#and risa and kei interaction? expect that too

[satorisa]

Lift the Veil - Chapter 9

Lift the Veil - Chapter 9: Ghost

Rating: T

Summary: After living in Tokyo for the past six years, she decides to head back to Azumano to escape the big city. However, she now has to face everything that she tried to flee from all those years ago. How exactly will she fare when the pages of a long forgotten book start turning once more?

Read On: FanFiction.Net, Archive of Our Own

(I am a filthy liar.)

This chapter was brought to you LATE by this lovely song, headcanons that belong to @fugitivehugs and @keikotwins (the police force doting on Satoshi and Kei having a brother) [also if you are not them and reading this and so happen to love DNAngel, go ahead and hit up these wonderful people!!!], the former’s love for Kei Hiwatari, and the boy that influenced the dinner scene with Satoshi, making that one singular scene so difficult to deal with that it delayed my progress by several days.

Thank you.

Without further ado, here is the ~8000 word behemoth born from a terrible decision to merge two chapters together. Please enjoy for my sake. 

Chapter 9 – Ghost

This time, I might just disappear.

“Someone’s late today,” Saehara smirked.

“Shut up,” I breathed, winded from having rushed over here. “What’d I miss?”

“This!” He gestured to the surprisingly busy police force. Most of them carried huge boxes of paperwork while they frantically ran around, but some of them had a gift of some sort in their hands. They briefly stepped into the Police Commissioner’s office only to come out moments later with their colorful presents replaced by paperwork as, they too, joined the horde and scurried to their destinations. “What do you think is going on?”

I shrugged before sitting down to work while Saehara shot up, steno pad in his hand, to satiate his curiosity. He returned much later than usual, plopping onto the sofa with uncharacteristic lethargy and a distant expression on his face. His clothes became more wrinkled during his absence and his hair, although already unruly, started reaching Einstein levels of messiness.

“Hey, Harada-imouto, I think you should go check up on Satoshi.”

“Why should I?”

“Please.”

Hearing the desperation in his voice, I headed towards Hiwatari’s office and knocked. No one answered, so I let myself in, softly opening and closing the door behind me. There Hiwatari laid on his sofa, staring up at the ceiling. He turned to face me, and I felt cornered from his stare.

“Are you…okay?” I croaked even though it was painfully obvious that he wasn’t.

He shook his head before sitting up, patting the seat next to him, but I sat on the other side of the sofa, ample space away from him. He looked lost, staring at his hands as if they weren’t his.

I didn’t want to pry, knowing that I would be overstepping a boundary if I asked. My presence during such a vulnerable time was already pushing it. And so we sat there in silence, intermittently disturbed by someone dropping a gift off with words of encouragement and consolation in exchange for some paperwork.

Hiwatari’s mood didn’t seem to improve, despite the gestures of his coworkers, so I pulled out my phone and messaged Daisuke. He arrived fairly quickly, and I left the room before one of them could stop me. When I returned to my workspace, Saehara wasn’t there, so I sat down and continued my work to get my mind off of Hiwatari.

Despite everything, Hiwatari always seemed to have his life under control. When college entrance exam time rolled around, Riku got so stressed out from the extensive cram school sessions she had. Even Daisuke, known for heading to bed at a reasonable time, stayed up late finishing up his portfolio for admissions. And I had quickly cracked under the sheer amount of studying I decided to undertake. But Hiwatari stayed collected despite his workload, somehow managing to free up his already packed schedule in case any one of us needed him.

Then again, I knew he was better at hiding it compared to most people. And before walking into that office, I had only seen him remotely shut down twice.

The first time was during the Kokuyoku fiasco. And the second was when…

…it was when he decided to completely share his story of Rio HIkari, of the burden he bared, of the relationship he shared with Kei. He managed to maintain his composure until he finished and saw me crying.

He pulled me into an embrace so tight that I couldn’t breathe before burying his face into the crook of my neck. Despite his unwavering voice, I felt his warm tears fall on my skin as he apologized for telling me his story over and over again. I returned his hug, hoping that it would at least give him some comfort, but he didn’t stop until he had fallen asleep, probably spent from all that crying. Just like a child, I tucked him in next to me, holding him close as I patted his head until, I too, drifted off.

Seeing him, looking like that on that sofa, almost spurred me to pull him into my arms and cry.

Almost.

Coming back home after work, I rested my feet on the sofa and turned on the TV. I decided to leave the Japanese drama rerun on, enjoying the end of another busy day when I heard the front door swing open then slam shut, revealing a frustrated Riku. She tossed her purse onto the countertop before removing her hair tie and marching upstairs. Minutes later, she came down, having changed from her work clothes into a t-shirt and jeans before shooting me a look of both anger and confusion.

“What are you still doing here?”

“Did…something happen?” I checked my phone in case I had missed a message, but there was nothing.

The emotions on her face subsided, replaced by realization. “So you actually didn’t know…”

“Didn’t know what?”

“That Kei Hiwatari died. We’re—”

I blocked out everything Riku said after those words, turning off the TV and stumbling towards her. I was already in my pajamas, but I didn’t care enough to change into something more presentable. My brain had shut down trying to fully process the news while Riku rambled on beside me as my legs went through the motions, carrying me to wherever the hell our destination was.

We eventually arrived at the Niwa household and walked in to see Hiwatari next to Daisuke on the floor at the low table with Saehara and Akane across from them. Mrs. Emiko, Mr. Kosuke, and Grandpa Daiki sat on the sofa, indifferent to the situation. Argentine and Towa weren’t present, probably because of extra people in the house, and Ritsuko leaned against a wall, busy with her phone. Riku, unaffected by the stifling silence, sat next to Daisuke, completely in control of the situation as she comforted Hiwatari while I took my place by Ritsuko on the outskirts of the group.

To think that Hiwatari would willingly have this many people around him during such a time without him having any qualms about their presence was not something I ever expected to witness.

“What happened?” Riku calmly asked, and her words sounded like glass shattering onto a cold, hard floor.

“Kei’s brother called him this morning saying that Kei had passed, and that he’s going to Vienna to help prepare the funeral,” Daisuke explained. “Satoshi, you don’t have to go if you—”

“I have to go,” Hiwatari adamantly said. “I just can’t go alone.”

“But your uncle will be there,” Saehara pointed out.

“I…I need one of you there with me.”

I watched the people at the table look at each other with regret. One by one, they started listing off legitimate reasons for why they couldn’t accompany Hiwatari. As much as his friends loved and cared for him, they couldn’t exactly put their lives on hold for a week. No one had the time, unfortunately. After he asked the younger adults in the room, he briefly caught my eye before shaking his head, sparing the two of us from having a contrived conversation. He turned around, about to ask the older Niwas when Riku decided to open that big, fat mouth of hers.

“What about Risa?” she asked. I bit my lip and felt Ritsuko lightly placed her hand on my arm. This wasn’t going to be pretty. “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have anything planned for next week.”

“Riku, I really don’t think I’m in any position to accompany him,” I told her. “My supervisor probably won’t let me have such a long break since I was recently hired. And I’m sure Daisuke’s relatives wouldn’t mind going with him.”

“But if you can go, why do you have to bother them? After all, you’re—”

“Riku.” Hiwatari’s stern voice cut through her words. I winced. “I appreciate your sentiments, but you shouldn’t push Harada-san to come with me if she doesn’t want to. You may be her sister but that doesn’t mean that you can speak for her on her behalf.” He looked like he wanted to say more but he pursed his lips instead, as if he had to physically stop himself from whatever else might’ve poured out.

She quieted down, shocked from Hiwatari’s scolding, and the evening continued, heavy with tension despite Saehara’s best attempts at lightening the mood, until everyone started leaving. Riku wanted to head home too but, after what happened earlier, I didn’t want to be alone with her, so Daisuke accompanied her home, leaving only me and Hiwatari left. The older Niwas had retired upstairs after everyone unanimously decided that Kosuke would go with Hiwatari, and the artworks were about, cleaning up after the company.

“You…really didn’t have to do that,” I told him from my new spot across from him at the low table. “I would’ve eventually butt in once I couldn’t stand it anymore. And Riku is right in a way, you know.”

“I know, but the way she was acting pissed me off.”

“She meant well. She’s just looking out for you, that’s all.”

“It’s annoying.”

I smiled, seeing myself from several days ago. “That just means she cares.”

The ticking of the clock and the whir of the air conditioner filled the space between us. Argentine and Towa left the kitchen around then, and I shot them an apology for my last visit as they passed by to go upstairs. They replied saying that it was their mistake for not being aware of the situation, eying both Hiwatari and I as they slowly made their way up, probably wary to leave us alone. But they too eventually left, and the miscellaneous noises of the house rushed back in.

“Hey,” I carefully started, picking at my chipped nail polish. Anything to make the delivery easier and keep my attention from Hiwatari’s face. And also to get my mind off the words about to leave my mouth. “Do you want me to go with you?”

Silence, probably from processing and contemplation. “I don’t want to impose. And Kosuke is more than capable. Really.”

If anyone was imposing, it was me. “You’re not.” Now, I had to make a joke to lighten the situation. Force a smile… “Besides, Vienna sounds like a fun vacation.”

“You’re supposed to support me, not gallivant through a foreign city by your lonesome.” Failure. I could hear the disbelief in his voice.

Alright. I could still salvage this. “I’m joking.” But I kind of wasn’t. “Half joking. I’ll pay for myself. And Vienna really does sound fun to explore during our down time. Kosuke still has to come as some type of buffer and dependable support, but I’ll be there for comfort or whatever else you need. Plus, the more the merrier, right?” Damn, nervous rambling was not a part of my plan.

“…why?”

“I…don’t know. I know that I really shouldn’t be going on this trip with you but, at the same time, I can’t exactly bring myself to leave you be in that situation, especially when I know that, to some degree, I’m able to handle it. And no, it’s not because of what Riku said. It’s of my own volition.”

I couldn’t not stare at Hiwatari anymore, so I cautiously looked up from my nails. He had a gentle smile on his face. I hadn’t seen that expression in such a long time. If the table hadn’t been between us, as well as everything else in the past, he probably would’ve hugged me. Or I would’ve hugged him. Well, some sort of physical sign of gratitude would’ve occurred for sure even if it wasn’t an embrace.

“Thank you.” Those words came across as a whisper. “Let me walk you home.”

I shook my head as we both got up. “Walk me to your place.” He shot me a concerned look. “It’s already late, so I don’t want to bother anyone. You’re sleeping here tonight, too. And after your stunt earlier, I don’t think me heading back home is a good idea.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ll be unconscious for most of my time there, so it’s fine. And I’ll head back home tomorrow morning after I wake up. Right now, Riku needs some sleep and time by herself.”

I sent her a message telling her not to wait up for me before following Hiwatari back to his apartment. He opened his front door while I settled down on the sofa.

“You can take my bed,” he offered. I looked at him like he was insane, and he retreated into his room, coming back out with two pillows and a blanket. “Hopefully, these don’t stink.” He then left his keys on the table in front of me. “Just hand them over tomorrow. Good night, Harada-san.”

“Good night, Hiwatari-san. And thank you.”

I locked the door behind him before fixing the pillows and blanket. Surprisingly, the sofa was quite soft, his pillows were fluffy yet supportive, and his blanket was wonderfully plush but…

Well, they didn’t stink per say, but they stunk of him.

Turning on some music, I fell asleep listening to a piano, floating away from my odd present.

We had made the mutual decision not to tell anyone of the new nature of our relationship. We weren’t dating or formally boyfriend and girlfriend; rather, we danced past being just friends into a realm of confusing boundaries filled with almosts and not-quite-rights.

He came over often, about every other day or so, and we’d keep each other company until we were too spent to do anything else. Still running on an oxytocin high, we’d lay there in the dark, me usually encased in his arms, as we talked about anything and everything. He’d share little tidbits about himself, like why he liked kit-kats so much (his host parents always had some lying around, so he’d sometimes snack on a few while studying) or why he preferred sunrises to sunsets (something about how the night would give way to the day and that, during those brief moments, the world would pause just to admire the horizon’s beauty.) And, other times, he would talk about Krad or his father.

Whenever he spoke of Kei, he sounded like he was talking about a boss or a colleague: his voice was laced with respect and slight discomfort, lacking any sort of familiarity in his tone. However, as we spent more time together, that façade crumbled away as Hiwatari began to tell me stories of the Kei he knew growing up. He shared memories of playing together with him, of looking up to him, of moments filled with unimaginable joy. The picture he painted drastically contrasted that of the Kei I knew. But something happened, and the kindness that Kei once genuinely possessed became a charade he hid behind, obscuring his manipulative and selfish soul underneath.

Whatever ounce of love that was there was gone, and Hiwatari became a tool for Kei to have some control over the Hikari artworks. With a smile, he’d use cleverly veiled threats or even offer some insincere familial love to coerce Hiwatari to follow his plans. All the unspeakable events that happened were, in some way, shape, or form, the results of Kei’s orders.

Hiwatari hated Krad, but he hated Kei even more because, deep inside, he wanted to believe in those words of affirmation and love. He wanted to, and fooled himself into trusting them, until Kei had rudely reminded him of the harsh truth of his reality. He could deal with Krad’s toxicity; he was predictable, and Hiwatari eventually became numb to that parasite residing in his body. But he couldn’t deal with Kei, with the man he could no longer read. Krad could literally turn his body into a bloody mess and Hiwatari would mindlessly deal with it, but a single word from Kei sent his brain into overdrive as he fought against his logos and pathos.

And when Krad was finally sealed away for good and Kei had disappeared, Hiwatari didn’t know how to deal with this sudden freedom. Instead of properly dealing with the dependency issues thrust upon him, he flung himself towards friends and work. While Kei still had a strong hold on the poor boy, it eventually waned with time.

Alas, with the death of someone you equal parts loved and hated, anyone would find themselves struggling with their phantom once more.

After a less than restful sleep, I headed back home to freshen up for another day at work. I headed to the news station first, asking if I could take a week’s leave because of a family emergency. And when I miraculously got that, I headed straight for the police station, dropping off Hiwatari’s keys and admiring the care baskets and flowers that decorated his office before heading out to my usual spot, greeting Takeshi with a smile.

He smiled before hugging me, almost in tears at the fact that I finally used his first name. That alone just made my day.

And after I headed home, I sat in the dining room with my music deafeningly loud while I browsed apartment listings. I stumbled upon a one bed, one bath close to the cliffs with a beautiful view of the ocean. Mizuame de Noisette was close by too, so I could always drop by if I wanted to treat myself without worrying anyone. I bookmarked it, but I still went through the list to see if anything could top it.

“Boo!”

I screamed before turning around to see Riku straight from work. She had her hair up in a little stub of a ponytail, and her bangs were clipped to the side. She wore all black, reminding me of a ninja whose sole purpose was to terrify her sister.

“You’re going to blow out your eardrums if you listen to music that loudly,” she chirped, lowering its volume before taking the seat next to me. “So, what’re you doing?”

“Looking for apartments.”

“Risa, do you hate me that much that you need to leave me?” I shot her a dirty look, and she just cackled. “I kid. Has anything caught your eye?”

“Yup. If I sign the lease, move-in’s only a month away.”

“A month? But that’s when Daisuke and I are going to Zurich!” she exclaimed.

“Well, you can always visit after your trip.” And she would, inevitably, drop by after Daisuke pops the question. I bit my lip to keep myself from accidentally spilling.

“But it’s not going to be the same! Moving in is the fun part!”

“Yeah, it’ll be fun as long as you’re not around.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

We both laughed. Luckily, she hadn’t said anything about last night, so I assumed that she had gotten over it. That or the fact that she conveniently forgot about it. But, knowing her, she was waiting to bring it up, and the brief lull we found ourselves in was the perfect time to change the conversation.

“So, about last night…” she started, as if on cue. “I’m sorry. It seemed like you guys were getting along, so I thought it’d be okay.”      

“Don’t worry about it. You meant well.”

“It’s hard seeing you two act like that, especially since you two got along so well in high school. I’d never seen the two of you happier, which is saying something considering that Satoshi’s pretty content these days.”

I took in a deep breath before letting it out in a long and prominent exhale. Riku really did have a way with words. And by that, I meant that she knew exactly what to say to worsen an already sensitive situation.

“Sorry,” she quickly apologized after noticing my obvious discomfort.

“It’s fine.” We found ourselves at yet another stalemate, and the light notes of my music floated through the air. “Well, to change the subject, I’m going with Hiwatari-san and Mr. Kosuke to Vienna.”

“Are you sure? You’re not pushing yourself to go or anything?”

“Nah. It sounds like a great vacation.” Riku rolled her eyes at that. “Honestly though? I felt like I had to go. Not just to support him, because I know I can’t fully do that by myself which is why Mr. Kosuke is still going, but also for myself. For closure, you know? Maybe if I saw Hiwatari do it, I might be able to do it, too.”

“For Dark? Or for Satoshi?”

“Why mention Hiwatari-san?”

“Risa, we’re not that dumb. Everyone knows that what happened in high school was because of Satoshi. It’s just no one knows why. You two are awfully good at staying mum about it.”

“For both, I suppose.”    

She nodded before getting up. “Well, I feel like I’ve overstayed my welcome by meeting the ‘dark side’ of Risa, so I’ll leave you be. Just knock on my door if you need me, good luck with searching, and you better bring me along to see the place when you tour it!”

Meekly waving her goodbye, I returned to my screen, turning the volume up so loudly that I started thinking to its beat, drowning the silence of the night with the waves of piano runs.

“Why is he here?” Risuko asked, frowning when she noticed Takeshi trailing behind me. She messaged me in the morning, asking to meet up for lunch as a check-up of sorts and, well, I was in the mood to eat out despite it being my turn to bring lunch for me and Takeshi so he, unfortunately, decided to tag along.

“For food. Don’t mind him.” Yet she very much so did, shooting him a nasty look that I could feel him returning. I headed over to the hostess, asking to be seated to avoid their petty fight that they continued when it came to deciding who would sit next to me once we arrived at our table and I, fed up with them, shot them a glare as they slunk into the seats across from me. If they couldn’t get along, the proper thing to do was have them sit together and stare at the empty spot they couldn’t have.

After the waiter took our orders and menus, Ritsuko decided to break the silence.

“How’re you feeling?” she cautiously asked.

I shrugged. “Alright? I do know that I’m excited to go to Vienna.”

“Wait, you’re going with him?” they simultaneously asked, shooting each other a disgusted look before returning to me.

“Are you sure you’re not pushing yourself?” Ristuko’s voice was laced with concern.

“You shouldn’t have to feel obligated to go because no one else can,” Takeshi added.

Even though this was starting like my conversation with Riku last night, I didn’t want it to follow the same direction it did, so I had to come up with an excuse.

“Well, Mr. Kosuke is dependable, but he’s more of a family member and mentor than a friend. And sometimes you just need a friend.”

“You two aren’t exactly friends,” Ritsuko pointed out. Crap. Bad call. “Out of all of us, you’re the least qualified to go with him.”

“We’re just worried about you two, yanno? Dealing with the death of that jackass of a father isn’t something you can just casually deal with.” I expected him to make some type of gesture, like one of those detectives when they’re explaining something in the movies, but he sat there with his arms resting on the table like any other person. “You probably know a helluva lot more about that douchebag than me for sure, but that’s a heavy burden you’re going to help him carry. You’re gonna have to be strong if you want to support Satoshi because you’re getting yourself into a situation where the past and present are gonna intertwine into a terrifying beast, and it might be too much for you to handle.”

“I know.” The waiter came by, dropping off our waters. I laughed when he left, and both Ritsuko and Takeshi watched me in confusion. “Sorry, I just never thought I’d have a serious conversation with you, Takeshi.”

He shot me a toothy grin. “Chief said the same thing a while back.”

And with that, the conversation returned to casual ground. Ritsuko and Takeshi argued, somehow still unable to get along with each other for some reason. At some point, I was worried that they’d start flinging their food at each other, but they still had some shred of decorum. (This is considering the fact that they started to kick each other under the table, however that works whenever you’re kicking someone sitting next to you.)

When we left the restaurant, Ritsuko pulled me into a hug, wishing me well. Her hands lingered on my shoulder much longer than necessary. She probably meant it as encouragement, as well as a silent message to rethink my decision, before elegantly walking away in her heels.

Work went along just like any other day until it was time for Takeshi to leave. Instead of flying out those doors as soon as he was off the clock, he sat next to me with his attention on his phone. He left when Hiwatari walked out, but the two of them stood outside the station and talked as if they were waiting for someone.

After I edited the last story, I packed up and walked outside, about ready to just pass the men by until Takeshi stopped me.

“Um…see ya tomorrow, Risa.” Takeshi never seemed at a loss for words; in fact, he just couldn’t contain what he wanted to share with the world. But, at that moment, he sounded like he was struggling to even string a sentence together, as if, for once, he had no idea what to say. Takeshi hesitated, and I realized that his prolonged presence was along the same lines as Ritsuko’s earlier gesture before he finally walked off at a normal pace with his hands in his pockets.

He probably wanted to walk me home, but Hiwatari said something. Hiwatari always did something, if I had to be honest.

“You scared him off,” I teased even though I wished that Takeshi didn’t leave.

“He had somewhere to be is all,” he smoothly replied, but we both knew that that was a lie. “Is it alright if I accompany you home for the day?”

“Why the sudden urge for chivalry?”

“I just…I wanted to talk to you. Lighten the load before we head off to Vienna?”

“Why not dissuade me like the level-headed person you are?”

“Well, I would, but you’re awfully stubborn when you’ve already set your mind on something. And, despite our circumstances, knowing that you’re there gives me a sense of comfort that even Kosuke couldn’t grant me.”

Somewhere inside, his words made me wince. And so, we headed back home in the twilight as we chatted. I learned about why Ritsuko and Takeshi still couldn’t get along. (He had somehow accidentally sabotaged a good date and potential relationship, and there was no way in hell that she was going to let it go anytime soon.) Hiwatari also talked about Daisuke’s potential proposal plan which resulted in us having second-hand embarrassment from the likely case that something goes completely wrong.

“That was nice,” I told Hiwatari at the gate, reluctantly admitting to myself that I was enjoying his casual presence. “Thank you for walking me.”

He shook his head. “No, thank you for letting me walk with you.”

I had half a mind to say farewell so I could spent the evening berating myself at my sudden change in heart, but I paused halfway through the gate and turned around. “Would you—um—like to stay for dinner?”

Hiwatari blinked, caught off-guard by my offer, before giving me a small smile to offset his initial shock. “Sure. Thank you.”

He pushed the already open gate wider, waiting for me to fully walk in before letting it shut behind us. I awkwardly fumbled with my keys, trying not to crack under Hiwatari’s scrutinizing gaze before I finally opened the door to see Riku, dressed up for work, at the countertop.

She turned around to see us. “Hey, Risa! And what’s up, Satoshi?”

“Hopefully not Kei,” he responded, and my sister laughed. “Are you headed for work?”

“Yup. In a bit. I’ve been trying to plan our trip to Zurich, but I don’t know what I really want to do.”

“I can send you suggestions later if you’d like.”

“That’d be great. Thanks, Satoshi!” She closed her laptop before hopping off the highchair. “I’ll be off then! You two better behave while I’m gone!” Her cackling lingered in the air long after she closed the door behind her.

“Well, make yourself comfortable,” I told him. “I’m going to ask my parents what they want for dinner.”

“Are you…cooking?” he cautiously asked.

“Yes.” His face blanched. “I’m not that bad, okay? I’ve learned my way around the kitchen after living alone for the past six years.”

He still looked unconvinced, so I left him and headed off to my parents’ room. I knocked on their door and, getting permission to come in, I saw them sitting on the bed next to each other as they watched a movie. My mom leaned on my dad’s shoulder, about ready to fall asleep when she noticed me at the door. She turned to me with a polite smile while my dad turned the volume down.

Usually, I would linger to chat about their day before leaving, but I had quickly asked them what they wanted for dinner (mapo tofu) before leaving the room. They weren’t doing anything remotely disturbing, but I felt awkward, as if stumbled upon something intimate.

Retreating into the kitchen, I grabbed a beer and packaged baumkuchen before joining Hiwatari, who was watching The Phantom of the Opera. I took the seat next to him, trying to disregard the disapproving look on his face.

“You’re going to ruin your dinner.”

“Leave me be,” I grumbled, hearing the click of the can opening and tearing the plastic keeping me away from my cake. “And I didn’t pin you as a musical kind of guy.”

“I watched an official showing during a trip in Prague, and I’ve liked musicals ever since.” He paused. “Miss Saigon’s my favorite.”

I had a stifle a laugh since Christine and Raoul were on the screen, singing their love from the rooftop. Imagine this: Hiwatari sitting in the audience, completely enchanted with the love story unfolding before him. When the scene changed, I excused myself into the kitchen to start cooking and laugh at that mental image. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that Hiwatari had followed me into the kitchen, so I turned around to see him slightly pouting.

“It was touching,” he explained, as if that would help him save face. It only made me laugh harder.

“Touching?” I managed to breathe. “When did you become a sap?”

“When I spent too much time watching dramas with Emiko, Towa, and Argentine, but it might’ve been your grand delusions of romance that started it all.”

I stopped laughing. “Excuse me? My grand delusions of romance? How dare you—”

“Harada-san, at the rate that we’re going, we’re not going to finish cooking dinner tonight.”

“We?”

“As your guest, I insist on helping you. I trust myself to some degree in the kitchen. More so than you, at least.”

Letting his well-meant yet somewhat brutal concern roll off of me, I asked him to wash and cut the vegetables while I cubed the tofu. I finished fairly quickly, putting the tofu aside in a bowl before turning to watch Hiwatari, ever so serious with the mushrooms.

Both of us were helpless cooks in high school. After I moved to Tokyo though, I lived on convenience store food and school food until my friends held an intervention and helped me learn how to cook. Watching Hiwatari carefully cut up those vegetables, awkwardly holding them with his left hand, made me laugh. He looked like he was performing a surgery and not something as menial as cooking.

When he finished them, I tossed them into the pan where the ground beef was already cooking before adding the seasonings. And when all that was left was to leave the food on the stove for a bit, I opened up another can of beer.

K-chk.

“Should you be having another one?” Hiwatari asked wearily.

“It’s the end of the week, and I’m home.”

He nodded, either accepting that answer or deciding not to bother dissuading me. “Hand me one.”

I handed him a can with a smirk. “Are you sure this is enough for you?” I asked, vaguely referencing the huge stash I stumbled upon at his apartment.

“More than enough,” he answered taking a sip, completely unaware of what I was insinuating. “Any more than this, and both Daisuke and Takeshi would have my ass.”

I raised my eyebrows, unsure of how to respond. Sure, that sounded hilarious but—wait, could it be possible that Hiwatari’s worse than me when drunk?

“There’ve been too many instances in which things have happened, so I drink sparingly in public. My apartment, however, is fair game.” He shot me a smirk, and I returned an awkward smile. I didn’t really need the mental image of Hiwatari bumbling around his apartment completely wasted.

We returned to the movie, waiting until the food finished cooking. I called my parents when it was done, and the three of us returned to the table to see Hiwatari setting down the bowls. (He knew where they were?) They greeted each other, quite familiarly, before we dug into the food that everyone complimented me on. I spent most of dinner silent, watching my parents animatedly speak with Hiwatari who was equally engaged. And when we finished, my parents and Hiwatari tided up the table and shooed me upstairs. I changed out of my work clothes into something more comfortable, wiping the makeup off my face before heading downstairs to see that they had finished and moved onto the couch, watching TV while casually chatting.

I paused at the bottom of the stairs, taking in the scene as an observer. My parents knew Hiwatari since middle school, and they treated him as one of my friends from school whenever he was over back then. But this wasn’t polite small talk. This was friends who often spent time together, just like a makeshift family.

Family? How did this happen? Was it because I was gone? Did Hiwatari conveniently fill the hole that my absence had opened? I just knew, from looking at them, that I had no place in this living room scene, and I quietly headed back up to prepare for seeing the apartment tomorrow and, possibly, signing the lease.

In the middle of a Tsum Tsum game, I heard a knock on my door. After telling whoever it was to come in, the door swung open. Hiwatari stood at the threshold, unmoving, as if there was an invisible barrier keeping him from stepping inside.

“Riku’s here, so I’ll be heading back now.” He slightly bowed. “Thank you for dinner.”

“Thank you for helping me make it. And for keeping my parents company.”

Those last words hurt to utter, but I just forced a small smile to hide the tension building inside me. He didn’t notice, instead nodding before turning around. “Be safe,” I called after him as he walked down the hallway before disappearing from my line of sight. I returned to my phone, trying to tune out the sound of laughter coming from downstairs.

I stood there, face to face with an unconscious Hiwatari in a sterile hospital room. Daisuke and Riku were elsewhere in their own beds, fully conscious and harboring injuries that would only keep them here for a couple more days. I, miraculously, only came out of that ordeal with small bruises and scratches but…

I sat in one of the chairs, taking in the emptiness of his room. My parents were dutifully by Riku’s side, and her room was stuffed with beautiful bouquets, balloons, fruit baskets and gifts galore. She was also healing well. Daisuke’s room was filled with his rambunctious family and food, and his vitality was slowly trickling back after Dark’s final farewell.

But Hiwatari? All he had was this bare room and the possibility that he might not make it. At the time, I only pitied the state that he was in, unaware that this was yet another entry on his ever-growing list of unfortunate events that’ve plagued his life since birth. And that these burdens had estranged him from the human basics of family, friends, and any other forms of love.

He honestly deserved everything he had now. He deserved that job, his unofficial family, and the friends he could finally hold close to him. Perhaps it was my stubbornness that kept me away from that, from finally stepping into my own shoes and living my life. Because Hiwatari moved past everything, but I had decided to wallow in the past and turn the other direction.

And that same stubbornness that kept me away from everyone here who had, some way or another, learned how to live without me.

Riku walked into the kitchen while I had a croissant hanging from my mouth. “Good morning, floating croissant! Here’s to another butter-ful day!” She laughed, tearing off a piece of the pastry before plopping it into her mouth.

I took the croissant out of my mouth. “That was awful.”

“Aw. I thought you liked puns.”

“I think it’s just too early for me to appreciate them right now,” I grumbled, quickly finishing my breakfast.

Riku decided to have some eggs with toast, so I put some bread in the toaster while she labored over the stove. My parents couldn’t accompany me today for reasons I couldn’t recall (or maybe never received), so it was just me and Riku checking out the apartment.

“I can’t wait to see the place,” she said when we finally left the house, basking in the morning sun.

“You’ll love it. The realtor said that I found a steal.”

“Of course you would.”

Groaning at her remark, I ignored her chuckling as we made our way to the apartment. Despite Riku’s pleasant conversation, I couldn’t help but think about how weird it was that my parents weren’t with me. If they’re able to, parents would want to see their child’s new home, right?

Maybe I only had them on my mind because of last night. Growing up, Riku and I weren’t particularly close to them because they were busy with work some way or another. Riku told me they cut down on their hours shortly after I left because their age was catching up to them, and they’ve apparently gotten really close since then. They’d also gotten really close to Hiwatari, too.

I wished I could chalk up their absence to denial at their daughter growing up, but seeing how much they talked to Hiwatari last night, I really didn’t know. Was it unfamiliarity? Was it those six years that I’ve been gone? Or was it a lack of an extremely meaningful relationship during the eighteen years prior to my leave?

Honestly, I thought Hiwatari would be my only problem moving here. Yet there I was, sitting in the trolley and facing the existential crisis hidden by Hiwatari’s initially problematic presence.

Luckily, this trip wasn’t long enough for me to continue down that devastating train of thought, as we arrived at the apartment where the realtor greeted us with a smile. She led us up to the room, allowing us to revel at the wonderful furnishings, big windows, and spacious floorplan.

“If you don’t get this, I’m going to hold it against you for the rest of your life,” she whispered as we headed downstairs to see if I wanted to finalize this decision.

“Well, I’m getting it, so you have one less thing to hang over my head.”

Minutes later, I became the new tenant of apartment 314, at least comforted in the fact that I finally had my own place.

“You really like this café, don’t you?”

We headed towards the cash register, looking at the menu scrawled out above it. “Yeah, you could say that.”

When we finally ordered, the cashier asked if that was all, shooting me a knowing look. I nodded, focused on that ever-present, cordial smile on her face as she greeted the next customer.

Riku chose to sit at the table where I usually spent my drunken evenings, and I couldn’t help but crack a smile at that. We casually talked until a waiter dropped our orders off.

“Is that all you’re going to eat?” she asked, suspiciously eying the house salad in front of me.

“Yeah. Why?” Her pasta covered in a cream-based sauce and bowl of hearty soup looked wonderful, but I knew eating that now would be too much. My body could only handle light meals during stressful times, and I was flying out to Vienna in less that twelve hours.

“It’s just odd seeing you eat such healthy food.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She laughed as I crunched on my salad, feigning frustration. I really did miss hanging out with Riku like this.

“You know, it’s weird,” she said, somewhat wistful. “At this age, I thought you’d have a steady boyfriend or even be married while I’d be forever single, wholly uninterested in dating.”

“And yet you’re the one with a boyfriend you’ve been in a relationship with for more than ten years, and I’m the one ‘woefully’ single.”

“Was it Dark?” she calmly asked, channeling that uncanny ability of hers to escalate an innocent conversation.

“What do you mean?” I asked, hoping that she would stop herself if I acted dense.

“That kept you single.”

Apparently, she was dead set on digging. “I don’t think so. I loved him. He loved me. And we were star-crossed lovers that were never meant to be. If anything, it probably was the huge emotional dependency that came with that relationship that’s kept me single.”

“And Hiwatari only made it worse.”

“…yeah. Even though we were friends, I carried a lot from that relationship. More so than Ritsuko and Mari combined.”

Riku raised her eyebrows, as if my claim that Hiwatari and I were friends wasn’t true. “We were friends! F-R-I-E-N-D-S! Why is that not registering in your brain?!”

She laughed. “Sorry. It’s too awkward for me to see you mope like that. And, well, any relationship comes with emotional dependency. You just have to find one that doesn’t have one as high as those.”

“I know.”

“So was it just the emotional dependency issues keeping you from dating?”

It wasn’t. I never even gave any of those guys I went on dates with a chance. Just the idea of letting them in and getting attached to them romantically scared me. If I couldn’t trust myself in a state of infatuation, how could I trust anyone else while I was in said state? To give them a part of me only to have them drop it on the floor in an instant? Who wouldn’t find that absolutely terrifying?

Sure, most of the breakups I’ve heard never reached such dramatic extremes, but I still—

“The fact that you’re not answering me means that there’re more reasons, but you don’t want to tell me about them.” She shook her head. “If this happened because of life in general, I’m sorry and slightly worried about you. But I swear, if it’s someone else’s fault that turned you into someone unwilling to pursue romance, they’re going to have to pay for what they’ve done!” She waved her fork around, almost as if she was practicing for their meeting.

I laughed, appreciating her humorous take on supporting me. But if she ever did find out, I wasn’t sure what she’d do. There were too many possibilities, but I knew they would all be awful.

Once we finished our meal, after transitioning into some talk about skincare, I ordered a drink. Two drinks. Okay, more than two drinks. Riku just watched me with amusement and enlightenment.

“So this is where you go to lose yourself!”

“I can’t help it! These drinks are good!”    

“Yeah, good for worrying other people!”

“Come on! Just try a sip! Please!”

She took one. “Okay. I admit it. They’re pretty good, but I’m leaving you here if you have one more.

I whimpered, but she just laughed before looking out the window. I followed her gaze to the sun setting, casting its warm hues on the ocean and filling me with a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in far too long.

“You’re gifted with such a lovely view every day.” She sighed. “One day, there’s going to be someone who’s going to find you to be just as beautiful as this. You’re going to find them equally, if not more, beautiful in return, and that feeling you have right now? That’s how it’s going to feel. None of this despair and anxiety: just peace.”

I blinked, shifting my attention towards Riku, who had a comforting smile on her face. She extended her hand, patting me on the shoulder before grabbing my drink and quickly chugging it down.

“Enough of this mushy stuff; I’m starting to creep myself out.”

Silence.

I focused on my breathing, trying to block out my heartbeats booming in my ears. No matter how hard I tried to run away from my truth, it always came back loud and clear: a deafening reminder of what I gave and couldn’t receive in return.

“Risa?” he asked, nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck. “Are you still awake?”

“Mmhmm.”

“I…never thought I’d get this close to anyone.”

“What about Daisuke?”

“Am I currently cradling him in my arms?”

“Well, no. And you shouldn’t because he’s taken.”

His chest rumbled as he laughed, but the atmosphere that briefly lightened turned heavy again. The intimacy returned once more, and something inside of me was slowly dying.

“After everything, I never thought that I would ever let anyone else into my life. But then Daisuke came along, bringing you, Riku, and that family of his into this once very small world of mine. The days I’ve spent with you all, especially considering how much time I thought I had left, are precious to me. But the moments with you are the ones I cherish the most.”

“Because you love me?” I asked, mouth dry from those empty words.

“Yes, because I love you very, very much…”

I rolled over, nuzzling my pillow to drone out the crescendo and fluctuating rhythm inside me. Hiwatari copied my motions, spooning me from behind. His fingers grazed my heck as he brushed my hair aside, leaving butterfly kisses that trailed from my hairline to the nape of my neck. One of his hands found itself under my shirt, slightly caressing my sides.

I closed my eyes, trying to focus on anything but his searing touch.

Perhaps he found peace in these moments with me because he finally had a home for his heart that the Niwas, that Daisuke even, couldn’t offer him. And I wanted to find that peace too, to feel safe in his arms, but I couldn’t just contently wear the blindfold I had forced upon myself. It hurt too much.

The happiness I initially found myself embroiled with quickly waned as my feelings grew, having come to terms with the fact that I had found myself in a fruitless relationship that I had no intention or energy to pull myself out of. All I could do was foolishly trust my heart to someone who could offer no concrete promises, subjecting myself to a flow I never had any control over. I would “enjoy” the moment before mentally berating myself for it, rinsing and repeating until…

Well, either way, unless a miracle occurred, I’d find myself broken anyway.

After that ridiculously long flight, I stumbled into the baggage claim, more than ready to collect my luggage and get some fresh Viennese air. Kosuke, despite Hiwatari and I being adults perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves, fussed over us as he fixed our hair and straightened as much as he could of our wrinkled clothing.

I hobbled over to Hiwatari, struggling to keep myself upright after being immobile for far too long. “Aren’t we meeting your uncle at the airport?”

“Yes, he should be here soon.”

I yawned. “Well, he better, because I don’t know how much longer I can—”

“Satoshi! It’s been so long!”

My blood went cold.    

[rex-shadao]

Pokémon the Movie: The Power of Us Review

Pokémon the Movie: The Power of Us

(Japanese Title: Everyone’s Story)

Review

There was an old statement from former Pokémon anime head writer, Takeshi Shudō, about Ash Ketchum (Satoshi).  On his personal blog, he has claimed that Ash, as the main character aimed for children, could not be written as anything beyond the plain and simple stereotypical hero.  And that to compensate for his vanilla personality, Ash needed to be surrounded by “fascinating villains and rivals” such as the Team Rocket trio. While I disagree with the notion that Ash Ketchum can’t be an interesting character by his own right, I find it to be the best method to tell further stories of Ash when nearly all of his character development has been done.  The problem with Ash in recent Pokémon TV series and movies is that his early hotheaded and inexperienced personality, which made him a relatable character for many viewers, has all but phased out over time; in its place is the standard Shōnen stock hero.  It makes sense for Ash to reach that stage in his character arc, but his personality is now more generic and thus less interesting to watch.  So how would anyone tell an interesting story about Ash without regressing his character development he had earned over the past several years?

Enter the new director of this film, Tetsuo Yajima.  Tetsuo Yajima had previously worked on the Pokémon anime as a Storyboard, Key Animation, and Episode Director since the Black and White series.  But he didn’t rose to prominence until he was helmed as the Series Director of XY and XYZ.  Under Yajima, the XY series did something unique with their approach of Ash Ketchum.  Rather than just focusing from Ash’s perspective, the series explored on how Ash himself affects everyone around him; from his companions to his rivals to even the bystanders that otherwise have no impact on the main plot. As a result, we got an array of characters with their own quirks and storylines, and we could contrast all of them with Ash as the foil standard.  This approach became the base foundation for the story of 21st movie and in my opinion, all the better for it.  After all, it is everyone’s story, not just Ash’s.

The movie begins not with Ash and Pikachu, but with a new character Risa (Lisa). Unlike our main hero, Risa is not a Pokémon Trainer.  She’s a former athlete runner who is tasked by her injured brother to go to Fula City’s Wind Festival celebration and catch a Pokémon for him.  Shortly afterwards, we are introduced to a little girl named Margo (Largo) and her father Oliver, mayor of Fula City, leaving their mansion to prepare for the festival.  And as we finally arrive to the city itself, it’s there we meet the rest of the ensembled cast.  There is Callahan (Kagachi), a boastful braggart who lies about his achievements to his young niece Kelly; Toren (Torito), an insecure and timid scientist under pressure from his peers and scheduled presentation; And Harriet (Hisui), an old woman who hates Pokémon and wants to be left alone.  And in the middle of this multi-introduction is Ash and Pikachu, who are closely followed by Team Rocket.

All of these characters have a distinct flaw that they must face and overcome as the movie progresses.  The sole exception is Ash Ketchum.  If you expect Ash to be some sort of immature idiot or a failure trainer, you are clearly not familiar with Yajima’s style.  This Ash is an ideal trainer, an ace who easily gains the admiration of his peers and rivals for his skills, lessons and selfless heart.  His character doesn’t change at all throughout the movie, but that is a good thing.  It fixes a crucial problem that previous Pokémon movies have, where they would either focus too much on Ash at the expense of everyone else or simply shoehorn in stories where he is not needed.  Having Ash be this supporting mentor figure allows the ensemble of new characters to take center and leave a lasting impression for the audience, while also making Ash integral to the overall story.

The characters themselves are all memorable despite being one-shot movie characters of the day.  Risa’s clumsiness and naivety are funny to watch and a great contrast to Ash’s veteran persona, who has to teach her the ways of the Pokémon Trainer.  Callahan wanting to impress his niece makes him a sympathetic character despite the fact the comeuppance for his dishonesty is well-deserved.  Toren’s crippling shyness makes me wish he grew a spine already.  Harriet trying to get away from a group of Pokémon that always follow her is absolutely hilarious, especially with that domineering voice. And Margo is like a younger version of Ash, such as protecting her befriended Pokémon in the same manner that Ash would do for any Pokémon.  And although Margo has a lot in common with Callahan’s niece Kelly, there are distinguished traits to tell the two apart.

Though the characters’ arcs all start separately, they all intertwine with each other naturally and frequently; whether it be Risa getting wrong info from Callahan, Toren accidentally spilling a Pokémon attract chemical on Harriet or Ash protecting Margo from a bunch of kids selling lemons.  Though there some stories that are more interesting to follow, like Callahan and his lying habits getting him into trouble, none of them overshadows the others. They all had their heroic moments in the spotlight, and I can easily recall each of the character’s story arc despite the film juggling all of them in the climax of the film.  It does live up to title of the movie.

These intertwinements, along with a few Easter eggs and details in the background, help create a living, breathing environment that is Fula City.  With such a down-to-earth premise compared to other Pokémon movies such as Pokémon 2000: The Power of One, world building is essential to the film’s strength to retain the audience’s interest in the movie. Take for instance the film’s handling of the featured Mythical Pokémon, Zeraora. Unlike most featured Pokémon in modern movies, Zeraora is kept hidden for the majority of the story until near the climax where it finally reveals itself.  Its presence is only alluded to in historical events and urban legends told by various citizens ranging from small kids to government officials. Whereas most Pokémon movies would have an exposition book or expert to explain everything about their featured Pokémon to our heroes near the beginning, this movie holds off on the major exposition until near the end, after a gradual buildup of clues and hints given to the audience an idea of what the exposition is going to be.  By that point, the audience is already immersed with the personal stories of the cast ensembled rather than the mandatory promotion of a Mythical Pokémon for kids to get.  In fact, this is perhaps the first Pokémon movie where the marketing focus in on the human characters rather than the Mythical and Legendary Pokémon.  It’s why I haven’t mentioned Lugia, the featured Legendary Pokémon of this film, at all up to this point despite being a central figure to the Wind Festival. Lugia is not essential to the plot.

Moving on to the action aspect, there’s not a lot of Pokémon battles in this movie as this is a character-driven story.  But the battles that are shown are impressive.  The audience that I was in awed and laughed during these sequences. The animation, camera perspective and sound effects are top-notch, especially when combined with a scenic background and realistic interaction with the environment.  It’s like the battles featured in the XY series, only sharper and more fluid.  Unlike the battles in the TV series and most movies, where Pokémon battles take place in a designated field area with the trainers in relative safe distance, Pokémon can hit their own trainers by sheer accident or cause destruction of property when on a rampage.  It’s a sense of realism that hasn’t been seen since the opening of Pokémon 3: Spell of the Unown, and I hope it appears in future movies.

Voice acting-wise, the English dub is actually good at least by The Pokémon Company standards.  This is perhaps Sarah Natochenny’s best work as Ash here, and the rest of the ensembled cast all sound natural and pleasant to here.  The only characters that may sound off are Jessie, James and Meowth of the Team Rocket trio, but they are not in this movie that long and much of the problem I have is due to lingering nostalgia for Rachael Lillis, Eric Stuart, and Maddie Blaustein.  Script-wise, some of the wordings are very cheesy, like Ash’s inspirational speech about “Pokémon Power” to a group of people far older than him during a crisis. But I can’t really fault the movie as this has been the standard message that told over and over again in nearly all of the Pokémon adaptations, including the Pokémon Origins mini-series from 2013.  The only thing I wish is that they could find better words for Ash to say other than just “Pokémon Power.”  For people who have grown fond for the Japanese dub, this competent dub production will help get you through the movie.

It’s also helped by the fact that the Japanese music score (which contains orchestrated music directly lifted from the games) is retained for this film after years of The Pokémon Company constantly replacing it with a US score for international releases since the start of the XY series.  The Japanese score is pleasant to listen even for non-fans; and it has the added bonus for long-time Pokémon fans to identify music they had heard during their playthroughs of the Pokémon games.

All in all, Pokémon the Movie: The Power of Us is unlike any other Pokémon movie beforehand.  It’s not an action blockbuster nor a blatant advertisement tie-in to GameFreak’s recently released game (though don’t get me wrong; Risa’s Eevee is a promotion for Pokémon: Let’s Go, Pikachu! and Let’s Go, Eevee!).  It could have gone for nostalgia, action hype or even over-the-top comedy for the movie direction.  They would still entertain the audience regardless of critical scores.  Instead, the film goes for a humble premise and focuses on the characters, their stories, and the world they live in.  And that is what makes this movie one of the best the Pokémon franchise has to offer.  

[satorisa]

Lift the Veil - Chapter 12:  Easily

Rating: T

Summary: After living in Tokyo for the past six years, she decides to head back to Azumano to escape the big city. However, she now has to face everything that she tried to flee from all those years ago. How exactly will she fare when the pages of a long forgotten book start turning once more?

Alternate links for reading available in my description!

Hover over the chapter title if you’d like some easy listening to compliment this spicy update! ;)

(please take this before finals hell hits me because feelings hell already has and i am currently drowning in them while clinging onto anything to get me out of it.)

Chapter 12 – Easily

Coming and going, inside out, back to front all tangled and messy: that’s how we’ve been

The morning following our return, I received an e-mail asking me to head into the news station first thing in the morning. And so, stricken with a terrible case of jet lag, I trudged in looking as fierce as I could to mask the tiredness, greeting the ever-present security guard and coworkers I’d barely spoken to until I arrived at my superior’s office. He greeted me, all smiles, insisting that I sit down despite telling him I was fine standing up; if I sank down into that ottoman, I knew I’d pass out immediately.

“I’m sure you’ve heard about Sugisaki-san’s retirement last week.”

I remembered Takeshi mentioning an old coot finally leaving a while back and skimming through an e-mail while in Vienna about someone’s many years of hard work, but I didn’t recall who exactly it was, so I just nodded. At least I had an idea.

“That old coot’s been here longer than I’ve been in charge, and it was something to see that man churn out broadcast after broadcast with those bony hands of his!” He laughed. “We’re sad to see such an integral part of our team go, but it’s better he leaves before he actually breaks like a twig!” Yet another round of laughter. “However, his departure has opened up a spot on our broadcasting team and so, with our station’s best interests in mind, we decided to have you take his role!”

This didn’t come as a surprise from all the office gossip I had heard so, with a practiced smile, I thanked him. He tried to make small talk, but I told him that I needed to delegate my work to the other editors and talk to the team to understand what my promotion entailed, so he let me go.

I headed to my cubicle and took out my phone to share the news. I called Takeshi first since he deserved (and needed) to hear the news before anyone else. He picked up not even after a full ring, asking me what was holding me up.

“Good morning to you, too,” I answered.

“Don’t give me your sass. I know you’re back; is it the jetlag? Still at your apartment?”

“Nope. I’m actually at the news station; I’ve been promoted to become a part of the broadcasting team.”

“Congratulations, Risa! I mean, I’m not surprised because of all those rumors that were floating around, but damn, I wish I could be super happy for you.”

“What? Jealous of me going places in my life?”

“Nah, I’m perfectly fine living the life of a groveling reporter. I just wish they’d given me some prior notice about your promotion; I’m gonna miss ya, Risa.”

“Aw. I appreciate your sentiment, but you really should save that for Akane.”

Takeshi groaned. “I swear, you and the Chief always have to ruin a good thing with ya’lls sarcasm. Anyhow, I should probably—Chief!”

“What the hell do you want?” I heard Hiwatari grumble softy from the receiver. Yikes.

“It’s Risa!” I could imagine Takeshi shoving his phone in front of Hiwatari’s unamused face.

“…why should I take it?’

“Dude, I know you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, clearly, but just briefly entertain me. Please. You won’t be disappointed.”

Hiwatari sighed, and I could hear him grabbing the phone from Takeshi. “Hello, Harada-san. Has jet lag pinned our one and only editor to her bed, which explains her absence this morning?”

“Haha, very funny,” I drawled. “Don’t doubt I’ll be pinned to some sort of seat soon because yeah, it’s killing me right now, but no. I’m actually at the news station right now. I just got promoted a while ago.”

“Really? Congratulations, Harada-san. I’m finally free from your extended company in my station. Takeshi, grab the salt so we can cleanse this place of her presence.”

I heard Takeshi cackling in the background while I rolled my eyes. “In all seriousness, I’m happy for you. Really. I’m sure Takeshi’s planning something for your lunch later underneath that bed head of his, but I have a prior engagement, so I won’t be able to be there. How does dinner at my apartment sound?”

“Oh my, Hiwatari-san! So forward! You’re making me blush!”

“Ha. Ha.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Glad to disappoint.”

“But yeah, that sounds good.”

“I’m glad. I’ll see you later then.” I heard him hand the phone to Takeshi.

“Yo, how the hell did you manage to cheer him up so quickly? He looked about ready to kill everyone within a meter of him when he walked in this morning slightly late.”

“Happiness is contagious?”

“Are you sure it’s happiness, or is it—”

“No.”

“Come on! Lemme have my fun here.”

“And risk having Hiwatari return to his foul mood because he overheard you spouting nonsense?”

“You right. Anyways, stay hungry because I’ve got a feast planned for you later!”

“Hopefully packed with caffeine and B-12 vitamins to help me get through this day?”

“Does tiramisu work?”

“Good enough.”

“Anyways, you should—huh?” I heard muffled mumbling. “Hey, Chief said to make sure to call your parents about it.”

“Huh.”

“Weeird. Anyways, good luck with today! You’re gonna kill it, Boss.”

With a smile on my face, we hung up. I decided to message Riku, Daisuke, and Ritsuko since I figured they’d be busy. Hiwatari’s words hung in my mind as I pulled up my mother’s number. My thumb hovered over it until I took a deep breath and decided to call her.

I expected to get her voicemail, but she picked up, greeting me with that light-hearted tone of hers. “Good morning, Risa, dear. How’re you?”

“I…um…got promoted. I’ll be working on the broadcast now instead of editing stories.”

“Congratulations! Have you told your father yet?”

“No. I was going to call him after I called you.”

“Well, we should celebrate this! Is there a day when you’re free for dinner?”

“I’ll…um…I’ll let you know later. Thanks, Mom.”

“You’re very welcome!”

We said nothing for several seconds, and I gulped. Did she have anything else to say? Did I have anything else to tell her? I—

“Well, I’ll leave you to call your father. Have a nice day, dear!”

I heard the disconnected line and sighed before calling my dad. He picked up quickly as well: right after one ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Dad. I, uh, just got promoted. I’m working on the broadcast instead of just editing stories.”

“Good.” There wasn’t much fanfare compared to when I called Mom; I didn’t expect there to be. He had expected excellence from me the moment I was born and, for most of my life, I really couldn’t offer that to him. Only when I was accepted into Todai and worked at the NHK did he acknowledge me, ever so briefly because of how hell bent I was to become estranged from anything related to Azumano, so his praises never fully reached me.

Clearly, my parents were not the only ones at fault here, but I digress.

“Congratulations. You’ve done well.”

He it said it with that gruff voice of his, tinged with subtle pride, that sparsely echoed through my childhood. I nearly choked up hearing it. Was I deprived of parental attention? Totally.

“I’ll let you go. If you come back early tonight, we should talk.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Dad. Bye.”

“Goodbye.”

Yet another disconnected line. Glad I had gotten those awkward interactions out of the way, I started getting to work, hoping that I wouldn’t burn myself out before lunch arrived.

…

At noon, I started packing up, expecting to meet Takeshi at the police station when I saw him leading Daisuke, Riku, and Ritsuko towards my cubicle. Daisuke had a vase full of flowers while Riku carried bags full of food from the restaurant she worked at. Ritsuko paraded her small balloon bouquet around, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Missing the Chief already?” Takeshi snidely asked once in my cubicle.

“No? Why would I?”

“You did spend a whole week with him in a foreign city.” Ritsuko pointed out.

“So?”

“Well—”

“Continue that sentence, Takeshi. I dare you.”

Takeshi pouted while everyone laughed before placing their gifts in my cubicle. Lunch was a nice affair, especially since Riku had brought exactly what I was craving, but it was cut short when lunch break ended since Daisuke, Riku and Ritsuko had to head back to work, leaving me with a very, very curious looking Takeshi.

Oh no.

“Now that everyone’s gone, I need the deets.”

“On what?”

“Your trip with the Chief! I knew something was up after you called earlier this morning, but he then spent the rest of the morning gushing over you like some poor, love-struck bastard.”

“Now I know you’re embellishing it.”

“Okay, maybe I am, but still! He was in a much better mood after talking to you, so explain!”

“There’s nothing to explain? We just got closer because of the circumstances of our trip.”

“Because you two shared a room?”

“Um, no?” Takeshi looked at me, expecting me to elaborate. “Even if we did have to sleep at a hotel, I’m pretty sure Kosuke-san and Hiwatari-san would’ve booked me a separate room.”

“…then where the hell’d you guys sleep if ya’ll weren’t at a hotel?”

“Did Hiwatari-san not tell you?”

“Sorry, he was a little busy gloating about you all morning to tell me about whatever juicy detail you’re hiding from me—spill!”

“Kei duped us into thinking that he died, so we stayed at his fancy apartment while we were there.”

He blinked before his face ran through a range of emotions. Eventually, he settled on some level of discomfort before leaning back in his seat.

“Ah, so he’s here. That’s explains it.”

I only looked at him in confusion, expecting him to fill me in especially since I so graciously satiated his curiosity earlier, but he didn’t. Takeshi just jumped up before stretching his arms over his head.

“Well, if anything, I’m glad you two are getting along again.” I opened my mouth to say something but Takeshi finished stretching. “Well, I’ve got a story to type up so I’m gonna go slave away in my cubicle. Happy working, Boss!”

He disappeared with a dramatic wave, and I couldn’t help but question what was going through his mind. But I had better things to worry about than the little mystery Takeshi brought up, so I went back to working, reenergized from the food and time with friends.

…

I walked out of the meeting room with a splitting headache, frustrated at my stubborn coworkers who refused to listen to my opinion. Maybe the old men were intimidated by my quick promotion. And, while the women were probably feeling the same way, I also wouldn’t put it past them if they were jealous that I worked with Hiwatari. (For whatever reason, that man was a hot commodity for all the single ladies in the office, some sort of idol figure for those who weren’t, and many of them were quite desperate to fill my old position assuming HR wanted to keep it.)

My phone rang, and I picked up without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Harada-san.” Hiwatari? What did he need? “When will you be getting off of work?”

“After the broadcast. What’s up?”

“Is it fine if I accompanied you back to my apartment?”

I laughed. “Is this what you called me for? Really?”

“Yes. After what happened in Vienna, I’m not quite sure—”

“Hey. Stop bringing it up and making this awkward for us. Please. We’ll deal with it whenever it decides to rear its ugly head at us again which, considering our track record, might happen pretty soon, but don’t you dare jinx it. Knock on wood for us if you’re able to.” He laughed. “Anyways, I’ll let you know when I’m about to head out, so don’t pass out on me or anything.”

“I might…I am—”

“Don’t try to spite me, boy. I’ve got a headache, and I know damn well you’re more than capable enough to keep yourself from keeling over on the streets.”

“Yes’m,” he replied like a dutiful child after a scolding. “I’ll see you soon. Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

We hung up before I sat down in my cubicle, leaning in my chair and looking at the speckled ceiling. Why were my coworkers being so unresponsive now? I offered friendly suggestions and recommendations that they were receptive to back as an editor, but the moment I began planning our daily broadcasts, they all decide to throw a hissy fit.

Straightening up, I looked at the monitor, staring at the schedule for the primetime broadcast. Everything looked in order, but who knew what could occur leading up to it. Taking a huge gulp of my tea, I gathered my papers and notes before heading to the broadcasting room.

I need to be ready for hell, whatever that may entail.

…

The broadcast was awful in terms of how unpolished everything felt which made me feel equally as, if not more so, awful, so I had politely declined the after-work party my coworkers were hosting to celebrate my promotion (which wasn’t improving my reputation any for sure, but I’d rather they judge me for that than a rage-induced, drunken tirade during which I would proceed to make them feel as insignificant as possible) before heading back to my cubicle to pack my things. Takeshi had long left, leaving a poorly drawn doodle of himself on a sticky note he placed on my monitor, making me feel marginally better.

I lounged in my chair, mentally decompressing until I felt my phone vibrate to see a text from Hiwatari saying he just arrived at the news station. I quickly packed my stuff before heading down, waving good-bye to the security guard—one of the only friendly faces left in this building—before stepping out into the evening air.

“How was the first day of your promotion?” he asked.

“Terrible. The moment you’re put in charge of something, people’s attitudes change. Isn’t it ridiculous that something so simple can change someone’s perception of you?”

“Indeed. Titles can change everything.”

I pouted, hating how true it was. Did Hiwatari ever have to deal with that working at the police station at such a young age? Or was it something he’d dealt with for his whole life?

Hiwatari joked around the whole walk back to his apartment, spouting some crap about how he was the life of the party and, had he been present at lunch, would’ve livened the whole place up. He was being stupid, needlessly so that it was equal parts concerning yet entertaining, but he got my mind off of my train wreck of a day. If that was his sole purpose, then I applaud him for nobly sacrificing his dignity.

And, without him knowing, thank him for his kindness.

When we arrived at his apartment, I saw a man, nearly the spitting image of Kei, sitting on the sofa. He stood up and smiled at me, but I hid behind Hiwatari, trying to compose myself from seeing this doppelganger.

“Satoshi said to expect company over, but I didn’t think it’d be the one and only Harada Risa!”

Ick. He even sounded like Kei with that saccharine tone of his, veiling the jab his words carried. To anyone else, it would’ve been a wonderful compliment, but considering the context of my relationship with Hiwatari, those words were loaded. “One and only” meant that I was a very, very special girl to Hiwatari. And no, that special wasn’t meant to praise me at all.

Wait—

“Are you Hiwatari-san, biker extraordinaire?” I asked.

Kazama laughed. “Yes, indeed! I am Uncle Kazama, biker and lawyer extraordinaire. Pleasure to finally meet you!”

“It’s, uh nice to meet you, too…”            

Well, that explained his overbearing presence. The cheerfulness exuding from someone who looked almost like Kei only made it worse, so I forced an uncomfortable smile. He headed to the kitchen, checking on whatever was cooking while Hiwatari dismissed himself to his room.

“So, Harada-san, tell me: what spurred my nephew to invite a fine woman such as yourself over for dinner?” Kazama asked with an insinuating tone.

“Um…Hiwatari-san invited me over to make up for his absence during lunch.”

“Sorry about that; he had to go pick me up from the station.” Kazama tasted his food and nodded approvingly. With how wonderful it smelled, I was nodding approvingly inside my head, too. “So, is lunch together with him a regular thing then?”

“Oh no. My friends held a lunch celebration earlier to celebrate my promotion today.”

“And his absence from that so happened to give him an opportunity to celebrate alone with you? Spicy!”

I cleared my throat. “Anyways, what brings you here?”

“Just checking up on my nephew and catching up with old pals.” Takeshi’s reaction to Kazama being in town earlier told me there was more to his words than he let on, but I understood why he was so guarded. I’m the “one and only” Risa Harada. From his point of view, I was probably just a tick that just needed to explode and die from being too greedy.

Hiwatari decided at that time to walk into the living room wearing a ratty t-shirt and faded plaid pajama pants. I couldn’t hold back my laughter at seeing him so…so…

“Now I know Emiko taught you better!” Kazama called.

“I can dress myself perfectly fine when I choose to, but there’s no one I need to impress here, and I want to be comfortable in my own—goddammit, Harada-san. Stop laughing!”

If he didn’t need to impress me, then Hiwatari probably didn’t see me as anything more than a good friend. And anything that reassured me about the platonic nature of…whatever the hell this was, comforted me. Even though our interactions hadn’t changed much from high school, they didn’t carry any extra meanings.

Consciously, anyway.

Eventually, I calmed down, and the three of us had dinner. Kazama’s cooking was delicious: much better than anything Hiwatari and I could make even if we cooked together. And when we finished eating, queued by the end of a hilarious story about Hiwatari as a child, Kazama said he had plans and left the apartment, leaving me and Hiwatari in charge of the dishes. And it gave me space to breathe from Kei’s look-a-like.

“God,” I gasped as I stacked the dirty plates. “He’s, um, something.”

“It’s a shock, isn’t it?”

“Yes!”

Hiwatari laughed as he stood at the sink, ready and waiting for the dishes. “You’re not the only one; it took everyone a while to finally get used to him when he started visiting Azumano.”

“I can imagine. That’s not a personality we’ve come to associate with that face, but he’s on par with Kei with that presence of his.”

He laughed again as I handed him the first set of dirty dishes. Thankfully, nothing occurred while we cleaned up, and we eventually migrated to the sofa once we finished. Hiwatari placed two of cups of scotch on the low table in front of us, and I cautiously eyed him as he took his first sip.

“Is there something wrong, Harada-san?”

“…I’m not going to see that side of you tonight, am I?”

“I guarantee you won’t. It takes more than this to get me to that point, so don’t worry.” He took another sip and sighed with content, like an old, successful business man. I almost expected him to surprise me and pull out a pack of cigars to finish off the image, but he pulled out his cigarettes and lit one.

“Are you stressed?”

“I love Kazama, but his ‘damage control’ visits tend to be very…stressful. For everyone. He’s quite good at it, I suppose, but he takes those words far too seriously.” Before I could ask what he meant by that, he stood up and opened a window. “Enough about Kazama though. Sorry if I overstep a boundary, but you don’t seem too enthusiastic about your promotion. You’re one step closer to achieving your dream of becoming a news anchor and, knowing you, you’d be more excited about it; your coworkers’ attitude wouldn’t even bother you.”

I frowned at him bringing that up before taking a sip of my drink. Yikes. That was strong and disgusting. Hiwatari shot me a look, probably offended by my instinctive reaction. “Okay, wow. That was something. And um, yeah. I appreciate your bluntness but, uh, you bringing that up is kind of stressing me out more than your uncle right now. Are you sure you’re not the one on damage control right now?”

“Sorry. Um…” Hiwatari Satoshi, reduced to a bumbling mess. What a sight to behold. “I was just concerned. And, if I were on damage control, you and I both know we wouldn’t be talking about your job.”

I groaned. “Can you guys just let me leave it in the past? Please?”

“I’m just warning you about Kazama should you ever find yourself alone with him. Trust me. He’s going to find a way to bring it up one way or another.”

I gulped down the scotch, coughing as it burned down my throat: the epitome of the taste of regret. No one told me that an innocuous invitation for dinner could possible lead to me getting burned and grilled by Hiwatari’s uncle as the coup de grace to this awful day. Granted I couldn’t have possibly known when I had accepted it, but still!

Shit!

“Harada-san, I’m offended that you’ve disrespected my drink twice already. But must you treat it like a shot? It’s meant to—”

…

Growing up, I knew I wanted a job that would make me famous. I had this huge obsession with becoming noticed in the world that I set my sights on stardom.

The attempts I had in child modeling and acting, despite my talent for it, fell short when many of the gigs that would propel me to the public’s eye required long stays in Tokyo that neither of my parents had the time to allot for. (And, frankly speaking, my father thought was nonsense.) I wasn’t limber enough to get anywhere in dancing, and my singing voice with its normal timbre and average range would only land me a semi-regular gig at a café or bar at best. Whatever attempts I had with playing instruments or creating art failed because I didn’t believe in practice, only perfection at first try, and I hated sitting down for such long periods of time. And so, after turning on the TV and watching the news that one fateful day, I set my sights on becoming a news anchor.

It was a dream that carried me through middle and high school, eventually landing me at the prestigious University of Tokyo. However, after deciding to double major for both the extra experience and added job security, I found myself enjoying Japanese Literature more than Journalism.

So much so that I wondered why I decided to intern at new stations instead of publishing companies. Maybe I was so transfixed on carrying out my childhood dream to its end that I became oblivious to how much I had changed.

This certainly wasn’t the first time my attachment to the past had sent me down a path I didn’t think was the right one to take. And if I only continued to stay in the past, it was no wonder that I kept losing sight of my present, hindering the future full of opportunities I couldn’t see.

…

When Kazama returned, Hiwatari had just finished drinking the scotch he poured for me. Honestly, I preferred having a beer or a fruity cocktail whenever I drink, so Hiwatari procured a can of beer for me before graciously indulging in my portion. By this point, he had gotten somewhat talkative and disturbingly smiley, and his intermittent giggles started to terrify me, so I was glad for Kazama’s arrival.

“It’s about time for me to head out,” I said as I started to stand up. “Thanks for having me over.”

“You’re welcome.” Hiwatari placed the crystal glass on the table and stood up, stretching his arms. “Let me—”

“I’ll walk her back, big boy.” Kazama offered. “You go sober up and get some rest. You’ve got work tomorrow!”

Hiwatari hesitated, probably worried to leave me alone with Kazama. But he complied, maybe realizing that there was no way he could help me weasel out of this, bidding us goodnight (and offering me an apologetic smile) before disappearing into his room.

Me and Kazama? What could possibly go wrong as I leave the boiling pot, only to find myself in the frying pan?

Kazama offered me a polite smile, probably out of courtesy before tears me apart. “Well then, shall we?”

Nodding, we left the apartment for the cool, evening air that only got colder with Kazama next to me. He started the conversation easily, making small talk that obviously skirted around his true intention. Only when we reached a stoplight did he shoot me yet another polite smile, so eerily close to Kei’s, that it sent shivers down my spine. And, from my experience with Kei, I knew that this was a precursor of great doom for me.

“Would you like to grab coffee with me?” he asked. “There’s a café called Mizuame de Noisette that I wanted to try.”

“I, um, don’t like coffee all that much.” I cautiously replied. Why the hell did he want to invite me to that specific place? Did he know?

I scanned his expression, but I couldn’t discern anything from that stupid smile on his face. He was waiting to strike, and I knew exactly what he would do from Hiwatari’s well-meant warning earlier, but I didn’t know how badly this viper’s bite was. Nor did I want to find out that day. Or ever, to be honest, but this was inevitably going to happen because old men liked to dig their nose into my business with Hiwatari.

What a fate.

“Then perhaps tea?”

“I’m trying not to spend too much this month.”

“My treat.”

“Honestly, I just want to go home right now.” The light turned, and we started walking. “Stop trying to invite me somewhere, and just come out with it.”

He let out a hearty guffaw. “I like your spunk! So, I’m assuming you know why I’m here then?”

“I have a vague idea, so what’s your deal with me?”

“Oh, I’m sure you know all too well. I actually don’t like you all that much, Harada Risa-san. You’ve done enough to Satoshi, and you decide to crawl back to Azumano for no particularly compelling reason and literally break my perfectly functional nephew with just the sight of you. And please don’t give me that victim bullshit; you’re not the only one who suffered from the consequences of your fever-induced kiss.”

I shot Kazama a look. God, he was even more like Kei than I thought. Scratch that. Kei was an angel compared to this fire spewing demon. I didn’t realize that this was what that bubbly personality was hiding.

“Don’t you dare scold me right now,” I growled. “Just get to the damn point because I barely know you, and you’re meddling far more than I’m comfortable with you doing.”

“You and Satoshi are like Cesium and water: contact with each other not only causes an explosion but also breaks everything surrounding the two of you. There was no need for you to come back; you literally ruined the equilibrium that everyone you left had finally reached. You deserve whatever loneliness you feel when you’re here because you no longer have a place here.”

“Fuck. You,” I snarled. “I left my family and friends here to try to move on with my life! Did you think I wanted to do that?! Todai be damned; if it meant that I could finally feel at home here, if it meant that I didn’t ever have to leave so that no one would find out and be torn between two sides, then I would happily trade my degree in for that peace of mind. I was so, so miserable in Tokyo, and I wanted come back home despite Hiwatari-san’s presence because I deserve to be happy, even if that meant having to finally face the consequences of my past decisions. And if I’m going to have to put work into these relationships, then so be it, but I don’t need some hotshot lawyer who knows jack shit about me saying that I have no place in the town I grew up in!”

Kazama laughed again, but that only made the anger festering inside me grow. “Feisty! Kei warned me about that but—”

“You didn’t think I’d be a total bitch? I’ve had an awful day and you, smarmy bastard who has no fucking right to smear me like that, decide that the best thing to do is to provoke me about this. I understand your belligerence, but this is just a prime example of why I never wanted people to find out. And for god’s sake, grow up and act like an adult instead of throwing this hissy fit and solely blaming me for something your ‘oh-so-perfect’ nephew has equal fault in!”

He went silent, hopefully reflecting on what I’d just said. I expected an apology or some snide comment about respecting one’s elders, especially after I had just blown up at someone older than me, but he wouldn’t relent on this damn topic. Was he just hell bent on pissing me off to the point where I might act on that niggling thought to push him onto the road, timed perfectly so that a passing truck would squish him into oblivion?

“You know you’re going to have to tell everyone about your not-so-secret secret if you’re going to open up to them.”

“I’m aware, and that is a bridge I will cross when I get there.”

“This is probably one of the worst decisions both of you have made to date.”

“You’re preaching to the choir here.”

“You two are bound to make the same mistakes again.”

“Maybe so, but people learn from their mistakes.”

We had finally turned onto my street, and I had never been so happy to finally see my house looming by the cliff since I had arrived. I quickened my pace to get away from this man who, honestly, was worse than Kei. Genuine or not, at least Kei was nicer and meant well.

“You two finally learned the important art of communication!”

“Oh, shut your—what is that?”

In front of my house, so close to escaping the company of this rancid man, Kazama pulled out a necklace from his pocket. An intricately decorated pendant depicting a blue bird in a cage hung from a delicate chain, but I shot him a look of both confusion and disgust instead of enjoying the jewelry’s craftsmanship.

“Hikari artwork.”

“Should you really—”

“It’ll do you better than the one Kei gave you. I was originally supposed to give this Satoshi, but you clearly need it more than he ever could right now.”

“Thank you,” I bitterly said.

He stuffed it into my purse before walking away. “Have a good night, Harada-san.”

“I hope you get run over by a truck.”

…

The rest of that week, after my terrible conversation with Kazama, was pretty uneventful and light-hearted outside of work. Takeshi visited me during lunch every day, bringing along Daisuke, Riku or Ritsuko if they were able to drop by. “To make up for the Chief’s absence,” Takeshi explained as if me, him, and Hiwatari had become some important lunch trio. The lunches were lovely though, minus that one time Takeshi only brought Ritsuko and they fought the whole time.

To make up for Hiwatari’s absence during lunch (which other furthered my question as to how the three of us having lunch together became a thing), he would invite me over for dinner. I tried turning him down whenever he said Kazama would be in, but Hiwatari promised that he’d made sure his uncle was on his best behavior, so I somehow endured relatively normal and tame evenings at Hiwatari’s apartment either alone with him or with Kazama’s added company. How that man effortlessly hid his nastiness behind that stupid, laid-back demeanor of his was beyond me.

And work? I didn’t realize that each and every day would amount to the same amount of stress caused by completely different things. One day it was the people. Another day it was the broadcast itself. No matter how much I tried to get everything under control, whether it be kissing up to my team or asserting myself to prevent the mayhem from getting out of hand, something would slip through my fingers and proceed to wreak havoc.

The night before Riku and Daisuke were going to fly out to Zurich, (also conveniently the night before Kazama would finally return to Tokyo) my parents decided to hold my celebratory dinner for my promotion. Takeshi, Akane, and Ritsuko all had plans that evening, and Kazama thankfully had a fun-filled night at the Niwas in store for him, so it would just be me, Hiwatari, and the couple along with my parents.

This was totally an ideal set up. Not.

While running errands that afternoon, I conveniently bumped into both Daisuke and Hiwatari, both equally frazzled in the midst of their own errand runs. (Ms. Emiko strove for absolute perfection as a host whenever guests came over, and Hiwatari only had the time and energy to perform these stupidly trivial tasks during the weekends.) We embarked on a grand adventure across Azumano, knocking off item after item on our own respective to-do lists until we arrived at the Harada mansion: our final destination.

I opened the door, greeted by the sound of clinking dinnerware and the lovely smell emanating from the kitchen. Hiwatari and Daisuke parked themselves in the living room while I headed to the kitchen to tell my family that I was back. It was empty but impeccably clean, the way my mother always wanted it, so I headed over to the dining area to see Mom and Riku plating the table. Dad stood in front of the wine cabinet, perusing our selection before deciding on several different white wines. He turned around to see me, offering me a kind smile, while Riku and Mom talked amongst themselves, grumbling about placement as they kept moving things around.

“Risa…”

Mom and Riku looked up, frazzled, before they shot me smiles as well. My mom returned to busying herself while Riku came over to me and pulled me into a hug. “Congrats, sis.” She let go of me before holding my shoulders. “Sure, your job may not be as snazzy as the one you had back in Tokyo, but it’s still reason to celebrate!”

I pouted, but Riku laughed before urging my mom to come over to me while she fixed the table, nearly undoing everything my mother had done.

“I’m so proud of you,” she said, smile gentle and eyes shining before pulling me into a hug. It felt awkward at first, but I relished in it shortly after. And when my father returned from calling our guests over, he joined in as well, and I saw Daisuke, Riku, and Hiwatari behind us with knowing smiles as if sensing how much this meant to me.

Daisuke and Hiwatari sat next to each other, the former also next to Riku and the latter next to my dad, while I chose a seat between my sister and my mom. Dinner felt like a scene from those American holiday movies, feeling simultaneously homey yet foreign at the same time. I still felt slightly out of place amongst the conversation, hearing anecdotes of events I never knew occurred, of topics that required background knowledge, gained from first-hand accounts or lofty rumors, that I didn’t possess, and the familial setting imposed upon me had made it exceedingly clear that I had been displaced, and I couldn’t help but have Kazama’s words echo inside my mind every time I had to force a laugh.

Once we finished dinner, Riku and my mom dismissed themselves from the table only to return to with gifts. Daisuke and Riku gave me a matching journal and pen set while my parents gifted me a large, fashionable designer purse that I could use for work. Hiwatari didn’t have anything for me, but all the free meals he’d been treating me to that week were more than enough.

My parents left shortly after the gift exchange since they had made plans to see Kazama at the Niwa’s, leaving the four of us left to clean up. Daisuke and Hiwatari tided up the table while Riku and I washed the dishes. I could hear Hiwatari shooting terrible joke after terrible joke at Daisuke, embarrassing the poor man who didn’t need his good friend to make fun of his plans to propose to Riku soon.

“They’re ridiculous,” my sister muttered as she scrubbed the dishes.

“Leave them be. Unless you’re jealous, of course.”

“Me? Jealous of Satoshi? Risa, you must be out of your mind.”

I laughed as I dried the dishes, sorting them out so that it’d be easier to put them back. There was something soothing about this monotonous activity, and I was glad that it had gotten my mind off of dinner.

“So, how was the food?” she asked.

“Absolutely delicious. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome!” She handed me a plate. “You know, Mom and Dad are trying. They just don’t know how to approach you, especially considering how you were when you left.”

“I know. And I’m grateful for it, really.” I forced a laugh before placing the dry dish in its respective stack. “Doesn’t feel like we’ve gotten anywhere though.”

“Well, it can’t be a one-sided thing, you know. You have to try, too.” She handed me yet another plate. “It wasn’t easy for me either when they decided to barge back into my life after being practically non-existent for our childhood. ‘Family’ was contained in our Sunday brunches, formal and habitual just like mass: present and relevant for an hour only to be forgotten for the rest of the week until Sunday came around again. They nagged at me to do this and not do that, to strive to be exactly like the prodigal daughter who went off to Tokyo despite being an emotional wreck instead of dutifully playing the role of a smitten girlfriend.”

“No…”

“Yup,” she chirped. “We fought a lot in the beginning, going around in circles and arguing about the same things over and over again, but it helped to clear out the air, and we started to get better. Granted, I have a six year head start, but you’ll get there eventually. And you’re starting out on a civil note with them, so it can only be smooth sailing from here! I’m sure it’ll be a breeze compared to you and Satoshi!”

Riku, how could you bring him up in the midst of talking about our parents? I’d rather talk about them than him on any day!

“Honestly, I was so worried about you two going off to Vienna, but I’m glad it worked out for you!”    

If you meant having him confess he was in love with me, us vigorously avoiding that he brought it up by coping with humor, and getting grilled at Kazama for even bothering to fix things with Hiwatari as working out for me, then sure! I was perfectly peachy.

“The two of you looked so pained that month before our high school graduation, but you two were bickering over the silliest topics over dinner that it felt like nothing changed. And if you could patch up whatever happened between you and Hiwatari, I feel like anything’s possible!”

I appreciated Riku’s vote of confidence, but I wished she’d used something else to reassure me. Anything was possible because everything had changed. My relationship between Hiwatari, while fundamentally identical on the surface, was inherently different. My parents were making an active attempt to make up for their lack of presence in my life growing up; Daisuke was planning on proposing to Riku in the coming week; I actually enjoyed Takeshi’s company: everything was different. Years had passed and, sure, some things haven’t changed, but the past was out of reach. And no matter how much we worshipped those nostalgic, rose-colored days, they were gone. I could never go back to them, thankfully, and nor did I wish to.

I wanted to be free from them, and yet it had become some arbitrary gauge to determine how “stable” Risa was. And I knew Riku meant well, but the intersection of my past with my present terrified me more than anyone could understand, more than I even wanted to admit to myself.

“…but everything has changed,” I mumbled, kind of hoping that Riku wouldn’t hear and kind of hoping she would.

“Well, yeah, but isn’t it nice to see things that have lasted the test of time and distance? It makes us think that there’s such a thing as a forever, huh?” Riku laughed. “Look at me getting all mushy! I probably had too much wine to drink.”

She went back to talking about our parents, laughing about something hilarious they had done on a Christmas morning during my absence, while I listened and laughed along, forcing myself to solely focus on the task at hand.

Forever, huh?

…

Riku and Daisuke had already retreated to her room for some alone time, leaving me and Hiwatari downstairs, drinking beer and watching dramas. While Hiwatari winced at every romantic cliché that popped up, I relished in each and every single one of them, breaking Hiwatari down until, he too, shed his repulsed demeanor and turned into the helpless sap he had admitted, on several occasions, that he was.

Once the credits rolled, playing a super catchy theme song, I let out the laugh I had been repressing. Hiwatari shot me a frown.

“Had I known you would laugh at me, I would not have let you see me like this.”

“No, thank you.” I tried to control my giggles, but they wouldn’t stop. “The great—ha—Commissioner Hiwatari—ha ha—turning into emotional putty at an excessive shot of the main couple l-lovingly staring into each other’s eyes!” I let loose, curling up into a ball to ease the pain of laughing too hard while Hiwatari just looked on with judgment.

I apologized once I had calmed down, still in awe at the karma returned to Hiwatari from needlessly heckling me about my romantic daydreams, but he still had that expression of disgust on his face. He quickly eased into an entertained smile, and I wondered just how hard it was for him to feign being upset with me.

“I’ll be driving Daisuke and Riku to the airport tomorrow morning and Uncle Kazama to the train station if you’d like to come with,” he started before turning off the TV.

“How early are you taking them to the airport?”

“Extremely.”

“I’ll pass. I don’t want to accidentally spill Daisuke’s plan in a 4AM stupor.” Hiwatari nodded. “But I’ll accompany you to drop Kazama off. I’ve got some choice words for your uncle.”

“Sorry. I should’ve stopped him.”

“Don’t worry about it. He would’ve done it sooner or later, I’m assuming, so it would’ve been pointless to delay the inevitable.”

He nodded before smirking. “So, how awful as he when he walked you back?”

“Worse than Kei who is actually a sweetheart compared to that nasty devil. He tried to lure me to my favorite café to go off on me! I eventually forced him to grill me on the streets so that he wouldn’t taint my favorite place in Azumano with his rude-ass self, but still! I get it! You love our nephew and, second to Krad and everything pertaining to the Hikari curse, I was the Worst Thing to have ever happened to him, but I’m human, too! Damn!”

It was Hiwatari’s turn to laugh now. How dare he have the audacity to laugh at my pain! “More damaging and controlling than actual damage control?”

“Yes! Could the hotshot, biker of a lawyer keep that behavior contained inside of the courtroom, please? Yeesh.”

“I warned you that he was overbearing.”

“That’s an understatement. Riku is overbearing. But Kazama is—I have no words to adequately describe him. No wonder he stresses you out.”

“You have no idea. He literally screamed at me until I told him about you. And when I finished, he continued screaming at me because I had hurt you so much.”

We both laughed at the image of Commissioner Hiwatari, a genius, fledgling adult in charge of a whole precinct, being screamed at like a child who had just shit their pants or something. I couldn’t fault Hiwatari for having a smoke when I visited the day Kazama arrived; that crazy man was too much for a single person to house for a week.

“So…Kosuke and Kei found out about us through their deductive abilities. As did Grandpa Daiki, I’m assuming, if my last interaction with him is anything to go by, and Kazama forced it out of you. Hiwatari, I was under the impression that this was top secret considering that I’ve never told a soul about it.” I looked at him, cutting the levity in the room with the serious tone of my voice. “Who else knows? And please be truthful here. I promise I won’t get mad. I just don’t want to keep having the rug pulled out from under my feet.”

He bit his lip, averting his gaze away from me. “Do you want to know the reason why I’ve been banned from excessively drinking around other people?” Oh no. “After Daisuke had turned twenty, I had invited him out for drinks and gotten so drunk that I talked about everything that happened between you and me.”

Goddammit, Hiwatari! I didn’t need to know that you were the type of drunk to spill your dirty secrets! Nor did I want to find out that it was Daisuke on the other end of it. I mean, I wasn’t surprised, but that was hitting way too close to home. One wrong move on Daisuke’s part and Riku would find out, eventually telling my parents and—nope. I did not want to entertain that thought.

“I made him promise not to acknowledge it ever again, so please don’t worry. Or try not to worry,” Hiwatari explained. “Takeshi also knows a little bit, but not enough to be a huge problem. Harada-san, please, you look like you’re about to faint.”

“I’m trying not to,” I said. “But thank you for telling me.”

We heard footsteps and turned to see Riku and Daisuke heading down the stairs. The former caught Hiwatari’s attention to confirm tomorrow morning while my eyes met Daisuke’s briefly.

“What’s up, Risa?”

“One wrong move, and you’re dead to me.”

…

Hiwatari and I followed Kazama to the tracks. The older man had his leather jacket precariously hanging off on shoulder. His suitcase stood next to his slim legs decked in a nice pair of skinny jeans, and he had a smirk plastered on his face: the perfect image of a douche bag.

“Didn’t expect to see you here, Harada-san.”

“I just wanted to wish misfortune upon you back in Tokyo, however that would manifest itself for you.”

Kazama laughed before patting Hiwatari on the shoulder. “Just let me know if you need me.”

“I will.”

Kazama then returned to me, and I snarled at him. If he had anything rude to say to me, I’d push him onto the tracks.

“Harada-san, take care of him, will you? If I find out that either one of you hurt the other, you’re both getting it.” He flashed a smile. “Accountability’s important, yanno!”

“At least Hiwatari-san’s going down with me?”

Kazama only laughed before patting me on the head. “Sorry about our talk that night, Harada-san. I have a bad habit of overstepping boundaries in the moment, so I know everything I said was uncalled for.” I pushed his hand off, glaring at him for being overly familiar with me. “But you know? Both of you are trying, and that’s all that matters at the end of the day. Not many people can do what you two are doing, and that’s something to applaud. Really. It’s hard for people stick to their decision when they know the whole world will be against them for taking the road less traveled.”

The train had pulled into the station, and Kazama boarded, waving goodbye before disappearing into the cabin. Hiwatari and I stood there until the train pulled out of the station, leaving us to feel the sea breeze blow by.

“Maybe this was a mistake?” I innocently asked before looking at Hiwatari.

He just returned my gaze and shrugged. “Mistake or not, this is the path we’ve chosen. We can only move forward from here.”

“Do you think it’s a mistake?”

Hiwatari raised his eyebrow. “How I feel isn’t pertinent.”

“I’m not asking that. I want your honest opinion.”

“Then yes. I do. It’s illogical, and I feel like I’m setting myself up for an unfathomable disaster. You feel the same way, I’m assuming?”

“Yeah.” I let out a breathy laugh. “We’re such idiots.”

“I only have you to blame for dragging me down to your level.”

“Hey!”