#and now with my titz fic. i had to think about it again

[bookwyrminspiration]

It’s me again: the anon who wants tam to cry. However, this time I want happiness for him. It’s pride month so legally I have to be nice

He deserves cuddles. To feel so at peace that he just falls asleep on his friends. They’re too scared to move in fear of waking him- the same way most are when a cat falls asleep in their lap. Do you think he’d snore? I do, but very lightly.

OKAY I've been thinking about this so much recently, because I've been trying to figure out how much physical touch and affection I think he would tolerate and enjoy (so I can write him better according to my interpretation and style)

On the one hand, the immediate argument might be that he hates getting close to people. He's bristly in canon and is known to push back, and he doesn't trust easily, which may indicate a distaste for anyone getting up close and personal. He doesn't want anyone that close

But! On the other hand, a big thing for Tam is that aforementioned trust, and he's not always bristly. he has no problem putting people back in their place and questioning things, but he's not rude to the people he cares about. Once he trusts people, his challenges become more for amusement, he teases people a lot--case in point: teasing Sophie over Keefe throughout Lodestar, and poking fun at their awkwardness and implications (like with Dex).

And, to tie it back in specifically to touch, he's shown no problem being physically affectionate with Linh. Evidence: after he, Fitz, and Sophie were taken he wraps his arm around her as she buries her face in his shoulder. Granted, they're not touching often, but there's no hesitation or discomfort shown from Tam. instead, there's comfort offered

SO it stands to reason that while he is a prickly character and distrustful, meaning he doesn't like people close to him for trust reasons, there will be a few exceptions made for those he's especially close with. it's an external barrier, but like his sharp tongue, it's one that can be lowered once someone's earned that clearance with him. he's therefore, in this interpretation, not a universally touch averse character but it's instead all tied to trust

WHICH is especially relevant in my musings because trust is also an essential part of Fitz's character (though I won't get into it here). And I was having all these musings to figure out whether it would work with Tam's character to have them cuddle. And my conclusion is, if I've got a strongly established trust between them then yes. I can make them cuddle in character.

And I got sidetracked but yes, I think Tam lightly snoring is very possible. either that or he sleeps like stone--doesn't move or make noise at all, to the point everyone gets nervous and checks to make sure he's still breathing :)

[an-absolute-travesty]

Secret Santa fic!

Heya @all-eternity it was me all along! I hope you enjoy this :) very much looking foward to actually being able to follow you after this without looking sketchy lmao

Also shoutout to my lovely beta reader @keepersandqueens as if I don’t talk about Salas enough here lol

Warnings: underage drinking, drinking in general, hangover, drugs/medication mention (not abused, basic over the counter stuff dw), mentions of vomit (not described)

Pairings: Kam, background marelinh, ex titz

About: Kam coffee shop college au 

Word count: 5,205

Tag list (tell me if you want to be added or removed): @cadence-talle @ruewen-and-rising @lemontarto @a-lonely-tatertot @clearlyvacksen @percabetn @sewersewersewercouch @everyonehasthoughts @imaramennoodle @enbies-and-felonies @blxckh0les42​ @rainbowtay-11 @callas-starkflower-stew @impostertamsong @appalyneinstitute1 @stars-and-splendor @anna-without-an-e @mistythegenderqueermess @we-have-no-bananas-today @we-wont-dissapear @jadenightthewriter

Tam stumbled into his first 8 am class, anxiety making his heart feel like it was pounding out of his chest and stomach doing backflips.

If he could survive bouncing between foster homes, a short stint at juvie, and worst of all high school, he could survive college.

Well he thought he could until he saw a familiar person right next to the only available chair in the room.

God fucking damn it.

"Hey Bangs Boy!" Keefe waved him down, causing a scene. Tam had no option but to sit beside him, both because of the lack of chairs and the fact that everyone was now staring at him.

Not a great start.

"What a coincidence! I notice you still haven't taken my suggestions on your hair, I'm telling ya' you'd get all the girls and or guys and nonbinary pals with a man bun." Keefe looked smug at the fact he'd be able to taunt Tam for another semester, minimum. Tam was already making a mental note to check when he could swap out of classes.

"Keefe, if I knew you were going here I would've just gotten myself back in jail, oh wait, you were the one who got me in there in the first place." Tam shot him a look, praying that he'd suddenly develop superpowers and shoot lasers from his eyes.

"Hey, just because I came up with the idea...and helped with some of the execution, doesn't mean I'm responsible for you trashing your parents house. Besides, you were only in there for like 3 days max before you got out," Keefe said, shrugging as if 3 days in jail was no biggie.

"Most peaceful 3 days of my life," Tam sneered, turning back to the front of the room as the professor walked in.

"Good morning class!" the prof turned to the white board, writing his name. "I am Dr. Harding," he tapped it for emphasis.

The class was silent.

"And you say good mor..."

"Good morning Dr. Harding," The class said in unison, they all sounded tired and bored.

This wasn't going to be fun.

~*~

"Grande ice vanilla latte for...Hen-are-y?"

The man shot Keefe a look as he grabbed his coffee.

"Henry." He dropped a tip in the jar, fifty cents. How generous.

He had come in before, and never left good tips. Keefe made it a game to pronounce the names of anyone who wasn't a college student and left bad tips wrong, no matter how much they came in. It was a wonder he hadn't been fired yet.

As he turned preparing another drink, the bell at the top of the door rang. He ignored it at first until he heard a quiet, "Fuck," come from behind.

"Bangs boy!"

"Why are you here?"

"I work here obviously," Keefe walked up to the counter. "Now, what'll it be?"

Tam sighed. "Iced caramel macchiato with two extra shots of espresso."

"Size?"

"Venti."

Keefe whistled thinking about how much caffeine that was as he wrote down "Bangs Boy" on the cup.

"Alright, that'll be 5.75, may I ask why the insane amount of coffee? I believe I remember you saying caffeine makes you anxious in high school."

"Yes, but it also helps me focus, and I have a quiz tomorrow I haven't studied for."

"Fair enough," Keefe said, going to prepare the drink. "It'll be ready in five."

Tam nodded, walking off to the side and scrolling on his phone. Keefe made the drink, occasionally sneaking looks over at Tam. He didn't seem to notice, thank God.

Soon after, they finished the transaction.

"See you at class," Keefe said, he was trying to be genuine, but it came across more taunting.

Tam grimaced, muttered "Thanks for the coffee," and walked out the door.

~*~

The class fell silent as a disheveled Dr. Harding walked in, a pack of gatorade in one hand and bottle of tylenol in the other. He popped one as he sat down.

"Hello class it seems today I have the worst headache imaginable, just give me about 5 minutes of silence and we will go over your assignments."

Keefe leaned over to Tam's desk.

"Well, we know what he got into last night," he whispered. "Heard the bar on the corner of 5th was giving out two for ones for professors."

"Isn't that place run by the alumni?"

"Exactly. Gotta thank Alvar tomorrow, Fitz said it was his idea."

"Wait Fitz goes here too? Why did I not-"

"Boys!" Dr. Harding practically yelled. "I am tired of the racket." He put his face in his hands where his elbows rested on the desk, bald spot showing to the world.

"We were whispering!" Keefe made a 'what the hell' sort of gesture. Tam glared at him, hoping he could communicate 'I will kill you myself if you say another word' with just his eyes.

"Sencen, do I look like I care?"

Keefe winced a bit at the use of his last name. That was something Tam could understand.

"Look, boys," Dr. Harding stood up and turned to the chalkboard, writing something down. "If you all like talking so much, you'll love this next project."

He walked to the side, revealing the board, that read '10 page essay, due the 25th'

"With the person next to you, you'll be writing a 10 page essay on um...the importance of keeping your oil changed in your car. You'll then present it to the class. It's worth 25 points."

A student raised their hand.

"Luka?"

"Sir, I thought this was a psychology course?"

"It is. You are all excused."

With that, he left the room with his tylenol and gatorade in his arms. The students glared at Keefe and Tam as they all got up, muttering amongst themselves about the pure bullshittery of it all.

"So..." Keefe said, slowly standing. "Does the library tomorrow at 3 work? I have work until then, so it can't be any earlier."

"Yeah, sure." Tam promptly walked out of the classroom as fast as possible, he didn't know why but his anxiety was spiking. He tried to tell himself it was just because he was a useless gay that didn't know jackshit about cars, yeah, surely that was it.

Just a useless gay.

~*~

Tam waited at a table in the library, it was 3:05, Keefe was late.

He didn't know what else he expected from him, he always seemed to do stuff like this. At the same time, Tam didn't have the energy to be particularly mad at him. This was going to be the stupidest essay ever written in the history of man, might as well put it off.

The library door slammed open, and in came Keefe. He balanced a large stack of papers and books along with four drinks. He stumbled over to Tam and practically threw them down on the table.

"Sorry I'm late, I thought it would be nice to, like, get you a coffee, but I didn't know how much caffeine you wanted, so I got one decaf caramel macchiato, one normal, and one with an extra shot, and also hot chocolate for me."

He sat down in the chair by Tam, as if getting three different coffees for someone you were forced to do a project with was totally normal.

"Um...thanks, I-I can pay you back-"

"Don't worry about it." Keefe turned to him and smiled, bright and friendly. Tam was frozen. "Okay, now it's car time." Keefe turned back to the desk.

"Yeah."

They were silent for a while as they researched, Keefe going through his piles of papers and books and Tam on his laptop like any sane person would.

Tam finally worked up the nerve to talk.

"So um...this is out of nowhere, but I think you mentioned Fitz went here?"

"Oh, yeah." Keefe put down the absurdly large textbook that was set up in front of him. "He's my roommate, he uh thought it would be best not to tell you after everything, I guess."

"That's fine," Tam shrugged like he didn't care. "I'm over it."

He was, really. They only dated like 2 weeks, sure it ended with a...pretty big fight after Fitz claimed he wouldn't be able to date someone who had gone to jail and Tam reminded him it was his best friend that got him in there in the first place, but he was still over it. There was still something bothering him, nothing to do with Fitz himself but...something. He just couldn't put his finger on what.

"Alright, I'll take your word." Keefe shrugged, setting his giant book back up in front of him.

Tam felt the need to start talking again, but didn't. They were mostly silent for the next 40 minutes or so, just researching and the occasional word exchanged between them.

Keefe checked his phone.

"Shit," He got up. "Work emergency, I gotta go. Same time tomorrow?"

"Yeah that works."

"Chill, see ya' later."

"Bye."

Keefe waved (with a wide grin Tam would've called idiotic in high school) as he went out the door.

Tam found himself with a smile on his own face, he quickly stopped, hoping no one saw.

~*~

Keefe hurried into work, pulling his apron on as he saw the absurdly long line and a panicked Marella frantically making coffees behind the counter. She sighed with relief when she saw him.

"Thank God," She said as he stepped behind the counter with her. "There was a scheduling error, Forkle's useless at that stuff."

Mr. Forkle, their well-meaning but often mistaken manager, was out of town at the moment. The fate of the Starbucks rested on two college kids, what could go wrong.

And so they went, Keefe taking orders and Marella fulfilling them until there were no more to serve.

Marella, quite literally, threw in a towel she had wiped her face with. Promptly going to the back, presumably for her break. Keefe followed her.

"Alright, I think you can probably go back to whatever you were doing before this now if you'd like," said Marella, inspecting the small braids in her hair in the nearest shiny surface.

"Nah I was just doing a project with Tam for Harding's stupid class, he's probably left by now, I might as well rack up some overtime."

Marella turned back at him, clearly caught off guard at the name.

"Tam? As in my-girlfriend's-brother Tam? As in you-had-a-massive-crush-on-in-highschool Tam? As in dated-Fitz Tam? As in you-got-him-in-jail-"

"Yes! Yes! Why does everyone remind me of that, it was one time."

"When you get someone in jail, people tend to remember," Marella went silent for a second, thinking, before looking Keefe in the eye. "Wow, that must be awkward as hell, I mean seriously, if I were you I'd straight up file a restraining order just to avoid him. Maybe move to another country. I hear Estonia is lovely this time of year."

"Eh, it's not as bad as it seems. I mean it was awful at first, mostly because I tried to resume right where we left it on the taunting front, but I think it's ok now."

"Hm. Well good luck with that," Marella turned back to go to the front, but Keefe grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Uh, actually I need your advice on something. It has to do with Tam."

"Shoot."

"Well I was thinking of maybe, I don't know, asking him out or something? Look, yeah, it's an awful idea but is it 'he never wants to talk to me again' awful or 'he attempts to strangle me' awful?"

Marella looked him up and down, eyes uncomfortably cold, as usual.

"I mean, no hetero, but despite your annoying qualities you're a decent looking guy. Plus Tam's, like, super anxious according to Linh, so maybe he'll be too awkward to say no. You can probably squeeze at least one date in there."

"Wow, thanks Mare," Keefe mumbled, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes, I try. Also don't call me Mare."

"Alright Ella!" Keefe called as the front door's bell rang, signalling a new customer. Marella went off to take care of it, unable to respond she growled back at him.

~*~

Tap tap tap tap tap.

Tam glared from across the table.

Tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

Keefe looked up, muttered a simple "Fidgety" and went right back to it, tapping his pen against the table. Tam said nothing more.

Keefe had been quiet for this entire meeting, something highly unusual for him.

"Ok, seriously dude, what's up? I haven't seen you this quiet literally ever."

He only seemed to get more fidgety at this question, his bouncing leg shaking the library table.

"I...um..." he looked down, running a hand through his hair "I have a test I need to cram for and no one to study with and keep me accountable. Y'know, ADHD issues."

Tam didn't overthink for once in his life but the moment the sentence was out of his mouth he regretted it.

"I have a test too, maybe we could study together?"

Keefe smiled his annoyingly charming smile.

"Sounds good."

"Good."

Tam quickly looked back down at his computer, trying to look like he was still doing car research when in actuality he was processing he just actively offered to spend more time with Keefe Sencen.

If Linh found out about this he'd never live it down.

He didn't think he cared.

~*~

Dr. Harding walked through the classroom door, clearly much less hungover than his last appearance.

The students waited, would they get an apology? Any sort of remorse?

"Alright, who wants to read first?"

Apparently not.

Keefe raised his hand with too much confidence for what their essay looked like. Tam gave him a confused look. He had his scheming face on, never good.

"Mr. Sencen!" Keefe winced at the use of his last name by the doctor. "What an amazing start, it's only appropriate. One of you boys come up and present."

Tam gave Keefe a look of 'do you want me to do it?' Keefe just smiled and got up from his chair. This would either be really good or really, really bad. Tam was all too familiar with the scheme face.

"Doc, I did depart from the source material a bit here, hope you don't mind. And I use 'I' because Tam had no involvement in this, he deserves full points for his essay."

Keefe cleared his throat, the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

"Doctor Harding deserves to get fired: an essay. (And it's only been a week!) Paragraph one, his drinking problem-"

"Sencen! Back to your seat now. I will see you after class, or I will not see you in my next class, understand?"

Keefe gave a thumbs up as he sat back on his chair with a thud.

A few minutes later, in the middle of another student's essay, he passed Tam a note with his loopy handwriting.

"The amount of comebacks I had for 'see me after class' is absurd but if I get kicked out there's no way Elwin is helping me pay tuition a second time."

Tam tried not to smile, certainly failing, as he wrote his response.

"Yeah I think the time you talked back to Miss Cadence she wanted to expel you. Lucky Principal Alina had a thing for pseudo-dad Alden."

"Oh God I haven't talked to him in a whiiiiiile."

"?"

"You haven't heard? Yeah, he sorta found out like ALL his kids were ell gee bee tees and freaked out. Della found herself a new gf though!"

"Sounds like a lovely extra punch in the gut for a queerphobe."

"Yep. Honestly I recommend looking through his Facebook sometime. Just a million rants about how the gays destroy everything, great entertainment."

"Duly noted."

At that point it seemed like the doctor started to take notice of their note passing, and they stopped quickly. Tam wouldn't be surprised if he did the whole high school read in front of the class thing with the way he had been acting so far.

Tam was 100% sure tenure was the only thing keeping this guy's job intact. Apparently being a drunk asshole wasn't near enough to get a person out of their position. He tried to ignore the professor's annoyingly smug face for the rest of the class.

~*~

Keefe sat in his usual spot at the library, Tam sitting across from him, his brown eyes dancing across the textbook page and lips mumbling along the words. He didn't have much to do, often finding himself just staring at Tam, quickly looking away if he seemed to notice.

Eventually he sighed, sitting back.

"Ugh, this test is in a week and I have so much other crap to do, I'll never get this all memorized by Friday."

Keefe silently thanked his brain for managing to get around the having to study thing. Yay, photographic memory!

"Oh, uh, well I'm free to study more tomorrow if that would help? We could do, like, flashcards or something."

Tam seemed to repress a smile. He did that a lot. Keefe always noticed.

"That's okay, I'm sure you have better things to do. The Starbucks is always pretty packed."

"Eh, sometimes you have to get away from Marella. She's mean to me."

"Not just you, once she told me if I ever made fun of Linh's cat's name again she'd make me cut off my own bangs."

Keefe nodded sagely. "The shorter you are the closer to hell. That's why you're worse than her."

"Hey!"

Tam flicked a stray rubber band at Keefe.

"I'm at least 2 inches taller than Marella...we measured."

Keefe thought up about 12 inappropriate jokes he couldn't make before flicking the rubber band back.

"Two inches only counts in roller coasters, none of which you can ride."

Tam stuck his tongue out before returning to his studies. Unlike Tam, Keefe didn't hide his smile.

~*~

Tam strolled into the Starbucks that Friday morning, no longer surprised to see Keefe working the counter. He could barely hold still in line as he thought about the amount of cramming he'd have to do in the next few hours.

When he reached the counter, Keefe said nothing, just busily worked making a drink.

He stuck it right out at Tam.

"One venti iced caramel macchiato with 2 extra shots of espresso because you have a test today in political science and still haven't studied everything and also a muffin because you probably haven't eaten today. On the house. Good luck with the studying."

Tam froze.

"I- um- th-thaks. Y-you too...sport."

Oh, you fucking idiot.

He quickly scurried out of the Starbucks with drink and muffin in hand. Wow, he had screwed that up.

But...

Keefe...

He...

He remembered his order and that he had a test and that he forgot to eat when he was stressed holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit-

Okay, deep breaths Tam, you got this. You can totally handle a frustratingly cute guy showing care for you this is fine...

Not fine, not fine, gotta tell Linh.

He called Linh with no forewarning. Despite the fact that she was currently across the country at a different university, and it was about 3 am for her, she picked up. He barely let her get out a groggy "Hello?" before explaining everything. She only seemed to think a moment before responding.

"Hm. Well it's good to know that college is going good for you. Do you need advice or comfort?"

"Yes."

"Well, first of all, everything's gonna be okay. And I know that doesn't help much but just try to remember we're eighteen, and it's not the end of the world. Second of all, try to ask him out or something. It doesn't have to be framed as a date, like Marella and I got together on a walk in the park, seriously it can be anything."

"Thanks Linh."

"No problem, also can you hug Marella for me?"

"If she doesn't try to kill me first, yes."

"Nice. Okay go do what you gotta do, also don't wake me up at 3 am again or else I'll sic Purryfins on you, I had just gone to bed."

With that she hung up and Tam continued on his way, still trying to not completely freak out.

~*~

Keefe stared blankly as Tam walked right out of the door. Marella appeared by his arm.

"So, how'd it go?"

"Well, he called me 'sport'."

Marella inhaled through her teeth.

"Yikes. Comfort, advice, or distraction?"

"Distraction, please." Keefe replied, absent-mindedly preparing a cup for the next customer.

"Uh, well I meant to ask you what ended up happening with that ass of a teacher, but I got a bit distracted at your attempt to woo Tam-"

"Hey I said distraction not reminder. But basically I just got a slap on the wrist because, and I quote, 'Your father is Cassius Sencen! He wrote half the books we use in this class, I'm sure he can straighten you out!'"

"There's absolutely nothing papa Sencen could do to make you straight, I'm pretty sure he tried that, and it obviously didn't work."

"He actually tried a few times and it most definitely did not. Lucky he doesn't have my number anymore or else I assure you he'd keep trying."

Marella laughed.

"Well, moving on from grade A assholes, I'm supposed to tell you there's a party tonight. I'll have to send you the address later, I have it on my phone though, I am told there's gonna be booze, so I'm going."

"Eh, I'll probably go. Just to get my mind off everything."

"Thata boy." She lifted her phone. "And my shifts over in three, two, one, and I am out of here! See ya' tonight Hunkyhair."

"That's Lord Hunkyhair to you."

She just rolled her eyes and clocked out, leaving Keefe to deal with both the customers and his own thoughts.

~*~

Tam sat in his dorm room alone, constantly refreshing his grades for the possibility that his 70-year-old professor would post the test results at 1:30 am.

His roommate was gone for the weekend, actually he was gone most of the time. Tam didn't think they'd even had a full conversation before.

He jumped as his phone began to ring, a call from Keefe of all people. He hesitantly picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Tam! Tam Tam Tam Tam Tam" Keefe's slurred speech was too loud for a phone call, Tam held his phone a bit away from his ear. "...fuck wait why did I call you..."

There was a long pause, neither said anything.

"Oh yeah! I needed to tell you something...but uh I uhm I forgot what it was."

"Keefe, where are you?"

"At a paaaaaarty, well, actually just outside a party because it was hot in there, but now it's cold out here so uh yeah."

Tam sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, send me the address, I'm coming to pick you up. Wait right there and don't move."

"Okie dokie."

Tam heard a thud sort of sound and the rustling of grass from the other line before Keefe hung up and soon after got a message of his location.

After 20 minutes of walking in the cold, Tam came up to what seemed to be a frat house with Keefe sitting on the lawn in criss-cross, patiently waiting in short sleeves and basketball shorts, way too little clothing for the weather. His ruddy face smiled as he saw Tam approach.

"Tam! I remembered what I was going to tell you." He stood up, face falling right after. "Oh no wait I forgot again. Ooh! You need a drink."

Keefe grabbed Tam's hand, pulling him towards the house. Tam stayed in place.

"Hey, let's get you home dude."

Keefe pouted.

"I don't wannaaaa."

He slouched down, pulling on Tam's arm like a child having a tantrum.

Tam pulled him back up to his feet.

"C'mon, if you go to your dorm without fuss I'll buy you ice cream tomorrow."

Keefe seemed much more ok with going along with Tam with the ice cream deal. He pulled off his own coat and placed it around the very drunk boy, he didn't complain.

Keefe began humming some annoying song from the early 2000s that was playing from the house earlier as they walked back in the direction of the dorms.

Suddenly, Tam remembered something.

Fitz was Keefe's roommate.

Shit.

"Hey uh do you think Fitz is at your dorm?"

Keefe nodded confidently.

"Yep! Said he was gon' study. Wouldn't come to the party because of his 'reputation' or whatever."

Around reputation he did exaggerated finger quotes, nearly knocking Tam's jacket off his shoulders.

"Hm...in that case let's go to my dorm, ok?"

Keefe shrugged, apparently willing to go along with most things in his current state. Thank goodness Linh had made Tam bring extra pillows and blankets to college, he could sleep on the floor and just hope Keefe didn't get sick on him in the night.

It was ridiculously hard to lead Keefe back to his dorm. He tried to pull down his pants halfway there and Tam almost had to carry him up the stairs but soon enough they got there. He sighed with relief as he led his inebriated friend into the room.

"Okay, you can stay here for the night. I'll sleep on the floor."

Keefe plopped himself down on Tam's bed laying flat for only a moment before sitting up with a snap and a look of realization in his eyes.

"OOH! I remember what I was gonna tell you again!"

"Oh?" Tam said playing along, expecting him to forget again.

He patted the spot next to him on the bed, Tam continued to play along, sitting next to him.

"So Marella said that I should just tell you this, and it worked for her, so I'm gonna. And uh and you have to promise to listen 'cause I'm not sayin' it again."

At this point Keefe grabbed his face with both hands, staring right in Tam's eyes and squishing his cheeks.

"You're listening right?"

Tam nodded, mostly to shake Keefe's hands off his face.

"Okay."

Keefe took in an over dramatic breath as if he was preparing to preform in the Olympics before getting another grin on his face.

"I really like you."

"You really like me?"

He nodded mumbling "mhm".

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I like you. Like, like like you."

"Like...as a friend?"

"I said I wasn't gonna repeat myself. As a booooyfriend." At this point Keefe fell back on the bed, looking at the ceiling. Tam's cheeks were burning.

"How long have you liked me like that?"

"Mmmm..." Keefe seemed to ponder for a moment, "Prolly high school."

"Oh um...good to know. You should get some rest. I'll be down here if you need me."

"Alrighty."

Tam shut off the lights and Keefe started snoring quick. Tam could only stare up in the darkness, unable to sleep.

~*~

Keefe woke up that morning in a room he didn't recognize to a killer headache and dead phone.

He turned to the side, seeing a pile of blankets and pillows with a large gatorade, bottle of tylenol, and a note next to it. Suddenly last nights memories came flooding back.

Oh, shit.

He scrambled out of bed, headache and nausea hitting him harder as he stood up.

Despite the fact his head was spinning, he picked up the note from the ground and read it.

Hey, meet me at the reservoir around 6, we need to talk -Tam

F. U. C. K.

Had he really said all that stuff last night? Surely it was a dream, right?

Oh God.

He gathered his few belongings, plus the things to help the hangover, and left the dorms as fast as possible. Only having to stop once along the way to throw up in one of the campus trash cans, hopefully no one would notice.

Keefe didn't have anything to do and he really didn't want to face Fitz so he went about his day in last nights clothing. Then again, it was a college campus. Someone walking around with rumpled clothes carrying a gatorade probably wasn't that big of a deal for most people. By 5:30 he sat impatiently in the empty park where the reservoir was located, it was colder closer to the water.

Just as promised, at 6 o'clock he saw Tam approaching on the horizon.

~*~

Tam was damn near a panic attack as he walked around the park attempting to find Keefe. Eventually he found him, sitting on a bench still in his clothes from last night, face once again ruddy from the cold. He sat next to him wordlessly.

"So," Keefe started.

"So," Tam replied, looking down at his lap.

"Tam I-" Keefe turned to face him. "I'm sorry about everything last night, I probably just made everything super awkward. Not to mention it's a giant violation of the friend code to even have a crush on your best friend's ex-"

"Yeah, about that."

"What?"

"You're gonna maybe kill me for this but uh," Tam pulled on his bangs. "I sorta talked to Fitz about it, I figured you wouldn't and apparently I was right. He said he was okay with it as long as we were ok with it."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Tam sighed, "Perhaps."

Keefe once again wore that shit-eating grin of his.

"Can I hear you say it?"

"Why don't you have to say it?"

"Already said it last night! Your turn now. Why did you take care of me while I was drunk?"

Keefe stared at Tam excitedly waiting for the answer. Tam sighed.

"Because I love you, little shit."

"Ooh you said it-"

Tam smashed his lips against Keefe's, both quickly melting into it. After only a moment they pulled away.

"Agh, you taste like gatorade and vomit."

"Well you taste like salt so really what's worse."

"Definitely the vomit."

Despite this, Tam leaned back in. This kiss was a moment longer than the last, and when Tam pulled away Keefe chased it.

"Ok, look I'm sorry but you look like shit Keefe you have to go change." Tam removed his jacket, throwing it around Keefe once again and helping him up from the bench. Keefe laughed.

"Yeah, you're right. Ooh now that we're a thing you need a new nickname!"

"I do?"

"You do, how about 'Bangs Boyf' ooh or maybe you can be my 'provoked partner' or my 'snappy spouse' my 'agitated accomplice' perhaps."

"Do you just have these ready and prepared for any situation?"

"A magician never reveals his secrets."

"You aren't Houdini, you're an 18-year-old boy that currently reeks of frat party."

"Eh that's basically the same thing. I've seen some 18-year-olds at frat parties preform tricks Houdini could never dream of."

Tam sighed dramatically. "It's a good thing you're pretty, you know."

"Hey!" Keefe jokingly shoved him.

For the first time Tam's smile wasn't repressed.

[a-lonely-tatertot]

numbers & i don't knows

THE FIC BREAK IS OVER

@enbies-and-felonies and @an-absolute-travesty THIS IS HOW TO NOT BREAK PEOPLES HEARTS GUYS

pairing: titz (tam/fitz)

word count: 1807

warnings: two swear words and one mention of alcohol

A/N: This is for titz week the first prompt Winnoning Gala! It ended up longer than it was supposed to whoops. I read through this exactly one time and grammarly wasn’t working so beware @titzweek

Numbers filled his vision. They didn’t anger him like he feared they would. The taunting black #21 on a yellow background only filled him with a deep sadness. The dresses, the colors, the golden numbered badges, none of them would ever mean anything to him. Fitz knew his father was watching him, eyes tracing everywhere he went, watching to see which girl he interacted with would make the perfect wife. And that, that one thought filled him with anger. The people who were labeled with numbers that came from an imperfect list deserved more than what he could ever give them. All he wanted was out. Right now, out of that room. 

Biana was trying to help, she didn’t know why it all bothered him so much but she was trying. Chattering excitedly with the other girls, trying to distract them from their goal. The boy who wandered with an unwanted spotlight on him. 

Somewhere in his masked misery, he had wandered to the bar that held snacks and punch, for once he wished it was real alcohol. Maybe that would make the night somewhat better. 

A knee-length, silky, green dress, with gold sandals and matching gold #4 clipped to the top of the dress. She was polite, well-groomed, she knew exactly what to say, exactly how to laugh. Back as straight as a stick paired with a smile as soft as cotton. He should’ve wanted to be something to her. To mean something, other than just a Vacker. Other than a number. But he knew by her eyes that she was like him. Maybe she did want to be here, but it was all for status. The enticing stare would fool anyone, not Fitz though. Because he knew exactly how to stare back. 

The girl was good at carrying the conversation and annoyingly enough couldn’t pick up on the fact that Fitz just wasn’t in the mood. Maybe he was too good at hiding it. His thoughts wandered from one topic to the next through her ramblings. Counting the minutes she talked referencing the giant clock on the far wall that was behind her. Around three minutes he mused again that his father would be happy if he chose her. She knew her manners at least. When five minutes had gone by he rethought that because there was no way he was choosing her. By the time seven minutes had passed he started wondering if he spilled the punch on himself he could leave. At ten he prayed for the sweet release of death when he finally heard her voice falter and felt a presence behind him. 

Never in his life had he been as happy to see the silver tipped hair and vaguely threatening face of Tam Song. “Hey man you made it!” he yelled way happier than he should’ve been.

“Pretty sure you would’ve killed me if I didn’t,” Tam pointed out. They had gotten closer, bonding over shitting parents and being vaguely annoyed with the constant PDA from Sophie and Keefe.

Fitz winked, “Anyway, Tam this is Mika, Mika this is Tam.” The two shook hands, Mika giving her full smile while Tam gave only a nod. 

“Nice to meet you, if you don't mind I need to steal him for a bit,” Tam said and Fitz was flooded with a wave of relief. Mika nodded and walked off to go bother someone else and he didn’t have the heart to feel bad for them. 

“Oh thank the Ancients,” Fitz said spinning back to face the smaller boy after Mika was around the corner. “I thought I was going to have to fake a heart attack.”

Tam chuckled quietly, “Yeah Biana thought you might’ve needed some help.”

They stared at each other for an awkward moment, and Fitz thought that might be it. Tam would go back to shadowing Biana and he would be left alone to face the masses.

Fitz didn’t notice he had started fidgeting until Tam reached up to grab his hand before it ran through his hair for the fifth time. “You wanna get outta here?” 

“I think there's a rule against leaving your own Gala,” Fitz said sadly.

Tam shrugged, “Biana can deal with them. Plus you look about a minute away from a panic attack. We could head to my house, Terigan wouldn’t care.”

“Please.” It was Tam’s turn to wink. Wrapping his hand around Fitz’s he dragged them both to a corner and quickly covered them with shadows. They stuck to the walls, moving quickly and quietly. It was nerve racking, Fitz Vacker was the Golden Boy. The Golden Boy wouldn’t leave his own Gala, this was a tradition. This was a birth right. He should’ve been honored, excited! Yet here he was, one hand against the wall, the other wrapped in Tam’s. In that moment he was the farthest thing from The Golden Boy he once was but he had never felt more alive. Every inch of his skin was on fire. With nervous and fear, excitement, and he couldn’t stop the grin that spread when Tam raised the crystal out in the courtyard. 

Tam didn’t let go when they arrived. Fitz practically held on tighter. Neither commented on their interlocked fingers.

“So,” Tam said, creaking the door open and falling behind Fitz to the marble gray kitchen. This wasn't his first visit. “Why did you hate being there so much?”

A take it or leave it question. It was his decision to answer or not. That was something he knew with Tam. Somehow he had earned the boy’s trust, and there was a unsaid contract that said Fitz didn’t have to explain himself ever again. But Tam deserved to know, know that Fitz wasn’t normal. That he was wrong in ways that wasn’t just his family. He pulled out ingredients from the cabinets as Tam took a seat. “I dont like girls,” he said with a shrug. “Guess I’m broken like that. Romantically or sexually.”

Fitz was too caught up in his head to notice Tam had moved. It was easier when he was across the counter. Farther away, he could focus on his recipes, on what he knew. Tam was a whole new type of he didn’t know. But there he was, next to him measuring out dry ingredients like he had commented on the weather. There wasn’t a tension in his hands he stirred, nothing about him suggested he was angry. Another thing Fitz just didn’t understand. “Hello?” he asked finally, partly out of annoyance. He just spilled a deep secret and Tam had the audacity to ignore him.

And he continued to. It was like he wasn’t there entirely. Going through the motions of baking (even though Tam didn’t actually know how to bake) without actually thinking. 

“Are you going to at least look at me?” Tam said nothing. Tam did nothing except continue to stir. At this point Fitz was angry. Angry and tired and scared and he just wanted to be yelled at. That he knew. That he understood. 

Without thinking he grabbed Tam’s shoulders and spun him to look at him. Forcing himself into the boys mind, breaking a few laws in the process, he screamed as loud as he could into the boy’s head, LOOK AT ME! 

Tam finally did, but there was stone in his eyes. Get out. Fitz did, he even stumbled a foot farther. 

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean too, just you were kinda freaking me out,” Fitz rushed out.

Tam’s face softened and he stopped fearing for his life. “So you don’t like girls,” he said slowly, “do you like guys?”

It hit him like a slap. Could he like guys? Hell he didn’t like girls that was already breaking some unspoken rule might as well go the full nine yards. That sounded like his luck. But Tam didn’t sound angry when he asked, only curious. (And maybe hopeful but Fitz didn’t want to have more things he didn’t understand.)

“I-I’ve never thought about it,” he admitted. It wasn’t a no. An unsaid maybe. Tam bit his lip. Fitz watched transfixed, he didn’t want to move because the thought of this all shattering and Tam getting angry was too much to bare.

Tam held his gaze, his eyes were strangely challenging. Whatever he was about to ask he was daring Fitz to say no. (Fitz wasn’t going to say no to Tam, whatever he was going to ask.) “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Fitz didn’t know how that fit into this conversation, but he didn’t think about it. He didn’t have time to.

In one move Tam wrapped his hand in Fitz tie and yanked him down. He only stopped to look Fitz in the eye before smashing their mouths together. Fitz stilled, not quite wrapping his head around what was happening (and because ow), but quickly he moved with the other boy.

Neither really knew what they were doing, and it definitely wasn’t perfect. But Fitz had three realizations in that moment. 

Tam’s lips were softer than he ever thought they could be, even if they were cracked and torn. 

Finally he understood why so many people made such a big deal about kissing girls. If he could Fitz wouldn’t have stopped for the world.

He only knew this one because a loud cough came from his left. Terigan had walked into the room.

“Hello,” he said politely. Tam had jumped feet away from him as if he’d been shocked; Fitz was very pointedly not looking at either of them. The counter had become very very interesting in that moment. 

“Uh, hi,” Tam responded. “I thought you weren’t going to be home for another hour.” For a fleeting moment Fitz wondered if Tam had planned this. 

“Got done early, I was going to make dinner but I guess you two had different plans.” He tried not to choke on his tongue as he remembered how Tam’s mouth felt on his. How he tasted like the chocolate from the snack bar, realization 4. These numbers were better than the black numbers on gold that would decided his future.

“Ha, uh yeah,” Tam pulled on his bangs a desperate attempt to hide his furious blush.

“I’ll tell Linh to find a place to stay. Goodnight boys,” Terigan said with a small wave. Fitz waved back more out of habit and panic and the fact that Tam was too busy wishing himself away to wave. 

When he was gone a heavy silence filled the room. Both boys tried to look anywhere that wasn’t each other. At some point they looked at each other. At some point the silence broke and they laughed. At some point they kissed again. And at some point Fitz realized it had been a better night than he ever thought it was going to be.

[bookwyrminspiration]

hello my lovely loveliest dearest favorite quil <333 I have finally actually returned with a slight rebrand and many tales to tell.

How are you bestie!!! I missed you So SO much and it's literally so rude that I can't send you all of the things that make me think of you. Like I swear my partner is gonna be jealous at this point because I'm literally like omg I literally need to show this to quil. It is a necessity. (If you're wondering it was a hoodie that had the classic university logo and said Silly Goose University and I decided that we needed them to match with our friendship bracelets.)

Anyway I am eyeing your new writing up very very closely and am itching to go to Ao3 and read ALL of it. (The urge is quite strong now that I have started Thinking about it, however this ask is taking long enough bc I have to take Wiggle™ breaks because holy bestie I am SO happy to talk to you once again.)

Speaking of your writing I was struck with the most incredible fantastic amazing art idea after looking at some of my old wings AU doodles. However, my drawing tablet went through the shredder (<- Puppy) I have to WAIT. To give the full idea justice but trust me bestie I'm so excited to show it to you.

Anyway I've been extra ramble-y but HI HOW ARE YOU I MISSED YOU WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

I'd love all of your thoughts and feelings and I miss you and ily and I'm so happy like I kid you not this ask has taken. So much effort because I cannot sit still writing this to you. I have. The Dumbest Smile on my face. <3333333

(Please note that this ask is meant to be read as if I am laying on your bed kicking my feet in the air while excitedly talking, thank you 😌)

TOBI!!!! I was just thinking about you the other day!! My dad and I were watching Labyrinth for the first time in a while, and when I realized the baby's name was Toby (i'd forgotten) I just went...ah..Tobi...I hope he's doing well...

I'm doing alright! I've been very busy this semester, and we are approaching finals so it's probably only going to get busier soon. But! This has been my first semester mostly in person in a very long time! And I'm officially fully in uni rather than dual credit, so I'm somewhere else now and have met SO many people. Actually am planning to meet up with one of them tomorrow to go to a restaurant/museum for class! And to watch a few movies with two others sometime soon.

lots of reflections on that because relationships of all kinds have been. rather difficult my whole life, so we'll see what happens here! also would 100% wear some silly goose university hoodies with you <3. move aside tobi's partner I need to glue BOTH of his hands to mine. forever

Also!! If you read my fics I'll love you forever and ever and ever even more. This new titz one has been sitting for several months, but I finally pulled it back out! And I am rather nervous about it because Fitz and Tam are both particular characters, and so combining them just makes them even harder to write. and THEN! throwing in Fitz's Alvar feelings makes that EVEN MORE difficult. but! it was also an absolute delight to work on so I hope you like it :)

and holy shit wings au art!!! i trust you so much I am so excited to see it--and don't worry about however long it takes! wings au is years in the writing, i've got experience with patience. wait btw, I don't know if you're aware, but I'm attempting to post the epilogue soon! I have the rough draft and the anniversary is coming up, so I'm hoping to have it edited to post on the ending's anniversary. it's a little over a week away, but also finals are descending AND its nano, so we'll see what happens. it WILL be out by the end of the year for certain though (and during october I went through and re-edited the whole thing for grammar and details--it's ridiculous how many its it's mistakes there were because i KNEW the difference. i'd just autopilot do one or the other and not catch it in my quick edits)

I keep pausing to do little claps and stim because. tobi!!! it's so so cruel we can't lay in bed kicking our feet together, i have missed you so so so much! what has been up with YOU? how has your life been? what's up with the blog migration--if you want to talk about it. also totally cool to simply accept it and move on. i just like talking to you and it's very nice to see you again :)