#and now here we are. 6 years later. and I've spent almost the whole week in bed and barely eaten. waiting on specialist appointments again.

[mosspapi]

Oh fuck. Today marks 6 whole years since The Bullshit started. I mean. It'd Started well before then but that's when it officially started yknow. And what cosmic irony is it that a whole new bullshit that's basically just a worse version of the original bullshit is starting now too

[bunnygirl678]

20 questions for fic writers

i felt like doing one of these lmao

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

30! Which most of them are for Nameless lmao

2. What's your total A03 word count?

304.751, about to go up again lol, probably another 80k in this month, 268,863 have been in 2023, lol. I spent a large portion of time not writing, but after my breakup this year I've started writing frequently again.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now really just pokemon, if something else comes to me I'll write it, I'm working on a dragon ball z fic, but I don't touch it a ton.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

This is sad for me cause they all suck. I wrote them late high school early college, and they're all based on the Avengers movies (although one i think may have been the comics) it's a huge fandom, and I've had them up for 10 years so (god it's been that long already???) All of my good marvel 616 fics are missing, buried in a discord that I don't have access to anymore and word docs from a computer long since recycled

But in order, I feel Salem, Astronaut, Almost Honest, Wicked Games, The Whole World Was Moving But I was Standing Still (God what was with my names then lol)

Please don't read them haha

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes I miss them, but I try to respond when I see them, even a few weeks/months later. I really appreciate comments, and I feel like I've made some friends through them, or at least they comment on stuff I write, and I can reference my other fics to them lol, though they can totally make friends on here or discord, happy to talk to anyone. I've had people tell me I inspired them to write which is seriously the highest honor.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ummmm prolly the one where Tony dies after Steve cheats on him, I think that one is 616 based, but don't quote me, or go read it, the writing is...undeveloped, I think at that point I just started writing them, my characterizations weren't great, they got better but none of that is available lol

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ummmmm maybe Ode to my Soulmate? I can't do sad endings for the most part, my philosophy is real life sucks so I always try to make happy endings, Frank Left has a nice ending, that one gets almost no love, but I adore it.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I'm not good enough/big enough to get hate, lmao. Smaller fandom now, i think there might be some negative comments on the marvel ones but I haven't read those in yearsss.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I'm trying, Oral Fixation is my most recent published, but I'm working on one where Green gives Red a blowie in his Neo Champ uniform from masters, i've been writing that since the neochampion uniforms came out months ago ahha. I'm not great at smut, but I'm practicing, fun fact I learned how to give a bj through fanfics, and used to get compliments all the time in my younger sluttier years lol (Pre-kid haha)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not anymore, I used to do 101 dalmatian crossovers lol, i doubt any are published, maybe on fanfic.net but i don't even remember my username haven't touched that since like 2011, i used to do x-men crossovers where various characters would have mutant powers, but i doubt those are published either.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? I'm probably too small to get that kind of notice. I always welcome people to steal my aus and write their own fic with it (not copy paste my stuff, but write out the au the way they come up with with their own words)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I doubt it, but anyone can, I might end up translating one or two when I finally start learning a new language, or maybe improve my output on spanish (i can read it but not write/speak/listen well lmao)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah but this was high school and I don't think we ever posted them, again might be on fanfic.net, but like I don't even remember my username

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't have a favorite, maybe reguri, or 616!stony which i don't read much anymore but will always hold a place in my heart, my oldest ship is probably rougexgambit

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Blood Bank- but only because there is no ending, I'm going to continue that thing for the rest of my life, (at least quarterly updates lol although working on a new chapter now), there's also a reguri one that i wrote like 10k words on after i first started writing again, but it sucks ass, I don't love the plot to rewrite, I've written a lot more better stuff for them

16. What are your writing strengths?

I feel like I do pretty well with hints/twists. Certain characters I'm really good at writing, feel like I've gotten really good at world building, and coming up with off the wall aus. IDK i'm not good at pointing out my strengths.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Everything not listed above? Lol. No, probably missing edits and not noticing them until I'm reading the fic months later, I'm getting better at pacing and general flow, sometimes I overdo it on dialog, and leave out movement. Smut too, but i'm working on everything, the key is to just keep writing, also too many fics going at once,

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I typically don't do it unless I know the language, I'll just put it in english and say they said it in whatever lang. So like for Kalos I just say they're speaking Kalosian lol

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I used to tell stories with 101 dalmatians, but the first I ever actually wrote was from Stargate SG-1, I was like 10ish, I didn't post it, it's long since been trashed, but I was obsessed with Carter/O'neil and wanted them to adopt Cassie (i think that was her name, it's been years since I watched that show), first published is probably x-men i remember writing phoenix's force fics and posting on fanfic, might have done a ginnyxdraco for harry potter. These would be on my old fanfic.net or possibly livejournal, i don't remember,

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I write all my fics for myself, so i really love them all, and go back and reread them often lol

Unfinished, Under the Alolan Sun and Blood Bank, those are my passion projects, I have fun writing them,

finished, either The Most Expansive Collection of Champion Red Merch in All of Kanto (probably one of my least angsty lol) or How to Beat Champion Red at Something (my silly little ficlet about Red being a picky eater, i just giggle when i reread it)

Ode to My Soulmate is also up there.

[handonhaven]

So a few things popped into my head, and will most likely stay there for a while.

1. This whole long hair thing with Landon. I refuse to believe they went through all that trouble just for a ten second scene. I believe they did all of that because we're gonna get a flashback episode so we can find out what happened to Landon and how malivore ended up possessing him. And I think this because I like to thing that episodes Aria wasn't in at the beginning of the season/or episodes he was in only a scene or two that's when he was filming the flashback episode. Because sometimes they do film episodes out of order for whatever reason. And I will go on believing this until October when I'm either proven wrong or hopefully proven right.

2. When this thought popped into my head I got mad and sad all at the same time. Because this is now the second time they've separated Handon from each other for months at a time. NOT once but twice they did that. First with Hope jumping into malivore and everyone forgetting her. So the whole summer and a couple months into the new school year they were away from each other. Then again when Landon ended up in malivore. So they were separated again for another two, two half months maybe. I refuse to believe it's any long than that. Since seasons 2&3 are one school year. My reasons for thinking that is because the season 2 final(3x04) was Handons 1 year anniversary and they started dating about half way through the first school in season 1. But anyways I don't I'll ever be able to forgive the writers for doing that to them. Just like I don't think I'll ever forgive them for giving us a whole season without the real Landon.

3. So I have this theory. So you know how there's been this pattern the last two season finals with either Hope getting separated from Landon or Landon getting separated from Hope. Well I think if they keep up with that pattern then the real season 3 final will be Handon getting separated from everyone else. I'm not sure how or why it'll happen but I think it might. But I like to think that when they get malivore out of Landon, Handon leaves to follow some type of leave. Or maybe Clarke does what he tends to always do and he screws them over and they somehow end up in the prison world or trapped in a alternate reality(I think that could be fun to see).

4. What is up with people trying to say that Landon is dead just because malivore is possessing his body. That's not how possession works, the person doesn't just die because someone takes over their body. That's never happened in the history of posseson in the TVDU(or any other show I've seen). And if Landon was really "dead" then what would be the point of those Handon flashbacks during that inspirion scene? I mean come out is peoples dislike and misplaced hatred for Landon run that deep and they'll try to come up with anything just to kill him off? You know what let me not good down that rabbit hole.

5. Okay I don't mind maliLandon being a thing for now. But I just don't want it to last very long. Because I want to real Landon back. And for him to finally be out of pain(again I don't think I'll forgive the writers for putting him through that). I know malivore will be more active in season four but just let it be in a different body not Landons. After this season I want him to be done going through trauma for a long while(and Hope) like just give him half a season with nothing bad happening to him or even a whole season with nothing bad happening to him. I know the chances of that happening are very slim but I can dream can't I.

6. So I saw this theory and I'm not sure how they came up with that or even if they were kidding. But they think that Ethan might be one of Malivore kids. I don't think that's the case, I truly believe that Ethan is just human. I feel like he couldn't be one of malivore's kids because he can be compelled and because his mom was never erased from peoples mind. And Landon can't even before he activated his powers back in season 1. And honestly I just want Ethan to be the one human teenager on the show. I know this show is about supernaturals but that's doesn't mean every character we met should be or has to be supernatural. But maybe that's me. Any thoughts on this theory?

7. You know I wouldn't be agaisnt seeing more of malivore's kids. We know for a fact that Landon is the youngest and last kid malivore had(at least we know that as a fact as of right now. They might change their minds about that). And Clarke is the oldest out of all his childrens. But what about the others kids malivore had. Are any of them still alive and if they are where are they? Are they all like Clarke personality wise or are some of them like Landon? I don't know I feel like that could be fun and nice storyline to do at some point if they ever decide to.

8. I feel like triad might be making a come back for next season. Because this season triad was mention a quite a few times. So maybe they'll come back into play next season. Like maybe MG finds out about another facility from his mom or something.

Wow that got longer than I meant too lol. Came here to talk about 3 things and ended up talking about eight. Lol my mind just got the better of me and I just needed to keep going.

I’ve thought the same thing. If they really pinned his hair back for all those months just for that one brief scene, I’m gonna laugh. Because why on earth would they go to all that effort for a small detail like that? It’s not like they’ve been consistent or realistic about other little things like that, so it had to have been for flashbacks. And my thoughts exactly. I had also wondered if that’s why he wasn’t in 3x14 or 3x15, because apparently, some contracts require the actors to have episodes off (which was why he wasn’t in 2x14 I guess). So if he had been filming flashbacks earlier on, maybe that’s why they were required to give him time off during 3x14/3x15? But it would make sense if he had filmed back during like 3x07 or something when his hair was long. That’s really what I’m hoping. And yeah, if we don’t get it in October, I’m gonna cry.

Ugh, yep. I realized that as well, they separate them every season. The writers are cruel. Yeah, literally, it’s like every summer/into the new school year! And yes, I’m not sure exactly how long with Landon though, but it would’ve had to have been at least a couple months? But the whole timeline for season 3 has made no sense. I had thought season 1 started in like February or something, since the twins’ birthday is in March (1x06), so I figured Handon got together like middle/end of March (1x08). Then Hope would’ve jumped into Malivore around April/May, then we got a new school year throughout season 2. But then 3x04 is when it gets confusing, because I figured that was probably around April, since 2x15 would’ve been mid-March because it was the twins’ birthday again. But then with 3x05, they had the “3 weeks later” and then in 3x06, it seemed like a new school year was suddenly starting? And not long after, they were dressing for colder weather in coats and stuff, so what happened to the summer? They should’ve just said “3 months later” in 3x05, that would’ve made sense. So I have no idea what time of year it is in the show now. Some people thought it was spring again because of some posters at the high school? So who knows how long Landon was actually gone, I’m confused... sorry to go off on a tangent about the timeline haha. But anyway, they’ve still been separating Handon every season for way too long, and it’s terrible. I don’t think I can forgive them either, and same thing with Landon! I still can’t believe we went almost an entire season without him! I’ll never be over it.

Ooh, interesting... okay, I would actually love that haha. If they’re gonna be separated again, let it be together. I’ll take it! But yeah, it could happen. Maybe something will go wrong or they’ll get screwed over, but they’d be together this time around. But I feel like them ending up in a prison world again would be so repetitive, but I wouldn’t even be surprised haha. I think it would be fun to see too though. I had actually thought that might happen in 3x04 when they both were in the prison world, but that did not last long. But who knows, it’d be nice to see something different though, but I’m not sure what other alternate reality they could end up in. But I’m sure the writers could come up with something. Even if it was like a chambre de chasse or something where they had to be put in one of those for whatever reason, that would also be nice because they could get a break and be together that way. I think as long as they’re together and not separated from each other again, I’ll be happy (I think haha). And if they could finally have a break on top of that and be able to recover after everything, that would be ideal.

And I have no idea. Exactly, have they not seen the rest of TVDU? That didn’t happen, and I don’t think I’ve seen that happen in other shows either. So true, we saw Landon’s memories in that scene, that came from Landon so he can’t be gone. Yeah, those people are just so desperate for him to be gone, they’ll try to come up with anything to give themselves hope. They thought he was dead for good after he was stabbed by the golden arrow too. And after they spent an entire season showing how much Hope loves Landon, idk how anyone could possibly think they’re just gonna get rid of him.

I’m a bit torn when it comes to Malilandon. Because on the one hand, I feel it needs to last a significant amount of time. They’ve been building up to it since season 1, this is the main villain of the show finally achieving his goal (part of it anyway), so it’s a huge deal. And I feel they shouldn’t rush through it, plus Aria does such an amazing job, I want to see more of him playing that. But on the other hand, I need Landon back now. I want him out of pain too because I cannot believe all that the writers have put him through. I just want him to be okay again. And one of the issues as well is that he has been possessed for a long time, at least a few weeks now, maybe even a month or so, but they didn’t show it when I feel they should have. But I feel like they could make up for that by showing flashbacks of what Malivore has been up to all this time, and that way we would see more Malilandon, but they could get Malivore out of Landon sooner without it feeling too rushed and like we hadn’t seen as much of Malilandon maybe? Idk, them keeping Landon’s time in the prison world and Malilandon a secret made for some good plot twists, but I’m not sure it was worth it tbh. Because now there could be problems with us not seeing as much of that as we should. I would’ve preferred them letting the audience know what was going on with Landon and showing it throughout the season, while still keeping the other characters in the dark. But yes, if Malivore is still a big part of season 4, he had better not be in Landon anymore. I can’t imagine he will be though. And I completely agree, they better leave Landon alone after this. He and Hope shouldn’t have to go through anymore trauma at all, but at the very least, they need a break. True though, unfortunately, I don’t think they’ll let them have a whole season without something bad happening either.

I can’t see Ethan being one of Malivore’s kids. I think, besides Landon obviously, most of Malivore’s children would be pretty old. And they’ve implied throughout the whole show that Landon is the one child of his that was actually born, which took a very long time for him to achieve. I just can’t imagine he would’ve done that twice around the same time since Ethan and Landon are probably around the same age? At least within a couple years of each other? Plus you’re right about the compulsion thing too, that’s a big giveaway. And also, I think his mom would’ve mentioned something about it, like how Seylah knew, if that had happened. But she wasn’t at all aware of anything supernatural before. So if that ended up being true, that would be extremely weird I think, and would feel very forced and out of nowhere. And I’d like for Ethan to stay a human too. True, I feel like they could bring more humans into the show without everyone being supernatural, so it might be a nice change to have a human as one of the mains.

I’ve thought about that too, and I don’t think I’d mind seeing other children of Malivore either, as long as it was done well, of course. Because yeah, what happened to the rest of them? It’d be very interesting to see if there are others who are still around and if they also hate Malivore and want him gone, or if there are some who would side with him. That could make for some good new characters or villains. And if there were some who were good like Landon, I’d like to see Landon interact with them and maybe have some sort of sibling relationship with them too. So I agree, there’s definitely potential for some cool storylines.

Yeah that could be true. They really just kinda dropped triad after season 1. Where did they all go? They’re still out there somewhere so you’d think they’d go back to that at some point. And yes, something could happen with MG and his mom. And also, is he not curious what happened to his mom and the rest of triad? You’d think they’d try to find out what’s going on with them after what happened when they’ve supposedly disappeared. So yeah, I’d say there’s a chance they’ll bring triad back at some point.

Haha, I feel that though. There’s just too much that goes on in this show, it’s easy to go on about it.

[casmybelovedass]

The Destiel Folder: Season 7

[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6]

This season is mostly Dean being a depressed bi who can't cope with his crush's death.

This is, in my opinion, the season where Dean actually starts realizing he might for real think of Cas as something more.

Episode 1:

Cas is basically gone, both Bobby and Sam (almost) are ready to compel to whatever he says, but Dean still tries to get him to come back. "You can turn this around. Please!" (3:13) Denial

Dean has no idea how to deal with God!Castiel, but desperate to find him, and getting emotional "I don't even know what book to hit for this." "Then figure it out!" (5:47) Anger

As we have said many times already, angels don't have a sex, Castiel is not a man, and as he states, he is "utterly indifferent to sexual orientation" (8:03), and so is Chuck, God himself, who has admitted having had both girlfriends and boyfriends.

Dean turns off the news the moment he hears a woman describe Cas as "young and sexy", while doing that jaw clentch thing of his (10:14) ... huh... [and this doesn't really matter, but after this we immediately see Dean in a purple flannel. PURPLE! Go Bi!Dean]

"He's not a guy, he's a God [...] Cas is never coming back. He's lied to us, he's used us, he's cracked your gourd like it was nothing. No more talk. We've spent enough on him." (11:09) Dean trying to jump to the 5th stage of grief. Yeah, no baby that's not how it works

Dean tries so hard to convince himself that Cas's gone so he can kill him, but can't really. "Just kill him now!" and struggles hard to hold Castiel's glare. And as soon as Death offers a second option to killing him, Dean takes it. Bargening

"Dean, look, I know you think Cas is gone." "That's because he is." (31:22) Again with trying to jump to acceptance. Not doing great, Dean. In fact, "Yeah, you know how I'm gonna deal? I'm gonna stuff my pie hole, I'm gonna drink, and I'm gonna watch some asian cartoon porn. And act like the world's about to explode, because it is." (32:17) There it is. Depression.

[Remember this: Dean has no shame in watching porn in front of his brother. Wait a few seasons and see]

Just moments earlier, Dean was all "That's not Cas, Cas is dead" and shit, and now he goes "What? You need something else?" worried-husband-mode the moment Cas asks for help (34:50). Also#MARRIED (35:16)

Bobby: "Where's Sam? It's go time." Dean: *looks back at Cas worried* (37:12)

MUST HELP HUSBAND (38:06) look at Dean's eyes!!! They're like 'It's okay, it's okay. You've got this.' "I'm sorry, Dean." Cas chose these words to be his last, thinking he was going to die. LOOK AT DEAN (38:21) ICWAW this would MEAN SOMETHING ELSE

"CAS! [...] Is he breathing? ... Maybe angels don't need to breathe." says the one who was going around saying Cas was gone for good. "He's gone, Dean." "... damn it... *tears up* Cas, you child... Why didn't you listen to me." #MARRIED (39:15) Then he goes "CAS?!" as soon as he starts breathing again. ICWAW, we would SCREAM "LOVE" in this scene

"Imma find some way to redeem myself to you *looks at Dean straight in the eyes*" "*looks at Cas up and down*... Alright, well, one thing at the time, come on. Let's get you out of here." "I mean it, Dean." *eye love-making* "... Okay." (40:30) ICWAW, oooohhh, the meanings this scene would have...

Dean's face when the Leviathans tell him Cas is dead. Again. (41:18)

Episode 2:

Dean looking at the Leviathans occupying Cas' body. The HATE (1:44)

"... okay... so he's gone. *shakes while tearing up* [...] Dumb son of a bitch..." (5:14) Here we go again... I'm fine, shut up

Dean picks up, washes, folds and keeps Cas' coat (5:23) SWEET

"You just lost one of the best friends you've ever had." this hurts me. "... I'm fine, really." (12:11)

"You asked me how I was doing? Well, not good." (38:54)

Episode 5:

Dean progressively drinks more as his nightmares get worse and he misses Cas more and more. 3 times we see him drink, only in the first 12 minutes.

Sam can tell Dean feels like shit, and bet one of those reasons is Cas "Like it or not, the stuff you don't talk about, it doesn't just go away. It builds up." (39:33) Yeah, and not only problems or grief... even love

Episode 7:

Not a destiel moment, but Dean totally got hit on by the waiter. LOL (7:30)

And again. What is it with men in this town and Dean. "We're looking for a necklace." "Romantic. *looks at Dean*" (12:17). Is it an energy reading thing or something? Can they feel the bi energy?

"The Campbell brothers. [...] They weren't actually brothers. That was a cover for their, uhm... alternative life style." (22:40) Huh... I guess calling your lover "brother" runs in the family

"Ever since Cas... I'm having a hard time trusting anybody." (40:44) ouch

Episode 9:

Dean is drunk/high on Leviathan juice, and the first thing he thinks and blabbers about, is Cas (19:48) "I don't even care anymore." Oooohh ICWAW... the possibilities for this scene

Episode 12:

Dean totally checked out that man in uniform. FIGHT ME (16:27)

Episode 13:

"You're head's not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now-" "Now what!!" (39:35) as soon as Sam mentions Cas' death, Dean gets snappy

Episode 17:

Dean keeps getting snappy whenever Sam mentions Cas

"OH my God the love of my life is alive!" (13:02-13:06)

Dean's face when Daphne touches Cas (13:25), and when he calls her his wife (13:41)

AND HIS FUCKING FACE TRYING NOT TO TEAR UP BECAUSE CAS DOESN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT HIM (14:16)

You mean to tell me that ICWAW this wouldn't be seen as a mini desperation moment from a man seeing his lover in this situation? Yeah, I don't think so

"What if you were some sort of... I don't know, bad guy." "I... I don't feel like a bad person." Dean's face is like "Damn right you aren't" (16:50)

"He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?" Dean looking at him... can't even answer the question (19:59)

Dean says Cas' betrayal is something he cant get over like everything else. And that he doesn't know why. "It doesn't matter why." "Of course it matters!" (20:25)

Dean gets visibly uneasy about Meg being so close to Cas (25:34) jealous boyfriend is jealous

Dean doesn't want Cas to remember, afraid he'll leave again (32:18)

"I've known you for years!" (32:34) poor baby. Also "You're an angel." "Uhm, I'm sorry? Is that a flirtation?" DEAN'S FACE (32:42)

Dean doesn't want Cas to be hurt by his own memories and past actions (33:00)

"You used to fight together. Bestest friends, actually." Yeah, look at that reaction. Let's see how he reacts to being called his boyfriend later on (33:09)

#MARRIED!!! I'll just leave this. No comment (33:41)

As Cas regains his memories, only 2 of the ones we see are not of Dean. And the only one we hear is the "I'm sorry, Dean." . That is what matters to Cas (and this looks like a slash video. Kudos to the editors) "I remember you... I remember everything." Yeah, no-homo save (34:35)

Not even an hour earlier, Dean was ranting about Cas betraying him, how he couldn't forget and forgive him, and now he is saying Cas did "the best you could at the time", but Cas actually feels guilt and doesn't want Dean to defend him, but Dean does anyway (36:53)

"We didn't part as friends, Dean." "*looks at Cas up and down*... So what?" "I deserved to die." the look on Dean's face (37:18)

Dean gives Cas his trench coat back. The trench coat he kept, folded and all the the truck, for weeks. And that's not even Baby. So he moved the coat, to always have it with him (37:26). I'm not crying, shut up

Also, here, have a deleted scene that breaks my heart

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Episode 20:

Let us all appreciate that one time Dean helped a lesbian flirt with a dude (24:27-25:03)

Episode 21:

Dean is devastated about Cas' mental state, that he did that to himself to save Sam. Look at his eyes in this scene (16:08). Also, Dean still resents Cas for the whole 'New God' crap, but it feels like the real reason is the fact that he left (19:18)

"Cas! Don't make me pull this car over!" "Are you angry? Why are you angry? *puppy eyes*" "... No I-I'm..." #MARRIED (27:28)

Cas says he won't fight anymore, but as soon as Dean's in trouble, he FLIPS

"The angels... they don't care... I think maybe they don't have the equipment to care." (31:49) Touchy much, Dean?, are you trying to convince yourself about that? It feels like he's making excuses to not let himself feel anything for Cas. "It seems like when they try, it just... breaks them apart." ... OK, fuck everything, ICWAW this would totally be seen as romantic angsty reference to Cas

Cas is so lost in his guilt for what he has caused. He looks like a baby, and it gets worse when it comes to Dean

"Why should we give you anything? After everything you have taken from us? The very touch of you curropts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!" (36:50) okay damn, ICWAW all of this would seem as if they were talking about a love relationship between the two and you can't tell me otherwise

'HURT HUSBAND-MUST PROTECT MODE' (37:17)

"The bone of a righteous mortal and the blood of a fallen angel" ... shut up, I'm dying over these clues (39:11)

"What are you gonna do, Cas?" Dean's eyes are begging him to stay. ICWAW, we would point that out without a shadow of a doubt (39:40)

Episode 23:

"Dude... on my car. He showed up naked... covered in bees!" ... come on, ICWAW this would be a HUGE deal (5:10)

"Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first." (8:51) LISTEN HERE. I study psychology, and one of the first things they teach you is that jokes are based on the truth. HOW MANY OF THESE JOKES WERE MADE?! HUH??!! (plus all the "Dick" jokes Sam made) Also Dean's reaction with the jaw clentch... just saying

Cas keeps stating he doesn't want to fight, but again, Dean's in trouble? FIGHT MODE

"*soft shoulder touch, puppy eyes, serves Dean a sandwich*" ... SOFT #MARRIED COUPLE (18:27)

"You got anything to say on the topic of dicks?" you'd like that, wouldn't you, Dean? (26:42)

Cas is afraid he will do something to cause Dean more trouble. Let's remember he chose what he believed were his last words to be "I'm sorry, Dean.", but as we know, Dean deals with feelings by showing anger... Cas gets upset and copes by playing twister... pathetic. "I can't help. [...] I destroyed everything and I will destroy everything again!" for a moment, Cas is lucid, and expresses his fear, but as soon as Dean gets angry with him, Cas gows back to hide in his world of crazy (26:47)

"I'm not good luck, Dean." "... You know what? [...] I'd rather have you. Cursed or not." Look at Cas' soft little smile as it grows. ICWAW, this would be read as another confession (32:38)

"I'll go with you." SOFT

SEE??! The MOMENT Dick threatens Dean, Cas goes full Angel of the Lord on his ass. MUST PROTECT HUSBAND (36:52) and the utter shock on Dean's face is priceless

And here comes PurGAYtory

[Season 8>>]

[shi-daisy]

Snowed In

Well this it folks, my last Ulquihime Week entry for this year. As always it's been a joy to participate and see everything that all of the other users have created, and that those who host the event take such care to plan our ship week. I had a blast and I'm looking forward to doing this again next year. Till then however, let's all keep on making content for our otp!

Ok so onto the story, today's theme is Winter/Warmth and I really didn't know what to do, until I remembered I have a whole AU I could use and stuck with that. For those who haven't read my entries from previous years the Reunion AU basically had Ulquiorra and Orihime meet again after a few years, Orihime ran off from her wedding with Ichigo and Ulquiorra is now human(along with the other Arrancar). At this point in the time the two have been dating for a month. Hope you like!

@ulquihimeweek

Ulquihime Week- Day 6: Winter/Warmth

Snowed In

"For the last time Tia, I'll ask her but that dosen't mean she'll say yes." Ulquiorra repeated over the phone for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

His friends had all told him to invite Orihime over for Christmas dinner, and while he wasn't too keen on the holiday he knew his woman was. This would be the first time he would be asking her to spend an event with him and his 'family' and while he might deny it, Ulquiorra was nervous.

"Schiffer, of course she'll say yes. That girl is quite taken with you."

"I'd like to think so, but still, don't be disappointed if she declines."

"Yes, yes, I am ready to accept a negative answer. Still, I wanted some civilized company this year."

He could tell she directed her angry tone at Nnoitra. From over the phone Ulquiorra could hear them bickering.

"If ya don't want me to eat the cookies. Don't leave em on the table!"

"Those were freshly baked! How are you not burned?!"

"Cuz I still have Arrancar-like skin."

"Fool! Your hands are red! I have to go Ulquiorra. Our gigantic toddler has injured himself again."

"No surprise there. I shall see you later."

He arrived at the cafe soon after his call ended, yet he knew things weren't right. Orihime usually waited for him outside, but despite the closed sign in the door, she was nowhere to be seen. Ulquiorra rushed into the cafe, immediately upon entering he heard a loud noise.

"I know language was never your best subject but I think the sign on the door was pretty easy to read Kurosaki!"

"Inoue, just let me explain everything."

"I told you to fuck off!" Orihime angrily took off her arpon and walked away. Ulquiorra headed towards her. The second she saw him, her anger subsided.

He dared to look at Kurosaki. The redhead was no longer the headstrong teen he had met six years ago. His hair was shorter, and while he's grown taller, Ulquiorra thought he looked less intimidating.

"How- How are you here? You died."

"I got better." Ulquiorra answered sarcastically. "Now, I believe you heard the woman. She's not interested in speaking to you."

Ichigo didn't seem keen on backing down, his surprised stare turned into a glare. "You don't get to decide for her anymore, Ulquiorra."

"Oh just shut up already, Ichigo! I don't owe you shit! Tatsuki picked up my stuff a while ago, I've kept away from you and your kin, and paid back what I owed to you father. Aside from those unresolved matters we have nothing else to talk about!"

"I think leaving one's own wedding and then vanishing for two months is something to talk about! You never gave me an explanation for that."

He'd never seen Orihime so enraged, her pale face turned red and she was clenching her fist so hard her arms shook. "You want an explanation?! Fine! I left because just as I was going to get Kenpachi-san to walk me to the altar, I found you and Kuchiki-San! Then you kissed her! When we were young I thought you were in love with her, but since you proposed to me and made me feel as if I was the one you wanted, my worries faded. Imagine how I felt at that moment! I gave up NASA for you, scholarships, internships, my own damn college ambitions all went down the drain! All because I wanted to be with you, and look where the fuck that got me!

So there's your bloody explanation! Now scram!"

There was a small moment of silence before Kurosaki left. The second he was out the door, Ulquiorra hugged Orihime close. "Let it out."

Orihime didn't want to cry over it anymore, but her body betrayed her. She shook as she cried, her sobs echoed in the small cafe and the only solace she could find was the warmth Ulquiorra's hug provided.

As he held onto her, Ulquiorra checked an alert on his phone. There was a snow storm coming to Naruki.

"Woman, it's likely we won't be able to reach your apartment in time. Would you like to accompany me home?"

Orihime stopped crying after hearing that. "Yes. I'd love to go with you."

"Good, I've sent a message to Szayel, he should be coming to pick us up before the storm gets worse."

"Okay."

Orihime stared at Ulquiorra's face for a moment. When she first saw him again after all these years he looked just as he did the day he turned to ash under her touch. Now, he seemed so different. His hair was longer and styled, he often wore leather and dark make up, and even facial jewelery. She also noticed he began doing those things when the two began dating. Maybe it was an effort to become more human like for her.

"Ulqui, are you sure it's okay for me to come home with you? I don't want to bother the others."

"It's no bother, they were all hoping to see you again." Ulquiorra cleared his throat, as he often did when he was nervous. "Actually they were insistent that I brought you home for Christmas celebrations next week."

She blushed. "Really? I'd love to go! Spending Christmas alone is not much fun. I would be happy to spend it with your family."

He sighed in relief. "I'm glad."

"You sound nervous, did you think I'd decline?"

"Well, yes. But that's not why I was nerveous. It's just the others can be quite a handful. I don't want them to overwhelm you."

"I'll be fine, I love hyper groups of people. Besides you and I can have some alone time later."

"That I won't mind."

Szayel arrived at the cafe slightly later than expected. The sky was already darkening, and the road was icy. He drove slowly but made sure to calculate the time properly.

"Inoue-san, I hope you don't mind, Halibel has prepared a room for you, along with clothes. It's likely the snowstorm will keep you from going home tonight, perhaps even longer."

"That's fine. Thanks for telling me Szayel. I'll be sure to not cause any trouble."

"Oh sweetie it's no trouble at all, we are all looking forward to having you around. Ulquiorra has told us so much about you!"

Ulquiorra, Who had been dozing off in the front seat, was now wide awake and glaring at Szayel.

Orihime laughed at the scene before her. "Does he? What has he told you?"

"That he enjoys speaking to you, and that you have a lovely aura, and that you look very pretty in a sundress."

By now Ulquiorra was a blushing mess, he hid his face under the hoodie of his coat, but Orihime has already seen it. She smiled and blew a kiss in his direction. "Well I think he looks good in black clothes."

Ulquiorra caught the hint. Black was what he always wore, meaning Orihime always found him to be cute. He smiled, this time without covering his blush.

***

Her arrival had been met with hugs, greetings, an enthusiastic snuggle from the family's pet.

"Kukkapuro's no stranger to cuddling new people. He won't leave you alone for the rest of the night." Stark drowsily told her as he tried to get Kukkapuro to move. The hollow puppy ignored him.

"That's okay, Stark-san. I don't mind."

The sleepy man nodded and went back to his favorite spot, on the lap of his boyfriend. Szayel rolled his eyes and let him sleep.

She smiled at the scene, it reminded her of the times she'd act overly affectionate and Ulquiorra would be either unimpressed or dead quiet. Strangely enough she didn't mind.

"Orihime! Can you come to the kitchen? I need your help!"

She followed Halibel's voice to the kitchen. The older women had baked a new batch of cookies and wanted her opinion.

"You're the star baker after all." She told her.

The woman's tone was so sweet Orihime couldn't bear to tell her she hadn't finished culinary school.

She took a bite, savoring the sweet yet salty ginger cookie. "These are great! You're an incredible baker, Halibel-san."

"Thank you, it means a lot coming from a professional. There is something I'd like your help with."

"Anything."

***

"Are you going to chose a movie already?!"

Ulquiorra glared at Nnoitra, who had probably been banned from the kitchen.

"I am not choosing anything until the girls come back with the food. Have some patience Jiruga!"

"I am plenty patient!"

"I agree with Ulquiorra, you have a short fuse. Now be quiet." Szayel snapped.

"Tch. If I'd know you were going to be so moody I would've spent the week with Tesla and Cyan."

"Tesla might've been your fracción but I think even he knows you shouldn't be around a newborn." Stark mumbled in his drowsy state.

Ulquiorra chuckled, as he remembered the little bundle Cyan had given birth to a week ago. He didn't consider himself the baby type but that had been disproven the moment he was allowed to carry the tiny child.

"Maybe you and Inoue will produce a cute baby one day."

Ulquiorra almost fell off the sofa. "Nnoitra if you don't shut up I will disembowel you!"

Szayel shushed them both and pointed down to a sleeping Stark, but by then it was too late. The pair began bickering and Kukkapuro howled along.

***

"See? It's always like this. Can't get some quiet until bedtime."

"Don't worry. This'll warm them up!"

The girls walked out of the kitchen with cookies and hot chocolate. "Settle down! We're here with the treats! Ulquiorra you can pick a movie if you'd like."

He nodded and began browsing. Orihime gave everyone a cup of chocolate and cookies. Once her boyfriend had picked a movie, she sat down with him and their treats.

It didn't take long for the others to fall asleep. According to Ulquiorra this was a common occurrence. 'They'll be asleep before the second act ends.'

The couple was snuggling together covered by a thick blanket, they had finished their sweets and once the movie ended they would be going to bed.

"Hey Ulqui."

"Yes, love?"

"Thanks for tonight. I don't know how badly things would've gotten if I hadn't come with you."

Seeing Ichigo had soured her day greatly, and walking home alone in the freezing cold to cry herself to sleep would've been twice as hellish. Thankfully her boyfriend was there to dry her tears and make her smile again.

"You're welcome woman. I shall always be here for you, so whenever you feel like the world is falling apart remember to lean on me. It is now my eternal duty to keep you smiling."

She giggled and nuzzled close to him. "Thanks Ulqui. You're really sweet." The beating of his heart was lulling her to sleep, but Orihime resisted, she wanted to see the end of the movie. "I have to repay you one day for all the kindness you've given me. Feels like I'm only taking."

"No, you're mistaken. It is I who's repaying a debt to you. Back when I was a hollow you brought joy into my life again, and since then I've thought that one lifetime won't be enough to repay you."

"Then you better be with me in every other lifetime."

He wouldn't refuse such a request. Ulquiorra looked down at Orihime, their gazes met and he knew this was the perfect moment to do as he had planned for so long. He leaned down to press his lips against hers, a soft kiss which caused them both to blush. They both tasted of chocolate and ginger cookies, still it was perfect.

"I love you." He whispered only for her.

Orihime caressed his cheek and smiled. "I love you too."

They stayed like that for the rest of the night, tangled in a warm embrace as the snow continued to fall outside.

[zayphyr]

birthday baby

pairing: neighbours!woojoong x bestfriend!reader

genre: pure floof :)

warnings: none!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

you open your eyes to the repeated ringing of your doorbell, and groggily check the alarm clock on your bedside table

6:02 am,,,, on the first day of your break,,,

whoever's on the other side of your front door better have a real good reason, you think as you get off the bed and run your fingers through your hair

"what?"

"hAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N!!!"

a very excited hongjoong stands before you in a bright green jacket with a chunky blue sweater underneath

(the light hits his platinum blonde hair beautifully, you mentally note)

your best friend's holding a massive wrapped box in his arms, smiling (almost literally) from ear to ear

it's waY too early in the morning for your heart to do whatever it's doing now

you take a whole good five minutes to realise it is, in fact, your birthday, and he really is standing in front of you like that,,

"oh, right, thank you" and motion for him to finally step inside

which he happily does, and places the massive box on your table

"tadaa!"

"okay, what's in the box?"

"why don't you open to find out?"

his eyes are practically sparkling now

you slowly take apart the pretty, pastel pink wrapping, carefully taking away the tape

till he eventually intervenes and rips it off bc he's too excited for you to see what's inside

opening the box, you see a mASSIVE soft brown teddy nearly your height

you read the powder blue tag around its neck and chuckled

'for when you miss me too much! rosebud here's gonna keep you and pororo the penguin company'

"aww joongie, I love it so much!!"

you bury your face into its fluffy, soft arms

"heyyy, rosebud's for when you miss me, I'm right here now", he pouts waiting with open arms

you laugh and squish your face into his sweater instead, breathing in his scent while he holds you close and ruffles your hair

you shuffle into the kitchen to make coffee for the both of you

"joong, I love you and all, but it's six in the morning, you could've given it to me later. why are you even awake?"

"it's my bestest baby's birthday!! how could I waste any precious hours of the day sleeping??"

you roll your eyes slightly and smile to yourself, while he comes over to where you are

"I'm going right back to sleep after coffee, mind you. I gotta catch up for the nights I spent finishing up all those assignments"

you place two coffee mugs on the table beside him- your black ralts themed one and his yellow sylveon one

(yeS he has his own coffee mug, that's how often he's at your place)

"yeah, there's no way I'm letting you do that today of all days, you have the whole rest of the month to catch up on it anyway."

"but joong, whyyy? just let me sleeeeeep" you pout

"cute, but that's not gonna work today. the whole reason I asked about your agenda for the day was because you'll have to clear it! I have a lot of things planned so all you need to do is follow me~"

he emphasises on the last word by putting his hands on his cheeks, making a flower out of his face

while your face decides it's a good time to heat up

"you know, you're really lucky you're cute"

*cue nervous laughter from your side*

before he could respond, your doorbell rings,,, again

"wh-"

you open the door only to be greeted by a massive bear hug

"happy bIRTHDAY Y/N!! we have so many things to do and places to go and it's gonna be amazing, I'm so thankful you exist and you're gonna have to get ready quick because-"

you only hope he doesn't notice your heart beating a wHOLE lot faster than usual

laughing, you pull away to see the other half of your best bud duo

aka a very hyped wooyoung, also dressed warm, in a deep red jacket on the multiple layers he has on over his white tee

"I really don't get why you guys are so excited, I nearly forgot I was turning a year older today"

"guys? oh no-"

"beat you to it, woo"

hongjoong speaks up in the doorway, arms folded over his chest with a pretty smug smile on his face

"come oN, don't you have work today??"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"ugh fiiine, but we're first gonna get breakfast at this place I found that she'll love"

"cool with me, so long as we go to the carnival next"

"and I'm driving"

"yeah no, that's out of question"

"but I've got her a little something and it's in my car"

he tries pouting to get his way, key word here being *tries*

"please, I'm practically immune to those. your car, but there's nO way I'm letting you drive after last week"

wooyoung turns his attention to you, yawning, still in the hallway

"y/n, go get dressed!!"

he walks you by the shoulders to your room and then joins hongjoong on the couch

you hear their voices over the muffled noises of the tv

"I want coffee too!! where's my mug? get me some, hyung"

"I'm busy, get it yourself"

"you're literally just watching someone talk about walls"

"yeah and?? I'm learning more about cement than you ever will"

you smile to yourself while you open your wardrobe to decide on an outfit

it sure is gonna be a long, tiring day for the butterflies in your tummy

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

this is a lil oneshot I wrote for my baby kiwi @extraterestirol 💘 I was supposed to post it on her birthday but oh weLL,, hope you liked it regardless! 💌

[staytiny-angel]

The Demon's Lair - Part 1

Rating: E overall T for this chapter

Main Pairing - Seth Rollins/Becky Lynch (be prepared they aren't monogamous quite yet)

Warnings: Mentioned Kidnapping, Murder, hints at symptoms of PTSD, Flogging,(super vague tho, )

Summary - Seth returns to The Lair after a month away on a mercenary mission to learn things aren't quite the way he left them.

Authors Note: I don't know what the fuck happened, I swore I was just gonna write a bunch of kinky smut. That was the plan but it grew a damn plot. A real one, not just a flimsy frame but a whole ass mansion. So I'm just gonna write a story and see where it takes me. Probably gonna come up with some sort of update schedule for this, Chase and Safe Haven.

Taglist: @askauradonprep @swifteforeverandalways @rxllynch @riottbliss @nothingbutmeworld @axelwolf8109 @biforbecky2belts @neversatisfiedgirl @superrezzy00 @nicolewoo

Seth exited his town car in the dim Brooklyn alley stretching and cracking his neck, stiff after an 11-hour day behind his desk, followed by 7 hours passed out on his office couch "Pick you up at 3 like always Mr. Rollins?" his driver asked.

"Yes, thank you Joey" Seth responded, handing the man a hundred dollar bill, "Why don't you pick up Jamie and the two of you have a nice dinner on me while you wait?"

"I think he'll like that, thank you, Mr. Rollins, Sir" Joey replied before pulling off and leaving Seth at a blood-red door with black script reading The Demon's Lair.

Seth both loved and hated the Lair. In many ways, the kink club was the only place he felt like himself. Where he could drop the facade he wore in his professional life and even with his family to an extent, but he hated it too. He hated that even though he felt so at home there and had plenty of wonderful friends and sometimes lovers…nobody seemed to want to keep him.

Breaking out of his increasingly morose thoughts, Seth used his member's card to unlock the door to the Lair and slipped inside. He'd been in the Middle East for several weeks, meaning he'd been 'On' the entire time and was absolutely looking forward to taking off his mask and letting the real Seth out to play.

"Sethie!" The pink-haired girl at the front desk yelled in happiness "I missed you!"

"Sup, Livvy" Seth replied with an easy grin as all the tension seemed to drop off his shoulders as he mentally locked the corporate shark in its tank for the next 6 hours.

The hyperactive submissive had standing permission from her Domme to hug on Seth whenever she wanted so she dashed around the desk and practically tossed herself into the older man's arms. "Miss Ruby said you were in the bad place for the last month so all the hugs for you," she says quietly

"Thank you sweetie pie," Seth whispered in her ear. "I'm just glad to be back," He says louder letting go of her. "So what I miss, any dirt?" he asks as he strips off his suit jacket and tie and then rolls up his sleeve.

"So we finally met Master Balor's mysterious protege." She tells her friend as she takes his cuffs out of a locked case beneath the desk.

"He told me he had asked her to come here. Something about a bad break up." Seth replied, "What's she like?"

"Miss Rebecca is here tonight tending the bar since Devvie is back in school right now, she has a thicker accent then Master Balor's, bright orange hair and she's really pretty. " Liv continues

Seth easily buckles the black leather cuffs with their inlaid red hearts onto his wrists, brushing his thumb over the words worked into the leather "Who's around that might want to play with me?"

"Master Balor and Miss Violet are waiting for you. Miss Renee tattled on you, babe." Liv says with a smile "Naughty Sethie you were supposed to go home and sleep." She teases wagging a finger at him "Now you're in tro-uble" she sings

Seth huffed and muttered under his breath "Bossy fucking Doms." While he, Finn and Violet weren't a permanent triad, the two switches did take care of him, trying to make sure the workaholic took care of himself at least somewhat. And since the pair had quite literally kept Seth from drinking himself to death after his 3 tours in Afghanistan, he did try least try to listen to them. Not that it always happened but at least he TRIED.

Liv shook her head and giggled "Yeah, have fun with that. I've got the desk for another hour and then its Moxie's turn.

Seth walked into the club properly and looked to see who was around, heading over toward the fireplace when he caught a glimpse of his Personal Assistant sitting in a club chair, her two submissives sitting at her feet. Easily kneeling alongside Roman and Mox, he smirked up at her "You are a goddamn tattletale, Miss Renee."

Renee Moxley tapped her boss's nose with the riding crop in her left hand, "You were supposed to go back to the penthouse and sleep when you got back from Saudi Arabia. Instead, you spent 11 hours in the office, of course, I told them"

"Finn and Violet are waiting for you downstairs, you have a demon to contend with."

"Son of a bitch, really?" Seth's head dropped. "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. He's THAT pissed at me?"

"You passed out in the office from exhaustion AGAIN." Roman told his best friend quietly "I had to pick your ass up off the floor and put you on the couch. Did you really think no one was gonna tell the only two people you MIGHT listen to?"

Renee gestured with the crop for Seth to stand up, "Go on, don't keep them waiting" the Domme told him sternly

Now knowing that he was in deep shit, Seth quickly headed to the stairs, only casting a distracted look at the orange-haired woman behind the bar talking to Master Orton and Ember Moon.

When Seth entered Finn and Violet's private dungeon he gulped audibly because sitting in the plush red and black throne like a chair with Violet on his lap wasn't his slightly goofy friend Finn, but King Balor in full on warpaint.

"Oh…look Mon Roi, it's a naughty kitten," The blue-haired woman dressed in a black and red corset, stockings and tall heeled boots said quietly

"Kneel, Little Prince," Balor orders "and explain why Lady Renee called to tell me you disobeyed one of the few things we ask of you"

"My Liege, I slept on the plane on the way home. By the time I arrived in New York my inbox was full, I figured I would work for a few hours and then go home, but I lost track of time and the next thing I knew Moxley was waking me saying you had requested my presence"

"Kitten, we are not your Masters, but you requested this arrangement to help you stay healthy and safe after last summer's incident," Violet says quietly "Yet you disobeyed. Lady Renee said that Roman had to pick you up off of your office floor because you passed out. She had your private doctor come and check you and you didn't even wake up. You aren't taking care of yourself"

Seth opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Balor "Not another word Little Prince, you know very well you've earned yourself quite the punishment"

'Well, fuck' Seth thought to himself as he knelt in front of the throne after having been stripped of his black dress shirt and his hands cuffed behind his back as Violet circled him holding a flogger, Balor still sitting there watching avidly.

"This was supposed to be your welcome home present." She sighed "But someone decided to be a bad little prince"

"I'm sorry my Queen" Seth mumbled "This last mission…it was a lot."

"You are supposed to tell us when you feel these urges to work yourself half to death. Especially after solo missions, was that not the agreement that was made after you almost….left us last year?" Balor says quietly, voice filled with emotion

Seth winced at the mention of last summer, It had been a workday much like today but instead of someone picking him up, he'd tried to drive himself home. Seth had fallen asleep at the wheel and the subsequent accident had nearly ended his life. Now Seth never drove himself after long days at work and he'd hired Joey and his husband Jamie to be his drivers.

"Do you know how scared we were? Renee called us and said you were on the floor, not moving" Violet told him "Are you injured from your mission other then the scrapes and bruises I see?"

"No your majesty" Seth answered quietly

"Then 20, Little Prince. 10 from each of us" then we'll go upstairs to the bar and you can meet Rebecca. You will be nice about showing her your ways. Or we'll end up right back down here. Understand?" Balor commanded

"Yes My Liege" Seth replied quietly

Seth barely heard the whistle of the flogger before the first blow hit his back.

His King and Queen didn't have to know that at least for this time he'd pushed himself on purpose, wanting to not think about what he'd had to do to get a young girl back to her family, He rarely took on mercenary missions himself anymore for this very reason. The damage the killing and violence took took on his mental health was terrible and he wasn't coping well but his mother��his mother had asked a favor for a friend of a friend who's daughter had been kidnapped.

So Seth went and a month later he'd returned. The girl alive, her captor and his people very much dead and he with more blood-soaked memories he'd prefer not to have.

[harryfreakinstyles2]

Torn (Part 1) H.S.

The sunlight is streaming through the curtains and gleaming off the vinyl flooring of my apartment while I try to force myself to roll out of bed. My alarm is screaming at me for the tenth time this morning. My eyes strain against the intrusion of light as I reach for my phone on the nightstand to stop the ringing in my ears from that damn alarm. I glance at the text on my screen from my best friend that I must have received after passing out around one am last night while trying to finish my essay.

Julie is almost the complete opposite of me in every way. She's unorganized and scatter brained and way more adventurous than I will ever be. But she also makes our little two-bedroom apartment feel like home even with the dirty dishes she leaves in the sink and as crazy as she drives me, I would honestly be lost without her.

Me: You know I had that essay to finish! But it sounds like you had fun like usual! I might have to join you next time! We'll see! Lol

I text back and head to the bathroom to hop in the shower before class. I turn the water on and wait impatiently for it to heat up, my tiny bathroom becomes filled with steam as the hot water helps wake me from my zombie state and relaxes my muscles. I'm dreading class this morning. My stupid elective class I took because I figured it would be an easy A to fill in the extra credits I need to graduate in May, but I am starting to realize that the easy A might not be worth the painful boredom of sitting in that stupid class twice a week. I hurry along getting ready as the morning is rushing by faster than I realized and soon I'm running out the door praying I have time to get coffee on the way.

*

I stick my key in the lock of my apartment door still sipping on my iced coffee. I feel mentally drained after having to put so much energy into staying awake in class, luckily it's the only class I have on Thursdays. I can smell the scrambled eggs as soon as I walk into the apartment. Julies favorite hangover food, I will never understand how that girl can go out so much during the week and still go to work and finish all her school.

I walk into the kitchen and I laugh to myself while taking in Julies disheveled appearance, the aftermath of her late night out.

"Shut up", She groans glaring at me from her spot in front of the stove.

"I'm sorry, but you look pathetic" I laugh again not being able to hold in my amusement.

"Don't be a bitch, you're just jealous that I had a blast last night while all you did was write a paper all damn night." Julie snaps at me but I can see the hint of a smile on her face.

"Alight alright" I say with my hands up in surrender not wanting to actually piss her off. I pull a barstool out from under the counter and take a seat across from her.

"I was serious when I said you are coming out with us this weekend" she huffs, "We are going to this cool hipster club that just opened down the road. It is going to be a lot of fun. And I'm not giving you a choice, so tomorrow night, we'll head out around ten." Her words rush out fast. I am assuming it's so I won't have the chance to interrupt her and make an excuse of why I will not be doing anything of the sort. I roll my eyes when she turns back around to flip her eggs.

"I really don't want to... It's been a long week between work and school and all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch a movie." I groan at my relentless best friend. This is her third attempt in the past two weeks to try and get me to go out.

"Allie, you're 21, not 81. Would you please stop being so lame and just come out with us!" She pleads with me, "It'll be fun I swear!"

"Ughhhhh fine but if I hate it and get bored then I'm coming back home!" I say giving in but still hating the idea.

"Fine fine! Ahhhh yay!! It's going to be great!" Julie excitedly jumps up and down like she is twelve and are moms said yes to a sleep over on a school night. Finally she stops, leaving her dark brown hair messier than it was before, if that is even possible. I try my best not to laugh at her again.

"Alright I'm going to go to my room for a bit before I have to go to work at 6. Do you work tonight?" I ask. Her work schedule is constantly changing every week I can never keep up.

"Yea unfortunately, I wanna call out but I can't because I have tomorrow night off to go out and I actually need to make some money for a change." She says with a groan.

"Okay then I'll see you tomorrow! Be sure to put on your best fake smile and maybe brush your hair or something or you won't be getting very many tips tonight" I tease her as I walk to my room. I turn around just in time to see her middle finger raised in the air at me with a smile on her face.

*

My evening shift at the local coffee shop blurs by as the hipster kids and sorority girls shuffle in and out throughout the evening. I found I was convincing myself that going out tomorrow night is exactly what I need to get out of this comfortable rut I have found myself in the past few months. With graduation about three months away I should probably have some actual fun before my college days come to an end even though night clubs are not exactly my idea of fun.

*

I wake to a loud pounding on my bedroom door. "Allie!!! Get up! We have to pick out an outfit for you for tonight! I have to leave for work soon! Get up! We won't have time later!" Julie continues banging on my door.

"Ugh, Jules! Give me like 10 minutes!" I groan back at my annoying best friend. She insisted last night that she had to pick out an outfit for me because I don't know what a proper "club outfit" is.

Ten minutes later I've brushed my teeth and changed into some shorts and a t-shirt. I open my bedroom door to find Julie sitting impatiently at the counter with a cup of coffee.

"Okay, come on in and let's get this over with." I say to her rolling my eyes. This is not what I want to be doing at nine am.

"Oh stop being so dramatic." Julie mumbles at me as she walks past me and into my room.

I follow behind her and sit on my bed as she starts to dig through my closet for her version of an acceptable outfit for this evening.

"Okay, so we want something sexy but also comfortable. Maybe some skinny jeans and a cute tank top. Or even a jean skirt," she says excitedly.

"Sexy. Really. You know I can't pull off sexy." I mumble at her. Does she honestly think I can be sexy. She has definitely lost it. In the thirteen years she has known me I have never been sexy. I don't even own anything that could be considered sexy.

"Yes, sexy. You have the curves all you're missing is the attitude Al."

I don't have the first clue on how to come off as sexy, but I have a feeling Julie is going to teach me. This was such a bad idea. I can already tell that tonight is going to be a disaster.

Twenty minutes later I'm standing in front of my closet staring at myself in the floor length mirror in one of Julies jean skirts that rests nicely on my hips and stops a few inches above my knees and only makes me slightly uncomfortable. She has paired her jean skirt with one of my low-cut white tank tops and a pair of short strappy black heels. Lucky for me it has been a warm winter and it only gets into the mid-sixties right now at night here in Georgia. Especially considering Julie told me I am not allowed to wear the gray cardigan I tried to put over the tank top.

"So? What do you think?" Julie asks me while I stare at myself in the mirror. She's beaming, obviously proud of her work.

"Umm I like the outfit, but I'm not sure," I mumble.

She rolls her dark brown eyes at me, "Allie, you look hot trust me. You just have to own it. That is the key to being sexy, it is all about the confidence."

"Alright," I try to say with a sense of confidence, but my voice betrays me and I sound even more unsure than before.

"Shit, I have to go I am going to be late for work" Julie says as she rushes out of my room. "You look amazing! I will be back in time for us to do our hair and makeup before we leave! See you later girlie!" She yells to me before she slams the front door closed behind her.

I let out a breath I didn't notice I was holding as I look at myself once more in the mirror. My chest fills the tank top nicely threatening to overflow because of the pushup bra Julie forced me to wear even though she knows I hate wearing it because it makes my boobs look even bigger than they already are. She doesn't understand that problem seeing as she barely has any boobs. The tight tank top paired with the fitted jean skirt shows off my tiny waist and curvy hips. The jean skirt goes down just far enough to cover my full upper thighs. Overall I don't hate the outfit as much as I expected to, if I wear my long blonde hair down and maybe curl it a little I think I might be able to pull it off.

I groan staring at myself in the mirror one last time before collapsing onto my bed. I have no idea what to expect tonight I haven't been out since my freshman year. Even though Julie will be there I can already see myself sitting in the corner the whole night. I hope the night won't be a complete disaster. At least all our friends will be there and I can catch up with Emily. I push away the anxiety as I hang my outfit for tonight back up and head to take a shower.

I'm sitting on the couch buckling the straps of my black heels as Julie walks out of her room looking like a Victoria Secret model in her tight dress that leaves little to the imagination. She spent an hour doing my hair and make up after she got home from work and I spent most of that hour telling her to tone it down. It has always been that way with us. She is the one who wears full make up and heels almost everyday and I am the one who forces myself to put on eyeshadow every now and again and wears converse as much as possible. But somehow we always seem to balance each other out, she helps me step out of my comfort zone and I keep her from being arrested.

"See this is why I don't go out with you!" I grumble at her.

"What are you talking about? I didn't even do anything!" Julie says defensively while grabbing her matching clutch off the kitchen counter.

“You didn't have to, you just come out looking like that and when I stand next to you I look like a freakin sack of potatoes!"

"Are you kidding me!?! Look at you! I wish I had those curves! We both look great and we are ending the conversation there." Julie says annoyed at my comment.

"Whatever." I mumble back.

"You are not going to start this night pouting, so get over yourself and let's go the Uber is ready downstairs!" she says sternly. Julie is the kind of person who has no problem telling you how it is, she has been that way ever since we were kids.

The Uber ride to the club lasted barely five minutes leaving just enough time for my stomach to get queasy with nerves. The car comes to a stop in front of a building littered with people stumbling in and out of the doors. Julie says a rushed 'thank you!' to the Uber driver as she pulls me out of the car behind her.

"Come on! Everyone else is already inside!" she says as she pulls me along after her and into the crowded building. I glance at my phone it is now ten o'clock, I will stay till at least midnight and then leave I decide.

The room is so dark it is hard to see the faces of the strangers as we shove our way through the crowd to find our group of friends waiting for us. There is a slight stench of smoke in the air and my heels stick to the floor just enough for me to notice. I hate this already. Julie is aggressively pushing her way through the overly friendly crowd of strangers. I decide that my best bet is to stare at the back of her head and follow closely behind her so I don't get lost. Suddenly Julie does a high pitch squeal letting me know she has found our friends. Our usual group of friends are standing around a high top table toward the back corner of the club. There's Maya, who Julie and I met in freshman English. Julie gets along with her better than I do because they have similar personalities and Maya will go out with her any day of the week where I will not. Then there is Dylan the common frat boy with the perfect hair and teeth, wearing his usual khaki pants and button up shirt. Maya and Dylan have been dating for a little over a year now. Next to the already drunk Dylan is his best friend Sam. Sam is in the same frat as Dylan and despite being best friends, Sam is sweet, polite, and funny unlike Dylan who is usually obnoxious. Sam is much more attractive than Dylan with his light brown hair cut short and his muscular arms looking perfectly tanned in his white button up. On the other side of the table there is Tabitha and Emily. Tabitha and Maya have known each other since middle school so they are really close similar to Julie and I. Wherever Maya is, Tabitha is usually close by. I get along best with Emily out of the three girls. She is quieter than the others and although she has no problem going out and having a good time she has a lot of other priorities she is focused on as school is coming to an end. We tend to sit and talk whenever we are all hang out while everyone else is drinking and goofing off.

"No way! Allie you actually came!?!" Maya says too dramatically bringing the attention of the whole group to me. "I mean Julie said you were coming but I thought she was just joking!" Maya continues with an annoying giggle and I force myself not to roll my eyes at her.

"Good to see you too Maya. Can someone point me in the direction of the bar please." I say to hopefully change the topic. I am going to definitely need a drink to get me through this night.

"I was just about to go get myself a drink if you wanna come with me?" Sam offers with a smirk making me blush like always.

"That would be great! Thanks," I say with a smile.

Sam is quiet most of the time but he is charming. And he is one of those guys who is absolutely gorgeous and has no idea.

Julie rushes over to the girls and the giggling starts instantly as Sam and I walk away from the group.

We make it to the bar with Sam only having to guide me past one group of drunk guys. Even with heels on I am still quite short making navigating the crowded club difficult as I can't see where I'm going. I order my usual crown apple and sprite, and try to refuse when Sam wants to pay for my drink but ultimately he wins as he hands the bartender cash and walks away with me following behind.

"So are you as ready for graduation as I am?" Sam awkwardly starts conversation over the loud club music as we make our way back to our group of friends. This was the usual with Sam. For a guy who is this attractive and has girls falling all over him, he always comes off awkward when we try and talk.

"Yeah I'm so excited, but also incredibly nervous. There is too many decisions still left to make," I awkwardly laugh.

"I get that. You would think that since we are finally finishing we would be less stressed out not more," Sam says with laugh.

I turn to respond catching his blue eyes, leaving me speechless. I am saved as we arrive at the table and Sam is greeted by Tabitha begging him to dance with her. She clearly already had a few drinks and Sam is too sweet to say no.

The night feels like it is dragging on forever. I'm not having a bad time but there is definitely other things I would rather be doing and on top of that Julie seems to be in a crap mood for some unknown reason so she is not making the night any better for me. It has been about an hour and a half and I've had three drinks making me just tipsy enough that my nerves have vanished.

"Jules I really have to pee!" I whine at her again.

"Okay okay, just give me a minute," She says staring at her phone.

"I've been waiting like ten. Just point me in the direction of the bathroom. I will just go by myself," I say back irritated as I sway back and forth to help with my urgent need to pee.

"Okay fine, go towards the bar and to the left," She instructs me without look away from her phone. I am trying not to get annoyed at her but she begged me to come out and has barely said two words to me since we got here.

"Thank you!" I say dragging the words out dramatically.

I make it to the bathroom without any issues to my surprise considering the three drinks I have had and the crowd seeming to have grown in the last hour. Luckily there is only one girl in line and I don't have to wait long. I wash my hands and check my make up in the mirror surprised it still looks almost perfect. I walk out of the bathroom and reach down pulling the hem of my skirt further down my legs as I walk.

"Ugh fuck!" I mumble as I collide with something solid and liquid pours down my skirt and legs.

"Oh shit! Sorry!" I hear a thick English accent respond.

I look up to find bright green eyes staring directly into mine. They are slightly covered by a mop of beautiful dark brown curls. His eyes stay locked on mine so intently that I have to look away so he can't see me blush under his gaze.

"It's fine. It was my fault I wasn't paying attention." I say faster than I intended as I wipe at my skirt.

"Wait a minute, let me uhh...." the handsome stranger starts to say as he looks around and then disappears and reappears with a rag from the bar.

"Here, I'm really sorry," He says again holding his hand out to me with the rag in it.

I take a second to glance at the tattoos covering most of his left arm. Quickly dragging my attention back to the liquid running down my legs I grab the rag hoping he didn't notice my staring. I wipe at the remainder of whatever he had in his cup off my legs and look up to find him staring again.

"Thanks," I mumble quietly despite the loud music as I hand him back the rag. My cheeks feel like they are burning, partially from the alcohol in my system and partially from his staring.

“The least I could do. I'm Harry," He says with a smile revealing large dimples in his cheeks while holding out his empty right hand for me to shake. I stare at his outstretched hand for a minute before grabbing it.

"Allie, nice to meet you. Sort of," I say returning his smile and taking his hand in mine. His large hand makes mine feel even smaller.

"Allie." he repeats with a smirk. His accent making it sound beautiful while his eyes continue to stare into mine making my stomach flutter. I am so happy I downed that third drink or his stare alone would have made me a mumbling mess by now.

[humanistauno]

A Journal by: Megue Pearl Gegone

December 15, 2019

Today marks the 19th year anniversary of our church. We’ve prepared for this big day a week ago and as a part of this church I am very nervous yet excited for today’s event.

Also, I am a member of the praise and worship team of our church and we are the one who’s going to lead the worship. Earlier as I was preparing to go to church I can almost hear my heart beating ‘lub dub’ ‘lub dub’.

I was already in the church and everyone was busy attending all the visitors and VIP’s that came from other places like in Isulan, Tupi, Maynila, and Columbio. The whole venue was packed. People can’t even move because there’s no space left. Honestly, we didn’t expect that a lot of people would come. So the worship started, the pastor delivered his message and voila its lunchtime. During lunch time I was so hungry that I could eat a horse considering the fact that I haven’t eaten breakfast earlier.

After our lunch, I and Fienna, my friend, decided to go to KCC to buy our gifts for tonight’s Christmas party. First we went to the grocery section. After spending half of an hour at the mall i started to feel cold. The mall is cold like antarctica. After we finished in the grocery we decided to deposit our baggage at the baggage counter. As we are standing in the line waiting for our turn, i suddenly felt the ground vibrated and i thought it was just nothing so i didnt mind it. Little did i know that it was already an earthquake. I saw people panicking and running towards the nearest exit. I didnt know what to do as if my mind and body wasnt coordinating. I was thinking of running but my body wouldnt move. Then i came back tO my senses when a woman bumped in me and i started running as fast as a cheetah towards the nearest exit. I and Fienna stayed outside for a little while and then we decided to go home.

In the evening we've got a simple program prepared for everyone. At 6 p.m. we ate our dinner and started the program. First we prepared some parlor games for the kids and we also had an exchange gifts both for kids and adult. Before the night ended, our adtor gave his thank you message for everyone and ee prayed for a safe travel as we go home.

December 16, 2019

Today I woke up early to get ready and to prepare to go to KNCHS SHS gate, our meeting place, for our community engagement trip today. Together with my group, we went to SitioSalkan, Brgy. Paraiso to conduct a survey in relation with our subject. When we were already complete after how many years of waiting for our other members to arrive we rode on a tricycle to reach our destination. First we went to the Brgy. Hall of Brgy.Paraiso and gave our letter that informs their office that we were asking for their permission to let us conduct a survey in one of their area. After givung the letter to the Brgy. Hall we headed to SitioSalkan.

It was a fun ride. In order for us to reach out to people living at the end of the mountain, we climbed up a mountain as high as Mount Everest. As we arrived at our destination I was very thirsty, I could drink gallons of water because of it. Later on we started our servey in there and we took a lunch break and ate our lunch. After eating our lunch we started conducting the survey again. When we finished our survey we decided to go home. Before going home we decided to eat first at the 7/11. I bought a cup noodles because i was craving for it. After eating, we took a minute to rest. Later on we decided to go home. When I arrived at home, my Lola cooked macaroni for our merienda. We spent the rest of our afternoon eating and chatting about stuffs and whatnot.

December 24, 2019

Today I woke up late because I slept around 4 a.m. and I am still feeling sleepy but my father woke me up because he said that we need to prepare the things that we needed to bring for tonight’s event. My family decided to celebrate Christmas Eve at the house of my Uncle Reylon, my father’s cousin. I have no choice but to obey him to avoid further arguments with him. My father is strict like Hitler. In the afternoon, around 3 p.m. we prepared the food that we will bring there and also our gifts for them.

By the way, my mother and my mother are the ones who cooked and prepared the food. We were about to leave the house when suddenly I felt an excruciating pain at my lower abdomen. It was very painful as if I am going to die just by bearing the pain of it. Then I went to the bathroom to check if my monthly period already came. I was right. My monthly period came.

It is the reason why I decided to just stay in the house. They allowed me and they just left me some food to eat. I spent my whole night just lying in the sofa and watching television to entertain myself. Around 11p.m. my parents and my siblings arrived at home. We were all tired and sleepy already so we decided to take a sleep and just celebrate the Christmas the next day.

December 27, 2019

Today I woke up early in the morning to prepare because my family will going to travel to Sto.Niño for our 48th family reunion. Even though i was still sleepy, I was forced to take a bath so that i can ready myself. I was hesitant at first to take a bath because the water is cold as ice but i've got no choice so I took a bath. At 6:30 a.m. we're already on the terminal to ride on a van. While travelling, I saw trees and flowers dancing gracefully as the wind blew them. Fastforward, we arrived at our destination.

I felt so tired as if i have done million of works. I was also sleepy co sidering the fact that I woke up early today. I was eating in the kitchen when one of my cousin, Mharjun, approached me and said hello to me. He's one of my best buddy. He's as skinny as a toothpick the last time I saw him but right now he's near to becoming a pig.

In the evening we had a program but first we had a mass. Every member of the family were introduced and the program continues. We had our Ms. Gaybcompetition and our dance competition. The night was still young but i chose to sleep early because i was feeling a bit under the weather.

December 28, 2019

I woke up early today. I was feeling a lot better than yesterday. Today is the second day of our family reunion. I ate my breakfast and then i took a bath. After i cleaned myself up i directly went to the open space in our venue for our next event which is the parlor games. Me and my cousins joined the parlor games. We enjoyed it and played like it would be our last time here on Earth. One member of our family gave us some money as his gift for us. I can definitely say that he got tons of money in his pocket.

The day continued and it was already lunch time. After eating our lunch i attended our annual family meeting to discuss the preparations for the reunion next year. I was scared to make any disturbances during the meeting because everyone was so serious. In the middle of the meeting, two members of our family argue about something involving money. They argued like there's no tomorrow and they were just going on the circle about it.

Later on they agreed to some matter and we continued our meeting. After the meeting we packed up out belongings and we bid our goodbyes to each other. Bidding goodbye to everyone was indeed the saddest part of our reunion. I would like to spend more time with them but i've got no choice but to continue my life. The most important part is that i enjoyed this day so much that i've got no regrets about it.

December 31, 2019

Today marks the last day for the year 2019. People are getting hyped up preparing for the new years eve later involving my family. Today me and my family woke up early to got ready and to prepare for the things we need for tonights celebrstion. After doing my usual chores my mother asked me to accompany her to the grocery store. So i took a quick bath, it seemed like i haven't cleaned my body yet but i needed to finish it quick because my mother's been telling me to hurry up for a millionth time already because according to her the mall's gonna be full today. When we arrived at the grocery store it was already crowded like if you dropped your phone on the sea of people it would take you hundreds of years before you could find it.

After all the things we've faced to get the things we needed we decided to go home and start preparing the foods. My fstjer and my mother did all the cooking and i just slept the whole afternoon because i really am a terrible cook and i dont want to ruin everything in the kitchen that's why i chose to sleep instead of helping my parents prepare the foods. We waited till it's midnight and we welcomed the new year wholeheartedly. Then I stayed up until 3 a.m. because I can’t sleep. I spent my time watching all the fireworks display that I could see at the sky while greeting my relatives and friends a happy new year.

January 5, 2019

Today marks the last day of our Christmas break. Also. Today is the first Sunday for the year 2020 so me and my family woke up early and readied ourselves to go to the church. After the mass we went back to our house and we ate our lunch. While I was lying on my bed I kept on thinking about school. I've got millions of school works to finish and I haven't even done half of it, i've got no one to blame but myself because I chose to procrastinate instead of doing my school works. Instead of thinking about it I decided to clean my room to release my burden. It was pretty weird but I actually enjoyed cleaning my room. I found stuffs that bring back memories when I was still in elementary. I also decided to wash my clothes and I washed hundreds of basket of dirty clothes. After I finished washing my clothes I felt exhausted and I decided to take a bath to sweep the dirt off of my body. In the evening after taking my dinner, I went to my room directly to start writing my journal again. Before starting it I opened my window and watched the leaves of the bougainvillea dancing gracefully as the wind blew its body. Then, I started writing my journal and I packed my things for tomorrow.