#and she's been one o my favourites to romance despite not being into women just because of how many different ways that route can go

[red-revival]

Gotta say I really admire the dedication to the concept of "horror game where you can flirt with people" being so strong as to also let you flirt with the horrors

[tenroseforeverandever]

Double Blind

Characters: Rose Tyler; Tenth Doctor; Reinette; Adam Mitchell

Tags: AU - human; blind date; fluff; romance; humour

Summary: Rose Tyler has been set up on a blind date with a bloke she’s having a lot of misgivings about, but when he arrives, she finds he isn’t anything like she expected him to be.

Notes: This was written as part of a Classic Trope challenge on the Doctor x Rose Discord group. I got “Blind Date”. The story was actually inspired by one of the cute little stories on my French course on DuoLingo! To my brilliant beta team, @rose--nebula and mrsbertucci, my undying gratitude, as always. You got me on the right track more than a few times, and with the amazing @aintfraidanoghosts, you helped me plan out the rough patches. My love to you all! 

Read also at: AO3; FF.net; TSP

Double Blind

Rose Tyler shifted in her seat and straightened the pale blue rose on the white table linens for the umpteenth time. She glanced covertly at the other tables around her: men and women dressed in nice suits and fine fabrics, eating meticulously presented food from china plates. Rose wriggled again, brushing invisible motes of lint from the cuffs of her white blouse, hoping she looked presentable. She told herself she couldn’t look too terribly out of place; the maître ’d hadn’t blinked an eye. 

She had never set foot inside a restaurant this upscale before. They didn’t have posh spots like this near the Powell Estate. But the French restaurant, Révélations, was where her date had insisted they meet. He’d texted her instructions to place a blue rose on the table in front of her so he could identify her when he arrived. The idea of the rose was obvious (her name) and the blue was, according to him, for hope that their date would be “just the first of many”. He hadn’t liked the idea of exchanging photos, which would have made identifying each other simple. He’d informed her that “a blind date is a blind date” and he wanted “to meet without any preconceived notions” or some rubbish like that. But Rose already had preconceived the notion that this bloke was a bit too sure of himself. It was just a bloody first date, after all, blind or not. He sounded like he was already practically planning their wedding.

She sighed, not for the first time over the last few days. Her friend, Shareen… actually Shareen’s new boyfriend whom Rose had never even met… had arranged this date: a bloke, named Adam Mitchell, whom he knew from the research labs at the Uni. The bloke had allegedly returned from college in the United States to do Post-Doctoral research on some hopelessly science-y subject Rose could barely even pronounce the name of. Why Shareen (or, more to the point, Shareen’s mysterious boyfriend…) had ever thought he would be a good match for her, Rose didn’t understand. She didn’t even have any A-levels to her name, and she worked in a shop, for God’s sake.

On top of that, if she was being honest, Adam had rubbed her a bit the wrong way with the dictatorial tone of his texts to her. It wasn’t an auspicious beginning.

“The last thing I need in my life right now,” she’d told Shareen in no uncertain terms, “is another condescending, controlling… shite boyfriend. Besides, I only just got rid of Jimmy. I really don’t think I’m ready for any sort of boyfriend.”

Shareen had scoffed. “But this isn’t Jimmy. This one actually has a real, functioning brain, and he has a proper career lined up. He has money, babe; he can look after you.”

“What? I’m supposed to be some kept woman? You sound like my flippin’ mum.”

It had taken some convincing, but eventually, Rose had tired of Shareen’s whinging, and capitulated, agreeing to go on this bloody date, despite her misgivings.

And here she sat, waiting for Adam to arrive, incessantly rearranging her stupid blue rose and terrified to order anything more than a glass of still water lest it bankrupt her. She felt like she’d been waiting forever but when she glanced at the time on her mobile, wondering if she’d been stood up, it turned out he wasn’t late… yet. Rose couldn’t decide if she should be relieved or disappointed.

After another five minutes of jittering her leg under the table linens and trying desperately not to bite her nails, she decided to pack it in. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want… this. She gathered her handbag from the floor by her feet, and made to stand, but stopped half-way. From the lobby, with the maître d’ standing next to him, appeared a tall, slender man a few years older than her. She observed him carefully for signs that he might be Adam: he had brown hair and eyes (check) and was wearing a suit and a tie adorned with blue flowers (check, again.)

So far so good.

Although, she had to admit, the overall image wasn’t quite what she’d expected from Adam, based on the tone of his texts to her. Somehow, she’d been expecting the brown hair to be carefully combed into place, not a delicious, expertly tousled mop that practically invited her to run her fingers through it. And the suit was a bit more casual than the “business casual” she’d been anticipating: rumpled brown with pinstripes; tie carelessly loosened from the confines of his collar; and a pair of battered, cream-coloured Converse on his feet, in place of dress shoes. Based on his tone, she’d thought Adam would have been more… put-together and formal.

Her heart dropped. It couldn’t be him. Loads of people had brown hair and eyes, and the tie… easily a coincidence. Besides, while she’d been told Adam was good-looking, this bloke was positively fit!

She watched with bated breath as he glanced around the restaurant. Her heart did a little flip when his eyes settled on the rose in front of her. Then his gaze lifted to hers and his face erupted into a wide, toothy grin. Rose’s breath caught and she immediately plonked back down into her seat.

She amended her first assessment: he wasn’t just fit; he was drop-dead, bloody gorgeous.

The man waved off the maître d’, who remained hovering behind him, and stepped toward Rose’s table. “Hello.” He continued to beam stupidly at her.

She figured her expression was equally ridiculous as she grinned back in a dreamy haze. “Hello.”

“The blue flower…” He nodded toward the rose in a soft Estuary accent that made her feel all gooey inside.

“Yeah. And the, erm… the tie,” she managed.

“The tie? Oh… yes, it’s one of my favourites. Love the tie. Erm…” he gestured to the empty chair across from her, “…may I?”

“Oh, God, sorry! Of course.”

He sat down and put his elbows on the table and leaned toward her. “So…”

“So…” Rose giggled (blimey, she wasn’t normally the giggly sort…), then pulled herself together. “So, you’re doing post-doctoral work at the Uni, yeah? On what was it, again?”

“Quantum and Temporal Physics.”

Rose gulped, really wishing she’d never let Jimmy-bloody-Stone manipulate her into dropping out of high school. Not that A-level anything would help her much in this situation, but at least she might have stood a chance. “Yeah, I thought it was something like that…”

“Fascinating field, really. My research is based on the premise that space and time are fundamentally linked at quantum level and that if we can travel on any trajectory through one, we should also be able to travel on any trajectory through the other. It’s just a matter of applying…” he rattled on, gesticulating with his hands. (He had lovely, long fingers, Rose mused dreamily, quite happy to listen to the cadence of his voice and imagine all the things those fingers could do.) “…and realigning the quantum matrices. You see, people assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint…” He trailed off. “I’ve lost you, haven’t I?”

“Just a bit, yeah.” She chuckled but her cheeks burned. “My brain checked out somewhere back around when you said, ‘space and time’.”

He cast her an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry. I do this all the time. Donna, that’s my cousin, she calls me a great, big outer space dunce. I keep forgetting that not everyone is a genius, like me.” He sniffed and straightened his tie.

Rose arched her eyebrow at him. Okay, now this was more the Adam Mitchell she’d been expecting: a bit of a pretentious git.

“Oh, no! Sorry, so sorry! I’ve mucked it up again. I just meant… weeell, I am very clever, but I don’t mean that I think I’m better than other people… I just know things, I suppose. And I get excited and like to talk about them because I want to share my knowledge… and as Donna pointed out, I’m also a dunce.”

Rose’s heart swelled with sudden affection. He wasn’t being pretentious after all; he was just being… forthright, sweet.

“And getting back to what I really meant to say, earlier,” he blurted, “all that gobbledygook about time… it’s really just a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey… stuff.” 

Rose laughed. “Now that’s some science I can get my head around!”

He beamed at her again, his relief evident. “So, what do you do?”

Rose’s cheeks heated again. “Oh, me?” She averted her eyes, dreading the disappointment she would surely see settle on his face, but she supposed it was better she was upfront about it. “I’m just working in a shop… Henrick’s.”

“Oooooh, posh.” He waggled his eyebrows, setting her off giggling again. “I commend you. Not just anyone can handle rude customers all day. I bet you get some doozies in there!”

Bemused, Rose could only nod in agreement.

“I’d end up shouting at them and get fired the same day.”

“I feel like that too, sometimes, but I’ve learned to handle it, I guess. I’m top sales, every month.”

“Oh, well done! Brilliant!” He seemed genuinely proud of her achievement. There was no sarcasm in his tone or delivery, just open enthusiasm.

“But I really want to go back and get my A-levels,” she insisted, feeling she had to defend herself. “I was good at English and French back in school… and Art! I used to love painting!”

“I reiterate: brilliant! You should do just that if it’s what you want. What sort of things–”

The waiter stepped up to their table at that moment to offer them menus and tell them about the specials of the day. Rose listened intently. The food all sounded very opulent, and was probably delicious, but she didn’t have a clue what half of it was. She did her best to keep up, nodding politely and making interested noises at appropriate points.

“May I offer you something to drink while you peruse the menu?” the waiter offered.

“Oh, erm…” Rose stammered. What she really wanted was to order a pint, but she didn’t think that would go over too well at Révélations. And she didn’t want to order anything too expensive…  “I’d love a glass of red wine.”

“We have a lovely selection of fine house wines for you to choose from.” The waiter opened the wine menu and pointed to the appropriate section.

Rose bit her lower lip, the words swimming before her eyes, and her heart somersaulting around her chest. “I… erm…” She glanced over to Adam, who was watching her with slightly narrowed eyes. She couldn’t help thinking he was sizing her up… and she was failing. Then his expression softened, and he offered her a compassionate smile.

“Oooh, a glass of red sounds good. How about we just order a bottle?”

Rose nodded fervently.

“What do you recommend?” he asked the waiter.

When the wine was selected and the waiter had finally left, Rose opened her menu and pretended to read over the selections. She glanced shyly up at Adam from beneath her fringe. He too, was engrossed in the menu. “Thanks,” she murmured. “I don’t know…”

“Don’t thank me yet.” His eyes met hers, sparkling with amusement. “We can only hope our waiter chose a nice wine for us. Aaand, speak of the devil…”

The waiter reappeared, opened the wine, and poured a little into each of their glasses to taste. Rose held the glass to her lips, hesitantly taking a small sip. She hummed her appreciation as the fruity flavour exploded over her tongue.

Adam was decidedly less reserved in his approach. With a flourish of his eyebrows at Rose and a quirk of a smile, he swirled the liquid around his glass, and sniffed it intently. (The show-off!) “Ahhh… that’s lovely. And do I detect… NO! It can’t be? Is that an overtone of... bananas?” He winked at Rose.

“Bananas, sir?” The waiter goggled at him. “I… erm… bananas?”

Rose clapped her hand over her mouth to hold back the bark of laughter building in her throat.

“Oh, I love bananas!” Adam cheered. “Always bring a banana to a party. And if you can’t do that, find a brilliant wine with overtones of bananas! This is lovely, don’t you think?” he addressed Rose.

“Lovely, yeah,” she agreed.

“Pour away, my good man!”

As the poor, perplexed waiter filled their glasses, he asked: “Have you had a chance to view the menu?”

Rose met Adam’s eyes and gave a little shake of her head. He turned to the waiter. “A few more minutes, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. I’ll come back in a little while.”

As soon as the waiter was out of earshot, Rose couldn’t contain herself any longer: “Oh my God! Bananas?!”

“Oh, I thought he needed to lighten up a bit. This place is all a bit hoity-toity, in my opinion.” His eyes suddenly widened. “I hope you don’t mind…”

“Are you kidding? That was the best thing I’ve heard all week. The look on his face!”

“I know!”

They did nothing but grin stupidly at each other over sips of their wine for a few minutes, breaking into hopeless giggles every so often.

Adam took a deep breath and a gulp of wine. “So,” he asked, returning the subject to their earlier conversation, “back to school, eh? Is that something you’d want to do?”

“I think so, yeah. I want to at least be able to say I got my A-levels. I let a boy convince me I didn’t need them, and it was the worst decision I’ve ever made. I feel like… I dunno, it would be like taking my life back.”

He offered her a warm smile. “Well, good for you! And then… uni?”

“Maybe… who knows? Would that matter?” She worried the corner of her lower lip between her teeth. Despite her hesitancy to come on this date, she was really liking this bloke. She could see herself spending more time with him… if he were amenable. ‘Course she wouldn’t let on to Shareen. Shareen would be insufferable.

“What? No! Of course not! Uni is not the be-all and end-all. There are so many other avenues to pursue if that’s what you want. It was right for me, obviously, but…weeell…” he tugged on his ear, “you certainly don’t need my approval.”

Rose offered him a grateful little smile and ducked her head. She sighed happily. “What I’d really love to do, first, is take a year or so and just travel. Explore the world.”

“Oh, I’d love to travel too! I’ve spent so long at school. I mean I’ve studied in the States, but I never really had much chance to look around, to explore. I love to explore!”

“Me too! I’ve never been anywhere ‘cept when me and mum used to cram into Cousin Mo’s old car and drive to a beach in Dorset for a few days on the summer hols. Mum must have gotten sick of my whinging. She finally left me behind when I was fourteen. Blimey, she and Mo must have had a grand ol’ time without me taggin’ along.”

They both laughed.

“Where would you go,” she asked, “if you could choose?”

“Oh, I rather like the idea of blindfolding myself and throwing a dart at a map of the world. Seeing where the wind takes me.”

“Oh, that sounds perfect! But, on your own?” Rose blurted out the words, not thinking through how they would sound. He would probably think she was inviting herself along on this imaginary trip they were planning. Bloody hell, she’d not known him for more than twenty minutes.

He shrugged, his cheerful expression crumbling a bit around the edges. “There is no one else… not really…” His fringe fell over his face as he pointedly turned his eyes to the menu.

There was history there, and Rose wanted to learn more, but in this moment she just wanted to be there for him. She found herself dismissing any worries about being too forward, and impulsively, she reached across the table and rested her hand over his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “There’s me.” She licked her lips as his hand twitched under hers, sure he was going to pull it away.

Instead, he flipped his over so their palms were touching. A zing of something bloody brilliant coursed through her, and as their eyes met, she knew he felt it too, a shared energy. It felt so right. She swore she could feel the turn of the Earth, the ground under her feet spinning at a thousand miles an hour, like she was falling through space.

Stunned by the feelings exploding inside her, she opened her menu to divert her mind. Glancing up she saw Adam was doing the same.

A few minutes of awkward silence passed, their hands still touching; it seemed neither of them was willing to break the link between them. Finally, Adam spoke, gesturing to the menu, “So, what do you like, Reinette? It’s my first time here; I was hoping you could tell me what’s good.”

Rose let his words sink in. What was he on about? Hadn’t he selected this restaurant? Was this some sort of test? Frowning, she slid her hand from his. “It’s my first time here, too… Wait!” She pursed her lips as she processed his words. “Did you just call me… Reinette?”

His eyes bulged, his eyebrows disappearing under his fringe. “Oh, blimey! You aren’t…?” He ran a desperate hand through his hair. “I take it you’re not Reinette, then?”

Rose chuckled, shaking her head. “Never heard of her. And I’ll wager your name’s not Adam?”

“Adam?” He frantically ruffled his hair again. “Blimey! No, I go by Jonathan Noble.”

“Nice to meet ya, Jonathan Noble. Rose Tyler.”

“Rose Tyler, eh? Roooose Tyler. I have to admit, I like the sound of that. It suits you much better than Reinette. Aaaand, it goes a long way to explaining why you weren’t quite what I was expecting… Turns out, I wasn’t expecting you at all. I was expecting… well, Reinette, who I have to admit,” his voice dropped to a confidential whisper as he leaned across the table toward Rose, “seemed a little full of herself… a bit la-di-da, if you know what I mean?”

“Don’t I just,” she whispered back. “I got the same vibes from Adam. And then you… you seemed so…” she chewed on the corner of her finger, “…so… I dunno. We just seemed to click, yeah?”

He beamed. “Oh, yes! You know, looking back, now… I was a little surprised when you didn’t know what wine to order. I assumed Reinette was the sort that would be able to rattle on about fine wines until she was blue in the face.”

“I know! I kinda had the same experience with you… just the way you were dressed, yeah. I was expecting something a little more… proper, I guess.” His smile faltered and she felt a little rush of panic. “Oh, God! No, no! I didn’t mean…  I love this, what you’re wearing. It’s comfortable and, erm… approachable. It really suits you.”

“You think?” He flushed and tugged on his ear, his eyes filling with hope.

“Oh, yeah! And the Chucks… inspired!”

Rose glanced up past Jonathan’s shoulder, distracted by a woman who had just arrived and was putting up a bit of a fuss to the maître d’. “Erm, Jonathan…” she asked, trying to come off as casual, “…what made you think I was this Reinette-person?”

“Well, I was told to look for a beautiful blonde. And she told me she would have a blue flower… a lily! She’s originally from France. A blue lily! Oh…” He glanced down at Rose’s flower, lying beside her napkin, his mouth dropping open.  “Erm… you have a… a rose. Some genius I am, eh?”

She waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, easy mistake to make. I mean, what are the odds: specifically a blue flower? But...” she grimaced, nodding toward the reception area, “I’m afraid the real Reinette might have just arrived.”

Jonathan spun around in his chair and Rose followed the path of his eyes. The woman sniping at the maître d’ was a striking blonde, dressed in a chic, expensive-looking pantsuit. She was holding a blue lily and peering around the dining room.

Rose’s heart plummeted. She would never be able to compete with such a beautiful, sophisticated woman. What would a genius like Jonathan Noble ever want with a chav from an estate in Peckham, when he could have the likes of Reinette? She picked up her handbag and swept her blue rose into it. “Thanks for being so nice, Jonathan, but it seems your date has arrived.” She offered him a tight smile as she stood to leave.

“What? What? No, no, no! Please stay… Rose Tyler.” Her name rolled deliciously off his tongue again and he begged her with big, sad, puppy-dog eyes. And then there was his delectable, pouting lower lip… oh, wouldn’t she just love to kiss that lip?

“I… I can’t. It’s not right. I mean she’s so… you know… and I’m not...”

“Please? Rose? I was enjoying talking to you; really, properly enjoying it!”

“Yeah?”

“Yup,” he assured her with a little impatient nod. “Sit, please.”

Rose hesitated.

“Please.”

“Oh, all right!” If this lovely man wanted to finish this date with her, who was she to argue. They really had been getting along very well, after all. That energy between them when they’d held hands… she’d felt a connection with him like nothing she’d never experienced  before. A delightful shiver ran down her spine at the memory.

“By the way,” Jonathan asked as she settled herself again, “what made you think I was Adam? Was it the tie?”

“Yeah…”

“It’s just you mentioned it when I first arrived.”

“Oh, right,” Rose laughed. “Well, you obviously were looking for the flower too… but you – I mean he – told me he’d be wearing a tie with blue flowers on it. And there you were: tie with blue flowers. The two clues together…”

“Pure coincidence.” He winked. “I’d even venture to call it serendipitous, and I don’t generally believe in luck.”

“Oh, you don’t even know me yet.” Rose flashed him a toothy grin. “I could bring you nothing but misfortune, you never know.”

He dragged his gaze up from where the tip of her tongue teased him from the corner of her smile to meet her eyes. “Oh no, Rose Tyler, you have already saved me from a fate worse than death.” He nodded to Reinette who was currently flouncing through the restaurant, probably looking for him.

Rose bit her lip, stifling yet another giggle. “I haven’t saved you yet. Look out! She’s headed this way.”

“Oh, if I believe in one thing, I believe in you.” He reached over the table to squeeze her hand. “You’ll save me. You are my lucky pants.”

“Your what?” Unable to contain herself any longer, she burst into a full belly-laugh, but she gulped it back quickly as Reinette swept up to their table.

“Excuse me?” Reinette spoke with a light but haughty French accent and gave Rose a critical once-over before turning her attention to Jonathan. “Are you Jonathan Noble?”

Jonathan offered the woman a perplexed frown. “You must be mistaken. My name is… erm…” he scrubbed at the back of his neck, “…Adam.”

Reinette pursed her lips, arching a perfectly shaped eyebrow at him. “So, this means nothing to you, then?” With a flourish she showed him the lily.

“Oh, weeell, it’s a lovely flower… but, no…”

Reinette’s narrowed gaze flicked between the two of them, and Rose offered her a polite smile. With a harrumph, she moved away from their table to continue her search.

“Dodged that bullet!” Jonathan told Rose.

“Well, at least you didn’t get stood up.” Rose rolled her eyes, wondering what had happened to the real Adam.

“His loss. And my good fortune! See? You are my lucky pants.”

She shook her head. “You’re daft, you are! I guess we should take a look at these menus, yeah?”

He spent a few seconds flipping through the pages of the menu, then he sighed. “Actually… I know the wine is lovely – overtones of bananas and all – but since neither of us chose this restaurant, what do you say we pay for the wine and find somewhere else to eat. That is, if you want?”

Rose breathed a sigh of relief. “I know a really great pub not far from here that’s a little more my scene. They brew their own and they make the best fish and chips. I want chips.”

“Me too! Sounds brilliant. Shall we?”

Standing, she nodded fervently, and he threw some bills on the table to cover the cost of the wine, then offered her his elbow. She blushed, accepting his arm.

“Allons-y!” he chirped.

As they made their way to the maître d’ to offer their apologies, Reinette stormed up to them. “You lied to me! You are Jonathan Noble.” Her beautiful face was contorted in fury and she pointed adamantly at his shoes. “You told me you’d be wearing Converse with your… ahem…” she curled her lip, “...suit.”

“Weeell…” Jonathan’s shoulders tensed, and Rose could only hold her breath, waiting to see how he would respond. He flourished the arm that wasn’t linked with hers. “You got me! I admit. I lied. It seems there was a case of mistaken identity, two blind dates that got muddled up, and weeeell… Rose and I rather hit it off.” He was going for the honest approach, and Rose was quietly relieved.

Reinette, however, was livid! “Ridiculous!”

“I’m sorry,” Rose added, feeling the need to back Jonathan up. “He really did think I was you. We both had a blue flower, you see…”

Reinette snarled at Rose, then whipped around to face Jonathan. “I do not get… stood up! I insist you have dinner with me!”

Rose was distracted from Jonathan’s terse response by the insistent buzzing of her mobile with multiple incoming texts. She dropped his arm and scrambled in her handbag, finally finding the phone at the very bottom. The screen was lit up with no fewer than five notifications from Adam. It seemed he was running rather late, but told Rose, in no uncertain terms, that he expected her to wait for him.

“I’m worth the wait,” read his final text, followed by winky and aubergine emojis.

Rose rolled her eyes and fought her gag reflex. There was no bloody way she was going to wait for that tosser. And she was going to be having a few sharp words with Shareen about her (and her boyfriend’s) concept of what her ideal date looked like.

As it turned out, Rose thought as her eyes settled fondly on Jonathan, she had a pretty good picture of exactly what her ideal date looked like. And unfortunately, right now, he wasn’t faring well in his battle with Reinette. It was time for her to rescue him one more time.

“Tell ya what, Reinette,” she cut into the other woman’s rant, “a young man named Adam Mitchell is on his way here… right now. He’ll be wearing a tie with blue flowers and he’ll be expecting his date to have one of these...” She pulled the blue rose from her handbag and thrust it at the stunned Reinette. “Oh, and I don’t think he believes anyone could ever stand him up either, so you should get along famously.” 

With that, she slipped her hand into Jonathan’s, and as one, they turned toward the door and pushed it open. As they burst onto the pavement, they nearly knocked over a dark-haired young man, wearing a tie with gaudy blue flowers all over it.

“Oi!” he barked as they sputtered half-hearted apologies and hurried along the pavement.

“Was that…?” Jonathan started.

“Adam?” Rose finished for him. “Yeah, I think it must have been.” Their eyes met and they erupted into laughter and looked back over their shoulders to find Reinette and (presumably) Adam fuming in the doorway of the restaurant.

Gripping Jonathan’s hand tighter, Rose grinned up at him. “Run!” she shouted.

“Oh, yes!” he cheered as they took off at a sprint.

As she ran hand in hand with Jonathan, Rose felt as though she had something to look forward to for the first time in a long time. She had walked into Révélations dreading the evening ahead, but a simple mix-up had turned her blind date into a matter of pure blind luck. Now she was running toward a future full of promise and opportunity, a future she rather suspected Jonathan Noble would be a significant part of. 

She grinned. It was going to be fantastic.

[fisumisu]

ALRIGHT! I’ve now seen the new Cats movie!

My first thought?

”That could’ve been a lot worse, actually.”

Even if I didn’t absolutely love it, some of the songs really brought me glimpses of the happiness and excitement I got from the original musical, and dare I say it, I would actually like to see the new movie again.

I went to see it right after watching the old version with my friend (she loved it btw!) and so, the contrast was pretty big.

My general thoughts and some shameless ranting with absolutely no order *spoilers ahead*:

- I got used to the designs of the characters quite quickly, there were some I liked more than the others but my mind numbed to it eventually. "You get used to anything, except an icicle up in your asshole", as the age old Finnish saying goes (and that's a rock fact).

- However, I did not like Jennyanydots the Bodyhorror Cat and I am pretty sure the person behind every decision regarding her might be an alien.

-Bustopher Jones lost all his dignity. In the musical he is very respected and completely fine with being a ”bounder”, yet in the movie they make a joke about him being sensitive about it. I also could’ve done without seeing cat men and women wolf down garbage.

- Apparently falling and tripping on things is still concidered to be peak humor in Hollywood.

- (maybe thanks to that) Instead of the humor coming from just their body language, they relied more on the spoken gags. Most of them are pretty meh. However, I’ll never forget the ”Is he neutered? That note was kiiinda high...” line, ’cause, whoa... wow... damn... Didn’t expect that. Lmao.

- Speaking of the Rum Tum Tugger... well, let’s just say John Partridge will probably keep the mantle of being the best Tugger forever. Derulo has a good voice but the whole design given to his character and the way they had downgraded his importance in the movie made him a tad forgettable.

- Also, Jellicle cats do not have cheerful faces, actually Jellicle cats seem rather mean.

- The ”Touch me!” Part of Memory lost most of its meaning since the importance of touch was never implied in the movie. I’m also annoyed that the directors didn’t tell the actor of Grizabella (Jennifer Hudson) to go a bit easier on her first two appearances and do the full blast crying scene at the end when she’s pleading the other cats to accept her. Her emotion was seriously amazing, but because it was too strong right from the start, she lost the wow moment she could’ve had at the end. It wasn’t her fault, Memory is supposed to be an emotional roller coaster, but she should’ve been directed better.

- I prefer Grizabella being much older looking overall, even in the musical productions, since the comparison between how the Jellicles behave towards Gus and Grizabella is quite an important point to me. If they are both older cats, it’s easier to see and the decision to send her to the Heaviside layer more justified. Yeah, Grizabella’s coat was a bit dusty and the corner of her eye a bit scarred in the movie but she was waaaaaaay too fine to think she’d need a whole new life to fix herself. Nope.

- Very important note: There definitely should've been a rule that cats with clothes should KEEP THEM ON during the entire movie. The whole deal with clothing was utterly baffling altogether. Some cats had cat sized shoes, hats, jackets and they seemed unable to decide if they should keep them on or be in their birthday suits most of the time. Plus, if some cats have clothes and others don’t, it’s just going to look odd. And hey, why is that one cat otherwise naked but wearing shoes? I don’t know man, nobody knows.

- Thankfully, Skimbleshanks the Railway cat decided he rather liked his pants and never removed them. His tap dancing number was one of the best scenes in the movie. He also had a proper excuse to wear cat shoes. Good job Skimble.

- Ian McKellen (the cat) had the kind of fur around his head I wish every cat on the movie would’ve had. I’ll never forget him saying ”Meow, meow, meow!” Or dunking his head into a bowl to lap water with his tongue. I actually got a bit teary eyed watching his number.

- I don’t feel that Taylor Swift’s Bobalurina was... well, Bombalurina. She was just some hench cat whose only purpose was to get everyone high on catnip and preach about Macavity.

- Honestly, I actually thought the whole Macavity song part was pretty neat! Hear me out (don’t scoff, lol). Yes, it was odd, but the way the dancers started moving when the golden flakes touched them was fascinating to watch. It was almost like a reference to the beginning where the cats couldn’t help but dance under the Jellicle moon and their movement showed that clearly. Storytelling, but with dance! Can you believe it!? I’m just sad that the CGI cheapened the dancers’ amazing performances during the whole movie since their movement looked odd at places thanks to the added fur. When there’s so much digitally added effects on screen, you can’t help but wonder, is this real or just animated?

- I haven’t said anything about Munkustrap, I notice. Maybe because I like complaining too much and had to get all the whining out of the way. Good news, Munk remains a good, good cat and he was definitely my favourite character, alongside with Skimble (who kept his pants on, as you might recall). Thank the Everlasting cat or the Maker for small mercies.

- Also, to people talking about Munk and Misto in this new movie, I see ya. My poor heart is quite confused since the song Mr Mistoffelees is, and will always be, to me (and many others) Tugger and Mistoffelees' song, and therefore can have that kinda romantic vibe. Since they threw Tugger out of the window, going as far as to make the two interract as little as possible, I’d rather eat my right leg than accept the romance they cooked up with Victoria and Misto. Since Munkustrap sings the first parts of Mistoffelees’ song in the movie, I can see why Munk and Misto could be seen as a new pairing.

I don’t mind if you like Victoria and Misto together, it doesn’t itch my bum what other people enjoy, so have fun! Victoria x misto is just not for me. If I had to choose who I ship in this movie, I’d probably ship Skimbleshanks with his hat. It’s a very good hat. You can’t see the CGI ears under it. Oh, did I mention Skimble's pants? They were red and he kept them on throughout the whole movie.

- (just remembered) Victoria singing Beautiful Ghosts to Grizabella immediately after Grizabella ended her second part of Memory, reminded me of that Tall Girl meme from last year. Like, “You think your life is hard?" *bursts into song*

- Macavity being so desperate about getting to the Heaviside layer was actually pretty hilarious and the whole thing about him vanishing all the other “contestants” was something new and unexpected. Didn’t really mind it. I just wish the big finale would’ve been Mistoffelees making all the vanished cats appear again.

- Judyteronomy teleporting behind everyone after Mistoffelees song made me laugh.

- Mistoffelees believing in himself at the end of the movie was pretty wholesome.

- Hey! Macavity’s fur actually looked a bit red when the light hit it from just the right angle and the stars aligned! I wonder if that was one of the features they added when they did the updates. Maybe that's why they couldn't afford to give people cat noses. Oh well.

And that’s all for now!

This is already pretty long and got kinda outta hand. Thanks if you read this whole thing! I just wanted to vent and gather my thoughts about the movie. I love to nitpick and poke at stuff. I hope I didn't come across too negative or say only things everyone and their mothers have already talked about. The movie was far from perfect but in this nice safe bubble of ours no one should feel ashamed of liking something Cats the musical related. I'm actually itching to see this again, in all its horrifying glory, because despite all its flaws and things I wish they would've done differently, it's still Cats and some of the songs and scenes absolutely, quite positively slapped.

If you, for some unthinkable reason, would like to know my thoughts on a specific scene or thing in the new Cats movie, or just anything Cats related, feel free to ask me!

Toodle pip!

[shipmistress9]

FTLOAP - 40: If I'm Not Made For You Then Why Does My Heart Tell Me That I Am?

Fandom: HTTYD

Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.

Rating: Explicit

FF-net  -  AO3 -

Discord-server for discussions and questions

Part 1: Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11;

Part 2: Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23; Chapter 24; Chapter 25; Chapter 26; Interlude 2; Chapter 27: Chapter 28 ; Chapter 29 ; Chapter 30; Chapter 31; Chapter 32; Interlude 3; Bonus 1; Chapter 33

Part 3: Chapter 34; Chapter 35; Chapter 36; Interlude 4; Chapter 37; Chapter 38; Chapter 39

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

AN: This chapter... I'm incredibly curious about the reactions! It contains more scenes that have been planned for nearly a year, some were even already written out since November! And... well, I hope that I'm able to get across what's important for me in this chapter. I'll see...

Also, in November, I posted a small spoiler on Tumblr. I was asked to put a warning for when that spoiler would come into play, so that's what I'm going to do now. THIS is the chapter where that spoiler line comes up.

This week's title comes from the song If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield. Ever since this song first came out, it's been one of my all-time-favourites. But it actually took me a while to discover how well it fits this story, especially at this point. I admit that, in the end, it even inspired an additional scene near the end of this chapter. You'll see what I mean.

. o O o .

“Eret? Do you want to marry me?”

After she’d realised what Snotlout was doing, Astrid had wondered about that insanity for a couple of days now. His behaviour had become more obvious – and more obnoxious – with every time they met, and by now, it was impossible for her to pretend it wasn't happening.

He was flirting with her. There really was no other way to describe it, and even though she'd always thought fondly of him, she now couldn't help but cringe whenever she saw him. A part of her wondered how other women before her had endured and even enjoyed his attention – but she also recognised how different his behaviour toward her was from how he'd acted toward others. He was so sure, overconfident even. He obviously knew about the King's wish of her marrying one of the ducal heirs and seemed to think that advertising himself like this would make her choose him.

But did he really want to marry her? She still couldn't believe it, couldn't even think about it without dismay. How could one of her brothers want to marry her? No matter how long she thought about it, it made no sense, and eventually she acknowledged that thinking on her own wouldn’t get her anywhere.

Meeting Eret had been pure chance but a welcome distraction. It was early in the morning, hours before today's tournament would begin, and she'd wanted to enjoy at least a small sense of freedom by taking a walk over the castle's grounds. Now, they sat near Lake Vola, with Tuff acting as chaperone from a distance, and enjoyed both the peace and the comfort. But she didn’t want to waste such an opportunity.

At her question, Eret, who was lying on a sunny but likely not-entirely-dry patch of grass next to the low stone wall where she sat, cracked one eye open and tilted his head to throw her a funny look.  After a moment, he returned to his former relaxed position though, eyes closed and head resting on his arms behind his head. “You know, Swanja… In your current position, you should be careful with a question like this,” he said, sounding utterly unperturbed. “One might think you just proposed to me.”

Astrid rolled her eyes and made a half-annoyed and half-amused noise. Eret would know better, after all. “Don’t be daft. You know what I mean.”

Sighing, he turned his head to look at her in earnest. “Yes, I know what you mean. But the answer is not as easy as the question.”

Astrid wanted to snort. She'd fully expected Eret would laugh and answer with a resolute ��No!’. He had to be joking, right? Because it was insane and impossible and… and…

Except that he didn’t look as if he was joking.

He seemed to notice her bafflement, because he sighed once more and made himself comfortable again before he gave her an explanation. “I see that’s not the answer you’ve expected,” he began, strangely quiet. “And I’ll admit I didn’t expect to have this kind of talk today. But it’s better than not talking about it, I guess…” He paused, gazing into the light blue sky overhead as if it was the most interesting piece of art he’d ever seen. “I’m not in love with you, if that’s what you meant,” he eventually went on. “That hasn’t changed.”

Astrid nodded, even though he couldn’t see her. They’d already been through that three years ago, after all. After Thuggory’s constant teasing over the span of one summer about how close they were and what a cute couple they would make, they’d almost believed it themselves. What followed had been a few awkward days of blushing, of averting eyes and stiff conversations – until they’d decided to put their feelings to the test. They’d kissed, the whole program with gazing into each other’s eyes and cradled faces, with lips and tongues. And then, they had decided that was definitely not what was between them.

Thinking back, the thought made her smirk inwardly. Kissing Eret had felt weird, unnatural. Not really unpleasant, if she was honest; just… not right. And now, comparing that kiss back then with how it had felt to kiss–

Stop right there!

“So, you don’t want to marry me?” she asked, mainly to force her thoughts into another direction. She couldn’t think about that, not now. Not ever again.

“I… didn’t say that,” Eret muttered, still refusing to look at her.

He wasn’t making any sense. “What do you want then?” The question came out more aggressive than intended, but Astrid wasn’t in the mood for beating around the bush, not now, not after everything. She was tired, having cried for almost the entire night again, tired of the games, tired of the verbal dancing and indirect responses. By Thor, she was going to get a straight answer out of someone, even if she had to shake it out of them!

“What I want...” Eret scoffed. “Since when does it matter what anyone of us wants?” He sighed again, shaking his head, and Astrid knew all too well how he felt… “If it were about doing what we want, Dagur and I would just… leave. We’d go, and start a simple life somewhere far away.” Now, Eret threw her a wary glance, as if to see how she would react. But even though the words surprised her, Astrid was beyond showing any reactions, especially not emotionally, and after a minute of silence, Eret continued in a softer tone.

“We’ve even talked it through, you know? What we’d do if we had the options… We’d go somewhere remote where people wouldn’t know who we are. We’d approach the local lord, get a land tenancy, settle down. Build a paddock for a couple of horses and a garden, maybe an orchard. I’d earn us some money by breeding and breaking in horses for the locals, and Dagur would distil his own alcohol from the fruits in our garden.” He chuckled weakly. “It would be a simple life, without much luxury to speak of. Calm.”

Astrid swallowed. “That sounds beautiful,” she whispered. Eret's words reminded her of other plans, other ‘what if's’…

Quickly, she again shook those thoughts off and concentrated on Eret and his words again. On how they puzzled her. She’d always thought Eret and Dagur wouldn’t mind becoming the next Grand Dukes.

“Right?” Eret agreed, but then shook his head. “But it’s nothing but idle dreams. We can’t just drop our responsibilities and leave our homelands in such a chaos. We wouldn’t want to do that. Lavo would become Head of House Jag’r, and while he’s a good man, he’s certainly not a good leader. And House Berserker… If Dagur doesn’t inherit his father’s title, Hel herself will show up down in Southshore to collect the bodies.”

Again, Astrid nodded; the precarious situation with the two Grand Dukedoms was well-known to her, after all.

Eret let out a deep breath. “But that’s not what you wanted to hear right?” He slightly shook his head, lips twisted into a grimace. “The thing is… we eventually have to marry one day. If we stayed bachelors forever, we could simply continue like now, spending time together every now and then. But for the sake of sustaining a line of heritage, we can’t inherit if we refuse to ever marry. And once we’re married…” He shrugged, and Astrid remembered the words she’d heard some nights before.

Marriage is a sacred vow, and one does not break it. I won’t turn you into an adulteress.

Astrid felt as if she couldn’t breathe, the memories like a crushing ring around her chest. But luckily, Eret didn’t seem to notice.

“You asked whether I’d even want to marry you,” he went on, suddenly sounding eerily solemn. “And the honest answer would have to be yes. Yes, I’d like to marry you. Not because I love you, and I’m sorry about that. But marrying for love has never been a real option for us, so I’d opt for the second-best choice – marrying my best friend.” He turned to give her a brief smile, but then continued to stare into the distance. “You’re my best option for a good future. I mean… I know that I won’t be the best of husbands. But unlike any other wife Father could pick for me, you at least already know that. You know that I won’t be your ardent lover. You wouldn’t be disappointed or angry. Or at least I hope you wouldn’t be.” He swallowed, and when he continued to speak, finally looking at her after all, he sounded incredibly vulnerable.

“If you were to choose me, Swanja, then I can promise you that I’d be a good and loyal partner to you. We’d live a happy life together. I won’t be your lover, but I'd be your partner, your friend. I’d do my best to hopefully be a good father to our children, and I’m certain I’d treat you better than most of your other suitors. And... and the same goes for Dagur, if you were to choose him.”

It seemed like Eret was waiting for a reaction, but Astrid was unable to speak, stunned. He was serious!

Eventually, he exhaled a deep breath, and pushed himself up on his legs. With his back turned toward her, he said, “I do love you, Swanja, just not like that. And I want you to be happy. If… if you have someone else in mind, someone you want to choose for yourself... then by all means, please do so. Neither Dagur nor I want you to be miserable for our sake. We will all go our way, one way or the other. But know that we are an option, and hopefully not the worst there is. I’d be happy and proud to bring you back to Eastervale as my wife, and I dare say that living at our stud farm would suit you.”

And with these words, he left her.

For she couldn’t say how long, Astrid sat on that low wall, eyes unseeingly cast over the lake's calm surface, as tears ran down her cheeks in never-ending streams. Gods, she was such an idiot, had only thought of her own problems.

But Eret was right… For all her life, she’d been prepared for a loveless political marriage. And yes, if she couldn’t marry the man she loved…

...then her best friend would certainly be a good second choice.

. o O o .

For once, she didn't need to ponder endlessly. In fact, it was more as if she’d known what to do for a long while already without being able to see it. But when she reached the fighting ground a couple of hours later and saw him hustling about among the other squires and, as always, not even once glancing in her direction… it all became crystal clear. He wasn't an option anymore – and maybe never had been. She would have to pick another path, one that, hopefully, would be bearable.

She paused in her steps, pondering for one last moment, and then gestured Tuff to follow her. Instead of directly going toward her usual seat under the pavilion, she headed for the large tent where the men were getting ready for their fights. Many eyes turned toward her when she entered, confusion and anticipation in most of them, and the tent fell completely silent.

"Sir Eret?" she called out as firmly and clearly as she could manage. "May I asked you to keep me company today?"

Eret met her eyes with an unreadable look, but nodded after a seemingly endless heartbeat. “Of course, your Highness.” He took off his heavy gloves and handed them, his helmet, and his sword to his squier before following her. And not even now, he would look at her.

Astrid’s lips twitched, but she quickly turned away, and, with Eret at her side, made her way toward her pavilion.

At first, they sat in heavy silence, but eventually, Eret audibly cleared his throat. “Are you sure about this, Swanja?” he asked in a subdued voice.

He didn’t need to elaborate; the meaning of his words was clear enough to her. Her inviting one or more of her suitors to sit with her during the tournament when they weren’t fighting was something she was allowed to do. Without a doubt, it was considered an honour, but the fact that she had never bestowed it on anyone before made her singling out Eret now even more noticeable. She could practically feel the countless eyes on them, could hear the hushed whispers all around the arena. But she didn’t care for any gossip her action might start. She’d never cared about the rumours they’d caused by acting like a couple. At least this time the rumours would be true.

She swallowed, and, unable to meet Eret’s eyes, instead gazed down at her hands in her lap. “You were right,” she whispered. “Marrying for love has never been a real option for either of us. So I’m going to pick the option with the best prospect of happiness and follow the path everyone apparently wants me to take anyway.” Now, she looked up after all and threw him a tentative smile. At least, she wouldn’t have to pretend with Eret. They weren’t in love and never would be. But they would give each other comfort and that had to be enough.

He returned her smile and, as if to prove her thoughts right, reached for her gloved hand and squeezed it. It made her smile turn a shade brighter. Yes, they didn’t love each other. But friendship was a good basis for marriage too, right?.

They watched the first rounds of the melee without saying anything more. Five times, ten men entered the arena and fought until nine had either been knocked prone, unconscious, or had a wound sufficient to spatter the grass with blood. Snot’s turn was in the second round, and he won without any difficulties, sending his opponents sprawling or bashing their faces in so that their noses bled freely onto the grass. There was something to his boasting after all, Astrid reminded herself as he blew her a kiss across the arena before he left it. Growing up in Westhill had turned him into a better fighter than most.

Then it was Eret’s and Dagur’s turn to fight, and it wasn’t until she saw the other eight fighters all ganging up on them that she realised what her open act of favouring Eret had done. Now he had a target on his back, and more than once she gasped or froze when one fighter launched at him. People died in these tournaments! What if someone managed to injure, maybe even kill him, just to get him out of the way? It would be her fault, and hers alone.

She watched the fight with more attention than she had before – and also with a fair bit of anxiety. But her worries were unfounded... for now at least. With Dagur and Eret fighting back to back, the other men had no chance and when it was only the two of them left, they shared a look, a handshake, and then Dagur went to his knee, placing his weapon to Eret’s feet.

The sight made her throat tighten even further. To everyone else watching, it would look like Dagur forfeiting to the Princess’s favourite, probably in hopes of gaining her good will for the future. But Astrid knew it was more than that. So much more… It wasn’t just Dagur giving the victory of this melee to his friend. It was him freely giving up his lover, giving in to the inevitable without struggling and without hard feelings. He knew that he’d lost, and what he’d lost, on the altar of the Kingdom’s Hel-spawned politics. If Astrid would have had any tears left, she’d have cried.

When Eret returned to her after being cleaned up and his armour having been removed, he seemed weaker and more beaten than the fight alone would explain. This time, it was she who placed her hand on his lower arm, in an attempt to comfort him but also to apologise. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled weakly.

She was relieved when Eret placed his hand over hers and asked, “For what?”

“For everything. For making you a target and… and for…” She didn’t dare to phrase the rest, to mention Dagur. Her pavilion offered a certain amount of privacy so that she didn’t expect anyone to overhear their low conversation, but that wasn’t the point anyway. She didn’t want to hurt Eret further.

He hissed out a low and unamused laugh, almost a pained groan, but gave her a reassuring smile nonetheless. “Don’t worry,” he replied. “We always knew it couldn’t last. And as for the target… You don’t need to worry about that either. It’s not that much different than before. They always knew me, Dag, and Snot where your most likely choices, so not that much changed now. Besides, as much as they want to see me defeated… well, let’s just say that my status still offers a certain amount of protection. They wouldn’t dare to attack one of us for real, simply out of fear of repercussions.”

Astrid nodded, but only felt slightly eased by his words. There had been too many accidents already. “I hope you’re right,” she sighed. “And… and I hope this wasn’t the wrong decision – for both our sakes.”

He squeezed her hand once more and scooted a little closer to her. It was weird in a way how easy it was to just continue their usual comfortable closeness under these strangest of circumstances. But then, that was part of why she’d made this decision. She knew Eret, knew that they got along. There’d never been any real shyness or awkwardness between them, and she was relieved that that hadn’t changed.

“We’ll see,” he eventually replied. “But at least we know that Daniel will be pleased.”

There was a certain bitterness in Eret’s voice at these words, one that made her frown in confusion. “What makes you think that?” So far, she hadn’t spent much time thinking about Daniel, not beyond the burning pain she felt over his betrayal.

Eret snorted, and made a vague waving gesture between the two of them. “Well, this is what he wanted, what he’d planned for all along.”

“He… what?”

Now, Eret grimaced, but also noticeably put in an effort to stay calm as he explained. “Oh, he didn’t tell me anything, in case you were wondering,” he scoffed with the same bitter tone as before. “But after that announcement on your birthday and realising that he knew about all this… it started to make sense, you know? A while ago, he became strangely gloomy from one day to the other, and there were so many things he said before he left, things that made me wonder what was on his mind. It all started a few days after Dagur’s accolade. The day we first went to meet Cami, remember?”

Astrid sucked in a breath at those words, but instantly shut her mind down. No, no, no. She didn’t want to remember that day, couldn’t bear it. The first night they’d talk more openly, the first time he’d touched her…

Her hands were trembling, but if Eret noticed, he didn’t react. He just went on with his explanation, suppressed anger tinting his voice, and she was grateful for the distraction.

“Daniel was supposed to come with us, but was forced to cancel his appointment when he received a note. I don’t know what it was about, but it was then when he changed. Late that night, we met him in the corridors. He wouldn’t tell us what bothered him, only that we would learn about it soon enough, that it was better if we didn’t know right away… and that he ‘very much counts on my loyalty for all this to end well’. I didn’t know what he meant back then, but now… And there were other comments, too. Like how he asked me to keep an eye on you until he comes back from Westhill. Or how he blatantly asked us whether we could imagine getting married anytime soon when we all went to the tavern that last night.” He swallowed thickly. “All those small things came back to me lately, but they only started to make sense when… when I talked to Hiccup the other day. Apparently, Daniel told him that he was hoping for us to marry. That we would be good for each other.”

At the mention of his name, Astrid’s mind turned numb out of sheer reflex, but there was still a small functioning part that registered what Eret was telling her. That Daniel apparently hadn’t been happy about this plan and that he’d hoped for her to find comfort and solace with Eret, her best friend. A sob tore itself from her body, making her shiver and tremble, and this time, Eret noticed. His hand around hers tightened, offering her comfort from amidst his own pain and sending a wave of gratitude through her hurting soul.

They didn’t speak much more until the tournament was over, but the companionable silence was proof enough to her. Living with Eret would be effortless. It would be good. Not what either of them truly wanted but better than the alternatives

Daniel had been right, she realised with a grimace. She and Eret were good for each other, the best option they had to ever live a somewhat happy life. Even with how betrayed she felt, she still couldn’t shake off a budding sense of gratefulness that her brother had at least planned this far. And he couldn’t have known better, after all. Daniel didn’t know about the feelings Eret and Dagur had for each other, didn’t know about her and… and… him. He didn’t know how much pain this solution brought to so many people he cared about. But he was right in that it still was the best solution they had.

When the tournament was over, she accompanied Eret back to the tent. She’d meant to directly move on to her own rooms, to get ready for tonight’s dinner. She expected it to be an awkward meal, with the older man congratulating them and the younger all suffering. Idly, she wondered how Snot would behave now, but quickly decided that she didn’t care.

Especially not when someone else stepped into their path all of a sudden.

Nervously biting her lip, she met Dagur’s gaze, expecting to see hurt and pain or maybe anger in his eyes. He, too, had been hurt by this development after all. But he, who always wore his heart on his sleeve, now wouldn’t let his feelings show. He made a hesitant step toward her, even had a small smile on his face, and pulled her into one of his usual bear hugs once Eret had let go of her arm.

Overwhelmed, she clutched at his back, and couldn’t keep herself from sobbing into his tunic. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered against his shoulder. “So, so, sorr–”

“Shh, shh, it’s all right, little sis,” he interrupted her in an equally low voice. “I wasn’t expecting anything else. And I won’t embarrass either of us by asking you to make him happy, but… But I’m asking you to both be happy, okay? As happy as you can be.”

She sobbed again and for a heartbeat clung even tighter to him before they let go of each other. She took a step away when Dagur turned to Eret next, giving them a bit of privacy, when she noticed another figure standing a few steps behind Dagur.

He didn’t say anything, didn’t move. He only looked at her with those incredibly green eyes of his, really looked at her for the first time in days. It made her freeze, with only a fleeting thought about how Dagur and Eret hopefully would be too occupied with each other to pay them any attention. She held his gaze and tried to convey what she felt. Not her pain, but an apology. The apology for, finally and ultimately, betraying their bond and turning down every plan they might have had. She expected to receive some form of pained accusation in return, but none of that happened.

Instead, he just stood there, a weak smile around his lips that wouldn’t reach his eyes, and nodded.

. o O o .

That night, Astrid stayed awake for a long time, but in opposition to past nights, she didn’t cry. She felt too empty for that. Her eyes were fixed on the wooden figurine in her hands, the one that resembled Markor and that he had given her.

“It’s not much, I suppose. But it’s something… personal? Something to remember me by when I can’t be here with you anymore.”

His words rang clear and true through her mind, but for once the pain didn’t hit her as hard as she’d expected. ‘...when I can’t be here with you anymore...’ He’d only meant the months of separation, but now, it felt so much more relevant. Without her help, her hand wandered to her chest, the other caressing over the smooth wood. No matter how much she wished it would be otherwise, she could still feel his warmth in her chest; even though the blazing inferno had simmered down like a glowing coal. A reminder of the former fire that would never extinguish.

“I will always love you, Hiccup,” she whispered into the darkness of the night. It was a last confession before she stowed the wooden figurine away into her treasure coffer. “Goodbye, my love.”

Then she went to bed, determined to move on. From now on, she wouldn’t let herself be in pain all the time anymore. Her mind and soul were so frail and thin by now; more pain would eventually break her apart. So she clung to the only solace left to her. She would be Eret’s bride now, and… and it was good that way. The only path she could take.

She closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep – even as the small part deep inside her was still screaming. And she couldn’t make it stop.

. o O o .

Hiccup hadn’t expected for the pain to be this unrelenting. He’d expected that it would take time, time before he could even consider getting over her. He had expected that seeing her at Eret’s side, her arm wound through his and their obvious closeness, wouldn’t exactly help either. But the reality was so much worse. No matter how many days had passed or how often he’d seen them together since her open preference during that tournament, it was still like sharp pokes to an open wound. Over and over he told himself that it was good, that it was better this way, the best he could hope for for her. And it was! He knew that it was the truth. In Eret’s presence, she was less tense, at least a little more at ease.

But it hurt!

Because he remembered the time, not too long ago, when all he’d wanted was to be the one to make her happy one day, and the constant reminder of how that would never happen felt like getting stabbed over and over and over again.

Every time he felt her presence or spotted her amidst the crowd, all he wanted was to tear out his heart in the hopes that it would make the pain go away. There was a voice in his head that was constantly screaming at him, “Wrong, wrong, wrong. This is wrong, all of it!”, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t smother it. It was tearing him apart.

The worst were the nights. When he was laid out on the couch in Eret’s rooms, so close to where she was, under the same roof and on the same floor even, and yet unable to ever be with her again, he felt the full weight of their loss. It pressed down on his chest like someone sitting there and keeping him from breathing. More than once, he’d caught himself idly playing with her key, which he still wore around his neck on a simple leather cord. He’d thought about taking it off multiple times already but he’d never found the strength to actually do so. He knew that he should, that holding on to it was only his weakness of not being able to fully let her go. It was him clinging to some elusive hope that only kept cutting and hurting him over and over again. Occasionally, he even caught himself getting up, a half-baked plan to sneak through the corridors and into her rooms in his sleepy mind. If only he could see her, talk to her, hold her one more time. Odin, he would do everything if only it meant they would get another chance.

But there was nothing for him to do.

All he could do was watching her attend one event after the other, with Eret always at her side, and remind himself that this was the only way for her to be happy.

. o O o .

“Ah, good evening, Sir Eret,” Fyrir Mala greeted them as they entered Freya’s Temple a few days later. “Sir Dagur, Lord Hiccup. Welcome. You can go right through to Cami’s rooms; she’s already waiting for you.” She nodded at them all with a friendly smile which they all returned dutifully – even as neither of them truly felt like smiling.

More than anything else, Hiccup felt weird to be here again, even though he probably should have seen it coming. Eret’s and Dagur’s days were numbered, so it wasn't really a surprise that they'd wanted to ‘visit Cami’ as long as they could. And of course, they’d invited him to come along too, just like they’d always done. They didn’t know about his own pain after all.

But right now he dreaded the thought of Cami and interacting with her, of the conversations that would inevitably come up. Of how unexpected it was that they were all still here after all, of the latest developments in Eret's life… and her usual questions after his lady love once Eret and Dagur retreated. Because he didn't feel strong enough to lie, to make up some tale about how they enjoyed the reprieve, no, certainly not. Instead, he felt brittle, as if he'd break apart and crumble at even the slightest nudge. He’d even welcome that over the constant pain.

But of course, he wouldn’t simply fall apart and stop existing. There was no way to escape the inevitable.

“Oh, dear Freya!” Cami exclaimed as soon as they entered her rooms and the door closed behind them. She threw herself around Eret’s and Dagur’s necks, pulling them into a tight hug. “I’ve heard what happened, of course I have. And… I know everyone else would deem congratulations in order–” she pulled Eret a little tighter “–but I’m so sorry! For both of you. How are you feeling?”

Carefully but firmly, Dagur and Eret pried themselves out of her arms. They looked miserable and Hiccup was once more reminded of how he wasn’t the only one in pain. As much as he might want to hate Eret for having everything Hiccup wanted – he just couldn’t. Eret was as much a victim of this entire scheme as he and she were, and he was suffering from it too.

“What do you think how we feel?” Dagur asked, noticeably missing his usual joyfulness. “Even with always knowing that it would eventually come to this, it’s…” he broke off, and turned away from them, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

Hiccup almost expected he’d turn away further when Eret stepped toward him to place his hand on his lover’s shoulder. But instead, Dagur sighed, relaxed, and leaned into the touch, and Hiccup couldn’t help but look away at their moment of intimacy. Yes, they were both suffering just like him.

“I’m sorry,” Cami said again, sounding truly miserable, but Eret cut her off directly.

“It’s all right. Dag’s right, we knew it couldn’t last. All we can do now is make the best of it.”

“I sure hope you do,” Dagur threw back, an odd mixture of sadness, joking, and sincerity in his voice. “If I hear only one complaint from Swanja about you, I’m going to come and rip off your head!”

Eret chuckled, if a little strained. “Hey, I already tried to do her a favour by convincing her father to arrange that ride tomorrow. I mean, it can’t be long with the ball in the evening, and it won’t be a fast ride either with her having to use this horrible side saddle and at least some members of the party not being experienced riders. But I still think it’s better than nothing. Or I hope so, at least.” He sighed. “Anyway, I’m holding you on to that promise, just so you know. Making sure she’s happy will be my highest priority from now on.”

Eret’s reply made them share a weak but true smile, and even with how numb and hollow Hiccup felt, he still was grateful for the reminder that they did care about her. She was in good hands. That was all that mattered.

“Anyway,” Eret went on. “Before we leave you alone, I wanted to thank you, Cami. For taking our request for an appointment on such a short notice. It’ll probably be the last time anyway.”

She gave him a comforting smile. “Of course. I’ll always have time for you.” Then she frowned. “But why do you think it’ll be the last? It’s still over six weeks until the wedding.”

“Aye.” Eret shrugged. “But the betrothal will become official in two weeks already, and me coming here after that won’t be regarded with any form of leniency. And then there’s the ball tomorrow night. Even with it just being meant as an entertaining diversion, her choice of partner for the opening dance will still be regarded as her making an unofficial choice.” He shook his head, a despondent expression on his face. “No, this will be the last time we come here. It has to be.”

Again, Hiccup had to avert his gaze – to give them privacy when it now was Dagur’s turn to comfort Eret, but mostly to hide his reaction to Eret’s words. He’d effectively pushed aside every thought of this, but he was right. After tomorrow night, she would be considered betrothed to Eret, no matter how unofficially. The thought gave him a new sting, and he almost laughed in surprise at how his heart could still hurt more.

“I see,” Cami sighed. “Well, then off with you two. If you want, we can talk more later. I hope you can enjoy this night as much as possible.”

They didn’t need another invitation and only seconds later, Hiccup was alone with Cami. And no matter how painful the previous conversation had already been… What came next would be worse.

“So, and what’s up with you?” she asked in a noticeably more cheerful tone. “I get why they are so depressed, but I honestly didn’t expect that from you too, not even out of sympathy.”

With his lips pressed into a thin line, Hiccup ignored her words and walked past her to where wine and glasses were already standing ready for them on the small table. He poured himself a glass and downed it in one. Maybe the alcohol would make enduring this easier. Behind him, Cami said his name, clearly confused, but he kept ignoring her. It was only after he’d nearly emptied his second glass of wine before she more firmly demanded an answer.

“Hiccup, what’s up with you?” Her hand was on his arm, keeping him from turning away as she stepped in front of him. “After our last conversation about how much you and your lady love dreaded the separation, I thought you’d be happy about this postponement.”

Snorting, he turned his head away from her anyway. Right… Oh, how much they’d hope for just any way for them to not have to part. Once again he thought about how the prospect of being separated for weeks and months had felt like the worst that could happen to them. How foolish and naive they’d been. And how much he’d give to return to those times…

“Hiccup?”

This time, Cami sounded worried, and almost despite his own will, he turned to look at her. And even though he’d sworn to himself to lock his pain deep inside him, to never let anyone see… right now, he couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“Hiccup, what happened?” she gasped when his mask crumbled away to reveal his pain. She pulled at his arm until he sat down in one of her chairs. “You look… horrible. Gods, did something happen to her? Is she alright? What–”

“She’s fine,” he mumbled, if only to keep her from worrying further. And it was true, wasn’t it? Physically, she was fine...

For a short while, Cami was quiet, watching him closely. “What is it then?” she eventually asked, softly. “You seemed so sure, but… Did you two break up?”

Again, he snorted. “In a way,” he mumbled, remembering the conversations they’d had, at the stables on her birthday and at the armoury on the day after. They had broken up, even as that phrase sounded too weak to describe what happened. Once more, pain flooded his mind and body, and he reached again for the wine, refilling his glass and taking a big gulp. Why couldn’t he turn numb already?

“Why?” Cami probed, and no matter how gentle that one word had been, it still felt like a sting, as if it had torn a hole into his thin layer of protection. From one heartbeat to the other, he wasn’t able to hold back any longer.

“Because she’ll marry someone else!” he burst out, eyes stinging. “Not by choice, but what does that matter? In six weeks, she’ll get married to Eret, and there’s nothing we can do. I lost her.”

There, he’d said it. And now, the desired numbness sat in with full force. He slumped down in his chair, too weak to even hold his head up anymore. For the first time in almost two weeks, tears were welling up in his eyes and he didn’t even try to hold them back. It didn't matter. He’d lost her, forever, and now nothing mattered anymore.

He wasn’t sure how long it took Cami to react again. He was dimly aware of her staring at him with wide eyes and her jaw dropped, but he just didn’t care...

“The Princess,” she eventually whispered, and a tiny sarcastic part of his mind wanted to applaud her. After so many weeks of her trying to pry for any information about his lady love, she now knew. So what? It wasn’t as if things could get worse. “You… are you trying to tell me that this girl you talked about, the one you spent nearly every night with, and who I encouraged you to introduce to sex was the Princess?”

All Hiccup could do was nod weakly, but it seemed to be enough for Cami.

“Are you insane?” she nearly shrieked. “The Princess? H-how… how did that even happen? And what were you thinking? You said you were certain to marry her one day, but… But she’s the Princess, for fuck’s sake. Everyone knew that she would marry for an alliance one day, even she. What in Loki’s name made you believe you could circumvent that?”

Hiccup groaned. Every single one of her words felt like another blow to his battered soul. Yes, they really had been stupid to hope and to dream, hadn’t they? But it had all felt so real…

For a few minutes, Cami went on with her tirade, scolding him, but after a while, it stopped affecting him. He couldn’t take any more, and he also understood that by now, this was more Cami venting out her shock than anything else. Eventually, she stopped, and a heavy silence covered them like a blanket.

“We thought it would work,” he eventually murmured into the silence. “We were so sure… Because… because it had to work…” He could feel that Cami didn’t understand though. And how could she? If he listened to himself now, it barely made any sense to him either. Except… “She and I… we share a bond, one that I can still feel even now when all hope is lost. And we thought… If the Gods bound us like that, doesn’t that mean that we will be together? That it’s our inevitable fate? Isn’t that part of what being soulmates means?” He shook his head, the hopelessness of everything once more crashing down on him.

“Oh, Hiccup…” Cami reached out her hand, hesitated visibly, but then placed it onto his arm after all. “I… I don’t doubt that you thought you’d be soulmates. There are many young couples so madly in love that they feel like that. But… but true soulbonds are rare. So rare that I haven’t even heard of a true one happening in the last thirty years or so. I’m sorry, but… but that wasn’t real.”

Hiccup groaned. He’d known that this would be the most likely reaction to them ever telling anyone. But it still stung to hear her say it. She was wrong, though, he knew that deep in his heart. What he and she shared, that was real. Wasn’t it? “I don’t believe you,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry, Hiccup. But… Let’s think this through. If yours was a true soulbond… then you would have been right. Nothing on Midgard can keep apart what the Gods forged together – not even a King’s decision. So how can you be soulmates when, as you all pointed out, she will marry Eret instead? Her decision falls tomorrow at the ball. Not officially, but binding enough. What made you even believe your bond would be true?”

Almost against his will, his hand wandered to his chest. He could still feel her heartbeat and that spark of her soul deep within him. How could that not be real? But he couldn’t make Cami feel what he felt, so he had to try and put it into words. “I… just know it’s true,” he explained in a whisper. “I can feel her, even now. Right here. And… and I felt her before, too. You remember how she got attacked shortly before Midwinter? I was miles away from her then, asleep at the outer stables. But I still felt her anxiety – her fear and her pain – strong enough to wake me up. There is a bond between us, a connection,” he insisted. Cami still didn’t look convinced though, so he tried to think of what else to tell her. “And we had visions! Well, one vision, but it was the same for both of us. We saw the same thing: our future together in a small house, me coming home after a journey, and she and our son greeting me at the door. That was real!”

In what was probably meant as a comforting gesture, Cami squeezed his arm. “I don’t doubt that you believe that,” she repeated her words from earlier, sighing. “But that doesn’t change the facts, Hiccup. She will marry Eret, as it had always been meant to be. Your bond can’t be real.”

. o O o .

Until deep into the night – with Eret and Dagur still not having returned from the temple – Hiccup kept pondering over Cami’s words.

They made no sense.

He knew, without a doubt, that their bond was real. Vividly, he remembered how her fears had reached him even though he’d had no idea that something had been wrong. He hadn’t made that up. And it was the same with their vision. They both had seen the same future without even knowing each other. That hadn’t been a coincidence. It can’t have been!

No, their bond was real. The longer he thought about it now, staring at the decorated ceiling above him, the clearer it became to him. It wasn’t just a fluke or a pipe dream. It couldn’t be.

But if Cami was right and nothing could ever overcome a true soulbond, what did that mean in return? Did that mean that… that there was still hope after all?

The mere idea made Hiccup’s heart stutter painfully. Had he given up too soon? Should he have fought for her after all? But how? If only he knew what to do. He’d do everything for her, whatever it would take.

The facts remained the same though. He couldn’t think of a solution, no chance, no way for them to be together. And he was running out of time. If there was something he could do then what was it?

So what if Cami had been right after all and he was chasing nothing but a dream. Was it possible that they’d interpreted too much into their feelings? Or maybe it was something else entirely, something he’d thought about before and that Cami hadn’t mentioned. Not even a King’s decision could overrule the Gods’ will, she’d said. But what if the Gods changed their mind? Was it possible that them getting intimate had angered them enough to part them again?

Groaning, he covered his face with his hands. All this pondering wasn’t doing him any good. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about uncountable options already. But he couldn’t think of a way out and he wasn’t optimistic about getting an epiphany anytime soon either. And it would have to come soon, before tomorrow night preferably.

“Please,” he murmured a prayer into the darkness of the empty room. “Please, if it is your wish that we are together then send me a sign. I’d do everything for her, but I need your help. Is there still hope for us? What can I do?”

But it didn’t seem as if the Gods had heard him, or maybe they just didn’t care. There was no sudden lightning strike, no foreign voice speaking in his mind, nothing. For over an hour, he kept pondering and wondering before sleep eventually overcame him.

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

He found himself in a forest that he didn’t recognize. Pine, fir, some oak, with light underbrush. Nearby, a mighty tree had fallen in some years past, and there was a cluster of saplings reaching up towards the gap and the light, with blackberry bushes around them. He noticed that he had a heavy basket in hand, filled with the berries, and without thinking, he set off down the well-beaten path behind him. Birds fluttered around in the air above him and he heard squirrels and woodpeckers hard at work.

Then he emerged into a clearing, and the moment Hiccup recognised the small but neat house with a garden of flowers, vegetables, and herbs around it, he knew that he was dreaming. He’d only seen this place once before, and just for a fleeting moment, but it was enough. His heart was beating furiously as his feet led him closer. If this was the same like the last time, then there should be the noise of a barking dog at any moment and then the door would open to…

But this was not a repetition of the vision he’d had some months ago, he realised. There was no barking dog, not even when he reached the still-closed door. He waited, and when nothing happened he lifted his hand to open it himself. It was locked though, so he knocked instead, eager to see her. Maybe indulging in this dream wasn’t a wise idea, but he honestly didn’t care. He only wanted to see her…

But still, the door didn’t open. Instead, he heard a voice in his head, old and gnarled somehow.

I am locked.

With a start, he looked around, but there was nobody. Shaking his head in puzzlement, he knocked again but had no time to even wait for a reaction from inside when the voice spoke again.

Still locked.

Somehow, it sounded amused this time, and finally the words started to make sense, even as nothing else did. But this was a dream, Hiccup reminded himself. Things didn’t need to make sense…

“Can… can you open up for me?” He felt stupid talking to a wooden door, but it also felt weirdly right.

The voice in his mind chuckled. No, I can’t do that.

Hiccup’s shoulders slumped. He had the strong feeling that this was more than just an ordinary dream. The answer to his questions was inside this little house, their future home. But if he couldn’t get inside, then–

But you can open me.

Hiccup blinked and reflexively tried to open the door again. But it wouldn’t budge, only rattled a bit. “No, I can’t. You’re locked.”

Don’t you have a key?

“No, I don’t. Why would–” he broke off when the door’s voice again chuckled in his mind.

I think you do.

Hiccup didn’t understand. How was he supposed to have a key, either to this enchanted door or it’s future counterpart? He had no keys at all, had nothing on him except the clothes he’d fallen asleep in – the basket had vanished at some point without him noticing – and–

With a start, he scrambled for the cord around his neck. For her key.

See? the voice chuckled again, then faded away. He didn’t expect to hear it ever again.

Instead, he looked down at the key in his hand. It was bigger than in reality, sturdier, but it very clearly was the same key. With shaking fingers, he pushed it into the lock and wasn’t even surprised when it fit perfectly. With an audible click, the door unlocked and opened without his doing, revealing the person standing behind it.

“I’m so glad you made it,” she said in her usual slightly nasal voice, her blue eyes beaming and her pink lips stretched into a loving smile.

Hiccup could do nothing but stare. It was her. She was here! Joy bubbled up inside him and a wide grin stretched over his face. It might just be a dream, but still. Looking at her, openly and without having to hide anything, was balm for his soul.

“Come with me,” she said, smiling, and took his hand to lead him around the house and into the garden. It was bigger than he’d realised, with a patch of soft grass beneath an old tree where they made themselves comfortable. The branches and leaves build something like a roof above them, with only small spots of sunlight dotting the ground and dancing when the breeze caught in the tree overhead.

On their way, he took the time to look at their surroundings, her hand in his warm and reassuring. To their left, there was a stream and a little lake and to the right, he spotted the edge of the thick forest he’d come out of. Behind the building and the garden was a steep wall of solid stone that stretched to surround the clearing in a wide arc on nearly all sides except for a narrow opening somewhere in the forest. A caldera?

He shook his head, inwardly laughing at himself. Finally, he had the chance to spend time with her again, or something close to that at least, and he wasted it by looking at the scenery? Quickly, he focused on her again, on her hair, her face, the feeling of her hand in his – and frowned. Clearly, it was her, but at the same time, she was… different. He looked at her more intently, trying to pin down what exactly it was that threw him off. She certainly didn’t look the same as when he’d seen her earlier that day. She was older by some years, more grown up. Her face had lost a bit of its roundness and was more defined, her golden hair a shade or two paler. But that wasn’t what bothered him.

Somehow, she didn’t feel right. Of course, she wasn’t real, was just a product of his dream, but still there seemed to me more. She was too alive for a dream, and she was different. As if it wasn’t his soulmate at all sitting there at his side, but instead someone else.

He pushed the thought aside as something ridiculous. This was a dream. None of this was real and nothing needed to make sense. A part of him tried to convince himself that it would be better to simply wake up. It would be too easy to get lost in this fantasy and the longer he indulged in it the more it would hurt when he woke up again. But even with her not feeling right, being here in this beautiful garden with her to simply enjoy their time… it was too wonderful, and he couldn’t bring himself to even try to wake up.

She didn’t say anything, only watched him with that warm smile of hers that he loved so much as his hand cupped her cheek, his eyes taking in her achingly familiar features. He savoured every moment of the illusion of being so close to her, of feeling her warmth beneath his hand, and of the faint mayweed scent surrounding her. Even if nothing of this was real, it still felt real enough to pretend. For a few minutes, they continued like this, with him marvelling how well their hands fit together and how their soft caressing each other made him shudder, until he invited her into his embrace and she followed without a moment’s hesitation. At that moment, he didn’t care how much this dream might pain him once he woke up. Simply holding her like this was worth everything, and it only strengthened his resolve to keep fighting for her in case he ever got the chance.

“I miss you,” he murmured a good while later. It was hard to tell the passing of time, but he would say that at least an hour had passed with them simply cuddling in the comfortable grass. By now, he lay with his head cushioned in her lap, her hand carding through his hair. It felt good, so peaceful and right. He never wanted to leave again.

“I know,” she replied. “I felt your pain and I heard your plea. That’s why I came to you.”

Hiccup frowned at her odd choice of words. She’d come to him because of his plea? What plea? And how had she come to him, when this was only a dream? It didn’t make sense, unless–

“But don’t give up,” she went on, interrupting his line of thoughts. “You were right right from the beginning. Don’t give in to doubt now.”

With wide eyes, he looked up at her, at her face, beautiful as always yet with an intense, almost divine inner glow... None of this made sense, unless it wasn’t a dream after all. Was this the answer he’d asked for?

He took a deep breath to calm himself. If he was right...

“Is there still hope then?” he asked breathless yet carefully, unsure what he even was allowed to do in her presence.

Smiling, she nodded. “There is always hope.”

Hastily, he scrambled up to his knees to look at her. “Please. I… I need your advice, Oh Fair One. I don’t know what to do.”

She smiled at him, and there was no question to him that this wasn’t Astrid, for all that She wore his love’s form. “Do what comes naturally to you.”

“I... I have been,” he said, pained. “But it isn’t enough!”

“I know it feels that way,” she said, and her eyes seemed to gleam with an inner radiance, blue like the sapphires he’d once seen in a shop held up to sunlight. “Foresight is a painful gift, but We had a purpose in Our selection...”

“My Lady...” Hiccup began, and her head jerked towards him, a wry smile on his beloved’s lips.

“Yes?”

“Please. Please. It hurts so much being parted. All I want is to hold her again. Is there a way?”

She scoffed. “You are strong enough for the work ahead, although I know the path is difficult. Do Our work and know that your reward will be yours.” She motioned to the clearing and the house inside it. “Success–or failure–is entirely in your hands.”

“Then why are you here?” he asked.

“You called,” she said simply. “And in answer to your question... do you want to know? Truly? Foresight is a painful gift, as I said.”

Hiccup didn’t hesitate and knelt. “My Lady, please. You bound my heart to her. Just tell me what I must do to hold her again.”

She patted his head and said softly. “So We did. Well then. Yes, you can hold your beloved in your arms again. Soon. But first, you will end the life of someone dear to her.”

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

It was strange, Hiccup thought the next morning, how little it bothered him to prepare Crusher for Eret. Even though he was incredibly grateful Eret had rescued him, it had always pained Hiccup to tend to his father’s former stallion and to hum his mother’s lullaby to calm the beast. But today, it barely affected him at all. His mind was too occupied with that dream. That vision.

You can hold your beloved in your arms again. Soon. But first, you will end the life of someone dear to her.

She’d said that and he’d woken, and in the hours since, the words of the Goddess had continued to echo through his thoughts. There was barely anything else that registered in his mind. Every stroke down Crusher’s silken black fur and every movement to bridle and saddle him was done through pure force of habit, just like it had been with Cassie before. What did those words mean?

Was he supposed to kill someone for her? That… that seemed rather crass and he couldn’t see how that would be good for her in any way. She hated pointless deaths... Besides, he didn’t even know who. Eret maybe, so he couldn’t marry her in his stead? Or her father, in revenge for his decision and to render it useless? Or someone else entirely; Dagur, or Daniel, or someone he couldn’t even think of right now?

His heart was thrumming with hope, with the prospect of how maybe they still had a chance after all. But the circumstances were daunting, to say the least. He’d thought he was ready to do everything for this chance, but this… Could he kill someone, just out of the hope that it would somehow get them back together again? And if he could do it… Who and how and when?

The whirling thoughts in his mind made him dizzy, and he had to sit down for a minute. More out of reflex, he rubbed his twinging leg as he gazed into the distance with unseeing eyes. End the life of someone dear to her… Was this really what he had to do? Or had he just imagined it all, had it been nothing but a dream made up by his desperation? Gods, he couldn’t even trust his own mind anymore!

His hand wandered to his chest, feeling for the key and her warmth beneath. Last night, in that dream or vision or whatever it had been, holding her in his arms had reminded him of just how much he needed her in his life. If there was a chance for them, then he just had to take it.

But did that mean that he could murder Eret if it came down to that?

“Hey. You all right?”

Hiccup jumped when, unexpectedly, Eret’s voice cut into his thoughts. He looked up at his cousin, a spark of panic flaring up inside him. Would he be able to read Hiccup’s thoughts from a moment ago on his face?

“H-hey,” he stammered in greeting. “Yeah, everything’s good. Fine. Uh, Crusher is ready, but if you want you can check him over again. I’m feeling a bit fried – rough night – so I’m not all here right now. I-I hope I made no mistake.” Oh, wouldn’t that be ironic? If he killed Eret by accident simply because he hadn’t correctly taken care of his kit? Or would that even count as an accident, with a small dark voice in the back of his mind demanding him to do it? A shiver ran down Hiccup’s spine, and he averted his face when he felt Eret’s scrutinising look on him.

“Hiccup... what’s wrong?” He paused for a moment before he went on with a low sigh. “Listen… You don’t have to come along today if you don’t feel like it. This is just a joy ride, nothing more. You’ll really be needed as squire at the ball tonight, so you’d better rest until then.”

Hiccup grimaced as Eret’s words brought a new idea to his mind. Could he kill Eret simply by not being around when he needed his help? These thoughts were driving him insane!

“No, I’m good, really,” he muttered and tried to force something like a smile on his face. “But still, you better check that all buckles and straps are where they should be.”

“As if you’d make a mistake when it comes to horses,” Eret snorted. “No, I trust you. Besides, we don’t really have time for that anyway. I’m… well, I slept too long and I fear the rest of the party is already waiting. Let’s get going.”

With a tight smile, Hiccup nodded and was glad when turning to get Cassie provided him with a welcome excuse. Interacting with Eret had never felt this awkward before, and he was certain that his unusual tension hadn’t escaped Eret’s notice.

He had to admit, however, that going for a ride was a wonderful diversion from their other activities lately. Hiccup rarely ever felt as free and relaxed as when on horseback, and even with how anxious he was today, Cassie’s familiar movements beneath him filled him with a certain calmness.

As Eret had predicted, it was nothing but a slow ride through the countryside, hardly a joyous ride; in fact, it was more of a discomforting plodding, which Hiccup knew that she and her brothers all hated from how they’d reacted over the last few months. But it couldn’t be helped, given the number of riders in the party. Most of the hundred and more suitors were riding with them, and their horsemanship left much to be desired, especially as they crowded around her, unable or unwilling to just yet accept that they’d lost. But that was understandable, as they were the survivors of the contests so far, after the injuries during the tournaments and hunts had killed nearly two dozen, with that one boar having accounted for four deaths all on its own, and another two dozen-plus were wounded or maimed. They wouldn’t give up that easily, not now, not after everything.

From his place close behind Eret, he could barely even see her on Markor’s back where she rode at the front of the party next to the King. And their speed wasn’t helped by her having to use that ridiculous side saddle for this official event. He figured she wouldn’t be all too happy right now from that, but hoped that she’d at least find some form of comfort by being allowed to ride again for once.

Trying not to focus too hard on her and trusting in Cassie to stay in her place amidst the group, the slow pace gave Hiccup the chance to further brood over the riddle She had given him – even as the sober thought of the Goddess Herself having appeared in his dreams nearly made him hysterical. It all felt so surreal, impossible, and only left him more confused than before. Yes, he’d asked for help, for a hint at whether and what he could do, but had that vision – if it had been a vision at all – really helped him? He wasn’t so sure about that. She’d been right. Foresight was a painful gift.

For well over an hour, they rode along the shore of Lake Vola while Hiccup’s thoughts still whirled around in circles. He hadn’t paid their surroundings any mind, but from one moment to the other that changed. There was a commotion at the front of their party; a horse whinnied and others snorted, men yelled, and there was abrupt movement among the packed riders, some halting and others urging their steeds on.

Then a sudden shriek of pure agony rent the air, and it was only by dint of long experience that Hiccup kept Cassie from bolting in panic. A number of horses did bolt, sending their riders tumbling out of their saddles or carrying them off, and shouts of surprise and dismay joined the agonized cry of someone in mortal pain.

And from the sound, Hiccup knew, knew who it was...

. o O o .

Right... and I'm back into hiding...

Next Chapter

[milkbts]

♡ Disclaimer  ♡ Words: 3k

My Letterboxd - I rate movies  My TVTime - I rate K-dramas and any series that I watch.

♡ Context:

A Korean Odyssey (Hwayugi) is a romantic comedy & fantasy tv-series loosely based on the Chinese novel ‘Journey to the West’. 

♡ Main Cast:

Lee Seung-Gi as Son O-Gong, Cha Seung-Won as Woo Whee & Oh Yeon-Seo as Jin Sun-Mi

♡ Description:

The drama is about Son O-Gong and Jin Sun-Mi who meet under strange circumstances. Jin Sun-Mi has been able to see ghosts her entire life. When she was younger, she tried to help a demon king recover a precious artifact but instead, accidentally lets Son O-Gong out from his invisible house in the middle of the woods when he tricks her to do so as only a human can free him. Jin Sun-Mi, a naive child, becomes punished from this by being given the title “Samjang”. Jokes on both of them though as they meet again because of a deal they made long ago, but, you’ll have to see for yourself.  

♡ Ratings: IMDb (8.4/10), MyDramaList (8.4/10)  ♡ My Opinion: 9/10 -This drama was really good actually and I’d recommend it to anyone. (I started watching this with my friend as it’s our favourite pass time at sleepovers - so if you’re looking for a good time, watch this.) -Good acting -The story is good and I never found it slow or boring

♡ Context:

Age Of Youth (also known as Hello, My Twenties!) is a coming of age and romance drama. 

♡ Main Cast:

Season 1 - Han Ye-Ri as Yoon Jin-Myung, Han Seung-Yeon as Jung Ye-Eun, Park Eun-Bin as Song Ji-Won, Ryu Hwa-Young as Kang Yi-Na & Park Hye-Soo as Yoo Eun-Jae

Season 2 -  Han Ye-Ri as Yoon Jin-Myung, Han Seung-Yeon as Jung Ye-Eun, Park Eun-Bin as Song Ji-Won, Ryu Hwa-Young as Kang Yi-Na (only for special appearance), Ji-Woo as Yoo Eun-Jae & Choi A-Ra as Jo Eun

♡ Description:

Age Of Youth is about five female housemates who live together at the Belle Epoque. While strangers at first, they are able to bond and connect over the traumas they experienced while growing up and face challenges together. There are two seasons and some character changes in the second season.

♡ Ratings: IMBd (8.3/10), MyDramaList (8.8/10)

♡ My Opinion: 7/10 -I did really like Age of Youth and I think it’s a good drama for you to start watching if you are new to dramas.  -I give this drama a 7 out of 10, only because I’ve seen better ones suited towards my tastes. -Good actors but annoying they changed so much

♡ Context:

Black is a romance, thriller, fantasy, & comedy K-drama. 

♡ Main Cast:

Song Seung-Heon as Black & Han Moo-Gang & Go Ara as Kang Ha-Ram

♡ Description:

Black is the story of a Grim Reaper who is ordered to track down his partner who escaped to the mortal realm. In the process of this, he meets Kang Ha-Ram who can see the shadows of death despite being a mortal woman. This complicates things especially after he finds a case from 20 years ago and falls in love with Ha-Ram in the process. Supernatural rules against involvement in human affairs were meant to be broken, right?

♡ Ratings: IMBd (8.2/10), MyDramaList (8.3/10)

♡ My Opinion: 9/10 -One of my favourite K-Drama’s and I highly recommend this to anyone. -It gets a bit dark at times though so I suggest having a light comedy to watch afterward. -Good actors and they have nice chemistry in my opinion -Story is easy to follow

♡ Context:

Blood is a rom-com, action & suspense K-drama. 

♡ Main Cast:

Ahn Jae-Hyeon as Park Ji-Sang, Ku Hye-Sun as Yoo Ri-Ta & Ji Jin-Hee as Lee Jae-Wook

♡ Description:

Park Ji Sang is a doctor who works in the best cancer research hospital in the country. He is a great doctor because of his knowledge of the human anatomy and he’s a vampire... Despite him seeming cold and unfeeling, he has a soft heart and has experienced the inner pain of wanting to be close with people but without knowing how. He has very high morals and believes highly in the sanctity of human life so he suppresses his thirst for blood to save human lives; Unfortunately, he isn’t the only vampire and not all of them agree in his way of thinking. Among his colleagues is Yoo Ri Ta, a hotshot physician who entered medical school at the age of only 17 while simultaneously being the niece of the chairman.

♡ Ratings: IMBd (7.1/10), MyDramaList (7.5/10) 

♡ My Opinion: 8/10 -It took me a while to finish this drama but I lose interest quite easily so it isn’t anything to do with the quality of this drama. -My original interest in this drama came from the actress Ku Hye-sun as she was one of the main characters in Boys Over Flowers (next review). -The chemistry between the main actors, Ku Hye-sun and Ahn Jae-Hyun is really good (and they’re married in real life!). -This drama handles romance and everything pretty well however if you’re looking for a drama with a lot of fangirl moments then I suggest something else -(but this did have some good romance moments).

♡ Context:

Boys Over Flowers is a romance & a very, very dramatic drama.

♡ Main Cast:

Lee Min-Ho as Koo Jun-Pyo, Ku Hye-Seon as Geum Jan-Di, Kim Hyun-Joong as Yun Ji-Hu, Kim Beom as So Lee-Jeong & Kim Jun as Song Woo-Bin.

♡ Description:

At a famous high school for the incredibly rich, this love story is focussed on Geum Jan-di and the members of F4 - a gang of 4 handsome and rich men lead by Gu/Koo Jun-pyo. Jan-di is a poor girl with a poor family. She gets rewarded for a good deed and gets the chance to attend this high school. Here, she meets the infamous F4 group and is joined by Jun-pyo who is a spoiled heir to world-leading conglomerate ‘Shinwa’. Their love story travels from Seoul to New Caledonia to even Macau.

♡ Ratings: IMBd (8.1/10), MyDramaList (8/10)

♡ My Opinion: 8/10 -My friend and I watched this drama together as it’s said to be the OG K-drama, it’s like the orientation to the world of Korean Dramas.  -Many reviews hated it but this drama was fun to scream at when the characters made poor decisions -This made me cry (not surprising as a lot of these have made me cry) but this one is the most memorable to me because of the good times I had watching it; so I recommend this drama to anyone who firsts asks me for K-drama recs.   -Starts off slow but once you get into it you’ll have the time of your life.

♡ Context: 

Click Your Heart is a mini-series and romance drama.

♡ Main Cast: 

Kwon Mi Na as Mina, Baek Ju Ho as Ju Ho, Kang Cha Ni as Cha Ni, Kim Ro Woon as Ro Woon & Lee Da Won as Lee Da Won.

♡ Description:

Mina is a high-school student who must choose between an athlete, an ‘intellectual’, a ‘loner’ and a dancer. The episodes set these meetings up and you can click an episode that follows on from that - the episode you click is a different guy that she can choose, so you can literally Click Your Heart.

♡ Ratings: IMDb (6.6/10), MyDramaList (7.4/10)

♡ My Opinion: 6/10  -Good if you wanna experience what a k-drama is like -Too short for me and I prefer normal dramas -Quick to watch though -The acting wasn’t that bad

♡ Context:

Dream Knight is a romance/fantasy drama which centers around friendship.

♡ Main Cast:

Song Ha Yoon as Joo In Hyung & Got 7 - JB (himself), Mark (himself), Park Jin Young (himself), Jackson Wang (himself), BamBam (himself), Kim Yu Gyeom (himself) & Choi Young Jae (himself).

♡ Description:

A young girl called Joo In Hyung who suffers from her past has her life turned around when she unexpectedly meets a group of mysterious men.

♡ Ratings: IMDb (6.8/10), MyDramaList (7.5/10)

♡ My Opinion: 6/10  -Same as Click Your Heart to me honestly -It’s more of a friendship drama and a coming of age drama in my opinion -The acting isn’t too bad -Good for a quick watch & if you are just starting watching dramas and don’t know what genre you like yet 

♡ Context:

Good Morning Call is a Japanese Drama based on the manga series “Guddo Moningu Koru” by Yue Takasuka. Good Morning Call is a romance, friendship, and coming of age drama.

♡ Main Cast:

Fukuhara Haruka as Yoshikawa Nao & Shiraishi Shunya as Uehara Hisashi

♡ Description:

A young girl called Nao decides to stay behind and live by herself when her parents leave to inherit her grandfather’s farm in the countryside. When she moves into her new apartment, she meets Uehara, a popular- super hot boy who goes to the same school as her. They realize they have both rented the same apartment and when they go to the company it’s unexpectedly closed down and the rent has gone up dramatically. Nao and Uehara decide to live together as flatmates so neither of them has to go home.

♡ Ratings: IMDb (7.9/10), MyDramaList (7.8/10)

♡ My Opinion: 9/10 -One of the first dramas I watched and I really loved it -It’s dramatic, romantic and both actors have good chemistry. -There are now 2 seasons on Netflix & the second season didn’t disappoint. -It had fangirling worthy moments and moments to make you really feel for the characters. -WatCh tHiS 

♡ Context:

Mischievous Kiss: Love in Tokyo is based on the manga Itazura Na Kiss by Kaoru Tada. Mischievous Kiss is a romantic comedy Japanese drama.

♡ Main Cast:

Yahagi Honoka as Aihara Kotoko, Furukawa Yuki as Irie Naoki & Yamada Yuki as Ikezawa Kinnosuke

♡ Description:

At a high school entrance ceremony, Kotoko falls in love with Naoki whilst he gives a speech. She decides to confess her feelings via love letter. Unfortunately Naoki - a popular boy everyone is in-love with - turns her down saying “I don’t like dumb women.” One day Kotoko’s house is completely damaged by a meteorite and the house will not be re-built for a while, Kotoko’s dad decides to stay with a friend who happens to be Naoki’s father...

♡ Ratings: IMDb (7.9/10), MyDramaList (8.1/10)

♡ My Opinion: 8/10 -One of the first dramas I watched -It has 2 seasons and I liked it because of the build-up in a romance between both characters -Naoki’s character is cold which is literally my favourite kind because I know he's a softie -Kotoko and Naoki have good chemistry & the acting was very good in my opinion -The story was NEVER boring for me, the writers had really fun ways to make the story go along so I applaud them for that & recommend this drama (it’s very dramatic, VERY).

♡ Context: Noble, My Love is a romantic comedy K-Drama.

♡ Main Cast: 

Sung Hoon as Lee Kang Hoon & Kim Jae Kyung as Cha Yoon Seo

♡ Description: 

Kang Hoon is the CEO of the world’s largest company ‘D.O.L’. One day, he is kidnapped and escapes from his kidnappers but is badly injured. Luckily, he passes out in front of an animal hospital. Yeon Seo (veterinarian) finds him and attends to his wounds.

♡ Ratings: IMDb (7.1/10), MyDramaList (7.9/10)

♡ My Opinion: 7/10 -Most k-dramas have something dark going on behind the love that happens but this drama doesn’t -Many reviews I read were against this drama but my friend and I adored it because of how simple yet entertaining the story-line was. -It has good fluff moments and is good if you don’t like dark subjects in your Korean dramas or tv in general -A good drama to watch after an intense one :)

♡ Context:

Oh My Ghostess is a romantic comedy with supernatural elements including the food genre.

♡ Main Cast:

Park Bo Young as Na Bong Soon, Kim Seul Gi as Shin Sun Ae, Jo Jung Suk as Kang Seon Woo & Im Joo Hwan as Choi Seong Jae

♡ Description:

Bong-sun is a shy young woman who is possessed by a confident ghost of a lustful virgin. Bong-sun works as an assistant and has a crush on her boss. She makes a deal with the ghost as her grandmother was a shaman so from a young age she has been able to see ghosts. They agree that the ghost will help Bong-sun get her boss’s attention if she helps her pass over to the after-life before her time runs out.

♡ Ratings: IMDb (8.2/10), MyDramaList (/10)

♡ My Opinion: 8/10 -Was difficult for me to get into but I thoroughly enjoyed it -It has cute moments & the acting is great -Basically just watch this 

♡ Context:

One More Time is a romance and friendship drama (also known as The Day After We Parted)

♡ Main Cast: 

L as Yoo Tak & Yoon So Hee as Da In

♡ Description:

Yoo Tak is the leader and vocalist of an indie band called One More Time. He’s been maintaining the band for around 10 years but they haven’t acheived their dreams yet and aren’t getting any younger. Yoo Tak begins to take for granted his friends and girlfriend but a young grim reaper has something to say about that. She puts him in a time loop and he has to continue living the same day over and over again until he learns what is really important.

♡ Ratings: IMDb (6.8/10), MyDramaList (7.7/10)

♡ My Opinion: 8/10 -I liked the angst and sadness in this and the life lessons in it -The acting was really good -It isn’t boring and it’s quick to watch -The ending confused me but I liked the deeper meaning :)

♡ Context: 

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon (also known as Strong Girl Bong Soon) is an action, comedy, romance & supernatural k-drama

♡ Main Cast: 

Park Bo Young as Do Bong Soon, Park Hyungsik as Ahn Min Hyuk & Ji Soo as In Gook Doo

♡ Description: 

Bong Soon is a young woman who is kind, honest and has superhuman strength... Her family has been gifted Herculean strength from birth to be used for the greater good. If the power is abused it is taken away. While standing up for herself to a group of gang members, Ahn Min Hyuk - who has never trusted the police - witnesses the entire ordeal and asks Bong Soon to be his bodyguard. She agrees and the two fall in love, but the world has different plans in mind for the pair.

♡ Ratings: IMDb (8.3/10), MyDramaList (8.8/10) 

♡ My Opinion: 9.5 -I like the chemistry between the actors in real life AND in the drama. They make a good team. -The balance between all the fluff and romance with the danger is really well done -This is one of my favourite K-drama's  -Watch this Drama if you want clear skin and a new love for yourself

♡ Context:

Switched is a Japanese supernatural and suspense drama

♡ Main Cast:

Tomita Miu as Umnie Zenko, Kiyohara Kaya as Kohinata Ayumi, Kamiyama Tomohiro as Mizumoto Koushirou & Shigeoka Daiki as Kaga Shunpei

♡ Description:

A suicidal teenage girl swaps bodies with a popular girl in her class - but she has no intention of switching back.

♡ Ratings: IMDb (7.2/10), MyDramaList (8.2/10)

♡ My Opinion: 7/10 -For a drama that isn't suited to my tastes, this one really impressed me. -The acting it takes to be able to pull off a successful bodyswap is extremely difficult and the actresses acting in this drama is immaculate. -This has a lot of angst, considering the suicide references, but is a good drama. -This J-Drama has only been given a 7 out of ten because of the plot (which is still great but not my type) but the acting I'd say is the best here.

♡ Context:

The Girl Who Sees Scents (also commonly referred to as The Girl Who Sees Smells & based on the webcomic 'Naemsaereul Boneun Sonyeo) is a romantic comedy with supernatural genres.

♡ Main Cast:

Park Yoo Chun as Choi Moo Gak, Shin Se Kyung as Oh Cho Rim & Nam Goong Min as Kwon Jae Hee

♡ Description:

Officer Choi Moo Gak lost his younger sister to a serial killer and lost his ability to taste, smell and feel any pain whatsoever. Oh Cho Rim, the only witness to the murder case, lost her memory but gained the ability to see smells.

♡ Ratings: IMDb (7.3/10), MyDramaList (8.1/10)

♡ My Opinion: 9/10 -Damn actor Nam Goong Min is hot -The serial killer is also a great fucking idea -The acting is decent and the actors have great fluffy moments -This drama was so addicting for me which is why it has such a high rating -I also really appreciated the ending, something that doesn't usually happen with me and dramas. -This is a must watch

♡ Context:

The Great Seducer (also known as Tempted) is a friendship and romance Melo-k-drama

♡ Main Cast:

Woo Do Hwan as Kwon Si Hyun, Joy as Eun Tae Hee, Moon Ga Young as Choi Soo Hi & Kim Min Jae as Lee Se Joo

♡ Description:

The Great Seducer depicts rich young men and women in their twenties who discover their feelings of love for one another while playing a dangerous bet involved with love. Kwon Si Hyun makes a bet with his friends that he can seduce Eun Tae Hee, who believes that people who are swayed too easily by love are stupid. After Tae Hee meets Si Hyun, her view of love changes and Si Hyun's heart becomes less ice-cold. Secrets become hard to keep as Si Hyun falls deeper in love with Eun Tae Hee.

♡ Ratings: IMDb (7.1/10), MyDramaList (7.6/10)

♡ My Opinion: 10/10 -I LOVE THIS DRAMA SO MUCH OKAY -MY FRIEND AND I STARTED THIS TOGETHER I LOVED IT -THE ACTING IS SO GOOD AND I LOVE WOO DO HWAN AND JOY (red velvet) -Joy's acting has improved a lot and her character is lovely and relatable -The drama is literally my aesthetic and the toxic friend groups and angst of this drama is what I thrive off -Watch. This. You. Cowards. -I could write essays upon essays about this, but tumblr won't allow that...

[heartofsnark]

NSFW Alphabet: Soryu

Note: I’m not gonna lie, a part of me didn’t want to post the rest of these because of the little anon hate I got. But, I spent hours upon hours writing theses for the KBTBB guys and getting so far along with doing it for the characters from another fandom. So, I’m not gonna let it just rot on my computer because people are assholes.  I’m still thinking about posting the rest today as well or spacing it out.  Also, I’m sorry that I tend to see Soryu a bit more...vanilla than the rest of the guys. I mean he’s definitely not boring or anything, but I see him as more of a soft little sweetheart. Also, that’s a weird way to view a 6ft gun toting mob boss, but here we are. 

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’s a pillow talk kind of guy. There’s just something so comforting and normal about cuddling MC and chatting. He’ll run his fingers absently against their skin, talking about their day or anything really. When he starts to notice them getting sleepy, or he starts to feel it himself, he’ll ask if they want to shower or just sleep. He likes those little moments, it just feels so perfect and relaxing to him.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his arms, his muscles in general are something he’s proud of. He’s in good shape and is strong enough to protect his MC. Before he got with her, he didn’t think much of it, staying in shape was just a necessity for being a mobster. But, now he can’t help but think about how he can help them with his strength, even if it’s just carrying things for her. Or carrying her when she’s tired. A close second fave would probably be his hair, he spend enough time on it after all.  

If asked in person, he’d probably try to say something more romantic or dodge the question entirely.  But, to be completely honest, he really likes breasts. They feel great to touch and play with. He loves how much softer MC is than him, he likes feeling them press against him when they hug. He feels a sense of comfort when he nuzzles his face into them.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He likes cumming on his MC’s tits, he likes tit fucks. It’s a little dirty, but it feels so good. He does like creampies, but he’s a little more reluctant for them. He wasn’t raised in a traditional family, and he never really saw himself having a family. He’s not confident he’d make a good father, so he’s not always willing to take that risk. He’s more likely to pull out and see his partner covered in his cum, or if they don’t want to deal with any mess he’ll use a condom.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Injuries are pretty par for the course for a mobster, so he’s use to just shrugging off whatever happens to him. Tend to them quickly and then move on with his day. After one particularly bad fight, he was a beaten up pretty bad. But, he told MC not to worry and after patching him up, things got romantic. The issue is, he lost more blood than he realized. So when what blood he did have went to his dick, he got light headed and fainted on top of MC during the middle of sex.  She was really worried, but he came too (as in regained consciousness) after a bit and assured her he just needed to rest. They babied him for the rest of the night, he felt pretty humiliated.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

One. He has had one experience prior to MC. He has canonically lost his virginity in a life or death situation, god only knows what that means. But, that is the extent of his experience. He never really liked women before and was kind of a misogynist. Plus, he’s always been more preoccupied with his work than romance. He’s thankfully a bit of a natural when he gets together with MC and making them feel good is important to him.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Poor sweet not use to relationships Soryu. While he, like most people, is completely open to different and new positions, he’s a missionary kind of guy. He prefers being on top and making it feel extremely intimate. It’s just his favorite; being as close as possible. Plus, he kinda likes the normalcy of it. Given his life up until getting with his partner, he just really likes appreciating the simpler and normal aspects of being with someone.

Missionary: http://sexpositions.club/positions/67.html

Iris: http://sexpositions.club/positions/91.html

Eagle: http://sexpositions.club/positions/163.html

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He’s a serious man, he hasn’t exactly indulged  in sex a lot. Sex is something that requires trust and makes you vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. So, he wants it be an incredible romantic experience for his partner. He knows damn well he’s not incredibly experienced and he’s already blown away that his partner love him. So, if something does happen that’s kind of stupid or silly and his partner laughs, he’ll feel a bit inadequate and embarrassed. But, with a little coaxing from his partner, he can accept that silly things happen during sex and it’s not a reflection on his abilities. Then he’ll probably manage to smile and laugh at those moments himself.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Same dark blue-black as his hair. His body hair in general tends to grown in thick, but he keeps it trimmed and a bit neat. It sometimes grows out a bit more before he can get to trimming it down, but generally he prefers a neat appearance.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Despite what an outsider might assume, Soryu is a softie when it comes to MC. He’s a romantic, he and his partner have agreed to be honest with each other; for him a part of that honesty is making sure they know they’re loved. And that include verbally. What a sweetie.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Nope. Self-control is very important as far as Soryu is concerned. Before he got with his partner, he never really bothered to even think about sex all that much. He definitely would get urges every now and then, but he’d just distract himself with some sort of work. Now, that he’s with his partner, he’d rather wait until they can be together. The only situation in which is really masturbates is if his partner is involved in some way.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Uniforms/Roleplay is one he really likes. He specifically likes them both being in costumes playing out scenarios and when he can wear a uniform of some sort; just give him an excuse to wear a police uniform, please. 

Slight Exhibitionism Kink, this one has formed practically out of necessity. Between the bidders and the Ice Dragons, Inui specifically, having time alone with his partner seems to be a rarity. So, sometimes even when other people are out of the room but just around the corner, he’ll want to love on his partner a bit. 

Slight Feeding Kink, his partner’s food (specifically their omelets) has become really special to him. That plus there’s something just so nice and domestic about feeding each other.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Bedroom is his go to favorite, he’s happy with the simpler domestic aspects of a relationship, given how he never thought he’d be able to enjoy them. Another close favorite would be the kitchen. He doesn’t know how to do anything else in there. When he’s feeling playful, he likes sneaking up behind a cooking MC and seeing if he can get some loving. Only time their omelettes burn, he’ll still eat them happily though.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing his MC in cheongsams, please. He loves the way his partner looks in them and it becomes very hard for him to resist playing with them. 

Strip teases, MC strip teasing for him is a major turn on. It’s simple, but he likes seeing them try so hard to seduce him, even if they really don’t have to. They’ve already got him in the palm of their hand. 

Being teased/edged, he does like seeing his partner take some control and the frustration of being toyed with is more than worth it. It drives him crazy.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Pretty basic hard limits; nothing physically dangerous, no heavy kinks, no super gross ones. No; choking, sounding, needles, gunplay, knife play, bloodplay, CBT, electric play, or anything with shit or piss

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He likes giving his partner oral best, though he definitely loves getting head too. He doesn’t have a lot of experience in giving head, but he makes up for it in genuinely liking to do it and enthusiasm. His partner’s pleasure means a lot to him and he wants them to feel good.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He generally prefers a slower more sensual pace, but sometimes, especially when he’s been pent up, he can’t help but get rougher. He usually feels bad and is extra loving after those sessions.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Proper sex is his favorite, but he definitely indulges in quickies. His slight exhibitionist streak is usually reserved for just make out sessions. But, desperate times call for desperate measures and he’ll drag his partner away to have sex. Provided they can evade Inui and the bidders.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He likes a few risks, making out and groping his partner when people are just in the other room. Some Ice Dragons, Inui, have walked in on them getting a little carried away. Kissing and playing around in his office isn’t unheard of either. He likes trying new things, though he can be a little sheepish about bringing it up. He’s always quick to let his partner know that they can say no and there is no obligation to do anything.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He’s very good at self-control and can last a really long time, he can probably stop himself from cumming when he wants it to last longer. He can cum once or twice before he needs a break.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He definitely doesn’t own any toys before he gets with MC. Once they’re together it kind of depends on her. He’ll definitely be interested in using toys on his MC, but he wouldn’t bother to buy any until he knows his partner is interested as well. He’d also be cool with his partner using some toys on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not a huge tease (At least compared to the other bidders), but he gets his playful moods and moments where he likes to get his partner worked up for fun. He does get some fun out of when he has to end a makeout/groping sessions and his partner looks so dazed/frustrated. Or when he makes them wait to cum and they get desperate. Honestly, on a normal scale he’d be seen as more of a tease, but the bidders set a new standard in this area. 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Definitely a grunter. He’s not super vocal, might say fuck when he cums, or gasp, but that’s about it. He’s not a super loud guy in general and if he does make a louder noise, he’s kind of embarrassed.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Now that he has MC after so long of never caring about relationships, he’s a little touch starved. Just small casual touches mean a lot to him; holding hands, putting his hand on their hip, or brushing their hair back. Despite all of his self-control, it’s incredibly easy for his partner to turn him on. When he’s really pent up even small innocent touches send tingles down his spine.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Soryu is a big guy and everything is proportional. He’s around 8.5-9 inches and decent thickness. A few noticeable and sensitive veins run along it. Curves just a bit to the right. MC definitely needs foreplay and prep work to be able to fully take him

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Moderate to high. Before he was with MC he really didn’t think he had much of a sex drive at all. But, now that they’re together he gets turned on so easily that they have sex fairly often. Though he is capable of controlling himself, usually...

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It takes a while for him to fall asleep in general. Given his life, being relaxed and comfortable enough to fall asleep takes a while. He likes pillow talk and spending time with his partner awake. Once his partner falls asleep, he’ll spend a bit of time stroking their hair and still cuddling them before he lets himself fall asleep.

[ruwithmeguys]

Olicity Fanfic Rec List:

(You’ll find all of these on AO3 unless I specify otherwise)

There’s so much love in this fandom and a great way to express them is to write fanfiction! I’ve had a tiny but if a difficult time recently - my mum was ill, ambulances, hospital and lost of chocolate (me) was involved - and I haven’t been able to write a thing.

Coming back to it, I took a quick look through all the bookmarks I’ve near-to obsessed over in the past and thought I’d write this list. @scu11y22 is to thank so if you actually manage to find one you haven’t read, then go send her a word :)

(This list is not exhaustive) They are to be: multi-chapt, slow burn, well written, mature, no threesomes (ditto x 1000), no kids and AU/canon divergent... and not @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 AMAZING FICON

So.

Legacies series by @chronicolicity

Part 1 is called You’re His Hope ( Felicity struggling to save Oliver's humanity after losing him to the League of Assassins. Anything else would legit be a spoiler. Expect drama, romance, angst, humor, plot and plot TWISTS. Sparked by some amazing Tumblr theories I apologize in advance for completely ruining.) And so on and so forth.

The Crow

(Bratva Captain Oliver Queen has been looking for revenge his entire life. When he can���t trust his own family, the Bratva to get it, he finds the answer to all of his problems in Felicity Smoak; a genius hacker who is running for her life from the same object of Oliver’s hatred, The Triad. With an unlikely partnership, The Crow might just find out that light can shine in the darkest of places.)

ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING EVER TO EXIST BY @anthfan JUST MAYBE?

AO3 Address: Anthfan

(My personal fav is the Devil’s Backbone)

When the Day Comes 

“Have you talked to her?”

“Yeah.”

“So you'll call her-” Thea sent a teary look back through the window at Tommy.

“I'll call her if he wakes up.”

“When,” she gripped him fiercely then, her little nails digging into his forearm, “when Tommy wakes up.”

Oliver nodded, “Yes, of course.” His tone as hollow as his smile had been.

An all time favourite of mine: Sins by @smoakandarrow

(Oliver Queen is alive.After being presumed dead in a violent shipwreck five years ago, Oliver Queen returns to Starling City determined to right the wrongs of his family. But the billionaire playboy's homecoming stirs more than feelings for joy; it threatens secrets someone is determined to keep buried. Secrets that threaten the life Oliver has just reclaimed, and the lives of those he loves the most.Vowing to protect his family at any cost, Oliver digs deeper, bringing danger to his doorstep, and leaving him with the shocking realization that the sins of the past are rooted much closer to home than he ever thought.When friends may be enemies, when enemies may be his best allies, when love is used as a smokescreen to hide the most vicious hate, Oliver isn't sure who he can trust. He just knows that he'll do anything to protect those he loves... even it means dying all over again.)

You Have Not Failed This Verse  by @so-caffeinated

(Sometimes a payday ain't exactly what it seems.) Don’t let the brief description fool you. It’s incredible.

Hands 

(Felicity knows her place in Oliver's life. She's the sidekick not the love interest. But in the Summer after the artificial earthquake lots of things can change.)

The Ways of the Universe 

(No two epic love stories are the same. For Oliver and Felicity, it's quite the long road. What with all the crime-fighting, and super-secret identities, and emotionally-stunted men, and old flames, and meddlesome friends and family. Some goats, too. Picks up right after the end of 'City of Heroes' (2x01). Any similarities with the rest of S2 are, for the most part, coincidental.)

What Happened in Vegas - a very different take on the usual Vegas hookup fics

(It's all fun and games until you wake up hung-over and married to a stranger. Five years ago Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak made a drunken mistake that could never be corrected. After years on a hellish island he comes back as a man on a mission only to find out that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. (Season One Rewrite))

Every single story by @supersillyanddorky06 but especially Predator

(Oliver Queen is the one anomaly in the Chicago Outfit. He is the only non-blooded member to be a part of the high circle in the family. His reputation precedes him and he is their best hunter. Felicity Smoak, daughter of the Starling boss, infiltrates his house, intent on killing him. But a startling encounter tips the scales. He goes on the prowl and she escapes. Hate, heat, and friction. Sparks. But something bigger is happening in their world. And despite their disagreements, only they can fight it down. Mob AU. Not Bratva. Enemies-lovers. You'll want to bash their heads sometimes. Stuff will happen. Enjoy! )

The Legacy Series by @ash818 (I’m sort of in love with this universe: it involves Oliver and Felicity’s children and it’s a wonderful and very serious - possibly quite honest - look at what the future might look like for them. Plus, I wrote a one-shot for this. SHE’S THAT GOOD.)

(It's 2039, and Jonathan Queen cannot stop looking for trouble. Then trouble finds him and his family, and Jonny discovers that there is more to his parents than he ever suspected. He must learn to bear the weight of his parents' past, and he must learn fast, because time is running out for his mother.)

Most of these aren’t finished but this one hurts me because it’s been left alone:

Somewhere Out There

(When Felicity falls through a gate that takes her to a parallel universe, she finds herself in a world that is so much like her own, except for one very important thing.)

Layers 

(I feel sad. Wanted something to cheer myself up. This is the result.I have no set dates for updating, so bear with me.This is the Bratva fic no one wanted. Note - I like that Oliver isn't possessive. I also like when women have agency. You will find both here. This is a Oliver/Felicity-centric story.)

His Girl Wednesday and Some Things Are Meant to Be

Insanely long fics (THANK GOD): Missing her interview for a position in the IT department of QC, Felicity Smoak meets Oliver Queen, son of the CEO and future CEO himself. Only Oliver doesn’t take the company as seriously as he should and after yet another fiasco with his assistant, his mother decides to take matter into her own hands and select one with more qualifications than long legs and deep cleavage. In an effort to get her off his back, he pretends he already hired one: the blonde nerdy girl he met a few minutes ago.Or when Arrow and Ugly Betty crash in my head (except we all know Felicity could never be ugly). It is mostly Arrow, I borrow a few plot ideas/characters from Ugly Betty.

Sequel: Three years ago, Oliver went on a cruise on the Gambit and never came back, leaving Felicity devastated. She forced herself to move on with her life, trying to forget that the love they had shared was one she'd never get to live again.

Except Oliver didn't die on that boat. But no matter how much he wants to, he knows he can't come back. Too many things happened, and the only way to keep his loved ones safe is to stay as far away from them as possible.

It all changes when Felicity starts questioning the circumstances of the accident that took him away from her...

One More From the Top

(In the aftermath of his fight with Ras Al Ghul, Oliver finds himself somewhere unexpected: his hospital room when he first came back from the Island.With a second chance to right the mistakes he’s made since coming back to Starling City, what will Oliver do to save the people he’s loved and lost?Will he be able to change his past or will be he forced to watch history repeat itself?)

Break

(After the events of Unthinkable, Felicity burns out from Arrow activities. So she takes a step back to get some air. This story tracks Felicity's journey of becoming a heroine in her own right as she helps form the Justice League.)

Good, Better, Best Series by redtoes - a three part series each specifying how O + F got together and stayed together. Not very long but 15 chapters so...

The Grand Adventures of Felicity Smoak 

(a.k.a How Felicity did not save the day.Felicity's father comes back only to take her away from the life and the people she loves. But sometimes, it takes a series of misadventures for a girl to discover how badass she really is and how valuable she is to her friends. She gets in trouble, gets rich, gets in trouble, gets hurt, gets in trouble again and gets the guy.Canon divergence. From in mid s02 before the revelation of Slade Wilson.)

Another I need to mention - though it isn’t a multi-chap slow burn - is: This Love Thing

Also a short fic but there aren’t that many slow burns around :) is Love Me Like I’m Not Made of Stone

(When meeting Felicity, Oliver has a flashback. Afterwards, he flees, leaving behind his 'latted' laptop. She further investigates on her own, but lurking underneath everything else is Felicity's concern for Oliver. Just like with anything that matters to her – she doesn't know why he matters but he does, she can't let the episode – what she fears to be PTSD – go.)

The Darkest Hour

(just weeks after moving to Starling City, Felicity Smoak is kidnapped for information she does not have. She endures weeks of torture before she is rescued by a man in green leather and his partner, John Diggle. As Felicity begins to put the pieces of her life back together, she realizes the trauma she suffered changed her in unexpected ways. Restless and with a driving need to help others the way the man in green helped her, she finds herself using her brilliant mind and considerable computer skills to follow a different path fraught with danger and violence. As Felicity grows closer to the Green Arrow and Diggle, helping them in their cause to save Starling City, the three struggle against unseen enemies, and discover the unexpected truth behind her kidnapping.)

All in a Day’s Work

(By 9:00 a.m., she had broken a heel, lost her cell phone, and been the victim of a coffee catastrophe. By 9:30 a.m. she had “borrowed” the NSA mainframe. By 10:00 a.m., she was engaged to Oliver Queen. Really, it was all in a day’s work. Plotty, fluffy fun with a side dish of heart.)

The Best of Friendships have Benefits

(like Communism or time travel, having a sex-buddy sounds a lot better in theory than in practice. However, Oliver and Felicity see it as a means to rebuild each other. So, inevitable consequences be damned, they still give it a go, not expecting to gain a whole lot more than what they initially bargained for.)

Also, most fics by @yellowflicker09011996 will make you want to tear out your own heart but one of my favourites is: All The Worthy Places  (They say if you get hungry enough, you start eating your own heart. When she sits on top of him, arms and legs tight around him and kisses his mouth like she wants to eat him alive, Oliver believes it. ) and To Rage Against the Dying Light (There could be no time to think, no moment to feel. The dark was going to engulf him till there was nothing left, if he so much as flinched.He had known grief and he had known fear but this… this was wordless.Nobody had ever told him that ruin felt so much like death.)

The Fall Verse by @callistawolf

(Taking place directly after the events in “Sacrifice” (the season 1 finale), Felicity tries to pull Oliver back from the edge. But is Oliver ready to be pulled back? Or is he ready for the fall?)

Step By Step

(During the summer between seasons two and three, Oliver and Felicity are attempting to navigate their new status post-fake but not actually fake I love you's, and a kiss that may or may not have meant everything. Or: What would have been different for Oliver and Felicity if that summer had been about both of them truly coming to terms with what they meant to each other. Basically - Felicity decides to live her life, and Oliver realizes that her life doesn’t necessarily include him as much as he may want. How he reacts, and how Felicity responds to his actions, shape the future of their relationship.)

City of Fallen heroes

(Five years ago, Felicity was kidnapped and forced to do the unthinkable in order to return home. Convinced she couldn’t be the loving wife Oliver deserved, she left and tried to keep her darkness from hurting their daughters. The return of an old enemy will force Felicity to decide if she’s the monster she thought she was— or the hero her family believes her to be.)

Absolution

(It’s been two years since the Atom invented a plague that wiped out most of Starling City. With a ruthless government agency in control, and a hooded vigilante fighting to shut the Atom down, Felicity Smoak quickly learns that life post-apocalypse isn’t exactly like it seemed in movies.)

He Deserves a Shot at Being Happy alos by @chronicolicity

(Short version: an AU where Tommy Merlyn didn't die, and is around for season 2 of Arrow.Long version: Tommy Merlyn has spent most of his life being an expensive disappointment to his family, but now he's a part-owner of a semi-successful nightclub in the worst area of town (it's seriously looking up) alongside his best friend, who — after five years on a deserted island — decided to come back to be a freaking vigilante. It's a long story, one that's longer than Tommy wants to remember, but it took the Glades collapsing and the death of one of their best friends to get him officially done with being a troublemaker. Nothing interesting. Just running a nightclub, and trying not to get into any trouble.Oliver's been gone god knows where for most of the summer, which means he's stuck being the big brother to the guy's snarky little sister, whose boyfriend "Ron" seems completely set on getting himself killed. An afternoon of test-driving Verdant's new cocktails gets interesting when Felicity Smoak and John Diggle show up asking (more) questions about where to find Oliver, and Tommy has to decide whether he wants to keep his new rule.Spoiler alert: he doesn't.) It’s so good guys... THE SLOWEST OF SLOW BURNS BUT SO FLIPPING REWARDING.

In Another Life

(Their lives couldn't be more different - and yet Oliver can't take his eyes off the beautiful blonde woman that leaves the subway every morning at 7.43am. There is something about her that makes him look up every morning - something that also makes him aware he'll never be good enough for her, or that she'd even notice him.He had no idea how much his life would change the day he rushed over to help her...Olicity AU - no Lian Yu, no saving the city (at least not in the way we know from Arrow :D ))

Felicity Takes a Holiday

(Frustrated by Oliver's apparent indifference, Felicity takes a solo trip to NYC where she meets with unexpected dangers. Is it super-soldiers amped up on Mirakuru, or Beasts created by Muirfield? Starts at the end of Season 2; a story of how Oliver comes to realize that he is in love with Felicity, told with help from CW's Beauty and the Beast and a whole lot of Diggle.)

What’s a Little History Between Me and You by @sarcasticfina

([Canon-Divergent] In the wake of The Undertaking, Felicity returns to Starling City when her brother Tommy is severely injured, and soon finds her world turned completely upside down.)

THERE AREN’T THAT MANY SLOW BURNS @scu11y22