#and since it's the season again why not share this jolly piece of melancholic introspection? :D

[anniviech]

‘Tis the Season

Characters: Donna Noble, Wilfred Mott, Shaun Temple Rating: G Summary: {"And then sometimes I see this look on her face, like she's so sad, but she can't remember why." - Wilfred, The End of Time.} Sometimes even the most ordinary of everyday occurrences throw Donna Noble off balance. [AO3]

"Excuse me? Ma'am?"

Donna blinked, looking at the cashier in front of her in momentary confusion. "Sorry, what was that?"

"Will that be all?" the cashier asked, obviously repeating herself.

"Oh. Yes, thank you," the redhead replied absentmindedly with a weak smile.

Right. She'd been buying a bottle of wine on the occasion of her six month anniversary with Shaun, deciding to treat them to a finer wine than their budget usually allowed, before apparently spacing out again while listening to the faint Christmas music playing in the background.

Getting her wallet out, she paid for the wine and made to leave the shop, trying not not to feel too awkward about the incident as she fished the car keys out of her jacket pocket.

Last night's dream must've caught up with her again. She'd already been a bit lost in thought when entering the shop, the day overshadowed by the brooding and hollow feeling the vague images from it had left her with. (Something about a wedding dress made out of spiderweb, before losing something?)

So Donna Noble once again found herself thrown off balance by a dream she couldn't even really recall – how stupid was that?

And if it wasn't by some strange, vague dream of things she couldn't quite put her finger on after waking, then she'd react to something she'd hear in passing on the telly or radio, or an unassuming sight catching her eye, spacing out and making her feel things she couldn't explain. Fear. Sadness. Loss. Mostly loss, spotlighting a gaping hole inside her soul that nothing seemed to be able to fill, and smothering the fiery attitude people liked to tell her she had in its wake.

It was ridiculous sometimes, really.

Like seriously, who tore up over the sight of a silly old Police Box standing on the side of a street? She'd never forget the embarrassment from the moment she'd spotted one of those after existing the tube station on Earl's Court during an errand for her temping agency, unable to take her mum's car that day; when for some barmy reason she'd been mesmerised by the sight of the tall blue box, finding her feet taking her towards it and her shaking hand reaching out for the door – just to find it locked, of course, and bursting into tears after she'd tried knocking on it, a wave of unimaginable loss crashing over her and threatening to swallow her whole when no reaction had come and the door remained closed.

In the middle of the flipping street! With dozens of people giving her funny looks.

Just thinking back to it made her head throb in a reminder of the splitting headache that had accompanied her for the remainder of the day back then, as if the embarrassment hadn't already been bad enough. (Why the idea to knock on the thing had even crossed her mind in the first place was forever going to be a mystery to her.)

Things had seemed to get better for a while, especially after meeting Shaun, but lately Donna found those odd little moments increasingly occurring again.

Maybe it was the season. A lack of sunlight and more sleep - and thus more chances to dream - due to the shorter days, or something along those lines? Silly how a season that was supposed to create a joyful atmosphere made her melancholic, without any apparent reason.

Getting into the car, she decided to push those thoughts aside and made her way home. A nice hot bath and a cup of that calming tea Mum had given her ought to relax her again; there'd be plenty of time for that before Shaun came home from work.

Entering their small two-room flat, Donna turned on the lights in the living room and placed her handbag and a bag containing some groceries and the wine on the couch, before making her way to the bathroom where she turned on the tap to run a bath and the heating up. Once that was taken care of, she got the grocery bag and took it to the tiny kitchen, putting most of the contents into the fridge, before finally preparing a mug with the desired tea. But as soon as she turned the kettle on, the kitchen went dark, with the sound of the fridge turning off.

Great. Looked like she'd tripped a fuse.

They'd already tripped one not too long ago, after some of their neighbours had put up holiday lights in their windows and likely on trees inside. Looked like the old building they lived in couldn't quite handle the additional strain of the Christmas spirit - something they seemed to have in common, she thought wryly.

Heaving a great sigh, feeling her mood spiralling further downwards, Donna turned the water in the bathroom off before going to the fuse box in the narrow hallway. But once she'd opened the small panel in the wall covering it, she found herself at a loss. Last time Shaun had taken care of it, so she'd never before looked inside the fuse box herself until now, not having any reason to. Which was why she now found herself at a loss as she stared numbly at an unlabelled row of round knobs instead of the tiny switches she had been expecting.

What the hell was she supposed to do with those?

Flicking switches that were on the opposite direction of the other ones was easy enough, but this? She couldn't see any real difference in the knobs, so she couldn't even tell which was the wonky one – and even if she knew, what would she do with it, anyway?

She cautiously tried pulling one of the knobs, but it wouldn't move. Trying to curb rising frustration, she tried pulling at another one, but it it didn't move either. Nor could she press them in, or anything.

Letting her hand fall back down, Donna let out a hollow scoff.

Here she was, not even able to check a fuse.

She had to do something about it, though, because the food in the freezer might start to defreeze before Shaun came home, and then they'd have to throw it away, and they couldn't really afford such a waste with Christmas coming up. And wouldn't that make a lovely anniversary gift.

Swallowing down her pride, Donna went to get her phone out of her handbag, looking through the contacts until she found the number she was looking for.

"Donna! How are you, love?"

"Hey Gramps."

Something in her voice seemed to give her away, because Gramps’ own voice instantly went from joyful to worried.

"Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, just... A stupid fuse at home went off, and I can't seem to fix the bloody thing. I mean, it's not the usual kind, so I don't know what to do with it. And I can't leave it like that until Shaun returns, because the fridge and freezer are without power, and today of all days I really can't afford that. I just–"

A sob cut her off, surprising herself, and she covered her mouth with her free hand as she felt a new load of emotions overcome her.

"Donna, slow down, love, it's all right."

"No it's not all right, Gramps," she retorted in a wobbly voice, feeling an overwhelming urge to let it all out, her mouth running ahead of her. "We can barely afford planning on any presents this year because I can't find a proper job, and the one time I decide to indulge a little to celebrate our anniversary and to cheer myself up because I had a bad day, this happens. And it just–" Cutting herself off to take a breath, she finally added more quietly, "I'm useless, Gramps."

"No, Donna, don't say that."

"I am. I can't even check a fuse. And it makes me angry, because I feel like I should be so past such a little thing, and I don't even understand why! I've never seen these things before, so why do I feel like it should not even be a problem at all, like I'm disappointing myself?!"

"Donna..."

"I don't even feel quite like myself anymore... Like, why is everything about the season making me sad now? There was this song on the radio in the shop today, you know, the one they play every year, what's it called again... 'Merry Xmas Everybody', I think. And I totally spaced out on it? Felt like I should be somewhere else, doing something else, like there should be... more than this. Why can't I be happy with what I have, Gramps?" she asked, voice wavering again. "I have Shaun. We have our own flat, and things are going so well between us – so why do I feel like I'm still missing something important...?"

"Oh sweetheart..."

Her granddad's voice sounded as hollow as she felt, and Donna felt instantly bad for bringing this up and bothering him with her problems.

After a second, he added quietly, "We have to do something about that..."

Frowning in confusion while wiping a tear away, Donna asked, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, just, you know..." Gramps replied, sounding like he hadn't meant to speak out loud, before trailing off into silence.

That happened often lately; he'd start saying something just to change his mind midway and change topics. Or she'd catch him giving her those long and odd looks. Maybe her mood swings had been more obvious than she'd thought.

"You shouldn't feel sad on Christmas," he finally said.

"I know, and I didn't mean to worry you, sorry. It was just a long day and I'm exhausted, my mood ran off with me. I just need that stupid fuse fixed, and then I'll be all right."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Well then, tell me what has you so mystified."

Donna went on to describe the fuse box to him, learning that it contained an old type of fuses, and agreed to pick Gramps up and have him show her how to fix it as they'd likely have to replace a blown one, kissing the idea of having a bath before Shaun came home goodbye.

By the time she arrived at her old home Donna felt a lot calmer, and she quickly picked her granddad up who'd been waiting basically ready to leave so they could cut down the time her mum had to nag. Once they replaced the fuse in her flat with one of several he'd kept at home, he stayed until Shaun arrived, talking with her over a cuppa and some telly, successfully keeping her mind off more brooding.

After driving Gramps back home while Shaun had gone for a quick shower and hugging him goodbye at the door, her granddad's hands lingered on her arms as he looked her over.

"Things are going to be fine, sweetheart."

"I know," she replied, not sure she really believed the sentiment but still appreciating his caring.

"We'll make it fine."

Donna smiled in reply, before getting back into the car. She gave her granddad a small wave from behind the window, watching him return the gesture, before driving off.

Maybe he had the right idea and she just had to make things fine.

She'd start by making sure she and Shaun had a great night celebrating their anniversary – and maybe consider some plans for their shared future.