#and potentially abusive

[mswyrr]

“fixing” is actually a double-edged sword

The most discussed problem is the dynamics of who is obligated to care for who in terms of social privilege and power and also--even if, say, it’s a same gender couple--the harm of one person feeling they have to do that for another generally. That is important to discuss and covered quite a bit; I’ve pointed out my pov on the nuances of it here. (EDIT and I’ve updated with some “fixee” pov stuff here).

But “fixing him/her/them” is also bad for the “him/her/them”. It’s potentially dangerous and harmful to the person “being fixed”.

Being an amateur and poking around in someone's trauma and mental illness can actually  make things worse for them - it can cause real harm to someone. Even trained therapists can make things worse for someone by accident. It’s a known risk of therapy.

And this is (lol I’ve been trying not to say this for weeks!!) why I find C/laire kind of personally disquieting tbqh. Playing  therapist without a license on someone is kinda messed up! It's not just that women  "fixing" men is anti-feminist - that is true - it's that a non-professional using a  personal relationship to fiddle around in someone's head is also messed.  up and, frankly, dangerous.

I’m not “anti” her as a character - all the characters are flawed, this is a dynamic people fall into for various reasons, it’s as understandable a flaw/mistake as any of the things the other characters do. But there’s a ton of discussion of how it’s unfair to the “fixer” - but not really any about how unfair and potentially dangerous it is to the “fixee.” (Imo cultural ableism plays into why the violence toward the “fixee” is rarely (if ever?) discussed as a problem: neurodivergent people are often considered, by default, as problems to be solved rather than people, so the way it’s dangerous and harmful to a “fixee” is just - erased/ignored. The attitude is that they should be grateful a normal, healthy person is bothering themselves at all to be so generous as to try to “fix” them!). And she gets treated like she’s made of sweetness and light, and not deeply flawed, when what I saw of her was -- deeply flawed, like the rest of the characters.

I’m sorry but this is, in fact, a way that neurotypical partners can abuse neurodivergent people 🤷‍♀️ (shall I quote the stats on the high risk mentally ill people are at for being abused????? And how the (false!) idea that mentally ill people are more likely to be abusers plays into the culture around that?) all while coming across like a selfless hero to other neurotypicals for being willing to “fix” this “broken” person -- and yet how often is it ever discussed that that can be part of it??

I don’t think she was consciously doing it. But it’s dangerous even if not done intentionally abusively and some people do it to abuse on purpose. And they have so much room to cloak their behavior because of how the narrative of the double-sided nature of this isn’t widely discussed.

I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way precisely as a character - but IMO part of why she’s part of what gives Carmy a panic attack is that he interpreted her as wanting him to perform/share being unwell with her and then--after she said platitudes like “nobody’s counting shoes”--perform being all better and “fixed” for her.

That’s an incredibly draining performance to feel you have to give.

[girlyteengirl16]

as i get older i get sadder at the fact i wasted my time and potential being sad all my life

[genericpuff]

hello 911 why are all the LO volumes classified as grades 6-12 except for the newest volume which is more appropriately categorized as grades 9-12

please no

[hadesoftheladies]

i think if there's any competition for presidency between a rapist pedo and a highly qualified district attorney/senator for you . . . you're an objectively bad and stupid person

[caterinaofsiena]

my dark vanessa | supernatural | mysterious skin

[valtsv]

1 million billion wips including at least ten VALshrue ones and i suddenly want to draw them as some fuckass dragon rider au for no reason

[sideblogdotjpeg]

thinking about mother figures in neverafter.

(no colour version under read more)

[scumvillainess]

honestly i never really agreed with the popular shen qingqiu had a good shizun headcanon because if shen qingqiu actually had someone who he knew cared about him, he definitely wouldn’t have turned out the way he did in canon.

[the-solatorobo-fanatic]

honest to god if you think any ships in mouthwashing are good i'm just gonna assume you Did Not Play The Game At All

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

now while i do not like huntlow and i think their relationship was rushed and unnecessary, i do see a lot of critics making it out to be a lot worse than it actually was.

i see people throwing around the words "abusive" and "toxic" nilly-willy, saying that willow became "too soft" because she had to be rescued by hunter once, saying that willow is exactly like belos because of a few parallels, etc.

even the whole take about "hunter calls willow 'captain' because he sees her as an authority figure" is far-fetched imo. i'm sure it was just supposed to be an inside joke turned cute nickname, i seriously don't think it's that deep.

while it's fine to dislike a ship, you don't have to make up reasons to justify your opinion. i promise you, you can just dislike something because of existing reasons or even for no reason at all.

[quietwingsinthesky]

thinking about how dean’s character gets simplified in fandom, or more specifically, the very black and white lens that gets applied to him. because integral to dean, from my point of view, is that he is both a victim of abuse and a perpetrator of it. that these two things do not cancel each other out or outweigh each other to the point that only one matters. he’s both, you cannot separate him from the fact that he’s both.

but very often, people do. dean is either a victim. or he’s an abuser. it’s like it’s hard for people to hold both those facts in their heads at once. dean went through incredible amount of trauma as a child and an adult, is routinely faced with violence, has resorted to alcohol abuse to cope with it. he’s also a violent person, someone who retreats into tactics of emotional abuse and control when he feels threatened, who hurts the people around him constantly and the people who are closest to him (ie Sam, Cas, later Jack) get the brunt of that abuse. these are just facts. they’re things that happened on the screen and cannot be denied.

and it’s. idk it’s weird to me (not unexpected, because he’s hardly the only character to ever get this treatment) that dean of all people is the one portrayed in such an either/or way when one of the defining moments of the show for him is that during his stint in Hell, he was tortured and then became a torturer to escape that, to feel like he had some control again, and he relished in it. it’s baked into who he is.

[calypsolemon]

Everyone on this website talks about the choice to not have children to end the terrible cycle of familial abuse or whatever but I feel like nobody on here wants to talk about the more mundane and pressing reality of wanting children but being paralyzed by the understanding that bringing them into our current society inherently means traumatizing them in some small way simply because there are no good options.

Like. Dont want to put a child through public school because public school sucks, but homeschool is isolating and private school is not an option for ppl with no money. Dont want to raise a child with a forced gender but attempting to raise a child neutrally may socially isolate them or cause authorities to question your parenting methods. Don't want to raise a child in an isolated suburb where they have nowhere to travel independantly but affordable housing with ample room for families in city environments are basically nonexistent.

It can be hard not to feel judgemental of yourself for wanting to bring a child into the world at all under these conditions. Unlike with refusing to continue the "cursed bloodline" or whatever, there's just no personal pride one can take in deciding not to have kids because the world would force me to make choices that hurt them irregardless of my desires.

[thorough-witness-enjoyer]

Bungie will create a wlw couple and go “Everyone attached to them yet? Good, good… roll in the horrors and unbearable grief! At least one of them cannot make it out of this situation! GO, GO, GO!”

[will-o-the-wips]

okay inspired by another prompt but-

A prince that acts all high and mighty and well to do and overly confident. Someone - maybe a noble, or maybe a commoner, could be anyone that doesn't live in the palace with him - decides they hate his attitude and wants to take him down a notch or ten, so they kidnap him with full intent to torture him.

They get him somewhere alone, toss him around a bit. The prince's behavior has changed like the flip of a switch. His confidence and regal bearing is gone, replaced with cowering and feeble, half-formed pleas and teary eyes. The kidnapper thinks it's just an act to get them to let him go, and they get even angrier about it, so of course they take their anger out on him.

At some point they do strip him down...only to find the evidence of past abuse. Not anything simple either, nothing that could be caused by accidents. His clothes covered whip marks and scars, old and new. And an intricate pattern of brands spanning his shoulders, which looked to be a piece still be in progress.

The prince's change in behavior makes a bit more sense, but does the kidnapper actually care? Or maybe they feel vindicated, believing they're not the only one who thinks the prince needs a behavior adjustment.

[weird-an]

Billy doesn't get what's going on.

Why the creepy kid's mom wraps a blanket around him and tells him it's okay to be scared. Why Byers himself hands him an old sweater, because Billy's shirt is torn and bloody. Why Harrington hands him a tea with honey in it and asks him if he wants a cookie. Like he's a fucking toddler.

"They are really scary," Harrington says, sipping his own tea. "I couldn't sleep for a week after I first saw one."

Sure, these dogs are monsters. Heads like flowers with way too many teeth. They nearly bit his head off, if Harrington didn't use his baseball bat.

Billy stares at the clock above the kitchen. It's after midnight. He wishes he didn't swing that axe at the monster. He wishes Harrington didn't come to save his life.

Neil is going to fucking flip. Billy's shirt isn't the only thing that will be in pieces after tonight. He'll be dead when he gets home anyway.

"Max," he yells. Harrington flinches next to him. "We need to go home."

"You can stay. I'll call your parents. Tell them that I have an emergency and you need to watch the kids." Mrs. Byers pauses. "They can't know about the Demodogs."

Like Billy is going to tell Neil anything. He's good at shutting his mouth or making stuff up. So good he doesn't know what is real anymore and what's a lie that's supposed to keep him safe.

"No need to worry about it, Mrs. Byers. I can keep a secret." He gives her the same wink and sleazy smile he gave Mrs. Wheeler just days before. It makes him sick.

She frowns at him and Billy wonders if Neil managed to beat his charm out of him earlier.

"You can stay, too," she says to Harrington.

It's settled. Harrington insists that Billy's taking the couch before laying down on a rather uncomfortable looking blanket.

Billy stares at the ceiling, listening to Harrington's breath. In his mind the scene changes from the monster spitting black goo in his face to his dad getting his belt. His eyes are burning and he can feel a tear running down his face. He's glad it's dark and Harrington can't fucking see him.

Except Harrington shuffles along on the floor and suddenly there's a warm hand on his.

"It's okay," Harrington says. "You're not alone."

He knows Harrington means the dogs. He knows Harrington doesn't know about his dad. His skin is warm.

He squeezes Harrington's hand until he falls asleep. It feels good. But that's just another secret Billy is going to keep.

[triglycercule]

would i be considered a lunatic if i said that horror's story could be read as a parallel for SA. Hear Me Out: (obviously be careful for reading this bc like,,, sensitive topic)

i feel like the largest parallel could be the actual event of getting his eye taken. a part of his body is "taken" and literally or metaphorically horror was pinned down and forced to give up his body (even worse considering that a literal part of him was PULLED out with a foreign object designed solely to hurt HIM SPECIFICALLY). it's digusting and horror claws and fights his way out to prevent it but unfortunately it still ends up happening no matter what he could've done. no matter how many backup plans or extra contibutions or begging or fighting he did. which like. sounds honestly pretty simple to the reality of victims of SA. that hopelessness of knowing that even if you did as much as you could, covering up, devoting yourself to a life of chastity, not hanging with people like thay, there's still a chance that something bad could happen and all of a sudden everyone's out to get you and how could they just stand by and do NOTHING while you were left to suffer and defend yourself

which leads onto the next point i wanna bring up which is horror's rage immediately after getting his eye stolen. his anger at the betrayal is (very justified my boy did nothing to deserve this) solely about him and his bodily autonomy. undyne (and alphys ig,,,,) couldn't consider ANY other possible solution than to deprive him of his autonomy and decide to just take what they wanted from his body??? AND THE FACT THAT ALPHYS SAID THAT HE MIGHT AGREE TO GIVING UP HIS EYE? it's giving very much so "oh it'll feel good so don't worry" type shit or whatever (horrortale alphys i DONT like you). a betrayal at the hands of someone you trusted a lot about your bodily autonomy? it just gives off that sort of parallel

and the sheer anger and fury that horror felt and enacted on alphys and undyne and everyone else at the CORE just like DUDE. that is a type of anger that only comes out when you've been deeply wronged. sometimes when a horrific experience like getting SAed happens you just wanna explode and drag down everyone around you and ESPECIALLY the perpetrators no matter how much you rationalize. you can have as many people as you want try to convince you that revenge and being hateful isnt the way but it doesn't matter because they havent been wronged the way youve been. horror deserved to be that cruel because undyne and alphys were just as cruel back to him, so he'll be the same and return it 10fold (he probably wasnt even out of bones when he decided to turn them into chips he just wanted to make it a point that he didn't even need to use his full strength to hurt the guards. horror could've EASILY killed alphys but no he wanted it to hurt for her so she could live a life of eternal suffering and fall to her lowest and to ESPECIALLY hurt undyne. because they deserve to suffer just as much as he did if not more for the crime commited against him)

a betrayal as bad as alphys's is only worsened when she tells him that she doesnt regret a single thing about using him for the underground. that has to be the single most infuriating thing for horror to hear because WHAT DO YOU MEAN alphys doesn't regret a thing? that's exactly what some people gloat about after doing terrible things; they try to sweep it under the rug as nothing that bad or justify it OR JUST STRAIGHT UP ADMIT IT!!! nah horrortale alphys deserved to suffer idc

and back onto that feeling of wanting to kick and scream and drag everyone else down with you after being left so used and betrayed due to getting SAed: i know it was bad that horror tricked snowdin into eating humans it was TERRIBLY BAD but really horror was just operating on anger and spite and the need for vengeance. nobody in snowdin ever did anything to hurt him (and i'm sure horror knows that considering he definitely regrets what he did) but to him maybe they also should feel the pain he feels so they can all relate. so that they can't try and fight against him when he says his side of the story and say that undyne was right with what she did. that maybe he wouldn't feel so absolutely devastated after what happened if he saw everyone around him suffering too, and maybe JUST MAYBE he'd get a bit of something back from his sacrifice that he never consented to

i KNOW i'm not reaching with this but idk if i phrased it the best. but to me horror's story really does genuinely parallel to one of an SA survivor's: the betrayal, the anger, the feeling of loneliness and isolation and just feeling absolutely used for a simple thing as your body. chapter 4 of horrortale really is amazing storytelling and so is horror (he was reasonable in what he did IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS he might be WRONG but it was reasonable. i love horror sans)