#and no one cares bc they dont understand what writers do

[foxmulderautism]

i've been thinking about the write up i want to do about how whilst i get it and don't think it's problematic, i'm not a fan of inherently cringing at and making fun of old writing from when i was younger for being so "bad" compared to what i write now (even if i can recognise that the writing is very goofy and juvenile and find that entertaining in hindsight) and one thing i just realised about it is that like. my excitement about writing is the same as it was back then. like when i was 11 i was soo excited and passionate about my little story about a desert princess who was a cat hedgehog hybrid and best friends with shadow the hedgehog. and at 23 i am sooo excited about my adult literary fiction novel that explores grief and survivors guilt and sexuality amongst the AIDS crisis. and for me i definitely think it's an autism thing but i don't think it's limited to me or autism i just don't think people often think to see it that way because so often we're expected to laugh at cringe at any earnest thing our younger/newer writer self created. like yeah that sonic the hedgehog fanfic i wrote was goofy, but i was earnest about it?? and i have the same earnest joy about what i write now so what exactly did 11 year me do to deserve being made fun of for their "bad" writing besides trying something new and being excited about it?? the fact that even though i've grown exponentially in the last 12 years i have that thread of joy for creating characters and storytelling that i can trace through my entire teenage years (which were a very traumatic and unstable time for me!) is soooo cool so why would i only see a vital part of that thread for all the things "wrong" and "cringe" about it?

[rowie264]

For me it's easier to sympathize zaunite characters rather than piltovan ones simply because they have self-awareness

Silco knows he flooded Zaun with drugs, he knows what this shit does to people. He does it anyway to achieve his main goal - Nation of Zaun.

Jinx is aware she is crazy. She basically spells it out in s1 ep9. She knows that she killing ppl is bad. She just doesn't care

Sevika is Silco's right hand man. She does dirty job for him and and understands perfectly well how his methods affect Zaun. She doesn't even question it because his methods work, and as long as they work, she will work with him.

Singed is just the same. He'll do anything for his daughter no matter how horrific his actions are. He doesn't justify it, simply states it was "for love".

And what we have with piltovan characters? You see because s2 is trying to pretend that oppression wasn't such big thing all piltovan characters looks even worse.

Caitlyn gasses people (and not only barons and their goons, gas spreads), using her priveledge as a Sheriff and Councilor's daughter. She never adresses that and never spells out what had she'd done. Like, yeah, she says "we can't erase our mistakes" (s2 ep8) probably not meaning just Jinx's but also her own but that's so… shallow. Like writers couldn't let her really say aloud what she'd done and face consequences bc it would makes bad things too real.

Heimerdinger was one of the founders of Piltover and councilor. He either didn't know, either didn't care to figure out what happens in Undercity for decades. Like, he goes to Zaun after he gets kicked out from Council and finally realises how badly ppl live there but… he just closes his eyes on it? Again?

Jayce killed that kid in s1 and regretted it but once his mother tries to revenge him? Builds weapons immidiately as countermeasure and moves on. He kills dozens of zaunites in Viktor's commune by killing Viktor and doesn't show even a hint of remorse. Like yeah, they were gonna become creepy robots but you know they were still humans when he killed Viktor. Also he (with approval of the Council for sure) places that Hexgates' big core (dont remember how that shit was called) underground and if that thing would blow up Zaun would be left without water and fresh air. Spelled out by Ekko and immediately forgotten.

In the end by removing characters' awareness of their actions and lack of reflection makes piltovan characters either hypocrites, either stupid, either both. And no, i don't want all these characters to be punished for what they did (all chars - except Ekko maybe - would end up in jail lol) I just want characters to realize what they did. I want impact of their actions/inactions. I want real consequences. I want them to face these consequences, not just brush it aside. And then i want them to act according to their personalities, even if i personally wouldn't like what they'd do.

[gold-rhine]

5.6. PARALOGISM SPOILERS

extremely polarizing feelings on this quest, ngl. i don't really have a problem with WHAT happened, but with HOW its happened.

first of all, pacing is crazy. after standing in a circle for 4 hours in a natlan finale we start doing ten million massive things in one hour, with almost no space for them to breathe or explore properly. this quest had less detalization than my bullet point inazuma rewrite. in fact, it feels like the writers did exactly bullet points in like one day and nothing else. i understand they were probs rushed due to change of direction with nod krai, but this is too much.

and tbh i dont even think it would take a lot to make this quest truly good. polish up an invasion sequence a bit, make it closer to natlan war section, add at least one actual cutscene. like the french gordon ramsey story quest had too many cut scenes, with special animations at that, and it tbh didn't need them, but they cant spare a separate cut scene for whole ass mond attack? hoyo, stop acting so cheap, we all know you have the money!

and then the main conflict, with albedo and durin. first of all. albedo saying that he considers himself a real human, just another type of human, and then saying that him killing susbedo is not a murder, bc he was NOT A PERSON??? babygirl, whats the difference between you two then? like he literally didn't have to say that, he could argue self defense bc that motherfucker tried to kill him and his friends. why dehumanize him and yourself?

and then framing durin as like ontologically evil, when all of his prev existing lore AND simulanka say that he was well intended, but with abyss aura that harmed the world just by existing. but now suddenly simulanka durin is the only one good, but actual durin is evil???? bc he's jealous of not being favorite child???? durin was thinking about how dvalin is beatiful and how he'd wanted to dance together while dvalin was killing him, but now hes pure evil bc of mommy issues, are you kidding me? bro did the writers of this quest even play simulanka? or take 5 minutes to read durin wiki page?? but even with that, in this very quest, venti says that durin feels like "an angry child". so you have an abandoned, tragic angry child lashing out and just go yeah, lets put him down, no attempts at reaching out??? what is this, hsr????

and like i truly think itd take like additional half an hour to fix and just a bit of actual writers effort. killing susbedo off screen is such a waste, and i'm not one of his fans or anything, i do not care about him personally, but he was a very well foil setup for albedo. and we exchange him for what? for fake copy of NPC no one cares about or knew before? literally why??? just washing 3 years of setup down the toilet.

instead of killing him off screen and having some durin mind controlled monsters (?????) dig him up for durin to eat, they could have just said he contacted durin himself. we know its possible! elynas is able to contact melusines through his blood crystals, same as dragonspine has, and even speak directly with the traveler when his heart awakens, and durin's heart is alive! bros, you already have the perfect setup, if only whoever wrote this took 10 minutes to read abyss dragons lore first! so susbedo could communicate with durin and teach him alchemy and influence his worldview!

albedo and susbedo could have had a confrontation that actually dramatizes albedo's conflict. albedo's answer to the truth of the world is that being a "real" human is about connecting with the world and other people, forging bonds and connections. which by itself is good character culmination and where it was always going, i always said that. but he just TELLS us that! instead, susbedo's philosophy could be the isolation, refusal to engage with the world, refusing to trust people bc he's afraid they will not accept him, and so instead using and controlling them. then it would be a juxtaposition of opposing viewpoints that SHOWS us albedo's arc instead of telling. and at the end of the trial susbedo could reveal the truth about albedo to try and turn ppl against him, but we could have mond people to accept albedo instead, bc they know him for years and he's friends with many of them! like that would be an actual logical conclusion of his arc, bc albebe, how are you gonna be like i'm a real human, truth is about having a life with other ppl, but you don't trust these ppl to not turn against you when they find out who you are?

and with durin i'm not even against durins merge, but they just introduced mini durin so rapidly, like RIP ppl who didn't play simulanka, and it wasn't explained in their "recollections" at all. and instead of just killing durin and replacing him with "better" durin, they could have communicated with durin, since hes whole theme is misguidedly lashing out, explain to him the situation. durin let himself be killed the first time bc he realized hes harming the world by existing, and he didn't want to, so they could have been like hey so in simulanka in special conditions we were able to clear abyss corruption from a version of you. we don't have fairy powers of life irl so we can't do the same exactly, but we can merge you with already cleansed mini durin, and we think this gives you the best chance to live an actual life as a part of this world, do you agree? like it wouldn't take much to write him to believably agree to something like that. like it would truly not even take that long to have that dialogue instead of putting him down like a sick dog.

[witcheshollow]

Okay, review time!! If you are one of the oddballs who thinks you cant be critical of something you love I suggest you stop reading now before I ruffle your feathers. Iron flame, second in the empyrean series. I am gonna start with what I was not a fan of and then go into the shit I adored.

1) what in the actual fuck was the pacing of this book?? I can tell you what, it was non existent. There was none. Where I thought there was a lot of filler in the last book there was none in this one. We got snap shots of conversations and then *boom* more plot flew at you. The timeline of this book greatly suffered for it i think bc we end only a couple weeks, if that, after threshing, which happens sometimes in October. This book was actually so wild with times.

2) while it was a spectacular cliff hanger, xaden becoming venin pisses me off. Especially if Rebecca yarros isnt going to have him tell violet. Like if that small tid bit of a conversation we got wasnt him telling vi that he was venin then the entire romantic conflict of this book was rendered pointless and their going to be having the same fucking fight for the rest of the series and at rhat point I give up.

3) I understand that the revolution is trying to take down basgaith and make the world better or whatever the fuck but can someone actually formulate a real plan for me?? Because I feel like their mission is just, giving violet and xaden something to be pissed at each other about.

4) the entirety of cats character. I get that she was set up as a spin on the typical jealous ex. Like having her be bitter about xaden picking violet over her but OH WAIT it wasnt actually about the man it was about the crown, oohh not like other girls. Im a writer too I see the point. I dont care. I think it was trashy. If you wanted her to be a bitter spiteful ex then have her be a bitter spiteful ex, the whole crown thing was shallow.

OKAY haters your time is up now onto the shit that made my heart hurt with joy and sadness

1) xadens arc in this book. I really liked that he went from "transparency is never gonna happen" to losing his fucking mind over violet and giving her everything. I love feral men and he qualifies. I think his arc was really well done and i liked it.

2) I appericiate that violet stuck to her guns for this book. She wouldnt let xaden off without a fight and I loved that. She made him bow and scrape and I was eating it up. It was spectacular.

3) the throne room scene. Violet on the throne. "Im making a temporary point not a lasting vow of maschocism" xaden being feral.

4) that gets its own point actually, just xaden being completely feral this entire book healed a part of my soul.

5) andarna's little speech at the end where she was like "I waited for you violet" made me ugly cry. That was just so hopelessly good I loved it. Andarna in general heals my heart but that part was just *chefs kiss*

6) tarin being completely and utterly ready to eat people this entire book. Just, at every turn "I want lunch their pissing me off " was spectacular

7) every scene their squad was in. Rihannon, violet, sawyer and ridoc are my roman empire. Their bond is so amazing. The fact that they launched a rescue mission for violet. Rihannon being ready to kill xaden at every turn. Ridoc being so platonically and adorably in love with violet. Just- augh happy cries happy cries. I love it all. Their so special tbh.

8) I love xaden actually, just, the whole book every scene hes in lives in my brain.

9) I liked that we saw a small bit of violet being feral this book too. I hope that we get more of that in future books. I want more of violet losing her fucking mind. Hot, badass women covered in blood

10) Liam. Fucking Liam. When violet was kidnapped and Liam was there. Now, do I logically understand that he was a hallucination, yes, do i care?? No. He was a gift from Maleck I will be hearing no critiques on that. It was so fucking sweet and amazing. I love violet and Liam and Liam being dead so horribly breaks my heart. I loved Liam. Liams death lives rent free in my skull.

[braxlrose]

Hello! I really like your writing and I was wondering if I could request a bill x reader? It's where reader had a very rough childhood, with parents and stuff so they dont have a really good picture of love and gets confused about little nice things Bill does for them, like comforting and just being a good boyfriend, and can sometimes be like emotionally unavailable? But they really try with Bill and, yeah! Lmao, you don't have to do this and feel free to ignore!

omggg you're literally one of my favorite writers and I love this request because I really like writing angst bc there's so much emotion so ty <3

Also this is not proof read

cw: mentions of abuse (physical and verbal), angst, tell me if I missed anything pls!

Growing up was hard for you. Your father was barely ever around and when he was, he was completely hammered. You tried to stay away from him when he was like that, but it was hard considering you lived in the same house and he was always getting fired from jobs. Whenever you angered him, he'd take off his belt and beat you until you were sobbing. Then would pass out on the couch and act like nothing was wrong when he woke up.

On the other hand, your mother just never seemed to be happy with you. Always nit-picking on everything you did, the way you looked, the way you did your hair, your style, the way you talked, you were either too skinny or too fat; you just couldn't do anything right in her eyes.

You always tried your best to make them happy, just having the smallest glimmer of hope that they'd be proud of you for something. All your hard work at school or everything you did for your community. All the diets you went on for your mother. Cleaning up after your father. There was just nothing you could do.

You didn't understand why they were like this. Why did they have a child in the first place if all you did was "ruin their lives". You didn't understand love at all. Your mother said that she only does this because she cares about you, but if she cared wouldn't she want you to be yourself? No, of course not. You're either like her, or nothing. And that was that.

***

Then you moved to Magdeburg, Germany. Your mother was sick of her old apartment and your father was banned from all the alcohol stores in your town, so you had to move. Again. This wasn't the first time. You've moved 4 times in the past year because of your parents, you haven't lived anywhere long enough to make any friends.

You had moved into a small village and your mother was making you go over to the neighbour's for dinner. Your father was passed out somewhere so it was just you and her. She put your hair in a high ponytail and added "cute little pink bows". She always pulled too hard on your hair when she did it. You weren't allowed to leave the house unless you put on the pink, frilly dress she got you. You had to be "perfect" and "lady-like" or else no one would like you.

You slipped on your shoes and got pushed out the door by your mother. She had also plastered your face in makeup. Mascara, eyeshadow, lipgloss, all of that. You were fifteen years old for God sakes, why did she care so much?!

"You better not make me look bad in front of our new neighbour's, got it? I don't need your running your mouth like always." You nodded your head as she smacked the back of it, making you flinch before knocking on the door. You heard footsteps coming quickly to the door before a blonde woman opened up. A smile crept onto her face as she saw us.

(Its changing from third person to first person now!)

"Oh come in! Come in!" She said to us with a big smile on her face, ushering us in. My mother pushed me into the house, with a smile. The woman in front of us leaned down and waved, "Hi! You must be y/n! It's so nice to meet you!" I froze. What was I supposed to say? What if she got mad at my tone? What if I said something wrong? What if- I looked up as my mother nudged me on the arm, glaring into my eyes. don't be rude. she didn't even have to say anything for me to understand.

"Nice to meet you too!" I said to her, trying to smile but it just ended looking uncomfortable and awkward. She stood back up to her normal height and turned around, waving us towards the living room.

"Boys! Come down here to meet our new neighbours!" The woman shouted up the stairs as me and my mother sat down on the couch. She swatted my arm again.

"Stand up straight. Your going to make me look like a bad mother!" She whispered to me, giving me that icy cold glare she can never seem to get rid of whenever she looks at me.

Just then, two boys came stumbling down the stairs. They were obviously twins but looked very different from eachother. I turned my body back around when I heard then coming into the living room. I straightened out my back and looked at them with wide eyes.

"Woah, a girl." The mophead whispered. Tch, mophead. That's what he looked like. His dreads were all over the place.

"This is Mrs. y/l/n and y/n. They moved here today. Why don't you boys show y/n around the house?" They both nodded and smiled at me. This is where it all began. My friendship with Tom and Bill Kaulitz. It's been about 4 months since then and we all became good friends really quickly.

***

Me and Bill were walking through the park while tom was out doing God-knows-what. It was December already, so it had gotten really cold. We walked on some trails before Bill stopped us.

"What are you doing?" I asked, as he bent down on his feet.

"Tying your boots. You're gonna trip on them." My eyes widened as he leaned down. I'm just a fucking idiot I didn't even notice my shoelaces were untied. Who the fuck doesn't know that? Why didn't I realize? Am I actually that stupid? I could hear my mother's voice pounding in my head.

"Oh no! You don't have to do that, it's fine really! I'm just stupid, it's f-" he covered my mouth as he got it.

"Relax, I'm already done and I don't mind. Wouldn't want my favorite neighbour to fall face first into snow." He laughed and kept walking. Why'd he do that? He should've just told me to do it on my own, right? I don't need anybody to do anything for me. He should've just left it alone! What the fuck is wrong with hi-

"Hey are you thirsty?" What? What was he saying? I looked over at him when he stopped. We were back in town now, I hadn't even noticed.

"Hello?" He waved his hand in front of my face.

"Uhm..what?" I asked with a blank expression on my face. What was he saying? Why was he even asking me instead of just telling me? Isn't that easier?

"I said are you thirsty? There's a place just down the road that sells the best hot chocolate, you'll love it!" He said, grabbing my hand to bring me down the road. He wanted to get me hot chocolate?

"I don't have any money, Bill." He looked back at me and laughed.

"I'm buying, dummy. Why would I offer you something and then make you buy it? I'm not that awful." He joked, keeping my hand firmly in his. What. He wants to buy me something?

"You don't need to do that bill. I don't want to be a burden-" I sputtered out, not wanting him to do something he'd regret before he interrupted me.

"Burden?! You?" He stopped walking again and pulled me closer. Our faces were only a couple inches apart now and my hands were in his. "Y/n, you're my girlfriend. If I wanna buy my girlfriend a hot chocolate I'm gonna buy my girlfriend a hot chocolate, 'kay?" I was stunned. I don't understand why he's like this. He's too nice, people are gonna take advantage of that. Nevertheless, I nodded and walked down to where they were selling hot chocolate. Bill made sure to put extra marshmallows on mine. Why was he treating me like this?

We arrived back at his house and he pulled me down onto his bed with him.

"Jesus christ! Your hands are freezing, why didn't you say something." My hands? I guess they're cold. I hadn't noticed. Maybe they had gone numb half way through and that's why. Why did Bill care, they'd warm back up with time.

"It's no big deal Bill, I'll survive.." his eyes went wide like I had two heads.

"Are you insane?! No way!" He grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to him. He rubbed his hands onto mine and wrapped mine tightly in his. "Can't have your fingers falling off. I need someone's hand to hold." I smiled at me and wrapped the blanket around me. I laid my head down on his pillow and closed my eyes. My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to have a perfect boyfriend who gets me hot chocolate or warms up my hands for me. I don't deserve this. You don't deserve this. She was back again. She's always there. My mother sitting in the back of my head like there's a throne waiting there for her. Why were her words stuck in me like glue. I'm sick of her constantly belittling me like I'm nothing. But I am. I am nothing. Nothing at all. Just a useless soul that needed to fill an empty body and nothing mor-

"Y/n! Wake up! Are you okay?" Huh..? What was happening? I turned my head and looked outside. It was pitch black out. Had I fallen asleep? I turned back to bill and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. He had shaken me awake from my slumber. "Are. You. Okay?" He asked again, "you were mumbling and crying in your sleep. Did you have a bad dream?" I was crying? My finger tips reached up towards my cheeks. They were wet. I guess I was crying.

"I'm fine, bill. It was nothing." I mumbled and laid back down. His mouth was slightly agape as he crawled closer to me and engulfed me into a hug. He laid kisses all over my face. Why? Why does he care?

"You're not fine, and it's okay to be not fine! Just tell me what's wrong and let me help you!" He said to me as both of his hands caressed my cheeks. Help..me? Like I'm some charity case that needs fixing? I didn't need to be fixed. Yeah maybe I'm not perfect to my mother and maybe I have some fucked up issues but I don't need to be fixed. What the fuck was his problem?! Doesn't he understand I'm perfectly fucking fine!

"I said, I'm fine!" I shouted at him, shoving bill away from me and pushing myself off the bed. I'm perfectly fine and I don't need him telling me what's wrong with me. His head hit the wall by his bed and I could hear a crack. I broke his wall. I don't care. That's his fault. He should've backed off.

I heard him calling out my name along with a couple cries in between. I pulled on my shoes and stormed out the door. I don't need him or anybody or anything! I don't need him treating me like I'm some child who can't control her emotions!

That was 2 weeks ago. I hadn't spoken or even looked at him in two weeks. What was wrong with me? I hurt the only boy who's ever loved me. He probably hates me now. I'm the worst girlfriend in the entire world. Im the stupidest person. You're the most dumb, ugly, disgusting daughter who has ever been seen on this earth.

she's back.

I'm fucked up in the head and I don't know how to fix it. I want to blame my mother and father but it's not their fault, right? They care about me. It's my fault I'm like this. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I have no one to blame but myself...right?

I was stuck sitting down in a chair while my mother poured goopy foundation onto my skin. We had to go to some classy town thing and I had to actually "look like a girl".

"Maybe if you were naturally beautiful I wouldn't have to waste my time doing this."

"Sorry mama..it's not my fault though..." She glared down at me and smacked the back of my head.

"You're lucky you have foundation on or I would've smacked the shit out of this disgusting face." She gritted between her teeth. Her words were like an awful, greasy poison dripping from her tongue. I hadn't done anything and some how I had made her mad again.

She shoved me into a long, cream colored dress and turned on the ignition. I leaned my head against the side of the door as we drove. Why couldn't I just be the normal, beautiful daughter my mother wanted? If there was a God, he had some serious explaining to do.

"Stop slouching! You think I want a daughter with bad posture?! My god! Can't you do anything right?" The speech. I've heard it a million times since I learned how to talk. How I can't do anything right and I'm just some failure who should've been aborted fifteen years ago. How I ruined my mother's life and how she was going to be a star if it wasn't for me.

It was a long car ride but we finally got there. And the event was even worse. There were so many people and the music was way to loud. I felt like crying. My hands were shaking and I couldn't stop picking at my nails. Women kept coming up and taking to me with their children. Friends of my mothers. I could guess by their judging stares. I looked lady-like and had good posture and was smiling. Why was I being judged, what am I doing wrong again? Why can't I just be normal? A normal girl who doesn't fuck everything up. Doesn't make her parents hate her. Doesn't ruin her parents lives. Doesn't make people feel awkward. Doesn't hurt their boyfriends.

And that was my breaking point. Tears flooded down my cheeks and everybody was staring at me. I stumbled away into another room and sobbed on the floor. I couldn't breathe. My hands hurt from picking at my nails and my face hurt and my body hurt and my eyes were burning and my makeup was surely ruined.

Everything is. I always ruin everything. What the fuck is wrong with me?! The one person who truly cared about me...i..I haven't- I hiccups against the wall and bawled my eyes out. The one person who truly, actually cared about me...I haven't talked to him in two weeks. Then I caught my breath. I stood up and wobbled to the nearest window. I pulled myself out of it and stumbled outside. My whole body hurt so I probably ooked crazy. I could feel mascara was running down my cheeks as I walked through the town.

My arms were freezing cold and I still felt like everybody was watching me. Their beady and judgy eyes staring me down like I was about to go crazy. Well, I guess technically they were right. I just started sobbing in front of everybody so I probably did look insane. You looked insane! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Can't you just act like a girl for once!? That's what my mother said me to in the 3rd grade after a play we did..

I finally got back to my house and looked up to the neighbour's house. Bills house. The light was on in his bedroom. He was awake. I turned back to my door and took a deep breath. I had to say something to him. Right? I had to make him believe I wasn't some crazy person who would push everybody away. Maybe that's what I was though..

I knocked on the door but nobody answered, so I stepped into their house. It was completely dark as I stumbled up the stairs to bills room. I looked at all the happy family pictures they had. God they were so lucky. So lucky to have a perfect family. A father and mother who love them. Having a twin must be great, it's like having a bestfriend for life, right?

As I stepped up the stairs I heard the door open. Bill must've heard me coming up. When he slowly looked around the corner I saw his eyes widen at my awful state. I guess I should've cleaned myself up first, I look a mess. My dress was torn from crawling out the window and my makeup was obviously smeared. I bet my hair wasn't too pretty either.

"Holy shit, y/n?!" He came down the stairs quickly and grabbed my arms, helping me up the stairs, "what happened?! You look...awful."

He sat me down on his bed and I didn't know what to say. I just stared at him. This perfect guy who loves me. I tried to open my mouth and say something but nothing came out. I guess he could tell I wasn't sure what to say because he went to the bathroom and grabbed some wipes.

"Here.." he kneeled down and began to wipe my makeup off. Tears slipped past my waterline as he comforted me. He just sat there looking up at me with a pity smile on his face as he cleaned me up. He took of my hands in his other hand and held it. He really was perfect. He saw him grab some lotion off his desk and rub it around my face after he wiped everything off.

"Come on, why don't we get you into some comfortable clothes okay?" I nodded at him and toyed with my fingers as he picked out some clothes.

I was laying in his arms now. His fingers were combing though my hair as I laid on his chest. I wasn't sure why he was doing this. Any sane person would've just kicked me out, right? I held onto bill tighter whenever he kissed my head and my cheeks. I cuddled up closer to him and nuzzled into his neck.

"I love you, y/n.." bill whispered as I dosed off into my sleep, breathing in his comforting scent and letting tears fall on his skin because he was the only person who was able to make me feel at home.

OKAY THIS TOOK ME LIKE 2 HOURS AND IT ALMOST GOT DELETED BUT THANK GOD IT DIDNT, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS!!

the end felt kinda rushed but I hope it was still good

taglist: @hearts4kaulitz @burntb4bydoll @spelaelamela @bored0writer @fishinaband @billsleftnutt @dead-tapes @tokiiohot @bluepoptartwithsprinkles @saumspam

[tonati143]

Anders rant

Lowkey, I need to talk about this and Im sure other Anders fans have probably talked this to the ground.

But I feel like Anders suffered so badly at the hands of the creators and its both heartbreaking and the largest reason I love him so much. We see him, easily one of the most hated characters in the fandom, and he is not handled with nuance by either fans or anti’s because the writers never even gave room for that nuance.

You either are hate him or you love him, because there was never an option presented that allowed for a grey area.

Lets talk about easily one of the most popular options (and mirror to Anders), Solas. He easily does so much worse for even less of a reason. What he tries to do in Veilguard, what he did in Inquisition. If I remember correctly, bro gives the anchor to Corypheus bc he couldn’t understand it and thought bro would fix it for him.

If this would have been Anders, there would be outrage.

But because Solas has the benefit of writers that love him in both games, he gets the benefit of getting a grey area. There is not nearly as much hate, no one sits down to talk about how secretly he is the cause of every problem here.

I cant help but wonder what Anders did to lose out on such nuance. Cullen, one of my favorites, receives that nuance, when we are well aware what can happen with his story line if we dont play our cards right in Origins and DA2.

To have a writer that basically wants you dead is so crippling.

There is no nuance, there is no forgiveness. Even the route where your Hawke doesnt stabby stab him is made to look like you made the wrong choice. I was lucky, my Hawke in inquisition does not paint Romanced!Anders as a monster, my Hawke is much more forgiving and speaks of him as someone who needs to be taken care of. But Ive seen other people talk about how their Hawke speaks of Anders.

We lose out on Awakening!Anders in a way that almost doesnt seem natural. It is like we were given a completely different character. One is capable of facing trauma, and I would even say having to give your body to a spirit holds some form of trauma as well, while maintaining core parts of their personality. It wouldnt have hurt to show us bits of that previous Anders once in a while.

Its hard to look at really, because there are things that he says in DA2 that gives us insight to what is going on in the chantry, things that gives us insight to why he is going through such lengths. But because everything is structured around the idea that you are supposed to hate him, no one ever really acknowledges him in game or in the fandom.

I saw on a comment a few days ago that states that Anders tried so hard to be heard, to have his stance listened to but throughout the game almost everyone shrugs him off. No one takes him seriously. And yes, he can be obnoxious about it sometimes, but if I put myself in his shoes, I would also be talking and talking about it until someone acknowledges me. In smaller cases where I would have things to say in places like highschool and everyone would ignore me, I would find myself repeating it again until someone would tell me “yeah, we heard you already”. Its in a way where I understand what it feels like, to have something so important to say and to be pushed to the side, I understand what Anders feels in party banter in a way that cant be said outloud without being questioned if I agree with his decision towards the Chantry.

He could have been perfect, a way to start a conversation where we ask ourselves, at what point are extreme measures acceptable? At what point can we consider what a person did to be necessary or unnecessary? Would anyone have listened to the cause if that measure hadnt been taken?

Unfortunately, its answered for us, it ends the conversation before we can even have it. It tells us what is supposed to be the answer. It tells us it is wrong, it tells us that this is a black and white conversation. What could have been a legitimate substantial conversation cut short because of their efforts to make the fandom hate Anders as much as they do.

And I mourn that ever since 😔

[sunnysideaeggs]

uuuuh okay thoughts about S2E1 (disclaimer: SPOILERS! and some unpopular opinions bc i WILL be criticizing alicent). most of these i had during my watch yesterday, and now i’m elaborating on them after more thinking about it. looooong post ahead

okay i liked the new intro. i will miss the blood pouring but i think the tapestries are a more visual way to convey targaryen history.

my favorite parts were the shot of vhagar and balerion in the field of fire(? idk they were eating men (green dragon black dragon !!!), the jaehaerys and alysanne portrait, alicent and rhaenyra and aegon and rhaenyra crowned side by side. beautiful.

also, the blood beneath the thread !!! targaryen history is written in blood. never forget this.

i dont particularly like jace being at the wall. it makes little sense to me, especially because the north is massive and i don’t think that cregan would like to make a procession to the wall just because a prince is there. i liked the tidbits though: jon going to the watch is a tradition he followed unknowingly :)

show me more political jace please, he’s cool.

‘surely torrhen would’ve rather died instead of bending the knee unless he believed aegon could bring unity to the 7K’ jace pls 💀

it’s funny that in one scene rhaenys and daemon had more tension and chemistry than all the scenes of daemon with adult rhaenyra. maybe what he needs is a GILF to put him in his place? lmao

LAENA MENTION LETS GOOOOO

‘make it a son for a son’ referring to aemond? alicent has no bone to pick here be fr i can smell bleach for the whitewashing a mile away

i also have issue with the writers’ choice of making rhaenyra ignore her physical needs and spend apparently days riding on dragon back and doing jumps and that when she just had a miscarriage. it’s canon that she was in bed rest for half a year because the loss of visenya took a toll on her body. it will be dumb and criticized if she’s fine to disappear for weeks but not to fight.

alyn velaryon? ok i’m mad bc corlys literally knows this dude is his son ???

i love how we all pretend that corlys and rhaenys were particularly interested in the strong boys. idk i can’t really care about that anymore

ow is helaena sewing alicent a dress? please tell me it’s not a shroud

AEGON APPEARED WOOO 🍳✨

‘where’s jaehaerys? where are his lessons?’ my man doesn’t know to what school his kids go lol

also he can recognize the twins apart with only seeing them :)✨ cute

aegon wanted jaehaerys in his council !!!! he’s making sure jae KNOWS he’s his heir and he’s on aegon’s mind

oh hel is comfortable enough with him to tell him about her prophecies, i’m just afraid that no one understand her

‘the rats’ NOOOOO

aegon is always like ‘😐❔’ around her lol

‘the queen is an enduring mystery’ he’s a poet i love him

alicole pussyeating but at what cost

why does criston has that empty look in his eyes, he had the same look in his scene with rhaenyra

where is all the raw emotion between them from last season? it’s giving cersei and lancel when it should be cersei and jaime. no deep gazes, no catholic guilt, something’s amiss

jaehaerys and egg </3 my feels they’re so cute

okay i have a bone to pick here because why is tyland being treated like a joke? i can get past jaehaerys toying with him because he’s a child, but aegon respected his allies (that’s a big part about him) and would never antagonize them in that way. it’s given rhaenyra and lady redwyne when we know both characters differ the most in the way they treat their subjects.

also, this is TYLAND LANNISTER, the most employed guy ever. he literally put his skin on the fire for his team, he’s loyal and he’s the best ally the greens could’ve asked for. if anyone is to thank for the death of the dragons, it’s him. put some respect on his name because this is the finance bro to end all finance bros.

also he’s always saying important things: the treasure in the green council, jason’s moves here. please listen to him!

another thing i dislike is the way important political moves are being brushed off. the treasure is a big big matter. it should be said explicitly what the council is doing about it being the focus of the scene. i’m sure most casual viewers didn’t catch that the comedic relief is making big money moves that will backfire later.

but anyways jaehaerys is so cute hehe

happy father’s day to aegon targaryen and aegon targaryen only

okay i’m rewatching the jaehaerys and tyland scene and i love tyland’s accent, and how polite he is to the little prince

go aemond in the council !!!

‘you do not have a seat in this council’ okay alicent please stfu. i disliked her demeanor since she was chastising aegon and tyland but this is too much. remember you do not have a seat either.

and no she doesn’t: she’s queen mother, not queen regent. aegon is an able adult and can rule without her help. i know the only council we had was with cersei but that’s because joffrey and tommen were under westeros’ age of majority. that alicent is there is out of aegon’s kindness and the council members’ respect.

also why would she be mad that the brothers are brothering ??? girl you wanted them to be on each other’s side

SUNFYRE MENTION LETS GOOOO

‘we must proceed cautiously’ i think all caution must be thrown overboard here. i know they want to portray A/R as the ‘voices of reason’ being pushed to war and all but sometimes violence is necessary to prevent more violence. what tywin said about murdering a dozen people in a dinner and a thousand in battle.

i’m tired of this aemond slander. he did it, but he’s innocent your grace

why larys kinda…

ok i love his voice

oh so now every move of alicent is seen by larys. she knows that he knows. neat.

why do the handmaidens wear green? they should wear gold ☀️

okay i initially thought syrax was sunfyre because of the pink of his wings. i hope sunfyre is golden smh

it’s neat that we remember than no matter what side we’re on, for the common people dragons are a source of fear and caution. the fishermen are loyal to rhaenyra yet they will run away from her when she’s on syrax because they don’t trust a dragon.

rhaenyra’s pain is so deep, i really empathized with her. absolutely devastating. her expression, her grabbing the cape, everything

emma is so fucking talented for real, making me feel for the death of a character i dislike

(oh how the mourning of a woman for her child will cause thousands of mothers mourning their children the same)

‘aegon the magnanimous’ when your homie gives you a ridiculous nickname

my boy sits and listens to his subjects, calls them by their names and tells them not to be afraid. hello jerard what can i do 4 u? :)

i love how egg is like ‘yea whatever take ur sheep jerard pls like me’

okay i dislike otto here. aegon is obviously into crowd pleasing (a secret tool that will be useful later) and for once it’s okay. jerard will go home with his sheep and be a diehard aegon supporter and raise his kids to be the same, tell his friends about the king’s generosity. i think otto should know better than to angry the population in time of war, even if you can’t make the flock whole, give the man grain or coin so he can feed his family and the effort of going to the king’s house.

hugh? like hugh hammer? ooooh

‘our victory depends on the efforts of the smallfolk’ close enough welcome back princess diana

another otto slander moment here. i don’t think it’s wise to chastise the king (an adult, mind you) and putting himself in between of aegon and the court like that. did we saw otto with viserys? he sat by his side and whispered his advice in a discreet manner. he didn’t try and strongarmed his king in front of dozens of people. that’s not a smart way of doing things. it’s called soft power for a reason

also, i think the directors were trying to make otto parallel tywin in that joffrey in the throne scene, but tywin was explicitly trying to get joffrey to be more involved in the council and the two were alone. give it to aegon, let him have his fun in public and manipulate him in private, that is the way. doing dumb shit like that only makes aegon look like a kid and otto like a shameless powergrabbing dude

one thing i appreciate is that aegon has his own court. he has his lads-in-waiting, he has a few ladies following behind, and that’s how a king should be. we always saw the royal kids isolated (joff, tommen, rhaenyra only had alicent) when in reality most important people will have a flock of people accompanying them every day.

now that’s what i’m talking about. larys is all about being subtle, honey trapping his way to power. that’s how the game of thrones is played. while aegon will not agree with him just like that (because larys gives him the oogies), i’m sure he will remember larys’ words.

‘as viserys wished’ oh don’t speak of him fuck what he wants

an ally would not sit there and cut her legs at the table of men? girl you do that yourself

alicent, the problem is not otto undermining you, is both of you yapping about shit aegon and aemond not care about and winning empty victories lol

aegon will probably forget about jerard next episode, but will not forget feeling his wings being cut by otto. aemond remained in the council room but will remember alicent wanting him gone.

i wish alicent and otto believed more on their kids/grandkids

mysaria apparition yay

‘you speak of highborn games, i am common born’ tell him girl

daemon don’t put your hands on women challenge: impossible

chemistry with mysaria? uuuuh

i love how everyone reminds erryk of arryk like ‘ayo where ur bro at?’ a matching set is not matching, it’s giving the parent trap

‘i want aemond targaryen’ okay at least she knows who to blame. i want to see more of vengeful rhaenyra, let women be mad

daemon going for aemond instead of for jaehaerys is such a cheap move smh, whitewashing at its finest

jaecarys and rhaenyra :(

is it too insensitive to say that jace’s hair looks great? you’re serving cunt? your brother just died and you’re serving cunt?

ow alerie florent :((((

FUCK VISERYS TARGARYEN

i really like the symbolic funeral. that shot of rhaena crying over the fire? chills

is it me or they changed joffrey’s actor? idk

uuuuh alicent idk if that’s empathy or weakness 🙃

once again i don’t think it’s neat that they show blood being a normal goldcloak. he was discharged dishonorably for femicide. be honest

cheese’s actor kinda looks like joaquin phoenix

‘i want aemond targaryen’ i hate this fucking show.

ROSBY AND STOKEWORTH MENTION LETS GOOO

criston agreeing with aemond in private but backing alicent in public is the medieval version of ‘yea kid ur right but i don’t wanna fight with your mom’

criston looks so tired :(

‘her grace speaks with two tongues’ SAY YOUR TRUTH AEMOND

it is vain to try and blame aemond for starting the war when the war was brewing since before he was born. rhaenyra wouldn’t give up her claim, daemon wouldn’t accept it. if rhaenyra ascended, the targtowers die. there’s not another version of this story

‘she holds love for our enemy, that makes her a fool’ that makes her a traitor. especially after the events of tonight. do we think rhaenyra has a designated green supporter that tries to get her to the green’s side? why would the greens have a rhaenyra cheerleader then?

gods forbid something happens and otto is not there 🙄 control freak

i like how they’re making aemond more rage-filled. careful ewan your book!aemond is showing

‘aegon the strong’ ‘my nephews have already taken that one’ but egg 💀💀💀

i really love how aegon has his court. he’s protected by the throne’s swords AND his homies got his back

the true king can sit however he likes. he lounges on the swords and they’re as soft as pillows to him. pretenders can’t relate.

in a deeper level, it shows how he’s comfortable both in the throne and surrounded by people. he has high trust. kinghood is a tool he doesn’t have any training on but he holds it like a natural

aegon truly trusts aemond. i love that for them. if they make aemond to be treacherous i’ll cry

AEGON THE DRAGONCOCK 🐲 rip leon estermont you would’ve loved shitposting

also why the ratcatchers are just walking around the keep? are they in the tunnels or in plain sight?

the kick to the doggie :( i really hope they didn’t really kick a dog for that

unrelated but i really need the rats around the red keep to mean something like larys skinchanging into them. they can’t be a red herring or just blood and cheese. they have too many shots

again, why are they out and about? isn’t it weird to see dudes in the middle of the night?

helaena’s maid looks like emma stone and she has really good eyebrows. i’m pretty sure she knows something (larys agent ofc)

how do we go from searching for aemond to threatening helaena? whyyyyyyy

oh right we had to blame the smallfolk for being soooo greedy and wicked and stupid that you tell them kill a great warrior and they kill a baby. because daemon can’t ever order a baby killed amiright?

the little beds noooooo :( baby jaehaerys

okay i was expecting more of helaena. in the books she’s described as pleading, begging, crying and so on. phia is killing it with the eye expressions but she looks stiff in comparison with only her necklace. even trying to bargain more (my husband can give you everything and more), some more tears, some stuttering would fit show!helaena’s too. that’s on the directors tho

i also dislike the choice that anyone can just barge in the room, literally they had to make the castle desert instead of blood and cheese waiting for hel in alicent’s rooms. i know someone is going to make the point of ‘why didn’t helaena scream or run?’ and yes partly. guess we had to slander alicent in another way right?

but alas, i am thankful that a prediction of the scene didn’t came true: no children being forcefully stripped. that would’ve sent me over the edge. they implied it but no child actors were harmed in this episode

omg the sounds of the head cutting and jaehaerys’ muffled sounds i wanna cry

helaena is so lost and the castle is a maze and nobody’s there and she’s lost lost lost and running with jaehaera i can’t

did she saw a vision there? when she stopped and went to alicent’s room

imagine going to comfort for your mom and she’s at it

‘return to your post lord commander’ why didn’t you criston? 🙃

also it didn’t pass me by that aegon has THREE kingsguards in addition to his four homies and his own sword. helaena had none. even if he was off duty and he’s sworn to alicent and not helaena, the lord commander is not commanding

THREE maids at the start of the episode doing absolutely nothing and none here? i’m so mad

‘they killed the boy’ :(((((

also why is helaena so disconnected? like why is she ‘able’ or is she in shock? i hope if they don’t make her go insane with pain like in the book she gets a revenge arc where she goes on dreamfyre, she deserves it.

i hope aegon kills them all.

[forsaire]

On Ur last ask (same person here)

How do u keep each characters perspective?

Like, one is ghosts perspective how do u keep it consistent from his perspective if that makes sense

How do u keep it clear and uncluttered?

Im honestly so interested I don't know if u can answer these questions bc ik a lot of ppl like to keep their notes n all that to themselves but I'm really interested but how u set it up.

N will we ever see Angel again? - 🍄

so sorry for answering this late, once the notification disappeared i kept forgetting it existed but only remembering right as i was falling asleep 😪

in terms of the question, i dont have a great answer like my last response, it's definitely not really something i have a lot of good advice on, but i'll try to say a few things

Honestly my fics sort of lack a consistent perspective and voice because I always like to switch POV's back and forth. I think it's so fun when the mutual pining is actually mutual and the readers can be in the mind's of both characters and yelling at their phone for them to get their head out of their ass because they clearly like each other. Plus then the angst and longing and tension can grow. But that's just a personal preference and I know other's prefer to just have it from one POV the whole time (I love both Ghost and Soap equally, I wouldn't want to relegate one of them to "supporting character" in a sense if they are simply the love interest to the other. I can give both of them agency and motivation and character development by getting in their minds - but again, that's personal preference).

That is something I wish I could do better is giving Soap vs. Ghost a distinct voice in the chapters. Although it all sort of blends into "Sarah's style" at the end of it.

Some things to keep the perspective consistent might derive from truly understanding Ghost and Soap's personalities. Here are a handful of ideas and headcanons that I end up keeping consistent between the characters:

Ghost

Tends to talk less in larger groups - maybe he'll do more observation and thinking when he's in a large group setting.

Dry and dark humour accompanied by smaller smiles and quieter laughs - perhaps he makes jokes that other's might think are serious, but Soap always understands it's a joke.

Self-conscious - this one especially comes into play in my fics for whatever reason the fic demands. I definitely give him more self-hatred, self-doubt, and inability to think he deserves love. This impacts the way he thinks about himself, how he sees the world, and why he denies himself what he truly wants (Soap).

Slow to trust - might be more standoffish with someone before getting to know them, might not open up quickly. Think negatively upon the world. Be gloomier and more downtrodden. His chapters might feel sadder or more dark.

in contrast, Soap can be the opposite

Soap

Big personality and boisterous - he feels comfortable in groups and has lots of friends. When he's part of the conversation, it can really go a lot further and provide me, the writer, an opportunity to have fun scenes with side characters and truly let everyone's personality shine in a group setting.

Loud and hearty laughter, raunchy humour - he'll certainly make more sex jokes in my opinion, he isn't shy to let himself laugh loudly.

Confident - this impacts his actions, how flirty he'll be, how joking he'll be in the face of adversity, how much he feels like he belongs.

Quicker to trust - especially in my new fic, Soap cares a lot about other people and has developed a lot of friendships over the years. He might have a more optimistic outlook on life and his chapters might feel for happy and bright.

Those are just a few ways in which the distinct personalities of the characters can impact the way in which they view the world and thus the mood of the chapters.

Overall, it's MY writing style that I can't change, but in the fic - especially in the earlier chapters - there is definitely a differing shift in tone between POV's. For example, Soap is really happy to be back at his settlement/colony as he has Price, Gaz, Laswell, + other friends that are happy to see him, while Ghost feels uncomfortable about being around so many strangers and that everyone is looking at him in fear. You can see how the tone of the chapters would differ.

How do I keep it uncluttered? Absolutely no idea, I just write. I try to go back and forth as much as I can to give each character equal "screen time" (though it just so happens my chpaters with soap this time around tend to be longer than the one's with ghost overall 😅).

If something happens in chapter 3 from Ghost POV, then quickly reiterating what happened in the next chapter 4 from Soap POV might make the path seem less disjointed and fragmented. Both characters were there for the event, rather than completely skipping over Soap's thoughts, it is still possible to have them be relevant in the next chapter.

It's also helpful to outline the chapter from the relevant characters perspective before writing it. That way you won't find yourself accidentally seeing Ghost's thoughts but forgetting, wait, this is a Soap POV chapter, I can't read Ghost's mind (happened a couple times where I got mixed up about which POV I was writing from because sometimes it flip flops in my brain about which one would be more impactful 😅).

Another small thing since I'm on the topic of POV (i don't think it's even relevant to any of your questions, i dont know), but when it comes time for a "big reveal" I like to make the perspective from the opposite character. If Ghost is revealing something secret/important, being in Soap's POV makes the readers feel just as confused, just as hungry for information. Then you won't potentially "spoil" anything when the character thinks, rather than speaks. It's the build up of a character gathering the courage to speak, dropping their eyes, stuttering that only gets the readers more curious and excited. If a character was struggling to speak, they'd obviously be thinking about the event and it would "spoil" for the reader before they'd actually verbally said it out loud. I don't do this all the time, but I just personally believe that an important reveal/confession/secret might be more juicy and impactful when witnessed form the opposite perspective.

That's it. That's my rambling again. The truth is, it's not so rigid and I have no clue how I keep perspectives consistent, I just kind of write and hope that people like it.

And ANGEL

the character that existed for ONE chapter in that ONE universe???

im glad you like him, i like him too 😌 i thought he was a fun character to throw into the mix for such a short period of time just for the ✨drama✨

but he will exist within the confines of the universe i created in Don't Let Me Go. He is not strong enough to escape. He is trapped forever.

I want to give Ghost another "friend" type person from his past in my new fic, but i'll make someone new. there are already too many american's! although the temptation is there 😂 (but then WHAT'S the implication? he's a universe shifting time travelling god? Angel exists across dimensions? HOW!)

thanks mush, i don't know if this helped 🙃

[onlyjaeyun]

alright, i'm gonna address this ask once and then just not respond to anything else, even the asks supporting me bc im a little exhausted and on the verge of losing motivation so i dont wanna trigger it by going back and forth with people. yet this does not mean i dont deeply appreciate everyone's sweet messages. means the world to me to know you all have my back like this, so thank you so much 🤍

once and for all: this is fiction. fiction, meant for adults hence the MDNI/18+ in my bio, basically plastered all over my blog.

every character ive created so far is just that. a character. and i need some of you guys to understand that this is what (fan)fiction is about. the smoking, the family trauma, the lack of self awareness, their sexual activities and coping mechanisms, everything regarding and about my characters was created by me and most of the time intentionally.

one thing that also needs to be clear is that you can't just run around policing grown people in their asks talking about such significant issues and throwing around accusations like that because not only is it deeply offensive but it's also very, very dangerous. you misunderstood my post and assumed i'd use sex and sexual intimacy to have him make up for his wrongdoings when that is NOT what i said at all. just please be careful the next time because i understand where you came from but i did not deserve that.

what i also wanna address is the part with me having "impressionable readers" because this is very important to me as a smut writer.

i have set clear boundaries that i do not want any minors on my blog, point blank. now, we all know they're still around. is that my responsibility? no. am i supposed to give a fuck about people who are apparently old enough to consciously read trigger/content warnings and continue to read my work? fuck no. is it my job to educate those impressionable people that they shouldn't read smth if they can't differentiate fiction from reality. NO.

that's all im gonna say to this because yes, there are impressionable readers out there but that is NOT my responsibility.

im tired of people constantly policing me and the things i write when im a grown woman who knows exactly what she's doing. if you hate CH!sunghoon so much and are so uncomfortable with his progress, then don't read it.

saying this for everyone yet again:

if you do NOT like a writer's work, you do NOT have to READ it.

this is tumblr. i write things for FUN. i publish them for you guys to read for FREE. i dont owe anybody shit. im so, so sorry if this makes some of you angry or upset now but at the end of the day it's the truth. this is my blog and my writing and i will do whatever the fuck i want and unfortunately you have no choice but to live with it.

i appreciate constructive criticism but i will not and never in the future let anyone be so mean to me and accuse me of things when you usually just see and read and hear what you want and make up your own version of the story when it's so, so far away from the truth.

pls do not attack the nonie bc i know this is the result of a misunderstanding but it was a good opportunity for me to address the whole impressionable reader situation.

if you can't differentiate fiction from reality that's your problem, stop making it mine.

thank you so much for everything, nothing but love 🧸🩷🎀

[purplepixel]

I've sat on s11 long enough. Yes, I finished it. Yes, I'm procrastinating watching s12. But I've had a lot of thoughts towards the last couple episodes of s11 and how they wrapped everything up. A lot of thoughts...

For starters, I can't help but feel the last episode went TOO FAST. The 11min run time finally doing them in. I was begging them to sit on a couple more scenes instead of speed running through it. Flashback to s10's last episode which also had an incredibly RUSHED ending so I hope this isn't the future.

Me when its kai that almost gets zane to remember :0 Nice narratively since these two had more of a focus at the beginning of the fire chapter so I liked that they tied it back this way. I can't believe that they brought up the pink ninja thing. It's a nice season 1 callback and is a reminder to ME PERSONALLY that they still care and remember the earlier seasons. I'm aware this show has been going on for a long time at this point so I appreciate this kind of thing.

On the topic of Zane and Lloyd, there's something to be said about Lloyd being the one to go find Zane and try to get him to remember. The two lone wolf characters. They're underrated to me and I'm not sure how many people have picked up on the similarities (while also being incredibly different) that these two have.

If I had a nickel for every doomed ship lloyd gets, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice. Ninjago writers are arguably better at writing lloyd's ships then the established ones which no im not salty about why do you ask???

Speaking of which, finally some jaya crumbs. For a ship that's canon yall get nothing I swear. I love that despite nya being a badass she was shooketh after taking out the ice dragon with the land bounty. And jay being like "you can let go now" was really cute. I love Jay being an asshole but equally important I love him being a sweetheart. The duality of man. And then Nya looking for reassurance in jay. PLEASE. SEE YOU CAN WRITE AN ESTABLISHED SHIP ALL YOU NEED IS MEANINGFUL CUTE MOMENTS LIKE THIS AND---*gets dragged away*

ok ok SORRY. Ninjago writers really have no idea what to do with jaya half the time when they dont have relationship drama. It should not be this hard...why do they struggle.

I really liked this fight scene vs the ice dragon in general. Kai regaining his fire was epic. Nya protecting her brother. HECK YES FINALLY NYA RETURNING THE FAVOR HAHAH. They both had similar arcs this season and THE THING THAT GOT THEM TO OVERCOME THEIR STRUGGLE WAS WHEN THEY WERE PROTECTING EACH OTHER WAAAAH.

Jay: Nya! You did it!! Cole: HAHAHA I knew you could do it!!

...now wait damn minute, cole. Oh also fricking. I love these three. Brotp...3? Bro3p? Anyways this trio <3333 (kai in the bg: do i look like a fucking joke to you?)

I still have a lot of questions on Nya being able to control ice tho. If its simply the fact she's able to control it by changing the physical property of ice to water then I'll buy it. But I better not see Nya manipulating ice. That feels....wrong. Like she's a badass but Zane is the ice ninja.

Man ok...Zane....(rant incoming sorry)

Its getting a little annoying how often Zane is written out of the plot. I wouldn't have minded much this season if it was a one time thing but...we already saw this with season 4. And then s5+ they found so many ways to just write him out of the narrative that its kind of a crime now and its PAINFULLY OBVIOUS WHEN THEY DO IT. I was so hyped during the fire chapter bc FINALLY he was getting something to do that was meaningful to the main plot. And then he's fridged. Again. I think I understand why Zane fans are so loud. He's done so dirty by the narrative. Unlike the other characters who the writers hurt and then give an emotional payoff, there is a severe lack of that with Zane. Its never about HIM. When they hurt Zane the focus is on how the other characters feel. It's grating on me. I know he's a nindroid but bro still has feelings huh??? What happened to how you wrote him in seasons 1-3?????

All I'll say is that they better continue his arc in the next season. How they handled zane in the final episode was the main reason it felt rushed to me. I was not satisfied with the closure to that. It wrapped up and ??? ok...so are we just going to ignore everything? We're just gonna quickly move on? Having Nya figure out that Zane was the ice emperor before even entering the fortress was a cheap way to ignore that character drama of everyone finding out mid battle. Like I get they were lacking in time, but uggghhhhhhhHHHH please the main conflict of the whole season GOT UNDERHANDED????

They literally sacrificed anything more with Zane to close off Lloyd and Akita and Cole and Krag. Which ok. They're never gonna see these two again, so I'm glad that they gave the appropriate amount of time and love for this send off.

Hold on lemme just. No. NOO. IM WEAK FOR CHARACTERS SAYING GOODBYE THROUGH PORTALS AAAAAAAAAAAA. Man wth. These two only had what 5 episodes? But Im too attached to them. The writers are afraid to write zane but they're not afraid to write cole. I swear he gets so many little subplots that are meaningful to his character.

Like mmm. My heart breaking over this scene. The internal dread of realizing that your effort to fix a situation was for nothing, I felt that in my fucking soul. BUT THIS DOES BRING UP AN INTERESTING THING.

Cole losing the traveler's tea did not matter in the end. In fact, if he didn't lose the tea those 2 npc's (who are so married fight me) would be dead, Krag would still be lonely and not find a new family, the berry that actually would get them home would not have been found. Like. HUH??? Bob ross there are no mistakes just happy accident moments, WHAT. Part of me does want to be like, oh so you backtracked on the consequences of actions, but hmmm. I dont mind this, it wasn't his fault that he lost the traveler's tea in the first place. Cole just took it upon himself to blame himself fix their situation. BUT CONTRASTING THIS WITH WU??

I love you Wu, but you're the whole reason everyone is in this mess to begin with. His action with aspheera WAS a choice he made, and he CHOSE to push the ninja that set the plot in motion, HOWEVER, unlike Cole the choice to fix his mistakes is taken away from him. And...idk how I feel about that. Wu is interesting cuz he does make an effort to want to fix everything he's responsible for. But the narrative and ninja don't allow him to. I feel they tried to wrap up his arc in the Kaiju Protocol episode, but Wu forgiving Pixal indivertibly felt like he was accepting that he should let other people deal with his mess. Was it the right call for the ninja to go to the never realm and not him? Ya maybe. But from a character arc perspective it feels like the lesson here was "let the ninja fix your mistakes". Cuz unlike Cole, Wu does NOTHING that actually helps fixes the situation. maybe that was the point??? i just don't particularly like that message's implication

Just an interesting thought I picked up on that has me wondering what the writers were trying to say with this. Accidental mistake = no consequences vs bad choices = severe consequences. But the former is allowed to "fix" it and the latter has to let others pick up the slack? Hmm. Food for thought. Or maybe im reading too much into it

Having said that, crying over this reunion.

But ya, long extended thoughts on the ending of season 11. And I didn't go off on the never realm paradox rant once. *forced smile*

[baltears]

ok finally finished s5 yayy. closing thoughts

- fantastic season all around. stuck the landing as i knew they would. great tv show everyone hit the showers

- FINALLY justice for beck. for the love of god. people were so fucking nasty about her during s1/2 era and she deserved THIS treatment from the story. beck was not stupid, she wasn't perfect but AS THIS SEASON SHOWED, joe can work his magic on almost anybody and it's actually wayyyy more unusual than it is typical for people to see through him once he's really focused on charming them. she was the first (not forgetting candace, but she was never in love with joe, also it seems like this season kinda forgot her?) but she was never going to be the last.

- i dont trust cis people who make jokes about dudes not having dicks lol. just not an especially vindicating gotcha moment for me, it was predictable and made narrative sense i guess but the handling of it was offputting. it had the vibe of being kind of indulgent, like they knew it didn't really need to be there, but they wanted the cherry on top and didn't really want to think about it that hard. messaging wise a man who doesn't have a penis is still just as much of a man and (unrelated) can also be just as much of a dangerous predator so like i don't really know what we're trying to say here. win for cis women in the audience who are into that kind of thing i guess. i kinda hated it personally just cause it reeked of no trans people anywhere in the social universe of the entire writers room despite the show openly treasuring its woke enlightened leftist status

- joe pontificating in prison about Society while ruminating on his own loneliness and simultaneously dismissing his adoring fans as crazy was however Thee perfect ending for his character. I'm happy he didn't die, not bc he "didn't deserve an easy out" (don't care) but bc it would have been sooo half baked and unsatisfying. and also a villain character surviving a suicide attempt and then getting killed 1 season later as if to "fix" their survival just would have felt extremely nasty to me

- idk. getting into bitch eating crackers territory just a little bit here bc what I'm really complaining about is the show not having been written with me as the sole audience but there was a bit of a cloying tone to the way everything was wrapped up so cleanly. everyone who survived is now thriving and will soon be forgetting all about joe (going off louise as a proxy for his other victims) bc that's how being a trauma survivor works question mark. kate is still fucking doing penance for being a bad person after LITERALLY trying to give her life for that which......... look i was not planning on getting into this but the shows framing of that as appropriate and morally correct is the one other truly very very disappointing and sour note for me. this whole show is so innovative and has skillfully navigated very tricky subject matter so many times that relatively speaking it feels like a nitpick to quibble with this, but also handling moral issues is literally the point of the show. just for the record, making amends is not the same as "penance" because after you make amends you are allowed to move the fuck on. regardless of how complicit kate was or the other crimes she committed, she was also a victim and a survivor. she was overly passive and willfully blind and had rich white person disease, but the idea that thats most appropriately addressed by her doing this lifelong apology tour and wearing her "penance" on her arm forever is just fucked up. it plays right into the exact same wack ass untherapized, punitive, binaristic, extremely fucking internet poisoned understanding of morality it's attempting to criticize. after surviving the same horrors as everyone else kate deserves to live her life and not remain in a permanent state of saying she's sorry she did that stuff. if it's unhealthy and destructive that joe is obsessed with categorizing the world into good people and bad people and has such intense shame around his actions bc he thinks they make him a bad person that hes organized his entire life around dealing with that shame, then how the fuck is it okay and even good that kate is doing the exact same thing. if joe had been able to accept that he is at heart a morally neutral person (because all people are) and that his actions did not determine his worth, he would never have become a serial killer because the thing that drove him to violence in the first place was his debilitating shame over what he did as a child and need to paper over it with acceptance from others. im scratching my head a little bit about this over here like how tf do the writers not understand this, it's so basic to the core of the show. acceptance, accountability and making amends are what's needed after a wrong, those things are completely unrelated to "penance" / self punishment, thats just self harm in the name of moral correctness. my alarms were going off when kate said she didn't deserve forgiveness (girl maybe it's for others to decide if they want to forgive you or not?) but i was really hoping the writers were going to be even slightly critical of that attitude instead of just committing entirely to validating it. disappointing.

- idk the ending just felt a bit..... extremely calculated to play to a specific audience (2020s tiktokified lefty/feminist internet). im not saying that's really all that bad, it's certainly not unusual for the show, but i dont like pandering and i especially dont like when art has this slightly nervous, smooth, over-workshopped quality to it because it's busily working to anticipate and mitigate potential backlash. idk though after joe got away with everything for 4 seasons it does feel symmetrical to end on a big, final W for the victims. it just didn't ring true to me for whatever reason, i guess because i don't think i personally needed everyones lives to be perfect in order to feel like they got justice and they can now move forward and live well and get the best revenge. the kind of ending i wanted would have been slammed on the internet for sending the wrong message about what survivors deserve or something though so yk. whatever

- seriously though this show was so ambitious and they really nailed it. they set out to do this very specific very hard thing and they did it. it's not perfect, but it is amazing. the main thing that i think is gonna age it is the overabundance of timely and frequently very on the nose pop songs lol (like not vampire by olivia rodrigo.. im sorry i know it's thematically appropriate but that song is the worst thing she's ever released) but that's also part of its charm <3

- EDIT oh also prison bad sorry had to say it. i know there was no other way to end the show and id much rather this than killing him off but i do always feel weird about being told to celebrate somebody getting shut away in a cage for the rest of their life regardless of context. also feels darkly ironic considering being trapped in a cage was a major source of his original trauma except now it's a Justice Cage instead of a Tragic Crime Cage but like it's still a cage and it's not actually that different. joe is basically a thought experiment about the most dangerous irredeemable (stupid concept that i wish everybody in the whole wide world would shut up about forever but i mean in terms of his ironclad unwillingness to be rehabilitated) man to ever live so like yeah he's gonna end up in prison. doesn't change that prisons are inhumane as an institution and shouldn't exist

[mikeslvr]

My proper introduction (me + my fnaf au guide)

hellooo :3

I'm Donnie, they/them, 16 y/o, I’m an artist + writer and this blog is mainly for my retelling of rebornica’s fnaf au, which I’ve named Lost and Found

I DONT SUPPORT REBORNICA, hence the remake. It’s a collaborative effort with my boyfriend, who comes up with a lot of the more intricate lore and details. None of this would even exist if it weren’t for him (also his name is literally vincent,, crazy how that happens)

Anyways, I’m finally at a point where I feel secure in my au and its story, and comfortable posting lore abt it! All of the guards are actually MY oc's now bc I said so. PLEASE feel free to send in asks or messages in regard to my au and characters!! I also have a side blog @askthelaffnafguards for questions you have for the characters directly, if you’d like to interact with or have a chat with them!! If not then again pls don't be afraid to ask me literally anything pleaaaaase I must talk abt my hyperfixation

I may post suggestive humor and art sometimes !! No blatant NSFW but I like to joke, esp abt the guards

AU GUIDE UNDER READ MORE !! (this may be edited and updated overtime, this AU is still in the works !!)

BRIEF Lore Synopsis (intentionally vague bc i like keeping secrets, most of the nitty gritty stuff will be for later) :

The time period of this AU is like,,,,,,exceptionally long. Starting in the 1950's and onward.

It also combines canon fnaf lore, rebornica lore, and other things me and my bf just thought up that seemed fun.

Vincent was adopted into the Afton family as a newborn when William was 11 years old. The two brothers had a very rocky dynamic as they grew up, William being the favorable child but it was still clear there was something.. off with him. Most of Vincent’s dynamic with William growing up was Vincent being manipulated into doing what William wanted, and having a false hope that his older brother might actually care about him. Growing more and more bitter as he grew up, Vincent began to resent his brother.

William opens the Fazbear's establishment(s) around his late 20's, Vincent being the first "real" Fazbear's employee alongside his brother and Henry Emily. Of course, Henry ends up quitting later on to grieve the death of his daughter, who died outside the pizzeria. He has his suspicions on how and why, but he doesn't stay long enough to confirm them. He just wants to get away. Before that even happened, one of Williams sons and his daughter also died tragically in animatronic related accidents, all of these instances coming together to reveal the discovery of remnant (yeah we're doing the remnant shit, much differently than canon though so it's pretty simple to understand. made from dead souls, excessive use gives the user extended life and/or immortality, as well as a rapid healing factor, however it also gives the user psychopathic and sadistic tendencies that can become uncontrollable. crazy magic purple goo)

Scott is employed a long while after Vincent meets him on a whim at a bar. Scott had just gotten past a divorce with his ex-wife, Morgan, and while Vincent wasn’t thinking he would enjoy Scott’s slightly tipsy rambles about her, he found him oddly enticing. Having also just broken up with Mahogany, Vincent's longest relationship ever (probably a year or two), he enjoyed some company. One night in specific, those dumb gays got a biiiiiiit too close and unlock a "friends with benefits" relationship. Cue Scott being confused abt his sexuality and Vincent being in denial about.. everything except his sexuality, really. If he’s sure of anything it’s that he fucks guys AND gals I guess (and the non-binaries, he's got love for us too <3) To make matters even more awkward they WORK TOGETHER NOW, nothing like having to work with the guy you saw in bed that one time and having to be like "ougghhhh just act normal........"

Mike was the bite of 87 victim at 7 years old, entering a coma for 8 years. Vincent and Scott are around 22 at the time of the bite, witnessing the whole thing. At this point the missing kids case is running rampant, Fazbears landing in hot water. Once Mike is out of hospitalization and fully recovered, while grieving his mother who passed away while he was in comatose, he gets a job at Burger King (please get the reference) temporarily. While working there he briefly dates a girl named Kat, they realized quickly though that they were better as friends and still have a strong platonic love for each other.

Vincent gets really paranoid about Scotts safety once he finds out his brother is a murderer, yet simultaneously becomes Williams test subject for remnant and is forced to keep his mouth shut. Waaaait. PARANOID? About SCOTT???? Whaaaaat?????? Is this bitter fake WHORE actually concerned about someone?? Huh.. on the other hand, Scott is noticing something off about the animatronics. Like an odd stench.. almost like- oh yeah no the missing children are in the animatronics. Can we get a "How many times Scott has to see a corpse" counter in here please. Both feeling unsafe and yet also obligated to stay in place, Scott and Vincent rely on each other to stay stable and keep this place afloat, both fully aware of William's endeavors but having their own reasons to not say anything. They sometimes stay up late talking about how much they despise William

Mike eventually meets a guy the same age as him named Astro, and due to family complications Astro is left living on the streets. Mike may be a dick but he's not heartless, so he allows Astro a spot on his couch. He could use the company anyway. The awkward tension between them dies down gradually as they get to know eachother, and at some point Mike quits his Burger King job and applies to work at Fazbears. He can't really recall what or why, but something, a little voice in the back of his head, told him he should apply. Weird. Astro decides to tag along, the guilt of not having a real job to pay back Mike eating him up.

Astro and Mike meet Vincent and Scott, as well as William. The gang is forming

Jeremy, Fritz, and Chris are all employed to heighten security and keep the place tidy.

While losing a grip on his sanity due to the remnant, Vincent is falling for Scott harder and harder as days go on, so you can imagine the absolute nightmare going on in his brain. What were once just delusional fantasies of Scott in the bedroom were now becoming butterflies in his stomach at the mere sight of him. While Vincent fell first, Scott definitely fell harder. Scott was dismissive of his feelings for a long time, forcing himself into denial over and over. They both tried to pursue other people but Vincent couldn't even stomach it more than once or twice, despite not being together yet he felt like he was cheating on Scott. Scott on the other hand had less guilt trying to continue pursuing women, but he had a slight unease.. does he actually.. like Vincent?

"So they should confess their feelings now right?" No DUMMY ur gonna have to wait (i'll move on from my purplephone delusions now sorry)

Adding onto the relationship stuff, Astro and Mike are beginning to develop feelings for each other as well. Mike is conflicted, because his entire life he thought he was straight, but he’s starting to realize maybe he was looking at men a bit more intently than he thought. Astro on the other hand, who was already confident in his sexuality, wanted nothing more than to kiss that stupid bald man. Around when they're both 22 Mike drunkenly confesses by accident and while it does take a while, they're able to talk normally and start officially going out. Ofc this is explored more in-depth in the real story and not the tumblr summary of it

And I’m cutting it off there. There's a lot of story to this au and i am not powerful enough to type it all out, nor do i really want to yet!! If you have any specific lore questions, pls feel free to ask, im not as secretive when asked directly,,

And if it wasn't obvious enough, William and Vincent are different people, as well as Mike Schmidt and Michael Afton. That seems REALLY obvious if you read this far but still, I don't want any confusion.

Characters in-depth :

Astro Leroy Michel (Eventually just "Astro Schmidt") / "Doll" : 

Astro is a gay, transgender man, and uses he/they pronouns

5'6

25 years old

He's married to Mike, having met him when they were both around 16 years old. They didn't start dating until they were in their early 20's, and getting married around their late 20's.

Generally polite and can bond with most people.

Takes a lot to make him panic, he's learned to have a tough exterior and to be more level-headed in stressful situations (which combats Mike's more extreme emotions)

He's punk !! Mike didn't know much abt punk beliefs until he met Astro, safe to say he thinks his husband is sick asf and they rant abt controversial/political topics together a lot.

Wears the pants in the relationship

Loves Mike sososososo much, he doesn't think anyone is as handsome or cute as his adorable husband :D

Grew up being really into the paranormal and has owned the same Ouija board ever since he was a kid. Which is my subtle way of saying he gradually becomes one of the most connected to the spirits of the dead children, being able to communicate with them the easiest, especially since they have no anger or suspicion towards him.

Only ever heard of Fazbear's as a kid, never actually went there due to their sheltered childhood.

HATES working at Fazbear's, but is primarily staying for Mike, who refuses to quit.

Very fascinated by bugs, wanting a pet centipede or tarantula, but Mike would never allow it.

Very close friends with Vincent and Chris, knowing things about the two that seemingly nobody else does. He cares about them a lot, and they're all smoking buddies and spend late nights together when things get tough.

Mike Schmidt : 

Bisexual, cis man, uses he/him pronouns

6'0

25 years old

Married to Astro Schmidt, as previously mentioned. He's hopelessly in love with that man.

Ever since the Foxy incident when he was 7, in which he suffered extreme frontal lobe damage and was hospitalized, left in comatose for a large chunk of his life, he's been left permanently altered. The memory of the bite has been blocked out of his brain, his admiration for the pirate fox remaining, but a blanket of uncertainty covers it ever so slightly.

The only people who know about the incident are William, Scott, and Vincent. None of them say anything.

Owns a crutch to help with his mobility at times, but refuses to use it. He thinks his friends will see him as weak, even if it would help him in the long run. Astro encourages him to use it whenever possible, with mixed results.

The brain trauma has left him with jittering, shaking hands. He gets easily frustrated with himself due to this and resorts to violence to get those emotions out, hence the bandages.

Most assume he just has heterochromia, which he won't deny, simply because he doesn't like getting into his past, but his left eye is actually a prosthetic.

Covers up his insecurities by acting all tough and macho, very short temper, "doesn't take shit from no one" type of guy. Until he's with Astro. Then he's a big 'ol softie.

Under his shell of an unapproachable, brutal guy, he's very compassionate and, while struggling with empathy, can still be there to support the ones he cares about.

His main coping mechanism for all his issues, though, is excessive drinking. He feels like he doesn’t belong in his own body, not remembering what completely tore his life apart and feeling so lost and unsure of what his purpose even is. So down goes the alcohol

Ever since he started his job at Fazbear's, he kept a baseball bat on him, strapped to his back underneath his security jacket.

Hated Vincent at first, but he grew to appreciate him once he slowly realized the two weren't so different after all. I mean, he still finds him annoying, but they kind of have a weird trauma-bonded thing going on. Their personalities clash but they still understand each other to a certain degree.

Was annoyed by and dismissive of Jeremy when they first met, not understanding why someone so young was risking his life at a place like this. Overtime, he grew really fond of the kid, seeing him as a younger brother, or even like a son.

Sees Scott as a father figure, but he would never admit that. He didn’t have a dad at all growing up, he never even met the guy, so when he met Scott it was kinda surreal. Scott cares for and yet also mentors him like a father would, like his father would. It really unnerves him, making him lash out a lot, but when he gets drunk or broken down he can’t help but tell Scott how much it means to him.

Oh yeah, and Faith — he doesn’t know about her yet. He barely even remembers the times they crossed paths when they were kids. He does eventually find out that she’s possessing him, and he doesn’t react very well. They adapt to each other soon enough though, once he realizes she’s only been protecting him. Faith usually forces herself into control if Mike is in extreme danger, resulting in a huge migraine and memory loss of the entire instance afterwards once Mike is back in control.

Hates Fazbear's. So much. The pay is shit, his boss is annoying, the whole nine yards. Yet he's staying, because despite it all he really loves his friends and the life he's built working here. Maybe everything will be okay.

Jeremy Fitzgerald : 

Aroace, transman, he/him pronouns

5'4

19 years old

A very quiet young man, one of the most recent recruits to the Fazbear team and primarily just an intern. Almost an unpaid one, but Scott cut him some slack. He's really just trying to get money to pay for college and half of the rent at his dads house.

Generally silent and kept to himself, having a high amount of social anxiety. He carries a gameboy and some flashy cat headphones, gaming in his free time when he just wants to be by himself

Terrified of his job, always had a bad feeling about it, but it was the only place that would hire him. He grows accustomed to some of the animatronics though, like the marionette. He always enjoyed weird, circus-y things like that

INCREDIBLY kind, almost to his own dismay. Once he breaks through his awkward and shy shell, he's the most loyal, silly, and compassionate friend you could ever have

He loves snacks, anime, and video games, as well as what would be deemed today as more “cottagecore” fashion. Although, on some days, he rocks an oversized graphic tee and some sweatpants, because mans is tired

Idolizes Mike a lot, seeing him as an older brother or father figure. Mike also makes him feel more comfortable in his masculinity, helping his dysphoria and breaking him out of his shell, especially when Mike invites him to workout sessions. He feels the same about Astro, especially since Astro is an older trans guy who helps Jeremy through his journey

Where Jeremy’s relationship with Mike takes longer to develop and flesh out, he immediately saw Scott as a fatherly figure. He really appreciates Scott’s kindness and gentle demeanor despite looking like this big, stoic manager. He owes Scott his life, and he wants to be just as kind as he is, especially if he ever wants children when he’s older. He doesn’t wanna repeat the same mistakes as his biological dad. Never.

Jeremy and his biological father have a horrible relationship, and his mother passed away in a car accident when he was young. He barely remembers what she looks like, and hates looking his dad in the eyes. Because of this, in art, his mom will be portrayed with a completely blank face, and his dad's face will be crossed out with a X

Over time, Jeremy and Fritz grow very close, developing into a queerplatonic relationship (they don't know that this is a term, to them they're just platonic soulmates that hold hands n kiss on the cheek sometimes !!) They also binge cartoons and anime together, and bond over hobbies and common interests

Jeremy is close with Chris as well, hanging out with him and Fritz primarily, mainly when Mike and Astro are busy

Vincent Afton/Bishop : 

Pansexual, cis man, he/him pronouns

5’7

39 years old

Starts using Scott's last name (Bishop) a bit into their romantic relationship, not because they're married, but because Vincent would rather it seem like they are married than keep using the last name Afton (and let's be honest, Vincent wants to put a ring on that finger so bad)

The begrudging younger brother of William Afton, as mentioned he was adopted as an infant. His parents didn’t really like him though, and neither did William. He didn’t notice until he was older that the majority of the time William was just using him, which never ended up changing.

Vincent was always the first test subject for everything William did, including remnant. When William discovered remnant, he subjected Vincent to that torture completely against his will. This resulted in an addiction with extremely severe and dangerous side effects, turning a seemingly normal guy into uummm,,purple guy WOAHHHH they said the thing (Vincent may have also been the first springlock victim but that’s to be determined)

In Vincent’s early 20’s (so around 1985,,just for reference), William put a contraption in Vincent’s jaw while he was unconscious that forces his mouth to stay in a wide grin, so anytime Vincent tries to do simple tasks like eat, talk, close his mouth, or frown, he’s in excruciating pain. As a result he’s always smiling. Fuck Lost and Found William he’s a bitch

On a more lighthearted topic, Vincent’s childhood wasn’t all bad. He would watch his mom play the piano and studied her techniques for years, using it as an escape and a way to relieve stress growing up. Unfortunately it went to the back of his mind when he moved out to live with William (stupid decision). Also, he totally had spunk and style in the 80’s. We’re keeping his love for funky suits, he loves dolling himself up

He still has his toast addiction, not as severely but warm slices of toast with butter are unironically his comfort food

Vincent spent a lot of his 20’s parading himself around and using his flirty and eccentric facade to get himself laid almost everyday. He didn’t form meaningful connections with anyone, nor did he have any interest in doing so. He was going through a rough patch and wanted a quick and easy way out of it every night, that’s all.

Although, that lifestyle came to a surprising halt when he met a man at his usual bar once. He had never seen him there before, and considering he was thinking of just rotting in bed that night instead, it was an utter coincidence that they even saw each-other, let alone conversed and slowly developed a friendship. Of course this man was Scott Bishop, a kindhearted guy who lost his job as a nurse and simultaneously lost his wife in a divorce. Scott and Vincent’s relationship hit a bit of a road bump one night where they were both a little tipsy and decided to spend the night together (aka they had sex), resulting in Vincent being terrified that he might actually feel things for this man and Scott being confused because he might actually be gay (more on Scott in his section). Vincent had to wrestle with the idea that he felt a real emotional connection to this guy, actually being concerned for his well-being and wanting to be with him every second of every day. Which wasn’t like him, at all. He was falling in love and it was terrifying.

Vincent DOES become a serial killer but he didn’t kill the children, his kills came from a psychotic break after being filled with remnant for years and a thirst for blood. He still feels remorse and guilt for his actions and despises William for killing innocent children.

Was a fun uncle to Williams kids but nothing much more than that, he was awkward around kids and preferred Evan (crying child’s name in laffnaf) since he was quiet and didn’t cause many problems. His relationship with Michael got rough after the bite of 83, Evan’s death hitting him like a truck and he wasn’t sure how easy it would be to forgive Michael, despite still wanting to be there for his nephew. They never really got to patch things up before Vincent got preoccupied with his own affairs. To this day he isn’t sure if Michael is even alive.

Still has his flirty and eccentric personality but he slowly gains more genuine confidence and learns how to express his emotions properly and be there for people he cares about. He’s still pretty blunt and hits on people for funsies but he makes it clear when he’s just joking around. People still find him creepy and off putting nevertheless.

Obviously he’s in love with Scott so I’ll briefly mention his relationships with everyone else. He’s best friends with Astro, the two having similar interests and humor and they love gossiping in their free time. He loves to pick on Mike but deep down he respects him and the work he does, plus the trauma he went through. He also loves to mess with Jeremy, taking advantage of his jumpiness and using that to scare him shitless all the time. As for everyone else he’s fine with them, I’m so sorry but this is taking weeks and I’m so tired UGHHRG

Scott Bishop (Phone Guy) : 

Unlabeled, cis man, he/him pronouns (I think he's asexual in some variant.. not fully bc yk but maybe demisexual......... maybe I'm just self-projecting)

6'4

40 years old

Practically forced into the manager position by William, who was once manager but started losing interest in that portion of his job, so all the stress was put on Scott. That includes everyone else’s jobs too, as he’s kinda expected to fill in for whoever isn’t present. For example if Fritz isn’t at work, Scott has to take care of the animatronics. If Mike stays home, Scott (or Vincent if Scott asks him to bc he’s pathetic) has to fill in for him. So you can imagine how stressed Scott is when he gets home every night, if he even does. His ACTUAL job is the dayshift, but with everyone else to manage, he goes days without sleeping sometimes.

If you thought Jeremy was unbearably kind, try THIS loser. His kindness hurts him. Even if you're a bitch to him, he'll be there for you if you're having a bad day. He cares about his employees lives more than his own, and has the scars to prove that he would do anything to protect them. Ontop of that, he's a huge goofball, more than people assume or give him credit for. He always knows the punchlines to Mikes jokes, kinda aggravating Mike sometimes but deep down they appreciate each others humor.

Really loves books and reading, but also infatuated by really dark concepts and topics. He doesn’t really fear death as much as he accepts that it’s inevitable. That didn’t really change when he began working at Fazbears. He would sacrifice himself for his employees and that’s that, if he died for a good cause then he died happy.

Probably the most infuriated by the missing children case. He began working at Fazbear's in the 80's, around 1987 to be exact. His first run-in with a child nearly dying being the Bite of '87. He already felt horrifically guilty for that, so you can imagine the fear and stress as more and more children that he saw everyday just slowly went missing. Children he comforted when they were sad, children whose parents he had fond relationships with. They were all ticked off, one by one. Scott found out all the details about William being the killer through Vincent, but he was also convinced by him not to say anything, due to William’s large influence and capability of silencing anyone who speaks out against him. After all, Fazbears is a largely successful corporation in this universe. It’s still dirt cheap and looks like shit, but the Afton name is very well known. It can’t be tarnished, no matter how badly Scott wants to tear it all to the ground.

Wears his giant phone mask to look more like a mascot for Freddy Fazbear’s (other than Freddy himself....), and to cover up his face during the dayshift, which he deems too “unsettling” for the kids to see (wtf man you have ONE scar get a grip ur beautiful). The kids grew attached to him, his mask plastered with sharpie drawings and little stickers by the end of the day. He would NEVER remove them, never. He wasn’t sure how good he would be with handling kids, but he always ends up smiling by the end of the day, even if he’s stressed out. Once again, it got really under his skin that his boss murdered those kids.

Also — the phone reacts to his emotions. I don’t know the logistics, it just does. It’s just a helmet but when Scott puts it on he can emote and make facial expressions that are expressed by the phone, and yet it also still works as a phone. I don’t know, okay? Moving on.

Confused by and yet also entranced by Vincent. He loves to watch him, analyzing him in his brain, figuring out what makes him tick. He loves the attention too, even if he playfully shoves Vincent away a lot he loves how touchy and clingy he is. The way he hugs him from behind, grabs his hand, holds his face, oh my lord. It makes him completely melt, the compliments too, it all goes right to his brain and makes him all warm and giggly.

But he’s TOTALLY straight, right?

Yeah no. Everyone point and laugh. He doesn’t even know what was going through his head when he accepted Vincent’s offer that night, the logic of how he came out of that still thinking he’s straight is utterly ridiculous. You kissed a man Scott oh my lord

As for the other guards, as previously stated, Scott cares about them a lot. He has a big soft spot for Jeremy and surprisingly Mike, treating them as if they were his sons. He’s aware of Jeremy’s awful relationship with his dad, being the one to actually physically save him from that household, and trusting Mike to take Jeremy in and live with him and Astro. He would’ve done it himself if he could’ve, but he just has too much going on already. He and Mike also had a mutual understanding that Jeremy’s father must be “dealt with”, sending Mike off to do so. We don’t fw Jeremy’s dad here.

He’s also aware of Mike’s self-destructive behaviors and drinking problem, indulging in drinking with Mike sometimes to make him feel less alone, but the majority of the time he’s the one staying sober to make sure Mike is okay, alongside Astro. He’s like this with all the guards, recognizing their behaviors and habits and being there if he feels like they need him, which 9 times out of 10 they do.

He also thinks - no, knows that he owes Mike. He owes Mike a lot. Despite none of it being his fault, despite doing his best to save Mike that day, he just needs to be there for him. It's the least he could do for keeping it all a secret.

Fritz

Aroace, non-binary, he/they king

5'1

20 years old

Still mostly prefers masculine terms despite being non-binary, honestly he doesn't even know the term non-binary exists. He just knows he doesn't fully feel like a guy

Biiiiiiiig tech guy, very very good with computers and all kinds of technology. He genuinely loves working on the animatronics and sneaking in little upgrades without William knowing

Very friendly, but not the most social unless it's about something that directly interests him. This is why he gets along with Jeremy so well, as they have very similar interests, and Jeremy always asks questions about programming and hacking that Fritz loves to tell him all about

Was briefly fired for tampering with the animatronics after hours, but was quickly re-hired by Scott when he realized they couldn't find a mechanic with nearly as much ambition, drive, and skill as Fritz

Weird comedic relief thing -- Fritz made Balloon Boy in this AU. BB was NEVER meant to be part of William's animatronic roster, and while he isn't Fritz's best work, Fritz thinks he's just so goofy looking that he HAS to be included. BB is packed with motion-activated voice lines Fritz installed in his voicebox, causing nothing but annoyance for the rest of the guards. Everyone but Fritz hates that stupid thing

Apart from his pookie Jeremy he also hangs out with Chris and sometimes Mike, but none of the other guards really talk to him much. Not out of hostility or anything, just because they know Fritz prefers his privacy and focusing on his work.

Chris

Trans man, he/him pronouns, and uuhnmmmnm (im so sorry i have not figured out his sexuality yet, at the moment im saying bisexual i think)

5'5

21 years old

The chillest guy there, spends 90% of his time blasting music from his walkman into his ears and humming n bobbing his head to the beat of his music as he sweeps the floors

Friends with EVERYONE, but he certainly has his favorites. He loves listening to Mike ramble and theorize, enjoys Scott's wisdom on dark n spooky topics, likes chilling with Fritz and Jeremy due to being similar in age and interests, but as previously mentioned he likes smoking (weed) with Astro and Vincent on weekends and therefore those two have become his best friends over time. At work though, he would probably pick Mike

Lives in a dusty old apartment with his black hairless cat, Lucky. He loves his dusty old apartment

Loves piercings, tattoos, graffiti art, all kinds of stuff like that

Doesn't really pay much mind to the whole "haunted pizzeria" thing, he thinks it's real interesting and all but he has bigger worries. Like sweeping the shit outta those floors so he can afford to feed his cat this week

As much as I would love to elaborate on more of the characters (Faith, William, the rest of the missing children, etc.) this has already taken probably months and I would like to just post this stupid thing already. I think you could slowly see my writing descend into madness and for that I apologize

AGAIN PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS !!!!! more will be added to this in the future, ty for reading xoxoxoxoxoxo <33333

[lackofbrains]

i dont really know how to work tumblr posts and im not really a good writer but i wanted to write a velvet x reader story since theres hardly any on here

story info:

its kind of angst but like ends with fluff or whatever its called

so basically you’re like a pop artists along with velvet an veneer, and you’re like almost more famous than them and velvet gets really jealous and starts to hate you, but in the end she realizes she doesnt.

—————————————————————————-

y/n's POV

"so y/n your new song is at the top of the charts!" the interviewer fred or whatever his name was said, i honestly couldnt care to remember his name. "yeah. im so greatful for everyone who listens to my songs i wouldn't be here without all of you!" i replied directing the last part towards the audience in front of me. they all cheered in response and i smiled a bit, loving the attention and thankful for the fans. "awww, thats so sweet! so we need to know, is there any new songs in the making?" he asked me really prominently on the need part. "welllllll" i drug out my word trying to thing of a good response. i get really awkward and anxious around huge crowds, kind of a bad thing for a pop star but. "i may be working on a new song, look out for teasers on my instagram." im so excited for the new song to release its definitely gonna be one of my best songs yet "okay we'll make sure to check!" he glanced down at his watch, i guess the interview was finally over thank goodness. "well, y/n. looks like our interview is sadly over, it was great having you thanks so much for coming" he said "no, thank you! this was great-" i stood from the comfy sofa i was on "and thank you all for coming!" as i said that the crowd went crazy, mount rageons screaming all over the place. it was kind of overwhelming so i probably walked faster than i needed to off stage, as i got backstage i blew out a sigh of relief, thankful for the opportunity to spread my music but also thankful it was over.

                                velvets POV

"ughhhhhhh" i groaned "i cant stand her and her goody two shoes self, shes so annoyinggggg" i complained to my brother, veneer. "shes not annoying velvet, she seems really nice." he replied to me, i abruptly took my feet off the coffee table they were on and turned to him. did he really just say that to me. "why are you defending our competition!" i basically screached at him, "sorry, velvet. i wasnt lying though, you just like to see the bad in people" he sighed, crossing his arms like the sassy twink he is. "i cant stand you sometimes! its like you want us to be second best." i really did not understand why he was defending someone thats trying to take MY crown. i got up off the couch and walked away from him, i mean yeah she may be nice and pretty but shes trying to take whats mine and that cannot happen."

(time skip to some award show thingy that i just made up bc it helps the plot)

                                y/n's POV

looking around i see so many different singers, some well known, some not as much and probably werent even invited in the first place. as my eyes scan the crowd of celebrities, looking for my friend, f/n, they land on no other than veneer himself, standing with my mortal enemy, velvet. the green haired twins were my competition and i had to beat them. i honestly didnt mind veneer too much, he seemed like a nice guy. velvet on the other hand, i had a totally different opinion on. ever since she basically said my music sucked in an interview of hers, and no i don't just watch all her interviews(yes you do dont lie), i havent liked her, thats an understatement. i cannot STAND velvet.

as i was in my own little word of dislike towards the prettier twin, i didnt notice someone standing right in front of me. i looked up expecting the brown caring eyes of f/n, only to be met with cold blue eyes. i sharply inhaled, to be honest scared out of my mind "y/n!" "what are you doing here?!" the green haired girl shriecked, "i was... invited..?" i replied in a hushed tone, not being able to find my voice. "well you shouldnt of been, your music sucks, and overall you dont deserve any award." she replied, flipping her hair asif i wasnt even there? "okay... well my song on top of the months best pop song chart says otherwise" i said turning around and walking away before she could hear the last part of that, she had really pretty eyes..

"y/n!" i hear from behind me, this time from a more scruffier voice. i turned around recognizing the voice was coming from f/n. "there you are! i was looking for you everywhere." "i saw.. i also saw your run in with the twins. tell me everything!" i groaned at that last bit "no f/n it was scary enough i dont need to repeat it." i replied also turning away from him "attention! all invited pop singers, please make your way to the stage!" 'finally' i thought to myself, ive had to wait an hour and a half through the rock, country andddd rap awards.

im going absolutely insane, why did i have to be seated RIGHT NEXT TO VELVET. its like torture, i could feel her eyes on me for the whole 10 minutes it took to introduce everyone, it was awful, but sort of nice in a way.

(time skip to the actual awards bc im a horrible writer and cannot care enough to try and fill the gap with sappyness)

"andddd the award goes to-" his eyes widened as he read the slip of paper with the award winners name on it "velvet and veneer-" he was interrupted once again only this time not by himself, but by the crowd behind him going crazy "wait!" he said and they all quieted down just enough to hear him, i looked beside me and velvets smile dropped hearing him say that "AND y/n y/ln!" the crowd went even louder this time, i gasped hearing my name "well dont just sit here come get the award..s?" all three of us walked torwards him, i looked to my left towards velvet and she actually smiled at me, and not even a condescending one! we both took the awards, as we walked back to our seats, velvets arm brushed against mine, i got so flustered i had to turn away so she didnt see me blushing. i dont know why i was acting so weird i hated her... right? "congratulations to the winners of this months most amazing pop stars!!" the crowd hadnt stopped yelling yet, i was fidgeting uncomfortably in my seat, picking at my hands, feeling a panic attack coming along, when suddenly i felt a hand on top of my own, locking fingers with me. i was so shocked i didnt even wanna look because i knew the amazingly pink painted nailed hands belonged to.... velvet.

she had held my hand the rest of the show, which in reality was about 10 minutes but felt like hours with her hand in mine, her hands were so soft.

(time skip to like after the show but like not left yet bc thats so unsexy an doesnt fit my amazing plot)

i was standing around the desert table talking to f/n, well it was really him talking about how much i deserved the award and how great my music is. he really knows how to make someone feel special. i looked around for velvet spotting her talking to her brother, i really wanted to speak to her, my "hatred" for her had turned to love in less than 3 hours.

"yeah you were obviously winning the awar-" f/n was cut off mid sentence by the green haired girl that i couldnt get out of my mind "hey y/n can i talk to you?" she asked me, her cold demeanor still up but i felt like there was something under her coldness, i followed her after muttering a quick "sorry" in f/n's direction.

we finally got to a deserted hallway when she finally spoke "are you okay?" she asked, cold demeanor slipping as soon as we were alone "y-yeah why wouldnt i be?" i asked stumbling over my words abit because of the close proximity between us..

velvets POV

her stuttering was kinda cute. "because you seemed like you were gonna pass out, babe" i couldn't catch myself before the pet name slipped out, i guess its out there that i dont reslly hate y/n now. i guess i just didnt like the idea of not being on top, but now that we're both on top its kinda nice. "oh yeah that..." she trailed off, blushing a bit, either from embarrassment or the pet name, probably the latter if we're being honest. "sorry, i just get a bit overwhelmed with thr crowds and loud screaming, which i know is weird since im a pop star- so i basically signed up for this-"y/n" "and they probably saw me too and they think i hate them now- and im gonna lose the award-"y/n" "and im not gonna be able to write music anymore because everyones gonna hate me, and ill have no money- and ill be homeless and-"y/n!" i finally got her attention finally silencing the rambling girl "sorry.." she looked really upset "its okay y/n, you dont need to apologize. you did nothing wrong i promise." i replied tucking a loose strand of hair behind her hair, finally noticing how close we were. "velvet" y/n whispered, as i cupped her cheek "hm?" i hummed leaning in a bit waiting for her to initiate what was about to happen(consent is sexy) "are you sure" she muttered "mhm" and with that she finally closed the gap, her soft lips meeting mine. when we finally seperated we were both panting from the lack of air. "that was..." "great" i finished her sentence. "would you wanna maybe, you know. go out tomorrow?" i asked, still a bit flustered from the kiss. "like a date?" she said teasingly "y-yeah. a date." "of course, what time are you picking me up" she said with a smirk "is 8 good?" "see you at 8 velvs" and with that she gave me one more peck and walked away.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

Some Personal Thoughts on Disability in Enstars

disclaimer: disability is a very broad term that covers many different experiences. i will be talking about physical disabilities since i feel most comfortable doing so/have experience with them. obviously that ignores a Huge part of what disability and chronical illness is and can be. but i think it is beyond my capabilities to talk about experiences i don't know much about.

alt caption: i think ritsu is a good character and im trying to explain to myself why

this is sort of a long post, sorry.

content warnings: i talk about ableism and touch on related topics such as dehumanization and objectification and such below. individual parts of this post have their own cw's.

Enstars Writing, Beloathed

to get this out of the way; it is bad sometimes. this is discussed very often. it doesnt depend on the authors either, in my opinion, some writers will hit you with something really troublesome only to (seemingly accidentally) invent human emotion and compassion in a different story. i dont want to repeat what others have said eloquently but there is a fair amount of imperialist worldviews, xenophobia, just racism really, transphobia, ableism, and copaganda to be found in enstars. this isnt about x character being x thing, but about how it is very noticable when the author of a story holds these worldviews and they bleed into their stories.

so that is not the greatest foundation if youre looking for well-written disabilities. but i wouldnt be reading enstars if i didnt think it genuinely is really really good sometimes. in my opinion, the way disabilities are portrayed is a mixed bag overall but there are some extremely worthwhile bits that touched me quite a lot.

What I personally understand as Well-Written Disability

the way disabled people suffer often goes unnoticed, and disabled people dont have a platform to talk about oppression. a lot of life-changing issues can go unnoticed to those unnaffected by them, even if they are in broad daylight: underfounded or entirely lacking healthcare, the way many healthcare systems are marketbased and ethics are prone to suffer bc of this (even under 'welfare' capitalism), a lack of equal marriage, the inaccessibility of the most basic and necessary facilities, financing care and the dependency on family/loved ones (both a logistical and psychological problem), the huge stigma against disabled people, etc, etc, you get me....

we need to write about people who need care, to keep them in mind at all times. disabled people are not a minority in a mathematical sense but in a hierarchical sense. it is naive to think of them as "a substancial percentage" of populations. as we age, we inevitably all enter the stage of needing care at some point. SO to an extend, i want to claim its a topic that affects every single person. yet disabled people are rarely a central topic anywhere. it is not enough to acknowledge them, we need to plan and think with them in mind. and Write with them in mind, i guess.

SO when i see fiction grapple the topic, i am usually really happy, even if the portrayal isnt ideal. (critical, maybe, but generally speaking very happy) pointing out "badly" written disabled characters is obviously not as easy as calling someone out for uncritically saying "i think eugenics are a good idea!!!" through fiction. people with that sort of facist mindset exist of course but ableism does not end there.

if i were to single out things i see often: i think the most disappointing thing a story can do is to - mention a disability without it ever having an impact on people in the story (-> the disability is basically nonexistent, has no impact or relevance, outside of a theoretical mention) OR - uncritically use a disabled character as a mere plot devise, without granting them the ability to speak (-> dehumanization, a lack of understanding that disabled people are, well, People. they do shit.)

and then of course there is fetishization, both in a literal sense and in an inspiration porn sense and the problem of turning disability into a caricature for jokes (either to other disabled people for their behaviour/body or to create a sense of satisfying superiority by laughing at them) but i feel like those problems explain themselves.

to apply these to very basic examples: i think often something like a robotic sci-fi prosthetic is not a good way to represent a disability because it fails to represent what people go through irl and provides a "magic fix" without repercussions. here is a really good post about it. about the plot device issue... i think it is similar to what people often criticise as "manpain". a disabled person will never appear or speak, they are demoted to being the reason an able-bodied character acts a certain way, like a lifeless accessory. this doesnt always have to be bad, esp if its just a sideplot! but it can get tiring if the audience never gets to learn about other aspects of the unseen character in question and we are only introduced to their suffering.

all of this to talk about gacha idol boys. it is how it is. anyway, this is roughly my mental state when i tackle enstars.

disclaimer 2: i am really just a kogaP. this influences which characters i encounter when reading. there are tons of stories i just never looked at and there is SO MUCh lore i just dont know about. please lemme know if you have additions to stuff i say/understand a character better/have related story recommendations! tl;dr the sakuma bit will be long.

disclaimer 3: i genuinely adore every single character mentioned below and am always excited to learn smth new about them. if i criticize writing, that has nothing to do with that character or their fans. it is about the writers.

the most obvious example. Eichi (content warning for brief mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation)

everything eichi does, he does with the knowledge he will most likely die young. that is a truly dramatic setup.

but before i get back to that thought. it always felt to me like eichis illness(/es) lack a certain sense of conciseness? i do not think you need to put a name and diagnosis on it for it to be relatable and real to readers, tbh!! though to achieve believability, there needs to be a good amount of consistency. what i can recall off the top of my head is the following:

he breaks down/straight up blacks out frequently due to weakness and dizzyness

measures were taken to secure his safety in those situations (the infamous Eichi-kun Gauge as seen in Element)

his stamina is seriously low

he coughs a lot

we saw him cough up blood (Daydream)

he relies on long hospital stays because his health needs to be monitored and/or supported this closely

he stays inside a lot (hinting towards problems with his immune system?)

being healthy enough to eat unhealthy food is a big deal to him, so there are dietary restrictions/it was necessary to precisely control what he eats

his grandfather, who died recently, is considered an outlier for how long he lived (so it IS hereditary)

which..... could be a lot of things...? or, more likely: a culmination of many things at once. if you have headcanons on eichis health, please lemme know!

but in addition to eichis terminal illness, there is a second quality to him that separates him from most disabled people: he is extremely wealthy. and his wealth is fundamentally important to stories. usually illness and poverty go hand in hand, since income is tied to the ability to work, which worsens an already bad situation. no matter how limited eichis actions are because of his body, the possibilties offered by his wealth make him a central figure in every overarching plot. in addition to this, his family is well aware of his consitution and he is a patriarchal leading figure to them, the head to their coporate hierachy. eichi is free of the things that usually rid the chronically ill of their safety and power: society (he is an idol and popular) and money (he is the richest boy in japan). if youd ask me, i think that while being chronically ill is of course physically taxing, the worse problem is the economic state it puts you in. eichi simply overcomes this? yes, he is terminally ill, his situation is terrifying. but he has an extraordinary amount of control while he lives. more than a poor yet able-bodied person may have.

his unique circumstances enable him to be incredibly active. this is so fun to read about in my opinion. its a fascinating setup to me. without casting any sort of moral judgement on his actions and the antagonistic role he plays; he is, excuse me for my phrasing here, a disabled power fantasy. (at least to me)

this is a double-edged sword to him. because of who he is as a person (ambitious, cunning, ruthless, diligent)

he lives in relative safety but his strong ambition and financial ability to fulfill his dreams tempt him to go past his limits. because his remaining lifetime is uncertain, the need to preserve the body he is given seems uneconomical (a mindset his upbringing and education as an heir to his family would have enforced imo) he is bound to break down sooner or later anyway. i think he begins to see himself and his body as a tool to achieve his goals and neglects spending time on anything BUT working towards them. so the moment he runs out of goals (like at the end of Element), his reason to "remain" becomes futile.

it really struck with me how he appears in Blackbird - emaciated, pathetic, purposefully neglected because he chose to be neglected and weak in an act of self harm bc denying medical attention (something that couldnt have happened otherwise) wataru has to remind him that no one died and the obvious connection to make is that the eccentrics are physically unharmed and starting over, that they should not be a source of guilt to eichi. but i think this is just as much about eichi himself. he might have expected to die since he left the hospital and overexhausted himself at school and as an idol. he didnt die though. it was a real possibility and seemed likely but he didnt. the neglect and indirect self harm here point out, to me, that he saw the "role" he gave himself as fulfilled at that point and waited to die.

eichi stands over economic or social factors that could ostracize and dehumanize him but funnily enough he manages to do so himself by treating his body as a tool and his happiness as an option that got overshadowed by a need to succeed.

this vulnerability makes him, despite how vague the descriptions of his illness are and despite how unrelatable his wealth is, a very satisfying character imo. it is engaging to me. certain limits are removed for him but he created new ones, specifically because he did not see himself as something worth sustaining once he becomes useless. imo, eichi applied the idea that a lifes worth can be measured in its ability to function in an industry to himself. and spiralled over it, entirely inverting his uncanny amount of bodily autonomy. it is clear how the situation he is in worsens his mental health like that. and how his mental health in turn worsens his physical health. it is inseperable.

i cant really get into !! era eichi because i genuinely just dont... know enough. the fine tradition of having a weekly H-Day stands out, though. after all, eichi has new bigger ambitions and is, once again, inviting his own ruin through overexhaustion. so his friends (the new addition of having friends is essential) had to forcefully make him stop for at least one day a week. that is pretty big. i think.

this is true for many marginalized existences so it of course applies to disabled people: if neither your surroundings nor yourself permit you to feel human and therefore assign your person an inherent worth and lovability... sometimes you need a friend to do so!!! social circles are the best support structure for your health.

The Sakuma Family

(i will get into ritsu and rei seperately later on. there are just a few concepts i want to get out of the way that apply to both of them.)

so... to get a little theoretical; the concept of "disability" relies on the concept of a "normative" human existence. "disability" is an otherness and can therefore easily be seen as a "monstrocity" in the eyes of ignorant people, something that instils fear. (there is a reason why a lot of horror exploits disabled bodies as a source of terror and uses mental hospitals as settings) from an able-bodied point of view it seems "desirable" to be a "normative human", yet the disabled person knows that is not a possibility and knows their worth and place as a human in human spaces. at least ideally. able-bodied people sometimes lack this understanding. there is nothing to be desired about an able body or fixed about a disabled body, beyond what medical care can do for ones quality of life.

if you have read operetta, this is all very familiar;

operetta, chapter 17 and, well, here we are. vampires. a very basic truth about the sakuma family that i hate to see denied is that they are human. there is nothing supernatural about them. they are just disabled. or, to turn the idea around, if one was to assign them vampiristic traits and such... is vampirism not a disability and should be taken seriously as such? if you consider the limits a vampire has while coordinating through their life, is that not... strangely just a disabled experience? (MINUS THE KILLING PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY but much modern fiction is sympathetic towards vampires instead and does not display them as violent)

anyway, to hear it from the horses mouth (the horse is rei):

operetta, chapter 19 the sakuma family is a curious case. their condition is hereditary though the severity varies from person to person. it comes up in many stories but for the most part i am thinking about operetta, resurrection sunday, and devils right now. how did this all start? what made an entire family turn to live as vampires, with blood ceremonies and all that? what bizarre kind of generational trauma is this?

(and, while it does not play a role as important as it did for eichi, they are rich. this is important to mention. many normal experiences just dont apply to them because wealth makes them immune. ... how did the sakumas become this influential anyway.)

for an unspecified but long time, an entire family managed to mentally entirely seperate themselves from the rest of humanity because of their chronical illness. personally, i have no doubt this is the result of a world that othered them first. whether the main motivator at play here is a defensiveness towards a society that cannot understand you or an internal need to turn hardships into an identity that can be carried with pride. it takes a considerable amount of emotional strength and planning for the "hey we are human actually" declaration in operetta to occur.

they are, weirdly, what people mean when they talk about a "toxic anti-recovery mindset". (an expression i struggle with because this sort of rhetoric is often used to discriminate against disabled people who speak up for themselves or ask for accomodations. but that aside) it is an amount of pride that leads to internal self destruction.

of course, as is the case with every single character i write about in this post, a lot of it has to do with aesthetics and being chuuni to sell gacha cards. so we know the reason behind the reason. but it makes for some bizarre in-universe implications.

but in any case, the fact that their identity as false vampires is something they have always carried, that modern society sees as "mystical and sexy" has a hilarious side effect: their disability becomes marketable under the guise of vampirism. it is hard to recover from that.

so again, we have a double-edged sword: to present ones medical condition as a "persona" declares it as a performative act, something that is done to bring joy to an audience. personal detriment is not considered here, since it stops being a part of ones being and starts to become "work". the time and place of ones symptoms has to overlap with the time and place of ones performances. or people will hate you for your uncontrollable illness. however, rei and ritsu are both also able to carry their condition with a sort of playfulness. it is almost something like the act of "reclaiming" when they purposefully choose to larp a little for fun. usually, when a scene mentions their disability in the context of comic relief, they have control over the situation that unfolds and even initiate it and invite others to laugh alongside them. this can be a slippery slope to getting harrassed of course.... but i am rather baffled by the amount of dominance they have in social interactions. so it just reads as a healthy amount of dark humour to me.

this, and the consistent writing of their symptoms, and the ability to easily compare it to real existing illnesses, easly make them my favourite instance of written disabled people in the series. their illness has an impact on their behaviour and it is detrimental! and they are both very human in the way they attempt to cope. there is a certain realism to it. idek.

many people seem to headcanon them with myalgic encephalomyelitis, which is a really good explanation, and i personally want to suggest narcolepsy. the point being, there is room to accurately assign them a realistic relatable and understandable condition, even if nothing is ever named in canon. and of course they are mentioned to have an iron deficiency.

bear with this slightly "out there" theory for a moment: have you or a friend ever tried to get a compensation for your disadvantage at school or uni? it can be really hard to do, if it is possible at all, even if it is something very simple (more time, a slightly different enviroment, the ability to drink or sit, etc) yumenosaki is a school for performance arts, mainly idols. bold statement: it might genuinely be easier to get/explain an accommondation for your "idol quirk" (something that would be actively fostered), than for your disability. not that yumenosaki is very strict or asks for a lot anyway, its just something that has been on my mind.

here is another funny thing i have been thinking about: both of them crave juice, soda, and fruit - sugary yet fresh stuff. i feel like this is not uncommon for people who suffer from excessive tiredness and fatigue, the body subconsciously wishes for some sugar intake to "wake up".

Inventing a Guy to Cope. Rei

funny title aside... he... did that... ? rei is a curious example of how different mostly unrelated traumas can overlap. he had no childhood, thanks to his family that considered him "mature" at a very young age and his early status as a child star. and his bad health is a miserable addition to this. it is quite scary to image how pressured to do right he felt growing up and how that resulted in the fragmented distanced way he views himself; reinventable, and ultimately unknowable. (to others AND himself)

despite his bad health he has always been working and performing "well". he was praised for his remarkable talents but rarely had the chance to stop and patch himself up. whether this was a result of a pushy enviroment or his personality as a people pleaser who cannot show weakness and imperfection is hard to tell. maybe both.

the state he is in in Crossroad is fascinating to me. he all but directly lists the criteria of depression to keito when he attempts to explain his sorrows. he is restless, rowdy, mentions later on that he enrolled in yumenosaki against his familys wishes. he is very much searching for joy and his own identity in the middle of a health emergency. this has to do with the way he was raised, only knowing how to exist for and serve others, how he was made to sell a made-up version of himself, but i also believe it has to do with the fact he has started to exclude himself from his familys traditions and values. he started to cast away the uncertain "monstrosity" existence of his family (as well as the false idolhood others assigned him) and instead embraces humanity as a chronically ill person.

crossroad, i forgor which chapters

this of course marks a starting point of change that later results in him making up the wagahai pronouns persona - something he specifically created with the intention of looking vulnerable and weak. because he yearned to do less, to recover from years of exhaustion.

in a way, i want to say both, the ore pronouns persona and the wagahai pronouns persona, are attempts to cope with expectations he cannot handle physically or mentally. one relies on masking, on appearing stronger than he actually is and therefore invulnerable, and the other relies on exaggerating his weakness, in an attempt to finally let others recognize it. i think as a disabled person, both are performances one has to learn in order to "function" in everyday life, while remaining safe from serious harm (doing badly at ones job or classes, angering others that hold power over your life). since ones circumstances are often hard to grasp for someone who does not share the same illness, there is no choice but to simplify and exaggerate until symptoms become tangible concepts or to just brave through it, at the cost of ones health and future time.

rei in particular, for better or for worse, is incredibly capable when he needs to be and unfortunately that means others will often not take his health seriously because they saw him function just fine the other day. this is a general problem but an obvious offender in that regard is koga, who comments on reis fatigue constantly and loves to create a bit of a high expectations toxic work enviroment (and, to be fair, rei terrorizes him too. kogas hostility towards rei is sometimes ableist but not really rooted in ableism. after all koga is highly aware how performative the wagahai persona can be and is a huge motivational and inspirational factor in reis life. its a whole complex)

!! era holds some positive changes. his mental need to please other people remains a persistent source of trouble for him (and others) but he seems to really let his body recover and lives a more nocturnal life. both kuro and kaoru mention that he looks more healthy (in succession match???? i think??) since he finally stopped enforcing a normal day/night cycle on his body just to comply with social norms. you can indeed be very human even if you break human-made rules.

(additional comment: "becoming human" is of course a theme for each of the eccentrics and not uniquely tied to disability, it very much has to do with the objectification one goes through as a public figure. but this is a post about disability and it really fits in well. so here we go)

Literally Just a Realistic Teenager. Ritsu

ritsu, while not really being among my favourite characters, is my favourite instance of a disabled character in enstars. partly because of his writing and partly because my personal experiences overlap with his so much it sometimes is painful - but always extremely satisfying. just had to get that out.

ritsu is perhaps the most visibly ill. he blacks out and sleeps where he stands, everywhere, without control and often requires other peoples (well, mostly maos) assistance in order to remain safe when this happens. he also repeated a year of school, specifically because of his disability.

he is painfully aware of this. that he looks ill, that he behaves ill, that he is an underachiever compared to others of the same age, even to people younger than him.

ritsu developed unique behaviours to deal with this: he is very dependent and clingy and often asks others to do things for him, unapologetically. that does not mean asking for help doesnt hurt his pride, just that it is the most viable strategy for everyday survival that he ended up with. other than that, he clings more to the vampire identity than rei does. either to defy his older brother or, and this is important imo, because it is the one safety net he has to fall back on that makes him feel "normal" and like he is a regular being. albeit not human. no matter how much others might blame him for his shortcomings or how much he is a failure in the eyes of society, he is very regular for a "vampire". under the logic developed by his family, he is just a child, and the world at large is to blame. it is an easier truth to accept than facing systematic injustice and prejudice in a human world.

the stories i mentioned in another part above aside, i really love what ensemble band does for him; ritsu gets extremely irritated with mao in the prologue, seemingly out of nowhere. his character is allowed to express this sort of anger and to take it out on others, even if it is unjust and misguided. it is not pretty and it isnt good behaviour but it is a very heartfelt emotion to me.

its obvious that he cannot compete with others and that this will always been seen as his personal fault instead of a circumstance he cannot influence. and more than that: no one appreciates the real efforts he makes. for instance, getting himself out of bed in time for classes is difficult for regular teenagers and straight up hellish for ritsu. but he manages to do so a lot later on. instead of acknowledging that this is a real accomplishment on his part and possibly really exhausting and bad for his comfort in the long run, this is seen as doing the bare minimum.

while it is not correct, the malice ritsu sometimes treats others with comes from an comprehensible place. able-bodied ignorance can appear as purposeful slights made by those more privileged than him.

yet he learns to conform. his friends are important to him. knights success is important to him. (thought mental health probably played a role here too and made things even harder prior to his third year of high school) and yet;

seven bridge, chapter 24, but its really just an example i had at hand

the remarks stay the same. his peers still cannot help but brand him as "just lazy", even if they are kind and understanding otherwise and habour no ill intent. so i would like to ask: how long can he keep this up? how hard is this on him?

i dont think i need to explain just how common and hurtful it is to be accused of "laziness". probably the single most irritating comment someone with fatigue will hear every single day.

however, on the flipside, ritsu has perhaps the most people who care for him in comparison with other characters, though they sometimes complain (communication is hard, care is hard, everyone in enstars is very young and i cannot bring myself to see those comments as malice. its a mixture of ignorance and ones own burdens) there is mao, obviously. tsumugi is a very funny example. knights, of course, in particular naru. (at least based on my humble knights readings)

quite interesting how he just decided mao is his caretaker, now and in the future. i shared a few of my thoughts on caretaking here. this is.... a huge responsibility to just put on someones shoulders, to say the least. he shouldnt be doing this but i think it speaks for itself that this is a problem that is on his mind. ITS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT TOPIC TO BRING UP, especially since, the younger you are, the harder it is to get insurance to pay for your care. yes, he is often just teasing mao, but ritsu is looking for ways to get through life. by learning to be as independent as possible, whenever possible. though often you really just find yourself at the mercy of friends and family.

Inter-Sibling Violence

apologies, i will be done with the sakumas soon. i didnt know how to fit this in at the start.

the relationship between rei and ritsu, as people with the same disability who experiences different symptoms and challenges, is worth thinking about. infighting within people of the same disability is very common since experiences can be so different, there are no universal truths or opinions. with different lifestyles come different expectations for what is "normal" and sometimes pressure and social norms can cause someone to shift blame onto others who have no achieved the same things in life.

rei and ritsu are said to have been very close as small children and likely depended on each other a lot. i can see how reis fostering nature and ritsus needy nature developed alongside each other and enforced each other.

time and time again, rei says that he is a "less severe" case, that ritsu has it worse. he jets around the world because he feels forced to do so, when ritsu just wanted emotional support from him to begin with. ritsu stayed alone at home, sheltered and likely caged by their families convictions. but! i want to suggest the following: as much as it hurt him, it was important for reis health to be away from his family, too. i dont think staying there would have been good for him. his absence and the experiences he made away from home were an important catalyst for the positive family development we see in operetta.

of course, rei means well. he cares. he is trying to have a positive impact. yet from ritsus point of view, all of this must feel terribly condescending, especially with how much rei babies him. there is just one year between them. this is barely anything when it comes to sibling inferiority complexes the brain can make up. rei, who is successful and famous and beloved and, most importantly, proclaims to have it "easier than him", is trying to find a cure for him. from ritsus point of view this must be unbearable. their lives are so different when they basically started at the very same point of origin.

more than that, rei shoulders the sketchy blood rituals himself, out of love of course, but if one was more jaded, one could assume he doesnt think ritsu would be able to stomach the responsibility.

you will always compare yourself to your siblings in unhealthy ways but ritsu is just doing this on hard mode, i fear.

HHHRAGAHHHH GHHH ghgghrhgh. Niki

nikis writing is... driving me up a wall sometimes, to say the least. dont get me wrong, i love him. to an extend i understand that his single-mindedness and shallowless has purpose to it. in fact, i adore these character traits. he really seems to be behind four mental barriers at all times, unable to let deeper thoughts touch him, lest they make him succumb to despair. (yet nikis specific flavour of menhera cannot quite shine since... well, he has to stand next to himeru all the time)

the descriptions we get of nikis illness are nonsensical, at least to my knowledge. you could imagine he has something like hyperthyroidism. this never really gets explored though. at some point ENGstars mentions he has "gastroptosis or whatever" (the "or whatever" is part of his dialogue - niki really doesnt give a fuck), which makes no sense at all. weirdly enough, it would even be strangely in character if this was just a misconception.

so, can anyone take niki to a doctor? has this happened and i just wasnt there for it? there is no excuse why no one is considering medical care when it comes to him. except that he often is the butt monkey of jokes the writers want to make and has to stay available for it. more than that; his parents just left him alone like this? as a child? did he get an allowance at least? this cannot be legal, right? i wait for the day this comes up as a topic but i fear it is in vain. (please tell me if it actually did. i dont follow niki that closely) this is an unbelievable thing to do to a healthy child, yet alone one with a severe illness. we are basically looking at denial of assistance.

so many things surrounding nikis story are designed to make him as miserable as possible. i cannot help but feel that he exists purely as comic relief, for funny bickering, and superficial drama. i dont really like that at all, his misery just gets exploited.

EVEN SO... his self-image is actually really fascinating. as rinne likes to point out again and again, niki has no self-worth. he works two jobs, one of which he hates, he constantly gets into dangerous situations, and he will do anything just for some crumbs, and quickly forgets when others treat him badly. and of course, the worst bit:

es!! main story, please dont make me go find it

to some degree, he just accepts this as something he deserves. there is no consideration for his own quality of life, somewhere along the lines it seems like he got conviced just surviving is all he gets. he internalized self-degredation to a dangerous degree and i never see anyone mention this mental affliction specifically as a comorbidity of his disability. to me, there is without a doubt a relation here. sure, maybe he would still fight with this otherwise, just because he had to witness his fathers fall from grace as a child and knows there is a stigma attached to his name now. but i think you can tell it is more than that, from the way he is ashamed to beg (even in a life or death scenario, as seen in hot limit), as if his condition was his own fault.

this circles back to the point i made earlier for eichi; how much nikis life is worth, is measured in his economical value.

of the characters i have spoken of so far, nikis is financially the most accurate to real life. there is no safety net for him, no convenient family wealth.

(at this point it feels important to mention that somehow rinne manages to be the only person entirely aware of the danger and desires to change nikis mindset, YET he is a huge strain on nikis health. i dont know how those two function.)

Just a Lamb. Tatsumi

tatsumis specific trauma is a unique one: while most other characters struggle with conditions they were born with or developed as they grew up, tatsumis injury is the result of strain and violence. those are two different pairs of shoes, though the outcome may be similar. whether it is worse to be born into circumstances you cannot escape or to have to live with having something thrust upon you unfairly is up to personal judgement. pain is not really quantifiable. its just important to keep in mind, i think. under the circumstances tatsumi grew up in, he has his own burdens. it is very easy in many ways to compare and contrast him with eichi. of course this applies to how they used their bodies too: as an expandable resource. they had ideals for their school life (and beyond) that just seemed far more important and they both ended up in hospital because of this. (+ we know tatsumis surroundings were purposefully manipulated to destroy him)

and, of course, tatsumi got attacked later on. he never really talks about it directly but his legs seem to talk for him, in ways.

the story does not quite make it clear whether his occasional weakness and pain are the result of old injuries or entirely psychosomantic, and i dont think there is a real need to know, as a reader. in fact, in a certain light, i think it can be considered good that we dont know for certain: it would be relevant for tatsumi himself, sure, since it would influence which kinds of treatments and help he can seek out. however, i think the ambiguity may foster a certain level of sympathy in readers.

often psychosomatic problems are not taken seriously enough in real life: they cannot be proven physically and they dont fit into the neat little boxes that the ICD wants you to believe exist, so they cannot be defined on paper or easily explained to doctors or insurance providers.

to foster empathy with his situation requires his character to be lovable and for the narrative to treat him with care as well. which is thankfully the case. alkaloid are dear with him and, despite the fact he cannot perform in his work enviroment all the time, he is very respected for his other skills. he is a well-rounded person.

all that aside. it is absolutely worth to mention tatsumi pre-injury, too. he came up with a form of small-scale universal income among a semi-union at school. without getting too much into all that. (obbligato really seems like required lecture in the realm of enstars stories) the entire concept strives for social equality and is extremely anti-discrimination. it fundamentally goes against the idea that someone needs to "deserve" care, and is the opposite of the mindset i described with eichi and niki above. he never had to make first-hand experiences with disability to be extremely compassionate. this seems really rare among people in real life, even those who preach altruism.

While we are Here. K.... Kaname

as mentioned, i spoke a little about kaname before. so i wont get into the complex of caregiving.

it is extremely satisfying we got to meet kaname, if only for one event story. he does not have to remain a faceless motivation behind himeru and tatsumis lives, he thankfully became humanized.

the entire conflict around kaname at the moment is a matter of bodily autonomy. how much of your person can be in anothers hand, ethically? there is no excuse for the theft of his (idol) identity through himeru but the damage is done now. ideally, you dont want any part of yourself to depend on others but the disabled reality is that this is very often impossible. especially for kaname. there simply is no one else who could be responsible for him right now and, to be fair, at least when it comes to medical care, himeru seems to behave very responsibly.

repeating what has been said in the other post but i am worried for kanames seemingly inevitable reintroduction to the story. he has been in a comatose state for a year. if he wakes (since this is fiction, it is possible to exchange 'if' for 'when', realistically it really would be an 'if' though) he would most likely be confronted with permanent neurological and physical damage and years of rehabilitation. at least logically. (not to mention the psychological shock) would this be written with compassion and a sense of realism? it makes for a compelling source of conflict and emotional hardships that could be extremely worthwhile to explore. i just cant entirely bring myself to trust the writers with this one but i would love to be convinced otherwise.

that is, of course, if they dont somehow just skip rehabilitation entirely and declare it a miracle healing.....

imo, the in-game discourse between characters is just as important as his future development. i just really hope autonomy and recovery will be large topics.

He doesnt go here, but. Adonis

so bringing him up just really feels necessary within the context of this post because of his interests. one of adonis hobbies is sign language and accessibility.

this is, i think, maybe the best thing they ever did with his "protector" persona. it just fits so well, it is a direct conversion of ideals to actions. knowing undead songs have been translated for a deaf audience in canon is extremely wholesome and uplifting, even if it is entirely inconsequential for the story and just something that gets mentioned.

(now that sandstorm is out on engstars, you can check that out too for further mentions of this! if i could wish for one thing, it would be for the stories to acknowledge that there are tons of independent sign languages and i would love to know which one adonis and rei speak... you ever think about how adonis speaks like four languages fluently. at least.)

nightless city live, chapter 3

everyone in undead loved that and supported the vision. to see koga, who is usually against anything but musical performances and wishes to express art freely, praise the idea really puts deaf identity and accessibility in a great light. it is a very positively radical forwardthinking idea.

so, i just wanted to mention that. adonis is treated horribly by the narrative a lot, it entirely fails to grasp his identity and is insensitive towards foreign cultures, but i would die for him i think.

finishing thoughts

like mentioned, please absolutely let me know if you have different related ideas or recommendations. or corrections, or worries over something i wrote!!! learning and improving is always great. i am sorry i could not get into so many other characters, the ones i wrote about are those that i feel confident enough to comment on. in the future i would love to meet maguro!! i just havent really read any mama stories at all :'''3

i feel like i barely said anything at all and barely engaged with text enough since i didnt get into any character specifically. i would love to write another post about ritsu or rei or both. a draft for it has been sitting around for ages (as did the draft for this post, lol) but i hope someone will find an interesting thought in here somewhere.

all in all, enstars is actually... surprisingly nice to read for the disability in there??? even if it is disappointing in handling many other things. of course, the writings not always ideal (i read hidden beast just the other day and the ableism in there took years off my life) but often its really nice. nothing hits quite like seeing real emotions and experiences through some metaphorical stylized anime lense, you feel.

anyway thank you for listening. i am actually for real done now.

[differentsublimephantom]

Hey y’all! I thought I should make a post explaining my AU and what’s happened to Ezra/Scribblecop in it, just because why not? So here is a messy timeline of events! This is a weird hodgepodge of info dumping, and fanfiction, so you have been warned.

PS!! This is heavily based on an amazing ((and sadly unfinished)) gcbc fanfic I’ve read, and I would’ve asked the og writer permission to use this storyline in my AU, but they have , since deleted their socials (other than discord), and when I looked them up on discord they had fully disappeared. Here is the fic in question, I encourage that you read it before you read this!

So full credit for the basic plot goes to them, and I’ve made a few tweaks and fleshed out the story more here and there, but I felt I had to give explicit credit to them for the ideas. (and Ezra as a name for scribble cop!)

So. Takos Tuesday has happened. Gc and bc are still recovering, and trying to make amends for the trouble they caused. They are no longer switching using the two faces, instead they now have clip-on sunglasses to switch between GC and bc. Emmet and the other masterbuilders crew have assembled a team of volunteers (including gc and bc) to help rebuild and repair the city!

Emmet has even gotten them out of trouble with the law a bit- giving them a deal that says they won’t have to go to jail, if they get mandated therapy, and 18 or so months of volunteering/service. They still have to go to court, but they both agree it’s better than being arrested. Gc and bc agree happily, and keep going to the volunteer meetings.

(Btw, president business has the same deal given to him. Emmet says it’s in the name of fairness. Baby boy has good intentions, but he is kinda naïve.)

Things are going great! Until they aren’t.

(Btw in my AU president business is an AWFUL person. I know that in canon he has a bit of a redemption arc, and in some rp blogs on here he is not the worst person, but in this universe he feels no real remorse for the things he did. *yet*.)

President business also attends the volunteer meetings, although he is always late by half an hour or more, and doesn’t seem to care. And one day he sits right next to GcBc.

(Okay, another side tangent! In the og fic I was inspired by, gcbc and ez have DID. I do not have DID. So I am very nervous to write a character with DID, because I’d hate to offend someone. That being said, I’m going to face my fears of hurting someone’s feelings, and try my best, so if I get anything horribly wrong IM SO SORRY, PLEASE CORRECT ME.)

At this point in time Ezra has not fully made himself know to gcbc. He didn’t really exist before takos Tuesday (because as I understand it, personalities/alters can sorta just appear after a traumatic enough experience? It’s just that DID can only start in people younger than 9ish?) so gcbc have no idea he’s now sharing a body with them.

Ezra was “created” (or whatever youd call it) by the traumatic event where Gc got his face erased, and essentially got put into a coma.

Because of this, president business is a trigger for Ezra, and when he sees him, he automatically comes to the front/is in control.

But GCBC DONT KNOW THAT YET. So, when business comes into a meeting (late as per usual) and sits down right next to gcbc, Ezra (who everyone thinks is GC btw!!) starts giving him a death glare. This prompts business to start teasing and messing with “GC”, and causes “GC” to lash out verbally back.

Lucy is having none of their sh*t, so she breaks them up, but when the actual GC comes into a meeting the next week, he gets pulled aside and asked by Metalbeard to either grow up and stop messing with business, or leave the meetings, and GC says that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Metalbeard doesn’t believe him, but let’s him off with a harsh warning.

(yeah, I know that sounds harsh, but the masterbuilders are kinda mean at the start, and get a redemption later.).

Time skip because after that nothing seems to happen, business isn’t sitting right next to the cops, so the problem seems to be solved! Gcbc visit their parents, who are recovering in the hospital (pa copp had his leg amputated btw) (inspo for that from this fic.)

Poor GC and bc seem to be disassociating more often, and things seem to be moving around their house that the both swear they didn’t move, but they just brush it off, because they’re both doing too well at the moment to worry about it.

Ezra is, of course, the one moving stuff, and the one who was fighting with business, but after the warning from Metalbeard, he quiets down. The next time he takes over, he finds a journal in their apartment. It’s an old one, before Vitruvius’ prophecy kinda old, and it just has some back-and-fourth messages from GC and bc when they were fronting alone, years before they worked for octan.

He decides to write something in it, and a day later GC and bc find it, and are UNDERSTANDABLY VERY CONFUSED. But they don’t know what else to do, so they just write back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hello. Is anyone reading this?”

“Yep! who is this??”

Two days later they get a reply:

“I don’t know.”

“Well who is writing this then?”

“I don’t know. Someone.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that was that. They tried to get more of a response, but the mysterious writer stopped replying.

Ezra, I’m reality, was having an existential crisis, (You would to if you didn’t know who you were!), and was very worried when, two days to the court date he found out that they had to appear in court.

Why was he worried? 1. The poor guy doesn’t know why he has to go to court/what he did, 2. Business is going to be there, 3. He’s worried that the mandatory therapist will try to “cure him” by getting rid of him. Ezra is going through it in this fic.

Anyways, one more meeting happens before the court date, and as per usual, business is being an asshat. He decides to cause trouble. One more time he decides to mess with “GC” Ezra, and surprisingly, ez doesn’t react. Doesn’t respond. He’s too busy planning Business’ death.

Not kidding! Ezra tried to kill business. Just like the masterbuilders though, he has his redemption arc too. But for now… Ezra goes to business’ new, much smaller, office, the night before the court date. The old octan tower is mostly dismantled, and in ruins. Slowly being cleaned up, and taken away, piece by piece.

Ezra, pretending to be GC, gets business to come down to the front desk, where he explains to at he’s “tired of being a goody two shoes” and wants to run off with business. He doesn’t though, but business doesn’t know that. So he eagerly says yes.

Cut to the abandoned octan tower. “GC” says he wants to pick some stuff up before they flee the country, and business agrees, foolishly following him inside. Here’s where Ezra’s plan gets a bit.. not thought out on his part (ah yes, phantom, blame it on your characters not your writing!👍🏾)

Once business is inside, Ezra goes up to the buildings controls centre, it’s a very high tech place, so he can just press a button and lock all the doors in the building. No exit means no where to run. He finds an old blaster that still works, and sets fire to a few things with it: the emergency exit, the car they used to get there (through the emergency exits door, before he shoots that), and the controls centre itself.

Business may be a bad guy, but he’s certainly not stupid. He very quickly and correctly deduces what’s going on, and tries desperately to find a way out. (During all this, the masterbuilders have heard that business is apparently missing, and so is gcbc, so they visit the office building, and some other places to try and figure out what’s going on.)

This all culminates in Business disarming Ezra, and shooting him in the left leg. Ezra manages to outrun business long enough to make him temporarily loose his trail, and hides in the relic room. Business finds him, and Ezra admits defeat. Relics all around them, and Ezra backed into the desk at the back wall, sitting on the floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Just kill me.”

“What?”

“Just kill me! I know you want to, and you know there’s no way out of this anyways, so what’s the point?”

“…”

Business shrugs and picks up the sceptre.

“NO!- NO. Please. Not with that. Not with THAT! Use the blaster!!”

Ezra pleads. Business is in total shock. After all those years of working with GC and bc, business learned a little bit about how they work, and while pondering the situation, something clicks in his mind.

“…I’m… not.. talking to good cop, OR bad cop, right now… am I?”

“Took you long enough.” Ezra spits.

“Well who are you?”

“I’d rather you just kill me.”

“I’d rather know who I’m killing first.”

“….. I’m not fully sure who I am.” Ezra chokes on a stifled sob.

“Well what’s your name?”

“…I wanted it to be “Ezra” but now I’m not so sure about that..”

“Why not?..”

“It means protector.. and I dunno if you’ve noticed, but so far I’ve done a sh*t job o’ that.”

Business chuckles.

“Well, I think Ezra suits you.”

“Thanks.”

Silence. Then Business speaks again.

“This- All of this. It’s my fault isn’t it?”

“No kidding.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Okay? Why should I care? Am I supposed to forgive you?

“Well… isn’t that how it works?”

Ezra laughs tiredly. This psycho doesn’t even know how an apology works? Yeah, that tracks.

“No! No! That’s- of course that’s not how it works. You think that just because you say a few words, shake a few hands, and “pinkie swear you won’t do it ever again” that’s supposed to make things BETTER?!” Ezra screams. Business doesn’t reply, only snaps his head up to look at him, in response.

“You destroyed hundreds- no, THOUSANDS of lives, FORCED US to kill hundreds of innocent people, put my brother or whoever he is- IN A COMA. And after all that, you just say “sorry”? You are a sociopath. A crazy, irresponsible, cruel, evil, sociopath.”

Business simply stands there for a moment, Taking in Ezra’s words.

“….I’m not gonna kill you y’know.”

“Why not? It’d be better than jail for attempted murder.”

“Well…… you deserve better than this. I’m not killing you.”

“Fine! Let the fire and smoke kill us then.”

“Well we could try and get out of here?”

“Nope, I blocked the exits.”

“A window might work.”

“You shot my leg, I couldn’t land.”

“Well-“

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Masterbuilders to the rescue!!!!!! They finally figured out what was happening, and where they formerly evil pair (trio?) were. One spaceship building sequence later (thanks Benny) and they were off to the hospital for gcbc’s leg and to give business a check up.

On the very awkward ride over, business explained the very little info he had figured out, about Ezra and everything. The builders were confused, but nodded and smiled, thinking that business was talking crazy. Ezra had passed out due to the blood loss.

At the hospital, when gc and bc wake up, they are quite confused. Why was there a gunsh*t in their leg? And why were they here? And why were all the masterbuilders here? And why was Business here? A lot of understandable questions. Unfortunately for gcbc, Lucy didn’t think so.

Lucy is (like everyone except Business) going to get her redemption arc, but you can’t write a story without something driving the plot so..

Lucy thinks that gcbc were completely faking when they told Metalbeard they didn’t confront Business at the meeting, and that this is the same situation. As far as she knows, the only people in gcbcs body are GC and bc, and she’s not even sure if they are really two different people and not one who acts differently sometimes (go easy on her, she’s just very uneducated on personality disorders and stuff)

Lucy very loudly voices this, that she thinks they are faking and using the “we’re not the same person” thing as an excuse to do dumb stuff, just as Gcbc’s parents walk in.

Gc takes over, and (as calmly as he can) explains why Lucy is VERY WRONG and gives a 3ish minute crash course on DID to the builders. Then asks them to get the hell out of their hospital room. After a talk with their parents, they go home with them. (ma and pa live fairly close to gcbc, and are now both discharged from the hospital.).

The copp family happily goes home, and gcbc are sitting on their old bed, in their childhood room. After some conversation between GC and bc, they hear another voice in their head. Ezra says he’s sorry, and admits he definitely didn’t think that through, and GC and bc comfort him a bit.

Later in the morning (it’s morning now, because the incident that just happened, happened at night), Ma cop says she made some breakfast, and the boys leave their room. Pa is sitting at the dining table with a laminated piece of paper, a blank piece of paper, and an old mug filled with pens and pencils.

Ezra, Good Cop, and Bad Cop (who are all co-fronting at this point, aka their are all sharing control), sit down, and GC and bc instantly recognize the laminated paper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gc: “Oh my goodness. Is that?-“

“Yes it is! Found it in my office.”

Bc: “Good lord, dad, you had that thing laminated?”

“For to the memories! Besides, it’s comin in handy now isn’t it?”

Ez: “Um…. What is that?”

“Oh- it’s just something the boys did when they were younger.”

At that moment, Ma (who had been listening to the conversation), walked in and answered the question Pa technically hadn’t.

“When the boys were younger, me an’ Pa were both very busy working all the time. And while Daniel was only ever alone for about 10 minutes before one of us came home from a shift- ten minutes was all my awful sister, their aunt, needed to call cps on me. They got put in a very awful foster home while me and Pa fought tooth-and-nail to get them back, and that’s when they got Dissociative Identity Disorder.. The poor dears were only seven at the time..” Ma paused to let him catch up, then continued.

“When they got back home to us, and after their diagnosis, they decided in order to get to know each other, they would both write down questions for one another, and us, on that piece of paper, and then we’d reply to them. Daniel uses the black pen, Danny blue, Pa green, and me red.“

Ezra nodded, taking in the information.

“So that’s when they split?”

“Yep. Went into the situation with one son, came out of it with two!” Pa joked.

“And although the ordeal was unfortunate, we are a bit thankful for it. I couldn’t imagine not having Danny here today!”

Ezra thought some more.

“So, Daniel came first then? Like- he was the host so to speak?”

“Yep!” The parents replied in unison.

“Er… and, who is Daniel again?”

Ezra got his answer in the form of four answers, all at the same time.

“Me. I’m Daniel.”

Gc: “You’ll have probably heard him be called Bad Cop. He’s very nice though buddy!”

Ma: “One of our sons. The “Bad One”.”

Pa: “That’s Bad Cop, lad. Danny is Good Cop.”

“Ah. Okay..” Everything was quiet for a moment, and then Ma spoke up.

“So, er, whom do we have the pleasure of speaking to?”

“…Ezra.”

“Well, welcome to the copp family Ezra.” Pa said.

“Thank you… uh, not to sound rude or anything but.. you guys don’t… hate me..Y’know, for the attempted murder thing..?” Ezra said cautiously. Both cops glanced at each other, and then back at Ezra. They looked like they had just seen a puppy get killed.

“Oh heavens no, dear!! We both know it’s hard to deal with. Poor Danny was very mixed up when he first “woke up”.” Ma looked very reassuring, and suddenly Ezra got the urge to hug her. But he didn’t.

“So…” pa starts.

“D’you want to do the questions thing?”

Ezra, Danny, and Daniel respond with an enthusiastic yes, with Ezra assigning himself an orange pen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As promised, this story has a happy ending. After Lucy’s mistake in the hospital, Benny (who has hyper fixated on different disorders including did, and knows a bunch about it) was very disappointed in the group, and gave them all a big infodump about it.

After the whole ordeal came out to the judge, the court date got pushed back. So, two weeks of recovering, and family bonding later, the cops entered the court room.

(I’ve written all of this in ONE DAY and am getting kinda tired of writing, so imma make the rest of the story pretty quick)

Good cop, bad cop, and Ezra thankfully don’t get in trouble for trying to kill business. The court figured that because Ezra didn’t actually SUCCEED in killing him, they’d just call it a lesson in karma for lord business and leave it at that.

(Yes I know that’s very inaccurate to what would happen irl, but this is a fanfiction based on a ten year old movie about LEGOS so I’m not exactly going for accuracy here.)

Lord/President Business is sent to jail instead of mandated therapy, partly because he agreed to run away with gcbc (the masterbuilders got video evidence from the office’s security camera) and partly because idk man I’m tired and because I said so.

After they get their sentences or whatever, the masterbuilders all come to apologize to gcbcsc, Lucy and Metalbeard especially. Benny invites the cops out for lunch with the masterbuilders (slight coppernaughts??) and they say yes. More apologies are said at lunch, for takos Tuesday, and for not being more supportive of the cops during the meetings and stuff like that, and all of them agree to start over as friends, and both parties agree to try and make amends for the past.

The end!

See? I told you this had a happy ending! Sorry this got rushed at the end, and I’m also sorry if this is hard to read/unclear? I tried. Also, if you made it this far: HOLY CRAP THANK YOU FOR READING ALL OF THIS. I DEFINITELY WROTE TOO MUCH. But who cares!!!

Anyways, I’m gonna take a nap now. Bye!

[batsylikeme]

so here’s my silly little rant/opinions on the new doctor who season

if what i say pisses you off just keep scrolling mary i don’t have the energy to deal with negativity rn

so firstly i don't wanna talk abt how the new doctor regenerated okay that made absolutely no sense to me. idk why even 10 came back as well like ig donna's story was left "untold" ….but so is every other companion’s?

and idk how they split??? i really don't understand how they can do that but it’s aliens so whatever.

im also not gonna go into the christmas episode or the baby episode i...dont wanna relive that.

so!! i love the doctor i think he’s so fun and hip and his style is amazing.

personally i think the fact that he doesn’t have a set outfit is bc he’s trying to figure out who he is, which is always so exciting as the viewer going on this journey with him.

and ruby is awesome as hell!! low key fuck you writers for not making her a lesbian ( i mean she has the eyebrow slit and everything you should be ashamed).

also cool background story i love that she's interesting and a mystery. plus when villains are like "who...are you" that's always so dope.

i think that the "family" of the different "gods" is really cheesy but GOD i loved jinx they did so fucking amazing their performance was everything. i want them to act in every show ever honestly.

with that being said.. that episode specifically wasn’t my favorite, it was a cool concept but idgaf abt the beetles so 😭

and in that episode when the doctor ran away and hid?? that was new to the doctor that we know and i was like “yeah let’s go we’re gonna watch his character develop!”

so you would think it would build up to some sort of solution bc the doctor is tryna figure out who he is and that's gnarly love it

….then they DIDNT?

they didn't do anything with that?!?? at least that i was able to notice?

okay but after the jinx episode the rest of the episodes were actually fierce!

the landmine one had some really cool dialogue moments especially with the bickering like love i'm obsessed. ruby was also really cool and i love how much she cares about the doctor and how she wasn’t scared. i think that says a lot about her character. not to mention i think having her so in awe of the planets was a really good choice bc that reaction is so human and i love it.

buttttt the other characters were like mad infuriating which may have been the point? and throughout the episode it was so tense and nerve racking but the end was so anticlimactic. i loved the idea, and i loved that the dad was able to save the day (even tho i wanted the doctor to save the day but whatever) but i wanted MORE. i wanted the doctor and ruby to go into town, or to see the government and face them and call them out on the war! the fact that it was in one area the entire episode was just not it, me no likey.

the ruby centered episode was AWESOME.

that one was so unsettling (in a good way) and it was sooooo cool to see her like basically save the world and then she dies but BOOM they're back when the episode first started. i loved it, so peak doctor who timey wimey stuff

even tho i'm still a little confused as to if the lady was ruby? but whatever i still really enjoyed it i honestly have no cons on this episode it displayed what kind of person she is perfectly.

next, the bridgerton episode was fun! love the gayness they even kissed and they flirted it was so fierce. and ugh ruby’s character just keeps getting better and better honestly shes so fun and it’s so easy to root for her.

…but… the dialogue wasn’t good in this episode….at all. especially having the aliens say the word ‘cosplay’ took me out of the fantasy completely

also side note but not really-

what always impressed me growing up watching doctor who was that even back in 2005 the alien makeup was always so FIERCE like cunty boots down house houston bc it's makeup centric!

it also allows talented people to show off their skills and add really personal features to the actors who are playing the aliens. but nowadays they rely on the cgi so much that it just doesn’t seem believable and honestly it doesn't look good anymore. like mentioned before with makeup you can use the actor’s features to your advantage which creates the perfect illusion.

makeup + a LITTLE bit of cgi is the way to go and i don't get a fuck if it's more expensive ur a fucking successful ass company you have the money now USE IT

the episode itself was good until the very end when rouge sacrificed himself and then the doctor was like "i move on that's what happens" like bruh

by having him say that, it honestly makes you think that all of the losses the doctor has endured is just moments of his past, and that he’s moved on

like no i want the doctor to be angry, to be motivated!!

and that's what i think this doctor lacked.

there was no motivation or drive for him, which is so fucking stupid bc the actor is amazing.

the episode that ended with the doctor experiencing racism for the first time…you can tell that the actor put his whole heart and soul into his performance (especially the scream). he was unleashing a whole new part of his doctor and it was absolutely perfect.

so why not use that to give the doctor more motivation, more anger? seeing the doctor not being able to move on, to be selfish at times bc that makes him feel human. which would make sense BC!! he has spent so much times with humans and earth is important to him.

moving on; one of the biggest things that made this season an issue was that they cried every. single. episode.

when you only get something every once and a while it makes that thing so much more precious. the doctor only cries like once a season, and when he does it's like actually thrilling bc you don't get that side of him a lot.

and usually it's with a lot of anger bc the doctor is angry!! we've been through how many seasons of the doctor suffering?? i mean the man literally blew up his own planet. he's been thru the ringer.

there are so many episodes of the doctor not having the best morals, of him letting the villain die bc of his own selfish intentions. he's not supposed to be a hero, and i think that’s also what makes the doctor so compelling.

another con was the dialogue. one of my biggest tv / movie turn offs is when they say what they’re doing. and not in the super impressive like monologue way but in the simple way of being like "i'm cooking" like mary yeah i see you doing that??

and this season used that a lot. and again NOT in the cool monologue saving the day way speaking of that, no cool monologues? none? nada?

the best part of doctor who is when the doctor goes against all odds and saves the day with that sexy smirk and has the coolest monologue with the kick ass music in the back and during it gives you goosebumps! it also allowed the actor to put forth a lot of emotion into their performance and allowed them to build who their doctor is.

despite all of that, i did really enjoy the episode with ruby growing old and the racism episode. the fact that they didn’t have to say it was perfect and i think was a really good choice bc it was a surprise factor, especially with the doctor’s reaction. when they brought in a random character to save the day and him be so unlike the rest of his race and then kill him is always gonna be classic trope, bc my sister and i were GAGGED. perfect, absolutely perfect.

however. the season finale can go fuck itself.

UNIT is so cheesy now, and it feels so unreal and silly which i think is stupid. they’ve had this facility for so long so the fact that it is unserious now is lame. it feels really fake whenever they're trying to be serious and sciency, which is not the way to go when ur a literal army based facility.

anyways back to the season finale-yeah it was cool to have a throwback especially with the fact it was “the one who waits” that was gnarly! however,,, when sutukh whatever his name was literally kills the entire universe…it didn't feel like it??? it happened so quickly it didn't have that shock value it was supposed to and i was actually confused.

i did love the throwback to the ruby episode so it made you feel like it was tying that together which is nice!! give them some recognition yay!!

now let’s talk abt the whole plot with Ruby’s birth mother.

the build up of her real mother i mean it's been every episode when they mentioned it. in the first part where they were in the time window, that was giving me the creeps! i loved that it was scary and confusing and i couldn’t wait to figure it out!

so when the birth mother of ruby, the woman that even the god of death was infatuated with, the woman that the doctor couldn't figure out, the woman that was stuck in some sort of time thingy…………..is just a regular woman? its just some teenager who got knocked up and gave away her kid? that's it?

i've been getting edged this entire fucking season just for this?

if you enjoyed that it was a regular person i get it! it’s a throwback to whenever the doctor made his speech about how no one is ever just unimportant, which i do love and appreciate.

the whole reason she's important is bc the unknown is the most powerful thing which honestly i agree. my biggest fears are always the unknown. so yes absolutely i get it….but….are you...are you kidding me?

and then ruby leaves? ruby is done traveling with the doctor? i just. ugh.

there was so much potential and i’m just so empty now.

yes it had its cool moments, but im honestly so heartbroken and disappointed with how it turned out like, some bitch on tumblr could have written this season better than this.

i really really really hope the next season is better, at this point it’s just the writing. so get it together writers!! Ncuti is a phenomenal actor he is so fun and his range is so raw and captivating. not to mention Ruby! i’m really sad she’s leaving so soon, she was really fun and complimented the doctor well.

i can’t wait to see what’s next, and honestly no matter what i’m gonna watch doctor who bc it’s so special to me <3