#and now that he's not dealing w/ soul erosion & has a shitload of guilt

[infinitethree]

Lucid!! I haven't talked to you in a while!! How are you and San doing?

Lucid jumps a little at the sound of that question.

He's been deep in codework, trying to figure out the best way to program Innit’s body.

It’s a lot more intense than what he usually does, in all honesty. Not only is he having to alter the code of two extremely mistrusting admins, but he’s helping create a body from scratch.

Not just any body, of course– a body that suits Innit’s needs.

As shitty as it is to say, this has much higher stakes than usual. Fucking this up could very well lead to Daz and/or Innit being maimed or killed.

Codework always has risks, and he never wants to hurt anyone. He’s never liked altering mobs, let alone players.

Daz, though…Daz is someone he knows. He’s attached to him– not just because of his shiny false persona, though.

He’s a person who has shouldered the impossible, unenviable burdens of both newcomer orientation– a hell in its own right– and secretly being the first and last line of defense if something goes wrong.

There have been some talks with Day, and more with Lee. That’s not even counting what Daz, himself, has told him.

The scope of Daz’s efforts just on the surface are breathtaking. Adding the hidden ones, the ones that only a scant few people knew about until recently…

Lucid is sort of humbled and awed by him.

Maybe a little weird to say about someone who holds him in such contempt, but also, Lucid still feels queasy when he thinks about the wreckage of Daz’s code.

Saying that it’s miraculous that he’s still alive isn’t an understatement. It makes– a terrifying amount of sense that the program not only wasn’t meant for that, but that it wasn’t even remotely ready for human testing.

How the hell can he blame Daz for his lack of trust? From what little Lucid has learned about his original Dream, he was someone who may have had an even more intense desire to be fair than Lucid did…before he snapped when he was pushed too far.

Someone like that, someone who Daz clearly trusted, being the one to hurt him so profoundly…

That’s the big reason he marvels at Daz.

Lucid struggles to be around most Quackities and Sams, after all. He avoids them as much as possible, and most of them understand.

The fact that Daz puts himself in such close proximity to Lucid on a regular basis at all is kind of a miracle. His mistrust and anger are pretty understandable– even moreso than when they all thought that his original Dream was just a pure monster.

That kind of betrayal cuts deep. When you put every ounce of your faith in someone, only for them to plunge a knife into your back…it’s a special kind of hell.

It was bad enough when his friends distanced themselves from him. It had hurt like hell, but now he knows that they just didn't understand why everything went wrong.

Daz’s Dream, though? He understood exactly what he was doing. Soul erosion or not, he would have been acutely aware of the unspeakable trauma of not just failing to protect a claimed person, but being forced to kill them with your own hands.

Lucid being good now can’t possibly erase that, one, he’s fucked up before, and two, that there’s no way to know if or when he might snap again.

Even aside from that major reason to be impressed by him…well, he’s kind of enjoying being taught by Daz. It might come with a heaping side of snideness and sneering, but the way he thinks about code is fascinating.

Daz is smart. Daz is one of the vanishingly rare types of born admin with a spark. Daz is a pillar of Sanctuary, holding his hand down on the scales to stop the server Lucid calls his own from going into a tailspin.

So, yeah! He’s kind of frazzled, because he’s terrified of the consequences of fucking this up.

It would ruin him emotionally and socially, and potentially ruin the whole damn server.

“Tired,” he answers, squinting at the clock on the wall and realizing that it’s four in the morning.

…And also that Hope is pawing at his face.

He tells her, “Sorry, sweetie. I got caught up in coding.”

She meows with a distinctly reproachful tone, her tail lashing a few times.

“It’s an important project. I’m not making a habit of it– once this is done, things will go back to normal,” he assures her, scooping her into his arms as he gets to his feet.

His body aches from staying in place for so long, but it helps to move.

…Also that he’s got heated floors.

Sometimes, especially during winter storms, he could just about kiss Vio for that choice. He knows it must have been expensive, and yet the alien did it anyway.

Out of faith that he could do better, be better, if he was treated with humanity, dignity, and a little kindness.

Oh, and bullied into actually dealing with his issues. That too.

He coos to his self-appointed therapy cat, “You’re such a fuzzy little snowball, yes you are! My little guardian angel snowflake.”

He kisses her little nose, getting a few licks in return. Laughing, he whispers, “Don’t tell the others, but I’m gonna give you some treats.”

It isn’t until they get to the kitchen that he sets her down again. He’s long since given up on keeping any of them off the counters, but Hope gets a double pass. She only really hops up when she’s trying to get his attention or otherwise has a good reason.

Unlike the others, who just try to steal his food or get in the way.

As Lucid makes a sandwich– giving his special girl a few bits of it as payment for her services– he resumes his response.

“San is still reeling from everything, to be honest. I get the impression that you all knew already, but it’s…weird. Daz has always been a bright, cheerful person for us, so learning he’s– like that…it’s a lot to wrap our heads around.”

His server tells him something he can’t understand; a previous question, the day they learned about the Showrunner, then curiosity.

It takes a few increasingly frustrated cycles before Lucid remembers what had been asked on the day San is showing him.

He was told he's among the favorites of one of the Observers.

…The same Observer who also told them to be kind to Innit.

The same Observer who is currently checking in on him.

Huh. He’s…not entirely sure how to feel about that?

Good seems like his predominant gut feeling. Surely an entity who likes him and San wouldn't beg for mercy for someone who would destroy the server, like Daz has argued Innit wants.

He chews on his thumbnail a moment, then asks, “You…said I'm your third favorite, right? And you definitely like Innit, too. So…who's the other one in your top three?”

He blinks and then adds, “If that's fine to ask, I mean. I'm just curious if there's, uh, some kind of similarity there. Observers know a lot about us, but we know almost nothing about you.”

San ever-so-helpfully shows him the point of that meeting where Aster told them that Innit is friends with three of them.

He amends, “Well, aside from Innit. I'm sure you've told it plenty about yourselves. But I can’t really ask it that, y’know? Not just because it'd have to go through Daz–” and their relationship did not seem good, “--but also it's a bit weird to go behind the back of entities that can just…watch us.”

And torment them, if they so chose.

Lucid is aware of the occasional, cruel questions lobbied to some parties. Maybe not the details, but he does know they happen.

So pissing off the Observers and risking that sounds stupid as hell.

No; it’s better to play nice and not make waves. He'll be polite about this sort of thing, but unless he's told to back off he's still gonna ask.

Turnout is fair play, after all.