose his memory, he also started to have difficulties hearing and Dragon had to teach him ASL. He doesn't want to worry Luffy and Ace (he's alive. Shut up) when they meet again, so he doesn't say anything. But they start noticing he can't hear them well anymore and his fake smiles are too fake for his brothers not to notice it. So!!! Luffy tells Robin and Robin actually knows ASL?? And Marco does too, so Ace also has a teacher. Then, when they see each other again, Ace and Luffy start signing almost perfectly (almost. They're pretty clumsy and Sabo sometimes has a hard time trying to understand wtf they're trying to say). Sabo pretty much starts crying when this happens. Dumbass brothers that learned ASL for him. He loves them so much.
#they make me really sad#they deserve to be happy let them be happy#i keep just making sabo suffer but istg he has to have so many issues#hearing difficulties and also his scar hurts like hell sometimes and he still has burns all over his body#he def has a personality disorder (bipolar imo) and still struggles with memory loss#and you know what? i fucking love him and i can't stop talking about him#the first thing ace wants to learn to sign are insults and cursing because he's 5 years old#luffy knows how to sign meat and food and he's the happiest guy ever#one piece#monkey d. luffy#portgas d. ace#revolutionary sabo#asl brothers
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I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term “sacrificed edwin” paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserve– considering that wasn’t really, actually their intention.
they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didn’t know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to them– a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.
teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; they’re really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.
#random thought but. yeah……#I mean think about if crystal happened to be killed somehow pre-demonic intervention#she would’ve been deemed deserving of hell by the standards we’ve seen. no doubt about it. if the dragon guys were pulled to hell then yeah.#she would be as well. simply put- she was a bully#she was also a teenager. not a fully developed person. a very damaged and neglected teenager at that#it’s kinda like the criminal justice system right. it’s like. hey you really think sending them to be tormented is the most humane and#efficient way to heal these kids of what makes them act out and allow them to grow and improve?#Crystal’s such a good case to look at because she’s. well. to compare to The Good Place which you can probably already tell I’ve watched 800#times and adore with all my heart. she’s kinda the michael of the group#no one knows it at first but she’s actually kind of a terror to people most of the time. but she’s put in a situation where she#suddenly has a support system- people who care about her and want the best for her- she’s given a purpose and realizes how much better it is#to use her powers to help rather than hurt (well. sometimes helping can involve hurting but you get it)#and by the time she’s regained her memories and has a place in the agency it’s much easier to reflect on her life and be like huh!#this system kinda fucking sucks!#not that edwin wasn’t an example unto himself but he was a ‘clerical error’ not a ‘rightfully’ condemned person#with his situation someone could argue that the problem isn’t with the system being wack as a whole- it should just be maintained better so#these ‘errors’ don’t happen and all the good kids go to their afterlives and the Bad Evil Kids go to hell.#yes yes I know they’re not in hell forever (hopefully) but uhh Simon was still there for over a century and for fucking What?#gay self-loathing and catholic guilt? his intentions were clearly not Truly Evil and more than anything he seems to have been punished using#how much he hated himself for being gay and how guilty he felt for it all. like shit aren’t those feelings enough of a punishment? if he had#lived through that ritual and edwin hadn’t– do you think he would’ve been Okay? I think it would’ve crushed him. chronically#man. anyway#this was an especially long ramble huh#rambling#edwin#edwin payne#dead boy detectives
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today as I was picking, one of my bosses saw me and was like 'freeze!!' so I stopped moving because I thought I was in trouble and he came over and said he wanted to talk to me before the store got insane: but basically he told me Merry Christmas and thanked me for all my hard work and I almost cried on the spot.
#wage cage confessions#like!!!#i work very hard and sometimes it does feel like it goes unnoticed#like last night i stayed four hours past my shift despite my foor hurting like hell so that my closer wouldn't have to suffer so much#and at the busiest point in the night she didn't even come over to help EVEN THO SHE HEARD THE ARRIVAL NOTIFS GOING OFF LIKE MAD#she even asked over the walkie if i needed help and my boss (who had stayed late TOO) said yes and she still didn't come!!!!#i was so mad i wanted to go home but i stayed til it was all done....
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i’m having such a hard time wrapping my mind around liam payne’s death. i didn’t like him as a person and i don’t think anyone whose discussed his abuse of maya henry should retract their statements or feel bad about them no matter how harsh they were because it’s important to talk about to prevent it from happening again. because of his history of abuse and grooming fans i can’t mourn him the way i would’ve ten years ago and any tears i do shed will be for his friends family maya henry and his other victims who shouldn’t feel bad and be made to feel bad by stans who put their faves over the protection and safety of women and girls. i don’t feel like it’s the place of people who didn’t know him personally (knew him through one direction etc) to tell other who didn’t know him because emotions have no morality and people’s feelings over a death shouldn’t be dictated underneath a urfaveisproblematic lens
#liz informs you#i didn’t like or love him#still sad because that’s how some people feel when someone dies believe it or not#talking about how sad you are that a one direction reunion’s not gonna happen is so unbelievably insensitive#they were his friends. what they’re going through rn is unimaginable.#i hope they’re surrounded by people who love them rn.#i hope maya henry and his other victims don’t doubt themselves for one second#sometimes bad people die horribly. doesn’t mean they were suddenly good people actually#and those they hurt are to blame for his death#i cannot say that he deserved it knowing that his son is gonna have to grow up without a father#and he’s gonna grow up and see how shitty he could be without being able to navigate that with him#hopefully this sounds coherent#twitter is a cesspool rn and i wanted to talk about this without a mutual suddenly turning on me because i used the wrong word#and i didn’t make a saint out of him or say that he’s burning in hell#if 9/11 2 ever happens it should be to the tmz hq#anyways tell your loved ones that you love them. live your life to the fullest#never take a second of it for granted#one direction#music tag#liam payne#harry styles#louis tomlinson#niall horan#zayn malik
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part 11/26ish
anyone remember those scales with the springs in 'em? all i ever see these days are digital scales but those things made the best noises. i think i've seen some kitchen scales that still use spring mechanisms, but it's been a while.
technology is weird.
from the beginning
#otherkin hrt#fictionkin hrt#fictionkin#otherkin#digihrt#dg arts#-apomon#updates might slow down from daily since our brain ceased letting us do art about halfway through bfsdhjfbjshdbfs#oh well#i'm thinking of doing another fake in-universe pamphlet for a bonus though#specifically like talking about the “weight” stat#fun fact: we'd never stepped on a scale in almost a decade before finally seeing a doctor for the first time in that 10 years last year#we used to obsess over our weight in a way inherited from our mom's diet culture BS and then like#i'm pretty sure we split someone in the system who just managed to not give a shit#and everyone else that did basically got put in time out or fragmented to hell (we still don't know)#i think about this post i saw a while ago that talked about how like#weight (specifically as it is medicalized) shouldn't be a concern so much as if you're moving your joints and stretching them enough#and it should really only be a concern when it drastically changes in a short period of time because it can sometimes be indicative of#your body flipping its lid#the post talked about rapid weight loss specifically and how a lot of doctors will go “oh wow weight loss!! yay :)” when like.#no??? not yay???#anyways some medications can cause weight fluctuations too#our fibro medication can cause weight gain and tbh i don't give so much of a shit about that as i am curious about the mechanics behind it#our relationship to weight is mostly informed by being the one person in our family who never had to deal with fatphobia targeting them#but just because we weren't the target didn't mean it didn't affect us when our mom's whole life shifted around WW#i didn't want to delve into that in this comic tbh so aside from the little bonus pamphlet this is the last time it's brought up#but like a comic where we take a version of ourself through this kind of transition would inevitably have to touch on relationships to food#we're just lucky we finally found out that we can actually like... enjoy food without it hurting us?#part of the wish fulfillment of this scenario would (and is) the idea of getting to enjoy food without bodily discomfort#because on top of us almost developing an ED we also just have a garbage stomach
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A Real Love Story
WOOOSH!!!! that was all he could hear as the ground came rushing closer and closer to him. One moment they were in a helicopter, The next he was being pulled out and headed towards the river at at least 50 MPH. They had been trying to escape yet again, Had been on the run for so long it was hard to remember how long exactly. But that was the CRM for you, They never gave up and they never stop searching till they had you. And Dennis Graham knew that with how important him and his wife Jennifer Mallick were there was no chance of them giving up looking for them. And they indeed did find them, and was taking them back to HQ and Jadis's order.
But Jennifer seemed to have had other things in mind, Because she had opened that helicopter door, And Next thing he knew he was being pulled out with her, Finally they hit the water and, yeah it hurt like a bitch. But it was smart of her part because she knew exactly where to do it and the chances of survival. The moment he hit the water he started to swim to shore keeping Jennifer in his eye sight. Once there he looked at her but didn't say anything he was mad as hell. Not because she did it but because there was a chance that they could have died. That she could of died and he would never forgive himself for that. He already had lost so much time with her because of his screw up's and he wanted to fix that.
"Come on this way." He said, His tone sharp and angry but again not at her. He pushed through the trees and finally came to what appeared to a city though he wasn't sure what city. If he had to guess it was probably New Jeresy or New York, Though again he wasn't sure. Finally he nodded towards a building and started to head there. At least they would be safe for a bit. It looked like it had seen better days but what other choice did they have? Finally they got inside and he made sure to lock the doors so none of the undead could get in. And the fact that they had no idea how many were inside already just made it worse. But lucky for them as they made their way upstairs they didn't come along any though he could hear them.
Finally they found and unlocked room and he walked inside pulling her along with him before he closed the door. He was just about to say something when he heard a loud crash across from them, It was so loud and strong that it shook the building but as he glanced out the window he saw the helicopter they were in crashing into the building, But that wasn't what shocked him, It was the fact that there was another helicopter shooting rockets at the building and helicopter it was the CRM taking out the evidence of them being there. He moved into the shadows where the helicopter couldn't see them before he looked at her.
"Are you insane?" he asked her. " We could have died…. YOU could have!!!" he said as water dripped down his face. He knew that she was probably thinking that it would be better then being locked up in a cell in some CRM holding facility but not to him. He looked away as his eye caught the fire from the other building. "I think we will be safe here at least for the night." he said as he looked at her. @scarfacewastaken
#dennis graham#jennifer mallick#denny#twdwb#twdwbrp#twd rp#Otp: “Sometimes helping hurts like hell” Dennis/Jen#better love story than twilight
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in my upcoming old age (31) i am coming to terms with the fact that i am attracted to long hair on certain men (ilkka villi and hozier)
edit: with a heavy stubble/beard too
#mk.op#sometimes you just need something to pull on#and the age old question: if george eads grew long hair would i be attracted? lmao fucking hell yes#i say his name like i haven't uttered it in for years and yeah...kinda true but i'm coming around#i can see his face without hurting now#i've never felt so powerful#drunk blogging /
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doodle page went wild
#rottmnt donnie#hes like#the main doodle there#leo talks shit#IM STILL SICK#i mean its better in SOME WAYS#but now its WORSE IN OTHERS#my EARS ARE GETTING FUCKED UP#and sometimes my eye hurts LIKE FUCKING HELL#my little pony soundtrack save me#denji's doodles
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“stizzy” and “edizzy” this “steddyhands polycule” that i’m being violently sick on my shoes actually
#ofmd spoilers#fucked in the head if you think stede would touch izzy with a ten foot barge pole#stede might come to respect his skills as a pirate but fucking hell#he actively daydreamed about killing him for hurting ed#he left ed for fucking dead on the ship#and you think this is gonna be a love story that includes izzy#i’m seeing people genuinely thinking their ‘arc together’ this season is a love one#bro 🤡#it is fucking not and sometimes you really are just wrong#like you’re actually radged. off your rockers#just. you have this beautiful love story between ed and stede#and you want to invite the dude who almost killed them both to the party#who is racist and homophobic and emotionally abusive to the point of pushing ed to suicide#the fuck is wrong with you actually#fandom wank#quill to paper#swinging a bat at a hornet’s nest i don’t care. ship what you want but it’s a no from me
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