#and my bp is probably gonna be even higher than it usually is at the drs office bc i'll be stressed abt the piss test up until i can piss

[cerbreus]

it's wild that i'm not worried about my upcoming surgery itself, but more the like, preoperative requirements conflicting making me really nervous about whether my surgery will get canceled. them cutting me open in 3 places and manhandling my organs and inflating me like a human balloon? fine, funny to imagine even.

[aquarianlights]

Anyone have information on the repeated long term use of Topamax (Topiramate) in correlation with memory loss and its permanency?

[c/ped from my FB]

I know this is a SUPER long shot as this is kinda specific...but..........

I forgot about the Topamax side effects........

So this is my...either 5th or 6th time being on Topamax for a long term period in my life. At least...this is the beginning of a long term period for me with it again (it's supposed to be...if it works out). I know it works for both my optical AND chronic migraines. . .my Metropolol was working fine, but will always choose any med over a blood pressure med because my BP is chronically low and adding a BP med is always dangerous and last night in the hospital, my BP was so low that they had to give me a bag of fluid and up my BP a bit through mere time in order to make me even eligible for the morphine shot. It was either 63/81 or 81/63. I think the latter...I can never remember if the higher number goes on top or not. But those were the numbers and one of them is supposed to be in the triple digits in order to have a "normal" BP and mine never is, but it normally isn't THAT low but I had taken my Metropolol before coming in and they said it was getting scary-level and since your BP drops (along with everything) as you're sleeping...it's even scarier since I was awake at that take and I take my BP med (for chronic and optical migraines---both debilitating) at night before going to sleep when my BP will drop even more. So...switching to anything different than a BP med has added benefits for me as someone with chronically low BP.

I can't even tell you how many times I wasn't eligible to receive my own goddamn medication in psych wards for hours on end because my BP was "too low" for it to be "safe" to give me my OWN MEDICATIONS. So they'd just have to take it again every 15 minutes until my BP was high enough for me to receive meds. They'd literally wake me up at the crack of fucking dawn BEFORE the other patients (which, if you've ever been in a ward, you know that you have to wake up and be out of your room at scary early hours) so I could walk laps down the halls in order to up my BP enough to reach just right at the limit to be eligible for my medications......some of which I needed to survive. They would literally withhold medication which resulted in life-threatening results because my BP was always too low. You'd think this would be illegal, but... Well, frankly, if you think this is illegal, then that really shows you've never been in a ward before in your life....lolololol.

ANYWAYS

So the side effects I've experienced the worst of while on Topamax are two things that have really impacted my life immensely and I'm terrified of: 1) Memory loss, both long term and short term, as well as altering memories and pulling my memories out of chronological order and 2) An inability to be articulate. Somehow I can never word/phrase things correctly or find the right words or even the correct synonym to a common word I use in my every day life... Sometimes I even forget the most basic of words that I use every single day...Or I forget how to form a complete sentence.

These are both after long term use. It usually doesn't happen during the first month or so. But... Number 1 was irreversible. I still have issues with that to this day and I still struggle with it because of the Topamax (aka Topirimate). Number 2... That went away after I stopped taking it. In fact, number not only went away, but I have become MORE articulate over the years and have expanded my vocabulary immensely.

What I'm scared of is... Part 1... The memory loss... It didn't stop when I stopped taking it, obviously. But it never worsened. I'm wondering if I take it long term like I am trying to do now...at the highest doses possible (starting at 25/25 morning/night for one week than 50/50 until I can titrate to 100/100 morning/night after 3 weeks on the 50/50 and possibly titrate more after that because of the nature and severity of my chronic migraines and the pure nature of my optical ones). I'm just straight up starting at 50/50. I don't care to spend a week on the 25/25. I just don't. I've been on this med too many times to care about titration.

Anyways... I'm scared that the memory loss will get worse. Like...to the point of dementia or even a medicine-induced Alzheimer's. Because...I have been told by many doctors and even neurologists that my memory will never return to how it was prior to Topamax. They took me off of it many times because of the 2nd thing...my loss of speech. Sometimes I couldn't even form coherent sentences...which was scary.

But we are choosing Topamax instead of something else because I already know it works and I've been on it a million times with every possible psych med so I know it won't interfere with anything and my BP will be fine and because I'm going to be spending a while....who knows how long....figuring out what's wrong with my psych meds and what to do about them. . .which I will be meeting with a different eval team for the same program only in my area on Tuesday. And probably get an appointment that same week. So...

I'm not TOO worried about number 2 because I know it will come back to me if I stop taking it. And I'm sort of...expecting and preparing myself for it. . .a loss of ability to be articulate verbally and write flowing-ly and such. My strongest suits, sometimes. I'm expecting it and preparing for it by creating a pocket dictionary and a virtual one on my phone that will have key words I use on the daily and things I think of that I use in casual conversation that I begin to forget AS I forget them. Coz number 2 happens gradually. Or, at least, it has all the other times.

Number 1 terrifies me because I HAVE to pass the MCAT.... I HAVE to be able to remember a fuckton of stuff for tests for my major...and I have to be able to recall anything on a moments notice to be a doctor in the ER in general, nevertheless a surgeon.

If my memory gets any worse, there's absolutely no hope of me ever passing a test again in my life, even if I know the subject matter. I expect to be on Topamax again for about a year. Maybe longer. I'm guesstimating 1-3 years... Coz it took 7 years to find the right psych meds for me at the right dosages. We have the right combo of psych meds...so we just need to play with the dosages...so I'm assuming that's gonna take at least a year, if not 2-3 years. So that's why I'm saying 1-3. I'm gonna be on Topamax until my psych meds stabilize and then I'm hopefully gonna switch back to the Metropolol.

Has anyone had extensive experience with Topamax? Not just...a one time "Oh yeah same. Like I lost my memory from it once and never took it again" sort of deal. But like...multiple times like me. Like I said, this is my 5th or 6th time taking it long term. Long term being 1 year or longer for each time. Does anyone have experience with topamax and this long of a term and like...intermittently like this?

The memory loss/alteration is irreversible if it gets any worse. And I can't afford for it to get any worse...

[jaybug-jabbers]

Gen 1 Bug Team Moveset/Stats

I wanted to post the movesets of my gen 1 bug team. Keep in mind this is gen 1, so there’s an extremely limited moveset available back then. It made for an interesting challenge.

Also keep in mind this was an in-game team, so I needed some HM slots. For some HM moves (Flash, Surf, Fly) I had to deposit one of my team, withdraw the HM slave, use it, and immediately re-deposit the HM slave. The HM slave was not used in battle at all, since the rules were this was a strictly all-bug team.

Pinsir: Double-Edge/Strength/Seismic Toss/Submission

Pinsir was my most physically defensive poke on the team, which was essential for my survival. He also had the highest physical Attack. As the physical tanker and attacker, I decided to also give him the high-basepower recoil moves, Double-Edge (BP 100 in gen 1) and Submission. Double-Edge was a TM in gen1 and nearly all pokes could learn it. And yep, Submission was a TM in gen 1 as well, and was very handy against Ice and Rock types. Seismic Toss has a unique feature in gen 1, in that it can hit ghost types. So that’s why I left that on there. Strength is not only useful for all those damn boulder puzzles, but it has a solid BP for Pinsir when I didn’t want any recoil.

Scyther: Quick Attack/Swift/Slash/Swords Dance

Scyther was the speediest on my team (although Venomoth was almost as fast), and carried the very useful priority Quick Attack for finishing off things just in case he still couldn’t outspeed (which did happen sometimes). I let him have Swift specifically in case I ran into a trainer that loved spamming Minimize or Double Team or somethin’. Not useful in any other situation, but I had an extra slot. Slash was his main move, and its high crit chance was very useful. Several other bug types can learn Slash (Parasect, Pinsir), but I decided to leave Slash up to the very slashiest-looking bug so I could have a little more variety on the team just for the fun of it. Scyther uses the move well, anyway, because he has great Attack. Swords Dance is nice on Scyther because he’s speedy enough to easily set up and sweep.

Butterfree: Psychic/Double Team/Supersonic/Reflect

Butterfree doesn’t learn Psychic naturally, unlike Venomoth, so I taught it to her via TM. Reflect was also a very useful TM for her. As you can see, Butterfree’s Defense is not exactly super great (though Beedrill’s is even worse). Reflect works differently in gen 1. It doesn’t have a 5-turn duration and instead lasts until you switch out. It will only apply to the pokemon that used it, not the entire team. Anyway, it let Butterfree survive hits she normally wouldn’t. Supersonic has pretty shit accuracy, but it’s a real nice backup strat in case shit is hitting the fan and the battle isn’t going well. Double Team is just filler, to be honest, as it’s not a move I usually bother with.

Venomoth: Psychic/Mega Drain/Toxic/Substitute

So this was a fun set to use. The idea is toxic stall, as you might have guessed, setting up subs, getting a toxic off and then Mega Draining some HP back. Mega Drain was also nice coverage to hit the Ground/Rock types in the game. Substitute is a very difficult TM to obtain in gen 1, but I really wanted to try it out. Janeway didn’t always even need sub to stall a pokemon out, as she was my strongest pokemon in Special, and could tank special hits and hit pretty darn hard with Psychic. That said, when facing down a Charizard or some shit, it’s nice to have a bug with Substitute.

Beedrill: Cut/Twineedle/Skull Bash/Swords Dance

This fellow clearly doesn’t have the best stats, but considering Butterfree and Beedrill are super early-game pokemon, that makes sense. As I noted in another post, Beedrill’s signature move in gen 1, Twineedle, was the strongest bug-type move of that generation (BP of 25 but always hits twice, for a total of 50.) This helps make up for Beedrill’s not-stellar stats (Parasect also has a signature move that does this), and as my best bug STAB user, he actually did a lot of work, surprisingly. Swords Dance (needs to be taught via TM) also helps make up for Beedrill’s lower stats. Beedrill also was my designated cutter and I decided to give him Skull Bash mainly for the lolz. Gen 1 has some bizarre TM compatibilities, and the idea of a Skull Bash Beedrill just amuses me to no end. (I mean, bees don’t even have skulls. they have exoskeletons XD) That said, Skull Bash is BP 100 so it also helped Beedrill to do some actual damage on those that resisted bug type moves.

Parasect: Dig/Spore/Solarbeam/Body Slam

Finally, last but not least, we have Parasect. This fellah’s stats sit somewhere between the two early-game bugs and the two Safari Zone bugs. His speed is absolutely apalling, so don’t expect this guy to outspeed anything anytime soon. That said, the other stats are decent compared to his fellow bug types of this gen, and while his Attack is higher than his Special, he can still make use of Solar Beam and impart that grass STAB. Obviously I also had Spore on his moveset. This is Parasect’s signature move of gen 1, and incredibly powerful compared to the other sleep-inducing moves. Frustratingly, sleep can last as short as a single turn in gen 1, and it felt like that always happened to me, so I admit I didn’t bother with it usually. I opted for Body Slam on Parasect instead of the usual Slash, just for some added variety and the para-chance. (although oddly, for some reason, Body Slam cannot paralyze Normal types in gen 1)

I also had Dig, which was not only very useful for exiting dungeons speedily, but was really nice coverage on a team that really could not learn much in the way of coverage moves. Keep in mind Dig was a BP of 100 in gen 1, so it’s as strong as Earthquake. It’s also pretty neat to have a move that’s super-effective on Fire types, although on a Parasect? I didn’t exactly have a lot of opportunities to actually use Dig on fire types. With that speed and 4x weak to fire, yep, he’s mostly gonna get KO’d before he can get a hit off, but sometimes he did do important damage to a fire poke. Parasect’s best work was probably vs. the Gyaradoses and tanking Hydro Pumps, though.

And that does it! I plan to do an all-bug run of gen 2 next, so stay tuned for that. :)

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Mar 2, 2017.