#and she responds all self-guilty like ‘oh okay sorry for bothering you and wasting your time’

[sharkieboi]

texts im not going to send to my sister but I really want to:

“I’m sorry your wedding isn’t the only major thing happening in everyone else’s lives and that certain extra credit things you want for it have not or may not happen because the people around you also have lives”

[leejungchans]

— unexpected.

🆕 ask juliet anything!! | juliet’s masterlist

word count: 2.1k

warning(s): mentions of self-doubt, insecurities and intrusive thoughts; someone says some pretty harsh words to juliet here but nothing extreme

disclaimer: please keep in mind that the trainer mentioned in this is a completely fictional character hence why his name is never mentioned!!

set in june 2019; a few days after ateez’s first win for wave

summary: in which the boys help juliet when she gets a message from someone who she never expected, nor wants, to see again.

a/n: putting juliet in a bit of Pain™️ here 😔 as always, you are always welcome to leave feedback or chat with me!! 💕💕

As Seonghwa clears away the dishes after dinner, he notices Juliet curled up on the sofa with her phone in hand. Normally, he wouldn’t think much of it, given the other members are doing the same as they lounge around the living room. But one look at the maknae’s grave expression tells him that something is wrong.

Jongho, who’s been helping Seonghwa take the plates into the kitchen, catches him staring and follows his gaze. The two silently watch as Juliet types something on her phone before furiously tapping on the screen to delete whatever she wrote with a frustrated sigh, her long acrylic nails creating a crisp tapping noise. This draws the attention of the other six boys as they all turn to look at her with concern, though she doesn’t seem to notice from being so focused on her phone.

“Minyoungie, is everything okay?” Hongjoong finally asks, sitting up from his spot on the ground.

“Hm? Oh, yeah. I’m fine, don’t worry,” she reassures with a stiff smile, but it’s evident that something is clearly bothering her.

The leader gets up to sit next to her on the couch. “Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want some time to yourself first?”

Juliet contemplates his question for a few seconds before speaking again. “It’s nothing serious, I guess,” she admits, “but one of my former trainers at SM messaged me just before dinner asking me to meet up with him, and I don’t know how to respond.”

“Oh,” Hongjoong says. The mention of her former company causes the others to pay full attention to their conversation, knowing how unpleasant her experiences with a few of her former trainers were though she never talked about such incidents in detail. “Do you want to, though?”

“No,” Juliet responds immediately, expression turning cold. “Not now, probably not ever.”

“What happened with him?” Wooyoung asks before quickly adding, “you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.”

Juliet sighs, stuffing her phone into the pocket of her hoodie before hugging her knees to her chest. “No, no. I think it’s about time I told you guys what happened exactly, I guess I never did because it felt like there was never a right time to bring him up, and also because it feels stupid to talk about it when I haven’t seen him in years, and have no intention of changing that.”

Wooyoung pats her knee comfortingly. “Tell us however much you’re okay with,” he says with a gentle smile, “you don’t have to go into full detail if you don’t want to.”

Juliet pants heavily when the music stops, crouching down to catch her breath desperately while cursing the horrible cold she’s been dealing with for the past few days.

She just knows everyone noticed how her movements have gotten more sluggish with every time they go over the dance, and the humiliation sears through her body like a raging fire.

Someone—she can’t see who and is too dizzy to even turn her head in that direction to check—comes up from behind to rub her back soothingly as her chest continues to heave from exhaustion.

“Five minutes,” the gruff voice of their dance trainer says, and the group of girls instantly scramble to where their water bottles are lined up neatly against the wall. “Baek Minyoung, not you.”

At the sound of her name, Juliet looks up to see the man crooking a finger, motioning for her to walk over to where he is in a secluded corner of the practice room. Shakily, she stands up as the other girls murmur quiet encouragements, though they quickly leave her side from the glare the man sends towards them.

Juliet knows that no amount of mental preparation is enough when it comes to this particular trainer, and it makes her heart sink deeper and deeper with every step she takes towards him.

Her head is bowed when he starts speaking, not daring to look into his flaring eyes. “What’s wrong with you?” the man wastes no time in asking accusingly. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice how terrible your dancing has gotten these few days? Do you think slackers have a place here? You looked like a dying slug out there.”

“No, Sir. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to slack off, I have a cold, which is why—”

“I’m not interested in hearing your excuses,” he cuts her off icily. “Do you know what idols do when they get sick? They keep pushing. And that’s the complete opposite of what you’re doing.”

“I understand. I’m really sorry. I will do better,” Juliet replies softly, voice barely above a whisper, hoping that he’ll let her off easy.

But today is not her lucky day. The sound of a dry chuckle sends chills down her spine.

“Do you want to know something?” She doesn’t. In fact, she dreads knowing. But something tells her she doesn’t have the luxury of choosing, so she continues to keep her head down and tries to zero in on her shoes to hold back her tears.

She can feel the weight of everyone’s stares on her back, and she wants nothing more than to disappear into thin air.

“There were discussions about adding you to Red Velvet along with Yeri. A few people thought you were too young, others saw potential in you,” the trainer sneers. “Personally, I don’t see any of that, and I’m glad that they ultimately did not debut you, because all I see is an ungrateful, lazy brat.”

Juliet bites down harder on the inside of her cheeks to keep the tears at bay, and it doesn’t take long for her to taste iron.

“You better go back there and get your crap sorted out. Because if I see you not being up to par with the others again, I will not hesitate to go to the higher-ups with this, then you can kiss your future in this industry goodbye. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Look at me when you answer.”

Juliet swears she’s never seen so much hatred and disdain in someone’s eyes until the moment their eyes meet. And it takes everything in her not to burst into tears as she repeats her response in a trembling voice.

The man scoffs, dismissing her with a wave of his hand as though batting away an insect before clapping his hands together to gain the others’ attention.

“Break’s over! Let’s hope some of you actually know what you’re doing this time,” he says scornfully, blissfully ignorant of the fact that every word he said feels like another stab to her heart.

When Juliet looks up at her reflection in the mirror, she barely recognised herself from how hollow and empty her gaze looks, a far cry from the girl who started her journey as a trainee with starry eyes and a fiery passion.

What had she become? is the last thought that comes to mind before the music starts again, and she can only hope that she can make it through the rest of the session without making a mistake or collapsing.

“So... that’s basically what happened,” Juliet chokes out, leaning her head back as she blinks back tears. To be honest, she had to give herself credit for getting through that story without crying, knowing that that incident in particular instilled a new, and much more profound, sense of fear and self-doubt within her. “You can now probably see why I don’t want to meet with him.”

San comes to sit on the armrest of the couch so he can wrap his arms around the girl. “I’m so sorry that happened, but I’m glad you’re not in that situation anymore.”

“Yeah, me too,” Juliet chuckles bitterly, still not meeting any of the boys’ eyes by looking down at her hands. “I don’t think I’ve been the same since then. I mean, not that it’s completely his fault because there were so many contributing factors, but... I’ve never looked at myself so negatively until that day... it suddenly felt like I was the only person who couldn’t see how utterly worthless I was... I don’t know.”

“But what did he text you?” Despite the anger he feels for this man for hurting her in such a way, Seonghwa still manages to stay levelheaded.

Juliet takes her phone out to reread the message. “He said he was watching M Countdown a few days ago and recognised me when we got our first win. He congratulated me and apologised for everything he said to me when I was at SM. Then he asked me if I wanted to meet with him for lunch.”

“But how did he get your number?” Yeosang wonders out loud, frowning deeply. “That’s kinda creepy.”

The girl shrugs. “Who knows? I don’t know what he’s up to now, but he likely still has contacts in the industry and asked around for my number.”

Wooyoung scoffs. “The fact that he only reached out now shows he’s probably not that apologetic, since he’s the one who implied he remembers everything he’s said to you. If he really felt guilty, he would’ve made use of those contacts of his to reach out to you to apologise a lot earlier.”

“That’s what I thought,” Juliet agrees. “The fact that he texted me right after our first win doesn’t seem like a coincidence.”

Mingi huffs. “Maybe just tell him to get lost or something. He’s not worth the time.”

“If she isn’t an idol, she can cuss him out all she wants. But if like you said,” Hongjoong muses thoughtfully, turning back to Juliet, “and he’s either still in the industry or has contacts, then you can’t be too rude to him in case he tries to use it against you to paint you as some villain. You know how some people are.”

The others nod defeatedly. He has a point.

“Then... what do we do? We can’t let her go meet with him,” San says, his arms subconsciously holding Juliet a little tighter protectively.

“Of course not,” the leader assures, “I think the best course of action is to thank him for congratulating you, accept his apology—even if you don’t really want to, it can just be for show—and politely decline his invitation because your schedule is full.”

Juliet hesitates. “But what if he says that I’m lying to get out of it?”

“I mean, it’s not really a lie,” Yunho points out. “Our tour is coming up soon and we’re gonna be busy practising for it, so it really is the truth that you don’t have the time to see him. Plus, you don’t owe him anything, who cares if he thinks you’re lying or not?”

Juliet nods slowly, fingers hovering over the keyboard as she tries to think of a response, but her mind is so overwhelmed from the sudden message and the memories that nothing comes up.

“Do you want me to help you type it?” Seonghwa asks tenderly after a while of watching her struggle to formulate anything.

“Yes, please,” Juliet says immediately, visibly relieved as she pushes her phone into Seonghwa’s hand. The oldest member cocks his head to the side while he thinks before typing something down.

A few moments later, he hands her back her phone. “Here. If you’re okay with this, then you can send it to him.”

The other boys crowd around Juliet so they can all read the message Seonghwa typed out. When done, she looks up at Hongjoong for confirmation.

“It’s good, I think,” he says approvingly. “It’s short and concise, polite but not too friendly or curt so there’s no way it can be taken out of context in case it somehow gets leaked.”

Juliet nods, pressing on the “send” button with bated breath. The moment she sends the message, she feels as though a huge weight has been lifted off her, having spent the whole time during dinner silently stressing over how she should respond to the point where she could barely get down her food.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she says, leaping off the sofa to throw her arms around Seonghwa’s neck. “I wouldn’t know what to do if it wasn’t for you guys. I actually contemplated pretending he had the wrong number or even meeting with him once so he’d leave me alone after that,” she admits, “but I’m glad you stepped in before I did either of those things.”

“And I’m glad you told us about this so we could work through it together,” Seonghwa smiles, stroking the girl’s head. “You don’t have to struggle with these things alone.”

“Now that we took care of that jerk, I think we should order chicken to celebrate!”

Seonghwa looks at the younger boy in disbelief. “Yeosang, we literally just had dinner!”

Juliet laughs. “It’s okay, there’s always room for chicken! Besides, I’m paying this time as a thank you!”

“In that case, who am I to complain?”

a/n: that incident was a pretty huge turning point for juliet in terms of her mental health. she already doesn’t feel confident in herself as most trainees are, but to hear from someone directly that she didn’t get to debut because she was apparently all those horrible things made a lasting impact on her, and since then she’s felt even more horrible about herself :( but she’s gotten a lot better at managing those feelings now and of course she has the support of the boys!!

[eastasianfeelings]

toys vs. boys: Vixx

Summary: You visit your six boyfriends and everyone except Ravi gets jealous over your dildo. THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE FIC, enjoy the random smut-fluff my brain came up with, bye.

Words: 2.6k

Warnings: polyamory, sex toys, super-dumb jealousy

On the eve of Chuseok, you let yourself in to Hakyeon’s apartment with a backpack full of mooncakes. It’s the first time in a while that you’re seeing all six of your boyfriends together at once; you hope you bought enough cakes to go around. (Probably not, given that Leo and Hyuk would likely eat half of them by themselves.)

As you head inside, you hear raised voices come down the hallway.

“You used this???”

“Hyung, you’re basically enabling her like that!” Ken’s voice.

“So what?” comes Hakyeon’s reply. “If I don’t, she’ll use it anyway—”

“Aish.” That’s Leo’s trademark hiss of disdain, cutting off the rest of Hakyeon’s words.

“I mean, I don’t think it’s a huge deal,” Ravi contributes.

“Of course you wouldn’t,” is Hongbin’s response.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Now very curious, you poke your head into the kitchen. “Hey, guys. I brought the mooncakes. What’re we arguing about?”

As one, they all jump and face you. The looks on their faces only fan the flames of your curiousity:

Hakyeon — guilty but defiant, almost proud;

Leo — nose scrunched up in distaste, his cheeks red;

Ken — distressed, well on his way to divatown;

Ravi — embarrassed but the calmest out of all of them;

Hongbin — irritated and done with everything, as always;

and Hyuk — who’s holding something familiar to you in his hands, looking somewhere along the spectrum between dazed and shocked.

“Yah, Hyukie.” You stride forward and swipe the light-pink silicone dildo from his hand. “Why do you have this?” you demand, trying your best not to blush. There’s no reason to be embarrassed about sex things anymore, not in this lumpy polyamorous relationship of yours.

Immediately he defends himself: “I-it was in N-hyung’s bedroom.” He backs away, not meeting your eyes.

“Oh.” Was that where you’d left it? You turn your head, meet Hakyeon’s gaze and then quickly break eye contact as you recall the last time you had sex with him.

“Oh?” Ken repeats, drawing your attention to him. He marches forward and flings an accusing finger at the toy. “Y/N-ah. That’s all you have to say about this?”

Everyone’s gaze is on you, and you’re not sure what they’re expecting. You hastily stuff the dildo into the side pocket of your backpack, kick the bag under the island counter and clear your throat. “Why, what’s the matter? I just left it here, that’s all.”

“You left it here?” Ravi repeats. “It’s yours, noona?”

“Um. Yeah. Why?”

Another hissing sound from Leo makes you look over; he’s eyeing your backpack like it might bite him.

“N-hyung,” Ken says, pitch rising. “I thought you were on my side about this!”

“There’s no sides,” Hakyeon says defensively. “I just wanted to make her feel good, that’s all—”

With a dramatic wail, Ken throws himself around you, clutching you to him like you’re about to leave them all and become a nun. You hug him back instinctively (it’s the first greeting you’ve gotten after you arrived, after all), and he responds by ducking his face into your neck and kissing every bit of skin in sight.

“Jaehwan-ah, hang on a sec,” you say breathlessly, his weight making you teeter backward against the island. “What’s going on, what is it?”

“Hyung, stop it. You’re grossing everyone out,” says Hongbin from his backseat beside Hyuk. When you look his way, he seems more grouchy than normal, shoulders hunched and hands planted against the counter behind him.

Ravi grabs onto Ken’s shirt and helps separate him away from you. “Play fair, okay, hyung?” he says, more of a command than a question, and gives Ken a good shake.

“Tell that to N-hyung.” Ken squirms and pouts.

“Yah.” Hakyeon’s clearly growing exasperated at all the mud being slung his way. “If Y/N-ah wants to use toys, she can, all right?”

“Wait.” You narrow your eyes. “This is about the dildo?”

Hyuk’s been sidling over to you, and now he’s close enough to brush his hand against yours. “Noona,” he says, in that guiltless tone he’s perfected, “do you… use that on yourself?”

You let him take your hand and respond carefully. “That’s what it’s for, right?”

“But why?” Now he’s beginning to pout too, his lethal puppy dog eyes starting to shine. “Why use it? What about us?”

“What do you mean—”

“He means,” Hongbin cuts in bluntly, “why don’t you come to one of us instead?”

You squint into the shaded corner where he’s slouching, trying to figure out why he sounds so irritated. “I mean, I do, I see you guys a lot—”

“So much that you need a toy, too?” Ken jabs. Hyuk’s grip tightens around your hand.

“It’s just a toy,” you say, bewildered.

Hongbin turns his head to look at Hakyeon. “Is that right, N-hyung? Did it feel like just a toy when you were pressing it into her, letting her ride it instead of you?”

You choke. “Yah, Hongbin-ah.” He’s good at dirty talk, but he doesn’t do it often, and definitely not in front of everyone else.

Hakyeon’s fidgeting, uncomfortable and twitchy. “That… that’s not…”

“Watching her take it instead of you?” Hongbin continues, distaste colouring his tone thickly. “Watching her come all over it instead of you?”

“Lee Hongbin—!”

Next thing you know, Hyuk’s got a hand in your hair and his mouth on your mouth. He presses his lips against yours hard, his bigger body caged around you as he tilts you back into the island. When you try to gasp for air, he strokes his tongue inside your mouth so smoothly and skillfully that you grow deliciously dizzy.

Suddenly he breaks away with a pant. It takes you a moment to realize that he’s fighting off Leo, who’s yanking him back by the roots of his hair.

“Hyung, hyung! That hurts, ow!”

“Punk,” Leo says succinctly, and manages to succeed in dragging the youngest away, far enough to put the counter safely between you.

You wobble for a second, still off-balance, and Hakyeon’s arms are there to catch you. “Y/N-ah,” he says, tone low and urgent. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you say as you catch your breath.

Hakyeon lifts his head to glare at Hyuk. “Have a little self-control, would you?”

“Well, if you’re fine with her taking some other cock, then good for you, but I’m not,” Hyuk retorts, more bratty than usual.

“Taking… some other…” you repeat slowly, processing the words.

“It’s not like it’s another person,” Ravi points out.

“It’s still not us,” Ken insists.

“Are you that interested in seeing her sit on something besides you, Ravi?” Hongbin says scathingly.

“Hang on,” you say slowly. “Hang on, guys.”

They stop their bickering to look at you.

“Are you… are you guys jealous of my dildo?”

There’s a pause.

“It’s not that we’re jealous,” Hakyeon starts.

“But you’re ours, noona,” Hyuk says grumpily.

“We should be the ones making you feel good,” Ken whines.

“… …” says Leo.

You’re incredulous at this point, unsure whether you should burst into laughter or go home and sleep off the shock of this bizarre situation. “It’s an inanimate object. You’re jealous that I’m getting off with an inanimate object?”

Another pause.

“It’s a dick, though,” Ken grumbles.

You crack up. You stagger back against the counter and just laugh at  how seriously they’re viewing your dildo as a rival. “Are you guys…” you wheeze, “...serious? Seriously? My dildo?”

“Noona,” Hyuk complains, “can you stop saying your dildo?”

That just sets you off again. “It’s an object,” you gasp out, tears of laughter leaking out your eyes. “It belongs to me. I bought it, I use it. It’s an object.”

Hakyeon’s arm is still braced around you as you double over in hilarity. “Y/N-ah,” he says, a bit of a pout in his voice.

“Sorry, sorry,” you manage, suppressing your chuckles. “I didn’t mean to laugh at you guys. But…” You look around at all their sombre faces and hold back the urge to giggle again. “Guys, it’s really just a dildo, you know that?”

“If it’s really just a dildo, you don’t have to use it, do you?” Hongbin shoots back.

You eye him, a smile still tugging at your mouth. He’s been unusually snappy this evening, and you wouldn’t have pegged him to be the kind of guy who cared about this thing. “Hongbin-ah, this bothers you too?” you ask.

At the direct question, some of his usual reserve comes back, and he lowers his gaze and looks off to the side. “I’m just saying.” His hands curl into fists before he consciously relaxes them. “If it’s not a big deal if you use it, it’s not a big deal if you don’t use it. Right?”

“Exactly!” Ken says.

You have to smile at how sincere they’re being, even if they’re a bit overzealous about it. “Sure, that logic works. I mean, we never have to do anything you guys don’t want to.”

You can feel tension leaving Hakyeon behind you as his arm slides lower to linger over your hips. “Thank you,” he murmurs, and leans down to press a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

Ken’s all smiles now, happily bounding forward to snatch you away from Hakyeon and squeeze you tight. “Y/N-ah, I love you,” he sings, rocking you back and forth.

You laugh. “I know, Jaehwannie.”

Over Ken’s shoulder, Ravi meets your eyes. “Noona, I’m… I’m okay with doing what you want to do,” he gets out, trying to look dignified instead mortified.

“I know that too, Wonshik-ah.” You give him a wink, and he nearly melts.

“Pervert.” Hongbin shoulders Ravi aside and roughly slaps Ken on the back. “My turn. Let go.”

Ken releases you with a loud smack to your lips, and Hongbin wastes no time in cupping your face and kissing you full-on. You grab onto his arms to steady yourself, breathless by the time he releases you.

“Noona,” he says to you quietly, eyes searching yours.

“You know, I really didn’t expect you, out of everyone, to get riled up about this,” you tease, reaching up to stroke his hair back.

“Did I offend you?” He drops his gaze and tilts his head forward to give you better access. “...With what I said, I mean.”

“Oh, you mean how you were calling me a hoe for dildos?” you joke, going on your tiptoes to peck him on the nose.

His eyes flash back up to yours. “Noona…”

“It’s fine,” you soothe. “I don’t really care. Although—” You twist in Hongbin’s embrace and turn to Hakyeon with a slight frown. “I didn’t know you didn’t like using it. You should’ve said something.”

He coughs and looks away while Hongbin re-secures his hands around your hips. “I didn’t dislike it,” he admits. “It… made you feel good. So I didn’t dislike it.”

You beam and press a hand to your chest. “Why do I have the sweetest boyfriends?”

“Noona.” Hyuk’s pushing his way in, jostling Hongbin. “I can make you feel good. By myself. I’ll make you feel so good—”

Hongbin retaliates with an elbow to the ribs. “Save it, the rest of us don’t need to hear it.”

“Wow, hyung, look who’s talking,” Hyuk replies, and off they go into a bickering spiral.

Ravi takes the chance to finally greet you properly. “I haven’t touched you at all yet, noona,” he grumps as he sweeps you into his firm arms.

“Mm.” You press your body against his and fall in love again with the way he feels. “We’ll make up for it.”

He eases you back, now with a sparkle in his eye. “You promise?”

“Do you promise?” you tease, and he grins so brightly he looks like an angel.

“I don’t mind if… I don’t mind the dildo,” he says, sounding more sure of himself than before.

“Yeah? You want to watch me use it?” You reach up and stroke the nape of his neck. “Or… you want to use it on me?”

He swallows visibly, then pulls you close to give you a short kiss that’s more like a devouring bite, teeth stinging your lips. “I love you,” he says roughly.

“Me too.” You reach up for another kiss.

“Wonshik-ah.” It’s Leo, only the second time you’ve heard him speak tonight. He’s staring at the two of you. “Go put Y/N’s mooncakes in the fridge.”

Ravi’s disgruntled, but does what he’s told and reluctantly steps aside to let Leo move in front of you. You look over his face carefully, doing your best as always to read everything he hasn’t been saying.

Leo keeps crowding you, walking you backward until you’re almost out of the kitchen. “Y/N-ah,” he says.

“Taekwoon-ah,” you say with a small smile. “How’re you?”

He stares at you for a moment, then lowers his head slowly until his mouth is by your ear. “The… toy.”

“Hm? What about it?”

You almost don’t notice his arms coming up around you, planting against the wall to close you in. “Where did you get it?” He takes a shallow breath. “When?”

“Eh? Uh, I bought it online.” When he doesn’t say anything more, you continue, “I just read a bunch of reviews, then picked the one that looked—”

“Shht.” His exhale is so forceful that you’re not sure whether he’s shushing you or just sighing really hard. He breathes for another moment, then asks again, “When?”

“When?” As you try to recall, you absent-mindedly slide your hands up and down his spine, feeling him arch slightly into the sensation like a cat. “Maybe three months ago? I honestly don’t really remember.”

Another hard exhale. You turn your head to try and see his face. “Taekwoon-ah—?”

He buries his face deeper into your neck so that he’s practically speaking into your skin. “You’ve used that… toy… for three months.”

“Yes…?”

Then you’re crying out as Leo bites down into the curve of your neck. He eases off immediately at the sound of your voice, but his lips remain, sweet pressure on your skin as he sucks and nibbles over and over again.

Your hand has clenched automatically in his hair, but you’re so caught off-guard by his behaviour that you don’t even have the sense to pull him away until Ken catches sight of you.

“HYUNG! What are you doing?” he shouts at top volume, speeding over to hit at Leo. “Don’t start things however you like by yourself!”

Leo lifts his head, and you stare at his expression. His eyes are glittering as his gaze moves from your neck to your lips to your eyes; he looks something like a semi-satisfied predator. He licks his lips, and you have a very bad feeling about what you’re going to see in the mirror.

He swoops in to give you one more full, lush kiss on the mouth before Ken finally smacks him away.

“Y/N-ah,” Ken pouts. “You shouldn’t play with any of us unless the others can, too.”

“Ah—maybe we can eat the mooncakes first?” you suggest. Far be it from you to turn down his suggestion (which sounds suspiciously like an orgy), but it’s Chuseok after all, and you didn’t buy those cakes for nothing.

“Noona, they’re really good!” Hyuk calls through a mouthful of cake, holding up three empty wrappers already. Leo’s beside him, victoriously hoisting a whole other box out of your backpack like he’s a raccoon or something.

You have to laugh. “Come on, Jaehwannie, let’s eat before they inhale them all.”

“Promise we’ll play after.” Ken’s looking hungrily at your neck now, too.

And even though you know you’re going to wake up tomorrow with a few too many bruises, you say, “I promise.”

*

epilogue — toys vs. boys: the interview

[markonasurface]

3/50 - “I don’t want your pity, I want your absence.”

Fandom: All for the Game/The Foxhole Court Characters/pairings: the Foxes, freshmen Foxes/andreil Summary: After the freshmen find out about Neil and Andrew, a terrible practice leads to Neil saying things he shouldn’t. A/N: Because I saw this post and all I could think of was tfc/aftg. Tbh it’s all I think about these days.

http://maelerie.tumblr.com/post/135803922052/send-me-two-characters-or-more-and-a-prompt-and

*There’s insensitivity to past trauma and homophobic remarks.*

Things had been heated all practice. Strikers shoved strikers and balls were aimed at heads. Neil was being overly aggressive with one freshman player in particular.

Levi was actually a sweet kid but he was overeager and had no filter. Neil had been dreading facing him again after last night when he burst into their room unannounced.

He was just trying to be helpful when he took the room key from a pale and visibly shaken Kevin outside of Fox Tower. He didn’t think to knock as he threw the bedroom door open and yelled, “Something’s wrong with Kevin!”

Alarmed, Neil and Andrew had both sat up in Neil’s bed. The sheets slipped down to reveal Neil’s scar riddled torso.

“Holy shit,” Levi looked from Andrew to Neil. Then his eyes traveled down, following the marks of ruined skin and he said, “Holy. Shit.”

Neil self consciously pulled the sheets back up and said, “Get out.” He sounded sick.

“Kevin -”

“We heard you.” Andrew snapped. “Go wait not in here.”

As soon as the door closed Neil slipped off the bed and pulled his hastily discarded shirt back over his head. Andrew stood in front of him, a questioning tilt to his head. Neil took the armbands he held in one hand and forced himself to meet Andrew’s eyes. He nodded and they went out to follow Levi wordlessly to where Kevin sat outside of Fox Tower.

“What took you so long?” It was the freshman girl Neil had insisted on recruiting.

He looked warily at Levi, then went to crouch in front of Kevin.

“I-I-Ichir -” Kevin gulped.

“Ichirou?” Neil demanded. “Did he hurt you? What’d he want?”

“Get out of here.” He heard Andrew command behind him. The freshmen knew better than to protest.

Andrew came to stand beside Neil before reaching and tugging Kevin to his feet. He was more than a full foot shorter but he made it look effortless. He pushed Kevin onto Neil and Neil was forced to support his weight up the three stories of stairs and to their room.

When they decided Kevin wasn’t physically injured, Andrew told him to shower.

Kevin hadn’t wanted to get out of bed which meant the upperclassmen and the freshmen all arrived before Andrew’s group. Levi had been excited to divulge the gossip he had learned.

“What happened last night?” Dan asked, meeting the freshmen at the door to the lounge. “Jack said something was wrong with Kevin.”

“We were coming back from eating and Kevin was just sitting in front of the tower not moving,” Levi told her a little too excitedly. “So we asked what’s wrong and he wouldn’t talk for, like, a good five minutes -”

Jack rolled his eyes. “It was, like, three.”

Levi waved a hand at him and continued unfazed. “Finally, he just says, ‘Neil,’ and holds his hand up. He’s like shaking. So I grab his keys and run as fast as I can up the stairs and unlock their door. No one in sight. So I run to the bedroom and open the door and say, ‘Kevin needs you!’ And did you know Andrew and Neil kiss?”

Dan only raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t a secret; they just didn’t go around displaying their relationship. Judging by the freshmen’s reactions Levi had already told them.

“I’d say they do a bit more than just kiss,” Matt said under his breath.

“You guys know?” Levi was in disbelief.

“It’s not a secret,” Allison was on the sofa, looking bored.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

Renee tsked. “It’s not ours to tell.” She never sounded like she was trying to make anyone feel guilty but it still had the desired effect.

“Then I guess I won’t talk about Neil’s scars,” Levi mumbled.

“You saw them?” One of the freshmen exclaimed.

That was all he needed to start describing what he could remember. “There was, like, this curved triangle on his shoulder with, like, small circles in it! And he’s been shot! There was a bullet scar. His stomach -”

Suddenly Levi was pulled back and slammed into the wall by the door. His face was squished against the wall but his hands were free and he tried to push himself away. He wasn’t strong enough.

Dan sighed but otherwise the upperclassmen did nothing. The freshmen shouted. Andrew just leaned in close and snarled, “Don’t talk about what’s mine.”

He gave Levi another shove for good measure then followed his group toward the locker room. Kevin looked exhausted but he glared at the rest of the team, “Stop wasting my time with your stupid gossip.”

“You just got here!” Jack complained.

“I also put in two extra hours of practice most days of the week,” Kevin reminded him.

“Hey, Neil,” Levi was waiting for him when he came out of the bathroom stall.

“Don’t.” Neil said. He had tried to tell himself that not even changing out his bottom half with the others would just feed into the freshmen gossip but after last night and arriving this morning to hear Levi describing his mess of a body, he just couldn’t do it.

“Please.”

“Fuck off.”

Neil could have been nicer. Considering the last twelve hours though, he thought he was being nice.

“Hey, Josten,” Sheena called to him. “Your boyfriend’s a psycho.”

Neil gritted his teeth. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before. It also wouldn’t be the last time someone called Andrew psycho.

When Neil shoved Levi extra hard, sending him into the wall Kevin called out to him in French. “No permanent damage!”

He shrugged and moved so that another one of their teammates could make sure Levi was okay. Neil responded back in English. “We’re not short on subs this year.”

They all took their places on the court to reset. Neil took a deep breath in through his nose. He tried to squash his father’s temper down.

“Oh, captain, my faggy captain!”

“Cut it out!” Dan warned.

Jack’s mouth twisted and he kept his eyes on Neil’s. “What I don’t understand is ...” He pretended to think, then finished. “If your boyfriend is gay, was he really raped? Can you call it rape if he enjoyed it?”

Neil’s racquet was on the ground before he could think about it. He swung his fist upward to catch under Jack’s protective grid on his helmet. He jumped on top of him and shoved at his helmet to get better access to his face.

Jack managed to roll them over and get in a couple of punches but Neil was stronger and angrier. He had Jack flat on his back again in seconds, his helmet rolling away.

Neil was yelling but he didn’t know what he was saying. All he could imagine was seven year old Andrew pleading, begging to be left alone. All he could see was Drake with his pants down on top of Andrew. All he could hear was a loud thwack and laughter, manic laughter.

Being in the goal meant Andrew couldn’t really hear the banter that went on between players farther up the court. He watched Neil’s head snap up, saw his racquet fall to the ground.

Then he was on top of Jack.

Andrew heard Neil yelling, “Fuck you!”

Wymack threw the door open and shouted, “Hey! Cut it out!”

When Neil showed no signs of stopping Wymack turned to Kevin, “Help me out.”

Kevin looked only slightly bothered and called out in French, then in English, “Don’t break your hand!”

Wymack pushed past Kevin and tried to get his arms around Neil. When he finally managed to pry him off everyone clearly heard Neil spit, “He was seven! Seven! Fuck you if you think he enjoyed it!”

Andrew felt something. It almost felt like coming off his meds, a combination of phase one and phase two. He felt exhausted and sick.

Nicky was talking to him and he barely registered that it was in German. He couldn’t hear anything clearly through the roaring in his ears. He focused on keeping his face a calm mask and putting one foot in front of the other until he was in the locker room.

He took off his helmet and threw it at a wall. He heard someone yell, then realized it was himself; he was the only one in the room. He punched a locker.

Then the door opened and he froze. He didn’t turn around to see who it was. He glared at the wall and tried to get his breathing under control.

“Hey.”

“Get out.” Andrew forced himself to sound detached.

“I’m sorry.”

Andrew whirled around and the girl in front of him had enough common sense to flinch. “I said get out. I don’t want your pity, I want your absence. Get. The fuck. Out.”

Sheena left without another word. Andrew seethed. He was angry. At Neil. He punched the locker again. Then a third time.

The door opened as he swung a fourth time. “Jesus, fuck.” Kevin ran a hand through his hair. “What is with you assholes trying to break your hands?”

“Get out of here.” Andrew pulled his fist back, and glared at the dent he had made in the locker like he could melt the metal if he squinted hard enough.

“Don’t break your fucking hand.” Kevin sounded more annoyed than worried. “Betsy’s here. She wants to see you.”

“I don’t want to talk to her. Who told her to come?”

Kevin shrugged. “No one. She was with Abby when Coach called her.”

Andrew punched the locker again and felt something crack.

“Fuck! Did you just ...?”

He dropped his hand to his side and turned to face Kevin, a smile stretched his mouth wide. “I need to see Abby first.”