#and promptly got the giggles over the idea of the trio breaking into Lord Rowan's house

[victorluvsalice]

Valicer In The Dark: A...Gratitude...Carol?

Hi, I know I just posted a whole long-ass write-up on stories and scores I adapted from other media for this verse yesterday, but this is an idea I almost literally just came up with, and it's delightful seasonal nonsense, so I figured that it deserved its own post. XD What happened is this: during a boring moment at work last week, I found myself thinking about my old "Scenes From A Multiverse Christmas Carol" fic (featuring Edna Strickland from BTTF: The Game as Scrooge; Victor, Alice, and all the various OC children I've given them over the years as the Cratchits; and young Emmett Brown (also from BTTF: The Game) and Bonejangles and Barkis Bittern (in the "shadow puppet" form from the "Remains of the Day" sequence) from Corpse Bride as the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet To Come respectively). Specifically, I found myself thinking, "If I was writing that fic today, I'd probably make Smiler the Ghost of Christmas Present -- they totally fit the brief for that spirit! Almost aggressively cheerful, has a magic liquid they can use on people to make them happier, has some secret darkness hidden away under the clothes...

"...Actually, thinking about it, I could turn the whole Valicer trio into the Ghosts of Christmas, couldn't I? Alice suits Past because her whole plotline in A:MR revolves around her rummaging through her past and using those memories to make herself a better person in the present (via Bumby-murder, granted), and Victor suits Yet To Come because he's very closely tied to death thanks to, you know, marrying a corpse in his movie. Plus he's pale enough for the role...it could totally work!

"...oh shit now I want to do a Christmas Carol parody with the Valicer In The Dark version of the trio and Lord Rowan."

Aaaand cue me pretty much losing the rest of the day to coming up with ways on how to make that work. XD Now, the traditional plotline of the Scrooge character being visited by three actual ghosts looking to help them change their ways wouldn't work in the world of Duskwall and the Shattered Isles, simply because, in that universe, ghosts are pretty much always very bad news. If a ghost ends up in your room while you're sleeping, it's pretty much guaranteed it's there to possess you and suck away your life essence, not help you become a better person. Not to mention, I wasn't about to kill off my trio to do this, even if I made it a one-off non-canon story. So my initial thought was that the whole thing would have to be a weird dream Lord Rowan had for some reason, with the three in the right roles doing their supernatural thing while he fought them at every turn. And then end it with him waking up the next morning and tracking down the Three Pillars to accuse them of breaking into his house again, only for them to be like "...we have no idea what you're talking about, are you feeling okay?" Which was -- all right, but wasn't really gelling with me --

And then -- I came up with something MUCH FUNNIER.

Allow me to set the scene for you -- the story would open on the eve of Gratitude (a Duskwallian holiday all about giving thanks to the Immortal Emperor for ascending to the throne and saving the Shattered Isles during the cataclysm way back in the day; it's a bit more "Thanksgiving" than "Christmas" but it's the closest analogue we've got in the main rulebook), with Lord Rowan throwing a party for all his family and friends and whatnot. Things are going pretty well for old Nathaniel --

Up until he's informed that there's a disturbance in the kitchens. And when he goes to investigate, he finds himself blinded by a shockingly bright light. Scrambling around, he manages to seize hold of an arm (or is it a leg? Or a head?) --

And finds himself holding a flour-covered Alice Liddell. Turns out that she and her compatriots broke into the house to steal any scraps and leftovers from his fancy party that they could find to distribute to the residents of Six Towers. The "disturbance" was her accidentally upending a bag of flour onto herself, and the flash was her using Smiler's "Flasher" device to try and cover a getaway. Lord Rowan is naturally pissed off and demands to know where the others are, but she says they split up a while back and she's not sure. So he drags her off to try and find them, complaining all the while about how hard they make his life and how dare they steal his food to give to those "leeches" outside. Alice is annoyed by all this and essentially goes "What the hell happened in your past to make you such a jerk?"

And cue them running first into Lord Rowan's father, Elder Gregorious Rowan, City Council member and high-ranking leader in the Church of the Ecstasy of the Flesh, and then into his older brother Graham, a decorated and important leviathan hunter with a wife and three children. Both of whom end up talking about Nathaniel's past and how they'd hoped he'd live up to his potential better. Alice is like "ah, second son syndrome." XD Lord Rowan is like "oh screw you" and continues his search --

And happens upon his study -- which has light coming out from under the door. And when he throws open said door, he finds Smiler sitting his chair at his desk, wrapped in stolen Gratitude decorations (including a wreath of moss and greens upon their head) and eating some food they got at the party (not even stolen, the waiters just gave them some canapes). Lord Rowan is even more annoyed now (while even Alice is like "Smiler, you took a snack break?" -- Smiler protests they were going to share) and starts going on about how they're ruining his Gratitude --

And Smiler responds with "oh, we're ruining your Gratitude? What about all your tenants whose Gratitudes you've ruined?" and drags him out onto a nearby balcony to show him Six Towers and have a little rant about how the people down there have almost nothing thanks to him, but they still do their best to be thankful and share the spirit of the holiday with each other. "And you can't even spare the scraps from your kitchen to help them? Tell me, if things had gone according to plan, would you have even known we were here? Or would you have not even noticed the missing food?" Lord Rowan protests he's not running a charity and if people want meals they can go to the Arms of the Weeping Lady, but Smiler shoots back that the soup kitchen can't do everything and that regular people have to help increase happiness too. Lord Rowan dismisses that as "Advocate nonsense" and heads back inside, intending to raise the alarm and call the Bluecoats on them. Alice and Smiler are like "oh come on, can you not be a dick for one day, we don't even want to ruin your party, we just want the stuff you'd throw away anyway," but Lord Rowan says he's had enough of their shenanigans. Alice threatens to hurt him, but Lord Rowan is like "oh, you wouldn't dare, not in my own house. You lot shan't summon the specter of death upon me!"

And then he turns around and finds himself face-to-hood with a tall figure in a black cloak with one skinny pale hand reaching out of it. He naturally screams like a little girl at this --

Causing the figure to recoil and trip over its own cloak, falling down and revealing it's Victor. (Or "Vincent," as Lord Rowan initially calls him -- Victor is like "Lord Everglot made the same mistake -- why can you rich people never remember my name?!") Turns out he's wearing the cloak because his usual coat is in the wash and he needed something to protect against the chill ("We told him it was too big," Alice says, prompting Victor to retort "I'm not used to things being TOO BIG on me"). Lord Rowan recovers quickly from nearly having had a heart attack and sarcastically asks Victor if he has anything to say about his lack of care about the "peasants" and their "pathetic Gratitude celebrations" -- turns out Victor does, saying that if he doesn't care how he's regarded in the present, perhaps he could care about how he's regarded in the future? After all, he's not leaving a particularly nice legacy behind him at the moment -- the people in Six Towers hate the Rowan name, associating it with fear and want and misery. "When you die, do you think anyone would come to your marker in the great mausoleum by the crematory and mourn? Or do you think there will be celebrating in the streets?" Lord Rowan is a little shaken by that thought, but manages to dismiss it, pointing out he'll be dead and his soul burnt away, so what does it matter? Victor starts to bring up the idea of his descendants suffering for his sins instead --

And then stops, because, uh-oh. There's a ghost in the house. And it seems to be right in the middle of the ballroom -- aka in the middle of Lord Rowan's party. The four rush there, to find the guests being terrorized by someone Lord Rowan recognizes as the ghost of one Ebenezer Marley -- an old school friend of his who became a solicitor and helped him occasionally with matters of property law. Apparently the dude was murdered recently, and decided to take out his spectral rage on the celebrants. Marley spots Lord Rowan and rushes to take him over --

Only to be caught by Victor, who just so happens to have his ghost-hunting kit on him. After a brief struggle, he, Alice, and Smiler manage to wrangle the ghost into a spirit bottle and save the party. The guests are all very impressed, going "bravo" and "thank you for helping us" --

And Lord Rowan realizes that turning them over to the Bluecoats now would make him look extremely bad. So, very reluctantly, he summons his butler and asks him to take them to the kitchen so they can collect the food they wanted before escorting them off the property. The Three Pillars are thrilled, but he makes it very clear to them that this is not him being nice -- this is payment for services rendered. And that he wants the decorations Smiler stole back, thank you. Smiler obligingly drapes it all on Lord Rowan instead, and the trio head off happily to collect their spoils. Lord Rowan watches them go, quietly steaming about them winning --

And then another one of his rich acquaintances (which I am so tempted to make Barnaby from Oxventure Presents: Blades In The Dark) drapes an arm around him and goes, "Oh, relax, Nate, it's Gratitude! You can go back to trying to kill them the next day!" Lord Rowan starts to protest that he hasn't been trying to kill them --

And then he stops. Thinks. And then smiles and goes, "why, you're absolutely right." Cue him returning to the party in much better spirits, thinking about how there must be someone willing to, ah, "take care of" the Three Pillars --

Aaand end of story. XD Yeah, a traditional Christmas Carol this ain't. But hey, at least this allows me to establish Lord Rowan's more murderous tendencies towards the trio in future stories! Hell, it might be good to follow this story with the Taskmaster-based one, since part of the joke in that one is Alex deliberately misinterpreting Lord Rowan's request to "take care of" the three, and the show is known for its "New Year's Treat" one-off episodes...