#and not just cause we finally found it
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Curly had two days to act and Swansea had two months.
I think it’s just interesting that every defense of Swansea not immediately acting are the same ones that are argued against for Curly. “He didn’t want to alert Daisuke or makes things worse for Anya either Jimmy!” I mean people also assume that about Curly and the crew. “He has to think about his plan of action and a right moment!” Again so did Curly, power and authority aside, he still would have to think of what he had to do. “He makes sure he doesn’t have to be around Jimmy!” So did Curly and they only do this to an extent, both give Jimmy more than a few opening to keep harassing Anya.
This isn’t defense of Curly nor a damnation of Swansea. Their actions are very parallel to each others in tragic and sour ways when it comes to how they approached helping Anya. In the grand scheme of it all they both did the same thing: Nothing. No action either took stopped the inevitable outcome of her death nor Jimmy’s continued damage to themself.
The only real difference is Swansea didn’t like Jimmy which is pretty substantial, but also just as damning as Curly knowing how bad Jimmy could get to an extent. He had even less of a reason to wait, even more of a reason to act seeing as he was now worried for Anya AND Daisuke. He is not bound by the possible procedure as Captain and actively does not care about what happens next. So what does it matter if he acted in the moment? Why did he wait? I think he’s just as morally complex and grey as Curly and we hold him on a pedestal that still perpetuates things in rape culture the game critiques.
It’s not just enough to dislike and be abrasive to predators/abusers like Jimmy. It’s not enough to just put yourself between them and the other person. It’s not enough to hold tensions when you know someone is vulnerable. He and Curly do the exact same things but on different sides of the coin. I ask how is it better to not turn a blind eye but still not really do anything about what you are seeing? Not until it affects you atleast…
The game makes a big point to not put men doing the bare minimum or who wait to do more on pedestals and I’m actually surprised so many are missing that point.
#like I’m sorry two months? he couldn’t have explained it at all to Daisuke?#he’s no better than Curly and it’s likely Anya found comfort in the fact that Jimmy would at least avoid being around Swansea#tho everything he went off to drink or passed out she would be acutely reminded that things are still taking precedent in his head#she is not his top concern nor is seeking justice for her like he is admittedly more concerned about Daisuke he doesn’t mention her#outside of the fact that they were def talking about what Jimmy did and likely the fact he might’ve crashed the ship but pls don’t mistake#his final acts as being majority for Anya. the game keeps showing how these men keep prioritizing things over her even when they say they#won’t and it’s sad it’s so sad that we keep trying to say but what about him like they all do it#it’s not intentional but that’s what’s also bad about it like I doubt she made a suicide plan with him two months in advance#these characters are acting to get out of this and she knows her ending is not happy if she leaves or not she’s taking that choice to do it#and hell Swansea might not have known by the way he speaks to Daisuke and Jimmy that that was her plan to khs#likely either to just keep her and Curly locked in med bay until they got rescued or died#but it’s all speculation and thinking and I can only implore people to think why are you giving Swansea more credit?#cause I see him bittersweetly so used to the negatives he cares not for futile efforts#two months vs two days and each time nothing was really done for her other than prolonging her suffering around Jimmy#Swansea slept outside utility was drunk most of the time and it’s clear Jimmy was able to have access to Anya whenever#I mean look at the teaser where they sit at the table he is far from her with Daisuke#like it’s just frustration at this point thinking any guy on that ship was doing good by Anya specifically and not for their own reasons#like at least Curly was direct on the issue he still did mostly Jack shit but Swansea doesn’t even let Jimmy know he knows#and that’s another issue in rape culture of men avoiding calling other men what they are even if they hate them like#the game plays with the idea of knowing vs acknowledging and neither truly acknowledge it as a part of their actions#against Jimmy and god no one did better than Anya for Anya. they just weren’t heinous like Jimmy#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#swansea mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#nurse anya#it’s not all men but all men can and do play a part especially in the extreme scenario mouthwashing deposits
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as someone who hasn't had tumblr for very long, i keep forgetting that everyone on here is a freak. no normal person has tumblr (including me). i keep forgetting that i can post about my freaky lil gay ships and, as long as they're not illegal, no one will judge me for them. like, i can post about "paragon" and "blue" and "dirty laundry" and "shut up and dance" and people most likely have read them before. this is like the first time in my life that i can be an actual weirdo and no one will judge me for it
(ignore the yapping in the tags i got carried away)
#this is awesome#context:#blue is that one zukka fic where zuko is like a spy or sum shit idk it's been a while#we all know paragon but for the people who don't it's that hannigram au that has a lot of smut and is like gospel to the hannigram fandom#and dirty laundry is that klance fic that is simultaneously both more devastating and much calmer than the actual show#also it hasn't been talked about since like 2017#and finally#shut up and dance is the klance fic im to scared of finishing cause that'll mean that it's over#and it's definitely totally not on an archive that o can just go back and reread anytime i want#holy shit i've found the character limit on tags lol
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part 11/26ish
anyone remember those scales with the springs in 'em? all i ever see these days are digital scales but those things made the best noises. i think i've seen some kitchen scales that still use spring mechanisms, but it's been a while.
technology is weird.
from the beginning
#otherkin hrt#fictionkin hrt#fictionkin#otherkin#digihrt#dg arts#-apomon#updates might slow down from daily since our brain ceased letting us do art about halfway through bfsdhjfbjshdbfs#oh well#i'm thinking of doing another fake in-universe pamphlet for a bonus though#specifically like talking about the “weight” stat#fun fact: we'd never stepped on a scale in almost a decade before finally seeing a doctor for the first time in that 10 years last year#we used to obsess over our weight in a way inherited from our mom's diet culture BS and then like#i'm pretty sure we split someone in the system who just managed to not give a shit#and everyone else that did basically got put in time out or fragmented to hell (we still don't know)#i think about this post i saw a while ago that talked about how like#weight (specifically as it is medicalized) shouldn't be a concern so much as if you're moving your joints and stretching them enough#and it should really only be a concern when it drastically changes in a short period of time because it can sometimes be indicative of#your body flipping its lid#the post talked about rapid weight loss specifically and how a lot of doctors will go “oh wow weight loss!! yay :)” when like.#no??? not yay???#anyways some medications can cause weight fluctuations too#our fibro medication can cause weight gain and tbh i don't give so much of a shit about that as i am curious about the mechanics behind it#our relationship to weight is mostly informed by being the one person in our family who never had to deal with fatphobia targeting them#but just because we weren't the target didn't mean it didn't affect us when our mom's whole life shifted around WW#i didn't want to delve into that in this comic tbh so aside from the little bonus pamphlet this is the last time it's brought up#but like a comic where we take a version of ourself through this kind of transition would inevitably have to touch on relationships to food#we're just lucky we finally found out that we can actually like... enjoy food without it hurting us?#part of the wish fulfillment of this scenario would (and is) the idea of getting to enjoy food without bodily discomfort#because on top of us almost developing an ED we also just have a garbage stomach
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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Officially diagnosed with "Being a woman" disease in 2024
Can someone please ship another CEO to hell, please?
#i found a couple of grey hairs the other day and i mean like full fucking chunks not strands and obviously thats fucked#like wtf i havent even graduated high school yet what the fuck do you mean im having Old People Hair Disease#And like its probably anxiety i know that but thats also a Lot of fucking hair to just go Stark White or Grey all at once#Of course Yuuma and Jova and Issac get worried about it and i think hearing Jonah call me grandma aged ne for real by like 50 years#obviously thats concerning so we get a doctor appointmet scheduled and they do tests and shit#well i finally went and i bassically got told oh yeah you probably just have anxiety have you considered doing yoga and meditating about it?#NO SHIT IM ANXIOUS CHIEF MY HAIR IS GOING WHITE FOR NO REASON#IT WOULD BE CUTE IF I WAS USING DYE BUT THIS ISNT DYE WHY ARENT YOU HEARING ME#kinda wish i would have just bought hair dye cause now they have to pay the premiums on that visit that was bassically just a waste of time#anyway i guess im fucking meditating now so i can at least say i tried...i guess....
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Surprise Song o’ Clock: Vancouver Night 1
Dress: Supernova (Purple✨sparkle)
Guitar:
It’s Canada EY!
Haunted x Wonderland
“I know, I know, I just know I reached for you, but you were gone, I knew I had to go back home. You search the world for something else, to make you feel like what we had, and in the end, in Wonderland, we both went mad. Come on, come on, don't leave me like this! I thought I had you figured out… Something's gone terribly wrong, won’t finish what you started… Come on, come on, don't leave me like this! I thought I had you figured out… Can't breathe whenever you're gone… Can't go back — I'm haunted — Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh—eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, We found Wonderland (eh, eh, eh, eh, eh) — You and I got lost in it (in Wonderland) And we pretended it (eh, eh, eh, eh, eh) Could last forever (in Wonderland) We found Wonderland (eh, eh, eh, eh, eh) You and I got lost in it (in Wonderland) And life was never worse but never better (eh, eh, eh, eh, eh) In Wonderland”
Piano:
Never Grow Up x The Best Day
“I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger. God smiles on my little brother, inside and out he's better than I am. I grew up in a pretty house, and I had space to run, and I had the best days with you… Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room. Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home. Remember the footsteps, remember the words said, and all your little brother's favorite songs. I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone… There is a video I found from back when I was three, you set up a paint set in the kitchen, and you're talking to me. It's the age of princesses and pirate ships, and the seven dwarfs. And Daddy's smart, and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world… And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall… I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong. And I love you for giving me your eyes. Staying back and watching me shine and, Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up. Could still be little. Oh, I don't wanna grow up. Wish I'd never grown up. It could still be simple. Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up. Don't you ever grow up. Just stay this little. Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up. Don't you ever grow up. It could stay this simple… I won't let nobody hurt youc won't let no one break your heart… and even though you HAVE to, please,try to remember, oh, but I had the best day, with you, today.”
#Taylor Swift#The Eras Tour#Swifties#Taylor Nation#Acoustic Set#Surprise Songs#Guitar#Piano#Mashup#Vancouver Night 1#Surprise Song o’clock#Swift Streams with me & live updates+usual reaction clowning Masterminds especially for these final shows THREE 2 1#Haunted#Haunted x Wonderland#Wonderland#Speak Now TV#1989 TV#Speak Now TV x Haunred TV#Never Grow Up#The Best Day#Never Grow up x The Best day#Fearless TV#Speak Now TV x Fearless TV#lol the streamers today really are the mood — the ey joke omg I love her — EYYYY AM NOT OK — MOTHER R U OK?#*sobbing* — I am UNwell — this hurts different — WAIT THE WORD CHANGE —— a video you found you say? ;-)#Random night notes: her describing herself as the narrator sing it back to me def filming so doc clowning lol#her saying hi to the whole crowd cause we love her does chevron have new cut outs? This streamer security sobbing mood#we all felt that — all the moms — omg is it Peter? New Year’s Day? NO! Oh just super pain ok cool AH#she’s perfect this tour is enough no clowns needed — is there something to draw? Lol love the streams#purple dress had a reason cause it’s speak now tv night maybe tomorrow 1989 and then announce lol also video footage is giving doc vibes?
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been following you since PRE bubblegum karkat days and it’s been really nice watching you grow and heal and whenever i see you on my dash and think of your growth it reminds me of my own healing journey. i find that really nice
HAHA that was AGES ago dude. my god. i cant believe youre still around, that was like, the worst of it LOLOL weve both probably come a looong way since then, yeah. life used to be abysmal but now ive got my hubby and mother in law and were moving to nola next month so theres nothing to fear =')
#we found the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood in the perfect part of the city so#we are hoping and praying. our sickass real estate agent did a walkthru yesterday and said#'its been on the market for a while so if you put in for it youll probably get it'#very exciting news theres even a patio we can screen in EASILY for our cats#right outside our bedroom door! it would be perfect for entertaining!#were finally going to make irl friends!!!!! sdkjksdjfksd#i had a couple freak friends in phoenix and like 2 cool friends but like. mostly. freaks.#so im hoping to make real actual friends this go round cause we sure as hell didnt out here in the sticks of al#yippeeeeeeee#babe is also going to get a job so i can take a break bc ive been doing coms to support us for years now and its STRESSFUL#im gunna get to go on a small vacation and kick back like#life is so good#im so excited to rest and chill#im gunna sew!! so much stuff!!!!#maybe ill even list some on here for people to buy like i just want to make so many little dudes all the time#but i dont have the time or energy to devote to that bc making patterns takes time and materials#IDK IDK TOTALLY OFF TOPIC#i dont talk about my daily life much actually its usually just specific shit so im taking the opportunity to say.#i grew up in a VERY bleak way. brother were talking moldy food bank food house rotting both my guardians so so sick#dropped out of middle school to be a fulltime caregiver lost both of them anyway#then a bunch of falling out with my family etc etc i had NOTHING going into my twenties but a FUCKTON of trauma and mistrust#and now im heading for my thirties and i am the healthiest and happiest i have ever been in my entire life#i look great i feel great i do pretty good for myself and the people around me#i love love love my friends im t4t gay married i have a cat thats like a pokemon partner. to me. its perfect#yes weve made a lot of plans that have fallen thru and were not where we thought we would be by now#but honestly? honestly? my life is really great. were broke as fuck but we get by and we love each other and thats whats UUUUUUUP#youll get there! just keep going! you have no idea what kinds of opportunities youll be offered in your life that can change everything
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felt like i was going crazy yesterday trying to set up a login system for this website 😭 it was like i was back in college again!
#im using supabase for auth and i was like someone pls...show me how to do this...with just vanilla js#every tutorial is with like react or next#im trying to do this site with just html css and js (and php)#so i can learn#and later if i wanna move things to a framework i wont be completely lost if something breaks!#but yea i pretty much settled on like using react for part of the website so i can get this login set up#i found some videos and articles so im pretty sure its possible#other options is to use the archived js example i finally found for supabase auth but#it scares me that its archived#fingers crossed next time i code this works#i think this has to be the hardest part of the coding#i wish i could do my own auth thing but thats super dangerous as a beginner#anyways if i get stuck again ill just try the archived js example#and if im still stuck...#idk find another auth thing to use ig#BF RALLY WILL HAPPEN IT WILL#if it doesnt it means i died or someshit lol#but yea im mainly just like ugh about react cause i seriously dont need all those libraries added rn#this sites not supposed to be that complicated imo like yea its dynamic but its like a neopets like thing#the partial react thing doesnt rely on installing a bunch of stuff (i think)#so maybe we r good#????#web development#webdev#coding#codebreakers#if someone has the magic video to hand hold me through these pls send lol
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The Person of Interest, previously known as "The Guy" before finding out they are also genderqueer and uses they/them exclusively, just sent me a voice message and the nerves are nerving, why am i nervous to open a voice message 🙃
#kee speaks#i dont remember if i talked about that conversation#i'd been anxious to bring up the gender thing cause i didn't know where they stood on that#considering we met while working at a christian summer camp and they attended two christian colleges near me#so we were both very in that situation when we met so i was anxious that maybe they still had that mind set#and the fear that they'd react badly upon me coming out#but i finally broached the topic by just asking 'a weird question but are you still xtian?' lol#they in fact are very much not and are norse pagan#and they mentioned some gender exploration as they left xtianity so we were able to get into that#it's honestly wild how similar our lives have been cause our marriages lasted about the same amount of time and we divorced at the same tim#left xtianity around the same time and discovered our gender queerness/sexual queerness around the same time#it's wild#but we've been chatting on and off and sending reels back and forth on instagram#but today i was cleaning out my car in order to sell it (got my new truck yesterday~) and I found a pin i made at camp#with my 'camp name' on it and i'm like 80% sure that this person was the one who gave me that camp name so i sent a pic of it to them#and they sent a voice message in reply and I'm anxious to open it now lol#I'm wondering if it's going to be them yelling that name the way they would when they'd see me across the dinner hall lmao
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i cant go more than 3 years without some cruel and unusual fate befalling the exact same molar and we're finally putting it out of its misery as soon as this surgeon can get me in (in like a month) gruesome details in the tags bc i love to overshare
#dont keep reading if u dont like gross tooth details:#at 13 i found out that what looked like a normal cavity was actually basically the entire tooth rotting from the inside out#they only found this out when they tried to fill it and ended up having to basically gut the entire tooths flesh right then#and i wasnt numbed enough so i felt all of it 😭#at 15 i finally got that full root canal but one of the screws fell into my mouth during the procedure and i almost choked#at 18 i found out that the root canal didnt really work and there was still nerve tissue in there and thats why it still hurt years later#and now at 20 i find out that a crack in the crown caused an infection that rotted literally the entire rest of the tooth under the crown#and we only realized when that crack ended up making the entire crown snap off and take some of the rotted tooth with it#and now im walking around with an exposed tooth bed with only semi-excavated nerves for a month until i can get an implant made#honestly im just glad its getting put out of its misery.......#angel.txt
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💔
#waaahhh feeling BAD again.....#like few months ago my friend asked if i had new years free and i ASSUMED that meant we were like planning smth together?????#and today she mentions in a GROUP CHAT that shes spendingnnew years with her bf#and like. ok. fine. good for them i guess#but i just rly wished she woulda told me like before#and it happened while i was at a Christmas party toooo.... now im sad and just not drunk enough#feeling lonely#i rly thought i had like things going up things looking good finally friends and shit#and like obviously i know her bf is the most important person to her thats how it works#but likee feels bad yk#cause apparently to her this wasnt even that big of a deal cos she didnt bother mentioning it yo be before#and i have no one#my other friends invited us both (thats how i found out) but theyre a couple too so i dont wanns go third wheeling their new years yk#i just#u think its going so well#and suddenly i just feel like ughhhh#this is cringe even writing i might delete this tomorrow when im sober and awake#but like. everyones got someone and ive been trying to click with someone for 20 fucking years#and still#:(((((((((#and like it feels bad not being anyones most important person#and like i know so many ppl are in this situation im not trying to be like wahhh my suffering is unique but like it just feels bad#very bad esp when ur tired as fuck and alone and shit#:(((((#my post#everything SUCKS!!!!!!!!!
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One of my fave jackets is this green jacket with a fur hood im wearin rn because 1.) its green 2.) my dad gave it to me 3.) it reminds me of saejima. Who also reminds me of my dad
#snap chats#p sure i talked bout this jacket before but idc read my diary#sorry that every other middle aged man i see i say reminds me of my dad its a compliment#tbh love how i clowned on ichi for being on premium copium bout arakawa but highkey i woulda done the same bout my dad.. i get it ichi..#anyway :) i legally get to talk about my day with him now :)) HE SAID THE FUNNIEST SHIT UPON SEEING ME#HE SAID ‘oh wow we dress similar :)’ and keep in mind. he was wearing a latte brown coat with a black turtleneck and pants and shoes#meanwhile. i approach With Black Pants And Shoes Admittedly but then im in this goofy old ass jacket with a red scarf#and a crane-decorated dress shirt that i got two buttons undone on like DAAD you are senile. hes so funny#so fun my dad actually recognized this was the jacket he got me- it was one of the first things he bought for me after i told My Secret 🙈#also i finally asked how tall he was and i can’t believe my dad matches the criteria to be an rgg character he’s fuckin 6’1 like i thought#AH but today was really nice- i got to hang with my sis and her husband as well as my dad’s wife :)#it was awful tho cause the second my sis saw my dad’s outfit she’s just like ‘it’s so kdramacore’ AND SHES RIIIGHT 😭😭#we later found out dad’s wife loves kpop…. and she bought him his new clothes…. so we are no longer surprised….. AWFUL.#honestly i could write a drama based off my dad’s life i really could it has elements for it. i mean ig i kinda do that already dont i#i borrow. anyways. today was fun :) even if i almost lost my mind trying to take the train the first time#this train system was weird… it wa worth tho it was great seein popop again#yeah….. ugh i have to still drive home from the station. and hope my car is still there#i get very paranoid leaving my car alone so openly i dont like it…#anyways. bye bye :) i might nap til my stop or work on a fic i started#‘snap what happened to’ dont worry about it i need to look at something else or ill scream#ok bye 👋
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not my dad not liking moral orel season 3 🤭🤭🤭that's so embarrassing for him (<- he's not wrong for feeling that way but i think it's like 60% because he doesn't like it when art gets weird and that's so so tragic for him)
#i actually think his points make sense this time. which tbqh is not normally how i feel when he criticizes smth i love#basically he was like s3 was a completely different show from the first two seasons#and he didn't like how all over the place and directionless it felt#and honestly yeah ok i can see that#personally i think the choice to broaden the focus to moralton broadly vs mostly just orel is really interesting#and it allows for different facets of their critique of fundie waspisms to extend to situations/characters orel wouldn't really be privy to#(could you imagine 'alone' with orel there? me neither)#and i personally liked them fleshing out the marginal characters. i never found that boring or like a major diversion#again they're like 11 min episodic(ish) things it's hard for them to feel like they drag on y'know#it shows a lot of ambition and i think they pulled it off really well tbh (cancellation aside)#but i will agree that the transition is a little sudden. nature is such a big moment for the series#and for orel's arc specifically but then we spend little time with orel post-nature so the tone shift doesn't#necessarily align with his realization (at least in terms of the canon timeline. ep release order does align)#it's sudden but we jump back to before the shattering. it's disorienting and i think it's kind of cool as hell#a realization like orel's in nature is gonna throw the past into question and color his life and thus the town#(bc let's face it orel is the real mayor of moralton kfhsjs) and while we've been seeing Some of moralton's ugliness#in every episode until now it's shown in full force in and post-nature (release-wise). so when the timeline jumps around#and it all feels twisted and hazy and sickening and it All Comes Back To The Hunting Trip as our point of reference#for when things are happening it makes it feel like the trip Caused this disturbance. it's almost a spatio-temporal THING#like orel IS the center of this universe. my point is it's weird and i like it a lot i think it works#but anyway i think s3 is a natural evolution of s1+2 albeit an accelerated one#and i really wish we'd gotten to see more of what s3 morel was cooking bc it was setting up some really cool stuff imo#like he hated everything w mommy censordoll x clay but it's SUCH a cool place to take their characters. freud would go crazy#moral orel#and i think if they knew where they had to end the season maybe focusing on other characters was a way to keep orel stagnant enough to like#end the finale where they needed him. maybe.#we actually DID finish it yesterday. i rewatched the finale the day before bc i was impatient but yeah 👍#now it's chapter black time >:}
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still kind of ticked abt how my trans friends get all the respect in the world and my parents are putting in effort to use the right pronouns and gendered words and then when it comes to me i get "you wont be a boy unless you cut your hair short" yelled at me at the dinner table
#my brother and my bio mom are like#''why wont you talk to us we want to help you and we want you to feel comfortable :(''#its no wonder i dont feel comfortable when my ''ally'' parents are allies to all queer people Except 🚨#*me#ive given up talking about aroace people in front of my stepmom cause shes just like#''ohh you just havent found the right person''#''i dont care what gender you kids like i just want you to have a partner someday''#im honestly like.#i have a partner now#and i dont want to tell her because then she'll just think ''you finally found the one💞💞''#no im still aroace . im still very much aroace.#you just havent bothered to listen to me or learn about my experiences#so im not going to give you that satisfaction
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All I got from my nan's today is that you shouldn't let me in a book shop as someone whose town lost their only book shop.
#me initally: 'just go into one and be done-'#me first five minutes into leaving the pub on a timer as i had to be back in time for the food: 'ooh the other book shop-'#as its a cafe/book place#so got legend of zelda manga there with some other stuff i spotted#and then uh on way to second book shop i saw a toothless plushie in a charity shop window and for £2.99 i had to get him#and then finally in second book shop i almost grabbed a fnaf book with two books on the half price deal#but uh ended up putting fnaf book back when i saw a third half price book i liked the looks of#and got to till and uh got told i could get a fourth one cause of the deal#so somehow left my nans today with five books and some small stuff and a toothless plushie#in terms of my nans? ehhhh she liked my hair at least#says i look better with short hair#and i aint gonna argue as its easier to manage with my thick hair#plus found out shes been watching transformers so guess both mood there#though only con is her acting like we have to get rid of some of our cats and parents lying to her they will#when in reality i had to go outside and tell dad i will go half-way with getting three netured and chipped#as all our cats are outdoor cats#but my mental health wasnt drained so guess thats a pro#only time it did get drained was when our trains all cancelled on us cause of industral action and mom got upset and stuff#uncle took us down and back home tho so
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So I may or may not have spent a good chunk of my day trying to learn how to look into onis code and while I may not have yet succeeded I will likely keep fucking around with shit tomorrow and if I manage to succeed it'll spell great doom for my sanity as oni becomes the interest I've officially poured the most effort into analyzing
#rat rambles#oni posting#for now I must sleep but hopefully tomorrow Ill figure out how to decompile files#the real question is going to be if Ill be able to do this on my shitty ass laptop or if Ill need to figure smth else out#I just want to be able to view stuff so ideally it won't make my laptop chug too bad but rly Im more worried abt space#I might have to try to do some cleanup and delete some shit maybe Ill go scan through the shit that came pre installed#and hey maybe if I can get this to work I can go mega hacker mode and tweak some stuff for funsies#probably wont since I don't wanna break my game and I dont trust myself but yknow#itd probably help if I actually retained any information from the Two programing classes I took when I was younger but alas#one of them was even specifically a video game programming class and lemme tell you I remember absolutely nothing#also from what little I was able to view without fancy applications I have no new info but I can finally fully put jean in the we 100% know#their last name zone cause while we definitely already 100% did Technically we only got jea- for first name confirmation#but theyre referred to as jean in a note in a bio bot story traits file ty whoever added the notes there#god I hope theres other notes in the files I want to read those so bad#btw this was all spurred by that one nails log that disappeared cause I have found a file that looks like it but I cant fully view it#and I desperately need to view it I need to view it#also if I can look in the code then in theory itll make copying down all the lore logs easier#also the datamining thread of the forums hasnt been particularly active so who knows maybe I can become a proper dataminer#(<- will not do that probably unless it turns out to be easier than I thought)#but admittedly I am interested in hunting for potential future update content even if I probably won't hunt too hard for it#again Im mostly just hunting for lore#hey maybe if Im lucky Ill find some genuinely new and usable information in that department#maybe the secrets of b363 and dr. holland lie in the files ooooo (they probably dont)#man it'd be nice if I had a proper pc itd make my life so much easier and my desk feel less enpty lol#in a world where I get to play videogames at a higher framerate than 10fps#I mean we do have some older computers laying around the house although theyre probably also crusty pieces of shit#idk maybe I can see if I can salvage one itd be nice to have a proper computer to fuck about with#Im sure my mom wouldn't mind as long as its one that hasnt been touched in years#which tbf I dont know how many options thatd leave me but we at least have one computer that could theoretically be usable#albiet its definitely packed with viruses from me and my siblings being dumb kids
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