#and my mom's eyes couldn't handle it any longer (she started having problems reading the subtitles)

[airenyah]

tbh i was kinda sad that there wouldn't be another ep of midnight motel today but you know what i just watched 10 years ticket and maybe it's a good thing there isn't an episode for midnight motel for me to watching. the whiplash i'd get from going from off jumpol in 10 years ticket to off jumpol in midnight motel...

[eremiie]

one — love confessions

❥ your actions have consequences. eren wants more with you but his motivation is unclear. there one thing you’re sure of though, eren jaeger is relentless.

❥ wattpad link ; ao3 link ; masterlist

❥ prologue ; chapter two

❥ word count ; 7k words

❥ content ; mentions of alcohol, alcohol usage

huge thanks to @arlert-slut for beta reading my work, she was a big help, ily callie!!!!

❝ it’s delicate and sickeningly sweet, like the saccharine candy you’d find at a corner store��� and what doesn’t help us the remaining taste of strawberry pineapple he leaves on your lips. you kick at the skin in efforts to get rid of it, and he only chuckles at your attempt before dropping his hands from your face. ❞

                                       彡

kisses were peppered on your face, threatening to stir you out of your sleep, and you knew who the culprit was, their hand sliding over the slope of your body and murmuring into your ear— words that were incomprehensible in your sleepy haze. 

"get up, it's time to wake up."

the past few mornings since your return from carla's had been a nuisance for you to get used to, but you were getting used to it. you were getting used to eren shaking you up early in the mornings to propose an activity for when you'd awake, and you were getting used to other things as well, like the more intimate touches he'd lay on you and the subtle nicknames. 

you were getting used to your situation with him after the events of the weekend prior.

the weekend prior; you spent your nights with eren at carla's, and he insisted that you go with him to a party at a nearby bar. you didn't mind and so you let him take you along, only for the two of you leave early after a more than inconvenient mishap. 

it was irritating at most, always having to be the one to drag eren away when he got more than comfortable, always having to talk to him about it only to see him make no effort to change. but for some reason something clicked in his brain that night and you ended up tangled in his sheets, a lazy love confession muttered in your ears when you were pressed against his front. a lazy love confession that you were partially swayed by.

you and eren didn't talk much about it, after leaving his mom's the two of you decided to leave it in the air. after all, there wasn't much to talk about that hadn’t already said. eren would try to do his part to win you over, and you'd just sit back and observe. the two of you went on just like you were before, as a matter of fact how you went on was almost too similar to how everything was before, yet at the same time somewhat foreign when you thought about the "other things".

the other things; the nicknames and the touches. you weren't too fond of them— maybe because you weren't his yet, but for some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to shy away from them. they were comforting, they were something new to you, and you'd learn to appreciate them over time. 

it was funny because it was only eren who you’d let do these more than friendly touches even before what happened last weekend, and it was you who enjoyed the whole aspect of it. you were more prone to friendships as opposed to relationships. you never liked them much because you found yourself on a pedestal compared to others. no one could catch your attention, no one was good enough or worth your time, yet eren seemed to build his own pedestal and sit right beside you, and for that he was special.

 it was only eren who was able to do that, and only eren you were able to open up your heart to. you'd only hope he wouldn't screw it over for himself, and maybe for you too.

apart from getting used to your new situation with eren, you were getting used to letting go of things too, namely spending your mornings with someone else— spending your mornings with historia.

it didn't pain you much— you and historia had a friendship of pleasure, words by aristotle; she was good company for you in the mornings after class and when you needed socializing at events. 

maybe you'd blame it on the break you were on, after all, you'd walk out of your first class together. since there weren't any classes 'till next week, that could very well be the reason why you weren’t seeing her. although you knew even when they would start up again it wouldn't be historia who'd be offering you a piece of her breakfast, spritzing her floral perfume over her body for the nth time, or keeping you awake with her tangents, it'd be eren. 

plus, you were saving yourself from the awkward encounter, considering that night when she let her drink plague the front of eren's shirt, and considering the fact that that morning you had just told her to let eren be, that he was a player, that what may be fun for her was only a fling for him. yet you ended up in her exact position, letting eren sweep you off your feet and into his bed. that would linger on your mind when you saw her, and the more you thought about it the less fair it was to her,

but it wasn't your fault, right?

"c'mon get up, it's almost eleven." eren's hand slid back up to shake your shoulder before his fingers made their way up to your eyelid, pulling it up. you smacked his hand down, a groan leaving your lips as you turned in your covers.

"eren," you pulled the soft fabric of the blanket over your head and began to blink underneath them, eyes adjusting to the small gleam of light that was let through the thick fabric. "what is your problem?"

he huffs and you feel his weight dip the bed some as he falls backwards on it, his head resting against your legs. he reciprocates your groan, seemingly more irritated, as if you were the one to disturb his sleep. "my problem is that you won't get up." 

"you said it's eleven eren, eleven." your voice is groggy and you can feel the swell of your face, rubbing at your features before you tugged the blanket from over your head. eren perks up at the sound of the fabric rustling, and he rises, happy to see your face, that same radiant smile you're used to seeing every morning greeting you.

"i always wake you up earlier than this," he shuffles back on the bed and lays his head down against your stomach and although he can feel you glaring at him from above, he still gets as comfortable as possible. it's then that you realize he's already ready for the day, clad in clothes different from what he went to sleep in, a shirt, and some sweats. "'wanted to get something to eat with you."

you feel the guilt curdle in your stomach, his attire tells you he's been up for a while now. he must've let you sleep in a bit longer than usual because he was right, he would wake you up earlier than this and the two of you would get ready together. your mouth downturns into a small frown and your hand comes down to caress his brown locks, almost like a form of an apology. he accepts it, green eyes fluttering shut at your touch. "i'm not that hungry."

"than something to drink? we can go to that smoothie bar nearby."

"we're not using zeke's car again." you knew eren wouldn't let up, and a part of you tells you that you owe him this as a return for the extra hours you were able to catch. you were just talking to talk, you'd end up going with him anyway, you ended up going with him every day.

you can feel eren smile against the fabric of your top, a low chuckle that was barely audible leaving his lips, and it made you smile too. "we'll walk."

it doesn't take you long to get ready, and it doesn't take long for the two of you to be on your way either. you were hand in hand with eren, a small silence looming over the two of you if you didn't count the aimless comments he'd throw here and there that you tried your best to engage with.

it was nothing but you, eren, and the small breeze that tried to sweep the loose pieces of hair around his face away, his hand occasionally coming up to move them out of his line of sight while the two of you walked before immediately connecting with yours again.

it felt nice, it was tranquilizing even and not much was with eren. it was times like this that didn't make you regret having him pull you into his bed on that hectic evening, having him pull you out of bed every morning, and you especially didn't regret it when you caught sight of the glass windows of the bar, chairs and tables still visible through the tinted glass.

his hand drops from yours. it feels empty again and cold when you grab the steel handle of the door. you can feel the wind of eren striding past you and the door shuts faster than you expected. the thud of it closing behind you, almost shutting you in, made you flinch. you turned to look back at it before turning to see eren more than a few steps ahead of you already. 

you furrow your brows and let your feet pick up the pace to catch up to him and you don't even realize the way your hand stretches out for eren to grab it again. he doesn't, keeping his hands in his pocket as he walks, but you couldn't blame him— he wasn't even looking down at your outstretched limb, his eyes surveying the bar. 

you roll your eyes at yourself. your subconscious attempt was feeble anyways. it was no big deal— and so you shove your hand back into the pocket of your jacket, fingers playing with each other inside the fabric.

 the two of you round the corner of the divider placed in the middle of the store. you reckoned it was to give customers who were eating more privacy, and once you got around it your eyes immediately look up to take a glimpse at the menu while your feet come to a halt in line.

eren leans down a bit, "what are you gonna get?"

you shrug your shoulders. you didn't put much thought into it, too in the moment of the walk you were on earlier to consider that you'd actually need to order something when you arrived. eren on the other hand seemed to know what he wanted, staring ahead at the cashier instead of the menu. perhaps he'd been here before.

the line begins to move and you and eren diverge from it, stepping over to one of the open cash registers. 

"hey, what can i get for you today?" the girl has a kind smile on her face that eren tosses back. she glances between eren, then you, then eren again while her finger hovers over the pad of the register. 

he answers before you, letting you take your time to decide what you'll want, you continuing to skim the contents of the menu. "hey, uh," his tongue slides over his bottom lip as he leans forward on the counter, hands hugging the end of it to stable himself while he passes some of his weight forward. "can i get the strawberry pineapple smoothie? can you replace the coconut water with um, orange juice?" 

it’s then that you notice the ash orange of her hair, the way it curled against the frame of her face and complimented the hazel of her eyes that were trained on the boy next to you, listening to him talk while she occasionally nodded her head, punching numbers into the register. "of course you can, pretty."

"that's all you— thanks, carly." you couldn't recall her saying her name, so your gaze travels down to her shirt, body relaxing when you see the name tag pinned to the cloth of her uniform. you shift your weight from one leg to the other, eye flicking back up to her face before eren taps your shoulder, making you look towards him instead.

"_____?" it's your name he says next and he must've had to say it more than once, the slight downturn of his lips tells you so. "what do you want to get?" his tone is different from earlier, and the smile you could hear in his voice when he was ordering wasn't there anymore— but most people put on a cheery persona when addressing an employee. it was more or less natural.

"i'll get what he's getting." you didn't really hear much of eren's order, clearly focused on all except, but you didn't have time to ponder on a stupid smoothie. she punches up your order as eren pulls out his wallet, you not daring to take out your own, hands still sitting idle in your pockets. he slips out a crumpled twenty dollar bill, attempting to smooth it out before handing it to the girl.

you and eren step off to the side, not having to wait very long for your drinks. when eren heads over to grab them from the same brassy orange-blonde, giving her a polite "thank you," and her responding with an "anytime, come back soon!", your phone vibrates in the back pocket of your jeans and you avert your attention from the two by slipping the device out. 

it's pieck, her caller id sitting above the "home". you don't hesitate to swipe your finger across the screen to answer. 

seeing her name made you remember the night at the bar once more, you and pieck enlightening each other with easy conversation, eren being the topic, and you’re reminded to update her about the fiasco that had you slip away from her for longer than you expected.

your mental note to call her clearly was washed away by other intruding thoughts, and the same feeling of guilt from earlier when you were laying with eren returned— she shouldn't have been the one to call you.

you lift your phone up, the glass of the screen was cold as you pressed it against your ear. "hey, i'm sorry for not call—"

"my curiosity got the best of me." you can hear the lightheartedness in her tone, voice soft as it flowed through the phone. it puts you at ease. "don't worry too much about it, i just needed to make sure you were alive after this weekend."

a smile plays on your face and you were almost oblivious to eren's sudden presence beside you, two identical pink drinks in his hand, one jutted out towards you for you to take. your hand wraps around the drink and you walk behind him, letting him open the door for you this time around, making your way out of the smoothie bar.

"i'm alive... what have you been up to?"

pieck chuckles from behind the screen. it's warm and pleasant. this time instead of you, eren and the breeze, it's you, pieck and the breeze. although, you were still aware of eren next to you and the side glances he was throwing your way— interest in every one of them. "that's the question i should be asking you, after all, you were the life of the party on friday."

"far from it, but if you'd like to know 'm fine. out with eren right now, he just took me to this little smoothie place not too far from campus."

she's silent for longer than a few seconds, as if she was processing something before she speaks up again. "eren? now you really have to tell me what you've been up to." her tone still has that hint of jest to it, keeping the conversation lighter than it would've been. 

eren's ears perk up at the muffled sound of his name and he once again turns his head your way, an eyebrow quirked at you that you pretended to ignore. "who are you talking to?"

you bring the smoothie up to your lips, using it to take more time to answer before letting your eyes slide over to eren. "just pieck, nosey." you were only half-joking and neither you or eren laugh at the comment. "not much is up if i'm being honest with you, but i can tell you about," you pause for a moment, brain scrambling to find a word that would make the topic you were discussing more vague. "...we can talk about everything when i get back to my dorm?"

"why don't you come over? yelena is here but i don't think she'll mind." 

you had nothing planned for the remainder of the day, it wouldn't hurt to spend a few hours updating pieck. it was well deserved on her part— she'd been patient and hadn't even sent you a text ever since you'd last seen her at the party. not to mention she was a good friend and a wise person to chat with, her feedback would be nice to hear. "yeah that's cool, i'll text you."

"i'll be happy to see your face, have fun." 

the line cuts off before you could even give your goodbyes but you brush it off and slip your phone back into the back pocket of your jeans, sipping at the almost forgotten smoothie that was dripping against your fingers. eren pulls your now free hand into his own, and it's like he's trying to recreate the moment before the bar, swinging your hands back and forth while the same silence dawns on both of you.

it's a little more stiff, a little too quiet, but it didn't matter because before you knew it you were walking up the steps to your shared dorm and eren's scanning the keycard so you and him could slip inside the warmth of the room.

you don't waste any time placing your cup down and shimmying out of your jeans, replacing them with sweats instead while eren just watches from the seat he takes on his bed. his eyebrows are knit from observing you hastily move around the small dorm. "where are you going?" it was question after question, but it wasn't anything new— he was always eager to know what you were up to, to try and keep an eye out for you and to try and keep up to date with you. when it wasn't a little vexatious, it was actually quite endearing.

you finish the remnants of your drink, plopping the cup into the trash and picking up your phone on your way to the door. "to pieck's dorm, i'll be back later."

eren stands up, following your route of throwing his empty cup into the trash then heading over to you, stopping right in front of your figure and making you tilt your head upward to get a better view of him. "that's what the two of you were talking about?"

he's in close proximity— you could count all the wrinkles on his shirt if you wanted to, or every eyelash that curved downwards above his eyes. "...i guess."

"i wanted you to come with me to reiner's in a few hours, sasha and them were gonna be there."

you recalled seeing sasha on friday, how she beamed being in your presence and how excited she was to see you— telling you that the two of you needed to hang out more, and although now would've been a great opportunity, you had plans. 

you sighed. albeit you never minded hanging out with your friends, maintaining them was a little harder than usual. "for one, i don't know who reiner is, and second of all, i have somewhere to be; i'll just text her when i get back." you'd hope you'd be able to stay true to your word, as you weren't able to do so with pieck. 

in the midst of you turning to grab the handle of the door, eren's hands come up to cup your jaw, palms resting against the supple skin of your face, and you roll your eyes before looking down to the ground.

his affectious demeanor was present again as he pulled you closer and pouted at you while his thumb caressed your cheek. "m'gonna miss you, you'll probably be asleep when i come back."

your own hand comes up to grab at his wrist, but you can't bring yourself to try and pull his hand away. instead, you find yourself rubbing at the tan skin, still not maintaining eye contact. "and that's fine, tomorrow's another day, i need to go." your words are somewhat bitter, but eren doesn't catch on.

he presses a testing kiss to your forehead, looking down at you before tilting your head up more and pressing a gentle one to your lips.

it's delicate and sickeningly sweet, like the saccharine candy you'd find at a corner store— and what doesn't help is the remaining taste of strawberry pineapple he leaves on your lips. you lick at the skin in efforts to get rid of it, and he only chuckles at your attempt before dropping his hands from your face. 

even though you could feel your cheeks burning, you still felt cold without his skin being in contact with yours. "text me when you get back." he says when you're stepping out the door, and you mutter a "we'll see," that you couldn't tell if he heard or not, not that it mattered much to you.

the walk to pieck's dorm feels shorter than usual, and you're not sure whether to blame it on the fact that you were getting used to the route, or on the fact that you were clouded in your own thoughts. either way, you're knocking a melody on her door in no time, and you're greeted by yelena looming over you, a neutral expression on her face.

"yelena," she nods her head at you but doesn't say anything back, only sidestepping to let you in, the person you wanted to see lying on her side against her bed, casting a lazy smile at the sight of you.

"______, long time no see?" pieck doesn't make an effort to sit up, only scooting backwards to create a space for you to sit at, and you let yelena pass you to get back to her desk before walking over to pieck.

"it's barely been a week," you saunter over to her bed, balancing your foot on one of the boxes that platforms her bed to climb up onto it. "you saw me just last friday." 

"and i was supposed to see or hear from you earlier than today." she's still holding her smile as she speaks, tilting her head towards you and raising a brow. "nevertheless, i'm glad you're here now." she truly was— despite you being a year under her, appreciative of your company. to her it was like having a little sister to look after, she felt like she was constantly watching you from the distance— and you felt like she was always there when you needed a bit of advice.

"and i'm glad to see you, how're your friends doing?"

she shakes her head at you but she answers your question anyways, "zeke, is being zeke— off dilly dallying and being an english major, nothing new to him. if you couldn't tell yelena is over there doing some work, porco is doing well, colt’s good, we're all good." with the way she grins wider, you already know what the next topic of discussion would be, her eyes narrowing at you as she finally sits up, back falling into her surplus amount of pillows. "how're you and your friends?"

"well according to one of them they're all supposed to be gathered up in someone's dorm right now, a little get together i think." 

pieck's mouth parts and her eyebrows upturn. "and you've decided to sit here with me?"

"i told eren i didn't want to go, i wanted to spend time with you."

her hand comes up to her chest dramatically and she stares at you in awe, "i always knew you liked me more than the rest of them, apart from eren i suppose." your nose scrunches up at her, you knew it was coming. you knew she'd find a way to bring him up, she always found a way to make things go according to her. it was admirable— and fun to watch when you weren't the victim. "speaking of eren..." her words slide off her tongue tauntingly and you groan. she doesn't take the sound to heart. 

"here we go,"

"what? you said you'd update me. so what happened? my ears are open."

you pull your legs up onto the bed until you were sat criss-cross. "well, after we left he didn't tell me anything until we got back to his mom's," you can hear pieck adjusting herself, getting comfortable as if she was a giddy child and you were a veteran getting ready to tell an old war story. "what he told me was that he had said something to upset historia, and that's why she threw her drink on him— and i told him that he shouldn't have been fuckin' around in the first place."

pieck nods her head after every couple words and you use that as a cue to go on, "and he starts saying he's sorry and shit, i kind of started to feel bad and i reassured him that it wasn't that big of deal, just that he needs to be better, you know?"

"i know."

your voice gets quiet at your next words, and your back slouches. the pads of your fingers tap against each other when you start to speak again. "and after that... after that, i don't really know how it happened but we kissed, and then he took me to his room and... and we had sex," the nearer your sentence came to an end the less audible it was.

"excuse me?" pieck leans in, and you can see her blink once, twice, and then a third time as she raises her nimble fingers to move stray ebony locks behind her ear until the appendage was visible to you, and you almost snort at the gesture. "the last part, i'm not sure i heard it well."

"you did." your hand lightly shoves her head away and it's quiet for a minute, only the taps of yelena's fingers against the keyboard and the birds chirping just outside the window of her dorm. "we fucked." and even though you knew she heard you the first time around, you repeat it. more so to yourself, like you were confirming the events and making sure they were true to what actually happened.

pieck settles against her pillows again but she doesn't look surprised. it's amusement that dances across her features and it's... satisfaction? she lets out a small sigh of content, as she closes her eyes and lets her head rest against the pile behind her. "mhm, that's what i thought."

it's you who's taken aback, her demeanor so calm that it's almost unsettling. "what?" 

"well something happened that night, right? c'mon the way zeke's brother acts around you alludes to something. how he watches you, he's very touchy with you, i'm surprised you didn't figure it out earlier." she doesn't mention how you'd reciprocate every touch regardless of the matter and would watch him in the same manner, maybe just from a farther distance. "he's the candidate i mentioned."

your words feel stuck in your throat and even if you could speak properly you weren't sure what you would say. you'd hope it was only pieck who was this observant, this alert when it came to those around her, otherwise the displays of affection would have to become a private thing; it was almost embarrassing knowing people could see you unknowingly gush over eren in plain sight.

when you don't respond immediately, pieck does instead, and her question flows out of her so easily that it’s as if she was patiently waiting to ask. "what about the blondie?" you were sure pieck remembered her name by now. maybe the nickname was more pleasant on her tongue.

"what about historia?" 

"what about when she finds out about you and eren?"

pieck saw things full circle, she rummaged every corner and crack for possibilities, what ifs, and what abouts, and it made you think harder— even when you didn't think you needed to ponder too much on what she'd make you reflect on.

the quality was endearing when you'd skip a step or two during a math problem, or when you didn't consider the hangover of a party overlapping with a test you'd have to take the next day. however, it wasn't so endearing when you were trying to just get through an exam, or when she made a simple problem more elaborate than it had to be.

"well, i told her not to fuck with eren— i can't help it if he likes me or not." you rub the back of your neck while staring off into the corner of pieck's dorm. "eren will tell her anyways."

"and if he doesn't?" both you and pieck's head whiz towards yelena and you realize the sound of her fingers clacking against the keys of the laptop cease to exist. her slender arm is hung over the back of the chair and her legs are crossed at the ankle. you can't read her doe eyes, not sure if she was genuinely interested in the conversation or if her ears only decided to listen for the remainder of it out of boredom— but you knew she heard the last sentence either way. "it's your job to inform her, after all you seemed closer to her than eren."

"yeah but it's eren who needs to cut her off, so he should tell her then." 

pieck pats the bed in front of her, stealing both you and yelena's attention with the smallest gesture. "what about talking to blondie? giving her a letdown and letting her know what's going on between you and eren? i mean, you and eren aren’t dating yet, right?"

your eyes meet pieck and you speak lowly, slow and careful. "no..." a brow is arched above your eye; you weren't sure what she was getting at. "but that's what he's trying to do. i wasn't just g'nna... throw myself at him that night," you cup your jaw with your hands, placement just like eren's earlier and your face twists into a lovesick expression, lip jutting out and eyebrows turned upwards. "oh, eren yes i'll be yours!" 

pieck chuckles at your sarcastic tone and shakes her head. "i didn't say all that now, i'm glad you didn't..." her hand waves around your face in a circular motion, "do that."

"yeah, 'm not stupid,"

"i know, i know, my point was just that you need to be wary of your circumstances, _____." her words are darker and she gives you a motherly expression, almost as if she was scolding you. her finger pointing towards your figure didn't help to dull that feeling. "you need to be the one to talk to historia and you need to set your boundaries with eren. be mindful of the predicament you're in, it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks."

"and don't be upset if the old dog can't learn them." yelena doesn't fail to add on, before spinning her chair back towards the desk in front of her, seemingly uninterested in the conversation already, the jaded look that she gives you telling you enough.

you don't respond but pieck knows the gears are turning in your head by the way your eyes cloud over and the way you stare a little too long at the photo of her and porco pinned up against her side of the dorm.. if she asked you to tell her the color shirt she was wearing in it while closing your eyes, she was sure you'd be able to give her that and more.

but she lets you ponder and she knows it's a good chance you won't heed her advice. 

you were independent for the most part and you seemed to have things under control when they needed to be— that included having eren under control. so why would you need someone like pieck to tell you to take your brain out of autopilot for a few seconds and be wary of eren?

as far as you knew, from the ache of his words that night in the laundry room, the way he held onto you as if you could slip out of his grip any second; he wanted you and he wanted you bad. it wouldn't be your feelings hurt if he tripped over his own feet— it'd be his loss and he should know you wouldn't be one to try and pick him back up again.

that wasn't the kind of person you were, it never was— it was eren who'd have to change, not you, no matter how small the transition. 

but you knew you wouldn't have to worry about that anyways, it was your subconscious plaguing you.

“my mom would kill me if i played you anyways.”

those were his words that night and they'd linger in the back of your mind. they were a constant reminder to you that what was happening wasn't imaginative, and you'd reckon he'd stick by them.

                                     彡彡彡

nothing feels better than toeing out of your shoes and slipping them under your bed for a later occasion. you had talked with pieck longer than expected, arriving back to your dorm a few hours before midnight, yet eren still wasn't back as you expected.

you slipped out of the attire you'd been walking around in all day and went to the bathrooms to take a shower. it was a quick one, the water temperature more on the warm side then you'd like, but it was nothing you could control.

you found yourself skimming the contents of eren's clothes when you headed over to the closet for pajamas to sleep in, plucking one of his shirts from the hangers. 

don't think too far ahead, it was just the feeling of the fabric clinging to your skin while being a few sizes too big. how it fell around your body and covered you just enough so you wouldn't have to wear sleep shorts that you always ended up kicking off in the middle of the night. 

it felt safe and you'd grown to like the feeling ever since eren slipped one of his shirts over your head when you were barely able to get up.

you crawl into your bed but you knew sleep wouldn't greet you for an hour or so. knowing eren wasn't in the bed across from you stirred your stomach, so you grabbed your phone that was still on its charger and opened youtube; it'd be a clever distraction for the time being.

you weren't sure how long you'd been scrolling through pointless videos, clicking one that’s thumbnail sparked your interest and watching it for as long as you could muster then swiping down to the recommended to repeat the process. 

however long it was, it made your eyes grow weak, weight pulling down your lids and particularly loud segments from each video making your eyes snap back open, the cycle continuing.

it's one noise that makes you jump out of the grasp of sleep— and it's not the sound from the video playing in front of you, it's the noise of the handle of the door jiggling. your eyes move over to watch the brass handle shake up and down with vigor, as if the person on the other side was trying to break in.

it's the curse of breath that calms your nerves, the small "shit," coming from the other side sounding all too familiar even with your body struggling to stay awake. 

a small smile tugs on your lips at eren's attempts to open the door, but you make no efforts to get up. you're more than overjoyed when you hear the sound of a keycard being used at the door, it finally swinging open a little harder than you expected, eren bending down to pick up the card he seemingly dropped. 

he stumbles when he stands, grabbing the door. you're not sure if it was to close it or steady himself, but his gaze is trained on you the whole time when he shuts it, back pressed against the wood when it is completely closed, his frame only standing there for a few seconds before he giggles.

"______."

his words are slurred and he bumps into the end of his bed when he begins making his way over to you. the goofy way your name leaves his lips still makes your heart skip a beat and your hand slides your phone over, arms open for him. "eren."

although you've seen his face more times than you can count, it’s still refreshing to see it for a split second in the dim moonlight that shines on the side of his face as he passes the window. his hair is more tousled than you remember and his eyes are half lidded— but in a way that makes it seem like he was trying to make them as wide as possible. you can't help but shake your head as he crawls into your bed slowly, lifting the covers for him so he can slide in. 

"______... you're awake." he hums when you drape the covers over both his and your body. he makes himself a home between your legs, head falling to your chest and his arms to his sides as hands scrunch into fists.

"i'm awake." he's hot to the touch and he makes you warmer than you were before, makes you stare at him in awe and caress his hair again, taming the stray locks on the top of his head.

"_______," you can smell the alcohol on his breath as well as a floral scent and the smell of sweat that littered his body. it's not off putting enough for you to want to tell him to "get up," and to "go sleep in your own bed." but you'd make a mental note to remind him to shower in the morning— not that he wouldn't take one without your reminder.

"yes, eren?"

eren scoots up more until his head is leveled with yours. his weight is heavy but soothing and you press yourself against him more, able to feel every rise and fall of his chest, every beat of his heart, and every exhale of his breath onto your cheek. "i love you."

you've heard it before more times than you could count. you were his childhood friend, it was so natural but you knew it meant more this time. yet, you couldn't scratch the fact that he was drunk and his words could be empty. you could wake up tomorrow and be the only one who would remember what he said. "yeah i know, eren."

he whimpers and his lips press to your cheek, it's elongated and hard, but when he's done he doesn't move them, letting his mouth rest against your skin.

when you don't reciprocate his fingers come up to turn your head towards him and he’s pressed his lips against yours this time. it's slow and sensual and you melt into the meager kiss. the taste of beer that lingers on eren's tongue is not enough for you to pull away, and the way eren kisses you sloppily and lazily isn't a bother either. 

he groans and the vibrations can be felt where your body was up against his. his lips are slightly dry and it compliments the soft feel of yours that he can't seem to get enough of, his lips trapping your bottom one and him pulling back before doing the same with the top. 

eren's thumb rubs against the skin of your tragus, every back and forth motion making the skin under it tingle. he uses the grip he has on your face to pull you in further and let his teeth graze your lower lip. you're so caught up in the moment, but the buzz of his phone in the pocket of his sweats that sagged against your thigh makes you jolt and pull away for a second.

he tries to bring your lips together again but you remember that he's drunk and both of you need sleep, especially eren if anything. "eren," you breathe, and he murmurs a "hm?" against the skin of your jaw that he was kissing, trailing back up to peck kisses to the corners of your lips.

"let's go to sleep."

"but i love you," he's whiney, a hand sliding down to bring you impossibly closer, pulling you by the small of your back. you sigh, your palms pushing off his chest to put some distance between the two of you that even you didn't want there. but the brunette was too handsy and you were only following your brain, not your heart.  

your hand slips into the pocket of his sweats and you grab his phone, body flipping over to unplug yours and plug his in. 

it vibrates once to signify that it was being charged, then twice to signify another incoming text message and the phone screen lights up, your eyes skimming the screen without thinking.

under every contact name was the words imessage, all his notifications including messages hidden from the lock screen. 

you read the name armin, the text from the boy being the one that lit up eren's phone screen in your face, sasha, a text from her more than several hours ago, and an unsaved number that started with 760, the number having texted a couple minutes ago. you assumed it must've been the one that buzzed when eren was against you.

his phone screen goes dark and you place it down onto the bed, your phone beside it before pulling the covers more over you and not turning around towards eren. you were afraid he'd pester you again. you could feel his abdomen up against your back, arm slung over your midsection that he must've threw while you were plugging in his phone. 

you can hear him snoring against your back and you could laugh at how fast he fell asleep, silently wishing that had been you hours ago. you scoot back against him more and close your eyes, the darkness replacing the pretty moonlight that the crooked blinds of your window let in.

"i love you too."

[cherry-ber]

Too drunk to fuck pt 10

♡ Part one| Previous

You couldn't believe it, that not even a month could go by without having to worry about Mark. You woke up several hours after you got that text, and couldn't help the way your heart sinked, you had to get up and shower with the coldest water to be ready for the upcoming long day, calling said unknown number to ask for an explanation.

“Who's this?” ask back as you make your way to the door.

“Y/N? It's Jisung! Do you not have my number saved?”

“Jisung, it doesn't matter right now!” although you knew that it would be a big complain from him later “What happened to Mark?”

“He's alright now... Do you want us to pick you up so you can see him?”

“Well, yes, that's why I called, but what happened?”

“Wait, I'll tell Jeno and Jaemin to pick you up, they must be close to your place now” and he hung up, avoiding the question you made him.

You sat on the sidewalk, waiting for the car to arrive, writing a text for your mom apologizing for leaving suddenly and so early. The streets were barely lighted by the daylight, but when you saw the car lights shining in your way, you knew immediately who it was, you stood up quickly and walked in their way, Jeno rolled the passenger window down and both him and Jaemin smiled sweetly at you, you almost forgot where you were going, and jumped in the back seat. The ride to the hospital was full of laughs, you even stopped in a convenience store to buy coffee and snacks because none of you have had breakfast. Jaemin parked and the tension in the air made its way back to the moment, suddenly feeling too awkward and guilty to hold hands with Jaemin when he started brushing his fingers on your palm while you three walked to the hospital.

You've never stepped in a hospital before, when you were younger you were over protected, you never got [physically] hurted, nor did you go with your parents when someone did have an emergency, and everything overwhelming; families waiting for news of their loved ones, people who looked in pain, doctors and nurses who probably went home crying from too many emotions at their work place, you couldn't even imagine how Mark would look laying in those uncomfortable beds.

“Mark Lee” Jaemin says walking to a lady in a counter

“Are you his family?” she says in a monotone way, not even turning to look at him “only his family is allowed to see him”

“His family doesn't leave here, I'm his roommate”

The lady types Mark's name, not questioning anymore, probably feeling compassion over that young boy being alone all night , having no one else for him than his friends, who had been annoying her since she started her shift. She tells him he's not taking visits, but he's gonna be allowed out in a couple hours.

Jaemin makes his way back to you and Jeno, both unsure of asking, he just sits in the waiting chairs, his body too tired, not from today, rather than everything becoming too much.

“I'm going out for a smoke, do you want to come?” his friend asks, noticeably stressed with the hospital environment, Jaemin looks at you and shakes his head, Jeno palms his back and rushes out.

“You should go, I can wait here” Jaemin can't help the grin forming in his face when he hears your voice, he thinks it's adorable how not even in a time like this he can't be unhappy if you're there.

“No, he's just-” he realizes he's spilling too much “he doesn't like hospitals”

“I mean, who does?” you sit next to him, placing your hand on his thigh “are you okay?”

Jaemin thinks of opening up, he trusts you and he knows you'd understand his emotions better than him anyway, he wonders if it's easier to lie and say he's alright, but tired, and eventually decides that whatever he says is useless anyway.

“Aw fuck, did you tell your parents you were coming?”

“I left a note, I told them Mark had an emergency and to call me when they read it”

“I shouldn't have brought you here, I shouldn't have brought you yesterday, I just keep dragging you into this mess, I'm sorry Y/N” he hadn't even realized himself how guilty he had been feeling, for the longest time, none of it was him, but he made it him anyway, he'd never been violent, neither did he enjoy the things he did, he just did them anyway, but after a couple years of losing himself, he forgot that too, and having someone that cared for him as much as you did, he felt guilty over making you a part of his life, over stealing Mark's chance, your chance to leave him and leave the whole thing, he never meant it, he'd never do that to you “I'll take you back, Jeno can wait here and-”

“You never even told me what happened” you cut him off and he wonders if you were able to listen to the rant on his head “no one has told me what happened and I hate making up scenarios of this, just tell me what happened, I'm gonna find out anyway” your voice was full of anger and fear, but you couldn't handle it any longer, you hated that feeling of being kept from the whole thing, it made you feel like they didn't trust you at all.

“He, uh, a lot happened, actually” he takes a deep breath as he dives in deeper waters of guilt “you saw him last night, we kinda got into an argument before you left, he's not himself when he's drunk, he's a good guy, you know, but, he got a little bit out of his mind, he had been drinking, he had been smoking with Jeno prior to that, and when we left he tried to leave too, he crashed, but that's not why he's here, he, uh, got up, too numbed to realize that he hurted his ankle and got some lines of coke, too many, actually, he got overdosed and they took him here” Jaemin didn't notice the moment tears started rolling down his cheeks, it was guilt that was swallowing him alive, thinking of how he was the root of every single problem they were having “I didn't know that, I didn't know he was doing all that in a single day, I didn't know he'd try to follow us, I would've taken his keys, I would've said sorry, I shouldn't have taken you there, I shouldn't even be talking to you right now”

And you can't help but cry when he does, knowing how emotional and empathetic Jaemin could actually be, knowing how he tends to take credit for everything that goes wrong, hell, he probably blames himself for climate change, and knowing how sorry and scared he must have been feeling.

“Jaemin, it's not your fault. Mark makes hus own choices, maybe all of them are bad, but those are his” you swipe away the tears off his face with your thumbs “you didn't force him to do any of that, and I know you mean so much more to each other than you say, but you can't keep taking everything he does just because he's broken or whatever you're telling yourself” but you noticed mid-sentence that this was something you needed to tell yourself too “I'm sure he's grateful for you, but you can't keep fixing his mess every single time”

He feels like a weight has been lifted off him, knowing that you can see him for him, you can see how he cares for Mark, and understands what you mean, but it doesn't feel right at all.

“Yeah, i know that” he sits straight again, he looks like he never had that breakdown “Anyway, he's alright now, somehow, do you want me to buy you some coffee?”

You spot Jeno coming back, probably just because it was cold outside. “No, but I could use a walk, the environment is weird here”

You stand up as Jeno makes his way to the chair next to Jaemin.

“Can you take a shift waiting? She's feeling sick and we're taking a break” Jaemin asks his best friend “or you can come, he's probably taking hours to be free, he can wait anyway”

Jeno shakes his head, assuring Jaemin that he'd rather be inside, and that Mark could get kicked out any minute if he was awake.

There's not much to see in the surroundings of a hospital, nor in the parking lot, but the pain of all those people, mixed with Jaemin's and your own was getting overbearing. Jaemin takes a cigarette in his mouth and skillfully lights it real quick, you try to remember if you've ever seen him smoking, but you couldn't remember, nor could you remember his car of his clothes smelling like he did. He's quick to finish it, taking big puffs and barely taking it away from his mouth. He noticed you were staring at him.

“Do you want one?” he forgot his whole lecture on why he was guilty over dragging you into his life and suddenly he remembered as he was sure you were about to say yes “please don't say yes, I didn't mean to offer you one, actually” but he takes out another one, places it on his mouth and lights it, too quickly.

You couldn't help it but remember Mark, because the truth was that anyone who met Mark, would never be able to leave without thinking about him, he was too special to forget. Yes, Jaemin was the sweetest person on Earth, and granted, you'd choose him any day over any other person, and that's why your heart sunk when you remembered what the days hiding in abandoned place with Mark were like, full of uncertainty, but exciting anyway, how his strong leather and tobacco scent would pierce into your nose for the whole day, how he'd make you feel when his fingers ran through your thighs. You loved Mark, you've loved him for a while now, but now you loved him in a different way, you told yourself. There was no use in comparing the two of them since they were absolutely opposite to each other, but you'd love to forget what you felt for Mark anyway.

You take Jaemin's hand on your own, stealing a puff of his almost finished cigar, blowing the smoke directly to his face and smile fondly when he laughs it off. Something about Jaemin always felt right. He throws the rest of it, not risking a burnt when as he rounds your back with his big arms. He could swear he sees a whole galaxy in your eyes, the way they shine is absolutely stunning and it makes him feel warm and fulfilled. He gets closer for a kiss, a sweet kiss, but with the taste of tobacco in his mouth, it becomes easy to forget where you are. You can feel someone walking in your direction as you get away from each other. Jeno and Mark are walking slowly to the car, you remember how Jaemin said he hurt his ankle and giggle at Jeno smiling at Mark's struggle. Both you and Jaemin walk to them, but Mark doesn't care at all, you expected him to be less of an ass by then, and he expected it too, knowing well how much everyone cared for him, but too bitter seeing Jaemin with you, convinced that it should be him who's kissing you and taking you out every Friday night.

Jaemin drives you all to Mark's place, you've never been there, and you don't want to be there either way, so you wait in the car while they make sure Mark can survive a couple hours alone, he can't help but feel defeated, owing his literal life to Jaemin but still pretty annoyed about his new relation. Jeno decides to stay with Mark, promising he'll call someone to take a shift later, and now Jaemin has a some more time alone with you.

Your mom was worried after she read that note, following your instructions and calling you as soon as she saw it.

“He's alright mom, he hurted his ankle, that's it”

“Are you sure? We can bring him something and pay him a visit”

“I think he is tired, besides, I want to spend some time with Jaemin, can I come home later?”

She agrees, too enchanted when Jaemin was mentioned, and diving more into the idea of you setting down with him. Boys were never a priority to you, and somehow it made her happy you were with him. You had already hung up when Jaemin came back to the car, not sure if he should ask you out on a spontaneous date or wait until you suggested it.

“Are you busy, like, right now?” you ask before he can decide on what to do

“Not really, why?”

“I don't know, I wanted to go out, but now I'm thinking I'm more in the mood for a movie at home”

“Do you want me to take you home?” you laughed at how naive he could be sometimes

“I want to go to your place” you confess “well if you don't mind it, maybe we could go to my room and cuddle there”

Jaemin thought of the scene: his mom would definitely be surprised, he couldn't remember if his room was clean, but he sure wanted his mom to meet you, he wanted to have dinner together, he wanted to show you the cool stuff gathered in his room. “Well, we can go to my place”

Next

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A.N: i will never say sorry enough times because i can't help but take too long to update this,,,, anyway, thank you so much for reading this, i hope you're having a nice day/night, some people are still in quarantine and it can be messy to our heads, remember to take care of yourselves, much love! ♡