#and no one cares bc they dont understand what writers do

[s0fter-sin]

we’re like two days into the writers strike and studios have already said they’re thinking of using ai to write scripts for them i’m going to throw up

[foxmulderautism]

i've been thinking about the write up i want to do about how whilst i get it and don't think it's problematic, i'm not a fan of inherently cringing at and making fun of old writing from when i was younger for being so "bad" compared to what i write now (even if i can recognise that the writing is very goofy and juvenile and find that entertaining in hindsight) and one thing i just realised about it is that like. my excitement about writing is the same as it was back then. like when i was 11 i was soo excited and passionate about my little story about a desert princess who was a cat hedgehog hybrid and best friends with shadow the hedgehog. and at 23 i am sooo excited about my adult literary fiction novel that explores grief and survivors guilt and sexuality amongst the AIDS crisis. and for me i definitely think it's an autism thing but i don't think it's limited to me or autism i just don't think people often think to see it that way because so often we're expected to laugh at cringe at any earnest thing our younger/newer writer self created. like yeah that sonic the hedgehog fanfic i wrote was goofy, but i was earnest about it?? and i have the same earnest joy about what i write now so what exactly did 11 year me do to deserve being made fun of for their "bad" writing besides trying something new and being excited about it?? the fact that even though i've grown exponentially in the last 12 years i have that thread of joy for creating characters and storytelling that i can trace through my entire teenage years (which were a very traumatic and unstable time for me!) is soooo cool so why would i only see a vital part of that thread for all the things "wrong" and "cringe" about it?

[thedeathwitchescats]

Okay, review time!! If you are one of the oddballs who thinks you cant be critical of something you love I suggest you stop reading now before I ruffle your feathers. Iron flame, second in the empyrean series. I am gonna start with what I was not a fan of and then go into the shit I adored.

1) what in the actual fuck was the pacing of this book?? I can tell you what, it was non existent. There was none. Where I thought there was a lot of filler in the last book there was none in this one. We got snap shots of conversations and then *boom* more plot flew at you. The timeline of this book greatly suffered for it i think bc we end only a couple weeks, if that, after threshing, which happens sometimes in October. This book was actually so wild with times.

2) while it was a spectacular cliff hanger, xaden becoming venin pisses me off. Especially if Rebecca yarros isnt going to have him tell violet. Like if that small tid bit of a conversation we got wasnt him telling vi that he was venin then the entire romantic conflict of this book was rendered pointless and their going to be having the same fucking fight for the rest of the series and at rhat point I give up.

3) I understand that the revolution is trying to take down basgaith and make the world better or whatever the fuck but can someone actually formulate a real plan for me?? Because I feel like their mission is just, giving violet and xaden something to be pissed at each other about.

4) the entirety of cats character. I get that she was set up as a spin on the typical jealous ex. Like having her be bitter about xaden picking violet over her but OH WAIT it wasnt actually about the man it was about the crown, oohh not like other girls. Im a writer too I see the point. I dont care. I think it was trashy. If you wanted her to be a bitter spiteful ex then have her be a bitter spiteful ex, the whole crown thing was shallow.

OKAY haters your time is up now onto the shit that made my heart hurt with joy and sadness

1) xadens arc in this book. I really liked that he went from "transparency is never gonna happen" to losing his fucking mind over violet and giving her everything. I love feral men and he qualifies. I think his arc was really well done and i liked it.

2) I appericiate that violet stuck to her guns for this book. She wouldnt let xaden off without a fight and I loved that. She made him bow and scrape and I was eating it up. It was spectacular.

3) the throne room scene. Violet on the throne. "Im making a temporary point not a lasting vow of maschocism" xaden being feral.

4) that gets its own point actually, just xaden being completely feral this entire book healed a part of my soul.

5) andarna's little speech at the end where she was like "I waited for you violet" made me ugly cry. That was just so hopelessly good I loved it. Andarna in general heals my heart but that part was just *chefs kiss*

6) tarin being completely and utterly ready to eat people this entire book. Just, at every turn "I want lunch their pissing me off " was spectacular

7) every scene their squad was in. Rihannon, violet, sawyer and ridoc are my roman empire. Their bond is so amazing. The fact that they launched a rescue mission for violet. Rihannon being ready to kill xaden at every turn. Ridoc being so platonically and adorably in love with violet. Just- augh happy cries happy cries. I love it all. Their so special tbh.

8) I love xaden actually, just, the whole book every scene hes in lives in my brain.

9) I liked that we saw a small bit of violet being feral this book too. I hope that we get more of that in future books. I want more of violet losing her fucking mind. Hot, badass women covered in blood

10) Liam. Fucking Liam. When violet was kidnapped and Liam was there. Now, do I logically understand that he was a hallucination, yes, do i care?? No. He was a gift from Maleck I will be hearing no critiques on that. It was so fucking sweet and amazing. I love violet and Liam and Liam being dead so horribly breaks my heart. I loved Liam. Liams death lives rent free in my skull.

[braxlrose]

Hello! I really like your writing and I was wondering if I could request a bill x reader? It's where reader had a very rough childhood, with parents and stuff so they dont have a really good picture of love and gets confused about little nice things Bill does for them, like comforting and just being a good boyfriend, and can sometimes be like emotionally unavailable? But they really try with Bill and, yeah! Lmao, you don't have to do this and feel free to ignore!

omggg you're literally one of my favorite writers and I love this request because I really like writing angst bc there's so much emotion so ty <3

Also this is not proof read

cw: mentions of abuse (physical and verbal), angst, tell me if I missed anything pls!

Growing up was hard for you. Your father was barely ever around and when he was, he was completely hammered. You tried to stay away from him when he was like that, but it was hard considering you lived in the same house and he was always getting fired from jobs. Whenever you angered him, he'd take off his belt and beat you until you were sobbing. Then would pass out on the couch and act like nothing was wrong when he woke up.

On the other hand, your mother just never seemed to be happy with you. Always nit-picking on everything you did, the way you looked, the way you did your hair, your style, the way you talked, you were either too skinny or too fat; you just couldn't do anything right in her eyes.

You always tried your best to make them happy, just having the smallest glimmer of hope that they'd be proud of you for something. All your hard work at school or everything you did for your community. All the diets you went on for your mother. Cleaning up after your father. There was just nothing you could do.

You didn't understand why they were like this. Why did they have a child in the first place if all you did was "ruin their lives". You didn't understand love at all. Your mother said that she only does this because she cares about you, but if she cared wouldn't she want you to be yourself? No, of course not. You're either like her, or nothing. And that was that.

***

Then you moved to Magdeburg, Germany. Your mother was sick of her old apartment and your father was banned from all the alcohol stores in your town, so you had to move. Again. This wasn't the first time. You've moved 4 times in the past year because of your parents, you haven't lived anywhere long enough to make any friends.

You had moved into a small village and your mother was making you go over to the neighbour's for dinner. Your father was passed out somewhere so it was just you and her. She put your hair in a high ponytail and added "cute little pink bows". She always pulled too hard on your hair when she did it. You weren't allowed to leave the house unless you put on the pink, frilly dress she got you. You had to be "perfect" and "lady-like" or else no one would like you.

You slipped on your shoes and got pushed out the door by your mother. She had also plastered your face in makeup. Mascara, eyeshadow, lipgloss, all of that. You were fifteen years old for God sakes, why did she care so much?!

"You better not make me look bad in front of our new neighbour's, got it? I don't need your running your mouth like always." You nodded your head as she smacked the back of it, making you flinch before knocking on the door. You heard footsteps coming quickly to the door before a blonde woman opened up. A smile crept onto her face as she saw us.

(Its changing from third person to first person now!)

"Oh come in! Come in!" She said to us with a big smile on her face, ushering us in. My mother pushed me into the house, with a smile. The woman in front of us leaned down and waved, "Hi! You must be y/n! It's so nice to meet you!" I froze. What was I supposed to say? What if she got mad at my tone? What if I said something wrong? What if- I looked up as my mother nudged me on the arm, glaring into my eyes. don't be rude. she didn't even have to say anything for me to understand.

"Nice to meet you too!" I said to her, trying to smile but it just ended looking uncomfortable and awkward. She stood back up to her normal height and turned around, waving us towards the living room.

"Boys! Come down here to meet our new neighbours!" The woman shouted up the stairs as me and my mother sat down on the couch. She swatted my arm again.

"Stand up straight. Your going to make me look like a bad mother!" She whispered to me, giving me that icy cold glare she can never seem to get rid of whenever she looks at me.

Just then, two boys came stumbling down the stairs. They were obviously twins but looked very different from eachother. I turned my body back around when I heard then coming into the living room. I straightened out my back and looked at them with wide eyes.

"Woah, a girl." The mophead whispered. Tch, mophead. That's what he looked like. His dreads were all over the place.

"This is Mrs. y/l/n and y/n. They moved here today. Why don't you boys show y/n around the house?" They both nodded and smiled at me. This is where it all began. My friendship with Tom and Bill Kaulitz. It's been about 4 months since then and we all became good friends really quickly.

***

Me and Bill were walking through the park while tom was out doing God-knows-what. It was December already, so it had gotten really cold. We walked on some trails before Bill stopped us.

"What are you doing?" I asked, as he bent down on his feet.

"Tying your boots. You're gonna trip on them." My eyes widened as he leaned down. I'm just a fucking idiot I didn't even notice my shoelaces were untied. Who the fuck doesn't know that? Why didn't I realize? Am I actually that stupid? I could hear my mother's voice pounding in my head.

"Oh no! You don't have to do that, it's fine really! I'm just stupid, it's f-" he covered my mouth as he got it.

"Relax, I'm already done and I don't mind. Wouldn't want my favorite neighbour to fall face first into snow." He laughed and kept walking. Why'd he do that? He should've just told me to do it on my own, right? I don't need anybody to do anything for me. He should've just left it alone! What the fuck is wrong with hi-

"Hey are you thirsty?" What? What was he saying? I looked over at him when he stopped. We were back in town now, I hadn't even noticed.

"Hello?" He waved his hand in front of my face.

"Uhm..what?" I asked with a blank expression on my face. What was he saying? Why was he even asking me instead of just telling me? Isn't that easier?

"I said are you thirsty? There's a place just down the road that sells the best hot chocolate, you'll love it!" He said, grabbing my hand to bring me down the road. He wanted to get me hot chocolate?

"I don't have any money, Bill." He looked back at me and laughed.

"I'm buying, dummy. Why would I offer you something and then make you buy it? I'm not that awful." He joked, keeping my hand firmly in his. What. He wants to buy me something?

"You don't need to do that bill. I don't want to be a burden-" I sputtered out, not wanting him to do something he'd regret before he interrupted me.

"Burden?! You?" He stopped walking again and pulled me closer. Our faces were only a couple inches apart now and my hands were in his. "Y/n, you're my girlfriend. If I wanna buy my girlfriend a hot chocolate I'm gonna buy my girlfriend a hot chocolate, 'kay?" I was stunned. I don't understand why he's like this. He's too nice, people are gonna take advantage of that. Nevertheless, I nodded and walked down to where they were selling hot chocolate. Bill made sure to put extra marshmallows on mine. Why was he treating me like this?

We arrived back at his house and he pulled me down onto his bed with him.

"Jesus christ! Your hands are freezing, why didn't you say something." My hands? I guess they're cold. I hadn't noticed. Maybe they had gone numb half way through and that's why. Why did Bill care, they'd warm back up with time.

"It's no big deal Bill, I'll survive.." his eyes went wide like I had two heads.

"Are you insane?! No way!" He grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to him. He rubbed his hands onto mine and wrapped mine tightly in his. "Can't have your fingers falling off. I need someone's hand to hold." I smiled at me and wrapped the blanket around me. I laid my head down on his pillow and closed my eyes. My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to have a perfect boyfriend who gets me hot chocolate or warms up my hands for me. I don't deserve this. You don't deserve this. She was back again. She's always there. My mother sitting in the back of my head like there's a throne waiting there for her. Why were her words stuck in me like glue. I'm sick of her constantly belittling me like I'm nothing. But I am. I am nothing. Nothing at all. Just a useless soul that needed to fill an empty body and nothing mor-

"Y/n! Wake up! Are you okay?" Huh..? What was happening? I turned my head and looked outside. It was pitch black out. Had I fallen asleep? I turned back to bill and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. He had shaken me awake from my slumber. "Are. You. Okay?" He asked again, "you were mumbling and crying in your sleep. Did you have a bad dream?" I was crying? My finger tips reached up towards my cheeks. They were wet. I guess I was crying.

"I'm fine, bill. It was nothing." I mumbled and laid back down. His mouth was slightly agape as he crawled closer to me and engulfed me into a hug. He laid kisses all over my face. Why? Why does he care?

"You're not fine, and it's okay to be not fine! Just tell me what's wrong and let me help you!" He said to me as both of his hands caressed my cheeks. Help..me? Like I'm some charity case that needs fixing? I didn't need to be fixed. Yeah maybe I'm not perfect to my mother and maybe I have some fucked up issues but I don't need to be fixed. What the fuck was his problem?! Doesn't he understand I'm perfectly fucking fine!

"I said, I'm fine!" I shouted at him, shoving bill away from me and pushing myself off the bed. I'm perfectly fine and I don't need him telling me what's wrong with me. His head hit the wall by his bed and I could hear a crack. I broke his wall. I don't care. That's his fault. He should've backed off.

I heard him calling out my name along with a couple cries in between. I pulled on my shoes and stormed out the door. I don't need him or anybody or anything! I don't need him treating me like I'm some child who can't control her emotions!

That was 2 weeks ago. I hadn't spoken or even looked at him in two weeks. What was wrong with me? I hurt the only boy who's ever loved me. He probably hates me now. I'm the worst girlfriend in the entire world. Im the stupidest person. You're the most dumb, ugly, disgusting daughter who has ever been seen on this earth.

she's back.

I'm fucked up in the head and I don't know how to fix it. I want to blame my mother and father but it's not their fault, right? They care about me. It's my fault I'm like this. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I have no one to blame but myself...right?

I was stuck sitting down in a chair while my mother poured goopy foundation onto my skin. We had to go to some classy town thing and I had to actually "look like a girl".

"Maybe if you were naturally beautiful I wouldn't have to waste my time doing this."

"Sorry mama..it's not my fault though..." She glared down at me and smacked the back of my head.

"You're lucky you have foundation on or I would've smacked the shit out of this disgusting face." She gritted between her teeth. Her words were like an awful, greasy poison dripping from her tongue. I hadn't done anything and some how I had made her mad again.

She shoved me into a long, cream colored dress and turned on the ignition. I leaned my head against the side of the door as we drove. Why couldn't I just be the normal, beautiful daughter my mother wanted? If there was a God, he had some serious explaining to do.

"Stop slouching! You think I want a daughter with bad posture?! My god! Can't you do anything right?" The speech. I've heard it a million times since I learned how to talk. How I can't do anything right and I'm just some failure who should've been aborted fifteen years ago. How I ruined my mother's life and how she was going to be a star if it wasn't for me.

It was a long car ride but we finally got there. And the event was even worse. There were so many people and the music was way to loud. I felt like crying. My hands were shaking and I couldn't stop picking at my nails. Women kept coming up and taking to me with their children. Friends of my mothers. I could guess by their judging stares. I looked lady-like and had good posture and was smiling. Why was I being judged, what am I doing wrong again? Why can't I just be normal? A normal girl who doesn't fuck everything up. Doesn't make her parents hate her. Doesn't ruin her parents lives. Doesn't make people feel awkward. Doesn't hurt their boyfriends.

And that was my breaking point. Tears flooded down my cheeks and everybody was staring at me. I stumbled away into another room and sobbed on the floor. I couldn't breathe. My hands hurt from picking at my nails and my face hurt and my body hurt and my eyes were burning and my makeup was surely ruined.

Everything is. I always ruin everything. What the fuck is wrong with me?! The one person who truly cared about me...i..I haven't- I hiccups against the wall and bawled my eyes out. The one person who truly, actually cared about me...I haven't talked to him in two weeks. Then I caught my breath. I stood up and wobbled to the nearest window. I pulled myself out of it and stumbled outside. My whole body hurt so I probably ooked crazy. I could feel mascara was running down my cheeks as I walked through the town.

My arms were freezing cold and I still felt like everybody was watching me. Their beady and judgy eyes staring me down like I was about to go crazy. Well, I guess technically they were right. I just started sobbing in front of everybody so I probably did look insane. You looked insane! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Can't you just act like a girl for once!? That's what my mother said me to in the 3rd grade after a play we did..

I finally got back to my house and looked up to the neighbour's house. Bills house. The light was on in his bedroom. He was awake. I turned back to my door and took a deep breath. I had to say something to him. Right? I had to make him believe I wasn't some crazy person who would push everybody away. Maybe that's what I was though..

I knocked on the door but nobody answered, so I stepped into their house. It was completely dark as I stumbled up the stairs to bills room. I looked at all the happy family pictures they had. God they were so lucky. So lucky to have a perfect family. A father and mother who love them. Having a twin must be great, it's like having a bestfriend for life, right?

As I stepped up the stairs I heard the door open. Bill must've heard me coming up. When he slowly looked around the corner I saw his eyes widen at my awful state. I guess I should've cleaned myself up first, I look a mess. My dress was torn from crawling out the window and my makeup was obviously smeared. I bet my hair wasn't too pretty either.

"Holy shit, y/n?!" He came down the stairs quickly and grabbed my arms, helping me up the stairs, "what happened?! You look...awful."

He sat me down on his bed and I didn't know what to say. I just stared at him. This perfect guy who loves me. I tried to open my mouth and say something but nothing came out. I guess he could tell I wasn't sure what to say because he went to the bathroom and grabbed some wipes.

"Here.." he kneeled down and began to wipe my makeup off. Tears slipped past my waterline as he comforted me. He just sat there looking up at me with a pity smile on his face as he cleaned me up. He took of my hands in his other hand and held it. He really was perfect. He saw him grab some lotion off his desk and rub it around my face after he wiped everything off.

"Come on, why don't we get you into some comfortable clothes okay?" I nodded at him and toyed with my fingers as he picked out some clothes.

I was laying in his arms now. His fingers were combing though my hair as I laid on his chest. I wasn't sure why he was doing this. Any sane person would've just kicked me out, right? I held onto bill tighter whenever he kissed my head and my cheeks. I cuddled up closer to him and nuzzled into his neck.

"I love you, y/n.." bill whispered as I dosed off into my sleep, breathing in his comforting scent and letting tears fall on his skin because he was the only person who was able to make me feel at home.

OKAY THIS TOOK ME LIKE 2 HOURS AND IT ALMOST GOT DELETED BUT THANK GOD IT DIDNT, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS!!

the end felt kinda rushed but I hope it was still good

taglist: @hearts4kaulitz @burntb4bydoll @spelaelamela @bored0writer @fishinaband @billsleftnutt @dead-tapes @tokiiohot @bluepoptartwithsprinkles @saumspam

[sunnysideaeggs]

uuuuh okay thoughts about S2E1 (disclaimer: SPOILERS! and some unpopular opinions bc i WILL be criticizing alicent). most of these i had during my watch yesterday, and now i’m elaborating on them after more thinking about it. looooong post ahead

okay i liked the new intro. i will miss the blood pouring but i think the tapestries are a more visual way to convey targaryen history.

my favorite parts were the shot of vhagar and balerion in the field of fire(? idk they were eating men (green dragon black dragon !!!), the jaehaerys and alysanne portrait, alicent and rhaenyra and aegon and rhaenyra crowned side by side. beautiful.

also, the blood beneath the thread !!! targaryen history is written in blood. never forget this.

i dont particularly like jace being at the wall. it makes little sense to me, especially because the north is massive and i don’t think that cregan would like to make a procession to the wall just because a prince is there. i liked the tidbits though: jon going to the watch is a tradition he followed unknowingly :)

show me more political jace please, he’s cool.

‘surely torrhen would’ve rather died instead of bending the knee unless he believed aegon could bring unity to the 7K’ jace pls 💀

it’s funny that in one scene rhaenys and daemon had more tension and chemistry than all the scenes of daemon with adult rhaenyra. maybe what he needs is a GILF to put him in his place? lmao

LAENA MENTION LETS GOOOOO

‘make it a son for a son’ referring to aemond? alicent has no bone to pick here be fr i can smell bleach for the whitewashing a mile away

i also have issue with the writers’ choice of making rhaenyra ignore her physical needs and spend apparently days riding on dragon back and doing jumps and that when she just had a miscarriage. it’s canon that she was in bed rest for half a year because the loss of visenya took a toll on her body. it will be dumb and criticized if she’s fine to disappear for weeks but not to fight.

alyn velaryon? ok i’m mad bc corlys literally knows this dude is his son ???

i love how we all pretend that corlys and rhaenys were particularly interested in the strong boys. idk i can’t really care about that anymore

ow is helaena sewing alicent a dress? please tell me it’s not a shroud

AEGON APPEARED WOOO 🍳✨

‘where’s jaehaerys? where are his lessons?’ my man doesn’t know to what school his kids go lol

also he can recognize the twins apart with only seeing them :)✨ cute

aegon wanted jaehaerys in his council !!!! he’s making sure jae KNOWS he’s his heir and he’s on aegon’s mind

oh hel is comfortable enough with him to tell him about her prophecies, i’m just afraid that no one understand her

‘the rats’ NOOOOO

aegon is always like ‘😐❔’ around her lol

‘the queen is an enduring mystery’ he’s a poet i love him

alicole pussyeating but at what cost

why does criston has that empty look in his eyes, he had the same look in his scene with rhaenyra

where is all the raw emotion between them from last season? it’s giving cersei and lancel when it should be cersei and jaime. no deep gazes, no catholic guilt, something’s amiss

jaehaerys and egg </3 my feels they’re so cute

okay i have a bone to pick here because why is tyland being treated like a joke? i can get past jaehaerys toying with him because he’s a child, but aegon respected his allies (that’s a big part about him) and would never antagonize them in that way. it’s given rhaenyra and lady redwyne when we know both characters differ the most in the way they treat their subjects.

also, this is TYLAND LANNISTER, the most employed guy ever. he literally put his skin on the fire for his team, he’s loyal and he’s the best ally the greens could’ve asked for. if anyone is to thank for the death of the dragons, it’s him. put some respect on his name because this is the finance bro to end all finance bros.

also he’s always saying important things: the treasure in the green council, jason’s moves here. please listen to him!

another thing i dislike is the way important political moves are being brushed off. the treasure is a big big matter. it should be said explicitly what the council is doing about it being the focus of the scene. i’m sure most casual viewers didn’t catch that the comedic relief is making big money moves that will backfire later.

but anyways jaehaerys is so cute hehe

happy father’s day to aegon targaryen and aegon targaryen only

okay i’m rewatching the jaehaerys and tyland scene and i love tyland’s accent, and how polite he is to the little prince

go aemond in the council !!!

‘you do not have a seat in this council’ okay alicent please stfu. i disliked her demeanor since she was chastising aegon and tyland but this is too much. remember you do not have a seat either.

and no she doesn’t: she’s queen mother, not queen regent. aegon is an able adult and can rule without her help. i know the only council we had was with cersei but that’s because joffrey and tommen were under westeros’ age of majority. that alicent is there is out of aegon’s kindness and the council members’ respect.

also why would she be mad that the brothers are brothering ??? girl you wanted them to be on each other’s side

SUNFYRE MENTION LETS GOOOO

‘we must proceed cautiously’ i think all caution must be thrown overboard here. i know they want to portray A/R as the ‘voices of reason’ being pushed to war and all but sometimes violence is necessary to prevent more violence. what tywin said about murdering a dozen people in a dinner and a thousand in battle.

i’m tired of this aemond slander. he did it, but he’s innocent your grace

why larys kinda…

ok i love his voice

oh so now every move of alicent is seen by larys. she knows that he knows. neat.

why do the handmaidens wear green? they should wear gold ☀️

okay i initially thought syrax was sunfyre because of the pink of his wings. i hope sunfyre is golden smh

it’s neat that we remember than no matter what side we’re on, for the common people dragons are a source of fear and caution. the fishermen are loyal to rhaenyra yet they will run away from her when she’s on syrax because they don’t trust a dragon.

rhaenyra’s pain is so deep, i really empathized with her. absolutely devastating. her expression, her grabbing the cape, everything

emma is so fucking talented for real, making me feel for the death of a character i dislike

(oh how the mourning of a woman for her child will cause thousands of mothers mourning their children the same)

‘aegon the magnanimous’ when your homie gives you a ridiculous nickname

my boy sits and listens to his subjects, calls them by their names and tells them not to be afraid. hello jerard what can i do 4 u? :)

i love how egg is like ‘yea whatever take ur sheep jerard pls like me’

okay i dislike otto here. aegon is obviously into crowd pleasing (a secret tool that will be useful later) and for once it’s okay. jerard will go home with his sheep and be a diehard aegon supporter and raise his kids to be the same, tell his friends about the king’s generosity. i think otto should know better than to angry the population in time of war, even if you can’t make the flock whole, give the man grain or coin so he can feed his family and the effort of going to the king’s house.

hugh? like hugh hammer? ooooh

‘our victory depends on the efforts of the smallfolk’ close enough welcome back princess diana

another otto slander moment here. i don’t think it’s wise to chastise the king (an adult, mind you) and putting himself in between of aegon and the court like that. did we saw otto with viserys? he sat by his side and whispered his advice in a discreet manner. he didn’t try and strongarmed his king in front of dozens of people. that’s not a smart way of doing things. it’s called soft power for a reason

also, i think the directors were trying to make otto parallel tywin in that joffrey in the throne scene, but tywin was explicitly trying to get joffrey to be more involved in the council and the two were alone. give it to aegon, let him have his fun in public and manipulate him in private, that is the way. doing dumb shit like that only makes aegon look like a kid and otto like a shameless powergrabbing dude

one thing i appreciate is that aegon has his own court. he has his lads-in-waiting, he has a few ladies following behind, and that’s how a king should be. we always saw the royal kids isolated (joff, tommen, rhaenyra only had alicent) when in reality most important people will have a flock of people accompanying them every day.

now that’s what i’m talking about. larys is all about being subtle, honey trapping his way to power. that’s how the game of thrones is played. while aegon will not agree with him just like that (because larys gives him the oogies), i’m sure he will remember larys’ words.

‘as viserys wished’ oh don’t speak of him fuck what he wants

an ally would not sit there and cut her legs at the table of men? girl you do that yourself

alicent, the problem is not otto undermining you, is both of you yapping about shit aegon and aemond not care about and winning empty victories lol

aegon will probably forget about jerard next episode, but will not forget feeling his wings being cut by otto. aemond remained in the council room but will remember alicent wanting him gone.

i wish alicent and otto believed more on their kids/grandkids

mysaria apparition yay

‘you speak of highborn games, i am common born’ tell him girl

daemon don’t put your hands on women challenge: impossible

chemistry with mysaria? uuuuh

i love how everyone reminds erryk of arryk like ‘ayo where ur bro at?’ a matching set is not matching, it’s giving the parent trap

‘i want aemond targaryen’ okay at least she knows who to blame. i want to see more of vengeful rhaenyra, let women be mad

daemon going for aemond instead of for jaehaerys is such a cheap move smh, whitewashing at its finest

jaecarys and rhaenyra :(

is it too insensitive to say that jace’s hair looks great? you’re serving cunt? your brother just died and you’re serving cunt?

ow alerie florent :((((

FUCK VISERYS TARGARYEN

i really like the symbolic funeral. that shot of rhaena crying over the fire? chills

is it me or they changed joffrey’s actor? idk

uuuuh alicent idk if that’s empathy or weakness 🙃

once again i don’t think it’s neat that they show blood being a normal goldcloak. he was discharged dishonorably for femicide. be honest

cheese’s actor kinda looks like joaquin phoenix

‘i want aemond targaryen’ i hate this fucking show.

ROSBY AND STOKEWORTH MENTION LETS GOOO

criston agreeing with aemond in private but backing alicent in public is the medieval version of ‘yea kid ur right but i don’t wanna fight with your mom’

criston looks so tired :(

‘her grace speaks with two tongues’ SAY YOUR TRUTH AEMOND

it is vain to try and blame aemond for starting the war when the war was brewing since before he was born. rhaenyra wouldn’t give up her claim, daemon wouldn’t accept it. if rhaenyra ascended, the targtowers die. there’s not another version of this story

‘she holds love for our enemy, that makes her a fool’ that makes her a traitor. especially after the events of tonight. do we think rhaenyra has a designated green supporter that tries to get her to the green’s side? why would the greens have a rhaenyra cheerleader then?

gods forbid something happens and otto is not there 🙄 control freak

i like how they’re making aemond more rage-filled. careful ewan your book!aemond is showing

‘aegon the strong’ ‘my nephews have already taken that one’ but egg 💀💀💀

i really love how aegon has his court. he’s protected by the throne’s swords AND his homies got his back

the true king can sit however he likes. he lounges on the swords and they’re as soft as pillows to him. pretenders can’t relate.

in a deeper level, it shows how he’s comfortable both in the throne and surrounded by people. he has high trust. kinghood is a tool he doesn’t have any training on but he holds it like a natural

aegon truly trusts aemond. i love that for them. if they make aemond to be treacherous i’ll cry

AEGON THE DRAGONCOCK 🐲 rip leon estermont you would’ve loved shitposting

also why the ratcatchers are just walking around the keep? are they in the tunnels or in plain sight?

the kick to the doggie :( i really hope they didn’t really kick a dog for that

unrelated but i really need the rats around the red keep to mean something like larys skinchanging into them. they can’t be a red herring or just blood and cheese. they have too many shots

again, why are they out and about? isn’t it weird to see dudes in the middle of the night?

helaena’s maid looks like emma stone and she has really good eyebrows. i’m pretty sure she knows something (larys agent ofc)

how do we go from searching for aemond to threatening helaena? whyyyyyyy

oh right we had to blame the smallfolk for being soooo greedy and wicked and stupid that you tell them kill a great warrior and they kill a baby. because daemon can’t ever order a baby killed amiright?

the little beds noooooo :( baby jaehaerys

okay i was expecting more of helaena. in the books she’s described as pleading, begging, crying and so on. phia is killing it with the eye expressions but she looks stiff in comparison with only her necklace. even trying to bargain more (my husband can give you everything and more), some more tears, some stuttering would fit show!helaena’s too. that’s on the directors tho

i also dislike the choice that anyone can just barge in the room, literally they had to make the castle desert instead of blood and cheese waiting for hel in alicent’s rooms. i know someone is going to make the point of ‘why didn’t helaena scream or run?’ and yes partly. guess we had to slander alicent in another way right?

but alas, i am thankful that a prediction of the scene didn’t came true: no children being forcefully stripped. that would’ve sent me over the edge. they implied it but no child actors were harmed in this episode

omg the sounds of the head cutting and jaehaerys’ muffled sounds i wanna cry

helaena is so lost and the castle is a maze and nobody’s there and she’s lost lost lost and running with jaehaera i can’t

did she saw a vision there? when she stopped and went to alicent’s room

imagine going to comfort for your mom and she’s at it

‘return to your post lord commander’ why didn’t you criston? 🙃

also it didn’t pass me by that aegon has THREE kingsguards in addition to his four homies and his own sword. helaena had none. even if he was off duty and he’s sworn to alicent and not helaena, the lord commander is not commanding

THREE maids at the start of the episode doing absolutely nothing and none here? i’m so mad

‘they killed the boy’ :(((((

also why is helaena so disconnected? like why is she ‘able’ or is she in shock? i hope if they don’t make her go insane with pain like in the book she gets a revenge arc where she goes on dreamfyre, she deserves it.

i hope aegon kills them all.

[onlyjaeyun]

alright, i'm gonna address this ask once and then just not respond to anything else, even the asks supporting me bc im a little exhausted and on the verge of losing motivation so i dont wanna trigger it by going back and forth with people. yet this does not mean i dont deeply appreciate everyone's sweet messages. means the world to me to know you all have my back like this, so thank you so much 🤍

once and for all: this is fiction. fiction, meant for adults hence the MDNI/18+ in my bio, basically plastered all over my blog.

every character ive created so far is just that. a character. and i need some of you guys to understand that this is what (fan)fiction is about. the smoking, the family trauma, the lack of self awareness, their sexual activities and coping mechanisms, everything regarding and about my characters was created by me and most of the time intentionally.

one thing that also needs to be clear is that you can't just run around policing grown people in their asks talking about such significant issues and throwing around accusations like that because not only is it deeply offensive but it's also very, very dangerous. you misunderstood my post and assumed i'd use sex and sexual intimacy to have him make up for his wrongdoings when that is NOT what i said at all. just please be careful the next time because i understand where you came from but i did not deserve that.

what i also wanna address is the part with me having "impressionable readers" because this is very important to me as a smut writer.

i have set clear boundaries that i do not want any minors on my blog, point blank. now, we all know they're still around. is that my responsibility? no. am i supposed to give a fuck about people who are apparently old enough to consciously read trigger/content warnings and continue to read my work? fuck no. is it my job to educate those impressionable people that they shouldn't read smth if they can't differentiate fiction from reality. NO.

that's all im gonna say to this because yes, there are impressionable readers out there but that is NOT my responsibility.

im tired of people constantly policing me and the things i write when im a grown woman who knows exactly what she's doing. if you hate CH!sunghoon so much and are so uncomfortable with his progress, then don't read it.

saying this for everyone yet again:

if you do NOT like a writer's work, you do NOT have to READ it.

this is tumblr. i write things for FUN. i publish them for you guys to read for FREE. i dont owe anybody shit. im so, so sorry if this makes some of you angry or upset now but at the end of the day it's the truth. this is my blog and my writing and i will do whatever the fuck i want and unfortunately you have no choice but to live with it.

i appreciate constructive criticism but i will not and never in the future let anyone be so mean to me and accuse me of things when you usually just see and read and hear what you want and make up your own version of the story when it's so, so far away from the truth.

pls do not attack the nonie bc i know this is the result of a misunderstanding but it was a good opportunity for me to address the whole impressionable reader situation.

if you can't differentiate fiction from reality that's your problem, stop making it mine.

thank you so much for everything, nothing but love 🧸🩷🎀

[vhagarlovebot]

Hi!! I was wondering if you could write something for aegon along the lines of aemond and reader are married but bc aemond wants to give her space and “spare” her of his company and doesnt wanna scare her bc of his appearance and demeanor they dont talk at all and theyre like strangers, sort of like aemond thinks he’s doing the right thing by leaving her be but in reality she just wants to be loved by her husband and one day aegon finds her sobbing about aemond bc she just wants to be loved by him. Bc shes crying abt his “perfect” brother he feels better abt himself bc hes thinking “my brother isnt the perfect son” and so he decides to befriend her and they kind of bond over the fact that theyre both really lonely in kings landing. Ik this is probably rlly off for his character tbh so if you dont want to do it thats okay! Ik some ppl r really iffy abt writing abt aegon so if thats the case just ignore the ask im sorry to bother! But I love ur writing sm and hope u have a great day~

gwen’s note: i need to say this before writing your req because it is important to me. but i really think aegon, as well as many other characters from hotd, is very complex. however we can’t overlook the awful things he’s done, that’s why i think that the only way of writing him is by trying to understand from where it comes, why he is the way he is, etc. (but not defend him, never defend him for being a rapist) and diverge from his character. hotd writers made it really hard to sympathize with him given that the first scene they gave us of older aegon was THAT scene. and again, i would never defend aegon from what he did, that is inexcusable, it does not matter how much he suffered or how alone he feels, he should have never done that. that is why if i write aegon i would always try to get as close as possible to what i think of this complex character (just as i have been doing with aemond) and always have his feelings and experiences in mind, i will never minimize what he and everyone has been through. and bc in fanfic you can write whatever you want, i’ve been saying that since the beginning. aegon is not a good person but i believe that if they give him a chance, he would definitely try to be better. and i fully believe that aegon has a heart and deep down he cares, we see glimpses of that in the show. so after saying that, if i diverge from what the show has showed us about aegon or what YOU think about him, remember that everyone has their own opinions and if you don’t like them, be respectful and simply block me (this is not directed at you but to everyone in general). hope you enjoy! <3

crying in public was not a good idea, but being under the weirwood tree made you miss home.

“do you feel well?” a man’s voice startles you, and you are quick to wipe the tears still falling from your eyes, trying to pull yourself together before turning around.

you are surprised to see prince aegon standing a few feet away from you, genuine concern on his face.

you want very hard to say yes but you can’t say the words, so you just simply shake your head as more tears start falling from your eyes.

aegon doesn’t know what to do. he never knows what to do when someone cries in front of him, he’s not used to this kind of behavior. he can’t remember a time when someone from his family cried in front of him and he comforted them. or if they comforted him. because that never happened. so he doesn’t know if he should keep walking and leave you alone, or ask what’s happening. however, his legs are moving towards you before he can make a decision.

and you don’t know what to do. should you excuse yourself and run out of there? but your legs don’t move and your eyes can’t leave his face, lilac gaze studying your body, but not in a creepy and sexual way. it’s also the first time you and the prince are alone and you thought when that happened, you would feel uncomfortable, rumors fly fast inside and outside the red keep and prince aegon is the main protagonist in all of them. however you feel strangely calm.

“does this have to do with my brother?” aegon dares to ask. he knows your marriage is not an easy one, mostly because aemond is very cold towards you. he has seen you alone together just a couple of times and in all of them you’ve been looking sad and uncomfortable while his younger brother showed nothing with his expression.

it is sad to know prince aegon knows why you’re sad. does everyone in the red keep notice how unhappy you truly are?

aegon sits beside you, his hands on his lap as you move away making space for him on the little bench.

“i just feel so… alone.” you let your guard down, after all he is the one asking and you so desperately need someone to talk to, anyone, and if that person turns out to be the prince, then so be it.

aegon laughs bitterly, looking to his feet playing with a few leaves that had fallen from the tree. he knows that feeling too well, he has been feeling alone his whole life.

“and— and i can’t say anything to him because he doesn’t listen to me. it’s like i’m talking to a wall.” you sob, wiping your nose with the back of your hand.

prince aemond is your husband. but he’s also a total stranger too. you barely talk, he almost never looks at you and you haven’t consummate your marriage, something everyone is expecting for you to do. but how are you supposed to do it when he openly shows how much you bother him?

“i’m a burden to him!” you hide behind your palms, tears still falling from your eyes.

aegon feels a little better to know that his brother is stuck in a loveless marriage just like him. they might be very different but neither of them were able to escape from duty.

however, aegon feels something weird growing in his chest, something that doesn’t make him feel that much better. not while knowing that you’re hurting because of his brother.

aegon parts his lips, debating whether or not to say what he has not say to anyone. ever. because open up to someone is not something aegon targaryen has done before, he’s pretty good at hiding his feelings in a bottle of liquor. or a couple.

“i feel alone, too.” aegon looks for the right words but they don’t come to his mind and he feels very vulnerable. “i am a burden to everyone. my family. the servants. my own father doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

what the prince says is no surprise to you. you’ve heard the servants talking about the prince and how they wish to never be in the receiving end of one of his outbursts.

“see?” he says and you lift your gaze, turning to look at him, who is already looking with his lips curved in a small smile. “we have something in common! we’re not entirely alone.”

the kind gesture of prince aegon of trying to make you feel better is not something anyone would do, not in king’s landing at least, much less by saying something so personal. but it makes you smile through your tears.

it is strange, sitting on a bench with aegon targaryen, talking and being vulnerable. this definitely wasn’t on your list this morning when you woke up, but it is something you’re always going to remember.

“now,” aegon says, drawing out a handkerchief and holding it out to you. shyly, you accept it. “i am sure you miss home and i have nothing else to do… so why don’t you tell me everything i need to know about winterfell?”

your heart fills with pride and longing. and as you wipe your tears you start telling him about those cold and happy days of your childhood while prince aegon listens very closely.

[lackofbrains]

i dont really know how to work tumblr posts and im not really a good writer but i wanted to write a velvet x reader story since theres hardly any on here

story info:

its kind of angst but like ends with fluff or whatever its called

so basically you’re like a pop artists along with velvet an veneer, and you’re like almost more famous than them and velvet gets really jealous and starts to hate you, but in the end she realizes she doesnt.

—————————————————————————-

y/n's POV

"so y/n your new song is at the top of the charts!" the interviewer fred or whatever his name was said, i honestly couldnt care to remember his name. "yeah. im so greatful for everyone who listens to my songs i wouldn't be here without all of you!" i replied directing the last part towards the audience in front of me. they all cheered in response and i smiled a bit, loving the attention and thankful for the fans. "awww, thats so sweet! so we need to know, is there any new songs in the making?" he asked me really prominently on the need part. "welllllll" i drug out my word trying to thing of a good response. i get really awkward and anxious around huge crowds, kind of a bad thing for a pop star but. "i may be working on a new song, look out for teasers on my instagram." im so excited for the new song to release its definitely gonna be one of my best songs yet "okay we'll make sure to check!" he glanced down at his watch, i guess the interview was finally over thank goodness. "well, y/n. looks like our interview is sadly over, it was great having you thanks so much for coming" he said "no, thank you! this was great-" i stood from the comfy sofa i was on "and thank you all for coming!" as i said that the crowd went crazy, mount rageons screaming all over the place. it was kind of overwhelming so i probably walked faster than i needed to off stage, as i got backstage i blew out a sigh of relief, thankful for the opportunity to spread my music but also thankful it was over.

                                velvets POV

"ughhhhhhh" i groaned "i cant stand her and her goody two shoes self, shes so annoyinggggg" i complained to my brother, veneer. "shes not annoying velvet, she seems really nice." he replied to me, i abruptly took my feet off the coffee table they were on and turned to him. did he really just say that to me. "why are you defending our competition!" i basically screached at him, "sorry, velvet. i wasnt lying though, you just like to see the bad in people" he sighed, crossing his arms like the sassy twink he is. "i cant stand you sometimes! its like you want us to be second best." i really did not understand why he was defending someone thats trying to take MY crown. i got up off the couch and walked away from him, i mean yeah she may be nice and pretty but shes trying to take whats mine and that cannot happen."

(time skip to some award show thingy that i just made up bc it helps the plot)

                                y/n's POV

looking around i see so many different singers, some well known, some not as much and probably werent even invited in the first place. as my eyes scan the crowd of celebrities, looking for my friend, f/n, they land on no other than veneer himself, standing with my mortal enemy, velvet. the green haired twins were my competition and i had to beat them. i honestly didnt mind veneer too much, he seemed like a nice guy. velvet on the other hand, i had a totally different opinion on. ever since she basically said my music sucked in an interview of hers, and no i don't just watch all her interviews(yes you do dont lie), i havent liked her, thats an understatement. i cannot STAND velvet.

as i was in my own little word of dislike towards the prettier twin, i didnt notice someone standing right in front of me. i looked up expecting the brown caring eyes of f/n, only to be met with cold blue eyes. i sharply inhaled, to be honest scared out of my mind "y/n!" "what are you doing here?!" the green haired girl shriecked, "i was... invited..?" i replied in a hushed tone, not being able to find my voice. "well you shouldnt of been, your music sucks, and overall you dont deserve any award." she replied, flipping her hair asif i wasnt even there? "okay... well my song on top of the months best pop song chart says otherwise" i said turning around and walking away before she could hear the last part of that, she had really pretty eyes..

"y/n!" i hear from behind me, this time from a more scruffier voice. i turned around recognizing the voice was coming from f/n. "there you are! i was looking for you everywhere." "i saw.. i also saw your run in with the twins. tell me everything!" i groaned at that last bit "no f/n it was scary enough i dont need to repeat it." i replied also turning away from him "attention! all invited pop singers, please make your way to the stage!" 'finally' i thought to myself, ive had to wait an hour and a half through the rock, country andddd rap awards.

im going absolutely insane, why did i have to be seated RIGHT NEXT TO VELVET. its like torture, i could feel her eyes on me for the whole 10 minutes it took to introduce everyone, it was awful, but sort of nice in a way.

(time skip to the actual awards bc im a horrible writer and cannot care enough to try and fill the gap with sappyness)

"andddd the award goes to-" his eyes widened as he read the slip of paper with the award winners name on it "velvet and veneer-" he was interrupted once again only this time not by himself, but by the crowd behind him going crazy "wait!" he said and they all quieted down just enough to hear him, i looked beside me and velvets smile dropped hearing him say that "AND y/n y/ln!" the crowd went even louder this time, i gasped hearing my name "well dont just sit here come get the award..s?" all three of us walked torwards him, i looked to my left towards velvet and she actually smiled at me, and not even a condescending one! we both took the awards, as we walked back to our seats, velvets arm brushed against mine, i got so flustered i had to turn away so she didnt see me blushing. i dont know why i was acting so weird i hated her... right? "congratulations to the winners of this months most amazing pop stars!!" the crowd hadnt stopped yelling yet, i was fidgeting uncomfortably in my seat, picking at my hands, feeling a panic attack coming along, when suddenly i felt a hand on top of my own, locking fingers with me. i was so shocked i didnt even wanna look because i knew the amazingly pink painted nailed hands belonged to.... velvet.

she had held my hand the rest of the show, which in reality was about 10 minutes but felt like hours with her hand in mine, her hands were so soft.

(time skip to like after the show but like not left yet bc thats so unsexy an doesnt fit my amazing plot)

i was standing around the desert table talking to f/n, well it was really him talking about how much i deserved the award and how great my music is. he really knows how to make someone feel special. i looked around for velvet spotting her talking to her brother, i really wanted to speak to her, my "hatred" for her had turned to love in less than 3 hours.

"yeah you were obviously winning the awar-" f/n was cut off mid sentence by the green haired girl that i couldnt get out of my mind "hey y/n can i talk to you?" she asked me, her cold demeanor still up but i felt like there was something under her coldness, i followed her after muttering a quick "sorry" in f/n's direction.

we finally got to a deserted hallway when she finally spoke "are you okay?" she asked, cold demeanor slipping as soon as we were alone "y-yeah why wouldnt i be?" i asked stumbling over my words abit because of the close proximity between us..

velvets POV

her stuttering was kinda cute. "because you seemed like you were gonna pass out, babe" i couldn't catch myself before the pet name slipped out, i guess its out there that i dont reslly hate y/n now. i guess i just didnt like the idea of not being on top, but now that we're both on top its kinda nice. "oh yeah that..." she trailed off, blushing a bit, either from embarrassment or the pet name, probably the latter if we're being honest. "sorry, i just get a bit overwhelmed with thr crowds and loud screaming, which i know is weird since im a pop star- so i basically signed up for this-"y/n" "and they probably saw me too and they think i hate them now- and im gonna lose the award-"y/n" "and im not gonna be able to write music anymore because everyones gonna hate me, and ill have no money- and ill be homeless and-"y/n!" i finally got her attention finally silencing the rambling girl "sorry.." she looked really upset "its okay y/n, you dont need to apologize. you did nothing wrong i promise." i replied tucking a loose strand of hair behind her hair, finally noticing how close we were. "velvet" y/n whispered, as i cupped her cheek "hm?" i hummed leaning in a bit waiting for her to initiate what was about to happen(consent is sexy) "are you sure" she muttered "mhm" and with that she finally closed the gap, her soft lips meeting mine. when we finally seperated we were both panting from the lack of air. "that was..." "great" i finished her sentence. "would you wanna maybe, you know. go out tomorrow?" i asked, still a bit flustered from the kiss. "like a date?" she said teasingly "y-yeah. a date." "of course, what time are you picking me up" she said with a smirk "is 8 good?" "see you at 8 velvs" and with that she gave me one more peck and walked away.

[batsylikeme]

so here’s my silly little rant/opinions on the new doctor who season

if what i say pisses you off just keep scrolling mary i don’t have the energy to deal with negativity rn

so firstly i don't wanna talk abt how the new doctor regenerated okay that made absolutely no sense to me. idk why even 10 came back as well like ig donna's story was left "untold" ….but so is every other companion’s?

and idk how they split??? i really don't understand how they can do that but it’s aliens so whatever.

im also not gonna go into the christmas episode or the baby episode i...dont wanna relive that.

so!! i love the doctor i think he’s so fun and hip and his style is amazing.

personally i think the fact that he doesn’t have a set outfit is bc he’s trying to figure out who he is, which is always so exciting as the viewer going on this journey with him.

and ruby is awesome as hell!! low key fuck you writers for not making her a lesbian ( i mean she has the eyebrow slit and everything you should be ashamed).

also cool background story i love that she's interesting and a mystery. plus when villains are like "who...are you" that's always so dope.

i think that the "family" of the different "gods" is really cheesy but GOD i loved jinx they did so fucking amazing their performance was everything. i want them to act in every show ever honestly.

with that being said.. that episode specifically wasn’t my favorite, it was a cool concept but idgaf abt the beetles so 😭

and in that episode when the doctor ran away and hid?? that was new to the doctor that we know and i was like “yeah let’s go we’re gonna watch his character develop!”

so you would think it would build up to some sort of solution bc the doctor is tryna figure out who he is and that's gnarly love it

….then they DIDNT?

they didn't do anything with that?!?? at least that i was able to notice?

okay but after the jinx episode the rest of the episodes were actually fierce!

the landmine one had some really cool dialogue moments especially with the bickering like love i'm obsessed. ruby was also really cool and i love how much she cares about the doctor and how she wasn’t scared. i think that says a lot about her character. not to mention i think having her so in awe of the planets was a really good choice bc that reaction is so human and i love it.

buttttt the other characters were like mad infuriating which may have been the point? and throughout the episode it was so tense and nerve racking but the end was so anticlimactic. i loved the idea, and i loved that the dad was able to save the day (even tho i wanted the doctor to save the day but whatever) but i wanted MORE. i wanted the doctor and ruby to go into town, or to see the government and face them and call them out on the war! the fact that it was in one area the entire episode was just not it, me no likey.

the ruby centered episode was AWESOME.

that one was so unsettling (in a good way) and it was sooooo cool to see her like basically save the world and then she dies but BOOM they're back when the episode first started. i loved it, so peak doctor who timey wimey stuff

even tho i'm still a little confused as to if the lady was ruby? but whatever i still really enjoyed it i honestly have no cons on this episode it displayed what kind of person she is perfectly.

next, the bridgerton episode was fun! love the gayness they even kissed and they flirted it was so fierce. and ugh ruby’s character just keeps getting better and better honestly shes so fun and it’s so easy to root for her.

…but… the dialogue wasn’t good in this episode….at all. especially having the aliens say the word ‘cosplay’ took me out of the fantasy completely

also side note but not really-

what always impressed me growing up watching doctor who was that even back in 2005 the alien makeup was always so FIERCE like cunty boots down house houston bc it's makeup centric!

it also allows talented people to show off their skills and add really personal features to the actors who are playing the aliens. but nowadays they rely on the cgi so much that it just doesn’t seem believable and honestly it doesn't look good anymore. like mentioned before with makeup you can use the actor’s features to your advantage which creates the perfect illusion.

makeup + a LITTLE bit of cgi is the way to go and i don't get a fuck if it's more expensive ur a fucking successful ass company you have the money now USE IT

the episode itself was good until the very end when rouge sacrificed himself and then the doctor was like "i move on that's what happens" like bruh

by having him say that, it honestly makes you think that all of the losses the doctor has endured is just moments of his past, and that he’s moved on

like no i want the doctor to be angry, to be motivated!!

and that's what i think this doctor lacked.

there was no motivation or drive for him, which is so fucking stupid bc the actor is amazing.

the episode that ended with the doctor experiencing racism for the first time…you can tell that the actor put his whole heart and soul into his performance (especially the scream). he was unleashing a whole new part of his doctor and it was absolutely perfect.

so why not use that to give the doctor more motivation, more anger? seeing the doctor not being able to move on, to be selfish at times bc that makes him feel human. which would make sense BC!! he has spent so much times with humans and earth is important to him.

moving on; one of the biggest things that made this season an issue was that they cried every. single. episode.

when you only get something every once and a while it makes that thing so much more precious. the doctor only cries like once a season, and when he does it's like actually thrilling bc you don't get that side of him a lot.

and usually it's with a lot of anger bc the doctor is angry!! we've been through how many seasons of the doctor suffering?? i mean the man literally blew up his own planet. he's been thru the ringer.

there are so many episodes of the doctor not having the best morals, of him letting the villain die bc of his own selfish intentions. he's not supposed to be a hero, and i think that’s also what makes the doctor so compelling.

another con was the dialogue. one of my biggest tv / movie turn offs is when they say what they’re doing. and not in the super impressive like monologue way but in the simple way of being like "i'm cooking" like mary yeah i see you doing that??

and this season used that a lot. and again NOT in the cool monologue saving the day way speaking of that, no cool monologues? none? nada?

the best part of doctor who is when the doctor goes against all odds and saves the day with that sexy smirk and has the coolest monologue with the kick ass music in the back and during it gives you goosebumps! it also allowed the actor to put forth a lot of emotion into their performance and allowed them to build who their doctor is.

despite all of that, i did really enjoy the episode with ruby growing old and the racism episode. the fact that they didn’t have to say it was perfect and i think was a really good choice bc it was a surprise factor, especially with the doctor’s reaction. when they brought in a random character to save the day and him be so unlike the rest of his race and then kill him is always gonna be classic trope, bc my sister and i were GAGGED. perfect, absolutely perfect.

however. the season finale can go fuck itself.

UNIT is so cheesy now, and it feels so unreal and silly which i think is stupid. they’ve had this facility for so long so the fact that it is unserious now is lame. it feels really fake whenever they're trying to be serious and sciency, which is not the way to go when ur a literal army based facility.

anyways back to the season finale-yeah it was cool to have a throwback especially with the fact it was “the one who waits” that was gnarly! however,,, when sutukh whatever his name was literally kills the entire universe…it didn't feel like it??? it happened so quickly it didn't have that shock value it was supposed to and i was actually confused.

i did love the throwback to the ruby episode so it made you feel like it was tying that together which is nice!! give them some recognition yay!!

now let’s talk abt the whole plot with Ruby’s birth mother.

the build up of her real mother i mean it's been every episode when they mentioned it. in the first part where they were in the time window, that was giving me the creeps! i loved that it was scary and confusing and i couldn’t wait to figure it out!

so when the birth mother of ruby, the woman that even the god of death was infatuated with, the woman that the doctor couldn't figure out, the woman that was stuck in some sort of time thingy…………..is just a regular woman? its just some teenager who got knocked up and gave away her kid? that's it?

i've been getting edged this entire fucking season just for this?

if you enjoyed that it was a regular person i get it! it’s a throwback to whenever the doctor made his speech about how no one is ever just unimportant, which i do love and appreciate.

the whole reason she's important is bc the unknown is the most powerful thing which honestly i agree. my biggest fears are always the unknown. so yes absolutely i get it….but….are you...are you kidding me?

and then ruby leaves? ruby is done traveling with the doctor? i just. ugh.

there was so much potential and i’m just so empty now.

yes it had its cool moments, but im honestly so heartbroken and disappointed with how it turned out like, some bitch on tumblr could have written this season better than this.

i really really really hope the next season is better, at this point it’s just the writing. so get it together writers!! Ncuti is a phenomenal actor he is so fun and his range is so raw and captivating. not to mention Ruby! i’m really sad she’s leaving so soon, she was really fun and complimented the doctor well.

i can’t wait to see what’s next, and honestly no matter what i’m gonna watch doctor who bc it’s so special to me <3

[tildeathiwillwrite]

genuine qustion, bc i dont understand whump, why do you like it? whats the appeal? am i missing something?

I'm going to assume from the wording of this question that you already have an idea of what whump is, and you're asking why someone would want to read/write it, but if not here is a good post summarizing the genre.

This post is divided into two parts below the cut: the appeal of whump for me, and an explanation of why I like whump.

For me, personally, the appeal of whump comes from putting a character (whether that be an someone else's character, my original character, or a nameless whumpee) in Situations (with or without a whumper), and then having the difficult recovery or healing process (usually with a caretaker). Sometimes I deviate from this pattern, such as omitting the recovery, but that is usually my main focus.

A bit more emphasis on the comfort in hurt/comfort, but there's also hurt in the comfort.

My main love of whump stems from the tropes I enjoy:

Used as bait (where a whumpee is captured with the intent on using them to lure the caretaker into trying to rescue them in order to capture the caretaker too). I like this one because of the suspense of knowing it's a trap, and wondering if the caretaker will manage to rescue the whumpee, or get captured themselves.

Magic whump (whump but in the fantasy genre). This one gives more possibilities or twists on usual whump tropes by adding magic into the mix. Combined with my love for fantasy writing.

Captivity whump (a whumpee captured by a whumper, usually including various forms of torture). This trope is very versatile. Why were they captured? What does the whumper gain by torturing them? So many possibilities. Not to mention the rescue afterwards!

Sickfic (whumpee is sick, usually with a caretaker). Someone else mentioned this before, I don't remember who otherwise I would've linked them, but illness is something rarely seen in existing media. When a piece of media has whump, it's usually torture or a fight scene, but I've only ever seen sickness a handful of times. I like the idea of a character having all these cool abilities but still getting the common cold, especially when they have someone else to take care of them. Also it's easier to write from experience for this then, say, getting stabbed.

PTSD whump (when a character has trauma). This is more of a recovery trope. I hate it when a piece of media has a character go through an incredibly traumatizing event and then as soon as they're out, they're perfectly fine mentally. Let the character have ptsd, dammit! I don't really write this often, but when I do I love writing the nightmares in particular.

Immortal whump (with a character who, for whatever reason, cannot die). I love this one because it opens up even more possibilities for whumping. It usually depends on how the character's immortality works, but they can take a lot more damage than any other whumpee.

Realism in whump (realistic injuries, illness, and recovery). Really just a preference, as I'm studying in the medical field and already know a lot about how the human body works, so I use that knowledge and apply it to my writing. For example, fainting as portrayed in hollywood movies is a lot different from how fainting actually is. Involves a fair amount of research, but I personally think it's worth it.

(side note: I haven't really found any tropes which I strongly dislike, but out of personal preference I avoid smut and nsfw whump such as rape)

As to why I like whump? This was a tough question to answer, to properly articulate. It's fiction. And writing give me freedom to do pretty much anything to the characters and through the characters. I suppose whump is another way to exercise that creativity. "I know how the character reacts to this Situation, but what about this other Situation?"

I know some other writers use whump writing to work through their trauma, as catharsis. Props to them, but I don't write whump for that reason. I always liked putting my characters in Situations, and then a couple years ago discovered what whump was, went "that's a thing?!" and basically dove in head first.

The Tumblr whump community itself has also been very sweet and welcoming, I draw a lot of inspiration from the other writers, especially when I'm trying to figure out what to write next. I doubt I would still be writing whump if the community wasn't as welcoming, and I'm very glad it's not the case. If you go back in my archive, the first writing I started posting was whump. Nameless whump turned into oc whump, which turned into posting about my WIPs. So if the whump community gatekept me out, I probably wouldn't be posting any writing at all (and that's very sad to think about).

I hope this post was helpful to you! I can't speak for other members of the whump community, these opinions and motives are my own. If you have any more questions feel free to ask.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

Some Personal Thoughts on Disability in Enstars

disclaimer: disability is a very broad term that covers many different experiences. i will be talking about physical disabilities since i feel most comfortable doing so/have experience with them. obviously that ignores a Huge part of what disability and chronical illness is and can be. but i think it is beyond my capabilities to talk about experiences i don't know much about.

alt caption: i think ritsu is a good character and im trying to explain to myself why

this is sort of a long post, sorry.

content warnings: i talk about ableism and touch on related topics such as dehumanization and objectification and such below. individual parts of this post have their own cw's.

Enstars Writing, Beloathed

to get this out of the way; it is bad sometimes. this is discussed very often. it doesnt depend on the authors either, in my opinion, some writers will hit you with something really troublesome only to (seemingly accidentally) invent human emotion and compassion in a different story. i dont want to repeat what others have said eloquently but there is a fair amount of imperialist worldviews, xenophobia, just racism really, transphobia, ableism, and copaganda to be found in enstars. this isnt about x character being x thing, but about how it is very noticable when the author of a story holds these worldviews and they bleed into their stories.

so that is not the greatest foundation if youre looking for well-written disabilities. but i wouldnt be reading enstars if i didnt think it genuinely is really really good sometimes. in my opinion, the way disabilities are portrayed is a mixed bag overall but there are some extremely worthwhile bits that touched me quite a lot.

What I personally understand as Well-Written Disability

the way disabled people suffer often goes unnoticed, and disabled people dont have a platform to talk about oppression. a lot of life-changing issues can go unnoticed to those unnaffected by them, even if they are in broad daylight: underfounded or entirely lacking healthcare, the way many healthcare systems are marketbased and ethics are prone to suffer bc of this (even under 'welfare' capitalism), a lack of equal marriage, the inaccessibility of the most basic and necessary facilities, financing care and the dependency on family/loved ones (both a logistical and psychological problem), the huge stigma against disabled people, etc, etc, you get me....

we need to write about people who need care, to keep them in mind at all times. disabled people are not a minority in a mathematical sense but in a hierarchical sense. it is naive to think of them as "a substancial percentage" of populations. as we age, we inevitably all enter the stage of needing care at some point. SO to an extend, i want to claim its a topic that affects every single person. yet disabled people are rarely a central topic anywhere. it is not enough to acknowledge them, we need to plan and think with them in mind. and Write with them in mind, i guess.

SO when i see fiction grapple the topic, i am usually really happy, even if the portrayal isnt ideal. (critical, maybe, but generally speaking very happy) pointing out "badly" written disabled characters is obviously not as easy as calling someone out for uncritically saying "i think eugenics are a good idea!!!" through fiction. people with that sort of facist mindset exist of course but ableism does not end there.

if i were to single out things i see often: i think the most disappointing thing a story can do is to - mention a disability without it ever having an impact on people in the story (-> the disability is basically nonexistent, has no impact or relevance, outside of a theoretical mention) OR - uncritically use a disabled character as a mere plot devise, without granting them the ability to speak (-> dehumanization, a lack of understanding that disabled people are, well, People. they do shit.)

and then of course there is fetishization, both in a literal sense and in an inspiration porn sense and the problem of turning disability into a caricature for jokes (either to other disabled people for their behaviour/body or to create a sense of satisfying superiority by laughing at them) but i feel like those problems explain themselves.

to apply these to very basic examples: i think often something like a robotic sci-fi prosthetic is not a good way to represent a disability because it fails to represent what people go through irl and provides a "magic fix" without repercussions. here is a really good post about it. about the plot device issue... i think it is similar to what people often criticise as "manpain". a disabled person will never appear or speak, they are demoted to being the reason an able-bodied character acts a certain way, like a lifeless accessory. this doesnt always have to be bad, esp if its just a sideplot! but it can get tiring if the audience never gets to learn about other aspects of the unseen character in question and we are only introduced to their suffering.

all of this to talk about gacha idol boys. it is how it is. anyway, this is roughly my mental state when i tackle enstars.

disclaimer 2: i am really just a kogaP. this influences which characters i encounter when reading. there are tons of stories i just never looked at and there is SO MUCh lore i just dont know about. please lemme know if you have additions to stuff i say/understand a character better/have related story recommendations! tl;dr the sakuma bit will be long.

disclaimer 3: i genuinely adore every single character mentioned below and am always excited to learn smth new about them. if i criticize writing, that has nothing to do with that character or their fans. it is about the writers.

the most obvious example. Eichi (content warning for brief mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation)

everything eichi does, he does with the knowledge he will most likely die young. that is a truly dramatic setup.

but before i get back to that thought. it always felt to me like eichis illness(/es) lack a certain sense of conciseness? i do not think you need to put a name and diagnosis on it for it to be relatable and real to readers, tbh!! though to achieve believability, there needs to be a good amount of consistency. what i can recall off the top of my head is the following:

he breaks down/straight up blacks out frequently due to weakness and dizzyness

measures were taken to secure his safety in those situations (the infamous Eichi-kun Gauge as seen in Element)

his stamina is seriously low

he coughs a lot

we saw him cough up blood (Daydream)

he relies on long hospital stays because his health needs to be monitored and/or supported this closely

he stays inside a lot (hinting towards problems with his immune system?)

being healthy enough to eat unhealthy food is a big deal to him, so there are dietary restrictions/it was necessary to precisely control what he eats

his grandfather, who died recently, is considered an outlier for how long he lived (so it IS hereditary)

which..... could be a lot of things...? or, more likely: a culmination of many things at once. if you have headcanons on eichis health, please lemme know!

but in addition to eichis terminal illness, there is a second quality to him that separates him from most disabled people: he is extremely wealthy. and his wealth is fundamentally important to stories. usually illness and poverty go hand in hand, since income is tied to the ability to work, which worsens an already bad situation. no matter how limited eichis actions are because of his body, the possibilties offered by his wealth make him a central figure in every overarching plot. in addition to this, his family is well aware of his consitution and he is a patriarchal leading figure to them, the head to their coporate hierachy. eichi is free of the things that usually rid the chronically ill of their safety and power: society (he is an idol and popular) and money (he is the richest boy in japan). if youd ask me, i think that while being chronically ill is of course physically taxing, the worse problem is the economic state it puts you in. eichi simply overcomes this? yes, he is terminally ill, his situation is terrifying. but he has an extraordinary amount of control while he lives. more than a poor yet able-bodied person may have.

his unique circumstances enable him to be incredibly active. this is so fun to read about in my opinion. its a fascinating setup to me. without casting any sort of moral judgement on his actions and the antagonistic role he plays; he is, excuse me for my phrasing here, a disabled power fantasy. (at least to me)

this is a double-edged sword to him. because of who he is as a person (ambitious, cunning, ruthless, diligent)

he lives in relative safety but his strong ambition and financial ability to fulfill his dreams tempt him to go past his limits. because his remaining lifetime is uncertain, the need to preserve the body he is given seems uneconomical (a mindset his upbringing and education as an heir to his family would have enforced imo) he is bound to break down sooner or later anyway. i think he begins to see himself and his body as a tool to achieve his goals and neglects spending time on anything BUT working towards them. so the moment he runs out of goals (like at the end of Element), his reason to "remain" becomes futile.

it really struck with me how he appears in Blackbird - emaciated, pathetic, purposefully neglected because he chose to be neglected and weak in an act of self harm bc denying medical attention (something that couldnt have happened otherwise) wataru has to remind him that no one died and the obvious connection to make is that the eccentrics are physically unharmed and starting over, that they should not be a source of guilt to eichi. but i think this is just as much about eichi himself. he might have expected to die since he left the hospital and overexhausted himself at school and as an idol. he didnt die though. it was a real possibility and seemed likely but he didnt. the neglect and indirect self harm here point out, to me, that he saw the "role" he gave himself as fulfilled at that point and waited to die.

eichi stands over economic or social factors that could ostracize and dehumanize him but funnily enough he manages to do so himself by treating his body as a tool and his happiness as an option that got overshadowed by a need to succeed.

this vulnerability makes him, despite how vague the descriptions of his illness are and despite how unrelatable his wealth is, a very satisfying character imo. it is engaging to me. certain limits are removed for him but he created new ones, specifically because he did not see himself as something worth sustaining once he becomes useless. imo, eichi applied the idea that a lifes worth can be measured in its ability to function in an industry to himself. and spiralled over it, entirely inverting his uncanny amount of bodily autonomy. it is clear how the situation he is in worsens his mental health like that. and how his mental health in turn worsens his physical health. it is inseperable.

i cant really get into !! era eichi because i genuinely just dont... know enough. the fine tradition of having a weekly H-Day stands out, though. after all, eichi has new bigger ambitions and is, once again, inviting his own ruin through overexhaustion. so his friends (the new addition of having friends is essential) had to forcefully make him stop for at least one day a week. that is pretty big. i think.

this is true for many marginalized existences so it of course applies to disabled people: if neither your surroundings nor yourself permit you to feel human and therefore assign your person an inherent worth and lovability... sometimes you need a friend to do so!!! social circles are the best support structure for your health.

The Sakuma Family

(i will get into ritsu and rei seperately later on. there are just a few concepts i want to get out of the way that apply to both of them.)

so... to get a little theoretical; the concept of "disability" relies on the concept of a "normative" human existence. "disability" is an otherness and can therefore easily be seen as a "monstrocity" in the eyes of ignorant people, something that instils fear. (there is a reason why a lot of horror exploits disabled bodies as a source of terror and uses mental hospitals as settings) from an able-bodied point of view it seems "desirable" to be a "normative human", yet the disabled person knows that is not a possibility and knows their worth and place as a human in human spaces. at least ideally. able-bodied people sometimes lack this understanding. there is nothing to be desired about an able body or fixed about a disabled body, beyond what medical care can do for ones quality of life.

if you have read operetta, this is all very familiar;

operetta, chapter 17 and, well, here we are. vampires. a very basic truth about the sakuma family that i hate to see denied is that they are human. there is nothing supernatural about them. they are just disabled. or, to turn the idea around, if one was to assign them vampiristic traits and such... is vampirism not a disability and should be taken seriously as such? if you consider the limits a vampire has while coordinating through their life, is that not... strangely just a disabled experience? (MINUS THE KILLING PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY but much modern fiction is sympathetic towards vampires instead and does not display them as violent)

anyway, to hear it from the horses mouth (the horse is rei):

operetta, chapter 19 the sakuma family is a curious case. their condition is hereditary though the severity varies from person to person. it comes up in many stories but for the most part i am thinking about operetta, resurrection sunday, and devils right now. how did this all start? what made an entire family turn to live as vampires, with blood ceremonies and all that? what bizarre kind of generational trauma is this?

(and, while it does not play a role as important as it did for eichi, they are rich. this is important to mention. many normal experiences just dont apply to them because wealth makes them immune. ... how did the sakumas become this influential anyway.)

for an unspecified but long time, an entire family managed to mentally entirely seperate themselves from the rest of humanity because of their chronical illness. personally, i have no doubt this is the result of a world that othered them first. whether the main motivator at play here is a defensiveness towards a society that cannot understand you or an internal need to turn hardships into an identity that can be carried with pride. it takes a considerable amount of emotional strength and planning for the "hey we are human actually" declaration in operetta to occur.

they are, weirdly, what people mean when they talk about a "toxic anti-recovery mindset". (an expression i struggle with because this sort of rhetoric is often used to discriminate against disabled people who speak up for themselves or ask for accomodations. but that aside) it is an amount of pride that leads to internal self destruction.

of course, as is the case with every single character i write about in this post, a lot of it has to do with aesthetics and being chuuni to sell gacha cards. so we know the reason behind the reason. but it makes for some bizarre in-universe implications.

but in any case, the fact that their identity as false vampires is something they have always carried, that modern society sees as "mystical and sexy" has a hilarious side effect: their disability becomes marketable under the guise of vampirism. it is hard to recover from that.

so again, we have a double-edged sword: to present ones medical condition as a "persona" declares it as a performative act, something that is done to bring joy to an audience. personal detriment is not considered here, since it stops being a part of ones being and starts to become "work". the time and place of ones symptoms has to overlap with the time and place of ones performances. or people will hate you for your uncontrollable illness. however, rei and ritsu are both also able to carry their condition with a sort of playfulness. it is almost something like the act of "reclaiming" when they purposefully choose to larp a little for fun. usually, when a scene mentions their disability in the context of comic relief, they have control over the situation that unfolds and even initiate it and invite others to laugh alongside them. this can be a slippery slope to getting harrassed of course.... but i am rather baffled by the amount of dominance they have in social interactions. so it just reads as a healthy amount of dark humour to me.

this, and the consistent writing of their symptoms, and the ability to easily compare it to real existing illnesses, easly make them my favourite instance of written disabled people in the series. their illness has an impact on their behaviour and it is detrimental! and they are both very human in the way they attempt to cope. there is a certain realism to it. idek.

many people seem to headcanon them with myalgic encephalomyelitis, which is a really good explanation, and i personally want to suggest narcolepsy. the point being, there is room to accurately assign them a realistic relatable and understandable condition, even if nothing is ever named in canon. and of course they are mentioned to have an iron deficiency.

bear with this slightly "out there" theory for a moment: have you or a friend ever tried to get a compensation for your disadvantage at school or uni? it can be really hard to do, if it is possible at all, even if it is something very simple (more time, a slightly different enviroment, the ability to drink or sit, etc) yumenosaki is a school for performance arts, mainly idols. bold statement: it might genuinely be easier to get/explain an accommondation for your "idol quirk" (something that would be actively fostered), than for your disability. not that yumenosaki is very strict or asks for a lot anyway, its just something that has been on my mind.

here is another funny thing i have been thinking about: both of them crave juice, soda, and fruit - sugary yet fresh stuff. i feel like this is not uncommon for people who suffer from excessive tiredness and fatigue, the body subconsciously wishes for some sugar intake to "wake up".

Inventing a Guy to Cope. Rei

funny title aside... he... did that... ? rei is a curious example of how different mostly unrelated traumas can overlap. he had no childhood, thanks to his family that considered him "mature" at a very young age and his early status as a child star. and his bad health is a miserable addition to this. it is quite scary to image how pressured to do right he felt growing up and how that resulted in the fragmented distanced way he views himself; reinventable, and ultimately unknowable. (to others AND himself)

despite his bad health he has always been working and performing "well". he was praised for his remarkable talents but rarely had the chance to stop and patch himself up. whether this was a result of a pushy enviroment or his personality as a people pleaser who cannot show weakness and imperfection is hard to tell. maybe both.

the state he is in in Crossroad is fascinating to me. he all but directly lists the criteria of depression to keito when he attempts to explain his sorrows. he is restless, rowdy, mentions later on that he enrolled in yumenosaki against his familys wishes. he is very much searching for joy and his own identity in the middle of a health emergency. this has to do with the way he was raised, only knowing how to exist for and serve others, how he was made to sell a made-up version of himself, but i also believe it has to do with the fact he has started to exclude himself from his familys traditions and values. he started to cast away the uncertain "monstrosity" existence of his family (as well as the false idolhood others assigned him) and instead embraces humanity as a chronically ill person.

crossroad, i forgor which chapters

this of course marks a starting point of change that later results in him making up the wagahai pronouns persona - something he specifically created with the intention of looking vulnerable and weak. because he yearned to do less, to recover from years of exhaustion.

in a way, i want to say both, the ore pronouns persona and the wagahai pronouns persona, are attempts to cope with expectations he cannot handle physically or mentally. one relies on masking, on appearing stronger than he actually is and therefore invulnerable, and the other relies on exaggerating his weakness, in an attempt to finally let others recognize it. i think as a disabled person, both are performances one has to learn in order to "function" in everyday life, while remaining safe from serious harm (doing badly at ones job or classes, angering others that hold power over your life). since ones circumstances are often hard to grasp for someone who does not share the same illness, there is no choice but to simplify and exaggerate until symptoms become tangible concepts or to just brave through it, at the cost of ones health and future time.

rei in particular, for better or for worse, is incredibly capable when he needs to be and unfortunately that means others will often not take his health seriously because they saw him function just fine the other day. this is a general problem but an obvious offender in that regard is koga, who comments on reis fatigue constantly and loves to create a bit of a high expectations toxic work enviroment (and, to be fair, rei terrorizes him too. kogas hostility towards rei is sometimes ableist but not really rooted in ableism. after all koga is highly aware how performative the wagahai persona can be and is a huge motivational and inspirational factor in reis life. its a whole complex)

!! era holds some positive changes. his mental need to please other people remains a persistent source of trouble for him (and others) but he seems to really let his body recover and lives a more nocturnal life. both kuro and kaoru mention that he looks more healthy (in succession match???? i think??) since he finally stopped enforcing a normal day/night cycle on his body just to comply with social norms. you can indeed be very human even if you break human-made rules.

(additional comment: "becoming human" is of course a theme for each of the eccentrics and not uniquely tied to disability, it very much has to do with the objectification one goes through as a public figure. but this is a post about disability and it really fits in well. so here we go)

Literally Just a Realistic Teenager. Ritsu

ritsu, while not really being among my favourite characters, is my favourite instance of a disabled character in enstars. partly because of his writing and partly because my personal experiences overlap with his so much it sometimes is painful - but always extremely satisfying. just had to get that out.

ritsu is perhaps the most visibly ill. he blacks out and sleeps where he stands, everywhere, without control and often requires other peoples (well, mostly maos) assistance in order to remain safe when this happens. he also repeated a year of school, specifically because of his disability.

he is painfully aware of this. that he looks ill, that he behaves ill, that he is an underachiever compared to others of the same age, even to people younger than him.

ritsu developed unique behaviours to deal with this: he is very dependent and clingy and often asks others to do things for him, unapologetically. that does not mean asking for help doesnt hurt his pride, just that it is the most viable strategy for everyday survival that he ended up with. other than that, he clings more to the vampire identity than rei does. either to defy his older brother or, and this is important imo, because it is the one safety net he has to fall back on that makes him feel "normal" and like he is a regular being. albeit not human. no matter how much others might blame him for his shortcomings or how much he is a failure in the eyes of society, he is very regular for a "vampire". under the logic developed by his family, he is just a child, and the world at large is to blame. it is an easier truth to accept than facing systematic injustice and prejudice in a human world.

the stories i mentioned in another part above aside, i really love what ensemble band does for him; ritsu gets extremely irritated with mao in the prologue, seemingly out of nowhere. his character is allowed to express this sort of anger and to take it out on others, even if it is unjust and misguided. it is not pretty and it isnt good behaviour but it is a very heartfelt emotion to me.

its obvious that he cannot compete with others and that this will always been seen as his personal fault instead of a circumstance he cannot influence. and more than that: no one appreciates the real efforts he makes. for instance, getting himself out of bed in time for classes is difficult for regular teenagers and straight up hellish for ritsu. but he manages to do so a lot later on. instead of acknowledging that this is a real accomplishment on his part and possibly really exhausting and bad for his comfort in the long run, this is seen as doing the bare minimum.

while it is not correct, the malice ritsu sometimes treats others with comes from an comprehensible place. able-bodied ignorance can appear as purposeful slights made by those more privileged than him.

yet he learns to conform. his friends are important to him. knights success is important to him. (thought mental health probably played a role here too and made things even harder prior to his third year of high school) and yet;

seven bridge, chapter 24, but its really just an example i had at hand

the remarks stay the same. his peers still cannot help but brand him as "just lazy", even if they are kind and understanding otherwise and habour no ill intent. so i would like to ask: how long can he keep this up? how hard is this on him?

i dont think i need to explain just how common and hurtful it is to be accused of "laziness". probably the single most irritating comment someone with fatigue will hear every single day.

however, on the flipside, ritsu has perhaps the most people who care for him in comparison with other characters, though they sometimes complain (communication is hard, care is hard, everyone in enstars is very young and i cannot bring myself to see those comments as malice. its a mixture of ignorance and ones own burdens) there is mao, obviously. tsumugi is a very funny example. knights, of course, in particular naru. (at least based on my humble knights readings)

quite interesting how he just decided mao is his caretaker, now and in the future. i shared a few of my thoughts on caretaking here. this is.... a huge responsibility to just put on someones shoulders, to say the least. he shouldnt be doing this but i think it speaks for itself that this is a problem that is on his mind. ITS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT TOPIC TO BRING UP, especially since, the younger you are, the harder it is to get insurance to pay for your care. yes, he is often just teasing mao, but ritsu is looking for ways to get through life. by learning to be as independent as possible, whenever possible. though often you really just find yourself at the mercy of friends and family.

Inter-Sibling Violence

apologies, i will be done with the sakumas soon. i didnt know how to fit this in at the start.

the relationship between rei and ritsu, as people with the same disability who experiences different symptoms and challenges, is worth thinking about. infighting within people of the same disability is very common since experiences can be so different, there are no universal truths or opinions. with different lifestyles come different expectations for what is "normal" and sometimes pressure and social norms can cause someone to shift blame onto others who have no achieved the same things in life.

rei and ritsu are said to have been very close as small children and likely depended on each other a lot. i can see how reis fostering nature and ritsus needy nature developed alongside each other and enforced each other.

time and time again, rei says that he is a "less severe" case, that ritsu has it worse. he jets around the world because he feels forced to do so, when ritsu just wanted emotional support from him to begin with. ritsu stayed alone at home, sheltered and likely caged by their families convictions. but! i want to suggest the following: as much as it hurt him, it was important for reis health to be away from his family, too. i dont think staying there would have been good for him. his absence and the experiences he made away from home were an important catalyst for the positive family development we see in operetta.

of course, rei means well. he cares. he is trying to have a positive impact. yet from ritsus point of view, all of this must feel terribly condescending, especially with how much rei babies him. there is just one year between them. this is barely anything when it comes to sibling inferiority complexes the brain can make up. rei, who is successful and famous and beloved and, most importantly, proclaims to have it "easier than him", is trying to find a cure for him. from ritsus point of view this must be unbearable. their lives are so different when they basically started at the very same point of origin.

more than that, rei shoulders the sketchy blood rituals himself, out of love of course, but if one was more jaded, one could assume he doesnt think ritsu would be able to stomach the responsibility.

you will always compare yourself to your siblings in unhealthy ways but ritsu is just doing this on hard mode, i fear.

HHHRAGAHHHH GHHH ghgghrhgh. Niki

nikis writing is... driving me up a wall sometimes, to say the least. dont get me wrong, i love him. to an extend i understand that his single-mindedness and shallowless has purpose to it. in fact, i adore these character traits. he really seems to be behind four mental barriers at all times, unable to let deeper thoughts touch him, lest they make him succumb to despair. (yet nikis specific flavour of menhera cannot quite shine since... well, he has to stand next to himeru all the time)

the descriptions we get of nikis illness are nonsensical, at least to my knowledge. you could imagine he has something like hyperthyroidism. this never really gets explored though. at some point ENGstars mentions he has "gastroptosis or whatever" (the "or whatever" is part of his dialogue - niki really doesnt give a fuck), which makes no sense at all. weirdly enough, it would even be strangely in character if this was just a misconception.

so, can anyone take niki to a doctor? has this happened and i just wasnt there for it? there is no excuse why no one is considering medical care when it comes to him. except that he often is the butt monkey of jokes the writers want to make and has to stay available for it. more than that; his parents just left him alone like this? as a child? did he get an allowance at least? this cannot be legal, right? i wait for the day this comes up as a topic but i fear it is in vain. (please tell me if it actually did. i dont follow niki that closely) this is an unbelievable thing to do to a healthy child, yet alone one with a severe illness. we are basically looking at denial of assistance.

so many things surrounding nikis story are designed to make him as miserable as possible. i cannot help but feel that he exists purely as comic relief, for funny bickering, and superficial drama. i dont really like that at all, his misery just gets exploited.

EVEN SO... his self-image is actually really fascinating. as rinne likes to point out again and again, niki has no self-worth. he works two jobs, one of which he hates, he constantly gets into dangerous situations, and he will do anything just for some crumbs, and quickly forgets when others treat him badly. and of course, the worst bit:

es!! main story, please dont make me go find it

to some degree, he just accepts this as something he deserves. there is no consideration for his own quality of life, somewhere along the lines it seems like he got conviced just surviving is all he gets. he internalized self-degredation to a dangerous degree and i never see anyone mention this mental affliction specifically as a comorbidity of his disability. to me, there is without a doubt a relation here. sure, maybe he would still fight with this otherwise, just because he had to witness his fathers fall from grace as a child and knows there is a stigma attached to his name now. but i think you can tell it is more than that, from the way he is ashamed to beg (even in a life or death scenario, as seen in hot limit), as if his condition was his own fault.

this circles back to the point i made earlier for eichi; how much nikis life is worth, is measured in his economical value.

of the characters i have spoken of so far, nikis is financially the most accurate to real life. there is no safety net for him, no convenient family wealth.

(at this point it feels important to mention that somehow rinne manages to be the only person entirely aware of the danger and desires to change nikis mindset, YET he is a huge strain on nikis health. i dont know how those two function.)

Just a Lamb. Tatsumi

tatsumis specific trauma is a unique one: while most other characters struggle with conditions they were born with or developed as they grew up, tatsumis injury is the result of strain and violence. those are two different pairs of shoes, though the outcome may be similar. whether it is worse to be born into circumstances you cannot escape or to have to live with having something thrust upon you unfairly is up to personal judgement. pain is not really quantifiable. its just important to keep in mind, i think. under the circumstances tatsumi grew up in, he has his own burdens. it is very easy in many ways to compare and contrast him with eichi. of course this applies to how they used their bodies too: as an expandable resource. they had ideals for their school life (and beyond) that just seemed far more important and they both ended up in hospital because of this. (+ we know tatsumis surroundings were purposefully manipulated to destroy him)

and, of course, tatsumi got attacked later on. he never really talks about it directly but his legs seem to talk for him, in ways.

the story does not quite make it clear whether his occasional weakness and pain are the result of old injuries or entirely psychosomantic, and i dont think there is a real need to know, as a reader. in fact, in a certain light, i think it can be considered good that we dont know for certain: it would be relevant for tatsumi himself, sure, since it would influence which kinds of treatments and help he can seek out. however, i think the ambiguity may foster a certain level of sympathy in readers.

often psychosomatic problems are not taken seriously enough in real life: they cannot be proven physically and they dont fit into the neat little boxes that the ICD wants you to believe exist, so they cannot be defined on paper or easily explained to doctors or insurance providers.

to foster empathy with his situation requires his character to be lovable and for the narrative to treat him with care as well. which is thankfully the case. alkaloid are dear with him and, despite the fact he cannot perform in his work enviroment all the time, he is very respected for his other skills. he is a well-rounded person.

all that aside. it is absolutely worth to mention tatsumi pre-injury, too. he came up with a form of small-scale universal income among a semi-union at school. without getting too much into all that. (obbligato really seems like required lecture in the realm of enstars stories) the entire concept strives for social equality and is extremely anti-discrimination. it fundamentally goes against the idea that someone needs to "deserve" care, and is the opposite of the mindset i described with eichi and niki above. he never had to make first-hand experiences with disability to be extremely compassionate. this seems really rare among people in real life, even those who preach altruism.

While we are Here. K.... Kaname

as mentioned, i spoke a little about kaname before. so i wont get into the complex of caregiving.

it is extremely satisfying we got to meet kaname, if only for one event story. he does not have to remain a faceless motivation behind himeru and tatsumis lives, he thankfully became humanized.

the entire conflict around kaname at the moment is a matter of bodily autonomy. how much of your person can be in anothers hand, ethically? there is no excuse for the theft of his (idol) identity through himeru but the damage is done now. ideally, you dont want any part of yourself to depend on others but the disabled reality is that this is very often impossible. especially for kaname. there simply is no one else who could be responsible for him right now and, to be fair, at least when it comes to medical care, himeru seems to behave very responsibly.

repeating what has been said in the other post but i am worried for kanames seemingly inevitable reintroduction to the story. he has been in a comatose state for a year. if he wakes (since this is fiction, it is possible to exchange 'if' for 'when', realistically it really would be an 'if' though) he would most likely be confronted with permanent neurological and physical damage and years of rehabilitation. at least logically. (not to mention the psychological shock) would this be written with compassion and a sense of realism? it makes for a compelling source of conflict and emotional hardships that could be extremely worthwhile to explore. i just cant entirely bring myself to trust the writers with this one but i would love to be convinced otherwise.

that is, of course, if they dont somehow just skip rehabilitation entirely and declare it a miracle healing.....

imo, the in-game discourse between characters is just as important as his future development. i just really hope autonomy and recovery will be large topics.

He doesnt go here, but. Adonis

so bringing him up just really feels necessary within the context of this post because of his interests. one of adonis hobbies is sign language and accessibility.

this is, i think, maybe the best thing they ever did with his "protector" persona. it just fits so well, it is a direct conversion of ideals to actions. knowing undead songs have been translated for a deaf audience in canon is extremely wholesome and uplifting, even if it is entirely inconsequential for the story and just something that gets mentioned.

(now that sandstorm is out on engstars, you can check that out too for further mentions of this! if i could wish for one thing, it would be for the stories to acknowledge that there are tons of independent sign languages and i would love to know which one adonis and rei speak... you ever think about how adonis speaks like four languages fluently. at least.)

nightless city live, chapter 3

everyone in undead loved that and supported the vision. to see koga, who is usually against anything but musical performances and wishes to express art freely, praise the idea really puts deaf identity and accessibility in a great light. it is a very positively radical forwardthinking idea.

so, i just wanted to mention that. adonis is treated horribly by the narrative a lot, it entirely fails to grasp his identity and is insensitive towards foreign cultures, but i would die for him i think.

finishing thoughts

like mentioned, please absolutely let me know if you have different related ideas or recommendations. or corrections, or worries over something i wrote!!! learning and improving is always great. i am sorry i could not get into so many other characters, the ones i wrote about are those that i feel confident enough to comment on. in the future i would love to meet maguro!! i just havent really read any mama stories at all :'''3

i feel like i barely said anything at all and barely engaged with text enough since i didnt get into any character specifically. i would love to write another post about ritsu or rei or both. a draft for it has been sitting around for ages (as did the draft for this post, lol) but i hope someone will find an interesting thought in here somewhere.

all in all, enstars is actually... surprisingly nice to read for the disability in there??? even if it is disappointing in handling many other things. of course, the writings not always ideal (i read hidden beast just the other day and the ableism in there took years off my life) but often its really nice. nothing hits quite like seeing real emotions and experiences through some metaphorical stylized anime lense, you feel.

anyway thank you for listening. i am actually for real done now.

[havikshoochiemama]

My Star Wars Acolyte rant >:(

This shit is not proofread LMAO it’s 5 am i’m mad leave me alone just me being the hater that i am 🤭

I originally wasn’t gonna talk about the Acolyte because clearly the show was just another emotionally immature shitty Disney cash grab with horribly written characters BUT DUDE i keep seeing ads and stuff on my tumblr NONSTOP and i’m actually sick of it .. most of you guys saw one Tumblr Sexyman and just went ham with that…We as a fandom need to stand up because Disney doesn’t care about star wars imma keep it a buck they just want to make their next mcu and they just greenlighting anything at this point

“oh but i like Andor” yeah that’s like what ever 10 shows they make they make one good one that’s not good 😭… anyways like i was saying they are literally pulling shit out their ass they are getting shit from the star wars legends that’s it’s own universe and putting it in…like excuse me ??? those books don’t follow the events of the movie so why would your show that allegedly takes place before the movies (I said allegedly because writers can’t even get characters ages right ) also i’m talking about that bs w the helmet that stops lightsabers… apparently it’s called cortosis from legends never once mentioned in any of the movies (i’m not watching them live action shows idgaf i like SOME of the animated ones) but they use it as a Mcguffin when they want bc they never built on this they just stole it from legends LMAOAA you just can’t do that  i’m literally about to pop a blood vessel 😭 i’m not watching that show again but let me critique the shit i do remember… also the “Gayest Star Wars we ever made” KEEP MY PEOPLE OUT YOUR SHITTY WORK !!! but after that man who’s to edgy for a name killed all her friends she “loved” she’s sees his face and is like wow 😍 literally thinkin with her pussy very hetro of you 💀 gah this show just pisses me off star war at its heart is a fuckin space opera and i dont think disney understands that. i literally fell in love with star wars back when i played battlefront and watched all the movies read as many comics and books as i could get my hands on and seeing something you love become something you hate is fuckin sick and crazy it’s started with me from the force awakens that movie is horrible you bitches say pretty graphics and said oh good movie 😍 NO NO it literally was just a new Hope setting everything that luke did back making him basically useless LMAO and they butchered the old characters to help the new ones which are really not that great 💀 i’m still mad that them used Finn as a token black person 😐 i could rewrite the force awakens better same characters and all and yk actually do something better (joking i would if Disney paid me to)LMAO also i hate kylo ren don’t get me wrong i love my cry baby tantrum throwing villains but he’s nawt it LMAO i’m sorry this is a rant about the shitty show YALL NOT READY FOR ME TO SPEAK ON THE FORCE AWAKENS 😭

yeah i hate that show i literally don’t wanna talk about it anymore heart emoji 😝 remember when people said the Phantom Menace was bad yeah…  at least it have character development atleast it had good world building atleast the universe was establish and yk i liked it but the prequel’s have always been my favorite clone wars literally came out on my birth year >:3 it was made for me 🤭 but i’m just a whore for world building and lore yeah… umm idk to me start wats ended with the return of the Jedi 🗣️

dont @ me idc this is my opinion and if you want to continue meat riding corporate greed that literally is ruining my fave franchise pop off if you liked the show i don’t care good for you (your def new gen star wars fan)

also Darth Plagueis ?? LMAO WHAT they just doing anything i see and why where all the jedis fuckin morons … okay ? and your main character sucked you don’t get the satisfaction of character arcs like “her joining the dark side” if there was no character building to begin with like ? it not to late Disney just burn it get it over with. Also it’s all so Fuckin boring LMAO also i can talk shit about character development and arcs all i want bc i’m writing my own novel and i’ve did a lot of research even tho this whole rant is a mess it’s 5 in the morning give ur girl a break i just really like my silly space movie okay 🥹 i literally spent a band on the Star Wars encyclopedia leave me alone

Um if you wanna argue my comments are open <3 i love arguing i’m somewhat of a scorpio myself

[mandy4ever69420]

kinda to your point on ur post ab mandy it annoys me when ppl say that deleted (i think) scene where mickey’s like ‘don’t ever hit women’ is like #MaleFeministGoals when it’s just a pretty patriarchal view that women are weak and inferior and can’t fight back. when ppl edit that scene of all the boys going ‘pedophile hunting’ in like a badass way i just sigh bc like guarantee most of those men have assaulted or harassed women before, we know terry has. and that was the point of that scene to me, that it’s not about saving victims or whatever but about being a white knight and feeling good for defending the ‘vulnerable’ and what is their property. that’s why the scene where they find out it’s a woman is important. they don’t think women are capable of power so they don’t care.

anyway the writers decided they hated women after s2 so im sure they meant that as male feminist goals but i prefer s2 mickey’s ‘you don’t know my sister until you’ve fought my sister’ vibes. bc yeah. he sees her as an equal.

yeahhh!!! i don't recall the scene specifically so yes it was probably a deleted scene. it's a funny balance on the 'dont hit women' thing bc i myself for example know i would react SIGNIFICANTLY worse just on a gut instinct way to seeing a male character like mickey hit a woman the same way he hits men (specifically - when motivated by speech rather than retaliatory strikes, lol). & like part of this is due to the associations on a societal level with how much violence is directed at women by men in order to enforce patriarchy. male violence against women as a cultural phenomenon rather than an individual one is just more widespread and harmful, which is represented by individual occurrences. hmm. but part of it is just. how misogyny works. & the gut instinct level that it just feels worse to see.

there's not NOT a point to "don't hit women" like, WRT mickey's job in s4 to enforce against violent clients (mr patel) he's recognizing the pattern of someone who thinks a sex worker is less human, and wants to play out his fantasies about doing misogynistic harm to women through someone he can "get away with" hurting. also, because it's his job that svetlana specifically told him to do. lol

this also has to do with like... you'll see in shameless there are plenty of male abusers (kenyatta, terry, jody, kash & ian's abusers, also tommy is still canonically a pedophile, btw), but women who act abusively or are sexually coercive are much more likely to be sympathetic characters: mandy, debbie, karen, sveltana (with kev and v, the mickey thing is different. though i want to point out in s4 she did try to isolate him from ian as a support system by violence).

part of this is shameless falling into the idea that a woman doing it is "less bad" even as they critique that idea in other parts of the show. (also, they don't always seem to notice when something is assault) but the contexts in which these things happen ARE in fact really sad and messed up for these girls as well, & IMO there's a point here about how usually even SA, which people have very strong feelings about, can be done for sadass reasons. & that these are things you CAN recover and improve after - esp when willing (debbie having learned and telling carl he was assaulted - intent to prevent or sympathize with this), or when the other people involved are okay emotionally or forgiving

i imagine most people would like me be extremely unnerved if this was a point made using male characters even half as much. even though, like, technically it'd still be true. but man! i would not fucking like it if debbie and carl's plots were swapped. i refer specifically to how debbie treated derek delgado, which she did know was manipulative, not to how she acted with matt, who was grooming her and she didn't understand her behavior. ALSO: there's the aspect here that telling this story with a male character would've read SIGNIFICANTLY more as making excuses - as much as women perpetrating abuse is not taken as seriously, women are also held to much higher moral standards & hated more virulently for misdeeds. it'd look like a propaganda piece about how misogynistic violence is not that bad, actually!

i was pretty surprised and pleased that shameless was so on the ball with the 'pedo hunter' thing & establishing that terry milkovich is absolutely a pedophile. it's not that everyone with violent fantasies about attacking rapists is secretly compensating for one themself, but that a lot of these people have blindspots in recognizing their own behavior & are more excited about doing violence in a morally Righteous and protecting-our-women self-affirmation type of way. Also sometimes they are overdoing it to cover shit up.

come to think of it, i wonder if the reason so many people seem to have faith in mickey's brothers being "decent" is to do with the "i hate rapists, too" (s2) line? -- we know mickey is in fact protective & motivated by care wrt mandy & ian because we know him & we see the contexts he acts in & how he acts, but we have no such indications about anybody else having specific standards, rather than knowing there's a category of "bad person" (and person means man, in this mindset) that it's satisfying and righteous to violently retaliate against. also, doesn't sandy refer to mickey's brothers getting drunk and crawling into her bed? she was kind of referring to theft. but. like. well anyway

i know i really enjoyed watching mickey harass kash (satisfying) & i think when it comes to getting back at ian for "messing with mandy" there is something to be said there for protecting a girl you love against misogyny/misogynistic violence where possible. but you can't brush aside that retaliatory violence against sexual assault, especially mob violence (especially from a family full of white supremacists, good lord) has a really ugly self-serving history & doesn't necessarily indicate respect. & that is what was being invoked. a viewer should be put off by this or have a mixed response (again, the "dont hurt my sister thing" can also just. be nice) & not just because the info these guys were working with was inaccurate. also TBH i think you miss out on how impressive it IS that mickey is as good at boundaries and gentleness as he is if you refuse to understand the context of how bad violent mobs tracking down alleged rapists are and can be.

it's always really bothersome when people react to mickey's pimping as like a Big Misogyny like, not just because that's really not accurate, & it's reliant on the idea that these women don't have autonomy of their own. it also misses out on where you CAN see mickey interact with misogyny as a character trait. if you're too distressed by mickey calling svetlana a whore because she called him a pussy you're going to miss out on his occasional belief that women can't fight back, or have power. he falls for the manipulation of that pedophile in s3 (and has very sad sex right after walking away. also there's implications there) & he thinks it's embarrassing to be scared of his wife (even though he knows she's tough and intense). occasional because he can definitely tell that people like mandy, debbie, svetlana, and sandy have hands.

but also, like, when he's acting like a dick there it's treating these women as on equal footing. i saw a while ago someone try to read "we are thirsty" / "good thing theres a sink in the bathroom then huh" as, like, a damning mark on mickey's moral record. but man, i think svetlana was trying to figure out if mickey was white knighting, and if she could use that to her (& her coworkers') advantage. and he was like No because that's a very simple entry level manipulation that he's not going to fall for. also because the kind of white knighting she was checking for involves attraction (see: "nice guy" shit) and he is gay.

worthy of mention: mickey alleging that frank raped a girl, and mandy alleging that ian attempted to rape her are the same strategy in use to recruit. they each had their own agendas going on here & they both knew what'd get backup of people who are just excited to do violence. i wonder what this means about mickey maybe already knowing that mandy had been lying. i can see him realizing that if she was ACTUALLY hurt by someone she probably wouldn't have said anything but assuming she had her reasons anyway that she wouldn't disclose. 🤔🤔

there's also a point being made here about the fact that violent retaliation against abusers doesn't even necessarily do anything besides feel satisfying on an emotional level. when mickey is harassing kash, before we find out he's gay, ian grows more, not less, protective of kash, and feels more strongly attached. -> related to fiona's incredibly negative reaction when steve ditches frank in canada, contrast to mickey Not allowing ian to hurt kenyatta (though he also didn't want ian to do something he'd regret and get arrested)

[theninth09]

Oh Liam totally has PTSD 100% especially after season six, we even see more of it in the zoo when Liam literally sees Brett hurting him, and while we can argue that’s guilt I don’t actually believe that hasn’t happened before.

I think the fans and writers sometimes (not necessarily on purpose) excuse Liam’s mental instability and self-loathing/harm with stage fact he’s a werewolf, “oh, he literally just cut into his own palms so that they’re pouring blood… it’s fine he’s a werewolf he’ll heal”

There is nothing more beautiful to me than Theo and Liam seeing each other and understanding the other despite everyone else’s hesitation towards the two. Both no what it’s like to be feared and both are the exception to each other.

yup! tw isnt really the show for this, i guess, bc theres so much trauma they put the characters through and then just.. kinda forget about that? theres a lot of untouched potential with the storylines they start, for sure. and they love to play liams character off as the comedic relief, which i Hate. that scene in s5 where liam tells scott to punch him so he'll get angry??? haha funny and werewolf logic and whatever but how fucked up is that? liam offering himself as a punching bag, probably thinking hes useless if it wasnt for his anger? and this is in s5b so he feels horribly guilty about having tried to kill scott. sure, he needs to get angry so he'll get strong in that situation, but he 100% thought he deserved getting punched by scott.

and the zoo scene, oh boy. i personally do not think that that was just liam hallucinating something that never happened/that he was only projecting his guilt or whatever. that episode is named "triggers". theo, word for word, says: "something around here is triggering you." why would they focus that much on something TRIGGERING liam when its not something that actually happened to him. idk about you, but that makes zero sense to me. and its not like its out of line for bretts character to have done something like that. (personally hate when people erase this part of bretts character because it automatically takes away from liams character. like sorry that this random guy that you like for reasons unbeknownst to me is an asshole, at least own up to it and dont pretend he isnt as big of a dick as he canonically is.)

(^ i say, with theo as one of my favorite characters. im aware that hes an asshole. i do not care. im not pretending that he isnt.)

the brief focus on the warning sign about "dangerous animals" above the cage (reminder that this happened before liam was a werewolf) and liam begging scott, saying "they can't see me like this" and scott finishing "like a monster?" during his first full moon. yeah. liam has thought of himself as a monster long before he got bitten. that boy has serious self-worth issues and a bunch of trauma.

theo and liam helping each other through their trauma, recognizing the other's pain and seeing themselves in each other is so important to me. an aspect i love to focus on.

[onlyjaeyun]

heyy I just saw someone here saying they have been refreshing the masterlist like crazy and I couldn’t relate more cause that’s what I have been doing every hour since the last chapter dropped😭😭

But please do take your time cause honestly your writing is so worth the wait

and also can I be added to the tag list too🥹( I thought it was closed😭)

thank you so much for your sweet words and the things i'm about to say are not a direct attack on you yet your ask is a very, very good bade to work with for things ive been meaning to say so i hope you dont take this personal!

i love and appreciate every single one of you from the bottom of my heart, this will never change and i wont ever be able to put my gratitude into words.

there's the thing about ghostblogs like yours (no age, mo bio at all, no pfp, no likes, no following, no post – ghostly empty) that just triggers me because the first thing yoj see when you want to send me an ask is my pinned post which says that you will get blocked if you don't have your age in your bio and/or no pfp.

please read people's pinned posts before interacting with them or the content bc ive kept receiving messages and mentions about how people can't access my blog etc. and there is a reason for it and its bc you guys refuse to read what's right there 😭

the same goes for my taglists and everything else. i'm someone who tries to put things in the most obvious and easily accessible places ever to make people's lives and mine easier and i KNOW a lot of other writers don't really care about this and i might seem like im overreacting but it's important to me to see that there are actual people following and interacting with me and my content. PLUS tumblr actually subtly shadowbans people who have too much interaction with blogs like yours bc it makes the OG blog look like a bot or whatever.

DEEP SIGH – this is so much and probably quite unnecessary but i really want you guys to understand my POV.

read. people's. bios. pinned posts. infos. rules. PLEASE.

there's a reason freators spend so much time on them i promise it's okay to give it a shot!

also, yes i actually do blog every single ghostblog who interacts with my content bc i get irritated and annoyed and bc this is my blog and my notifs!

thank you for listening!!!!🩷

[roseworth]

What are your biggest hopes and fears for the new cass series (besides rose appearance)?

honestly i dont have a ton of predictions/hopes and im just so happy that she has a book that i will basically accept anything. but some of my hopes (in no particular order):

duke appearance <3 i need them to hang out again. i need to see them be buddies. please i am begging

any reference to the part of batgirl 2000 where shiva kills cass/cass kills shiva. i think (i hope) this one is very likely given that spirit world had a ref to cass's death and some other book recently (i cant remember which one) referenced shiva's death in bg00 so 🤞 we stay strong

brenda appearance ? please? this one is very unlikely since shes dead. but also this takes place in this all-in universe (or absolute universe? or whatever its called idc) so maybe brenda is alive and well in that universe

i am hoping and praying that this book has a good understanding of cass. this should be a given but i have no faith in any dc writers. but also the way brombal talked about cass gives me hope (he said something about "martial arts ass-kicking the way only cass can do" so HOPEFULLY that means she has all her fighting abilities from bg00)

rose appearance :) i know you said besides rose appearance but i want one so bad. i have waited so long and cassrose nation is hungry for crumbs. i will literally do anything. i need rose to be in this book

this is a longshot but i hope bruce does not show up in this book. if this is going to be an exploration of shiva & cass's relationship it should not have much to do with bruce outside of "cass wants to be like him instead of being like cain or shiva". but this is absolutely not going to come true bc theres no way bruce isnt popping up

on that same note, ORACLE BABS PLEASE PELASE PALSE PLEASE PELASE PASLESE PELASES PLEASE in terms of cass there is so much more to compare shiva & babs as mother figures in her life and i neeeeeed babs being cass's mother-sister-mentor again

as for fears, my only fear right now is how shiva is going to be written and how the relationship between shiva and cass will be... pretty much none of cass's trauma actually comes from her mother so they have a very complicated relationship since cass doesnt exactly see her as a mother since shiva never raised her or treated her like a daughter or anything like that, but she still cares about her like she is her mother in a way? and i feel like a lot of books water down that relationship by making it a lot simpler than it is and just saying that shiva is cass's mom and calling it a day. but cass didnt even know that shiva was her mother until she was like 19. they dont have a straightforward relationship as mother and daughter. and i think cass considers shiva partially responsible for what cain did to her since shiva knew exactly what cain's plan was and she went along with it/left cass with him. but other than that cass doesnt have a lot of trauma specifically FROM shiva. even when shiva killed her it was basically like a hard reset for her and i dont think cass would really even consider it that traumatic. basically im just worried that the usual misunderstandings of cass & shiva will be here because "evil assassin mom" is very common in dc stories, but thats not really a good way to describe who shiva is for cass :(