#and not that i don't like colin (i absolutely adore him as hook he was one of my first celeb crushes)

[merelyspecters]

And what if I said Naveen Andrews in his early Lost era would have been a more canonical Captain Hook than Colin O'Donoghue for Once Upon a Time

[killian-whump]

So...Killian's butt looks best in: Leather pants, such as Season 2? The leather-like jeans from Season 4? The black jeans from Season 5-6? The blue jeans in Season 7? Or the black denim in Season 7? Obviously the correct answer is no pants, but aside from that? I might have to vote for Roger's black denim behind as a close second. (And don't tell me his butt looks best all tied up, either! That's a given!) -J

Oh... So many options, it’s making my head spin, and I’m tempted to just stop reading this Ask after the fifth word and say

Yes. Yes, Killian’s butt looks best :D

But alas, I owe you better than that, my dear J... So I shall consider all of these options for you, my dear, because I love you.

Personally, I love a man’s rear (and front and legs and everything) in leather. And that one moment when he’s going up some steps and his sword belt is hanging just right there, like it’s thinking about slipping further down over the curve of his ass, but it stays put and just mooooves with his body, like it’s as entranced with that tight little tush as all the rest of us are and... it’s time for the GIF, isn’t it? Yes, indeed. It’s time for the GIF:

Mmmm. Leather just adds a smoothness and a sinewy look to a man’s bottom and it will always be a favorite of mine. I just... want to press my fingers into it and squeeeeeeeze. I want to run ice cubes along those curves, leaving little trails of water and sensation behind. I want to bite it, for gods’ sakes. Maybe a little spank, as well. Gods above, that ass is divine.

Please forgive me, my dear J, but that is truly the butt of champions and it makes me FEEL things and I get a little carried away by it.

Click the link below to see my thoughts on the other looks...

Now I am nothing if not an honest woman, and our precious bean sprout has a rather small butt (a delectable and beautiful butt, mind you all, but one on the smaller side) that doesn’t always fill out the pants he’s wearing... and it drives me absolutely batty.

Like, the GIF above absolutely demonstrates that it is possible to dress this man in pants that hug his tight little backside and highlight it’s lean and adorable contours perfectly. And yet, too many of the denim looks the show put him in do this to his butt:

Now, we know he has a lovely little ass, but those pants aren’t exactly... flattering it. They kinda make his butt look flat and shapeless, which we know it isn’t, of course, but looks can be deceiving, and this show repeatedly opted for fashion trends (super skinny jeans) over what’s most flattering on the man’s body (anything but super skinny jeans). Colin is a lean guy and, dare I say it, he’s got skinny legs. Super tight, leggings-like jeans aren’t really a good idea for guys with skinnier legs. They look better in relaxed fit jeans that hug all the right places (hips, butt, groin), but allow the eye to assume greater mass for each leg than there may be in actuality. Instead, this damn show opted to put Colin in pants that don’t even hug his ass, but cling to every inch of his legs like friggin’ tights, making his ass look flat and his legs look like sticks. Seriously, Hook’s pants are one of the banes of my very existence.

You’ll notice that most of the fandom’s favored shots of his backside tend to be when he’s bent at the waist, as that kind of pose pushes his butt out and forces it to fill out the pants he’s in. And then you can see what a lovely little tushy it truly is:

So smol. So tight. So adorable. Also, note Josh’s butt in this shot, as well. He definitely has a little more meat on his tush than our Colin does, so it’s a good shot for comparison’s sake to see what I mean about the size of our favorite guy’s super adorable backside.

Season 7′s costumer did better by Colin by giving him a bit more space to move in his jeans, which helped... but it still can’t compete with the leather.

When there’s a bit more room in the legs, the room in the butt doesn’t stand out as much and make the butt region look bad. Overall, that’s a nice pair of jeans right there, and his butt looks pretty nice in ‘em.

BUT, they also went and did THIS unforgivable thing in Season 7:

That’s leather pants, my friend, that turn into decidedly NOT LEATHER pants right at the butt region. That is the BEST region for leather pants to, you know, BE LEATHER, and there is NO excuse for there to be leather all the way up and NOT right there where it should be at all possible times. I mean, yeah, I bet those are a lot more comfortable than fully-leather pants, but what about MY needs?! I HAVE NEEDS, PEOPLE.

So, in short, what about some leather boxer briefs? Yes? Laces on the front. I like leather with laces. Maybe tastefully semi-undone laces... And he must be tied up, of course. Yes. Maybe... leather cuffs... holding his arms up for our enhanced enjoyment of those boxer briefs... and a gag in his mouth... yes... Something to match the leather and bondage theme, so maybe a ball gag? Leather straps, of course... and let’s forego the bright red ball for a black one... 

Wait. I’m sorry. Was that not the question? I think you said something about no bondage, but... but... I think this is now the question, because I’m gonna be unable to think of anything else for the rest of the day.