#and presumably grandkids and great-grandkids and so on at this point given he's been active for at least 230 years

[fandom-geek]

...i did not think it was physically possible for calligos to be even cooler than he already is, but this is the backstory owlcat withheld from us???

[vita-e]

My MPHFPC Movie Notes

Love the opening credits, fits spirit and theme of the book

(music in general is good)

Hate the different opening line – rather generic imo.

Asa please I know you’re a good actor. Please stop being so flat.

“Jake”

This all feels rushed.

Grandpa has lost his marbles and his acting ability.

“That guy gave me the heebie-jeebies” is all you have to say after nearly hitting a man?

“Jake” was in the house for only 10 seconds, didn’t even bother checking the whole house.

This opening is so boring that my foot fell asleep.

Was this the first take? There’s little to no emotion.

Grandpa Portman doesn’t sound like he’s dying. At all.

1943?! What’s the point of changing the date?!

Also, what’s the point of changing his last words which were a lot more mysterious?

C’mon dude, your grandpa just died! Show some emotion!!

Why do the hollows look like Slenderman rip-offs?

Dr. Golan’s a woman? I’m fine with this – but I won’t be later.

“A month ago,”? Wasn’t it more than a few months until he finally sought help? (I haven’t read the book in a while)

Asa is still a bit flat but he’s doing better in these scenes.

Tiny Jacob is super cute!

His acting is bad, though. This is a given for child actors.

The dad is an ornithologist. He wouldn’t change a bird documentary to a football game (although that was a bit funny.)

Why does Miss Peregrine look so young? In the book, she looks more like a mother waiting for her children to give her some goddamn grandkids.

Bronwyn is 9 now I guess.

Hugh is 11 now I guess.

“Where’s Emma? She could float.” SHE COULD NOT.

Grandpa Portman sounds more English than Polish. Throwing in a Polish nickname doesn’t convince me that he’s Polish.

“Little tiger”? He called him “Yakob.”

“No eyes,” in the book, Jacob tells a sketch artist that they have 2 like a normal mammal. This may be personal taste, but for me, monsters are scarier when they look more human.

Kids this age wouldn’t laugh! They’d see the picture of Millard and go “Holy shit! He’s invisible!” Kids are gullible, dammit. (I had this problem with the book as well.)

Funny how younger!Jacob dresses exactly like Asa.

Damn, kid, he said he didn’t want to talk about it! Chill!

Still 0 emotion, I guess.

“He was a wonderful grandpa, but not… such a great dad, you know?” Damn, that hits home for me – but doesn’t this talk happen later in the book? Like, this talk happens at the island.

Wait, the scene just ends there? No argument? Damn, Jake just doesn’t care that his dad is smack talking his idol.

JESUS fuckin’ twins.

Jacob’s cousins were brats and I believe teenagers as well, so why are they perfect lil’ angel twins that look 10 at the oldest?

Also, why is Jacob’s house so small? His mom is an heiress to a Wal-Mart type store-chain.

Cairnholm is apparently popular enough to warrant postcards.

And popular enough to warrant a spot in a travel book, wtf? It’s not even big enough to be seen on a map.

The dad looking at Jake like he’s crazy gives me life lmfao.

Cairnholm is 100% my aesthetic.

Where’s Kev???

What? But… Uncle Oggie is a relative of Martin?

Didn’t imagine Kev looking like that but okay.

Franklin is me trying to make friends tbh.

I’m so glad Worm and M.C. Dirty D made it in.

Aren’t the residents like… a bit afraid of the home themselves?

Aesthetic™

Wait, what? Oggie can see? He looks blind.

1943? At that point, Germany was taking a more defensive stance, doing lots of evacuating.

“And they were lovely, too.” In the book, Uncle Oggie claims they were strange and rarely spoke.

“3 months later”? He left the day after the loop was created!

Is that the dart competition I keep seeing on Vine?

Wait, why is Enoch there? I know they fucked with his character a lot but he probably joined after the loop was created since he’s from an older loop, otherwise he’d age forward ~30-40 years – so why is he next to (who I presume is) Abe, who left after the loop was made? (or in this case, before!)

Enoch’s little laboratory was in the basement, not upstairs.

The twins might’ve been in the loop at some point, but they certainly aren’t there when Jacob arrives.

Wait, so instead of chasing after them, he runs away? Jake’s a pussy.

And he trips and gets knocked unconscious by a rock. Wow.

Bronwyn, despite being the wrong age and having no personality, is at least cute and it’s fun to watch her carry Jake.

Why is Millard so tiny? You can say that his age is ambiguous, but in the book Jacob clearly states that his voice sounds like that of a young man’s, not a young child’s.

“You’re Emma!” (John Cena voice) Are you sure about that?

Why is Olive, like, 16? She’s supposed to be 7-9 years old (and ofc she has Emma’s powers instead.)

“She sent us to get you”? Why, though?

Standing there all creepy ain’t gonna make him want to follow you.

Jake doesn’t seem to see the change in the weather.

“I am the manager” reminds me of that one Tumblr comic.

Ngl, Millard would do this – if just for fun. He’s a little shit like that.

What’s the point of lighting the place on fire? They’re distracted enough.

Did they just steal someone’s horse?

Millard no longer has any personality out of “Yeah” and “Yep.”

Emma is not nearly bitchy enough. Or at all.

The house is gorgeous! It looks just like I imagined it!

What the fuck, why is Miss Peregrine so young? I know I mentioned this before but what the fuck.

“Right on time”?

“I had to kill them twice this month” WHAT. MISS PEREGRINE DOESN’T KILL UNLESS NECESSARY

Miss Peregrine is not nearly this creepy in the book.

THAT’S NOT ENOCH.

Why does he sound mildly Scottish? He’s from London and has a slight cockney accent.

From now own, every time I see Enoch, 5 years are taken off my life.

Why is Fiona 11 and English? She’s supposed to be in her late teens and Irish – not to mention, SHE DOESN’T TALK!

I don’t think Fiona’s powers make things huge.

“Imm-breen” it’s “imm-brinn”

Do the twins have names?

Claire looks cute!

I don’t think Millard, no matter his age, would be very interested in physical activity. He’s a brains over brawn kind of type, you know?

Kind of uncharacteristic of Hugh to send his bees after a friend.

I’m gonna cry. At least one of my babies looks right.

Horace feels… off. All the components of his personality are certainly there, but in different degrees than in the book.

I’m sorry, what? A daily chore that’s reset by the loop? Miss P, these are kids and teenagers! They’ll get bored of doing that every day! I know because I am a teenager!

That squirrel would be going crazy and scratching her up. I know this is a nitpick but squirrels are vicious, man.

Was this scene the only reason they swapped Emma and Olive’s peculiarities?

Why are her shoes so hard to take off? What if she has to get away in an emergency? She’s fucked!

Why’s it so hard to pull her down?

Emma doesn’t seem to heartbroken over Abe’s death. In the book, she bawled upon overhearing that he died.

This dialogue barely hints at Emma and Abe having a romantic relationship, making only people who read the book know this information. Non-book readers might just assume they were close friends.

Of course, instead of borrowing Victor’s clothes he has to borrow Abe’s.

God, am I the only one that hates looking at Finlay? He’s not ugly – a bit handsome actually! -- he’s just… kind of weird looking.

So… Olive is good friends with Enoch? Don’t get how they got that out of the book when they have no interactions in the first book.

His dolls are meant to be made of clay! Now he just looks like an older Sid.

The stop motion is terrible.

So, they care enough about Enoch’s character to remember that his parents ran a funeral parlor, but not enough to make him his actual character.

Did he not see Millard’s silverware moving? Did no one see it?

So, Enoch is clearly mad at the statement Horace made, so why hold back your retort by whispering? Was he sick on this day of filming?

No one needs that much carrot.

Hugh’s been living there for 70 years; pretty sure he’d never forget to put his net on.

Wait, so he remembered to bring it with him, but not to put it on?

S L U R M P

“She’s embarrassed in front of Jake.” Uh, Hugh, I think you flubbed your line, it’s “Claire don’t eat with the rest of us.”

Oh, thank god, she has the same peculiarity.

I’m crying, Claire is so adorable!

Enoch’s a bigger asshole than I remember him being in the books.

Although it wasn’t in the book, I do like the inclusion of the call from Abe. It makes no sense whatsoever, but I still like it.

Would Horace really be comfortable sharing his dreams – especially via projector?

“Some of his dreams are prophetic,” shouldn’t ‘some’ be ��most’? Everyone’s dreams can hold some form of future-telling, albeit in an abstract way. If only some of his dreams are prophetic, that barely makes him peculiar.

I don’t get why Horace’s dreams are at all symbolic. They should be literal.

Why did he see Ms. Avocet get kidnapped when she, in fact, didn’t?

“Horace must’ve just had a bad dream, that’s all.” HIS DREAMS ARE PROPHETIC.

Wait, so they have a phonograph outside? And it works?

Why make Miss P creepier, but tone down the creepiness of the reset scene? Think of it: 9 children you barely know wearing gasmasks are singing an old song you don’t know to the tune of bombs falling. That’s a lot scarier than listening to the song on a phonograph.

I just remembered: they never offered the reason why Cairnholm gets bombed. In the book, it’s stated that the island had a sort of anti-aircraft gun which made it a target, but here the Germans simply bomb it to be seen as more evil than they already are.

I do admit, the reset scene does look beautiful.

Jake doesn’t seem as terrified, though.

Emma learning about cellphones is pretty cute.

And we’re back to talking about Abe.

“More than a few minutes,” it’s closer to hours, days even if we’re going by Library of Souls.

Already with Ms. Avocet?

(Cinema Sins voice) Jake’s dad reminds me too much of my own father in this scene.

Okay, so I’m assuming “Mr. Barron” is some wight higher-up? I know he’s not, but for the sake of the notes let’s pretend I don’t know.

Man, he really is my dad. He acts all weird and pretends like nothing happened later.

Who dresses like that in the 21st century!? I like the aesthetic too, but you don’t see me walking around in a Rococo period dress.

No one talks like this either.

That fuckin’ dart competition’s going to get me every time.

Who the fuck rests on their bed with their shoes on?

Bronwyn is cute but… I can’t get over the fact they made her younger and erased her character.

Would it kill someone to say, “Can we try that take again?”

WHY did they make Miss Peregrine so creepy? She was never this creepy!

Yeah, and he’s trying to warn you of potential danger. Also, can I ask where the fuck he got that letter?

Every time I see Finlay’s face a deep hatred resurfaces from the darkest corners of my heart.

All the kids in that room together just chilling is cute.

OKAY THIS IS WHAT PISSES ME OFF. I know for a damn fact that Enoch would never be mean to someone who was kind to him.

In the book, Bronwyn wanted nothing more than for Enoch to wake up Victor but go off I guess.

According to the timeline, HE SHOULD BARELY KNOW ABE.

That’s not how he brings them back to life, though? It’s not like he’s doing heart surgery, it’s more like he’s just gonna smell like death (literally) for most of the day.

Enoch being there as Jake realizes Victor’s dead really takes out a lot of the punch from the scene. Having him show up afterwards (like in the book) is better since it’s more like ‘Realization -> Confrontation’ instead of just… explaining and scaring.

I don’t know if Tim’s ever been around a normal human being before but usually you don’t see their heartbeat.

Okay, so… he can’t bring people back to life, only use them as puppets. First off, that’s gross, and second, that’s a nearly useless peculiarity.

How can tears roll down Victor’s cheek if he’s never conscious anymore? Dead people are known to shed tears, but it’s after they die and are decomposing, and Victor can’t decompose because he’s in a loop!

Does Miss P just do that on a regular basis?

Wasn’t that a rowboat?

That’s carbon dioxide, you can’t breathe that.

How is she swimming? Wouldn’t she just walk? She has lead shoes on!

I don’t think skeletons keep their hair.

Well how the hell does that work?

“Air, it’s my peculiarity.” No, it is not.

I’d rather trust a bunch of information I don’t want the people I love knowing with an adult, but okay.

Wait, so Emma has the Map of Days now?! It was stressed countless times in the trilogy how much Millard loves that damn thing and you give it to EMMA?!

Okay, WHAT? Barron is the leader now!? I guess Miss Peregrine’s brothers just don’t exist now!

“Bad peculiars”? They’re ex-peculiars, because they don’t have powers anymore!

They took the kids, too, you know.

Wait, while they’re at it, didn’t this conversation take place at night?

Just tell him how Abe could see monsters, then he’ll believe. No need to be dramatic.

Hollowgasts sure as fuck would not loop along with the townspeople, they’d be free to roam around or they’d get left behind. Also, Victor died AFTER the loop was made! He got tired of living there and tried to leave and died THIS IS SUCH A SIMPLE STORY TIM.

Did I mention that I hate how the hollowgasts look?

You could have told him earlier but okay.

I don’t remember any of this from the book.

“Tired of living in loops.” Caul was tired of peculiardom being a ‘matriarchy.’ Yes, there were some problems with how peculiar boys who could turn into birds were treated but overall Caul was crazy and narcissistic.

I guess there are only 13 wights, opposed to hundreds or even thousands.

Also, why are they all upper-class? I’d assume a lot would be lower.

Didn’t they also blow up half of Siberia?

EYEBALLS? It’s from consuming their souls! I guess Tim just wanted to put in some ugly ass imagery.

Wait, why are they still eating? They’re fine now!

Almost forgot Millard was in this fucking movie.

But they weren’t even going to try it again! It was a ploy! And why hold it where a normal person could find it!?

This ‘leaving’ bullshit pisses me off because it’s breaking so many fucking rules. Hollows can’t enter loops so leaving is more dangerous than staying, which is what she chose to do in the book!

Claire is so cute.

Makes a bit more sense that an old blind man on his own died than a healthy, (I’m assuming) mid-age museum curator but okay.

This is probably the dumbest thing Jake has ever done. Surely, he knows that normal people can go in, but that they can’t enter through the loop, right? And he could potentially also be a danger, so why call out to him?

This reveal isn’t nearly as powerful as the one in the book. By doing his other voices from previous identities he’d taken before to watch over Jacob, he intimidated him and by finally revealing himself as Dr. Golan, he immediately made the one normal person that Jacob felt a bit safe around a danger and in that moment, he realizes what he had done by telling him everything.

Okay, here’s why I’m pissed they made Dr. Golan a woman. Reason 1 is because it shows that Tim wanted to make the wights really overpowered by letting them keep their peculiarites, and reason 2 (separate of reason 1) is because they didn’t make the rest of their identities women. Like just make a lady ornithologist and have her be a peculiar who can turn into a bird but can’t control time, making her feel self-worth incredibly low and hate ymbrynes. It took me a minute to think this up, Tim.

That’s not how you take off contacts.

Did this fucker really think he could take on an adult?

Hollowgasts can’t enter loops but okay.

This is a bit of a nitpick but the fact that Jake was used as a hostage instead of Hugh just shows how much they didn’t give a shit about the other kids unless they had a relationship cookin’ for them.

So, she has a crossbow, but she’ll just go down without a fight? That’s not like her at all!

This is NOT the time to be petty, Wal-Mart brand Enoch.

I just realized that Horace has like 4 lines and now I’m sad.

I would be so happy that instead of turning into a bird and leaving that Miss Peregrine just fucking decked him. It’s a lot more in character than just letting them take her.

I don’t remember Miss Peregrine trusting a 16-year-old with the lives of 9 kids but okay.

One of the few good things this movie brought me was a peregrine falcon sound so I could look it up and see if it was accurate. I then found a video of a sweet old man filming a peregrine falcon’s call and providing quiet commentary. Just felt that was worth mentioning.

Since when did Jacob become good at strategy?

Cute scene, but it means nothing to me.

Okay I guess Miss Avocet never mattered.

Just destroy Wal-Mart brand Enoch, please.

Why does Fiona have the most lines out of the neglected kids? She only had 2 lines in the whole book!

That bomb would be enough to take care of it, but okay go ahead and shoot it.

Olive seems pretty in-control of her peculiarity, so why give her gloves?

“It’s only 6 months old.” What?

Time travel is bullshit. Also, I don’t think it works like that?

“I know you’ll choose Abe.” Well, duh, I’d rather see my grandfather again than some cute girl I met a few days ago that barely even seems to like me that well.

Okay, so the movie I’m watching is really choppy and cuts at random parts and it just cut in the middle of a sentence Wal-Mart brand Enoch was saying and I couldn’t be happier.

Yeah, but the loop entrances are usually in places normal people won’t go. (ex. Miss P’s loop entrance, Miss Thrush’s loop entrance, etc.) Seems dumb to put it on a ride. Imagine sending your kids on there and when the cart comes back one of them is missing?

Okay, so there’s only 4 hollows and 6 wights left according to the movie. Why are they all so afraid of them then?!

In the book, a lot of them were trained to handle guns, and in the movie they still have their peculiarities – so WHY are they not attacking Emma as soon as they see her!?

I’m pretty sure that in the book Jacob had been seeing Dr. Golan much longer than 3 weeks.

Yeah, Florida’s a hellhole, to be quite honest.

I guess no one cares about a floating girl in the sky. I don’t see any iPhone’s out recording.

Never mind, I see one (1). I should see much more, though.

How would the hearts stay in the skeletons? There’s nothing for them to hold onto.

Is there no staff at this place?

How are these skeletons in general staying together?

This fight is pretty dangerous. They’re exposing normal people to peculiardom.

Okay, so now the wights use their peculiarities to fight.

Horace saved lives at least 3 times but I guess he’s just useless now according to the movie.

Man, Tim, you sure did a good job of creating strong female characters! /s

How is Mr. Barron not dead? She lifted the boat out of water and the closer you get to the bottom of the ocean the more pressure you’ve gotta deal with.

3 cheers for this forced romance! Hip-hip! (Boo)

This 16-year-old doesn’t need to tell these women what to do.

Why is Miss Peregrine in a different cage?

I guess Barron just had some blue eye contacts on him.

How did the hollow get down there?

I guess Jake’s a perfect shot now, since it’s convenient.

(vomit noises)

Again, time travel is bullshit. Wouldn’t there be another Jake walking around?

Wait, they’re still there?

Hurray for more terrible loop entrances!

In the book, this would be the second time they had kissed but okay.

Never knew that birds could just be stationary while in the sky.

Wait, so she just… keeps her clothes? Trust me, I don’t want to see a naked woman in something other than an art piece or otherwise but that was a rule that they had in the book.

Well that was a load of shit. At least with the ending there can’t be a sequel.