#and other stuff but i'd be here all day
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(almost) four years in, and I finally had time to draw something for the anniversary! woo! 馃帀馃帀馃帀
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#because i need to talk for a minute about how the plot of the anniversary story so far is literally just#crowley jumpscares us in our living room to demand we make him lunch and yuu is just like 'i need to start locking the door'#oh twst you always know just how to get me#the qol updates though! CONVERTING SINGLE KEYS INTO 10-SETS YES THANK YOU OH MY GOD#SKIP LESSON TICKETS!!!!#3X BATTLE SPEED!!!!!!!!!!!!#SAVE TEAM BUILDS AND SUPPORT CARDS FINALLY AHHHHH#oh and some other stuff too but look i NEEDED these things#also master chef grim! he's so precious!#though he's not going to get a little sporty uniform after all?#grim canonically flies in the nude i guess#no it's okay chef grim is ADORABLE#if you zoom in on his card you can see little smoodges from his inexpert cake decoration 馃槶#which on the one hand is cute but on the other hand i'd been convinced he'd just slapped some frosting and candles on an actual can of tuna#anyway happy (a few days until the) fourth anniversary everybody!#i've been here since the beginning (preregistered during the dorm reveals babyyyy) and it REALLY doesn't feel like it's been four years#you know what they say: time flies when you're watching anime characters have emotional problems
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I certainly have my own concerns about the treatment of moo deng but um. well i think some of you may just be racist
#this ^ isn't directed at any post in particular but instead a lot of comments ive seen. but now im gonna talk about other posts down here#and prefacing anything i put in the tags here with DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH#but the biggest post ive seen going around rn about moo deng being mistreated and the general quality of khao kheow zoo is questionable#claims that the enclosure is mostly concrete seem to be false from all the sources i can find#the concrete section looks like its specifically around the feeding area which fits zoo care guidelines which specify that the feeding area#be a surface that can be easily cleaned separate from the substrate and is a surface present in other zoos#the lack of deep water also seems to be purposeful? older videos of the same enclosure show deeper water areas#and looking back through the news every baby pygmy hippo announcement from every zoo i could find mentioned periods where the baby had to#learn to swim and was slowly introduced from shallow water to deeper water as time passed#this was also corroborated by fowlers zoo and wild animal medicine volume 8 which suggests keeping the mother dry and then slowly#introducing water as the baby grows as a potential best practice#damn im treating this like a paper now. anyway the negatives#there are absolutely things that strike me as bad eg. public access to the hippos and the way the keeper interacts with them#for the keeper stuff in particular i'd really like to see input from someone who has experience as a zookeeper with pygmy hippos#the public access is something that i def think the zoo could improve on and even older footage from years ago shows people sticking like#selfie sticks and shit off the side of the railings and right into the hippos faces#however again the zoo seems to be making efforts to curb visitor behavior which is tough when you go from having 800 visitors a day to#4000+ and you can't remodel the whole exhibit right then and there#all this to say! just do your own research and take somewhat inflammatory comments on the internet with a grain of salt#also just to make it clear im not making any sweeping statements on khao kheow or the treatment of moo deng im just summarizing what i foun#based on what's being said in the most popular post on the subject ive seen.#for the potential like three people who will read all this hi :) hope ur having a nice day
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Birthday Completed.. Am Thirtey Twoe
#i visited a rat cafe!! (it is not an eating or drinking establishment it's just a rat interaction establishment but i keep calling it that))#there was another american at the rat cafe and she took me to Dunch cuz it was my birthday and she also wanted to ask me about rat ownershi#note: in my brain Dunch is a meal combo like brunch -- a dinner so early as to overlap lunch -but at a less glamorous time and sounds worse#that was super nice and i think i now have another person on my small list of in person friends here!!! ;w;#then on the way home brief specter of disaster as i was like OH GOD... IVE PARKED IN A RESTRICTED BIKE LOT AND THEY TOWED MY BIKE#(because i had definitely just .. parked my bike in the area for monthly permit holders without noticing lol)#but it turned out instead they had just stuck it in a metered space where it should have gone to begin with so disaster averted lol#then when it was getting late i took myself out for a pot of tea and a fancy sweet at a local cafe! (actual cafe) (no rats)#honestly i'd been mad at myself for not planning anything with any friends and thinking i'd end up depressed and alone today#but i got just enough rat and human interaction and it was a really good day#i did a bunch of other stuff this week too#why did i write all of this in tags? unclear.......i'm extremely tired or i'd try to make a real blog post of it with pics etc. : I#eepy. so eepy
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medic tf2 doodles?!?!?? in this economy!???!?!? (art from yesterday)
most gentle and sweet middle aged german man in the whole entire world smile vs planning to swap all of your organs with a series of interconnected frogs smile
a doodle i did of Medic and Archimedes.... he looks too round in this drawing, not smug and evil enough..... also Mitzi from the RAE appearance :D
i LOVE the voicelines Medic has with Haunted Archimedes, he's not disturbed or even slightly put off by the fact that his zombified dove is 1. talking and 2. has a violent and constant craving for brains. he's just like. being a slightly irritated pet owner about it. he's just like "ugh yes archimedes vants all zhe brains doesn't he. now shut up". also i think this is the most on-model medic drawing i've ever done wtf
#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 medic#medic tf2#archimedes tf2#mitzi mozzarella#doodles#sketches#sketch#also um. please no thirst comments in the tags. /srs#i feel incredibly uncomfortable with comments like that and i don't want those things being said about my art#and i feel like it might happen here so like. please don't do that thanks 馃憤#man i love drawing medic. he's actually so fun to draw and i love giving him the most insane expressions ever#he has so many sharp angles it's so fun!!!#i also really like the second opinion voice lines. he's not even frightened. he just has an annoying roommate sewn to his face#aahh this is why i love medic#i have a cold right now so i can't think of any other tags to put on this post........#might post some more barry stuff later. i drew a pretty cursed one yesterday heehoo#i want to post some of my really old tf2 art from like 2018#and maybe some SUPER old tf2 stuff from a decade ago if i can find the notebook i drew it in#back when i used to draw everything with a pen and no guidelines 馃拃#i'm pretty sure i still have it! it's not something i would throw away at all#it's probably hidden deep in my closet with my other old art stuff#i'd like to share my super old unhinged comics with a bunch of characters from various properties some day#i remember making a comic where all my favourite tf2 and mlp characters teamed up to stop peg from peg + cat from taking over the world#because i really didn't like the show as a kid. i thought peg's voice was annoying and it was a show about math. and i hate math#it's not even a bad show... it's really cute actually..... why did i hate it so much#i was peg + cat's biggest hater. if p+c had a million haters i was one of them. if it had 1 hater that was me. if it had 0 then i grew up#anyway. ignore all those tags i went on a ramble loolll#i forgot this post is about my medic drawings... yeah i really like these drawings and i love drawing medic <3
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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I'm not gonna screenshot it bc 1/it really doesn't matter that much and 2/the person who made the comment is a kid but: a while ago I made a comic that's supposed to be a genuine study and reinterpretation of someone else's sprite comic (made in the spirit of authenticity too - to recreate the vibes of the sprite comics from that era, iirc very specifically because it's funny) and I got a comment on that comic's post that's like "glow up"
which is a compliment obvs. and the commenter probably didn't mean anything by it, it's a common expression. but I've been trying to find a way to gracefully put that comment away ever since it appeared lol
I just very much don't want my art to be taken as trying to one-up someone else's art when that's not the piece's intention. especially when the piece that inspired my art is perceived as "low effort" or "shitpost" or stuff like that. I did mention in the tags of that post that my considering it a study is entirely genuine, and I can legitimately write pages about the cool stuff I find in it other than and inherent in the haha funneys, but that's not for you guys that's for me. I just think that approaching art competition-first like that is a miserable way to do it, and (tipping into overthinking here if the whole tiny-comment-got-stuck-in-my-brain-for-almost-a-month part hasn't given that away yet lol) I really don't want that to be the takeaway from my own art. at least generally. if I actually think the source material is trash and what I'm doing is genuinely categorically better I'd just come out and say it lmao
#bakuspeech#yeah it's the darkhog sprite comic#honestly I don't love comments that put my art and other artists' art in a hierarchy in general. wherever my art lands on that scale#especially when it comes to character writing and trans 'representation'#which like. idk man I'm writing One character. he's NOT gonna be The Trans Experience. he's gonna be one character.#but yeah I'd guess I'm writing it all out in a post bc it's not really a race that anyone opts in#I don't actively participate but by virtue of how my art is perceived I just end up on the scale anyway#so uh. I'm suggesting that we do not bring the scale into my house at all lmao#there's also the like. Don't Yuck My Yum guideline of looking at art that's like#I like the things I'm aping! most of the times! if I don't say it's shit and I'm drawing stuff from it usually that means I like it lol#and then you kinda come in like wow what you're doing here is better than the thing you like. and it's not like yknow.#really anything. it's extremely trivial comparatively. but you are in fact yucking my yum there#tldr please try not to think abt art u like vs art u don't as ''better'' or ''worse'' and#have grace for the things that don't please u personally. anyways I'm omw to finishing the frog now. just need to fell all the seams down#and put that boy in da spinner for a ride. and then it can live in a gift bag until the day#I really enjoy holding it actually... maybe after this one I'll make something else. tbh slick stretchy fabrics are superior to fuzzy fabri#doesn't pill And cooler to touch. stuffed toys for the subtropical population#I'll get a combilation of pics once the thing's at its new home. but for now. we must finish the job
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officially on vacation (don't leave until wednesday, but no more work!) and i'm happy happy happy BUT it's also like. there is some stuff happening at work that i'm soooo nosy about and i don't want to have to wait until i come back to hear about it lmfao.
#just stupid drama#i really wanna know if the guy we all HATE finally quits or not#there was an. altercation.... at work the other day#the coworker he's been shit talking came in early and was like heyyyy can we talk?#and he tried to get out of it like 5 times lmfao#he was like oh our manager was going to set up a meeting in A FEW WEEKS....#and she was like oh we can just talk now!! i'm here and i'd love to speak to you :-)#he was like ummm i can't stay late!!! and she was like oh there's an hour left on your shift! we can talk right now! :-)#fucking hilarious. he did not want to be confronted and thought he could get out of it but she's kind of insane so that is not happening#and the thing is too he was literally MOMENTS before complaining to us that he didn't know why she was mad that he was talking about her#because he NEVER talked about her! and everyone was LYING!#and i was like dude. you're talking about her RIGHT NOW.#it's lowkey sad though bc he has two 'friends' at work that i know for a fact have gone to the manager and told him that they don't#want to work w him anymore and complained about his work performance#and apparently that somehow came out and he's convinced that the manager is lying about it. but he's not... lol.#so it's just so sad that no one is being honest with him#lmfao i understand though bc i personally have been honest with him and called him out (VERY GENTLY) and he gets sooo pissy about stuff#but like i'm not pretending to be his friend!#anyways i'm sooo nosy about it lmfaooooo#on instagram he blocked me and like all of our coworkers but two lmfao#but i know both of them hate him so idk why he didn't block them too#lmfao like literally everyyyyyyy single person i work with dislikes him#so yeah i'm hopeful that it's finally over lmfao#this is the same guy i posted about before who bullied my favorite coworker into leaving so.#yeah i really hope he's gone now
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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surprise, bet you weren't expecting THIS
ok but real this is technically just a test. wasn't actually aiming to really make this lmao, but things lined up and i realized this sounded good actually so i was "hmm maybe i should post that." idk if i'll make a video for this so for now just take the audio ig.
VSQx by Hatsune Dan, distributed by Yumeko. Some minor tuning edits by me. Mixing also by me. Original song by wowaka.
#my audio lol#vocaloid#vocaloid cover#utau#utauloid#utauloid cover#utau cover#openutau#nurse robot type t#two faced lovers#wowaka#this is her sherry vb specifically; i wanna do smthn else w/ it but i was testing how she sounded like w/ files i already had#and this was one of the only ones where she actually sounded good 馃槶馃槶 maybe the different resamplers and wavtools are a piece of the puzzle#but still i'd need to mess around w/ her maybe. i got her cause i wanna do a specific thing w/ her but we'll see if i ever get there lol#i feel bad ugh i didnt actually do that that much here :'| feels like cheating. but if i keep trying maybe i'll get better some day#i had this vsqx just sitting in my files for a while lol... i have a lot of shit in there honestly that i plan to do stuff w/ but havent#i was actually intending to make a cover of this w/ iku b/c ily her (a slowed version tho b/c the song's sadder slowed imo)#we'll see if that happens tho lolll... rip to all the covers that never actually happen. ugh i dont really like any of my past covers :')#im stubborn so maybe ill figure it out SOMEDAY. but bruh how is it im better at making them swear at each other than like. sing#CAUSE YKNOW SINGING IS THEIR INTENDED PURPOSE. ugh. vsynths got me actin crazy#sorry if the mixing's kinda bad i need to read up on how to do better mixing... tried smthn a lil different here and i think it sounds okay#but who knows. idk
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public transit... *collapses to the floor*
#rich ppl have a disdain for it and it's so nonexistent in white suburbia but then you go to where rich people vacation.#public transit is so good at where they have vacation. free shuttles every 10 20 minutes. free! free!!!#I'm struggling to put the words together to make myself sound coherent but ultimately it's hypocrisy of the upper class#it's probably a bigger issue than just that really. obviously policy is not entirely dictated by individual and idk#it's just rahhh i wish public transit was like that everywhere! buses to go around towns! subways connecting towns! and cheap!! free even!!#there's also the issue of the loss of public spaces and loss of the concept of public in general#the other day there were kids screaming obscene stuff on the train for a whole 30 minutes. ppl were annoyed and everything#but one person's defense of their behavior on the train was dude you're taking public transit. and idk why that's. idk.#is a respectful peaceful transit also now a privilege only the rich can enjoy? only if you can afford a car and parking in the city?#the argument is that precisely because it's a public space that we all benefit from we have the duty to respect and protect it#because if the public space is uninhabitable then that's when inequality grows very apparent#you have to maintain it for the sake of everyone but especially those who might not want to or can't access the private#these kids themselves can't drive a car. if the public transit was hostile to them what other choice do they have for commute?#it's a failure of our society and education that we don't understand how important it is to protect the public spaces#by ridding of the public it's a fuck you to the children the elderly the poor the disabled or anyone caught in an unfortunate circumstance#twist your ankle accidentally? sucks for you. there are no benches here. to sit you must go buy a drink at a cafe.#car broke down? too bad. take an expensive uber to work because the public transit is broken down#having good public facilities is a safety net against drastic inequality and even then we don't have it done well enough#but societal issues take time to fix and I'd like to hope it's going in a better direction
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Okay, see, the thing about your story ending on a negative/dystopian/'despite everything that's happened nothing has changed in society' note and doing so successfully? It needs to have been set up for that in the first place, and it needs to be done in an intentional manner.
I have nothing against works that reinforce how cruel/meaningless/pointless/etc. the world is -- I enjoy a fair few! -- but the works themselves need to be some sort of commentary about it; the plot might be demonstrative of the futility of everything, but the story never should. It should take that and build on it and use it to make a statement, underscore a point, etc. to its readers. Having everything carry on business-as-usual without acknowledging it, especially in a genre that's generally meant to conclude on optimistic, uplifting, and hopeful notes, comes off as callous and in direct opposition with the values it extols.
Plus, the story itself should never be futile because, then, well, it never mattered as a work and it makes no difference if you've read it or not. Which... that's just a badly written story lmao.
#i can't believe i'm posting about this topic again on our dear hellsite tungle.com lmao#huge deja vu vibes what year is it????#2018/2019??#(i think that's when the shock value/genre hopping/genre inconsistency hit its peak across multiple series)#i don't even go here anymore omfg#man. i didn't think i'd get this upset#that's what i get for going to look#i should know better by now. really. there's no excuse.#y'all my curiosity one day will kill me.#but like. i'm not upset as in 'i'm so angry i will fight everything'#that was past me#we've blown right past that and gone straight to the 'vaguely ill and sick to my stomach' stage#character development XDD#but like sorry not sorry explain away all you want about *gestures to all the other stuff*#but how the fuck do you explain having the visual emotional and narrative focal point of that family in its concluding panels#be the person who caused this shit???? why is he the one getting closure????#pretty sure i don't have the entire context surrounding my other lad who got pulvarized#(i saw a few comments about something something of//a would help with the end of the world that's coming and instead was used to murder him#that i don't quite grasp because i literally just skimmed the most recent chapters out of curiosity due to things i saw on my dash)#BUT i am making the executive decision to stop here#this rabbit hole's deep enough and i've gone wayyy further than i should have already#gonna cook some dinner; pick up sis from work; and enjoy my summer evening on my balcony#GAH#withoutwords
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Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?
#lynx thinks#oh nooooooooooooooooo#nooooo i can feel the urge to be crazy and act on my hubris#ive just been talking to the grad students in the theater program and theyre taking like 9 credits a semester#and its all stuff that seems interesting or fun or at the very least useful unlike my undergrad degree#and im like... i can already sew as well as if not better than these grad students. i can for sure draw better for any designs i come up w#heck i can draw better than the current head costume designer faculty member for the university#so the little overcommitting gremlin in my brain is like ''yoi could totally do it. do it.''#and the other part of me is like ''im already so tired just from working again after needing to recover from burnout. how would i even?#so I'm sitting here Thinking about it...#a masters degree in theater might be better for finding work at a pre-existing institution than just a bachelors in art#and it might be better than a masters in art too#I'd have to stop taking commissions completely probably if i did it for the sake if time#but if i somehow got an assistantship position? then maybe?? i could do it?#oooooooh i hrm so hard y'all#its only been a week since moving and ao much is still in boxes. im only working part time but I'm tired now so much#idk if its just because my stamina levels have atrophied or what but im so. tired. these days#and by these days i mean in the last week.#maybe a week isn't long enough of a sample to work from.#im hoping my energy levels will even out a bit but with the time zone change and the fact that I'm almost 30 I'm not sure if it will?#so thats worrying#i actually kind of see why people seem to drink coffee every day now#I've definitely been eating a lot more normally since i started. both in timing and quantity#i still have projects of my own to work on i cant afford to be so eepy orz
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馃憢
#i'm back#sorry for not replying for like a month or so to some people#i will get back to everyone now over the next few days#kind of sth scary happened and it was a bit of a tough time well i'll explain but it's too personal for this post#but all good now#just got busy and i got a summer job (and probably also beyond) making some money so yay ^^#but less time for other stuff#one thing fr tho i do kind of hate that sometimes i just disappear here from tumblr because i love talking to some people here#and staying in touch i have some great mutuals and internet friends#it just sucks when you loose touch with someone over social media online because you just stopped talking at some point eh :((#so i'd love to just chat with anyone here again send me a message or an anonymous ask if you prefer#happy to answer and chat here#i'll try my best to reply asap
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ahahhh,, not me accidentally deleting the last post i made AHH i'm just going to recite it from memory now (,: so, basically what i said in my previous post was what if i told y'all that blamore's birthday already passed and i didn't make a post about it since it as a character probably spent the day at nico's [ who is his doctor ] because he was very depressed. and i say that because it was actually on july 25th, NGL, you guys AHH [ so like i probably won't reblog any birthday memes since most of them are for the day and it is VERY belated by now buttt... if y'all would like, though there's absolutely no pressure to, you could send something in related to that if you'd like (,: ]
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#yeahhh idk... i know this just kind of came out of nowhere y'all but i'm telling you blamore will deliberately try to avoid talking about-#himself despite having forged some friendships and even romantic relationships on here with other muses because it is somewhere-#in between wanting to bury all of the memories of it's 'previous life' deep down within itself and wanting to share them with other's that-#he REALLY trusts about what his life was like because he desperately wants someone to talk to 馃槶 it just kind of... hurts you know?#so i just feel like how blamore feels about his birthday varies year-by-year. like one year he'll be eager to share that it's his b-day#though the next it just doesn't feel like doing anything for it really because the one person who always made an effort to try to make-#it's birthday special has been gone for years so that like. makes blamore a bit emotional sometimes NGL.#because it associates it's b-day so closely with it's dad sacha and that's why i feel as if he probably went to nico's this year.#he was the first real friend that he made after his transformation after all so blamore really trusts nico and i'd imagine probably tells-#him stuff that he doesn't tell anyone else so ): yeah.#BUT anyhow... yeah like i said there's absolutely NO pressure for y'all to send me anything if you don't want to but i just want to let-#y'all know that blamore is now a year older now JSJSJ
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Day 189:聽List everything you like about yourself, and explain why. What makes you unique?
Eh. I don't really think there's anything stand-out unique about me. But I do love my eyes and always have. If I ever have a kid I hope they get those鈥攇reen "with sunflowers in the middle" (it's central heterochromia) I also like that my left eye has a freckle in the iris.
Speaking of freckles! My face freckles started coming back! I was at the beach yesterday and I was only out for a little over an hour, and even the Mailman noticed it! They come back with the sun. I was gonna go out today to get some more, but I was really tired so I'm gonna go with my sister tomorrow.
Uhhh I like my figure! I like outdoor activities and have a pretty healthy relationship with food. I like my hair (both my natural light brown and my dyed blonde!) I don't have the worst skin in the world either. I have a birth mark shaped like Mickey Mouse on my thigh. (Erhm.. a cutie mark, if you will..)
I like that I'm optimistic! Even if I'm not feeling it I'm still hopeful and try to give that to other people. I think I'm funny too I guess!!!!
I guess I kind of talked to The Mailman about this yesterday? I don't really think I have "uniqueness." I think I did in my early 20's, and even before that, but I just don't really think about myself that way anymore. Not to be a bummer! I just feel kind of silly trying to separate myself from anything other than a person trying to live and get by. I feel common, which is still way better than feeling negative. I can't really say what makes me "uncommon" anymore鈥擨 feel unearnedly conceited trying to ~*~snowflake~*~ myself to be honest ahaha.
I am (allegedly) "a bright light." (If I put everything nice The Mailman says I'd be writing this all day and you'd be reading it for even longer.) I've been told a have a strange aura? If those are real? Someone else once told me I had a "sprout" (?) growing out of my head? Spiritually? Another weird aura thing I guess? I love Pikmin. I've been told my soul is "from the fae realm" and that this is "my last soul cycle here before I ascend" or something idk a village priestess told me that but I also paid her $50 for a reading, so. Something to do with 'starseeds' but I don't remember it that well. I had That Big Thing Happen when I was 21 but blahblahblah don't I ever talk about anything else.
I did get explicitly told that I have a "very unique energy" last year but that could really mean anything as far as insults or compliments go. I also have no idea what anyone means when they say things like that.
#Kayla's 365 Day Challenge#honestly there has been something that i've been curious about ever since i moved here#there's this weird shop on main street that's ALWAYS closed#its really really uncharacteristically small#like Way smaller than the other shops#and every time I've been walking around#i'm always like#what is going On in there#it's got a weird symbol on it and a weird name and it's a 'healing sanctuary'#but i've NEVER seen anyone go in or out#all that weird stuff people said about me was in my early 20's so i have been curious about getting a second opinion for a laugh#i'd take The Mailman but I think i'd be too embarrassed to bring anyone#i probably won't since I'm retired and no longer suffer from Main Character Syndrome but I DO think it would be fun
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Being a music-based synesthete with absolute pitch is wonderful but so frustrating because the vast majority of people have no context for the way I experience music and thus whenever I try to explain it it makes no sense to them. What do you mean you can't tell what color this song is. What do you mean you don't hear a Bb minor chord and feel your body react to it before your brain does. What do you mean you can't feel the warm sunbeams of D major dancing across your face. My world is filled with musical color but even if people think it's cool they will never really see it and it makes me sad
#mel's musings#to say NOTHING of all the melodic and harmonic figures that make me go fucking feral that laypeople have no frame of reference for#all i want is to go into excruciating detail about my favorite chords and progressions and dissonances and how they make me feel#but i have almost no way of doing that without sounding like an absolute lunatic. tragic :'(#it's honestly one of my biggest reservations when it comes to posting more of my musical analysis here#i want to talk about how harmonic language among other things is used to express emotion in video game music#but i genuinely don't know how to do that without speedrunning everyone through semester 1 of my college music theory class#i need to cover my bases in that sense for non-musicians reading. but it'd also be boring for people who've already been through that#plus that excessive explanation would distract from the points i REALLY wanna make#how do i explain modal mixture or secondary dominance to people who don't know functional harmony. truly#and how do i balance the basic stuff with Actual Analysis for my fellow music freaks. because i KNOW y'all are out there too#maybe one day i'll just say fuck it we ball and throw something out there despite my fear of being too technical#but who knows honestly. the adhd is still adhd-ing and the Fog is still Fogging. unfortunately#but anyway uhhh. if you made it this far thanks i guess and if you have feedback i'd love to hear it#music nerd shit
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