#and so i'm reminded once again that i'm watching bee pongsate's VP HS AU FANFIC OMG

[chalkrevelations]

Mm, yoinking this out into its own post so that it shows up in the tags. Re the "rescue in the hotel room" scene from Ep 10 of Dangerous Romance:

Kanghan is so, so terrified here, of what could have happened, and he wants to be tender - god, look at the way he touches Sailom as he begs him to please snap out of it - but he can't, quite, because Sailom's lolling around, practically deadweight, and if you're tender with deadweight, you're just going to drop them. All you can do is manhandle them and hope you both don't end up on the floor - because they will take you down with them - and accept that the bruises you're leaving are the price of keeping them safe from worse outcomes. And meanwhile, puppy's emotional quotient is in the basement right now, and he has no idea how to express his fear except through anger, through pushing back, pushing away, the same instinctive way he pushed that creep back and away and out, and he can't manage to turn on a dime and turn that response off, can't short-circuit it through tenderness, and all that adrenaline is still firing, so he's still pushing back and away, saying the worst things he can think of, even when it's Sailom in the line of fire, now.

And poor Sailom is literally drugged into emotional as well as physical lability, he's like a raw open wound, infected by whatever Kanghan splatters all over him and flinching from the pain of the touch, and in no condition to do his usual work of reading 15 layers of Kanghan to get at the truth that Kanghan, himself, doesn't even understand, because his emotional quotient is in the basement. And Sailom doesn't want to be bought by Kanghan, he's never wanted to be bought, has tried to say again and again that he can't be bought - even the escorting is an exchange of money for services, like the tutoring, but the tutoring wasn't the same thing as wearing Kanghan's jersey, wasn't the same thing as letting Kanghan feed him, as allowing Kanghan to sleep in his bed and hold him, as following Kanghan all the way to Korat and feeding him back. Sailom doesn't want to be bought, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to belong to Kanghan, to a Kanghan who knows how to take care of his things instead of treating them like disposable, replaceable toys and tossing them away when the situation gets hard - like Sailom was tossed away. And he's filterless now, with the drug in his system, so he actually hits back, hard, where he knows it will hurt the most, like he was hurt when the guy who was supposed to be his protector instead let go of his hand and let him fall. He digs out Kanghan's deepest fear and throws it back in his face.

And then they fall apart, completely shattered, in each other's arms. EVERYBODY LOSES and it's a BEAUTIFUL TEARFUL CATHARTIC DISASTER.

I have to tell you, this kind of tastycrunchy is exactly the content I'm here for. Thank you, Show, for loving me so painfully and so much.