#and often I have issues with randomly blacking out and it makes me feel gross so it's hard to do things that require actual brain power

[amischiefofmuses]

Running on empty today, keep passing out while trying to do things so replies are gonna have to wait til tomorrow. I'mma just gonna try to finish the ep5 icons of Lucifer and vibe. I'll be lurking but not much more than that.

[asterism-os]

hello! this is a... memory dump? canon-call? little bit of both, i think i really miss my family and i dont wanna forget anything, so im gonna dump it here and also tag it this technically isnt a canon-call, but if you recognize it PLEASE dm me on this acc or @asterism-of-spades so we can chat! (also i have an enderman typing quirk normally, someone’s helpin me type this so nobody has to translate) So I’m Origins!Ranboo! Well... sorta? My canon is a mix of DSMP and OSMP, but I’ve found myself more comfortable with saying I’m OSMPBoo. I used to use he/him prns, shifted to he/void, and pretty recently, outside of my canon, I completely omitted he/him, using voi/void as well as a few other ender-related neoprns.  I was married to Tubbo, who was a shulker/bee hybrid, and our relationship was really dubious, nobody but us knew whether we were romantically involved or not (I don’t even remember lmao). We would call each other Bo and Boo! We had 2 kids! I remember we had Michael, and we had another kid but I can’t remember anything important about them, I’ll update this when I do. As of right now, I’m pretty sure they were either another zombie piglin or a child enderman. I have a few small memories, like the sound of their laughs, Michael holding flowers up to Tubbo, and the feeling of two kids laying on me while I told them stories. They would usually call Tubbo Dad or some variation and they’d call me Boo. We also had a dog that Tubbo brought home, even though he was super allergic, and had named... Ray, I think? I had really bad memory issues and derealization episodes in my canon (I do now as well) and I remember Tubbo waking me up every morning and making sure I knew the important stuff (where I was, who we were, that we loved each other, stuff like that) Also????? Tubbo was super strong??? Like. He could EASILY pick me up and just fly into the air with me. He also liked to gross me out by making super cursed noises when we walked through flower fields.... All he Needed to do was touch the flowers but he liked to make gross noises to accompany that- Tommy was a raccoon/shulker hybrid, and Tubbos biological brother! Don’t ask me how that worked because I’m not sure myself! I don’t have many memories with Tommy, but I do remember that he would stay with us a lot.  Shroud was there as well, he was Tommy’s son (spider/human hybrid) and Tubbo and I were his uncles!  Hmmm....  Phil! Phil was basically everyone’s dad, even though Ghostbur was his only Actual kid. He was a safe space, and he practically radiated peace! He had really cool wings, the outer layer of feathers were like a metallic blue and waterproof, and the inner layers were a super deep black and really soft. When he gave hugs he liked to wrap his wings around people as well, and it was just really cozy and safe. He’d protect me from the rain, and knew basic Enderian so he could communicate with me when I had bad anxiety.  Dream was in my canon, and he was a real jerk to me. Uh... I’d go into more detail if you ask, but it’s not really something I’d want to post.  I also have a Lot of food-based memories I remember eating Blaze rods, and there were two variants! One was more yellow, and that one tasted like licking a metal spoon after eating apple pie (so a cinnamony-sweet metallic taste), and then a more reddish one that tasted more like cayanne pepper! I’d put the powder from the reddish ones on chicken every so often.  Glow berries had the texture of grapes, but tasted like what a glowstick looks like All of the gold-infused foods (gappes, glistening melons, golden carrots) made me really sick because they were so sweet, I really only ate them if I needed to.I would give golden carrots to the kids every so often though, and they’d be bouncing off the walls for the rest of the day I also remember eating chorus fruit! I rarely had it because we never really went to the End, but it had the texture and visual of a dragonfruit (but purple), and tasted like grape juice! The leaves on nether vines tasted like pasta spices, so Jack once got the idea to try and take the bases and make pasta out of it, since nether vines had thick bases It... didn’t go well, we’ll just say 

I also have some more smaller memories with people: trying to high-five niki and her hurting me on accident because she was wet jack and i scrambling to find shelter during a sudden thunderstorm and laughing once we werent actively getting hurt anymore ghostbur showing up behind me randomly and scaring the crap outta me also! heres some more memories about me! i had a Really bad stutter when i was speaking english lmao, it was definitely a struggle the enderspeak in my tl was really similar to the language that people are learning irl! eye contact was only uncomfortable if the person was a stranger/a threat! in my culture, eye contact was viewed as a threat unless it was from someone who you cared for! I had a Victorian-esque aesthetic! My eyes used to both be green, but my red eye got damaged. I’ll talk more about that under the cut!  CW/TW for blood and injury

So my eye is red because I got shot with an arrow like... directly above my eye. My blood had a chemical reaction with the fluids in my eye and turned it red! Also my blood is purple, looks like grape fanta. 

[john-dumbear]

The Cult Self-Titled Album Review.

In this tumblog I will be sharing my thoughts on the album The Cult by the band The Cult. It was released in 1994. I heard about one of the songs off this album and decided to listen to it. I loved the song and actually felt like listening to songs I’ve never heard before (which doesn’t happen often) so I decided to listen to the whole album. Each song review will be my first thoughts. This is my first time listening to the album, and the first time really diving into The Cults music. I know nothing about this band except for the fact that they did “She Sells Sanctuary” and that Xana and Andrew were friends with them. Some of this is written as I’m listening to the song for the very first time, and some of them is later when I came back to the song (so it would be my second or third time hearing the song).

Track listing (12 tracks in total):

Gone

Coming Down (Drug Tongue)

Real Grrrl

Black Sun

Naturally High

Joy

Star

Sacred Life

Be Free

Universal You

Emperors New Horse

Saints Are Down

Here’s my thoughts on each song:

As Gone began to play the instrumentation immediately made me think of music that would play in the scene of a movie where they’re either showing a creepy trance, or a sleazy man walking into a sleazy bar. Once the instrumentation really kicked in I wasn’t thinking of that anymore. I love Ian’s vocals on the song. Really pleasant to my ears. I love the way he sings the word “say”. I don’t know why, but something about it is extra cool.  The lyrics talk about someone who gets high all the time and the main character of the song (maybe Ian himself, I don’t know) saying that it’s better to get clean and not do drugs. As a straight edge person, I really do like songs that warn against drugs. This song is really cool. I like it a lot.

Coming Down (Drug Tongue) has some weird sounding lyrics that make me laugh. Like, what the hell does a random fear of horses have to do with drugs and kissing/having sex with a girl? I quite like the instrumentation and the  vocals, the lyrics just gross me out a bit. As a sex repulsed asexual, I’ve never really liked songs with lyrics about sex that much. This song feels very 90s to me (obviously). If I heard this song and didn’t know when it was released I’d say “1990s”. The other songs not so much.

I love the drums in Real Grrrl and the instrumentals in general. I love the “NA NA” part of the song as well. The lyrics seem to be about sex, so of course I don’t like the lyrics. If the song had different lyrics it would probably be one of my favorites off the album.

Black Sun is a song that actually kinda creeps me out when it comes to the instrumentation. I don’t know why, but it reminds me of certain people that creep me out. Definitely a turn off. I like the vocals of the song. The lyrics seem to be talking about a kid being abused and the abusers feeling guilty for what they’ve done. I feel like this topic needs to be talked about more. It’s a serious issue. Overall I do like the song, but it’s probably my least favorite off the album.

Naturally High came on and I instantly fell in love with the instrumentation. I love hand drums and immediately thought of the jungle, tropical rainforests, African safaris, and Tahitian drumming. I love the smooth, easy to dance to, mellow but not mellow vibes from the instrumentation. It makes me want to find a friend who likes this song and dance with them. The lyrics seem to be deep and personal and I always love that in a song. I love the way Ian’s vocals flow with the instruments. It feels like a good “driving alone in your car on a trip” song to me. Once I finally have my license and a job and go on a solo road trip, I’ll definitely be playing this song a lot.

With Joy, the instrumentation gives me a certain vibe that I just can’t describe. I have always been one to see an object or hear a sound and immediately go “this makes me think of the word ___!” That word is my personal name of the item and fits perfectly with the item in my mind. That word may be an actual word, or it may be gibberish. The reason I’m mentioning this is because the instrumentation makes me think of the word “funk”. I’m not sure why, but it does. To me, Funk seems like it would be the perfect title for the song if there were no vocals. The organ part obviously makes me thing of Halloween and goth vibes (like stereotypical goth vibes). I heard the castanets in one little part. I love the castanets. That was fun to hear. Another song that gives me driving/road trip vibes because of the lyric “I rode in that car as far as it would take me, take me.” Some of the lyrics are also in Come Down (Drug Tongue), which leaves me confused. Why would they put some lyrics in both songs off of one album? It kinda reminds me of the song Shotgun Wedding by Malfunkshun. Andrew uses lyrics in that song that he later uses in his song Man Of Golden Words by his other band Mother Love Bone.

The instrumentation to Star is also great. Man this band is really good. I need to listen to their other work. For some reason this instrumentation reminds me of nu metal. I don’t know why it would. This is not a nu metal song, it’s actually kinda close to grunge. I also think of the word “funk” for some reason.

Sacred Life. Oh man this song is sad. This song talks about the early and tragic deaths of young people. He sings about Kurt Cobain, who was the singer of Nirvana, and Andrew Wood, who was the singer for Malfunkshun and Mother Love Bone. These two people are some of my favorite singers at the moment, so that’s how I heard about this song. I’ve always liked songs that talk about death. I don’t know why. I even have a playlist full of them. The instrumentation and vocal melodies/tune has this mellow and relaxing yet somber and melancholic vibes to it. The song feels very “autumn” to me. Especially the instrumental part that comes before Ian mentions Kurt. It feels “Halloween-y” to me. The song also gives me summer vibes. I can picture it being late summer and some one is being sad about a loved one’s death and about the fact the summer is ending. I love the lyrics and how it feels so relatable to many people and still be very personal to Ian.

Be Free is a very bouncy song that is hard not to dance to. This song is playing as I’m typing. I am having a hard time actually typing instead of dancing. The lyrics don’t really seem all that interesting. Over all it seems like Ian is saying “go and have sex if you want to! Do whatever you want.” As a sex repulsed asexual, these lyrics just don’t attract me. Not a bad song. It’s fun, just not my favorite.

Universal You sounds vaguely grungy and like KoЯn. I think there’s a  KoЯn song with a vocal part that sounds similar to a vocal part in this song. I can’t think of that song it is, though. I love everything but the lyrics. I’m not sure what the lyrics are talking about whatsoever. I am a Christian and every time I hear a song mention god or religion, I immediately look up the lyrics. I personally refuse to listen to any song that is anti-Christian. The lyrics don’t seem to be anti-Christian which is good, but I still don’t know what they’re about. The lyrics are just okay, and everything else about the song is awesome.

Emperor's New Horse comes on and Ian randomly shouts at the beginning. That sounds weird and hilarious. I can definitely headbang to the chorus. The lyrics seem to be similar to Sacred Life, however this song doesn't directly mention anyone’s names. The song talks about how people need to get clean and sober. People need to change their life around.

The drums in Saints Are Down sound familiar, but I can’t think of what song sounds similar. Overall the song seem pretty mellow at first, but then it really kicks in and gets less mellow. I like that a lot. The lyrics confuse me. At first I thought he might be talking about drugs, but now I’m thinking he’s talking about a relationship. Not a bad song, but I’m not as into this one.

Overall thoughts on the album and personal rating:

This album is really good. I’d give it a 7 out of 10. Overall I like son songs and can dance to them. I’m sure I’ll eventually be singing along to some of them. Not my favorite album, but I like it enough to put on my front to back albums list. My F2B albums list is any album I like where I won’t be constantly skipping songs. More on this list in another tumblog.

[blkgirlsinthefuture]

Ironheart and Carceral Technology

3/19 - Lauren Forsythe

To be frank, I had never read a Marvel comic before in my 22 years of existence prior to Ironheart. I can probably identify a solid number of the superheroes based on the fact that I have a Twitter account and don’t live *completely* under a rock, but there’s typically something about them that intimidates me. Whether it be because it’s a space taken up largely by white men, or that I don’t always love how some of the bigger names represent female characters, or because I, the strictly humanities human, am often semi-terrified of that amount of technology and science going on in one place… There’s a lot I’ve felt hesitant about immersing myself within. However, last week in my “Gender, Sexuality, and the Law” course, we spent the entire week talking about discriminatory design in the field of technology and how this technology is often situated within the carceral spectrum. As I sat down and situated myself then to read my first ever Marvel comic centered around the story of a younger, Black woman surrounded by technology that gives her access to countless databases and artificial intelligence, I had a bit of a moment. When Professor Stringfield then asked us to consider in our work what it meant for Riri to be defined by technology in this contemporary moment, I realized how challenging of a question that was to grapple with, especially in relation to its positioning in carceral technology.

On one hand, I think it is incredibly important that Riri acts as the representation of Black girls and women in technological development that we don’t often see. As many of my classmates pointed out in their respective blogposts, she stands as this comparative counterpoint for many characters in the book to the white men who hold power in the field, whether that be the Dean she technically “works under” or Iron Man, who both steals her work and serves as the comparison point for all of the times Riri is misnamed. It’s really important that Riri exists in this technological space because we so often either don’t see this representation publicly or these women are tokenized and dehumanized in their place of work (re: Timnit Gebru and her legal fight against Google for silencing her my firing her because she advocated for other minority technological workers like herself). We see this same kind of pattern occur with Riri in the sense that she is in part commodified by the Dean for her work but isn’t treated with the basic decency or respect to, say, ask her before he randomly shows up with groups of people or not utilize language like he owns her and her technology. I realize that at these research institutions, they give you the lab and the funding, but there’s this gross power dynamic and undertone of intended exploitation that struck a nerve.

Something I find myself really interested by is Riri’s control and access to the kinds of technology she utilizes to puzzle her way through her missions. She references really in-depth databases at least three times through the first five issues, at least one of which gives her access to information about Daija, a missing Black girl in Chicago. While IronHeart is able to gather information through this kind of tech and it ultimately gives her information that she needs to succeed and locate Daija, these kinds of what I’d consider pretty invasive databases are simultaneously being weaponized against BIPOC folx in the carceral system. Often times, the information within the databases are collected without the users’ knowledge and is sold to different companies and government entities to be both accessed and coded to either exploit or incarcerate. What’s really neat is that Riri is obviously utilizing this technology for good and it allows her to actually hold white abusers of this technology accountable, as she catches Birch stealing technology from government workers to harvest their data. It’s a really powerful critique of that system, but I also struggle with it some because I sometimes view superheroes as playing an active role within our carceral system. Maybe this is because of my prior distance from the superhero world, but as an “outsider,” it sometimes seems like superheroes are an acknowledgement that our system of law enforcement is flawed, but acts as a kind of extension of it to ensure “justice” is restored, when we’re now debating about whether capturing and locking up a “villain” really is justice. To be clear, I could be WAY off base here - superhero knowledge is by far my weakest category in trivia. In no way am I saying that Riri’s actions are actively feeding into the targeting of BIPOC folx that we see with the carceral system; we can see she acts in ways that both acknowledge and act on what is falling through the cracks in the current system (i.e., devoting energy to finding missing Black girls, not letting BIPOC children fall for the blame of being exploited by white man in power, etc.) However, seeing that she’s utilizing the same technology that’s doing a harsh dichotomy of work and the almost constant law enforcement presence in the crises she tends to make me feel conflicted; like she’s being defined by the power she holds over that technology, while also being situated and in a way, structurally kind of participating within a system that abuses it.

[wirewitchviolet]

Hate Mobs Gotta Go

Last night, I did something I have never expected to do, and just full on gave up on a fun RPG writing assignment. Which I had to do because I hit a point where it was so overdue and unfinished that I was falling asleep sitting up and stress vomiting and other such things. There’s a whole lot of factors behind that. Other health issues, the toll of being on total pandemic lockdown for months, with neighbors just straight up open mouth coughing at my door, emergencies with friends and family, multiple fires and hardware failures, but the main thing was, and still is, the constant harassment from a militant hate mob, completely out of touch with reality.

Years ago, I remember there was this thing the internet at large was fond of doing with foaming at the mouth far right religious extremists- Mercilessly ridiculing them in public to expose how disconnected everything they said or did was from reality. Remember seeing this one float around and laughing your head off?

And if I mention the Westboro Baptist Church, you immediately picture a single family of raving bigots picketing funerals and such with their big homophobic signs, with a bigger crowd mocking them, right?

For some reason, the modern version of that particular flavor of fringe weirdo doesn’t get that sort of ridicule. Presumably because they’re focusing almost exclusively on trans people, and most people have this weird thing where like if you stick up for trans people you get cooties or something and never dig into the real juicy ridicule fodder. But for real, this stuff is OUT THERE. Just look at a few examples here.

Come for the weird ravings about harvesting baby organs. Stay for the... adult woman who apparently believes breasts get their shape from actually being sacks filled with milk under women’s skin? Now, how about this colorful comparison?

For anyone who wasn’t aware, pronouns are words like “I” “you” “he” “she” “it” and “this,” while rohypnol is colloquially known as “the date rape drug,” so this is utter gibberish. The full context of course is that this person is trying to make the argument that forcing this bigot to refer to women she’s prejudiced against as “she” instead of arbitrarily tossing around “he” or “it” is... raping her brain, I guess?

So... this is pretty clearly some creep’s weird little fantasy. The obvious giveaway is pretending that trans women “aren’t in the correct bathroom” when going to... the correct bathroom, and that the non-existent law about this is somehow enforced by... random bigots opting to deputize themselves. What DOES happen for real though is bigots like this being arrested for barging into public restroom stalls with camcorders aimed at the crotches of women on toilets and trying to defend themselves by insisting they have some duty to check what their genitals look like. On which note...

That’s just disgusting. It’s also as close as I feel comfortable to posting all the graphic fantasies I see from these people about the barbaric genital mutilation they imagine trans women subject ourselves to which really has no basis at all in reality. Well maybe I can post this one.

I’m not going to go through and itemize all the baldfaced lies in that, because I really kinda hope I don’t have to, and also because the person who slapped this together was kind enough to break it up in such a way that I legitimately can say “every single line of this is a completely baseless lie.” Also the art in the corner is stolen from a child-friendly comic whose author is trans, so, that’s extra slimy. Also wow that “bone scans” bit is actually one I’ve never seen. Where the hell do they even get these ideas?

Also this one needs some setup. If you have time, this right here is a freaking journey, if not, I’ll try to summarize.

So a while ago, this one particular unhinged bigot decided the most productive way to spend all her time was to get in touch with a bulk sticker printing business and order thousands if not millions of these weird gross poorly framed slabs with a really crude drawing of a penis and bunch of gibberish she really wishes were the names of popular twitter hashtags that nobody else but her ever uses. And then after receiving these, just... wandering around the city she lives in all day every day plastering them on phone booths and power poles and the mirrors of bathrooms in like.. elementary schools and park benches, just everywhere. And then makes multiple passes a day apparently to make sure nobody has tried to remove any of them, as detailed in this amazing thread I’ll link again.

So the latest break in that particular saga is that same zealot going around plastering stickers like this around too, to make it seem like “both sides do it.”

It should be obvious that that’s a “blacks rule!” sort of fake between the baffling text and using the extra inclusive, particular emphasis on supporting people of color, general purpose LGBT+ flag, but also, like their fellows on 4chan, they plan this sort of “false flag” crap in broad daylight:

I should really properly credit the whistle-blowing on that particular oddity, and I should also note that aside from the breast milk sacks, this is all just stuff I saw TODAY catching up on my twitter feed, but my main point with all this is to illustrate that we really are dealing with Jack Chick/Westboro Baptist-level unhinged zealotry... but again, nobody’s out there pointing and laughing. And it turns out, when you don’t have people pointing and laughing at this sort of thing, you get people taking it seriously. So... when I went to quickly search for a news story to link with the bit about creeps barging in on women with cameras, the results I got were... this.

That... sure is a lot of stories about totally innocent people in a demographic I belong to being murdered by total strangers goaded into blind murderous hatred by the sort of people I’m pointing and laughing at! Ha ha! There’s a very real chance of that happening to me every time I step outside, for any reason! Tee hee! I live in a state of constant fear! Whoopsie!

And it’s not just stuff like that. The people posting these rambling tirades about “breast milk sack implants” and putting crude penis stickers everywhere, never being called out as the unhinged weirdos they are, either have the world turning a blind eye to all this crap, or have everything they do downplayed in the media to the point where outright sexual harassment, doxing, and slurs I don’t want to repeat get headlines like “so-and-so made comments that some fringe trans activists on the internet deem ‘possibly transphobic’” and that’s AT BEST. More often you get stuff like the one incident I managed to bring a lot of public attention to way back when, where some bigot just literally walked up to someone on the street, grabbed them, savagely beat the hell out of them until pulled apart, had friends film the whole thing, and bragged after the fact about it, and every story that appeared as a result claimed the assailant was the victim, because they were all written by her friends.

Face obscuring provided by me here, by the way.

And that isn’t a one-off incident. Because, see, most of these unhinged weirdos spewing out all this transphobic gibberish are not, as you would think, a bunch of barely educated Trump hat wearing members of some fringe religious congregation. They’re editors and producers in major British news outlets. This isn’t me shouting conspiracy nonsense either, this is well-documented. Like, The Guardian gets public internal protests over this crap. So does the BBC. Yes, other respected news sites cover this. Media watchdog groups do their best to reign this in with hearings and such, but, don’t actually have any power to enforce anything really. So when there’s ���reporting” on this crap, it’s coming directly from the “breast milk sack implant” people. Oh and here’s some screenshots of the headlines of those stories you’re too lazy to click through and actually read:

And of course, sometimes when they want to really come across as respectful, they try to find “scientists” and “doctors” who back up their ravings but all they have to fall back on are disgraced quacks who spend most of their time on activism work to normalize pedophilia.

I’m not bringing that point about Cantor up to discredit his writings about trans people by the way. He doesn’t really HAVE any writings about trans people. He just pasted the names of a bunch of random studies from the 70s about whether playing with barbies makes you gay into his blog a few years back and this crowd was so desperate for validation they declared him an “expert in the field” and started passing out links to his.... pro-pedophila blog. Which is part of this whole pattern, but I’ve written about that before. Oh and the governments of multiple countries manage to treat all these people as “experts” and make policy decisions based on their ravings. That’s fun.

Anyway, aside from encouraging random people to, you know, just randomly murder anyone they see who looks like maybe a trans woman, every so often this weird little cult pulls in an actual celebrity who then has a public meltdown as they post all this gibberish to a wider audience. Currently this is going on with Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling (who’s actively promoting the pedophile guy up there on Twitter), and I think also William Shatner, but I haven’t really looked into it. The last big one though was Graham Linehan. Who you might remember from co-writing some sitcoms that were popular decades ago in Britain, or from being the weird cartoon villain who tried to kill the funding of a children’s charity, prompting this strange pledge drive marathon of Donkey Kong Country.

You might also know him as one of... I think honestly just two people who have ever managed to be such out of control stalking hate mongers that they were actually given a permanent no possible appeal ban from Twitter. Personally though I know him more as, you know, that one absolute creep who’s been obsessively stalking me for like 5 years and never shutting up about his weird personal obsession with me.

I WOULD link the recent freaking filmed interview he did where he spent forever rambling about me, but I’d have to actually watch it to confirm I had the right link, and also the only place I could quickly find a link to it would be on his twitter feed, which as stated, no longer exists. Oh and random side note there, despite being personally, by name, the person he was explicitly targeting all his hateful ramblings at, he wasn’t banned from that site for any of the disgusting stuff he said to me. He just slipped up and mentioned a cis woman with a professorship while shouting about this crap recently and that caused people to actually take action. I do so love being invisible.

Anyway, point is, prior to Rowling grabbing the baton from him as his social media presence went up in flames, this guy was name-dropping me a LOT. Presumably he still is, just in places fewer people see it. And when you have as big an audience as he did, and that audience is as full of hatemongers as his was, that has a pretty noticeable effect. I’ve been deluged with so much hateful garbage for so long it’s impossible for me to put any numbers on it. The closest I can do to quantify it is note that hate dump was big enough that I was also flooded with more weird messages intended as support from total strangers than I could deal with, totally losing access to social media feeds and my e-mail from the volume for a good bit, and THAT flood was big enough that I got this whole second wave of creepy stalkers who’d built up this whole weird fanon where this stalker here is like, someone I used to date or be business partners with and not just some creepy dude like twice my age stalking me over the internet, from a completely different hemisphere.

And I mean... in the broadest of strokes, I can kinda laugh all this off. Because... these people are completely ridiculous, out of touch with reality, and mostly live in other countries. But... all the threats and shouting are very real and very constant and like.. picture someone outside on the street shouting at your windows about how they’re going to break in and kill you. You really can’t ignore that. Even if they’re unarmed, and all they’re really capable of doing is shouting and pounding on your door, you can’t really just ignore that shouting and pounding and just watch a movie or play a game or write this article you promised would be done 3 months ago. You can certainly try, but a pretty big part of your brain is going to be occupied with thoughts about how maybe you should call someone to see if they’ll escort this violent person away, or maybe you should barricade your door in case all that pounding does something.

And I mean this isn’t a bad metaphor for how all the constant threats and stalking I’m dealing with thanks to celebrity bigots personally obsessed with me impacts my life, but it also does a pretty good job of describing how my night went pretty recently when I ACTUALLY DID HAVE SOMEONE POUNDING ON MY ACTUAL REAL PHYSICAL DOOR SHOUTING ABOUT STABBING ME TO DEATH, and no, there was no resolution to that beyond the sound of sirens causing that person to back off.

I also had an experience not too long ago where I was supposed to take a cab to a routine appointment, a car showed up with the cab company’s name on it, somewhat early, and proceeded to drive me... out to the middle of the freaking woods like an hour from where I live, and when my phone rang with my actual cab asking where I was the driver freaked out, had me get out of the car, and took off leaving me just... stuck in the middle of nowhere freezing to death and trying to find a landmark an actual cab could pick me up from. Still don’t know what the hell that whole thing was about and whether a cab driver just REALLY didn’t know what he was doing and panicked or what, but I do know that talking about it publicly in the vaguest of terms lead to a bunch of unhinged shouting from... apparently some unconnected ride share driver with a habit of dumping trans women between stops when they try to get medications or something, convinced I was calling him out for that.

So.... yeah. Things aren’t exactly going great in my neck of the woods. I’d really appreciate it if people would properly treat these unhinged violent weirdos like unhinged violent weirdos and not respectable members of society so they quit getting so bold and public with the violent stuff, and people who listen to them get properly shouted down for doing so.

[maddiicake]

Ramblings of a Madwoman

Because I honestly have no other idea what to title this as. To put it simple, that's what this entire journal is going to be. From start to finish--no stopping to think about whatever f-ed up stuff will be put into written text and to be immortalized for eternity (deleted after or not) here on the World Wide Web--nothing but unedited, freewriting, off topic sidebar-ing throughout the entirety of this Journal. So, we'll see where and how it ends.

In about a month, I'll have been on DeviantART for an entire decade (and about 8 years since Tumblr). And, I just want to make it clear: I've done a shit tone of fucked up things in all the years that I've been here. Of course, this was things that I mainly did to people. (Yes, people, because, let's face it, whether or not we have the comfort of anonymity behind the keyboard in the middle of our "safe space" of the internet, we're still people on the other side of the screens). But, yes, I've done and said fucked up shit to people during me time here. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Nor will I deny any of the messed up stuff that I've done, especially to said people, in the past decade. I'll spare you all the wall of novel-length text that consists of my usual self-deprecating self-flagellation, since you all know the drill by now. Plus, I would hate putting you all to sleep just at the beginning of this Journal.

I'm messed up in the head. Plain and simple.

In my younger years (earlier in the decade, right about when I first appeared on dA), I had something wrong with me--not sure what, but it was definitely something that I, unfortunately, would never fully realize until recently this year. I grew up sheltered in an overly Conservative and Bible-Thumping household. The neighborhood I grew up in was what my parents lovingly called "God's Waiting Room", because of all the old-timers living in the homes. Any kids around were ones that I wasn't allowed to socialize with because my parents didn't want them "influencing" me. So, needless to say, I didn't have much of a social life growing up. I only went to a real school for two and a half years of my life, and, during that time, I stuck out more than a sore thumb (Hell, I didn't even know what a "Cafeteria" was, because the only "Cafeteria" I knew of was the dinner table. So, needless to say, my first time experiencing "lunch" was very awkward). All in all, being sheltered and not having much of a social life when you're still in your single-digits you grow up having this narcissistic know-it-all, controlling, 'I'm better than you', 'I'm the only person in this world and everyone else doesn't exist' personality and you think that you can control everyone else to your every whim. Being put into a real school with other real life people and kids my age was, obviously, a massive culture shock. When you suddenly realize that other people are their own individual person and have their own free will, you start to become aware that you were educated and raised in a world that could be similar to solitary confinement.

"Oh, hey, (Saki's real name). What're you doing?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just trying to think of how I can get all my classmates together for our superhero team so we can go off and fight bad guys in my head, all the while thinking I can bend them to my will as if they're not actually other human beings."

"...Didn't Chris-Chan already do that?"

"Pfft. This is 2005! Chris-Chan won't be a thing for another few years."

Now, my parents weren't perfect. I was their first child, and the first-borns are always the "guinea pigs"  for new parents.  Of course, I never understood that my parents were humans until my 20s. They made mistakes with me, like thinking that not giving their young impressionable daughter a social life through the first crucial years of her childhood was a good idea.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining--that's always the initial reaction people get whenever they read posts like this from me. "Oh, Saki's just starting drama", "Kura just wants attention", "She's cray-cray and needs help, like srsly...". Believe me, I get it, I completely understand why one would think that I sound like I'm complaining. Because you, the reader, are just reading these little pixelated words that look black on your computer monitor/mobile screen. But, in reality, when up close, those pixels are just a collection of RBGs. You interpret what you see through your reading and comprehension of the words before you. Because you're not the author. You merely interpret what you're writing and filling the blanks with guesswork of what the writer is trying to convey through these little pixels making up words.

It's weird, y'know... They say that "hearing voices" is the first step into insanity. But, are you insane if you're fully aware of it? They say that psychos and sociopaths don't admit nor are aware of their disorder because of the narcissism that accompanies it. So... would you still be a psychopath or sociopath if you admit it and/or are aware of it? These are just a handful of the kind of questions that fill he chaotic Hell in my mind when nothing else is going on.

Lately, though, that hasn't been very often. For those of you, who follow me on Tumblr (by the way, if you still follow me there, you must have a lot of tolerance for me), you may have noticed the rather alarming on-and-off episodes I've been having over the past few weeks. Trust me when I tell you that former friends will assure that "This is normal for Saki/Kura. Just stay away from her. She's just a lost cause. You'll only end up hurt associating with her, much less talking to her."

"Saki... the things you have been saying aren't really 'normal'--"

"Oh trust me... this is the Keemster-level of a 'cycle' that she goes through. Why do you think we made her theme song that Keemstar Parody of All Star? LMAO. This is 100% Normal for her."

But, what is normal? 'Normal' is nothing more than a perception of what we're used to: routines, topics, lifestyles--whatever we are used to. When something occurs that is out of our routine, we immediately perceive it as 'abnormal' (or just not normal). Much life me experience, albeit rather brief, time I spent in an actual school. You feel that unnerving unease as the stranger in a foreign land.

Now, what I do and say isn't Healthy, that would be the proper use of the phrase you're trying to portray. But, my diagnosis came far too late. There's no undoing what is done. There's no chance at saving loathsome sinners, the chance they had was the life they had before and the punishment is this. There's no rainbows inside of demons.

People, who view others outside of their little bubble, call those 'abnormal' people "toxic", simply because that person has disturbing psychological issues. It's like: "Ewww! A mud puddle! Gross I can't believe I stepped in that! Now my $200 shoes are ruined forever because of that damn puddle!" Those people are treated as lower than dirt just because their perceived in such a negative light. It's a label those high and mighty ones quickly slap onto those, who can't help the disorders they have. Sometimes those people aren't even aware they have a disorder, yet those prissy princesses still sit with upturned noses and chastise with their prim: "You need help, srsly." with their venomous undertone of "I'm better than you." Is it really fair to be some uppity hoity-toity sociality; sneering through your little rainbow-soap window down below at those loathsome dirty little plebian peasants? Perhaps that may be "normal" for you.

Sometimes--no, actually, often; very often--I just want to pop that bubble. Let that sprinkle of soap sting their eyes as it dribbles into their corneas. Their screams and cries in pain while they lean over the sink to wash them out would be such a delight.

I would go into more detail about other things regarding this, but I'm not dumb enough to freewrite my thoughts out to the point there's incriminating evidence against me.

"...Saki, this Journal is getting a little dark..."

"It's called 'Ramblings of a Madwoman' for a reason. Besides, the little 13-year-old edgelord wannabes on this website get away with far worse. Trust me, I've seen them. Some of them are in their 20s and haven't grown out of that phase. Them going on and getting away with using their boyfriends, who has ties to the dark Web, to get the personal information (mailing address and all) of the people they don't like just so that they can have them killed. You'd be surprised how thin-skinned these little lefties are. 'Someone Disagrees with me?? -cue Mission Impossible montage of tracking that person down and killing them-'."

"But you're talking about killing people!"

"I have said no such thing! At least not put it in writing. What part of 'I'm not dumb enough to post incriminating evidence of myself' did you not understand, my dear?"

Yes... it would be nice to have a peace of mind for once day. It would be amazing to not have to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat from another night terror (had one just last night actually). When people want you dead--and have gone out of their way to find your address so that they can kill you--, all you want to do is keep you and your family safe. People can't kill you if they no longer exist, right? It would be just so nice to be able to go on for the rest of my life without having to worry about being sought after and killed just because I disagreed with someone and told them they were being stupid and immature. Or just randomly responding to condescending Twitter users, who think I'm talking about a certain someone when I'm not. But, just knowing that people still continue to go after me for no apparent reason just causes those night terrors to persist.

I just want to keep my family safe. Selfishly, I want to be able to sleep without having to worry about people in other States and Countries somehow knowing where I live and can come and kill me at any moment.

"Why didn't you call the cops--?"

"Because I didn't know it was them at the time it happened. Their former friend didn't tell me about all the plots and things they said in their Discord server until two years later. So, they were able to get away with this because of the Statute of Limitations."

Regardless, that still won't put my mind at ease knowing that they're still out there and can pull the same thing or worse once again. I wasn't the only one they they did this too, either. Of course, that the YouTube Drama Channels for you. They do fucked up shit behind the scenes while putting on some "I'm a good person" face.

You can't trust people, who act nice publicly. They aren't the innocent souls they want everyone to believe that they are. They want something. They want something from you. And when they've squeezed everything out of you that they want... they'll toss you away with no hesitation because they're done using you. Using you to feed their little lambs, whose fleece are white as snow, while they sleep their way to the top.

They want me dead. They've always wanted me dead. They know where I live, and they'll take me out along with the rest of my family. They'll rejoice and be glad of course~ ^u^ "Ding Dong the witch is dead~!" They will sing as they dance together happily in the streets. "Huzzah! Hooray! The monster has been slain. No longer shall she continue to torment us because we have FINALLY killed her~!" They said so themselves: "I'm happy that people told you these things." That was back in 2015 (and I still have the screenshot and the link to the original post)... half a decade ago. Even back then, they wanted me dead. Their party planning for that day is still in preparation. But, they'll immediately set up once that time come when I no longer exist. "...Saki, you're not okay."

This is what happens to people when they've finally Snapped.

But, I want to get better. Don't get me wrong. I don't like that I've become this person. No, I don't believe in change--I don't believe people can change whatsoever. I just want to feel better and not have to worry about these things anymore. But, I know well that things will never be the same. All I can do is continue moving forward and hope and pray that I don't mess up once again and start the cycle all over.

[eldritchsurveys]

669.

What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? >> You know, it’s set to shuffle but I feel like it’s always on the same thing every time I get this question. It’s a shot from the movie Interstellar. Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? >> No, there’s just a NASA logo on the left thigh. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? >> I’ve never been to a baby shower and I can’t imagine a reason why I’d ever be at one. Who is the person you text the most in your life? What relation are you? >> Sparrow. She’s my spouse. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? >> Mexican food is my favourite of the ones listed.

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? >> Sure. My sense of sexuality has gone through several states of flux. It’s never been set in stone, for whatever reason. Does your mother annoy you when the holidays come along in the year? >> --- What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? >> --- Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? >> I don’t think of them in terms of sexiness. A lot of people have had tattoos or piercings that I found nice to look at, though. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? >> No, because most people I encounter are taller than me. Do your siblings bring people around that your parents don’t approve of? >> --- Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? >> Carpet. Do you check the texture of things first or the smell of them? >> It depends on what the thing is. Have you ever broken the arm or head off of a trophy? How did you do this? >> No. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? >> No, but I do believe in not breaking mirrors because they’re a pain in the ass to clean up. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? >> I mean, I haven’t heard anyone do this in years. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? >> Maybe they did one when I had an abortion, I don’t remember. Do you like those ‘end of the world,’ ‘Armageddon’ movies? >> Nah. They’re very “seen one, seen ‘em all”. What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? >> Black. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? >> I don’t think so.

Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? >> I remember nothing about kindergarten...... Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? >> Maybe. It probably wasn’t a flattering comparison, though, so I’m glad I don’t remember. Has anyone, including yourself, forgot it was your own birthday? >> I don’t think so. I mean, obviously people who aren’t especially close to me are going to forget, but they’re not expected to remember, so I don’t care. Chocolate or strawberry birthday cake? Choose one. >> Neither, thanks. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? >> I eat more vegetables than fruits. I don’t have favourites. Do you abbreviate things way too often? Do you get called out on it? >> I abbreviate things when I feel like abbreviating them, idk. Why would anyone “call me out” on it, it’s not fucking illegal. Ever been in one of those church Christmas plays before? Why/why not? >> No. Because...? Obviously it just wasn’t a part of my life. What is the funniest conjunction you use throughout your day? >> I’ve... literally never heard of a funny conjunction. How do you even... Have you ever thrown a roll of toilet paper at someone before? >> No. Does the dentist calm you or does it tend to stress you out? >> Of course it stresses me out, it’s invasive and involves strangers touching me. If you had to choose, which is the worst movie you’ve ever seen? >> I wouldn’t bother choosing. Have you ever found yourself talking to an inanimate object? >> Sure, I talk to my plushies and my computer all the time. Do you like movies that are originally based on children’s books? >> Sure, sometimes. Is your hair more thick or thin? Is it more curly or straight? >> Thick and curly. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: >> I’d rather not even think about it. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? >> I don’t mind it, if I’ve got the energy for it. I don’t have a common greeting, I just say hi or whatever? IDK. Ever think of what it would be like to be a mermaid or merman? >> Not extensively. If you had to choose, which celebrity would you date out of all of them? >> --- Do people feel sorry for you for no reason? Have they ever? >> I don’t know? What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? >> I’m not really bothered by anything in surveys, aside from maybe an occasional flash of irritation (like when I get a bunch of questions disparaging slang usage or so-called “internet speak” or whatever). Who would you take with you on a stranded/deserted island? >> Bold of you to assume I have any interest in being on a deserted island. Do you have your own personal boom box in your bedroom? >> No, but I have a record player. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? >> Probably not. Because reasons. What would you say is the worst part of high school period? >> The social hell, in general. For me specifically, also my inability to, like... do schoolwork in some classes. I can’t really explain exactly how/why I was so bad at school, which is also partly why I couldn’t get any help. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? >> Red. Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows? >> I’ve never wanted to be a doctor. What do you think of all these reality shows that try to alter personality? >> I don’t know what you mean. Where are your favorite pair of shoes in the whole world right now? >> --- Do you live anywhere near a mall? >> Yeah, there are two malls that are both a relatively short drive away. Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated? >> I literally have no opinion. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? >> --- Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? >> I’ve never babysat a child. Do you ever have those ‘ah ha!’ moments? Do those annoy you? >> What kind of moment is that? Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at? >> I usually remember, but sometimes I don’t. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? >> Turkey or chicken. When is the next time you’ll eat a cupcake, if you know when? >> I don’t know when. I don’t usually eat them. Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like? >> I don’t remember. Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because? >> I’m sure I’ve done it on a few occasions. When do you normally go to sleep on the weekends? >> The same time I go to bed any other time -- around 10p. Have you ever met someone with the same ‘biggest fear’ as you? >> --- Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other? >> Not really, because she doesn’t often have the mental energy or... desire to, I guess? watch movies. I’m the big movie watcher in this household. But occasionally we’ll go out together to see one. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? >> Pen. I just like the way it feels more. Do you like candy bars? Are you trying to slack off of them? >> No. What is your favorite number? Is it significant with your life? >> 9/19. I mean, I guess, yeah. Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at nighttime? >> No. Has your mother ever called your school because of your grades? >> My father has. Which of course then led to two people teaming up to berate me about my “laziness” and “not living up to my potential” or whatever the fuck they assumed about me. In the next twenty minutes, what will you be doing and where will you be? >> As long as this survey is, I might still be doing it 20 minutes from now. If not, then I’ll be making/eating breakfast. Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice? >> Shower. I just hate baths. Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose others? >> I don’t think I am a controversial person. Of course my views oppose others’, not everyone thinks alike... Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for? >> No. What would you say your average word per minute time is on the keyboard? >> I’m not sure. At least 60, I’d assume. What is your least favorite class in school? Why is this? >> --- Do you bite your fingernails or tap them on desks? >> No. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? >> I did when I was a teenager, but like... not seriously. I just was really into rock music, lol. (I wanted to be the singer.) Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? >> --- Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? >> --- Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? >> --- Do you ever have to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? >> Well, we do our laundry at Sparrow’s parents’ house because we don’t have a washer/dryer in-unit. (There’s a laundry room in the building, but they’re coin-operated, and doing laundry at the Wayland house is free...) When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this? >> I don’t know. I usually borrow e-books. Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite? >> I like both. Do you constantly have to be told to shut up? By who? >> If someone constantly told me to shut up, I wouldn’t fucking hang out with them. Do you know how to play pool? Are you any good at it? >> I know how to play, but I am not skilled at it. Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always? >> I try to treat others with at least basic respect and compassion. Sometimes I miss the mark, because I’m not perfect (and I have a lot of issues), but I try. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? >> I was a quiet kid, but more on the sullen side than the sweet side. Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot? >> No. Conflict is very taxing for me physiologically, so I try to pick my battles accordingly. How do you make sure people know you don’t like them at all? >> I don’t bother making a big deal out of it. It’s just not necessary and leads to more issues/drama. Also, who cares? Would you say you’re someone who likes to cuss a lot? >> I mean, maybe. I don’t think I cuss a whole lot, but maybe I do, idk. Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? >> --- What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? >> --- If you had to, where would you get a tattoo at? Why? >> Anywhere. How much was the cell phone you have at this moment in time? >> A couple hundred, I think. Would you say you hang out with people the majority of your life? >> No? What would you do if you woke up randomly with purple hair? >> Be really confused? Do you ever look in the mirror and name all of your flaws for no reason? >> Sometimes, if Can Calah doesn’t stop me. Are you getting sick of the reality show Survivor? Why? >> I mean, I don’t watch it, so. Do you usually explain to people why you do the things you do? >> I’ve stopped with this for the most part, unless they explicitly ask. I’m tired of making unnecessary justifications for myself. If you don’t like something I do, you don’t like it. That’s fine. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? >> No. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? >> I don’t know. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? >> No, I am not someone who likes to eat Pop-tarts. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? >> No. Do you like people who are loud or people who are quiet? >> I like quieter people. Does personality weigh out the sense of ‘good looks?’ >> --- When is the next time you’ll see someone who is pregnant? >> I don’t know. Do you hate it when people copy the things you do? >> This doesn’t happen to me. Where is your favorite piece of electronic equipment? >> I’m using it. Where is the person who ‘owns your heart’ at this moment in time? >> --- Has anyone ever told you that you’re good at cooking? >> I don’t think so. Would you say you’re a fast texter, or are you pretty slow? >> I guess I’m fast enough. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? >> I hate Doritos. Do you have any enemies who you think are dangerous? >> I don’t have enemies. Do you ever try to squeeze information out of people? >> No. Does it freak you out when the police drive by your house? >> The cops aren’t usually driving around this apartment complex. Are you someone who tends to take a whole lot of naps? >> No. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? >> “Rev”. I have no idea why I’m attached to that, I just am. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? >> I don’t plan my outfits. What is the color of your favorite pair of pants? What brand are they? >> --- Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? >> No. Do you ever promise pc4pc on Myspace then never return the favor? >> No. What is one song right now that really gets on your nerves? >> --- What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? >> --- Do those annoying infomercials ever draw you in to buy things? >> Nope. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? >> I don’t drive, so. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? >> ---

[atimefordragons]

100 Intelligence, 0 Wisdom || EHS

☾♔; June 17, 2020 ☾♔; 12:26am ☾♔; sotd: Tuhje Dekha To (DDLJ)   ☾♔; cotd: Dick Grayson   ☾♔; Elite Highschool ☾♔; Side/NPC Profiles

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: lol, a summary of all 5 Sheremetev kids

----------->UPDATE: description abandoned. The group was shutdown and I've been kicked from the discord, so there's no point in finishing this set. I'll just make a new one when I inevitably recycle the characters.

Most of their profiles were done anyway, but whatever, I’m not putting any more effort into something I’m not involved in anymore.

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【𝕀ℕ𝕊ℙ𝕆 ℂℝ𝔼𝔻】@ maybones

As always, lolz. Soz for always using you as inspo, but you are the unrivaled Queen of Talent and Set making.

Was specifically inspired by this set: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2523719 And as always, failed in mimicking it.

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I have made a new version of Tuhje Dekha To: Tuhje Dekha Toh ye jana sanam Main tuhje nufrat karti, kuti kamini

Loose Translation: When I saw you beloved, I knew That I despise you, you fucking bitch

(kuti kamini doesn’t literally mean fucking bitch, but that’s the emotional weight, or inflection or whatever behind it tbh - it doesn’t mean bitch though, like, from a literal translation, it kinda means bitch, bitch, since kuti and kamini both mean bitch)

Lol, ya, it doesn’t really flow with the music, but whatever. I’m fucking pissed and TDT was stuck in my head, so the lyrics went from love to rage.

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𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘

The Sheremetev’s are a unique bunch of siblings, in that not a single one is biologically related to another. All, but the youngest were adopted by Ivan Borisovich Sheremetev, his youngest, and only biological, child eventually passing into his custody. They’re a family of 7, Ivan, their father, Feodor Brezhnev, their butler/emotional grandfather, Rodya, the big brother, Adya, Emil, and Shion, the NOT triplets, and Erasyl, the brat- I mean baby. Because they’re not his biological children, they’re often labelled as charity cases, though they can pretty much brush it off at this point. Since Ivan does not make a blood distinction between his kids, Erasyl is often thought to have been adopted too. Are they just the batfam repackaged as Russian bourgeoisie? lol, yeah.

The House of Sheremetev are former Russian nobility, and in the age of the Empire, were amongst the wealthiest and most influential families in Imperial Russia. They held many high commanding ranks in the Russian military, governorships and were given title of "Count" (Граф graf), which in Russian society was the third highest, the first obviously being the rank of Tsar, followed by Prince (Князь knyaz) - a Russian prince was not necessarily royalty, but more equivalent to a western Duke. Notable Sheremetev's include Yelena Sheremeteva, who was the third and final wife of Tsarevich Ivan Ivanovich (1554–1581), the son of Ivan IV (better known to history as Ivan the Terrible), and Fedor Sheremetev, cousin of Tsar Mikhail I and head of government in 1613–18 and 1642–46.

During the revolution, the line that led to the current Sheremetev's stayed in Russia. A handful were executed, but one became a party man and ardent supporter of the regime. By the time of the union’s collapse, numerous members of the Sheremetev family had served in the government, military, and KGB throughout the existence of the Union. Boris Sheremetev, father of Ivan, was a member of the Council of Ministers when it was dissolved in 1991, and Anastasia Sheremeteva, Ivan’s mother, was a high ranking member of the KGB. During the upheavel of the economic shift from communist to capitalist, and mass privatization of the Russian and post-Soviet state economies, both Sheremetev parents were killed in highly suspicious circumstances. Their murders remain unsolved, though were blamed on Bratva’s. The Sheremetev’s had already taken part in Gorbachev’s attempt to create a mixed socialist economy, and during the post-Soviet transition period, they bought numerous government contracts and assets, primarily in the arms, oil, and energy industries, quickly establishing themselves as Oligarchs in the new world order. In the modern day, all Sheremetev assets are controlled under the banner of Sheremetev Enterprises (Шереме́тевы Компании Sheremetev  Kompanii), often shortened to SKomp. Due to the industries, and their closely maintained friendship with the Russian government, the Sheremetev family is amongst one of the wealthiest in Russia and the world at large.

Ivan Sheremetev, current head of the family and their business, is the only child of Boris and Anastasia. Their respective jobs already came with a level of paranoia and strict safety measures in the family, but their deaths made Ivan far more cautious and obsessive. Ivan was a teenager when his parents died (somewhere between 15-18) and he’s basically become a doomsday prepper, but instead of a Zombie invasion or whatever, he’s more concerned that some goon will invade his house. Bitch has the most insane and overkill security system in the world, plus he does all that martial arts and marvel superhero training. And then he went and had kids, and somehow managed to become even more hypervigilant, makes them all take at least one “bad bitch, kick your ass” type class (judo, krav maga, etc). He rarely drinks in public, fucking nerd even drank gingerale and pretended it was alcohol so he could keep his wits about him. He used to masquerade as a party boy to keep people disarmed around him, but after adopting children, especially once he had the non-triplets, he just acts as the truth; tired father. 100% uses them as an excuse to avoid parties and the media (lol, he’s just a brooding loner type who has maybe 12 friends, and 5 of those are his kids). Ivan is bad at expressing emotions, but genuinely loves his kids, and is simultaneously the most laid back and most helicopter parent ever. The kids are out late? It’s okay, I trust them, and they’ll call if something bad happens. One of them fell off the monkeybars on the school playground? I AM SUING THEM FOR CHILD ENDANGERMENT!

𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 18 ➤BIRTHPLACE: Yakutsk, Russia ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: March 21 ➤FACE CLAIM: Simon Nessman

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: Overall, he’s a pretty decent guy. Big, big brother energy, also has a lot of dad energy, and is a mother hen. The type of guy that says “you kids these days”, even though he’s barely a year older. Rather sarcastic, but it’s mostly playful, loves a pun. Is pretty and petty, kind of a hoe, we got a male Anto here. Somersaults and does splits and other flippy shit completely randomly while walking, just ‘cause he can. He’s extra like that. Loves to tease his younger siblings, and will purposefully embarrass them, he will yell across campus to do so, “HEY ERASYL, REMEMBER HOW YOU GOT SCARED BY THE CAT LAST WEEK AND SNUCK INTO MY ROOM!” Has also yelled relationship advice and dating tips. Also more explicit tips. Despite his embarrassing tendencies, hoe nature, and general playfulness, apart from Feodor (the butler), Rodya is the certified adult™️ of the family, when any of the other Sheremetev kids have a problem, they all go directly to him, skipping over Ivan, who also goes to Rodya when he’s got a problem (but has great difficulty owning up to the problem too). Because of their emotionally stunted father, Rodya has become the emotional support of the family, though he certainly wasn’t always good at it. By the time Ivan brought Emil into the family, Rodya (around 13 at the time) quickly grew up to help the traumatized Emil adjust to the new family (lol, they’re all traumatized), and changed his previously dismissive and rude behaviour towards Adya. Because he took over what should’ve fallen to the parent, Rodya has a lot of buried issues himself, particularly a temper, which flares up whenever any of his family or friends are being attacked in some way. Insulting one of my brat’s? Lol, let me teach you what gravel tastes like. Rodya seems like the best behaved of them all, he’s outwardly the most polite and charming Sheremetev, but he’s the most dangerous and vicious of them all.

➤LIKES: Cereal (is possibly addicted to it??? Can eat it for any meal and as a snack, it is genuinely a concern), Tequila (this wasn’t intentional, but I’ve been going through dick grayson memes for inspiration, and I vote Rodya as Anto’s best friend, the Princess can suck it), he a Gucci boy, winter, ice skating, eurovision, Frozen and disney movies in general, will belt those songs out at any time of the day or night, but Frozen has a special place in his heart ➤DISLIKES: Brooding people (got enough of that in his family), clowns, lazy fashion (black suit, white shirt again? Fucking try my dude), teen language constantly evolving (what happened to thristing? wtf is simping?), overpowering scents (like axe, that shit gross yo, have some class) ➤HOBBIES: Gymnastics and acrobatics (has no interest in joining a circus, but it helps him feel close to his parents), boxing (needs to beat up anyone that might threaten his family), karate (black belt), coding/hacking, frolicking (lol, is that a hobby? Hanging out with the friends and the “kids” - his sibs)  

➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Rodion gets along best with everyone else in the family, and is pretty much the lightning rod guiding them all back together. He’s grandpa’s (Feodor) sassy lil baby boy forever, and the only other person to sometimes have a brain cell, he’s dad’s (Ivan) pride and joy, not to mention emotional rock. Rodya feels so that Ivan doesn’t have to. He keeps Adya in check, is Emil’s idol, Shion’s best bro, and Erasyl’s actual dad (not really, but he parents Erasyl more than Ivan, so). When asked who’s their favourite member of the family, every Sheremetev without hesitation will answer Rodion (for himself, he’ll refuse to answer, he’s nice like that).  

➤SHORT BIO: The first, and the favourite; Rodion was born as Rodion Petyrovich Kirilov, his parents, Petyr and Masha, were members of a contemporary circus (a la cirque du soleil, but smallers, and in Russia), as a rarity in the contemporary circus, the Kirilov’s were a circus family, but that’s more of an arguable point, since Petyr and Masha were individually trained, and they were only beginning to pass on their skills, etc to Rodion when the thing™️ happened. When he was 5, Rodion’s parents were killed in what seemed to be an act gone wrong (though in truth a jealous member of the circus messed with the rigging, causing them to plummet to their deaths). Ivan Sheremetev just happened to have been attending that very show, and also just happened to witness the murderer in the act, and relayed his information to the police. As an orphan himself, though he was much older than Rodya when his parents died, Ivan empathized with the young child, and adopted him on pretty much impulse. Because he is so much dumber than he seems (he eats burgers with a knife and fork), he was able to win over young Rodya due to being “funny”, and they established their own little family, Rodya quickly picking up Feodor’s sassy remarks, and becoming a little darling by Ivan’s side at fancy Russian events.

When Adrian was brought into the family, Rodya was far from the best big brother he is now. Adya came into the family with Rodya was 11 (Adya himself was 10), so for 6 years, he was the only child in Ivan and Feodor’s care, and was certainly spoiled by the two. Adya’s arrival sparked First Child Syndrome in Rodya, who absolutely detested having to share the limelight now with another kid. He was incredibly rude to Adya, and repeatedly referred to him as a replacement, which resulted in Adya lashing out and running away a few times as well. He’s really not proud of this, not to mention, he’s definitely where Adya learned that replacement insult from, and subsequently used on Emil. He eventually got over it mostly on his own, though got a nice little pep talk from Feodor about how all three (Rodya, Adya, and Ivan) are just lost children who need to find a family, and Rodya begrudgingly began extending an olive branch to Adya and trying to get along with him, even being the one to bring him back to the manor a couple of times. He was much better prepared when Emil arrived 2 years later and smoothly transitioned into the “Best Big Brother” mantle he has now, and continued being the best bro when Shion and Erasyl arrived, though the younger ones started having issues with not being the new baby anymore (lmao, welcome to the club you dorks).  The day Rodion left for EHS was hilariously emotional, they were all crying ‘cause they didn’t want him to go, which in turn made him cry too. The other kids didn’t talk to Ivan for a week ‘cause he sent big brother away (overdramatic much, they’d be joining him in a year, two for Erasyl, anyway).

𝐀𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 17   ���BIRTHPLACE: Moscow, Russia ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: August 16 ➤FACE CLAIM: Sean O’Pry

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: (1) angry boi. He’s so petty and broken, and like, just needs love? He had a less than stellar relationship with his birth parents, and does not easily trust people. Adrian struggles the most with being called a “charity case”, it’s not really the insult that bothers him, but the implication that he isn’t loved by his dad, because he can’t fully trust that Ivan genuinely loves him as his son (plus Ivan isn’t exactly a share-my-feelings type, so that’s no help). Adya is quick to throw a punch, and has no patience, at all. If something is bothering him, he reacts immediately, usually with anger. On the flip side, he’s also really sweet and a nerd. Like that trope of “Bad boy who picks up cats in the rain”, that’s him, to a T! He loves literature and can recite Shakespeare from memory alone (lol, and has the nerve to call Emil a nerd), and is generally rather prickly, but if you can shave down those spikes, you’ve got a friend for life in him. ➤LIKES: Poetry, plays, literature, shakespeare, history, mythology, tolstoy, dostoyevsky, the beach, whiskey ➤DISLIKES: clowns, drugs (just say no), cops (acab), fire (he’s a tad pyrophobic), enclosed spaces (also claustrophobic), being told what to do (not a fan of being controlled) ➤HOBBIES: Reading, studying (he’s such a nerd), weight-lifting (does that count as a hobby?), mixed martial arts, napping, homework (lol, lil mr. bad boy here is top of the class), drama club (backstage stuff and directing, also script)     ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: It's complicated. When he first arrived to the Manor, he had a very teasing, bratty relationship with Rodya (he teased his new big brother, 'cause lol, dad loves me more now, you weren't enough), which Rodya did not like, but underwent the same crisis when Ivan brought Emil home and was much worse about. He has trust issues and has run away from home numerous times, but most of the time he went back on his own, or was quickly found by Ivan (and later Rodya). He deeply loves his family, but struggles with admitting it, and is fearful that they do not love him. He gets along the least with Emil, who was adopted 2 years after him, and frequently, to this day, calls him a replacement (something he picked up from Rodya). As both are aggressive types, he technically gets along the best with Erasyl, often teaming up to pull off shenanigans and teenage rebellion, but they constantly argue, and each views the other as the “stupid” one in their duo (lol, you’re both dumb). They’re also both super scared of Shion (she beat him up for talking shit). His relationship with Ivan is the most complicated, because he wants Ivan’s love and approval, but also refuses to admit that, though he does have it (even though Ivan struggles with admitting it too - they’re all so dumb).

➤SHORT BIO: The second one and resident “bad boy” (LOL, he’s so not), Adrian was born to Andrei and Olga Petrov, a regular working class family. Olga left them when Adya was 2, and Andrei subsequently remarried to a woman named Alina. Alina was a drug addict, as well as a drug dealer (she specialized in Heroin), which is how she and Andrei met. Both were addicts and frequently abused Adrian while high, when in withdrawal, and when completely sober. He was routinely locked out of their apartment and left to sleep outside in the freezing cold. Because of his upbringing, Adrian has had to learn to fend for himself, often resorting to petty crime just to survive. It’s how he met Ivan, as he was trying to steal the wheels off of Ivan’s fancy ass car to sell, but was discovered, and instead of trying to run, idiot decided I’m just gonna attack this guy. Ivan instead, decided to take Adrian in, easily getting custody of him from his birth parents and eventually formalizing the adoption. For this, Adrian is eternally grateful, and hasn’t seen his parents since the night Ivan caught him trying to jack his wheels (or however you say it).

The young Adrian was prone to tantrums, and often ran away from home, but was calmed down and brought back each time, usually by Ivan, a few times by Rodya, and sometimes he would come back on his own. The introduction of Emil in the family was a shocker for him, and made him feel as if he wasn’t enough, ‘cause who needs 3 kids? Not to mention, Emil, unlike himself and Rodya, came from upper society, so he felt a lot of inadequacy, which he dealt with by lashing out. He still dislikes Emil the most, even with Erasyl’s shouts about being the “blood son”. On the plus side, at least he mostly gets along with Rodya now. Technically speaking, Adrian is the youngest of the not-triplets (himself, Emil, and Shion), but having been adopted second acts as the oldest, and gets away with it due to his aggressive and independent nature.

𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐋 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Greiz, Germany ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: July 19 ➤FACE CLAIM: Louis Hofmann  

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: A very good boy, he is just the fucking sweetest, he could give you diabetes. But he is a Sheremetev sibling, and thus also is PETTY AF! He fucking logs every wrong another sibling has ever committed against him in a digital diary, and has the receipts when he complains to one of the “adults” (aka Rodion mostly, sometimes Feodor or Ivan). Emil is the “smart” one (lol, he’s got an IQ of 187, but will also blindly accept anything Rodya says as fact), and so he uses his brains to psychological torture Adya and Erasyl when they get on his nerves. He’s utterly savage when it comes to a comeback or witty comment, and can be impatient when it comes to letting someone else be in charge of technology (dies inside every time someone types www into the address bar). He makes a conscious effort to model himself after Rodya (apart from Rodya’s hoe-ing), to emulate that nice, caring, dependable thing that Rodya has, and was a super adorable mini-me when they were younger. Has insomnia, from a mix of nightmares from repressed trauma, and staying up online at all hours of the day and night like a typical zillenial. Runs on caffeine and candy.  

➤LIKES: Technology, he a computer geek, rococo, baroque, champagne, pastels, sunlight, summer, acrobatics, the circus, von gogh, monet   ➤DISLIKES: slow wifi connections, laggy computers (like excuse you windows, but I need those 4 browsers with 50+ tabs each, you know me, figure it out), blood, erasyl   ➤HOBBIES: computer engineering (is that a hobby, or just like a life goal? The latter probs), coding, tattling on adrian and erasyl, planning elaborate ways to get back at adrian and erasyl

➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: In general, he gets along with his siblings, with two glaring exceptions; Adrian and Erasyl, both of whom view him as an unwelcome replacement, well, for Erasyl, he’s a placeholder (which, I mean, calm down, we all know who dad’s favourite is - Rodya). Emil gets along the best with Rodya, whose parents he saw perform live once before their deaths, upon his arrival to the Sheremetev manor, witnessed Rodya pulling off a similar stunt on the banister (which gave poor Ivan a heart attack) and immediately became obsessed. Because they both had a strong brotherly bond with Rodya from pretty much the get go, Emil and Erasyl argue over Rodya the most. Aside from Rodya, Emil and Shion are rather close, though she doesn’t open up much, the two often team up against Adya and Erasyl.

➤SHORT BIO: Born to Heinrich XXVIII, Prince Reuss of Greiz and Elsa von Hohenberg, the last scions of the Elder Line of the House of Reuss, and born as Heinrich XXIX, Emil is the heir to the Principality of Reuss-Greiz, which was technically inherited by his cousin, Prince Heinrich of the Junior Reuss line (they’ll all named Heinrich in the honour of the Emperor who enobled them - lame). His parents were killed when he was 12; his death was subsequently faked alongside theirs and he was taken in by Ivan, a friend of his parents, for his protection. Emil witnessed his parents' murders and was covered in their blood when he was found by the guards, the incident clearly left him traumatized, and for the most part has shut out the memory, though he still has nightmares about it, which contributes to his insomnia.

When he was first brought to the Sheremetev manor, Emil was very withdrawn and solitary, often staying by himself in his room (with the doors and windows locked) or sticking by Ivan’s side. He was slowly brought out of his shell by Rodya, though this immediately sparked jealousy and insecurity in Adya, beginning their “rivalry”.  

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐍𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕𝐀 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Susaki, Japan ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: January 26 ➤FACE CLAIM: Dilraba Dilmurat

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: Seems like a brooding, silent, lowkey scary type, but really she’s just introverted. Doesn’t interact if she doesn’t know someone and/or it’s unnecessary. When she talks, she’s savage and witty (lol, despite them not being blood related, that’s a trait all the Sheremetev’s have). She’s honestly super dorky, loves shit like Naruto and One Piece and Batman cartoons (has declared she IS batman). Shion loves messing with people and will always make up shit to throw people off, she loves the whole concept of being the mysterious loner type, and there’s equal chance she’s saying a true fact about herself, or it’s another joke to fuck with you.   ➤LIKES: Messing with her brothers, dark colours, ➤DISLIKES:   ➤HOBBIES:   ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Quiet. Because she’s generally rather reserved, it’s not quite evident upfront how close or distant she is to her family, since she’s physically generally off doing her own thing, however, like her other brothers, she is close to Rodya, and tends to hang out with him when she has nothing else to do (she be the designated driver for the hoes - she could drive since she was like 12, yes, she had to heels and creative methods to reach the pedals, but she could drive).

➤SHORT BIO: Born as Orihara Shion, Shion is the daughter of Orihara Chinatsu, the former third generation leader of Sesshō-Kai (殺生会), a Yakuza based in Kōchi, her father is unknown, but is or was presumably a member of her family’s Yakuza. From the moment she was born, Shion was separated from her mother and raised in secrecy for her protection, as well as education, as per Chinatsu’s instructions, she was being raised to one day take over the Yakuza.

Technically speaking, she is the oldest of the “triplets”, but is treated as the youngest of the three, having been adopted last, and she’s pretty okay with it. Got to be doted on as the baby before the brat (Erasyl) arrived.

adopted when she was 13 (dick 14, and the other two 13 as well)

𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐘𝐋 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 15   ➤BIRTHPLACE:  Almaty, Kazakhstan ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia   ➤BIRTHDAY: August 9 ➤FACE CLAIM: Bright Vachirawit

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: ➤LIKES: ➤DISLIKES:   ➤HOBBIES:   ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Terrible. He’s very insecure about his father’s affections and always gets into fights with the others, particularly Emil and Adya. He’s scared of Shion, because the one time he managed to anger her, she threw him off a balcony (he’s fine, just traumatized - technically, Rodya once beat him too, but that was to teach him a lesson, Shion was straight up trying to kill him). Erasyl gets along the best with Rodya and is very possessive of him, especially since Rodya tends to pamper him and treat him like a child. Very quickly gets jealous when Rodya spends time with the others, especially Emil (You can have father, but Rodya is mine <- has actually said that, out loud).

➤SHORT BIO: The baby, Erasyl is the only biological child of Ivan

the only biological child (15), a brat, was a real bitch to them all, but started respecting dick when he beat him, and is now super attached to him

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀

➤MOODBOARD: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2594157 ➤SCHOOL WARDROBE/AESTHETICS: https://urstyle.fashion/collections/115802 ➤PLAYLIST:

[serenagaywaterford]

1) "Is violent mob revenge the answer? (I honestly can’t make that determination.) Is violence sometimes the answer? Is war the only answer with totalitarian regimes?" Those are the kind of questions I had in mind actually. Obviously, I wouldn't expect any answers (bc those are up to the audience, not the series), but it would be interesting if they went there. Of course, these questions would fly over some people's heads (like you said), bc honestly? Said people approach THT like it's a

2) Disney-esque (/superhero) series (nothing wrong with them), where the totally good guys get to punch and kill the totally evil guys in the end, uwu. (If I'm being too much of a dick, just tell me and I'll tone it down a notch, lol.) Anyway, mob mentality aside, history proves that such regimes fall and rise the same way they have been created. Aka "Those who arrive with blood, fall with blood." Doesn't mean that we have to like it. I've mentioned before that I detest violence and I especially

3) believe that it has NO place in politics. I've been called naive for this, so there's that. Weirdly enough, I'm also the kind of person who thinks that equating ALL forms of violence is quite dangerous given that: i) threats/regimes like Gilead are inherently genocidal in their ambitions, ii) the scale of violence is not always the same, iii) every country (democratic or not) has its army and police and most people consider this kind of (controlled) violence perfectly valid, iv) there's

4) self-defense. Where I'm going with this? If a pro-Gilead person is threatened by an anti-Gilead one, the former has a choice: they can ask for a democratic trial (bc it's too late to apologize). Most likely, civilized/democratic people will listen to reason. (Well, unless we're talking about mobs... THEN, things get quite disturbing.) But if a person belongs to a group/minority targeted by Gilead, there's nothing they can do that will make pro-Gilead people happy... except die or get raped

5) for life. Anyway, I really could go on and on about this subject, but I think I'll stop here, bc it's quite complex. /// I was thinking about what you said concerning Fred and Serena's pre-Gilead relationship, and you know what? You're right. Their relationship would have fallen apart at some point, Gilead notwithstanding or not. Fred is two-faced and he sure af played us in S1. (Ngl, I used to think he was the lesser of the two evils.) But one doesn't become such an antipathetic monster at

6) a flip of the dime. The nasty parts were always there, but he concealed/controlled them. Maybe bc said parts wouldn't exactly make him endearing to others? Anyhow, your interpretation makes him quite the interesting antagonist/villain, so I'm rolling with it, lol.

---------

OMG. I think I’m in love with you?  PLEASE NEVER STOP BEING YOU. I don’t think you’re being a dick at all. I love it. Cos sometimes we just gotta call the BS like we see it?

“Of course, these questions would fly over some people's heads (like you said), bc honestly? Said people approach THT like it's a Disney-esque (/superhero) series (nothing wrong with them), where the totally good guys get to punch and kill the totally evil guys in the end, uwu.”

This is such a huge point. Cos I think there’s a very common trend of THT attempting to approach issues from various angles and try to show the complexity of it but then it going WHOOSH over so many viewers’ heads. Which never makes sense to me cos like, what’s the point in watching THT if you’re not considering it on multiple levels and trying to explore the issues? I don’t wanna point the blame in the general directions of particular shippers but I can’t help it, perhaps cos they’re just the most vocal in fandom, but it seems that the Disney-eqsque superhero tale is what they want, complete with EPIC HETERO ROMANCE!!! throughout. I’d say at least 50% of the responses are about Mr. Nicky (It goes up to 75-80% if we are actually shown his face). (And their concern is focused on the male romantic lead... YAWN.)

I would absolutely love THT to take the path of questioning mob mentality and the cycle of violence/victimization, etc. But it may be too much for even Hulu to want to tackle considering how black and white viewers seem to think. They are trying so HARD to present characters as shades of grey (Serena, being the main example. But June, Emily, Luke, Nick, etc. also) but instead of placing them along a spectrum it’s either DIE EVIL SCUM! or AMAZING CINNAMON ROLL CAN DO NO WRONG! I think the only one they complain about is June cos she’s not AS perfect as they’d like her to be. She makes some dumbass fucking decisions for sure. Sometimes I like that about her, especially how pre-Gilead June was not a super great person. She was just sorta... normal. (Other times I’m like, “JUNE YOU IDIOT WTF?!” lol but that’s fun too I guess.) If I made a scale myself, I’d probably put June fairly close to the centre, rather than on the far “good” end.

I always wondered this:

If June hadn’t been deemed a “fallen woman” and thus been allowed to stay as an Econowife, with Luke and Hannah, would she have done anything? Would she be as inspired to rebel and resist as she is? I’m not trying to shit on June at all, but I feel like it’s a question I’m curious about. A lot of people say they would be big heroes, but when really faced with the reality of living a sort of shitty life or risking that for an uncertain thing/death, most just choose to go along with it and hope it ends (especially hope that SOMEBODY else takes the risk to end it). Even good people. What do you think? 

(Aside: June being called a fallen woman is SUCH bullshit. She wasn’t cheating on anybody! LUKE was unfaithful, not her! Which is why I thought perhaps they missed a chance to address race. It could have influence on what Gilead deems “holy” marriages, and those they see as “sinful”. And a (even subtly) racist fascist state, would deffo see mixed marriage as a terrible thing. “Let’s get the fertile white woman knocked up with some white babies; no more of this mixed race babies!” Again, as we talked about before, it would limit Hannah’s storyline ofc, but I guess it wouldn’t HAVE to. She could be in a “lesser” household, instead of the rich fancy one she is.)

Sorry, those were some unplanned side rants!

I love how you described all the politics of that. It really is a fascinating thing to consider, especially how to deal with Gilead, both on an international scale, and just on smaller scales. War? Seems inevitable honestly. And clearly, Gilead is STILL fighting wars all over the continent. I honestly... you’re so right. It’s very complex and I’m not sure how detailed THT will go with that. They seem to be keeping things quite... superficial. They reference things every so often but there’s nothing solid to latch onto. It often reminds me of the Underpants Gnomes from South Park. 

phase 1: blow up congress

phase 2: ???

phase 3: establish fully-functional military fascist handmaid regime over entire continental US.

....so how to bring down Gilead then??? 

phase 1: burn down 3 house + angry handmaid steal babby back then let babby go to canada!!

phase 2: ???

phase 3: overthrow massive fascist military regime!!!!

So, we’ll see how they do it. I doubt we’re really going to get a lot of details about how everything works and maybe it’s just better that way cos it seems like the more they try to explain how Gilead stays working, it makes even less sense. And also, as much as this stuff is interesting, I really don’t wanna watch THT turn into like Zero Dark Thirty or some shit. It’s strongest when focused on the women’s experiences specifically.

“Fred is two-faced and he sure af played us in S1. (Ngl, I used to think he was the lesser of the two evils.)“

Same! It wasn’t until S2 that I started going “hmm” about Fred. I thought he wasn’t as evil as her. And when you go back and watch S1 knowing what he’s done in S2, tehre are hints and I got a weird vibe. Like... I dunno. I was randomly just rewatching that 2x11 scene where Fred and Serena are at the house and Fred is just so.... Yikes. His motives are so clear. And I tried to find examples of Fred’s humanity. I do believe we get glimpses of Serena’s, and she has capacity for kindness--in very specific circumstances but I couldn’t find a single scene of Fred where he does anything selfless, or without expecting some sort of gross sexual favour/ego stroke in return, or even kind. It’s all for his own gratification. And I am 1000% convinced he has some sort of pregnancy fetish. It doesn’t seem like he gives a shit about the actual baby, esp once its born. He’s more interested in June’s bodily changes (not the actual baby) when she’s pregnant, and her lactation afterwards. And I may not know much about the world of fetishes but I do know that’s not exactly a rare one for men. 

I think an argument against me would be the car convo about creating the Ceremony cos Fred kind of just went along with it and was on the fence. But then I think... it’s not that he was against it at all. He just didn’t think women would like it. It was never, “Nah, mate, that’s a step too far.” It was more like, “Cool idea, bros. But let’s rebrand it okay?” I mean, in the flashbacks, he did seem very proud of her, enamored, like you said. But part of me just can’t shake that, okay fair play that he probably did honestly love/respect her in some ways, but he also saw it as, “Yes, this plan is going just the way I want it!” I don’t feel like power corrupts THAT much, that quickly that he’d go from perfect husband and lovingly gazing at his amazing wife to demeaning, repeatedly cheating on her, and beating the living shit out of her (and raping her) in a few years. Then again, extreme situations can make people change quite abruptly. Who knows.

I dunno. Maybe I just hate him and dont’ wanna give him any credit for being a human being in any way whatsoever lol. 

[exitpursuedbyasloth]

shaselma replied to your post “Some Thoughts On Supernatural 12x11, “Regarding Wasted Potential”

I disagree about the comedy/angst contrast, I thought it worked well, but HOLY SHIT that pseudo-rape joke scene was uncomfortable as fuck. Why is it played as funny that she'd even care if she'd taken advantage of him? That is the right attitude to have, and they shrug it off like she's an overly-concerned SJW. And really, no, he hadn't actually been roofied, but he'd still been drinking, and assuming she wasn't because she was working... That's STILL fucked up. SQUICK.

See, it’s funny because SPN thinks men getting raped/sexually assaulted is funny (or hot, depending on how hard they have to No Homo that week). So the idea that a person, a young woman (also a joke in many SPN episodes) thinking she may have unintentionally taken advantage of a man who was roofied, is a hilarious farce.  I mean, like Dean would even care if she had, ahhaha.

Or maybe it’s just a personal jab at those silly audience members who complain when SPN does things like normalize and LOL at sexual assault, or when the writers make jokes about the sexual abuse of characters. Silly little SJW tumblr girls, all not appreciating SPN’s glorious rape culture bullshit.

The show (especially since Bucklemming came back in S6) is littered with “LOLrape” jokes when the man is the victim. Whether it’s Dean and fairies in s6, or “Season Seven, Time For A What The Shit Am I Watching” bullshit with Becky and Sam, or 9x03 (which was mocked again in 9x09), Girls Girls Girls, just everything about Dean + Amara, Sam and that British Lady of Letters hallucirape, men getting sexually exploited and abused is funny and/or hot. 

But, to be fair, they often makes jokes about women getting sexually assaulted too. Equal opportunity terribleness.

(And I’m not saying the show didn’t have rape culture bullshit in the earlier seasons, it most certainly did. But the earlier seasons would occasionally treat rape like it was a bad thing, even when it happened to men. However, ever since Bucklemming returned in S6, there’s been a noticeable increase in the amount of sexual assault, and an increased trend in normalizing it. Bucklemming and Klein were some of the worst offenders, but Dabb and Berens and many of the other writers are also guilty. Robbie Thompson and Misha and about half-a-dozen of the recurring actresses are the only ones to have ever actually acknowledged SPN has a problem with this.)

We may not agree on the episode’s merits as a whole, but we are bang up in line about the unfunny and uncomfortable as fuck psedo-rape joke scene.

Let me expand upon my issues with the execution of this episode, that aren’t about SPN’s deeply troubling issues with sexual abuse.

Comedy/Angst contrast works amazingly well when done correctly, when it’s balanced, when the humor is genuine, when the serious moments are thoughtfully and the humor doesn’t undercut them, when the emotional moments cut to the quick, when they mean something, and when it’s a well constructed narrative. When done well, the comedy will enhance the emotional impact/drama, and visa versa. And in this case, I feel the episode failed on pretty much all these fronts. Not unlike the writers previous episode, “That Fucking Hitler One (Who Thought This Was A Good Idea?)”

It was not balanced. The episode was 95% vaguely insulting humor at Dean’s expense, 3% serious, 1% gross rape joke, 1% painful montage.

The humor wasn’t funny, for the most part (even excluding the rape joke). I could tell the episode wanted me to laugh, but I didn’t get why I was supposed to be laughing. A couple lines here and there weren’t bad (Like, paraphrasing, “Our best friend is an angel?! That’s awesome!”). But a lot of it was “LOL, Dean is kinda gross and dumb, he eats like a pig, he’s a womanizer, look him stumblr about”. I am so fucking tired of their overcompensating dudebro retcon of Dean. I am tired of Dean’s trauma being used for laughs. I mean, like the food for example; they forget that they wrote Dean not having enough food as a child because of John’s neglect. In earlier seasons, when his food habits were focused around eating a lot, using it as comfort, wolfing it down, being super protective of his food, and wanting to feed other people (just not from his plate), that all residue effects of his childhood hunger. His focus on pies was because he remembered his mom giving him some, and it was one of his only memories of her. It was a character quirk that actually reveled something deeper about the character. Unfortunately, in the post-Edlund era, Dean’s eating habits have become a punchline, its there for other characters to raise an exasperated eyebrow at.

I mean, compare it with “Bad Day At Black Rock” where much of the humor was based on the increasingly ridiculous things that kept happening to Sam due to his bad luck curse. Both Sam and Dean get cursed with something that WILL harm them, but  I think the humor worked in BDABR because there’s no real life equivalent to his curse, other than those days where it seems like everything is going wrong, that the universe is out to get us. But in Sam’s case, that isn’t just him being dramatic, the universe really IS out to get him. However with Dean, there IS a real-life equivalent to his memory curse, and it’s dementia/Alzheimer’s. So it’s hard to laugh at the flippant humor that doesn’t seem to acknowledge that this is an actual serious thing people go through. There can be humor in dark places, but with something like that, your humor should punch up (or at least across), and not down as this episode did. The punchline of so many jokes was “LOL, he has Alzheimer’s!”. 

I’m not even sure if that one emotional gut-punch moment  (the mirror scene with Dean) was even intended to be serious, a moment of terrifying realization at just what was happening. Had Jensen delivered it differently, it could have been more funny than horrifying (well not actually funny, but the writers attempt at funny). I mean, being helpless to stop your memories from fading away, yourself fading away, is some Yellow Wallpaper quiet horror. And it’s not like there’s not real life tragedies to draw from, dementia and Alzheimer’s. But there was so little of that, compared to so much “LOL, lookit Dean bumble around!”

(The brother moment at the end was just the same rehashing of stuff the show does over and over and over. There was not a thing new about it, because this show is terrified of growing and changing.)

I also just don’t think this episode was well-written on a fundamental level. The memory loss spell didn’t seem to follow any rules. I mean, it’s vaguely suggestive of dementia (in which case most the humor was just in bad taste), but as the episode went on, it seemed more apparent that how the spell progressed was based entirely around “What can we make a joke about/what funny thing can Dean do”, that’s what the pathology centered around. First Dean has some short-term memory loss, can’t remember the previous night. Then he randomly forgets how to do certain tasks, what the names of things are (at this point I was still with them, because this can be how dementia presents itself). Then Dean’s personal memories began flickering in and out. Then Dean’s personality seemed to go, and also that was supposed to be happy Dean? The forgetting tasks and names gets dropped, because Dean still knows how to read, operate a gun (is this more of the ‘Dean is a natural born killer’ Bucklemming BS rearing it’s ugly head?). And then the witches out of fucking nowhere, that Rowena just HAPPENS to know very well (of course....why was that even a part of the episode?). And that fucking montage...I love shows that don’t take themselves too seriously all the time, but this felt unearned and trying too hard. A slo-mo of Dean riding the bull would have worked much better on it’s own. And of course, the rape joke. All in all, it wasn’t particularly polished, it was like a rough first draft.

It was a good idea that could have actually been done really well. But again, if there’s anything SPN will never fail to do, it’s waste some perfectly good potential.