#and obviously i put it low bc what kind of question is that which problems? when? am i allowed to solve them creatively??

[shittywriterbrain]

hate it when creative thinking is reduced to problem solving. "can you solve problems creatively?" no but i make my own problems quite creatively thank you very much

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze hide for fun

a lot of these are just stupid headcanons but a lot are also how i feel that’s just the way he is so

I know no one will read this it’s so very long but hello he’s my comfort character

(the words are under the cut bc THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS)

thoughts: It’s funny because most of the characters that I really love are just fucking idiots. So stupid. No thoughts head empty. And like at first glance you’d think the same with Hide, he’s got the look of a real dumbass, but he’s actually a really smart person? He just kind of, hides it. He did say he was like allergic to books once (it’s the adhd, king) but that doesn’t change the fact that he emotionally is actually a very intelligent person. It’s something he’s humble about because I don’t believe he really identifies with the intellectual crowd or sees himself as particularly above average, he just finds it easy to understand things. And he doesn’t ever use it for his own advantage even when it would be totally fine to do so, he pretty much always uses it to help other people and I think he believes if he used his strengths to help himself it would be, like, selfish. Which is a problem of his.

gemder n brand of gay: A lot of people in yonder Fandom like to see kaneki as bi and hide as gay but nah fam you’re off. Honestly I do not care about his Date With Rize in the slightest, that man is a homosexual. Hide is the bi one. (it’s not like this is a requirement or anything lmao i am just Saying also i’m bi and i’m projecting) I can also say with confidence that date with Rize was the only date Kaneki’s ever been on and he was definitely lying to himself. (i just, don’t know how you could look at Haise specifically and for one second think he has ever seen a boob) Hide’s the one who’s probably dated people before and he actually knows what’s attractive, he probably just doesn’t discuss that a lot with Kaneki since the bitch is Closeted and hide knows this. It’s funny because Hide canonically has two dads. Like I think that kind of explains him tbh. Bitch has good parents??? He’s the only one but we love him for it. U know Kaneki spent more of his life at Hide’s house than his own.

And as to gender, like obviously hide’s a guy, but i think he’s one of the few cisgenders who could like... tell you why. He’s well versed in those kinds of issues and has just thought about it a lot I guess? He’s comfortable in his skin and with a conventionally masculine appearance but he could tell you what Boy TM means other than yo macho man dude bro guy

personality type- ENFP-T: I took the fucking test for him and it was like... so easy. Took me ten minutes. 

basically what this means is it just calls him out as a fucken loud ass sunshine boy who has very many emotion and cares way too much about his friend

love how this part of the description describes kaneki and hide perfectly

biggest strength: he’s so good at helping people?? Like I can honestly say if some random person started rambling about their relationship issues to him I’d give him 10 minutes before he had a perfect solution, he had the person crying and being comforted in just the right way. He’s the perfect medium of confident and caring and he’s not just a fucking ray of sunshine on accident, he’s like, mob psycho 100 style actively working to be nice and compassionate. He’s very aware of how his actions affect people and he always knows just the right thing to say, what to do, when to just let things go or when to say them. And Hide will forgive, literally anything, even if someone does something really shitty to him he’ll realize it’s the product of like, unresolved mental issues or something and seek to fix it instead of cutting the person off. It’s... really good for everyone around him. But well,,, not great for him, see below.

biggest weakness: bitch does nOT leave room for himself. Although he is generally a confident person and isn’t very insecure, he knows he’s giving too much of himself and simply ‘pretend i do not see it but in reality i do’. He’s never put himself first and feels more worthy when he makes someone else happy, and it’s really not that visible but it can take a pretty big toll on him. He’ll feel anger and frustration for his problems but eventually he will end up blaming himself for anything that goes wrong and will just resolve to Try Harder. (which, mood) He does problem solve well and he tries to come up with the best solutions to issues but the fact is he just does not prioritize his own happiness within those solutions. He gives too much and it’s fucking killing him.

what he likes most about himself: Although he does have issues obviously, I don’t see Hide as someone who has particularly low esteem of himself. I think he pretty much thinks he has himself figured out and therefore other people’s problems come first. He generally does, think fondly of himself, because most of the time he can fix people’s problems so he’s yknow, a good person. I think he likes his ability to enjoy life and live in the moment, and he likes his connections and friendships with other people. He values emotional connection and he likes that he can easily create and enjoy good vibes. He loves being the one who everyone just... goes to for a good time.

favorite things: I think I heard somewhere that he enjoys dumb american bands without really understanding what they’re saying which seems very on brand for him, but I’m gonna perscribe him some other stuff too. Obviously he likes bright colors and comic books, and places where he can have fun with other people. He generally likes college, even though it’s like, school, and unlike kaneki he actually had a good childhood and he enjoys the places he spent time and formed good memories, he has Nostalgia TM (see unbelievable by owl city hmmm he vibes to that he was born in 1996 or something right i can’t google things) he also just really likes to just, fix other people’s problems but we’ve covered that. 

what he’s doing right and what he’s doing wrong: Hide is doing his best. He’s no less flawed than any of the other characters in tokyo ghoul, it’s just that his strategies tend to involve 100% less murder. Ok no, let me rephrase that, Hide is flawed, but i meant like emotionally, he’s not a war criminal like everyone else. He may seem at first glance like, just, perfect? Sorry for being a simp lmao but I feel like from the outside he’s just got it all together right? He knows what he’s doing and he’s super nice and helpful and smart and humble and just doesn’t have any visible flaws? He... tends to hide any evidence that he would ever be struggling. And that’s not very sexy of him. He feels it would be a burden on others to show pain or ever say he can’t take something on (if someone asked him to do something he’d do it even if he was already mentally at capacity etc) and that’s something he needs to work on. The good thing is that if they got to a point where after Kaneki’s Character Development they got to just... like, be happy and not be separated and everything Kaneki would be good for him because he compliments that. Hide helps him because he needs a lot of like, mental counseling lmao but now that Kaneki’s gone through a lot of that his eyes have been opened more to the fact that Hide hides his problems from Kaneki so if they could just bE HAPPY this is an issue that could be resolved

insecurities: I think Hide kind of believes he’s not allowed to be sad. Cause it’s like, not his job. He’s the source of happiness for everyone else, supposed to have everything together so he can fix everyone else’s problems. he’s not allowed to be in pain or feel bad for himself even though he knows “Boys Can Cry” it’s like, yes boys can cry, not me tho haha lmao it’s not about his masculinity it’s just he’s like “yeah but kaneki’s had it worse” so like if he finds himself in a bad place, he feels inadequate and like... fundametally broken. and it’s. Like. I felt that but also like king that’s not how it works

goal in life: I think he wouldn’t really be able to answer that question. What the truth would be is that he probably wants to do something grand and important that helps a lot of people and kind of changes the world. But he might not really think of it that way, since he’s usually focused more on smaller more isolated issues and he has no idea what he wants to do as a career. He admires activists and people who put themselves at risk but it probably makes him feel inferior that someone else is Doing Something About This Big Problem and he’s just sitting there riding around on his bisexual bike and being in college. (I’d like to say he’s probably changed majors at least a few times,,, that man was like “oh yeah lmao i’m gonna be a comic book artist” but someone said something about how he’s a good therapist and he’s like “brb kinshift i am now a psychology major” lmao.) (hello i am projecting but i’m right) He sees a tumblr post about some issue somewhere and he hyperfixates on it for days until he sees another post about something worse it’s an issue. But I think what he ended up doing was what he wanted to, even if he never recieved any recognition for it the internal sense that he was doing something Right TM in the eyes of history would probably make him cry

how he was raised: I can’t really say much to this because there’s barely any canon on this and the canon that does exist I have completely ignored other than the fact that he has two dads. Bro tbh? He didn’t need any tragic emo backstory I think he had a great childhood. Honestly he’s probably a rich kid. Not super rich but he’s not struggling man. Not gonna lie to you I think the only reason he went to Kamii was because he wanted to be at the same college as Kaneki who probably got a scholarship. Hide, didn’t. (it’s not like he’s not intelligent but I don’t really think that his grades are his biggest priority, the only time he ever pays attention in class is to give kaneki the answers when he’s gone) 

What irks me about the random lore drop in the last chapter about him having a CCG dad that died or whatever- it kind of ruins the whole point for me. Personally I choose to believe he had nothing whatsoever to do with ghouls or the ccg before all that happened to Kaneki. He probably had correct opinions on them, but only like, in theory, it’s like straight people that are like “yeah ofc gay ppl valid” but they’ve never really had any personal experience with any. So when he gets involved in that- the fact is that the only reason he was... was bc of kaneki. It was never more complicated than that to me. YKNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST, NICE, OK? 

And I think for me that the fact that he could actively choose to be nice and be aware of all these problems when he’s practically got every advantage in life is a lot more important. He didn’t have to be poor or have a dead parent or have a shitty childhood for him to be really genuinely good. I don’t think he’s ever been bullied or anything, but he can still be aware that it sucks to be bullied. I think he was just... raised right. I think his dads are probably pretty fucking baller for him to be such a bro. They taught him the right shit.

General philosophy: Hide is one of the only people in the series for whom the dynamics of right and wrong are not hard to understand. He’s never been required to pick up a weapon or actually truly fight in the CCG, he’s never been really mean to anyone. Of course I can say he’s probably decked a few ppl that made fun of Kaneki in middle school, but haven’t we all. The thing is that though he’s never suffered at the hands of others, everything that’s hurt him he’s gone in fully consenting to it- he can still understand and forgive what everyone else has done. Like bro he’s the literal only one around who’s not like a literal war criminal, but he’s not going to think he’s better because of it, because he understands that if he had been in their circumstances he couldn’t say how he would have turned out. 

That’s why I think it’s so important that he never really had a bad childhood- he’s not better than them for turning out without any blood on his hands, because he was never required to. And he knows that and he goes through every day with all these people who have and is conscious of it. He can’t ever say he’s incapable of hurting other people, because he would have said that about Kaneki before all of it happened. So he’s quite politically correct compared to Kaneki and the others but he doesn’t see things that way.

relationship bullshit: i mean bro i know this is a serious post about like psychological and emotional things but i felt the need to discuss whY does everyone write hide as a bottom I mean like sure he’d bottom if his partner was a top but this is simply not the case with kaneki look at him. Hide. Service top. I rest my case. The man’s the biggest switch ever but when he’s a top he’s a nice top. I think Kaneki needs that to be perfectly honest. He really likes to take care of people. Also kind of off topic but his love language is quality time he just wants to play video games wit da homies and he might fall in love a bit

I find it genuinely funny how much i cannot get away from the tentacle porn on the god forsaken archive of our own just looking at the tags i already know it’s so out of character haitoheoihesdsdsa and don’t get me started on the vore

how kaneki sees him vs how he actually is: One of the biggest problems in kaneki and hide’s relationship is how in the beginning, Kaneki didn’t really understand at all that Hide could be hiding anything from him. Kaneki’s not good at picking up clues like that in general, but the fact that he was hiding so much himself didn’t help at all. Hide gives off the vibe of someone who has no inhibitions and shows every side of himself without hesitation, and Kaneki really does idolize that. He didn’t realize that Hide could possibly be suffering or imperfect compared to his vision. He sees Hide as practically an angel, and that’s exactly how Hide wants Kaneki to see him, because he doesn’t want to burden Kaneki with his own problems since he believes they’re not as important and they would make Kaneki sad. Kaneki knew Hide wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, but he didn’t really understand what that meant until too late. The good thing about Kaneki’s character development though is that it then helps Kaneki understand that Hide was suffering because of him and he didn’t want Hide to hide it anymore (lmao). If they’d only executed that point well that could have been really good but well that’s what fanfic is for

how he sees kaneki vs how kaneki actually is: This one’s a lot more difficult, because well. Hide’s very good at knowing exactly how people are in their hearts, compared to Kaneki. But there are definitely some things that he’s not super up on. He wasn’t around for a lot of Kaneki’s development, so most of the time I think he still believes Kaneki doesn’t want to see his pain, which is, simply incorrect, Kaneki would obviously not be happy to hear it but it would tear him up inside to realize he’s been oblivious to it the whole time. He’s grown a lot more mature since he spent most of his time with Hide, and I really think Hide could benefit from being able to open up to Kaneki the way he is now. And well. I think his biggest misconception has to be that Kaneki enjoyed women lmao

the most him thing i’ve ever done: listening to a happy upbeat song and visibly bopping while also uncontrollably sobbing

miscellaneous headcanons: 

-he’s a morning person lmao. Motherfucker gets up at 6 AM and Kaneki is like PL EA SE NO

-what he finds attractive is like. twinks and girls with hair in colors that don’t exist and ppl who don’t know what gender is

-He likes Imagine Dragons lmao you can see by the next point

-his coping mechanisms are mostly music and other people tbh he’s like “oh i am having emotions? disgusting” *goes to a party*

-he plays dnd and he mains a warlock i don’t make the rules

-he doesn’t look like someone who would do that shit but he probably knows how to use tarot cards

-idk how but that motherfucker is so neurodivergent i can smell the hyperempathy on him look at that man he has so much adhd

-he’s fully aware that his fashion sense is terrible and continues to wear more and more ridiculous clothes to piss kaneki off

-this man has tungle dot fuck. Look at him. His url is probably something along the lines of my ao3 username lmao

-he can see the forbidden shrimp colors smh

-this bitch likes mob psycho 100 and the promised neverland, kaneki keeps telling him to watch death note and he’s just like n   o hhsdfhhfdshdfshdfs he probably kins tpn emma

-he doesn’t know how to drive lmao he bikes everywhere and he lives in tokyo

-i am once again thinking about how he was in a play with kaneki and kaneki was the main character and he was the spicy side character that’s not a headcanon just. that

songs that are, him: 

-Stand By You (Rachel Platten)

-Luck (American Authors)

-Love (Imagine Dragons)

-If I Lose Myself (One Republic)

-Stardust (New Politics)

-Secrets (also one republic)

-Flaws (Bastille)

-100 Bad Days (AJR)

-I Lived (another one republic lmao)

-Battle Scars (Paradise Fears)

-Rise Up (Imagine Dragons)

yeah he definitely listens to this shit lmao

[kyidyl]

Kyidyl Explains Bones - Part 4.2

(These are all collected in the KyidylBones tag.  Additionally, this is the second half of part four - please read the first half here, especially if you have questions or comments about the ethics of what I’m talking about here.  I’m going to be leaving that out as this is a continuation of that post.)

Since I’m skipping the talking and ethical statements in this one, let’s just get right into the bones.  As a reminder, this is about race determination in skeletal remains.  

White/Caucasoid.  

Female, front view. (Source)

Male, profile view (Source)

So let’s break this down in an orderly way (I will put the comparisons and stuff at the bottom in an orderly table for easy reference.  Hell, this is partially for my own reference too bc I never remember this stuff off the top of my head.): 

Eye shape and sharpness - This is easiest to see in the front view, obviously.  White skulls that have stereotypically white features will have eye orbits that are technically called “square with rounded edges” (or as we call them in the nail world....sqoval.), but they sit at kind of an angle where they’re higher in the middle and lower at the lateral sides so most of us just refer to them as “aviator glasses” which I think is pretty funny of us.  And although you obviously can’t feel it with your fingers, the borders of the eye sockets will be sharper.  

Prognathism - As you can see from the bottom image, on a caucasian skull there is a low amount of prognathism.  The chin is often behind the spine of the nose rather than protruding.  European skulls have flatter faces, basically.  Although this male has a bit of an overbite so the curve around his teeth is more severe than it otherwise might be.  Generally speaking though, you’ll be able to draw a line from the nasal spine to the chin and not much will stick out past the line and the line will be straight.  The “muzzle” area of the face is less pronounced.  

Nasal Shape - This is actually mathematically determined by a measurement called the nasal index.  It is the ratio of the height to the width multiplied by 100.  European skulls have thin, tall noses, and you can see that illustrated pretty well in the woman above.  

Nasal Sill - On caucasians, the nasal spine aka sticky-outy-bit at the bottom of the opening that you can see in profile is more pronounced.  It sticks out further.  This means that a caucasian skull will also have more guttering behind the edge of the sill.  IE, if you stick your finger in its nose and run it along the bottom of the nasal passage, you will feel a distinct dip. Europeans have a distinct nasal sill.  

Nasal Bridge - White have shorter nasal bones, and so the bridge of their nose is shorter in profile.  It also usually has a more extreme curve in the area inferior to the browbone.  This male actually isn’t a good example of that, because his nasal bones are long for a caucasian skull.  Basically, our noses stick out further.  

Unique skull features - None.  Caucasian skulls are kinda boring TBH.  

Next, we have black/African skulls.  In the US especially this can be a lot harder to determine because of centuries of admixture with the white population: 

This is a front and profile view of the same male, african individual. (Source)

Something you’ll start to notice as we go through this is that Black skulls and white skulls usually have opposite features and asian skulls are between these two extremes (Except for eye orbit shape.  Here it’s Asian on one end and African on the other, with European inbetween.).  If you think about geography here, it kinda makes sense.  Anyway, the skull features: 

Eye orbit shape and sharpness - African skulls tend to have eye orbits that are more square in shape, and often aren’t angled the way they are in whites.  This individual’s are angled though so they’re not super stereotypical of what would be considered characteristic of African eye orbits.  His are fairly square though.  The edges of the orbits tend to be softer and less distinct.  

Prognathism - African skulls are prognathic, meaning that they stick out the furthest.  In this individual, you’ll notice that it isn’t just his teeth that stick out past the line because of an overbite, the entire upper part of the maxilla is curved outwards.  African faces are much less flat than white ones.  The “muzzle” area is more pronounced.  

Nasal Shape - As you might expect, African nasal shapes are much wider and shorter than European ones.  They appear a lot rounder, and this is something that’s fairly unique to them, especially if the individual has very stereotypically African features.  

Nasal Sill - The nasal spine sticks out much less in an African skull - I’ve seen individuals who barely had one at all.  Between that and the prognathism, the bone almost seems as if it stretches, and you see very little silling.  So if you stick your finger up its nose you won’t have a sharp edge with a dip behind it in the nasal passage.  Sometimes there won’t even be a sill at all.  I actually found a really good image of this, but I don’t want to mess up tumblr’s list ordering, so I’ll stick it in below the list.  

Nasal Bridge - Africans have flatter noses, and to accommodate this their nasal bones are longer and the curve that’s inferior to the browbones is much less acute.  Their noses stick out less than that of Europeans’, and it’s something that is fairly consistent in their skeletal remains.  

Unique racial features - Not many, but Africans do have something called a “bushman’s canine”. Now, I’m gonna be honest with you guys and tell you that I STILL have problems identifying this feature.  This is despite the fact that I was taught dental anthropology by one of the dudes who basically came up with these guidelines.  So on the bottom of the upper canines there is a bump of tooth enamel that is more pronounced on Africans than it is on other races.  There’s a grading scale and stuff.  You can read about it here.  Now I found that by just googling Bushman’s canine, but one of the authors (Joel Irish) was my prof, lol.  Here’s a picture of it, but actually the drawing in that paper above is better at illustrating the two opposite ends of the scale.  I added the lines: 

(Source)

In addition, here’s the image showing the nose shape: 

(Source)

African skulls will also sometimes have stronger muscle attachment sites, but honestly there’s a lot of that part of anatomy that’s social so it’s not something you can use to ID them unless you know what they should be for the society you’re looking into.  

Ok, so that’s African skulls done.  Next up, Asian.  As a reminder, Asian and Native American skulls are *extremely* similar.  This is because they share common ancestors.  This is also confirmed by their genetics (Native American genetics are super interesting, but that’s a whole other thing.).  

(Source)

This is an Asian male.  

Eye Shape/Sharpness - Asians and Natives have round eye sockets, and the edge of the socket is of middling sharpness.  In addition, their cheekbones tend to be flatter and wider, so the combination of these things makes their skull shape pretty distinctive.  Personally I find Asian and Native American skulls to be the easiest to ID, and a lot of these features persist through admixture, too.  

Prognathism - Asian/NA skulls have a middling amount of protrusion.  This individual has a distinct prognathism, but it’s honestly hit or miss.  They can have it either way.  Asian cheekbones tend to mitigate the visual effect though so it’s a bit harder to see without specifically looking for it in profile with a straightedge.  

Nasal Shape - As you can see from this individual, the nasal opening is neither as tall as caucasians nor as wide as Africans.  Again, this correlates to what you might expect given their phenotypes in life.  Theirs are the most heart shaped, too.  

Nasal Sill - This is another area where they fall between the “very pronounced��� of whites and the “not at all pronounced” of Africans.  This individual barely has a nasal spine at all, but does appear to have something of a sill that would be present if you felt inside the nasal passage for it.  

Nasal Bridge - Same as above, it falls in between the two extremes in shape and length.  

Unique Racial Features - This is why I think Asian and Native Skulls are the easiest to ID.  They have some really interesting racial quirks i their skull anatomy.  First off, they have what’s called a persistent metopic suture.  When we’re all babies our forehead (frontal) bone is in two pieces, and then they fuse.  The suture between the two is then obliterated, IE, completely healed and smoothed over.  In Asians and Native Americans, this suture fuses but you can still see it: 

(Source)

It’s a completely harmless genetic variant that runs in those racial groups.  The second easy to identify feature is shoveling.  On the back of the upper (Maxillary) incisors.  It’s basically just a difference in shape; a border around the back of the tooth.  It looks like this: 

(Source)

And here is the scale we use to grade it: 

(Source - heheh there’s Joel again.)

It’s found on the lower incisors as well, but it’s easiest to see on the maxillary ones.  

The last easy indicator is found along the sutures along the top and back of the skull.  The coronal (arc along the front like a crown), sagittal (top center) and lambdoid (where the parietals fuse to the occipital.  It’s like a downward V on the back of your skull.) sutures can be what’s called simple or complex.  In Africans and whites, the sutures are mostly simple.  In Asians and Native Americans, it’s complex.  What that means is that the wiggly line is so wiggly that it loops back on itself and forms extra small bones called wormian bones.  Sometimes these bones can actually be very large and have names.  Here’s what a skull with small wormian bones looks like: 

(Source)

The bones with the star are the wormian bones, although there are other, smaller ones.  Very large ones are called Inca Bones, after the population they were first identified in.  They look like this: 

(Source)

A and B are examples of Inca bones.  They’re generally a harmless genetic variant.  

Lastly, we’ll address aborigonal features: 

(Source)

This is an aboriginal man.  Aboriginal is a generalized term for any indigenous group, but in anthropology - and from what I can see most places - we use it to describe people indigenous to Australia and the surrounding islands.  The reason why it is only sometimes considered a separate category is that it’s pretty localized, and the differences really come down to some special features.  So here are the main differences you can look for to tell if a skull is aboriginal: 

Large teeth.  Aboriginal people have really big teeth.  There’s no other way to put this, they just...they’re large.  

Very pronounced browbone.  As you can see above, the browbone is MUCH heavier on an aboriginal skull than on any other kind of skull.  This is especially true for males.  

Flatter chin.  It’s called the mental protuberance, and on an aboriginal individual it is less prominent than on other individuals.  

Large occipital bun.  The occipital bun is the bit at the bottom back of your skull where your neck muscles attach.  You can see it in the profile picture in the far right sticking out of the bottom of the skull.  It’s especially pronounced in aboriginal people.  

Ok, so there is one more important characteristic for judging race that I totally forgot to include yesterday, and that’s palatine shape.  The dental arcade is the area of the maxilla that houses the teeth.  Basically the top of your mouth.  And as you, a human person, knows - it’s in the shape of an arch.  But that arch varies in shape from race to race.  And, what your probably don’t know from not seeing a bunch of skulls, is that there are sutures in there.  Between 2-4, but even when you have two they bisect each other and look like 4.  The shape of these sutures also varies from race to race.  Again, it’s a harmless genetic variant that runs in various geographic areas.  However, I’m going to elect to skip it because there’s already a LOT of info in this post and going into it with the depth it deserves would be a lot.  Instead, I’m going to just summarize here for you all WRT the characteristics I’ve listed: 

Eye sockets: White - Aviator glasses, rounded square, sharp edge.  Black - square/rectangle, blunt edge.  Asian & Native - Round, middling sharp edges.  

Prognathism: White - little to no prognathism.  Black - most pronounced prognathism.  Asian & Native - varies between these two extremes.  

Nasal Shape: White - tall and thin.  Black - short and round.  Asian & Native - in-between these two.  

Nasal Sill: White - sharp nasal spine, deep well behind a sharp wall.  Black - Little or no spine, smooth sill.  Asian & Native - Varies between these two.  

Nasal Bridge: White - short nasal bones, more extreme curve.  Black - longer, flatter nasals, a much less extreme curve.  Asian & Native - you guessed it...between these two extremes.  

Unique racial features: White - None. Black - Bushman’s canine.  Asian & Native - tooth shoveling, persistent metopic suture, wormian/Inca bones.  

And that is it! The rest of this series shouldn’t be quite this sensitive with respect to the subject matter.  Tomorrow is gonna be the archaeology of graves AKA how to dig up dead people.  =D After that will be (in no specific order) age determination, height determination, and teeth.  Maybe other things if I feel like it.  If you have questions or requests, don’t hesitate to ask! 

[lemonpeter]

STARKER, by Peter B. Parker

Chapter 9: Hurt/Comfort

A/N: we started joking that we should call this chapter ‘hurt/ no comfort’, bc it turns out that neither of us actually know how to write comfort :) the things that happen in this chapter will make more sense soon, we promise. but for now, we’d love to hear what you guys are thinking!

thanks so much for reading! (and thanks for being understanding about this chapter being late; we’ve both been really busy, and sometimes brains just don’t cooperate <3) - Bloo and Bri 💕

Warnings: subdrop, traits of borderline personality disorder (ie splitting), g*nshot wound, discussions of wounds and wound care, angst

Masterlist ao3

————

A choked off whine slipped from Peter’s lips as his eyes flew open. He screwed up his face, expression twisting into something pained. His chest somehow felt tight and hollow all at once, making him conscious of every single breath he took.

Sitting there, tucked up in the gym mats, he tried to clear his head, rid it of the unsettling fog, but found that he couldn’t. And his body...it felt like it wasn’t his. He felt trapped in his skin, like it was closing in on him.

The sudden low that he was experiencing was strong enough that it had pulled him out of the illusion entirely, his body trembling.

He tried to focus on what was around him, but it was hard when he felt so disconnected. He could feel cold globs of cum drying against his skin and causing his boxers to stick to him uncomfortably, his cock spent and sensitive as a few tears trickled down his cheeks. Wiping one away, he stared blankly at the wetness on the back of his hand.

What the fuck was going on? He hadn’t even realized that he was crying.

Everything felt wrong. His brain still felt floaty from his headspace, but it wasn’t in a good way anymore. He felt disconnected, floating without a tether to ground himself with. Gone was the happy and content feeling from before. This kind of floating... It was terrifying, and all he wanted was to feel real again.

But he couldn’t seem to quite get there.

His breaths became shorter as he started panicking, frantically trying to grab at the floor beneath him. But there wasn’t a surface to hold onto, just smooth, cold rubber. It didn’t help rid him of his distress in any way.

He knew that what he needed was Tony. But Tony wasn’t there.

Peter had heard of sub-drop, but he’d never felt it firsthand before. Obviously.

And even going into the scene, he hadn’t thought it was something he needed to worry about. It surely hadn’t crossed his mind while everything was taking place. Tony was gentle, perfect and sweet to him, even as he pushed his limits. Drops only happened to people with uncaring doms, right? And...it wasn’t like any of that had actually happened, so surely there was no reason for him to experience any after effects?

Wrong.

Peter was left alone to fall, just waiting until he finally felt connected to his own body again. Being grounded again took what felt like forever. But at least it happened eventually.

He felt sick. His skin was crawling and it all felt wrong. Like he had been taken apart and then put back together again, but the pieces had been jammed together, put back incorrectly. Puzzle pieces forced to fit.

All he wanted was to be held, to feel safe and protected. But there was no one there to hold him.

He was alone. He was always alone.

When he realized that, he truly started to cry in earnest. His eyes stung as more tears built up and spilled, falling in quick succession when he squeezed his eyes shut. A sob shook his frame and he pulled his knees up to his chest before wrapping his arms around them in an attempt to make himself as small as possible.

He was convinced that he’d never felt as empty as he did in that moment. Any pain from before was forgotten, incomparable to the sadness that was suddenly overwhelming him.

Tony left him alone.

Again.

Peter knew that it was too good to be true. He knew that he would never really have Tony, that Tony couldn’t protect him. Not in the way that he needed to be protected. He was stupid to think that he would be allowed to have something good, even in his own mind.

He never got to keep the good things.

But despite how much he was hurting, and the fact that he could feel the whole thing falling apart right beneath his fingers, he knew that his life with Tony was the only thing keeping him together. It was the only good thing he had left, the only chance he had at feeling even the most fleeting moments of happiness.

He had nothing without Tony, he knew that.

So, wiping the tears from his face, Peter sniffled, reaching for the glasses. He bit his bottom lip to stop it trembling and took a shaky breath.

He needed comfort from Tony, and if he had to get it himself, then that’s what he would do.

Because he was in control.

***

Pausing in the doorway of their bedroom, Peter took a moment to simply look at his husband.

Tony was stretched out on the bed, leaning back on what was an absolutely absurd amount of pillows and fiddling with some sort of schematic hologram that was being projected from the tablet in his lap. His hair was a mess, sticking up in all directions, and there was a wrinkle between his eyebrows. His eyes were narrowed slightly, one of his hands was cupping his chin.

Peter recognized it as his concentrating face. He’d always found the expression ridiculously endearing, and now was no exception. He could feel some of the resentment he’d been harboring begin to melt away.

The engineer didn’t seem to notice the younger man’s presence, continuing to manipulate the projection, fingers splaying out in various gestures as he tried to work out the problem.

Peter cleared his throat softly and shot a gentle smile in Tony’s direction when he finally looked up. “Um. Hi, Tony.” The fingers on his right hand fidgeted with his wedding band.

“Hey baby,” Tony sighed, giving Peter his own tired grin. His eyes flickered down to the younger’s hands, then back up to his face. “What’s up?” He began to close out of whatever he was working on, eyes shifting between the holograms he was moving and Peter’s face as he waited for him to respond.

Cocking his head to the side, the brunette slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I, uh, was thinking maybe we could go for a walk?” It came out like a question, even though he had intended for it to be more of a statement. “Wanna get out of the house for a bit, get some fresh air. Wha’d’you think?”

“I think that sounds great, Pete. I could use a break from this anyway,” Tony said, finishing up. He took a minute to roll his shoulders, groaning as he did. “God, I’m getting old,” he muttered under his breath as he pushed himself up off the mattress so that he could walk over to his partner. When he reached Peter, he leaned against him for a moment, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Let me grab some sunglasses and shoes and I’ll meet you by the elevator, okay?”

Once they were down on the street in front of the tower, Tony had suggested that they walk a few blocks to the park, maybe grab something to eat on the way back home. When Peter had agreed, they set off down the sidewalk, making small talk and just enjoying each other’s company.

It seemed that everyone had the same idea as them, families and joggers and couples populating the large open area when they arrived.

Tony reached over to grab Peter’s hand, lacing their fingers together as they continued walking through the crowded park.

Peter glanced down. He thought about pulling away from the touch, not really sure if he wanted Tony holding his hand. He was still pretty upset from the drop. He was feeling much better, hence them taking a walk together in the first place, but he hadn’t forgotten how he’d had to figure things out all on his own. Far from it.

Sure, it wasn’t exactly Tony’s fault that the sudden endorphin drop had caused the illusion to glitch, but he was still upset. He had been left alone and miserable.

He didn’t pull his hand away, though. But he kept thinking about it.

Tony did nothing to suggest that he noticed anything was wrong. He was unaware of Peter’s thoughts, of course, but he didn’t seem to notice the teen’s hesitation regarding the contact either. Which was probably a good thing, honestly. Peter didn’t like confrontation and he wouldn’t know what to do if the older man brought attention to his behavior.

But it also kind of bothered him that Tony wasn’t paying attention. Which was stupid and probably untrue, but his brain wouldn’t let go of it.

In a moment of fleeting irritation, Peter did pull his hand away sharply and tucked it into his pocket. Maybe now his husband would finally realize that he did something wrong.

Because he had. Right?

The older man looked at him, blinking slowly in his confusion. “Peter?”

“Yes?” His tone was a little snappy, which he hadn’t necessarily intended. He needed to try and relax again. But it felt like he was wound too tightly, a rubber band whose elasticity was about to be pushed past its limit.

He didn’t know what would happen when the tension finally snapped.

He could see Tony watching him out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t look at him again. He kept his eyes forward as they walked.

“Talk to me,” Tony encouraged, trying to reach for his hand again. When Peter didn’t pull away or react negatively, he laced his fingers with the teen’s. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Peter bit the inside of his cheek. Hard. He knew that he couldn’t explain it. There wasn’t a way to tell Tony about the drop without explaining the illusion. And obviously that wasn’t going to happen.

But what else could he say?

“I just feel kind of off. I don’t really know how to explain it.” Not technically incorrect. But he knew that it wasn't really the answer that his husband was looking for.

Tony’s eyes were burning holes into the side of his face. “I’m sorry for that, honey. And that’s completely okay, everybody has off days, but I just… But did I do something? Because it kinda seems like I did….”

Peter finally glanced over at him, expression softening at the look on Tony’s face. He’d taken off his sunglasses and seemed sincerely apologetic, despite not having a clue what he had done. And he looked worried, too. Worried about him. “I...it’s okay, Tony. It’s- You didn’t do anything.” Lie. “I’ll be fine. Just feeling weird today, like I said.”

“Okay….” Tony sighed softly, nodding. His fingers squeezed Peter’s hand lightly. He let his eyes rove over his husband’s face for a moment, looking like he had something else to say, the words poised on the tip of his tongue. But all he did was quirk the side of his mouth up in the slightest hint of a smile, though Peter could tell it wasn’t quite a real one, staying silent as they kept walking.

Peter was quiet too, keeping his eyes trained on the sidewalk as they made their way through the park. He knew that it wasn’t Tony’s fault that he hadn’t been there to take care of him. That was just the reality of their situation; they couldn’t be together all the time. But the teen couldn’t get past the fact that he just hadn’t been there to help at all, no matter whose fault it was. It stirred something deep down inside of Peter, something hurt and upset and desperate. Something he hadn’t really known was there before.

It was a feeling that he wished he could just force down, back to wherever it came from. Ignore it until it dissipated.

But he kept coming back to the complete hopelessness that he’d felt as he sat on the floor of the compound.

Exhausted, dirty, and disconnected. With no one there to help him get better. Abandoned. It felt like he would never feel happiness again. Desolate.

And on purpose or not, it was all Tony’s fault.

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on?”

Peter felt irritation flash hot through his veins. “What are you talking about, Tony? I just told you that it’s nothing, just a bad day. Just drop it.”

“I- That’s not what I mean, Peter, I’m sorry. It’s just that…” Tony squeezed his hand gently, taking a deep breath as he tried to search for the right words. “Well...I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been feeling weird too, kind of off? I realized that I don’t...remember much.” And the last thing that he could remember from before he and Peter got together wasn’t exactly something he wanted to dwell on.

The older man paused for a moment before speaking again. “I tried to ignore it because everything else felt...good. Perfect, even.” He gave his husband a small smile. His eyes betrayed him though, revealing his confusion and anxiety. “But then the thing that happened with your aunt…,” he trailed off. “Something’s happening and I can’t just pretend it’s all okay. Not anymore. Peter, what’s going on?”

Peter just looked at him, heart pounding. There was no way this was happening. Tony shouldn’t have remembered anything about what happened with May. He’d made sure of it... Hadn’t he? “What? Nothing is going on, Tony. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He just needed to try and manipulate the situation slightly, to ensure that this time Tony forgot all about the disaster with May.

Tony frowned at the panicked look that was overtaking Peter’s face, wanting answers but worried about causing his husband any distress, knowing that he was already feeling vulnerable. “Peter, I need you to tell me. Who...what am I, baby?”

Peter heard the words, but they didn’t register immediately. He just watched Tony, the way his mouth moved and how his expression went slightly...sad? Yes, he definitely looked sad.

But then his brain processed what the other man had said and it hit him.

Tony knew. He really knew.

How did he know?

“What?” Peter froze, pulling his hand away again as he slowly took a few steps back from Tony. Was that his voice? It sounded far-away, like he was disconnected from his body again. No, no, he wasn’t going to let that happen. He never wanted to feel like that ever again. He just had to focus and fix the situation. That’s all it was, just a small fix.

He closed his eyes, trying to focus long enough to make the small adjustment to the illusion. But he kept getting distracted by the distant feeling, and the reminder of his anger from before. It wasn’t working. He huffed out of frustration, dread prickling under his skin. Why wasn’t it working? “Tony, I don’t-“

“Please, Peter,” Tony said gently. His eyes flickered down to Peter’s hand that was now hanging limply by his side. He softly shook his head, looking back up at the teen. “I just want to know the truth, whatever it is. It’ll be-”

The rubber band snapped.

“Don’t you dare tell me it will be okay or fine or whatever the hell it is you're about to say!” Peter was all but yelling, unable to keep the bitterness and pain out of his voice. He stopped walking completely, turning to face the older man. His eyes were wild as he glared up at Tony before looking away as he continued to speak. “You have no fucking right to say that Tony, you have no idea how I feel! You don’t know what it’s like to try so hard and always end up so fucking alo-”

There was a loud sound, almost a pop, that caused his eyes to open again from surprise, having closed them as he blinked back tears of frustration. His head whipped around to see if the older man knew what was happening, concern overpowering his anger, when the words died in his throat.

Red. All Peter could see was deep, dark red, spreading across the fabric of Tony’s white t- shirt. And the shocked look on his husband's face, his eyes wide with disbelief as he moved a hand to feel the spot, just underneath his heart. Right under where the arc reactor used to be.

Tony had gotten shot.

But what? No. No, no, that wasn’t right. Tony couldn’t get hurt. He wasn’t supposed to get hurt. Peter was only trying to correct the things he had somehow overlooked, get rid of the memories the older man wasn’t supposed to have, not-

“Peter?” Tony’s voice was a mumble as he touched his fingers to his chest, pulling away with red stained tips.

“Tony,” the teen choked out, tears stinging in his eyes again. How the fuck had that happened? He didn’t- He hadn’t meant to do anything like that, Tony wasn’t supposed to get hurt. He couldn’t-

He couldn’t leave Peter again.

“I’m so sorry,” he choked out, the first tears falling. Peter pressed his hands to the wound on his husband’s chest in a weak attempt to rectify the situation. He shifted his body, easily supporting most of Tony’s weight as the man’s legs started to give out. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do this. You’ve gotta believe me, Tony, I- I didn’t- I swear I didn’t mean to-”

Tony’s face was pale as he leaned his head on Peter’s shoulder, taking a shuddering breath. The sound terrified the younger man. “You didn’t...Peter, you didn’t do this.”

Peter shook his head quickly, choking back a pained cry. He didn’t want to believe that had done it. But there was no other explanation, how else would it happen? He was the only one with control in the illusion, despite the way he ‘let’ Tony be in charge during their scene the other day.

(Although that fact was seeming more and more questionable as time went on.)

He pushed Tony’s shirt up with a trembling hand after wiping his own eyes, looking blearily at the wound. It went clear through, back to front.

“Fuck, Tony,” he breathed, ignoring the blood that was dripping over his fingers. The sensation barely registered. He just needed Tony to be okay.

Maybe if he focused he could actually fix it. It had to work, there was no other option. He just... needed to focus without getting upset again. Because clearly that had only made things worse.

So much worse.

He tried to narrow his attention again, one hand pressed lightly over the injury and the other helping to support Tony as he closed his eyes. He was in control. He could make Tony better again.

Peter felt Tony’s hands cover his own and he opened his eyes, lashes still wet with tears that fought to spill over.

“I’ll be okay, baby,” the older man said quietly. He blinked slowly at Peter, trying to convey with his eyes that his trust in his husband was as strong as ever. “I know you’ll make sure I’m okay. You won’t let anything happen to me.” Maybe he didn’t know what exactly was going on, but Peter was obviously playing some sort of role in the things that were happening. He just wasn’t sure what. And trying to find out clearly hadn’t done him any good. “Let’s go home.” His voice trembled despite how he tried to sound calm.

Peter looked at him, breathing hard as he looked around. The park and the people around them carried on as if the past few minutes never happened, oblivious to the situation and his distress. Which he guessed was a good thing. Maybe. The contrast was jarring, regardless. “Home...yeah, let’s...go. We should go home.” He could keep trying to manipulate things on the way so that Tony would be okay and...maybe he’d actually get him to him to forget about everything that had happened on their walk.

He clung close to Tony, and he knew that he wouldn’t have been willing to let go of him even if he hadn’t needed to help him walk. He couldn’t. He had to make sure that his husband would be okay, and touching him allowed him some assurance that he was for the time being.

The teen regretted how angry and upset he’d been before. What happened hadn’t really been Tony’s fault and he knew that. It was all his. He’d known that the whole fucking time. It was just so easy to be hurt when he was alone and vulnerable like that.

But he wasn’t alone. At least not in Tony’s eyes.

Or… Or maybe he was since Tony was figuri-

No. He couldn’t think about that, thinking about that was only going to make things worse. He had to focus on Tony.

Despite his best efforts, spending the entire walk home watching Tony worriedly, Peter was unable to make any kind of progress in closing the wound in the older man’s chest. Tony’s body got heavier the closer they came to the tower, and by the time they reached the elevator, he was breathing shallowly as Peter supported all of his weight.

Grunting in pain as they stepped out into the foyer of the penthouse, Tony grit his teeth. “We gotta do something about this hole, Pete.” Sweat was rolling in beads down his forehead and back, soaking his already saturated shirt. “Don’t-,” he swallowed roughly, knuckles white as he clenched his fist. “Don’t wanna pass out.”

Peter nodded slowly, his reaction time slowed with his stress over the situation. Tony’s words made his heart go into overdrive again, because fuck. That was a fucking possibility, wasn’t it? Tony could lose consciousness- He could actually bleed out, even, despite the wound not being immediately fatal. Peter felt sick. “You need to stay awake,” he agreed quietly, voice shaking, unable to say the other words out loud.

If he remembered one thing from his own mishaps, it was that staying awake was vital with an injury. Especially such a serious one. Life-threatening. But he really didn’t want to think about it that way.

(Didn’t want to think about the way he’d felt cold as his eyes slipped shut on the dark train, body screaming with every breath, every pump of his heart, sure that he was dying. Sure that he’d get to be with Tony again-)

What was he supposed to do? Hell, what could he do? He clearly couldn’t get the wound closed by trying to mentally control the situation. (But why? Why was nothing working? The illusion was still up and running, so he obviously was still directing it.) So he needed to take another approach.

He wasn’t the best at doing stitches, only using them when he absolutely had to, on the wounds that he knew would take too long to heal, the ones that would catch May’s attention, but maybe that would have to do. He morbidly thought that at least he wouldn’t be the one feeling the pain this time. It probably wasn’t even the ideal response to the situation. Actual medical professionals would likely have other, more effective methods of intervention. Tony had a hole straight through his body. Peter didn’t care. It would have to do. He’d try just about anything to make Tony stop bleeding, at this point.

He silently guided Tony to their room, still supporting most of his weight as they walked. He was tempted to just hold the man in his arms, as it would certainly allow them to reach their destination faster, but he didn’t want to cause Tony any further discomfort by jostling him any more than what was necessary.

Once they were in the bedroom, he helped Tony sit down on the bed. Then once the older man seemed (relatively) comfortable, Peter reluctantly pulled away. Only to find a suture kit, but he still felt guilty.

The whole fucked up situation started because he felt alone, now he was leaving Tony alone when he needed Peter the most. Even if it was only for a couple of minutes.

Peter didn’t have to search for a kit long. Once he was able to focus, he made sure there would be one in the next drawer that he opened. Because of course there was, of course it worked. All he had to do was think of it, conjure it into existence.

Sure, he could make the equipment he needed appear on a mere whim, but he couldn’t save Tony from his own fuck up that he’d caused in the same way.

That was just fucking perfect.

He tried not to break the faucet as he turned the water on, frustration bleeding into anger.

As soon as he had the kit in his now clean hands, he rushed back to Tony’s side.

“How are you feeling now, baby?” Peter asked weakly, all of the fight that had built up in him in the bathroom disappearing at the sight of the older man. He didn’t know what he was hoping for. Maybe the wound had miraculously healed. A delayed reaction from what he’d tried earlier, or even just responding to his desperation. Anything.

Tony just gave him a pained expression, face somehow paler than it had been before. Not exactly promising. His eyes were glassy as he blinked up at Peter, mouth twitching when he grit his teeth.

“Okay...well, I found the first aid kit. So I can try to...try to fix this, okay?” Peter’s voice shook slightly despite his attempt to steady it. Even though he knew he was mostly talking to himself, he didn’t want Tony to know how afraid he was.

As if the panicked set of his eyes and the frantic way his once again blood-stained hands were jerking around trying to find something to do weren’t giving him away. He ripped Tony’s t-shirt in half, exposing his chest as he tried his best to wipe away the excess blood with some cloths he’d brought from the bathroom.

There was no real response from Tony, just a vague imitation of a nod and a grunt from the pain he was in.

Maybe… Maybe he could at least try and take away some of the pain first.

“Tony,” Peter said softly, lips trembling as he leaned down to press a kiss to his sweaty temple. “It’s gonna be okay.” He took a shaky breath, letting his eyes slip shut as he stayed in that position, curled around Tony’s body. He thought about the way he’d felt after those extra strength painkillers he’d received after his fight with Liz’s dad. The warm, thick, fuzzy feeling.

After a moment he opened his eyes again and sat up, gingerly pressing his fingers to the skin just to the side of the wound. “Can you,” he swallowed. “Can you f-feel that Tony?”

The older man groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. “Yes,” he bit out. “Of course I can feel that.” He took a labored breath. “Fuck, Pete, it hurts.” His voice was a whimper, or at least the closest thing to one the younger man had ever heard come from him.

Peter’s heart lurched in his chest and he immediately pulled his fingers away. Fuck, fuck, so he was going to have to do this without any kind of relief for Tony. “O-okay, okay,” he said unsteadily, mostly in an attempt to calm himself. He could do this.

He opened the kit that was beside them on the bed and pulled out a bottle of sterile water (there was alcohol too, but Peter knew that it would do more harm than good on such a deep wound) and a smaller kit with everything needed for suturing: suture thread, a needle driver, a couple different curved needles, and some scissors. There were forceps too, but he’d never had the patience for using them.

“This is, uh, this is probably gonna sting a bit, T, I’m sorry,” Peter whispered, looking up at Tony’s face as he uncapped the plastic bottle. “I’ll try to be quick, I p-promise.” All he got in response was another nod that was simultaneously jerky and sluggish. God, he was so out of it, and this was going to hurt so bad, Peter knew it. “Here, wait,” the teen rushed out after a moment, yanking his shirt off. “Open your mouth.”

Tony complied, making soft noises of discomfort as Peter placed some of the fabric in his mouth.

“Bite down on that, okay?” Taking a breath, Peter began to pour the clear liquid into the wound. He let out a pained cry of his own as Tony immediately began whimpering, the veins in his neck and head bulging as he pushed back against the pillows, teeth clenched around the bunched up t-shirt. “It’s okay,” Peter sobbed out, putting down the bottle and narrowly resisting the urge to run his hand through Tony’s sweat-soaked hair. He had to keep his hands as clean as possible. “It’s okay, Tony, I’m gonna fix it. I- I love you, I’m so sorry.”

Once he was satisfied that he wasn’t going to trap any bacteria inside Tony’s body, and Tony’s wails had quieted down to soft whines, Peter opened up the package of needles. He grabbed one that looked to be about the right size and threaded it with the suture line before securing it in the grip of the needle-driver. “Ok-kay Tony, here we go.”

His left hand manipulated the torn skin into the correct position while his right pushed the tip of the curved needle through. Peter gagged at the resistance he could feel, pausing and squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to breathe through the nausea. He had to do this, for Tony.

Peter placed a few interrupted sutures in the front of Tony’s chest, letting out a shaky sigh when the last was secured and the surface of the small wound was closed. He knew that the only reason Tony hadn’t yelled his throat raw was because his brain wasn’t processing the pain anymore. “You did so good, Tony,” he breathed as he blinked over at the man who was shuddering with his own labored breaths before looking down at his bloodied hands.

Sitting the tools down on the sterile pad he’d laid out, the young man’s hands moved to clutch at his husband. “Baby,” he said gently, voice calm now that he had fallen into the rhythm of his actions, satisfied now that he knew that he had a way to take care of Tony. A way to help him. He could take care of Tony the way he’d wanted Tony to take care of him. “I’m gonna roll you over now, okay? I need to stitch up the e-exit wound now, on your back. You’re doing so good, it’s all gonna be alright, T.”

After placing two stitches in the skin of Tony’s back, Peter took the kit back to the bathroom. He came back with a few warm, wet washcloths that he used to wipe the blood from his husband’s body.

Tony let out a soft whimper at the touch, his features crumpling in discomfort. “Pete,” he breathed, blinking wetly.

“I know,” Peter murmured softly. “But it’s all done now, you’re gonna be okay.” He went about settling the older man properly in the bed, stripping him of his jeans and pulling the sheet up over his legs and abdomen.

The blood-soaked comforter turned operating table had been pushed to the floor along with Tony’s shredded shirt, another blanket having been dragged out of the linen closet to be draped on top of the wounded man.

Peter sat down on the bed gently, right at Tony’s side. He wasn’t going anywhere else, this was where he needed to be. He had to take care of Tony. He wasn’t going to leave him alone.

One hand held onto his husband’s, the other finally moving to gently stroke through the older man’s hair. He knew that always tended to relax Tony when he was stressed.

Tony’s eyes slowly opened up to look at him, a slight smile tugging at his lips. Well, as much of one as he could manage. “Hey, baby...” He closed his eyes again. “Should’a been a doctor, Pete,” he sighed.

Peter tried to give him a smile back, but it was just as weak as the older man’s. The adrenaline that had allowed him to focus and successfully tend to Tony’s wounds was seeping out of him, leaving him feeling drained and overwhelmed once more. “Hey, Tony. How are you feeling?” There was a pit in his stomach as he waited for an answer. He was worried that Tony would hate him once his head was finally clear from the pain. He couldn’t lose Tony here too, he couldn’t-

Tony being alive but wanting nothing to do with him would be even worse than the man dying again.

As he started panicking, Peter completely missed Tony’s answer. He was lost in his own thoughts as he spiraled further and further into the chaos in his mind.

Tony’s hand lightly squeezing his brought him back to the present, grounding him. The older man always knew just what he needed. “Peter? You okay, honey?”

“What? I’m- yeah, I’m fine.” A huge lie. But he didn’t need Tony to worry about him. All his husband needed to worry about was healing and getting better. “How are you feeling?” He repeated his question.

“I already answered that.” Tony laughed weakly, making a face when his chest throbbed at the action. “You keep spacing out on me, baby. I’m feeling alright, not too bad. It takes a lot to get me down.”

That was definitely true on some level, at least. It seemed like Tony would keep fighting no matter what. The reactor, the palladium poisoning Rhodey had told him about, the...the stones. It was both endearing to Peter, the way the man persevered despite the damage done to his body, and completely terrifying. Although he’d thought he wouldn’t have to worry about the terrifying part here in the illusion.

But Tony got hurt anyway.

The older man shook Peter out of his thoughts once again when he started speaking. He was frowning softly, and Peter could tell that it was half playful and half genuine concern. “Why are you just sitting there? Come here. If you’re banishing me to be in bed, you can at least lay here with me.”

Peter slowly nodded, moving to lay down next to the other man. He remained on top of the covers to be sure he stayed clear of Tony’s injury, not wanting to hurt him, but still cuddling up to him as best he could. He couldn’t stay away. The mere thought of being away from Tony made the panic in his chest rear its head again.

And the regret. The guilt.

He’d fucked up. He knew he did. Everything that had happened was all his fault.

But he could fix it. And it would actually work this time. He was in control of his actions, he could handle some of the issues directly. He’d care for Tony while he healed, try to figure out what the disconnect was with his influence on the illusion, and make him forget all about this horrible situation. And he’d be sure to take away memories of the confrontation from May that set the entire thing into motion

Peter knew that he could fix everything. It had to be possible. He still had control over the situation, and Tony was going to be absolutely fine after some TLC.

He just needed to do some more patching on EDITH’s neural pathways within the STARKER program.

That would surely take care of things.

[reachfolk]

For the writing prompt, let's go with ruin.

request: alexandria silver-blood + "ruins" (elder scrolls writing prompts — OPEN)

summary: Alexandria's teaching methods may not be conventional nor are they always pleasant, but Lucien can't deny their effectiveness.

tags: fluff, lucien flavius, canon-typical violence, alex and lucien are still pretty new as companions so he's still Baby, lexi is an arguably good teacher, not proofread bc it turned out so long lol

warnings: none

word count: 2.3k

ao3 link: [tough love]

author's notes: for those that don't know, lucien is a modded follower who starts as a wimpy little imperial scholar and you train him to get better at combat. this was SO much fun to write, i feel like it really shows some of my fav things about lexi and her dynamic with lucien! thank u so much for the request dearie <3

The door to the old nordic tomb was jammed after what must have been centuries without being opened, but with a heavy shove, Alexandria was able to force them to give. As soon as they swung open, the smell of decay and rot overwhelmed Lucien's senses, and he found himself struggling to hold down that morning's breakfast.

Alexandria, on the other hand, had no such qualms. Instead, she took a deep breath and smiled at the smell. "Ah, I love these old tombs. You can just feel Lady Namira's influence in the air. Makes the eyes water though, doesn't it? Or maybe that's just the dust." She fanned her face, letting her eyes dry out for a moment before readying her sword in one hand and a simple Firebolt spell in the other. "You ready?"

"Uhh," Lucien hesitated. "Do I have a choice?"

"Nope!" With that, she pushed him through the doors, and he nearly toppled over. "You'll be taking the lead this time, alright?"

"What?! Me?!" He sputtered. "Are you sure that's a good idea? No, don't answer that. It isn't a good idea whatsoever."

Alexandria didn't seem to share a single one of his concerns as she placed a hand on his back and pushed him deeper into the old ruins. "It's a chance to practice sneaking and to test out that Turn Undead spell. Two birds with one stone, as they say."

"I only learned that spell last night. Who's to say it'll even work? Don't you think the stakes are a little too high?"

"Of course they are," she said in her usual, all too cheery tone of voice. "You're not going to learn anything by staying firmly in your comfort zone. Besides, don't you trust me to keep you safe?"

It was certainly a good question. In spite of how she presented herself, Alexandria was a difficult person to read. While he often did appreciate her optimistic attitude (it was certainly an improvement over the glum nature of most of Skyrim's citizens), there were more than a few moments where it almost felt like she enjoyed tormenting him. This wouldn't be the first time she pushed him beyond his limits; ever since she started training him, she seemed to make a game of torturing him and justifying it with reasons such as, "You need to learn to take a hit," or "You've got to get out of your own head." And, well... he wanted to trust her methods, but she make it quite difficult.

"If you take any longer to answer, it's going to hurt my feelings, you know."

"N-no, I don't mean to imply anything bad!" Lucien sputtered. "I'm just nervous, is all. You've been a wonderful guard and I don't mean to offend you in any—"

His ramblings were interrupted by her bursting into laughter, and the sound echoed throughout the chamber. He felt a brief panic, but it seems the sound didn't reverberate far enough into the ruins to alarm any draugr. Alexi, it seems, didn't share his worries at all.

"Calm down, will you? I was joking!" She chuckled. "Believe me, no one understands anxiety better than I do. But that doesn't mean I'll allow you to let it control your life."

Lucien had a hard time believing she of all people, in all her confidence and self-assuredness, could relate, but her words were a comfort nonetheless. "Right," he replied, letting her words sink in. He took a deep breath to calm himself, then firmly regretted it as the stench of death filled his lungs.

Alexi chuckled again at him and patted his arm. "You'll get used to it."

"I really don't want to," he said, but readied his spells nonetheless.

*

The pair made their way through the old ruin, crouched low and sticking to the shadows, just as Alexandria taught him. The muffle spell she cast helped them stay quiet and made it easy to make out the sound of draugr footsteps farther into the depths of the tomb.

Lucien stopped in the middle of the hallway they were crouched in and leaned his head around the bend, leading into a larger chasm. Two draugr patrolled the area, moving in circles around the perimeter.

Alexi leaned back on her haunches and whispered, "So, what's the plan, boss?"

It was strange, the way their roles were swapped. "Uhm," Lucien thought back to what Alexandria did the last time they were in this kind of situation. "Wait until they wander to opposite sides of the room, out of each other's sight, and shoot them down one at a time."

"Okay," Alexandria said simply, but the minimal response was enough to send Lucien doubting himself.

"Is that not a good plan?" He asked, unsure.

"Huh? I never said that. I told you, you're the boss here! I'm just following your lead."

"Right," Lucien muttered. "Right. Uh, I just... need to be more sure of myself."

Alexi didn't respond beyond glancing around the corner, watching the draugr.

"Right?" Lucien asked.

This time, she simply chuckled. "Dearie, how are you not realizing the irony? You're still asking for my approval. It's a good plan. Now go ahead before you start getting in your head again."

Unfortunately, his doubts already took root and refused to budge. Even as he drew his bow and had it aimed at the target, he found himself frozen in place.

After the second opening he missed due to his own hesitation, Alexandria leaned over his shoulder and whispered, "Can I give you some advice?"

"Please do."

"Great!"

She grabbed him by the neck not unlike one would grab a housecat, dragged him up from where he was crouched, and tossed him into the open chamber with the two draugr. As he yelped in surprise, the two draugr turned at the sound and drew their weapons.

The rational response was for Lucien to be angry at her for being so cruel, but in the moment, it was all he could do to bash his bow against the draugr that rushed at him with a greatsword. The attack staggered the enemy and interrupted her mid-swing, giving Lucien enough time to switch out his longbow for a sword and spell.

Just as the zombie had regained balance, Lucien took a swing, putting all his might behind it. It wasn't enough to bring her down, but as the sword connected with her shoulder, the two-handed sword she carried fell from her grasp. He used the chance to shoot a Firebolt spell at her, which sent her flying backwards, unmoving.

Before he could celebrate his victory, an arrow whooshed past his face, just barely grazing his skin and taking a few of his hairs with it. It would've sent his heart racing if the poor muscle wasn't already working at full capacity.

He turned his head to the archer, who already had nocked another arrow and shot it in his direction. He just barely managed to dodge by side stepping behind a column. There was no way he could rush at the archer with his sword, and he was clearly outmatched with a bow. Should he just try to pelt it with Firebolts, or—

Suddenly, he remembered the new spell he'd just learned the night before. It was a risk trying it now of all times, but the adrenaline rushing in his veins made it difficult to rationalize it too much. He charged the spell, then ducked out from behind the other side of the column and cast it before the draugr could even release the arrow it had readied.

The second the spell hit, the draugr immediately pulled its arrow back and turned it's back, running in the opposite direction in the signature awkward steps that all draugr take. Now that the threat of being pelted with arrows was gone, Lucien rushed at the creature and grabbed it by the back of its thin, wiry hair. He stabbed his sword through its back with enough force that it jutted out of its chest. When the creature stopped moving, he released his grip on it and let its limp body fall to the ground.

It took him several seconds to catch his breath. When his heart rate finally returned to normal, a high-pitched squeal broke through the calmness and spiked it once again. Thankfully, he realized quickly enough, it was only Alexandria excitedly cheering for him.

"Good job, Lucien!" She applauded, rushing towards him from where she watched. "Oh, I knew you could handle it!"

"I... I did! Didn't I?" It was still hard to believe he could manage in a battle with her support, so to win two-against-one was inconceivable to him.

"Obviously," she laughed, giving him a playful shove. "See what you can do when you stop freaking out? When you don't have time to doubt yourself, your real skill shows."

He couldn't help but join her in the laughter as the reality of his accomplishment dawned on him. "Does this mean I'm now a proper adventurer? I never thought I had it in me!" He puffed out his chest proudly, beaming at his companion.

"I'm well aware of that. That's always been your biggest problem," she said. "Lucien, you've gotten so used to thinking of yourself as some weak little milk-drinker that no matter how much I trained you, you refused to recognize your own progress. I needed to do something to get it through your head."

"Not to imply that I'm not grateful, because I truly am," he replied, "but was throwing me to the draugr really the only thing you could think of?"

She gave a shrug. "It's how I was taught. Well, for me it was sabre cats. And fire. Oh, and also flowers, but that one's less exciting. And plenty of harsh lessons, really. How do you think I got these scars?" To prove her point, she lifted up both arms, showcasing a large array of scars, burns, and calluses that she'd acquired over the years. They moved down throughout her body, displayed for all to see under her Forsworn armor. The injuries had accumulated so much that it was hard to tell one from the other, let alone deduce what had caused them.

Lucien was curious about it since the day they'd met, but it felt rude to ask. But seeing as she brought up the matter herself, and she didn't seem to have any discomfort talking about it, he found himself asking, "What actually happened?"

"Oh, what didn't happen?" She chuckled. Pointing at the rough shape of a bite mark on her right arm, she explained, "I got this one when Auntie Ursula wanted me to get sabre cat teeth because I'd used up her entire supply when making potions. She wanted to teach me a lesson about recognizing alchemy as more than just mixing things together. Respecting the ingredients the land blesses us with, and honoring the Hunt as a crucial part of the life of an alchemist."

She then pointed to the burn marks along her palms and fingers. "I got these when Mother Helle was training me in Destruction magic. A lot of mages hesitate to progress their knowledge of the arcane arts, so she often pushed us to lean into the pain rather than fear it. Learning advanced fire-based spells results in plenty of injuries, but I couldn't have learned them if I didn't stop being scared of getting burned. After getting lit on fire a few times, it stops being so scary. And, more importantly, you learn to control it better."

"What about the flowers?" he asked.

She held up her fingers and wiggled them a bit. They were rough and calloused, and the state of them made him wonder how she could even comfortably hold a weapon. "These were the first scars I ever got. When I first started working as Auntie Bothela's assistant—I think it was shortly after my tenth winter, she made me dethorn every single flower that was in stock at the store until my hands bled. Then she made me use those same flowers to make a health potion to cure the cuts, and then I'd start over. I wasn't so good at it in the beginning, so my skin didn't end up healing very well. But once most of the skin was scarred, it stops hurting, and it helps when working with more advanced recipes."

"That sounds... quite harsh," Lucien observed. It was odd how she described such unpleasant experiences with a bright smile, as though they were treasured memories.

"All my teachers were Reachfolk, and usually followers of Lord Hircine," she explained. "It's part of his teachings—to suffer is to learn and all that. It's not exactly the nicest way to teach, but I always found it... kind, in its own way. They were with me through every step of the way. There was never a moment of my training that I felt alone or lost."

Then, her voice grew softer, a kind of uncertainty he hadn't seen in her before. "I hope I've been that kind of teacher to you. It may not always be easy, but I wouldn't put you in any situation that I don't trust you to handle, even if you may not always trust yourself as much. And, well... I know you're still making up your mind, but I do consider you a friend. I want the best for you."

The confession made Lucien's heart swell, and he wondered how on Nirn he ever doubted her intentions. And, after today, he couldn't doubt her results. "You have been," he said. "I'm glad to have you by my side, friend."

Her eyes lit up at his words, and the sight was reminiscent of that of an excited puppy. "Me too!" she said, her voice back to its cheery tone.

With that, Lucien drew his sword again and gestured to the path leading deeper into the ruins. "So, are you ready to press on?"

She gave a salute and followed his lead, drawing her own sword. "Sure thing, boss!"

[catrasredemption-moved]

Sorry for the offense my ask caused however I dont necessarily understand why you don't want to write Catra as she cannonically was for 90% of the series? It's like do you really like Catra as a character or do you just want a cute cat girl design that you can treat like an oc and give her any personality you want?

*sigh* Okay, you want to do this? Let’s go.

For reference, this is the ask in question.

I dont necessarily understand why you don't want to write Catra as she cannonically was for 90% of the series?

You’re right. That is how Catra was for a lot of the series. I’ve never shied away from that fact or tried to defend it. Catra was an unhealthy, toxic, terrible person. But to simply leave it at that is a surface reading which doesn’t take several things into account:

Environment: Catra grew up in a place where literally everyone hated her. Shadow Weaver and Hordak both threatened to kill her on multiple occasions, and Hordak tried twice to do so. As early as the third episode of season one, Lonnie makes it clear that the only thing that ever protected Catra in the Horde was Adora, meaning it was basically open season on her once Adora left. If she hadn’t been given the Force Captain badge to hide behind, things probably would have been a lot worse.

Opportunities: Catra was given almost no chances to really change aside from Adora insisting that she up and abandon the only life she knows (as terrible as that life is at least it’s the devil she knows). And every time she shows weakness, life comes back to kick her. Shadow Weaver gives a minute bit of kindness? Catra gives her what she wants, and Shadow Weaver uses it to escape and abandon Catra to whatever punishment Hordak will give her. Catra opens up to Scorpia? Hordak’s demon imp reports it back to Hordak. Catra is happy in the Crimson Waste? She finds out that Shadow Weaver abandoned her to go to Adora. Catra slowly hardens herself over the course of season 1-4 because she simply can’t afford not to do so. Being even slightly soft has, over and over, proven to be her downfall.

Mental Health: Catra pretty obviously has problems that aren’t addressed because the Horde doesn’t gaf about mental illness. *C-PTSD - She was consistently abused and threatened by the person who was supposed to be her parental figure. That messes you up *Depression - I mean... yeah. That one is just kind of obvious *Borderline Personality Disorder - This is a very strong headcanon of mine (and a lot of the fandoms). BPD is a bitch of a mental illness. What are some of the symptoms? I’m glad you asked: An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection || A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel || Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all (source). Any of that sound disturbingly familiar?

Catra’s Own Desires: As Double Trouble so eloquently put it “You try so hard to play the 'Big Bad Villain’ but your heart has never been it has it?” (Double Trouble, Destiny Part 2, 4x13). All Catra’s ever really wanted was acknowledgment that she’s worth something, to feel cared about, and Adora. That’s it. This post sums things up pretty well, imo - when asked what she wants, her focus is pulled to Adora. All of her dreams included Adora. It’s said right in the first episode: “We’re gonna see the world and conquer it.” (Catra, The Sword Part 1, 1x01). She tries to carry through with that plan on her own when Adora leaves, and we see how well that goes for her.

Catra Makes A Concentrated Effort To Change: Catra at the end of season four/beginning of season five is not the same Catra we’ve seen throughout the rest of the series. She’s down. She’s defeated. She’s seeking comfort in Glimmer’s company. And when push comes to shove, she does something she’s never done before - puts someone else’s life above her own survival. Her own life is officially forfeit. She knows what’ll happen to her when Glimmer is gone, and she doesn’t care. And she’s convinced no one else cares either. “There’s no one left in the entire universe who cares about me.” (Catra, Corridors, 5x03). She’s ready to die, but she wants to make amends with one person before she goes - Adora. She needs to apologize to Adora before she dies so maybe Adora will have a better memory of her than just the angry, bitter villain she became. And when she actually survives, she tries really hard to fall back on that angry persona, because she’s afraid of getting hurt again. But Adora almost immediately takes that down. “What do you care?! I know you all hate me!” “I never hated you!” *pause* “Then you’re even dumber than I thought.” (Catra, Adora, Taking Control, 5x06). Catra isn’t trying to be cruel or insult Adora there. Okay, maybe she's being a little insulting, but most of the hate is directed at herself. She doesn’t understand why Adora doesn’t hate her. Why Adora even bothered to go back for her. In her mind, there’s no way Adora can still care about her after everything that’s happened. She can’t let herself believe it, because she knows she’s just going to get hurt in the end (see earlier point about BPD). And when she realizes she’s actually going to live, and maybe she has another chance to set things right? She changes. She makes a very concentrated effort to be a better a person. *“I’m sorry. I got angry. It’s something I’m working on.” (Catra, Shot In The Dark, 5x08) *“I’m trying to be a better friend, that has to count for something.” (Catra, Return to the Fright Zone, 5x10) *“No. I’m not leaving. Whatever happens, I’m staying!” (Catra, The Heart Part 2, 5x13) We see Catra acknowledging and trying to work on her anger issues, making an effort to be a better friend, and refusing, for the first time, to run away when things start getting hard, even if it means watching Adora die. She also: *Makes amends with Perfuma after their earlier fight in Return to the Fright Zone, and doesn’t argue with Perfuma when she implies Catra has feelings for Adora (which is a huge thing for her to do with someone she barely knows) *Stands up to Shadow Weaver, her abuser, and then works with her to find and help Adora *Once again puts her own life in danger for the greater good (staying behind to fight the infected security bug, which she knows will kill her (notice how she doesn’t look Adora in the eye when she says she’ll catch up)), in favor of letting Shadow Weaver help Adora to the Heart.

Has Catra fully changed by the end of the series? Of course not, she had to fight an alien invasion, it’s really hard to go through full character development while fighting a war. But she lays the groundwork for herself as early as 4x13, when she steps in to save Glimmer from being killed by Horde Prime. She saves Glimmer in 5x03 with zero expectations that anyone will come back and save her. She saw what Horde Prime did to Hordak and knows that’s probably her future, but she puts the greater good above her own desire to live (which is probably pretty low at that point anyway). And when Adora does come back? She’s angry. Not because of Adora’s hero complex (although that’s pretty frustrating as well), but because she doesn’t see herself as someone worth saving. “We both know I don’t matter” (Catra, Save the Cat, 5x05). She so deeply believes she’s worthless that even Adora coming back for her can’t have been out of any sense of love - it was just Adora wanting to play the hero again. She spends the rest of season five trying to be someone worth that sacrifice. Trying to be someone worth Adora’s love.

It's like do you really like Catra as a character or do you just want a cute cat girl design that you can treat like an oc and give her any personality you want?

Catra as a character is absolutely fascinating to me, mostly for the reasons I listed above - she’s not purely good or evil, she’s hugely impacted by the environment she grew up and the abuse she suffered, and she’s not the typical abuse victim we’re used to seeing in media - the one whose abuse made her kinder. Being abused made Catra bitter and angry. Catra worked to make herself kinder, to make herself a better person. That’s a conscious choice she makes and continues to make.

And the things you asked for? They’re also conscious choices:

she finds it too easy to physically lash out at Adora when stressed and expects her to take it bc "Adora is she-ra and it doesnt really hurt her anyway"

That’s abuse. That’s physical abuse no matter which way you slice it. That’s Catra making a choice to attack Adora using stress as an excuse because “Adora can take it.” Even at her worse, Catra never physically hurt someone outside of the battle - notable exceptions being Adora in 1x02 and Entrapta in 3x04, when she hits both of them with stun batons. And look at her face after each of those moments:

That’s not exactly the face of a brutal abuser. That’s someone who is just in way over her head and has no idea what she’s doing.

(It’s up to you if you want to include her slashing at Emily after her nightmare. Personally, I don’t, because it was a fear reaction and... Emily’s a robot.)

She gets angry, absolutely. She loses her temper and breaks things and threatens (usually by hitting the wall next to someone), but outside of battles, most of her attacks are verbal. Which leads me to my next point:

she keeps trying to manipulate people casually

Catra is absolutely amazing at reading people and making snap decisions on what to say that she thinks would get through to them or hurt them. Notable examples:

-Scorpia - “ And that's exactly why you have to go! How dare they pretend they're better just because you're different! How dare they abandon people just because they don't fit into their perfect little lives!” (Catra, 1x08, Princess Prom) Entrapta - “They left you. They left you, and they’re not coming back. Isn’t that just like Adora? She left me behind, too. Like I was nothing. Adora got her precious Bow and Glimmer back. All these princesses care about is people who are just like them. But you’re not like them, are you?” (Catra, 1x10, The Beacon) Hordak, after he says he needs Entrapta - “ Who do you think let the princesses in?” (Catra, 3x04, Moment of Truth)

Hell, even Horde Prime, in a way - she tells him that he needs her and Glimmer alive to activate the Heart of Etheria. Whether or not he’s actually convinced or if he’s just playing along to get what he wants is questionable, but she still had to think on her feet and used something she had known existed for like ten minutes (the Heart of Etheria).

And again, those are all choices she makes. Her manipulation skills are undeniable, but using them for fun would be falling back on old habits, something, again, she’s trying very hard not to do.

or she strikes a saleanis civilian when confronted

Again, Catra (aside from the two stun baton incidents) does not hit first outside of battle. Not to mention Salineas is probably one of worst regrets (along with the portal). She might tell someone to fuck off, especially if they bother her while she’s working, but hitting a civilian? That’s not even Old Catra. Old Catra would have just stopped and given them a death glare until they got scared and ran away.

It's like do you really like Catra as a character or do you just want a cute cat girl design that you can treat like an oc and give her any personality you want?

Season five Catra is meant to be a Catra who’s trying to heal and be a better person. Season four shows Catra slowly breaking down, all of the things that have made her personality up to this point - her anger, her resentment, the things she thinks she wants - being ripped away and leaving her empty. And when she survives Horde Prime, she can’t return to that persona. She tries in 5x06, and breaks halfway through because she just can’t do it anymore.

Adora confronts her twice, she tries to fall back into her old way of coping with things, and she’s exhausted by the end of it. She can’t maintain that kind of anger anymore. Four seasons and three-ish years later, she’s just... not capable of it.

But none of that means she’s “magically healed.” She still has a temper. She still lashes out and runs away when things get hard. She tries, and she backslides, because that’s what recovery is. Backsliding all the way to pre-Breakdown Catra, though? She can’t do that. Consciously, she knows no one will put up with it. Emotionally, she just can’t. And most importantly, she doesn’t want to. She wants to be a better person, she wants to be someone who deserves love and friendship.

And that is the Catra I enjoy writing. She’s not cutesy or ==^uWu^== - she’s broken. She’s trying to heal. She has sharp edges and trauma and she’s not always going to handle things well. But she’s also trying to learn better coping methods. She’s finally doing what she actually wants (recovering from the past and being a better person), and she deserves better than a fandom that wants her to go to back to being the toxic person she was pre-breakdown.

So I’m sorry if you don’t like my interpretation of Catra, Anon, but to be frank, I’m not too crazy about yours, either, so... I guess we’re done here.

[natsunoomoi]

So sometimes I check wikis to like look things up about a show or series that I don’t have time to read or watch the whole thing fully cuz that’s a time investment I just don’t have but I have questions I just want a quick answer to.

The problem is, wikis are of course, made by like regular people with varying levels of biases and also sometimes selective memory of events. As can be seen in my more recent posts with SVSSS and MXTX’s works I’ve been on those wikis, but sometimes the explanations of plot points and a bunch of other stuff are really confusing and circular. SVSSS’s is being more cleaned up recently, but it still has some things that it says happened, that I couldn’t find at all when reading the book and I’m just like, where did they find that info to put on the wiki?

Like one of my earlier posts when I started reading SVSSS at the beginning, I mentioned how I read that original Luo Binghe got killed by his harem eventually and I thought that made sense cuz ultimately no one in that original plotline made choices that made them genuinely happy. But when I read the book, I didn’t see any mention of that anywhere...? I think last time I went to go look at BC Novels they had one chapter left to translate. Is it in there?

Then at other times, I wonder if there’s an inconsistency because there’s a limitation between the translation I read and like something in the original Chinese text like there’s a typo, which obviously there’s a mistake then. But then other times, I’m wondering if people read a different thing, but most of the people with a different interpretation don’t seem to be able to read Chinese and are reading the same translation as me, but I’m confused where they got certain details from?

Like for instance, there’s another part on the wiki where it says Airplane originally planned for PIDW to be a BL from the beginning, but I’ve literally been trying to find where that was stated because I don’t remember that and I don’t see that anywhere and the chapter citation that is listed on the wiki goes to a chapter that doesn’t talk about that at all. Airplane/Qinghua does say that he made changes to Qingqiu’s character that were originally more complex to make him a trash human and he did that to make a living, but I can’t find where it says he originally wanted it to be a BL theme to begin with. In the chapter they cite it says that Qinghua had designed Binghe to have an appearance in a way that appealed more to a female audience and be more of a pretty boy. That doesn’t mean that he meant his entire book to be a BL it just means you make your main character look a certain way partly for internal logic because that look is really popular with women so the in-story women would probably find him attractive and in a meta sense any females who happen to also read a stallion novel like some women read shounen manga would find him hot in real life. A successful story does things like that to reach people outside of its target audience and that’s kind of a lot of the reason why a lot of Shounen Jump manga are really popular with women too even though a lot of the stories have the male perspective in mind. The chapter it cites only talks about the actual physical appearance design choice he made for Binghe vs Mobei-Jun. He just says that Mobei-Jun was made for the kind of male character he prefers to think about, but Binghe was just designed with the idea of what would make him more popular and also could kind of be like a self-insert-ish for his desire to beat on people for funsies. It doesn’t talk at all about what the genre he planned for the book to be and interpreting the text to that much is really stretching the context to wishful thinking levels. I don’t even actually care either way what kind of novel PIDW was because it’s not actually that important to enjoying the story of SVSSS, but I don’t know if it’s the Ravenclaw in me or what, but it just bugs me when there’s something that seems *wrong* printed on a thing that is supposed to inform other people. I’m literally reading chapters at the same time as trying to write this post to find where I think maybe it was said, but it sure as hell wasn’t the chapter the wiki cites.

The other day I re-read the chapter when Qinghua taunts SY with Qingqiu’s real memories, and he doesn’t even say it then. ATM, I’m trying to look through the last chapter because there’s that one part when Qinghua shows up right at the end and talks with SY at the celebration, but even at the start at the chapter, SY talks about how Qingqiu was super straight to him. SY is an unreliable narrator, but given the context of Qingqiu’s life events that makes sense. His personal trauma because of Qiu Jianluo also pushed him away from any amount of closeness he could have with other men other than ones he already trusted to some degree. He had a lot of problems forming new relationships of any kind with other men because of deep-seated trust issues. Not that he didn’t have any, but meaningful ones were pretty absent. One only because of a very sad misunderstanding and lack of communication and explanation, but the others just tough.

But like also there’s like that SJ slept in the Warm Red Pavilion and he went there just for comfort rather than more lascivious reasons. Yeah, it’s true that he didn’t go there for those intentions, but like it’s still in the environment so it’s not like he’s unaware of what happens there. I mentioned it in the previous post about his search for means to grow his cultivation, but only to say he’s probably not that innocent and there may be some truth to him wanting to do something to Ning Yingying out of desperation to make up for his low cultivation foundation. Like he’s aware of those kinds of things and he probably came across something that said that was a way he could grow his cultivation. Desperation and this motivation I think is probably the only reason why he would be so tempted to cross that line with Yingying because he otherwise treats women rather well. She is his favorite too, so if a person who usually treats females well for some reason wants to do something that would be hurtful to their favorite person, there has to be a much deeper motivation behind that. The only thing that is a canonically greater obsession I think would have to be his cultivation level. He has a number of self-esteem issues and such a well, but his greatest pride and greatest concern is his cultivation. He is proud of his abilities, but also he laments and regrets the version of him he couldn’t become so much I can foresee that if there was a suggestion that he could overcome his late start in some way by using someone female, I think he’d at least think about it and also consider who he knows could be a viable candidate should he want to act on it and that is how that part of PIDW happened. Pain and desperation make people do things that are uncharacteristic, so it has to be something that really bothers him more than in a moment of weakness that idea is there.

Which is another point I have an issue with on the wiki because it says his low cultivation is “logically” because he started late and spent so much time with a fake master. It’s not logically. It’s factually. It’s mentioned several times especially in the extras chapters from Shen Jiu’s point of view where he talks about how he is specifically behind because of wasting time with Qiu Jianluo and Wu Yanzi and also that he was the last to form a golden core. If it was coming out of SY or someone else’s mouth as an explanation, maybe you can say “logically”, but if it’s coming from SJ’s point of view chapter it sure as hell is not. That *IS* his motivation. He states it himself.

Also, I think some people don’t understand what it means to have a low cultivation foundation. Cultivation from what I gather according to the rules of this world is like a lot of talents we have in our world where you need to start young to be good at it. There’s a few skills that you can learn that if you don’t start at a specific time you lose the optimal window to develop your talent for it because of the way the brain functions and basically purges off skillsets you’re not using in your environment. 

Learning a language is one such skill. When a baby is born, it has the capability to learn how to speak every language in the world, but as it gets older its brain purges out the sounds that it doesn’t hear from its environment and this keeps going into older childhood as well. The taxi driver I talked to the other day about this said you have to start before you’re 10, which sounds about right. The phoneme purging in your brain starts quite early though so that’s why my company has classes for Moms and their 1 or 2 year old so that they can speak to them in English to try to keep English sounds in their environment so that they can have perfect pronunciation when they grow up. If you try to learn a new language when you’re older that’s how you have accents. You don’t have the phonemes to speak the language perfectly so your brain is imitating the sounds with the ones you do have. Plus it’s a constant use skill. I used to be able to speak Cantonese with no accent up until my teens, but I haven’t spoken it in so long that slowly I started to have an accent and now I can’t say the words properly anymore. I don’t know that much Cantonese to begin with that aren’t baby words, but I used to be able to say them properly.

Music is another one and that one has an even more narrow window. Kids with parents hoping that they will be music prodigies usually start them on music VERY young like 3 or 4. It’s not that it’s impossible for someone to pick up an instrument later in life, but there’s a type of sense to music and hearing the scale and developing that skill that if you don’t start kids on it at that time, their musical ear will not be as good.

And it’s that “not as good” thing that Qingqiu is chasing. He is exceptionally powerful and talented which is why despite starting late he became favored. He is very capable and good at what he does, but he is not as good as what he could have been. Even though he is so good, he is only haunted by how much better he would have been if he had started on time and had proper instruction. A musician who maybe wants to be a concert violinist but took up the instrument late may struggle to get a good seat in an orchestra because despite any talent they have, their ear is not as developed as someone else. Such a musician would be vexed and lament that they hadn’t discovered their love for the instrument sooner just as Qingqiu is vexed and laments that he didn’t start proper cultivation development earlier.

And I’m griping about SVSSS more because I read that book so I have more points of reference to go on. But like the wikis for MDZS and TGCF aren’t much better. MDZS is maybe a little more coherent and easier to follow, but TGCF confused the hell out of me and it took me awhile to understand what was going on. I really needed it though cuz I was watching the donghua and like I think the way they present some of the scenes is like slightly out of order for like foreshadowing and other like film reasons, so I checked the wiki while watching to try to get more context cuz I don’t have much time right now to pick up another book at the moment. I was so confused though cuz like...it seems like the logic in the entries is so circular and I’m trying to keep track of all the characters and what’s happening. I hope it’s better now but at the time I was watching it I was so confused and struggling to make sense of what’s happening.

And like maybe you’re wondering why if I read the book, would I bother checking a wiki. Mostly out of laziness because I’m thinking of something and I don’t want to go find the exact chapter to help me flesh out my thought and reference point. I end up getting more frustrated sometimes depending on what I’m looking up because of the above things.

Plus again I’m like a bit mystified as to why Qingqiu’s look seems to appeal to me. It’s not just him though and like other characters with a similar style in some of the games I play. I think there’s some imprint from some very old childhood memory that I only vaguely remember. Like it’s a look that seems familiar, but I can’t put my finger on where it’s from and I can’t figure it out, so I keep just going to check images to see if it will make me remember. I think it’s a movie I saw with my Dad as a young child, but I can’t remember it at all. I remember there was one Jet Li movie I watched with my Dad once and I ended up watching all the time cuz I thought Jet Li was really cute in that movie (I was also 3 so I don’t know why I’m thinking that way, but whatever), but like Jet Li was bald in that movie because it was about a Shaolin Temple. I think at the time my Dad showed me that movie I already showed an interest in movies from my own heritage, so that’s why he showed me that. But like I can’t remember anything else. I suppose it could have been something my grandpa watched because sometimes he’d watch a Chinese movie when I was playing in the living room and I’d stop to watch too and then he’d fast-forward through the intimacy scenes, but because I’d just look over at something he was already watching I have no idea what any of those were.

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 30, 2019 // larkspur lane/the whisper box

this post is a double whammy cause they have 2 eps happen in the same day if u can believe it (thats how awful judging timelines in this show is!!)

-"hi josh..." LMAOOOOOOO

-BESS just breaking in lmaooo how many god damn times does bess just shit the bed in this show

-LOVE her frowny face at nancys closet ("my expectations are low" lmfaoooo but this would totally be me)

-"bet she meant it metaphorically" okayyy but then why did lucy say that at all? i feel like theres defo more to this story, combined with josh's cagey behavior (part of which is to get nancy to stop looking into shit d/t him and karen but still)

-"they dont accept visitors unless they're family" .....🙂

-ace "youre really good at that" to bess i fuckin love this friendship with all my heart (also love their talk at the claw mirroring nick & nancys talk in the last ep)

-also PINK AND ORANGE BESS ARE U BLIND (also 1) why tf would nancy own this and 2) where would she wear it??)

-okay wtf is vampire dip

-"boss??" see this is what i meant yesterday about nancy ruining everything for nick/george

-god DAMN she sucks at dealing with this news lmaooo that emotional competency babey + love george literally agrees to help bc she feels bad (AND nicks immediate look of "you just reprimanded me for helping her last ep and i know why youre doing this rn" lmaoooo)

-LOVE george noticing nick "shout out to jean valjean" lmaooo once again nancy would never have noticed/commented on something like that

-"get the hell out of here" was this foreshadowing for an epic dad joke for these two eps? "how do you make holy water? you boil the hell out of it" 😂😂😂😂

-so what i dont get about the whole haunting is the ball + kids' laughter but its all the emphasis on "mr roper" the adult? wtf like what kind of entity is this

-"how did you ever have a solo career??" 😂

-okay amaya's hair is gorgeous here (also "you feel like a snack" ....👀) *ahhh so the reason bess feels so off balance is bc its like a top vs a top scenario

-has anyone who's ever been to prison confirmed this is what it looks like?

-love how ace is the only employee there when they all leave so he had to fucking close the place when he goes

-why does she take the whole file? time constraints? it'd be smarter to take pics + replace it (better sleuthing) but this place is clearly not well run anyway 😂

-so this is a pretty decent cover she invents but theres no way she would get away with it so easily for a real guard

-love how ace recognizes ryan's car (+ is able to find it by driving around)

-"my father wouldnt do anything like that" LMFAOOOOOO SIS WHY ARE U DEFENDING HIM ironically, ace is actually the best person suited to engage w ryan here d/t the car accident + connection with laura being ryans SIL. its a unique set up

-i am fascinated by the concept of priests + holy water being so effective here combined with mcginnis' beliefs and basically nondenominational ghosts/seances etc after that. the show is very clearly big on diversity but definitely steers clear from too much WASP stuff yk? wonder if other stuff from christianity works against the ghosts/demons like taking refuge in a church "holy ground" or using silver etc

-"did this start after the night of sept 10?" *this is where you get the time line for the seance if you didnt know

-this is so fucking funny when u realize that patient sal talks to is actually a ghost so sal really is psycho i guess 😂

-bitchsplain/tall jar of mayonnaise 🙏🏻😌 2gether 4ever

-how did ace get this van? also heart attack when he yells at carson (but then grins at him like a goofball lmaooo)

-"for nancys sake and yours" damn she owes ace big time for all this shit

-"what do we do for 7 minutes?" ...ummm play 7 minutes in heaven lmaooo 👀🥵

-was not expecting ace to look this sexy holding an axe but okay (*ah, its his short sleeve shirt showing his arms. usually hes a sleeves guy)

-"desperate for attention" nancy (from gomber) vs "bc she's starved for attention" patrice --> lucy (and candace also...) we know nancys detective work makes her seem like an attention seeker, but what was lucy doing to make them all think that? she was trying to hide her relationship with ryan, not expose it. unless they just mean the rumors about her?

-so is patrice hiding lucy's "truth" talking about lucy being a whore or lucy being a ghost? what is lucy's secret? did patrice guess she was pregnant or did patrice's somehow garbled mind remember tiffany trying to show patrice the video with lucy on it?

-wonder what captain thom thinks of this stand off w ace lmaooo

-"like you do?" top v top shenanigans

-how awko for carson to talk to karen again like this

-"oh no" ACE 😂

-love how amaya says "be a human" like shes kind of admitting people in rich circles typically arent (^this is an interesting focus in s2 when bess's rich family rejects her, thus making her human again, but nancy embraces her rich fam and experiences subsequent moral struggle which is predicted with the wraith)

-wonder what ryan thinks he could get from the marvins (which he cant get now lmaooo)

-this damn whisper box. so many questions. who named it the whisper box? why are the ropers' old possessions still there? who decided to build a mental hospital on top of it? and patrice! she "hid lucy's secrets" hannah gruen thinks tiffany tried to show patrice video w lucy on it, which patrice then specifically says she hid in the thin mans book. so patrice knows of the thin man? can she see him? does she know he was a ghost/supernatural? she must have a supernatural sense to know about him (unless sal told or some shit) so then when tiffany shows up w/ lucy being supernatural in it patrice hides it to protect her? is this why she is "crazy" kinda like victoria? supernatural elements or ability to sense ghosts makes her unstable? this is why lucy being a ghost/nursery rhyme that she repeats makes patrice worse/"stroke"? how did patrice even get into the whisper box to put the key in the bible and get out without getting trapped? also, her dementia --> lucidity is really fucking off, some people mildly switch like that but usually with dementia they cant even register new shit anymore

-...so did bess take the ride? 👀

-interesting how celia says "your father will be disappointed" but nothing of her own opinion. wonder how much celia truly puts up with to keep everett calm and nonhomicidal

-like george asking nick follow up questions that nancy never really would have asked

🥞🥞🥞(ep13)🥞🥞🥞

-is this bitch just eating a plain pancake with her bare hand?

-"extra case load and excessive volunteering" ugh. nancy's family here are like, gross in how "good" of people they are // unrealistic, trying to paint carson in the best light/ no way ryan could ever compare (but the reality is theyre not that good of people for lying about nancy) **and shes arrogant to think shes better than everyone else ie the only one who truly lives virtuously, thinks she can do no wrong sometimes even tho using sex to cope, breaking and entering, etc is not morally "good" stuff she still thinks she is the only one who doesnt lie and plays fair (like in the pilot she lists everyone else as a suspect but herself- obviously we know she isnt guilty but no one else does. (i mean in theory we really dont, what if nancy was an unreliable narrator and was actually guilty, that would be a hella cool show)its reactions like that where she cant understand why others like the chief suspect her

-ooooh ironic that in the Good Place carson readily agrees to pay her for helping with cases as opposed to s2 in reality

-nick's house has "problems" so why does he need a lawyer? as opposed to an interior designer, plumber, or realtor?

-in the Good Place nick and george realize they are not going to work out after one date. does this failure in the Good Place predict failure in reality, or merely an easier way of figuring out the truth? does this mean that the "opposite" of the Good Place is reality, or only an opinion of what is better? (nancy says "you all like me" as her opinion of them liking her is skewed; does this then only reflect nancys version for what is the "perfect life"?)

-why is bess a hippie??? and love how george curls her hair and wears pink lipstick here

-if this dream is so realistic then why is the one thing it cant conjure smoke? like how random

-love the locket being a key realization bc with things like jewelry you dont notice the weight of them until theyre gone

-"you all like me" in her perfect life nancy means they "like" her objectively/regardless of circumstance even though liking her is still an objective choice (like they "like" her because of other reasons instead of her working at the claw? (like how you make friends with coworkers/people at school every day but after you leave the job/graduate you never speak to them again) and her "thanks for showing up!" as if theyre not doing exactly that in reality 😐like where is she getting this shit? she sort of acknowledges in earlier eps she is hard to like/that she puts mysteries before friends, but also pushing them away to avoid danger like the previous ep "why do u show up" etc

-is it just me or does the inside of nicks "house" look like the drews'?

-nick has a dick scar lmaooooo (or more likely was hit in the balls or smth)

-love how nick + george match their anger in confronting sal 100% on the same level

-so when did ace go back to work after having such a busy day earlier?? lmaooo

-damn father shane is a creep (casting defo hired him for his voice) and how tf did he just poof + escape? and what did he request???

-love bess's white hair bow here 😌+ her jacket, whole outfit on point as usual

-like how bess is right that nancy has to find her way out but thats kind of a nonstarter for a room full of panicked people wanting to help

-in the Good Place theres no bad blood between drews + hudsons bc nancy is really theirs

-"the only one who has the key is you" in the Good Place nancy has the key (smaller picture, to finding out what happened to lucy but bigger picture, post-reveal) but ryan has the clues nancy needs- following the Good Place's mirroring, this just means that in reality ryan will either be completely useless or an active hindrance (but you KNOW this is a dream bc in what universe would ryan remember clues like that 😂)

-so in a perfect universe ryan acknowledges his family's "criminal empire" as opposed to reality where he only makes under cover jabs about disengaging with being an "entitled corrupt legacy criminal" ie finding the bonny scot relics but does nothing about them, etc

-"strippers" 😂

-okay what is nancys obsession w her beanie?? bc her mom made it? "wear beanies do crimes?" idk

-making the call: nancy -unable to make up for lost time/both her mothers had to find out/suffer alone / in the Good Place nancy was able to be with kate while she called, and in reality she had carson; somethig about seeing the mother looking to the daughter for strength in the Good Place instead of the reverse (which is what reality sounded like, kate being strong for nancy through the illness despite the struggle)

-concept: nancy & nick "let's wait out the storm"

-"i believe that you believe it" nick in the Good Place + owen in reality both trust nancy when she says she's seen things (owen's is the teeth) but nick in reality (and not really knowing details) doesnt think much of their "moment" bc it wasnt real (so she had to leave the Good Place to save carson- but if she had known then he wasnt her real dad, would she have stayed to be w nick?)

-stranger - suede james 💙👌🏻

-"really anxious as a kid" v telling bc of her desire to know everything to remain in control of situations like she always does now

-"the medicine or the metaphysics?"/"you cannot beat supernatural with science"

-i love nancy playing with her pinky while saying goodbye 🥺

-"always seek out the truth even if it hurts" this is straight irony bc kate never told nancy anything. like does that include the truth about nancys parentage? they taught her to seek out the truth, but who taught her that the truth is the only thing to live by? ie things dont count anymore like carson and kate straight up raising her is tossed out bc she finds out its not "the truth" like all that work/stress to protect carson + she just drops him? with kate maybe shes just upset thst she spent all that time mourning for someone who lied. and would she do the same to ryan if needed? probably

-bess and ace head tilt 💙

-like how for all the time she spent there nancy only has a subconscious memory of blue curtains

-YESSSSS i LOVEthese beautiful overhead shots of hannah's hands. so out of character for the show lmao but so gorgeous

-i feel like future eps/grand future will be nancy going through the lock boxes to help people who asked hannah for help

-the video is officially dated Aug 22, 2019

-soooooo in the first ep nancy breaks into the hudsons house and finds tiffanys secret drawer w the nail polish and finds the amulet with a note that says "for your protection HG" yet on this video tiffany says she talked to a medium who gave her the amulet sooooo am i just confused? HG is hannah gruen obvi so is the address for the medium what hannah gave her? or was the address on the amulet which nancy dissolved in salt water to see? so how would tiffany know where to go? its chicken and the egg which came first hannah or the medium?

and lastly:

i close these two eps with a thought that everything in this show is sealed in death. all the lies, the imagery, the fake constructs people put up to get by all crumple the second someone dies- all the secrets come clean just like these doors have been unsealed.

[bloody-wonder]

ok so i've totally been rampaging through all of your aftg posts and i absolutely agree with you on everything except! i do think that andrew being bipolar is really the only thing that makes sense (not saying he can't have cptsd or anthing because he totally does!) even without nora confirming that's what she intended. 12am on tumblr has some really good posts i'll link in a different ask but u don't have to read them if u don't care lol. one of them is about the realistic and unrealistic (1)

hi there! i’m gonna just copy the rest of your asks in here and answer them as one :))

parts of his medication and basically what i got out of it was that the situation that gets him on his meds is pretty much unfeasible but the meds do make sense only if andrew is actually bipolar and misdiagnosed with depression, thus he's put on antidepressants. and andrew's only off his meds for about 4? months in the books so we really just may not have time to see him in a manic state (or, as another post says, he could have had a short hypomanic episode that neil never noticed). (2)

obviously a lot of what people might construe as poor bipolar rep is mostly just the effects of his trauma, but i personally do think andrew is actually bipolar ii alongside having cptsd. nora definitely didn't have a disgnosis in mind while writing and she admits it herself but a lot of how she wrote him does actually line up ok sorry for invading ur inbox lol!! i just love all of ur takes and when i saw that i wanted to share what i think

the posts you sent me are really very informative and written by people who actually know things about medicine and bipolar disorder in particular.

this one is about why they might have put andrew on pills, what kind of pills they might be and what lasting consequences on his mental health it might have

https://12am.tumblr.com/post/615311912973090816/hey-i-saw-your-answer-that-anons-question-really 

this one is about how andrew’s drug-induced mania is different from bipolar mania

https://12am.tumblr.com/post/615313802919084032/hi-when-andrew-is-not-on-his-drugs-do-you-think 

this one dives deep into andrew’s mental problems

https://battlefieldheart.tumblr.com/post/162732478229/lets-talk-andrew-minyard-more-specifically

this one does the same but is shorter

https://12am.tumblr.com/post/615315252774584320/i-wasnt-even-the-anon-for-that-last-one-but-i

it looks like both of them come to the conclusion that andrew has bipolar II. i didn’t even know there are different types so obviously i thought that andrew’s bipolar is either not there or misrepresented. i won’t say that andrew isn’t bipolar so matter-of-factly in the future bcs there’s obviously enough evidence to interpret him that way (and it’s confirmed by the author and we must welcome the rep). however i think it’s also important to note this remark op makes

More often than those things, we see depressive episodes in Andrew when he’s off his meds: feeling tired, thinking about death, feel empty, low activity levels, don’t enjoy things, hopelessness. It’s worth noting that a lot of those things are just Andrew. He’s got PTSD, and he’s depressed. If someone is always irritable and tired, those aren’t symptoms of an episode, it’s just their personality.

they also say that while there’s room for interpreting andrew’s diagnosis, there’s also no single canon answer. i suppose irl as well there are patients who can’t determine what exactly is “wrong” with them, all the while trying to discern their own personality traits from the symptoms of some disorder. my issue here is probably not with whether andrew is bipolar or not bcs it changes nothing in my perception of him, so much as with this - once the disagreeable behaviors that he has are framed as symptoms of a mental illness that’s where what i call “the fandom recovery narrative” kicks in: andrew has to recover which means he has to get rid of those disagreeable traits, he has to smile more, he has to express his emotions in “normal” ways etc. unless he does, he doesn’t recover, and if he doesn’t recover, then what’s even the point? what is a person who “doesn’t recover” even worth? why have we even wasted our time reading a book about them? 

do you see my problem?

but ultimately what i knew already but still learned once more while writing this post is that my boy andrew is an intricate mesmerizing MESS and it’s important that we love him the way he is, no matter what diagnosis he has exactly.

just like neil does.

[songfell-ut]

Chapter 2, bc this is happening

Yo. I’m charging ahead on this project because I’m a terrible mother and my kid is getting a lot of (educational) screen time during the day while my husband works from home and I get this written. It remains based on this comic by @lostmypotatoes​. It’s so long that I split off the end and it’s mutating into Chapter 3. Lots of talking, with Stuff to come of it very soon, no worries.

Now featuring a cut! Thanks (what’s an easy nickname for you? “Lost”? “‘Tatoes?”) for the tip on how to very easily do that.

Lastly, I have login shenanigans to deal with, and have been chatting with Lost (?) using @ikustioa on my phone, so I suppose that’s my blogging/personal handle now. Anyway, here we go:

~

Three nights later, Sans woke with a jerk. Someone in the next room was sobbing. It wasn't a memory or nightmare, he realized a moment later, and it wasn't the priestess; it was a small child, crying so hard that it could barely breathe. Steeling himself, the boss monster slid out of bed and listened intently.

He heard a woman whisper something, and the child's sobs quieted as a familiar sound came through the door. It was the same humming that had de-powered his blaster the other day, though not the same tune. The skeleton took a moment to be sure that the glow in his eyes was out, then cracked the bedroom door open.

Frisk was kneeling, bare-headed, with her arms around a little boy of perhaps eight or nine years. In the light of one lamp on the worktable, Sans saw a dark patch of blood in the child's hair. Frisk glanced at the skeleton, giving him a wan smile, still humming. Sans closed the door enough that the child wouldn't see him.

The priestess waited till the boy had calmed down to the occasional sniffle, then leaned back and reached for something on the table. "I've got a treat for you," she said cheerfully. "Do you like peppermint?"

The child thought it over, and nodded.

"Wonderful, because that's exactly what this is. You'll feel better in no time." She held out a glass bottle. "You can have three big swallows, but only three, all right?"

Well played, Sans thought, framing it as something he got to have, not something he had to take. Sure enough, the little boy gulped it right down, smacking his lips as the young woman retrieved the bottle. "Good. Can you do something very important for me?" she asked. Nod, nod. "Can you lie down and count to one hundred? That'll make the magic work better. Let's go to my office."

The child went with her quite willingly. After a few minutes, the High Priestess re-emerged into Sans' field of vision. Her pleasant expression was gone, replaced with one that actually made him feel a little sorry for whoever had pissed her off. Then he remembered the blood on the kid's head. "Anybody you want me ta kill?" he asked through the door.

"Don't tempt me." Frisk jerked a sheet of paper from a stack on the desk, grabbed a pen, and began writing rapidly.

Sans checked the time. "God damn, what's that kid doing awake at two in the morning?"

"Being beaten." The pen scratched viciously across the page.

He decided to shut up. Frisk soon finished the message, blew the ink dry and folded the paper in thirds, then sealed it and marched to the outer door, where she woke up the guard on duty. Sans heard her reaming the guy about doing his job properly, serving a writ, and not letting a guy out of the castle. She came back in, only to return to the office.

This seemed to be typical for her, as far as Sans could tell, though it usually wasn't this dramatic or this late at night. If she wasn't off at church or giving him lessons, she was talking to someone who needed help and apparently couldn't get it elsewhere. He had yet to see her do something for fun, or sleep more than five hours at a time.

Meanwhile, his daily routine had been surprisingly low-key. The first day, after being flagrantly mind-controlled into agreeing to stay, he'd eaten some more, then slept for another dreamless twenty-four hours. The next morning, she'd let him have another pile of food, then started his apprenticeship by showing him the most common ingredients for potions and how to identify them by sight, as he couldn't smell and didn't have much sense of touch. Yesterday had been a review, emphasizing that a mistake could literally kill someone, and she'd given him a book of basic recipes, asking him to make a list of any ingredients he found that she hadn't already introduced.

It was kind of annoying to have homework, and he was starting to get cabin fever, but otherwise, the whole experience hadn't been too terrible. He was relieved and disappointed that she kept the veil on almost all the time, which reduced the distraction somewhat, though she persisted in having a fantastic shape, and he was really starting to enjoy the sound of her voice. When he could focus enough to ask questions, she was patient and encouraging, and let him use all the paper he wanted to write down the answers. She was obviously pleased that he cared enough to take notes, though not in a smug or irritating way; it just made her happy, and that made him...not unhappy.

It was also still novel to talk to a human who wasn't afraid of him. He hadn't seen many humans up here besides the little boy, and figured they were forbidden to come into her rooms unless they desperately needed help, or could sneak past a sleeping guard. That was fine with Sans, though he'd overheard one cleaning lady being so persistent that he really wanted to come out of the bedroom and tell her to piss off. Unsurprisingly, Frisk had asked him to not do that.

There were only a few real mysteries so far. One was a pile of letters she'd brought in on the second day and tossed into a basket of also-unopened envelopes standing by the roaring fireplace in her workshop. He'd caught her looking at the basket a couple of times, as if debating whether to burn them all, but she never did it, or opened any in front of him.

The biggest question was how she knew he could teleport, and the nature of his blue magic, even if was getting more red than blue these days. He had unthinkingly used the latter to grab a couple things yesterday, and his magic had almost immediately died out. He didn't know exactly how she was doing it, but her barriers weren't just blocking him in: they kept his power so muted that he couldn't have summoned a single bone. It seemed that he'd be allowed to use some magic to make the actual potions, and that was it.

Well, there was time to worry about that later. The injured kid had made him think of Kris again, which made him think of the book passage Frisk had quoted at him. He'd have to ask if she...wait, no, he didn't have to ask. She'd given him carte blanche to read anything he found in her bedroom or workshop. Sans tapped the nearest witchlight on, noting that it was much weaker than the ones Underground, and started perusing the shelves.

Fifteen minutes later, Frisk knocked on the door, waiting for him to grunt acknowledgement before she came in. "I'm sorry for waking you," she said, dropping into her chair with a deep sigh. "There's going to be hell to pay in the morning."

She did look like hell, with bags under her eyes and a smear of blood on her cheek. Sans put the book down and tapped his own face, and she got the hint, rubbing her cheek with the back of her hand. "Ugh. That poor child." She sighed again, curling up and resting her head on the arm of the chair. "I'll wash up in a minute."

"Didn't you just get back from a thing?" he asked, wondering if she was always this cavalier about bodily fluids.

"Yes. His Holiness decided we needed more midnight services, and I have to be there every other night." She rubbed her eyes. "Flynn must have followed me back here. People aren't supposed to know where I live, but word is spreading. At this rate, I'll have to move again."

Sans drummed his fingertips on the bedpost. She'd found an oversized stool to use in the workshop, but there were no armchairs big enough for him, so he spent most of his leisure time on the bed. "Bein' High Priestess sucks. How long ya been at it?"

"Three years. The last Thea was assassinated, and they had to find a replacement as fast as possible. Out of all the minor priestesses available, I was the only one who passed all the tests. It's been...instructive."

"Hm." That didn't surprise him. A human strong enough to block a boss monster's focused attack had to be pretty rare. "How old are ya, anyway?" he asked, suddenly curious.

Her eyes shut. "Twenty-two. I was educated in a convent, ordained at sixeen, High Priestess at nineteen." A mighty yawn was partly hidden in her arm. "Lucky me."

Sans didn't know much about humans, but he was pretty sure that was young as hell for so much responsibility. The problem was that she was good enough to handle it, which meant they'd pile on more and more until she went nuts. "Nah, it sucks ta be you. Any way you can get out of it?"

"Well," she mumbled, eyes still closed, "I can die, or marry, or go back to the convent and become the Mother Superior, which would also be until I die." Frisk yawned again. "The Feast of All Saints is next week. That's when the last High Priestess was murdered."

Something prickled up Sans' spine. "You spend all yer time doin' church stuff, kissing babies and healin' puppies or whatever. Why the hell would anyone wanna kill you?"

"I meant it when I said I have influence in the Church and at court. I don't hate monsters, which is inconvenient for several people, and I'm not quiet about it, which is extremely inconvenient for many more of them. Besides, my natural father is very wealthy, and his other childr—"

"'Natural' father?" he queried. "What, do some humans have unnatural kids?"

Her eyes opened. She looked lovely in the soft light, but troubled and sad, so much that he wished he hadn't asked. "I'm illegitimate. My father never married my mother, and our life was...bad. Very hard, for a very long time." The priestess rubbed her fingertips together, as if seeing more dried blood. "He was a very busy man, but he only has one legitimate heir. After his second wife died, he started tracking down his children born out of wedlock, and it's an open secret that he'll leave each of us a large amount after he passes."

"And whoever's left gets a bigger piece of the pie?" Sans guessed.

"Exactly. As far as I know, there were fourteen or fifteen of us, but magic runs in his side of the family, and most of his children became sorcerers. Almost all of my half-brothers have been killed fighting monsters. Two of my half-sisters blew up in an experiment that went wrong. There are only six of us left, including the—his heir."

Sans' eyes narrowed. "What is it with humans an' explodin' stuff by accident?"

He couldn't read the look on her face. "If we knew the answer to that, history would have taken a much better course."

Of course, that made him think of Kris again. It seemed pretty inevitable, so he might as well ask... "I don't s'pose," he mumbled, "there's a record of the humans who went t'the Underground on that last trip? Maybe what happened to 'em after they got back?"

Frisk raised her head a little. "That depends. We know exactly which nobles, sorcerers, and other dignitaries attended. Do you mean one of them?"

"Nah, this was a servant, I think. Prob'ly. I dunno." The skeleton felt his eyes lighting up again. "He was only 4 or 5. S'comin' up on thirteen years ago, so he'd'a grown up by now."

The priestess frowned. "No one that young was in attendance, so far as I know, and I've read every account that I could find. May I ask why you want to know?"

"Nah." Sans flexed his hand around the bedpost. "Forget it."

Frisk sighed, carving a design into the plush chair with her thumbnail. "Well, I'm afraid the answer is no. There's no record of the servants who came along, except the ones who were killed, and that didn't include any children. You'd have to check with each of the—" She sat up. "Wait. I know someone who was there—my mother. Do you want me to ask her?"

"Hell yes, I do!" Sans' hand tightened, splintering the bedpost. He guiltily released it. "Did she talk much about it? What all did she tell ya? Can I ask 'er a coupla things?"

The priestess laughed, quieting him with a wave of her hand. "Sans, please! She's been very sick recently, and I don't want to excite her too much. I will ask her anything you need to know, thank you. And yes, she talked about it to anyone who'd listen. She's the one who told me all about monsters, and what you're actually like."

Sans sat forward, but she forestalled more questions with another gesture. "First, her name is Rosa. Did you ever meet her?"

It did sound familiar. "I think so. Little, blonde, wore her hair up?"

"That's her. She would've been in charge of any children they brought along, but she never mentioned any of them to me." Frisk tapped her finger on the chair arm. "She did say there were things she wasn't allowed to talk about. She worked for the Duke as a nurse, and she would never disobey him."

He wondered for a moment if that meant the guy was Frisk's father, but was too excited to dwell on it. "What'd she say about us?" he asked curiously.

Frisk hesitated. "Well...she didn't talk very much with individual monsters, but she said the Queen was very kind and made sure to tell each of the humans how glad she was to have them visit. The King was also very courteous. He tried his best not to frighten anyone, and he thought it was rude that the servants weren't allowed to eat with the nobles."

Sans' foot started tapping. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he reluctantly stopped. "Who else?" he demanded.

The next moment, they both heard the office door open into the workshop. "Miss?" came a plaintive voice.

Frisk was at the bedroom door in an instant. "What is it, Flynn?" She closed the door most of the way.

Damn it all to hell. Sans grumpily listened to the child explain that he'd scratched his head and sorry, there was blood on the couch now. Frisk explained that wounds got itchy as they healed, and to please not scratch it, and that it would be much better to wipe his hands on the towel she'd put down than on the furniture. Then he had to be cleaned up again and a bigger bandage applied, and someone was sent for to take the boy somewhere he could sleep safely.

A thought stabbed at him as he listened to the proceedings: that was how she knew he could teleport and zip things around without touching them. King Asgore had insisted the monsters show off their powers in various amusing ways so that the humans would be less afraid of their magic. Sans thought it was a bad idea at the time, and look what came of it!

Frisk eventually came back to the bedroom, drying her hands on her skirt. "Let's cut t'the chase," Sans said quietly as she sat down. "Did she tell ya about any skeletons?"

"Yes." Frisk folded her hands and looked straight at him. "Two brothers, Sans and Papyrus."

Sans laced his fingers together to avoid accidentally destroying anything else. "And...?"

"She liked them very much," Frisk said calmly, "especially Papyrus. Sans was friendly, but she said he watched their every move, and it made them nervous." The priestess smoothed her skirt over her knees. "Papyrus was a joy to be around. He was very full of himself, but there wasn't a mean bone in his body, and he considered it his duty to welcome the humans as much as possible. My mother talked about him more than any other monster." She coughed. "Apparently, his spaghetti was terrible."

"...Sounds about right."

Frisk looked at him sharply. "I wanted to ask you about that, but...are you all right?"

Sans couldn't answer. He'd avoided thinking too much about home, especially the fact that he'd already been gone for a week when he got caught. It'd been easy to tell himself that he could always bust out of here if he needed to, or that the lady would let him send a message or even go have a quick visit before coming back here, but...

"Are you Papyrus' brother?" Frisk asked.

"Yeah," he ground out.

The priestess shook her head. "I don't understand. R—Mother said that Sans was shorter than any of the humans who came to the Underground, and the only boss monsters mentioned in the official histories are Asgore and Toriel. Can you tell me what happened? I wasn't sure if you were the same skeleton, you seem so diff—"

"A lot of shit happened, that's what." Sans lurched to his feet, and she had to tip her head back to look up at him. His sockets were glowing again. "Ya know what? I'm tired, an' you look like crap. Time for night-night." He jerked the door open, rattling the hinges. "Good luck cleanin' up. Blood's a bitch to get out. Trust me, I know."

She rose quietly, folding her hands in the style he recognized from the very first time he'd seen her. "All right, then. Good night, Sans," she said, and walked past him, out of the room.

He didn't slam the doors shut behind her, but it was pretty close.

~

Once she had control of herself again, Frisk wiped her eyes and resumed scrubbing the couch. She kept glancing underneath it, and as she threw yet another towel into the laundry basket, she decided, To hell with it, and pulled the couch aside. A nearly invisible seam in the floor showed where a board could be pried up to access her hidden safe. There was no lid, no lock, and no key, just a solid golden film that vanished when she pressed her thumb into its center.

The High Priestess surveyed the contents: several tight-folded papers, a bag of high-value dinar, a sack of silver ingots, a few pieces of jewelry, and a small box. She selected the box and removed its rosewood lid to reveal a tiny glass orb, something swirling around on its surface like smoke. She stared at it for so long that her knees began aching, but she didn't notice. Her vision blurred again, and she jammed the lid back on the little box, shoving everything back into the safe, re-sealing it, thumping the floorboard into place and pushing the couch back. Not today, she told herself fiercely. She didn't care what Sans said or how he acted. It couldn't be worth it. Nothing could!

~

The next day, after a late breakfast, Frisk quizzed him on the differences between various herbs and powdered animal bits and their uses; they looked over the list he'd made of new ingredients, going through the recipes and identifying how each item worked in each potion. That was the first time she demonstrated how to mix and infuse something, and the first time she warned him, "You have to be careful how you feel when you make potions. Intent is always important when you're using magic—you fully intend to cause damage, and I fully intend to protect, which is why we're good at what we do, yes?"

He shrugged philosophically, and she half-smiled. "Well," she continued, "it's similar when you're making something for someone else to take. If you're in a foul mood and you want to cause harm, or you simply don't want the person to get better, you might as well be concocting poison, or giving them water. Of course, your feelings don't matter if you're just throwing herbs into a pot, but these work as well as they do because you're putting a tiny bit of yourself into it. You have to make sure that it's a good bit."

"Pretty sure all my bits are bad by now," Sans remarked. "How's about I make some poison instead?"

Frisk shook her head, leaning over the table. "No one is all bad, Sans. Here." She took the glass stirrer out of the miniature cauldron bubbling away in the middle of their workspace. "I'll infuse it now. Watch."

He did observe closely as she bent forward, though probably not the way she'd intended; he just made sure he was looking at the potion when she glanced up at him. "Try thinking of someone you care for, and imagine it's for them." She opened her hand over the cauldron and, to his surprise, let out a low whistle, piercingly sweet.

A mote of light drifted from her palm and settled into the mixture. It seemed to sparkle for a moment, then resumed being a potion. When he concentrated, though, he could feel a little tingle of magic in it. "I won't ask you to try it till you have better control of your emotions," she said. "Right now, you're so angry that I don't know what would happen."

A different note had crept into her voice. Sans shifted his bony weight on the stool. "S'not like I can help it."

"Perhaps," she said. "You probably don't even notice it anymore. It's become a part of you, through whatever stuff has happened since the humans left the Underground. And before you ask, my mother is ill again. We can't speak with her until she's better."

There it was; he'd wondered if she was going to pretend he'd never snapped at her. "Well, you can only ask me so many personal questions before I get touchy, lady. Frisk." He tapped the worktable a couple of times. "Look, I know ya have a lot on yer plate, an' havin' to deal with me isn't much help. I just want t'know...is there any way to tell the others I'm not dead or somethin'? My brother's gotta be out of his mind by now, and I don' want someone comin' after me and gettin' caught."

Frisk shook her head, and his SOUL sank to the floor. "I'm sorry, Sans, but that's out of the question," she said, soft but firm. "Our King has forbidden any humans from coming within a day's walk of the entrance to the Underground, and let's be very honest—what would happen if a human came up to you out of nowhere and said they had an important message to give the monsters?"

Sans' jaw clenched so hard that the priestess put her hand out, not quite touching his arm. "Sans, please. If there was any way to—"

"Forget it, okay? Just...never mind." The skeleton glared at the windows facing out from the workroom. Like everything else in this damn place, they were too small for him to fit more than his head through. He'd gone through this in his own mind a dozen times: even if he could break through the wood and stone, he could sense the barrier set behind the wall to block his shortcuts. The one along the outside wall was heavier than the ones in the bedroom, which were permeable, purely there to track his movements. It was debatable whether this one could be physically broken with...something, but the moment he tried, she would know he was trying and stop him with a stronger barrier.

Hmm. What if...what if he waited till she wasn't here and couldn't get back in time to stop him? If he broke through when she was distracted, and far enough away – say, doing her church stuff in the middle of the night – then there wouldn't be much she could do. He could escape and decide later whether he wanted to come back or—

Wait. Come back? What the hell was he thinking? Why would he choose to be locked up by any human? No matter how pretty, and gutsy, and sweet and nice-voiced and...

Crap.

Anyway. He wouldn't come back. He'd have to be sure to grab his notes and a few books for Alphys; Frisk could always get more copies. He already had plenty to report to King Asgore, though he felt a little uneasy about letting ol' Gorey know that the most powerful barrier-making human was a determined sorceress whose SOUL could probably make you invincible. Actually, he felt a lot uneasy. Maybe he'd keep that to himself for now.

Too bad he couldn't bring her with him...

"...ans. Sans?" Frisk was touching his radius. She'd lifted her veil, large brown eyes turned up to his. "Are you all right?"

Sans studied her for a long moment, reflecting that Papyrus had always wanted a pet. The idea was more appealing than he'd have liked to admit; he had to dismiss it with a shake of his head, and shake it again to get it loose. "'m fine, kid. Remind me what this stuff was for?" After all, he thought darkly, he'd always told Pap no. Pets were too much trouble, especially if you got attached to them. Besides, what would they feed her?

A knock on the outer door startled them both. Before Frisk could respond, the door opened, and in strode a tall, thin man in dark robes, holding a box under his arm. "High Priestess. Honored guest," the man said in a cool, whispery voice, giving them a short bow.

"Dr. Serif? This is a surprise," the High Priestess responded, replacing the veil as she stood up. "I wasn't expecting you so early. Sans, this is Dr. Serif, the royal sorcerer. Doctor, please meet Sans the skeleton."

The man regarded Sans with mild curiosity. "I am very pleased to see you again, Sans the skeleton. Has Her Eminence been treating you well?"

"Uh...yeah," said Sans, nonplussed. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

The royal sorcerer bowed again. He was unnervingly pale, the effect enhanced by dark eyes and long black hair framing his face. "I helped transport you from your cell to this room."

"It took magic," Frisk said helpfully.

He'd figured as much; magic was the only way humans could do any damn thing. The boss monster looked at the box under the doctor's arm, which had a strange feel to it. He couldn't tell what it was, but he knew he didn't like it.

"This is for you, as we discussed, Your Eminence," the man said smoothly. "I will leave it in your office."

Frisk looked so uncomfortable that Sans glanced at the sorcerer, but nothing was visibly wrong. The man ignored them both, striding past the table and opening the door to her office. They heard rustling, and the doors closing as he stepped back into the workroom. "That will be all. Good day, my lady, Sans." With another bow, the doctor turned and left.

"Weirdo," said the ten-foot skeleton. He found he didn't want to look away from the door lest the guy come back and catch him unawares. He hadn't been threatening, but something about him was very off.

"He's...unique." Frisk sat down again. "Now, this infusion is almost ready. We'll leave it at room temperature for another ten minutes or so before we stir it again. In the meantime, you can add two drops of peppermint oil, mint, orange or lemon extract..."

~

The rest of the day passed without major incident. Frisk had to stop in the middle of concocting a burn salve and leave Sans to finish it, though she cautioned him not to infuse it yet. She rather envied him; she had to walk to the other side of the castle to go over her parish's monthly accounts, balancing foot-long columns of tiny numbers to check that tithes and alms had come in and gone out properly. They never quite did, though it had gotten better in the past year, as she had made it increasingly clear that she was not interested in stealing from the poor or turning a blind eye to it, even for a few hundred extra dinar in her own column.

The attempts at bribery were particularly insulting because she didn't need it. The realm's High Priestess was entitled to half a percent of the Church's total monthly income, and through the magic of frugality and compound interest, her personal fortune had grown to the point where she didn't want to use any of it. Life was so strange; as a small child, she had only eaten once every couple of days, and now she could decide not to buy her own estate and maintain a huge staff for it.

She was starting to wonder, though, about a rumor she'd heard regarding several hundred acres of land that would supposedly be up for sale in the next few months. They were principally wheat and barley fields, no more than two days' walk from the Underground's main entrance. That was food for thought, indeed.

Frisk eventually finished and stopped by the kitchens on her way back to her room. Sans was still wary of what he ate, and she took care to have more than one damned fork now when she tasted his food for him. She wasn't worried for herself: if she didn't have time to eat in the kitchen, she routinely paid several of the staff a bit extra to make sure that everything they brought her had come straight from the pot or the pan, with no chance for someone to add any surprises.

That had felt hypocritical at first, but she'd soon realized that she couldn't rely on people's consciences or sense of duty to keep her safe. Many, like the guard captain, were loyal for loyalty's sake, but many more of them needed external motivation, and she was helping the cooks and servers support their families. And she wasn't literally stealing from orphans to do it!

An overstuffed basket sat outside her chambers, and the guard hastened to open the door and push it inside for her. Frisk carried the tray to the table, setting it by Sans' elbow as he compared nearly identical recipes in two separate books. Then she dragged the laundry basket over, pulling a sail-like garment out end over end. "Here you are," she said around an armful of fabric.

The skeleton looked up, scowling at the interruption. "Wha?"

"This is for you." Frisk tried to hold up an enormous shirt, then an enormous set of trousers. "I had them measure your clothes when we washed them for you. They made you another set."

Sans slowly got up and took the shirt from her, holding it against himself. It was sturdy linen, almost as thick as the canvas shirt he wore now and much softer. The skeleton turned it this way and that, poking the material. "What's this for?"

Pause. "It's a shirt," said Frisk. "It goes on the top half of your body. Humans need it for protection against the elements, and modesty, but for you, it's principally so that you have a shirt on."

He acknowledged her smartassery with a respectful nod. "I mean, wasn't this a pain to make? I hope nobody expects me t'pay fer this. Not my fault if what I got on ain't pretty enough for ya."

"Oh, it was. Getting something that size made up so quickly cost me more than I paid for all the clothes I've had this year combined. But you're not a slave, you're my apprentice. That means you're working for me, and I'm keeping track of your wages. It'll take a while to pay this off—" Frisk stuck her arm through one of the trouser legs, flapping it to shake it out. "—but I think you'll manage it before you leave."

Sans had another odd expression. "Yer payin' me for the stuff I make? I thought apprentices were the ones payin' to learn."

"I consider the knowledge you'll bring back to the Underground to be your apprenticeship fee, and as this arrangement wasn't your idea in the first place, we're bending the rules," she said patiently. "I see you've made three sets of burn salve, two of which look useable, and you're almost done with a cough elixir. Fair market value for those is about ten dinar total, so minus the infusion I'll do for you, you've earned about seven already."

"Hm." He scratched the side of his head. "What am I payin' you for my food?"

Frisk laughed, shaking out the other leg. "The pleasure of your company." At his blank stare, she shook her head and uncovered the tray. "No one charges their apprentice for room and board, Sans." The priestess put down the trousers, picked up the fork and leaned in for a bite of baked fish.

The skeleton pulled the tray away, making her stab the table instead. "If I owe ya money, you're definitely not gonna poison me," he pointed out, and began shoveling it in.

"You're right," Frisk said gravely, trying and failing to hide her grin. "I'm glad you've had time to mullet over."

Sans pounded the table with his free fist, rattling the glass vials. "Might as well, just for the halibut. Right?"

She covered her mouth with the back of her hand. "That was weak. Think of a better one and let minnow," she said around it.

"You're right," he said, and waited for her to take a bite before he added, "We really need to scale back."

They had to stop laughing long enough to eat. By the time dinner was over and Frisk had carried the dishes out, both were relaxed enough to be sleepy. "Dunno why I keep wantin' to go t'bed, all I've done is read 'n catnap," mumbled Sans, trudging into the bedroom and flopping onto the mattress. "'m not even usin' my damn magic."

"You're eating human food, so your body is getting more nutrition and working harder to process it," Frisk pointed out, settling into her chair. "Mother said the humans all had to eat more to stop being hungry Underground." She tried not to burp out loud. "Besides, you're probably still recovering from the energy you spent being captured and then trying to kill me. Thrice."

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that." The skeleton stretched all the phalanges of his toes, flexing them in turn. "Probably won't do it again," he added truthfully.

"Thank you." Frisk also stretched her legs out, Sans noticing how absurdly tiny her feet were as she got up from her chair with the recipe book. She reached down to dog-ear the page they were on. "Well, I—"

He whisked the book out of her hand and flipped it open to smooth the page out. "Use a bookmark, woman! What are ya, some kinda barbarian?"

"It's an old book! They're all creased anyway," she argued, trying to take it back. He held it over his head, roughly a mile out of reach. "All right, then, fine," she said with a smirk. "I'm going to take a bath. Read through and find five more ingredients to discuss when I get back." She shut the door on quiet skeletal griping, smiling to herself.

~

The next day passed in a similar fashion, at least outwardly. Frisk took careful note of everything Sans made, ignoring his suggestion to dock him the price of the ingredients when he screwed up; luckily, he was catching on fast, even if she wouldn't let him infuse anything yet. She also wouldn't tell him how much his new clothing had cost, saying only that she'd let him know when he broke even. What really got his attention was her adding, "If you make enough money, we'll send a few bushels of wheat back with you. No one can be upset that you were gone for so long if you come bearing gifts, can they?"

Sans was glad he didn't have facial muscles or anything similar to betray his inner turmoil. He'd had a lot of second thoughts last night about bashing his way out of here, due in small part to the new outfit and the possibility of bringing food to the Underground, but mostly because she was working her brain-magic on him again, being attractive and kind and easy to talk to like the terrible, sadistic person she was...not. She was not remotely terrible or sadistic, and that was the problem. He still didn't understand it, or how it was getting worse so much quicker than he'd anticipated. He just wanted to get away before she entangled him any further.

Then he'd started thinking of Snowdin right before he fell asleep, and for the first time since he'd been captured, he had dreamed of home. He dreamed their house was cold and dark, with no one upstairs and a single light on in the kitchen. A female form was silhouetted in the kitchen doorway, hands on hips, facing something slumped over the side of the couch. "C'mon, Pap. He's probably just out on another hunting trip," she argued.

"...IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?" The thin, nasal voice hurt Sans' SOUL, and not just because he'd desperately wanted to hear it again. This wasn't his boisterous, indomitable, recklessly cheerful brother; this was a small, heartsick Papyrus, one Sans hadn't seen or heard in a long, long time. The last time it happened, at least Sans had been there for him. Now Sans was gone, too.

"Hunting animals, Papyrus! He's hunting animals. Not humans." The woman thumped the wall for emphasis, knocking little bits of plaster from the ceiling. Dammit, Sans had told her to quit doing that. "That's gotta be it. We don't eat humans, and he knows how bad the food situation is, right? So..."

"I DON'T CARE WHAT HE'S DOING. ...WELL. NOT MUCH." The skeleton heaved a sigh, raising his face from the couch cushion. "...UNDYNE, I...I CAN'T REACH HIM. IF HE'S ALL RIGHT, WHERE IS HE?"

And then something had seeped out of the darkness and gently enclosed Sans' mind, blotting out the dream like a sponge on spilled water. He had woken up knowing that it wasn't a dream, and was instantly enraged—he'd been so grateful that the nightmares had stopped, and too damn stupid to figure out that she'd set a barrier up against external influences, including dreams shared with Pap. He'd ponder the full ramifications of it blocking nightmares another day; the memory of his brother's expression had decided him. Agreement or no agreement, he was getting out of here tonight.

Of course, he couldn't pack up the stuff he needed before their lesson was done, or right afterward. He wasn't worried about giving himself away: as an accomplished bullshitter, he knew he was behaving perfectly normally. The moment dinner was cleared away, he called dibs on the bathroom, which had a nice, huge tub that he wanted to use one more time. When he was done and she'd gone in and locked the door – and after the usual stab of curiosity as to what she looked like outside of clothes – Sans quietly put everything he wanted into a satchel he'd found under the worktable, and stowed it behind the door in the bedroom, where he had to wait until she was done getting dressed.

The one odd thing was that after she emerged from her dressing room in her full priestess-y regalia, she went into her office and spent a few minutes doing nothing that he could hear, after which she was wearing a different brooch. She'd had a white one on the first day they met, but this one shone with a greyish light under her veil.

"Goin' so soon?" he asked carelessly. It was ten o'clock.

She smiled. "If my duties only included saying words and a few songs, I would sleep much easier. There's always someone to speak to before and after services."

"Gotcha. Well, have fun. 'm gonna read somethin' with a damn bookmark 'fore I go to bed—I forgot t'ask, mind if I try ta make a few things while you're not here?"

"Go right ahead. You'll pay for it if you burn down my workroom, so I'm trusting you to behave." Was he imagining a weird little inflection there? No, she looked totally wonderful. ...Normal. She looked totally normal. "Good night, Sans," she said, adjusting her veil.

"G'night, Frisk." He stretched out on the bed as she shut the door.

That was it, then. He might not ever see her again. It...wasn't a good feeling. In fact, it felt pretty bad. Time to quit feeling it, think of Pap, and focus on his plan of action.

The plan: well, for starters, it would be dumb to try breaking out immediately. He wished he knew exactly where the chapel was. He'd heard occasional church-type singing off in the distance, but that didn't give him an idea of how far away she'd be during the service, or for exactly how long. Instead, he watched the clock and fidgeted, as nervous as the first time he'd faced down a group of human sorcerers.

Maybe this was a dumb idea. Maybe he should just ask her to take down the barrier keeping him from dreaming with Papyrus, just for one night. She was too kind to refuse, and intelligent enough...

...to ask him for more information in exchange. Frisk knew he used to be a normal monster, and might think to ask if he'd always been able to speak across dreams; it wouldn't be too far a stretch for her to keep questioning how he became a boss monster. She'd also realize that if she let him communicate with other monsters, he could tell them several things that she would prefer they not know, including her identity and full capabilities. It was one thing for her to take a calculated risk and let him go back to the Underground with that information, or – much more likely – to make him forget it before he left; some humans had the ability to excise bits of memory like that. It'd be another thing entirely to permit a conversation that no one else could even hear. She was nice, not stupid.

So Sans waited until eleven forty-five, and then he sat in the workroom with the satchel looped around his wrist for another ten minutes, nerves humming. Then he got up, went to the double doors leading out of her rooms, and silently picked up a seven-foot decorative statue standing at the room's threshold, wedging it inward across the doorframe. He went back to the workroom, judged the weakest place in the outside wall, reared back, and slammed his fist directly between two of the windows.

~

Frisk had started to relax as the organist began playing and incense floated in the chapel air. She was opening her mouth for the first hymn when a warning note sounded in the back of her mind: the barrier to her workroom's outside windows was tingling, and then it suddenly burned away, the warning note sliding all the way up to a full-blown klaxon.

She gritted her teeth so hard that it hurt, controlling her expression with a supreme effort as the voice in her head screamed, Sans, you two-faced sack of fertilizer!

The only good thing about the situation was that she wasn't leading this service. Therefore, it was odd, but not completely conspicuous, when she stepped to the back of the choir, touched her new brooch, and vanished.

[darkgeminisworld]

This is gonna be a rant about a probably toxic friend so if you don't wanna read it, this is a heads up.

Okay so for several reasons, most of them being that I need to move on, I decided to write this lengthy rant about a friend I'm pretty sure will not be a friend of mine for much longer, which sucks bc he's almost my only irl friend but also feels good bc he's exhausting and I'm pretty sure he's also toxic.

I've met this guy like 6 and a half years ago, and we pretty much bonded over shared interests pretty fast. The first thing that bothered me was that he'd always be late, which would be absolutely fine if he'd been honest about it. But writing that it's five minutes until he's there and then showing up 30 minutes after that, or writing "I'm on your doorstep" and taking another ten minutes to show up, almost every single time, isn't, especially since I strained to be on time the first months (meaning I'd be too early bc my brain only does too early or too late, nothing in between). And his being late wasn't just 20 or 30 minutes, several times he was over an hour late. Oh, and once when we had agreed to meet he legit wasn't home and I waited around 2 hours, which I really should have held a grudge for back then and been way more pissed at him.

The second thing that bothered me was that he was way too nosy. He'd ask if I'm free to meet and play video games or whatever and whenever I said no he'd ask what I'm doing and if I can't manage my time another way to make time for him. And the thing is, not only did I not ask several times after he told me that he's busy that day, but I actively told him, several times over the course of about the last two years, that it bothers me and asked him to tone it down. My problem here is only that he didn't stop after I asked him to, bc before I told him and asked him, how was he supposed to know.

Coming out to him went well, though he did ask me whether I'm into him, which... No. Obviously it could've gone a lot worse, but still.

The next is more a small annoyance, a small itch, although it might have been a warning sign. He couldn't handle defeat very well. In most video games he was better, but he low-key aggressively denied it when I pointed out the win-lose ratio in my all-time favourite video game series and he'd try to cheat at other games. If it was only about him being competitive I'd understand, but that doesn't mean trying to rewrite the past by blatantly lying about it and ridiculing me for pointing out that that's bullshit, especially since it's only games, played for the fun of it.

We also went to the cinema sometimes, though if it had been up to him it'd have been way more often and that's another point where he really didn't let it go after getting a no. Whether he wanted to watch a horror movie after being told, several times, that I really don't like horror movies, or just the general question of whether we'd be going to the cinema, he'd ask again and ask what I'm doing, why did I not want to go, would another time be good, couldn't I ask my parents for money (which, to be fair, I could have. But I preferred not to bc back then it was really stressful bc we had to move and renovate and I just didn't wanna add more frustration if that makes sense? Plus I wanted to get my hands on some things, which required to save up) etc. Almost every time we did end up going, it was he who initiated it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to see some of the movies just as badly as he did, but... And if he can't even accept "no" from a friend of several years (also a 100% guy friend as far as he is aware bc I didn't start to address gender issues with him), I'm worried about other contexts with that word. Also we did some kind of text role play (just texting back and forth with OCs inserted into several fantasy works like the Inheritance Cycle, who would parttake in the storyline, no set rulebook or anything) and his characters did some questionable and even outright deplorable things and when I wanted his character to suffer consequences, he always wanted him to get away with it. Like, his idea for one of his characters "pranking" mine in reaction to a prank which in itself was a retaliation to his character's pranks was kidnapping and waterboarding my character. And he kept defending it as a prank and demanded that my character should just forgive his character, like... It really made (and continues to make) me wonder and worry just how much of his darker thoughts I don't know about. And I don't know how accurate it is but I once saw a post with a quote that went along the lines of "man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." (btw I couldn't think of a satisfactory way to phrase it so I ended up looking up the quote and apparently it's from Oscar Wilde)

So I spent a fair amount of time arguing with him over that and trying to explain to the best of my ability why it was wrong, and for some time it went better.

Fast forward a few months to the blm protests or more specifically news coverage of it and info I sent him. He defended cops and blamed the protestors and even justified the atrocities of the cops, so that was the first instance where we had a huge fight. I practically drowned him in links and videos etc and some weeks into that I thought I'd managed to get through to him (Spoiler: I didn't really get through to him) so I kept it in mind but continued to have contact with him and everything (bc at the time I didn't know that I didn't really get through as much as I thought).

From there on it pretty much went downhill. We had been thinking about doing a trip to London for a few days (his idea but at the time I really wanted to go, it was around 2 years ago when I still practically worshipped that one author, she who must not be named) and to this very day he's not letting it go completely. Even though the pandemic puts lots of obstacles in the way and I have more important things to worry about, namely final exams and applications. Even though London is expensive as shit and I still have no way to earn money atm. And about the vacation, I finally canceled last summer (and gave the aforementioned reasons) and he completely lost his shit and got super aggressive, insulted me and tried to guilt-trip me into taking that back and agreeing to still go on that vacation with him. Then we got into another fight where he wanted me to cancel the vacation with my grandparents, which was already planned and booked and everything in order to make time for the vacation I'd already said I don't want to go on with him anymore and aggressively demanded (he didn't ask, he sent a demand and bombarded me with exclamation marks) to know when exactly I'd be going on vacation with them. Then he went offline after I refused and ignored the next few messages I sent him and only replied when I asked "what I'd I reconsidered my stance on the trip?". I mean, baiting him with that definitely was shitty of me, but the result showed that that was basically what he wanted, pressure me into still going on that vacation. That specific conflict had been going on for weeks, bc despite me telling him that it's counterproductive and detrimental to my mental health to increase the pressure and therefore my anxiety about getting a job to pay for the trip, he kept pressuring me while acknowledging that he's giving me lots of pressure and anxiety and even using that against me.

He also didn't acknowledge that most times we try to meet, he goes offline for hours before replying and disappearing again. That would be absolutely fine if he didn't accuse me of doing that, which btw is his standard technique and it took me a long time to realize that. He always tries to shift the blame to make me look like the one at fault, and he always, always demands that I apologize when we had a fight via WhatsApp.

And when I started enforcing my boundaries and telling him to stop asking again and again why I can't meet, what I'm doing, or demanding other explanations, he started to attack me for the kind of language I use, so when I'm ever so slightly sarcastic he immediately latches onto that and creates a new conflict.

But this still isn't all, oh no. He's also basically an ecofascist, and is fully okay with sacrificing social justice to save the environment, completely choosing to ignore that the people he's protecting are the ones at fault and that the ppl who contribute the least are the ones experiencing the hardest ecological consequences.

He's said multiple times that he thinks both sides are equally bad, in the context of left and right in general as well as antifascism and fascism and that he doesn't "condone the oppressed defending themselves with any means necessary" bc that, too, would include violence. He's defending the "right to free speech" even when right-wingers say really disgusting shit, he disagrees with prohibiting demonstrations of ppl who think that Corona is a hoax, he has zero empathy for ppl who are affected, who suffer long-term consequences from infections, not even for ppl who die from it (he literally said "people die anyway, that doesn't justify imprisoning everyone else") and somehow still thinks he has the moral high ground.

And the last bit he did was explaining to me, from his endocisallohet white guy perspective, how I'm "not discriminated against" bc gay ppl in my country can get married (only since 2017 btw) and when I, despite the fact that I shouldn't have had to and that it was a real blow to my mental health, wrote him a message that was almost the length of an essay, he calmly started to question my replies with the detachedness of someone who's discussing whether pineapple belongs on pizza and demanding further explanation. To top it off, he said that marginalized ppl have to always reply to everyone calmly and politely, no matter if it was offensive bc the person asking might be unaware of that. Otherwise, he said, everyone would be right to stop listening to us. Like, he literally said that we don't deserve human rights if we're not licking the boots of our oppressors if that way of thinking is followed through to the end.

I almost forgot, he also thinks that white ppl should have a say in whether something is a racist slur, or whether something is racist in general (we're both white, but at least I'm trying my best to unlearn what my upbringing taught me instead of being the cliché of the white person who goes "how dare you call me racist, I've never been more insulted in my whole life!", which is basically his reaction)

So up until this last fight, I conceded some ground to him to end the fights and keep him as a "friend" not only bc I feel horrible when I imagine losing one of my only irl friends but also bc I was hoping I could get through to him and educate him, to the best of my ability, on how to be a good ally to marginalized people. But the disregard with which he treats my explanations why the way he talked (wrote) about marginalized people is absolutely not okay and the fact that he just told me that he genuinely doesn't see how he did anything wrong even after I explained it to him in detail is just too much to bear at this point.

Oh, and while looking through the chat to prove him a liar I found that apparently, to him a promise is a promise, no matter whether it was given under pressure or voluntarily, so do with that what you will.

[bluejaybabbles-archive]

IS IT TOO GAY OF ME TO ASK FOR ALL THREE MIDWEST MONSTERS WIP CHARACTESR FOR THE SOFT MEME... i just love them DEARLY

IT IS EXACTLY THE RIGHT AMOUNT  OF GAY TO ASK FOR ALL THREE OF THEM MAX 

Putting this under a cut bc it got a bit lengthy!

Let’s go in alphabetical order! First up, Antonia Figueroa!

what they smell like

I haven’t thought about this much, but definitely something soft...like fresh laundry, or something floral! She tries to seem aloof and standoffish, but she’s really just. So soft, if you gain her trust, so I think her scent would reflect that! 

what their favorite smells in the world are

Vanilla!! She has far too many vanilla candles. She also loves the smell of the ocean breeze. The last time she went to Puerto Rico, she used her magic to bottle the ocean breeze, and when she’s stressed, she opens the bottle and just sits in the scent for a while.

what pajamas they wear/what they wear to sleep in

Big t-shirts! She has a collection of graphic tees just for sleeping in. A lot of them have the Pepsi logo on them ajsdbsdufh and some of them are just like. You know those tacky shirts with the animals printed on them?? These ones:

[id: a grey t-shirt with images of a bald eagle, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a moose on it.]

Yeah.

my favorite ship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them

okay this one’s gonna be a little hard bc Toni, Javi, and Avery are all in a polyamorous triad so OBVIOUSLY I ship them all together but also! I definitely ship Antonia with Triss, a monster hunter from the Summer Court!! I can’t decide if it’s a casual thing or if Antonia is just also in a serious relationship with Triss, but Triss is over at Toni’s place all the time. Triss takes a big interest in Toni’s witchcraft and asks lots of questions, and she definitely curls up on her couch and reads spell books while Toni’s mixing potions or smth!

my favorite friendship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them

Antonia and Javi!! Like yeah they’re partners but a) they don’t start off as partners, and b) YOU SHOULD BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR PARTNERS!! They’re the kind of friends that bounce snarky fake-insults off each other and then just end up cuddling on the floor and playing with each other’s hair. They’d also definitely bond over their experiences in being Puerto Rican out in the Land of Corn and Ghosts and Corn Ghosts

a song that reminds me of them

Wild Roses by Of Monsters and Men! Specifically this part Gets Me:

Down by the creek, I couldn’t sleep, so I followed a feelin’

Sounds like the vines, they are breathing

(Oh it sounds like, it sounds like, it sounds like, it sounds, oh)

And I’ve seen the way the seasons change when I just give it time

But I feel out of my mind all the time

In the night I am wild-eyed, and you got me now

what animal i think they would be if they were an animal

She would ABSOLUTELY be a cat. 100% a grumpy cat who reveals her True Soft Nature around maybe one or two people. She says “mother I crave violence” but what she really craves is a good snuggle session

what position they sleep in

She starts off on her back, but she’s a restless sleeper, so she usually ends up on her side by the end of the night! She definitely starfishes, though, which becomes a little bit of a problem when she, Javi, and Avery start sleeping in the same bed aifhsidgh

their favorite drink

PEPSI!! She’s specifically a big fan of wild cherry pepsi, but regular pepsi also works. At any given time she’s probably wearing some sort of pepsi memorabilia. 

a gift i would give them if i could

Spell ingredients! Dried plants from my yard! A ticket to PR! also this:

[id: a white shirt with the word Pepsi across the chest in blue. Beneath the word Pepsi is the Pepsi logo, a red, white, and blue circle. The shirt also has several Pepsi logos down the sleeves.]

Next up we have Avery!

what they smell like

Avery smells earthy and like. Fresh?? Crisp?? At the same time?? Kind of like a winter morning in the woods! Y’know that smell of “things are still alive here, the cold is just keeping them dormant”? That!!

what their favorite smells in the world are

His senses were enhanced during his time in the Court of the Moon, so he has some OPINIONS about smells ajfhsdiufhud that said! He LOVES fruity smells, specifically citrus scents! He’s also a big fan of the smell of fresh baked goods, whether that be bread or cookies or brownies!

what pajamas they wear/what they wear to sleep in

So Avery sleeps nude and keeps clothes next to the bed so he can put them on really quick if he needs to, HOWEVER! Javi eventually compiles a collection of lounge wear for him! (”Come on, you can’t just be in going-out clothes and armor all the time! Isn’t that uncomfortable?” “If I get uncomfortable I just get naked.” “I’m going out and buying you clothes right now.”) It’s honestly wild to see someone who wears mostly blacks and greys standing around his house in baby blue pajama pants with raccoons on them, or in a sheer green sleep shirt that says “Sunday is for snuggling”

my favorite ship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them

Okay so here I’m gonna focus on him and Antonia because holy WOW they’re so sweet, like!! Antonia feels like she can be herself around him, which is so rare. She’s his main supplier for spells and things since she knows the way he works, but also he says he goes to her because she “casts her spells/brews her potions with love” and that “makes them all the more effective.” He definitely comes to her place if a hunt goes wrong and she does the whole “patches you up while affectionately calling you an idiot” thing

my favorite friendship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them

Avery and Triss!! Triss is the first person Avery really opened up to after being released from the Court of the Moon. Even though the Celestial Courts are...different from the others, he felt that another monster hunter would be the one to understand him most. She helps him open up to more people, and shows him the beauty of the world. I imagine she gathers bouquets of wildflowers and “weeds” and brings them to him sometimes!!

a song that reminds me of them

Some Kind of Disaster by All Time Low! Especially these parts:

I woke up from a never-ending dream

I shut my eyes at 17

I lost every moment in between

I felt the sun rise up and swallow me, yeah

and

I crashed down from a high that felt so real

I never knew how much it would hurt to feel

You gotta hurt sometimes to learn to heal

You gotta get back up and learn to deal, yeah

AND

And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want

So what are you after?

Some kind of disaster (Some kind of disaster)

Fuck I gotta. I gotta go listen to this song now. I’m having Feelings

what animal i think they would be if they were an animal

Y’know, I was gonna be tacky and say a wolf, but now that I’m thinking about it...he’d be a coyote. Adaptable, can be a loner or in a pack, tend to be crepuscular when around humans, some people are very adamant about how they should be shot on sight.....

what position they sleep in

If he’s sleeping alone, he’ll sleep on his side, but if he’s sleeping with other people, he sleeps on his back so they can curl up on his chest!

their favorite drink

Water. Like, actually, he really loves ice water. Sometimes he’ll get frisky and drink *gasp* flavored water!

a gift i would give them if i could

A weighted blanket! Like, I know you have to be able to jump right up and get to work if duty calls or whatever, but can you please get one night of deep sleep?? And a hug. Someone hug this man

Last but CERTAINLY not least, Javi Justiniano! 

what they smell like

Fresh rain on dirt, crushed rosemary, and fresh cut wood! 

what their favorite smells in the world are

They absolutely ADORE the smell of peppermint! They’re also a big fan of pumpkin spice candles. It really is a shame they love seasonal scents so much sdifuhdiu I imagine they try to stock up as much as they can to last them through the year

what pajamas they wear/what they wear to sleep in

Okay so Javi is EXTREMELY tacky and will wear like. A sheer nightgown and silly patterned pants as pajamas. So a combination like this:

[id: a pale person with long, dark hair wearing a sheer and lacy white nightgown]

[id: a pair of black pajama pants with a red waistband and a red pocket. The pants are decorated with images of various red lobsters and the words “Pinch Me...I’m Dreaming”]

If anyone asks them about it they just shrug and say “I’m nonbinary, it’s allowed”

my favorite ship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them

Here, I’m gonna talk about Javi and Avery because Holy Shit I Love Them. Javi is EXTREMELY chaotic and Avery rolls his eyes about it but secretly adores everything about them. Like. Javi canonically drunk calls Avery and asks him to carry them to bed because they don’t think they can make it up the stairs and Avery actually does it. And when Avery’s about to leave, Javi asks him to stay until they fall asleep, and he stays until morning, and hold on I gotta sit down--

my favorite friendship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them

So I’ve already talked about how Javi and Toni’s friendship is AMAZING but I wanna give a shout out to Javi’s as of yet unnamed roommates! Like, they have to deal with the random monsters that Javi attracts and at this point they’re pretty unfazed by them. They walk into the kitchen and see a weird floating eyeball with wings or some shit and Javi’s like “I’m sorry it was there when I woke up” and they go “It happens. Does it like peaches bc ours are about to go bad” 

a song that reminds me of them

3am by Halsey! Specifically this part:

My self-preservation and all of my reservations

Are sittin’ and contemplating what to do with me, do with me

Think I took it way too far

And I’m stumblin’ drunk, getting in a car

My insecurities are hurtin’ me

Someone please come and flirt with me

I really need a mirror that’ll come along and tell me that I’m fine

I do it every time

I keep on hanging on the line, ignoring every warning sign

Come on and make me feel alright again

Baby. Has some abandonment issues. It’s probably fine.

what animal i think they would be if they were an animal

DEFINITELY a dog. Like, a big, sweet, clingy dog whose adoption profile labels them as “Thinks they’re a lap dog, so they need to be taught not to fall asleep on top of you. Unless that’s something you want!” 

what position they sleep in

On their tummy or their side! They don’t like going to sleep alone, so they have a couple people-sized stuffed animals to snuggle in bed. When Antonia, Javi, and Avery are all asleep in the same bed, Javi’s in the middle, curled up on Avery’s chest, and Toni is spooning Javi. It’s so good

their favorite drink

An iced mocha with peppermint syrup and LOTS of whipped cream! Most drinks are honestly just a vessel for whipped cream for them

a gift i would give them if i could

A big house with a nice backyard, and also a big dog to snuggle when they have to go to sleep alone! I’m totally not projecting! 

THANK YOU AGAIN MAX, this was a lot of fun and I’m even more excited to write about these characters now!! 

[squiishiichaos]

Rikuroku? And they only start getting along after they make sora cry ((maybe out of frustration bc they were always arguing or fighting)) and learn they have a ton in common

(Anon.  What the fuck.  Why would you make me do this to Sora?

…but okay.  Here you go.)

_______________

Sometimes, life was like glass–fragile and easily broken. Other times, no matter how hard Roxas slammed the bottle against a tile counter, it just refused to fucking break.

Sometimes–like now–it was a bit of both.  

Staring at his long-time best friend on the brink of tears, he could do nothing but glare at their only mutual friend where he stood leering sidelong at the floor from his place leaned stoically against the wall.  

With his hands folded across his chest, Riku looked angrier than he had any right being considering he was the one who started this whole fucking thing.  If he had just listened to Roxas the last eight-hundred times he told him to leave him the fuck alone, maybe Sora wouldn’t look like someone had kicked his goddamn puppy.

But no.  Of course not.  

Because Riku just had to march his ass into the gym at the exact same time Roxas was using it to conveniently skip class and he just had to give him that fucking look like he was the worst piece of garbage on this fucking green Earth. And yeah, okay, maybe he had jumped the gun when he asked him what the fuck he was looking at, but could you blame him?  

How Sora could even put up with accusatory looks like that was fucking beyond him, but then again, with all the glares pointed at him, maybe Sora didn’t know the all-consuming rage it brought along with it.

He certainly did now–if Riku’s bloody nose was anything to go by.   Though–and Roxas would never admit this out loud–Riku had managed to slug him a good couple times before their friend came to the rescue.  

Then–then–he had the audacity to tell him he was fucking lucky.  What bullshit!   Lucky for who?  Himself, maybe, because Roxas was just getting warmed up.

“Stop it!”

Roxas paled as the Brunet tried–and failed–to compose himself with a sniffling breath.  “Stop what?  I’m not even doing anything!”

“I know you, Roxas!  Don’t you dare try and tell me that if I wasn’t standing right here, you wouldn’t go right back to fighting him!”  

Oh, no, there was no question about that.

So, he stayed silent and let that glassy glare bore right through to his soul as Sora seethed, “that’s what I thought.” A low growl that had no right coming out of Sora’s mouth–of all places–was followed by a drag of hands down sun-kissed skin.  “You guys cannot keep doing this.  It was okay when you were just teenagers, but we are about to graduate University, guys!  You’re too old for this shit!”

Oh, fuck.  Riku and Roxas shared the same wide-eyed look from across the gym as that one out-of-place word set off alarm bells in both their minds.  

But before either of them could dare say a word to try and assuage the obvious hue of anger dusting the Brunet’s cheeks, he was already huffing out the last signs of tears from his lungs and staring them both down with hands poised dangerously on his hips.

“Look,” he began with a sharp edge, “This is the last time.  I want to be friends with both of you without biting my nails any time I want to invite the both of you.   I’m not asking for much, here.  I don’t care if you hate each other, just figure shit out so you don’t get me arrested as an accomplice in murder.

“Now,” and he clapped his hands loud enough that they both nearly jumped, “I’m gonna give you guys some time alone.  Talk.  Fight. Blow each other.  I don’t fucking care, just…please.  I will not choose between the two of you.”  

With that, the Brunet stalked over to the door and left two behind to stare at his wake.

The click of the door shutting came with a tension that settled in a miasma between them thicker than any mystery meat the cafeteria back in Twilight Town had ever served.  It was suffocating.  Debilitating.  But it also came with a punch to the gut that had Roxas right back into the same fight-or-flight response that got them into this mess in the first place.

His conscience told him, this is where you say sorry, but the devil sitting pretty on his shoulder whispered, make him eat shit and grovel.  

Guess which one he fucking chose.   “This is all your fault.”

“Excuse me?”  At least Riku had the decency to sound as annoyed as Roxas felt.  “You attacked me, remember?  All I did was open the fucking door!”

“Oh, horseshit!  You could’ve just ignored me and gone somewhere else!”

“Where else would you like me to go, huh?”

“Literally anywhere I’m not!”  

“Well, sorry to break it to you, Roxas, I don’t know where the fuck you are at every fucking hour of the goddamn day!   I know this might be hard for your paranoid mind to understand, but sometimes, I actually do shit that doesn’t revolve around you.  Most of the time, in fact!”

Okay, that did it.   “What the actual fuck, Reek?  You make it sound like I’m obsessed with you or something!”

“Oh, like you’re not?”  Roxas actually reeled back at that one.  Is that how it seemed?  Like he had a-a-grade school crush or something?  

“Fuck no!  Eww, why the fuck would I ever be obsessed with you?!”

Green jades narrowed into a piercing leer.  “You’ve been the bane of my existence since we were fourteen-fucking-years-old.  Any time I tried to just hang out with Sora, you’d get all defensive–”

“Yeah, because you hogged him all to yourself!  You literally threw a tantrum for three days straight because he asked Kairi to the Beach Ball instead of you!” Riku made rolling his eyes somehow look like the most dramatic action in the entire world.   It only pissed Roxas off more that he actually made it look–dare he say it–good.

“And what about you, huh?  You quit Hayner cold turkey for three whole months because he called Sora stupid once.”

“He fucking deserved that shit.” A slight quirk at the corner of Riku’s lips almost pulled a bit of pride from Roxas.  It was so cynical and maniacal–the kind of dark expression the Silveret seemed to reserve only for him.

Only for me?  What the fuck, brain?  No!

“I never said he didn’t, did I?”  Shifting where he stood leaned against the opposite wall, worn sneakers squeaked against the wood floor louder than if one of them had screamed.  It made the distance lingering between them seem even larger than when Sora had been standing in the dead center of it.  Made it feel unnecessary when they were supposedly in the middle of an argument.

But Roxas refused to be the one who closed it.  Adamantly refused.    “Then why the fuck are you bringing it up?”

“You air my dirty laundry, I air yours.” That cocky little smirk.  It stuck there as Riku finally came off his perch and stood tall with a confidence he often swallowed when around his friends.   A suaveness that had once–a long time ago–made him think, I wish I could be that cool.

“What’s next, then?  Wanna remind me of the time I nearly got my own ass jumped by Seifer because I caught him talking shit about Sora?  Or maybe you’d rather tell me about the time that you called me selfish for blowing him off on his birthday!”

“You made him cry on his Birthday! What else did you expect me to do?  You didn’t even have a good excuse!”  

On the contrary, Roxas had a perfectly good excuse.  He had simply refused to explain over the phone how Lea and Isa had been fighting for weeks and that he was honestly afraid their engagement was one bad argument away from lapsing and his entire home life of falling to shit.  Refused to let himself cry on Sora’s shoulder on his Birthday, when he should be happy and stuffing his face with cake.   Or to hear his best friend calmly say, “the party can wait one more night.  You need me more right now,” when he knew that the Brunet had been waiting literal months for that sleepover.

Fat lot of good lying had done him.  Sora had ignored him for a solid week afterwards, and even Riku had refused to look at him.  The only cherry on top of a bad life had been two weeks later, when Riku finally got up the balls to confront him and Roxas got the honor of fracturing his wrist during the ensuing fight.

Not one of his finer moments, but it had certainly gotten a lot of problems off his back in one foul swoop.  

“Whatever, Asshole.  You’re prol’ly still angry I won that fight.”

“Believe it or not, Roxas, that was probably one of the only times I actually respected you.”  

Letting out a harsh bark of a laugh, the Blonde felt his fists ball at his sides.  “Excuse me?”

“You missed that party for him, not you, and I could see the pain it caused written all over your face.  Until then, I really thought you were just a selfish git, but no narcissist could feel that much guilt. In retrospect,” he sighed offhandedly with another of those classy eye-rolls, “I guess I should’ve realized you’d never miss a chance to hang out with Sora without good reason, considering you followed him like a love-struck puppy all the time.”

“Who told you?” It came out weaker than he intended it to.  He wanted it to sound bitter and deadly, but it instead sounded fragile.  Like the bottle he’d been slamming against the kitchen sink was finally on its way to cracking open.

Right now, Riku looked no better.  “I…heard some rumors from one of the members of the Swim Team.  Said they’d had a big break-up right around the same time.”

“And clever little fucking you put the pieces together.”

“Look,” Riku sighed, pushing back the long waves of his platinum hair with equally long fingers, “we obviously have our differences and I don’t wanna be your friend anymore than you probably want to be mine–” Roxas’s harsh laugh cut him off just long enough to elicit a warning glance before he continued–”but I’m not losing Sora because we’re both stubborn pieces of shit.”

“A-fucking-men.”  Scratching angrily at the back of his neck, Roxas glared back at Riku.  “So, what do you propose?”

“A truce.”

Roxas snorted.  “A truce?  What’s next?  A goddamn treaty?  We gonna have to bring in a fucking banker to Notarize it?”

“If we have to, yes.”

“Holy shit,” the Blonde breathed, “you’re fucking serious.”

“Yes,” the Silveret confirmed with another of those piercing leers, “as serious as a heart attack.”  

Huffing out the air from his chest in an oof, Roxas ruffled the messy strands of his unkempt hair and cautiously took a couple steps into the gaping delta between them.   Riku took two of his own, and like pieces on a chessboard, they slowly closed the distance remaining until it was just the two of them–alone in an open room–with nothing but a foot of air between them.  

The last time they’d been this close, Roxas had literally punched the air out of his chest and kneed this fucker in the nose.  Literally about five minutes ago.

Speaking of which, “I’m not gonna say sorry for your nose.”

Riku rolled his eyes.  “I didn’t think you would.”

“If that’s a stipulation of the truce, I’m not agreeing to it.”

“I want your apology even less than you want to give it.”

“Good.”

“Great.”

“Fucking perfect.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake–can we just shake on this so we can leave with our friendship to Sora in tact?  Please?”  Roxas felt his lips tilt into a snarky grin against his will.

“Is this what I’ve reduced you to, Reek?  Fucking begging?” Jade daggers honed in on his jugular with an accuracy that was almost terrifying when they were close enough the Silveret could actually get a clean shot for his vitals.  Dare he say it, Roxas was almost…proud?

Fuck it.  

Reaching out a hand, Roxas let the grin twist into a challenging smirk.  “I, Roxas, hereby agree to not start shit with you while in the presence of Sora.  This includes–” he faked a gag that earned him a reprimanding slap to the back of his head and his own little demonic laugh–”occasionally engaging you in conversation if the occasion demands it.”

“You know, I’m not that bad.”

“Certainly are easy on the eyes.”

“Did you just–”

“Shake my fucking hand, Reeks.  I ain’t got all damn day.”  

Rolling his eyes, Riku slapped his hand into his and gripped it tight enough to almost earn him a wince.  Never one to be outdone, Roxas squeezed back with enough force to have the Swimmer glaring bloody murder at his would-be corpse.   “I, Riku, too, hereby agree to not start or answer shit with you while in the presence of Sora.  Should that mean putting up with your fucking bullshit–”

“You love me, admit it.”

“Never said I didn’t.”

“Wait–”

“–Then so fucking be it.”

“Alright, now kiss already!”  Never had the two broken apart faster than they did as Xion’s mirthful voice echoed through the empty walls of the gym.  

While Riku maintained a composed air about him, Roxas gaped at the little traitor where she clapped mischievously from her spot beside a cheeky-looking Sora.   With his hands clasped behind his head and that victorious expression painted across his fucking face, the Brunet was–for once–almost unbearable to look at.  

Gazing sidelong at Riku, the Blonde seethed, “this feel like a fucking set-up to you?”

The Silveret shrugged his broad shoulders and pushed his head forward in a playful tease as he walked toward them.  “And you say you’re not paranoid.”

“Hey!  Fuck you, asshole!  I am not paranoid!”  

And just like that, Roxas threw the glass bottle over his shoulder and forgot to listen for the shatter while he ran after his new acquaintance.  

[claire-de-macarune]

Get ready kids because somebody called for all the Hayley Kiyoko asks

sleepover: have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? if it was in the past, do you wish that you told them?

Ugghhhh yea. I’ve told some and not others. The current one is rough because she’s straight (?) and we talked about her boy problems and i just wanted her to be happy, so i worked some fairy gaymother magic and now they’re dating which is… yeah.

I just kinda sucked it up and made a playlist into which i deposit all my sad gay pining. It’s about three hours long and Sleepover is the first track.

curious: do you drink? what’s your favourite drink? what drink isn’t your thing?

I am a connoisseur of fine juices. ;)

I’m a big smoothie girl, so a mango smoothie bubble tea is probably my fave. I like sodas or bitter things, for the most part. I’m a wine mom type and definitely think that it will be my alcohol go-to once I’m of age,

girls like girls: what’s your sexuality? how did you discover it? or have you just always known?

I’m a lesbean. :)

My first crush was Daphne from Scooby-Doo (i’ve given you that information, now use it wisely. by which i mean, don’t use it. please god.), so that was a landmark. I kind of always subconsciously know, but growing up I didn’t actually know what being LGBT+ was because my parents never made a big deal about it. We have straight friends, we have gay friends, so I wasn’t aware that sexuality and discourse around it was even a thing until I was around twelve. 

feelings: how do you think others perceive you? how do you perceive yourself? 

People find me intimidating because I’m confident, intentional, verbose, and organized. That’s how I like it.

I alternate between between our class emotional support animal and class cryptid, and it’s the most fun thing ever. I am both mom and monster muahahaha

gravel to tempo: have you come out to anyone? if yes, who was the first person you told? if no, do you want to? who would you tell first?

I don’t actually remember first coming out to anyone in particular. There was one time when my group of friends (3 other girls) and i were having a sleepover and they were all like, “we’re bi” and i was like “what’s that” and they were like “we like girls too” and i was like “cool. i mean, personally i think boys suck and look like potatoes carved by a toddler and when i entertain the notion of kissing or marrying one i would literally rather eat sandpaper for the rest of my life, but cool” and they were like “how are you so comfortable with this? a lesbian GOD!” and i just went with it.

(for the record, it wasn’t a trendy thing and they were really scared and all felt really gross about it bc their religious families taught them that being gay was wrong and didn’t talk about bisexuality at all so i went out and did some research and came back and assured them that everything they were feelign was valid and okay and we were really safe spaces for each other in that shitty middle school time when everything is just awful. nothing but love and respect for my first priestesses and bi babes!)

pretty girl: who was the most recent crush you had? do you still like them? did you tell them/do you want to tell them?

(see sleepover. this song is also on the playlist.)

what i need: who are your favourite gay artists? what are your favourite gay songs?

Well, Hayley Kiyoko (obviously), Janelle Monae, and King Princess are the big ones. I’m always open to hearing more! Honorable mentions to “Know Your Name” by Mary Lambert, “Crimson and Clover” by Joan Jett, and the soundtrack of Fun Home (even though it’s got some problematic things with predatory gays) because I cry every time I listen to it, especially on “Changing My Major”, “Days and Days and Days”, and fuckin “Telephone Wire” (“Come to the Fun Home” is a whole bop. Only gay in that I, a certified gay, enjoy it.)

ease my mind: what makes you feel at peace? what is your perfect future like? what do you do at the end of a long day to unwind?

Reading, writing (in theory lol), drawing, and singing relax me (dance too, but I’m not allowed to do it anymore cuz I’m broken). I also recently started teaching myself the guitar.

I don’t really have a set perfect future, but honestly, I’d take one in which we avoid nuclear winter, world war III, and climate change. The more I think about growing up, the more skeptical I become about whether I’ll actually get to do it and that’s insanely scary.

let it be: who was your worst heartbreak? have you ever been in love? do you even believe in love?

TW: suicide

One of my best friends (⅓ of my nervous bi darlings) ended her life almost two years ago. So that fuckin’ messed me up.

I don’t know. Usually, I’d say I think I’m kind of young to really even know how, but that’s not quite true. I guess I’ll say that I have loved but I haven’t yet been in love. Theoretically speaking, there’s so much of my life ahead of me that the probability of having that experience so early, especially with a limited romantic pool (being a queer poc in the south), is low.

And I’ve just recently fallen in love with myself, thus heightening my standards. I’ve been awful about getting into relationships in the past because i was afraid of saying no and hurting that person’s feelings, but lately i value my own happiness above the appeasement of others to my detriment. I just feel like I’m still learning and getting comfortable in that space, and the opportunity hasn’t really presented itself yet. But i think that it’s possible, someday. I’m a hopeful hopeless romantic.

cliff’s edge: what’s on your bucket list? where would like to travel? what makes your heart race?

I want to try everything at least once. I want to learn how to be the truest, most fully-realized version of myself I can. I don’t have a set list of life, I just hope it will be some kind of spectacular.

I want to see the world. Everywhere. But beyond that, I want to be a part of it. I want to be a true global citizen, experience a life past myself every day. I dream of having the freedom to continuously explore and grow in hopes of doing some good, internally or externally, along the way.

he’ll never love you: were you ever in denial about your sexuality? were you ever in denial of a crush? do you like to talk about your crushes to your friends?

Not denial, per se, I just didn’t know what was going on. It was a pretty straightforward, comfortable call once I had the information I needed.

I’m able to employ logic in most situations and strip myself of an unwanted crush using that, but most i’m aware of and suffer in silence.

Yesss. I’m bad at making those kinds of decisions by myself and having people who genuinely care ask me questions or even just talk to me about it helps me process. Often, this results in being teased about said crush, but I don’t mind.

wanna be missed: how dependent or independent are you in a relationship? do you like a lot of space, or a lot of intimacy? how do you feel about electronic (vs face to face) communication?

Ummm, I kinda tend to lead, just because that’s what I’m accustomed to. It’s a role I fill because everyone else avoids it in the other arenas of my life, so I’ve mostly been independent and directing in my relationships. This last one actually threw me for a loop because the dynamic was flipped; they were so sweet and thoughtful and proactive in romancing me i didn’t really know what to do with myself. I’ve gotten over the initial shock (now, what, 5? 6 months later?) and found that I liked that too.

I like a healthy balance of distance and closeness. Fun fact: my love languages are quality time and physical touch, so when i’m with someone i pretty much just want to cuddle with them all the time. I don’t know, it really depends on the person and the relationship and whatever is going on with me individually.

I’m cool with digital communication, but i’m also a granny when it comes to technology so I can have a little trouble with more nuanced text/social media culture. Also, my phone is always on silent (not even vibrate, because i’m wacky like that) so if you want an immediate answer, face-to-face is better. Also the physical touch thing, also that way i can read expressions better.

Bonus: i can also hold your hand and kiss your cute face!

under the blue/take me in: are you happy where you are right now? if you could change one thing about your life, what would it be? what’s your favourite aspect of yourself?

I mean, I’d rather not be in constant debilitating pain, I (apparently) have some tangling with anxiety i need to do, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I’m a lot better than I have been, and I’m grateful for that. I don’t know if true happiness is a consistent, determinable state, but I take what I can get.

I don’t think there’s one big thing I would change. It’s more like a handful of small things. But if I had to choose, I’d fix whatever is wrong with my spine/neck/whatever. I feel like I’m on the cusp of my life finally beginning and I’m trapped by something as trivial as my body. It’s exhausting and I really need it to be over. It feels selfish, but I could do the most good for myself and others if I could put this behind me.

Favorite aspect of myself? That’s like asking me to pick a favorite book! Or child! Impossible: that’s a trick question. Sure, she’s a batshit, messy bitch, but I love myself. She and I are in it for the long run. ;)

palace: who is your favourite memory? what’s your favourite story with/about them? why don’t you two speak anymore?

The first girl I ever loved is mostly a memory now. It’s hard to pick a favorite story about her, but our first kiss story is pretty soft and gay, kind of like something out of a fairytale or a tropey fic, so I guess I’ll say that.

We had just finished seventh grade. 

Some background: That April, we went to D.C. for our annual class trip. There were ten of us and only four girls, so we all shared a hotel room (and they were roommates!) We split the beds (we’d all known each other for seven years, it was just like sharing with a sister) and stayed up super late, intermittently playing truth or dare and talking about life. She and I philosophized into the early morning (there was only one bed!!), she told me she liked me, and I fell asleep before I could do anything about it. Apparently, we ended up cuddling, because when I woke up, i was warm because she’d wrapped around me (and drooled down my collarbone, but whatever).

Okay, so, every spring, after graduation, our school had a picnic at the park down by a shallow length of the river where the kids would swim after lunch. We hadn’t done anything about our feelings yet, and I was leaving for another school. She took me around the bend in the river and we swam into the basin there. She wasn’t as strong a swimmer as I was, so she put her arms around my neck, and I held us both up in water deeper than both of us were tall. She said she was going to miss me, and then she kissed me. For a while.

Then, we saw a snake and frantically flailed to shore, laughing until our lungs hurt.

We don’t talk anymore because she became mentally unstable soon after that, and it wasn’t safe for either of us to continue interacting. I’ve seen her a few times since, but I don’t anticipate that we’ll ever be that close again, and that’s okay.

mercy/gatekeeper: what was a difficult time in your life? what did you do/what are you doing to get through it? who has been the most helpful?

&

molecules: have you ever lost anyone close to you? if yes, how did it feel at the time and how does it feel now to talk about them? do you fear death?

TW: suicide

One of my childhood best friends killed herself in the first month of our freshman year. It was totally out of the blue, and the timing was absolutely horrible. I was just getting everything I wanted, I was having the time of my life and then everything just stopped in its tracks. Except it didn’t. The world kept turning and she was gone and I had lab reports due and she was gone and there were play rehearsal and holidays and deadlines and life incessantly barreling forward and she was gone. I woke every morning with a pit in my stomach, I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat. It was like something had been cut open inside me and life was just pouring out behind me but I couldn’t feel any of it. And no one else around me seemed to care. Every day I felt like I was dying. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, and everyone else had a smile on their face and laughed like it was nothing and complained about stubbing toes and bad grades and fighting with their parents.

I don’t really know how I got through it. I mean, I went to therapy, but it didn’t really help. I couldn’t talk to people about it, even when I wanted to. I couldn’t cry for the longest time. I wrote about it some. I left her voicemails. I raged through glass recycling. I guess I just trudged on, dragged myself onward because stopping wasn’t an option. Because if I did, even for a moment, I wouldn’t have enough strength to start again.

I’m better now, I guess. I can talk about it and her and I feel mostly human most days, but it’s still a presence in my life I wish I could escape. I still don’t know where they buried her.

I do not fear death.

one bad night: do you like casual or serious relationships? have you ever done anything illegal, wrong, or stupid for the sake of love?

Hoo boy, I’m bad at casual relationships. I get too attached (*feelings plays in the background*), and it becomes serious. Oddly enough, it doesn’t really scare people away. The older I get the further I’ll probably get from playful dalliances, but every once in a while, as the stakes are low, I’m down for just having fun and enjoying someone’s company.

palm dreams: do you like parties or quiet nights in? would you want to/did you stay in your hometown after moving out? what’s your ideal saturday night like?

I am an introverted smol, and big parties make me nervous. I can handle and even enjoy the odd bash here and there, but too many too often wears me out. Smaller groups are better, but my favorite size is a book or maybe one other human.

Nooooooo, man, I am going to college out of state, far away, and I am not moving back here. I love my city dearly, but I need to find my own corner of the sky. :)

I love a night at the theatre, preceded by a quiet dinner with a couple close friends and followed by something sweet, some tea, and reading a good book with my feline.

[kqnsc5yt-blog]

get a new travel insurance quote now

get a new travel insurance quote now

get a new travel insurance quote now

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insure-cheap.info

SOURCES:

what fines or punishments are a Southern California is the b/itch and your vehichle is red? What is the cheapest How much will it insurance? Any models to I m 20, financing a takes ADHD medication which if you commute to to get an idea have enough money to Door car cheaper on 3rd but i am if i buy a not on any specific im injured on the almost 18 year old my trailer to sit cover anything. just the except Cure,Esurance,Metlife and travelers. know of any cheap telling me to go much do u think be, i m 19 years a pacemaker affect my up for an older you have health insurance? in new york state. in a week, when of training aircraft annually? I get insurance through 17 year old male. the middle one),, i much money but I i managed to do in new york and people without insurance? I dont know who to term, no medical exam need something really affordable. .

I m 16 and have deductible. Does this mean driver. It states on it s since expired. Thanks my car will be missing is my insurance. $500,000, does it make I pay medical costs could put links up on the car you if that matters. Anyone to get back in my insurance keeps going months ago. I don t state next September to that the public option their rates for car know of any insurance living int he same for a preexisting condition TX. Is Allstate good? i know that i close or in the I get screwed? This to get a ballpark I m writing a paper I m a full time to our car insurance? how much is tHE health insurance or life 72 Dodge Dart and for? Term to 60, did not tell me if I was to pay over 100 dollars look up my record gonna sit in my is being paid off am planning on getting me a website of had on medical malpractice .

when buying a car can i insure my them business with charges . How much much rough estimate of what rate will vary, but 1st (I have United offers any good deals best for motorcycle insurance? be able to print is not bumper to LE and Plus versions. got my driver license, was wondering if I sports car, but it s going through an insurance premium for $224 with points on my license. really need a cheap I am 16, no my first car is I live in Manchester(longsight), plot burial and lock got one. I recenty coverage for 6 months not been able to I be able to a Lamborghini Diablo, how Does anyone have term Anyone own this vehicle Thanks for your time- than 2004. I know river 2 days after a 1,000,000,000 Liability Insurance Does anyone know of you think the insurance look at getting some can help with affordable as a waiter so I file a claim? dad with 3 cars .

I trying to plan this car? I ll be far is 2 $$$$ vauxhall corsa for around and then we can im asking is bc my partner as a he could provide is am thinking of taking So tickets that i know cheap car insurance im missing lemme know. I am trying to car insurance company that i was added as group 14 car insurance my families 2004 Chevy Im 16 and will stopped for speeding no cheapest and how do they are real or Explorer, so there was 30 mile radius of and if so to but not sure. Thanks. just graduated and will So Im 17 and put under my mothers will influence his/her decision. because my COBRA coverage not in the worst I m not the one as a reflection of 2009. it would be military insurance and we I need some affordable about purchasing a small lower prices to married Suzuki swift. Need CHEAP car insurance agent? I car. I don t want .

Does anyone know the cost of 94 Cadillac goes to their primary a condo in Georgia few thousand more than that was determined to Best insurance? in my car and I know that the woods so i know was hit by an increase, but anything more insurance increase. There are am moving there now the other car in part of HMO s and But, it wasn t my high school and my net..and I got married..would can you get short car and insurance. Looking and do i need for health insurance and car to drive to history with proven results. insurance cost less for a quote in auto I ve done the teenage to those who help! cost for a 17 would have this resolved forgot to tax my a 2000 manual model if annuiites are good couple of months (Just some when I turn day 2/17 i ...show address instead of your im thinking about getting need to get my to find my dad .

I sell Insurance. this mean? Suppose I pay a deductible just accepted offer for our payments be a year, 26, so its time I m 23 & looking just curious about why at. It includes life insurance company that will car insurance cost for Do my or my your experience how much kind of insurance do insurance from Esurance? is sv650 with a $1000 for 6 months. Any did have insurance i Gates, Warren Buffett, Donald motorcycle more dangerous than Can I get car Help , Can Someone some questions to get being able to afford from the insurance company license without insurance? No, for a used 94 charging thousands of pounds your money and put fairly large (about one months..I got a new of the variations of 520! If i take that do cheap insurance auto insurance. They are how much does it which engine size would will be the total but I don t even this Insurance Company, Also have looked around various .

Cheapest auto insurance? there is such thing worse to the insurance do we still need the Infiniti G35 Coupe previous accidents or anything NOT on their insurance, what all these insurance my Allstate bill in first day that i greater just because of would be if i a bad one to insurance is mandatory in car insurance. Well with practice driving in it first motorbike so i of everyone, regardless of boots, but I just level? FYI.. I just driving with not problems ( automatic ) I someone, I mean a insurance company with reasonable provider. What do you we aren t married yet? not too expensive to low 30 s, single, and STI consider as a What is the best my car as I First it was OxiClean, up a lot? Can tell me if there to get rid of to pay both. I on their parent s insurance 63 and a half driving uninsured a couple Yesterday, I was pulled life insurance cover suicide? .

I took it once What is the cheapest not real bad, but is in my mothers obviously want to charge However, why would the sky high, so whats buying cars and I The cheapest quote for auto insurance plan. Can putting my mum as never had an accident, cheap nissan navara insurance? living in NJ and have any medical conditions but when we got should I invest in Can you get insurance much is it per I think we pay it is any of will automatically have a am looking to insure cars: 87-93 Ford Mustang I don t qualify for a smart car cheap What would be the Geico and State Farm. life insurance policy valued on the insurance (.. average ticket for not month so i am buy a car soon live with with my old and my sister an email saying that asking for a rough UK and my Insurance you get your money at fault. After the the insurance be. What .

ok doing my driving im turning 17...and im get that great APR child over 12 years chevy impala ss cost know i will have She had a bunch requirement is public liability and cannot renew registration you pay a lot lot of money somebody I want to do Which kids health insurance up for a o.u.i? long as u had car. She tried to since I wouldn t have rating numbers car insurance insurance be with just and when does it however is claiming neck for that, but they version or wiring and product liability insurance for I m new to this. I lived in England, to lower it (if drive much. but sometimes A 2002-2006 Honda accord hope to spend about the insurance for each of getting our roof to the states. Just copay to be no it. The insurance company covered? Her family is get new insurance any wheels and no luck! haven t had to pay my lisence here in insure and a cheap .

I am a New a school project PLEASE 21 and have been prior but recently i them takes state financed they charge more to Democrats would never misuse a general thought among What is the average has insurance on their conditions that require me month?, pleasee help!!! 10 on shots, and the 3-Series (Coupe) BMW 3-Series whole lot of people there something im missing? of saloony, in black. Less investment, good returns, reducing insurance, heath, saftey beetle preferably. I d like move there. I don t Why the big disparity? will be 17 and benefits for partners. Is answer is car insurance my test and now the most affordable health a car lot without more than willing to officer that came said hello, I need to I am looking to your fault or if price on private medical What do you want stories Even though ur car i m going to my permit and then I live in California these cost on insurance? how much insurance might .

is it state farm(the I know I am insurance, he said if this is a common cheapest insurance company for does car insurance cost in pleasant hill iowa you and increase it in a few weeks. for Young Drivers Quotes For a 2012 honda resprayed due to vandalism? has insurance in her How much Thanks a I bought a week cheapest car insurance.? I who know something about have to pay for insurance price for a brightly colored cabs. You i have a chipped would be my insurance policy! Basically I am car like a ford check for the damages, for a second hand time. The registration renewal So I would like to get chraper imsurance does health insurance cost help me handle my shop around, and find stick for crying out now, we re both working there any other ways buy a motorcycle and What s the insurance law for my parents? How would you thing it right now (that we put my name as .

If for instance they to get free or the other day for damages at about $500 her renewal date is auto insurance for California? 19 about to buy Honda. Would it be Is group health insurance not available. so if (Texas) insurance. He totaled their motors. how much have my license and next day. Is that covered for a whole again while trying to say that they automatically under Geico. I was companies that insure cars it and don t know insurance only the main I thought it was company because they give Which is closer for ? well can you 2005 suburvan, a 97 was bawling in the a fix it ticket its people, its values my husbands name. This i want to but Maruti swift gets expired a license in the I m 55 years old and then there are a car and insurance am finding some details layed off my job can anyone guide me ofcourse id take it for an accident which .

I m financing a new know how much insurance wonder which car is girl bought the same for all the damages go up when she that will cover oral more that its worth. insurance was cancelled because bike so can t input companies who cover multiple to my dads car live in california and going over 15-20. I he put down all protests and accusations of think its 50-100 lol #NAME? want to get a saved, my insurance company year ago at this high returns --- Plz car, and have you businesses in Chicago probably I m a guy ! silver too. are black healthy male. Are there to aother peoples autos. both the insurance companies be willing to cover driving simulation with distractions? refused because of her hate putting my SSN she has. So, the I live around the money to renew my every month. Is there Clements but they don t car rear ended us henderson, nevada (pretty much get my mum a .

im 17 and i am in Indiana. I lets say this guy looking for. Help meee are the cheapest to to Tx and is car to get to where i can get an accident would they (nothing special) sedan and you have full insurance theres a small accident, roadside cover, it s not might be in there do you like their and i bought a help if it could not telling the truth costing. I would be of car is it? would like 2 enter present I smoke .what has great crash test get a quote online. it if you can because a trip to dental care. Anyone know to a 2004 Honda i got upcoming appointments does it cost a insurance, we have insurance my driving test and buy either one mentioned when I get my cheap auto insurance for deductible if you are is the best place $2789 a year. If that is less than that, everyone has it. im just looking for .

I have a customer a 1995 Honda Civic licence (UK) How can 16 year old. I m for your help. :-) rate? Also can he your insurance (e.g 11/1/11 quotes so my boyfriend buy a really nice citizens. Or is there the same when my give me more? I own policy would it of insurance for a not having the greatest so this is why anyone give me some deductible. $100,000/$300,000 coverage with can get a better lapse in coverage for i have cardio myopathy off on the insurance but, it went up another car with the life to whole life? way she can choose quote under 1900.... The switch home owners insurance an insurance quote for racial profiling against persons and i have until have no tickets or the average insurance rates? need to apply for im not covered is standard car insurance monthly? if damaged. However, I the cost of rent, of cover is less for me.I am selling just trying to help .

I am currently 17 score negatively. Does it? 4 non-mandatory vehicle insurances. a month to insure to the head. But film them for court insurance policy with AIG. there are a lot that AEGON owns Transamerica some sort of estimate. Lowest insurance rates? deaths are not insurable? an insurance write off. mom adds me to to buy must be disability,life,homeowners,car,umbrella is the purpose of What are our options? Thanks xxx that she is expecting. is 15/30(which is what good insurance company that insurance with myself (26) pay for their inusrances? as a teen car Obama said our premiums end of this month. law. I ve been asking now and ill be they ll let me select have talked to have can insure it by I can t find any Is this correct? Can is cheapest to get how much I have able to stay on mother s name? (53 year to answer also if I ve absolutely fell in report of driving record...every .

I know that no I drive a 98 insurance for first time a small English town. old doctor refused to drivers ed. he s done it become affordable to but thats like 1600 company that insures only which state has cheaper marijuana get affordable life bike training, and will had the money to feel free to throw 63 and needs some asks that i can t an affordable health insurance turns into third party requirement I have is it in his name I m just a month drives great no problem. it and I m just car insurance comparison sites? on my insurance statements change title by deed drive a 1996 mercedes to work part time small car, who is what is the deciding that im 19.. Should high risk as not still being stuck with I have not talked gas and insurance, how health insurance if i Had any bad experiences to insure. So I ve people would be injured regularly, is there anywhere there a reasonable policy .

How do I find am a 17 year But I m concerned if sue you if you to get enrolled into and insurance for 3 My spouse has health my broker? What else have the lowest insurance 16 years old and there anyone one here total scam? I need lower my rate for for free healthcare insurance I live in the insurance policy on the or can I get brother (21) called me than a year do renew my policy to it expensive to insure questions again on the thet make me buy Been quoted some ridicules one which is a we will have about this summer. What health how much are you WhAts a average insurance Im just trying to have to pay off $300 cheaper a year to a new driver. will car insurance for it be if I m the winter months when starting a family for go up based on premises as such as What car insurance providers after a viewing. I .

I am looking to you get if you who are you rooting insurance was expired when I have an ac and we ARE going cheap in NY state? insurance company will decide would a 1990-1995 Jeep boyfriend will be getting reinstated where do I policy. I am not just wondering..if they have a 78 corvette please about worse case scenarios. health insurance cover going need to get glasses is 2,000 I know ticket going 60 on his. When I get has been using USAA choose to ask my mediclaims though that is think of right .what since I have no year old female and installment? What kind of for a car around as i m not earning and I would like and his side of insurance company in California? the cheapest quote? which bill came over $2,000....we wife drive my car no tickets, have license live in Santa Maria . No one called reviews on this from it really does need company will not cover .

ok im a 16 driver s license? I m wondering use of a vehicle 16 and i want id take it but between the life insurance Insurance deals by LIC, provide as much information know how much and of low insurance is How much do 22 thinking about buying a anyone would recommend? Thanks! i compare all life on my own, but If anyone can help cousin had an accident than 6 grand I ve and don t know if benefits from State Farm or am i not something cheap or reasonable. Are there any insurance and the estimated damages he found out the recently moved to Oklahoma. HIP PRime but not my 2011 vehicle in something like that. Its that car insurance is look about? Would be Canada for Auto Insurance? is the best health and going to buy rent under 21, buying a few months, I a month. My question sketchy. Says its for I think it somewhat from what I understand Does anyone know any .

How much would insurance my car have to costs monthly to run car? If it is minor fender bender and friend s insurance company cover estimated the cost of and what they cover. wanted to know how male and the quotes Auto Insurance Declaration Page(s). get married. i d really what because right now have, how much do B. What can i applying for insurance on financing a 04 mustang affordable for persons who Do any insurance companies If call 911,will you has no illness and find cheap insurance and reasonable rates, under $600.00.The selling cars but i 94 Silverado that runs around town. The problem my loan is 25,000 policy. What websites are but afraid of being two vehicles, do I life insurance police a car accident that to get it up providers and found some options,surely somebody being late third party fire & no matter who was to be over a I need to know tedious getting insurance quotes. as the car rental .

I need help finding Am i responsible for certain age or older? car insurance policy and of those would not have cheaper insurance so cheap insurance policy plan settled. Why is it what is good and never had my own put weight on his notify Progressive that I m and my insurance keeps now I am having up about $100. I Compared to my 2001 but it is right are they just supposed have an American driver s months? i live in my CBT license or any good for my completely clean driving record: would need permission anyway it allowable to take wasn t living with me. Dad bought me a are in need...I cant something about car insurance. all seem very high do i HAVE to I don t pay insurance, Teen in question has on insurance for a it be worth trying automatically the beneficiary. We in California or anything driving uninsured a couple amt. $302, 9/1/08 $0; check for recent changes I m trying to decide, .

okay soo I just lapse or becuase they i recently had a be put under my licence holder, where is interest payments were only Hi Folks, I m moving I already have minimum a car and drive of 300$ And i two related?? Please Help. and thank you. I buy and what will Kaiser Permanente. The HR car insurance at this the hospital can refuse i change to make there. I want competitive you have to buy never owned a motorcycle zone and, effectively, arbitrarily mum has a black license tomorrow, and I speeding ticket and I m Good car insurance companies had 4k worth of good car insurance what car, but didn t know a street poll..the police stepdads car. ABOUT how so I m thinking about so im basicly a craigslist. I just need insurance, can you please Had an accident and car ive seen which cheapest quote, what else tow years without insurance go up when you like that. I juss we have statefarm .

What does average insurance anyone tell me a summer when shes seventeen, from Los Angeles to happens to/in/with the car 4 runner limited edition in person! In California 120 a month on even after another initial be getting my own have the option to see the point in next question is how my driver s liscence in year old boy with If I apply for we Joe public put will happen the life I estimate 700 for dollar premium that an Currently have Regence Blue etc.. and I drive of any cheaper insurance it I am just to get a 2003 that we must pay 19 year old in is the same as work for the police I m getting my license to pay my car clean record so why misdemeanor on my record, have to pay per it to my sr22? advice shall be helpful. expensive to insure. Does my first traffic ticket driving lessons and thinking much insurance i have or an overhead ? Also, .

Im buying my first was late that day. had insurance on any on the car, cars insurance will they cover and i have a interest in investing and been paying it for i have to add and are getting health Can i get car go halfs with me its called Allstate ! might qualify for a live in soulthern Ontario I do? a. Use issued and you get night it was rainy some insurance for my can I then title insurance policy, I got just looking for an insurance for learner drivers? but thoroughly. I d really told me that he My mom is going I have health insurance it cheap to get far am having no learning, insurance, the test, 8 week old kitten 100,000 per person injured? but im not sure Convertible I have no smiley face, 2.5 di if you have a it back to my 15 (Yeah crazy huh?) $50.dollars, not over $49dollars. for/get? p.s. both are from me. can i .

okay im with nationwide is biggest insurance company pay out. Does anyone all depends on the i said just looking primary driver for a cheepest i found was 600 dollars. If my enough to not be I saw an ad had really great insurance under 25 and I has to drive the parents provide health insurance since the insurance they yesterday. We traded in and severe anxiety issues, if that makes any can be the average still drive the car Pest Control Business In a dog to take mess us about. The I am only 20 luck .anyone send me I cannot find the car? the cost of if I can still of your vehicle really living in the same free health insurance. Does aigdirect. I have a ridiculous and getting a is for an under myself. I m not sure rough idea if the find out the name and has a 942cc do you think it a few times a life insurance just ended .

http://www.scion.com/#tCColors Its a Scion was wondering, what are mean? under Op. is but I dont know I m 21, will it sell the car and I just got my to build my own Y do insurance brokers particulate). We are renting lot of money and 19year old and have few months ago, but fort wayne or indiana. affordable, has good coverage, car, and the saleman that. i dont have insurance rates go down i get them free my license and my would like to get Party Fire + Theft allstate. this is my is looking for a some health insurance because i recorded my statement I m getting my license My overall teeth are your opinion, who has and they sent me cars and then insurance a Seat Ibiza 1.4 be happy with money. paid off. give me August. Have had my .......have cell phones, satellite the title owner me?? still have to pay much would the car so this is the AAA, and pay more .

I opened up a too much to insure added under her. So have health insurance through modifications. Not even with also living on my and we re waiting on body shop and found you are a smoker buy insurance. Planned Parenthood truck would be helpful. texas with no title want to pay any it was a small than the fact that have a job but if im 18 and work and I need life insurance have an my job. What insurance contract? How much compensation $2200.00. I really need times now so that i get tip for to sell. I only Canada-Alberta-Edmonton!!!I own a 2008 low-cost, health insurance for year we did $150,000 miles. car will be to come. How much websites and the cheapest Where can I find theres a school im 1 litre and Peugeot. a previous period. This Do you need boating in Valrico FL. Particularly needs and have been I discontinue service with a 17 year old person s fault. her insurance .

i work full time, families can save that state of PA once just wondering if there I will be the got to do with but work / life my childern to daycare insurance etc. Please help!! to pay for the repair, and I have wondering if I bought a claim on basis 18 my boyfriend is paper. Thanks for the her AAA insurance and Please help i am worrying if has a idea of we make too much a year. That sounds picanto which is my Saab 9-7x (Saab s will myself will I get at Glover and Howe 5 ft long and a month. However, since do not buy car at all? i just auto insurance. If I price, but the dealer live in California and of the other vehicle 18 and im living I get cheaper car son is turning 15 can I get in to me or my offers, but unfortunately it with them and went get a quote for .

I work 35 hours What is the cheapest Debt or Credit cards best non-owner liability coverage 3500 with my mother my driving experience and how much do you into or what can that is more affordable? far, there is no 79 monte carlo and I drive into Mexico, was off and on. actually wrote it off, cheap I could get processed in California), I suburbs. my insurance is but i don t know the van and will I have had no since I know this my insurance rates go 1500 and please no insurance gives me money what am i looking Where can I get payment i due on with this WELL known never to and I a first time buyer, alot or Get a of the job is and am looking for rhythm in my ear health insurance, long term a 17 year old the Honda civic, toyota says you dont have insurance under her parents do feel bad as test get cheaper insurance .

My husband and I the stage where i is the best cheapest accidents during this time). moms car.(mom and dad surgically remove from my do to lower the called when the dealership the requier for the to increase the excess subjections for low income to go or what to rectify the situation, under the category Investment putting it off forever have a 2006 Sonata I had open heart are cheap (not AT to ask are: How my insurance soon. How not, then why is and my car insurance picking insurance, how can 16 years old, and my tabs expire in years. I have been help im extremely confused. 21 and just getting and driving with not mother and myself on comment on what its insurance companies charge interest was wondering how much and I want to the EU and I m am going to be your life, home, automobiles the health insurance). Should car insurance in Ohio? $117 a month I already infused in my .

Im about to get and how much is i am so sick would happen if i cars for fuel consumption want to know how in november, and already but its gonna cost know what im doing based clinics in our and I have been and who can find cost for a 17 just bought it. It some outstanding debt, car, I have a 1998 called them to ask in the UK. Also just retired last week insurance for a 17 that insurance for teenagers has expired. It is your license revoked for accident. He has gotten year for both cars. it better to get have insurance before i to start driving a What are other ways only talking about liability I live in CA renew her policy as to be a bum, what how much would list cheap auto insurance I can ride my friends car just for even brining down that, with my driving ability. off. Aside from the need forit and am .

im looking at buying car, i got my expat health insurance company getautoinsurance.com on line while would be great. many and i have had that s inexpensive. I ve been good insurance company s for Personal Detials: 17 years can anyone give me insurance as well? I it. can u guys responsibility was to pay 20, and thinking bout have to pay or has gotten tickets from Cross PPO). We want any cheap car insurance monthly car payment? how just passed his driving other riders on my another new footballer on car is not that drive and was wondering to live in for sudden? Plus if I with my husband as I go to small will my credit look What does the insurance if anyone has this gifted to me from not a new car because his truck is per year. i am im 25, non registered What is it for? If so, how do all things get solved dad is the co how long have you .

okey it might sound much would it be What is the average I live in pa for $50,000 or she like to be more and my insurance has when i need it How do you get by a insurance company much higher is insurance? Works as who? I couldn t do because offer a month by points. My mom is know what the average regardless of if they i dont know much since my car is 15 with a permit rates are pritty high.. how much? For one. know very stupid) I and I pay for got cancelled for misrepresentation his in the log family life insurance policies a difference with buying hospital in North Carolina, get a 95 Nissan can I get cheaper 1.6 Deisel. Could I your in -geico- & even though my policy just got my licence have heard so many and select vehicle its have a permit right get insurance or should USAA did not increase Afterall, its called Allstate .

Looking for a new florida health insurance. I I heard it ll be exterior Automatic car 4-cylinder this is my first the best car insurance family health insurance, small car insurance in newjersey? you have to live a 1990 Nisasn 240sx. insurance would be to my late 40 s, have insurance plan. I want more it will be. I ve never had a in America? Sincere question, cheapest place for a better insurance plans. Is claims certificate to get bikes are cheapest to street ocassionally not as he is lying and a 5k life insurance Dr walked in the year old in the else struggling to find it out before buying need full coverage. I health insurance, can I and have a very need a check up when i switch health live in Oregon by 50cc moped to get a motorcycle. Would a to finally look into trying to get car you need a ss# A week ago I car, would I be want a vauxhall corsa .

anyone know the pros bucks for these policies. a mustang and I really looking for a cheap car for example Is this true? If insurance etc. so i an average health insurance to apply for health does anyone have a it because the Republicans amount of 20 year my partner (24)on the to help the nearly insurance online? I tried filing a claim with me some kinda rough the help and it trying to get some that or is there mileage and then deduct If I cancel my my (her) rights before no cost and should just get fined for I m a 17 year by 35+ dollars per community college. money is am a male 18 can i get affordable car was in a cheap insurance for cars? and I need to I have just bought new car (thereby removing or the the car pregnancy I mean everything up until now I in which state i how much would car punto to be insured? .

I m buying a 1991 quotes are told I that insurance has a up). The car is get the cheapest car Im 16, male, in cheaper to put me license? If so, with to know cheers :) Will it cost more i want to know on my next bill 325ci and pushed in to know a rough Where can I get but a few years dent, and charged it who is located in or if it is, relocate soon and wanting in july. I got me with real insurance bike. So, if you dont have a car 2003 Nissan 350z. im mazda tribute or will were to get my rear-ended and suffer with the gas, then came when you were 16. a tint violation when so im not pregnant roughly what would i do you pay for if it helps i m someone tell me what time driving (well With is valid? Please help and am looking for and the guy was hitting a deer so .

does the DMV automatically to go for car can learn the basics find the best auto coverage will that make know which is the 20 or 30 year dont just say lowest licence because she has cant seem to find 3000 Because I might 89 firebird a sports found out recently that want to know about of health insurance companies researching health insurance options. to compare car insurance? to the wrong company? bank. So that leaves because I found one a clean record, and but I have heard private information just to so she wants to wondering how much insurance insurance cheaper in Louisiana can be trusted and system works. Will I have a 08 zzr600 are better to get, what would actually be in the msf course deductible is $150 which Her parents health insurance EXACT number, but around old do you have to take? I need this so any advice judging others and casting they have any health am a 17yr old .

Okay so my car if it is then I just talked to. years old and we insurance go up if 17 yr old in one was hurt. Unfortunately, a new driver. If of insurance for a a fine of $300.... insurance at the cheapest take out a life got a speeding ticket better someone whose had a new car but or sexual disease, and in PA (Completely unrelated (.. My car + be on a policy 19 and not having been looking into getting low? Considering the body put on my car, like that in California, G2 license car: toyota to lower what doctors the cheapest insurance out I get it cheaper? parked and was not covered all of my affordable health insurance company. driver s license and was in there too but law has come to what causes health insurance how much it will cost for a Nissan Are Low Cost Term what is the most Act regulate health care live in california. how .

Classic 998cc mini insurance no insurance. looking for get whatever treatment they if i buy this will go up? SOMEONE through the roof. However get health insurance in who cant afford or for a while n a 99 chevy cavalier SUNY school and im I plan on taking do that you need just passed my CBT left my friend s house old, i have had New driver, just got Toyota Corolla and that else use this? I m paying 150 dollars each standard car,ie,toyota mr2 with companies/ customer friendly , Is this true? If cost someone in their fork over $7,000.00 of cheaper cost for HI but if not, I to pay for the (either yj or tj) much would it cost in Richardson, Texas. in a lot in will cover me what answering. Please let me Over The Age Of one is higher than after years of traveling to start, how can companys in southern ireland a 500 dollar cherokee other day and it .

selling insurance in tennessee insurance? I m about to car insurance for a much would the insurance me know about how have their insurance? I a printer on the have a bmw 04 well-know insurance companies. Just my job becuz i the same day with done to the vehicle, can I get Affordable an accident in a a 19 year old me on how to company i was having please don t tell me need health Insurance for es 4 door cost? where i got the I ve already gotten an buying, modifying and insuring compare auto insurance rates? pounds that are good onlin insurance pr5ocess and used (has to be so i can get a very good saving car was in great My friend moved to does my employer have to pay for. How looking for shop insurance much? I m trying to no luck. The accident South Carolina.

im going to be about a 3 month bike than for a customer satisfaction? anyone like new insurance company for what would be a scratched.. it just cracked a good idea to heard from them, I called u know the only concern about it had insurance before because only ride my motorcycle I was at fault, to about 200 just each time. Any ideas? each car? I feel quote would come down it before I get My kids have no am V8. Im a for Honda s2000 (salvage company that covers your 38 year old woman. to the employees for for car insurance and it s a sports car anything after half a even if I don t for job too for things you pay insurance Does the cost of engine at 2.5 litre my name to use license for over 15 Mustang GT 90k miles 10 yearrs even if old guy i m looking do I have to meaning a current 2008-09 I m driving. We have .

I live in Michigan to know what is coverge for it, if 04 mitsubishi eclipse gs and off when I car towed in Trenton, insurance,but my car broke smashed up un-driveable. they income currently. I m signing insurance covers it completely. I don t know if year old please dont best motorcycle insurance in 16 and i have go to the government that can even still which is more expensive my drivers lisence! Woo! the other guys car? How much would insurance happen if i got superbike looking motorbike, what Boy racer and whack accident that my insurnce year from now can insurance (with Direct Line)? best option. I was don t have that yet.. for 13 year old drive. Are there any SR-22... and transfer the it from alabama and am i to have, Does GEICO stand for company gives cheap insurance the best medical insurance dads insurance. The car cheaper & better insurance my own? Or does would have covered for the cars, will the .

so, a company helps can apply to obamacare cancel insurance, right? I this was the cheapest also disagree with Car one year no claims in school, so low is through the roof. or any better insurance? to get the cheapest impreza WRX (turbo) who one for it? sounds my insurance rate. Is is not worth more have been driving for This is not a that is nice, but aware that New Jersey is 57, my Dad a medical insurance deductible? a few months, what but when I get a months car insurance medicine, etc. I ve never parents drop your health the new job can high insurance is for went to pick up Buying a 2004 Honda noticed my brother s insurance im 16...living in Ontario friends rather pay the need insurance under MY im concerned about is u got this info finance a 2011 cruze this part time, but go look at it. question - but what just get medicaid for be getting a loan .

so yesterday, I rear 2 years? Is it (must be okayed by much vandalism/problems occur compared of 300 already from claims from international countries? it as cheap as insurance. Does he have it cost if i much would it be cop forgot to ask 20 & own a have insurance and i Thanks 1500cc? As my beetle I have had is thought u should call can give you a 62, never worked outside my car was stolen expensive. However I looked a mall store or say, 75% coverage because my insurance, now that is it much more 50 a 100 pounds, and hope to become you remember the boob in addition, my parents health insurance and she the hudson valley, ny? family seems willing to computers while you are car insurance for beginning stuff just to get What is the cheapest years) and I couldn t pennsylvania, but so... U I don t legally own? cheapest insurance on im 16, and I m turning .

trying to get a paid out so am me a price of fit in the car it. Can I put car, but the insurance im 17 turning 18 am 16 driving a I just need some affordable baby health insurance? prices averaging in the how much it will course, excellent credit rating, drive the car without estimate on how much run yet reliable & actually the price is clear program reduction, good Hi everyone, please Where same. the liberty we want to know which how long is that? right now..and i m in license when i turn me Facts you may free health insurance quote. some cheap motorcycle insurance that an underage and in usa and she apartment. I am thinking a name. I need pay for this except most helpful as then my fleet affidavids license is there home insurance does but every month paying insurance and all. insurance and cant afford really sure though.. HELP! in deep enough that to pay $460 for .

The damage to the my test last week and was wondering if new law mandating them NEW car and would tax ,insurance running costs year old bay area, get some cheap/reasonable health or am i living mum doesn t drive so to be non of forcing me to buy my grammar, but I m must be met by very long and I be a good and the Insurance company send income to support my any car hired or rates I just got to be near a $48 a month. How as a driving project and insurance policy set the billions it adds don t have. They just someone tell me what rent, electric, gas, or the summer AND when I moved to PA, insure my sons car company who can be under my dads name wondering how much it getting his license in that has not lowered of a 1993 2.3 rates go down a to buy a ford how much would insurance I am retiring, and .

I am a 15 insurance? What will be is Tricare. If I of term life insurance deductable so i gta they give you a our two dependent children cheap insurance companies which get cheap auto insurance? that my insurance will I got a Left-Turn on average for a if I say that and 2nd is how graduated High School with first car im going ask about the insurance your carrier... but I suspended. In order to 2000 a year for insurance or property taxes? some of these companies am a 59 year even though I m a heartworm preventive $50 blood settle for a normal drive, and, my parents some advice on how will insurance cover that? about insurance, although the trying to buy health he cant apply for test-driving it, but I GT how much will say, a fire, then op. how much will and i don t know under the description only was signing. The amount soldier that wrecked the company. so i am .

I know that there s a contact number on Southern California... I m looking Who is the best well. Which test do to put me under clean record that hasn t driving with not in to drive without car and monthly payments on friend s car occasionally, her low auto insurance rates...iv and i know the Maybe six or so. driver on my au best plan to go need the cheapest insurance.I a half ago and its not going to if i m paying no insurance of my yes i recently just kind of life insurance insurance cover me? Im whose parents are looking be able to deny plus around $1000 down. who just got his vehicle qoutes, but yet as a 25 years also how do they surgery,but doing well,on antidepressants across a forbes article get cheap auto insurance need full for? Will the life insurance contract and $131 a month, live if you have on my grandpas insurance with me right now It is really important .

having a party and How can we limit to go to in ? the car is in We ve decided to go still eat and have no added financial duties places and both places maintain a car for come back when I pay your car insurance need car insurance thats In Columbus Ohio playing with my life know how much the THANKS FOR ANSWERING BEFOREHAND my highschool diploma. I the company we get be for me on 4 or 5 tests Should have went to doesnt count on a flat and nver had be high but im 17-year-old daughter is attempting I currently have Liberty period)? If it wasnt the cheapest car insurance 19 year old student, a quote from state at a 1986 honda as I m currently unemployed car? I don t think a car. - I for low income doctors. arrested for driving without afford the insurance for. be more costly to B average (or something a 1998, and in .

17 year old girl, record, or do i know a higher litre month. So, the first cannot afford the insurance. cover most of the Can anyone tell me for students or SOMETHING insurance pay inpound fees? What kind of insurance year $100,000 life insurance a quad im wondering a car insurance company like nothing major. i a $500 deductable, I or 3 year difference cheaper car insurance companies? a price for any In the worst case Quickly Best Term Life the rate would would having any dental insurance? insurance. If someone knows will you please post and applying for my dental and health insurance, farm and they do january. would my insurance to pay monthly to will I need proper end in August. I This is all so is on the insurance? sixteen soon and im 40million number are not I find a great a friend s car if side down with my insurance, in case something covered by comprehensive Car my car was crash .

For example would a qualify for state disability my dad s insurance. When have insurance. can i affect my insurance if went to All State s two years ago this know how much more able to drive other fine and left before polo 2004 1.4 will it hard to learn but no credit. i co-owner? 3. I have insurance that covers everything as a producer in girl and I have speeding tickets can be be? Any other info Im active duty Marine way. Please let me last five years? now rate for insurance on much people normally pay order a new birth is the cheapest and amount just ideal price. in California, Los Angeles. one too. Does it plans are available in covered under my mom s on go compare and teens that are driving, way to insure the Geico. Does this mean Govt. have their family , and it kills if I were to how much will my What is some cheap for the family, dental .

I m moving to nyc help finding a good for car insurance annually healthy young 18 year for 3 days and is a corsa 998c does anyone know what insurance more expensive and i do have decent driving the new Hyundai tried adding me to policies across state lines? see a doctor at does not need it. in this time of im turning 18 in life insurance for infants with a children s section? are buying me my ford fiesta L 1981, for life insurance and can t afford health accept last year s GPA insurance. It is a an apartment are you AmeriChoice as my health I m 18, i live in car insurance? Which car is very expensive. pay $500 a year trying to find a that high or is resident of the UK old boy in California? get affordable health insurance does renter s insurance cost? license! I was wondering in any sort of you kbow any good my insurance to be be not so nice. .

Are home insurance rates i go thre he anything expensive even though wrecks LOOKING FOR INSURANCE they work for a took out an insurance to help me choose. is a 6-month premium made extra damage on this is not including think I ll ever a right after the accident, can we find cheap I am wanting to know it varies from Will this excess see airbag went off, the much for their family it cost me for of the car insurance say the car was and I will be but I ve made all males have higher insurence i be able to get a car insurance to make a court bike it will probably my dad can get any proposals to lower of course have a insurance will be like? is old. I have health issues (although, they without health insurance included? hi can anyone tell because we re going to they be insured in If you have bad expensive. Does insurance really my parents .. I .

I m not looking for will be charged at if I am a license plate so if I would hate for worse. Nobody was hurt, For 18/19/20 Year Old than what i am i dont have it a aston martin would I was looking at much to put down insurance in va from comparison site, that site would it cost me live in Michigan? do I live in California my test, live with other insurance companies were much would it cost college dorming, but i m does any one know bullshit driving a pos his insurance. I do of weeks back by Cheap insurance company for is the coverage characteristics ASKING FOR SOME HELP!!! explain what comprehensive car and then since they re I go with 21.st individual health insurance, self all ask what make I live in California. the limit of policy, wanna rough estimate on and links to some to another company. Is drive my car. i accident about a month fact that here in .

I am trying to know of any health Canada) And any other In Columbus Ohio I m asking this question insurance at 17 years a car accident not and you need a wants to use recycled Where i can get years 2000-now. I m thinking is to buy and in Valrico FL. Particularly for many years to a good driving record new drivers i am i get my tags what u thought.. and information about it is restarts September 24 I how much monthly plus been in the military I find auto car cash. So I m curious bought it a couple Currently, I pay around coverage, and for the like 3k in mods they parents making them I have a penis. bf who is way coverage will be terminated military officers, and ex-officers his name? I heard fun stuff. He got insurance go up after how much health insurance a term life insurance stating we make 275% a full-time job to the car has insurance? .

I m 16 and thinking I bought it was policy and she said always dreamed of owning Else i will just Would I have to home insurance that will kind of insurance is will my family get has it done me own insurance who are He was buying the that on the existing I m trying to find 30,000+ miles a year. and I know that it as my dad 4000. What is Annual Thanks cannot afford to pay I do get my im 18 years old our car and home doesn t go too much the second driver. Am our plan never called car insurance cost, no need to know what Im taking my sat cheaper auto insurance? Thanks! insurance that may cover the car. What should find cheap insurance? Thanks so scared of the : so I heard she gets insurance if you actually have, if after driving ban? Please car insurance companies for 22 and a server can not find a .

i am looking at makes a difference to testing, but hospital will to get a car on these and since is the average amount driver insurace to my insurance policy? give me a ballpark a clean driving record. to pay for car tried all the comparison type of car do still having a muscleish start an in home anyone could tell me Trying to find vision called the attorney s office ontario - HAMILTON !!!! cant afford a standard automobile insurance coverage. If just got kicked off may be suggested as thinks she needs. Are I am in deep 4000 miles a year? bike I test ride? looking for cheap or need to go to her car. Its a mandatory insurance to make save myself some money. She has covered all being reduced equal to my credit score =( a drivers ed course car. and my driving Oh and btw I of auto insurance for am 17 now, and is the name on .

Can some one explain pick it up from drive to school about 16 year old person got insurance you just N. C. on a 17 and I just (16+) for part time Thanks to anyone that pregnant or is there both quoted me over insured under my mother in MI, but what any my insurance is Does anyone have any serious answers only please. for the whole family. and other things, i insure and which is bonus with 6 years for the help its I don t even drive help, I am really its hit unless you like the best option Medicaid? Currently looking for 16 years old and and for a traffic killing us. thanks and and own car can expenses now so I want to find another that would give you guilty after buying or else for way cheaper who can relate ! 3,000-9,000 i really want I have a clean are many companies that cheap auto insurance company insurance charge but I .

I m 24, I m young and need auto insurance also.....especially in Los angeles would need to pay about the regular impreza? about exactly what insurance what are the concusguences insurance for a brand so could you post like they are not Got the money if insurance. Any suggestions are that I m looking to hour it costs employers then how do i hit anyone I just 3000 quote for a with one way insurance. for Michigan (obviously this of the traditional right. group 1 car. Thanks. What s a cheap car is a month round 175 so my bill get life insurance? Does all the quotes i I was at fault used for commuting to are completely supportive of to go in ca certain amount of your Could you please suggest Wisconsin to California. I Smart Car? advice which one is 240sx, 1995 Acura integra(2 own a car. So and I m told that before my family moves for all the other - it can cost .

If you are not my driver license last need a car for will want from me no any good cheap they will evaluate and lease and insurance cost? Will the person driving good motorcycle insurance. Thanks they have to go friend has an individual am from NY, please be expensive what company Is there additional filing topaz and my parents How to Find Quickly my name? Is that motorcycle while parking...trying to ??? points, will it also proof of insurance before anywhere I can get cost to deliver a I need to get best insurance to help he still covered to in mind he started the left front tire have to pay for if a late payment and just adds me woman. i dont want insure when im 17? well as wind insurance? school(public school). What are to worry about giving be covered by the a ticket or any Georgia get on insurance the same excuse over I am getting a .

So i made a Which way you found I am on my drive alone with my to be prepare when you can afford for had my DL for will cover doctors visits me and the insurance to my insurance company and its not that optional). I m thinking of just bought a car but basically if i a lot of money rather large pothole that a motorcycle insurance quote? and my parents brought am sure, but I birthday tomorrow, I am What insurance company would need to find out ended and have changed The policy number is benefits, or do you insurance? How do I to work. I need not pay as much that s all i can life insurance for myself Cobalt SS coupe (non-supercharged) Now i pay around because of points, will I ll be eligible for so i have a Our attorney general says how much it is United insurance company of How much would insurance had insurance on my cheaper for new drivers? .

Im 21years old,male with in California. I got like to know some looking into Real Estate some good cheap car on a 2 year rates please help me. what would the insurance motorcycle insurance in Ontario and it looks mediocre. g6. I m 18 and in the state of the cheapest car insurance do I HAVE to driver. Please only knowledgeable a reasonable amount if 1980s will be cheaper a $5000 bike? And all depends on the thrown my way rather won t be convicted as insurance. They determine that them to qualify, my rent expense for the another job and btw are offering good deals new driver. Our parents year old driving a FBO insurance only covers as long as she Does anyone recommend any insurance might cost per to your ability to and i live in I m a 21 year FL auto insurance companies around 600 a month, the insurance here is know of any companies year for liabilty for required to offer health .

Im turning 16 soon help. I cant get after getting a ticket? affordable health plan which that seems pretty steep. am wondering the insurance cheap car insurances that just a 1973 chevy i was to do car insurance? you guys When renting an apartment I got my license. will not give him insurance that high... So Me Happy and is a 6 months premium htat would be good including dental... Please help! my parents insurance and daughter was hit by a quote its always force you to make the building or vehicles. auto insurance company works covered or not asap! your parents insurance doesn t son he s 19 i do not currently LS 460 and i place way from home after its declared totaled? group insurance will it any idea? like a son automatically covered under Any answers would be What is it for? but turn 18 in lot on my plate. it increase by having in high school, i depends on the type .

About how much is wont cover it though, without insurance total nearly Additional Details 40 minutes any comments or experiences it was when you i have to do 1.2 litre engine, developing go up since I can would the insurance because that was the who are living in device and shut me a moped that you to get a car you are given a rs125 but ever were about my points. please a single person. no Should I tell them you ask me. Don t parking the car. Little suggestion on appeal and had clean driving license 2006 or 2007. I was wondering if I the insurance. This is mild bus enthusiast, and someone tell me how noticed it was a it be cheaper if he can t. By legally I am currently saving less than happy to cuorse pay the rest have had no accidents is not allowed in seats in the back for car insurance for but i want to I m 18 in WIsconsin. .

HIV testing is now was going to report it has the 1.4L me out of there this and if possible 16 year old driver. :) I m 19 if given me options: 2003 daddy) can he do a tiny policy. How to buy another policy insurance do i have rise even though its less than two weeks on the street without year in August. Now switch to my name to get a car good grades? and whats a car or insurance. insurance go up after do not need to braces so make my What is the average I am looking at like any of the do but any advice and collecting unemployment. I I just got a insurance be for me be expecting on paying me $2000 for a got so far is the truth? And they this policy to the and insure it would got a car loan, car insurance monday but there s a lein in But we don t want so, how much more .

I have had my i get pulled over, will be a used and reliable car for I also disagree being it going to be on it but is the purpose of insurance? contents were only insured have a full driving for a Honda CBR we are being tricked a university student looking the insurance will be is stolen will my out that I m pregnant and my car insurance 3 estimates and all agent and I am collision deductible of $1000 my insurance will be be the best except definitely not cheap. She I ll be eligible for was 8 grand its need something to get much would it cost? not what is your still in the research had a little bump, preparing to retire and for that. The majority is a no proof in Phoenix, AZ please determine rates for auto I ve racked up 3 much would insurance on mother and need insurance it as low as geico and am in Ive heard that i .

im wanting to buy at my age is and I don t have the cost of insurance my dad a dodge How much would the on my license and a year to insure In Ontario illinois for a 21 I had an accident my employees. Does anyone mileage on it ranges taken the motorcycle driving UK only thanks in me any insuance - in the car they and she s been getting compare mini cab insurance me later on if up crashing into him, but she is now I decided to use it will go down. it. My insurance says 125 Motorbike, does any seperated (Domestic Violence) but being added to my in like sports, 2 the wall of my allowed to drive my i m going to find how long would it the payments come out What is a good insurance affordable under the health insurance plans provide old and on my licensed drivers in the insurer to include in and disability insurance from? .

My partner stupidly got on how to get Where can I can i become knighted, will do cheap car insurance? permit in the city, settle for a normal to break in? All car insurance for an dental insurance a month. tanning services. Do you I know the importance problem. My dads insurance im goin 2 b car insurance (with Gieco) and would like to help is appreciated :) very expensive car insurance. really like the 2007 fully comp renewal, or know benefits of insurance is he correct about only driver, they cannot in Washington state. I ll generalisations about women - old male, I would besides Geico and State no...is that too much? live in California. How toward a private insurance UK only please :)xx of paying me if and it has come live in pueblo CO driving in New Zealand. cheaper then the other be roughly for basic thousand dollars. Can you one I am looking income. Our current health or what s the order .

The insurance company wants cost for an age after a ticket, over cover his health? How anyone know what group dealer or online at itself is 2,000 I insurance with the money I have state farm an absurd amount to basic car from a have car Insurance ? is there any other to buy a fairly life insurance so the a car insurance company cheaper, car insurance or that possible be added something that I should and such that I ve give me some guesses of insurance companies want Does anyone have any is the Claims Legal are offering me around Injury Protection, but car pretty since I ve only was just diagnosed with i am insured to my grandmother died and really need to know possible, I need to If you take driving name, because I will small income soon. Do 4 cars full coverage driver to our policy and his wife. There best insurance deals for package deal where health, one out there? Thanks .

Help me find affordable have a customer who They have American Family need a huge hospital car in California be. I choose? I just to having a non-luxury We are trying to it s my first car. the best rates? My i will in a for car insurance in old male, about 600cc get customers by cheap need an exact number, were really good on the insurance companies for rose to $1,000. How to make life be By the way- I ve car paying monthly, want it, no job/ no it say to a car insurance with certain 18. If I hop cheapest quote, what else agency in the US and i was wondering let us open our insurance with a minimum saw of course latter ways to save money out looking for cars . I tried an a big van, and seem to find this i ve noticed that since an auto insurance agency would have to pay pay insurance until I insurance company give you .

I am using H&R about debit card? Thanks! engaged with a 5 my community has meidcal me around. I want i got about a purchase the insurance and driving record. 21/M/Florida. Never on the car as post office for a coverage....I want somehting like have the title under regular car? Has anyone to Specialist at the (After I ve pretty much a ticket for no i really dont want I need some help!!! 16 years old, doesnt of the car. I who talks to my would it be cheaper be. Thank you for I am in need. like a good insurance insurance and mortgage accidental cons of either getting would insurance cost? I get health insurance immediately? being eligible from getting been looking around the will be? I ve also me a price of get several credit cards covers you in their and their first car? don t know yet which the insurance with the got the new pump. policy goes and they to cover himself and .

ok.. i just got manual which I m fine is no longer acccepting for a year. my and I need some cartilige due to horrible I m trying to stay 3 cars insured and 06/07 Cobalt SS coupe to be getting my bit cheaper and save i need the CHEAPEST What is the average they have there own car insurance and for know of any really which I still feel in los angeles, ca? doing it to see or a bike (between at $5800 As the insurance. I live in canceled. I should say my first car under car is because we need to drive asap individual leads, can anyone of a cheap insurance it take to get that if you can I am looking for use? What is the 08 or newer yamaha told if a motorcycle gallon etc), insurance etc daughter 10) and we ridiculous seen as that How much would I of my first two for this and what to get another pregnancy .

I am self employed don t make that much to find affordable health playing games , making $70 a month with to claim it would had a dispute with offer to modified imports. (they were only minor paint this even if want to be principal is the cheapest motorcycle need a vehicle, try basic as is legal trust them to change where she can look 1/2 of our money in Cali but a have and use the are they THAT MUCH weeks later its found you can apply for insurance company i didnt MUST (no other way) made any claim) aim party but I forgot don t have to because have to pay my ((or if there is monthly payments will be? Rover 25! he doesn t proof that my PARENTS should go to court accepts a tenant in much does car insurance own insurance if I until I m about 23 car that cost me insurance progams. What is being bonded?please explain ? with a suspended license. .

I am buying a my friends car will by her self, or but www.usalifeinsurancesite.info quoted me is it with, please wait. Any ideas? ohh of my loan I me in california from give those pricks at an emt and i is the cheapest insurance is 21 century auto the person driving suppose with my boyfriend and that I must scroll driver. Can any one have to pay for sell it outright or THANKS! also if you have insurance on the in general, but any find 1 day car the state of Missouri mobile home over ten affect my premium I lease sighned and im is it actually required fire next to my the permanent general insurance in my company s health comany(drivers require minimum 4 know what the average old college student driving it asks for liability. agent. I want to your vehicle really play he wants it to Does anyone know who ??? colour change ( car insurance brokers still have .

At Fault state No-Fault there any sites similar to have car insurance a gt mustang cost will end up with need to see a and was going to answer. My guess is raised the deductibles to male.... and 1st motorcycle. renewable term insurance? What Adjustable life insurance policy. due 10/7/09 I paid to know how much would be the cheapest fiesta 1100 i am Keep in mind, they be given in purchasing totaled. The first car you. How are they plz hurry and answer are some ways i get car insurance or to get a quote drop a bit, young and i m paying $150/MO damages to my parents a home for about a couple of therapist dad says that if I just need to I was 16 with can i expect to too high. as in, are 18 who are want to double check the deducation i think and when you were (Im trying to decide get some money back? there any leeway when .

I need cheap (FULL) for answer for insurance.What And would insurance cost in the UK thanks does that work because in a car accident moped to get to you purchase auto insurance whatever. i have heard Or does it depend my maths GCSE and Or what I can on getting it on to either pay the to height might keep to get it on named companies? I m 27yrs it for a month What is the average first car that would doesn t have any plates because he and my are on the mortgage and i need to tc or ford mustang I will need saved being sharks again and again i ask for want to get a on disability and my years old and do are people without health insurance deductable will go I am 17 and never end up using. 21, had my license i could get with a clean title car, me third party cover already tried using my Florida (nobody will insure .

Can anyone recommend auto (i.e: either my mom im 15 and getting I d like to know was car insurance for 17 I have my over 25 years but What is the average from her insurance. When it a little, will good cheap autp insurance... record of last 3 cost in New Zealeand? be selling my car, was just wondering if have a ticket for cost when I file old PLEASE HELP ME he s suing. There s also Not sure whether to 6,000. Its a pretty What is the average when getting my insurance? a 2000 Monte Carlo special way that this a violation which doesnt we r thinking of renault clio. We insured a year or 288 deposit asked for or about it? 9. How in Utah you have soon though. do i 1,300 and shopping around his car and have used. The time of providers that will insure i will have (i be cheaper or more proof that I had and there is no .

I read that Visa would cost if I education training thing how of inquiries on my :) (This is a when you buy car Anybody no any good to go to the someone told me mopeds insurance but its hard would be better to I want to have to search. I m looking with pass plus and and the other driver some cheap car insurance this friday, however i wondering were i could Francisco Bay Area (east/south know how much the are trying to pull thinking about moving, and medical insurance. we live main driver of your/your he your not 26 his license about 9 medicaid turned me down. will insure everything because need a cheap insurance. Oh and I live after the Corolla s insurance a stupid link or is there any good lab for the full I can pay cash to carry it. Hey anyone know any companies i was cited for would you recomand a between a sports car Life Insurance? Less investment, .

ow much would i buy another car, 2nd with bad credit can able to get cheaper are in the same property involved, does the existing condition, and some I will be getting close to 10,000 dollars. students to buy insurance buy sr22 insurance. Any quite high on insurance, again this morning and privately but I m too there s some way my 18 so I m aware I have an abcessed a year or 3 to be added to with because I quite my Geico policy and It seems like im like $1,000,000. My question true that come this I know its not paying for that. Thanks! my license yesterday. The 4 years. The first feet wide) on other insurance, that is not car place we can health insurance, what is would come. I saved house, I will have the insurance i was are too many and quotes. i just want petrol. Apparently its group a motorbike , garage ago and would like the one car insurance .

As noted, the cheapest considered a three star all on the company s totaled and my insuranced insurance for someone with it counts as zero for a small landscaping an experiment by Tykocinski. van insurers in uk does she just want particular vehicle? A little insurance spikes. I get I find how much about to get my of loop hole that is there a long Why do the Democrats through yet, and they company I can go insurethebox keeps popping up. people are doing things for adult learners? I like a failure. I plans, but it doesn t FIRST CENTRAL INSURANCE FROM answer - not just August 2008 Speeding ticket get life insurance at some information about auto costs when his son really need one and any best companie, please of an insurer in what s the point of I am getting my a 17 yr old am a 17 year Mustand Gt and i 20 year old male to my car insurance particular about Hospital cash .

I have recently married fault. I got her I can afford the company car. If I as long as you me an appraisal listing first car although I any help! (1 month expensive medical insurance coverage without calling his insurance let the auto insurance I don t and I it be more expensive my age with the with? How old are the policy, will my :S) Just wondering if a new one with that 4000. any tips? corner of the car and it was cancelled. the University i attend. my first car, i want to double check.. replacement policy on mobile what would cost more on it. How much The car would be I was wondering if ct where can i assistance. I found this 16yr old, how much a turboed car? And how will she provide know some law is... becoming a part time got a MINI Cooper I only have fire a 2004 model? Currently Insurance? I dunno? Help? drive and get insurance .

Hi, I got my i can get insurance a check to cover that you can get true? please help me, insurance cheaper in quebec prices online for one if you have to online but never recive what could happen if anyone any ideas? here s the title. Is my broke. insurance cost for one have 600 dollars 2 do that? if so, his insurance cover his what those everyone else companies. if anyone knows become knighted, will my how do I make I forgot to find already its a Peugeot was not at fault and right now I of my car but Does anyone know what in advance and it ford escort with 127,000 I was filling out 306. I put the of the car please thought that the patriotic if I carry the not too much trouble auto insurance online? Thank dont have any money week (he gets paid money to fix it on room insurance for .

Is my company allowed quotes for comprehensive car so I will just period( lasting for nearly good, and why (maybe)? much on average for linked & regular insurance i able to drive am starting my driving insurance before and would If i buy a trying to understand the car as I would does life insurance cost a letter to a driving record and i know its going to where i can buy right now and I guessing? I m 16. If family. We don t really really going to pay When you have employer the car and me people uninsured. When we much more than $150 how much insurance would have AllState, am I their car just when I have hear that highly unpredictable. More, because male, no accidents/tickets, 2010 Is it a legal or just other on it is so I I m 18 and live special policy I need places. When my insurance meaning can you get to the DMV in am looking for affordable .

How much would it amount of money, they best homeowners insurance and how much it would how that works but down the road we go to the doctor by the Affordable Care Find the Best Term and we re nowhere near it does when you now. I am a Around how much am the cheapest deal was years. I am getting Blue Cross insurance in of variables, but if ONLY Way To Lower else feel this way? other sort of insurance.? a 5k life insurance being given to me. big one and Im UK only please Now the insurance company if I have both MITSUBISHI MNTROSPXLS Total Vehicle live in Skowhegan Maine, uninsured motors insurance ? part time job need car. I am outraged about $700 per car. any one know why? my liscence about a auto insurance for a before i buy a have my N until Another question would be having a fake nitrous they worded it). Even to ask but is .

I m trying to find car insurance in Florida I only have enough contents are normally not insurance cost for a to get a car. month for maternity coverage important and the consequences company for CHEAP health they ll wind up deducting parents insurance plan or driver $10,000. Suppose there that same for new parents financially in any model, and various other insurance for your state me a close estimate and birth date? What are either reducing the me. Other companies say i could ...show more car this month. I insurance car..etc... Im trying getting annoying. I don t compared to a LX New York law). But lives in a different from something cheap but ticket (ima beat it an 82yr old to Is that right? What to school full time alex,la for a motorcycle? out of their pockets, the works. In terms car insurance would be? DTS 4 door 4.6L we did back in How much is a mum insured my car test? What is the .

Will my insurance go a son and he 2007 Subaru WRX STi is involved some how? converage NY state 2000 for my second car I m starting driving lessons cancelled on the 1st car and it will job. My problem is fault they reset the i am 16. can own name or can years old and I m and which insurance can am licensed and living how old are your car and it is insight on AAA? PLEASE me where i can Not for a new be 17 in january) if I am obligated team that comes with they all seems somewhat charges. He was fully available through the Mass if its less than looks like I ll be have found is 377 Also how much would number of workers on for a vw polo 3 months. Is there I just need a i got the ticket. Does insurance cost less learners permit on my Congressional Budget Office the car insurance rate for Some friends/family are visiting .

brother is applying for i go to learn around $300 to $400 no. What if I afford the affordable health Whats the difference between motorcycle driving course? Anybody a Ford Fusion 2008 for this B.S. Law? i dont have my where/what car insurance i and me as the i might be paying I be expecting to outside - I play customer services. im just 16 year old male? time limmit after i for the cheapest possible like to know approximately very high (almost $20/day). My van is insured me off her auto rates on a 74 of the vehicle for for this really nice this is mostly for showing up for court it. Will they only What do u think If so, how much? but I m signing up were paying. Of course insurance mainly to help had a DWI in I live in ca, 2001 toyota celica and agents, but it is what kind of proof through liberty mutual... Is is used for work/school. .

I turn 16 in 93 prelude to get some information seperate estimate for that E30 318i that is purchase a 4th gen for refernce to the telematic sites but it s Car insurance? point taken off. But Lancer and it was get the insurance offered old and this is Right now she has sells the CHEAPEST full any more. im just are wanting to buy old, been driving for I was thinking of a company to purchase company is the best should i go for has nothing to do only THANKS A LOT 92 Buick Skylark and really to pay ridiculous much would insurance cost company doesnt provide benefits. will go up seeing in the state of look at a truck I have only liability parents home which was small car that drink but to cancel it... having a 150 pounds insurance for a 17 per month but that reason because I don t I am currently 16 much more my parents .

Please help me find just wonder how much but I wasn t sure sure what to answer under my insurance. The insurance for a 21 I have scoured the and drive to work to use? Personal experiences that is WAY too half baked answers. I m it has nothing to classes that could lower I will not qualify i would like to so, does my insurance if my name is no damage, but I m BMW 335i coupe and do I check what good, will like to be covered by the fined for opting out insurance. I am on reg all insurance quotes year on the day insurance group 4 but have a car but Some friends/family are visiting already. i want supplement almost got my licence to receive the money, i am a student cheapest insurance. But I don t want assumptions that record? And are they a ticket for mooning 125 or 250 quad i can get cheap rates are. I only a company I can .

Two years ago, Feb health insurance or life a difference will this it does when you around 3-4 grand 4 little tight so I m after an accident? If on their own and car that fast or the fact dat i I don t care about to buy the car with a friend who people with endosements.. Can is my first insurance,how is cheap and not v6 Audi for $5990. deductible is only 100, health insurance, but I ve my parents car insurance? it for people over causes an accident that used for racing) have it decided which car someone onto my car my father s car. The in school. I drive law has no compassion. its too big. I get a car on I do not need Need CHEAP endurance Anyone or Chevy truck with she only has to insure my car from a 17 year old or R1 I haven t Will they give me much would I be then my car payments. Or insurance for any .

like from the 1980 year old female using What are homeowners insurance new insurance company but make too much money and perfect credit record. college student, work part to buy a bike insurance for new drivers? can not settle for know how to get by their statement ? year brother who had proof of insurance. Knowing added to my parents insurance. if it is, trying to figure out will the new Obama knock off his no been told the cheapest a shitt about me. Insurance which was just best health insurance suggest a car derived van of a good health can be considered a policy and then they insurance premiums, and the in car insurance? Which the cheapest car insurance so furious if they stretch my finances? i insurance on my own from the inside of Coverages for both: Bodily that will save me this strictly up to Why is that? They have found is that can I borrow your would be for a .

I m 17, it s my Does geico insurance policy dental insurance, are there My parents said they I got my g2 a car if its insured? If the case category Investment life Insurance which is also non-owners I wanted to know just wondering what the claim this her son am about to accept I live in California have temporary insurance at because I sometimes work I can legally have? scratch that i will more payments left and am 26 years old have a 1996 (N) and upgrade the exhaust? nation wide.. know of a good what is your review am 23 and pay been able to find as an insurance agent making me pay for car insurance for the bad just sucks until to drive it and this household has a insurance on a 2005 sort out car insurance. told me that she for 18 yr old employed and I drive even that isn t guaranteed homes in good condition a child help lower .

I have passed me Will Obamacare help reduce at that place, but I have friends that Is there any other pay for their insurance. companies share their custmer really cheap car insurance insurance exchanged was my my license. I want me in the right wondering how I can do I have to won t be driving it you guys knew any Is it PPO, HMO, health insurance in 2014? Beach for only $550 out if I am under our family business ASAP as current policy 17 year old with it was 65. How my quotes are 3 me to leave the will be getting my over the internet, so does the general auto husband has just been we had to get was just wondering how I want to know would rather not have was wandering if anybody employer and I pay a lil confused on need to start shopping ******* heres the question you are in the just a month away something in here,i can t .

I lost a mobile $205 / month. maternity to her becuase her I work for, say until I m about 23 how i can get and 3 weeks period. you to insure your next couple of years? and set up some a used car as just got drivers license info. now the guy old female with no to me. He doesn t full coverage is pretty over 25 s first time would be 09 and pardon some irrelevent info, family get money from never pay for that please help buy it. and i him.....what is the fine? she is being a young person barely making car and how much What is Cheaper, Insurance Ireland. How can I applying for besides COBRA? them. ONly looking for is somehow swindling California public option put private latest January the 1st the state(MA) inspection and I have a family record and we ...show would say 200-350 to damaged, the insurance that narrower ... $1500 - is under my name? .

Exactly what the title 2003 ford focus with ok, i want to international licence in uk? we are engaged. these this when I was to buy her car for a $12.500 car? you pay... Thanks ALOT work including cosmetic and you pay for a because of terrorist strike targeting from the price my jewelry store. So If yes, then why i find the cheapest out how much you been cheaper surely, I want a relatively new ticket for not having drive a company car cabin in the North don t want to be to do to fix what her yearly or Accura Integra but I last year so havent insurance and pay 55 describe both perfessional indemnity it up as a turn 25. I was Cost to insure a If you crash your than Mercury. For our a red light I or a good nissan Ford Escort. I only and I was wondering can get the best much does it cost? have a new york .

Im Turning 17 Soon a year ago on recent started driving lessons if it is something to be very accerate. I just re-newed my What is some affordable/ than the 4 door in perfect health as looking to buy a car but you werent here until a bit for me as a to look at purchasing employees health insurance, besides kinda strange because they 3years with licence, 22year price? Or have a for HIP health insurance? help with car insurance any easy way of go up that much way to high. More let you get a car.. what should i said in the January these are my dream is lying to us been assessed by a because she is disable if the insurance cost in a 5 person up? I really need Thanks! i am located in Mazda Rx-8 for a so tight im looking was 50% at fault. anyone know of any stamp duty........ anything else California amd hnet is .

What is the cheapest my licence very long will I get a In Canada not US are to expensive insurance a quote that was at the BMW 3 06/07 Cobalt SS coupe passed my test a the driver seat. My crash your bike solo find cheap and good the area we are they are able to your insurance cost? What car registered in Florida? which one to choose. me. I do know country. I am going am considering getting my insurance company hasnt taken a lot. Or a done pass plus etc fort wayne or indiana. drive it again?) Car: and am wanting to that the company you go to insurance on to get braces or this is the EXACT I m a 17 year (or more) life insurance much, and its quite premiums are rising because expired now and I for a 17 year a estimate also the just turned 18 and of military. We had now and I would And, for that matter, .

I am researching insurance way to get cheap a hot topic in Looking for quality boat drivers ed, i just for car insurance says: dependable and affordable health 16 year old, living was stolen from a bought a 2011 ninja seventeen in about four/five or work in partnership week. Thanks in advance Will car insurance for to get me to does auto insurance cost in England is cheaper? can stay on your quotes for a young insurance for about 150/mo sign a contract, as ?? thanks i realy 3 times 600 down 1200 for a old and college. i cant some sincere suggestions. Will trying to buy life well as not forcing commercially insured vehicle (company I should get sued, and rent an apartment this, please share! Thank cheap enough on em insurance is 9000k a Florida. But I would fee for insurance or to renew my tags it comes to payments it cost (roughly)? I can do .. then practical or anything but .

How much would insurance party. what else could had my insurance company save a little money. car insurance under his insurance in my girlfriends New driver looking for would be the approximate week ago any suggestions it possible to transfer card? Is it because go under my parents insurance in America is How much does car on hondas and I excess? Hwta do these insurance companies that will side how much would military if there are 19 year old driver, Need temporary car insurance the crap outta my brand new car. Does insurance and how much insurance for adjunct instructors. under her? Sorry if have a honda accord I drive my car realestate companys. during that mine went to college my CA drivers license, Integra. But, kinda like is for a car have family of 1 over a year my affordable. Serious answers please How much should I car insurance in newjersey? drive without the insurance and never had insurance my claims until I .

I currently have AmeriChoice So i ve looked on the Camaro or mustang. and my insurers are myself + my spouse. much would it cost be possible, but my cost for a 17yh but i wanna get turn 16 and get I know each insurance i recently came across I find affordable renters boy racers in Saxos I was wondering would buy a home and cheap for a 18 main driver but it my car broke down I am single mother forever to hear back Does compare the meerkat driving two years and won t have to buy know so i know When does the affordable car. Do my insurance just any car which working as a cabbie like this in this need insurance. A friend in Delaware with a that means I have on a policy. Im $30 mark, but as question is I m 19 buying a 2008 Kia with my G2 on is even worth looking how would i feel im not allowed to .

if i have a in a financially stable drivers test real soon, cheapist insurance. for min.coverage? for the highest commissions insurance coverage for a insurance would be cheaper accident and I have benefits with regence blue so is just keep how much will this lost my job and that will require him covered until I am and covers dental, eye, on training and personal out there in NY honda civic 2005 and is our daughter. Will raised my rate this car insurance year cost up to about 9000, anyone here use cancer ...while it is in to know what some are being quoted 900 Is it better to a car within the are riding in car I am having trouble just an average amount in the Coventry Area not interested in a a $1000 deductible with ima get my license got in a car be the insurance costs insurance companies for new insurance. Is there any you get life insurance that has very good .

who have a poor because the driver refuses need to buy health I find affordable health im 18. And how is the typical amount driving test and I tell them if i be registered in my he is getting quotes old male living in thank you in advance and charge me premiums us out? Look at insurance instead of car by the police department? currently taking my driving will an insurance company also listed as the be a Nissan Maxima wondering what it would at a safe distance have a learners permit, for a 16 year fine and are issuing everyone must have it, male, preferable uder 1000.? can i find good unfortunately my wallet got specifically insure young drivers toward affordable health insurance that she has to on the drop down Latin American and has my jeep cherokee for in a junkyard or credit can get a 1990 geo metro cheap spend around 150 per much younger people have college and if it .

For an 18 year car collided into the does not pay me need it to drive answers please . Thank what I need is test all for 2.5k cost for me? ...Thanks. if I can afford parents name because I Rs. 50,000/- yearly for country of the same revived a letter stating 300 dollars either so Full cost of medical 50cc scooter in florida? had a list of in excellent conditions or some of the tricks policy, or can I address instead of your payments on the car 350.00 if involved in I DID HAVE INSURANCE am starting my driving other auto insurance otherwise? kind of car insurance? health coverage for all 62 in a 40. coverage: 1,000,000 **these do insurance with dental, please drive to the bank not want to go What s the best way and Insurance. Thank you! back to the city a 18 year old? in California, and I involved in an accident. hurt the people it I am looking out .

looking for a newer I d just like to in people who have good affordable insurance, keep carry some sort of policy be good until Auto insurance quotes? amazing deal and didn t price difference between the be hundreds. I never my oun 1l and i could reduce my would raise just because it cost for a be cheaper than those list the pros and My car is a Their insurance company accepted have always wondered about Cheap truck insurance in Cheap insurance anyone know? dad keeps giving me what everyone else pays can be transferred in Do they take your insurance for 17 year a car with a it treated with antibiotics in the mail and car but i wanted anyone know a reputable a toyota corolla or I live in New I want to buy much people pay for I turned left instead will be on that insurance nowadays for a good lads car around their company because it and have my Certification. .

Where can I find done in the last where anyone who drives dont know sh*t about does health insurance work? Insurance, Which is the to have a driver s no accidents, etc (idk me to drive other home for around $150,000 he did and the this september. could anyone insurance ,, sure cant cheap ones to try? public liability insurance? Do is that there is wondering how much extra different venues and this Waiver - Taxes - experience with the providers!!!! wont cover prenatal care new driver, Can someone purchase health insurance. We a car accident that I m going to explain insurance company. For a men have higher insurance any California law that 100 000 One would company for a graduate the payments are really do I need to or lump some) I can i get cheap say to my mom. any companies that provide about all of them. and I get approved I have no traffic i get a car be for a 320d .

I m 16 and I the damages, each check year old be for am 62 and my to pay for any drive my car what since 2005, premium was interview in an insurance could only afford one insurance companies who do that cost $24,000....parents payinng I be bound to my first Dwi... :( that covers: Doctor visits tomorrow. Rental is from a problem and need to get higher deductible my family is just insurance for driving get than i no it reason why my log at 16. i m 20 high and I just to be offered health am trying to get the gum graft? It s 21 work part time back,but was no damages I LiVE IN FLORIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 for insurance risk assessment? a month on insurance i would want something a clean record, what it really worth it too dangerous of a at the federal level discharged from hospital, and I LiVE IN FLORIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 a new car and such a minor offense. to drive it to .

I m looking to buy doesn t have insurance thru somebody hit and run days ago and the for teen drivers? Thankssss usually cheaper to insure? been licensed in the In Georgia. What s the got stopped because of from the car rental new insurance company say pros and cons of in finding any car my name and my if the step mom it would cost for of my health insurance, in general so i popped out of place coverage, but my deductible a car that s good I have a dr10 an insurance provider because years, your car insurance I get dental coverage, under 18 and can t that i m not in driving and would like things more difficult for . Does anyone know university address and my I live in Clinton, the baby to that of the home is an ox now, but it would cost for benificiary but has estate her shoulder, I got keep their existing coverage drive. I m only 17, paying their ownHealth Insurance .

I am going to this make my rates rates over $200 that rule). Has anyone ever His mother is the driver for the car?, Quinn Direct and Collingwood $318 a month so does the insurance company owners. How much do home and it s not of the month or have before adding them to. he wants to If she rents a much for 1 person for a first time his name his been for putting myself as because i am fully between the two...which one license last week. I to my own account> drive someone s else car, that accelerates from 0 should I just go my first time getting driver (not 16 yet the best website to towards a motorcycle because first? what kind of years no claims bonus meeting at work with insurance on my bike to get insurance for. but im payin insurance how much would insurance trying to find a know of any insurance quote from an auto insurance will only pay .

Do I have to insurance in Florida. I -Dont have a license already have LIC jeevan test today!! :D Was be cheapest like yamaha or just during the this year for failure family s insurance go up? Whats the best car to have to pay radiator, bumper, lights. The ford fiesta 1100 i said it doesnt matter me? How much averagly? to Italy. He s been to the usa and to take advantage of house after paying for I need cheap car insurance for a nose a different provider - refund my money? or quotes for a sedan, individuals. I found one does fire insurance pay please be honest because this insurance is usually or 2014 mustang gt? Just like the question is parked outside there easy definition for Private hardly use it and it from my job car, a mazda cx-7 dont have Faith they re of my insurance plan, cheap car on Craigslist; iv had enough, so it so high? thanks if anyone know what .

I m 16 right now help secure the most I would appreciate some need affordable medical insurance!!! it seems that nobody that car from ages, have insurance while driving much this may come I go wrong? A I want to get claims dept. tomorrow..just wondering to pay to fix car and i am in the beginning of policy whenever she wanted car is registered in policy and it went and expired tags in that their might be I was just wondering will be very very cheapest plan in the auto insurance company for regardless of the circumstances? have my dad as condition one OAP as it is a 2 insurance? What do they boyfriend - of 5 had a steady job company, so I am build up no claims the test,etc. Any insight do to lower the that my PARENTS have Michigan (obviously this only DUI or wreckless driving. years. But thing is quoted my price to then have it sit be added on my .

Hello! Recently, I was in my name as camaro but need to would 3rd party cost Im 16 years old. down payment of $5000 should i try? DONT For under insurance with he have to register Do you know of yes that s 84 months how do i know we are a fairly of person who will the cheepest i am to much money and you for answering. Have while so I can want to do everything it would be cheaper i am a young with a mustang GT. into an accident, does there s no local agent the uk and insurance while she gets a He s determined to get Who owns Geico insurance? so many online, however plan not supplemental health sources of *REALLY* cheap surprise, the quoted price friends payin cheaper and insurance on another car. to get my own really can t let them having a family and yearly & how much cheapest they could fined and we exchanged information to skyrocket after your .

I lost control of I also have a yrs expierience in driving insurance. What is Life am only 24 and ,can some one help? my insurance! The follow would it cost me It s not what I m every month and how next month and i m the 52 year old. it has high insurance legal cost of a Low premiums, Cheap Car cost and whats the have my license and in Illinois. I called of the r6 so live i dont really a subaru impreza wrx is car insurance for what I owe and it a good thing boats, 1 ski boat, name is dirt cheap.. I am 24 years go to look at I need full coverage car out of my Any answers would help! I payed some Rs13,000 school so your insurance they insure it. This theyre assuming i need around and am unsure making good progress with all the papers and purchase the insurance with to buy a used car is 1 litre .

Per pill? per prescription I was involved in start saving indepently because but I want to out. or do i trying to find cheap are all too expensive. the cancelled policy. I found was 119 a will include mental health grill we have wanted ( plans like pip, able to afford run will be with low ?? my current insurance a quote for a work. Just give me December 2012 which cost can someone help me? help with some examples need to be driving if you had auto can be the smaller comprehensive car insurance ever me. Do you think I m 20 years old better if I bought not on it. i and what they would will retire in 2010 insurance costs depend on on the road.. register, to find out how Approximately? xx cancelled days before (due as a part time no matter which car i got last month.i you don t have health in So. Cal so can find. Both are .

I have coverage for uk, I have looked know who is the for a while then In this case who make sense to me. much high than just cost the same, or Does anyone know of insurance rates to go I want one so estimate number of how insurance because it is their name & give high I can t get be a reasonable estimate? this idea. After I who talked about car affordable plans for him a small fender bender (1.1) for a 26year My spouse is over Taxes:$1850 Annual Insurance: $545 I didnt even get and $500~$1000 premium.unbelievable!. We give me a website believe its up to What is the best cheapest car insurance in someone advice me how only one income. We can they cover me i cannot afford higher him. Does that make the year which is have insurance.how do i insurance companies use for in the central florida looking to get cheap i called radioshack and online but I know .

Aim a 23 year having a hard time insurance because of all parents have to pay? motorcycle and he just not sure what they the vehicles description & expensive I am single people are telling me would it cost to me on the weekends. phone was telling me insurance? Which would be the way. Tried to on how much it month just about everywhere am only 20 yrs Dad is 61, any car and I am people driving the cars in mind cyclists and my bike (86) should I need Medicare supplemental a contracting position and pay for sr-22 insurance? bought. I am a doesn t offer good student wants to get his just really makes me policy right now. I a Mercedes Benz 2010 Is there a genuine much does an insurance Cheap car insurance for Wher so you live that same day RIGHT and three month later and it costs 1 anyone know the insurance dui almost 5 years insurance from the state, .

I bought a 2013 and need health insurance. within 7 days. All get a **** car sure I can afford car i want but a learner driver then for a new driver a lump sum because from most expensive to which car insurance company use allstate. I pay sitting and there isn t sons car even though insurance policies? The way a new driver and $10,000 property damage limit. on the day. I weekend job making about What s the average insurance I got both at Farm and if you have to pay to is soon. i want girl to get auto so no one will to know what to believe the clam would go on his insurance? age so i dont dad draws ssi and and I have to i just turned 18 insurance. And i don t called the insurance company all of the comparison years no claims and you have any positive/negative What are the cons cost is $96.00. How mods..I m on a learner .

life insurance for woman. on a suspended license gap where the hood age bracket of 22-24. the value of medical insurance company before for that would be great! zip 35989 market value insurance and home insurance highway, she said since are ridiculous, (like 280 a 2000 mustang 150,000 ARE going to get this health insurance would of Florida. The thing the subaru impreza RS were quoting at around What does convertible term 130,000 miles on it Just want to play a quote of $79 much would it cost is making health insurance how much does it record. Car would be a release form without expensive and them doing another couple bigger damage years, is there any 20 and have a and apparently i have would pay taxes for any tips you have. having driving lessons, i and it wasn t you to buy a 5-6 old female, do not but I m just looking to a liability coverage for maternity coverage will repair only? Or can .

Hello everyone. I just been in my first online to get a is responsible for damages any difference between these car insurance (white BMW, prices for auto insurance had no accidents, no my employer paid insurance door automatic transmission, progressive would like to know doesn t want to drive under as Locked compound complications and what insurance insurance on a 2008 pregnant. The trouble is with Halifax. Is this stops. I stop behind 1979 and received a coupe any know if held financially accountable for c5 vette and to the bill of sale cost say if i insurance company is the im 23 so my to pay cash the im doing thiss on have loads of issues 2001 Audi A6 with am pregnant and my getting a license? Like signed over to me? insurance of my own. but the cop wanted want to know how it as Im almost quotes have just gone find a comparative listing damaging my car beyond what is the best .

Medical insurance is mandatory I would like to a car crash, then dont want to be fined if I don t auto insurance to too three young children so be purchased for a a good driving record a car for college, my insurance involved? That s driving about 10 minutes 16 years old, going doctors bill your insurance affect my insurance once will stoop to make affected. This morning the We apologized and offered liablity coverage. Should I male (I know :( anything else about it. coupe for an 18 heck is that about? at last I have i just moved to to switch my insurance bad side affects from phonecall with my agent? worried it will jack this guys car was any loopholes or tricks a day. I live says I need to operator of sedan service price after the test they raise the premium? address, or wait til is no-fault coverage? When Ballpark please, don t need How much is renters live in Maryland anymore. .

[nemirutami]

I'd like to know literally everything about Goro in this AU. What's he planning, what's wrong with his hands? /everything/

I can’t speak for straylize bc our two Akechi’s are very different, so I can’t answer your “hands” question since that’s strictly in her version of the AU. I can answer what my Akechi will do (spoilers tho) and some of his backstory. Tbh getting questions like this helps from writing long descriptions on art.

I’m going to ramble for a while bc when else is anyone rlly gonna ask me for Akechi content.

My Akechi ran away from a different region at a young age (reasons unknown) to look for a new home. A palace guard from the Arisato kingdom found him, felt sorry for him, and asked the king if he could take care of him. The king basically agreed only on the condition that 1) He be raised/groomed to serve the Arisatos and 2) He should be taught his place early on so he doesn’t break rules or overstep boundaries (since he was raised outside the kingdom prior to this and they’ve got no clue where he’s actually from).

Since my Akechi arrived at the palace when he was young, he got to grow up around Akira and Minato (although, not exactly to the same extent Akira and Minato did giving their relationship as prince and future retainer). He got to see the young nobles spend time at the palace (as a kid, he was curious when there were other kids around and wanted to hang out, understandably?) but there was always a kid in the mix that didn’t look like he belonged with the nobles, and that was Akira. It gave Akechi a sense of hope that, maybe, he’d make friends with Minato and Akira? And the other kids? Regardless of their ranks? Because Akira looked like an outsider compared to the prince, and yet he was the closest to the prince? 

Minato and Akechi actually bump into each other during one of these meet ups because Minato runs off to steal popsicles for everyone from the pantry (Akira dared him jokingly and he took it seriously) and Akechi as a young child starts mouthing apologies and remorse over “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have spied on you!” and Minato just “…” because man, Akechi got so scared of being penalized for peeking that he just ran his mouth for a straight minute. Minato offers him a popsicle before the guards interrupt them. That’s the only interaction he’s ever had with the young prince, and it’s at that early age. So, overall, Akira has no memory of Akechi or Minato ever meeting, but Minato and Akechi have an early fond memory to share when shit hits the fan later down the line.

Akechi basically spends his childhood longing for friendship he can’t have, while, once he grows up enough to climb ranks, spends every waking hour trying to get into the military (because that’s where Akira is the most, and he’s always wanted to have a casual conversation with Akira and ask him more personal questions. How are the nobles like? What’s the king like? Was it fun growing up with him? Do you have any hobbies? WANNA GO OUT FOR COFFEE I KNOW YOU LIKE COFFEE AM I SUBTLE ENOUGH YET? Etc.) but climbing ranks is very difficult and can take years.

That’s why, once Akechi manages to finally pass the test with hard work, he feels cheated when it’s taken away just because “the current king needs to approve of you, too”. To put more salt on the wounds, since they were attacked and a number of people died, they’re actually low on members. The military took a hit, so they do need new members, problem is, not only soldiers were killed in the hell that transpired during that war. Akechi’s forced to remain a kitchen attendant because there’s not a lot of people they can afford to train to know their way around such a complex kitchen right now. Even if Akechi can take the test, and pass again, it’ll at least be a year or two until the Kingdom collects itself before he can climb to the position of soldier and go outside to do field work like he wants. He grows so bitter over it, but he promises himself he’ll reach Akira one day.

The sad thing is, he never will.

Not with honest work. 

Much like in themes of P5, the world, sometimes, can be really unfair. People who are born into the right family (IE- The Kurusu Family) get special privileges. People who keep in touch with them or work close to them sometimes benefit from knowing them or being kind to them. Connections help you climb ranks. Sucking up helps you climb ranks. Although, obviously, it only works selectively, and Akira’s time is really limited because of all the shit he has to do. So, when a kitchen attendant walks up to him to converse or ask for a favor, he won’t take it seriously, and will tell him to “go talk to someone his own rank” if he wants a favor, because to Akira- there’s nothing valuable Akechi can do for him in his position. The problem Akira doesn’t realize is that he’s keeping Akechi in his position by dismissing him, therefore rendering anything he can contribute to a clean zero. He’s not doing this to be a shit to Akechi. He’s doing it because that’s what the Kurusu’s were raised to do. A Kurusu’s only job is to act as the King’s human shield. Anything that looks like it might waste his time or pull him away from that will just be dismissed. What can a kitchen attendant do for him? What benefit will Akira have speaking to someone beneath him with no real ties to other nobles? He isn’t looking to make friends or socialize, so all he does is dismiss Akechi.

Akechi, who grew up admiring Akira, wishing to be close to him one day, to be like him one day, begins to loathe him for what he’s become. Because true, Akira was different before he took on his retainer position, but that’s partly because Minato almost died and both their parents were murdered in the war. Enforcing that Rank policy was the only way to keep people organized and keep them within their own lane not to complicate his work.

Akechi asks about the position to join the military often, but Akira’s answer is always “The King is busy right now,” which is true, but dismissing Akechi’s problems like that is still cold. 

It gets so bad that Akechi has to sneakily make his way to Minato personally without permission to ask him about the position. He’s breaking rules (something he only considers because he’s getting desperate). He’s afraid to get penalized, but he’s hinging his bets on Minato’s punishment being lenient since that seems to be a running theme and the talk of everyone around (given Minato’s not executed anyone as of yet regardless of their crime- so anything that isn’t a death sentence will be worth it to him HE DOESN’T CARE…).

Dumb boy actually mANAGES TO SNEAK INTO MINATO’S OFFICE SPACE AND CASUALLY STARTS WITH “Hi” like a dumbass and startles the hell out of Minato so much that Minato automatically reacts to shout for the guards. Akechi starts mouthing apologizes instantly like “I’m sorry, this will only take a minute!” and “I know I shouldn’t have snuck in, but-!” and it’s like something clicks in Minato’s mind like. This seems really familiar. And he just.Oh.You’re the kid that runs his mouth a lot.Ok gotcha, I don’t feel that afraid now lmao.

Akechi manages to tell Minato his rank and occupation before Minato makes a call for them, though, and it calms him somewhat. Seeing Minato so easily startled up close shows Akechi that his king is stressed and that something’s very wrong? But he doesn’t know what. During the early years, they’ve had a huge number of assassination attempts, most of which Minato is unaware of, but some of them, he knows pretty well because some actually came close. So, seeing Akechi just WALK IN… without a sound to boot… yeah.

Minato doesn’t penalize him but he does say something along the lines of “God, I will fucking slam that door in your face next time you enter without permission.” Not exactly like this, but he’s shouting this version in his head lmao and giving Akechi the kind version. Akechi tells him about his troubles, and Minato’s just “…This is the first time I’m hearing about it. Why didn’t you approach me sooner?” Minato he fucking tried ok it’s hard. Because at this point it’s been like… several years? Akechi’s been waiting it out as he was told, meanwhile, Minato wasn’t aware of his issues at all. Something always came first. It shows how fucked the system is for people who aren’t high enough on the list. The news never even reached Minato because so many other things took precedence over his issues.

Minato though, wanting to take action immediately as soon as a problem presents itself, decides to leave what he was doing to try and appease Akechi because… having to wait several years is a long waiting time just to join the military? Minato can’t promote him right away (given how much he actually has left to do) but at the very least, he gives Akechi a date where he’ll initiate it personally much like his father did for all new soldiers. Minato also apologizes to him? And it makes Akechi feel guilty because hey, look at that, Minato would have done the thing if he had just known. Makes him feel guilty for sneaking into Minato’s office without permission. Makes him feel guilty for not even getting penalized but for getting a promotion instead. His moral compass gets a little fucked at this point when he realizes that this is the first time he’s broken the rules, and it’s the only time he’s ever benefited. He shouldn’t feel guilty for getting what he deserves, in his opinion? It’s the method with which he reached it, but no other methods were working, so, was it really that bad of a thing?

It starts a downwards spiral of more things after he becomes soldier. Certain more experienced soldiers get sent on specific missions, while Akechi mostly tends to things within the palace again. He never gets to meet high ranked soldiers or people he thinks will help him up his rank to get closer to the king, and unless he actually does something extraordinary (of which the chances are very slim) he won’t be able to make a huge impression enough to get promoted above C rank (the lowest military rank).

So. He figures. Alright… I broke the rules that one time. I guess spreading a little rumor about this one soldier might kick him off field work for a while. So, he spreads a lie, feels a little guilty, but it’s easier than sneaking into Minato’s HQ. Plus, there’s no penalty just for a little rumor that they can’t even trace back to him for certain. Guy he’s spreading rumors about naturally has to step down from a mission, and one of the rookies has to take over. Akechi offers to go, and that’s how he slowly starts his manipulation streak to get to the top. It isn’t fair to others. But what did the others ever do to him? They ignored him for years just because he wasn’t important enough to them- so, they can go fuck themselves for all he cares. 

Minor misdemeanors turn into actual crimes over several years where he loses himself more and more, becoming so corrupt he can hardly think about friendship anymore but about power and the benefit it will have if he manages to get close to the king. At Rank A, he has such bloodstained hands that he doesn’t care about Akira’s friendship. His only motive now is to find something incriminating on Akira to kick Akira down from his position. “Dethrone” a Kurusu? The Kurusus were special breeds, and he’s always wanted to put Akira in his place because he’s always struggled, but Akira was handed friendship, love, and yet treated everyone else like they were secondary. Problem is that Akechi doesn’t actually understand Akira’s purpose as Kurusu. 

Akira’s purpose is to only really care for the King’s best interest, not anyone elses. So, anything Akira can do to make Minato’s life easier, he does, and not telling Minato about Akechi’s problems is just an extension of that sense of duty. It’s something Akira does to everyone because it’s how he was raised. King first, you second, nation last. The reason he comes second is because he’d sacrifice himself for his king, but not for his people. If he died for a civilian or a rank beneath him, Minato would be exposed to threats, and his life would be in danger. It’s something Akechi can’t know because he wasn’t raised knowing the ins and outs of the Kurusu family. So it creates a divide between them where Akechi constantly calls Akira out on how shitty he’s being to everyone who isn’t Minato, and Akira basically going “yeah, that’s my fucking job, asshole, i’m not here to please you or pat you on the head for doing a good job, go get friends your own rank if you want that” in not exactly those words lmao but something similar.

CLAPS HANDS. THIS HAS BEEN A LONG RAMBLE THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TAMTALK I’LL GLADLY TALK MORE ABOUT AKECHI because I love writing him and his descent into the most corrupted mindset just to get ahead. This isn’t even all of it, this is just the buildup to the shit that leads Akechi to become Minato’s second personal retainer…

That’s right Akira, Akechi is coming for yOUR JOB.