#and randomly all the work I've done to ignore it ceases to matter because it hits with full clarity and it takes my breath away | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sastielsfandom · 8 months ago

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It's amazing how quickly people can perceive and pick up on other people's trauma but cannot do it for themselves because of how we cope, we can twist our reality into something more manageable for years, and then one day it hits.

#there's plenty of traumatic things that I've experienced that I've downplayed for my sanity and so i can continue my life #and randomly all the work I've done to ignore it ceases to matter because it hits with full clarity and it takes my breath away #and wonder if I'll ever be able to breathe again and i will I'll keep moving because i have to if not for myself - for others #until the next thing hits and then I'll be knocked down again and i have to teach myself how to move on again #this happens so often and i don't know if I'm relieved that no one seems to notice or worried how normal it is and how i can present myself #idk #just watching shows recently #criminal minds esp and thinking about the people who've hurt me #and how many of them i just didnt process - like I've been kidnapped before #multiple times last year #but didn't perceive it as exactly that bc i wasn't physically forced but was with my situation #and while i wasn't ever hit or tied up - i wasn't able to get up and leave #and had to endure whatever they decided #and a lot of it was food scarcity and lack of electricity #and refusal to help us while they played a savior role while purposely preventing us from getting out of the situation #i just don't understand the cruelty in people to do that to supposed family and kids nonetheless #like sure i was an adult but how are you going to do that to kids no older than ten?#just stuck thinking about these things

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