#and nothing weird or bad happened here at all!! just a little breakdown but it's in the past!! phew. yay! <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[starflungwaddledee]

offering three cookies 🍪🍪🍪

(<< part 1)

[brigdh]

I want to talk about Izzy's rant to Ed in episode 10, the one that brings out the Kraken. I've seen a lot of different descriptions of what is going on in this scene – death threat, homophobic slurs, etc – and I don't think either of those are what's actually what's happening.

Let's look at it closely, line by line, and the way Ed reacts, from the very beginning of the scene.

Ed: Well, feels nice to tidy up a little. Can't believe I was living like this. Can you, Iz? Izzy? Izzy: I'm going to speak plainly. Ed: Wonderful. You know we share our thoughts on this ship.

Izzy, cont: This, whatever it is that you've become... is a fate worse than death.

Okay. So there we've got what some have interpreted as a death threat. But does Ed seem threatened? He's startled, certainly, put on his back foot – literally – but he doesn't look afraid or alarmed to me. He draws in a slow breath, assessing the situation, but overall seems more confused than frightened.

In fact he laughs it off with his next line:

Izzy then escalates the level of aggression in the conversation:

But Ed, again, looks more confused than anything. Check out that furrowed brow, that head tilt! This is a man going "what is your deal?", not a man thinking "uh-oh, you might kill me!".

Extremely noticeably, even when Izzy storms right up into his face, Ed holds steady. He doesn't run, doesn't lean back, doesn't hunch his shoulders or drop eye contact – there is no vulnerability or defensiveness in Ed's body language at all. Ed is in supreme control of this confrontation – look at the slow way he deigns to turn back to the paper Izzy's holding! As though he's making the point that he chooses when to turn, not Izzy:

Then we have the "homophobic slur". But watch closely:

Ed does not react to "namby-pamby", "silk gown", or "pining" at all. He doesn't even blink. He barely seems like he's hearing Izzy. His entire attention is on the picture.

Ed's body language and behavior changes at one word and one word only, and that is "boyfriend". As soon as Izzy says it, Ed's furious:

(It's even easier to notice when you actually watch the scene instead of using gifs, because Izzy really draws out 'piiiiiiining', putting a lot of time between the first half of the sentence and 'boyfriend'.)

Why is the use of the word 'boyfriend' so important?

Well, what has Ed been doing all episode? He's been crying in a blanket fort and singing sad songs, yes, but he's been keeping a careful level of mystique about why he's doing it. Ed often uses distanced circumlocutions instead of directly acknowledging his emotions, but he's doing it in this episode even more so than usual:

Here are the lyrics to his song:

(Version one, with Lucius) Hanging on By a thread Hanging on Shouldn't let go If I let go, all will fall Fingers bleeding down to the bone now Can't let go Nothing makes sense Hold on Hold on Hold... on

(Version two, performed for the whole crew) Just let go Make yourself let go Make it go away Away, away today Life's a hard sad death And then you're Deaaad

Notice something? There is no mention of Stede, or love, or break-ups, or abandonments, or relationships in general. All Ed discusses is a vague life-sucks attitude, which could apply to basically anyone under any circumstances. He seems pretty okay with people knowing that Blackbeard is having some sort of weird emotional breakdown as long as he convinces himself that no one knows it's specifically from having his heart broken

This is true of everything Ed says and does for this entire episode. He never once even mentions Stede's name, unless "Farewell, Bonnet's playthings" at the very end counts. The only thing Ed openly admits to feeling bad about is a fictional character who's having a hard time "holding on" (holding on to what? he never says). There are no allusions to heartbreak or romance anywhere in his dialogue.

Now, Ed's not stupid. I'm sure he knows Izzy and Lucius and the rest of the crew can connect the dots and realize that something bad happened with Stede, even if Ed doesn't fill them in on the details. But Ed is also traumatized, and has a whole host of coping mechanisms set up to help him avoiding thinking about things that he doesn't want to think about. If he's not a murderer because "technically the fire killed those guys", then no one knows he's heartbroken because technically he hasn't acknowledged it.

Until Izzy says the word 'boyfriend'. Suddenly the secret is out, and Ed can't handle it. Izzy knows his weakness. That's why this word effects Ed more than anything else Izzy says in the whole scene.

At the end of the confrontation, he hears the crew calling for another song. Look at Ed here. He looks as haunted, as disturbed, in this moment as he does at any point in Izzy's rant.

This is an important part of the scene, not just a closing note. Because if Izzy (the Caribbean's most emotionally constipated man) can see through him, obviously the whole crew can too.

Obviously Lucius – who advised Ed on his and Stede's relationship, who played along with Ed's 'fictional character' claim, who wrote down Ed's lyrics – can do so most of all.

There's a direct emotional logic to Ed killing Lucius because he had a fight with Izzy, and it doesn't involve Ed having been threatened or hate crime'd at all. Ed doesn't deal well with his own feelings (from Stede), so he chooses to become Blackbeard/the Kraken and gets rid of all the witnesses who saw otherwise.

[warlocksoup]

into the spider-verse: nishinoya yuu

volume one, chapter two: calls

word count: 2.5k

masterlist | main masterlist | taglist

On the rooftop of the Flatiron Building, she leans back, and stares at the sky above her. She’s learned that looking down gives her vertigo, and if she’s lying down, she can pretend she’s not twenty-two stories off the ground.

Noya laughs at her, because he always does, but he still holds her hand, because he knows it makes her feel better. “I can’t believe you’re still afraid of heights.”

“I feel like this is a super reasonable fear to have.” She inches a little but further away from the edge as she speaks. She doesn’t even wanna be close to it. “Plummeting to my death isn’t like, a big priority for me right now.”

He squeezes her hand. “You know I’ll catch you if you fall.”

He would. She doesn’t even doubt that for a second. If right now she stood up and decided to take a swan dive off the side of the building, there would be nothing getting in between him and her, and Noya would have her safely in his arms before she hit the fifteenth floor.

But still. It fucking terrifies her.

“Okay, sorry my primal instinct does not recognize that you got bit by some weird science experiment spider and now you defy all laws of nature,” she rolls her eyes, still tightly holding onto his hand as he sits upright beside her. “I’ll work on that.”

Nishinoya leans over a lightly pinches the soft skin of her stomach under her t-shirt. She squeals. “Keep it up with the attitude and I’ll throw you off the side of this building myself.”

“Hmm, not very hero-like of you, Spider-Man.”

“You bring out the worst in me.”

She grins. “I’m going to have to write an article about this. ‘Spider-Man throws innocent journalist with fear of heights off Flatiron Building.’ Jameson will love it.”

Nishinoya scoffs. “Yeah, I’m sure he would. Too bad you’ll be busy being a sidewalk pancake.”

Her eyes find their intertwined hands. It’s always been natural, their friendship, everything that happens between them feels like it’s supposed to. The handholding and the couch-sharing and the arm over her shoulder. It’s always right, with Nishinoya. She doesn’t even have to think about it.

She watches his thumb as it brushes against her skin. “How’s it been out there lately?” she asks.

“Quiet,” Nishinoya replies. “Saving kittens from trees and helping old ladies across the street. Besides Sytsevich, everything’s been quiet since Osborn died. It’s kinda weird, y’know? Like eerie.”

“Yeah, I imagine waiting for the next disaster to strike can feel like that,” she comments, leaning back to stare up at the empty sky. You can’t ever see stars out here. “Hey, Noya?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think you’re gonna stay here forever?” she asks. “Just stick around and be Spider-Man for the rest of your life.”

He hums a bit. “I dunno. I think I’ll probably just go wherever you end up.”

🕸 ｡𖦹°‧✩｡🕷˚⋆｡

She’s sitting on the train, a hot cup of coffee in one hand, and her phone in the other. She’s looking down at an email from her favorite Yahoo user: If you don’t want the whole world to find out, do as I say.

It’s pretty explicit. It’s hard to misinterpret that kind of message, as much as she’s deliberately trying to. Her fingers tap against the paper cup, trying not to let panic work its way up her throat in the middle of this train cab, surrounded by bored commuters that wouldn’t flinch twice at any sort of breakdown she could have.

A heavy breath leaves her lung, and she pockets her phone, trying, with a tight feeling of desperation around her throat, not to think of it. If it’s not in her face, it’ll be marginally easier to pretend.

Yachi’s waiting for her at her desk when she gets into work. She slides into her chair, and Yachi skips the greeting. “Jameson’s pissed,” Yachi says, tapping a pencil against her desk.

“Yeah? What’d Spider-Man do now?” she questions, typing her password in. She mistypes it, and curses slightly under her breath.

“The PI he hired to find out his identity quit,” Yachi laughs. “Apparently there wasn’t enough for him to go off, and the guy got tired of Jameson raising his blood pressure at him for forty minutes a day.”

She snorts. Noya’s told her about private investigators before. Everyone touts that they’re going to be the one to unmask Spider-Man, but it’s kinda tricky trailing a man with superhuman sixth sense and the ability to basically fly through the city. “I give it another three months before he tries this one again.”

“I give it one,” Yachi counters.

Her desktop loads up, and she is immediately hit with a barrage of emails, looking like they’re coming in all at once, all in caps lock. “Fuck, looks like he’s taking it out on me again.”

Email after email, the subject lines varying from things like, “This piece is crap!” to “How are you still employed here?”

Yachi leans forward to get a better at her screen. “Oh, that’s bad. I’ll leave you to that.”

And it’s just that Yachi gives her a sharp grin and two-finger salute that another email pops up. No subject line, just a simple: Wait for my instruction.

🕸 ｡𖦹°‧✩｡🕷˚⋆｡

Harry Osborn looks smarmy on the television screen, a thin layer of sweat shining on his forehead and slick smile that looks a little bit too pleased for his father’s funeral. She knocks her knee into Noya’s leg underneath the blanket they share. “That guy’s such a piece of shit,” she comments, jerking her chin forward towards the younger Osborn.

Noya knocks his leg back into hers. “My guy looks like he just won the lottery,” he remarks, eyes not leaving the screen. There’s a bit of history between Spider-Man and the Osborn family, mainly consisting of Norman committing acts of domestic terrorism from the vantage point of a hoverboard, dressed like a fucking goblin.

“Yeah, well he basically did,” she snarks. “Imagine inheriting Oscorp before you’re twenty-five. Basically guarantees you a fucking thirty under thirty spot.”

He snorts. “I’d rather not have anything to do with Oscorp. I’d rather be broke.”

"Oh, you mean the company that basically sponsored the lizard-ification of Dr. Connors? I can't imagine why." She lops her head to the side to look at him. “And anyway, I’m broke. You’re a freeloader.”

Nishinoya waves her off. “Same difference.”

She snorts, turning to face the television again to see they’re playing old footage of Norman Osborn in a lab (coat and everything), explaining the mission statement of Oscorp. To build a better future.

There were rumors about Norman, post-mortem. Details floating around about how he was driven mad in his final year. That the Osborn curse had infected him beyond hope, and his mind had began to decay, along with his body. Some people think he’s been dead for much longer. Some people think a group of investors had been secretly running Oscorp for years while Norman received private care upstate. Some people even suspect him of being the Goblin.

She wonders if that was the better future he had envisioned.

Noya shifts uncomfortably in his seat. She reaches over and grabs his hand, squeezing it tightly in hers. She’s sure he’s wishing the son will be better than his father. She’s hoping too.

His thumb traces circles over her knuckle. He doesn’t look in her direction. She tries to focus on the news and enjoy the way his hand feels in hers before there’s some police broadcast or distant siren or whatever to call him back to duty.

🕸 ｡𖦹°‧✩｡🕷˚⋆｡

Meet me @ 300 W 57th St tomorrow at 8am. Or I tell everyone about him.

She sits at her desk, biting down on the end of a pencil, and weighing her options.

One: she could tell Noya.

There’s not even a chance he would let her go. Not even if he were there. No matter the argument she would present. Nishinoya would sooner web her to the couch than let her go meet up with some mystery blackmailer. She also knows that this threat would do little to sway him. If she tells Noya, the most likely outcome is him, masked up and aggravated, showing up to fight.

Which would result in ijs99ETJfdhsg@yahoo.com telling everyone.

Two: she could do nothing.

There’s really been no hard proof presented to her that shows that Yahoo user ijs99ETJfdhsg knows what he claims he knows. This could all very well be a big misunderstanding on her end. And so what? Even if he does know what he claims to, it’s not like the world would so easily believe that Nishinoya Yuu, random unemployed man, is Spider-Man. Random liars claim to be Spider-Man every day. Noya could easily blend in with random liars.

The consequence of doing nothing though is, of course, him telling everyone. And still, the possibility that the masses believe him or that Yahoo user ijs99ETJfdhsg does have some hard evidence on his side gnaw away at her. She can’t shoulder that.

Three: she could show up.

She could put some pepper spray in her bag and give Noya the address just in case something happens, and she could go and meet with this mystery blackmailer to see exactly what the fuck it is he wants.

And then, he wouldn’t tell anyone.

The thought of it puts knots in her stomach, and those knots are worsened by the acknowledgement that it’s probably her best course of action.

She sighs, using her cursor to highlight the address he provided and plopping it back into search bar. She’s envisioning some deserted alley, an abandoned storefront or someplace that would leave no witnesses if she were to be kidnapped and/or murdered.

What she wasn’t expecting was fucking Oscorp.

🕸 ｡𖦹°‧✩｡🕷˚⋆｡

Harry Osborn’s office is neat. Almost empty, save for a few hard-drives and a stack of unopened newspapers at his desk. The wall to ceiling windows provide a view of the city she’s never seen before, and standing in the middle of it, she feels so starkly out of place. She looks behind her, just to see the assistant that led her up here closing the door behind him.

She feels trapped, at once.

Harry himself is leaning against a window, and as if operating on a que, he turns on his heel, a sickly grin plastered on his face, and, if she squints, she can almost see a greenish sort of hue in the undertones of his skin. “There’s my favorite journalist,” he greets, arms extended out as if he was going to hug her.

She steps back. “Erm, yeah,” she responds, head turning slightly to eye the closed door behind her. There’s something off in the air of room, something off-putting in the way Harry is looking at her. “Is there a reason you summoned me here through cryptic emails, or did you just wanna like, hang out?”

He stops, and lets his arms drop back down to his side, stuffing his hands in his pant pockets. “Straight to the point. I like that. I like that quality.”

It’s strange to be in the same room as him, New York City’s prodigal son. She’s seen his face on the cover of magazines and on news segments and she’s written articles about him. Harry Osborn has almost always been some kind of mythic figure in her head. An untouchable prince. Nothing she could get away with printing in the Bugle would ever have any impact on him.

But here before her, he does not look mythic, or untouchable, he looks like a very sick man. His hair falls flatly on his forehead, and he uses the back of sleeve to wipe off droplets of sweat. The longer she looks at him, the greener he seems, like his whole body is lightly stained.

Harry takes another step towards her. She steps back again.

“Y’know,” he drawls, and moves to stand behind the large desk that takes up most of the room; she watches him carefully, eyes trained on his every movement, “one of the most underrated parts of a power acquisition in a company like Oscorp, is that you suddenly have a lot more information at your disposal. A lot of information that money can’t buy.”

There’s something about the way he talks that is starkly unnatural. The PR training bleeds out of every word, and though he looks young, but the way he carries himself is eerily like his father. It makes goosebumps rise on the back of her neck. She looks over her shoulder, back at the door behind her. “O-okay.”

Harry takes a seat, like he’s unbothered by her presence. His hand lingers over one of the hard drives. “Did you know that, back in the early two-thousands, this company poured millions into researched on genetically enhanced spiders. They were supposed to be this miracle cure. A magic spider that could cure any illness. Until, of course, the head scientist died in some accident, and they had to kill off the whole project, including all the spiders they bred. Y’know, today, I think we only have one thing to show for that project.”

Her face is hot, and her ears feel like they’re stuffed with cotton. This all suddenly feels like a mistake, like she’s in over her head and she never should’ve come here without Noya. Her tongue is dry when she tries to speak. “Is this, is this on the record, or…?”

Harry leans forward in her chair, and sneers. It chills her blood, that expression, cold and gnarled. “I’m not interested in going on the record with some second-rate journalist at a trash paper. I’m interested in this.”

Harry Osborn grabs the newspaper on his desk and slams it forward. She takes a step forward to get a better look and knows immediately what it is. It’s the Daily Bugle, with Spider-Man on the front page and her name printed on the bottom.

The First-Ever On-The-Record Interview with the One and Only Spider-Man!

Her hands are shaking. She looks up to see Harry grinning at her. “It’s funny, actually, how someone right out of school, with no credentials and no reputation to go off, could get this kind of interview.”

She can hear her heartbeat, and all she can think of is how unbelievably, colossally fucked she is.

Harry Osborn stands and makes his way to stand directly in front of her. The closer he is, the more of him she can see. The green tint of his skin, the almost scaly quality, the point of his teeth. “I want you to find Spider-Man, and I want you to get him to give me his blood.”

🕸 ｡𖦹°‧✩｡🕷˚⋆｡

On the busy street beneath the Oscorp building, her fingers tremble as she dials Noya’s number. He answers after the first ring. “Hey, what’s up? I’m just dropping this bodega thief off at the station-“

“Noya,” she cuts him off, trying to hold back the sob in her voice. “I fucked up.”

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[inconsistent-kuroshitsuji-blog]

Can I request Sebastian with a gender neutral s/o (or master) who had a mental breakdown bcs of math and acted like nothing happened infront of him? (I'm gonna lose my mind over math)

My dearie, of course. I know, it has been a while, but now I am here. (That sounded like I'm some sort god-figure.) I'm about 90% sure that I have completely lost my mind over math and have no way of getting it back.

Sebastian comforting you after you lose your mind over your math homework

When the fuck did math get letters? Why does math need letters? Why must it make a problem out of everything? Who cares at what degree a certain angle of a roof of a weird art exhibition is. Why should you care at what height a discoball is located if a laser hits it at a certain angle? And who even thinks of such ridiculous problems?

Advanced education? More like an advanced headache. You've sat here at your desk for about three hours, longer than you planned to. You were just trying to do your homework, but nothing was working out. The numbers didn't add up, you don't even know where to start at. It is all too much, too much at once, you just can't handle it anymore.

Throwing away your pencil, you start sobbing over that darned piece of paper. What is this supposed to teach you? Well, nothing that matters to you, of course, yet you're still forced to keep up with algebra and geometry and analysis, totally useless in your daily life. If only these problems were solvable with tears. The only thing they do for you right now is smudge your already hastily written tasks and solutions. Oh, how you hate this. You can only hate this. How could you ever do anything else-?

Your door opens. What now? Who has come to bother you at your lowest point of the day?

"Is everything alright, my dear?", you hear, yet you don't look up. You don't have to do so to know who is there. You'd recognise his gentle voice in a crowded room full of people who don't know how to properly adjust their voice volume. You also want to save yourself from the embarrassment of him seeing your puffy red eyes. So you only mumble something into your arm, something along the lines of "Maybe, I don't know, leave me alone.".

But he didn't. Of course he didn't leave, he never really does what you tell him to. Just like his beloved cats, Sebastian does what he feels like doing at any given point. So if he wants to physically see your tears for his amusement, he will watch them slowly run down your cheeks. You hear how he places something infront of you.

"If everything truly was alright, you'd show me your beautifull face. So, look up for me.". That snarky bastard. You'd hate him for that if you didn't love him more. So you slowly look up to him, eyes all puffy and swollen. "See? I'm fine.". You finally realised he placed a batch of biscuits infront of you, freshly made of course. Sebastian looks down at you with that smirk he always seems to have on his face. "Well, I don't believe you. You're a bad liar, kitten. What is troubling you?". He doesn't even wait for your answer, he just looks down and responds with a little "Ah.". He saw everything he needed to see.

"Is your scholarship too hard on you again? Or is it you being too hard on yourself?", he asked while sitting down next to you. He seemingly tries to make out what you wrote, but it is simply incomprehensible thanks to your tears. "I told you already, it's nothing. Just some stupid problems. As if I would've brought them to class anyway..."

"Frustrated, are we?". "Shut it...", you deliberately look away, yet he pulls you into his arms and starts to stroke your head. "Now, no need to cry over silly made up numbers and problems. Rest your head for now.". Sebastian slightly nudges your head onto his chest. Maybe he's right. You should take a little break, just for now.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phew, finally something fresh on my paige. As you can guess, I'm well and alive, more alive than well but alive nonetheless. I'll see how I can get back on track. But until then, I will fulfill the meaning of my name by disappearing suddenly and reappearing again. Like a little ghost.

Until then~

Your Inconsistent Kuroshitsuji Blog~

[sourw0lfs]

dance with the devil - part nine

Words: 571 | Rating: E (mostly parts 1 & 2, but also future parts) | CW: no warnings this time! except Steve's continued bad time

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six || part seven || part eight || part nine || part ten || part eleven || part twelve

Turning twenty-one is supposed to be big and fun and momentous. Or at least that’s what everyone’s always told Steve, but he thinks it’s off to a rather crummy start actually. Surely that means it can only go up from here, right?

Except that part where it absolutely doesn’t do that. If anything, Steve finds his luck getting worse and worse. From missing his bus to losing his wallet to dropping his phone, it feels like one little thing after another little thing, and quite frankly he’s sick of it. If he didn’t know better, he’d blame Eddie.

But the thing is, Steve’s always kind of had awful luck, so if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s his own. It doesn’t make him feel better about Eddie just always being there, though.

“Are you absolutely sure you can’t just fuck off for like an hour?” Steve asks exasperatedly and for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Trust me,” Eddie deadpans in return, looking just as annoyed as Steve feels which only serves to make him bristle more, “if I could leave for any length of time, I would. But I get dragged back here any time I try.”

If Steve were less annoyed, he might feel sorry for Eddie. Something about a lack of freewill makes him sad, angry, upset? He’s not sure. But Eddie’s annoying, so Steve can’t bring himself to feel bad for anyone but himself. He’s never done well with being annoyed.

“What if you talk to whoever the hell is in charge of you or whatever?” Steve suggests, not for the first time in the week they’ve known each other. “Surely they can give you some kind of away time.”

Sighing like the weight of the world is bearing down on his shoulders, Eddie shakes his head. “I can’t get to her if I can’t leave. And I can’t take you with me, so we’re just gonna have to figure out how to get along.”

It’s the same response Steve always gets, but that doesn’t make it any less grating. Steve wants to be alone. Preferably for a long time while he processes the disaster that was the morning after his birthday. Shoving it down, pretending nothing happened because he doesn’t want Eddie (or anyone else) to see how much it’s upset him, can’t work forever.

This time, though, a thought strikes Steve and he frowns in thought. “What if you tried your weird magic shit?” he asks. “You cleaned up a murder scene with it. Surely you can use it to allow me to be alone for a while?”

Mentioning the murder scene to someone other than himself leaves Steve grimacing, but it’s the reality of things. It also brings him that much closer to a breakdown, but he keeps it held back. He always does when the memory tickles at the edges of his brain, which is alarmingly often the longer he dwells on it.

Eddie frowns in thought, expression matching Steve’s as he considers the suggestion. “I don’t think it would hurt to try,” he allows after a few moments. “Not optimistic, but we don’t seem to need many angelic miracles right now so…”

Which Steve disagrees with, but he doesn’t say anything in response. Instead he just watches Eddie, watches as the blinding light fills the room just like it had all the times before, and when it clears Eddie is gone.

Steve is alone.

As always, tags below the cut. Let me know if you want added!

@chaosgremlinmunson @soaringornithopter @hbyrde36 @shares-a-vest @dreamwatch @quevadilla @tboyeddiee @penny00dreadfull @momotonescreamingg��@stevesbipanicic @dawners @steddiejudas @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @estrellami-1 @vthx @lolawonsstuff @gleek4twd @littlebluejane @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lawrencebshaggoth @sadisticaltarts @queenie-ofthe-void @r0binscript @anaibis @hairdressersdoitwithstyle @goodolefashionedloverboi @spookednsaucy @anne-bennett-cosplayer @flustratedcas

[bikananjarrus]

Elzar for the breakdown because I miss him

chip thank u for giving me the opportunity to talk about elzar 🙏 i miss him real bad too :(

(this got longer than expected but i have feelings about him)

how i feel about this character:

oh man, i just love him to bits. he was my favorite pretty much from the moment he showed up on page, and he's still my favorite. he's bisexual. he's a bit of a bitch. he will pout and get very sad if he doesn't get enough attention. he's a weird little jedi and just wants to be left alone to do his weird little experiments with the force. most of all i think i just love how much he tries and doesn't give up, even when he wants to, even when he's at his lowest. he's the heart!! and i just love him a lot!!

all the people i ship romantically with this character:

avar and stellan. they're the only ones for him because they match his freak <3 i'm a polycule truther, but also i love him and avar together, and also thinking about him and stellan makes me want to walk into the ocean so!

my non-romantic otp for this character:

HIM AND TY YORRICK!!!!! obsessed with their bitchy bisexual + brash lesbian dynamic. went from trying to kill each other (really just ty trying to kill him for stealing her lightsaber. understandable) to drift compatible besties. i love them <3 and no i'm not bitter that we haven't seen her at all since and elzar hasn't talked about her why do u ask

but also, cheating and giving you two more, i love him and orla's friendship, and his friendship with lina. he just keeps collecting these women who take one look at this depressed suicidal wet cat of a man and go yeah, we'll take that one.

my unpopular opinion about this character:

i am thankfully not involved with the corner of the fandom that argues about this, and this definitely shouldn't be as unpopular of an opinion as it is, but ELZAR DID NOTHING WRONG ON STARLIGHT and i will DIE on that hill! sure he killed chancey, but he had spent multiple days on a sinking space station with force creatures that were eating away at all the jedis' states of mind, and he saw somehow he knew to be affiliated with the nihil (their enemy!) and thought she was further sabotaging the station, so he stopped her. should he have asked questions first, swung lightsaber later? yeah, maybe. but he did what he did and it's fine and it's also not his fault stellan died. stellan knew what he was doing when he went down there. even though elzar blames himself, it's not his fault!

relatedly, fandom sure gives elzar a lot of crap for this when avar did almost the exact same thing. she would have killed lourna dee if keeve hadn't stopped her, and avar had a lot more murderous intent behind her actions than elzar did his. but no, let's go ahead and demonize the brown member of the firebrands instead of the blonde white woman.

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon:

oh so many things. but really (and i understand this is probably a bit of a side effect of having multiple authors writing these characters across many years) but i think canon has introduced SO MANY cool storylines and possibilities for elzar and hasn't followed through on a lot of them. and now we only have one book left with him, and i'm a bit worried that it will be an unsatisfying conclusion for him :/

his force visions, for one. introduced in lotj, mentioned again towards the end of rising storm, and then not really talked about again, even though he was clearly connected to everything going on with the nihil and nameless through his visions. connecting him as a foil to azlin and not really going anywhere with that (which, i haven't read tears of the nameless, so there may be a bit more there, but still).

(okay, DEFINITELY probably an unpopular opinion, but it's related to what i'm talking about here, but i didn't love temptation of the force quite as much as the rest of the adult books, and i do think it diverged from plot to focus on the romance, which is fine, because i thought the romance was done very well, however. again. when we have one book left, now there's too much to cover and i feel like elzar took a step backwards idk)

overall, i think if you had to pick one character to be the protagonist of the adult books, elzar (or bell) is the strongest contender, and i feel like the authors keep forgetting that.

Give me a character; and i’ll break their ass down

[rubykgrant]

I had this one funny concept for a Magnus Archives AU that basically had Jon just constantly being pulled out of the main-character role, so stuff always STARTS to happen, but then it never actually WORKS, and I just thought of a very funny addition to it, so I'm sharing it again-

-At some point, Jon has a bit of a stress-induced breakdown at university and just drops out. Even though they aren't dating anymore, Georgie offers him a place to stay while he kind of tries to sort himself out, and he just. Stays. It's fine

-As a result, Jon is much less pretentious, but a LOT more blunt. He just doesn't keep any of his weird thoughts to himself, and has no inclination to keep up a "professional" appearance. Thus, Georgie gets gremlin-Jon as her roommate. It's fine

-Georgie eventually meets Melanie, and they collaborate on a few projects regarding various supernatural topics. Because Jon is just THERE, he always winds up heckling Melanie about her "spooky show". While it is annoying to hear them argue, Georgie notices that Jon and Melanie ironically motivate each other when it comes to research

-Melanie invites/dares Jon to come with her on a few investigation trips. Spooky stuff keeps trying to kill Jon, he's like a magnet for this stuff, but also nothing ever manages to kill him. He and Melanie work together more, having this weird antagonistic-rivalry thing going on as they explore creepy areas, and film monsters trying to bite off Jon's head. Then they both go back to Georgie's apartment, where Jon cooks everybody dinner. This is actually sort of nice???

-Georgie and Jon eventually visit the Magnus Institute, for spooky reasons, and learn about the recently missing Archivist, while meeting the "temporary research team"; Martin, Tim, and Sasha. They're all a little unorganized, but willing to help answer questions if they can. Jon has ZERO hesitation or humility, just flat-out telling Elias he's weird, and also telling Martin "You look like the human personification of a classical painting of a sky full of clouds in soft morning light. Where's the bathroom?"

-Elias is silently losing his mind, because this rude little man is practically RADIOACTIVE with fear-marks, but Jon has no interest working here, and even if he did, Jon doesn't have the "qualifications" for being an Archivist (not that it really matters, but for the farce of legality, it would help). Martin is perpetually flustered, because he truly can't tell is Jon is flirting with him or not (to be fair, Jon isn't sure either. he's not gonna stop, though)

-Georgie comes along at some point to see the library, and Elias is BAFFLED by her; she has almost as many marks as Jon, but somehow feels "blank" when he tries to SEE what caused any of these fears (he doesn't understand she is incapable of feeling fear like that). Well, Georgie sure has the qualifications for the Archivist position! Elias offers her enough money for her to take the job, and as a bonus (for Elias... or so he thinks), Jon helps her record/catalogue various statements

-Georgie keeps being a wrench in the works. Nothing bad happens to Sasha. The very first day Martin doesn't come in for work, Georgie asks Jon to go check on him, he sees the worms, tells Georgie, who makes up a more believable lie to get some rescue people over there, and Jane Prentiss is dealt with right away. Martin doesn't get trapped in his apartment for days and days. Georgie saves everybody from the Circus shenanigans. It goes on like that. Occasionally, Elias will call somebody like Peter to try and scare people, but Georgie keeps fixing it, and Jon keeps being a fear-magnet who also won't die (Elias is most sincerely pissed-off)

-Also, because Martin's apartment still got all gross, Georgie and Jon invite him over to stay until he finds a new space. Martin still isn't sure if Jon is flirting with him, but he kinda likes being doted on... (at this point, yes, Jon approaching him with romantic intent. He doesn't change anything about his behavior, so to Martin, there is no difference. It might not be clear until Jon asks what Martin wants to do for their 6 month anniversary)

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

ohh holy shit ren tell me abt pearl and scar in the apocalypse au. I haven’t read through all the posts abt it just the main explanation but tell me more. Who do you think breaks first out of mumbo and grian? Who stops trying first? ohhh what the hell you can’t keep doing this to me . Please keep doing it but like ohhhhh -🤖

HI IM SO EXCITED I GET TO TALK ABOUT THIS AU AGAIN

LONG POST AHEAD UNDER THE CUT:

Pearl: I put more info about the side/background characters here but something I didn't mention about her is that she is VERY protective of Grian, and when Mumbo causes Grian pain (unintentionally) she gets very angry and almost violent with him. She's always kind of around, even though she doesn't show herself very often. Most of the time she's out pretending to be human - either hunting humans or trying to learn more about them so she can blend in even better. She just kinda does it all so much better than Grian can, lol.

Scar: little freak of a man. He and Cub walked into a wormhole and came back Weird. Mumbo thinks Scar is dead because Grian can mimic his screams and Outsiders only tend to do that with dead people (because copying someone who is still alive is... kind of pointless). Scar and Mumbo were coworkers, and Scar sees Mumbo as a friend, but Mumbo is too much of a lonely little loser to realise he has friends. Anyway, Scar's genetic information got all shuffled about in that wormhole and now he's unusual. A bit vex-y. He might have a hunger for human flesh--

Who breaks first? Ermmmm. So I talked to Ange about this and... neither of us can actually remember. BUT I believe Mumbo breaks down about The Apocalypse and also Grian attacking him that one time. And. Stuff. Which causes Grian to push himself to look and act more human - which hurts him and eventually leads him to break down too, stealing Mumbo's crying sounds because he doesn't know how else to express his sorrow.

Grian abandons Mumbo because he doesn't want to scare him anymore, and he has a big breakdown in the middle of the woods alone, letting himself get hurt by other monsters. But eventually he returns to Mumbo when Mumbo is attacked by yet another monster. Pearl is properly introduced and is So Mad About These Idiots. But sees how much Grian cares and tries to get them to make up.

They try to reconcile but Mumbo eventually leaves in search of other humans - he can't just be around a monster forever. This is where he finds Xisuma and other survivors. Grian follows him. Eventually Mumbo finds Grian again and suggests they go to the suvivor's place together, with Grian disguised as a human. (Mumbo still doesn't really comprehend how much that Hurts Grian, but Grian complies anyway). And nothing bad happens (lie).

ANYWAY. THIS AU HAS A STONE GRIP ON ME AND ANGE. IT LIVES IN OUR HEADS RENT FREE.

[sillyname30]

I just listened to the latest episode of and that's what you really missed on Glee.

Jenna said there may have been a hick-up. We may have thought there wasn't gonna be time, but we made it.

Darren: I didn't want to. But now that we're sitting here I admit that this is a re-do. This was supposed to happen last week and it just slipped my mind. I feel so bad. It was the last week of my run of  Little Shop of Horrors. And there was this deluge of people reaching out. Family and friends coming from all over the place. I spent my entire day doing like schedule tetris, ticket tetris. I'm sitting all day doing this and there was that one Wednesday afternoon that seemed to like subside and  I look on my calendar and I'm like 'I don't know how but there is nothing on my calendar here' and it felt really strange. I was watching Curb You Enthusiam (with Mia) and I felt weird because 'I'm supposed to be doing something. Something isn't right with it.'

Darren: The summer before senior year (college) I decided to visit friends in Los Angeles. Through a series of circumstances I met some agency people, casting director people that sent me on an audition for that would be the pilot of Glee.

After senior year Darren moved to Los Angeles and booked a TV show named Eastwick.

Later Darren put a video for something like an open call for Glee on My Space.

Darren used to go by his full name „Darren Everett Criss“. But in Starkid he was just „Darren Criss“ and he kept it that way because of the popularity of Starkid. (that was new for me)

Darren on the auditon for Blaine: I'm blindly aware of the importance of this audition. The idea of a new character being Chris' love interest was being picked up. I'm the kind of guy – like any audition I get I stalk every person involved. I learn everything about the casting director, everything about the show, trying to learn everything I need to know to maximize my chance of being involved in it. The breakdown of the person was Tom Ford. I got a haircut. I wore a prep school outfit for the audition.

Darren: I booked this huge thing. I didn't even watched the show a lot, but my then girlfriend now wife loved the show and watched it.

Darren: They flew me first class to New York to record this record (Teenage Dream). And I got to see the girl I was dating who lived in New York. There wasn't a guide track. So I kind of decided what to do, how I wanted to do it. I made suggestions. There were a lot of choices in it that were very deliberate from me.

Darren: I even didn't like the recording that I had and ended up recording at home with a buddy a redo of the vocals for one of the songs.

What I got from the first part: Darren had a totally different experience than Kevin and Jenna. Different audition process, different recording experience for most of the Warbler songs.

[via-rant]

Hey don't you think it's funny how we don't get a specific age for Leo's cousin, Raphael? (Not TMNT people, don't get it confused!) Anyway! Here!

---------

Raphael was conflicted. He loved his cousin. But his mom hates him. So he tried to play with him as much as he could with his other little cousins. But one by one they all avoided him. Raph stayed until he could until his mom noticed him playing with him and kept him by her side whenever they were around. He was 9 when he got the news his Tìa Esperanza had died. He heard his mother screaming at him when they were at the police place. Everyone said Leo had killed her. And he believed it when he didn't deny it.

He yelled at him. Asking how could he do this? It broke his heart that he made his best friend cry harder. Leo apologized, saying it was an accident but he didn't care at the time. He punched him. His dad took him out to calm him down as his Mom took care of the rest. He remembers his life getting worse from there. His Mom went into depression and soon started drinking herself to sleep. His parents fought more and eventually got a divorce with 50-50 within a year.

His dad showed him how much he loved him and that he was there if he needed anything. That it wasn't his fault. It was Leos. Even after his breakdown in that room he still felt bad. He didn't want to. He was a muderer. He ruined their family. But Raph felt that that was wrong to say. Something more had to have happened.

By the time he was 12 he decided he needed to find him. Wanted to make up for how his family treated him and get the full story. He needed closure.

His mom was remarried by then and was doing better. His stepdad didn't care for him so they ignored each other.

His dad on the other hand was doing great. Took him everywhere, did a lot of searching and found out he wasn't religious, and found a wonderful girlfriend. They've grown closer since the first day and do everything together. They gave him a computer for his 12th birthday and he thanked them. They set it up and left him alone for a while.

He looked up his cousin. He got nothing. He emailed the lawer that was in charge of Leo's situation. He took the card out of the trash when his Mom tried to throw it away that day. The lawer said he "wasn't in charge of that freak anymore". Raph asked more and more questions and finally got the current social worker when he was 13. But realized he had no way to get there. None of his parents would approve of it and disown him. So he emailed them and said to wait a few years.

He immediately got into driving when he was 15 and looked for jobs. He met his girlfriend. She moved from Guatemala with her parents and he helped her with her homework and other things. And made it official. A year later he told her the situation with Leo and she understood. She said that it was weird that the door mysteriously locked but felt the same way about it being harsh how his family dissed him so quickly as he was obviously mentally ill and just needed help.

It took years to find him. But when they did Raph was 17. He was adopted by a couple in Indianapolis who had another daughter. Raph had a car, a house, and a good job by then. They decided to go job searching there. It took a while but they found somewhere to stay. He was excited but nervous. 8 years.

He didn't even have to knock when the door opened by a dark woman with grey hair in a bun.

"Hello, sir."

"Hello. I'm uh... I'm looking for Leo Valdez?" She raised an eyebrow her smile dropping.

"You with CPS?"

"No! No. I uh... I'm his cousin." He said and she glared and he gulped. Oh this was going to be fun.

[my-traumacore-sideblog]

i was just scrolling thru tiktok and found this, it's genuinely so triggering to see how little the staff think about the patients and how casually they talk about forcing meds on the patients

it shows so clearly that they don't see the patients as people because if they did they wouldn't be posting this shit talking about it and bosting about forcing unwanted medication on human beings and the fact that in most of these places if you are a patient you are not allowed to have contact with the outside world ""for the sake of your dignity"" supposedly so when u r out then no1 has 2 know what kind of state u were in but then the staff members r allowed 2 post abt u having ur breakdowns is rly telling and they r rly telling on themselves here

it was never abt our dignity

it was abt making sure we couldn't beg friends or family members 2 get us out of there

i hate this so much

sorry if this is more raw than normal im typing while triggered since this is more healthy than hurting my body

please don't try to talk to me directly on this post, i just needed to get my raw feelings out and then after this im probably just gonna cry and have a snack or something

please don't report this post bc of me talking abt my experiences w my own emotions, like i said this is not a threat of self harm, i do this so i don't feel the urge 2 do smth more destructive, sort of like writing in a journal? but this is more acessible 4 me bc it's just a place 4 feelings like this and stuff that triggers me and i can hav ppl online validate my feelings that yeah this stuff isn't okay and it's okay 2 b upset abt it, this is me being responsible and preventing myself from harming myself, bc i hav this blog as a method of getting it all out u guys don't need 2 worry, thought i should clarify given some of the stuff i was talking abt earlier in the post abt having rly raw emotions rn

rn at least? i want this post 2 go fucking viral

i want ppl 2 c how fucked up this is

how medical workers don't c us as ppl

how they think nothing of forcing medicine and "treatments" on us that we don't want

how 2 them we r just an obstacle in their day

just 2 b clear nothing bad is going 2 happen 2 me if this doesn't go viral, like i said, this is just me getting all my feelings out and dumping them onto virtual paper so i don't have them rattling around in my head anymore

whatever happens 2 this post, im just gonna finish this post, hav a good cry or a sad nap and a snack and then a talk with a loved one and im going to then continue my day as normal

this post going viral or not viral would have zero impact on my day, i just right now am having this desperate feeling of wanting to shove this in everyone's face and go "see!? this is how they see us! this isn't okay! can someone do something!? can someone out there force these people to acknowledge the ableism in the medical professionals!? the medical professionals i am sometimes forced to trust with my health as a disabled person! and yet they feel nothing but vile disgust towards me!"

idk, i just feel like this tiktok is a rly good example of the kind of medical ableism and medical abuse me and others like me have been yelling about for ages

okay better now after getting that out, thought i should tell u guys so u don't worry abt me, seen ppl being weird abt ppl emotional posting and now it's made me worried i hav 2 b super careful if u couldn't tell so yeah, better now tho

update: found out how 2 report content so i did that 4 the tiktok, u go 2 the share button and then there's a lil grey looking button w a flag on it 4 any of the rest of u who c this and think it should b reported/taken down

[arcplaysgames]

god i can't believe i only have 30 images. tumblr please just increase my image limit specifically and give me, like, 50. i'm dying.

There's zero chance there isn't going to be a two-parter.

Shido's Palace is the Diet Building, but it is a cruise ship that is gliding through a world already lost. Shido's perception of the world is that everything is already a lost cause and all he's concerned with is personal survival in luxury.

So he's your average billionaire, trying to build a lifeboat for himself and personally selecting the people he will allow to leave with him from his desperate sycophants.

For what I think is the first time, the Palace is regularly interrupted by little asides, back to Akechi in the real world.

No no that's flippant. Akechi is a fundamentally broken person. Like, the way he connect to people is by making himself necessary and that is it. He is the Black Mask

(which: the game reveals he's Black Mask in a little bit but I thought this was confirmed by Futaba's wiretapping, like, hours ago, but everyone acts shocked? eh whatever)

and has been doing the mental shutdown killings for Shido for years.

Anyway, while he's on air with the TV crew, someone innocuously mentions a phone, and he starts to remember Sae and the phone, and starts to suspect something's up.

A little bit later, Shido asks him to go on clean-up, taking out all remaining people he thinks might even possibly betray Shido. Akechi points out that uuuuuh why tf are we doing this now, it's really suspicious? why not wait until after the election?

So Shido is feeling extra paranoid. Akechi gets nervous about wtf might be happening.

Nice of you to drop in, Beige Boy.

Akechi figured out that the Thieves are infiltrating Shido's Palace and shows up to finally have a long-overdue mental breakdown at everyone.

yeah for real, you clearly needed someone to grab you by the back of your stupid hair and shake you until you decided not to murder people for your biological dad

OH YEAH, SHIDO IS AKECHI'S FATHER. which, okay, I didn't call that one at all. I was wondering why he had such a specific hate-on for Shido and that certainly explains it, but also wow they look nothing alike and Akechi really didn't even hint at that. Go fucking figure.

But if Shido's right and Akechi started volunteering to do this work in the Metaverse for him 2.5 years ago, that was right after/around Wakaba Isshiki's death. How the fuck did Akechi get into the Metaverse to begin with?

I'm fucking thrilled to bits that Akechi's plan all along was to kill Shido. I want that so bad for him honestly. It'd be mad sexy of him if he managed it.

Alas, Akechi is fully fracturing and goes off on the Thieves, deciding if he can finally kill them, his plan can still work.

AKECHI HAS MULTIPLE PERSONAS

AKECHI HAS THE WILD CARD ABILITY

HAS AKECHI MET NOTIGOR

Also his innate ability is to drive people insane with his persona. He demonstrates on two shadows, siccing them on the party. He's been using that on other people too, causes the psychotic episodes in the background of the game.

Bruh, wow. You are just the actual antagonist of this tale, huh?

Like, I really really wish Persona pulled a really rabbit out of the hat here. I can see how close they got to something fucking magical. Spend all this time building up Shido, do everything the same as if he were going to be the final boss...

then have Akechi step in, kill Shido, and take over as the True Villain of the game.

THAT WOULD HAVE FUCKING RIPPED, and justified all the effort put into building up Akechi. MAN.

But anyway.

Kismesissitude, folks.

GOD BLESS THEM THEY FUCKING TRY

THEY REALLY TRY

Akechi, I think Reverie was into your weird homoerotic rivalry thing from pretty early, if you just said, "Hey, want to make out and do some knifeplay" he would have been down. This was all you, buddy!

Again: easy to be flippant, but it's clear that Akechi has never once had a person he could rely on, and so has never learned the basic skills of how to rely on other people, and that isolation is his undoing. No matter how powerful you are singularly, people can still party up and take you down like a raid boss at the end of the day. You can't kill Reverie faster than Mona and Ann can Diarahan him.

"Dude, please, just chill. You are super going through it right now and we all say shit we don't mean when we're having a meltdown."

Alas, Akechi will not chill. he has a deficit of chill.

[kitkatopinions]

ALrighty!

Spoilers for RWBY ep.... 8 I think? Below the keep reading as well as criticism:

So I was wrong about the Cat. I wish it had turned out to be a morally dubious good guy, but whatever, guess the writers wanted yet another 'the person guiding you is actually not trustworthy' plot.

Here's what I'm gonna say - Neo got fucking taken over and possessed the moment that she actually started getting a spotlight as a villain? HATE that shit. I want Neo, not just some conglomerate taken over by the cat? And I don't like that she talked at all. It should've just been the cat's voice.

Idk if Little is dead or not, but I really don't care about or like Little, so if they are dead, okay??? Better than having to see them again tbh.

Seeing people 'resurrected' but all wrong was kind of dissatisfying? Torchwick was the only one of them who was actually used well (because rwby is going through plotpoints at the speed of light in fourteen to sixteen minute eps so of course we can't sit with things,) but his voice acting was off and so it messed with the immersion some. I don't blame them for not being able to get an exact copycat and I don't think they tried very hard since they didn't need Roman for long, but still, I wish his voice actor had done better. The animation of him was pretty good though.

Ruby ascended? Fuck that shit! I have hope that we're actually going to get 'Ruby down in the tree realizing what 'ascension' actually is, but first off, I wanted Ruby to have a breakdown and struggle, not to be full on suicidal and decide to basically kill herself. Second of all, if this means 'no more Ruby' I am going to be so pissed off. This is Ruby's show, right? Or it's supposed to be! Even if this means that we don't get much Ruby for the next two episodes, I'm still gonna be mad. The 'development' we've gotten so far is just Ruby being in pain, and then seemingly dying? I'm trying not to count my chickens before they hatch or whatever, but this could be worst case scenario, people.

The moment where Ruby was getting attacked by everyone who was dead was... Well, first off, it was weird. Because A. Why would Neo bring in Clover, Leo, and Ozpin? Was she just bringing in everyone she thinks that Ruby may have sort of known who died? Second off, why does Neo think Penny cared about Ruby most in the world? When did she have access to that information? How did she know to use Penny that way? Third off, I liked the 'Ruby strikes out at Ozpin, only for Neo to replace him with Oscar' thing in theory but I would be wrong if I didn't point out that once again the only member of Team RWBYJNOR with dark skin gets the most violent things happening, which is a bad pattern. I get that it may be because Oscar is actually more like Ruby's friend than the rest of her team atm (which is sad,) but I just think the writers should be aware that this is a thing they do that they maybe should correct. Maybe they could've had it be Weiss or Yang that Ruby 'accidentally killed' in these visions? Just a thought. Fourth off! I liked how Neo transformed people into Ruby's alive friends and family, judging her for the 'murder.' Fifth off, I just gotta say the combat was not good for me once again. Neo literally has several people there fighting for her, and they all shot like stormtroopers? Ruby's discombobulated and depressed, so her going down without much fight isn't the problem, the problem is that Neo alone by herself should have been able to easily bring her down, let alone with her clones there to help her. Maybe she only knew Roman well enough to really replicate his style, but Neo and Roman? Tag team of the century!

On to... Team WBYJ. I'm not even gonna get into the fact that Blake and Weiss were more sympathetic to Ruby's struggles than Yang was (I am really frustrated with Yang this season,) but they all just stand there and do nothing while Ruby drinks down poison? What the hell? That is not a freaking good look, guys.

Anyway... I don't know how to feel about this episode, but I'm mostly frustrated and disappointed. And on the other hand, I guess we got good pics of Roman and Neo? I'm gonna have to wait to form a concrete opinions on this ep until we can confirm what the frick actually happened next ep, but for now, it's looking like another 3/10. I got some enjoyment, but overall a bad experience once again.

[shwoo]

Grumpus Headcanons (3/3)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Here is all 1,100 words of headcanons for every Bugsnax character relationship I can think of from before the expedition. Every character relationship closer than Filbo and Eggabell, or Chandlo and Floofty, anyway. I don't think either of those pairs knew each other very well.

The Clumby and Journalist one is basically a summary of a fanfic I wrote (about what Clumby was thinking during the game's intro). The headcanon list came first, but I am very uneven about finishing things.

Relationship Headcanons

Jamfoot and Clumby He likes her and considers her a friend, but in a selfish kind of way, where he doesn't care if she's happy or not, and doesn't really respect her as a person. She thinks he's an idiot who ruined her life, and resents him for it. She also thinks that he saved her life, which is probably true, so her feelings are complicated. They do a trivia night together every couple of weeks, which Clumby enjoys but would never admit. I think that because it would be a funny thing for Jamfoot to act betrayed about if Clumby switched sides to Team Desperate Loser (that's what I call the main characters). Did trivia night mean nothing???

Bronica and Clumby Clumby had a crush on Bronica, which was part of the reason she went with her to Snaktooth. They'd already met when Clumby interviewed her, and Clumby was desperate to prove her ability to handle dangerous situations. So going on a secret expedition with her celebrity crush to a mystery death island seemed like a great idea at the time. Bronica was aware of Clumby's feelings, but she was in her 60s and Clumby was in her 20s, and Bronica saw her more as closer to her preteen granddaughter.

Bronica and Triffany Bronica nominally lived with Triffany and her more immediate relatives, but wasn't around much. She did take Triffany on some safer expeditions, and promised she'd take her along on a full adventure when she was old enough. But then Bronica disappeared. She definitely wanted to bring something back from Snaktooth for her. Probably talked to Clumby about it.

Chandlo and Snorpy From Chandlo's perspective, they got together soon after Snorpy was fired from his government job. Snorpy had just had a mental breakdown as a result of everything that was happening and dropped out of contact with Chandlo. Chandlo managed to get back in touch a month or so later, and being around him helped Snorpy feel like himself again. Chandlo deliberately didn't use the boyfriend word because he doesn't want to stress Snorpy out by moving too fast, but he assumed Snorpy did know they were dating.

Clumby and Journalist Clumby is very well-known in journalist circles, and the Journalist admires her work and considers her a big influence. They think she's a little inflexible and old-fashioned, but mostly their opinion of her is positive. Clumby thinks the Journalist is a good writer, but bad at picking what to write about. Her attitude in the opening cutscene was a bit more hostile than she usually is towards them, because she was stressed from watching Lizbert's video, but she was legitimately angry about their previous failures. The Journalist noticed that she was acting weird, but thought she was just out of coffee or something. She'd already decided to fire them by the time they insisted on going, and was trying to be nice by not telling them, since she realised she couldn't stop them. As she mentions at the end of the game, she thought they were definitely going to die, so she didn't think they'd ever have to find out.

Eggabell and Lizbert Their official status is "partners". They could get married if they want to, because homophobia isn't really a thing in this universe and any consenting adults can get marreid, but they both find the concept stifling, for different reasons. The idea of marriage sets off Eggabell's self-loathing because she associates it with going back to her old life and being alone and unfulfilled again. She's never articulated it clearly enough to notice the really obvious contradiction there. But Lizbert just really hates rules and conventions on principle.

Eggabell and Wiggle Eggabell was a fan of Wiggle's music first, and got Lizbert into it. She was also the one who wanted to be backstage for Wiggle's first farewell tour, though as Wiggle mentions during her interview, Lizbert is the one who actually broke in. Eggabell has all of Wiggle's albums, and is still kind of starstruck around her. Wiggle thinks Eggabell is very sweet, but also keeps forgetting that Eggabell actually likes her non Do The Wiggle work. She is extremely insecure about her other work.

Filbo and Lizbert Lizbert likes Filbo as much as he likes her, and she genuinely admires his commitment to making other people happy. She asked him to help with the settlement both because she wanted her friend there, and because she thought he'd be better at community stuff than she was. When Lizbert's big Gumpus Atlantis thing turned out to be a hoax, Filbo sent her a bunch of encouraging letters, though she was too mopey to look at them until Eggabell made her.

Floofty and Snorpy I think there's a lot of in-game evidence that Floofty and Snorpy used to be close, so that's not a headcanon exactly, but I also think that Floofty is three years older than Snorpy, and that Snorpy absolutely idolised them when he was younger. He grew out of that as a preteen, to Floofty's confusion. From their point of view, their little brother thinking they were cool was just an immutable law of the universe. But they stayed close for another ten to fifteen years, until their estrangement over the evil government stuff. When they do work together, they are very efficient, and tend to talk to each other in fast, incomplete sentences that confuse everyone else present.

Lizbert and Wiggle They stayed in contact after their first meeting, and related to each other's issues with getting famous and then repeatedly failing to produce a followup. They were talking soon after Lizbert's first Snaktooth trip, and Wiggle mentioned how desperate she was for inspiration, giving Lizbert the idea to start a settlement. She knew it was a big discovery, and she knew she wanted to use it to help people, but she hadn't been sure what exactly to do until then.

Triffany and Wambus They met while Triffany was studying the area near his farm as part of her PhD. She was married at the time, but no cheating was involved. Either they didn't get together until Triffany was single, or Triffany's ex did that thing where one partner wants to open up the relationship because they're bored, and the other partner reluctantly agrees, but then meets someone who actually likes them. The game already has the other heartwarming relationship anecdote that tends to show up online, with Chandlo and Snorpy, and Snorpy not realising they were dating, so it might as well also have this. I don't know if I want Triffany to have an abusive relationship in her backstory, though. But also, the idea of that happening and then Triffany meeting someone who genuinely wants to listen to her go on and on about the fall of Grumpus Rome or whatever, and won't tell her she's annoying… It's very appealing.

[idealspawn]

throughout my journey on growing as a person somehow the only thing i still havent managed to resolve or find the deepest true cause for is my insecurity regarding my intelligence. every single evidence from outside authorities is screaming in praise and approval of my level of knowledge yet i am filled with such anxiety. i dont know how to not let my high standards lower my self-confidence. i think its good that i do have high standards too in a way but not the anxious perfectionism that comes with it. ive thought maybe im unsure about my competence because i feel like i dont belong. in university since ive had an unconventional route, i sort of lack like a group of coursemates (ive changed universities and now im in like an exchange programme so i havent had and dont have the same curriculum as anyone). so i dont know what i should know and what i shouldnt. like what prior knowledge others have. i dont know where i place in the context. i dont know what is stupid to bring up and what isnt. google also told me that maybe its like the dunning-kruger effect where the more you know the more you become painfully aware of how little you know. i guess thats true. i also in general am like programmed to seek for irregularities (i study philosophy and have a background of doing a lot of things requiring close analysis and pattern recognition) so maybe thats why i only see whats wrong in my work or opinions even if that actually forms a small portion regarding the whole. usually my professors dont even pick up on those things i think are massive logical fallacies and am afraid will fail. i literally only get praise and they are so so so credible too, its not that i get approval from people who dont know any better. i dont know. i have all these explanations in my head but not one of those hits the nail on the head. ive gathered that what relieves my anxiety regarding.. well anything.. is just acknowledgeing it. like cracking the code as to whats the underlying deeper cause that projects itself in this belief, insecurity. but i cant seem to ever get it. i wonder is this too small of a problem to go to a psychologist. right now its not too bad but i actually get like weird intense uncontrollable nervous anxiety twitches and breakdowns from the pure thought of how little i know and what others think of me. im most afraid that they think that i think im smart when in reality im so painfully aware that im speaking on matters i feel i dont have proper knowledge of (yet i must because its an assignment). though i think its pretty apparent that im insecure, at least during presentations or speaking in seminars because of the way i speak (hesitantly). i know that to wait until i truly know sth before i speak is a lost cause. you cant ever fully know anything. and its like. so what if im wrong. nothing happens if im wrong but im so terrified of it. i guess ive tied my intelligence to my identity quite a bit but i dont know if that is it either. i guess you could say i should care less abt what other ppl think but in other areas im so confident and sure of myself i dont know why this is manifest only here. i know im actually quite capable at least compared to some people and there are periods where i do get my feedback on an essay or task and i feel really sure of myself but its a very very small slice of the time. i know comparison isnt proper but its also so necessary and inevitable in my field of study, i cant seem to avoid it. ive genuinely resorted to paying a lot of attention to my looks and makeup that makes me look cute and kind in order to hopefully cause the halo effect that when im silent or say something stupid i get the benefit of the doubt.......... its stupid. but im that afraid :/ of coming across narrow-minded.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Title: By Nightfall

Author: Deborah Eisenstein

Rating: 3/5 stars

Clouds are good writing prompts

Clouds are good writing prompts! Who would have thought? (Well, I guess plenty of people.) In By Nightfall, clouds are used to good effect as a sort of minor deus ex machina. Which is fun, and also happens to work in thematic/structural terms because, well, clouds are one of those things about which you can't know everything -- they look very different depending on the angle from which you're viewing them, and when one is so close to the sky, it's (literally) difficult to know where one ends and the rest of the atmosphere begins. This is not especially consequential for the book except in its use of the "foreshadowing at night" device, but it's cute.

More importantly, the clouds function thematically as an archetypical breakdown of the kind of view that the narrator -- and the narrator's grandmother -- relies on (for different reasons), especially given that the disruptive forces are not actually of cloud origin. The disruption itself is the very cause of the friction between the two main characters, which is fine, but at this point, the clouds are no longer really relevant -- it could just as easily be any other disruptive force, or many of them -- and it's a little weird to find them reappearing at the end in a manner that feels almost gratuitous. I mean, there's nothing wrong with gratuitous, and here it's tied to the construction of this very strange, almost solipsistic view of the world that the narrator chooses to impose over everything else. So it's good in that it fits the thematic and character stuff, bad because it's yet another friction between things.

Oh, and let's talk about these characters, shall we?

I think there's something about the type of character the narrator is that I didn't quite buy -- how self-consciously "postmodern" he is, but how insecure and immature at the same time. The postmodernism is endlessly cute and jokey and clever, but often so cute and clever that it runs away from any real emotional weight or point, which is very much not the purpose of fiction -- at least, not as I understand it -- and so you get a sense of this guy who's sort of a show-off, but also a guy with little going for him except for the ever-shifting, ever-tenuous layers of "meta" upon "meta" upon "meta" that can be this grandiose, grandiloquent special snowflake all the time.

I guess it's hard for me to believe that, were I in this guy's position, I would use these same resources. Instead, I'd probably be focused entirely on the inescapable emotional dimension of the situation, that this was, for real, my grandmother, that I was suddenly in her fucking world, that I knew nothing about her or her world because I'd never given a shit before. It would be full of disgusting psychological moments like:

I keep telling myself to enjoy this. This is perfect! I've told myself so many times that this is perfect, this is what I wanted! It is perfect! But I still feel the deep, inexorable horror of my new self, even though I keep telling myself that it is perfect.

Which, I don't know, maybe does not mean a whole lot on its own, but sounds like something a person really in this situation might think, maybe? The guy's internal monologue is endlessly self-deprecating, and always a bit pompous and tinged with self-conscious irony, but also seems entirely focused on these highbrow, intellectual, "witty" ("meta") reframings of everything he sees and hears, and it's just not that interesting to me. The character is fun to read about, and his behavior is interesting, but his thinking is endlessly ironic and self-conscious, and so you never really get under the surface. It's a version of solipsism-as-egoism that I've never been able to buy -- this intense discomfort with one's self, but this unshakeable sense that all of one's horrible self is unique, special, and therefore necessary. Kind of unsatisfying.

The only real bright spot in this guy's pretty dull characterization is the way he grapples with his brother and his father -- the characters who do not interact with the weird world of his grandmother and her stories, and whose responses to that world seem (as far as they're shown to us) to be pretty reserved, matter-of-fact. Of course, their response is also simply "I hate that my father's a bastard," and I find that response less interesting than I should. (What does it mean? I don't know.) But there is a sense of real, grounded emotion attached to this, insofar as it's just that the guy is horribly upset that his father's a bastard, and doesn't care much about his "ability" to express it, or how well he does so.

This is a fascinating moment, because at the heart of it -- like all "cultural critique" I've ever seen -- is an almost complete lack of interest in engagement, in helping people, in acting on personal responsibility, in anything but the special snowflake's declaration of their specialness. The characters in this book can't stand one another, of course, because of the endless frictions of class and status and outlook between the cultured intellectual and the philistine (because "cultured" and "philistine" are more or less terms that mean almost nothing), and they can't stand one another because the characters feel the tug of the surface of life, the truism-haunted surface of class and status and outlook that characterizes these people -- and yet at the same time they want to know what this weird old woman's stories have to say.

She's rich and mean, but somehow still a "cultural elite," and the most significant thing about that is that she knows the truths of that status, and then tells those truths with a kind of red-hot integrity that fries the skin right off of everything these characters feel like "life is." She is, in other words, something of a truth-teller, and what's more -- and this is key -- she is not a cultural truth-teller; her "truths" are not the pillars of the culture she is part of. They're too weird, too strange, too much like "fairy tales" (which, as we all know, are not a part of the "great books" and "classics" beloved of the "cultured" characters here).

(Did you know: the Western literary canon is actually . . . ? The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. A complete coincidence that the boy who took the SATs and went to a good school would have read it.)

One of the (many) things this narrator is particularly uninterested in is doing the work of bridging the gap between himself and his relatives. It's like he thinks "I will notice these idiots won't like me because I'm all about how much smarter I am than them," and then that's it, he's done with the thing! There's no actual connection made, no working together to make the thing work, and no attempt to even create the thing. Maybe he doesn't have enough time to do this kind of work, but for some reason it feels like this is always the case -- that when it comes to his relatives, he simply refuses to make the effort.

"I try to focus on the knotwork, and how this family will never understand, and how it is my only salvation to sit here, at this moment, and compose a poem." Fine. That's a character choice, I guess.

"This family doesn't care about what I do. I just do my thing, then. I'm aloof. I'm disaffected. In any case, I don't have time for that kind of thing. I do my thing, then, with the utmost care and control." Fine. That's a character choice too.

But this is not a realistic character choice, is it? At no point in the book is there a realistic character choice. The guy's grandmother is someone who has a whole life outside of the impoverished and miserable suburban scene in which these guys live, and she's also a storyteller. If he's going to learn anything from her, well, one would imagine she's going to have something to say about how she tells her stories. But she does not. She doesn't have time. She will make the minimum effort. She will be a bit "abrasive," but she will not tell him anything he