#and she’s married to one of the epic rap battle guys.

[imtootiredforthisnonsense]

School memories (because quarantine)

My 8th grade geography teacher told us he couldn't donate blood because he was in Europe during the whole mad cow thing. (We all swear he was insane)

Another story about my 8th grade geography teacher is that he was originally the German teacher at the highschool. He and another teacher would always prank the Spanish teacher and that year German was cut from the curriculum. He and the other German teacher printed out several pictures of themselves and tape them to all the Spanish textbooks, hid several pictures all around the classroom, changed the teacher's name plate to their names, and hanged a sign that said 'Welcome to German 1!' In German, obviously. From what we were told, she's still finding pictures to this day.

My 7th grade English teacher was a gem and she's the only exception. She was always late to class and so one day a different teacher had to let us into the classroom. We were all reading The Giver at that moment and so we all agreed to just silently read the next chapter. A couple minutes later our teacher arrives and she compliments us that we were reading. As she gets to her desk she exclaimed, "You guys are reading The Giver?!!" She didn't expect to be reading that.

She had a beta fish named Shark. She also rapped and was a big fan of Eminem.

My 8th grade science teacher called her classroom a dictatorship.

My kindergarten teacher got married when I was her student and I got sick on her wedding day. She held a party and I was in the nurse's office and throwing up.

My best friend moved away the summer before 3rd grade and so I was alone during recess. Someone ran up to me and asked if I wanted to play My Little Pony with them and their friend. We're all still close to this day.

My 6th grade English teacher showed us an Epic Rap Battles of History with Gandhi vs. MLK jr. I'm just warning you now that showing a bunch of 12-year-olds a video with a swear word isn't a good idea.

My 8th grade math teacher had a daughter in our grade. Her daughter got dress-coded and she took it out on us. Saying that any girl caught with any violation to the dress-code would be caught by her.

That same math teacher once gave my class a worksheet that we had to complete in 6 minutes. This worksheet was two word questions we had to answer. Then we had to make a graph, create our scale, plot the scatter plot, draw a line of best fit, and then answer four short answer questions at the bottom. We had to do that twice. As you can guess, many people were upset at her. I even cried in class because I was so frustrated. We reported her and nothing came up of it.

During the summer before 9th grade, my friends and I were on call playing video games. We were just ranting about 8th grade and our teachers. We were each in the same section and so we were ranting about our teachers. I mention that fateful day and how I cried and my friend who wasn't in the same hour as me goes, "Wait, that was you!?" Apparently, that math teacher had told their class that she was tired, stressed, and that 'she's already had a student cry today.' So while I was kept anonymous she loudly admitted that she made a student cry.

I came out to my dad as trans on December 5th. My choir teacher had told us about the little dinner-and-show that a cappella does every winter. I sighed up and the day I was going I left a note telling him about how I felt and how I was trans. I didn't hear anything from him all day but I didn't want to worry. During the bus boarding for the dinner we were told that the other bus was practically empty. I stand up and go to get on the other bus. I step off and immediately slip on ice. My foot hurt like hell and I limped to the bus. Apartently, I sprained my ankle. I sat through that whole dinner with absolute pain and I had to use my friends as crutches. Once I got in the car my dad asked how my ankle is and how that happened before going, "So... how long have you felt like this?" In reference to me coming out to him. That was a fun night.

I will add more as I remember

[shawnsassymendes]

Costume Party

Warnings: alcohol? also some Charlie Puth references

Summary: You sass your ex (sorta) at a costume party and Shawn is impressed.

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: I kinda had a little bit of an idea for this around Halloween but I didn’t end up writing it until I saw smth cool that totally had to be written. Also, this was not beta’d by the amazing @hazeleyedcat, so be prepared for spelling and grammatical errors, and overall crappiness :)

Masterlist

____________________

You let out a huff of amusement as you walked into the frat house. This was exactly what you needed to get out of your slump.

After that stupid football player spread a rumor that you were an easy lay, all you could think of was anger. 

A frat house down the block was hosting a costume party, even though Halloween was like three weeks ago. So you finally decided to let loose and try out that new Cleopatra makeup look you found on Instagram.

“Come on, y/n. Lemme get you a drink.” Your roommate, Maria, offered. 

“Uh, no thanks. I’ve got class early tomorrow, I would rather not.” You smiled politely at her. 

“Suit yourself, I’m gonna have whatever Adam’s having over there.” She smirked at a guy on the makeshift dance floor. He was wearing a nude speedo with a plastic fig leaf stapled to the front.

You let your eyes slowly drift around the place before they snapped back to the guy dressed up as Adam. 

“Chad?” You squeaked. It was him. The asshole that spread the rumors about you. Of course, his name was Chad. What kind of an idiot were you to agree to go out with a guy named Chad?

“Oh look, it’s little miss y/n. I knew you’d come crawling back. I mean, who wouldn’t after they’ve had a taste of the Chadster!” He motioned to his crotch as his teammates cheered him on. 

You were seeing red by now.

“Oh, I’ve had a taste of the Chadster, and let me say I was incredibly disappointed. I mean, the first man on Earth ain't a tough act to follow. One pump chump and you're hung like a weasel. Ditch the fig leaf, get yourself a pine needle.” You spat and turned towards the kitchen. 

“We-We didn’t even fuck!” He stuttered behind you. 

“Oh really? That’s not what you were telling everyone yesterday, motherfucker!” You raised your middle finger in the air.

When you saw Maria, you gave her a tight-lipped smile. “I’m gonna take you up on that drink you offered.” 

____________________

“Dude, just go talk to her.” Brian shoved Shawn in your direction at the kitchen counter that was being used as a bar. 

“What? Who? What are you talking about?” Shawn acted oblivious to what his best friend was saying.

“The girl that dissed that frat boy to hell. You’ve been staring at her all night.”

“I have?” 

“Yup.” 

“I mean, that was just an epic burn. I’ve been thinking about how she thought of it.”

“Uh huh, sure. I believe you, but I think it would be easier if you asked her.” Brian smirked at him

“Ugh, fine.” Shawn rolled his eyes at his friend and went to the kitchen.

____________________

You saw someone heading your direction for the fourth time of the night. After your explosion, too many egotistical assholes came and hit on you. They all told you that they ‘could show you what a real man was like’. You were not going through that conversation again with this guy, no matter how hot he was in that doctor’s costume.

“Hey-” 

“Hello fourth hot guy who has approached me tonight. No, I will not tell you my name. No, I will not give you my number. No, I will not hook up with you. No, I don’t want you to get me a drink. I hope that covered all your questions, now leave me alone.” 

“Actually, my only question is about that sick line you threw at that asshole. That was amazing!” Your eyes grew wide. You were not expecting that.

“Oh. Oh, thank you! I’m proud of myself, actually! I usually stutter like fuck, but I was so mad that I didn’t this time!” You blushed, hoping it wouldn’t show in the dim lights of the party. 

“Well, you should be. It was cool. Did you like, make it up on the spot or write it down beforehand?” The hot guy asked, actually interested.

“Oh god no! I’m like so not creative! It was an Epic Rap Battles of History line. Don’t know why, but that line’s stuck with me and I was finally able to use it.” You shrugged.

“Oh, that’s why it sounded so familiar! I was obsessed with those in high school! But still, that was incredibly cool!” 

“Why thank you, Doctor?” You raised your eyebrows at him in question. 

“Shawn. My name’s Shawn. And is your’s Cleopatra or?”

“My name’s y/n, but I wish it was Cleo cause that would be so cool!” You gushed.

“You’re a history buff?” 

“And major. Well, women’s studies major, but still. I surprisingly hated history as a kid, but I fell in love after a mandatory class in freshman year.” You fake swooned causing Shawn to chuckle. 

“And your favorite is Cleopatra?” 

“Yes. She’s just so amazing! She was an amazing ruler who united her Greek and Egyptian subjects after her ancestors failed to for years. And she was forced to marry one of her siblings and it’s said that she poisoned him just so she could rule alone. She was even minted on coins and stuff, I mean come on! And the Romans were so scared of her that they portrayed her as a crazy sex obsessed beautiful goddess just to scare their own subjects, and it worked. Apparently, she wasn’t actually that beautiful in the first place! And sadly, that’s the most popular portrayal of her in history when she was so much more! And-...Sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I?” You cringed.

“A little bit, but it’s cute. You look so excited talking about this stuff. And besides, you taught me more about history in the past two minutes than my entire high school curriculum. Keep going.” He smiled at you, looking genuine.

“No, I’ve talked enough. What about you? What are you slaving away to become? A doctor?” 

“No, I don’t go to school here. Or anywhere, for that matter. I’m a singer. My friends go here.” 

“Oh, that must be-Wait!” You stared at him. 

“Here it comes.” He groaned playfully and rolled his eyes.

“You’re Shawn Mendes! No way!” You whisper shouted. 

“The one and only.” He smiled, blushing slightly. 

“I don’t know how I didn’t notice! I’ll be honest, I’m not the biggest fan, but you’re super good! And my best friend’s sister is like obsessed with you.” 

“I’ve been going as Ryan at this place though, so don’t tell anyone.” 

“I won’t tell a soul.” You smirked, hoping he would get the reference.

“Are you- Are you quoting Charlie Puth?” He smiled in disbelief.

“Maybe? I mean, I love him dangerously.”  

“Oh no!” He groaned, not trying to hide his smile that hard. 

“I’m sorry, I should stop Puth-ing it. But, I guess I like making you suffer. Are you losing your mind yet? Oh my god, I’m having way too much fun with this! You gotta stop me before I’m up all night throwing these song titles left right and left!” You clutched your stomach as the giggles took over.

“Alright alright, we get it. You like Charlie more than me, don’t need to rub it all in my face.” He exclaimed, laughing along with you.

Neither of you saw Brian and Matt having a conversation about you in the corner of the living room.

“Pay up, Matty boy. Told you he’d talk to her.” Brian smirked.

“He only did it because you urged him!” Matt groaned handing over the 10 dollar bill. 

“Hey, that was never against the rules that we agreed upon!” Brian shrugged, his facial expression smug as ever.

____________________

lmk what you thinkkkkk!!!!!!!!

Tag list: @handwrittenmendess @dreamingwithmendes @negative-love @our-love-world@crxssourbones @mildmendes​ @siennarossi​

[vivalatoons]

My Talk: Regular Show

Tomorrow will be the Regular Show series finale. I can’t watch it because I don’t have cable It was one of my favorite shows and I’m sad that it has to go. This is my reflection of Regular Show. Feel free to read.

This is long. Anyway…

2010, I was 10 years old when I saw advertisements about this blue jay and a raccoon who were rapping and synchronizing their watches to a yeti. The commercial would end with “Regular Show, it’s anything but” and it will air this today and time. I was wondering what this show was going to be about. So, I watched it. This all started when the blue jay and raccoon, Mordecai and Rigby, put a hole in the wall and wanted a raise to fix it. They use this keyboard, The Power, to create a little dance to convince their boss, Benson, to give them a raise. They got caught by one of their coworkers, Skips, and accidentally sent him to the Moon. They tell Benson and Pops who has a giant head as a lollipop what happened and use the keyboard to go to the Moon. Once they get to the Moon, there’s a giant monster (thanks to Rigby) that have to defeat. Rigby would use the keyboard to make the monster to go away, but the batteries died. He had an idea to distract the montser, which was hamboning. The Power had power back and everyone returns home. Everyone is back in the Mordecai and Rigby’s room, where the walls has been cracked and fallen. Skips destroys the Power, and Benson ask for the raise back. After all that, the hole on the wall was still there. Mordecai covered the hole with the poster, and Rigby called him a genius. “The Power” was a bizarre episode to me, but that’s what I liked about Regular Show. It goes off the wall with randomess. The episode would start with a simple problem that needs to be solved and escalating into an adventure.

I would later watch this CN’s new show. I thought this show wasn’t going to be great once I saw the episode “The Unicorns Have Got To Go”. But, I changed my mind once I saw “Mordecai and the Rigbys”. This episode made me stay and continue to watch the show. I love the music, the episode plot, and it had a good message. It’s not cool to pretend to be something you’re not. That episode would become one of my favorite episode of Regular Show.

Regular Show ran for a number of seasons. Episodes deal with the characters’ life and their situations, Mordecai’s train wreck of a love life, some epic specials, and just some fun, random episodes. I love the animation, stories, and the music of the show. Each episode was great, funny, wise, or flat-out weird.

There are some unforgettable moments that happened in Regular Show. The time when I saw Mordecai and Rigby’s first day at the Park and how they almost died because they tied at Rock, Paper, and Scissors 99 times over a chair. The time Mordecai kissed Margaret and she said his breath smelled really bad. Mordecai would go back in time to prevent that from happening. The time we had an new character, Thomas, who was a new intern at the Park. The time Mordecai and Margaret were in the friendzone and actually started dating. Then, the time Margaret couldn’t be his girlfriend, because she got accepted by her college. That part broke me, because during that time I’ve seen 4 seasons of Mordecai crushing on her, trying to go on a date with her, and just wanting to be with her. All of that blew up in my face, when she showed him her acceptance letter. The time Mordecai and Rigby created a Thanksgiving song. The time we saw Skips’ high school life and being with his love, Mona. The time Mordecai was happy and dating CJ and they broke up again in season 6 and that ended Mordecai’s train wreck love life. The time we learn that Thomas was a Russian spy named Nikolai. The time Muscle Man and Starla got married. The time Rigby went back to high school, traveled to China, went to prom with his girlfriend Eileen, and graduated. The time Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, Muscle Man, High Five Ghost, Skips, Pops, and Eileen were sent to space. There were a lot of moments that happened in Regular Show and I’ll never forget them.

Regular Show came months after Adventure Time. These two shows came when CN went through a dark time. Chowder and Flapjack were ending and the new animated shows on CN weren’t as great. These shows saved CN. One show is leaving and one is leaving in 2018.

As it ends tomorrow, I noticed something that wasn’t right. Expect season 1, a season of Regular Show would last from the fall season to the summer. The 8th season started in September and ends in January. I feel that CN rushed through season 8. I wonder why. This show saved CN and they rushed though this season like wildfire. I find this as a slap in the face. The treatment CN has given them during their final has been cruel. With random scheduling and lack of advertisements, most people aren’t aware that Regular Show series finale is tomorrow. I’m upset how CN treated Regular Show’s final season. I really want Regular Show to be remembered, not just here for seconds.

Regular Show has showed me the lives of 23 year old Mordecai and Rigby. I’ve seen them accomplished goals and go on weird adventures. I’m proud of them. The two were slackers, working at a park at minimum wage. I’ve seen these two saved Thanksgiving, Santa Claus, Christmas, and the Australian prime minister it was a dream, but it happened So, these guys are going to save the world. It’s sad that their final adventure is tomorrow.

I’ve been with these guys for 7 years. What J.G Quntiel has created was awesome. I hope he’ll make another series one day. J.G is a talented creator and his work on RS will impact other who are interested in the animation field. I’ll never forget them, their friends, and their adventures. A huge thank you to the people who were involved with Regular Show. What you guys have done for these past years have impacted the lives of many people including me. I’ll miss Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, Pops, Skips, Muscle Man, High Five Ghost, Eileen, and etc. I can’t wait to see A Regular Show Epic Final Battle. Farewell Regular Show. Thanks for giving me 7 years of Mordecai and Rigby. 

[voodoochili]

My Year in Music - Albums

You guys know how 2016 was an atrocious year that everybody hated and wanted to end months before it was over? Let’s revisit it so I can talk about some music I liked!

Thanks to the magic of Spotify Premium and the horror of the outside world, I listened to more new albums in 2016 than I ever have before in a single year. I was able to rank 50 albums worthy on putting of a best list, and I left out a ton that either did not make the cut or I haven’t spent enough time with. Yet it was such a fantastic year for music that I am sure there are plenty of excellent albums that I missed. While 2016 did not boast a singularly transcendent album like 2015′s To Pimp a Butterfly or 2014′s Black Messiah, it boasted a deep bench of excellent albums--an onslaught so overwhelming that my Spotify listening list nearly collapsed under its own digital weight. Anyway, enough jibber-jabber, here are the albums that stuck out to me as the cream of the crop (Yes, I left off Blonde on purpose).

Check ‘em out after the jump:

THE TOP 20:

20. Radiohead – A Moon Shaped Pool: A typically beautiful record from the world’s foremost paranoid androids, A Moon Shaped Pool is the first Radiohead album to fully integrate the arranging powers of guitarist Jonny Greenwood into the group’s sound. After spending much of the past decade as Paul Thomas Anderson’s go-to film scorer, Greenwood’s orchestral mastery nearly overtakes Thom Yorke’s falsetto as the record’s focal point. Marrying the glitchy electronics of the band’s early ‘00s output with soaring strings and minimalist piano, highlights like “Glass Eyes,” “Present Tense,” and “Daydreaming” stand up to the best material of the group’s career. The best moment of the record for me: finally hearing the impossibly sad studio version of “True Love Waits,” after spending nearly a decade obsessing over the live recording.

19. Beyoncé – Lemonade: In which pop culture’s most infallible figure opens up about her marital woes, enlisting the full power of some of the biggest names in the music industry to affirm her greatness. Lemonade is an album with towering singles (“Formation,” “Sorry”), but also a collection of spectacular moments, from the New Orleans-style horn rave-up at the beginning of “Daddy Lessons,” to the moment Jack White comes in at the chorus of “Don’t Hurt Yourself,” to her pained vocal runs towards the end of my favorite track, “All Night.” An audacious follow-up to the artistic and strategic brilliance of BEYONCÉ, Lemonade proves that Beyoncé will never simply rest in the limelight, but that she will forever use her station to empower, experiment and push music forward.

18. Isaiah Rashad – The Sun’s Tirade: “I got the music for the vibers,” chants Isaiah Rashad on “Rope/Rosegold,” and he’s not kidding. But it’s such a unique vibe, simultaneously laid-back and aggressive, with liquid, jazzy production that evokes the Dungeon Family at its most introspective. Isaiah invites us into his head, and whether he’s fighting off fans impatient with his long break between albums, reflecting on his nearly fatal battle with drugs and alcohol, or simply talking shit, his evocative pen and pronounced drawl bring out the best in each instrumental.

17. Kanye West – The Life of Pablo: Enough people have written enough about Kanye West in 2016, but here I go anyway. Whether or not the man has completely lost his rocker, he remains one of our greatest sonic architects. Each track on TLOP flows seamlessly into the next, building an exhilarating sense of forward momentum hurdling toward the tragic triptych of “FML.” “Real Friends,” and “Wolves” (keep Frank, I can take or leave Vic and Sia). If Kanye could just rein in his grossest impulses (I don’t need to hear about bleached anything, thank you very much), the album would place much higher on my list. Then again, if Kanye had any impulse control, he wouldn’t be Kanye, would he?

16. YG – Still Brazy: When YG emerged several years ago with “Toot It and Boot It,” who could have predicted that the charismatic, but seemingly- dunderheaded rapper from Compton could become one of our most reliable purveyors of political rage? A paranoid masterpiece of modern G-Funk with 4K production value, Still Brazy is a worthy follow up to My Krazy Life, my second favorite album of 2014. Still Brazy lacks the narrative cohesion of its predecessor, making up for it with a seething anger against the police, haters, the people who shot him outside his studio, and especially Donald Trump. We live in brazy times, and we’re lucky to have YG to give voice to our fear, confusion, and righteous fury.

15. Maxwell – blackSUMMERS’night: In a hype-driven, fast paced music industry that churns through artists as fast as it produces them, Maxwell works at his own pace. Released seven years after the confusingly titled BLACKsummers’night, Maxwell’s latest is a blissful oasis, a “Lake By The Ocean” if you will (you will!), tucked away from trends in mainstream urban music. Forever concerned with matters of the heart, Maxwell eschews the neo-soul of his early work. He refracts the sound grown-and-sexy icons from Seal to Sade, masterfully flexing his divine falsetto over liquid future-funk on “All The Ways Love Can Feel,” wallowing in bluesy murk on the epic “Lost,” and lamenting his devotion to an unfaithful lover on “Gods.” It’s been over two decades since Maxwell first introduced us to his Urban Hang Suite, yet Maxwell remains a unique and mysterious presence—one who lets his considerable talent speak for himself.

14. Shearwater – Jet Plane & Oxbow: Shearwater’s Jonathan Meiburg uses his intricately-crafted songs as bedrock for orchestral, ornate arrangements. Jet Plane & Oxbow finds Meiburg enlisting the services of composer Brian Reitzall (the man behind the original scores for Lost in Translation and the Friday Night Lights movie, among others) to create a tapestry of arresting synthetic sounds. Together, Meiburg, Reitzall and the band create a modern near-masterpiece of synth rock. Standout tracks include the gurgling, slowly-building “Backchannels,” the menacing bassline and disorienting orchestra of sound effects on “Filaments,” the Unforgettable Fire-style bombast of “Radio Silence,” and especially the gorgeous, generational power-ballad “Wildlife in America,” a soaring rumination on the seeming impossibility of the American dream.

13. Young Thug – JEFFERY: Possibly the most eccentric and enigmatic figure in the world of modern Hip-Hop (which is saying a lot), Young Thug’s decision to name his latest “mixtape” after his government name seemed to indicate a more personal approach to his art. Turns out, it didn’t really happen that way, with JEFFERY bringing the same gonzo melodies and glorious non-sequiturs of his previous releases. What’s new?: the dude levels the fuck up when it comes to his rhyming, especially on the opening and closing tracks. JEFFERY is a revealing look into Thugger’s mind and possibly into his artistic process. Each track on the tape is named after an influence or personal hero (and one named for “Harambe” because in order to be a meme, you have to be aware of memes I guess), and many of them consciously ape and inhabit the styles of the namesake. “Future Swag” imitates Future’s clipped, rhythmic cadence over a bouncing 808 Mafia production. “Wyclef Jean” is steeped in the music of the Caribbean, creating a thrilling hybrid of trap music and roots reggae. My favorite track on the project changes every day, but right now it’s probably “RiRi,” which boasts Jeffery’s most affecting, impassioned vocal to date. “IF YOU WANT IT YOU GOTTA EAAAAARN IT,” Thug barks (like a goddamn seal), and by God I think he’s earned it.

12. Field Music – Commontime: The long-standing project of brothers Peter and David Brewis, Field Music performs angular, fractured pop songs that often buck standard songwriting conventions. They have melodies for days, buried under addictive herky-jerk rhythms and droning keys. The result is a disorienting but addictive swirl of distinctly British art rock, echoing the dueling songwriter avant-pop of XTC, the fanciful working-class heroics of Roxy Music, and the pop adventurism of the Synchronicity-era Police. Commontime features some of the catchiest guitar-based music I heard all year, with the choruses from “The Noisy Days Are Over,” “Disappointed,” and “It’s a Good Thing” occupying a disproportionate amount of real estate in my cerebral cortex since January.

11. Danny Brown – Atrocity Exhibition: The dominant story in much of Hip-Hop is a rags-to-riches narrative, a triumphant tale from bricks to Billboards, from grams to Grammies, etcetera. Nobody in Hip-Hop, however, makes you feel the rags part of the story as deeply as Danny Brown. To Danny Brown, extreme poverty is not merely a life stage to overcome, but a trauma with aftershocks that never go away. “Some people think I think to much/I don’t think I think enough,” raps on “Rolling Stone.” His third straight classic since 2011’s XXX, Atrocity Exhibition, named after the discordant opening track to Joy Division’s notoriously bleak Closer, is a typically gritty expedition into Danny Brown’s consciousness, with outrageous punchlines counterweighting visceral depictions of debauchery and dark observations about his rough early life. Teaming up with production partner Paul White for 10 of the 15 tracks, Atrocity Exhibition finds Danny weaving his rhymes through an appealing industrial murk, equally reminiscent of RZA’s production on Liquid Swords and This Heat’s darkest sound collages. He soberly recalls his life as a low-level crack dealer on “Tell Me What I Don’t Know,” seethes a quiet despair on “Downward Spiral,” and frenetically proclaims his rhyming supremacy on “When It Rain.”

10. Chance The Rapper – Coloring Book: In 2016, Chance The Rapper finally shunted his label as the Next Big Thing to embrace his destiny as one of the Current Big Things. Few artists of any age, genre, or era can match his contagious exuberance, charisma, and skill. All of these attributes come out in full-force on Coloring Book, his third mixtape. Supercharged with gospel choirs, heavenly brass, and an assist from an assortment of music superstars and talented local friends, Coloring Book was a ray of light in a dark year. Coloring Book lacks much of the impish charm of Acid Rap, and trades much of that album’s social consciousness for earnest biblical pronouncements, but it radiates a special type of warmth and instills a sense of hope that I could not find elsewhere this year. I do not have the same relationship with God that Chance The Rapper does, but I can appreciate the way his spirituality informs his intense, infectious love for his friends, his family, and his infant daughter. The world is a better place for having Chance in it, and, remarkably, this is still just the beginning.

9. Cymbals Eat Guitars – Pretty Years: The best band to spring from Staten Island since the dawn of the Wu-Tang Clan, Pretty Years is the fourth and best album from Cymbals Eat Guitars. Long-time purveyors of surround sound shoegaze pop, this album finds the group demonstrating their songwriting chops, ranging from the hardcore stylings of “Beam,” to the Explosions in the Sky meets jangle-rock of “Have a Heart,” to the “Spirit in the Night”-esque saxophone stomp of “Wish”, to the titanic slow build of closer “Shrine.” On Pretty Years, the band embraces a more personal style of lyricism, writing songs about specific days and events. With producer John Congleton collecting the band’s ringing guitars and stampeding drums into a formidable explosion of sound, the epic expanse of the instrumentals combines with the specific and personal lyrics to illustrate the divine beauty of everyday life.

8. Kendrick Lamar – untitled unmastered: Though the songs that comprise untitled unmastered emerged from the To Pimp a Butterfly sessions, it does them a disservice to call them outtakes. They have no names, just numbers and dates, and they do not quite fit into the intricate TPAB narrative; but these songs, especially the four in the record’s incredible back half, are among his most musically adventurous and sharply written tracks to date. Less frenetic and more laid back than much of its parent album (the Thundercat basslines have more room to breathe, the strings and horns are sparing, but effective), untitled unmastered is a thought-provoking and often humorous reflection on Kendrick Lamar’s career and a meditation on a young black man’s position in society today. My favorite track: the swirling, gorgeously odd, Cee-Lo Green-assisted “untitled 06,” a triumphant ode to the artistic spirit.

7. Noname – Telefone: Noname is an inspiration, an old soul trapped in the body of a 25-year old rapper from the South Side. She rocks a conversational, poetic flow, rhyming about grief, violence in Chicago, and abortion with an earned wisdom and a feather-light touch, illuminating a perspective too often ignored in the media today. Produced by a cadre of fellow Chicago prodigies, including Saba, Phoelix, Cam O’bi, and Monte Booker, Telefone is one of the most beautiful albums I heard all year; warm, jazzy, and forward-thinking. Chiming bells and schoolyard xylophones intersect with steel drums, handclaps and sine waves, providing an ideal bedrock for Noname’s plainspoken wisdom: “When the sun is going down/and the dark is here to stay/I picture your smile/like it was Yesterday.”

6. Anderson .Paak – Malibu: After building his name the L.A. rap underground and finally breaking through on Dr. Dre’s Compton, Anderson .Paak introduced himself to a rapt national audience in 2016 with countless guest spots and two excellent albums. Anderson .Paak was probably my favorite live act of the year; a charismatic combination of James Brown and Clyde Stubblefield. I saw him in front of a good-sized crowd at a side stage Austin City Limits, leading his crackerjack group of Free Nationals as an energetic frontman and a virtuosic drummer. With Malibu, .Paak proves to be the rare superlative live act to fully translate his talent and energy to the recorded realm. Malibu is a summery slice of Anderson’s Southern California, blending funk, Hip-Hop, and R&B into a signature style, complete with an infectious half-sung/half-rapped delivery and a pro’s sense of songwriting classicism. The cascading chorus on “Heart Don’t Stand a Chance” is one of the soaring musical moments of the year, and Brian Cockerham’s bassline on “Come Down” transforms Hi-Tek’s unlikely sample of the Israeli national anthem into a funk monster. Joyful and endlessly replayable, Malibu is the ideal soundtrack to L.A.’s everlasting summer.

5. David Bowie – Blackstar: It is impossible to discuss Blackstar without mentioning this, so here it goes:

Blackstar is the final album from one of the most original and iconic artists of the past century, a goodbye letter to his fans that he recorded knowing full well that he might not live to see its release.

Bowie littered his lyrics with abstruse references to his impending demise, making an already haunting album even more profound. However, even if Bowie survived the year, the unapologetically strange and experimental Blackstar would rank among his greatest releases. The epic, atonal title track is one of Bowie’s masterstrokes, twisting through effortless tempo and mood shifts, accompanied by terrifying, yet often darkly funny lyrics. Bowie’s pitch black sense of humor also elevates “Lazarus” from maudlin to essential, as Donny McCaslin’s saxophone mournfully accents the artist’s depiction of his final days. Bowie’s final transmission to ground control is “I Can’t Give Everything Away,” a poignant, discordant ballad that illuminates Bowie’s single regret: that he will not be able to gift the world anymore art.

4. Schoolboy Q – Blank Face LP: 2016 was an amazing year for L.A. rap, and while Anderson .Paak, Kendrick, and YG released some of the year’s most exciting music, Schoolboy Q surpassed them all with the epic Blank Face LP. Working with many of the game’s brest producers (The Alchemist, DJ Dahi, Cardo, Tyler, The Creator, etc.) on this expansive, cohesive sound collage, Schoolboy Q snarls his way through 72 near-flawless (sorry “Overtime) minutes of straight gangster shit. Still a master of declarative, rhythmic hooks, Q refines his stream-of-consciousness verses, painting a gritty, and often terrifying, picture of Figueroa Street and South Central with humor, viciousness, and pathos. Blank Face boasts one of the year’s best basslines on the title track, two of the year’s broadest and best guest verses of the year in E-40’s “Dope Dealer” spot and Kanye’s batshit takeover of “THat Part,” and a convincing rap/rock hybrid on opener “TorcH.”

3. KING – We Are King: Bolstered by songwriting brilliance and gorgeous vocal harmonies, Los Angeles trio KING makes velvety, 1800-threadcount R&B. Comprised of sisters Paris and Amber Strother and “musical soulmate” Anita Bias, KING compiled extended mixes for five years worth of singles, plus some stellar original tracks, into We Are King, a powerful introductory statement. Theirs is a special brand of dreamlike soul, with genius-level chord progressions and angelic vocal harmonies, finished with a sumptuous production value. With its gentle groove and inviting lushness, We Are King is the perfect balm to melt away stress at the end of the day (it’s also a pretty decent hangover cure).

2. A Tribe Called Quest – We Got It From Here, Thank You For Your Service: When Phife died in March 2016, it seemed like a particularly cruel way for the story of A Tribe Called Quest to end. Little did we know that Q-Tip, Phife, and Ali Shaheed Muhammad had another trick up their sleeves. The fact that this album is exists--and is this amazing--is a miracle. The key, as always, is the interplay between Q-Tip and Phife. The two genius emcees bounce phrases off one another, finishing each other’s thoughts with witticisms and profound statements of truth. Jarobi White, formerly a glorified hypeman, makes us wonder why he didn’t rhyme on more tracks to begin with. The group dynamic extends to the guests such as Busta Rhymes, Consequence, Kendrick Lamar, and more, who seamlessly join Tip and Phife’s mindmeld for some of the best work of their careers. We Got It From Here… is the apotheosis of Tribe’s career, as the collective shows righteous anger towards racism and authoritarianism (“We The People,” “Conrad Tokyo”), sees hope in the future of music (“Dis Generation”), and, most touchingly, mourns the loss of their brother Phife Dawg (”Lost Somebody”). Despite the shadow of loss that hangs over the album, it’s a remarkably fun, engaging, and thought-provoking listen, and it was my most played album in the aftermath of the election.

1. Pinegrove – Cardinal:

“I’ll be sitting on the outskirts if you wanna talk about it/Things in there are getting so loud”

In a year when nearly every major pop and rap star released an album and some of the greatest artists of all time said goodbye, the album that hit me the hardest was a 30-minute debut by a modest band from my dad’s hometown of Montclair, NJ. The group, led by frontman/songwriter Evan Stephens Hall, mines a homespun blend of 00’s indie rock, emo, and alt-country—a nostalgic, yet novel approach, which when coupled with Hall’s voice creates a frisson that I felt from no other band this year. The eight songs on Cardinal twist and turn, avoiding traditional verse-chorus structure, instead building emotional peaks and valleys around Hall’s stories, dotted with pearls of matter-of-fact wit and wisdom. The centerpiece is “Aphasia,” a jaw-dropping feat of songwriting about the struggle to put feelings into words—it gradually builds up steam until it reaches a brilliant little song-within-a-song (!) and culminates with a cathartic guitar solo. “Aphasia,” and much of the rest of Cardinal, is so casually brilliant that it almost angers me, but hopefully there are many more moments like that in this young band’s future.

THE REST:

21. Kaytranada – 99.9% 22. The Avalanches – Wildflower 23. Terrace Martin – Velvet Portraits 24. BJ The Chicago Kid – In My Mind 25. Big Thief – Masterpiece 26. Ultimate Painting - Dusk 27. Skepta – Konnichiwa 28. Solange – A Seat at the Table 29. School of Seven Bells – SVIIB 30. Kevin Gates – Islah 31. Cass McCombs – Mangy Love 32. Jessy Lanza – Oh No 33. Underworld – Barbara Barbara We Face a Shining Future 34. Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith – Ears 35. Badbadnotgood - IV 36. Sturgill Simpson – A Sailor’s Guide to Earth 37. ANOHNI – Hopelessness 38. Leonard Cohen – You Want It Darker 39. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard – Nonagon Infinity 40. Crying – Beyond The Fleeting Gales 41. Leon Vynehall – Rojus 42. Mitski – Puberty 2 43. Saba – Bucket List Project 44. Joyce Manor – Cody 45. Black Mountain - IV 46. Kornel Kovacs – The Bells 47. Lambchop – FLOTUS 48. Japanese Breakfast – Psychopomp 49. Nao – For All We Know 50. D.R.A.M. – Big Baby D.R.A.M.