#and she's fairly open about the fact that her sex life with lucas is great. they even named it!

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

Every so often on the subreddit or on insta people laugh about how Rose and Blanche are so sexual and kinky and Dorothy is so uptight and vanilla and not to take fiction too seriously but uuuugh she spent 38 years with the same man, who was cheating on her wnd only having sex with her rarely - sex that she didn't enjoy or look forward to, if you listen to her descriptions of her first time Stan at best pressured her and at worst raped her via alcohol and roofies, she's from an immigrant Catholic household and has been shames for decades over her sex life/pregnancies and then her lack of sex life, made to feel ugly and undesirable since she was young, and there's significant subtext around her being a closeted lesbian. Seriously, when you pay attention it's wild realising that the queer jokes about the girls are very different: Blanche's are sexual, in line and based around her being promiscuous and just enjoying the physical act. Rose's are indirect and usually coming off of a joke about one of the others. Dorothy is literally just outright repeatedly assumed or implied to be gay.

Anon, I have to say, I was very perplexed by this message -- not because of what you say (which I agree with completely!!) but because Dorothy... really isn't uptight about sex? If anything, she strikes me as particularly liberal about it, even at the start of the series. She can be a bit shy about it, I guess, but that makes perfect sense with her personal history, as you have detailed.

I wonder if the subreddit remembers that she had a relationship with a married man in S1E14, That Was No Lady? And when she talks about sex with him in that episode, she says stuff like:

"It's amazing that I just made love in the daylight. [...] Well, you can't hide anything in the daytime. At night, I could be Godzilla, you'd be thrilled.

[...]

And everything that I used to worry about in… you know, I didn't worry about with you. [...] Like, how do I look? How do I sound? Is my breath bad? What's jiggling?"

Which doesn't sound uptight at all, to me -- it sounds self-conscious, which is (once again) perfectly normal, considering everything she's been through. Let's remember she also had an emotionally abusive relationship right before she got involved with Stan, and she wasn't a very popular kid/teenager in the first place! The poor woman's self-esteem has always been on the floor.

If anyone, Rose is the one who's somewhat prudish at the start of the series! We know she had a happy and active sex life with Charlie, but back in S1 she can't even say the word 'sex' (she says 'to be with a man in that special way'). She's remarkably shy when they talk about this kind of stuff. Hell, I watched S1E9 Blanche And The Younger Man yesterday, and she's scandalized about the idea of her mother having a relationship with a younger man -- not to mention her attitude towards her daughter's sex life in S2E7 Family Affair. If I had to pick one girl in the main cast to call 'uptight', it would be S1-S2 Rose. I'm not sure what the subreddit is on about.

Apart from all this, I also agree with what you say about the queer subtext and how it relates to the Girls, of course. I think the main type of queer joke in terms of frequency is the 'these three women live together and have a close bond' type, but Dorothy is definitely read as gay much more often than Rose and Blanche (even by her own mother!!). I often wonder what the writers would have done with her if the show had been made later; a self-recognition and coming-out story line would have been very in line with her journey as a character in the show as it is! Her story is all about learning to know herself, to love herself and to have confidence in herself, overcoming everything that's happened to her, and I feel like that's the kind of story that lends itself well to queer themes. Still, the show as it is allows for a lot of fan analysis and content on her, so I can't complain!

[chappedandfadedvds]

Nov 1st, Sunday 09:11

Rain pounding against the window. A slow steady rythm. And a hazy greyish tint lay over the serene room of the awoken boy in bed, buried under thick covers. He blinked his heavy eyes open, not yet having caught enough sleep to feel the energy to do anything more than that.

It took him a moment to recall the date, sunday. Given it was still pretty dark inside his room, he guessed it to be fairly early. Or maybe the clouds outside his window just didnt allow for more light. And he would be lying if he didn’t appreciate hiding in a halfshadow, as he looked into the calm sleeping face of Lucas. 

Jens didn’t remember them falling asleep that close to each other, after they all had basically stumbled tired and worn out into bed last night. Time and curfew forgotten and all of them deciding on a spontaneous sleep over. He barely had been able to catch a glimpse of Lucas pulling off his socks and jeans, before crawling into bed, while Jens got his sister her beloved pillow to cuddle.

There was some rustling coming from the foot of the bed, on the floor, on three matresses from Lotte and their mom, Milan, Sander and Robbe had made themselves comfortable. He listened carefully in order to pick out if someone else was awake like him, but figured that they in fact were still fast asleep, leaving Jens to appreciate that this moment was his only.

It came daringly close to how he felt waking up next to Jana, without the low guilt of cheating on Britt, that had broken them up in the end. Instead there was a different feeling of sadness settling in his heart. It wasn’t really sadness though, it was something else, but then it wasn’t and Jens couldn’t find a word to settle on to describe it.

He watched the face of Lucas. He shouldn’t find a boy’s face as attractive as he did. Not that he couldn’t appreciate a beautiful man, but it didn’t came with a desire to touch or kiss said man. Jens really tried hard to think back to an instance in his life, where he might have pushed these thoughts away in favor for falling for girls only. Some sort of internalised fear of feelings for people of his own sex. But there weren’t any and it drove him crazy. It meant it shouldn’t be any different to waking up to all his other male friends. And yet...

Jens closed his eyes and  imagined all the mornings he woke up next to Robbe, they were the closest friends for years, constantly touching and hugging, did he ever felt attracted to him in that way? He thought his friend looked good, yes. And that he felt some love for him, yes. Would he want to kiss Robbe? Probably not. Would he have kissed Robbe back if his friend would have tried to? Maybe, but than no, no he didn’t think so? It was confusing to reconstruct old memories.

As Jens pulled himself out of his thoughts with a pained expression on his face, he found the worried blue eyes of Lucas watching him thoughtfully, biting his bottom lip as he so often did in contemplation.

„Nightmare?“ Came the faint whisper and than an attentive hand from under the blanket to brush away a strand of hair on his forhead.

Jens fortunetely remembered that breathing was a crucial part of living and tried to do just that, before shaking his head slightly. 

„Good.“ Lucas mouthed with a vague smile on his lips not yet convinced, his hand sinking onto the pillow between their faces, next to Jens’s. So why the fuck wouldn’t he move his fingers slightly over. If Lucas would have been a girl, he wouldn’t have thought twice about it. He probably would have taken him out on wendsday already. The first step is the hardest. Jens’s mind provided this stupid universally applicable line, that sounded cheesy and overused and nonethelss true.

He was a coward he knew that, but even stretching his hand out, so that their plams flat on the soft fabric below would cause their little fingers to touch, seemed like a huge accomplishment right now. They weren’t even close to hold hands. This as well may just have been a sheer accident.

Lucas’s open blue eyes darted surprised towards their touching fingers and back up at Jens searching for his gaze, with a question between them, both didn’t dare to ask. Not even in the comfort of an early quiet morning. Rather Lucas lifted his little finger to intertwine them, swallowing nervously, as he did so with caution. He was scared, Jens knew, because he was just as much afraid of crossing a line. The beating of his heart, and the blood rushing through his body swallowed up any sound of the rain, he had heard so clearly a minute ago.

There was just them, and them almost holding hands.

Jens curved his finger around Lucas’s, putting some pressure in it, just to reassure the boy that he wants this too. And it seemed to work, as the tension in their bodies diminished, leaving them to study each other faces in a comfortable silence. 

There didn’t need to be words to understand each other in this second. Jens knew that it would leave him restless once they would leave this moment behind them. He knew he would have to seriously start question his sexuality, and everything that would probably happen from here on out. But for now he could push the panic in the back of his mind off to deal with later.

Good luck to future him.

„Ow. Fuck“ Jens cursed under his breath wincing, not wishing to wake anybody else, but it did catapult both of them back into the reality of this room they shared with four other people, oblivious to this promising discovery between them.

Lucas’s gleeful snort let Jens send him a pissed off look, before he turned his head as far behind him as he could without letting go of the merest gentle touch between them. He saw his sister with his phone in his hand watching him innocently. As if she hadn’t dug her tiny sharp knee into his back just now.

„You are awake. Can we have breakfast?“ Lotte quietly asked, blinking up at him, knowing she already had won this. Apparently she also was convinced she had woken him up and that was just fine with Jens. He didn’t need his sister to belabour him with questions. Especially if he didn’t really know the answers to them himself.

„How late is it?“ He whispered and was promptly presented with his bright lit up phone screen.

9:43

He guessed it was actually an approbiate time to have breakfast and nodded.

„Alright, let’s go.“ The words barely left his lips, when his sister was sitting up and out of his bed, tip toeing around his room to get out, without stepping and waking the three boys on the floor.

Jens looked back at Lucas who smiled and whispered delighted: „I’m actually getting quite hungry myself, so I think Lotte has great timing. And after the pumpkin soup from last night, I can only imagine what feast we are gonna have today.“

„You are an idiot, you know that.“

„Yes.“ Lucas affirmed happily smiling away. This was unfair. Now Jens felt the explicit need to actually dish out a great breakfast and impress this dumb dutch boy.

„Fine.“ Jens agreed, feeling weird breaking off the shared bare minimum of human contact, as he withdrew his hand in favor of getting up. As did Lucas behind him, stretching and about to collect his things from the floor. When he was hit by a pair of grey sweats, that Jens had thrown in his general direction, putting a pair on himself. He shrugged at Lucas, trying for a nonchalant look, while moving over to his room door, that stood slightly open from Lotte’s escape.

On the floor was Milan rolled up into a ball of a body and a blanket, only his head sticking out. And right beside him Robbe tangled around Sander, who didn’t seemed to mind loosing all his senses in his body apparently. Or maybe he was just different, because Jens could very well recall all the times his arms and legs had fallen asleep under the weight of a girl half on top of him. 

Jens smiled at them regardless, maybe one day he could have that too again. He kinda missed it.

„You coming?“ He heard Lucas whisper at him from the doorway, looking very pretty with his untidy bed hair and in Jens’s sweats. He seemed to be just as happy watching the couple to Jens’s feet as he waited for Jens to follow him down to the kitchen. 

The were almost there when Jens felt Lucas taking his hand, squeezing it before letting go again, to help Lotte, who was about to climb on the counter to get some tea cups out.

„Wait, wait! I can do that. I get the plates and stuff and you can set the table instead, okay?“

Jens stood there for the moment it took him to work through his storm of emotions again. Why did he feel just so much these days, be it good or bad? This wasn’t normal. But he seemed to feel every emotion just double as much as usual. Everything triggered a whirlwind of thoughts and it scared him. What if this would never stop?

He swallowed it down, settling for a smile instead and went over to join them.

„Say, can Mister Chef here also do some american pancakes for his dutch starving guest?“

„You bet.“ He smirked at the challenging amused look Lucas threw him over the shoulder. Playfully smacking the boy’s head, Jens shoved him away from the oven, in order to prepare the best breakfast the six had in their lives. 

Well at least as great as their fridge and pantry allowed for.

[nitrateglow]

My bottom five new-to-me movies of 2020

2020 sucked. So did these movies. Before I do my customary top 20 favorite movie discoveries list, I wanted to share five very special new-to-me movies that were painful to watch. Forgive me if it all sounds like ranting. It probably is.

(And remember-- if you like any of these movies, that’s fine. I am not attacking YOU. I just didn’t like a movie. I know this is a stupid disclaimer to put on a list of opinions, but combing the venomous old IMDB message boards has me on edge a bit lol.)

Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

Whether you love the sequel trilogy or hate it, everyone pretty much agrees this movie was a mess. I thought no movie could have a more structurally unsound screenplay than The Crimes of Grindelwald, but Rise of Skywalker gives it staunch competition. It creates a new artform from making things up as the plot requires: new powers for Rey, new Macguffins to pursue, new motivations and backstories for characters.

I admit I dislike The Last Jedi. I dislike it a lot, actually, and it appears JJ Abrams did too from the amount of retconning he does here (Rey isn’t nobody! Honest, guys!). But you can’t backtrack THAT much. Either plot out your entire trilogy before shooting the first film or play fairly with the cards you were dealt by the filmmakers of movie two.

If anything, these movies have become a cautionary tale about not having a plan when making a movie trilogy. Now, George Lucas didn’t really have one either when he was making the original trilogy, but in that case, he wasn’t even sure the first movie was going to be a modest hit, let alone the biggest movie of the 1970s. He had an excuse and did well enough finishing the trilogy. Here, Disney knew there would be sequels, they knew they had a hungry audience, but they chose to just wing it and the results are just-- so disappointing, especially given the talented young actors and lovely special effects they had at their disposal.

The more I think about it, the more poetic the image of Palpatine hooked up to a life support system/crane is. The best ROTS can do is riff on earlier, better movies and hope our affection will make us overlook the awfulness.

Artemis Fowl

Outside of Animal Crossing, Artemis Fowl might have been the only entity to benefit (if only slightly) from the pandemic. I cannot imagine it would have been anything but a box office bomb had the theaters been open.

Artemis Fowl feels like it should have come out in 2003-- not just because the books were more prominent then, but the whole style of this film in general. In 2020, it’s positively anachronistic. The whole thing is a joyless attempt at dipping from the old Harry Potter well, with a bit of Spy Kids thrown in for good measure. Beyond that, it’s so poorly done as a whole. I have never read the Artemis Fowl books, but I watched this with a friend who has and his head near caught on fire. Apparently, it cuts out everything that made the books cool, like the protagonist basically being a kid version of a Bond villain. Here, he’s anything but that: he’s the usual bland child protagonist surrounded by a cast of slightly more interesting characters. Josh Gad seems to be the only one really trying. Judi Dench shows up and somehow gives a worse performance than whatever the hell she was doing in Cats.

I was actually shocked Kenneth Branagh of all people directed this. I generally like his films, even the less successful ones like his musical adaptation of Love’s Labors Lost. Even the uninspiring live-action Cinderella remake he helmed is at least pretty to look at-- Artemis Fowl has neither brains nor beauty to recommend it.

Bloodline

This film was intended to jumpstart a career comeback for Audrey Hepburn. This decidedly did not happen. One has to wonder what she saw in this sordid material in the first place. Maybe she really just wanted to work with director Terence Young again? Or she thought this would be a good, more modern take on her screen persona? I have no clue. All I know is that Bloodline is one of the worst big-budget Hollywood movies I have ever seen.

No contest: this is Audrey Hepburn’s worst movie. Hate on Green Mansions and Paris When It Sizzles until the stars turn to ash-- at least there was some fun camp value in them. The plot in Bloodline makes no sense, going into unrelated digressions that lead nowhere (did we really need that extended flashback about the dead father? or the subplot with Omar Shariff’s two families?). Oh and then there’s the awful sleazy snuff film subplot that’s also poorly developed and goes nowhere. Hepburn is game, but she can’t save the sinking ship. The best she can do is be charming in a terrible 70s perm.

Luckily, she made the underrated They All Laughed two years after this cinematic fecal matter bombed, so at the very least, Hepburn’s big screen swan song was a film worthy of her presence. (Hint: there will be more about that movie on my top 20 of the year list!)

Halloween III: The Season of the Witch

You all have no idea how excited I was to see this. All the mentions of it on Red Letter Media made it sound like deliriously entertaining schlock. I mean, it’s a movie in which the villain sells cursed Halloween masks that turn children’s heads into bugs and snakes! That sounds awesome! Instead, the movie is badly paced and boring: the main characters are uninteresting and the plot takes an interesting premise then does.... nothing with it. Nothing whatsoever. The second act is the cinematic equivalent of treading water. In fact, so little happens, that the filmmakers squeeze in a pointless sex scene between two character who have all the chemistry of a lit match and a bag of M&M’s.

The thing that annoys me most about this film is that it killed off a great concept: that all of the future Halloween films would be standalone stories centered around the spookiest time of the year. Unfortunately, this movie botched itself so badly that people often think the absence of Michael Meyers was the problem. It wasn’t: it was the absence of a good story.

Blindsided

This is probably the most watchable movie on this list, but that’s not saying much. A bloodless ripoff of Wait Until Dark, Blindsided is an unimaginative thriller with no thrills, humor, or interesting characters whatsoever.

The whole film is just repetitive. The situation doesn’t slowly boil to something horrific, the threat presented by the villains doesn’t escalate, there are no interesting interactions between the characters: no, here the underdeveloped protagonist is interrogated, tortured and/or sexually harassed, tries to escape, is recaptured, rinse and repeat for ninety minutes. I admit there’s some clever resourcefulness on the part of the heroine in the last scene-- but it’s basically just Wait Until Dark’s climax (down to the twist with the villain finding an alternative source of illumination for crying out loud!) without the emotional payoff that comes from slow-burn pacing or the fantastic performances, so even that’s a letdown.

I thought the movie might at least be saved by Michael Keaton as the main criminal mastermind since he’s shown he can be a great villain in other movies (if they had remade Wait in the 80s, he would have been a perfect Harry Roat Jr.), but even he seems to be phoning it in here. Beyond a scene of attempted cat murder (I’m serious-- the bad guys are so incompetent they can’t even kill a cat), there’s not even anything so bad it’s good to enjoy. Blindsided is just dull and by-the-numbers.

[we-are-only-halfway-home93]

Beautiful Trauma 2- Love Me Again- [Billy Hargrove x OC]

Summary: Billy and Valerie talk but it doesn’t go well. Billy lashes out after school. 

Characters: Billy Hargrove x OC, Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler, Nancy Wheeler x Jonathan Byers, Max Mayfield, Lucas Sinclair, Mike Wheeler, Dustin Henderson, Will Byers, Eleven, Joyce Byers, Jim Hopper 

Warnings: Child abuse, underage sex, underage drinking, implied cheating, step-sibling incest, step-sibling relationship, violence, language 

Word Count: 3394

Ch. 1

“Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to.”

~ E. Lockhart

There were not enough words in the English Language to describe the kind of week that Valerie had had. First, they moved to some podunk town in the middle of nowhere. Then, she’s rudely ignored by the one person that she thought she could count on. Lastly, she had yet to make a genuine friend in Hawkins.

She thought she had something with Nancy but the girl had been hard to keep track of. They had three classes together and Nancy seemed to make an effort before class started but anytime they were in the hallway, Nancy seemed distracted. Either by her boyfriend or something else, Valerie wasn’t sure. 

Billy had made it a point to pretty much ignore her outside of going to and from school and familial interaction around the house. Max was really her only saving grace and she was so damn angry. She was angry at their mom for marrying Neil, angry at Neil for moving them out there, angry at Billy for being a jackass. Just angry. It was hard to be around all that anger constantly.

Valerie looked up when she heard Billy’s music crank on. It was Thursday night and she wouldn’t be surprised if he already had plans. 

Billy was attractive and she wasn’t blind. She knew how girls looked at him. Hell, that was how she first looked at him the first time she saw him in California. He truly was a specimen shaped by the clever hands of whatever deity pulled the strings of life. It was as if he’d been carefully crafted with the very thought in mind to draw the eye up his frame from bottom to top and back again. He was beautiful and she didn’t blame any girl, or guy, who thought so.

It would be easy for him to make friends and find a date, regardless of how she felt about it. 

She released a long-suffering sigh and heaved herself off her bed and down the hall. His door was open and dense with smoke. She wrinkled her nose and waved her hand in front of her face, leaning against the door. 

He saw her but didn’t say anything, turning to his mirror and fingering his curls. He met her eyes in the mirror and Valerie almost cried at the brief glimpse of sadness she saw before his mask fell back into place. 

“What?” He snapped. She shrugged and shook her head. “Nothing. I heard your music and thought I’d come see what you were up to.” He flicked his eyes to hers and she could tell that he didn’t believe her. “You always were a bad liar, Val.” She stiffened at the familiar nickname but didn’t say anything. 

“Yeah, well, we all have our weaknesses.” He snorted and straightened, turning his cologne bottle over onto his wrists.

She watched him work and knew, in the back of her mind, that this was what he did when he got ready for a date. The scent of his cologne was familiar and Billy was just pretty enough to know it and care. 

She told herself to leave it alone, to not worry about it but, in the end, she just couldn’t help herself. 

“Hot date?” It sounded weak to her own ears and she grimaced. Billy stopped and stood up slowly. She couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t bear to see the pity or anger, whatever it was, that was in his eyes. 

She did it anyway.

His face was blank but his eyes were expressive. They always were. His poker face could make the pros jealous but his eyes gave him away. They were pools of emotion, whirling around like stormclouds over an ocean. Waves crashing violently against each other, fighting one over the other, higher and higher until the surface broke and chaos exploded against the horizon.

She closed her eyes against the raging storm and turned her face away.

“Don’t.” His whisper was harsh between them.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and straightened her spine.

She was Valerie fucking Mayfield. She knew Billy better than anyone and she knew how to deal with his moods. 

She was the one who broke through the surface of his anger in California. She was the one who pushed back when he lashed out at her attempts to get closer to him. She was the one who made the first move. She was the one who patched him up when his dad got rough. She made the first move. She was the girl he loved, no matter how much he tried to ignore it. She would not be cowed by his insecurities and anger. 

“What? All I asked was if you had a date.” She retorted. Her voice was just as sharp as Billy’s and he caught it. 

He narrowed his eyes at her and jerked his closet open. “You know what, Mayfield. We discussed this months ago.” He tugged on his leather jacket and adjusted the collar. She felt a fire well up in her chest when he used her last name. They hadn’t done that since before they were dating. 

“I know exactly what we discussed, Hargrove. All I asked was if you had a date. No where in there did I say anything about us having been an us nor did I make some snide remark about how hard up the girls in this town must be for some new dick if you already have a date after being in this backwater town for,” She looked mockingly down at her bare wrist as if she was checking the time. “Five fucking days. You sure do work fast, Hargrove.”

If steam could come out of his ears, it would. 

She wasn’t wrong about his eyes displaying his emotions so easily. He was enraged. His eyes were ablaze with an anger she hadn’t seen since Neil had announced their move. Billy had gotten a bloody lip for his troubles that night. 

“You know what, Mayfield.” He took slow measured steps towards her. “I do have a hot date. Her name’s Kimberly. She’s got dark hair, brown eyes and a tight little ass that you could bounce a quarter off.” He mimed flipping a coin, standing a hairsbreadth away from Valerie. 

She could feel the heat rising up in her face and hot tears of frustration and anger and pain welling up in her eyes. Her hands were shaking and her chest was heaving as she took in great lungfuls of air. 

“You’re a son of a bitch.” She couldn’t bring herself to speak any louder than a whisper but Billy heard her. She could by the tightening around his eyes and the clenching of his jaw.

She knew that he was trying to hurt her and she told herself not to let it get to her but she loved him. It was hard to not take what he said personally. It was hard to let it roll off her back. Everything he was doing, everything he was saying, was coming from a place of pain and sorrow but that didn’t give him the right to hurt her like he was.

“That may be, but you and I both know that I haven’t gotten laid in months so I’ve hit a bit of a dry spell.” 

She always told herself she would never hit him. He got enough from his dad and he didn’t need it from her but now he was just being cruel. 

She didn’t even think about it before it happened. It was over in less than a second and her hand tingled after.

Billy twisted his head back to the front, his cheek pink. He swiveled his jaw around and clicked his tongue. He glared at her from under his brow and sneered. “Get out.”

She couldn’t move fast enough.

She heard the door slam behind her as she fell onto her bed face first. She willed the tears back into her eyes and her throat was tight with the effort. She sniffed loudly and turned when she felt a body sit on the edge of the bed. It was Max.

Her little sister looked pensive and Valerie was sure she’d heard them arguing.

She sat up and tried to discreetly wipe underneath her eyes but she didn’t think she’d done a very good job. 

She gave her sister a smile that felt forced and settled her hands in her lap. “What’s up, kid?” Max tried to smile but failed and instead turned to fully face Valerie.

“Are you okay?” Valerie shrugged in what she hoped was a nonchalant way. “I’m fine. Why wouldn't I be?” Her voice held a false sense of happiness that sounded hollow to her own ears.

She let Max scan her face for several seconds. “I heard you and Billy arguing. He sounded mad.” Valerie rolled her eyes and leaned back against her pillows.

Max was not aware of the inner workings of their family. She didn’t know the extent of Valerie and Billy’s relationship. She knew that the two of them knew each other before their parents got married but she was not aware of how deep their relationship went. 

Max was also unaware that Neil liked to use Billy as a punching bag from time to time. 

Valerie had known since they got together in California and she was fairly certain that she was the only person who knew. She took it upon herself early in their relationship to fix him up. She would clean up the blood on his face and hands and she would bandage the deeper cuts on his face. She iced his bruises and wrapped his knuckles. 

After their parents got married, Valerie suspected that her mother knew about the abuse as well. She didn’t have proof but the way that Susan would eye the bruises on Billy’s face with equal looks of shame and pity made Valerie suspect that she knew that Neil hit his son. Once Valerie knew that her mother knew Billy was in pain, she developed a deep resentment towards her mother that really only got worse.

Not only did Susan know about the violence but she married the man. It was one thing to find out that your boyfriend abuses his son but then to accept his marriage proposal after the fact was a whole new level of desperation. Or maybe Susan was just lonely. Either way, Valerie lost all respect for her mother the moment she realized that Susan knew Billy was being abused. 

Billy and Valerie had an unspoken agreement that Max would never know. She was too young and knowing about the abuse would shatter her perception of the world so they had made it a point after the wedding to keep Max away from the knowledge of Neil’s violence. 

“He’s fine. I’m fine. Tell me about school today.” Max continued to look unsure but Valerie sat up and gently prodded her sister in speaking. Max finally relented and rolled her eyes. 

“Fine. Science class was stupid. I guess we’re learning about the brain but we covered that first quarter in California so,” She shrugged and picked absently at the bedspread. 

Valerie glanced up when she heard the front door slam. Max continued. “I don’t think this town gets new kids very often because there were four boys who spent all of recess spying on me.” Valerie smiled and nudged her little sister with her toes. “Maybe they think you’re cute.” She wiggled her eyebrows and Max laughed.

It always made Valerie feel good when she could make her sister laugh. “Ew! They don’t think I’m cute. I’m just interesting to figure out. I’m from California. They’ve probably never met anyone who’s not from this stupid town.” Max looked down at the ground between her feet, swinging her legs side to side. 

Valerie sighed softly and pushed her sister's hair back behind her ear. “Hey,” Max looked up. “Do you want to get some ice cream and see what’s on TV? Maybe there’s a monster movie we can find.”

Max’s smile was hesitant but she nodded and hopped off the bed, leading Valerie out of the room and to the kitchen.

~*~

Valerie released a long breath and pressed her forehead against her locker. The final bell had just rung, releasing them for the weekend. Tina’s Halloween party was tonight and Valerie wasn’t sure if she was going to go. She knew Billy would be there and didn’t know if she wanted to deal with him.

He had come home late from his date last night and spent nearly an hour in the shower. Valerie had leaned against her door frame as soon as she heard the shower shut off. When he came out the pain that Valerie felt nearly bent her in half.

There were scratches all down his back and a decent sized hickey on his collarbone. 

He turned to look at her and the emptiness she saw in his eyes had her tears spilling down her cheeks. He didn’t look sorry or angry or happy. He looked broken.

She had to close the door on him or else she’d collapse. She did just that as soon he was out of sight. She’d pressed her back against the door and slid down its surface, her hand held tight over her mouth to stifle her sobs. She heard his door close and lock and only then did she get up off the floor and bury herself beneath her blankets. 

She cried herself to sleep and woke up with sore eyes and a headache. 

School had been difficult but she’d made it through and now it was the weekend. She turned and pressed back against the locker, watching the nameless people pass her by, some looking at her with interest and most ignoring her. She saw Billy pass her with Tommy and Carol and their entourage. He trailed his eyes over her but didn’t say anything. She could see the turmoil and conflict raging in his eyes before he was pulled away by something Tommy said.

Valerie perked up when she saw Nancy walking dejectedly down the hall, Steve nowhere in sight. She stepped up beside her and tried to smile. Nancy didn’t seem to notice. Valerie tried anyway. 

“Hey, Nancy, are you excited for Tina’s party tonight?” That seemed to break Nancy out of whatever state she was in and the other girl looked up at her. “Oh, hey, Valerie. Yeah, I guess.” Nancy turned away quickly and Valerie drew her eyebrows together.

Something was bothering Nancy or at least distracting her. “What are you going to dress up as?” Valerie tried again. Nancy didn’t take the bait this time. “Look, I’m sorry, Valerie, but can we talk later? I’m supposed to get ready at Steve’s.” Nancy dashed away through the crowd and Valerie felt disheartened. 

She made her way to the parking lot and saw Billy leaning against the back of his car smoking a cigarette and watching her. She glared at him as she passed and missed the way his eyes followed her. He sighed and turned back to the front, tossing his cigarette. There was a tightness starting in his chest and a lump rose up in his throat. He sniffed loudly and turned his head when he heard Max’s skateboard. 

He narrowed his eyes suddenly angry. “You’re late again.” He said. Max glanced up at Valerie standing by the front of the car but she didn’t look at her. “Yeah,” She looked over at Billy. “I had to get catch-up homework.” Max opened the door and pushed the passenger seat forward. Valerie turned to follow her in. Billy scoffed and pushed off the car. “Jesus, I don’t care. You’re late again and you’re skating home, do you hear me?” 

Valerie glared at the side of Billy’s head as she nudged Max into the car. She pushed the seat back and buckled herself in, ignoring Billy’s poignant gaze across the center console. He gave a sharp huff before jerked the transmission and backing out. 

He sped down the side street, his music blaring through the speakers. Max sat hunched in the back seat, her bag beside her and her skateboard at her feet. Valerie kept her gaze out the window and ignored Billy’s petty attempts to get her to look at him.

“God, this place is such a shithole.” He wasn’t very loud but Valerie heard him. She turned her head. “It’s not that bad.” Max piped from the back seat. Billy looked at her in the rearview mirror and his eyes narrowed. Valerie glanced back at her and felt the storm brewing.

“Yeah, Billy, it’s not that bad.” Valerie quipped. The smile on her face was sardonic and Billy could tell. “No.” He nodded and rolled down the window. Valerie jerked back as the wind caught her hair. “You smell that, Val.” Billy was mocking her, holding his nose closed as he hummed. “That’s actually shit. Cow shit.” He looked over at her and she rolled the window up.

“I don’t see any cows.” She replied. Billy snorted. “You’ve met the high school girls. Hell, I saw you talking to Nancy Wheeler today.” Billy’s voice was dripping with acid and Valerie forced herself to bite her tongue. He wanted a reaction from her and she wasn’t going to give him one. 

Billy glared at her. “So what? You like it here now?” Valerie scoffed and shook her head but didn’t answer him. “So why are you defending it?” Billy was looking at her, expecting an answer. 

Valerie wanted to be the bigger person. She didn’t want to give Billy a reason to release his anger. 

She knew he was angry. She hadn’t talked to him all day and he hadn’t had time to expel his pent up emotions that had been raging inside him since last night. 

“I’m not.” She said with scorn. Billy shrugged. “Sure sounds like it.” 

Valerie turned to look at him. “Are the girls really such cows, Billy? I mean, they must not all suck after the night you had.” 

So much for being the bigger person.

Billy snapped his eyes over to her. She saw his lip curl up in contempt and a low growl from deep in his chest.

He shifted gears with a sharp jerk and the car flew down the street. Valerie’s heart leaped in her chest and she gripped the dashboard.

They came over a hill and Valerie could see three boys riding their bikes down the street. “Billy, slow down,” Max called from the backseat. She was leaning forward with her head between the two of them. “Are these your new hick friends?” He asked maliciously. 

Max shook her head, her red hair flying around them. “No, I don’t know them.” Billy cocked his head, staring straight at Valerie. “I guess you won’t care if I hit ‘em then, huh?” He asked. 

He sped up again and the car grew closer to the boys.

She didn’t know what to do. Billy was doing it on purpose, trying to get a rise out of her. He wanted her to be anything but angry at him. 

Well, he succeeded. 

She was scared of him. 

“I get bonus points if I get ‘em all in one go?” Billy adjusted his grip on the steering wheel, careening down the street. “No, Billy, stop. It’s not funny.” Valerie said. Billy looked at her, his eyes were dark and resentful. His face was blank as he pushed the car to go faster. 

The boys turned and began to pedal faster. “Billy, come on! Stop it! It’s not funny!” Max screamed. Valerie snapped her eyes from the boys to Billy and back again. Billy smacked his hand against the steering wheel, his foot pressed to the floorboard of the car. 

“Stop it!” Max screamed one last time. Valerie reached over and jerked the steering wheel to the left, swerving into the other lane and around the boys as they tumbled into the grassy shoulder. Max twisted around to watch the boys as they got to their feet. 

Valerie pressed back against the door as Billy cackled, the car speeding down the road, music shaking the windows.

[choking-on-tae]

Your guardian angel

Pairing: Seokjin x Reader (short mentions of Yoongi) 

Supernatural AU 

Word count: 5.8k 

Summary: “"Y/N, I'm your guardian angel. Well, more like was. I've been watching over you since you were born and I've seen everything you went through. I watched you become the beautiful young woman you are today and felt myself liking you a lot. People never treated you right, not even your ex and that really hurt me. Especially when you started to feel like you weren't even worthy of love. So I decided to pay you a visit but that only made me fall in love with you even more."

Genre: Angst, Fluff (mentions of self harm)(happy ending). 

Author’s note: Written in 3th perspective. (also gif isn’t mine but bless whoever made it)

Her entire life she had been told that angels weren't real and that they were part of fiction. Supernatural to be exact. She always believed that until she suddenly felt like someone was following her, more like watching over her actually. However, every single time she looked behind her she saw nothing suspicious. One day she almost got hit by a bus, but a very handsome man saved her. He looked almost angelic. After the almost accident she started to see the handsome man more often. She didn't know why. Little did she know that Seokjin is her guardian angel, who happened to have fallen deeply in love with her. There's a strict rule for guardian angels and number one is: 'Don't fall in love with the human you're supposed to protect.' Angels are very protective of their wings, and try everything to keep them as clean as possible. I'm saying clean because they can get 'dirty'. When angels sin the tips of the feathers of their beautiful white wings will turn red. Blood red to be more exact.

There's a lot of things can are considered 'sinning'. One example is having sex with a non angel. This could be someone who's no longer an angel, or another angel who as sinned already. It could be with a demon, then you'll be thrown in prison and kicked out of heaven, only to be send to hell, where they'll turn into demons themselves. When the tips of the feathers of an angel are red they will be send to court, where judges will decide what will happen next. If odds are with you, you'll get another chance and the red tips will be removed. If the odds are against you you'll either be send to hell, or even worse, your wings will be ripped off and you'll get kicked into the human world, where you'll be forced to live the rest of your life as a normal human being. The biggest sin is falling in love with a human. When the guardian angel falls in love with a human they can't protect them as well as they used to. The relationship between a human and it's guardian angel should be nothing but platonic.

Guardian angels are supposed to be able to let their humans go, when it's time or when they can't safe them. When they fall in love they'll try to keep them around as long as possible, which isn't necessarily a good thing. That's why it's the biggest sin. Reputation is everything for angels. Some families have amazing reputations and will try everything to maintain that. Seokjin comes from one of those families. None one in his family has sinned, and he was raised to never make a mistake like that. He's seen it happening to one of his closest friends; Yoongi. He got tricked into it, and Seokjin wanted to defend his friend but his family wouldn't let him. So he was forced to watch how one of his best friends was sentenced to be send to hell. He knew Yoongi wouldn't be the same the next time he'd see him, if he'd even see him again. His beautiful white wings turned black as he got send away. Seokjin will never forget the look on his friend's face when he heard his punishment. It was one of the worst and Seokjin hoped he'd never have to experience anything like that.

This was 219 years ago, and he's only seen Yoongi once after he was sent away. He hardly recognized him at first. His bleached blonde hair was no longer, having made place for pitch black hair instead. His beautiful white wings were no dark as the night. The look in his eyes was what scared Seokjin the most. The look was completely emotionless. Seokjin being the good angel that he was embraced his friend in a warm hug, before flying back to heaven, where he was supposed to be. He knew that if he'd spend too much time with Yoongi, he'd sin, and that was the last thing he wanted. Especially since his parents kept telling him how important it was to be a good guardian angel. Angels live for a really really long time. It's not known how long exactly, but in human years Seokjin would be 24. The human Seokjin had to protect passed away 2 weeks ago. His name was Lucas and he lived a great life. He died at age 89, surrounded by his friends and family. Seokjin tried his best to protect him and did a fairly good job at that. The man died of old age, which was the best thing that could happen in the angel's eyes.

Seokjin was sad to leave the old man behind but he lived a long and happy life, and that was what's most important. He was back in the head angel's office. He'd be assigned to a new human today. He was excited and nervous at the same time. Every single time he got assigned he felt that way. Every single time he was scared that this was gonna be the human he'd fall in love with and sin. That was the thing about Seokjin. Whereas angels fell in love with each other all around him, he didn't have that. It definitely started to worry his parents, who were waiting for their son to get married and to give them the grandchildren they so desperately wanted. Seokjin is very attractive, and he wouldn't have any trouble finding a date since angels basically lined up just to go on a date with him. However, Seokjin wasn't interested. Humans were always being ridiculed by angels. Angels always laughed at their stupid behavior and never understood their way of thinking. They thought humans were clumsy, dumb, ugly creatures and a lot of them weren't happy to be guardian angels. His family for example.

They didn't like their job that much and would much rather do something else. How different that was for Seokjin. Seokjin thought that humans were beautiful. Sure they didn't look as angelic as angels but they weren't angels so that only made sense. Although he had never seen a human he found attractive, he did like their behavior and way of thinking. Which is why he was absolutely petrified for his new assignment. He kept this hidden from everyone, the fact that he liked humans unlike everyone else. He didn't want to be made fun of by everyone so he kept it a secret. He took a deep breath as he knocked three times, the door opening instantly.

"Ah Seokjin, welcome. Come in." The headmaster said, opening the door further so Seokjin could come in.

He bowed politely as he made his way into the headmaster's office. Pulling back the chair in front of the desk and sitting down. No matter how many times he came here, he never got used to it.

"So I assume you know why you're here." The headmaster started, grabbing a couple of books before sitting down in front of him.

"Of course headmaster."

"You'll be assigned to a new human. Here is all the information you need to know."

He handed Seokjin a file of all the information that was known at the moment, since the human he's assigned to was only a few days old. He decided to start reading the information.

'Name:  (Your full name)

Born: (When you were born)

Nationality: (Your nationality)

Parents: (Your parents)

Zodiac sign: (Your zodiac sign)

"Go visit her." He said, smiling softly at Seokjin.

"I will, thank you."

Seokjin bowed politely at the headmaster before exiting the room, spreading his wings and flying to earth. A pro about being an angel is that humans can't see you. Angels can watch them without the humans noticing, which was exactly what he was doing. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face at the sight of two new parents with their new born daughter in their arms. It was a sight he had seen a lot but it never failed to amaze him. He wondered if one day he'd have a baby of his own, with his significant other of course. He pushed away the thought and walked over to the couple and their baby. He smiled brightly at the sight of the cute newborn who was already sleeping. Her fingers were small and her hair was pitch black almost. Her features were soft and round, but that made sense since she was still a baby. This was one of the moments where he was happy that he was invisible for humans. He took the opportunity to gently run his thumb over the girl's chubby cheeks as he pressed a kiss against her forehead.

"Hello Y/N, I'm Seokjin, your guardian angel. Nice to meet you." He whispered, eyeing the cute baby up and down.

She was very small, even for a baby. He couldn't help but already feel the need to protect her. Soon more people entered the room. He assumed they were the parents of the couple that just received their first child. He took a few steps back, admiring the beautiful sight before flying back to heaven and meeting his family, who were already waiting for him. The next few years went by fast, as he saw the cute baby turn into a very whiny toddler, who kept her parents up a lot. He secretly laughed at her behavior. He already started to like the little toddler. As the toddler turned into a child, she transformed into a little bundle of joy. She was always smiling, making friends everywhere she went and talked to strangers a lot, who liked her cuteness and the fact that she was so social.

"Y/N! Go stand next to your cousin for the photo!" Her grandmother shouted.

The little girl was now 4. Seokjin learned more about the troubles the couple had to go through to become pregnant, and couldn't help but have a lot of respect for them. He therefor promised himself that he'd try with everything in his being to keep the girl safe. Her hair was pulled up into a pony tail. Her bangs fitting her face perfectly as she was wearing a cute blue dress with flower pedals. A white long sleeve shirt underneath it since it wasn't that warm yet. She was very pretty he thought. He couldn't wait to see what she'd look like when she got older. He continued watching her interact with her family before he got called back to heaven. He watched her having her first day of school, saw her perform plays, interact with kids and doing well in school. He couldn't be happier to see her doing so well. However, things changed when she went to high school. He noticed that she tried to fit in, changed herself to be more likable and to stand out less. He thought that it was a shame that she did that.

He watched everything going downhill from there. He saw how she got into fights with her friends, started to feel even worse and eventually got depressed. He saw her grades dropping, her smile falling and her getting thinner and thinner. He saw how she almost killed herself and send her mom upstairs to stop her from sliding the razor deeper into her skin. That seemed to have been a wake up call of some sort. Although she didn't stop her self harm, she did stop trying to kill herself. Seokjin watched over her every move, making sure she wasn't gonna do anything she'd regret. When she met a guy in her class and fell in love with him she started to feel better. However, Seokjin started to feel worse. Although he was happy that the girl he was protecting no longer felt so depressed, he felt.. jealous? He wished he could be the one to make her that happy, and the fact that he felt that way scared him. He wasn't supposed to feel like this. Besides, she just turned 16. This couldn't be happening. He shook the thought out of his head and tried to focus on other things, such as trying to keep her safe.

After having been happily dating for 6 months, things started to go downhill again. Seokjin knew where this was going and the thought scared him. He was sure that if she'd go to a breakup now she'd end up right where she left off. Feeling horrible again and that was the last thing he wanted. They fought more regularly and their relationship changed. He saw her developing a lot, learning more about herself while the guy she was dating did the opposite. He started to feel worst and it was affecting her a lot. Seokjin knew that it would be best for her to break up with him, but he also knew that his human was a hopeless romantic. So he watched her fall further and further until she had enough. They broke things off, much to Seokjin's happiness. He knew it was hard but it was better that way. He had never seen her as broken as she was the first weeks after the breakup. Seokjin felt his heart ache at the sight and wanted to make her feel better instantly. So a couple months later he broke one of the ground rules, he visited her without there being an emergency.

She had a couple of tough things that could cause her to fall back again, which was the last thing he wanted. So he decided to break the rules for once. He was also visible, which meant he broke another rule. She was currently in London, absolutely exhausted as she was waiting in line to order a coffee. Seokjin smiled softly to himself as he pulled his wings back and made himself look as normal as possible before making himself visible. Even though he was visible, he still had the powers he has in his angel form. He moved so he was standing behind her in the line. He made sure that none of the others caught up on it as he looked at her with a fond smile on his face. Seokjin thought she looked absolutely beautiful. The amount of weight that she had lost within the past years was quite concerning but he knows she's doing okay now.

Seokjin felt the strong urge to just wrap his arms around her waist and to cuddle up to her, but he couldn't do that. He had accepted that he had feelings for her, and that was already a big and dangerous step. The headmaster was able to read angels' minds. He technically could read Seokjin's mind and find out about the whole thing. However, there's millions of angels so Seokjin hoped with all of his being that he wouldn't get caught. He needed to take his time with this. He had to start with just making small talk with her before he was able to do anything else. The guy behind the counter called out a bored 'next', making her turn into his direction.

"Hi, can I have a caramel latte macchiato please." she said, her melodic and sweet voice making it's way into his ears.

"That will be £4,45 please."

She handed him the money as she moved to the other line to wait for her drink while the guy placed her order before turning to Seokjin.

"Hello how can I help you?" He asked in that same boring tone.

"Can I have a caramel latte macchiato too please."

He saw her looking up at the sound of his voice and definitely noticed her staring at him a little longer than necessary. He smiled softly to himself as he handed the guy the money. Seokjin turned towards her and flashed her a shy smile. He swore he felt butterflies when she returned it. Soon her order was called as she grabbed her coffee. She gave him a shy smile before she walked off. Seokjin frowned when he saw her walking out of the shop. He knew her and knew how she wasn't too fond of talking to strangers so he had to come up with something else. As soon as Seokjin's order was ready he quickly grabbed it and headed into the direction he saw her walking in. He didn't know where he was going, all he knew was that he wanted to see her again. He saw her again when she was about to cross a sidewalk. The traffic lights were green, however, there was a bus that just drove through the red light, right towards her. Seokjin didn't hesitate one moment to run towards her. He quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her back, the bus rushing right past them.

He could feel by the force of the wind that the bus was very close. If they were an inch closer to the street they would have been hit, and Seokjin wasn't immortal in his human form. He had her pulled tightly against him, his arms securely wrapped around her as her hands were pressed against his strong chest. The two heard gasps and people clapping behind them, which shook them out of their little daze. She looked up to him, their eyes meeting as she tried to even out her breathing pattern. Her eyes were blown wide with shock, after all he had just saved her life. She mumbled out a soft 'thank you', but Seokjin heard it anyways. He lifted one hand to brush some of her hair out of her face as he pressed a kiss against her forehead.

"It's okay. I'm glad you're okay."

She nodded at his words as they slowly pulled back. Seokjin knew what he was doing was extremely dangerous but he just couldn't help himself. He had to protect her, he is her guardian angel after all. At least for now, because the headmaster had informed his family about Seokjin's actions and they weren't happy. The moment Seokjin would fold his wings out again, he'd see that the tips of his once beautiful white feathers were now painted red.

"I have to go now. Be careful, okay." He said, pressing one last kiss against her forehead before walking off.

"WAIT!" He suddenly heard.

He turned around instantly, seeing her nervously looking at him as she fumbled with her fingers.

"What's your name?"

"Seokjin."

"I'm Y/N."

"I know." She frowned at his words but all she got was a wink in return before he left.

Seokjin folded his wings out and flew back to heaven. Only there was one tiny thingy he forgot. To make himself invisible again. Y/N had seen everything and looked at him with her jaw dropped. Luckily she was the only one who noticed. She tried to calm herself down and pinched herself to check if she was dreaming. When she felt a slight pain she knew she was wide awake and that what she saw wasn't an illusion. Was he a guardian angel? More importantly, was he her guardian angel? She thought as she stepped into the bus and took a seat next to the window. When she first saw him she couldn't help but think that he looked angelic. If he was an angel that actually would actually make sense. She quickly plugged her earbuds in and scrolled through her playlist as she bus took off. She relaxed in her seat as she thought back to the handsome man who saved her.

Seokjin however, was in big trouble. He knew that as soon as he saw the tips of his feathers. He knew the headmaster knew and probably informed his parents too. Seokjin knew what he had to do. He was a man and had to face the consequences for what he did. He let out a deep sigh as he walked through the door of the headmaster's office. He saw his entire family staring at him in disbelief, probably because of his feathers. He heard his mother gasp and sighed in defeat. He knew what was coming next. He'd have to go to court for his trial.

"Seokjin! What's wrong with you! You're in love with a human!" His mother shouted, tears streaming down her face because she knew that her son would be send away.

"Yes mother I'm in love with a human. I couldn't help it, okay? Do I really have to be punished for loving someone?" He asked the headmaster, who only sighed as he gave him a disapproving look.

"Let's move this to the courtroom."

Soon everyone was in the courtroom. Seokjin was standing in the middle, his lawyer next to him as his family was sitting in the back. The judges were on the side as the court master was sitting in front of him. Seokjin gulped at the sight of everyone's eyes on him. He knew all of this would eventually be worth it if he got to go and be with her, but he just wished he didn't have to disappoint his family.

"Good afternoon angels. We're here for case 39. Angel falling in love with a human." The court master spoke.

Seokjin saw his aunt and mom sitting with tissues and felt his heart clench at the sight. His family looked terrified for him, although he knew that they were upset at the same time.

"Kim Seokjin. What do you have to say about this?" The judge asked him.

Seokjin looked at his lawyer who only nodded at him.

"Be honest." He said, patting Seokjin on the back as he took a step forward.

"It's true. I'm in love with a human."

The entire court room gasped, only for it to be completely silent after that. He could hear his mom and aunt's sobs, and sighed in defeat. He really didn't understand why everyone had to make such a big deal out of it.

"You do realize that's a sin and you'll have to be punished, right?" The judge asked, looking him directly in the eyes.

"Yes I realize that, but I didn't plan on falling in love with her. It kind of just happened. I know she's a human but is it that wrong to love someone?"

Seokjin knew what he was trying was pointless and that he'd get punished anyways, but he definitely didn't want to go to hell for this. He wanted to go to earth and be with her.

"Yes it's wrong because she's human! Humans can't know we exist! She even saw your wings when you flew away! Seokjin I see no other option than to punish you."

The court master turned towards the judges as he asked the following question;

"Hell or earth?"

Seokjin's eyes grew wide as he realized this was his change to convince them.

"Please send me to earth. This girl really has been through so much and no one seems to treat her right. She's worthy of love and I'm sure I can give her that. I love her and I know that she likes me too. Please send me there. Is what I did so bad that you've to send me to hell?" Seokjin pleaded, as tears started to swell behind is eyes.

The court master sighed in defeat as he looked at the judges, who almost unanimously voted 'earth.' Seokjin felt relief wash over him as he looked at the judges.

"You do realize that your wings will be ripped off and that you'll have to live a normal mortal life, right?"

"I know."

"Very well then. Earth it is." The judge said, hitting the table as a final note.

His parents instantly ran towards him, embracing him tightly as they heard that their beloved son would no longer be an angel.

"Seokjin please be careful there. We'll always be watching over you from here. We promise." His mother said, giving him a tight hug as his father did the same.

He hugged the rest of his family before he was taken to a separate room. What was coming next was what he dreaded the most. This would definitely be the most painful part.

"Please take off your shirt." The court master said.

Seokjin took a deep breath as he unbuttoned his shirt, laying it down on the ground beside him as he knelt to the floor. He had seen this happening once and it shook him to the very core. He couldn't imagine what kind of pain that angel had to go through, but he was just about to experience that himself. His family wanted to come with him but he assured them that they didn't want to see this.

"Alright, brace yourself." Was what he heard as he felt his wings being slowly ripped out of his back.

He groaned at the pain, desperately trying to control himself. Suddenly the wings were harshly ripped out, making him scream in pain. His mother heard her son's scream, and only started to sob even harder. Seokjin felt tears streaming down his cheeks from the burning pain in his back, as he knew that his wings were no longer there.

"When you're on earth go to the pharmacy to buy some stuff for it. Here's a credit card. You've an unlimited amount of money so do whatever you want when you're down there." He said, handing Seokjin the card as he told him to put his shirt back on.

Seokjin groaned in pain as he did so, quickly putting the card in his wallet as he was send outside again, to say a final goodbye to his family before he'd go to earth. His mother only cried even harder at the sight of her son without his beautiful wings. Seokjin hugged everyone one last time before he was transported to earth. He didn't remember how that happened exactly, all he remembered is literally falling down and hitting the ground pretty hard. As soon as he gained some consciousness he got up and looked at his surroundings. He was at a small field full of grass in the middle of a neighborhood. A very familiar neighborhood actually. He was surprised that he found it familiar, since they usually erase an angel's memory before they send them to earth.

He rubbed his head in pain as he felt blood dripping down his back, from where his wings used to be. He sighed in defeat as he slowly walked towards the road, his eyes landing on a dark blue door. Wait a minute.. this is where Y/N lives! He thought. A sad smile instantly covered his face as he struggled to make his way to the door. He didn't know what day it was and how much time had passed since he had last seen her. He knew she still lives with her parents and he was scared about them finding out about him. If one of them would open the door what was he gonna say? He pushed those thoughts aside as he rang the doorbell. He saw a figure standing in the hallway that came closer to the door, unlocking it before opening it fully. He felt relief wash over him as he saw the girl he had been looking for. Little did he know that everyone in heaven was watching them from above. All the angels were curious about the angel that fell in love with a human and gave up his wings to be with her.

"Seokjin?" She asked in surprise, gasping when she saw the red blood stains on his shirt.

"Yes."

"Oh my god what happened? Are you okay?" She gasped, instantly pulling him in and closed the door behind them.

"N-No." Seokjin groaned, grabbing his back in pain.

"Okay, euhm, follow me." She said, taking him upstairs, to her room where she asked him to lay down on her bed.

Seokjin obliged and felt himself smile a little when he realized the pillows had her scent on it. Which obviously makes sense but Seokjin liked it a lot.

"Can you take off your shirt for me?" She shyly asked, slightly embarrassed about the whole situation.

Seokjin did what she asked, groaning in pain as he did so and heard her gasp at the sight of his abused back.

"Oh my goodness. W-What.. is this?"

"They ripped out my wings." Seokjin sighed, turning over so he was facing her.

She just stared at him in disbelief, shaking her head 'no' as she inspected his back.

"So you really are an angel?"

"Was. Now I'm a normal human."

"But why did they do that? And how did you find me?" She asked, pressing a cold towel against the wound, making Seokjin hiss.

She mumbled a soft 'sorry' as she continued tapping the wound.

"Y/N, I'm your guardian angel. Well, more like was. I've been watching over you since you were born and I've seen everything you went through. I watched you become the beautiful young woman you are today and felt myself liking you a lot. People never treated you right, not even your ex and that really hurt me. Especially when you started to feel like you weren't even worthy of love. So I decided to pay you a visit but that only made me fall in love with you even more."

She took in all his words as she had wiped away all the blood and put a healing cream on it, to make the healing process go faster.

"Falling in love with a human is a crime for us angels. When that happens you're either being send to hell to become a demon or you're being send to earth but get your wings ripped out." He explained, making her absolutely confused about the whole situation.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but why didn't they send you to hell? Wouldn't it be much better to have been able to keep your beautiful wings?"

Her question caught Seokjin by surprise but he answered it nonetheless.

"No, I much rather be here with you, even if that means that I won't have my wings anymore. I want to show you that you're worthy of love and I wanna stay with you forever. I know this is a lot to take in but I'm really a great guy. I promise."

She chuckled at his words as she bandaged his wound, wrapping it around his back and torso to prevent any bacteria from coming in. Seokjin smiled at her caring nature, and felt that he was right about making his choice. Well technically the choice was made for him but he did have some say in it. He turned around so he was lying on his side, facing her as she was still sitting on the edge of the bed.

"So you're completely human now?"

"Yes."

"But where are you gonna stay? What about money? How are you gonna make a living here?" She asked, rambling on about it.

A fond smile spread across his face as he watched her worry about him. He gently took her significantly smaller hand in his, which instantly made her stop rambling.

"I got a credit card with me that has an unlimited amount of money on it. I can do whatever I want but it obviously takes some time to find a place that's nice. I wanna find something that you'll like too."

"But you can't stay here, my parents are never gonna let you stay here." She stammered.

"I know, but I still have some of my powers from when I was an angel. I can still become invisible and have a bit of an affect on your mood. For example when you feel bad I can make you feel a bit better." Seokjin explain, making her smile.

"I want to stay here, if that's okay with you. I will stay invisible and you'll be the only one who can see me. Can I please stay here?"

"Of course you can Seokjin." She said, gently running her fingers through his soft hair.

He leaned back into her touch and closed his eyes at the nice feeling. He couldn't believe that now he was finally able to do things with the girl he'd dreamt of. Oh boy that sounds bad. He didn't necessarily mean it like that.

"Can you lay on your back?"

Seokjin gently lied down on his back, preparing himself for the immense pain he was about to feel but it never came. It took him by surprise as well as he stared at her with wide eyes, making her chuckle.

"Ah you look really cute like that." She blushed, moving closer to him as she rested her chest upon his, their faces inches away from touching.

Seokjin brought his hand up to rest on the side of her face, as he stared deeply into her eyes. From then on he knew he was hooked. He lifted his head up a little to press his full lips against hers, catching her by surprise at first but she soon started to kiss back. He moved the hand that rested on the side of her face to her neck as he sunk down further in the pillows, bringing her down with him. He deepened the kiss as he turned them over, so he was on top of her. His bigger frame trapping her underneath him, but she wasn't complaining. His tongue gently explored her mouth as she tangled her fingers in his soft chestnut hair. She couldn't believe this handsome man was her guardian angel, let alone that he's in love with her! He rested his weight on top of her but she didn't mind at all. She knew that this was only gonna be difficult, being in love with someone who's used to be an angel, but she knew that he'd be able to love her like no one else could. Seokjin pulled back from their sweet making out session as he gently brushed some of her hair out of her face.

"Wow."

Was all he could bring out, making her laugh.

"Yeah that was wow indeed." She replied.

The two stayed in a comfortable silence as Seokjin pulled her closer to him. He knew he made the right decision and couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with her. Even though he's not immortal anymore, he knows he'll be happy with her by his side.  

[jordan202]

My Boys Drabbles - Lucas (Part Four - Final)

Hey guys, here comes the final part. I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you @jia911 for your help proofreading!

Links to previous chapters can be found HERE.

My Boys Drabbles – Lucas (Part Four) 

Owen was putting his white coat and stethoscope back in his cubby at the attendings’ lounge when he felt a pair of soft arms swiftly wrapping his chest from behind. Unable to stop a wide smile from growing on his face, Owen gently placed his left hand on the top of his wife’s arms while he finished organizing his things.

“Are you ready to go home?” He asked, feeling the gentle touch of Amelia’s chest against his back.

“Yes,” Amelia replied with a whisper and a very seductive grin. He instantly knew she was up to something. “Are you in a good mood tonight? Because I thought maybe you could cook pasta with that garlic sauce?” Amelia sneakily rubbed her hands across his chest all the way to his stomach as her lips approached his ear. “Please?”

Owen heard her nearly whispering the words and turned around, keeping her inside his embrace. He smiled when her fairly noticeable 20 week pregnancy belly filled the entire gap between their bodies.

“Am I allowed to say no?” He jokingly asked.

“Of course not,” Amelia replied with a mischievous grin, looking into his eyes with fierce devotion. Owen noticed the brightness stamped on those gorgeous blue globes and smiled back at her, kissing her lips quickly before holding her hand so they could walk to the parking lot together.

“Then the answer is yes.”

Later that evening, after he’d already cooked, Owen was distractedly sitting on the couch, watching the news on the TV when he heard his wife coming from the kitchen. Amelia made herself comfortable by his side before asking with distinct brightness in her eyes:

“So, should we start picking out names?”

Owen smiled as Amelia snuggled next to him, looking like she was eagerly waiting for his reply. Just the week before, Amelia had flown to Los Angeles and spent a weekend there to have a consult with Addison. Owen hadn’t been able to come because of work and unbeknownst to them, Addison had set up an ultrasound so she could examine the baby herself. When asked if she wanted to find out the baby’s gender, Amelia hadn’t been able to control her curiosity and the first thing she’d done after going back to Seattle was to announce that they were having a boy.

Owen had been so absolutely enchanted with the news that he’d had no time to process the fact that she’d found out without him. He would have loved to have been present to see the exam, but all that mattered was that the baby was healthy, growing and gaining weight as expected. And Owen couldn’t wait to meet his son.

“Have you considered any?” He asked with good mood, excited about the subject. “I mean, I guess I’ve always kind of assumed that if we had a son, you’d want to name him after your brother.”

“Really?” Amelia frowned at her husband, confused with that new information.

“Yeah,” Owen shrugged, surprised with her confusion. “I know how much you loved him and looked up to him. I figured it would be an obvious choice but maybe it isn’t that obvious?” He half affirmed, half asked, seeing Amelia clearly hadn’t thought about that suggestion.

“I don’t know…” Amelia admitted, processing that information for the first time. “Of course I love my brother and I know he would be honored but we are starting a whole new chapter in our lives, you know? If we named him Derek it would mean a lot to me, but I think maybe it would be more meaningful to us if we chose a name we both like?” She kindly proposed.

He held her chin delicately between his fingers and brought her face closer, giving her a kiss on the tip of her nose before smiling back at her.

“That’s a great idea,” Owen agreed, wrapping one arm around her shoulder. “Ok, so what do you have in mind?”

“Nothing too unusual, I don’t want our kid to be bullied in school because he has a stuck up name,” Amelia straightforwardly decided, making Owen chuckle with her spontaneity. “Something short and strong, that leaves an impact.”

“Are we both going to give him our last names?” Owen asked, content with whichever choice she decided to make regarding that.

“Well, I have your name now and it could stay our family name,” Amelia’s eyes glowed as she looked deeply into his, proud to have made that choice a few months before. “And then maybe his middle name could be Derek? It’s a nice compromise. I get to honor my brother, you give the last name and we both choose a first name we like.”

“That sounds perfect,” Owen agreed, tilting his head to look into her eyes. Amelia’s eyes sparkling with happiness because of their child had become his favorite thing to watch. And Owen didn’t really mind much. As long as it wasn’t any atrocious name, and he doubted Amelia’s taste would differ much from his, she could narrow down the names of her preference and Owen would help her choose from the few selected ones.

“Okay, so I have an idea,” Amelia turned around on the couch and folded her legs, looking at him like an eager child on school break. “We can both make a list of our favorites. And if the same name appears on both lists, that’s the one.”

“Okay,” Owen agreed, still smiling at her. At that moment, he felt like he would never get enough of his wife. He was happy beyond words to see his dream of being a father coming true, but seeing how happy and excited Amelia was too made his heart ache with pride and love.

Amelia opened her mouth to resume talking but she was silenced by the sweet touch of Owen’s lips when they covered her own. She smiled against him, welcoming his gentle touch at the same time her husband lay on his back against the couch, bringing her down on his top.

“I thought we were working on that list,” Amelia let out a happy giggle when his hands quickly imprisoned her upper thighs.

“We are working on it, don’t worry,” Owen provoked her as he captured the skin of her neck between his lips. “This is the inspiration to help my creative side to arise.”

“It has arisen already,” Amelia joked with a dirty smile as she pressed her body against his, eager to find out what would happen next.

.

Over the course of the following weeks, Amelia got to experience again little details in the pregnancy that she had forgotten about it, probably because back then, she’d had no one to share them with. But now, Owen was absolutely interested in being a part of everything and Amelia would never forget the look on his face when she placed his hand on her belly, allowing him to feel their baby moving for the first time.

Soon after, it became increasingly harder for Amelia to maintain a sex life with her husband. When she reached the third trimester, it felt like her bump was growing exponentially. Frequent consults with her obstetrician and ultrasound scans showed that her baby boy was not only healthy and amazingly active, he was also a bit oversized compared to her first son.

Amelia knew that it had probably more to do with Owen’s genes than her own. Addison had assured her that she would arrive in Seattle in the first days of July, hanging around for a couple of weeks so she could assist with the delivery. Amelia was deeply grateful for that, not only because she trusted Addison’s skills above everyone else’s but also because it was comforting to have a familiar face that knew her so well, especially considering Addison had been present at Amelia’s first delivery.

When Amelia was around thirty five weeks along, Addison showed concern when they found out that the baby’s estimated weight was already at nearly 7 pounds. If Amelia’s belly kept growing at that rate and they all knew that on the few weeks before delivery, babies usually put up a lot of weight, a natural delivery would prove to be a challenge, considering Amelia’s small size and narrow hips.

“I was on facetime with Addison again today,” Amelia shared late at night, trying to make her back comfortable against the pillows. “She arrives in two weeks but Henry and Jake are staying there.” At nearly thirty six weeks, it was very hard to find a position she would be comfortable in. Even though Amelia hadn’t gained much weight in terms of fat, her body was retaining more liquid, as it was expected, and her oversized baby bump made it hard to expand her lungs if she lay down too horizontally. “Oh God, tell your child to stop kicking my diaphragm,” Amelia snapped at Owen, feeling the baby stomping against her insides.

Owen smiled with sympathy and placed his hand on the curve of her belly, gently stroking it.

“He is anxious to get out,” Owen celebrated, realizing it wouldn’t be long until they met their son.

“One more week and we’re on full term,” Amelia repeated that as a mantra, trying to console herself.  

“Has Addison said anything else about the birth?” Owen asked carefully, knowing how the subject brought anxiety to his wife.

“She said she can’t make a decision until she comes over and examines me,” Amelia replied, letting out a sigh of distress. “That makes sense, if she is worried about CPD, there’s no way to diagnose it until labor actually progresses.”

Owen knew Addison Montgomery was worried about a condition called Cephalopelvic disproportion, when the baby was too oversized compared to the mom’s pelvis to allow childbirth to happen. True CPD was a rare condition, but considering his wife’s small size and the images of their son they’d seen on the ultrasound, he wasn’t surprised that Addison considered that as a diagnosis. In case the CPD really confirmed, the safest course plan was a C-section, but Owen knew Amelia was dreading the idea. With her opioid addiction history, getting anesthesia for a surgical procedure, even knowing that it was only a regional blockage and not a general one, was driving Amelia over the edge with anxiety.

“I know you don’t want a C-section,” Owen rubbed her arm affectionately. “But if any of your lives is at stake, we’re not going to risk it, okay?” He looked deeply into her eyes, hoping with everything he had to convince her.

“Okay,” Amelia replied with a conformed expression, but Owen knew how uncomfortable the idea of surgery made her.

“You’ll be fine,” Owen assured her, giving her a kiss on the forehead while he pulled her closer inside his embrace. “You both will.” The trauma surgeon reinforced, absolutely rejecting any other possibility.

“When I asked you to put a baby inside me,” Amelia mirthfully said, trying to lighten up the atmosphere, “It could have been a normal sized one.” She teased him.

“I was born at 10 and a half pounds,” Owen said with an adorable embarrassed smile. It wasn’t his fault that their baby was that big but at the same time it was.

“Oh my God, poor Evelyn!” Amelia gasped, swallowing hard. She seriously hoped that wouldn’t be her fate.

“Well, she is fine, as you can see,” Owen said, trying to sound encouraging.

“Yeah, because that’s a relief,” Amelia said ironically, looking up to look at him. When their eyes met, she couldn’t help laughing and gladly rested her head on his shoulder, silently asking her son that he be ready to come out as soon as possible.

.

Addison arrived in Seattle when Amelia was in her 38th week. The neurosurgeon was in no condition to work anymore and Addison stayed at Amelia’s house monitoring her closely, knowing that her friend could go into labor at any moment.

One week later, Amelia started to have contractions on a Saturday night, and when her water broke, she was taken to the hospital. Owen tried to control his anxiety when he watched from a distance as Addison once again examined his wife.

“What is it?” He asked when he noticed the grim expression on the obstetrician’s face, giving up trying to seem like he was calm and controlled about the situation. “What’s wrong?!”

Addison took a deep breath, staying at the top of the situation as usual. Treating family was never easy because of emotional involvement but she would never turn her back to Amelia when she knew the neurosurgeon needed her the most. She looked from her friend to the anxious husband:

“Here is the thing, guys, your baby is too large,” Addison put it simply, rolling her eyes while cursing the heavens. They had been mentally prepared for any number of things that could have gone wrong in Amelia’s pregnancy, but a macrosomic baby hadn’t crossed her mind. Amelia’s first newborn had been average size but she shouldn’t be surprised that Owen’s son would be bigger. “The head will pass judging by what I’ve seen but his wide fat shoulders might not,” Addison tried to put it simply, worried about that. “Amelia, we might have to do a C-section.” She looked at her friend, trying her hardest to convince her. “You’re going to be in a lot of pain and…”

“Addie,” Amelia begged. She would do whatever it took for her baby to be fine but if possible, she would avoid surgery at any cost, even if it meant going through a lot of pain. “Please. If you think there is chance, if you think…Ah!” Amelia twitched in pain when another contraction started. “Please,” She begged once again, trying to breathe through the pain.

Addison looked from her friend to Owen, trying to read his mind.

“We’ll give it a try but if I think it can’t be done,” Addison looked at Amelia with the most serious face she had. “I won’t think twice before converting it to a C-section.”

“Okay,” Amelia agreed, letting out a sigh of relief at the same time her hand reached for Owen’s.

“Okay,” Addison nodded her head, satisfied that Amelia understood the importance of that. “But we’re doing this in the OR.”

“What?” The neurosurgeon frowned, obviously not enjoying the idea.

“I don’t want to take any chances, Amelia,” Addison explained. “If things go south, I won’t risk letting your baby be deprived of oxygen. It would compromise his neurological status and you know how minutes can make a difference. I wouldn’t risk wasting precious time transporting you from the delivery room to the OR.” The obstetrician added very seriously. “We’ll do this my way or we don’t do it at all.”

Without any choice other than agreeing, Amelia watched as Addison gave out orders. She received a surgical gown and a scrub cap while Addison and Owen scrubbed in. The ob team placed monitors all around them, keeping up with Amelia’s vitals and the baby’s heart rate. Soon after, the contractions started to be closer together and what it felt like hours later, Addison finally gave Amelia the okay to push, seeing the baby’s vitality seemed fine and her patient’s cervix was fully dilated.

“Are you ready for this?” Addison asked, completely focused.

“No,” Amelia said with a rebellious grin, trying to keep her spirits high. She turned her head and saw Owen by her side. In his eyes, she could distinguish every feeling of concern and hope. His hand gently made it to the back of her neck, giving her support as Amelia’s face became an ugly scowl, translating the shattering pain when another contraction assaulted her.

“You can push now,” Addison decided, encouraging Amelia. “I can see his head, Amelia, he has rotated his body… your baby is doing his part very well…” The obstetrician commented, trying to stay positive. Seeing Amelia’s body was getting ready for another wave of contractions, she commanded with a firm voice. “Now it’s up to you…Come on, you can do this, push… now!”

Amelia did as told, feeling the worst pain she had ever felt in her life as her entire body contracted with such urgency that she found it hard to breathe. When she thought she was going to faint from the pain, it suddenly stopped as her muscles relaxed, allowing Amelia to finally catch her breath again.

The cycle repeated for excruciating minutes and it didn’t take long for Amelia to think she hadn’t made the best decision. Exhaustion was starting to consume her and she doubted she could take that further any longer.

“Addison…” Her voice was a weak whisper. “Addison, how is he?”

“Don’t talk,” Addison advised, determined that Amelia saved all her energy. “He is fine. His head is nearly here, Amelia. You’re going to do this now, okay?” Addison tried to keep calm, watching the baby monitor one more time. Over the past few minutes, the fetus’ heart rate had decreased a little but it was still within a safe limit. She waited a few seconds and when Amelia’s belly contracted again, she ordered, “Push!”

Owen gave out his hand for Amelia to hold and she squeezed it with such force that he felt that it would break, but Owen didn’t pull away. He was scared enough, seeing his wife’s flushed sweaty face scowling in agony at the same time one of the monitors started to beep as the baby’s heart rate dropped below 100.

“Now, Amelia!” Addison nearly yelled, cursing herself for not insisting Amelia to have the C-section.

The sound of the alarming monitor brought out an intense fear in Amelia and she was able to channel all that fear into strength, giving one final push that hurt so much she briefly lost her conscience. Owen looked from his wife’s face to where Addison was sitting. He couldn’t see much from the angle he was in, but in that moment, Owen had the first vision of his son’s perfect little face as Addison held it with care, waiting for Amelia to recover so she could push again.

“The head is out,” Addison tried to sound encouraging at the same time she knew the trickiest part would come next. “I’m rotating his body to make it easier, Amelia, but you have to push,” Addison informed, taking deep breaths to remain calm and focus. “Owen, help me flex her thighs up higher like this,” The obstetrician demanded, knowing that would help as well. “Now, push!” Addison gave the order, knowing the dangerous situation they were in.

The baby’s head had passed but if the shoulders were stuck, the baby could die within minutes depending on the circumstances. As an experienced obstetrician, Addison had dealt with the situation countless times before and there was no way she would leave Amelia out of her long list of successful outcomes. Using a simple maneuver that often helped, Addison was able to successfully disimpact the shoulders and in a matter of seconds the baby’s entire body came out.

Owen noticed Amelia’s muscles losing its tone, completely giving in to exhaustion at the same time Addison handed the baby to the pediatrician in the room, carefully cutting the chord to allow the baby to get proper care. Owen’s heart constricted when he found himself unsure of what to do, seeing as both his wife and son needed medical aid. That was the worst position he’d been in and Owen begged to the universe that they both made it through. He couldn’t risk losing any of them because Owen knew he would never recover from it.

“Go be with him, don’t worry about me, go see the baby,” Amelia asked her husband with a faint voice. She didn’t care if something happened to her, as long as she knew her son was fine.

At the same time Owen let go of her hand, the room was involved in a sharp noise as the baby’s screams echoed loudly throughout the room. Owen approached the bed and before he could even blink, the pediatrician held out a chubby pink baby with a blue hat on his head, fully wrapped in a white blanket. The OR room was cold and Owen knew the baby needed to stay warm until they could put him in contact with his mother’s skin.

Excitedly turning around to show their son to his wife, Owen’s wide smile immediately fainted when he saw the enormous pool of blood right beneath Addison’s arms.

“What’s happening?” Owen panicked, going around the OR table with the baby in his arms, only to see a descending river of blood coming out of his wife. “Addison!”

“Get out of here!” Addison ordered, knowing Owen would be a distraction and she couldn’t afford to lose focus at that moment. Not when she had Amelia’s life in her hands.

“What’s going on? Fix it!” Owen insisted, taking one step closer as he went around the table to see Amelia’s face. She looked pale as a ghost and was drifting in and out of conscience. “Amelia, look at me,” Owen held the baby with one arm as his free hand made its way to cup his wife’s face. “Amelia?” Owen cried out loud in panic, after hearing no response.

Addison quickly worked, trying to reverse the situation. After the placenta had come out, following the baby, Amelia’s uterus hadn’t contracted the way it should have, probably because it had been too overdistended due to the baby’s size and later on pushed to the limit during the contractions.

“What is it?” Owen panicked, seeing Addison’s skilful hands moving in fast paces. “What?!” He shouted, completely freaking out.

“Uterine Atony,” Addison replied, letting out a heavy sigh at the same time she commanded the nurse to hang a bag of saline to make up for Amelia’s loss of blood volume. “It’s getting better,” She added with hopeful relief, watching as the bleeding slowly subsided.

“What are you waiting for, push in some oxytocin!” Owen yelled, referring to the hormone that made the uterus contract.

“Shut up!” Addison shouted back, focusing on saving her friend’s life. The baby’s loud screams and Owen’s nervousness weren’t helping at all. She had given Amelia a simple uterine massage and seeing it was working, Addison patiently waited while the condition was reversed. “The bleeding has stopped,” Addison crashed against the stool she’d been sitting on, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Amelia,” Owen only realized he’d been holding his breath when his wife’s name came out of his mouth. “Baby, please, talk to me,” He begged, looking from the monitors to her face. Her vitals seemed fine but she looked numb.

“It hurts,” Amelia’s eyes opened and closed again, as she fought hard to stay alert.

“I am sorry,” Owen teared up, rubbing her face with his thumb. “Tell me what you need and I’ll t…”

“Owen, get out of here,” Addison demanded and this time she meant it. “Take the baby with you and wait outside. Get out!”

Owen barely had any time to protest as one of the nurses guided him outside. Firmly holding his son wrapped in the blanket, Owen made it the scrub room adjoined to the OR, watching through the glass as his wife was assessed by Addison and the rest of the medical team. Minutes after, Addison came back, looking exhausted as she removed her scrub cap before standing in front of Owen with one hand on her hips.

“She is fine,” Addison announced, finally allowing Owen to calm down. “We’ll take her to the ICU for close monitoring but she is fine. Everything is okay now.”

Owen’s expression show how relieved he felt. It wasn’t until seconds later that Addison noticed he was getting worked up again.

“She hasn’t seen the baby yet,” Owen looked from Addison to his son and then back to the obstetrician. “Amelia hasn’t met our son,” He added in confusion, completely devastated by the events of that morning, even though his heart was beating with relief at the notion that both his wife and baby were going to be fine. “I have to show him to her.”

“She is asleep,” Addison informed him. “I gave her a mild sedative so she could rest and two kinds of pain meds, but don’t worry, I didn’t add any opioid,” The obstetrician added, seeing how the information had startled Owen. “We’re taking her for recovery and if she’s fine when she wakes up, I’ll bring her to a ward room and you can keep an eye on her.”

“But…” Owen frowned, trying his best to process all the information and still recover from the shock of seeing his wife nearly bleeding out to death. “What about him?” He asked, looking at the baby with a marveled face.

“He is yours,” Addison replied as if it was obvious. “He stays with you, of course.”

Owen looked up in confusion, oblivious to every medical knowledge he’d ever possessed. At that moment, he couldn’t think as a doctor, only as a father and even though he wanted very much to be with the baby full time, he had no idea what to do next. He had prepared himself for taking care of Amelia while she attended to their son’s needs. Never in his dreams had he pictured being fully in charge of the baby, all by himself.

“He is adorable,” Addison stole a peek, seeing the baby’s chubby cheeks moving as he tried to suckle the blanket. The image of the healthy newborn was heartwarming and despite the big scare they’d been through, Addison was completely happy for Amelia and her husband. “I am sorry I yelled at you, Owen.” The surgeon added embarrassingly. She didn’t know the man very well, but judging by what little she’d seen and heard, he genuinely loved her friend and was fully devoted to the family they’d built. Addison had a lot of respect for him.

“I would have done the same thing,” Owen admitted, accepting her apology. He couldn’t put in words how grateful he felt, knowing deep down that if it hadn’t been Addison there, his wife and baby might not have come out of that situation alive and well. “Thank you.”

.

“Hey little man,” Owen smiled widely in the ward room when his son opened his eyes. “Nine pounds, huh? You’re a big boy.” The surgeon added, studying his son’s delightful baby shape. One of the nurses of the floor had supervised him clothe and feed the newborn, instructing him on minor details. Now father and son waited, knowing the woman they both eagerly waited for would arrive at any moment. “Mom is coming to meet you. You have to be a good boy and behave, okay? We love her very, very much and she needs us to take care of her right now.”

Owen was sitting on the couch inside the room, his son comfortably lying on his legs while his head rested on Owen’s opened palms. The baby had been calmly sleeping for the past two hours but now his eyes were wide open and Owen supposed he would cry to be fed soon.

“Don’t look at me like that, stop judging. I know I should have put you in your bassinet while you were sleeping but how can I just leave you there all alone?” Owen talked to the baby as if his son could understand what he was saying. “I’m glad you woke up because they just called to let us know they’re bringing mommy here,” Owen smiled, completely in love, seeing his son frowning his forehead at the sound of his voice. “Do you know how much dad loves you?” He brought the baby closer and breathed him in, feeling the amazing smell of the newborn. “That’s right, too much…”

Owen’s moment with his son was interrupted by a gentle knock on the door and before he could answer it, Addison walked in, followed by two hospital employees who helped bring Amelia’s gurney.

“Look who’s here,” Addison announced with a grin, seeing the wide smile that grew on Owen’s face at the sight of his wife looking back at him, fully awake.

Owen quickly put his son back in the bassinet as he stepped up to help move Amelia to the bed, kissing her forehead with preoccupied tension as he heard Addison speaking:

“I was going to keep her in the ICU but I trust she can be well monitored from here,” Addison announced with a proud smile, watching as Owen gently struck Amelia’s hair, asking how his wife was feeling. She also knew the staff of the entire floor would be sure to keep an eye on that very special patient.

“Thank you so much, Addison,” Owen replied with a grateful smile, watching as the obstetrician stole another peek at the baby before giving Amelia a gentle hand squeeze and leaving at once to give the couple some privacy.

“How are you feeling?” Owen gave his wife his full attention, seeing that she looked a little better, despite her face being paler than usual.

“Let me see him,” Amelia asked with excitement, even though she still felt really weak. “I want to see him.”

“I know you do,” Owen smiled and kissed her head before leaving her side and crossing the room to go get the baby. “Here he is…”

Amelia gathered all the energy she had left to stretch out her neck and see her baby’s face for the first time, feeling her heart fluttering by what she saw. Her baby was even more adorable than he’d been in her dreams and she hadn’t considered that to be possible.

“He is gorgeous,” Amelia smiled, looking up to meet Owen’s agreeing eyes. She studied the newborn’s delicate features, noticing his thick strawberry blonde locks beneath the baby hat. “He has your hair…” She smiled at Owen, feeling tears gathering in her eyes.

Her baby was the most perfect child she’d ever seen and when his eyes opened and met hers, Amelia felt her entire world changing in a fraction of a second. And for the better.

“I want to hold him,” She added, even though she felt weak and tired. Her lower abdomen still hurt from the birth and she knew it was probably getting worse in the following hours. “Will you give him to me?”

“Of course,” Owen couldn’t stop smiling at how emotional and in love Amelia seemed to be. He understood it very well, because that’s exactly how he felt about their son.

Gently, Owen handed her the baby over the bed rail, expecting Amelia to stretch out her arms to receive the newborn. But when she silently started to cry, he realized she didn’t have enough strength to support the baby’s weight.

“It’s okay, shh, it’s okay,” Owen tried to console her, holding their son in one arm while gently stroking her hair. “You’ve been through so much, your body is still recovering, Amelia. Don’t push yourself too hard. You’ll hold him soon.”

“I can’t even hold my own child,” Amelia let out a weak cry, feeling like a failure. “I have to breastfeed him, he needs me,” She felt a tear rolling down her cheek, unable to take her eyes off the amazing littlle boy. Much too soon, terrifying thoughts occupied her mind. “What if I drop him?” She freaked out, looking up to Owen with fear stamped on her eyes.

Owen noticed how worked up and anxious she was getting and without a second thought, he placed the baby safely between her legs on the bed, knowing the rails wouldn’t allow the baby to fall. Before Amelia could process what he was doing, Owen took off his shoes and sweater, staying only in the navy scrubs he’d been wearing since the delivery. With one gentle motion, he lowered the bed frame, getting behind Amelia with one leg on each side of her body. Slowly, he shifted to make her back rest against his chest at the same time he picked up their newborn son, holding him close to Amelia’s chest while supporting her arms so she could firmly hold the baby.

“Now you’re holding your baby,” Owen informed her with a patient smile, touching the side of his face to her cheek as he looked down over her shoulder, adoringly gazing at their son the same way Amelia was.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Amelia felt a wave of tears assaulting her and her voice was shaking when her chest felt like it was going to burst from so much love. “Hi, Lucas.”

The baby fussed in her arms and at the sound of her voice and smell of her body, dug his face into her chest, instinctively looking for her breast.  Amelia smiled as she lowered her gown, feeling better already. Her first baby hadn’t been able to suck so this was an entirely new and welcomed experience for her.

“Ouch, he is so strong,” She giggled, turning her head to meet Owen’s happy gaze. “I thought newborns weren’t this active on their first day?” Amelia couldn’t help looking back at her son.

“He clearly has a talent to stir up trouble,” Owen joked, gently caressing the baby’s head while the newborn stayed fiercely attached to his mother’s breast. Over the following years, Owen would find out just how true his last sentence would turn out to be.

Moments later, after Lucas was done breastfeeding, Amelia started to feel drained again. She knew the medication they’d given her wouldn’t affect her child through lactation, but they still made her a bit drowsy.

“If I fall asleep, will you hold him?” Amelia sheepishly asked her husband.

“Of course I will,” Owen kissed her head as he felt her snuggling against his chest, making herself comfortable while he kept his arms wrapped around hers and their baby. “Close your eyes and rest now, babe. You don’t have to worry about anything,” Owen added, giving her another kiss on the temple before Amelia finally closed her eyes, giving in to exhaustion. “I got you.”

Amelia smiled at the sound of his words, knowing the depth of their meaning. Even though her body still protested with a bit of pain, everything was fine now. Her baby was healthy and comfortably sleeping in her arms while she was wrapped in the arms of the only person who could fully understand and share that amazing experience with her. Resting her head against his shoulder, Amelia relaxed, knowing that in Owen’s arms she had just found the safest place in the world.

.

Amelia finished dressing up Lucas, smiling at how adorable he looked in the pastel green clothes. Truth was her son was so gorgeous he looked good in anything. It had been over a month since that July 9th that had started out so scary and ended up so well.

“Grandma is going to love seeing you in the clothes she gave you, I have to send her a photo later,” Amelia talked to the baby, seeing Lucas’s eyes were moving following the sound of her voice. “Yeah, are you excited that you’re one month old today? I am too!” Amelia smiled at the infant on her bed, playing with his hands as he grabbed her finger.

Over the past thirty days, a lot had changed in the house and despite the late hours, sleep deprivation and busy routine, she didn’t regret one bit the decision they’d made. Her baby boy had come in the most perfect time, adding a lot of joy and love to their household. Owen had taken a couple of weeks from work but ever since he came back, all he wanted to do was spend time with his son.

They’d brought him from the hospital two days after birth and Addison had stayed with them during Lucas’ first week at home. Before she went back to Los Angeles, Owen and Amelia surprised her by telling her they both would be thrilled if she agreed to be their baby’s godmother, which she excitedly accepted. Over the following weeks, some close friends and family members had also come over for quick visits and everyone agreed that Amelia’s baby boy was the cutest little thing.

“Do you think dad is going to like his gift?” Amelia asked with excitement. The minute she picked up Lucas he moved his head, making it clear what he wanted. “Why do you need to eat every hour? You’re hungry all the time…” She playfully complained, sitting down on the living room couch with Lucas while he breastfed.

When Owen made it home later that day, as usual he took care of dinner all the while keeping an eye on his son. Now that he was a month old, Lucas was sleeping for nearly five hours every evening, which provided Amelia with at least some rest during the night.

“Are you going to bed?” Owen asked his wife after she’d put their baby down in his crib. They were keeping it inside their room for the time being, since Amelia still had to wake up a few times to feed Lucas during the night.

“I will soon, but first I need to show you something,” Amelia replied with an excited smile, turning on the baby monitor while she signaled Owen that he should follow her to the living room.

Owen imagined his wife would show him a video or picture of their son. She knew he liked to see everything, since he couldn’t be with them full time. So, Owen was very surprised when Amelia handed him a small black box.

“Before you open it,” Amelia took his hand on hers and made him sit down on the couch in front her. “I want you to know what this means to me,” She explained, referring to giving him a gift. “When I told you I was pregnant, you gave me this ring as a promise,” She smiled widely, looking from his eyes to the sparkling diamond on her finger. “Well, this is kind of a promise too,” She explained.

“How so?” Owen smiled widely, touched by the unexpected gift.

“I want you to know that I am here for you too,” She smiled, excited about his reaction. “Go on, open it!”

Amelia went around him and put her right knee on the couch, wrapping both arms around her husband’s shoulders from behind as he carefully opened the box. Owen’s entire face lit up when he noticed the silver watch inside of it. It was obviously a very meaningful and expensive gift and he wondered what had motivated Amelia to get it for him.

“My mom saved up for months to give my dad a watch once and it meant a lot to him,” She said with a sad smile, holding Owen closer as she watched him put the present on his wrist. “It’s the only thing I have of him now and every time I look at it, I smile because I think of how amazing my dad was,” She confessed with total honesty. “I didn’t get to spend much time with him but that bit I remember.” She explained.

Amelia had thought about giving her dad’s watch to her husband but she’d done something similar in the past, ultimately to be reminded of all of her failures. During her time in rehab while still in Los Angeles, every time she felt like her world was falling apart, she would look for strength in that watch. And slowly, Amelia had found a connection with her dad that she hadn’t known was there.

One day, after stumbling against the watch while going through her things, Amelia had a great idea. The same day, she'd gone out and bought a new watch, one of the same brand as her father's.  Her dad’s watch would always remind her of the past, while Owen’s watch would represent an entire new future. 

Seeing as Owen turned his head to meet her eyes, she tightened her grip around him and she felt her husband gently moving on the couch, bringing her to sit on his legs.

“I thought that maybe,” Amelia touched her forehead to his, every day more enchanted by his presence and his love, “Maybe one day when we’re older and our son is a grown man you might want to pass this watch on to him, so he can look at it and, just like me, use it to think about the amazing dad he has.”

Owen pulled apart gently, looking into her eyes with a mix of adoration and gratitude. He was left speechless by the significance of her present. Not only had Amelia sneakily said she thought he was an amazing dad, which was already enough to make Owen feel proud, she had also expressed how much she liked the idea of Owen being as close to their son as possible. Whenever he thought he couldn’t love Amelia more, she found a way to surprise him.

“I love you,” Owen held her face between his hands, capturing her lips with violent tenderness. Amelia smiled as she parted her mouth, allowing full access to his.

When Owen finally broke their kiss apart, he hugged her tightly. Amelia knew that whenever Owen was deeply silent like that, with his eyes he could say a thousand words and she smiled back, profoundly in love with the man who’d given her everything.

“This is so special,” Owen said, looking from her face to the wonderful watch he now had on his wrist. “Thank you.”

“Well, I had to give you a present worthy of the one you’ve given me. Our son is very special,” Amelia gave him a sneaky smile, teasing her husband with gentle bites and kisses on his lips. “He is so amazing.”

“He is,” Owen agreed, unable to let go of her. Even though Amelia wasn’t fully cleared to resume sexual activity, it didn’t mean he desired her any less. “I can’t wait to have you again,” Owen looked deeply into her eyes, letting her know how true his sentence was.

“I know, me too,” Amelia confessed nudging her nose to his. “Soon,” She consoled him, caressing the hair on the back of his head.

Owen answered by stealing another breathtaking kiss from her lips, while his hand swiftly made its way beneath her shirt, splaying on the warm skin of her back. In about an hour, Lucas would wake up to be breastfed but until then, they could enjoy the little time they had for themselves.

Everything Owen had ever dreamed of was right there, in his house, within his reach. He had married the woman he loved, she’d given him the most adorable little boy and Lucas had given Owen a reason to believe in love at first sight. Every day, he fell more in love with his son. Life was the best it had ever been and not a day went by when Owen didn’t feel grateful for everything he’d gotten. He had wished for those things all his life and even though now he was finally getting to experience all of them, the life and the family Owen had built with Amelia didn’t feel at all like a happy ending.

Instead, it felt like an amazing happy beginning.

  —

Thank you everyone for the incredible support !